Sex, Love & Gwyneth Paltrow

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The ways that I nourish my well being, I'm very sensual. Like I love to take a bath. I love beautiful bath oils and salts. Like I love massage. And as far as like the sexual aspect, I have this interesting thing where I'm basically a newlywed in my late 40s. So I've been given this amazing new lease on life in that way has been incredible and I'm really grateful for that.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. You know Gwyneth Paltrow, famous actress, CEO of goop, bestselling cookbook author and cultural conversation starter. But now Gwyneth's got a new show on Netflix called Sex, Love and Goop, where she hopes to spark another conversation. How couples can save their sex lives through touch, communication and giving themselves permission to talk about sex in the first place. On today's show, I talked to Gwyneth about the healing modalities you see in the series like sexological bodywork and vulval mapping, as well as the women who crave a different dynamic with their husbands. Gwyneth also tells me how she prioritizes her pleasure, why Goop created a beautiful sculpture like Vibrator, why she believes menopause needs to be rebranded, and how nutrition healed her hormones after Covid quarantine. Gwen has accomplished a lot in this life and now she wants to conquer a taboo, making sex more mainstream. And in my show, that's exactly what I like to hear. All right, Intentions With Emily for each episode, join me in setting an intention. I do it and I encourage you all to do the same. Well, my intention was to have you really know about some resources where you could see and learn more about alternative healing modalities and hear about a new show that's going to open your eyes to a lot of these practices. Please rate and review Sex With Emily wherever you listen to the show. I have a new article, Ask Emily how do we have good sex after the honeymoon period? You can find that@sexwithemily.com Check out all of our guides at sex with emily.com guides and my YouTube channel for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me a question, just call my hotline 559-talksex or 559-825-5739. Just leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com askemily all right everyone, enjoy this episode.

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Today's guest is a household name and for good reason. You know Gwyneth Paltrow as an Academy Award winning actress. You know her as the author of four bestselling cookbooks. And of course you know her as the founder and CEO of global lifestyle company Goop. But what you may not know is that she's a new television series focused on real couples, each navigating sex and relationship challenges as we follow along on their authentic, honest journeys. It's called Sex, Love and Goop, and it's out now on Netflix. Find Gwyneth at All Social Media Gwyneth Paltrow. Or you can find her also at Goop.

Hi.

Hi. How are you?

I'm good. How are you?

I'm good.

It's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too. When I think about you, I think of you as like this translator and you're like digging through all these unconventional healing modalities and trying to find what works and recommending it to everybody. And one of the ways you do that is through your new show on Netflix, Sex, Love and Goop, which I binged in the last two days. And this time you took on sexual healing. Like, tell me about that decision to go into that realm and really show it off.

So our first Netflix series, we had a show, it was more of an anthology and it was we had one episode called the Pleasure Is Ours. It was about female sexual pleasure, essentially. And the reason that I wanted to do that was because being Gen X girl and growing up in the culture the way that I did, I felt like there was so much shame that was still permeating culture around women having pleasure. And that pleasure for women was somehow unacceptable or threatening or made people draw bad conclusions about a woman. And I thought the way that female pleasure is portrayed in the culture is so fake. And you, you see women who are so far away from their own essence and what they really want and what really feels good and it's all performative or like, even growing up, like we were supposed to be like the cool girl who was like, cool with whatever. We never said, hey, that actually doesn't feel good or right. Like, we were never given that permission. We never gave ourselves that permission. And then we got such a reaction to that first show that I thought, wow, this is like a real lightning rod. Like people. This means that people are really unexplored here in this way because it's triggering in both positive reactions and negative reactions. And I thought, I would love to dig more deeply into this topic and broaden it out a little bit, because our sexuality or our lives with our intimate partner, that slice of our life, is such a microcosm for everything else. And if we're disconnected from ourselves, like, it's going to come out readily in a sexual dynamic, whereas in real life you can sort of white knuckle through something or like convince yourself otherwise, but if you're with someone, it's going to come up. And I thought, gosh, you know, sexual wellness is a really important pillar of overall wellness. And nobody talks about this. I mean, you do, but, you know.

Yeah. What I love that you did through the sexual healing and sexual body work is that it's the kind of thing where, yeah, I would talk about it because, you know, I've often said, look between your legs, take a look, be like, oh, yeah, I'll do that. Like when I get home after I binge, you know, whatever, Netflix, eat dinner. But to actually see the women sitting there, like, legs up, like, here's, and to actually watch their faces, and I think it's got such a great impact on people watching to think, oh, I've actually never done that. And now I can see what that does. It was powerful. Have you ever practiced any of it or did you ever have any other. Any sexual, logical bodywork practices on yourself?

