Secret Pleasure Points

Things that are worth having in life take some effort. And I believe that for everyone who's in a relationship and not in a relationship, we all deserve to have really healthy, expansive, intimate lives. And it starts with these kind of conversations. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sexual exploration is sexy. You don't have to know everything about sex to be hot in bed. But if you're curious, well, that'll blow their mind. So let's look at some less talked about pleasure acts and how you can incorporate them into your sex life. From nipples to the labia. What unexplored erotic stones and tools can enhance your orgasms when your partner's got a large penis? How do you explore anal without hurting yourself? Plus, how do you find friends and community when you've just entered the BDSM lifestyle? And how do you maximize your partner's pleasure? Well, all this and more on today's Pleasure Points Show Intentions with Emily for each episode, I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I encourage you to do the same. Well, my intention is to inspire you to try something new in your sex life. Whether it's a small tweak or overall evolution to your sexuality, you're growing. Which is the best mindset for a pleasure filled life. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new article, how to have great sex during perimenopause, menopause and beyond is up at sex with emily.com check out my YouTube channel, social media and TikTok. It's all Sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, do it. Leave me your questions or message me at sex with emily.com askemily or call my hotline 559 talk sex or or 559-825-5739. Always include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Plus you could change your name or choose to remain anonymous. Before we get into today's show, I have to tell you something that is very very exciting. If you haven't heard the news yet, I am coming out with a book. I'm so excited. We just released the COVID and you can pre order it now. Just click the link in the show notes or go to my website. The the book is called Smart Sex how to boost your sex IQ and own your pleasure. It's actually going to be released on June 13th. You can request it in your libraries, but hopefully you'll pre order it and you'll come visit me when I'm on the road starting like end of May, early June. I might be coming to your town. Just email me and let me know if you have a place you'd like me to speak. And hopefully I'll be telling you about all the upcoming events. But I just want to say that writing a book is is no joke and it was a huge intense and satisfying at the end of the day endeavor. And I am just really excited to share all of it with you. It really took a turn. I'm just really excited about it because I know I've been talking to y' all on the show for a long time, but this book has some new information in it that I really know is going to change the way you think about your sex life, your sex life with your partner. I'm going to get into a whole new way of thinking about sex called sexual intelligence or sex iq. And I just want to thank you all because really, this book would not have happened if it weren't for you. It wouldn't happen if you haven't been listening and supporting the show for almost 20 years, which is the thing that I love most of all. So I just appreciate all of you. I can't wait to share the book with you and just thank you for supporting me in this endeavor. And if you know you're going to buy it, it helps a lot to pre order it right now. If you pre order it now, we're going to be doing a ton of giveaways around that. So you just to show me that you actually pre order it. And you know I love to give pleasure. So you're gonna be getting some vibrators, some lubes, some toys. It's gonna be fun. So just pre order the book right now. Sexwithomily.com all you have to do is go to the dropdown menu and select new book and it's easy from there. Oh, and let me just say this thing about pre order. So there's this whole thing that I'm learning that if you pre order from indie bookstores, that even helps more people find the book. So if you have an indie bookstore you like, we love Skylight books. You could go to their website if you have one in your town, they probably have a website and you can pre order the book from there. But buying from your indie bookstores, please support them. That helps them and it helps my endeavor here of getting this book into as many hands as possible. Change lives. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode.

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or part of play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jiu is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it so solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20% off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera. That's emily20 for 20% off@sexwithemily.com H E R A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, and this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it.

