Rules for Playing the Dating Game with Patti Stanger

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jeju. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super soft, ultra quiet and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20% off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20% off@sexwithemily.com h e r A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Tonight's show we have the one and only millionaire matchmaker Patty Stanger in the studio to help give us her best tips about dating, relating and mating and how you can finally find your perfect match. Thanks for listening. Okay, let me ask you a question. Are you getting enough? I bet you'd love more, right? Well, Adam and Eve wants to give you more with 10 free gifts. First, you'll get a sexy surprise for her. Second, a specially suck a toy for him. And third, a little something you'll both enjoy. Plus you'll get six full length adult movies on DVD and number 10 free shipping on your entire order. Okay, so what do you have to do to get your 10 free gifts? It is so easy, people. Oh, and here's an idea for you. If you don't know what to get, which baffles me because they have every single toy on the planet and everything on their site will spice up your sex life. But I gotta remind you, it is anal sex month. So in the spirit of this month, try the A and E Booty Boot Camp training kit. It's a perfect set of butt plugs to ease you into backdoor play. Now on sale for $22. Just go to AdamAndEve.com, select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy, sexy Piece of lingerie or anything you desire. Just enter offer code EMILY at checkout and you'll get 10 free gifts. Who the hell gives you 10 free gifts? People go check AdamandEve.com. select one free gift. 10 free gifts, including free shipping. Don't you hate when people guide you on shipping? They do not guide you on shipping. This is why I love them. Enter offer code Emily. That's Emily. Adamandeve.com.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man E here just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry?

It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind.

Of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. you can check it out. You know, you know what you need to do there. Have you not done this yet? Do you know that we update the website every single day with blogs, videos, instructional posts so you can have better sex and relationships? Because that is what I'm all about. Plus, we do two podcasts a week and it's so easy to subscribe right there on the site and you'll never miss another show again. And they're so easy to listen to. You know what? A podcast is so easy. You're listening now. You can download the podcast app. Podcast, one app. It's all a good time. And I'm here with Anderson.

What up, kid?

It's good to see you, honey.

It's good to see you.

It feels like forever.

I'm so excited because it's anal sex month.

I saw you get really excited, so.

Pumped about it, dude.

I know. Okay, let me just tell you something, people. I know that you're hearing anal sex, drinking, and I've talked about it a lot on the show and I'm not even saying, when I say anal sex, I'm not saying you gotta go have anal sex. I'm just saying expand your repertoire. There's so many nerve endings in the anus. Just have some fun playing around. That's the area. If you've never touched it. Have a good time. And it even makes me like. We're sending out our anal sex newsletter. And I'm like, how many times do we have to say anal sex in the newsletter? You know? So I feel like that should be. I do think it's. It is a month. Try something new.

One of the main things. Outdoor play, a checkbox. When you're like going on those dating sites and you're trying to get matched up with somebody who likes the same. I think that anal should be like, towards the top of the list. Right.

Well, if das Paige saying walks on the beach, she would match people with that. But. So that's what. Oh, speaking of which, though. Okay. I am teaching a workshop about it.

Shocking about the butt play.

I'm being super anal about it too, because I'm totally prepping. It's at Hustler Hollywood. It's August 25th from 8 to 10pm and if you've attended my workshops, you.

Know, they're demonstrations, Lots of them.

Yeah. Live demos.

Yeah.

Are you gonna come?

Oh, is that a double entendre kind of right there? Double.

Just like top of the hour, double entendre.

I'll be there.

Okay, here's the thing. So three key ingredients to amazing anal play. Useful anatomy tips so it'll maximize your pleasure. Massage techniques to build arousal. I know you're thinking, okay, I had anal sex once. It's sucked. Someone just shut.

That was a girl that said that.

Yeah, exactly. Because people don't get that. Yes. People often do not understand how to perform anal sex. Right. And they. They don't use lube, they don't prepare you. If you're interested in learning more, come to the workshop. RSVP to hhrsvp.com come. I hate that noise.

I know.

Okay, one more thing. I will be in New York City at the Sexual Health Expo.

She.

You're always saying, why aren't you coming to Zach? Why aren't you coming to New York? I'm gonna be there. Come. It'll be so much fun. It's top sex educators. I'll be giving the keynote. All the latest and greatest products. And if you wanna know more about it, email me feedbacksexelme.com and check it out on my website. It is September 18th and 20th, New York City. Yeah, that's what's going on.

What is September sexual month wise?

What would you like it to be on?

Throat month?

No, no, no, no. Blowjob month. No, every month is blow job month.

Patty Stanger.

Patty Stanger. Hi, Patty. Hi, good millionaire. Max share. It's good to see you.

Good, thanks. Since you've got app, you should have that on my podcast.

Patty's got an awesome podcast at the Sideshow Network, which I was just honored to be on, called the Love and Patty Stanker's Love and Sex Report.

You go to itunes, you can check it out, and you can hear Emily in all her glory talk about her personal life as well as giving you lots of personal tips.

It was fun. We had a good time. Patty, I'm so glad you're here. You've got a lot going on. Patty Sanger. If you don't know, you can find more at pattyknows.com millionairesclub123.com and then across the board, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Patty Snaker. Right. So Patty, Patty, Patty, Patty. We met initially, like a few years ago. I've been writing on your website.

You want to say who you met it through?

I was dating a guy.

His name's David Wigan. He's a big dating coach.

He is a dating coach.

Yeah. And you can check him out. He's actually my co host on Love and Sex for Fun.

Unfortunately. Why was it okay? I'm wondering.

They went out for a really long time.

So they were six months for me. That is a long time.

That was a long time. They were this couple that when you went to dinner, they could not take their hands off each other. And you would go home depressed with your boyfriend and go, what's wrong with us? And then they broke up. Like, what the fuck?

I said, what's wrong with us?

When you go. When you go out with a couple that doesn't stop touching each other and you know they're in the throes of the three month or the four month or. And you're going, oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're with your boyfriend for a year and you're like, okay, why aren't we having sex like that? And why aren't we touching each other? And what's wrong with us? You know? And then you broke up. So it's like you. You burst in my fucking amazing bubble like that maybe this is. This can last forever. And of course, David says, my boyfriend at the time says they're going to break up. You'll see. And he was right.

He was right. You know, it was three months. You can't judge on three months of shipping.

He went out like six months.

Six months.

I mean, you didn't take him home for your weekend to Michigan with your family. And it was his birthday, it was just like 50. Anyways, who cares? He's a cancer. He's sensitive, you understand.

My family, I never see them. They're Michigan. My brother was getting divorced.

You, six months. You know, take your boyfriend home.

No.

You were ashamed. You're ashamed or you were ashamed? Either you're ashamed of your life or you're ashamed of him, but neither way. It's shame, shame, shame.

He's got a reputation uphold. And that reputation is single.

No, not with my family.

She's gonna. If you turn. Can you imagine the next 10, 20 years? She turns 50 and she's still single in the nursing home going, hello, Mr. Orderly, will you give me a butt plug right now?

I need a butt plug. Swallowing out, it's all, you know, Patty, it was. It was a good time. I just moved to la, and I wasn't ashamed. And he's a wonderful guy, you know, you work with him. Okay, Patty, but this is what I want to know because I told a lot of people, you know, I was really excited to have you on, like, but how do you become a matchmaker? I just gotta get this out of the way because, like, people are like.

