Quick Fix: Orgasms & Threesomes

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Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them.

In a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God.

That feels so Good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com It's a robust site. It is very robust. Gonna help you have even better sex and relationships. Amazing posts up there that will change your life. You can also find us wherever you listen to podcasts. We love when you comment, when you subscribe, on itunes or wherever you listen. Also find me on SiriusXM radio. I'm on Starz channel 109, which is so much fun. Monday through Friday, 5 to 7 Pacific, 8 to 10 East. And you can get a free 30 day trial. Visit sexwithemily.comsxm or hey, you can still call in 888947 8277. Always find us on social media, everywhere across the board. It's xwithemily. Alright, guys, hope you enjoy the show. All right, Jaime, do you want to share this with me?

Yes. All right, we're getting into some weird stories here. Some of them I just think are pretty interesting. So first one that I came across that men and also primates with showy hair tend to have smaller testicles. So now beards are the new Beamers.

Wait a minute. How do you define showy hair? Like, I thought you meant like a.

Big head of hair.

Yeah, a big. It's like showy facial hair.

Showy facial hair.

So, like beards and like the long locks may also be a sign of small balls.

How is that true?

What?

Is that real? What? I mean. Okay. Oh, well, New York Post primates. I mean, I guess that makes sense, but it's not. Okay, so I was thinking, it's like they have a great pompadour. Is that a haircut? It could be. I thought you meant that. But you mean like the ones who have like the.

Like the. Because, I mean, you know how like, beards are kind of in right now.

So you're saying that there's something. But men who have smaller testicles have some, like, biological urge to show.

It says here. Yeah, it says. Okay, so hair is considered like an ornament.

True.

Which is an outward display of masculinity. And testes are considered a weapon, a way to actually sexually compete with other males in the species by reproduction. So it says. Found that humans, as well as large primates physically lack the energy to have both a large ball sack and bushy facial hair at the Same time.

Amazing.

So can men with big balls, are they not able to grow as. Can they not? Or is it a choice? You know, like, can they not grow showy hair as easily because their balls are bigger? They're like, for, like. Are those the guys who are like, I don't know. I just can't grow a beard.

So, you know, it's so funny. I remember one time when I was in. When I was in. Can you hear me?

Is that good?

Okay. When I was in middle school, I think my best friend at the time, her mom told me that men with no hair or bald men have higher testosterone levels. I don't know how true that is, but this article just reminded me.

Or they saying that they've smelled. Were they talking about their test? You know, if they have smaller. Because we're not saying you. Small penises, right?

No, small balls. Which to me, I mean, like, nowadays, like, I. I don't know. I mean, I don't really care about penis size that much, but I also definitely don't care about the size of your balls.

But if you've larger testicles, you have more sperm.

Hmm. Which, I mean, maybe like, someone emailed.

Us, I think on our ball show, I said there's. There's semen inside of the.

Oh, yeah.

I was like, okay. Sperm. Sorry, I'm a doctor. I do know. I'm talking about. But yeah, so that could be it. Like, it's a sign of masculinity on the outside. So it's like peacocking almost.

Yeah. Because they need to still, like, you know, they need to still attract people even if they have less sperm.

So it's kind of like, weird. This is fascinating to me. I'm fascinated now.

Yeah. Let's say, like a little out of the ordinary of as far as what we.

But also, it's, It's. It's. It's like.

I mean, it's. It shows that. I love all the studies of, like, evolutionary biology and, like, our primates and how, like, the reason why we do certain things in our brains, why we. Certain desires are going back to our, you know, our monkey ancestors. So I think it's interesting.

Yeah. And I love how this article leaves it off with a quote from Leupold, which was the. Stefan Leupold, who's an evolutionary biologist at the University of Zurich. It's hard to have it all. Big testicles come with large weapons but less ornamentation. So it's like, cool, dude. I just think that's, like.

It is hard. You cannot have it All.

Yeah.

And what you don't have is a thing that you need to. That's your lesson while you're here in life, like, you have to always. You really can't have it all. You just would be knowing that life is not perfect. You have to have some area that you're working on. Your deficit, if you will.

So when I start going out on dates and having more casual sex, I'm going to keep this in mind. Now, just curiosity. I'm just gonna look.

Yes, Jamie, you have to. I'm just trying to.

For science.