All right, here's what's up. I'm thinking a lot about breasts lately, and I believe that they're the most underappreciated erogenous zone. I've talked about this before, but maybe it's been a while, but I feel like my history with it is growing up, you kept thinking like, oh, they're going to remember when you started fooling around people, they would first touch your breasts and then they would go down your pants. You know all the bases, right? There was so much focus on the breasts and, you know, people loving the breasts and all these things. But then I realized what happens is, at least for me and maybe some of you, I've heard that you just kind of skip right over them and you go right to sex, right? That's that whole going from in relationships when you stop kissing and you go right to the sex, I think we stop playing with the breasts as well. We stop realizing that they are these incredible sources of pleasure. Now, I am talking about women right now, but I think that for many men, your nipples, your breasts can feel great too. I don't think that it's every man, but it's kind of like straight men with their prostate that a lot of guys are like, no way, no Go makes me gay. Duh, duh. But now I think that men are realizing that the sex act does not make you gay and you have this incredible Roger Zone on your body. You might as well explore it. And I think that men are opening up to that more. I'm not sure if breast plays the same that maybe men, if they let themselves go and didn't think it was a feminine thing, that it would feel great. But I have asked a lot of my gay friends too and I think it's more of a case by case basis. Just I wanna hear if you have any breast questions. I'm actually curious too. Are you happy with your breast play? Do you like how it's going right now? What do you like? All right, let's go to John 64 in California. Hey Dr. Emily. I came across your site and thank you for opening this forum. My wife and I have just very recently discovered a BDSM lifestyle. Who knew? We're a monogamous straight married couple about 20 years and do not envision that changing. Although we thought we would be identified as Switch in our play, I knew almost immediately that I was the sub and that was all I cared to be. So when he says switch, that someone would be dominant and some would be, you know, submissive and then they would switch. I held off telling her as long as I could, three days, lol. Because I thought that she too expected and wanted to be the sub. She's naturally deeply caring and submissive. Contrary to this, I've been very dominant in every aspect of my personal and professional life forever. Large corporate executive, etc. This has opened up our lives. Extensive communication, a broader and more fulfilling sex life, and a deeper mutual trust than we've ever experienced before. We weren't bad before, but we both feel like this has brought tremendous balance to our life beyond our sex life. My question, how do we expand our social circle to find and socialize with other like minded couples? We aren't interested in changing our monogamous lifestyle or sharing our actual sex play with others. Just a safe means to socialize with persons of a like lifestyle and life experiences. Well, John, I love this. First of all, I love that you guys have opened up your play to something a little bit different, a Little Kinkier. After 20 years, I hope that there's people listening who've been in relationships and you think this is it. This is how we're always going to have sex. I want to be on top, she's going to be on the bottom, we're going to have missionary. We're going to roll over, we're going to. It's going to be over. It's not. No. He 64, 20 years together and they've realized that there's a new lifestyle. And not only did they decided they wanted to be into some bdsm, bondage, discipline, sadomasochism, you know, just could even mean handcuffs and blindfolds. We're not. It doesn't have to be a whole dungeon. But he's saying we did something and we mixed it up and, and then even went further to say, and I wanted to be submissive. You know, it's very common for as far as this lifestyle goes, that there are men who are dominant everywhere else in their life, right from, you know, the boardroom and they've got all the things going on, but in the bedroom they want to be submissive. Even that was able to work. That was another layer he went through. So I just want to congratulate you, John. Thank you for your email and also to answer your question. Okay, well, the great news is, is right now there are some places I can send you. There's one called. This is amazing. It's called Hashtag Open. You just spell it out, Hashtag open. And it's actually a dating app, but it's for single people, it's for couples. It's literally for people in every type of relationship looking for any kind of thing. Lgbtq, non binary, trans. I mean, there are everything on there. People who want, you know, be in the lifestyle, swinging. And so if you check out Hashtag Open, I think that it's free. So you could put a profile up there and you can sort of say looking to socialize for people, you know, who are like minded. So that might be a great place to find that. Also another site that lists a lot of different kind of events like this is FetLife, that's f e T Life. So those are some places where I think you could just start looking and finding people. But another place might be Reddit. Now that I'm thinking about it, I feel like Reddit has a lot of sub communities of people. I don't know if they have groups on there, but I just was. There's a lot of sex stuff that goes on there. But if you want something that's a little bit more people in you who are like minded and not just talking about it, I would say build yourself a profile and hashtag open. Tell me how it goes. I've heard so many great things. And then FetLife and Finding like minded people. And the good news about that is I think once you find a good couple that you, you know, some people you like, this is how I always found. Once you find someone you really get along with or you like, whether it's socially or professionally, you tend to meet their friends and it tends to grow from there. We can talk to Marcus. Marcus called. Marcus, 34 in Wisconsin. Hi, Marcus, thanks for calling. What's going on?

Hi. Yeah, so my question is.

Every time down on my wife, she enjoys it and I enjoy giving that to her. I would like to kind of push it a little bit farther towards some anal play.

Okay.

Whether it is with, you know, my finger, tongue or whatnot, I, I just don't know how to bring that up to her in a way that's not gonna her out or, you know, kind of be off putting right away.

