Ring In The New Year With A Bang

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If you're a perfectionist and you always want things lined up in a row, just take a beat and give yourself permission to make mistakes this year. Remember, we don't always get things right away. We're always so hard on ourselves.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

You're listening to Sex Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

2020 is finally coming to a close. I love the new year. You know, we get to reflect on the last 12 months and plan what we want the next year to look like. So as we're all looking ahead to 2021, and obviously we didn't know what 2020 was gonna look like. I want to spice up your plans with some sexual resolutions, sexual intentions. I know that 2020 has been hard on a lot of our sex lives. And if you don't have a partner, you're single. It's been harder to find someone. Listen, this is my job. I'm going to get all of you to have more pleasure in 2021. Intentions with Emily. For each episode, let's set an intention for the show. It works. What do you want to get out of listening to this episode? How could it help you? It could be bring on 2021. I definitely want to try some new things next year. My intention is to help you fill this new year with all the pleasure you could possibly want. All right, we have a new survey. It's our better sex survey sponsored by our friends at Pure Lube. And so I just want to hear what you have going on now. What are your sex goals for next year? And it really helps if you fill it out. It just takes a few minutes. And we're also gonna give out a few big prizes. Go to sexwithemily.com survey and do it. It's fun. A lot of you have told me you actually enjoyed the survey. Cause it got you thinking about your own life. And remember, if you have a question you wanna ask me, call me directly. Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific. Talk to me every weekday. I can help you figure out the next step to your relationship goals. The number, triple 894-7826. That's triple 894-78277. All right, enjoy the show.

Okay, you guys, what did we see in 2020? What were the sex trends this year? Well, I can tell you they're a lot different than what was predicted in 2019. From what I saw, there's a lot more doomster baiting. So I'm also here with my producers, Colin and ovi. That was just one of my favorite terms. Doom masturbating, which essentially means you're sitting around, you pull out your phone and you are scrolling the news or you're on something and you're just kind of feeling blah. And then next thing you know, you look down, your hands are in your pants, and you're masturbating. So doomster baiting.

Ah, such a sad trend.

It is. Let's take what's the opposite of Dune. Let's make it joyful baiting. Soon something. The other thing we saw was online dating and quarantine. The apps just blew up. So many more people were dating online and they're using video, they're facetiming, which I've always been a fan of. I think we're all saving a lot more time. Racing across town, getting, you know, doing your hair and makeup and getting ready. This is actually talking to Women, we take a lot of time to get ready for these things. You get across town, you'd see someone and you'd show up the date, and you'd be like, all right, I know this isn't my person. So I believe when you bring in a video component, it's another way to vet somebody.

Totally. So did you guys go on any.

Video dates this year? I did one.

I was going to, and then I canceled, and the guy got mad at me, and then I posted him.

So, no, that sounds like a not a successful video date.

Emily did predict this because when I.

First started working for her In June.

Of 2018, whenever it was Emily, I remember that you were talking about how video dates are the. The new feature. And that was way before quarantine.

That was before quarantine. I was just saying it because, you know, I had people on my team who were, like, going on six dates a weekend. And I was like, why don't you just do six video chats in a night and give everyone 15 minutes and just say, I have to go. I just wanted to get to know you. And then they already know you have an out. You could screen like six people like I do when I'm interviewing new team members. So. So, you know, and now everyone's doing it. Cause that was a big thing. Like, I remember telling someone, I was like, just tell the person who's texting you only can we hop on a video. So then, you know, you can make a plan. So, yeah, I did predict it. I did not predict the pandemic, though.

But that's so much better. Anyway, you don't want a first date to last more than an hour, tops.

No.

You know, no.