That'S not something that you inherit the throne from your grandmother and your mot. My grandmother, my mother were known matchmakers in New Jersey, in South Orange, West Orange, Livingston, Short Hills. We went to temple up in Abraham. It started in Newark, it ended up in Livingston. And, you know, it was 1962, 3. My mother's married to an alcoholic who's the hottest guy in town. He looked like. How could I describe him? He was salt and pepper tall, sexy stud of a man from Brooklyn who, like, landed in Jersey, got a better life. One of those guys, he actually was Donald Trump's insurance guy, Erwin, and he looked like Richard Gere. And so my mother dropped out of college, wanted to get married. My grandmother said, look, you cannot stay around the neighborhood and just get a job at the local doctor's office. You need to get married, missy. She found Richard Gere, fixes them up, they have me, which I was adopted. So she couldn't get pregnant for six years. And it was a struggle on the marriage. You know, she had endometriosis, and it was not something you could cure at the time. And then about 1963, he decides to hit the local bar on a regular basis on Wednesday night and gets caught cheating, and she kicks his ass out, you know, after. She probably had. My mother was great. She had a detective. She found the woman, she set him up. It was Like a scene out of a reality show. Like the housewives in New Jersey got nothing on us. And then finally my grandmother fixed her up with her second husband. So, you know, 63 was. You didn't get divorced in New Jersey. Seventies you did. It was Bill Carroll, Ted and Alice. For those who are from my generation, which means four people that swung and got into bed in a famous movie. And my mother was like, if I can do this, so can everybody else. And my grandmother's like, round up the troops. Who's getting divorced? Let's fix the women up. And you know, my grandmother hated when men could find younger women and the women of the ripe age could not find the men. So she was always an advocate. Then I have my aunt New York, who did like the New York scene. And it was like a family of matchmakers. That's the only way I can describe it.

And you had a sense like you met someone.

I was seventh grade. Dance, loved all the goyim. Christian boys never dated the Jews.

Me neither.

And we had. There was a dance at one of the local churches. I said, let's, let's, you know, bust it open. It must have been like bar mitzvah season. And I didn't want to go to the bar mitzvah. And me and my girlfriend Sherry Berman bust into the scene. We see all the Hotta Pitta's, tall, blonde Aryan looking guys. And I noticed the boys were on one side of the room and the girls were on the other side of the room. And I said, why aren't we talking? And I brought everybody together. She ended up getting a boyfriend from it. And the priest said to me, you have a job, honey, you're gonna be a matchmaker. I said, no way. I would never do this. Didn't even know that it existed for a living because you didn't see money. You got chickens, a pot of soup, you know, you got candles for Shabbat. You didn't get like big cha ch things. And so years later, my parents owned a restaurant. My mother was married for the second time and I worked in the restaurant. I broke my arm and I hated working in the restaurant, even though I love cooking. And my mother saw an ad for Great Expectations, the oldest and largest dating service in the country, and said, okay, now you need to go out and try out for it. And it was like a thousand girls, a sifu, a sea of Coors blonde women from Fort Lauderdale deals with their tits. And I'm the brunette. So I was literally the share amongst the Christie Brinkleys. Begging this Jewish guy, Mitchell, for the job. And he said, okay, tonight's the night. And Fort Lauderdale. Be at this restaurant. If you get the most leads, you win. It rained. Only one girl showed up. She cried. There's no women, there's no men here. I walked out A1A with an umbrella. Sports Bar to Sports bar. Took like 50, 60 leads, threw it in his face. Okay, let's go, buddy.

And that's when.

And then I created it. I created a system for GE which is, you know, it would probably be considered match.com right now. We were pre the Internet, right? And I said, basically, you need to have certain amount of leads per office. There were 50 losses, offices nationwide. And I basically taught them how to do this and got boyfriends along the way. And I worked nights. I was like a hooker.

Did you date people when you started your business, though? But did you ever meet people? They come to see you and you're like, hey, you're good.

So there was this. I always went for the really hot guy and never checked his wallet. Big mistakes. This guy floats into town. A lot of Canadians in Florida, French, Jewish, from Montreal. And he dressed to the nines, and he had a Breitling watch. And he had, you know, a really amazing Versace suit on and Hugo. Hugo Boss shoes and everything that you want in a man. And he was smoking. And I said, something's wrong with him. And he was financially pure, you know, poor, right? But he could fuck me like nothing. Three years of catnip sex. It's in my book. Become your own matchmaker on Amazon. And the guy, oh, man. With his magic tongue. Magic fingers. We were doing Cirque de la Soleil on the ceiling. And he wanted me to pay for dates. Emily. After about three months. So I kind of. I cut him loose. But I was addicted to the sex. Oxytocin. I talk about it all the time. And I went three years under this spell until one day I said, no more.

So how do you tell people? Because you often say, marry the person you had sex with. I don't believe that's bullshit.

It was dirty. 30s, 30, 33, 34, 35. Somewhere in there, he's a little bit older than me. And I was like, God damn, that did I know what I had. Like, girls, if you're in your early 30s and you are not using it to your. You know, to your right.

Vanish the pretty, as they say.

Yeah, don't waste the pretty. Because, man, you know, it's an engine, like a Maserati. And one day you end up becoming a Prius. So that's that. But.

But in your 20s, though, don't you think that people should just kind of date, not get married in the 20s?

I'm a big believer of a 30 Saturn. I'm astrology driven. And Saturn return happens at 29, 30 and you're not settled yet. You at 30, you kind of wake up with the light bulb moment and go, okay, this is what I want. I want the house, I want this, I want that. Some people don't want to get married. They don't want to have kids, but they know it. 30 and trying to go against, you know, the river, the current, you know, salmon swim upstream. You want to go against it basically doesn't work. So you have to be true to who you are. And everybody needs to know that it's not one size fits all. Marriage is not to be end to be all. As my mother would say. She was married three times. She'd say. My mother would be like, sweetie, children are overrated. Take lovers and travel the world.

I love you.

Trust me on this.

That's exactly it. My mom never she same thing three times. Marriage said, you gotta never rely on a man to take care of you. She said, you gotta take care of yourself.

And then my sister marries the billion million billionaire and like, has all the money and lives in Long Island. And I was crying all my life to get that. And it was like, why am I different? I became famous. I made a business. Like, I never understood why I couldn't go the traditional route. But when I was growing up in Short Hills, I had every hot Jewish guy living in the neighborhood who had money. And I was like. And I snubbed my nose at them and go see.

But I was not rock star. But see, you have money and you've got it going on, but you don't.

Want to take care of financially every.

Man because that wouldn't take care. That's a big problem.

And that the sex goes out the window on that because they start becoming your stomach. And it's not that they don't want to bang you, it's that you don't want to bang them.

Right.

There's a difference.

You don't respect them anymore. They're not being.

You can't look. I mean, I don't get wet for somebody who I have to pay for.

No. God, no. Well, let's talk about that. Let's talk about some of your dating rules, because I did find your. You have like, your commandments that you wrote.

Thou shalt not commandments.

You do have commandments. And I found it interesting, you know, thou shalt. There are a few of them that I highlighted here. You got. Thou shall return calls in a timely manner. Because there's all these rules.

Three days, too much competition. Women are outnumbered in the sense that there's too many women and there's not enough men. And we have the Internet and we have Tinder. And with these kinds of devices right now, they can just up you again in 20 seconds. You show that you are professional. Like, you would never not call your boss back for three days. Right?

Right.