Yeah, for science. Be like, oh, okay, he's got the flavor saver or whatever they have now. Those long sideburns, those Flavor saver. Do you also do the flavor saver?

I thought they were called mutt. Oh, no. When they connect to your beard, it's much.

Flavor saver. Is the little thing like the triangle.

No, it's. There's salt. Soul patch.

There you go.

No flavor saver. I've never heard that.

I like that way better.

I love that so much more love.

When I can bring things to the table here. It's amazing.

You, like, left a little piece of something.

Yeah, exactly.

What's that thing? And you probably shouldn't have that anyway. Triple 8, 9, 4, 7, 8, 2, 7, 7.

Okay.

Okay. That was good.

Next story.

I approve.

Next story.

I approve of this message. Yes.

So dolphin clitorises look a lot like a human's. So dolphin clitorises are incredibly similar to those of humans.

They completed autopsies on 11 dolphins that had died of natural causes. And they found that the female dolphin's clitoris remarkably similar to human woman's.

Wow. In what way?

It says, just like a human female, the dolphin has a clitoral hood and two areas of extensive erectile tissue that merge into a single body. So they also have the legs.

Wow. This is so interesting.

So.

And it says they gorge and swell just like humans when they're aroused. And no wonder why dolphins seem so happy.

Dolphins have sex for fun. They also continue to sex.

Yes. Yes. This. This is so interesting. It's locust. Okay. The dolphin, she just now she gives me the article. So this is our process here. Dolphin clitoris is located the entrance of the vaginal opening rather than externally. They're well known. They are known for their sex lives. Ah, they are happy creatures. They're famous for playing for both teams. Interesting.

And you want to. This one is also very interesting because it says penis and vagina must co evolve. So it says, while it may seem intuitive that the penis fits well into the vagina during copulation. It can be quite complex and they haven't really explored. I mean, how are you really gonna explore whales and porpoises? But it says they have unusual vaginal folds, spirals and recesses that the penis and sperm must navigate through to successfully fertilize the egg spirals.

Yeah, I gotta jump through a lot of hoops. Literally.

Huh?

Dolphins are jumping.

And not that this is part of this actual article, but there have been studies done. I actually convinced my friend, I sent them an article to do a speech back in college on dolphin gang rape. Because dolphins, they did a study like golf. Dolphins can get aggressive.

Yeah.

And they like, they put like these like inflatable sex dolls or whatever randomly in the ocean and dolphins would come up and like take them down to these caves and like have sex with them.

Inflatable sex dolls? Yeah, it's the clitorises.

It's the.

They're just like, I need something to. To.

Well, it's the male dolphins.

Oh, the male dolphins were aggressive. I did not know. Really? Yeah, they were gang raving. Blow up dolphins.

No, blow up humans. They blow up their dolphins. There's plenty of videos of dolphins, like trying to like, you have to. He got an A on his speech, by the way. But didn't you say something?

You said you knew about the spiral.

Yeah, the spiral penis. It grabs you and pulls you down into the cave.

Scary.

So be wary of dolphins. But also at the same time, they're just very similar.

Very similar.

So not about people. But I did think it was, you know, it's cool. We're not the only people that have.

Folds and spirals and recesses. I mean, we have that too. If women understand vulva owners that it's actually.

Not that easy for. For us to receive pleasure, that it takes a lot you gotta do jump through hoops and spirals and folds and things to figure out our pleasure. So women just looked like that's how we were. Like, they made it complicated. So we could teach our partners that don't just go right for my opening. I know it looks like it's easy to get in there, but not so easy for you to penetrate me until you pay a visit to master mistress clitoris right here. Like pay homage. Stop. Along the way, say hello to my friends. The breasts on the left and the right. Mr. Mrs. 1 and 2. Like, it is trickier. But we didn't know that because we didn't get the instruction man to our body. So now they think they Just penetrate. But we've got all these spirals and hoops that the penises should be jumping through and we get to choose. They're actually there. We just let them. We just let them go right in and I think convince them to encourage them to stop along the way and check in the scenery. You know, stop and smell the flowers.

Also in this article, which of course most previous research on genitalia has focused on the penis. So even with dolphins, more focus on the penis than the female sexual organs.

Yeah, it's true. Well, most research, that's what we talked about with Jolene Brighton. We just released an awesome podcast today with Dr. Jolene Brighton. Her book is beyond the Pill. And we talked about that. Really the reason why there's all these great information coming out now about the birth control pill and women and hormones is because a lot of the sexual scientific research in the last 50 years.

