Roleplay, Foreplay & Premature Choking

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Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today's show, I'm joined by the four talented members of the Wild Horses improv troupe for another tell all female roundtable. We'll be going in depth on all things sex and things are gonna get, dare I say, wild. Thanks for listening.

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's got to have her standards. Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

But, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com youm got that right.

Anything and everything.

Anything and everything in between. It doesn't matter. We do it all. And thank you, everyone, for subscribing on itunes. It's so easy. You subscribe. There's a great little button on our site because we do two shows a week and you'll never miss it. And Menace loves when you review the show.

Yeah. If you. I see. I've seen.

There's a significant amount I ask. It doesn't work, but you ask Menace.

Yeah, please. I. Because I guilt tripped them. I go, look, you don't have to. You don't have to pay a dime for the show.

Nothing.

It's free content. All you got to do is do us a favor and go to itunes and click that review button and, you know, give your honest review. Emily, Emily would love for you just to give us five stars and say how much you love. I'm used to getting beat up and people hating me, so don't even worry about it. Also, it's not just there on itunes. Anywhere you listen or how you listen to the podcast. Please just, you know, put a little comment.

Put a comment. Tell your friends. If you're like, hey, I learned something. Tell your friends. It just helps. Cause I want to. I really want to do the show. You know, forever. Which my whole dream is always to find what I want to do forever. And I think I haven't talked to Menace about this yet, but I'd like to go back to doing it a few more days a week.

Oh, really?

Right now we do too.

Uh huh.

And I'd like to do it 10 days a week.

Well, you're building your own sex with Emily compound.

And we just got a new office. Yeah.

Putting a whole studio together. So you can do that. I don't see why you can't do that.

Yeah, I think we will.

Yeah.

So thanks everyone for that and also for following us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and now Snapchat. It's all sexwithemily across the board. Wow. And subscribe to our newsletter. That's awesome.

And you're getting addicted to Snapchat with.

I kind of am. I had a moment where I knew. It's so funny though, because with my nieces, I've been like, wait, show me. I don't care. They're like, you know, they love me. But I was like, they've been on it forever. And then I started watching yours. I'm like, this is really cool. And it does. They don't really give you instructions. And then everyone, if you're on subject, you know this. But then I took a few minutes the other day and I focused, which is really hard. But when I do amazing things happen. I'm like, I get it. It's genius. It's so fun. So you can just check out what's going on, what's cool, what's really going on.

Yeah. And the people, they heard you mentioned that the Snapchat that I run is for the morning show that I'm part of, called the Woody Show. And it's mostly like food or like events that we go to.

And then also the Woody show is a podcast. We podcast every day. It's about pop culture and newness and stuff like that. It's not. There's barely any sex stuff in there, so if you're not gonna.

This is where you get a chance.

If you're looking for a podcast to masturbate to, that is not it.

No, but it's a funny show and everyone loves it and loves you and it's awesome. Thank you. Check that out. The Woody Show. And also, I'm going to San Francisco next week. Oh.

What?

Yeah, I'm taking a class.

Oh, my God. I knew you're put San Francisco and a class together.

Fuck. What is it you think I'm getting My clitoris yoga. It's not being electrocuted on your nipples? What? What is it?

No. Well, maybe on my date, but not that. No, it's.

Are you going there for penis because you're single?

No. No.

Oh, what?

Dude, if I want penis, it's for sure in la, not San Francisco. I was there long enough. I was with every PE in San Francisco. There aren't many. Yeah, it's a very small town. Small city with small penises. Just kidding. Remember Celeste and Danielle who were on the show?

Yes, Celeste and did their sex coaches.

And they do this thing called. Remember they were on and they were like, come to our Somatica training and Somatica is a type of therapy and it's a. It's actually over six month period. I'm gonna go every other week, every once a month for five days and I'm gonna learn. It's like a therapy technique where I can really help myself, help my listeners. It's about attachment, how we attach to each other, how to really understand what you want sexually from partner, how to talk about it. I mean, a lot of things I talk about, but I think in life you always have to be, you know, learning and educating yourself more so you can always keep growing your career.

Wait, so you're gonna be once a month back in San Francisco for five days?

Yeah, like a long weekend. It's like Thursday to Monday. But I'm really excited because I haven't really done anything since my sex school and I. I love learning.

What ex boyfriend are you gonna stay with in these five days?

They're all like tapped out, like they're married or all week. Although, you know what's funny? And ex did circle back last night. He's like out of the blue. He must have known. He's like, when you come back, I miss you.

The well must be well is right?

Yeah, exactly. He just got divorced.

Oh. Yeah. I don't know.

I am sleeping at my ex's house, but he's gonna be out of town.

I knew it. He's not gonna be out of town every single time.

He's. But this time he is. Yeah, I know, but that's why I'm staying there.

Oh, then eventually you're gonna have sex.

I have so many friends.

No, you know what?

He has a girlfriend.

But duh, you're sleeping at his house for five days.

It's fine.

Every month. Yeah, you're gonna, you're gonna go down on him like on the.

He has a really nice penis. I have to say.

Spectacular but that's not why I'm still friends with them, because obviously I don't get to see the penis. So also, I just need to welcome everyone. Welcome to masturbation month. It's my favorite time of year. Love it. People say that about Christmas and stuff, but I love masturbation month because we've got so many great things planned. We've got blogs, show topics that are really gonna take your masturbation to the next level. Cause it's not just about your solo time. It's about mutual masturbation, how to get more orgasms, how to get more pleasure, really. And how to understand your body. We're doing giveaways. We're doing a get tight for summer giveaway. And this is a contest to encourage pelvic floor health. Because you know that I am obsessed with pelvic floor health. It's important for men and for women. So just check out the website for more details because we're doing contests, we're doing a few of them, but we want to know how you self love. Tell us your masturbation routine. Lighting candles, you know, porn. Do you have, like a sex solo sex playlist? Like, I want to know how you do it. Like, how, you know, like for women. Like, some women have their little. Like they have to be on their stomach or back or they use this toy or that toy. Men, I don't know what you guys do. You sit in front of your laptop with your pants down to your knees. It's all different. I want to know what you guys do. So email me. And we've got some masturbation friendly prizes. And, you know, I've got good stuff.

Cool.

Yeah. And then recently we did a podcast, which was probably one of my favorites, the Drinking with Emily podcast. Turns out it's called did you see what we call Drinking with Emily? Turns on, turn ons, turn offs, and tequila.

All right.

We did our drinking show at the house men's night. We finally had it. We'd talk about it for years. My apartment. The whole team was there. The whole Sex with Emily team. And it was a hilarious show. No editing, no limits. That was fun.

It was very open.

I know it was very open because.

I think a couple of your staff hate me.

No.

And then so I had to tell.

Them, they don't hate you. They were afraid. They thought that maybe you. They don't know you because you come in, we do the show, and you leave. And I'm like, no, Menace is the best bomb. I love menace. And we hadn't Hung out and partied in a long time. So I. It was just. It felt like family and I loved it. And they don't hate you. They just were. Ooh, menace. Because you gave off that thing.

What then? I explained it.

Yes, we all explained it. Now we're all in love with you. We want to have a do it every week.

Every week. I don't know if I can handle it. It was a little much.

I'm glad you stayed out as late as you did.

I know it was way past my bedtime.

The food was good. Okay, so now, quick shout out to our sponsors and we'll be right back for a little sex of the news. And then our guests, which I love. They're hilarious. And we'll be right.