So if you do the right thing at the right time and he, you know, disses you, he's not your guy. But the guys that really want a serious relationship are going to respect you. Say, you know what was so nice? That you returned my phone call or you texted me back or you emailed me when I emailed. I really respect that about you and I. Yeah. I mean, I've recently broke up, and my ex boyfriend and I are still friends, and he went on match.com and he. I said what? He went on two dates. Two different girls. Hot girls. So what's wrong? They don't have their shit together like you. You came right back after the first date. You know, I wrote on the Internet, listen, I suck at typing. And if you want to get ahold of me and ask me out, here's my number. And I don't go back and forth 55 times with the texting. Or here's 55 more pictures. You don't get it in the first five minutes. See, you don't want to be.

See, that's good that you put that, because I don't like the emailing back and forth. I don't like the texting for weeks. Like, let's just make a plan. Call me. We're done. We're out.

Jeff Betterman, who didn't make a plan. You're gonna. You didn't. You didn't follow through.

So I fixed Emily up with this guy I thought was a great fit. She liked him, he liked her. And then he was in New York, and she got busy, and they had a couple texts, but then he didn't call her. So here's a tip, guys. Women only fall in love between their ears, not their eyes. You fall in love between your eyes. Do not put that on us. So we don't like texting. We have to hear your V lock on. Get off the phone. We take our little magic wand out. We visualize how many Times have you. How many times have you gone to sleep? You can't go to sleep at night, and you're just, like, imagining if that or DTV porn is one of the torn.

You know what? Whatever works for you. It's true. But, yeah, you're right. I mean, I feel like it's almost worse for the texting. I forget I get busy.

But here's my.

Let him know you need to.

If you don't like texting, calling, emailing, whatever it is you don't like your form of communication and the one you do like, you need to let the guy know. Most men are stupid, right? Right?

Yeah, we're pretty dumb.

Yeah. And they don't know what you want. They're not mind readers. They're not psychic.

But do you think that anybody knows what they want? Because I feel like one of the things.

If you don't know what you want by now, you're in trouble.

Okay, well, I'm not saying me. I'm saying a lot of people, we always hear they can't find love. It's either because they're not prioritizing it, or they're like, I just don't know. So I'm gonna date a bunch of people. And so what are the tools that you give people to help figure out what it is that they want?

Well, they're those who don't get choices. You know, those who, like, are sitting on the sidelines, and they don't get a lot of choices. And when the number comes up, he doesn't have money, he doesn't have a job. I'll take him. And that's the problem. They don't get choices. There are those that get too many choices and don't appreciate their choices and basically dis this one and dis that because they're too busy. So you want to find the middle of the road, the balance, if you will. You want to be in. In the ring, okay. And you want to be able to vet various people, but also qualify your buyer and spend time getting to know someone. Don't give it away for a song. Don't give your monogamy away because your monogamy. Monogamy is your virtue, and that is what the man is buying. They don't know this. It's biological. Since caveman era.

Right.

They don't want to know that you slept with them on the first date like you slept with 50 other men.

Right. So don't sleep together. You always do. A very strict rule.

I don't. You get to know their look, the kissing, the touching, the fondling, just don't go in. Or in. Or in.

I agree. Don't rush it.

Don't rush it. And so when you realize we like each other, which, you know, the last time I dated was David. We waited six dates, about six weeks because I had traveled in between. And so we were at the six weeks, and he's like, he can't take it anymore. He's at the point where he's gonna go back. He was gonna go on it. We had dinner plans. He came over a little bit earlier and he had the talk with me. He didn't want to see anyone else. He's an old school kind of Laguna guy. And I said, fine. And we hit it. And then we were late for dinner with our friends. And the key was, is that we built up a crescendo. And that night was fabulous because of that. And so I think it's important to know who you're sleeping with and get to know you spend more time buying a car and a mortgage than you do.

It's so true. Because oftentimes with women especially, we get attached. We have sex too quickly, and then we're just attached to the sex, the oxytocin. And then we're like, we have not. We have.

You can't fall in love with the loser.

I would say you can't see the red flags waving in the distance when you've got this oxytocin that's attached to you to someone. It's not healthy. Right. So can you talk about also? So, okay, here's the thing I want to know. People always talk about. Well, we have a lot in common. That's how we get along. Do you know how important is it? We like to say music.

Opposites don't work out for the long run. They're great at attracting. I just came out of an opposite relationship. We were very opposite. You know, he, as I say, he was morning, I was night. It's attractive in the beginning, but about six months in, you start to pick on each other for their opposite problems. And so I don't recommend it. I think it's better to have a familiarity. We came from the same hood, the same neighborhood, we went to the same school. We have the same background, same religion, things that you can, you know, glue ify the situation and bring you together. And if it's not that, it's hobbies and interests. By the way, they have statistical studies that say if, like, two or more things together, okay, then you actually have a larger chance.

So, yeah, it could be anything. I don't care what it is. But the key is, like, if you like skiing and he doesn't, but you teach him to ski, it can become your commonality.

You can find sense of humor.

And then the other thing is a sense of humor. Can they make each other laugh, which, by the way, you can't buy.

You cannot buy that.

That either is gift given. If you don't like his jokes and she doesn't like yours, you're in trouble.

And he's already driving you crazy, and he's not gonna.

Yeah, that's one of the things.

Yeah, what?

One of the things in common.

Yes.

Sense of humor.

That you both make each other laugh. Yeah. My parents. My mother's third marriage, it was all about laughter. He didn't make a lot of money. She had a lot of rich boyfriends prior to that. She said, I went with Mel because he was the laughter and the light of my life. He just made her crack up till the day she died.

And that. That never.

And that helps. That helps. It was. She had a sense of humor that she just found. And by the way, it makes you feel. Feel sexy when you laugh. You know, I told Jimmy Kimmel once I was on his show, and I said it was the day Sarah Silverman broke up with him, and they were all afraid to put me on because I thought I was gonna bash him. It was my. The height of my early career and fame on network television. And I said, listen, I'm not like that. And I flirted with him, and I just said, you know, in the break, you're sexy, funny. You can't find guys like you. If I found guys like you, I would have married you. You know? And he's like, you're out of your mind. I'm like, no, Adam. Carolla. You know, some people think Jerry Seinfeld's like that. You know, Dennis Leary, one of my favorite, sexiest, hottest come. I would have fucked, you know, him silly. I sucked him to death.

You want funny because you know that's not gonna go anywhere. They might lose the hair, but they're always gonna make you laugh. And it's gonna be if that's important to you.

But sometimes they get sexier with funny. They're smart, they're edgier. I was just watching, you know, I never loved Jerry Seinfeld. Never thought he was cute or anything. My sister knew him from the neighborhood in New York. And, you know, she saw him once in a while at the Korean salad bar. And I said, I watched Comedians Cars recently, and I thought, wow, he's really intelligent. He's really smart. I never saw that side of him on Seinfeld, so, you know, you always see different sides of the street. Chris rocked me is brilliant.

I know. I love the funny. I love the funny and smart. We always say we want tall, funny and smart, my friends. I guess. Sorry about the tall. It's true.

Dane Cook, you're still single, baby. Call me. Yes.

Right. You can fix them up. So what do you think then are the biggest roadblocks today? That this is a big question, but that singles are facing finding someone. What are we doing that I think.