Has all had to do with the penis. And men, they're like, well, men, men and women, they're similar. They're not similar at all in many of these ways, especially when it comes to sex. So that makes sense. And so now female dolphins are getting their turn, just like all the other women. Like all the other females on the planet. Dolphins should get their clitoris. Dolphins heavily researched as well. Cool.

Interesting.

Good cliteracy. I liked it.

Okay, cool. Glad. Alright, this next one, and this is just outrageous. Sex for the unmarried is now officially legal in Utah as of Wednesday. So unmarried Utahns can officially have sex without breaking the law. Wow. So although it does say here that the law was not really pursued by police or prosecuted. The technically breaking the law was punishable to up to six months in jail and a fine of a thousand dollars. So this may have been like an old law. I'm sure it's never. But the fact that it's like it just now they're like, oh, maybe we should make this legal.

I didn't even know that. I mean, that's just so interesting. I mean, I've had sex in Utah. Like who? Like I've never been married.

Everyone.

I mean, I know there are some strange bills like this other, you know, you can't have sex toys in certain, you know, cities. Sodomy is still legal in some states, but.

Sex outside of marriage, I mean, that just seems. That's crazy. It's really interesting to me because it modifies criminal offenses. So is it still an offense?

No, these are just like fornication used to be.

Class B misdemeanor.

Mm. In the Beehive State. Which I also.

That sounds awful. I mean, just. I love Utah. It's beautiful. But beehive, it's weird. Just gets anxious.

Yeah.

What if there's a beehive? I just thought this thing maybe.

I thought this was crazy.

That is crazy. I mean, I think there is something, or we've talked about this. Like, what laws.

You wouldn't.

People wouldn't believe what is still legal in other states as well right now. Like, you can't say that you live in, like bringing sex toys in or, you know, anal sex or. There's a lot of things that are still not legal. So, yes, I do find this interesting and I'm glad that Utah is stepping up. I wonder if it has to do with religion there. Mormon religion.

I'm sure. Well, that's good to know. And everyone must be just, you know, having sex all over that state this weekend.

I mean, hopefully. And then according.

To recent studies, hence bringing up religion, religious people, according to a survey, actually have quite expensive taste in porn.

Really expensive taste in porn. They're paying for it.

Mm, yes.

Interesting. Okay, so wonder the religious people, expensive taste. How do you. First of all, how do you measure expensive taste in porn? Because most people are getting porn for free. Does this mean that they're paying for sites or they're just seeing they're watching Fancy, Fancy ladies? Like, what does it mean?

I think it means that they're fancy, that they're paying for it.

Okay.

And it says here that, like, we sort of expected to find that the very religious are secretly kinky, but we.

Did in some of that fantasy book, Justin Naimler's book.

Yeah. And it says that that was not necessarily the case. So they are different in how they relate to porn. And it says here. Let's see.

Yeah, a lot of it says very religious respondents were 44% more likely to watch pricey virtual reality porn and 40% likelier to tip live cam girls.

Oh, so they're good manners.

I mean, good manners. Yeah.

No, that's awesome. Particularly, they tend to view bisexual and transgender porn as. No, nosy. I could see that, though. 10% who identifies heterosexuals and religious nevertheless get off a male. Male. Ah, that's interesting. What do they say it says too?

It says religious. It says very religious porn fans are twice as likely to pony up a thousand dollars or more.

For viewings of real life girls in their and their godless brethren.

I wonder. Wonder why that. I'm trying to think of why they would spend more money on it because they perhaps somehow think it's more. More secure. Private and secure.

I think it's probably because they think.

It'S more secure stems from, like, them. It's. It's a sin, maybe. So they want it to be more private and secure and like, more official.

But then it's like tracked in your credit card. And then one day your. Your wife opens up the bill and says, what's cam girls gone? While you know cam girls.

And that's the thing too. It says that they're, like, doing the virtual reality porn and the cam girl stuff. So it's more involved than just watching like a free clip on pornhub. Because they're probably.