Okay, it's time to talk about what's in your pants. And for once, I'm not talking about your penis. Imagine that. I'm talking about your underwear. Okay, think about it. It doesn't matter if you're wearing a suit or you're wearing sweats. You spend almost 24 hours a day in your underwear. And not only that, on some of those days, someone else might see you in your underwear. So obviously you want a pair that makes you feel comfortable and confident. Now, for me, this has been a challenge. You know, there's always those underwear that, like, feel really comfortable, but, like, they don't look that good and vice versa. But have you tried me undies? They are. Seriously, they are so stylish, and they are the softest underwear in the world. I love them. They're comfortable and you might be hearing about them a lot. And I thought, like, what is this? You order underwear online. But, like, I'm, like, blown away by them. And I was like, can I get some more? And you know that I am an expert, I have to say, about what goes on down there. And in my professional opinion, if you're not wearing me undies or giving a try, you are doing something wrong. Every pair of me undies, they're made from sustainably sourced modal, a fabric that's twice as soft as cotton. That explains it. I can't even describe the fit and feel of me undies, but once you try them on, you'll understand why they're called the world's most comfortable underwear. But they're also sexy. They sent me these, like, little sexy boy shorts and stuff. Me Unnie's has dozens of styles for men and women and limited edition prints to help you make a statement with your underwear, whether anyone can see them or not. And if you don't even like them, if you're like, oh, these aren't for me, I don't like these meundies. They're free. No questions asked. And so right now, sex with Emmy listeners can save up 20% off your first order. Shipping's free in the US and Canada, and you save up to $8 a pair with the meundies subscription plan. Just go to meundies.com emily that's meundies.com emily. And save 20% and get some fancy panties that are comfy. Okay. There's a study minus sex in the news, three out of four women would choose a man with love handles over a man with six pack abs. I thought you'd like this.

I love it.

Six packed guys are almost every lady's fantasy, right? Wrong.

But it's funny that you say this. I know some of the the hottest women ever and they love it. A doughy guy over a six pack guy.

I think that that's very, very true.

But I want to hear the reason.

There's reasons you're gonna love this. The question still stands, though. Why do women like the six pack? What makes women fall for a guy because of it? Turns out it's just in our minds in a real world. In a real. In the real world. A recent study revealed that three in four women would choose a man with love handles over one sporting a six pack. The woman claimed, when it comes to her life, we don't want chiseled perfection in our bed. So why don't they want a hot, buff, perfect man? I know. Weird. Do you want to know why?

Why?

The sad answer is we're worried we won't shape up. 74% of women in the survey said they'd feel self conscious taking their clothes off in front of a perfectly toned man. We feel far more comfortable with flab because it's less threatening. And women, we are under so much pressure to look a certain way and to be a certain way. And we're so worried about things that having a guy who's not like, you know, doing the six pack sit ups all the time take some of that pressure off of us. And this is kind of funny though. I love to meet a female whose sex life isn't affected by a fat day. And I've yet to meet a man who is letting fat stop them from having sex. Yeah, but you have said you've had a fat day where you ate too much and didn't feel like having sex.

Oh, yeah, all the time. That's after, like being in Vegas. Being in Vegas at like a buffet and things like that.

Right.

Which you find very attractive and sexy. But no, it's funny because I forget Chris Pratt.

Go back for seconds.

Chris Pratt, the actor. He's married to Anna Faris. Thank you. And she said, because Chris Pratt, he fluctuates from when he's like super in shape for some movies and then he's doughing other movies. And she said that she prefers him doughy over super fit. And the same guy, Jim from the Office. Sorry, I'm really bad with names, but Jim from the Office.

I don't even watch tv.

Yeah. He just recently got in shape and his wife, Emily Blunt, liked him the other way versus being super in shape. Maybe they're saying that for the media. It makes me feel good and I support it.

I thought you'd like that.

Thank you.

Okay.

That'S all I got for Sex and News because we have our wonderful guest here. So. Okay, I want to introduce the Wild Horses women. How do you. Wild Horses? What troop? Amazing talent Troop works all female long form improv show in la.

What did you say you're making us?

You're all super talented on your own, right? Comedians, actors, improv. And then I met you. Well, Laura and I first met you at Bangering. Yeah, that was amazing. The Friday nights. Every Friday night, or one Friday night.

We do a show every Friday night at UCB in la. And you came and answered sex questions from the audience. And it was so fun. And everyone. I mean, it was really great to see people, like open up in the audience and like, raise their hand and be like, I keep dating someone who.

Wants to choke me or whatever.

Exactly. And it's so. I love the format. And it was the same thing for the Wild Horses that we came on. We talked about sex and then they do improv. So everything we've talked about, they create. Like, they do improv after it. And I'm just in awe. Cause they're so amazingly talented. And I wish I really actually went to my improv class that I signed up for. Oh.

I got like a D in improv. They made me take it. No, When I went to film school, they made me take it. I was terrible.

That's the thing. I think it's like the best training for really. Well, especially in this business, but for anything, right? Just for comfort.

Definitely.

So, okay, so let's go around, you guys just introduce yourselves, tell your name, what you do and how often you masturbate. Oh, great. Wow. Because we're just Breaking it down. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

No pressure.

I'm not comfortable.

I have to go masturbate.

I didn't know what this was.

I don't, actually.

My name is Mary Holland, and I'm.

What else was I supposed to masturbate?

What do I do?

We'll be giving out all of your contact, and it'll also be on our site. But you're welcome to throw out your Twitter or whatever you want.

Okay, great.

My Twitter is Holland85. I am an actor and comedian. I perform at Upright Citizens Brigade every week. And I would say that I masturbate daily, probably.

Nice. Yeah.

At least. Okay.

I'm so excited about this.

So you guys are gonna learn about each other.

I know this is interesting. My name is Lauren Lapkis. I basically also do all the same things as Mary. I'm an actor and comedian. And you can find me Aurenlapkis on Twitter. And I would say I masturbate a couple times a week. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Just breaking the ice.

Hi, I'm Erin Whitehead. I'm also a actress, writer, comedian, and I go through spurts where, like, I could not go for, like, six to eight months. And then I'll go daily for a couple weeks, but then I'll just drop off again.

Yeah, yeah, I hear you.

Yeah.

Thoughts?

Thoughts.

Great.

I'm Stephanie Allen. My Twitter is Stephallen. And I am also an actor and comedian at ucb. And I also masturbate, I would say, a few times. Maybe, like four or five times a week.

Okay, that's good. Just get comfortable here. That was like, foreplay.

Okay, ask me more.

Okay, so tell me. So, I mean.

Wait, wait, hold on. Emily.

How often?

Yeah, you made everybody else share.

God. Well, I gotta be honest with you. So my job is to masturbate. I mean, truly the guy, you know, I get sex. 25 pounds of sex toys delivered to my office a week. I mean, I just. I need to, like. And I think it's become a procrastinator lately. I've been putting it off, I think, because I'm like. I have so many toys and I'm overwhelmed. No, but I typically would. I go in phases. So, like, sometimes I'll do it every day. And. But lately I feel like the last two months, it's just been. I think I need to more because I've been stressed out. But I would say it's been like, once a week. But then I'll go in phases where it's like, twice a day or, like, I don't Leave my house on a Saturday, you know, so it fluctuates.

Can't get anything done.

I can't get anything done. Exactly. I mean, so, you know, like I'm masturbating. Like I'm taking notes and it's work, but yeah. I'm gonna do it more though, now that we're talking about it. Cool. Maybe think about it. People always ask me for that. I'm like, I wanna know. Have you my diagonal now? What about you, Menace? You don't masturbate, do you? You don't watch porn? I'm not gonna.

No, I don't watch any porn. And the French bulldog is always around looking at me.

You gotta. Do I have the problem with dogs or do you have dogs that you worry about watching you have sex?

I don't really care about animals watching, but if they're just staring, I feel like that is weird.

It is.

Get them out of the room.

And she never stops staring at me.

Constantly. You gotta strain her to leave the room.

And then she cries. And I feel bad. She's still a new puppy.

Sometimes I feel guilty if I'm masturbating next to my cat in bed. Like, she's just laying there. I feel like you don't know what I'm doing.

That's weird.

Before she does. I know. Yeah. Moment. Okay, so tell me about, like wild horses. Like, how did you all meet? So you've all been doing stand up? Yeah. Ucb. Doing. Doing improv?

Yeah.

Okay, tell me.

We've all. We all knew each other from different stuff. We were in a book club together. And I think that's kind of where we started to get to know each other better. But we started hanging out more like just as a foursome. And then we went to. I got invited to do an improv festival that was all female. And so I put together this team because I didn't have a feature female team. And I was like, who do I want to travel with? So I picked like the more the fun people that I knew. And then we ended up having good shows, so we kept performing together.

How long have you guys been doing it? How long have you all been doing it?

Honestly?

Like three.

Two or three years?

Yeah.

Two or three.

Yeah.

And how do you think. How has improv helped your everyday life, would you say?

I think improv, well, it really trains you to be in the moment and listening is so important in improv. So I think that it just. It keeps you. Keeps you present and keeps you in the moment. I find in life it really helps my relationship.