They'Re like passing ships in the night, being in the right place at the right time, picking one and getting off the market. Some people have too many choices and just keep going. Add and like, judgmental. Judgmental. The judgy aspect is so fucking hard. I haven't dated since my breakup because I just don't want to be judged. And everyone thinks I'm the show. You know, they watch Matchmaker and they think that she screams, she yells. I'm like, I'm really a bitch. No, I'm really not.

You're so. See, how do you deal with that? Because people know you. You're famous from television. They've seen like, oh, is she like. But you're not like. Like, I hung out with you. I'm not like that. Like, you're like, she's not. Like, she's cool. You're not like.

I date mostly surfer sports guys. And David was a baseball player, and his family was like, you know, from the Oakland A's, and he played for Fullerton, and it was like one of those things where he didn't watch Bravo, so he didn't know who I was until his daughter told him, like, about the court dating. And people came up to us in the restaurant. He was like, why are people asking me? I'm like, okay, well, I'm on this show. And so it was one of those. So I date. I date athletes. I love athletes. I just love or coaches or people who like sports. But I'm obsessed with surfers. Like, I just love surfers and skiers.

Do you surf?

No. And I want to learn. I live on the beach and I just love. I watch them. I'm obsessed with them. Okay, but they.

This is so interesting that you guys just broke up. And he did amazing. First of all, David does amazing headshots. If anyone in LA needs headshots.

Davidcrausphotography.com if you want to get your headshots?

Best I've ever had. Affordable. He's the best I ever had.

Free. He free touches for free.

He does the best headshots ever had. But I love that you guys, you recently broke up and he's showing you his match profiles.

We're friends. We're friends.

That's really healthy.

I mean, he wasn't happy about the breakup. It was kind of my choice. And the truth of the matter is I need to be in a different place at a different time. You know, like, he had his family, he was married. He had two dogs in the yard. And like, he's in a different place. I would like those things. I'd love to be a stepmother. My fantasies to find a man with kids and, you know. Yeah, but it was different. They were grown up and, you know, he was in a different direction than I was going. He hated my job. He hated what I did. He hated the entertainment industry.

Yeah.

He didn't like what I did for life living. He didn't like what he said.

Well, that would be, to me, a deal breaker.

He didn't like people in her house. I work out of the home. He didn't like any of that stuff. So it was like a nightmare.

That would make me crazy.

Yeah. And he likes quiet. You got to go to bed at nine o' clock every night. He can't stay up late. I mean, he has rules. He gets up at 5 and he goes to the gym. He's very steady. Freddy. He's good. He doesn't like to go to movies. He doesn't like to go out, you know.

So you didn't have a lot in common.

No, it was like we were romantic in the beginning. You get me. If you give me romance, I'm kind of a sucker for romance. But, you know, I like a guy in the business. I like a guy who's like, you know, at the top of his business and knows where he's going and, you know, is confident too.

That's where you're at now too. So you wouldn't want someone. I want.

I want to build like an empire with somebody. I want to be like the cookie to the, I don't know, what's the other character's name? So Cookie to Lucius or whatever from Empire. Yeah, I want to build an empire with somebody and make it like, you know, ours together. I want a partner. Yeah. In crime. I really do.

Okay. And how you go? How are you dating right now?

I haven't dated one person yet. I haven't Done it.

Okay?

People have sent me people that were not right for me. And this is how, you know, you're gonna.

You're like, I'm a matchmaker. Don't even start. Because that's not a true.

I don't. See, I don't fix myself up.

No, I'm saying you don't. But you're like, I already know this isn't a good match.

Very few people are me when it comes to matchmaking. But what I. What I say is that, you know, I get. I get people. They send me people. And in the old days, I would have taken any date, gone on anyone, and just given it a chance. Now I qualify them. And I know if I'm not going into the house, house, it's not a good fit. It's not being judgy. It's just, you know, my time is precious.

What do you mean?

No, if they don't go out of the house for the date, it's because my time is precious. And this person wasn't. Somebody said to me, I've got the perfect offer. You, my 6 foot 3. He's dropped it. Gorgeous from Manhattan Beach. He makes no money and he's uncircumcised. I'm like, see, I don't want to be you. He's like, why would I?

Oh, no money, right?

So he's hot.

How many surfers are going to be rolling in the dough?

How is that guy not circumcised? He sounds like.

Oh, he was some. He was not circumcised. My friend went out with him for years. He wasn't a surfer. He was a sports guy. And by the way, surfer. We're talking about surfer weekend surfers. We're not talking, like, you know, Laird Hamilton here. Although if he were single, that's my type. But anyway, yeah. And I just said, no, thank you. And so then somebody else called me and asked me out and I said, no, thank you. And it's like, you know, when it's.

A good fit, you can just tell without even having to if you are.

Really in tune with who youo Are. I spent more time this last year in meditation. You know, hypnosis, subliminals. I was listening to. I have a new website called attracting a soulmate.com, where you can get these things that I was working and it slowed me down. It made me take a beat. I used to be in heat and look, look, look, look. All the time when I was single, and I'm like, no, when it's. When it's right. It'll come. It'll come too.

So I think maybe you're not even really. You go on a few dates in here, there. Maybe you're not really ready yet.

No, I'm ready. But I'm ready for the one I'm not ready for. Riffra. I've done enough duty dating, as Pat Allen would say, for a lifetime. I know how to fucking date, okay? I had a mate. I want to get married. There's a big difference.

Okay, I gotcha. So you're ready. You want to get married now?

Yeah.

Okay, well, we come back, we want to talk about more your dating rules, a little bit of sex here and dating in the online world. But we got a prick. Prick. We have a prick. Actually, speaking of pricks, I'm going to tell you about Intensity. Okay? This is the deal, Patty. You know about kaggle exercises, right?

Yeah. Okay.

So they're really important, okay? And I talk about products all the time that will improve your sex life. And now I have to tell you about a product that has changed and improved my sex life. Life, but not just sexually. It also has extreme health benefits. Have you ever been at the gym, on the treadmill, and thought, you know, it'd be great if I could be eating pizza and exercising at the same time, or even, God, I wish these push ups would at least give me an orgasm. Unfortunately, we rarely get to experience pleasure while maintaining our health and well being. Until now. You hear me talk about the benefits of Kaggle exercises, but how many of us really do them? And even if we do them once in a while, like at a stoplight or waiting in line at the store, you're not doing them correctly, probably, and you're not seeing the benefits. But what if I told you there was a product that does your kaggle exercises for you and it gives you mind blowing orgasms at the same time? Right, that's it. Side effect causes orgasms. That's probably an exercise routine you might keep up with. I think so. Intensity is a revolutionary intimate health and stimulation device that takes all the confusions out of your Kaggle exercisers. Kaggle exercises? It was actually invented by a doctor. It resembles the classic rabbit vibe. But let me be clear. This is no ordinary sex toy. It's both a vibrator and a Kegel exerciser. Intensity is the only device that combines pleasure with pelvic floor toning, giving you a workout you can look forward to. It targets your G spot and clitoris. It uses gentle electrostimulation to contract your vaginal Muscles. So you're just like, lying there on your bed, it's doing your exercises for you. And if those orgasms weren't enough, it actually improves your overall satisfaction. It tightens and tones your pelvic floor muscles, which is so important for having sex long term. And to find out more about this, it's a game changer. Visit pourmoi.com that's P-O-U-R m o y.com pleasure with a purpose, people. Check it out. Em. Yeah.

You think a woman could ever get so strong with her kegs that she could actually just snap a penis off? Do you think you guys are getting.

Yeah, I am, actually.

