Sex, Poptarts & Threesomes with Comedian Adam Ray

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Welcome everyone, to a brand new episode of Sex with Emily. Tonight's show we have comedian Adam Ray. And as you know, I talk about products on the show and I only bring in products that I believe in and that I know are gonna help your life. And so that is why I have to tell you I love my Nono Pro because I've spent so much time and money on razors and waxing. And the Nono Pro is the best way to remove unwanted hair with no pain. You can do it at home. I do it at home, I do it at my desk. You can do it everywhere. And it's for men, too. Cause men, they've got hair in places and they're always like, I don't know what to do about it. Like women and there's like a waxing salon every corner, but men are like, where do the hair? On my back or on my neck? And what do you do? Use the Nono Pro.

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean?

Like laundry?

It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com, check out, check out my website because it's awesome. We post every day. We give you information to improve your sex life and your relationship. Which is why you're listening to the show. Yo, right? Hey, Anderson.

Hey. Yo. What is up?

How you doing? I'm just chilling here, you know.

You're just chilling? On the flip side, kicking it.

Oh my God. I just almost got some M&M's for dinner. For my.

You probably should do that.

I know.

Blood sugar running dangerously low.

With all I know this keeps happening. It's been. I told you, a crazy day.

You know, that's what happens when people have sex all day long for a living thing.

I had like eight toys to try out today and I didn't have time to even get water. Cause they were so frigging good.

Is that how you stay in such good shape? Just banging yourself?

Did you think I'd work out? Why do you think my arms are so strong? Because I'm like putting in new batteries. I'm charging things, I'm looking for chargers, plugging them into the wall, the whole thing.

You even make plugging things in to the wall sexual. Listen to you plugging things in.

Plugging to the wall. That's so sexy, Emily. So Anderson, I have to tell you that after your show, your after disaster podcast, live show.

Oh yeah, at the Improv, the sold out show. At the improv discussing.

You're speaking.

I was so impressed by it. And as I mentioned, we did talk about this.

You hook up with a listener that night. You blow a listener's mind that night.

No, no, I didn't. I have time to think about it. Isn't that funny?

She did. She acted, guys. She actually did. She. She thought for a second, looked up, recalled the night and said, did I bang? No.

No, I didn't. I'm just. I was. No, I did not bang. I didn't bang anyone. I really didn't. I have. Because I. Obviously I would remember and I would have told you.

You looked up and to the left. Like to recall though, for a second.

Because I've had sex. I mean, but it wasn't after your show. But your listeners were cool and it's fun because now I've connected and we have and more listeners. That was there and it was so fun.

Yeah.

I met a girl who. Who actually was listening to your program and then she heard about my program and look at that.

Oh, my God, the whole thing, it was magical. So, yeah, that was great.

Speaking of comedians.

Exactly. So. Oh, my God. My guest, Adam.

Ray.

Adam, you're awesome.

Thanks.

You're funny.

Thanks.

Okay. I don't watch tv. I don't know. Yeah, it really is. No, that's. No, there was like. There's like a line around the block.

They're all like waiting for the photographs. They're waiting for the toys that you've been practicing with.

Actually, that was live audio from the after disastrous show. I brought it in.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Do the toys you get. Do they. You really spend a lot of time because you want to get to know your product. Right. Were you guys really joking about using them all day and that's why you're tired?

No. I mean, yes, he is joking about that. No, no, no.

Wait a minute.

What has happened?

She did that thing where she looked up to the left again.

I did.

I wish.

Put your hands underneath this table right now.

I tell my assistant, can we please put masturbation on? Like, I need time because I do have a lot of toys that I need. But we just had intern sex review day and they tested.

You need time during your. Do you plot out time. I was talking about this with my. But who's actually been on your show? Brad Williams.

Yeah, Brad Williams is awesome. He was our podcast guy.

We have a podcast called about last night. You can get it on iTunes or aboutlastnightpodcast.com.

It'S awesome.

We were talking about being so busy having to start, like, schedule time out to masturbate.

Right. So I'm not alone in this.

Not at all.

I don't have time to date. That's why I knew I didn't sleep with anyone when we asked you. I don't have time.

Yeah. It's also more fun when you can plot out time. I mean, obviously doing it on a whim. Like, you know, if you just. If the wind catches you, right, and you're like, something happens that we're just like you. You're oddly. They're super turned on. Like, it's fun just to be able.

To take care of it.