Right. Okay, great, Marcus, so I've got a few ideas for you. So the best way to do this, to enter into an anal agreement when you haven't before, is to talk about it when you are not in the bedroom. So you don't want to like surprise someone. Right. With a finger. But next time you guys are, you know, hanging out, if you have, you're having dinner. Marcus, tell me this. Do you guys ever talk about your sex life and what satisfies you and what you're into, which she likes.

That's usually kind of in the heat of moments, like I'll ask her what she likes and she always kind of just says, you know, anything you do. Which, you know, I'm happy to hear. But at the same time, I kind of want to, you know, try this.

Of course.

But at the same time, there's been talks before where it's like, no, but that's more. So just like straight penetration that she's said no to, but not. I really haven't asked her the idea of, you know, just.

Yeah, okay, I got it, Marcus. I totally got it. So here's my suggestion for you. I hear this a lot. How long have you been together, Marcus?

Eight years.

Eight years. Okay, perfect. So it's funny though, Marcus, you're. You're not alone in that. Most couples that I talk to here on the show haven't talked about their sex life because, you know, we don't have a great model of it. Our parents didn't talk to us about it. We're afraid that we're going to get judged and so we just decided not to say anything. Which is why your wife much like how I was when I, you Know when I was in my 30s, I would, if someone asked me, if a guy asked me, are you into this? I'd be like, yeah. And they'd say, what else do you want me to do? I'd say, everything's great because I didn't know what else there was to say because I wasn't comfortable and I hadn't done a lot of explaining, exploring. I hadn't done a lot of the masturbation that I. All the hours I've been logging and all the sex I've been logging since. So the conversation goes something like this. I realized we've been together for eight first for so long and I really love the sex we're having. And you could even give some examples. You turn me on. I love the way you taste when I go down and you all the things and say. But I realize that like we've been together a long time and I think I would just really love to do some playing with you and figure out what might you be into. And I know we haven't talked about it, but like, is there a fantasy you have? You know? And if she doesn't answer there because she might again, most people haven't talked about it until this moment. I've advised thousands of couples to have conversations like this, Marcus. And so she might brittle at it and say, why are you talking about this? Oh, is our sex life not great? You know, that's kind of where our minds go. But you might want to say to her, I just want to make sure we're great lovers to each other. Maybe you could start with what are the three most memorable times you've had sex? Like with moments like, are there three moments that stick out for you? Because then by her telling you that that starts the conversation and then you could tell her what you liked and then you could just see where it goes from there. Now you have to remember that it's not a one time conversation, it's ongoing. And hopefully she'll take to this conversation. You can always like start it and call me back, but you could just. And then if you get to this point, you could say, I've just been fantasizing. Like I know we've talked about anal sex, but you could say to her, I just want, want to like, you know, I've been listening to this show. People blame me all the time. Marcus. This show sucks. With Emily, she talks about there's all these nerve endings. It can feel great for women. I'd love to just kind of use my finger or my mouth. We could take a shower together. I'm getting in front of all the things she's going to worry about, like, how's her hygiene? And you could say, I just want to, like, see how it feels. I can go really slow because you could say, I've said on the show. Which is true. We have so much fear around it because we had a bad experience once we've heard it's painful, it's not sanitary, it's taboo, all the things. But once we let all of that go and we're like, okay, you know what? I'm going to. I'm going to open my mind and see and go slow, it actually can feel really good because there's so many nerve endings. There's so many ways to play. And so you could just say, I would love to continue to keep expanding and trying new things because. Not because you're bored. Not because maybe you're bored, to be honest, we do the same things over and over again in the bedroom, but because for intimacy to grow. Grow in a relationship, we have to keep trying new things. We have to keep. We try new foods, we try new exercises, like. But we don't, you know, so sex is the same way. So how do you feel about having just a conversation with her overall and then seeing how it feels to kind of get her comfortable with it and then kind of move into that?

It's one of those things where I just don't know how it's going to go because, like you said, we've never had that conversation before. So it's going to be interesting because. Yeah. I feel like she's going to start questioning things.

Yep.

With that. But.

Okay.

Yeah. Every time, usually, you know, doing something, and I'll ask, you know, does that feel good? Do you want me to continue that?

She doesn't know.

Should I, like, be somewhere else with it?

You know, she has no idea.

She'll. She'll direct me in the moment like that. Which.

That's good.

More than appreciative of that, just because I just want to make sure she's getting the best experience possible.