In fact, I'm glad you brought that up. Cause I remember last year I did a show, or maybe it was this year. Cause they all blend. And I was talking about how there was some kind of tip that said after 45 minutes, you should set your alarm on a first date. And you should know by then if you really check in with yourself, whether or not you want a second date. And either way, you should just get up and go. Because first off, leave him wanting more. But more importantly, we know because you go, you stay longer, you might start to talk yourself into it. You might start to get drunk. You know, whatever you might do. And I remember I tried it at the time. I think this was last January. Because I remember the date, and I set my alarm. He's like, what is that? And then I told the guy. I was like, you know what? I'M supposed to. I said so this has actually been a great date. And I think I ended up staying longer. And it ended up being I actually liked the guy. I went out with him for maybe a month until I didn't. But we should know. We should know. Trust your gut.

My intention for 2021 is to start dating like Emily.

Which part of it?

All of it.

Copy you do it girl. I got you. I got you all. Something else we saw this year. It was the year of breakups, which is no surprise. When the pandemic happened, I was thinking of thinking people are going to get divorced, people are going to break up. We didn't know, but I assumed if you weren't in a great place in your relationship, it's going to be really hard to dig yourself out when you are stuck at home with your partner. In September 2020, there was a study from dating.com found that 60% of the users admitted they went through breakup in the last year, which was a significant increase from the last year of only 34% admitted to having gone through a breakup. That's double. And out of the 67% of the respondents who went through a breakup this year, 49% said they were living with their significant other. 75% of this group claimed they signed up for a dating site to move on in this social distancing era. Okay, so let's be honest, there's no better way than than being forced to stay home with someone than to figure out if it's gonna work. So I believe that this probably just jump started the demise of many relationships that likely would have ended but it might've taken three years or five years. But when you're in a pressure cooker with somebody and you're just stuck, it's sink or swim, you have no choice. So in a way I think this is could be a silver lining of the pandemic that relationships ended that just were never gonna go the distance. Cause I doubt that new. You know, I have a friend who was considering divorce but put it off because he was like, oh well I'm just gonna travel a lot this year so I can just kind of avoid dealing with it. So he's like, maybe we'll see when I'm gone. Well, guess what wasn't gone and had to deal. So I think we all have avoidance tactics in our relationships. We are always really busy. We're working a lot, we're at the gym for four hours a day. None of that could happen. We couldn't numb out, we couldn't distract and so makes sense your breakups.

I feel like it's kind of like that. I don't know if you guys have noticed this, at least in my neighborhood. I'll go out and just see normal people just walking around in pjs or onesies or sweatsuits. Nobody cares what they're wearing anymore because we all know we're just stuck inside all the time. And we've kind of been able to let down this facade of, oh, yeah, when you go out, you get all nice and ready. I feel like it's done that same thing with relationships of let's forget the facade here. We aren't getting along. Let's. Let's just end it.

Yes. I look at all my fucking clothes and shoes and I just want to wear sweats for the rest of my life. And all the predict the fashion trends for 2021 is like all athleisure. Like it's not going anywhere, which is kind of a thrill. And no bras. But you know what I'm realizing? We're going to get into the predictions for 2021 and all these breakups. People are going to want to get into relationships now, be a lot of single people. My first prediction for 2021, courtship is the new black. I do think that we are slowing down. Like I said, we're using video. Dating apps are gonna be huge and we're gonna be more confident. It's gonna become standard that you get to know somebody first. I also think that there's gonna be more long distance relationships because the dating apps during quarantine lifted restrictions on geography. So if you're swiping on an app, you might get someone in another county, another country, another state, because people are just sort of. It's all virtual anyway. So I think we will be finding more long distance relationships, which I think is great because that means that people can use these Bluetooth toys.

I wonder about dating too. Is this gonna push us into, like a new chivalry?

Right. And the gender roles, though, too. So chivalry. We think about men. Men, you know, in a heterosexual relationship, right? The guy pays, the guy does this. But maybe the chivalry won't just be about the masculine or men.

Right.