Yeah.

Pull out traffic light.

For real. When did that happen?

I don't know. When have I ever.

You know, it's easier for you ladies to do that, isn't it?

No. I was gonna say I wasn't even talking about me, but yes, I have done that once. But I think guys do it all the time.

I mean, I don't wanna speak for the action, but I feel like our movements are much more aggressive. So I guess you could keep it contained if you were. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. Amsten, you ever. Have you. Master, have you ever masturbated here at the Loveline studio?

For sure, he's in here.

But I've never masturbated. You did. You gotta have sex where you work?

Yeah.

I've never had sex here.

Statement. Why? No, because you're a nice lady.

Isn't it funny that, like, you masturbating here would be more adventurous and dangerous than you having sex here? I feel like, yeah.

Heck, it would be more shameful if I got caught.

That's what, Like, I'd get a high.

Five from the cleaning crew if they.

Caught me banging someone.

But if they saw me beating off in the corner.

No, you're a sad, sad individual.

Yeah, but the door is locked a lot. The guard sleeps all the time. No one can get in here.

This place used to be empty at night, but a bunch of people, like, we have NBC Sports here now. We have like 24 hour shows. So it's a little tougher now.

But I used to bring in black ladies, plural.

Well, I'd be like, do you want to see the studio?

What a great line.

Dude, that's awesome. And then you got married. Did you ever have sex with your wife here?

Nah, she's not that kind of girl.

She's like your wife. She's like me.

Why would I respect it? I love it.

I'm always hot and cold with you. I'm always, like, painting you as a picture as, like this total tramp. And then I go with the.

You're like my wife.

Yeah, I love that. I love that, Anton. That's sweet. Okay, so you tell me. What? You just released a new album.

I did. Yeah. It's called Pop Tart Suicide.

Pop Tart Suicide.

It's my first stand up. Yeah.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Was that. What was that? Like, how long did it take you to do.

Well, I mean, I've been doing stand up for seven years, so I guess it's. But it's not seven years worth of material because it's only an hour of joke hours a lot, though. It is a lot. Yeah.

That's really impressive.

Oh, thanks.

I mean, Jeff, you do always do an hour. And that's the thing, like.

Yeah, I mean, when you start headlining. I was middling for a while, and then. And then when the. I did that movie the Heat, and that did really well.

So you were right. The Heat with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy. That's two very cool, like, what cool women to work.

Yeah, it was a great first movie. I mean, I could have been in, you know, Dr. Dolittle 17.

You could have been.

And I don't think I'd.

Be. It wouldn't be in your bio.

It probably would be.

Exactly. You wouldn't be talking about it.

Yeah, totally. I mean, I think you're. You want to be proud of anything you do, but, like, I think there's certain things that people just. That's why when you hear certain actors that you bring up, like, didn't you do this? And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah. But I don't tell.

Right. We don't talk about that. Exactly.

So that movie did well and then started headlining.

That's great. So that was like, in the last two years. It came out. So it's. Your career's just taking off. Skyrocketing.

Yeah, it's everything. I'm getting calls from Spielberg. Everybody's just banging on my door.

But it's been fun. You are Craig Ferguson, Adam Krolo's podcast. You've been on Loveline, two Broke Girls, workaholics. Some Chelsea According to Jim Arrest Chelsea lately. I saw that. Dude, you're on fire. Well, thank you for stopping by. The sex with Emily.

Oh, man, I've heard nothing but amazing things about you and your show. So this is. I was honored to talk.

I mean, I love that it connect because you connected with Lauren, my assistant. Were you trying to hit on her.

Somewhere no, we just. I mean, we definitely had some, like.

The sexual energy when he came in here.

Yeah. Just tell me, are you gonna bang her? Because she has work to do tomorrow if you guys sleep together.

No, no, no. I mean, that's. That's.

She should get. Just make sure she's, you know, in on time.

She's very sweet.

You could use the flashlight. Cause we gave you.

You gave me a flashlight? Here's another reason why I was welcoming.

You have a parting gift, too. That was your welcoming gift?

Yeah, Carolla gave me, like, some pretzels. So this is definitely, like, a step up as far as parting gifts.

He did, right?

He did try to buy pretzels, though.

So, like, he gave you, like, chocolate covered pretzels?

Wait, can you not. Did I just curse? Can you not do that?

You can sweat your. No, this isn't live. We're not live.