Would you like to do that? Would that be satisfying?

If you have a bowling ball and.

Stuff, the guy pissed you off and you're like, come on, let's do it. And then you just snapped it right off.

I'm not an angry person like that. I wouldn't have one hearted man. But maybe, maybe, maybe they could snap.

It off your screen.

You always hear about some people, but we've heard, like on Loveline, people call in, they're like, my penis broke.

Yeah, I've heard, like, women capturing men's penises and, like, they get stuck.

Ouch. I would never want to do that. Does it scare you? Okay, Patty, this is my question for you. What?

I was listening to your podcast with Pat Allen, actually, who I love, too, and you were talking to her about a lot of stuff, like the roadblocks people are facing. And you said, you know, we're talking about, like, best places to meet people of the opposite sex. And you said, well, sometimes it just, I think you said, you learned from her. You said, if the fish ain't jumping in, you have to move ponds, right?

Like, to move cities, different cities.

Do you think that's polit geographic? If you can't find people in your town, how do you know?

Well, in New York, there's five women and one guy. So you better move your ass to the suburbs or you're not going to meet anyone. I mean, statistics are not in your favor. Don't stay there. And, you know, if you're. If you want a marriage, a family, and you are more driven for that than your job, like your money is second, then you need to go where.

The men are and where are the men? I mean, you have your single Girls handbook. Can we talk about that? Don't you talk about mapping and where to find people?

Single Girls Handbook.com is something that the audience, you know, kept emailing me for do you have a coaching program? You know, I had my book. Some people don't like to read. And right now everybody's very, you know, transient. They want things yesterday. So I basically created an audio coaching program which you can go to singlegirlshanbook.com you can download it, you can put it on a usb, you can listen in your car. That was the whole point. There is a matchmaking map. So one of the statistics we found is that in Breckenridge, Colorado, for instance, it's 11 men to one woman and very wealthy men, oil billionaires. So where do you go? You go skiing?

I just don't like skiing. Damn it.

You don't have to ski. You can sit at the bar and.

Have a hot dog, go shopping.

But the point of the story is you got to go. If you're a man, you go to the yoga class. It's 90% female with hot bodies, right? You know, you don't have to go to the sweaty one, but you can find a nice one.

So you coach women and you help them find a guy.

With this program, Single Girls Handbook is based on statistics, information, the studies. We do a lot of studies every year at Harvard. I mean, Dr. Helen Fisher talks about it all the time. Why him? Why her? Great book, by the way. And we really analyze the census and we look at where the women are and where the men are. And right now women are making more money than men, but not equal pay for equal dollar, which is so fucked up, by the way. And so there's more women in college. So you're a guy, you're going to go to school, you're going to more likely find a woman fast and marry her. Or you're going to wait 10, 20 years years and wait and lose. Probably the good one that got away.

I don't really. You always think good when I got away and like, do you regret thing? I feel like I don't.

I don't have any regrets. But there are a lot of men that have regrets. I hear more from men than women. Men say to me, I should have married the one when I was 26, from when I was 35. And women don't usually say that is.

Why do you think that?

Because they don't know what they have when they got it. Because their dick is pulsating at warp speed, thinking that they need to put.

The bigger, better deal.

They have to put the sperm in everyone.

Okay. And it starts to change when I mean, because men don't really. A lot of them, especially in LA, right till later to 35.

We're not a marriage driven society here in early. People live together, they have children at a wedlock, it's socially acceptable. I remember, you know, I'm old, but I remember Murphy Brown, a character on television when Dan Quayle was vice president and he was putting her down for having a child at a wedlock.

I remember that.

And it was the biggest scandal. You thought the Kardashians come to town. And it was like a joke because now you think back and go, was he insane? He believed in, you know, the married principle of, you know, the moral majority in the South.

It was like the whole nuclear family thing.

Like the nuclear family blended extended families, different colors, different religions, different rhemas. I mean, it's just the way it is today. Who knew that gay marriage would pass, right? Thank God, you know, and now maybe we would have, you know, equal pay for equal dollar for female human rights. Right. So right now I think what people have to do is prioritize. I'd say get on three different websites. The first ones, well, I believe in Match because it's the largest match dot com. And then you can take a niche market one you could go on like if you're religious, go on JD if you want a farmer, go on Farmers only If you're over 50, go ourtime.com. say it again, ourtime.com. then the third one should be a hobby site or an app. So you can either split the difference, you can do the tinders, the hinges, the rahas, which is brand new, which is for celebrities and people in the entertainment industry.

Really, like you have to be.

Well, let's just put it this way. Someone I know is date went on is going on a date this weekend with a very famous celebrity from Raha. I won't out them, but you know who you are and.

But like how do you go. How do you know what says that you're a celebrity?

This person had a celebrity picture and is that person.

Okay, got it.

And he wasn't shamed about it. And it's very. It's kind of like a cultish Soho house for dating. You know, I don't know, there's Ivy date.

I don't know about Ivy Leaguers.

There's all different kinds. So you want to find the niche one, your hobby. Maybe you're Golfers R Us or you're vegan or you love dogs. You find the one. That's the commonality because you're more likely to meet a person there. However, the statistics and the type of people there Be less than match, but you're qualifying your buyer.

It's like we're saying you got to find the hobbies. Because back in the day, I would say, well, go out and people are like, I can't find anyone. I'd say, well, you know, take a class, do something you like. And this way you can just find a website that hones in on it.

There's a great website that I'm a big fan of called meetup.com. meetup is strictly events all across the nation and trips for people that want to meet single people and based on, you know, wine enthusiasts, you know, ski enthusiasts. It's like, whatever it is.

I think people are just like, they don't. They say they want to date, but they're not doing anything to do.

And there's even a camp for singles club getaway in the Berkshires.

I love camp.

And it's in, you know, Kent, Connecticut.

Camp was my favorite time of my life.

And so, you know, these people go away for the week, and they used to do the whole, you know, Catskill thing back in the day with our parents, and we'd meet up, our parents would go to one side of the hotel and we go to the other side of the hotel, the single kids. But now there's a camp, camp getaway. So you really need to research. I'm also an advocate of rugged hot men. Go on these, you know, whitewater rafting trips in the back of men's house.

That's what you should be doing.

Yeah. Well, there you go. I don't need time right now, but.

Yes, I know, I know it's making the time. It's so hard.

It's not the time. It's like I'm switching networks right now. We're going to a different network.

I know people are missing you on Bravo, but, you know, I'm sure you're moving.

Don't worry. We're going to be in bigger, better water. You're going to be really excited.

I had to watch you when I was on Bravo because they were like, oh, my God, you got to watch it.

Because I had. And, you know, I chose to leave the network. They wanted me back. Thank you very much. Bravo. But I wanted to go. I wanted to go in a different direction creatively, which I really want to bring a new show to the audience. But you're going to love it. You're going to love it. I own the trademark, a Millionaire matchmaker for, you know, dating and television. And we're going to bring you a fabulous new show that you're just going to. To be over the moon.

You don't have to wait too long then.

No, in about a couple weeks, you'll hear what network is.

Okay, good. Well, I'm very excited. Okay, question for you is, how do you. How do you think that social media has changed the online dating? Because you've been doing this for 15 years.