Right. Which I love. And that's another thing to say, Marcus, is. This is really hard for me to say. It's very uncomfortable. I've never talked about this before. I love you. You're my wife, and I know that a lot can come up for you right now. This isn't about you, and this isn't about, like, anything wrong you're doing. I just know how important it is for. I've seen it in so many couples, I hear it on this show I listen to, if you feel comfortable with that, that so many couples, eventually their sex life just becomes non existent because they don't talk about it and they keep doing the same things. And apparently there's a lot of things we could learn together. Sex can feel amazing in all these ways. And you can have orgasms. Most women can have multiple orgasms. And. And you might have to just. In that first conversation, Marcus, be patient and be okay with her. Say, and I just want to tell you what I want to say. And then you go, go into. I would love to explore, I'd love to start having a dialogue with you. Then you could say, and what are your response to that? And it might be about her getting comfortable with it. And then you have another one. But I understand too, Marcus, that maybe she grew up in a religious household. Maybe she was told that it was wrong to talk about. Maybe she has no idea what feels good. So what I love is it's only been eight years and you're 34 years old, so you can start, you know, things that are worth having in life. Take some effort. And I believe that for everyone who's in a relationship and not in a relationship, we all deserve to have really healthy, expansive, intimate lives. And it starts with these kind of conversations that are awkward at first and she might be taken aback by it, but again, if she cares about the intimacy and prioritizing pleasure. You know, a lot of couples, again, they listen to my podcast together and it helps them or you research, find an article or something that she could start to get her head around that it's not just you, but it's actually something science that, that this is. That there's a lot of pleasure to be had for her. And most people do not get healthy sex education and information unless they seek it out because it's not on billboards, it's not on tv. Right. You happen to see this listening. So be patient with her. That I'm assuming she's never really thought about or talked about it, at least not in the way that we need her to. Okay.

Yeah, I completely. Yes, in that aspect of kind of being reserved in that. And never had that dialogue. And it's kind of one of those things that it's slightly bit awkward if we have talked about, you know, just a quick thing when nothing is going on between us.

Well, you could say that this is really uncomfortable. I know we've never talked about it unless we're in the bedroom. I'm asking this because I want this to be. Become a really important part of our relationship and how we can be better lovers to each other, how we can have more intimacy and I don't know, maybe you're not just talking about sex. Maybe you want more hand holding, maybe you want more cuddling. Maybe there's, you know, it's all about intimacy and connection. So just say, I think it's important. I'd love for us to figure out a way to have conversations about this to get past the awkwardness, because it's uncomfortable for me too. But I think it's important for us to do this and, and then just listen. So go back to like. But I think it's important we can keep talking about it and, and you call me back and I can help you kind of figure out the next steps because it's brave and I know it's not easy, but you. It's so important. And then you'll be able to get into the anal and all the other things, but you can't go from zero to anal.

Okay.