I thought I heard a screeching sound outside, but then I thought it was, like, your sensor button in there.

That was good.

No, we're not live.

So I can talk about trying to fuck pretzels.

Say cunt if you want cucked Pretzels.

I don't think. Yeah.

Wow.

I wish I hadn't said it. I'm sorry.

Why would you. Why would you. Why'd you drag us all over?

That's my fault. I made you feel awful about that. Because the look I immediately gave you was like, hey, dude, I'm not on your side.

The C word's tough. It is a tough one.

I got kicked out of a comedy club for saying it.

No way.

No. For saying what?

Yeah, for saying the C word. Yeah. Here's what happened. So I was doing this. It was a buddy of mine I met. He used to manage the Tempe improv. And he. He came out to Holly, was trying to find features. So when I was the middle act, right? And he. He was like, man, you'd be great to come down to Tempe. It'd be love if I could work a deal for you to come feature for one of headlines. I was like, dude, I've never been on the road yet. That would be amazing. So the date we had scheduled, the fall, fell through because I broke my ankle playing basketball. And. And so then December worked out. He's like, you can come with this guy in December, but it's gonna be. There's gonna be a lot of.

Big Christian, like, party groups, so you gotta keep it, like, relatively clean. And at that point, Christian party groups, they drink grapes. That seems like an oxygen.

They Drink a lot of grape juice.

Yeah, well, actually, they were actually having a great time. But the head owner was such a stickler for, like, you have to. He was so concerned about people being thrown off by the content of the show that he's like, everyone has to be squeaky clean.

But would you have your, like, you've been working on your content.

I was about four years in, so I still wasn't like, totally, you know, you know, as I'm better now, but I mean, you know, you always keep trying to get better arsenal of stuff.

That you just like, okay, I'll whip out this, I'll take a penis joke.

Totally. And I've never been, like, super filthy, but, like, I had to take out curse words and stuff. But I had this one joke where I, I, I do this talking about those the more, you know, PSAs. And I did one about how it's always I do, like, I did like Tony Danza doing one. Like, you know, reading's great, but, you know, tell your kid. You know, I was like, it's always celebrities being like, you know, reading's great. Tell your kids to buy some books for them and teach them to read and make their dreams come true, right? And I was like, it'd be so much better if you could have some real life dudes on there talking about issues that, like, normal dudes can relate to, not celebrities. And then I do this whole long act out of a guy being like, you know, hey, what's up? My name's Kyle. Surgery sucks. So tell your doctor to please put re please refill on your Vicodin order. That way you can sell the pillows for 10 bucks a piece to all your deadbeat pill poppins and finally get enough cash to get that 42 inch Vizio flat screen that your slutty ex girlfriend said was gonna take up too much space in the apartment. Well, good thing she showed you her bipolar side because now you're free from her bullshit. Annex. Fuck you, Beth, you dumb cunt. Da, na, na, na. Like a whole thing like that. I say that whole ending and it gets an applause break and I walk off stage. My buddy who's managing goes, dude, you fucked me, man.

You.

What are you saying for, dude? He's like, I'm going to have you. You got to go home now.

But the drunk Christians were fine, yo.

Everybody was going crazy. But he's like, dude, like, the manager who was above my buddy was like, dude, you told me he was going to be clean. And I was clean up until that last word.

Bad.

Just one word, man.

And in my head, I was doing it.

I was like, that was your last.

Say that. And so he was like, it was the first show of the week, and he's like, dude, you got to go home tonight. And I was like, what?

For real?

And you really had to take me out? Yeah. And I lost a bunch of money, and it was so. I don't think I've said that word.

He's having post traumatic disorder. You brought it up.

That's a real thing.

He's totally freaking out now. You said the word, and now he can't even. God, I'm sorry that happened. But since then, it's all been.

Since then, things have been. Yeah, it's been getting a little better.

Improv Tempe. Improv manager. Real cunt.

Yeah.

Too soon, man.

Dude, dude, we can't. Don't bring it up yet, Anderson. Really?

No, but, I mean, I don't. I don't talk a lot. What I was saying is, like, I was very interested to come on here because I know how much you guys talk about sex. I talk a decent, like, a handful of issues in my acts, but, like, I don't ever get to.

How come? I think it's time.

Was that, like, a sexual pun? I feel like everything is just innuendo.

Everything is, though. But you can't even help it that it's almost.

Yeah, you can't.

When you said, all hands on deck.