Well, I mean, I believe that when Zuckerberg made Facebook, he really. I don't understand what he did, because here's the thing, you know, the twins say to him, okay, we're making a dating site for Harvard. Okay, so why didn't he make the site? He made a friend site, and yet he was ripping the girls a new one. Why didn't he make dating for college students? It doesn't exist. So it's kind of sad that that didn't happen. But I do believe when one of his friends came to him and said, do you know if so. And so single? And he goes, I don't know. He's like, well, why don't we put that up on Facebook? And then now you need. It's the only place you know whether the person's single or not. That's nothing non dating related. So, for instance, Bethany Franco is supposedly dating Eric Stone Street. So everybody calls me on the phone, and exclusively he's the star of Modern Family. Okay, so she's the star of Housewives in New York City. So everybody called me up and said, how do you know if they're really dating? And I said, go to their Facebook and see if their status has changed. And they were like, what? Oh, I didn't think of that. And that's the truth. When your status has changed, I just changed mine to being single.

You did? Was there a whole thing your personal.

I mean, I was already there. I'm a pretty mature person, you know, but when you change your static on fb, your life changes because then everybody knows whether or not you know how to respond to you. And then you, you know, you're single, they're gonna contact you, you got pictures up the wazoo.

You know, what about all the, like, Instagram and all this? People Instagram.

You can't do that.

Instagram liking you.

Yeah, but Instagram irritates me. I'm on Instagram. I love it to death. But there's these Instagram couples with their perfect lives and their perfect children. I just want to shoot the Abercrombie people. You know, it's like we're at the picnic today with our perfect strawberries. And our perfect little child, and we're wearing our perfect outfits, and I'm like, vomit. All of it's curated, and it's one filter. Olivia Polaris. But nonetheless, you know, it's like. It's like, nobody can live like that. Don't. Don't start thinking that these people have fabulous lives and your life sucks because people get depressed.

They see people who spend more time on Facebook and looking at stuff, they actually get depressed.

Twitter, you're not gonna find. I think Twitter's mostly female and gay. Twitter is not really a straight man's society. I believe Instagram is getting more straighter other than, you know, Man Monday. Man Bun Monday. You ever see Man Bun Monday? They all have buns.

Man Bun Monday.

Man Bun Monday.

I want to see him. To me, if I see a bun, I'm like, oh. I shout.

They're hot, though. They're really hot.

Yeah, but, like, never. Nary a man's bun will make me want to go out.

But the point of the story is that I don't really see too many men wanting to talk. They like to take pictures of their cars and their friends and their trips, and they don't really want to say very much. So that's why it's a good place for men. Men love to take, but they love.

Sitting, looking at, like, bikit, like Mike during love life.

They used to love Facebook, but I think they're gotten away from Facebook. I think they're growing up. It's become really instant, right?

It has. So it's. So I have a question for this.

What? I can't look at this. Madison, you can't walk up to me in this show.

Okay, so when you are matching people. So this is the thing. What do you think are some of the problem. Like, the problems. What do you think people are looking for? Like, when women come to you and they're like, we want to find someone, what are the mistakes that they're making? Like, if they're across the board, there's like, three mistakes that we're all making.

I think the wish list to the floor is the mistake. Like, he has to be this way, this way. Like, 75 items, and it's not like, five deal breakers and that's enough. Five deal breakers, two physical quirks, and you're done. Like, you start getting really ripped to the floor. But I will tell you something. A cute little story. So Marnie Nixon, who, who I just became friends with, who wrote the Girl's Guide to Divorce, was telling me a story about Lisa Edelston the star, who. I absolutely love you, Lisa.

That's such a good story.

She reminds me a little bit. You. You guys kind of look alike.

I like her.

So Lisa was going through a dating drought, and she was sick of dating all these losers. And she finally said, I'm gonna make. Make a list, but I'm going to make the list so crazy. A practical magic list, which so out left field that it could never possibly happen. And one of the things was, he lives in Los Vilos. Well, she goes to an art gallery, and there's the guy, and it was everything on her list, and she ends up marrying him. So maybe her. In her mind, the list works for her. I believe everybody's different. I believe the secret ingredient is to meditate and go internal. I took. I took transcendental meditation this year. It's not cheap. It's like over a thousand dollars. Four day of intensive work. I do it twice a day if I can get that second one in. And the truth is, it changed my life. I read Howard Stern and Ellen DeGeneres and Jerry Seinfeld all did it. And a good friend of mine, my showrunner, Spike Van Briesen, and I, we did it together. And it kind of calmed me down. You know, he. It made me more centered and more focused. And what I think it does is it gives you clarity to know what you want so that when the loser, you know, shows up, you don't get angry, you don't get mad. You don't have a sex in the city moment where you're just so pissed off at the world. Like, Charlotte, like, I've been dating for a hundred years, and where is he? You don't have that. You're like, no, thank you. I'm gonna wait for the next one, Right?

Like, it is true. Everyone needs those moments because buses are.

Coming by every five minutes. As my mother says, you just gotta pick the right one and get on the right journey.

But, yeah, and I. But I just think, going back to the beginning, a lot of people don't spend time thinking about what they truly, truly want at all ages.

Well, Pat Allen says you should know what you don't want as a woman. I don't always agree with that. I agree with a little bit, both. But gratitude is key. Be grateful for your past relationships. This last relationship taught me how to live with a man. I had never lived with a man. I am so grateful for David for teaching me to be. I was a great stepmother while it happened. I lived with him. I learned how to keep A home and clean and cook and take care of my man and my dogs. And I fucking loved it. The next guy is gonna reap me. I am Susie fucking Homemaker with Madonna in the bedroom and Martha Stewart in the nursery.

Wow. You did it all. You learned to cook and all that.

Like, I gave him a lot of gratitude for that. And you have to give gratitude for all those past relationships, even the ones that broke up, even the ones that ended poorly and badly. What did you learn from them?

Right, exactly. You have to always do the inventory. Because a lot of time, men and women, they jump from one to the next because they're hurting.

I think a great analogy would be to take the 12 step program from AA and use that as a dating 12 step. I always had this group back in Florida called Dating Anonymous, which I had people come visit me in my house, and we would have a small, little once a week therapy group and talk about our dating life. And it was okay to be single. And if we did find someone, it was okay. And at the end of the day, we did the steps. And one of the steps was, you know, take an inventory, moral inventory of all the people and call the guys up, the exes that meant the most to you. Say, look, I want to thank you for this, but can you tell me why you broke up with me?

Wow, really? Did you do this?

Yes. And you take a moral inventory and the ones that really hurt you and broke your heart, even if they're married now with five babies, you find the one thing you were looking for because the question mark that spins in your brain, that you don't know why, you just keep repeating that pattern over and over again, breaks the pattern. The other thing is to take a child, inner child exercise, which is, I did that this last year, and so.

I couldn't explain that for people. What inner child work is.

When you're growing up, there's usually a trauma of something that happened in your childhood.

Even if you think your life is perfect, you had a trauma, believe me.

And this trauma dictated the road for you in your relationship. For instance, if you never got the cheerleader in high school and you were always searching for the cheerleader, you made a lot of money to get the cheerleader when you're. When you're, you know, the gold digger when you're later in life. And so in my case, my dad told me at 11, I made him lose all his money. He was drunk, he was a big alcoholic, and he pointed his finger at me, and I must have downloaded it and sink on my computer. I remember I'm 11 years old, and from that moment on, I took every wounded bird in the road home with me. Well, this last year, it shook me to the core that I remembered that through hypnosis, through meditation, through attracting a soulmate. And I went, holy shit. I don't have to do that anymore. And I will never take a man who's not qualified enough to date me, who's not at my level. Water seeks its own level. I will look for my water level.