I have not, but I would actually really like to try it. I think when I watched the show, I thought, oh, my gosh. This particular person who was having hands on sexological bodywork, I thought, oh, my gosh, she's really unlocking something.

You're just gonna get a big reaction from this. Are you ready for it?

Oh, yeah, we're always ready for a big reaction. That's what is par for the course.

Mm. I think that it's gonna be powerful. What I also love is that it was able to shift the relationship dynamic between couples that they were able to come in the couples. I think it was Rama and what was it? Fisletas. So what I thought was so interesting, there's this wife, right? And she felt that he in their dynamic, which was no longer hot, that he was like the third child, right. And she just wanted to take charge. And you saw that moment on screen where they shifted that energy. It was cool.

There's so many resonant moments like that. Like, I think there are, for example, a lot of mothers out there who feel exhausted, overburdened and you know, like, I have a friend who said we were talking about this show and she was like, sometimes I feel like sex is just another thing on my to do list that I have to get done. And so I was like, but we're alive this one time. Like we really should be. First of all, if that's the case, like, you should be honest with yourself and not do it or figure out the way that you can really like get back to that side of yourself if you want to. What are the ways that we as women can get back into that, like the softer kind of mammal side of our bodies as a. You know, and swear we're really in touch with who we are and what we want.

We're framing sex more as self care these days. We should. Pleasure should be self care. But there's so much like guilt around it and like, I don't deserve it. I shouldn't masturbate. I shouldn't. But we do have to prioritize it. So I'm wondering from you, like, how do you just nourish your own well being? Your own.

It's funny, like the ways of. The ways that I nourish my well being. I'm very sensual. Like, I love to take a bath. I love beautiful bath oils and salts. Like, I love massage. And as far as like the sexual aspect, I'm like have this interesting thing where I'm basically a newlywed in my late 40s. So I have a very different experience of my sexuality right now because I've been given this amazing new lease on life in that way, which has been incredible. And I'm really grateful for that.

Yeah. This morning I just have to show that this is a beautiful toy that came in the mail for me and I love this. It's a warming vibe.

Yep. Warming G spot vibrator.

So there was a time where we get. We probably still do. We get 20 pounds of toys sent to my office. When I started out, it was just me testing them all. I'm like, my vagina can't be the arbiter of what is a good vibrator. So then my whole team got to try out toys. What about you? Like, what was the process for going about creating? How do you know what to create? Like, what do you like? How did it happen?

We are very close to our customer at GOOP and very close to each other as women in an office. And so it was really fascinating to have these series of conversations. And the reason I wanted to make a vibrator in the first place. And we have. That's our second one, but we have a. The first one is like a double sided wand. It looks like an ice cream cone. I like the idea that we could make a sex toy and really challenge this idea that sex toys are somehow dirty or should be hidden or something to be ashamed about. So we made this, like beautiful vibrator. It looks like a little sculpture. Like, it looks like a pop art ice cream cone, really. And the idea was it's a fantastic vibrator and it has 64 different settings and all this kind of great stuff. But you could leave it on your counter, you know, you could. It wasn't like, you know, sex shop kind of how you picture like a vibrator. Like, one of my best friends said, thank you so much for making a vibrator that isn't. That doesn't look like a penis with veins in it and stuff like that. That's like embarrassing to leave on your counter, like if your kid walks in or something like that. And so it was really just about breaking a paradigm and trying to, with imagery, introduce this idea into the culture that, like, it's not embarrassing to masturbate. It's not embarrassing to have a vibrator. And it's funny because there are girls who work here that are so like vibrator fanatics. And so they're like my main focus group, you know, they. They want full approval over what it's going to be and how it's going to work. Okay.

It's important. And everyone's different to what they want. So you have a whole testing team there. And I love all the products. Be right back with more from my interview with Gwyneth Paltrow. I asked her about the messages she got about sex growing up and so much more.

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So what if your kids walked in and saw a vibrator? Like, how are you talking to them about sex now? You know, my generation, I had zero sex ed. Like, I didn't know what masturbation was, an orgasm, till I was, like, 25. Did you have any of that sex ed or.

I didn't have any sex ed. Not at all. So it's very different now. Like, my kids had a really, really comprehensive sex ed in sixth grade. There's a fantastic pediatrician mom at our school, and she gave them, like, a hardcore sex ed talk, which was awesome. Like, she told them everything. And.