They're probably getting. There's. Well, this is it. They're not getting their needs met in their sex life. They don't see a way to actually turn towards their partner and say, you know what? I know our religion is against this, or I know we don't haven't ever talked about sex before, but I think that that might not be serving us anymore. I'd really love to work on our sex life. I know we've been together 20 years, but hey, maybe we could try some of these things. And you know, I won't tell God if you won't, but. But I don't think that anybody feels that they could actually do it. So they figure. And they're probably craving. Craving something other than what they. What their religious beliefs have told them were appropriate. So as a result, they're like, if I'm gonna go outside, I mean, get it. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna. I gotta get it. Because I haven't been getting any of my needs met because of my religion, perhaps, or my more conservative beliefs around sexual.

That could be it.

Yeah. What do you all think? What do you think about. I don't know. I think virtual reality porn. I mean, you have to bring out the contractions. That too. You got to buy the. The device and the set and cam girl porn. People are spending a lot of money on it too.

Have you tried virtual reality porn?

I have. I have. It was awesome. I mean, I. It was really cool. I was in Amsterdam and I went to visit Kiryu, which is a company that's working with a bunch of different. And they're actually working with WE Vibe and Fleshlight, and they're one of the first companies and they are developing. It's like Teledad, Tel. Teledonics, Teledildonics. I love that word and it's such a good word, but it's true. And it's like, why these vibrators? You can actually.

Behold. We actually have an old kiru here, like one of the first models of it. But essentially what happened was, so I was in this room with all these men, of course, and they're like, put this on. And I put on the VR headset and. And then I had a. Like a dill. Like a vibrator in my hand, right? So that was like one of their vibrator had like a remote on it. So it's like I put me. Like it's my penis, right? But I have these. So I have this set. I have my clothes on, I have the virtual reality set. And you put it on and it looks like. I mean, there's a whole scene. It looks like I'm like in some Grecian village. And there's like all these like nymphs and it's humans, but they're all just in white. Like a white party. Like a fancy white party. Like the Playboy mansion party of Greece. If I was in Greece, everyone's beautiful and walking around. And then like, they're like, look around. And I look all around. There's like people, like beautiful people and people are having sex. It's kind of like an orgy sex party, but classy, sophisticated. Maybe that's what these people. It was a classy sex party. And then since I had the teledildonics part that I have this toy, right? So pretend it's my penis. Then the. Then the. The camp, the porn stars that are filmed, like they are connected to my toy and they could be using an insertion toy, like the.

Like the rave.

The rave or something that they're also. So they can feel like they can feel what I'm feeling. If I'm putting inside of me, for example, like they are feeling. I'm going fast. This is not gonna make sense. But they're also moving. It's like you're having sex with the virtual reality people. And it feels like you're actually in a full on, like, sex party. They're touching you. I mean, I've just done the virtual reality poor without the vibrators. Because that's their whole thing is that they are now programming porn that works with toys. So you're having an interactive experience with the person on the camera. I mean, there's just so much going on with it. But just regular old virtual reality porn. You're, like lying there and you're looking like. Like if someone's looking at you, like these two porn stars, like a threesome right. I'm having a threesome with, let's say a guy and a girl. Like, it feels like they're like on top of me and you're having sex with them. It's very reality. I could see getting caught down that.

I mean, that sounds intense. Yeah, it sounds intense, but I'm super down.

Oh yeah, we have to try it.

Got to try it.

Send us some virtual reality porn people. I'm sure we could. I think they reach out to us, but.

But like.

And it was hot. Like, if I wasn't in a room with all these people, like, I could probably have gotten into it and like. Okay.

Right. That must have been weird. Like all these, they're like, how do.

You like our technology? How do you look our technology? Like, they're just watching sex memories in a room in Amsterdam. Yeah, I don't know. It was fun. I mean it was. Yeah. So it was like a 5 minute, 10 minute thing.

But do you think that like, if someone was in a relationship though, like a monogamous relationship, does that kind of like, kind of draw getting close to the line of cheating?

That's such a good question because we've gotten asked those questions. Is virtual reality por cheating? And I. No, I don't think it's cheating, but I do think it's a. When I'm. My whole thing is like, it's a lot of energy. It's a lot of like, it is that next level masturbation.