It really strengthens my relationships too, I think, because I'm so. I am the improv. Yeah. Trains you to just listen and be curious more. And so I feel like I'm much more engaged in my relationships.

Yeah. Makes sense.

And it seems so common for people to need to control something or have something tight or go a certain way or get in their head. It goes this, this, this, and this in every capacity in different areas. And it's like an improv. You're like, that will ruin the scene. That will ruin everything. And so then I feel like I see that in life too. It's like, oh, you gotta just. This is how your wedding's going. So go with it.

Exactly. Right. You're more likely to go with flow. Because life is not neat. Like, it's neat, you know, it's messy. Like, things never go the way you're supposed to. So that's what I like about it because it's thinking that it has to go perfect and memorize all the lines and stuff. But you guys are. But just the way your minds work, too, it just. It's brilliant. You have to go see their improv. Like, I was just. I'm like, tackle.

Oh, improv is always fun.

No, but it was like. But you are also just very, very talented. So everyone should check it out in. Come to la.

Improv is always fun to watch. It is so impressive.

Why?

I mean, I'm sure you guys judged improv way more than I would, Right? Since you do it, you were like, oh, this sucks.

You've done a lot.

I'm usually just an audience member who's had a lot to drink, so I think everything's hilarious.

You're that guy.

Yeah.

Ideal.

But I'm not, like. I'm definitely not gonna be heckling you, but I probably wouldn't judge you as. As much.

Yeah, that's nice.

Are you in relationships? Yes. Okay.

I. I am. Marriage and relationship through a divorce.

Okay.

Time.

So that's me.

Okay. So not in a relationship transition.

I am not in a relationship.

Okay.

And I am recently married.

Oh, congratulations.

Thank you.

Okay, so what about being. So you've been single in la. What do you guys think about dating in la? How do you meet people?

I find it very hard.

I feel like I tried OkCupid, and I tried, you know, eharmony. I tried all that stuff.

I didn't know that you did that.

I did.

Well, it was. You know, I've been with my boyfriend for five years now, so I was.

I just.

Wow.

It was four, but I can't believe it's five.

I know me.

Wow.

So this was before that.

This was before that, not during. And I would.

I. I think I really started to meet people and have an easier time of it when I started taking improv classes and fell into a community of people with similar interests. And that made it a little bit easier, but before that it just felt, like, impossible.

So wherever is it because. Because you feel more confident and easier to talk to people. Is that why? Because your skills or you just had a community that made you. Or kind of both.

I think the community also, like, yeah, find I was getting more confident because I was, like, doing something that I like to do and I was having a fun time doing it. But also it just was easier to meet people because people in your class would have a birthday party and you'd meet people through friends versus, like, I'll just go to a bar and hope to meet somebody you know?

Exactly. Because you get these emails every day or questions. You're like, how do I meet someone? I never do. It's like, leave your house. Like, do something that interests you. Take a class, do something. So that's a perfect example. What about dating? Have you lived here a while and dated and done all that stuff?

Well, it's weird because before I got married, I dated a lot in the improv community too. But, like, that was to me, I was like, are we just hanging out? And when I never felt like I went on a date or we were dating, but then I was with someone and I was like, what is this? Like, it felt like teenagers hanging out at houses and having very casual hooking up whenever we felt like it. There wasn't really anything that was like.

What I was looking for at all.

That's exactly dating now. So you summed it up, people. I feel like there's not a lot of commitment happening right away. There's a lot of hanging out. There's like, not a lot.

There's no labels, guys. Yeah, let's not put a label on it.

It's so annoying. We used to say this in San Francisco years ago. We started the show and now it's just like, that is the way now. I was like, how am I Never asked to meet me up with. Meet up with my friends, but now it's like, no one's even looking for it seems that way.

Yeah. I've heard from my single friends that it's like super hard in la more than other cities that they've lived in, that people just really don't want to commit or, like, go out again. Like, it's just very vague. Like, a lot of the ghosting or whatever.

Ghosting isn't going to happen. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

But I felt like that too, like, on the other end of it, where it's like, well, I have this tomorrow and then I have that. So here are the days. I'm free at 11pm and then, oh, that doesn't work for me. All right, I'll check back in a month.

Month.

You're right. Everyone's so busy, and it is hard to pin it down. But I guess, you know, you also find people when you're at the right time, when someone else is. Because to say that it's the. Everyone thinks they live in the worst town. I. San Francisco, we thought New York, Louisiana. I think everyone, when you're singing, like, it's just hard. But I think, you know, if you're out there and you meet you. You know, you do meet people. I mean, I. I don't know. I think it's all Dating is just channel.

I've mentioned this before on past podcasts, but the single girls that I know in Los Angeles, they tell me that the guys, at least that they're talking to, are never actually doing what they want to do for a living. So all their free time is focused on that. So they. They have a day job, but they want to do improv. So at night they're doing improv. So they're. Yeah, their free time is constantly taking up and they don't have any time to put into relationship or wanting to.

Just be in a position, you know, maybe a financial situation that they're not in. Like, I feel like there's so many people that are like, yeah, I want to get married and have kids, but once all of these things happen, and until then, I can't really commit to this because if I then go that route, I could lose everything I've built. And so then you're in this, like, conversation of. It's like, who wants to be with somebody that's fearful of their, I don't know, security?

It's true. It's true. I think, like, I've got to make the career first before I can ever do anything else. And, like, why can't you have the both simultaneously? But I'm. I'm guilty of that. I think it was an excuse to avoid intimacy. But I did do that for a long time.

I was like.

Right. I was like, I just have to work. I would love to be in a Relationship. But, you know, I've got to work. You can come over, bring your laptop. And those are my dates for a really long time, so. But how. So being comedy, then do people expect you when you're on dates? If they expect, like, be funny or how does it affect your dating and relationships?

I think for myself, I've always tried to avoid people who expect anything like that. For me, I think it's, like, a natural thing to be funny in conversation. But I remember going on a few dates a long time ago when I was actually. I was, like, 20, but, like, it was all with improv guys, so you kind of naturally have that. But then if I go out with someone who doesn't do that at all, then it is that there is a little bit of that. I mean, I was really young, though, so it's hard to say comparatively, but I think typically it's a lot easier for comedians to date other comedians.

Probably because of that, though, if you would. If you do, like, dating other comedians. Because I know some are like, no, I wouldn't want to because we're all messed up. I mean, this is just some comedians, but they're more comedians stand up, not improv.

Right.

Right. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a very distinct difference.

Yeah.

I don't think you guys are as messed up.

Thank you so much.

Improv will just want to have fun.

Yeah, I. I do fight well.

It's.

It's.

To me, like, it's. It's less about, like, I want to date someone who's funny and more that there's. There's just. It's. There's a similar, like, wavelength that's happening. Like, we're. We're doing bits and we're. You know, it just. I have only really dated or been interested in other comedians, other improvisers or. And I think it's because, like. Oh, yeah. We're, like, on the same page. Yeah. Versus. I think if I tried to date someone who, like, was in finance, it would be. It would take a lot of adjusting because we're just on totally different.

Right.

I don't know.

Yeah. The way you communicate, it wouldn't get all the spreadsheets and stuff. You're like, it doesn't matter. It's all gonna work out, but we need to last down, right? Yes and no.

No, I totally agree with that statement because my girlfriend, she worked in radio, so she totally gets it. Like, oh, I need to leave right now and go record something, or something like that. And people that I dated in the past are like, oh, you're gonna leave right now. Blah, blah, what are you doing when I'm out working at a concert or something like that.

You need someone to support your career.

They'd be totally annoying. But now it's just like, she gets it. She worked in the industry, so. I understand. Dating somebody that does something exactly. That you do, it makes it a lot easier.

Well, the hours too are a lot more understandable and forgiven. Like when I'm dating somebody who gets asked to do an 11 o' clock show last minute, I'm not like, what?

What the fuck are you going.

To date?

Yeah. Like, definitely seen that be destructive for relationships where people don't both do this. Like when one person's doing improv or whatever, where you have these weird late nights and the other person doesn't do that. And that would be the time you spend together.

Right.

You're not giving them that time, which it makes sense for what you want to do, but doesn't necessarily work for that relationship.

Okay, but there's like a priority thing too, because I feel like there's. I feel like there's a point where no matter how much you love it and you're doing it, you still want to at some point be like. But I do sometimes want to choose the relationship over the 11 o' clock last minute show. If we had plans, you know, like, that's true.