Right?

And he's not going to be a multimillionaire. He's going to be a guy who's successful, good with his money and shares, and is generous.

And he doesn't need you to fix anything. You don't want to change anything.

I can't fix anyone. And I'm not here to rescue you if I have to rescue you. We're not a match. Sorry.

I just had guys, typically, who wanted to change me in ways.

Oh, I had. Everybody wants to change me.

Like, I love all this crazy about you, but, like, maybe you could just stay home and turn off your phone.

Thing, stay out of your purse.

Yeah, mine was. Mine was like, if you. I love all the fact that you're interesting and you're funny, and when we go to an event, you're just fascinating, but can you shut up?

Right?

And I was like, shut up. I'm like, you picked a chatty person. And then if I go quiet. You ever do the days, like, she's a Gemini, like, mammaly. So if. If you go quiet for three days and your boyfriend looks. What's wrong? What's wrong? I'm like, no, I'm just being quiet for the next three days. I really don't feel like talking. I'm in a Zen mode.

What?

What? What?

What?

What happened?

I'm like, oh, my God.

You're telling me to shut up. I finally fucking shut up, and now you're telling me to keep talking. What the fuck do you want?

That would be shocking, though, if you just went quiet for three days.

I've done that. I've done that. I've just, like, quiet, you know? Like, you know, we talk, but we didn't have conversations. And I was just like, I feel. I'm tired. I've been working. I've been tired.

I totally get it.

Could I ask a question?

Please, Please, Anderson, Ask away for the.

Listener, like, who might be listening in her car or cubicle.

Who.

She. She might consider herself overweight, homely. She's very nervous about dating, but she's lonely. Like, what would you say?

Well, the first thing I want to do is get to the gym. Not to lose weight, to let the endorphins rush, basically. Which makes you happy. Happy people find happy people find happy other people. So happy is contagious, Depression is contagious and the endorphins are rushing. Yes, you'll lose weight as a side byproduct, but you really should be doing it to keep yourself sane. And it leaves, it alleviates depression. You sleep better at night, which by the way, sleep is one of the God given gifts for dating. For dating. People don't realize sleep is everything. And the thing is, most people are really unhappy. So if you start off unhappy, you're going to meet an unhappy person.

Yeah, it's like you meet half a person you want to attract. You want to get to your best possible.

I gained about 10 pounds in the last three weeks. I was really unhappy with myself today. And I was like, you know what, I just gotta get back to the gym. So I opened my app up on Equinox. I booked a class, you know, for tomorrow. And I'm just gonna.

I love it.

You don't think about it, you just do it. You don't worry what anyone else is thinking about you. That's another thing. I was always a lone rider. I was called like my mother would say, she, she goes to the beat of her own drum. And this is my problem with her. She just doesn't do well in groups. And I was like. Because I was like further ahead of the pack. I was like, I don't have time for you. And I wasn't the girl that had 55, 40 friends. You know, I had a few friends in each city that I traveled to or worked there or lived. And I was focused on my business. I was focused on growing my. My business. Whether I was in school, what I was learning. I put my effort and energy into my interests. When you get into your interests, you become super magnetically attractive to the opposite sex because you're not focused on getting heat.

Right.

You're not in heat.

Exactly. And they're attracted to strong women in some ways. Although I want you to help me answer some emails for the listeners here. Okay? Thank you everybody for emailing me. Feedbackectectwithemily.com and I love you because I love that you've been listening lately, that I want to know your age and your name. We can change your name and how you listen and where you live. That's all. It's not too much to ask Emily. I'm a beta male married to an alpha female. I can be bossy at time, but we butt heads often. My wife is very confrontational and enjoys a different debate as long as she wins. This makes the relationship uncomfortable at times for both of us. I feel we do not have clear roles that we developed together. Could you please enlighten me in how to make a beta male with an alpha female successful? Brian?

Well, I think the first thing you have to do is go take the five languages of love.

I was gonna talk to you about that.

It's Dr. Gary Chapman's book. You can take it online for couples as well, singles. And I think you need to find her love language. When you find her love language and you give it to. To her and you tell her your love language, you will have lines of communication now open and you will both feel love.

You think that could break the Alphabet thing? Even if she's not respecting him because he's more beta and she.

The love tanks are not filled up. That's the disrespect. That's the one where you're just disregarding each other's feelings. Love tanks aren't filled.

Okay, I love. We talked about this briefly on our last show, but I do love, and I've talked about it here and there, But I think it is a great book to find out how we experience love. There's five ways, right? And it's not that your partner has to experience them in the same way.

He has to love you if you're touched, like I'm touching gifts. So if someone touches me, like when I'm crying or I'm happy, or greets me with a hug or kisses my neck, I feel filled up for the day. Now, a lot of the men I've dated are words of affirmation. So I basically have to say, oh, honey, you look awesome today. Or, how was your day at work? How do you feel? Like stupid stuff that you wouldn't think matter. And Pat Allen would say, you would never ask a man how you feel. But a words of affirmation guy, you.

Ask how you look.

No, you ask him how he feels.

He.

He wants to know that you care. So cancer sensitive men. Scorpios are sensitive. Water people are very sensitive. They want to know that you care.

So feeling is a great test. You could just go on their website and take it. That's a good one.

I would love to know their astrology. Also what their planets are for me to figure out the hiccups there too.

Okay. I think that, I mean, I think that's a good one. I think that also though there is something about the alpha female that. I mean, I have friends who are alpha male.

Well, I always tricks that of beta. But there are alpha to magna alpha and that's what you and I want. I'm attracted to magnet alpha men, but I'm beta at home. I switch. I'm only alpha at work.

Me too. See, I'm so I'm beta at home.

And I wanted and I've been told like what happened to the alpha when you get home? And I'm like, once that door shuts, honey, I am total beta.

What would the alpha at home even look like? Like, I don't even know.

I can never box here when I.

Make my dinner juice. Like I like guys who cooking but.

The magna alpha is usually an androgynous person. He can switch it to both sides and he can actually diminish his alpha to a level that you can understand. Because when he's two alpha beta woman as well as alphas like us, back off. We're like, okay, there's no point in arguing. You. I. We may disagree here, but I'm gonna let you have it. Like we just know when to, you know, concede, so to speak.

Speak. Okay. It's good. Thank you, Patty.

Something else I heard that email though is she wants to win. And like I, I always wanted to win arguments when I was in relationships until I said she wants to win. That's what he said. That's his interpretation. But I mean that there is something to be said for that. Cuz like once I got married I realized I don't want to win. I just want to figure it out.

Do you want to be yes or do you want to have a happy life?

I want us to both see what the problem is and fix it rather than win an argument.

But that's his. His perception is winning. That was. He said that say that we would have to hear her side of the story. There's always two sides.

And there's the truth. Exactly. Exactly. Okay. Sex with the ex. Hello, Emily. This is kind of embarrassing, but I've been having sex with my ex boyfriend for two years. We dated. It didn't go well. After remeating and hanging out, we ended up enjoying each other's company. We have no other commitments and we see each other regularly. And sex is always good. Though I feel like I. I feel like I found myself wondering how could I get him to fully commit. Commit to me? Should I just hold off on sex with him. It's one of those complicated relationships, Carolyn.