That what we talk about of having to raise the bar, having to raise the, the stimuli. Each time you have sex, you get more and more turned on. And people are having impacts of watching a lot of porn on their partner. They're like, oh, I can't get up anymore because there aren't like webcam girls. So that's my concern is that you're having this full on virtual reality experience rather than just looking at a clip on your phone. It could be harder and harder for you to connect with humans. Do I think it's cheating though? I mean, I had my ex did it. I wasn't like, think he was cheating. I thought it was cool. I wanted to hear about it. But that's, you know, I think that if you're spending a lot of time virtual reality porn, that all that time and you're in a relationship, you could be spending more of that energy enhancing the sex that you're having. All right, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back onto your calls.

Let's talk to Joni 38 in Kentucky. She says it takes her a long time to come and she wants to learn how to finish faster.

All right. Hey, Joni.

Hi, Emily. Thank you so much for taking my call.

Of course.

Girl. Thank you for doing what you do. We are all so grateful for your knowledge.

You're welcome. I love it. Thank you. Thank you.

So I know this. Thank you. So I know this is going to sound like a funny question, but I've always known this about me since I've been sexually active. I just take a long time to come. And actually, I'm a queer woman, and this is actually my first relationship in 11 years with a cisgendered male. And I do enjoy.

Yeah, yeah.

And I do enjoy the sex, but he mentioned that I've actually been the most challenging and taking the longest to come, I guess, woman he's been with and I don't know, just makes me that just kind of. He wasn't really complaining, but it just still made me feel a little self conscious.

Yeah. Well, first of all. Okay, so how were you in the past with other. With other. With the women you were with, would you come easier?

It was just different.

Different because there was no penis. Right. I mean, what is he. Is he going down on you? Is he? And how. For a backup, how long is it taking you?

You know, that's a good question. Well, we have working on him going down on me. Oh.

Oh, well, that's another reason you're not coming. Most women need that. Require that for orgasm.

Yeah, yeah, we're working on that. And I have, you know, that's a good question. I just know it. I mean, I have come. It just takes me a long time.

An hour? Like 25 minutes?

Yeah, definitely. Maybe like a good 20, 20, 40 minutes.

I mean, the women take between 20 and 40 minutes to orgasm. I need a billboard that says that. Just psa. Yeah, because we all feel so bad we're taking too long. Like, who's he say too long? The other women he's with. A lot of them might have been faking it as well, you know what I'm saying? Like, what is he measuring it against? And he's not going down on you, so he needs some more education around women.

Okay, yeah, he is going down. He just. He's just not used to having to take a while to be down there.

Right, right.

We're working on that. I guess just like other things, it just takes me a long time. I don't know if there's a way I can. Well, I don't know, speed up that process.

Well, I guess it helps. I mean, the thing is. Well, wait. Did you feel this way when you were with women, that you had to speed it up? Yeah.

Yeah, I felt like I took a long time.

Okay, so do you. Do you know when you get the most aroused and, like, what turns you on? Like, it's usually. It's like a lot of other, like, kissing and touching and, like. Yeah. Playing with your nipples. You know, your body. Like, he's using his fingers and his mouth. Maybe he's talking dirty. Maybe you're using some toys. You're switching it up, you're massaging, you're prolonging the sex, but you're teasing, you know? Like, I think that that's what it takes for a lot of women. And maybe.

You could let them know that you could explain to them that you would love to just kind of slow things down a little bit. And I don't know you, but you know best what turns you on. But typically, it's like stimulation gradually over time. Teasing, lighter touch. The oral thing. You can.

Yes.

So, yeah, like playing with your nipples, making out for women. It's like kissing fingers and mouth. That's what makes us come. Like. Or. Those are the three ways that women are more likely to orgasm.

And so, sure, that makes sense.

Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, it is. And like. Like I always say, foreplay is not a suggestion, it's a requirement. I have that written in my office, hanging on the wall. Cause it is. We have, like, these quotes here, and it's like, people think, oh, the foreplay thing again? Really? Oh, yeah. I guess I could do it. It'd be nice, you know, if it's your birthday. No, we need it. Women are. Women are slow cookers. Men are frying pans. They're ready to go. We need to be warmed up. We just do. It's scientific. It's how our bodies work. That's what you need. Let them know.

All right.

And you're doing fine.

Thank you for making me not feel crazy.

God, it's my job here. I'm here to help you. Make you so crazy.

Thank you.

Thank you, Tony. Thanks for calling.

All right, let's talk to Steve, who's 40 in New York and wants to ask about his performance anxiety.

Hey, Steve.

Hey. How's it going?