He just released a new album, I immediately thought, is that really what she said?

Released? Yeah.

No, seriously, like, people like, how's your day? I'm like, did she just say she's masturbating? She came from the brain. I always hear people saying something sexual, but they never are.

But it always. I mean, everybody can be like. Even in your show, when you say, and everything in between, is that supposed to be kind of like, yeah, baby.

Well, I can do it because it's my show. You know why, though? This show I started really, is because everything is about sex.

Yeah.

Like, why you wore that shirt is, you know, maybe you decided, I'll look hot and some. I'll get laid.

I mean, geez.

And why you buy a car? No, I'm just saying, every decision you make while you eat something, am I gonna feel healthy, unhealthy?

Will I feel trapped every breath we take? I mean, the whole point of being alive is to procreate.

Exactly.

Species moving forward. So it's creepy when you think about it, but yeah.

Should have banged someone after your show then. Anyway. Okay, so but you don't talk about. So you don't get into it that much. But how's your sex life?

Great. Great.

Are you. Are you dating?

Are you dating?

He kicked the bipolar girlfriend out.

I mean, I was in. I was like last week I was in two back to back relationships. Like four, three years. One was three and a half years old, was almost four. And so I'm like emotionally spent and.

That'S a lot of time.

Yeah. Back to back, there's only about seven.

Years in four and three.

Yeah.

And there was only about like six months in between. Oh, and the last one was long distance. And that was. She was in Seattle, where I was. Where I'm from.

Right.

So I was able to go home and double up and see what I'm doing.

How long was the long distance the whole time?

About two and a half years.

Why? To me it's such a weight. But then you should be able to see other people.

You should.

But I mean, you don't want to.

No.

Oh, see, that's me. I would always.

But I mean towards the end, obviously. Yeah. Cause it's just like things start to.

Change and you're right, you're not that into it anymore. But at the beginning, because you can't.

Get a real gauge.

The thing about long distance relationships, I get it. If you're coming to an end point where like in a year we'll be in the same.

There has to be some sort of compromises.

But you never had.

We did. And then. But it just. Other things got in the way. You know, it's this.

No, I mean sometimes. But there's this lifestyle of being a comedian is like not conducive to being.

But don't chicks always want to bang you after the show?

Not always, but I mean, not always.

Not always. One time there wasn't a chick that don't hate me.

I mean, I don't know. But I also am never. I'm not like, I don't seek it out. Like I don't.

You don't have to because they're throwing themselves at you.

No, but I'm saying like I.

How do I say this? Like I. I like to hang out with people after show in local, in towns. Like I like to.

Right now I get.

Go out and meet local. So I'm not just like. If somebody just comes up and like grabs me and says something really dirty, it's not usually the way it goes down.

Right.

And that's not like appealing to me.

What I'm saying is I'm Kidding. But you know, you might.

Other opportunities. In every city I go to, that's maybe.

But I get it. Sometimes you just want to talk to you and go to bed.

Are there certain towns that you're really excited? They're like, oh, yeah, go see Misty, dude.

San Francisco, you know, I just. I live there for. So all my friends are there.

Send anybody and everybody.

Okay.

But it's gonna be a fun show.

Where is. Okay, it's July.

July 24th through the 26th in San Francisco.

Okay. So I was just there yesterday. It was awful. But I was there for a day. But I love San Francisco.

It's the cool city. And that's a city that you get fired up to go to. Because the comedy crowds are great, the people are.

It's a great crowd. How fun. So you're at the punchline.

Punchline, yeah.

Okay.

And you gotta come because I'm gonna be doing. I started doing this new thing with. Anyway, I've got a big musical theater background, and so I started doing this thing at the Comedy Store, late night, where the keyboardist who brings people up. It's the only comedy club that has, you know, like a live organist. Yeah, totally. He brings people up and plays them off. Nobody utilizes him for anything other than that. And so he and I. I started getting these spots late night, like 12:30, 12:45. There's like five people or 20 people. So we started improvising songs like, based on. Like, I do crowd work with the five people. Then we'd improvise songs based on. Then I'd start singing some of my bits. Turn to this really great thing that we've done now for almost a year. And I just did it for the first time in San Diego, like doing an hour, like 20 minute stand up.

Did you bring this guy from San Francisco with the.

He's in la, so I'm gonna bring him up.

I love it. So he's become part of your thing.

So it's gonna be half stand up, half improvised songs.

