Quarantine Vibes with Stephanie Keating

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20 off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show I'm joined by Stephanie Keating from WE Vibe to talk about how you can add a little variety to your bedroom. Plus, I'm answering your sex and relationship questions. Topics include the ins and outs of app controlled sex toys and why they're a great pleasure investment. What to do when you like a co worker, they like you back. But they've never had a same sex relationship. So you're not exactly a romantic in the bedroom. So how can you get your partner more in the mood? And you know that you want to be a stay at home spouse. So how do you find partners who are looking for the same thing? All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man e here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not The kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com our website's amazing. We've got so many articles on there to help you with all your sex and relationship questions. Social media everywhere is Sex with Emily. All right, Intentions with Emily. Join me in setting an intention for the show. I like to do it before the show. You can think about doing it after. But what I mean is, when you're listening, think about what you want to get out of listening to this episode, how it could help you. You could write it down, or you could just state it. Maybe it's. I've heard about these sex toys before, but I'm curious to hear from the makers themselves. Or maybe my partner and I have been looking for new ways to spice things up in the bedroom, and these products are super intriguing. Well, my intention is to give you insight from the actual people behind some of my favorite pleasure products, so you can see why they are so beneficial in the bedroom, especially now. All right, enjoy the show. Steph Keating. Stephanie Keating. She's from WowTech. She's the head of marketing for the Americas. She's a dear friend. I've known Steph. We've known each other for years now. Yeah, feels like it. I don't know.

How long has it been? I think we met on our trip to Germany. Is that when we first happened?

I think we might be a little before that. Four or five years. Four years, yeah. And Steph, when I say WowTech, they might not be familiar with WowTech. That. Da, da, da. It is the We Vibe. We talk about the We Vibe products and the womanizer. I don't think. I think I've got asked about that. Those two things more than anything I've ever been asked about. And Steph is the go to person here. And we've been hearing a lot about sex toy sales going through the roof right now. In fact, I can't get. People just keep asking me, is it true? Is it true? Steph, tell me what's going on in the sex toy industry right now, now that we're all quarantined at.

Yeah. So it's interesting. I guess there's been more of a shift in buying. A lot of people are choosing to or not choosing are being forced to buy online because stores aren't open. So there's a big shift to online sales. And then I think the types of products that people are buying are changing well, definitely, we know. I'm sure that all your listeners know because you talk about it all the time. The We Connect app that goes with the we vibe.

I've talked about it, but I feel like they're sick of hearing me talk about it. But I. You are the source. So let's talk about the We Connect app.

Yeah. So We Connect app, it works with all of our Bluetooth app enabled products. So I think right now there's about 10 products in our line, all for different things that work with the app. But really what the app does is allows you can control the device, the vibrator, and it allows couples to connect in long distance. And you can actually control two devices at the same time. So your partner can have a product and you can have one and you can control each other's. And there's lots of cool modes that you can't get when you're just controlling it with the remote or on the device. Like there's a mode that works with music. So basically you play music and the vibrator sort of vibes to the rhythm of the music. And I have awesome news about that because that's features now available across all of our products. So it used to be exclusive to only one, but now we've just released it to all products. Yeah. So the We Connect app, we've noticed recently over the last month that we've had a surge in sessions. So there's been 150% more sessions.

Oh my God, that's crazy.

In partner connected sessions. And then we've had a 32% increase in people downloading the app.

The app to be. It's a game changer, really.

Yeah. The best thing about the app is that we have, I mean, the app itself is amazing, but the fact that we have now so many products in the line that work with the app that there's something for everyone. We have a dual stimulator. We have a G spot stimulator. We have our couples toy, we have anal toys, we have prostate massagers. We have this range of products now that the app can connect with.

It's amazing.

Yeah, it's pretty cool. The thing that I really love about the app is that we have like you can actually do like video and voice chat, right. Like inside the app. And then it's all like, as soon as you close the app, it's like totally private and then everything's deleted. So you can really have. Yeah, so you can have a really intimate connection with your partner if you're not together using the device. And you can actually see them and talk to them all in.