Because someone's going to have to take the initiative, Right? I don't know. What do you think? What do you think? Do you want to ask me out? I don't know. Should I ask you? I mean, that's just not hot or interesting. But maybe women. What I hope to see is more vulva owners are going to step up and ask people out, maybe take the initiative. We're going to see. Let me know what you think. I'd love to know what you guys think, too. Let's see more open relationships. There has been a trend in the last few years of people opening up, choosing alternative forms of relationships, not just sticking with monogamy. And I think we're seeing more resources for that now and a little bit more acceptance now. What I hope we see also is the rise of ethical porn, meaning porn that's made ethically by, you know, actors who consented to all the acts. It's more diverse, different genders. You're going to see everything. More variety in porn content is what I hope. I also think there'll be more audio erotica. I'm loving all these audio erotica apps. Like, Ann Jane is a great one. And Also Quinn, try quinn.com. they're going to have an app coming out soon. But it's. I don't know. I just love to listen to something, to listen to some erotica, someone talking. So hopefully we'll see more of that.

You know, I bet I can totally see that trend going up. Megan. My wife and I are getting so, so tired of watching stuff. We'll turn something on and we're both, like, on our phones within, like, five minutes or just in the other room or distracted or whatever. Like, we just. We don't have an attention span for it anymore. And I could totally see audio erotica filling in that gap.

Yeah, it's like playing in the background, even. Yeah. With a partner or with masturbation. All right. Should we talk about doing the dishes? Yeah.

We have to get our brain on board with sex. This is the thing. If you find yourself with low libido or you're not turned on, sometimes we need a little bit of fuel. And if that's audio erotica or staring at the melons in the market, whatever. Inspire you. Like, look for inspiration around you because it doesn't just hit you over the head. You're just like, oh, now I'm turned on. Especially for women we see that. Don't go anywhere. We've got so much more to talk about after this break.

All right, let's get into making resolutions, or I like to call them intentions. Resolutions is really intense sometimes because you just feel guilt about it. Like, all right, I'm going to stop eating sugar January 1st, you're going to fail, and then you feel like, I broke my resolution. But an intention is very different. I prefer the word intention because it's more like a goal or a plan. It's like a healing process. More than let me just quit something or stop something, because that's not how change happens. Like, my intention is to live a healthier life. And as a result of that, I'm going to exercise more, I'm going to do all these things. It just gives you a little bit more permission to make a plan that you want to carry out. And like, your goal or your purpose could be your intention and it's something that you are intending to do whether you pull it off or not. If you constantly are remembering, this was the year I was going to be more, you know, less rushing around, I'm going to make more times for friends and family. That's more of an intention than saying, like, I must see five friends a week. But when you just walk around with, my intention was to be more open to experiences, just more permissive. So the first thing you need is a vision. What does your ideal 2021 look like? I mean, there's no limit. When we're dreaming. Think of the big picture. What kind of relationship you want to be in next year? When you're in that relationship, what kind of experiences do you want to be having? You know, do you want to have more orgasms, more pleasure? Do you want to by one year from now have healthier sex with your partner? And then get really detailed and the more specific you are with your plan, your vision, your intentions, the better. So if your dream is to explore different erogenous zones on your body and have more pleasure, you might, you know, get very specific and say, I want to explore by myself. And then I'm going to bring a partner in and see what I can learn from them and how I can teach them about my body. And now if your goal is to have a life where you're just having more sex either with yourself or a partner, but if you narrow down, how do you make that happen? You know, okay, let's talk about people in relationships to say, I want to have more sex next year. But you don't convey a plan to your partner or you don't talk to them. You just think about, okay, well then the first thing I have to do if I want one year from now to look up and say, wow, what an incredible pleasure filled year I had. The first step might be talking to your partner about your sex life. I know a lot of you have never had these conversations before. So if you've got a partner, you could say, I've been thinking about it. And I want to make sure that we are connected more intimately next year I want to have more sex. What do you think about that? And then you've enrolled your partner in this plan because so many of you try to solve your sexual relationship on your own without bringing your partner into it. And you keep getting frustrated. But I think a great way to bring em in is to say, let's talk about it. You can definitely blame me. People always do. I heard it on a podcast. Let's do it. And if you're single and you, your intention is to really have a healthy relationship next year, or maybe you just wanna have more casual sex next year. It's important to get really clear whenever you're dating what kind of relationship you're looking for and write it down. What are all the components of that relationship? What are you doing on the weekends? What kind of experiences do you share together? What kind of sex are you having? How incorporated are they in your life? Are they meeting your friends and your family? Are you learning from each other? You know, how do you feel when you're with them? Now this isn't an easy exercise. Some people it is. Some people can visualize and they just see it all and feel it all. But when we have a muscle memory, when we feel something, we actually visualize it. It's more likely to happen because then when we meet someone and if we don't feel that way with them, we'll be like, oh, this doesn't feel right. This isn't, this isn't the partnership I was envisioning. I think it's really important to get specific because then we just get attracted to someone and start having sex. We're like, oh, but I wanted, you know, somebody who was more available. And this person's just getting out of a relationship and told me they're not available. What am I doing? Is it worthwhile to spend three months with someone just having sex when it's really wasn't the intention I set at the beginning of the new year. And the great part about writing this down is that you can keep referring back to it and making sure you're on track. Now if you're thinking about focusing more on your own sex life, you know, as a single person and even if you're in a relationship, you can still focus on your own pleasure. You could think like, how's your self love practice going? Are you masturbating often? Or you know, are you present with yourself when you're masturbating? Do you just disassociate do you zone out? Do you get distracted? Are you doomsturbating? Are you just hitting it and quitting it? Or do you really take the time? Do you say, like once a month or once a week, I'm gonna do some mindful masturbation. I'm gonna slow down and actually work towards my goal of discovering new erogenous zones. Are you thinking that porn has become a problem? For some people it is. Some people it isn't. But then you can start the practice of masturbating without porn just trying it. You know, you probably used to do that. And then think about your relationship with yourself. Just besides masturbation, are you having a loving relationship with yourself? Are you being kind? How's the negative self talk? Are you really making time for yourself? Are you always helping other people? A lot of us are caretakers. That's how we feel joy. We think we forget to look at. Like, I've been giving so much to others that I haven't filled up my own cup.

