Sex Fantasies Turned Sex Realities

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My husband, he always is ready to do anything that I want. Pretty much he's down for anything, really. So learned and it's been great. But with three kids and running around and everything, our sex life kind of took went on the back burner. But since I've been listening to your show, it's been great.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. If I said it once, I've said it a million times. Communication is a lubrication. But today I've got the receipts. Previous callers who took my communication advice called back to give us a status report. On today's best of show, I'm letting you listen in on my caller sex lives after they took the brave but vulnerable step of talking to their partners. We've got a longtime married couple with a husband who wants more kink in bed. A success story of treating vaginal pain, A newlywed who bought back the spark with his man after incorporating roleplay, and a mom who who never had Any sex guidance growing up and is now doing things radically different with her teen daughter. All of them are living proof that better sex starts with communication. So listen now, get inspired and let their sex cess motivate you to have a sex talk of your own intentions with Emily for each episode. I want to start off by setting an intention for the show, and I encourage you to do the same. What I mean by this, well, when you're listening, what do you want to get out of the episode? How can it help you? My intention is to show you that your sex life is not a fixed state. You can always make change happen and have the sex you want and deserve, especially if you have a growth mindset around sex. Please rate interview sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new article, Ask Emily Kink and BDSM Ideas is up@sexwithemily.com and check out my YouTube channel for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, leave me your questions or Message me@sexwithemily.com askemily or just call my hotline, 559-talksex or 559-82557. Always include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Oh, you can totally change your name or choose to remain anonymous. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode.

Let's talk to Jeff, 70, in Nevada. Says he's a success story. Hey, Jeff, it's so good to hear from you again. Tell me what's going on.

Hi, Dr. Emily. Thank you for taking my call.

Of course. Let's recap.

I talked to you last week. I don't know if you remember.

I do, of course. But let's recap for the listeners. Tell me what's going on. I remember we talked.

I'm a 70 year old virgin. I was damaged as a POW in the Vietnam war, and I was a virgin when I went in. And I'm still a virgin because I had some damage done that, you know, can't be reversed.

You suggested to me that I, you know, the women, I, I can't get women to stay with me because they, you know, get freaked out. But you, you had me, you advised me to, you know, try some dating at some dating sites on the Internet. Well, I went kind of a different direction and I went, I, I took, I went to a singles club. A singles club.

Nice. Okay. It all works. It's all good.

And I'm here to tell you, Dr. Emily, things really took a weird turn.

I caught with a group of women that now this is going to really sound kind of weird, but this one lady that I hooked up with, she understood, you know, everything that I was going through.

And she. She liked to take and masturbate for me, in front of me, for me.

Okay.

And as it turned out, she had some friends, girlfriends that actually. I guess they have a little club or something. I don't know. But, yeah, I've been pretty busy.

Oh, my gosh, Jeff, you're amazing. You are rocking my world. Because when we talked, you're like. They run away.

What's really weird, Dr. Emily? I. You know, even though I can't. I cannot perform at all whatsoever. None, you know, Absolutely can't perform at all. I get when. When this happens, when these women do this thing for me.

Yeah.

I'm. I get these really weird muscle tensions.

Yeah. Muscle spasms, kind of. Yeah. Huh.

Well, not a spasm, but just everything seems to, like, tighten up.

Wow. Does it feel good at all? Right.

This one lady, she, like, brings a freaking suitcase full of toys with her when she comes.

Wow.

Wow.

So you're watching that. I mean, Jeff, wait. Okay, so let me back up. Because you were like, first off, you sound like a different man. You sound like. You sound like a young man, and you have this. This lift in your voice, and you were just like a different person. And because you said, I just want to please a woman. I've never even done that. And I said, you know, there's a lot of women that just want to be pleased. It's not about a working penis, and you can still have pleasure and give pleasure. And now you're like, you've been busy with all these women. I'm just. You are my hero, Jeff.

Yeah, there's. There's been a few that have let me enter into the giving of oral sex to.

Okay.

You know, but I get more. I get more fun out of watching them.