Yeah, that's what I love about it, is that it launches. So let me. This is what you guys have to understand. It's, like, so ingenious. You know what I love, Seth? Every time I'm talking to someone about it, like, I think I was talking to, like, a journalist the other day or friends or I'm at a party, like, I'm always bringing it up because, like, what's the latest in sex size? And this is before quarantine, right? People cannot believe that somebody can just the concept that you could launch an app, see your partner, and they could have. They could be controlling the toy across the room, across the world. And you're like, literally, like, yes, okay. So the toys on your clitoris and your partner is looking at you in depth, and they're controlling it. They're like, mind blown. That exists. But now since we're all like, since COVID 19 and we're like, it just makes so much sense that these are the. That if. Check out the we vibe or the Womanizer. I mean, it is. First off, you don't have to use them with the Apple. What a bonus. And a lot of people are meeting online right now, and they're like, how do I video sex? And so to me, this is just like a game changer. And what I love is there's been so many apps, so new toys that you've added in recent years. So it's like, for men, for women. So now, like, you know, everyone can have a toy and control it. So. And I just like using the app anyway. Like, I just love the app because you don't have to look for the button. Sometimes you just can log your sessions and use the music. It's very. It's. It's so innovative. So I love. I love that you guys are doing that.

We often receive feedback from our customers. They'll just send us emails telling us sometimes lots of interesting stories. But one of the things that I really love to hear about is when the app has, like, really connected people together. A lot of times, a lot of people use it that work in the military, and so they're separated for, like, really long periods of time. And this is something discreet that they can use while they're deported. And, like, I've had, like, a woman email me.

I'm so happy.

This is her email was like, I'm so happy. My husband was able to give me an orgasm for the first time in a year using the We Connect app. And she was just. She was happy about her orgasm, but she was more excited that her husband, who is away from their family and away from everything that he knows that he was able to have this really positive experience and be able to give his wife pleasure. And so, I mean, that was an awesome story. That's.

Yeah. Because if I can't be with you, I still want to be participating in your pleasure.

Exactly. And it works for both, you know, both sides. Right. Just as sex does, the person receiving the pleasure and the person that's also giving it as well. So, yeah. Oh my God.

I was going to ask you. I want to hear some of the stories of people connecting with love across quarantine. You know, I think it's amazing because it does say that we've seen a rise in. In sex toy use. It's amazing to hear that the app. That the We Connect app has actually gone up. And so I also. So, okay, we got an email. I want to answer an Instagram question which directly relates to you from Maddie Pickett. He's 21 and he said, hi, Dr. Emily. Would my wife like vibrating panties as a surprise gift? And this just came in. I was like, oh my God, I got to talk to Steph. Because here's what I want to say to you guys is that I've been a fan of We Vibe since they came out 15, almost 15 years ago. 10, 12. No, I don't know.

10, 10, 11, 11, actually.

So what's so amazing about this is this friggin Moxie is the most amazing thing. It is a panty vibe that you don't need. Just the panty. It can go in any panties. And it is the coolest toy because it's really powerful, it's rechargeable. It has a battery. You put it in your underwear and it stays. Those batteries are amazing. So it doesn't. The little. The magnet. The magnet doesn't such a fun thing because you can use it. Like you could be out to a party when we all go out again, or you could be in the next room or maybe she goes to work that day wearing the toy and you can control it and she's wearing it and it's really. I love. What I love also is that you could use it for other things too. Like it doesn't have to be just the panty vibe because it's a really powerful vibration and it just is a really fun product. So congratulations.

Yeah, the Moxy is amazing. One of the things that I love about the Moxie in comparison to lots of other different panty vibes that are out there is that we did so much testing on, like, the fit. I was part of, like, the testing group, so I've tried, like, tons of different.

Oh, you did it.

And the thing that's awesome is a lot of products, you kind of have to hold them in place, which is.

Right.

Not necessarily really what you want. Right. Because you want to kind of. A lot of times you're trying to be discreet about it. If you're out in a social setting or something. Post Covid.

Right. But it'll happen.