Thanks, Marcus. Thanks for your call. Keep me posted. Okay, I'll be here. Okay. We have an email. This is from Stephanie. She's 50 in Washington. Hey, Dr. Emily. I recently discovered your podcast and I love it. Thanks so much for all the sex positive information. So I'm going to quandary about my libido. I'm in a 25 year monogamous relationship and my sex drive has been all over the place. I had zero drive earlier in the year to the point that I'd honestly assumed I was going to be celibate for the rest of my life. Then I started taking some supplements this summer and now I can't get enough. Legitimately, I could have sex several times a day. I can't tell what's normal for a woman my age, given most of the stuff I see online is talking about a decrease in drive as you move into menopause and I'm not there yet. Sadly, my partner's unable to keep up with my needs at his age of 56. I do masturbate, go, magic wand, but after a few consecutive days, I find it more irritating than helpful. Is there a sex sleepway camp I can go to? Ha ha. I appreciate any advice you have to help me meet my needs in between penetration sessions. Oh my God. Can I just tell you, I'm so inspired by your email. Stephanie and I want to build a sex sleepaway camp. I really do. I feel like I should get all of my friends together that are like our age in her 40s and 50s and trying to figure this out. I can help us all. I can coach us all along and tell us what to do, because I've been on the same journey as you, Stephanie, and there is just not a lot of information out there until very, very recently. So let me just say this. You're doing all the right things. You found some supplements which can work temporarily. I'm not sure what those are. Which is great. You're still masturbating. Love that. Because remember, if any of you are suffering from lower sex drive, you're not in the mood for sex. It's to time. Not going to magically just come back. And masturbating is so helpful because sex begets sex. But then what you're saying is it gets irritating after a few days. I get it. So let me tell you what's really happening right now from a biological psychological level. What's happening. Perimenopause, Menopause is stages of life that all women are going to go through. And typically perimenopause can run up 12 years, but I would say typically it's about age 45 to 52. And then menopause simply means you did not get your period for a year, which means you are now in menopause essentially for the rest of your life. So it sounds like you're not in menopause yet. You're experiencing a lot of the symptoms. And so what you're experiencing, it sounds like, is some. Maybe you didn't mention the hot flashes yet, but there are hot flashes and night sweats. But what's happening is that you're having the irritation from the magic wands. You're experiencing a drop in estrogen, which is what starts happening to women. A result of that or a side effect of that is thinning of the vaginal walls, vaginal dryness, and some pain during intercourse. And there might be some weight changes, especially to your middle area, because your body's trying to hold on to the remaining estrogen it has that abdominal fat produces. You might also be having some brain fog, other mood changes, maybe sleep changes. So all of these things start to happen. Up until now, there hasn't been a lot of places for women to go. So what I'm super excited about is the onslaught of information. And in the recent past, a lot of people thought that hormone replacement therapy or HRT wasn't safe for women. And there was a fabulous article in the New York Times that came out a few weeks ago that talks about this. But essentially up until the early late 90s, early 2000s HRT hormone replacement therapy was really, really popular for women. And if they did anything at all, they took estrogen. Because we need to supplement estrogen because it will help with painful sex. It helps to stimulate blood flow in your vagina so you will have less painful sex. You might want to take testosterone, progesterone. There's a lot of different things that you can play with to help you get your sex drive to a more normal place with less pain. And one place I'd love to tell you all about is Odella health, because Odella is essentially the first virtual health clinic. So without leaving your home, you can get treatments for if you're postpartum or you're perimenopausal or menopausal. They treat painful intercourse, low libido and vaginal dryness and all these symptoms. So you don't even have to go to the doctor. They can help you treat your sexual health symptoms. And they offer estrogen prescriptions that you can have delivered to your door. You get a free consultation with their medical team. Their doctor there is awesome. Her name's Dr. Ashley Winter. She is a top sexual health doctor and urologist. And I'm telling you, for me personally, estrogen has been really, really helpful. And you can get a free 30 minute virtual consultation with an Odella nurse practitioner. And if you want to check that out, I'd say go to odellahealth.com sex with Emily. That's O D E L A health. You get $50 off if you go to that URL. Let me go back to your question here is that you're taking supplements, right? Supplements aren't as good as taking some hormone replacement therapy. And yes, I know the risks. Like if breast cancer runs in your family, you've had breast cancer, talk to their doctors about it because it's less of a risk than we thought in the past. Okay. I just want to say there's been some bunk studies that a lot of women in the last 20 years thought they couldn't do HRT, but we were finding that they can. And I have found it to give me so much more relief. And so that might help you. And because I love, like I said, you are like a banner patient here. You're masturbating, you're trying to find ways to make it work for you and your partner. And what I also like about hormone replacement therapy is it just starts to stabilize so you don't have to like constantly be guessing what's wrong with Me, what do I need? So I would check out Odell Health and I would continue to talk to your partner about it because, listen, men can also have hormone replacement therapy. So he should definitely get checked out as well if he'd like to be able to participate in the ways that you need him to and in the ways that, let's be honest, he probably wants to as well. Men are also suffering from loss of testosterone, and this is going to affect their erection and their sex drive. So there's a whole lot going on now. But what a wonderful time to be alive because there's so many solutions and people talking about this stuff that should not be taboo. Am I right? I want to address your low sex drive and your high sex drive and how it's fluctuating. Let me just say this. If we all really take a look. I feel like my sex drive personally has been fluctuating throughout my life. And it used to be because of my periods. There were certain times a month where I was a really high sex drive and then times where I was lower. Definitely if I had new partners in my life, my sex drive was a lot, lot higher. And so I think that we just have to accept that and start. The more we get in tune with our bodies, if we don't want to have penetration, that's fine. Sometimes we just want intimacy. Like, what if you and your partner did a night of intimate touching or mutual masturbation? Maybe you have less frequent penetration, but you decide when you do have penetration, it's on nights that you both plan. It's something to look forward to. Because, remember, our brain is the largest sex organ. So if we're trying to have sex every night and we're not on board with it, and then we are on board, bored with it, what's ever gonna happen. But if we decide, like this weekend it's gonna happen, and we have a whole week to look forward to it, to talk to our partners about our needs and desires. So just start monitoring it on your own. But I also wanna say, if you do choose to go the route of hormone replacement therapy, what I like about estrogen or progesterone or testosterone or combination of all three, is that it stabilizes your sex drive. You won't have to be worrying as much if it's gonna dip or it's gonna be up in such an extreme way, which sounds like what you're experiencing right now. Now. All right, thanks so much for your question, Stephanie. Let me know how it goes. Stick around. After a short break, I'll Be taking more of your questions. All about exploring new areas of pleasure.