When you're. That's a really good point.

Career, one thing. But if it's like yet another indie improv show with 20 people in the audience.

Right. So what's more important?

What are you doing?

Yeah.

Then you just don't care about your relationship.

Right, Right.

It's a balance. It's all a balance. Okay. I just want to let you know that it's masturbation month, so welcome to masturbation month. It's May, hence the question in the.

Beginning of the conversation.

They weren't here at the beginning, but May is masturbation month. So it's a very important month. It's my favorite month of the year. And so I want to ask you guys some more questions now that we already warmed up with. How frequently you masturbate. When did you first start masturbating? Like, do you remember when you first were like, wow. Because some, you know, girl were little girls and they, you know, they were like in the shower or like riding a horse or, you know, or.

Yeah.

I'm just curious when you discovered it all.

I started very, very young. I discovered like in preschool. And I remember, I remember just Thinking everybody knew about it. I. I was so excited when it'd be nap time because then I'd get to lay on my cot and just like move around a lot.

We were friends then. I was late, but I didn't know until I was like 20.

So yeah, I started very, very young. But I have a lot of like shame wrapped around it because I remember I would do it sometimes in school, like in elementary school. Oh, God. I think I've probably told you guys this story, but there was one time in fifth grade, the. Our desks were clumped together in these little clusters and so we, all, the four of us at the cluster would be facing each other and I was just kind of like rocking back and forth on my seat.

And.

You were doing that improv the other night. I thought that was weird.

You weren't married.

No, I wasn't.

No, I wasn't.

Maybe you should though.

Yeah, I was just listening.

But I just thought, well, nobody notices or it's gonna be fine. And then one of the guys at the desk was like, hey, Mary, why do you go like this a lot? And I like, my heart just dropped into my stomach and I was like, this is not a thing that I just immediately just so much shame around it.

Right.

I mean, I kept doing it, right?

You're like, I'm just not gonna do it at school. I wait till I get home.

I just won't do it at school. Yeah, I think that's. I'll never forget that moment because I was like, oh, you don't do this in public, right?

Did your parents ever say anything to you? Did you go home? And.

My.

Oh man. I mean there's so many times that.

Like I remember this one time I was supposed to be going to bed and my mom and I was like, I had bunched up my covers and I was like going at it and my mom came in and I pretended like I was asleep on the covers. And yeah, there was so many times that I was caught.

But you still do it every day. Still good at the practice. That's awesome. I wish. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Okay. Lauren.

I don't think. I think I had like a couple moments of kind of experimenting with that when I was growing up. But I think it wasn't really until I went to college that I really got like figured out what it was more.

And I think maybe that was like the freedom of like not being at like my parents house or something. Like, I think like I always had like a door that wouldn't close all the way growing up, you know, just, like, I always had, like, things that made it more difficult for me to have, like, real privacy, I think. And my house is, like, small. You just hear everyone. Like, I could hear my dad cough and the other.

You know, it's like, great.

But I think so. I think once I was like. Even though I had a roommate in my dorm in college, my freshman. Freshman year, I still was like, now I'm figuring it out. And, like, I would, like, take risks with her, like, in the room and just be like, oh, my God.

Which is, like, less privacy than I had before. But I'm like, whatever. Yeah.

You learn to do it so quietly.

So you do that, too. Yeah, that's true. Quiet. Quiet. Masturbation.

Well, I still remember, too. Like, I. This wasn't masturbation, but I remember, like, hearing about it, and I had no idea what it was or what you would do. And so when I was, like, probably, like, between 11 and 13, 15, I would just, like, pretend my hand was a guy's hand and feel myself up, like, over and over, like, because I would. I had put my hand on there and nothing.

Right.

Like.

Well, I don't know.

People do, but I didn't know movement or anything like that. So I would just keep pretending that there was a guy feeling me up. And I'd, like, imagine he was like, you're so amazing.

That's really good, though, to be able to visualize that and get yourself turned on.

And I would just keep restarting because I was like, I don't know what happens after this second baby, as far as I've got. And how old were you, like, anywhere? I bet that started at, like, 11 or 12. And then, like, I didn't figure it out until a guy went down on me. My first boyfriend went down on me. And then I was like, oh, right.

Now I get it. That's good. The first time. And it just worked like that.

It was.

Yeah.

And I was like, this is. Oh, I get what this is. And then figured out the motion. But, yeah, in college, I can't believe I did. I'm sure she did, too.

Right?

Right.

But I remember being like, you have to, like, I control my breathing, so you're not even, like, breathing heavily.

There's no way.

I wanted her to know.

And she was, like, the worst. She watched Golden Girls all the time. So Golden Girls was playing while I was.

Yeah, exactly. White. And it's weird when you're thinking about it. Yeah. Was it mostly clitoral? Well, we'll get okay first what, Stephanie? We'll get your answer.

I also started very, very young. Like, I think preschool. Very young. But I didn't know what I was doing.

They don't tell you.

Yeah, it was more just like, this feels great. Like, trying different things. Like, not. Not even knowing it was sexual because you don't know what sex is. It's just like, this feels good. And then I stopped, and I don't really know why. And then I didn't start again until maybe 20, 19 or 20.

Okay, fair. I'm just always curious, you know? Curious how you. How everyone got down. What about you menace me?

I do this.

I think I was in, like, junior high. And it's weird because no one ever told me about it. Somehow I just figured it out by myself.

You're like, oh, this thing's sticking out. I touched it by mistake. Women, it can be more challenging.

Yeah. There was never a discussion about it.

No one tells you anything. That's why we're here. We're telling people. How do you masturbate? Yeah.

There are friends that didn't even talk about it, though.

Nobody talked about. See, that's why I. So my friends. Maybe they did. I wasn't listening. Maybe I wasn't paying attention. But no, I never. Didn't even know about orgasms. Didn't occur to me. I had, like, a very liberal home, like, growing up. But I had sex. It wasn't that good. I'm like, it's okay. I'll do it. And then one of my friends was like, well, don't you have orgasms? And I was like, 20. I was like. I'm like, what is that? What do you mean? I know. Mary's a piece of. Look of horror on her face. I get it. Yeah.

I remember because I used to have them. Well, like.

I would bring myself to the point of orgasm when I was so young, but. And I didn't know what it was. I thought I was, like, dying or, like, there's something crazy happening. And so I would say this word when it was happening, and I'd go, alert, alert, alert.

Got it.

So cute.

It felt like. Like, oh, my God.

Okay.

Dangerous, dangerous, dangerous. And I got so scared to, like, bring myself to. I would, like, do it because it feels good, but then wouldn't. Wouldn't ever. I don't think it was until college that I fully was like, oh, I can survive this wave, right?

Yeah. We just don't get enough information about it. Hopefully now. Well, no, they really don't, because it's just all about porn. So that's kind of a bummer. Do you guys watch porn? How do you feel about porn?

Yeah, I think it's cool. I think it's hard to find things that aren't like really aggressive and weird though, like, or just like really gross. Like people who are gross looking or like, I don't know, I feel like you have to like get really like deep into things to find things that are more normal seeming or like something I can relate to more. But I have a hard time finding things that don't just like immediately turn me off with like a disgusting guy. Or like just like people who look really trashy.

Trashy.

As soon as they start talking, I'm like, I. This is the wrong like, see, you had a horrible life.

I can't watch. Or just like really poorly shot or something. Yeah, you can tell they don't like each other.

Trashy doesn't bother me as much as like awkward acting and production. Yeah, that's where I'm like.

It feels like it's an act.

Exactly. Like, we know you're acting, but can you just pretend like getting something for us here?

I feel like, do you know, is there like a website where it's like all cool or something?

Unfortunately, like a lot of them are been taken over. Like pornhub is like the conglomerate. But there are like Tumblr porn is great right now. Do you ever go to Tumblr?

I do too.

Lady Cheeky, She's a friend of mine, Elle Chase. Well, does she say her name? Lady Cheeky? It's a great jumping off point. Oh, cool. And there's a lot of great telemetry porn now. Yeah, just scroll, scroll. And then you don't leave your house all day.

You search in like the search bar.

Tumblr and then like a word you want. Oh, just whatever word frogs.

Like for example, don't give me away. Lauren, we talked about this.