It will happen. We'll get there. But with moxie, we spent a lot of time on the design and fitting kind of perfectly for different body types. So ours has like, Moxie has kind of like a little bump in it that fits. Right. Kind of between the labia comfortably. So you can walk around with it. It's very small and discreet. You can walk around with it, but when the vibrations start, you feel them. And you don't have to, like, push it up into the spot.

Yeah, well said. Because you can just wear it for yourself. I mean, you could be. You can control it yourself and wear it all day. But you're right. It doesn't move around and it's in the perfect place. I didn't realize that you were part of that fitting it. Because it really is. It's like, when I got it, I think I screamed. I was like, you guys, this is so genius. So, yes. Maddy Pickett, I think she'd love it because she could use it on her own.

Yeah.

And I think you said something there about discreet. I also read somewhere that. That people. The sales of discreet toys are up. The same people want. Because they maybe have kids at home. They want the quiet toys.

Yes.

And speaking of quiet toys, I know that womanizer, which is probably the top selling toys in the world. I would say it feels like it is. Because literally. You know what's funny? Like, I feel like people have started calling toys now like, womanizers, Like Kleenex. People like, tell me which.

Awesome.

I kind of feel that I heard someone say something like, well, a woman. They think like a womanizer means vibrator. It's just a kind of vibrator. But I heard guys did a stay home billboard and online that you're donating $10 for every toy to the.

Womanizer.

For people that don't know what.

So it's not a vibrator. It's actually the stimulation is what we call pleasure air. And it's like air kind of that circulates oscillates around the clitoris. And a lot of women that have used a womanizer have been able to like orgasm in like a minute and have had multiple orgasms. And people that haven't been able to orgasm before using the like they use the womanizer and they were able to orgasm. So I think that's one of the reasons why it's become such a popular product. One of the things discretion wise that it has that is unique to biotech products is a feature that we for like discretion so that you. It automatically turns off when you're not using it. So basically when you put the, when you put the vibrator or not vibrating, when you put the womanizer close to you, it turns on and then when you take it away, it turns off. And so that feature is like a touch sense feature that we have.

Smart Silent, right?

Silent. Yeah.

I love, I love that in the, in the womanizer. If they have any quite if they want to check out what we're talking about. Where do you would like to send them to look at some of the toys right now? They could go to sexthumbly.com yes, sex.

With emily.com, womanizer.com for womanizer toys. We vibe.com for we vibe toys.

Yeah, just check them out. You will love. And then we've got another question. This is from Leah on Instagram and she says hi Dr. Emily. Apologize if you receive questions like this all the time. But I was wondering if I could get your voice on your advice on a first sex toy purchase. I do get asked this a lot and it is fine. You guys, I love answering your questions because how would you know and how would you know where to go with all the toys out there? I typically recommend for women to start with a external toy because that is where all the magic happens if you, you know is that that's our clitoris, our labia, that's where the nerve endings are. That's where the majority of women are going to have pleasure. And so something that is external rather than I think people still picture a lot of toys have to go internal if they're new. And so something like discreet, something smaller that you can fit in your hand. I love the Touch by We Vibe. I think that's always a great one. That's kind of a go to. What do you think Steph? First time?

Yeah, so definitely I, I like to make sure that people are purchasing something that will have some longevity that they can use it as their first toy. But then this can be used in, like, lots of different ways, and they can keep it for a long time. So always look for products that are one, like, rechargeable and, like, made of good quality. And then in the WE Vibe line, I definitely think touch is. Is one that I recommend. I also recommend Tango. Yeah, it's a. It's a bullet. It's powerful. But the thing that is, like, if you're deciding between touch and tango, what one of the things that I like to recommend, if you already know that you like a lot of clitoral stimulation, like, or you need sort of a lot of clitoral stimulation to orgasm, you might prefer the Tango over the touch because the touch is a little bit softer. But if you're more. If you feel like you're more sensitive, then I would stick with the touch. So that's kind of how I differ.