I love that. So you studied. That's how you started with.

Yeah, I think so. That was like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

I quit. I quit football to play Danny Zuko in Greece. And again, let me tell you something. I, Like, I was a sophomore in high school. There was a senior girl who had a huge crush on who was all over me after this play. So, like, again, for sure, reinforcement in my head, I was like, all right, this play was a lot of fun. I think acting is something I might want to try, but I'm Sure. Subconsciously. I was like motivated by motivation.

Oh, and also.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. So that was it. You really dropped out and played Danny Zuko.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you sang and the whole thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Was the Cuz I was thinking that she was gonna be like Sandy in it, but after you.

No, no. She was a soccer player.

She wanted to bang you. Either way, that's great.

But I didn't because I was too. So I didn't know what I was doing.

Sophomore in high school from Seattle.

Yeah.

You ever been in the Lusty lady up there? It's no longer there, but. You ever go there?

What?

That sounds familiar.

That's in San Francisco. There's a lusty lady.

Oh, is there a lusty lady?

Where you put the quarters in? Yeah, yeah.

The quarters in.

Yeah.

Creepy. You watch the women and.

Oh, shit, no.

And the marquis always had really great sexual puns.

Like Happy New Year every year.

Happy New Year.

Yeah.

Big fan of that.

Because I used to go up there every New Year's for my best friend lived up there. But yeah, it was one of those old timey. You go in and put a quarter in and you never went. You know, where the women.

And the women dance for you and.

Do way better than the.

I was too, man. I missed a lot of cool.

Did you do that after your show.

When Pearl Jam, like, was really big. So I like. I feel like I wasn't really old enough to experience a lot of the.

They built a four season on top of it and closed it down.

Yeah. I think that you should go there after your show just for some instances or before your show for some instances.

It would be great for material.

Yeah, but no, seriously, I've got lots of people there. I'll send them anyway. And all my listeners. Go. Go see them. Go see them.

You've been to the Lusty lady in San Francisco?

Of course you have. I have a video.

You went in a little booth and you put a quarter.

Oh, if you.

And you look at the vagina.

Totally.

Well, you just wait.

I filmed it. Yeah.

So you just look at a vagina. What is it? It's girls in a. Secretly filmed in a booth in a window.

It's like a strip joint.

It's like the red light district in Amsterdam.

Exactly.

But you're right up close and personal.

You put quarters in and the women, like, do these dances, take off their clothes.

Do they act like they're robots at first? Like those Disneyland animatronics. And then you put the quarter. And then they start that Would probably.

Be more entertaining because it's not real sexy.

It's creepy. They're not even.

They all. They're all like Eastern European women. In Seattle, they always had like hair in their armpits.

Yeah, they needed a. No, no pro. No Harry. Armpits. Wow. Thanks. Thank you. Jesus. So they. Yeah, the last.

They have like one way mirrors and then two way mirrors. So like if you're ballsy and you want the chicks to see you in there. And then they have. They had in the lusty lady up in Seattle. They had on either end.

Yeah.

Was like the full body. So I go in there. It's the second time I'd ever been in there because I'd brought my friend. He lived in Seattle. He didn't believe that this place actually existed. He's a lawyer and he was very skeptical about everything. I'm like, no, it's true. So we go into the booth and there's a dude in the full length one just completely beating off. We just saw like everything.

No, it's dirty. Like, we came in with like wipes and stuff like that.

All smell like chlorine in there. Bad scenes.

Okay, don't go there. I'll tell you where to eat.

You get changed. My.

I'm sorry.

I can't picture Emily.

Dude, this is what I do. I love that he has things. I'm so innocent, for sure. No, I am, though. I'm like a nice girl. I really am.

You are. But you probably got a dirty side, you know?

No. Yeah, probably. But not what you think.

I don't know. What I'm thinking about it.

If you think.

I don't think. You're like. You get tied up and stuff. I don't think.

Oh, that I do. You do? I have. I mean, of course. I've tried everything.

Research.

Research. No, really.

Are you one of those try everything once people?

Yeah, I mean, I still have things on my list, of course.

Wow.

What's on the list? After getting tied up?

No. Tied up for like, you know. Have you never tied anyone up?

No.

And I don't.

I don't think.

How about blindfold? No, not your thing. You don't know?

I don't. Yeah, I mean, I've just in the past year gotten to do some stuff that I didn't think I was gonna like what? Oh, man. Is this the place to talk?