So. Yeah. How much sex. Besides when I was there, do you guys do stuff about improv around sex? Or is it because it does kind.

Of come up a lot. I feel like for the longest time and it wasn't intentional, we kept doing shows where one of us didn't know what sex was and then we all got to explain it. But we would of course do it badly. Like that was sort of a. For a while. Yeah, I think we just like explaining sex.

Okay, so how about getting in the mood for sex? Like, do you feel. Do you. Should we talk about porn or did you. Well, talk about the porn thing, but like.

Do you have to think about. Because I think sometimes you're just. Obviously, we're not always in the mood, since we're in the mood, since we're not. But do you fantasize about certain things? Do you have to. What do you do? How do you get yourself going if you not want to? And then you get yourself. Hmm.

I. Yeah, I think that I'll just go for it.

Please.

I think that, like, if I'm not in the mood, but my partner is, then that can work for me. Like, I can kind of get into the mindset of it and, like, be excited. But it's. It's like, if I'm not in the mood and I'm not thinking about it and they're not thinking about it, I can't just, like, turn that on out of nowhere.

That's the thing about women. We're just different. Right. Women like that often we just can't just turn it on. Like, oftentimes our partners can. But that's what I was wondering was where I was leading with that. Like, does improv help you, too, like, with fantasies? Because I think for. Especially for women, like, a lot of it is we just have to be. Our mind has to be on board with our body, and that's where it starts. So I'm wondering if it, like, can allow you guys create your own scenarios in your head about things. Like, are you more so able to. Because then I'm gonna take improv.

I don't feel like, for myself, I'm. That I felt like before, like, in dating, I felt like I needed a lot from people and that I need, like. I needed intensity and aggression to get, like, into it. And then now when I'm in love, I feel like it all is different and that. And I'm not really sure why, but I. I don't have those same. It's a lot. It's a lot easier to always want it.

That's good.

Yeah.

You know, because it's, like, safe and you're in place and, you know your partner's there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Amazing. Just post it, right?

No, I do feel like I. My. My mind definitely has to be engaged. Like, I can't just. I can't just be focused on the physical and that's it. Like, I find that I really am. Mentally, I have to really be engaged. And I do do a lot of fantasy when I masturbate. But then also when I. When I'm in the. In the act with my partner and. And he'll, you know, like, we'll like we'll engage in like some little very light role play or like that's perfect pillow talk or something.

I like that. Would you bring in. Okay, because I just did a show on this talk about role play and I was saying to you, like, okay, if you're listening, you're gonna roll your eyes because you think I'm gonna tell you to like, you gotta dress up like the pizza guy, whatever. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that you can also, when you're with your partner talking, you can kind of talk about things that you wanna, you know, that you fantasize but not like you have to happen, but there's another person or whatever it is you create. Your scenarios. I think they can be sexy. Way of mixing it up.

I've had good experiences with that, with.

Like just give examples. Could you give us an example?

Yeah, I have role played that. I was a student at Hogwarts and he was Snape.

Snape is my ultimate sexual fantasy.

I love it.

See, she can do it.

Yes, I love it. See, this is what I'm saying. And at first it could be awkward maybe. Or was it. Tell me how it went down?

It wasn't. It was actually, actually like it was.

Can you role play with someone here? Let's just do like, maybe you, Lauren.

I want to hear Harry Potter universe.

Yeah, she hasn't read any Harry Potter film.

I think Mary might be more.

So am I Snape.

Oh, man.

I feel like then I'd have to give you my whole, like, this is what I like and this is what I don't like.

Yeah, do that. Don't be him. Don't be him.

No, but people have a version of them in their head. And I'm like, yeah, not that version.

You're hurt and like, you don't hate the student, but you care about him very much. But you can't show that. I could be whatever. It's a witch.

So I'm hurt.

You know?

You know Snape. Yeah, yeah, yes, emotionally.

Yes, he is. Oh, yes, I see what you're saying.

Lashes out at people. He's a little mean.

Yeah.

Okay. I'm sorry I was late.

Oh, you.

No, too awkward.

I don't know what to say.

But this is also like, I'll be a little directive like that. And if people are okay with it. But yeah, I think that's so helpful.

So helpful. People are so afraid of it, they're gonna get judged or whatever. Like, yes, it might be awkward and weird at first, but keep going with it. Because payoff. The payoff is great.

I hate when things sound like porn too. Like, I've had guys who really like. In fact, the last couple guys I've dated, I feel like, really liked verbal, like a lot of talking, and I don't have a problem with that. But I hate it when I could sense they wanted me to just sound like a porn and it felt fake. And I was like, I hate being fake. Anyway. Like, in any conversation, I feel like I'll go for being truthful and throw myself under the bus by like oversharing or just saying something where I'm like, I probably didn't need to say that. But it's the same with sex. Like, I don't want to be like, ooh, your cock is so hard. It just sounds so fake to me.

Exactly.

I really want to say things that are meaningful to me. But then I also want to also, you know, please him in the way that he is into.

So I absolutely get. A lot of people say that. They're like, I'm having sex. I have some guy friends. Like, I'm.

I think, I think it's so cheesy.

It's so cheesy. You always say this too. They're like, I don't know. Every. My friend was dating like a 22 year old and he's probably like 40s. Like. But every girl I have sex with now, I feel like they just watch the porn because it's like they, they are acting exactly like a porn.

When you came on the show and It's. Yeah, she's 22. She's not gonna fucking know what sex is.

Exactly. She's like, well, this is what it is your age. Exactly. But I love this. Do you see? I think this is really good that you are able to do this with in relationship. Just like kind of bring it and just say like, this is what I like. Because it doesn't have to be that hard.

Well, it's been a learning curve because I still, like, get so shocked.

It was hard with Mary. I know.

And this is what I'm curious about with this. Because, like, doesn't your partner, or does it matter if your partner gets off on that side of it? You know what I mean? Like, have some. I feel like I've been with people, I'm like, I like this. And if they like the opposite, it's like, great. So you're not just trying.

They would have to.

It's a good question.

If I felt like they were at.

All kind of like, sure, I can do that.

For you.

And it was a chore. I would not. It wouldn't turn me on.

Right.

I have to feel that they're very turned on. And so.

So it's like you're kind of like, in initiating it. There is like an element of like, is this what you're like sexually?

There's always been a conversation first. It's like, I wouldn't have jumped into roleplay without being like, what if this. Or, you know, it's like a back and forth of like, we could do this. We could try this. Would you be into this? And like, here's your opinion, right?

You kind of talk about it first, right. Instead of just like. Cause all of a sudden you're like, what do you mean, Hogwart? Like, what are you talking. Where are you coming from?

Since we're talking about scenarios, can I share the scenario that I've been sharing for a couple years on the show? All right. Don't interrupt. Okay. I asked her a few years ago. I go, look, the perfect guy.

He.

He's well endowed. He. He'll take care of you financially.

Perfect.

He conversates with you. You love talking all the time. The absolute perfect man for. For Emily.

But there's just one thing that he wants to do in bed. He just wants you to dress as the Hamburglar from McDonald's. That's it. And she said she wouldn't do it.

I just don't find hamburger sexy.

Because she says sexy.

If he found it, that's.

That's what he needs to. To get off.

If I could make it more of like a. My own version of you. This is what, stripes striped outfit.

Yeah, but this is what. This is what he needs. He's gonna take care of you in every single way.

I probably. You know what? I think I've evolved.

You think you evolved?

I would be.

Because she made it about her. She said, because it doesn't make me feel sexy.

No, but I would make a different version of it because I think, like, what you were just saying here and what's really important or, Stephanie, you were saying, like, if you don't.

Can I ask them if they would do it?

Yes. Would you dress as the Hamburglar for the perfect partner?

What you.

The perfect guy wouldn't be what you described necessarily, but for my version of that.

Okay, whatever your perfect guy is.

My perfect guy either takes care of me. Financial. That's never been a thing either. But you're saying in general, if he.

Was a perfect guy, your perfect partner.

Yeah.

For whatever you're looking for.

That wouldn't. Because unless it was degrading to me, I think I'd be willing to do almost anything.

I think I might feel humiliated wearing that costume as it is on the mascot now.

Right.

If I made it, like a cool dress or something, maybe or something, that.

Would be something I would do. Fit it.

Like, I don't know if I could walk around that flowy garbage. Hamburglar acc.