How's it going with you?

Some days better than others.

I hear you, man. What's going on?

It's ongoing thing. Like.

It'S been pretty much as long as I can remember.

Okay. Performance anxiety.

Yes.

Coming too quickly. Coming before you Want to?

No, more like, not rising to the occasion.

Okay, so more like you can't. You. It's harder for it to stay hard and get hard.

Yes.

Okay. Have you ever gotten, like. Have you ever gotten checked out for it? Like, has it been. First of all, has it been, like, since you're 40, so since the beginning of your sexual history?

No, it's more just like, I can't get out of my own head.

Yeah.

Okay.

So have you ever. Have you ever practiced any, like, mindfulness? Like, any breathing, any meditation? It's really, like, most of us have this in different ways in our life, that we're in our own heads. And so you really. It's about, you know, breathing and being present with your partner and meditation. Download one of the apps, like, I love the Headspace app or the Insight Timer app. They're great for meditation and learning to control your mind, because that's likely what it is. And then being with a partner who's, like, understands who's cool with it and who you can connect with and breathe together and relax into it.

So I think it's, like, more of a lifestyle practice.

And you're. Yeah, I mean, I. You could go to your doctor. You get checked out. You're 40. I mean. But you say it's been happening for a while.

Yeah, no, I've been with my partner for 12 years now, and, like, it comes and goes.

Okay, well, here's the thing. That you've been with your partner, that's amazing.

Great about it, but what if you.

Guys practice together, getting into your senses? Like, you did something where you did, like, an erotic night of, like, erotic massage where you lit some massage candles. It smelled amazing. And then you practice touching each other so you could focus on the scent of the candle and, like, the touch of her on your body. You guys could explain to each other, like, I'm feeling your touch right now, and I'm smelling the candle, and you're playing your favorite music, and maybe you're tasting each other's lips or tasting a flavored lube, and you kind of get all your senses going. Because when we completely. Like when we get our senses involved in sex, we can't be in our head because then we're completely present. That makes sense to you as a concept?

No, that makes sense.

Yeah.

So I think that you got it. If she's a great partner and it's been 12 years, I think you already trying on your own. Like, I could tell you to be mindful and tell you to mat. And I know how hard that is. I've been meditating for 20 years. And it's some days. Some days it's a struggle. It's just. It's a practice. So if you want to bring your wife on board with it, that might also kind of alleviate some of it because you might not even be realizing all the pressure you've been putting on yourself. I don't want to disappoint her, even though she's cool with it. So if you guys are in it together and trying to figure out, you know, how to breathe, how to connect, that might help you.

Okay.

All right.

All right, Steve, bring her on board.

I appreciate it. Thank you.

So welcome. You're so welcome, Steve.

So we got Arlene from Alabama back on the phone.

Arlene in Alabama. Hi, Arlene.

Hey.

Welcome back.

I love your show, Emily. Thank you for having me on. I'm so on. I'm sorry I got cut off.

That's okay. I could tell we needed to talk. We need to talk.

Yes.

We definitely need to talk. I was in a marriage for several years and had beautiful children and a great life and a husband that could not stop using chewing tobacco was disgusting. And I'm a very touchy feely, kind of emotional, sexual person. And so we had conversations about this and. And I couldn't get him to improve his hygiene. And finally it got to the point where it was such a turn off.

Yeah.

And we ended up having years of no, nothing. And so the conversations earlier about. About how do you spark it up in the marriage and how do you. There's some times when there comes a point with there's no sparking that back up. If there can't be a. If they can't be some respect for one another.

Yeah. Some compromise.

Where you have to say.

I've got to cut these ties. So anyway, I got out of that relationship finally. And I'm thinking, well, there's something terribly wrong with me. I left feeling that way, but I've done the bioidentical hormones and I've done everything to keep myself in shape. And, you know, and I thought, well, maybe I'm not attractive. And I apparently was to many other people, but just there was something there where my husband was masturbating constantly watching porn. Exactly what you were just talking about earlier on the show to the point where there was nothing going on when we got in the bedroom. So anyway, I'm so thankful that I finally decided it was time to move from that relationship because I was wasting my life.

Yeah.

And I got into A wonderful relationship, which is a very free and open and we're both very, very exploratory and very touchy feely, and things have been wonderful. And so he talked me into this threesome idea, which I was not keen on because I'm so in love with him and I didn't want to share. And so he taught me into a male.