No, I think that it's maybe a universal truth that kids don't want to talk about sex with their moms or their dads. I still don't. I adore my mom. I still don't really want to talk about sex with my mom, you know, like, and I can tell you, like, my son freaks out if I have a bra strap showing, so I can tell you, like, he does not want me to talk about. Okay, so what I try to do is just like engage with them. If they want to talk about anything, I'm there. They know obviously that their mom is like a bit of an iconoclast. And my son is. He was really sweet a few months ago. He was like, he said it used to kind of embarrass me that you sold vibrators and vagina things and like kids would say stuff at school. But he's like, now I get it. Like you're a feminist and you're helping women and it was really sweet. So I think it probably does make him a little uncomfortable on some level. But he also gets it big picture. I mean, he's a pretty. He's an old soul for a 15 year old boy.

Mm, I love to hear that. I think it is changing right now. And so what has surprised you right now by like your sexuality? This point?

Yeah, well, you know, it's been, it's so interesting because it's gone through so many ebbs and flows and it's been dependent as well on my partners and what our chemistry has, has been like or relationship. Like how non judgmental is it? How full of trust is it? I think for me anyway, and a lot of my women friends.

It'S been dependent on the man. Which is kind of what you touched on earlier. Not so much always from a place of like, it's about his pleasure only, but just in terms of like, I never asked for anything. Like, I never said, hey, how about tonight if you. I would love it if you did that. Like, I never would say anything like that. I never. And I still frankly have a hard time with asking for what I want. Luckily my husband, he plays me like a violin at this point. But it's been really interesting over the years to reflect back on my sexuality and know and understand like, oh, I wow, I was really far away from myself then. Or I was in a relationship where I didn't feel like I could be wholly myself sexually. And the accountability that you have to have. Right, because it's also like, if I didn't say anything, then how did I. How could I expect to have a really fulfilling sexual relationship? And I was so conditioned never to ask for. And you know, you just weren't conditioned. Right. So. And as I said, it's still hard for me.

But I think what's been amazing for me is really, my husband is such a non judgmental person and he's so curious and like nothing is weird to him, whether it's sexual or anything. Like he's just so non judgmental and So I think when you have the safety of that, you can really be free to be who you are, then there's this incredible blooming that happens.

And so I feel lucky that I'm in that chapter right now. And I really credit my partner because I'm still not, like, all the way strong in that way, you know?

No, it's hard. Yeah, I hear what you're saying, but that's really. You're right. A lot of it is being with a partner that you can. That accepts you as you are where you're at and is willing to go on the journey with you, because it is all about journey and exploration and. Yeah. And this is what I want for a lot of younger women now, but I still think that they're still in that. Performative. I've got to do what I'm seeing in porn and all that. But I do think there is a confidence that comes and finding those partners that are healthy and are cool with. Yeah, just exploring and packing, which is what I also liked about your show was that you really saw these couples, that they really went on these deep journeys together where they were exploring and opening up, and they were open. And you can see that so much about sex isn't just about compatibility, like, sexual compatibility. It's more like we have to work. There's tweaks. Like, there's things that you got to figure out with your partner. So did this for you? Was there anything that you. It opened up for you or that you wanted to explore or maybe share with your friends or your daughter, your son?

Totally. I think for me, again, like, I just touched on this before, but what it. What I learned the most from it was the importance of accountability and the importance of, like, not expecting someone to read your mind or for some. For. For things to be magically perfect or.

Symbiotic in a sexual relationship and, like, the importance of.

Being who you are and speaking from that incredibly true place. And I have so many friends who cannot do that, or they think it'll. It'll rock the boat of their long marriage, or it will, you know, turn their boyfriend off. And I think when we sublimate ourselves like that.

I honestly believe you. We put ourselves in a position of, like, to create. To create, like, those fractures where we can't. We're not fully integrated. Because we're not. If you're not fully integrated in your sexuality, how can you be? How else is that showing up in your life? And where else is that showing up?

Yeah, I think that's true. You're so right. It's such a lifelong challenge, too, because people think, well, I'm working on wellness everywhere in my life. I exercise and I eat well and my spiritual life is in check. But then sex has always sort of been this bastard child of the wellness industry. They're like, oh, but sex, we can't talk about. But when you bring it under that umbrella, you realize, like, if you're not sexually, well, it's going to impact all these other areas of your life. And so how do you think this could possibly. I think it will shift the discourse, the public discourse around women and aging and menopause and all those things. How are you looking to get into that conversation right now?

I really hope so. You know, that's the other thing. It's like, we always like to go into those areas where it's still hidden or covert or embarrassing or shameful to talk about. I mean, perimenopause is very much one of those areas. Like, I think this is something we've been talking about a lot recently, because.