So I want to read an email from Crystal, 21 in Utah. I'm a 21 year old female. I've been having sex for a while now. I love listening to your show because it gives me a lot of new information about healthy sex relationships. On your show you talk about masturbation and it's healthy for everyone. I've tried to masturbate. Has in the past. It hasn't worked out. I never reach orgasm. I don't have any equipment. I love that it's equipment. So I'm wondering if you have tips on how to start masturbating. What kind of toys you recommend for a beginner? And I love this because if you have a beginner in your life, a beginner toy user, someone who's never used it, it's also a great gift. So, Crystal, a great beginner toy would be.

I say the JJU Mimi is a great one. That was one of my first toys. And why I love it is because it's great for clitoral stimulation. It's shaped like a. Like a skipping stone. I always say. It's like it fits in the palm of your hand. It's great. The material is super soft silicone. It's also quiet and discreet and it covers more surface area so you can pinpoint your clitoris or go over your vulva. And I think I remember I'd only tried the Magic Wand at this point in my life when I got the Mimi. And then I was like, oh. Because I kind of thought the Magic wand was just like, oh, Nothing will ever top this Cadillac of all vibrators, the Magic Wand. But I love the Mimi. You definitely want to get a good lube and that's what I recommend. Let's talk to Mike 53 in California. Hi, Mike. What's going on? Thanks for calling.

My question is more towards the female anatomy with the vagina inside with the labia and how much that plays into building up to an orgasm.

Great question.

Or does it?

Yes, it does. Well, Mikey, I don't want to say that for every single vulva owner, it's the same, but we often ignore the labia. There's the inner labia and the outer labia, and they're all really sensitive. In fact, the clitoris is just. We think that clitoris is just that little bulb right at the top of the vaginal opening, but it actually has these internal clitoral legs that extend behind, like internally that go into the labia. So yet for many women, they don't realize this. I didn't realize it until later in life that yeah, the labia for many women feels incredible to the touch. So I think like using fingers, going slow, lube, teasing, I think it's all, it's all works together. So I think it's kind of magic for a lot of them.

So what? Of course. Thanks, Mike. Is that it? Anything else?

That's all I had. I didn't want to take up too much of your time.

An email from one of our listeners who said, you know, I feel like you're always focusing on women's orgasm, Ryan. And he said, what about improving men? And everyone struggles with it. So I think, I mean everyone, I think has the equal opportunity to having intense orgasms. So I think that we all deserve to understand what it takes to have more pleasure and more orgasm. And so figuring out what that is for you, I think another thing is that a lot of us just rush right to orgasm and, and that slowing down and taking your time. You know, one of my top tips is to go five times slower than you think. And that prolonging and that teasing and that arousal until the point of orgasm can be so friggin hot.

So specifically for men too. And this is for women, actually. See, I think a lot of my tips for enhancing orgasm and arousal for all genders, Kegel exercises can be done for everyone. Everyone can do them. We all have a pelvic floor and we have those muscles. And I know that a lot of men think that like they don't realize they can do them, but those are the muscles that are responsible for orgasm. So the stronger you can make them, they can give you more control over your orgasm. You could have more intense orgasms because you're building the muscles response like those are the muscles that tense. You know, it's a, if you think about it, it's the P stopping muscles. So when you're trying to stop and start the flow of urine and you tense and relax and tense, those are the muscles. And if you do them five minutes a day, you actually realize that you just might have stronger orgasms.

More pleasure, more bladder control as well.