Wow. Watching them masturbate. Yeah. Or watching them together.

Kind of a. Kind of a whole different world for me, and it's really exciting.

Wow.

Jeff, I am.

Thank you. I wanted to thank you for.

You know, turning me into that kind of direction.

You know, as far as putting myself out there where I, you know, I was too afraid to do that before.

And now you've given me some. You have given me some, you know, some sense of life, I guess you would say. Thank you.

Oh, Jeff, thank you. I mean, that. That's the thing. Like, I just gave you some suggestions, but you. You were brave and you took the step. Let's talk to Martha. 41 in California. Hi, Martha. Thanks for calling.

Hi. Good evening.

Good evening.

I just want to say how amazing. I've been listening to your talk show for a month now, and my daughter, who is in high school, she is a little bit younger. I've only had sex with one person my whole life, and that's my husband. So we learned things together. But just from listening to your show, I've learned so much and have been experimenting new things, and it's been amazing. So even the stuff that you guys were talking about today about finding the gc, now I'm very curious to try to find my. My own Martha.

We're gonna do it this weekend. Yeah.

I also wanted to tell you. So my daughter's in a steady relationship, and I've been buying, like, all the lubes and stuff. What I want for her that I didn't have was, you know, in my family, it was always like, don't have sex until you're married. Which I. I did have premarital sex with my husband, but it was always very kind of negative, and they weren't very open. So what I try to do with my daughter and your show has helped me with that, is try to be proactive in letting her know that it's okay to masturbate and to find what helps her feel good. So I bought her her own vibrator and everything. At first she was like, mom, you know, that's kind of weird. But I've always wanted to have this open relationship with her. So now that she's with her boyfriend and everything, I bought the muse. I've bought the pure and all that, and I've bought my own set of that stuff so my husband and I can use it. And it's been fantastic.

I'm so glad. Martha, I love this. So you've been using the Muse lube with your husband and other things, but then also your daughter, she's like. Because at first, our kids, right, Martha, they go, oh, ew, ew. But then you're like, nope, it's not weird at all. Like, I want you to have pleasure. I didn't know this when I was your age. And then. And then she took it, right? And she's using it with her partner. Yeah. Super healthy, Martha.

And it's great because even with her partner, you know, I always tell him, you know, if you guys need anything or have any questions, I want you to come to me. I don't want you, you know, to ask your friends who might not be know the stuff. And if I don't know the answer. You know, we can call Emily or, you know, we can ask someone who would know. And I just want to have her have that healthy relationship. And I just wanted to thank you for that. That's really why I called.

Oh, Martha, thank you. This is really, this feels really good. Thank you for calling. I'm so happy to hear this. Martha. That's exactly what I want. I want, you know, that was so brave of you too, to, to do that because I know it's not easy, right? Your parents didn't do it and. Yeah. So good for you. I think that's, that's just really healthy and I love it. Now your daughter can be like that with her kids. And maybe some women listening now or parents listening now will kind of feel empowered to talk to their children as well. It's okay if they're in high school. You should. That's. I think that's when you start talking to. Even before that they ask questions, so.

And they always have, you know, it's just one of those things. And I think they, they need to know how to be healthy and, and take care of themselves so that, you know, if I feel like if I talk to them, I think it's better to have sex education and know what you're doing than to be hush about it. And then that's when you get, you know, the unwanted pregnancy and all that stuff because, you know, they don't come to you. So I always felt that that was important.

That is. Yeah, it is important. And so how did the conversation change now? Like, what would you tell other, other parents who might be, you know, are listening and they might want to start it, like, what did you, did you go up to her? Did you just hand her the toy?

Well, I've always, you know, started with like, since she was probably around 9, 9, 10, because I got my period when I was 10. So I always talked to her about, you know, gave her books first. It was like the American Girl one, which is, you know, very safe, you know, for little kids. And, and I said, if you have any questions, talk to me. And then she's always come to me because I've always been open with her when she has a question. But when the whole thing with the serious relationship that she's been in for about a year now, I knew that was coming up because they started kissing and then making out. And I let them. I tell her, I trust you to know what you, you know, to make the right decision. I'm not going to tell you. You can't have sex. I'm not going to because what happened was I went behind, you know, my parents back and went and had it.