He just escaped from jail.

Not imagining it.

Right.

He doesn't even like the straight.

He's, like, abandoned. He's got a thing. And it was a joke. But really, I think the point of it is, is that your partner. I think that it. Sex is so confusing in relationships, and it can become such a place where we don't know what our partner wants and then we don't even know how to talk about it. So I think that for a lot of people, like, they're happy that their partner's sharing what they like, and they can, if your partner's on board with it, wants to please you. I think most of us want. Please our partners. Good, caring, loving people.

Yeah.

But if you don't. I'm, like, really trying to think about that because, like, to me, it's like, I wouldn't feel sexual. I would feel like, like, what am I in?

You need a Hamburglar? Yeah.

Like, I don't. To me, that is. There's like, a disconnect from my own sexuality. It's like, I don't. I wouldn't feel like sex. I'd be like, what?

That's why I would make it a sexier, like, one.

Are you just saying it just because you don't like the character?

No, it's.

If it was something else.

I think I'm so open to things, and if I can at the same time feel like part of the sex, like, it's like, oh, okay, this turns you on? I can get into this. I can get into how it turned on, like, whatever. But I think if something was, like.

Really just out there.

Not that it's out there, but my own. My own, like, what I'm into.

Right. So what are you into? So what can you give us an example of, like, what has worked for you?

I really like them to be more dominant and submissive. I can't have that reversed. Right. Like, really at all.

And it had. You had to, like, explain that to her. Did you have to discover that about yourself?

I mean, do you know, it took me a really long time to share that with someone I was dating? And so I would just be Very frustrated sexually because we don't know how.

To talk about it. I know I'm frustrated, but it seems wrong to.

Well, a lot of people are just embarrassed to have the conversation.

And I think a lot of. I mean, I'm with a woman now, but I think a lot of guys, when I was dating guys, it was like, well, I don't know what. Like, they're shy in that area because it's like, I don't want to, you know, make you feel bad, or I don't want to disrespect you, or. And it's sort of like, yeah, but. Yeah, but I would, like, people, like.

Respect me still, but, like.

Yeah, and that. Communicate that.

So you're with men for you always bisexual with men and women?

I was always with men, and then I'm now with a woman.

Wow. So how did you see that coming?

No. How did this happen? Blindsided.

So it was never even like your fantasy. It just.

You met a woman, never considered it, thought about it, really had no experience with women, had never fantasized. I mean, really nothing. And then fell in love with someone who I really liked. And we would go out and have dinner all the time. And then I would just be like, but I'm not a lesbian. I'm like, hey, sucks.

And then what happened?

How did she get you?

It was like six months of that conversation.

And then she was seeing other people. I was seeing other people. And then really, she said, I can't do this anymore.

It's hard to be friends.

I'm gay and I'm fine with it. Not that I wasn't fine with it. I just really didn't think I was. And then I slowly was like, God, what is. I do really like her. I would prefer to be with her than these other people I'm with. And I was telling my sister about it. I'm like, it's just, you know, I don't know what to do about it.

That's so interesting.

Yeah. And my sister was like, maybe you're just prude. And I was like, oh, my. I think it really hit me. I'm like, I'm terrified of the sexual aspect of it because it's so foreign to me. And it reminded me of, like, being in middle school going like, okay, what's a blow job? That's crazy. And that's how all the sex part of it, I was just like, okay, so I'm starting at zero, and this person's been with people. She's an adult. And I'm like, am I gonna be bad at this. And what is. And in the same way of the submissive sort of my desires sexually, I'm like, I don't know how that works with women. Is it like the same? Do we go 50, 50, right.

Like, how do you exactly.

And I was like, I'm not gonna be so bad. And then everything I wanted in one person.

Wow.

And like, hands down, the best out of anyone.

That's amazing. So the first time. But she knows that you didn't have experience.

Right.

So she was probably obviously more dominant, took the lead, and then you were like, was it like riding a bike? Then you're like, oh, it was fun.

It was very insanely easy.

See, Emily, you need to date women. That's what's been going on all these years.

No, but I have. I mean, I've. I've had my dalliances, but maybe.

Yeah, but you haven't been in a relationship with a woman.

I'm not in a relationship.

I support this idea. You should totally do it.

You do?

Yeah.

I really don't know what's gonna happen. That'd be good. It'd be a good show. I'll let you know if that happens.

For you to test it out.

Is there anything sexually that surprised you guys about yourself like, that? You're like, oh, wow, this happened. Like, what? Mary? She's nodding.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is actually fairly like. I've always known that. Oh, I really respond when I see things like this. But now I've started to lock into.

Oh.

This is something I should start trying to incorporate. And it is playing with the dominant submissive thing. I really. I would always get, like. I can remember specific scenes in movies that I'm like, I love this. And it's when the man.

Is in. He, like, okay, I'm gonna describe a scene. Describe a scene for a movie because I feel like this captures it the best.

Let me know if you need an extra actor.

Actually, I would love to see her. It's the movie Lolita with Jeremy Irons. There's a scene in that where, if you're not familiar with the movie it's about or the book, it's about older man who falls in love with this young teenage girl and is just driven mad by his love and desire for her. And there's a scene in the movie when she. He, like, went out to go get groceries and she's in their hotel room and her lipstick is just a little bit smeared and he loses his mind because he's like, you've been with Someone you've been with someone else. And he, like, pushes her down on the bed, and they start, like, messing around, and she's, like, giggling, like, laughing at him, and he's, like, crying and begging her, please tell me. Please tell me. And he's just, like, losing his mind, and she's laughing at him. And I was like, oh, this is so hot. And I don't know what that is, because it's not so much. I really don't want to be, like, a dominatrix or something. I think I've discovered recently, and this has surprised me, that I want to be worshiped or I want to be desired in a way where it's like.

They can't control themselves. That's a.

So you thought. Because I think I forgot what it's called. But so you thought it was hot because the guy was, like, crying, that he was.

Yeah.

Very upset and distraught.

He was so at the mercy of her. I just love that.

Yeah.

See, this is the basis for a lot of, like, dominant, submissive relationships where women. I think that, to put it more simplistic, though, we just.

We.

A lot of us want to be worshiped, and we want to feel like he couldn't. Or she couldn't control herself. And it was really like, they couldn't do anything. They needed. They had to have me no matter what. Like, it was like. It was. Their life would end with, like, I. Their lust, their love for me was pouring over, and I was so desired that they had to, like, to go through, like, mountains, like, all those romance novels and stuff, like, just to feel, like, desired and wanted. And that's why it goes to, like, the aggression, too. People are like, I don't get that. But it's like, something about just, like, it's okay if it gets aggressive because he can't handle himself because he's so overcome with how sexy and amazing and desirable I am. And the thought that he would.

This is gonna sound so terrible, but, like, that. It's ruining his life.

No, he can't live without you. He cannot love.

Yeah, exactly.

So did you recreate that?

No, I haven't yet, but I want.

To just stated it, and I would manifest that now.

It can happen.

I. But I know what you mean with it. Like, I. I feel like, sexually, too, I. It's sort of fun to be in a safe place with someone. And like, you were saying, Steph, like, guys will be shy about the dominant part of it, and I'd rather date someone like that so that it's so clearly we're acting out a fantasy because there's no part of me that wants in life to date a guy that is dominant or mean when I really actually snape. Well, no, yeah, I do, but, like, I like the idea of exploring sort of like dark things or things I'm afraid of with someone sexually. When you're like, but this is totally not how we are in life.

This is like just us getting to.

Do this, like, really intimate thing together. And it's not real. It's like not what our relationship is. Yeah, that's what you know, I think.

It can be scary when someone assumes that role without kind of discussing it.

Oh, that would be so scary.

Yeah.

And that would be like, oh, you're like this. And now I fear for my life and.

Yeah, thank you.

Yeah.

And just very presumptuous. Even like some other comedian was talking about how she's dated multiple men recently who all go straight to choking and sex before they do anything. And she's like, I don't like this. This isn't like, why do you assume I want to do this? Or why is this something that's, like, prevalent in the world? Is that a porn thing?

I think it is. I mean, nobody was talking about. Nobody asked me about choking. I mean, I started this 10 years ago. I've done thousand podcasts. I mean, no one never came up. Choking, squirting never even came up until four years ago. And I believe some women do like it. They like, digression. But like, choking comes up every single day now. And I think it's in a lot of porn. Right. Like women being choked and aggression doing.