Emily, I had my first experience with this in a long time last night.

Tell me.

We got done with the show and I was just super exhausted. This has been, you know, we're all just working so hard towards the end of the year.

Grueling.

And I took a bath and it was so good. I just sat in the tub and just had completely 100% me time for like two hours. And I came out and I was just a totally different person. I felt myself. I felt happy and fun and joyful and went to bed just feeling great.

That is so true that taking a bath and a reset just. It changes your nervous system. You release tension. Right. You couldn't do. Be doing anything else, right? That's great. Colin. I think that we just. It's such a great reminder that we. A lot of us have bathtubs, use them. I never used one when I had one. And now I have a steam shower that I just started using more during quarantine. And I live. It's my time. So what is your time gonna be? Think about it now. When do you feel the most relaxed? Do more of that. Pencil that stuff in, put that in your calendar, and then you can start thinking about your relationship. You know, when you're having sex, are you getting your needs met? Are you having orgasms? Does your partner. Are you both satisfied with how your sex life has been this year? Or is it getting a little bit boring? When was the last time you actually tried something new? And this is also why the pleasure planner. You guys could both do this together. You could both think about your sex life together and apart. How's your communication in the bedroom? Are you communicating about your needs? Are you comfortable asking for what you want? Are you checking in with each other if you're single or you're looking for a partner? Has it been harder for you to meet people? Do you keep dating problematic people? Are you. Have you been in toxic relationships? We've got a ton of podcasts on that. You know, maybe it's time to work on yourself so you can be ready to date. I'm a huge fan of taking time out in between relationships to do that. Self discovery and exploration. You know, ask questions to yourself. You'll have answers. It's really cool. And you could even write them out and say, what do I want? A few things to keep in mind. Perfectionism. If you're a perfectionist and you always want things lined up in a row, just take a beat and give yourself permission to make mistakes this year. Remember, we don't always get things right away. We're always so hard on ourselves. So making intentions for the new year will really help you live a life you want to live. And I don't want you walking around with another thing to beat yourself up for. Which is why I like intentions, because you can keep going back to them and am I on track? And then it's okay if you fall off. Listen, nothing, no one changes overnight. I don't know where we get that notion that if we aren't great at something right away, we should stop. I mean, you should go back and listen to my podcast 15 years ago, even 10 years ago. I mean, I'm hard on myself when I go back and listen, but things that you want to do that you care about, whether it's having a really healthy relationship with your partner, a healthy sexual relationship, relationship with yourself, or doing great in your job, all these things take work. So if you get criticized or you fall down, it's not how many times you fall down, it's how quickly you get back up and you keep trying. And I think accountability is really big when setting your intentions. So do this with a partner, do this with a friend. You can both, you know, sit down and fill this out in the new year. Then you have someone rooting for you and someone you can go check in with. It was a really good year. And I just want to thank all of my listeners because first off, without you trusting myself and the Sex with Emily team and being open and vulnerable with your stories and being brave and listening and downloading and reviewing the show and all the things that you do to help us keep this show available to you and make a great show is just wouldn't be possible without you. And I'm so grateful that I got to celebrate 15 years of this. And I wish you all so much love and a happy 2021. And thank you to Colin and Ovi for all your hard work this year.