Right.

Had sex. Because they were saying, you can't do it. And so what did I do? I still went. So I talked to my husband and I told him, you know what? I want you to know that I'm gonna let her let her boyfriend go to, you know, her. Her room. And they. I want them to have a safe place with me in our home instead of them sneaking around, you know, because regardless of what us as parents do, they're going to do what they want. You know, they are.

You're right. And you just want to know it's okay. Yeah. And also, if she's gonna have sex, she might as well also have pleasure. Right. Because I don't know if you had pleasure when you were in your twenties and. Or when you started having sex. Did you have pleasure in orgasms?

No, not in the very beginning. You know, my husband, he always is ready to do anything that I want. Pretty much he's down for anything, really. So he did learn. But just. And it's been great. But just, you know, with. With three kids and running around and everything, our sex life kind of took. Went on the back burner. But since I've been listening to your show, it's been great.

So, so glad, Martha, I'm here for you. I love it. I'm so happy to talk to you. You're doing great work. I hope you have good sex this weekend. Of course I'm here for you, Martha. I appreciate it feels. Thank you, Martha.

Let's hear a quick word from our sponsors after the break. I'll be answering your questions.

Let's talk to Greg, 55 in Ohio.

Hi, Dr. Emily. I just wanted to call back. We spoke the other day and was talking about trying to introduce my partner into interest in the bdsm, which I enjoy. I don't know if you remember or not.

I do. Well, tell me. Yeah, you were. You want to be submissive, right?

I'm a submissive. Yeah. And you gave me some really good advice and did go to your website and. And my partner and I, we did sit down and we went through. She said a little more to the conservative side, at least. I kind of thought I found out a bunch of stuff about it that I didn't know.

This is amazing, Greg. Okay, keep going.

Yeah. So I just wanted to call back and kind of let you know how things were progressing from that aspect. The advice you gave me was outstanding and we're, we're talking on a different level now. It helped bring her out of her shell and open up that conversation. And it was, it was incredibly valuable.

To both of us.

So happy to hear that. So can we just rewind first? First off, I'm so glad you called to tell me how it landed because I don't know, we hang up, might not hear from you again. God, I hope Greg, you know, got his way. So could you walk me through if you feel comfortable how it changed? Because you've been together for a while, right? How long have you been with your wife?

About four years.

Okay.

Yeah, about four years. Yeah. You directed me to your website and the link that you have of things you like or things you don't like and you know, your yes, no's, your maybes, that type of thing. And so I did that and presented that to her and we sat down and we had a couple glasses of wine and talked through everything. And then we went off in our own separate ways to kind of go through this. And we got back together and had a really good conversation and shared our discussions around this. And it's on a level that her and I have never really experienced before in the communication side, talking about sex. It's been kind of uplifting for both of us and it's opening up, opened up my eyes. It's kind of opened her eyes. And I'm excited to see where this is gonna go. But you wanted me to call back and kind of let you know how things were progressing and where it was going.

Oh, Greg, I'm so happy. You just really. I'm so happy that you can, like, turn around and see it's possible. You know, you had the assumptions that she was a little more conservative and you found out that she's got some stuff she's into. You know, we don't know until we talk about it. That's such a. I'm so happy. Greg. Thank you for calling back in. Please keep me posted. You know, this is just the beginning of your sex life, of what's possible. What's the next step? What's going to happen this weekend?

Well, this weekend, what. We're. We're actually going away for a night tomorrow night. We're going to go away and spend the night and become a little more intimate and talk more and figure out how we want to approach this going forward. You know, she has some things that she kind of wants to try.

Do you mind sharing with me one thing that you learned that she wants to try that you were Surprised?