That before anything, like, disaster. What do you think is happening?

Right. And I actually was having dinner. I had a weird bad date a few weeks ago by mistake. I kissed a guy and then went out with him. Thought I liked him. I didn't. But he was like, well, every girl. He was dumb, but he was like, every girl likes to be. That's what they. I mean, most women do, like, just so stupid. Like, because he saw it somewhere. I don't know. But they do. They do. I mean, we had never had sex, but I was like, you're just ignorant about it. I think there's assumptions, you know, and some women. But again, you need to discuss it beforehand. Always don't assume that your partner wants. Don't ever make assumptions.

And don't assume that what you're seeing in porn is most women.

Exactly. That's my problem with it. Right. For them, written by men, for men, not for You.

It meant to be a really heightened reality. Like everything happens so fast and so crazy.

Don't lead with the choking. Like you could do a little like. Like I was saying, if you're spank someone, like a little like tap, like, see how that goes over whacking someone. So has there been anything that you have wanted to try that you haven't yet sexually?

Are you talking to me?

Yeah, you.

My bad. No, I was looking because that whole choking thing, there was something. I was looking up that one actor from Kung Fu. Like it really was in the news. Yeah, that was like in the news where it was really mainstream, where everyone really heard about it for the first time. I think. I think that maybe was the jumping off point.

Right. Oh, when he was doing his own.

Yeah, you just gotta be careful too.

Like, I get really nervous when people are like, I'm joking so hard.

I know.

What about. Okay, so if anyone try. What about sex toys? Do you use toys? Anything fun?

I don't use toys.

I'm not really a toy.

You guys are all like natural in masturbation.

Yeah, but I don't even for that. It never has. It always feels really foreign and not attractive.

If you need one, Emily has like her.

I was literally hoping that you would.

Give that amazing one that you had.

Yeah, the womanizer. Yes, yes. I totally bring you. Did I not bring you one?

No, cuz you had. You were showing it at the show and I was like, that looks amazing.

We could bring you womanizers. Oh my God.

Okay. For a long time.

This is texting. Do you use it though? It's a clit whisper. It's like if your clit whispers could speak, it would say, oh, I would like this to be on my clipers right now.

She has a whole garage full of stuff.

I would like to tell you that.

Tell me the machine, the sip. Sibian.

The Sibian. That looks very cool.

I said this on your show, but I am not sure.

What is it?

The Sibian is.

It was made popular by the Howard Stern Show.

By the Howard Stern Show. It looks like a horse saddle.

He would put girls on it.

Yes, yes. Do you remember this? And so it is the most powerful sex toy in the world. And they sent me one. They were one of my sponsors and. And it's Menace actually came to our dinner party the other day.

It's heavy.

It's heavy. It's hidden in ottoman, so you can't tell. He's like, can I sit on it? And you can't move it over, so you turn it on as two controls. Like a spaceship almost. You turn it and you ride it and it's all these other attachments and it really is the.

It's pretty crazy.

Sex machine.

Yeah.

Yeah. I do like it. No, I do like it. It just really. It's. It's. It's a. It's a thing. It's like an event.

I know there's a whole like.

Yeah, but it's apparatus. It is like you, your partner can watch, you could do it together. There's like a T if you want.

Like, what does those things retail for?

It's like a little over a thousand bucks.

Well, my God.

Oh my God. Pocket change.

Exactly. That's why. I mean. And the bummer is I want it. But the thing is, I'm like, well, how can I share? Because like, we were reviewing it and stuff and they did send me attachments. Like, oh, people in your office. I'm like, is that weird though, to use my sex. Because it does. I mean, you can clean it off, but it is kind of like I can't give you a sign. Share it. Like, Lori was gonna come over, I got you some. And I was like, this is just. What, are you gonna masturbate? I'm gonna leave my house. I go bring it to the office. That's where two. But then nothing's really weird in our office. So it was all very confusing. But yes, I will hook you up with womanizers for sure because they're really cool. We would have answer some emails here. We're gonna do a quick email. Okay. That'd be awesome. Okay. Oh, thank you everyone for emailing me. Feedbackexwithmily.com I love hearing from you. Include your name and where you live and how old you are and how you listen. It makes us so happy. Hi, Emily, my name is Claudia. I'm 25 years old and I'm from Portland, Oregon. I'm emailing you because I need advice on how to become more confident and secure with my body during intimacy. Back in 2014, I had breast implant surgery and after the healing process was over, I was left really ugly keloid scars around my areolas, which messes with my self esteem around my breasts. I plan to get as much of the scars removed as possible, hopefully next year. However, I currently can't send sexy breast pictures and I don't want to take my shirt off during sex because the scars are so unsexy to me. It's depressing. I just want to have big sexy boobs. Any advice on how to go about this during intimacy with someone. Should I be upfront and honest? Thanks a lot, Claudia.

All right, Can I answer it?

Yes.

Because we talked about this on that. On our drunk podcast. That we did. Guys don't. Guys are not gonna care about the scars, so she shouldn't worry about all that. And then the sexy photos, Photoshop. It's easy. Or you can download Photoshop like, Facetune.

You can do that?

Yeah. You can download an app on your phone.

She doesn't want to Photoshop and send him to a guy and then show her breasts at that point.

At that point, a guy is not gonna care.

Right. But I'm just saying, why not just be up front? I feel so weird.

Oh, no, I.

Totally off of me. And then I was like, okay, so now I have to explain.

No, no, no. I totally understand. She shouldn't care at all.

The reason why I wasn't laughing, I was just like. Just funny that. That she's like, well, how do I send sexy photos? You know? Right. I just thought that was because it's like, you know, and care, like. I just want to say that guys do not care. And it's like, we all have things as well. Okay. A bunch of women. Like, is there anything on your body that maybe you're insecure about? Like, don't you ever have things. We all have things that we worry about. And. And that's part of the process of becoming sexually confident is that you just kind of, like, you just, you know, you learn to love your body, and you realize that, like, no one else is judging you as hard as you're.

Judging yourself or, like, being creative with the pictures, like, not necessarily showing.

Yeah.

Like, her brain, you know, doing some sort of, like.

Right. But I also, like.

Oh, yeah. Erin showed us.

Oh, my gosh.

At our show Sexy.

She showed it at Wild Horses Again.

Hogwarts theme. Yeah, Hogwarts theme.

So they.

The guy I'd been dating had given me a wand, a scarf, and Harry Potter glasses. And I at the time was like, that's so nice. Even though I was like, everybody knows this about me. You couldn't give me a less meaningful present. But at the time, when I was still dating him, I was like, well, I'll wear it all, but only that. And so I took a picture, and I have small breasts, so I generally showcase my butt when I.

You just choose your Right.

So I set it up at the.

Time I used the timer, it took me, like, four hours of time.

This is the other thing.

Oh, my God.

It was.

I Said it, like, in a candle thing. I kept it. Like, I didn't even occur to me to not have it on silent or. Because then you can hear the photo go off. So I was never. I was like, did it go off? Did it go off? But I, like, lay on my bed with all this stuff on so you could, like, see my butt behind. I like, posed it. I was like, this is. This is my angle. But I had like 500. Then I was like, all right, here's the only one that is okay. And sent it.

It's such a process, taking the pictures. I mean, I've never sent one because I just don't. I don't not. I just. I don't know. I don't have time. It's stressful. I just, like, take 500 photos. It is hard.

There's a Bluetooth, a Bluetooth button that you can buy at the Apple Store for your butt photos so you don't have to use the timer.

Click the button for your butt photos.

Yeah, no, I'm just saying there's a.

Bluetooth one that you can pick up specifically for butt. What would you guys say to. I mean, I'm just saying, like, you know, it's so easy to say, don't worry about it. Men are, you know, whatever. But it's just.

I was. I was gonna say. Well, first of all, I think a lot of people like scars.

Absolutely. I love scars.

I know a lot of people that do. And also, I always think about it too. Like, think of when you're having sex with someone or you're dating someone. Are you ever judging their body, what you're thinking about yourself?

That's what I'm saying.

You never go, oh, look at that.

Weird.

Whatever.

You really don't.

And they're not thinking about you. Everyone's just thinking of themselves. So nothing matters. If you can just get into it.