That's a good distinction because I actually. It's funny, when I travel, I always have both. What I love about the Tango, I mean, I love that it's just. It's. It's waterproof. I have it in my shower, actually. I love the Tango. I think this is a great call because it's. It is like a lot of people's first toys are bullets. And the Tango, I think, is the strongest one out there. I've never seen anything like it. Never felt anything like it.

Yes, definitely.

Steph, this is all great advice. Thank you for the work you're doing for the donation. That Womanizer is donating $10 for every toy sold to the YWCA COVID 19 Emergency Relief, which is amazing. Stephanie, I love having you here from WowTech. And thank you for sharing all this information about We Vibe and womanizers and bringing pleasure to the world and being such a good friend of sex with Emily and the whole family. We. You love the work.

Thanks, Emily.

Thank you.

Love the good work.

Thank you. You too.

Everybody through their sex. I'm doing it during company.

One orgasm at a time.

One orgasm at a time.

Thanks, Steph. I appreciate you. We're take a quick break and we come back. We're going to get into your calls.

Okay. Let's talk to Joy59 in California. Hey, Joy, thanks for calling. How can I help?

Hi. Thank you so much for taking my call. I love your show.

I'm so.

I listen to you every night when I'm driving home.

Oh, I love it. Joy, thanks for calling.

Yeah, I love it.

Thank you.

You're welcome. Thank you. And so this is a situation, though I have not been in A relationship for over three years. Nor have I even thought about being. I'm a lesbian, so. Nor have I ever thought about being with a woman. And somebody came into my life, and I'm just, like, so excited, but I'm scared.

Oh.

Yeah.

I'm petrified. And I never used to be.

Right. Okay, so. So wait, Joy, you're saying you've always been a lesbian, though? Because you said, I. I'm interested in a woman. But what, you. You haven't been interested in anybody, meaning a woman, in three years? Just to clarify.

Right, Right. Yes.

Yeah. No, I get that. Okay, so listen. So first off. Okay, I get it. You know what it is, Joy? I've been there, too. I'm kind of there right now, to be honest. If you don't date for a while and you put it out of your brain and you're working on other things, and then you find someone, you're like, wait a minute. It's like you didn't go to the gym for a few years, right? It's a muscle. So you were not familiar with these feelings and meeting someone new. And how do I approach or wherever you're in right now? So just know that I love that you're calling me with this, because it's. That's all it is. And I think so many of us can relate because time goes by and we're like, oh, how do. How do we do this again? She gets started. So tell me, Joy. So what. Who's this? How can we help you get through it? So what's the next move? Or what's going on with it?

Well, we're both attracted to each other.

It's obvious.

The only problem is we, you know, we work together, and she's just recently out of a relationship, and so she's scared of getting hurt.

Okay. Okay. She's. No, that makes. Okay, so how long. How long has she been out of the relationship?

I'm not sure.

Okay.

I'm not sure.

And do you. Have you guys talked about, like, what she's looking for, what you're looking for? Like, what are the expectations right now?

Well, for me, I mean, it's. I'm a very sexual person and very outgoing, so I have the whole thing going through my head, how I would approach this, how I would take her on a date.

And just smother her with, you know, affection and respect. But I'm also too afraid of rejection. I don't know.

Oh, Jo. No, Joy. Joy, you're adorable. I love this because it's like, I get It. It's like that giddy feeling, and you're so excited to have met someone with this attraction. And so you've both. Let me just. Let's go step by step. So it's confirmed that you both have feelings for each other or, like, have an attraction.

Right.

So I would say. And have you ever gone out before, one on one, just the two of you?

No, it's always been with other people.

Okay. So I think that you need to have a. I mean, maybe just. Do you want to talk to her ahead of time, or do you want to just plan it? Are you asking. What's your. How can I help you exactly? Like, the next move, where to go on a date, how to feel in your body again. Like, which. Which part of it?

Right. Well, you know, the thing is, okay, so I did ask her out. I asked her to Monterey, but not for the whole weekend. Just for one day.

Okay.

To go down and, you know, and go to the beach or whatever.

Fun. Okay.

And then that way we. On the drive down there, I'm thinking we can get to know each other and a little bit better.