I don't know, dude. What else we talk about?

Okay, we know you're funny.

Yeah.

But tell us, Emma, how offended would you be if you're having sex With a guy and he just put a blindfold on himself before.

That's a great.

Oh, guys. Guys have done that. Is that. Do you think?

That's not a good sign.

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

No, they haven't. What did you do in the last years?

Threesome.

How was it?

Incredible.

Yeah. How did it come together?

It was after a show and.

Oh, okay. Now the truth. Yeah.

Yeah. But I mean, again, like, organic.

The best threesomes are organic. When you're not connected or sleeping. You don't know.

Organic. What? Yeah. Oh, organic land.

Or like.

Hey, Jay, I want to see if you dampen.

What city was this?

San Diego.

Oh, hot book.

Any new dates since then? You're like, I need to do San Diego a little more often, I think.

I mean, I've been down there since. But were they friends?

Back up. They were friends. The two women?

Yeah.

And then they, like, came up after the show.

Yeah. And I couldn't really get. They were like, you should come out with us. And I was like, yeah, I got another show. So, you know. And I didn't really think anything. I was like, let's at least just swap information.

And then. And then they were texting me. I was like, okay, well, I gotta do the show and then I'll hitchhike. So I wasn't trying to, like, rush out of the show, taking my time. And then. And then they were living in the area where we were staying, and. Yeah. And then. And then they said.

Come. We're having drinks at our apartment. Come over. But just you. And I was like, ooh. So that's what that was, the first hint of, like, oh, man.

I think.

So they wanna rob me. Exactly.

My head went there. My Jewish insecurities went there.

That was same. You're Jewish?

Yeah.

Okay, wait, no.

Like, if band members, like, they have groupies and afterwards they have sex with the groupies and they're band members, so they just have to be cool. Now, do these girls expect you to be funny during the sexual activity?

No. And that's not too crazy of a question.

I know. I'm being serious. Do they expect you to be funny throughout? No.

I mean, like, do cunning Lingus, like, blow bubbles on their vagina or something? Is that what you think?

So funny. I wear a clown nose when I go to.

Yeah, he wears a clown nose and they laugh every time.

But that's aside from being funny. That's not a funny choice.

Mickey laughs them into orgasm. That's his trick.

There's something about the clown Nose that when it rubs on the.

The clitoris. It's rubber. The rubber. Yeah. Yeah. We gotta change silk.

I've read it in joke books.

It's probably not actually helping. Okay. So did they invite you over? I'm dying to know. Were you attracted to them? Are they both hot? I think in San Diego, everyone's like, hot has a good body. Maybe not that bright, but, like, they're both attractive.

But, I mean, I was attracted to.

Not that bright. I shouldn't say that.

Just throw in your head. Ems, come on.

I mean, I was more attracted to one of them.

Yeah. Okay. Right, yeah. But the other one.

You're a brunette. I've always been, like, a brunette.

A brunette guy.

Yeah.

You overcompensate and spend more time with the other one because you're.

No, I try. I think I did a good job.

So your first time. So they did. How did it start? Oh, you go to the house.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Ding dong. I'm like, I need to know. Okay.

Ding dong. That's just.

Come on in.

That's why I said. When I took my pants off and then I.

Right.

No. And then go in there and just walk me up to, like, their room and we're drinking and just. And I mean, it seemed like I started to kind of get the feeling. I was like, I think I know what's gonna happen at some point, but there's no rush here because I feel like, so, like, let's just hang out and get to know each other. So it got me.

You said that or you thought that?

That's what I was thinking.

Right. Cause you're not like, hey, slow down.

I'm like, yeah, you don't wanna anticipate. Like, I don't think that's. Hey, I think we all know it's gonna go down about 20.

I got two more threesomes set up for last night. Right.

I got two more sets. Yeah.

No, so it was. So it was just, like, really fun to hang out and shoot the shit and drink and. Almost forgot, like, what was in the cards for. For the. For the future. But so that even made it more fun, I think, for everybody, because it was just like, we all got along.

Right? Exactly. But they were friends, and then they were cool, and then you, apparently.

Yeah. They seem very cool.

Right.

With some of the things they're doing. I like to think they knew each other before.

I see. So they were, like, getting on and then they each had, like. So they would, like.

There was a lot of. Yeah. Mixing and matching.