So we talked about delayed ejaculation, talked about doing your Kegel exercises that can also help prolong orgasm, make stronger orgasms, more pleasure. So the other thing for men to enhance their orgasms and their pleasure is, you know, men have a prostate, right? We always talk about the female G spot or women have the special spot, a special area as I like to call it. But for men, that is your prostate. And all men have a prostate. And for many men, that can feel amazing. And playing with that area either when you're alone or with a partner can really enhance your orgasms as well. So, you know, just using a finger and going inside it can be sensitive. You can do it at the same time of arousal, of when you. You know, when a partner. When you're having sex with a partner, when you're masturbating. Playing with that, your prostate and learning how to stimulate it could give you intense orgasms. Will definitely intensify them. Trying to think of other areas, like the taint, your perineum. Think about the taint. You could apply pressure in that area right in between your penis and your anus. That little area there that could feel so good. How about ezra in Spokane, Washington? He's 35. My wife and I are in an open relationship. She's a girlfriend and is constantly learning new things about her body and what she likes. She brings all this back to our bedroom. Sounds like a good time. But her girlfriend is much better at foreplay than I am. And I really want advice on how I can give her the intense orgasms her girlfriend can. I've been listening to your show for a few days. I listen to every episode I can find on clit play and foreplay. She always has fun when we have sex, but she says that I need to get new moves or switch up my routine. What can I do? Please help, Ezra. First off, just because there's not clit play in the title, I can guarantee you that most episodes there will be something about the clitoris. Can't put clit in every title. Also ask her. I love, Ezra, that you want to please her and you're like, I'm gonna top her girlfriend. But ask her what the girl does or what she would like. You know, you don't have to just guess what she would like. You can say to her, I love that your girlfriend is doing all of these great moves to you. Why don't you show me some of them? Why don't you tell me what they are? You could try the Kiven method if you go to our website. The Kid method is this method for oral sex where you can go down on her. She's lying down on her back. You are lying perpendicular so your head is like. You're licking, like, from thigh to thigh and not from toes to head. So side to side, and that way you are covering more surface area. You're actually able to, with your tongue, lick the labia, all parts of the nerve endings, the labia, the clitoris. And you go back and forth, like left side, middle left, and you just kind of can lick in a really efficient way. And the reason why I bring it up is because so many of you.