It's been a good one.

I agree.

We did it.

We did it. We did it. All right, don't go anywhere. There's more sex with Emily coming right up.

Let's talk to Jennifer, 35, in Canada. Hi, Jennifer, thanks for calling.

I just basically wanted to know if you had any tips to get back into the dating game. I've been single for about three years now. Got out of an 11 year relationship, which I believe, believe it was toxic. You know, I was just in it to be in a relationship, if you will. And then I decided, you know what, I got to take care of myself. This relationship isn't working. So we kind of decided to call it quits, go our separate ways. And I was just trying to figure out how to get back into the dating game. Especially since recently I've discovered if you being on a couple of Facebook groups and just discussing with other people that I am demisexual. So, yeah, I need to have an established connection with somebody in order to be able to hop in the stack with them. Yeah, a romantic connection, it just, I just need to connect with that person on some sort of level. Like even if they're freaking hot, you know, my plumbing is not going to work. You know, I need to connect with somebody.

So, yeah, it's like a sapiosexual too.

Like 11 years being in that relationship, I'm like, I downloaded Tinder. I downloaded plenty of fish. I downloaded all these stuff. And you know, I was like, no, it's not doing it for me.

First off, I'm really glad that you are looking at the apps because that's, you know, the way it goes right now. But could you start to have conversation like, how do you know that you haven't met somebody? Because then just explain, explain to people. There's something called a demisexual, which means that, you know, you really want to have an emotional connection, a real connection with someone before you have sex with them. Another one is sapiosexual. You want to have an intellectual conversation. You know, your partner's use of words and language really turns you on. And it's all sort of the same thing. Like our brain is the most powerful sex organ. So that makes sense, Jennifer. I'm exactly the same way. If I don't. If you're hot or whatever, I need to have that. That connection. So I understand that, Jennifer. So how do we go about. Because a lot of people aren't going to lead with their heart on their sleeve. They're not going to leave with vulnerability and emotion. And so we got to look at is how do you find somebody where you can sort of turn the conversation towards something that would be a turn on to you. And sometimes it's asking challenging questions or asking revealing questions. So have you met anybody in the last three years?

When I was going through the breakup, I basically, basically made a friend on Facebook. We sort of connected on the fact that I was going through a breakup, he was going through a breakup. I was just talking about that, Just supporting each other in that sense. And once we actually finally broke up, my. My ex and I, you know, I was looking for a place to live. He had a house, so I'm basically rooming with him. So I'm living with my best friend that I connected, you know, on Facebook during that time. Now, we did hook up up a couple of times. But, you know, I asked him like, you know what, maybe we can just like have this sort of platonic friends with benefits type thing. And he's like, you know what? I didn't expect to like you as a friend as much as I did and to be. Honesty ruins friendship. So I don't want to go down that road with you.

Okay, so how do you feel about that? Maybe that's how in your living together. To me, that sounds like a good plan.