Mixing and Matching. Okay. Did you have to have sex with the one that you were less attracted to? Did you have sex with both of them? Penetrative intercourse?

Yeah. Yeah.

Do you use a condom?

Yeah, always.

You changed anything you have to.

Yeah, of course.

He would not sit tall if he didn't.

But I'd be hammered. And I never.

No, no, no. I was.

You have to switch kind of if you're.

I didn't allow myself to get, like. I mean, I was. We were all drinking, but, I mean.

But were you nervous because it was your first. How do I handle boobs and vagina and boobs at the same time? And that's.

Yeah, the. The.

What's the word I'm looking for?

6:30? No.

The time that you're going to distribute between each. Like, that was something I definitely.

Like, in your head, you've, like, eight minutes and you're like.

And you want to be attentive. Like, it's. You know, I think I'm pretty attentive with one.

That's why I asked if you overcompensated and spent more time with the one you were less attracted to because.

Well, one of them actually laid down after a little bit and, like, just was like, I'm going to just kind of chill for a minute and take almost like a little power nap. And so then that made it easy. But then after. But this is after everybody was on the same team, right?

Exactly. So that's. That's fun. So would you do it again?

Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah. It's a good time. I think the best threesomes are the ones that are. Okay, I don't wanna say the best. There's amazing threesomes all over the world. I'm not gonna.

I think anytime it absent is probably the best, right?

No, no. There's been some bad threesomes. I've had aborted threesomes. Like, oh, my God, stop.

But laughed.

I've had, like. I've had that many. I've actually. I should have. I could have had.

Was it the music? Did they have, like some sort of weird Lion King soundtrack?

Exactly, Lion King. And I lost my boner. No, what happened was, is that. No. I was in Mexico with a girlfriend and a guy, and then we were all, like, in bed starting to do it, and I realized I'm so not attracted to him. And my friend and I are. See, the thing about chicks hooking up, like, when I have been with chicks.

You have to be really attracted to them.

Yeah, yeah. No, but it's better if you don't know anyone. Like, I did. Met this girl. I didn't. But if it's.

You don't want to know their favorite color.

No, I don't know anything. And so when it's organic, you're not going to see. Who cares? It's fun. It's like. Can be so free from. But then if you're in a relationship and then you. I've never done this. I've never been in a relationship and then brought a third in or been.

The lot of people do that, huh?

Yeah. And so typically. But when it's like. No one's, like, jealous or connect. Has this certain connection, someone. It just comes together organically. Like, I'm saying that there's. It's fun because you can just kind.

Of have fun feelings.

No. Feelings fall on. No attachment.

Probably over a year ago, and this guy called up and his girlfriend wanted to have a threesome. So she brought her friend in, and then as soon as her boyfriend started having sex with her friend, like, she just became enraged. Punched her boyfriend right in the nose while he was banging her. Broke his nose.

What?

That is crazy, right? She literally punched her idea.

Him out of her.

He was. Because she probably saw a look in his eye where he was like. He was. He took it up a notch.

When it became real, she freaked out.

Yeah.

Couples should only have threesomes if. First of all, you shouldn't have a threesome to, like, save your relationship. Like, babies. Having a baby's worse because you can't.

Like, go on a vacation.

Go on vacation. Right. But people do. They're like, oh, let's bring a third person. And then it could be, like, a disaster. So before couples, I always say you have to, you know, talk about it beforehand. There's, like, rules.

How much talking can you really do, though, to prepare you?

Oh, a lot. No, I. Yeah. I mean, I've talked like, hey, if.

This happened, like, I would.

Like. There's no kissing. There's no. She can't sleep over. You can't actually have. I. I would be.

Some people are like, hey, no oral sex.

Oh, totally.

Straight to the.

Yeah, everything. There's rules. And you have to be like, how would this make you feel? Clearly this woman hadn't thought it through too much. You know, you also want to see.

I think every person wants to feel like they'd be cool with it. So they're probably gonna brush off more than they anticipate. Like, they're like, of course. Hey, if you're. Yeah. If you're like, Doing it from behind and you want to like touch like one of the boobs with your hand. Of course that's not gonna bother me. But that could be the thing that sets her off because she's like, you only touch these tits. Exactly.

You don't know. Right. It could go very, very wrong. That's why I'm saying if you do are in a couple. I'm not saying that it can't. I mean I was just with.

Do you know relationships that has saved?