It was one of those things in all these years that it was crazy how many of you emailed me, called me, DM'd, me, slid into my DMs. It was like, for months. And you're like, the given method. Oh, my God. I've been married for 20 years. My wife never came from me going down on her. Now she did. I tried the given method. You all freaked out about it. You loved it. Try that, Ezra. It's a good starting place. But also ask questions. I mean, unless she's telling you to go out there and find some new moves, but try some tingly arousal stuff. Play with sensation play. Put some ice cubes in your mouth and then use some warming lube. Hot and cold sensation play. One time I had a client who gave me or someone sent me some tingly clitoral gel, and they gave it to me. And then I was with Madison, who worked for me at the time, I remember, and we went to try it right before the show. And then we sat there and we're like 10 minutes into the show, and I was like, my clitoris is tingling. She's like, so mine. Like, it feels good. It was like in real time. We were feeling ourselves. This stuff works. It's really cool. It's like, why not play with all those nerve endings that we have? Think about it like, the possibilities are endless. For pleasure, tickling, teasing, using a feather, using hot, cold, warm. You could lick and then blow, lick, blow, lick. If you lick and you blow, it's like, lick. Warmer air right there. I know. And then when you suck, it's cooler air. Have we talked about that in a while? Blow, it's warmer. Sockets, cooler. You don't even need ice cubes or warming gel. But I am a fan. I'm a fan of it for you. Here's an email from Christina, 29, in North Carolina. You can also email me feedbackexwithemily.com hey, Dr. Emily. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He has expressed how much he's enjoyed anal in the past. I've done anal before, but my boyfriend now is larger than anyone I've ever been with. So you can say I'm somewhat scared. But I met the stage where I want to open up. How do you suggest I go about getting Ready or being prepared for this? Are silicone lubes the best? I tried numbing lube. Please help. I do recommend silicone lubes. Before you even go right into anal, I always recommend that you start slowly with anal play. So, Christina, you can just tell your partner that you're interested in exploring it. But first make sure that, you know, he just maybe uses his fingers first. Right. Just starts to touch you outside of your anus. There's so many nerve endings just without even going in, like on the outside. That can feel amazing to a partner or to you. That's what I'd recommend. And just get used to the sensation. And that's part of the prep. I mean, part of the prep. Also let me back up because I know you're all thinking about, like, how do I. Like, what about the mess? What if I, you know, poop? What happens? And take a shower, get clean beforehand. Don't eat a super large meal. You don't need to, like, do an enema. But you do need to make sure that you're, you know, we all know when our bowels are clean, cleared, we know we have to go, we don't have to go. So that's what I recommend. That's the kind of prep about making sure that everything's clean. Showering. And then if your partner is going to use a finger, make sure that the nails are trimmed. You really don't want to go with, like, dirty nails or not trimmed nails because the skin is so sensitive it can tear. And so you want to make sure that you are going slow and that you're using a lot of lube. And like, when I say lube, I mean like a lot of lube, like, apply and reapply. And, you know, just start with a finger, start with a pink. And then he could, like, take, you know, use his hand outside. And then you could start seeing, like, how that feels. And then maybe the next time he can put a finger inside, but it could just be like a piece pinky finger. And then we could work up to maybe you could even use a toy. You said he's really large, and I understand that that could be intimidating me. I don't know how large he is, but this might mean that you have to start with a butt plug and kind of build towards it. Now, when the other tip for anal is that you really want to be relaxed. So what really helps is to already be turned on already. Maybe you already have an orgasm, and maybe he's touching you the whole time and turning you on and playing with Your clitoris or has a finger inside of you and you're already aroused because you don't want to just start with anal play. Now, maybe people who are more experienced, you're totally down with that. But like, everything, it's a practice and it's a buildup. And so that's what I recommend for all of you. All. That's what I recommend for Christina, that everybody just take anal slow. Don't take it off the table if you haven't done it right before. You know, if you haven't actually tried to breathe and communicate with your partner and use lube and make sure you're in a comfortable position and go slow. Those are all the steps. Like, really, if you're like your best tips, it's like lube, go slow, communicate, breathe. Because if someone comes near us, our anus, our butt, and we're not prepared, guess what we do? We clench. We clench up, we tighten. Like, that's our natural response. But when we do that, you can't experience anything. Definitely not going to experience pleasure. But when you learn to, like, breathe into it and kind of feel into your body, you might be surprised that it actually feels good. Now, again, there is not one sex accent. And this goes for men, too. It's the same exact rules for anal play for men. Anybody with ans. It's all about that relaxation and going slow and then realizing that, like, again, it's not for everybody. But if you. You try it this way, then you could say, oh, you know what? I tried all the things. I went slow. I used lube, and it still didn't feel good. Then maybe it's not for you. So I think when people, like, do guys like this or do women like this, I can't tell you this. I can tell you what you could do to experiment, right? You're not a mind reader. I don't know, maybe you're the guy you're with does like it. But I think if you're like, I just want to tease you. I want to play with it slowly. Like, take my finger and trace it around the tip of your nipples with a little bit lube or a little bit tingle gel on my finger and, like, lick it, suck it. Another thing about we're talking about temperature plate earlier is to kind of like suck on the nipple, pull back, kind of blow on it. So it's like a mixture of, like, warm and cold air. That's just something fun and flirty. Like, why wouldn't it feel good for men? I just think that, again, a lot of men think it's a no go zone. Don't touch my nipples. Don't touch my anus. Why not? What if you're like on your deathbed and something happens and you're someone brushes against your nipple and you're like oh my God, that felt amazing. Why am I dying and I didn't know that nipple play felt great. I had it shut down for business. I thought nipple was a no go zone. What if that is your secret spot? What if the nipples are the secret to your pleasure and you did not know? I just don't want you guys to be on your deathbed and be regretting all these things that you did not try sexually. That's just what I want for you. I want that for everybody. And you're never done learning about your body. And this is the final thing I'll leave you with. Do not make assumptions about what feels good to you and what doesn't. If you haven't tried it A the second point B is just because you tried it once doesn't mean that it's necessarily off the table forever.

That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like subscribe and give us a review. Review. Wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner, you can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Sex with Emily oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up@sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-TALK SEX. That's 559-825-5739 or go to sexwithemily.com askemily Special thanks to Acast for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger, and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed to organize all the ingredients, work together for comprehensive magnesium support and personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualialife.com sex with emily for 50% off. And here's a bonus use the code sexwithemily for an additional 15 off your order. That's q u a l I a life.com sexwithemily thanks for qualia for sponsoring this episode.