You know, we talked about fantasies and things like that, and her one fantasy is she wants to bring somebody into the bedroom with us. And, you know, it's like, okay, but I didn't realize that that was a really deep desire of hers. So I'm willing and, you know, we've got to figure out and talk about how and where and who and the ground rules and that type of thing. But I explained to her that I would be more than willing to help her fulfill that fantasy. The other one is she wants to explore a bisexual relationship, which is something that I would have never guessed. So that one. We've got some more talking to do. I'm personally don't. Don't mind. It's. It just kind of caught me off guard.

Right.

And so we're going to talk through that, and we're going to spend the weekend talking. You know, my aspect is, is I. I enjoy BDSM elements. And prior to us being together, I. I had a dominatrix that I was with, and that's how I was entered into the lifestyle. And so she's open to reaching out, to watching a session.

Craig, I couldn't even imagine. Look how far you've come this week. This is amazing to me. Wow.

But it was your advice that kind of broke that ice, and that's why I wanted to tell you that I'm really excited where it's heading. Really excited. Like you said, it opened both of our eyes to what we were keeping to ourselves.

Yeah. You hadn't just hadn't thought to bring it up. Right. It's really hard to bring it up if you approach it in a way that's, hey, let's just talk about it. For us, it's a game changer. And so many couples. Wonderful example. Greg, I'm so happy for you because it does work to have a healthy conversation about sex. Yes, it's scary, but you were nervous to bring it up, and you didn't know how she would react, and you had some assumptions because you had never talked about it, that maybe she wouldn't be into certain things. And now you get to go away for the weekend and keep kind of brainstorming and fantasizing and playing to get thinking about what's possible. And it's so exciting. It's like going on a sexual magic carpet ride together. So many places to go.

I'm very excited about it. Like I said, we've had the conversation. You know, we kind of talked, but we never really talked and really were open. You know, it's general conversation. And like I said, we got into the icebreaker and then we started talking and then we went off and we had the lists and the sheets, and it really allowed us to open up and think.

I mean, Greg, this just gives me so much joy now. I mean, no press, but I'm following you on your journey, even if you just want to email me. I'm so thrilled that you called in to let me know that the advice worked to have a healthy conversation with your partner.

No, and I thank you for that.

Of course. I got you. I'm here for you, Greg. I'm so. So my whole team here, we're sitting, like, so overjoyed. Really. You deserve this and so does she. Why not meet each other's needs? Why not make sex an incredible experience for both of you? You're married. You got a whole life together. Thanks, Greg. I appreciate you. Thanks for calling in. I am dying to talk to Andrew, 32, in Tennessee. I love that he's calling back with an update. Andrew was in a situation where he was swinging with two other couples and had some concerns about his penis size. And it was just kind of a rough time last week when we were talking. Andrew, I love to hear the update and thanks for calling.

Hi, Emily.

Hi.

Yeah.

How's it going?

Things are going great.

Tell me everything.

After I called in, they heard me on the radio and we talked some things out.

The other two guys heard you on the radio, right? You said the other two men.

Yeah.

Or everyone heard you. Okay. You didn't think they were listening, right? I mean, did you know? No, no, they just happened to be listening. Okay, so they heard you on the radio?

They heard me on the radio. They. They wanted to talk to me. Like things are okay. They're that. Like they don't want me to feel awkward or out of place or.

Everything. And then they, like, they wanted their wives to talk to me and they're like, They're. They're fine. There's nothing wrong with it. They let me know that they orgasm with me just as much as they do with their husbands. And.

That. That helped a little.

But they. They invited us back. We've actually. We've actually spent the night with them three times since that last call.

Oh, wow.

And. And I'm rushing home right now to get a shower because we've got. We're eating dinner with them tonight.

Wow, you've been busy, Andrew. Well, that. We just talked like a week ago or something, so. So you're feeling better now? You're in a Better state. And you understand that the. Yeah, you've had the what?

I'm having the best sex of my life right now. I feel way better, more confident. The quality of sex is better. The quality of my erections are better.

And this is because weight has been lifted.