Well, you're with somebody two and a half years, if not before you were having the sex. So you've known him a really long time. So the first thing you have to do is have a conversation. Sober, light of day, coffee, no cocktails, you know, coffee, tea, whatever. Sober. Soberville. In a nice, well lit place in the middle of the day. Okay? Quiet time, you know, make an appointment and say to him, listen, there's something I need to talk to you about. Okay? Okay. I really like you, I really care about you. But I'm in a place right now where I want to get serious with someone. I want to be monogamous, I want to get married, whatever it is. And I kind of let myself go by having sex because I'm so magnetically attracted to you. But this doesn't feel right for me to keep it in this position that it's in. How about we go to the next level and if you're not interested, that's okay. I don't want to hold you up because I need to go find the right guy, right? And you have to be this. You have to stay this with a smile on your face as though you're not attached to the outcome of the situation.

So there's no pressure, no heavy situation.

No, no, you did this and I did that. None of that shit. And when you say that and you go, and then he's like, st. He's going to stutter because he's not expecting this to happen. This is like totally shocked because he's.

Getting what he wants right now, right?

You're shooting off, you know, a gun. You're going to have to say, what's your plan? When you ask a man what's their plan, they have to think. You have to let that awkward pause stretch. He's going to need a big moment to process you. He might say, you're going to have to get back to you. That's ok, as long as you tell me when. But till you get back to me, we're not having sex, okay? Because I'm in a place right now where I want to get serious. And if you don't want to get serious, that's cool. Just don't hold me up and I won't hold you up. And that's how you do it.

That's what my wife said to me. Yeah, what she said like five years ago. She's like, what's your plan? What are you doing here? Until you figure it out, I Don't even want to talk to you.

Right, exactly.

And then how long did it take you?

I fucking freaked out.

What'd you do? Did you go home?

It was like a couple weeks and I was like, all right, this is. It's on.

You can take up to eight weeks in this situation. Eight weeks is left. Yes, eight weeks is where it takes about three, four weeks for it to process. Where the man slower. At the six week mark, he's lost his mind. At the eight week mark, he's probably going to Tiffany's and getting you a ring. Now if he doesn't do this, he was never your guy. He was probably switch hitting with somebody else. He was probably, you know, perusing the Internet. He had some backup girl. Worse than you. He might have three backup girls. You don't know his story. But if you don't know where he is in a Saturday fucking night, he's got another girl.

It's true. It's totally true.

You're not. Priority night is Saturday night.

So by her. She thinks she's sleeping with him. She needs to ask him to define it.

But here's the thing. You can't. Men are going to look at this like you're taking the cookie away. No, it's not we're taking the cookie way. It's that we're at risk to oxytocin bond even stronger than we already have. So we have estrogens surging through our body up to about 40, 45. And then we have no control over this. We fall in love with a loser. The gossip, garbage attendant. We just can't help ourselves. So we are at risk. You are not. You have no oxytocin. You can sleep with us and let us go tomorrow. We need to protect ourselves. And unfortunately that might mean not giving it up anymore.

Right. And Carolyn, it sounds like she has to do this because it's been four years now, on and off. I think that women do this. They think we always. They want to change the makai. So I think this is great. Have the talk and it worked for you. Would you have thought though, Anderson, the day before she gave the talk to you that had the talk with you.

You went to life of Riley. I was doing whatever I wanted. She lived in San Francisco. I knew that I loved her. But like, you know, I was just. I was still a single guy with a person that I really cared about. And then when she just said, you know what? This isn't working for me, I kind of freaked out. And two weeks later I said, all right, I'll get a place and let's move in. And she said no. She's like, fuck you. But then she came around.

Yeah.

I mean, no regrets.

So no regrets.

It was almost an ultimatum. Almost like an ultimatum.

Kind of like the shit I get off the bat thing. I was like, you never want to make a. Convince a man to get away from him because the guy's gonna continue to.

Do whatever he wants and have it.

There's a reason that men are dogs, okay? Dogs don't know when to stop eating. Think about that. You put food in front of a dog till it's every five minutes, it's going to eat everything you put. You put a cat in the same position, it will eat what it wants. He's finicky and walks away. Women are cats. Men are dogs. Women know what they want, okay? And men don't. So until you show a man what he wants, he doesn't fucking know. Know.

Well, a man wants everything too. And they'll take everything if you give.

It to him, right? That's what I'm saying. So you're giving them food constantly. You take away the food, he's now going to go running after you and hump your leg and sleep in your bed till you give him more food. You understand? He's not leaving you to go find more food. He's coming towards you. You were the food giver, you understand?

But he could also go the other way and be like. Well, she's like. Because he could also say, you know.

What, you want to figure that out anyways, right? You want to figure that out sooner or later.

She's been a this is over list. This guy has been. He's been sleeping for over two years. As an ex, what were they like even before that? So let's say there's four years here, which just uses an estimate. Two and two, okay? That's a long ass. Time for him to lose his cookie, his nookie, okay? He's. Now you're taking, you're taking the magic wand away from him.

God forbid.

He's not gonna sleep good at night, you understand? He's not gonna. And most men are lazy lions, they're creatures of habit. They're not gonna go wanna go out on the perfect and look for more goodies because they've got their laundry done. She's cooking, she's cleaning and she's fucking. Now that's a lot. That's a tall order. But girl, you better know your worth. That's the key.

That's the thing.

Do you know how much you're worth? Okay. If you don't know your worth on the open market, you're screwed.

Love it. Okay, Patty, thank you so much, Patty. Okay, so here's the thing. People can find you in a few weeks at the Great Love Debate.

Oh, yeah, Great Love Debate Laguna be. Do I have my information here? Sorry. Okay, so Great Love Debate. We're gonna be there on. There's no date. Okay. Here.

Great Love Debate.

We're there at September 2nd at the Laguna Playhouse in Laguna. It's $40 for regular registration and 75 for VIP. Please go buy@greatlovedebate.com we are going to be talking to you, taking your questions in person. There'll be a little VIP area. You can get a selfie with me. You can buy some of my products. You can ask me a personal question by the side. We're going to spend a lot of time. Laguna is a great place. And a lot of millionaires will be selling. Showing up. A lot of millionaires will be, oh.

My God, I'm coming. Yeah, I'm coming, Patty. Even though, you know, we'll see how that goes with fixing it with millionaires. Okay. And then also your wine. I used to be serving. Yes.

I have a new wine ad. I'll be hitting all the grocery stores starting in September. But right now you can get it nationwide@wine.com and several grocery chains, small grocery chains, and a little bit of a, you know, some of the wine boutiques. But wine.com is the best place. Place. I have a sweet red sparkling from Italy and I have a crisp green apple chardonnay from Napa. You got to chill both. It's amazing, these wines. I have been using other people's wines for years in my mixers and in my events. And it's like, finally I got my own product.

I owned part of Taikusaki. I got in the liquor industry because of that. And I fell in love with. That was a little bit of a male driven product. This product is unisex. It has aphrodisiac properties in it.

It does.

It makes you juicy cousy and woody shitty. And it's a thing to have in your house if not to give a hostess gift this summer. And both of them need to be chilled and you're just gonna fall in love with it. Yeah. It's PSMatch. And you can go to PSMatch.com and find out about the information and the ingredients and the alcohol content.

Awesome. And we'll have all this on our website. As well. Thank you, Patty Stanger for being Millionaire, matchmaker being on the show. Thank you, Anderson. Thank you, everyone. Thank you, Madison.

Okay, thanks for having me.

Okay, everyone, thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.

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