That's a great thing. I love that. Daytime. Yeah. Highway 1, driving down. That's beautiful. The waves crashing. Yeah. I love it because daytime, not the pressure to sit across from each other at an awkward dinner. So did you ask. So that. Or like, I was gonna say, like, lunch or coffee date or something, to me, seems like. Because if she said. Because all we know now is there's an attraction, there's something there, and she just got out of a relationship, and she's not sure.

Right.

So I think finding out some daytime is great. Finding out more information. And I love the idea of just getting to talk because I have a feeling, Joy, that once you start talking to her, you're gonna feel better. And I like the idea of having a road trip and driving together. So that's. That, to me, feels like that could be. And then just, you know, ask questions, listen, and, you know, at our point in life, like, you can explain what you want or what you're. What you. You think you might want, and let's hear her out, and then you'll know the next steps. Yeah.

Thank you.

You're welcome. Okay, Joy. Let me know how it goes. Okay. I love that you listen. I love that you listen on the way home from work. Thank you, Joy. I guess a lot of people driving home from work right now, always. I just love it. I'm like, yeah, I love being there with you at the end of the day. I mean, it sucks. Like, we're cool, not controversial. You're gonna learn something new. It's not like, news channel, whatever, on fire. I definitely like that. I don't get stuck in traffic like that on the way home. We get to miss traffic because we're working during the rush hour. That's true. We are the rush hour. We are the rush hour. Talk to Antwan36 in Texas. I want to help Antwan. What's going on?

I don't have a romantic bone in my body, and I'm trying to figure out a way to be more romantic to. Instead of trying to just go down on her to get her in the mood.

Oh, good question. Oh, you mean, you don't mean, you mean Rome. You mean more about foreplay? Like, as far as, like, you want to know how else to turn her on? Okay, so have you asked her? Have you said, hey, I want to be your greatest lover? What turns you on?

Yes, but it's like.

I'm not, I'm not understanding the way she wants me to do this.

Okay, so are you saying, is she not that into it when you go down her or tell me what's going on? Happening?

Okay, so, so, like, for example, break it down. So if, if I'm in the mood and I want to get her in the mood, I, I kiss her and go down instead of, like, massage or, or rub her back or kiss on a bag type thing.

That's it. Okay. So I always recommend to not go right for even oral. I think it's so great to really get your partner to calm, relax, wash the day off of them. We're also stressed out. Kiss her neck so slowly, like, undress her, give her a massage, you know, because so much of why we're not in the mood for sex is because we're stressed out and tense. And I believe if someone, like, wanted to give me a massage and they wanted me to relax and take care of my body and, like, I, I, I would be down and I would be ready for sex, and that would turn me on. So. And I think a lot of women and men feel the same way. So, yeah, I think that would a great thing to do to discover, get a massage candle, maybe that uses, like, this warm massage oil and yeah. Play with some things and see what she's into.

Okay, I have one more question. That's okay.

Of course. Antoine.

So how would I get her more in the mood about giving me oil? Because as of right now, it's like Christmas and birthdays.

Okay, how long have you guys been together?

We've been together about 17 years. Been married 10.

Wow.

Okay. Yeah, I've heard about the Christmas blowjob. You're like, really? That's it? Once a year? No, like, Santa's coming, and I am. Okay. So, Antoine, I think that's. Listen, you guys have been together 17 years. For some reason, in my brain, I was picturing this was a newer partner you were with. So do you know why she, you know, isn't giving you all. Have you guys talked about your sex life and said, I really love when you, you know, give me a blowjob?

She made the comment that I don't turn on that way enough.