Yes, exactly right. Because these things weigh on us when we have these. Bring these insecurities into the bedroom. And you're worried that you're not pleasing them, even though they were telling you that before. I'm so glad that you feel a release from the situation because you deserve that, and I'm really glad to hear it. Andrew. That's such a great example of how we get so lost in our heads during sex, and it can be very hard to focus on pleasure. But even just actually having these conversations, these difficult conversations that we always talk about in the show, they will free you. They'll free you, your mind and your erection, apparently. Andrew, I'm so glad to hear this. You deserve this. You deserve a lot of pleasure.

They were initially worried that they would, like, frighten my wife, and they were more timid around her, but it was, I guess it was actually me that ended up causing more of an issue with all six of us. But that's fine now.

Okay, well, it sounds like you cleared the air because they listened to. That's so interesting that they listened to the show that they were just randomly, but. Because maybe this wouldn't have. Wouldn't have happened. But I guess that's what needs to happen.

It all works out. And about the exact moment I called.

In and did you know they listened? Because I know you tried to call back in that night, and then we missed you, and then we keep seeing you. Like, we got to talk to Andrew, because I'm in this with you. I love to hear that. That by you even just calling in. This is what I tell everyone. Just call. Like, a lot of people listen, Andrew. They're driving around, they've been listening for months or years, and they're like, oh, I want to call in, but I don't know, I'm scared. I'm nervous. And what I found is that for most people, they call in. Even just stating it, even just asking your question and putting some words behind it and being so brave. It's not easy calling in. And the fact that you did that and they heard. I mean, this is such a wonderful outcome of that story. So I'm really happy for you. We all are. Thanks, Andrew. Let's see. Tammy 39 in Canada. How do I get my vagina Vagina talk to relax in order to have my boyfriend penetrate me for vaginal sex. I'm a virgin and in a committed relationship. My boyfriend is amazing and listens to me while we're in bed. We have a good bedroom relationship. I'm open to trying anything with him. We took a trip out of town and I honestly thought I would finally get to have vaginal sex. He mostly takes the lead when it comes to initiating sexy time. And I'm okay with it. I like it. I think in part I may be a submissive. We ended up having anal sex on this trip. And while it did catch me by surprise what he wanted in, he stopped to ask if it was okay with what he was about to do. I was more than okay. That experience was surreal and hella enjoyable. But I still feel that empty is all I wanted was be able to have his cock in me. I am considering going to my doctor, but help, I'm asking you first. All right, Tammy, your vagina is not relaxed. You might have something that we call in the vagina business vaginismus, or a variation of that it's really painful for women to. Or vulvodynia is the other name for it that it's very painful to have penetration. And I'm going to guess that it probably hurts maybe to put a tampon inside your finger inside of you. And while the causes for this different from woman to woman, there's a few things it could have to do with a trauma earlier in life where sex became really scary. Maybe there was a sexual assault and your body just shut down from it. Maybe you even grew up in a stressful household where you were constantly clenching, right? The action of clenching impacts your pelvic floor. And as a result of constantly clenching those muscles, your vagina just closes it literally. It feels closed up and you can't have any penetration. And a lot of women suffer through this for a lifetime. And one of my best recommendations for you is to go see a pelvic floor physical therapist.

Pelvic floor physical therapist. So just like you'd go to a physical therapist for your back or your knees, you can go to one for your vagina and diagnose what is happening in your pelvic floor. And for many women, the great news here is for women who suffer from this condition give you something called dilators. They might do it with you and they might send you home with some. And these dilators kind of look like a dildo and they come in all different shapes. So. Meaning it's like A long phallic object. And it's a practice of you put it inside and then you take it home with you and you do exercises where you might only be able to get it in for an inch or half an inch. And then over time, you can put in further and further and further. And they teach you how to breathe and they teach you how to open up your vagina so you can actually have penetrative sex and a healthier sex life. And so I recommend it. It's not well known, as well known as it should be, but I do hear a lot of more practitioners going into pelvic floor physical therapy. Your insurance company might have someone you might be able to call up and see if they have that. You could find one in your area. Doctors up until maybe 20 years ago, they just were like, oh, it's trauma, or we don't really know, or it's inexplicable or it's emotional. And it might be all of those things if you had emotional trauma. I mean, just because your vagina might be open through doing this dilator practice where you are constantly upping the size of the dilator over a few week period because it only takes a few weeks, which is awesome. The thing is that your vagina might have. You might have been experiencing vaginismus or vulvodymnia. Vulvodynia means it's more around the vulva and can't even take penetration in the vulva, which is the exterior part of the vagina. And vaginismus internal hurts. But you could learn to open it pretty quickly, which is great news. And then if you have had trauma, you should also definitely see a therapist if you have any kind of sexual trauma, assault, anything in your life. Unfortunately, when you experience something as devastating as a sexual assault or trauma, it doesn't dissipate over time. It actually can exacerbate and get worse over time. So I recommend that women do it.