Well, I mean, I love. I love living with this guy. I mean, he's. He's everything. He gets me for me. He doesn't say, well, you know what? Just. Why are you doing this? That's stupid. No, he's like, well, you're doing that. All right, fine. You do you. And you know, it's like he just lets me be me and just give me my own space, I guess.

Well, that's good. So do you want to. So, so, so you're clear then, you're saying you're cool with not dating him?

Yeah, well, I mean, I don't want to date him. I would like to bank him every once in a while, if that makes sense. Just to.

If you know what I mean.

But like, since I already have an established connection with that guy, but I would like to find a relationship, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

And I have these people that I'm talking to, we're talking, and the conversation always switches to a sexual conversation, which I have no problem with that I'm very open discussing. But it's right away they send the dick pic, and that's like total payoff for me.

Wow. You know, well, what if you started. What if you controlled the conversation and you started asking questions that could elicit some of this more vulnerability? Because I. I know people say, oh, the apps are all about sex. Everyone wants sex. But not if you don't allow it to go there. I just think it's about you controlling the conversation, you know?

Okay.

Letting people know that. And let me tell you another thing right now that's happened, Jennifer, especially during COVID the last nine months, is that many people are having video date the video chat, they're setting it up and they're doing that, and they're not doing anything until they look at them. They have a real conversation, or they set up a date where they're each having a glass of wine on either end of the screen and they're having real conversations. I mean, you're 35 years old. I would think that you'd be meeting people who are a little bit more serious. Because I don't think it's all about sex.

Well, I hope not. I mean, it's great that it's all about. About sex once you've only entered a relationship. But not to start off your relationship. You don't want it to be based on that. You know, you got to have that good connection sexually, of course, but you also have to have that emotional connection. You have to have the same values, the same outlook on life, in my opinion, anyway.

Yes, you're right. You should. So why don't you find out about their values, find out what they're into, what makes them happy, what. What do they prioritize? What are they looking for? I don't. I don't think it's too soon to ask about those things. What are their favorite ways to spend a Saturday? What's their dream vacation? You know, you could just say I'm looking for a relationship. I'm looking for a committed relationship with someone right now. What are you looking for? I'm not looking for casual sex. You could even say demisexual. Need to know who you are before we sleep together. Need to get my heart racing, you know, before we. You know what I'm saying? And then you get to control the conversation. But I do believe you'll find this person, and I think it's okay. I think it's totally okay for you to get what you need. I think that some guys just default. They still think that women want a dick pic, but I haven't heard any of that lately. I think most people I know want a more of an intimate connection.

I get that the guys are proud of it and they should be, but, like, don't show it off the first second.

You know, no one's sitting around right now or women that I know saying, I wish I got a dick pic tonight. That would be awesome.

Right? Unless it's asked for by somebody they know and that they trust.

We want a consenting dick pic, but not just a dick pic in the wild. I didn't expect this dick pic. Yeah. So I would just say it'll happen, but know that it will. The clearer you get on what the values are that are important to you, then you can guide that conversation and just vet people. But you will, like, figure out who they are and not telling yourself that everyone's gonna be make it sexual because I don't think that's true. Some people will, but not all of them. You'll find. Find someone who's actually interested in you and what you have to say and sharing who they are.

Awesome. Thank you very much.

Of course. Thanks, Jennifer.

I appreciate it and I love your show.

Thank you for calling. I appreciate it. Thanks, Jennifer. All right, we have not done rapid fire questions in a while. And this is when I answer. So a lot of you send me questions at our Instagram, which is sex with Emily, everything. Sex with Emily. And I can't get to all of them and I want to. So I'm just going to answer these questions rapid fire as many as I can to help you get all the information you need and get your questions answered. So let's do it rapid fire with Dr. Emily.