Threesome.

Okay.

Two male.

Oh, you did it already. Okay, mail me out.

Yes, yes.

Several times. Oh, okay. So that happened. And it was okay. It was okay. I didn't mind. It was actually pretty good a couple of times, particularly this one partner I felt very comfortable with. Okay. But then time went on where it would became where he was having these random men contact me. And I felt very like, wait a minute, I'm not your prostitute.

Oh, like a cuckold. Like, was it more like a cuckolding thing? Like, did he want to watch you with another man or he wanted you to have sex with another man and tell him about it?

No, no, no. He wanted to be present.

I'll be present.

You know, he was a big turn on to him to watch and to be present. So anyway, the last time that we were with someone, I had a little bit of a health scare following that. And sitting in the gynecologist office was a wake up call to me because there was a question mark there about if I had some type of virus.

Luckily, that turned out to be not what we thought it was. But did it shake me up?

Yeah.

And not knowing there for a few days, I thought, oh, my goodness, have I gone all these years to only have this happened to me, to finally find this wonderful happiness and to be this careless to allow this to happen to me. And so now every time he brings it up, I'm just completely shut down because I do not want to go back there, at least not right now. And if we do, it's gonna have to be with a very clear.

Yeah, well.

Oh, you.

I see. So he said some random people. You said. So you're not wanting the threesome anymore because of the health scare because you thought you had an STD or something, A sexually transmitted disease and you didn't. Yeah. So are you using protection with these people? With condoms?

No.

Okay. So that's. You got, you know, so if you still want to do it, you have to find people who. People can even show you their results. You know, there are ways to show people's test results to make sure they're clean, but you should always use a condom with everyone. And no one Does I mean, Arlene, literally, it's sexual. It's Essential STD Awareness Month. And so we're gonna be bringing. We're gonna be talking more about this because people just don't. Aren't using condoms anymore. So you're not. But if there's. Especially if there's more than one person. Yeah, you have to. I mean, not with your husband, I'm sure, but. Yeah, that's the thing. So it's the kind of thing, though. Are you. Is this becoming a problem? Is your question, like, what do you do? Because you kind of want to, but you're afraid, or your husband's.

Exactly.

Okay.

And he's really pressuring me to do this again. Didn't you look, didn't you like that? Didn't you like that? Well, I want us to do that again.

And.

And I said no. I guess I should have taken you with me to the doctor's office because you have. No. I cried.

Yeah, of course you did.

I was so upset that, you know, something that could be life threatening to me, that would be a virus in my body for the rest of my life.

Yeah.

Is it.

You know, it's. It's nice to have a little fun in a row in the hay.

Honey, you need to take it off.

You got to stop and think.

Right? Right. So how long ago did this happen? The scare?

It was about two months ago.

Okay, two months? Yeah. I mean, can't he. So how is your sex otherwise? I feel like maybe you just need to take it off the table for a while.

It's still really good, but it's not the fireworks that it was because I think I'm still reserved and still shaky.

Yeah, well, that makes sense. And I need him to support you emotionally in some way if he can figure out a way to kind of. The more he just kind of learns to support you right now and you guys can figure out what. What else you guys could do together and how you could feel safe again with him and he can kind of bring you out of your. Sounds like you've been living, like, his fantasies. And I'm wondering if opening up now, Arlene, if there's any fantasies that you have right now that could. That he could kind of please you in some ways, that there's things that you want that don't involve another person because maybe he'll find something new. You didn't know you'd be into being with two men. So what might he not know? He just needs to be entertained in another way with you. Because unless he's fetishized this threesome thing. I'm not sure about that, but I kind of, I really need you to kind of refrain. I don't want, I don't like the pressure. I want you to take as much time as you need. I don't think that you would. You should have another threesome right now. I think you need to turn your attention, both of you, towards making the sex life great between the two of you because there's not always going to be a third anyway. So this is important work you have to do and every couple has to do.

Yeah, that's exactly how I feel. I think I just needed you to reaffirm that for me.

Yes, Arlene, I'm with you. Please go back and have that conversation and you know, you know, I'm here every night. Let me know how that goes and hopefully you're gonna get through. I get that he wants that, but, you know, create something else beautiful together. All right, guys, thanks for listening to the show. I hope you enjoyed it and thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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