Oh, good.

Jennifer, 47, in Ohio has a success story going to a pelvic floor PT. She's 47. Hi, Jennifer, thanks for calling. I was actually going to say is. I was just about to say call in if you've had this. Thank you, Jennifer.

Sure. So much of what you said resonated with me and I just wanted to share with your listeners. My situation was a little different. I don't feel it was a trauma that caused it, but gosh, a few things when you were saying clenching and how that can kind of seize up, seize up that area. One thing that my PT specialist told me is actually I was Kegeling or Kegeling too much. And so my piriformis muscle was.

Yeah.

Was spasming. And I thought it was my. I'm going to be very, very raw here because you don't know who I am. But I thought it was my husband's shape. Like, he's not straight. And so I thought I was kind of not blaming it on him, but that's what I had in my mind, that it was because he's not. Because physically he's not going in me straight. So I thought he was hitting some area, causing me problems and sort of joking. He said, no, I think it's you. You need to get checked out. I think it's you. You need to get checked out. And it turned out it was me. And I went to a specialist and it was uncomfortable and a little bit uneasy at first, but I was so happy that I did because I realized that I had an issue.

And she said, do not. I'm not going to say this is the right answer for everyone, but she said, don't. Kegel. Kegeling is seizing. Is kind of like clenching of down there.

Yes, exactly. So, Jennifer, had you been Kegeling your whole life? How old were you when this happened? Was it something that you had just started to do it?

About 40, probably. And yes, I would Kegel a lot because I felt like it would make me tighter and it would help during sex. And so I was. I would do it at stoplights. I was. Maybe I was an over Kegel and. But maybe it wasn't necessarily that. It might have been a back situation.

But it could be your back too.

Yeah. And I was at my gym and there was a sign on the wall for a pelvic floor physical therapist. And I have even a longer funny story. My friend is. Does this as a. As a living. And I was at her 40th birthday and I gave her cherry Ben Wall balls for like, as a joke. Like, I gave them to her as part of her sort of 40th birthday joke. Like, tighten up down there. And she laughed and she goes, this is actually what I do. She. This is funnier than you think. This is. I didn't realize she. I knew she was, but I didn't know for what. And then I said, oh, you're the ones putting the signs up in our gym. It was just a funny kind of.

Oh, that's so funny. So, Jennifer, this is exactly it. Yeah.

Yeah. So anyways, I didn't buy the device to take home because I was kind of I feel bad thing and I feel bad, but it is what it is. I was sort of afraid that my kids would find it, you know, and so I never bought it. But at the same time, I went back enough. I was pretty set on this is going to help me. So I went back enough that they kind of controlled the muscle down. Just worked it out.

I mean, yeah, really, it's working out the, the nerves, the tension. So that's really interesting story. That is you can over Kegel. That is a thing. So. And now you're better right now you don't have the pain anymore.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm so happy, Jennifer. This is so helpful.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. I would highly recommend if anybody is feeling hesitation for, you know, just how personal that type of PT is, I say try it. It's worth trying and it helped me.

So.

Okay. I love it. Thank you, Jennifer. That's so helpful. Thank you for sharing your story. Being vulnerable here, we really needed to hear it. Okay, let's talk to Matt in Texas. Returning caller. Hi, Matt, thanks for calling.

Hi, Emily, how are you? How are you?

I'm so good, Matt.

I don't know if you remember me.