All right. 26, male virgin. I feel self conscious about a small fetish I've developed. Well, let me tell you this. If you're a virgin and you have a fetish, even more importantly, to practice excellent communication with anyone you're with. Make sure you're a partner that you feel safe with and that you feel comfortable comfortable with. And communicate all your desires, your needs. And remember, you don't want to be pressured into sex at all. All right, we have someone from Instagram. What if sex hurts? From a woman? If sex hurts. Listen, 80% of women experience pain during sex at some point in their life. That is true. But just because you have pain doesn't mean you have to Live with it. So it might be pelvic floor problems. There is a great book by Heather Jeffcoat called Sex Without Pain. We've done a bunch of podcasts with her. It's important for you to get it checked out. If sex hurts, there could be a lot of reasons for it, but you don't have to live that way. Okay, we've got what do you use lube for and how do you use it? All right, lube on every nightstand. Use lube for every single kind of sex that you do, whether it's masturbation, a hand job, sex with yourself, lube, what happens help. You know, you're more likely to have orgasms when you use lube. You cannot. Our wetness level is not something that you can predict. So use lube. And if you want to use it doing intercourse, a few drops on your hand, put it on yourself, rub it on your partner and get going. And remember, it's okay to reapply. That's how you use it. I heard I could use ice in the bedroom. Not sure how to use it. Well, there's something called sensation play or temperature play. And. And when you play with ice in the bedroom, you could be, you know, performing oral on your partner. Put an ice cube in your mouth and, you know, drag it down your their partner's body. You can put a blindfold on them. They won't know what sensation's coming next. You could just use it in your mouth for a minute, like suck on the ice and then put it back in a bowl and have a cold mouth. Or just use it to put over a partner. Any genitalia. Listen, we've got a lot of nerve endings on our body and ice feels can feel great. New techniques for when going down on my girl. Any advice? The Kibbin method. That's my quick one. The Kivin method. Go to my website. Sex with emily.com search Kiven K I V I N Since this is rapid fire, I can't explain it. But what I can tell you is that you cover more surface area doing this method on your partner. So that's it. It's a great technique. It is a gay game changer. What's the best vibrator? I can't. It's like asking me my best child, my favorite child. I can't do it. But again, I'm going to send you my website to check out. But we have a great gift guide too. The best vibrator is the one that you're attracted to and that feels good to you. So when to have the first sex conversation in a relationship well, when you have it, timing, turf and tone I think is soon as you start having sex with someone is a great time to have a sex conversation. Why should you wait? Have it as soon as you start having sex and then get ahead of everything rather than waiting till there's a huge problem.

I like my partner but oh, she thinks that she doesn't smell or taste great, but her boyfriend loves it. How to make it better well, I'm telling you, our vaginas are like self cleaning ovens. Our. Our PH balance is totally fine. So if you're, you know, I don't think you have to worry about it at all. Most important thing, take a shower. Make sure that you clean a little bit before sex. It'll make you feel better. But we've done a lot of shows on this and really a lot of it has to do with knowing that we are fine the way we are as women. And when we love ourselves, other people will follow. And the people that don't love your body parts are not for you. Is it normal for a guy to only finish when masturbating and not with female intercourse? Oral? Yes, it is typical. It's typical that some people just are not going to be able to ejaculate with intercourse and oral. And there's a lot of reasons for it. But it could be because your partner is so used to masturbating and holding his penis in a certain way that it just. It's not that you're doing the blow jobs wrong and there's nothing wrong with your vagina, it just means that they are used to doing a certain, certain way. Maybe he's holding it really tight so don't beat yourself up and how to Navigate Mismatched Sex Drives Our sex drives are different. First talk about it and make sure that you make sure that you discuss it. Mismatched libidos are common. Figure out, schedule sex, talk about it and then find a time of day that works for you. All right, that's what we got time for. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. Believe me, if you got something out of it, they will too. We release shows on Tuesdays and Fridays and look out for a bonus episode every now and then. Find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook and Twitter. It's all sexwithemily and I've been told I give really good newsletters, so sign up@sexwithemily.com and don't forget to check out our vlogs. If you want to talk to me, ask your questions about your sex life, dating or relationships. Email me feedbackexwithemily.com or call into my SiriusXM show Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific and call me. 8894 stars. That's 889-478277. Get a free 30 day trial at sexwithemily.com.

You can watch my masterclass on masterclass.com Emily Morse was it good for you? Email me feedbackeXwithemily.com.

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