I think too, if you're. If you're with a partner that you trust or that you are in a relationship with or feel like you can do this. I also think it's okay to be like, hey, just so you know, I'm pretty, like, self conscious about these scars on my breast. So, you know, just like getting it out there. So I. I don't know if that would.

No, that could totally work. She's not the whole time kind of worried about, like. Yeah, like Anderson, you know, from Loveline, he's always saying that he dated a woman in high school for like, or college that for like two years, but she never took her bra off, like, the whole time they were together, he's like, what was under there? Like, I did that. No, they went swimming. You know. Exactly. They're vitamin snakes. You're right. Something weird, but just.

And it's so attractive to be confident. Like, I think about being a teenager and I was so, like, aware of my body and, like, going to the beach and a bathing suit and it's like, so many years wasted of not just, like, running into the water and having a great time at the beach, you know? And it's like, I think that when you see people, of course, like, anyone's gonna notice a great body and go, that's a great body. But also, like, if you go out with people that are bigger or smaller or whatever in different areas, it's like, if they don't give a shit, you're like, that's the most beautiful, coolest looking person.

So true confidence.

Yeah.

I mean, I always think cultivating confidence is like, the most important thing that you can do. Does it with your work. Do you think it's really helped you? I'm sure with your confidence, doing what you're doing and just kind of risking it all and going up there and saying, yeah, yeah.

I just thought it was funny. You were looking at me. I don't have any confidence, but I.

Am delivery.

But I do feel that I am, like, confident about the fact that I don't. And I share it in a way that I'm like, listen, this is where I am. And so the times that I have told someone I was insecure about something sexually, it has felt strong because I was like, I'm just gonna tell you this and I don't feel good about it, and I'm sharing it with you. And that for me, was confident. Instead of being like, I'm fine with it, which would have been fake for me.

Right. Just be honest with it. Cause life is too short to suffer through bad sex. Talk about what you want.

That's a really good point. Being confident with your insecurity, like, not being ashamed of your feeling self conscious. That's still confident to be owning that.

I'm insecure about this.

Yeah, exactly. Okay, I have five questions for you. Five sex questions I want to ask you all. Each one Ready? Okay. I will start with Mary. Biggest turn on.

You know, I think, you know, lust.

Okay. Lauren. Biggest turn on.

I actually want to say confidence that I feel like that is totally Aaron.

Oh, I got confused.

Oh.

Like, but in some.

In someone else or someone turned on.

What turned you on? Yeah. What turned you on biggest turn on Fame and love.

Good. You know yourself. See Good, Stephanie.

I would say talent and energy. Yeah.

I feel like I answered wrong.

Biggest turnoff. Biggest turnoff.

My biggest turnoff is I think probably.

A.

You know, a.

You blocked it because it's so awful.

I don't know. Probably just like.

I don't know, maybe everything turns you on. Like, maybe you just don't you see the positive?

Yeah, I think like, really, like, if we're speaking of like porn. I watch a lot of porn. I think this super aggressive, like really, like close up shots of like things going in butts.

Right. Oh, two things in butts. That's a good one. Okay. Babies turn off.

I think when I actually it kind of goes hand in hand with confidence. Or the opposite of like when someone's very like self doubting or like having or feeling like they suck or something like that is the turn off.

We'll never have sex.

Anytime I sense anything level of someone being fake or ingenuine at all.

That's a good one.

Oh, that is good.

I answered right.

That was so good. The answers.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I agree. Like self obsession.

Yeah. You know, I'm gonna change mine to self obsession. I shouldn't have said close up.

We're so chill here. Change your answer. Okay. Craziest place. You've gotten busy. Had sex. This is fascinating. Rapid fire.

If you don't want to go first, you don't have to.

You don't have to. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So much pressure. I'm really sorry. No, we started bringing these back. We used to, but you're right, I'm mixing it up. We don't usually have four people. We usually have. This is amazing.

Here you go in a car in the rain.

That's romantic.

Okay.

In a tractor in a field. But we didn't finish because I felt like it was too dirty for his butt and I got grossed out.

That was so scary.

But his butt in a very narrow staircase.

Hot.

On a stranger's front lawn in the.

Middle of the night. Ooh, nice.

Glad you didn't go first. That was crazier than all of them.

Sexiest word to you, anyone?

Sexiest word.

Word.

Oh, love.

Need.

I don't know like that.

I know it's hard.

Sexy. Like. Sexiest word I said.

Employment online.

Cash.

Like woman with a pay stuff.

You say cash.

I totally just whispered that to you.

As a joke, but you didn't hear me.

I love that one too.

No, no, no. It was just like it was meant to, like, bring it all together. That somebody that has their own thing going on.

Yeah, absolutely. Do we all answer? Sexy story. The one thing that you wish you could tell your current or future partners about your body or your needs.

I know.

It'S a hard one. I don't even remember that one.

Maybe we didn't get to it. Yeah. Probably drunk show.

The one thing you want to tell. Like that.

Yeah. Like I always say, like, what do you wish you could tell? What do you wish that all men or women knew about sex that you don't know? Like, I'm thinking.

Oh, okay. I remember it now.

Yeah. Yeah.

I was being touched a lot. Like, I could. There's no, like.

During the day or during sex. Whatever. Like, I. A lot of touch.

A lot of touch.

Do not. Do not discount foreplay. Like, foreplay is so important.

Yeah.

Don't even call it foreplay.

It's just a risky part of it. It is.

But if some. If, like, someone just goes straight to touching the private. It's like, well, now I hate this.

We're not turned on. We don't know that. Walk in the room, the whole thing. Right.

Yeah.

It's the worst.

Yeah. Yeah. I actually agree with that.

Thanks.

Also just tag onto that answer.

Yeah. You're allowed, I would say, be really.

Like, connected and intimate or willing to be or don't be there. I just. It's so hard for me to be sexual with someone who. Who doesn't really want to, like, emotionally be there as well.

Right.

I just watched Bull Durham. Have you seen that movie I love?

So good. Such a great movie.

And that reminded me of that, like, the difference between Tim Robbins and Kevin Costner, like a young guy and a man who can, like, undress her. And it's slow and it's so, like, beautiful. And then when she's with the young pitcher, he's just, like, ripping his sogg.

Such a great example.

Right?

Yeah.

Oh, funny. I got to be with a man.

Multiple times a day.

Oh, my God.

So good. Such a good movie. I'm gonna watch it that day.

My mom had that poster in our bathroom when I was growing up.

That's a great one.

That is so good. Now you have to see it. Okay, so thank you all for being on Anything else you want to promote what's coming up? Tell me everything.

We do a show.

Tell us anything. Wow. Horses.

Every month at UCB in LA. The first Saturday of every month at 10 o' clock and that. And then.

And it sells out. Right. Like every, like in.

Yeah.

You Guys have your own podcast, right?

Oh, yeah, we do.

It's.

Yeah, we do one on Howl, which is Earwolf's paid subscription podcast network.

But yeah, if you go to Howell fm, you can use the Code Wild to get a month free and you can listen to our whole show for free because there's five episodes. So.

Yeah. And Lauren, you have a podcast.

I do have a podcast called with special guest Lauren Lapkis. And you can hear that on the earwolf network on earwolf.com or iTunes. That's my plug.

I love it. Okay, anything else for you? Thank you so much for coming in. Plug.

No, no, no, I'm great.

Do it. Plug. Plug. You've been so good. You've been so good.

Come on your show, Mary.

Oh boy.

Well, you know, you could get the Starz app now. They've got an app just like HBO Go and all those other subscription S, T, A, R, Z. Yes. And I'm on a show called Blunt Talk that's on that app.

Congratulations. You guys are all doing really well and I was honored to meet you. Being your show, that's really great. Thanks for coming here and talking sex. I didn't know, like were they gonna be comfortable talking about. I don't know you, but thank you for being here. I really appreciate it. Check out their show, Menace. What's up with you?

Anything else that we can just follow me on Instagram and Twitter. Ennis, that's it.

Okay, we'll do that.

And my dog Chiro, my dog drawer.

Okay. And yeah, same with me because I'm into the Snapchat thing. Everything sexually, across the board.

Yeah, keep on Snapchatting. I support that.

It's so fun. I know, I just understood it. Just figured it out like five minutes ago. Okay, thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackectwithnley.com.

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