But I talked to you two years ago and we. You actually gave me the idea of using candles and just teasing the senses with my boyfriend and everything. And I just wanted to call and give you a status report.

Yes, thank you, Matt. Tell me everything. What? You used the candles?

Yes, they did. And we are married now, Matt. So we actually wanted to thank you because you're actually the person that helped relight that spark between us. So thank you.

I'm so happy for you. I'm so glad you called in. That is amazing.

Yeah. We just celebrated our first year anniversary, so I don't know why it's taking me so long to call in.

Well, what's going on now? I'm thrilled that you're together.

So we were still using the candles, using ice. We are still role playing from time to time.

Did you call in about role playing the first time?

Yeah, I did. And we talked about going to a restaurant, meeting up like we didn't know each other kind of a thing.

Yes. What's going on now? How can I help?

So we are thinking about introducing toys. But my concern is I don't want toys to replace something, if that makes sense.

Yeah, absolutely. People get concerned.

I don't want it to take away the attention of the two of us. We've been talking about it. I'm more apprehensive than he is. But I don't know how to go about, like, to start, I've never used one before.

Okay. So I mean, here's the thing about toys. Toys are just sometimes they can be more efficient. They can feel really good. I mean, penises don't vibrate, right? Our bodies don't vibrate. It's a great sensation. We have so, so many nerve endings on our body. Places that aren't necessarily reachable by a hand or a penis or a finger. And so, you know, a lot of couples who have this concern have found. And in my 15 years, I've never had anyone call in and say, oh, this, I left my partner for this cock ring. But, but what they have said is it really, it can actually really enhance intimacy with a partner because you're trying something new together. So that also has that same dopamine rush because it's something new and exciting and toys just allow you to explore. I mean, if you think about it, we use technology to improve our lives, right? We, we're very efficient with, you know, we're like, oh, we're going to get, you know, smartphone or the Alexa for our homes. But with our sex life, we think, oh, it can only be sacred, bodies against bodies. And if you just look at it like playing with each other, I think you're really going to enjoy it. What were you thinking of trying, Matt?

We were thinking of maybe vibrators or a double ended dildo. I'm not sure yet.

Fun.

Something that just can extend our play.

A little bit more.

Yeah, get a vibrator. Get a penis ring. It depends what kind of sensations you're looking for. But I would start with a vibrator just to feel. Because what's really fun is like you could be going down on your partner and use it to tease their perineum or their balls or the shaft as your mouth is on it. Or you could vibrate their nipples with it. It just feels great because we have so many nerve endings on our bodies. You could use the massage candle and then use the vibrator over that as you're giving a massage. It's just another way to prolong pleasure and to tease each other and to feel really good. So you could also try a cock ring. You could try something for the prostate. We really love the Vector or the ditto for the prostate from we Vibe. They're awesome toys. You can control them with an app on your phone from wherever you're at. If you're in the same room or you're across the world. Those are really cool. You could try double ended dildo. We've got some on our site as well. But I would just kind of get curious about it and play with it. Penis rings are the verge of the pivot. Yeah, we've got them all on our site too, if you want to check it out. But I would get one, something that vibrates. And just know if it's a vibrating ring, you could still put it in around your fingers and then use it to tease your partner. So I would just go slow with one thing and just see how it feels and go from there. But they're not gonna replace you. Call me if you're like, I don't. We're getting divorced. Because I fell in love with my WE vibe vector. I'd be like, we gotta talk, man. But I think you'll find it's gonna expand your sexual repertoire. It's gonna be the next level of things. Let me know. Matt.

Awesome. Well, it was. I will definitely, you know, I'll call back.

Please do. Matt, I'm so happy to hear from you. I always wanted to know what happened. And now that you're married, I'm just, I'm thrilled. I'm super happy for you and I'm so grateful. Thank you for calling. Made me feel really good.

And I'll call and let you know.

Perfect. Thank you so much.

That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to, like, subscribe and give us a review. Wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner, you can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up@sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline, 559-talk-SEX. That's 559-825-5739 or go to sexwithemily.com askemily Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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