Oh. So she is asking for more foreplay and more. So this is great. Antoine, I believe if you give her more foreplay, I promise you, if you give her a massage and you rub her feet and you really go down on her and do all the things, you're gonna get more blowjobs. It's an energy exchange, and that's how it works. All right? And she's telling you she wants it. So figure that out. And once you do it, call me back if you're not getting more blowjobs. Okay? Antwon, thanks for calling. It's Dr. Emily. Everyone needs to go down more. Yes. Right. It's true, though. It's like, we're always trying to get. How do I get this? And how do I get a raise? How do I get more friends? How do I get a part? How to get more blowjobs. It's like, you're not gonna get by. You're not gonna get it by just wishing that you're gonna get. We gotta give. We gotta give. You gotta give pleasure to somebody. Right? Like you saw a shooting star and you made a wish. I want more blowjobs. Yeah, exactly. And then it didn't happen. And you're like, what the fuck? Science, Right? Exactly. You're like, where are the blowjobs? Where have all the blow jobs gone? You know that song, where have all the. It's not blowjobs. Where have all the flowers gone? Cowboys. I never know what you're gonna like. What you're. They're gonna know.

Yeah. Or no. Where have all the flowers gone? Was the one I was seeing. But that's a good one, too. That's one, too. There are all these things. Where have all the blowjobs gone? Apparently, there's an absence of cowboys and flowers. I've never heard of either. With these sons, we'll play them. We can talk to Carissa, 29 in Connecticut. Thanks for calling, Carissa. How can I help you?

Hi.

So I have. So I'm married. It's been a year. I've been with my husband. We've been dating for 12 years. And I'm on medication that makes my sex drive so low. Like, I have none.

Okay.

And my husband, like, doesn't initiate. He hates initiating. But, like, we just don't have sex, so.

Can you turn on your radio, Doctor?

I'm off speaker now.

Oh, perfect. Don't be on the ziya. Go. Off speaker. Thanks. Okay. Okay, so he's not initiating, and you've no libido. So it's like, what. What are you gonna do? Right?

Yeah.

So, Chris, are you on an antidepressant, like an ssri?

Yeah.

Okay, so that's really, really common. Like, that's the bummer. It's like, you won't be depressed, but now you're not gonna want to have sex. And so the first thing I have to say is that I really think it's important. Important to talk to your doctor about it, because I believe that you can also, like, alter your meds, or you could go down a little bit, because I don't think it has to totally be gone your libido. But. But my question for you is, once you start having sex, do you actually want to have sex?

Yes.

You do?

We have altered it. Yeah.

Okay, good. So, so once you have sex, you're able to, like, have pleasure and have orgasm.

Yeah.

Okay, so that's good, because that's when the meds are like. Because some people don't have the desire and they can have an orgasm. And that's when I'm like, tweak the meds. So your problem then is your partner isn't initiating.

Yeah.

Okay. This is now. This is common for a lot of people. And let me tell you this. The reason why your partner's initiating is because he's probably never initiated much. Maybe he's been with women who initiate. And so what you have to do, Karissa, is just explain to him. Give him more information about what it looks like to you for him to initiate. Like, what's your best scenario? Carissa, how does your. How does your husband initiate that? It turned you on. Do you have the answer?

Oh, God, no.

Okay, well, think about it, because it's a new skill for him. He probably has never initiated in the 12 years, right?

I mean, a few times.

I don't mean never, but mostly it's you. But now that you're now that you're on the meds, you're like, oh, shit, now you know, so now I have to do it. And so, so it's really like learning a new skill. And so I think giving him more like, because who knows why he doesn't. There's a lot of reasons, reasons why we don't initiate men, women. Maybe he was rejected when he was younger. Maybe he's still some ways in his subconscious, feels like maybe you still will reject him. He hasn't. He doesn't have a lot of experience. So the best thing to do is to explain to him, like, does he send you a sexy text at the middle of the day and get you turned on that way? Does he come in and put rose petals on the bed? Does he, does he throw you on the bed? Like, let him know what that ideal scenario looks like so you can kind of paint a picture for him. And then I bring believe he'll be more likely to initiate. That's what I've seen. Oh, okay.

Okay.

All right, Krista, let me know how it goes. Sure. I'm here for you. That's what we do. Help you out with all this stuff. Let's talk to Callie, 29 in California. Hey, Callie, how can I help you?

Hi. So I was raised in New Jersey, a pretty well off family. My mom just took care of me and my sister. So I'm trying to find, find someone that I'm in LA now.

Okay.

That, you know, is makes enough money so I can, you know, quit my job and be a housewife basically. And I feel like I rule a lot of people out because of that, you know, like, you need to have money type of thing.