I really think that. And I say this all the time, but I think menopause needs to be totally rebranded as this incredible gateway to this exceptionally deep, wise chapter of your life where your sexuality becomes something else. Like it. I want to know. I want to mentor. We need women to, like, take our hand and help us cross over and have it be something that's. That we're looking forward to as opposed to, this is the end of our lives. And I've heard women say best sex of their lives after menopause. And I had never heard that before. This is just recently because I've been asking people, and then I have one woman who I'm really close to that's just like, it's not the same. It's not the same. And I. I wish I could talk to somebody about it to get a roadmap to. And I was like, you should. You know, this is what I mean about people can be accountable. But also we need rubrics to follow. Like, we need people to talk to. We need women to share what their experience has been, whether it's with their sexual journey, hormonal journey, post babies or post menopause. And so my hope is that with this show and then the ensuing conversations, like the one you and I are having right now, is that it just gives people permission to have those conversations in their own lives, with their own friends, with their own partners. Gay, straight, you know, married in a couple for however many years, like, whatever the permutation is that People are like, oh, maybe we should have this conversation. I've never asked you this question before. You know.

Yeah, no, you're so right. I love what you're saying about we need someone to pull us along, but yet half the population goes through this perimenopause, menopause. It could last 12 years for some. And it's weird that we don't that there is anybody because we know our parents went through it. And so then women have to all like we're told that our life is over. And I just. Our sexual life is over.

Right.

I don't think this is what's happening.

And I don't think it is. You know, I know it's not, but give me hope.

After the break, I asked Gwyneth by five quickie questions. You're gonna love our answers.

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Is there any like tips on your own journey that you want to share? Anything that's worked for you or friends around you like hormones or.

Yeah, I mean honestly the best thing that I've done for my hormones through this shifting time in the last few years is this year I've gotten really, I've taken like a wellness year because in Covid I was really went crazy with the, you know, junk food, alcohol, like that, you know, chocolate cake and.

And I really have taken this year to go deep into gut health and it's been amazing for my hormone balance, like, and I've been tracking it with blood labs and stuff, and tracking my progesterone, estrogen, all of those things. And as I've let my gut heal and find rebalance, my hormones have been rebalancing. So that's been super interesting. Like, this idea, if you're eating whole foods, clean foods, not a lot of processed foods, or none this year, I've really limited sugar, dairy, or I totally eliminated, really limited alcohol, all grains, kind of in an effort to do this gut health experiment. And it's been incredible. Like, my hormones have really. They've really evened out. It's wild. I mean, I just had a labs. I was talking to my gynecologist the other day, and I had my labs done, and she was like, oh, my God, your hormone. Like, your levels are amazing. You've, like, levels of somebody much younger. And I hadn't before I started.

Okay, so got help.

Yeah, I like herbs and adaptogens and stuff for hormone support, too. We have this amazing supplement packet called Madame Ovary at goop. It's so good. That's what I take. It's really, like, for hot flashes and stuff. It just supports mood stuff and hormonal fluctuations as well.

I love it. That works. So, Madam Ovary, I love the naming dtf. How did this. Did you feel DTF after everyone took it on your brain, like, testing this kind of supplement?

Oh, yeah.

You take it a few minutes before sex.

Well, you're supposed to take it daily because it works cumulatively. But I also think it does help, even if you just take it, you know, like an hour or so before. It's got this fenugreek in it that's clinically shown to boost women's libido. It has great adaptogens for mood and stress. And it's really good. I really love it.

Okay, good. I'm going to ask you the five questions. We have quickie questions that we ask all of our guests. They're super quick, great to overthink. What is your biggest turn on my husband's lips? Biggest turn off?

Interrupting. Like when people interrupt when they're talking or interrupt other people when they're talking.

What makes good sex?

Relaxation, openness and freedom.

Something you tell your younger self about sex and relationships.

Know yourself first and listen to yourself first.

What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? That.

As long as it's consensual, anything's possible. Don't shame yourself for what you like or what turns you on.

I love it. Thank you so much. One more question about your show. What do you think is going to be the result of the world seeing your show? What's your hopes for this? For sex loving guilt?

I know. I just hope that people.

I hope that people take away that there are tools to get closer to your partner, to get closer sexually to your partner, to have those harder conversations. Like I think we, these amazing couples in the show go by example, what it looks like to be vulnerable and brave in the name of connection and your intimate relationship. And I really hope that people watch it and start to have conversations that bring them closer to each other.

I think they will. I think you succeeded at that. Thanks. Thank you for being here.

Thank you so much.

That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like subscribe and give us a review. Wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner, you can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. SexWithemily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up@sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-talk-SEX. That's 559-82557 or go to sexwithemily.com askemily Special thanks to Acast for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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