Yeah.

I'm just wondering how to overcome that and not just be like, oh, like, yeah, he's cute, but like, he would never be able to like, afford.

Okay, well, this is a. I love this question. I would say, I would say that it's. I understand that you were raised that way and I love that you have that consciousness around you. You're like, this is like what I was brought on by my childhood and the messages that I learned. But I believe if you're going after something as. And it is, I understand wanting to be taken care of, but I don't think that ultimately you're going to respect yourself. And I do believe, like what Vincent was saying earlier, like, that's which we are seeking is within us or.

Be the partner you want to find. So I believe, Cali, that it's important for you to think it's about Money. But find your passion, you know, work in something that you really love and develop yourself more and then I believe that you will be able to attract that person. Do you know what I'm saying? Because I think ultimately maybe you wouldn't totally respect yourself or feel like you're gonna find the one if it's just about something more superficial, like money.

Yeah, I guess it's just being the fact that like I truly do want to be a housewife. Like, I want, I love taking care of people, I'm an assistant now. But like, you know, being at home, taking care of the kids and stuff like that, like you really want that.

Okay, so let me put my. So I feel like, you know.

So what is happening here in la? Do you think, do you think that it's just. So what is the problem then? Like, if you know that money is the most important thing, so what are you coming up against? Against? Because I respect that and you know what you want.

Yeah, well, no, I feel like I'm finding people that I'm just. They don't get me excited. It's like, okay, yeah, this could be a potential. But I'm not even excited to go meet them.

Right. Okay, so you're. So you're meeting, but you're not excited to meet them, you said. Yeah, okay, so once you. So the ones with money or just anyone in general?

Just anyone in general, kind of.

Maybe it's dating fatigue. We've been talking about this. We were going to talk about like dating fatigue. Maybe you've been looking. Maybe that's all you've been. Your focus. Money, money. I gotta find this person. Gotta find this person. And you're 29 years old. Like, I feel like maybe you're just exhausted and maybe you need to take a break from dating and figure out what you actually want. Like beyond have one, have a kid and a rich husband. There's more depth to that because, you know, having. I think that it's so easy to look at. Like that's just what it's gonna be, is I'll be a mom. But, you know, life is, is complex and there's a lot of other things. So I think the more you kind of look at yourself and do the work and what, what is important to you and what kind of people are you attracted to and have some therapy or self introspection, I think that you'll be. Have fresh eyes, you know, like. Yeah, I, I believe that would be really important. And it's really refreshing to take dating off the table and to Be like, you know what? I'm not even looking right now. Because then you realize you've got all this time and that time is, is spent on developing Kelly, who you really are and what you want and what makes you happy, you know, until you find that person. So that's what I recommend to you because you just sound like no one could come into the picture right now.

So thank you so much.

Yeah, of course. Thanks for calling, Kelly. Okay, well, I like this question because this is something that I think that a lot of us, we go through. I have gone through this in the last year and I've done this several periods in my life where I have taken time off from dating. I'm like, you know what I'm actually not interested in. When I started this show A year ago, November 12, 2018, it was busy and we were, you know, learning, you know, lots of change, everything. I've been doing the podcast for a long time and I realized that I really wanted to get my foundation set. This is just me, and I'm just explaining this to you, is that it's like I decided that dating was just, I don't need someone to complete me right now. I've never thought that. And I thought if I could really focus on my personal life and my home and putting that together and then building a, doing a great show for all of you, changing the world one orgasm at a time, building a good team, which I've done, then I'll be ready. And I have to tell you, for the first, like, I really have feel like it's just starting to happen. Like now I'm ready to go back out there and that's not a typical thing to do. I think we often just keep going and going and going until we're exhausted, and then maybe you do settle, you know. So I think dating fatigue, taking a dating detox, you know, whether you're coming out of a divorce, a long term relationship, you know, sometimes we just need to take a step back and really do the work on ourselves. Thanks to my incredible team for all your hard work. Ken, Kristen, Alisa, Robyn, Brian, our interns, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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