I. Well, I know a lot of. Yeah, I know a lot of couples who have not. Not saved, but I know couples who've opened up their relationships and so they, they haven't had the swing around the show. They said the swinger on the last show. Oh, that was an awesome show. Daniel Stern. Last week, Swing Land. Daniel Stern, he wrote a show called.

Swinger, the voice of Kevin Arnold.

No, not the guy from Home Alone. Now the other. Actually his Twitter is the other Daniel Stern.

Bummer.

I know, that would have been interesting, right? Because who would have think. But he is a swinger. And so he talks about how. And I know a lot of swingers too, just from my line of work. I mean, I've had him on the show. I say to them, you know, they talk about it and they. A lot of people, you have the gene for it or you don't. A lot of people don't want to be monogamous. They have a hard time being with one person. A few years go by, maybe they're in the relationship and you think, well, how would we. We've already, you know, you've already kind of getting a little bored with it and maybe you're both interested and she wants to be with women or whatever. You talk about it and then you decide, make rules. You open it up and they keep doing it. I think the couples are. It works for a lot of couples, but a lot of couples, it's like a disaster.

Yeah.

You know, someone runs off with a best friend.

Cuz I also feel like even as cool as you are with it, like seeing like that happen to like your significant other, there's gonna like, there's always room for that moment to get brought back up in some sort of petty arguments.

Exactly right. Or you went down on her, you looked like you were more into. Your orgasm was stronger with her than it ever been.

Just because she changed the channel too fast before the highlight was finished on Sports Center. You like, oh, change it a little fast. It's kind of the way you changed it up after I was bugging you instead of Brett, you know, like this. So many comparisons.

Brett's wife was way tighter than you.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It can get ugly. So tread with.

I don't think I sweet with coffee. I don't think I could swing.

No. See? No. Right.

And I don't consider myself a super jealous person. And I feel like that's probably what jealous people say. But I definitely, like, know that I can be. But like a healthy amount, you know?

You were with someone for a few years. Well, you were with these women. Did you ever think that you wanted to be with someone else or you were content with your sex life and everything was perfect?

No. I mean, yeah, towards the end for sure. Because like, also the distance just doesn't help anything. It does make you want to, once you get together, just fuck like rabbits. But then I think when I started to notice that things were not. We would see each other and for four days instead of, you know, doing it a couple times a day, it'd be like maybe once the weekend.

Right.

That's when you have to.

That's when you're like, right. Put a fork in it. Yeah, yeah, I get it. That's happened.

Which is a bummer. But it is a bummer because it shouldn't. I mean, but that's what happens in my 80s. I'm still feeling like.

Exactly.

People.

And people do.

And so they do, don't they?

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Is that gross to think about?

No. People are having sex. Some woman called it the Loveline the other night.

It's gross.

It is funny. Let's just like not beat around the bush. It's disgusting.

Beat around the bush. But this 20.

Just trying to fit in.

Oh, my God. Okay, we're going to get back to the bush story in a minute, but first I have to give a shout out to our sponsors. Please, everyone, thanks for listening to the show. I so appreciate it and I hope you supporting the sponsors to allow me to bring you two shows a week. Okay. So check them out. And you know, I only pick people that I know are going to help your life. So. Good vibes. One of the reasons you're able to listen to me, Good vibes dot com. They carry all the best sex toy brands. And you can get the Vibratex, the Rabb habit, we love it. The Dahlia, you can get penis rings, the flashlight if you want. Even that you're gonna take home with you, right? Yeah, it's gonna be awesome.

I've got something to do on Sunday.

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Sure.

I mean, like, like, privately probably. Do you want me to tweet about it?

Like, I just. I wanted to like, a live, like, Google hangout or something. I thought we could just like. Yeah, sure, Adam. Right. Adam's gonna try it, and it's gonna be awesome. So with the Fleshlight is the number one sex toy for men.

I mean, I'm a little apprehensive to it because I, you know. Well, just because, like, I've built up quite a rapport with my hand over the last.

This is the thing. So.

So many men think I feel like it's cheating a little bit.

No, but it's not.

My hands, like, hit game winning shots for me in high school, it's, like, been the. It's.

You're gonna take it home with you, though.

It stopped Brad when we got into a fight. Brad Williams, you know, because he was charging at my knees. I just put my hand down on his head and stopped him. So it's like this thing.

Like, has he ever been used as a sex toy, like, on a really large woman? I think that he could actually be used as a sex toy.

He could put a vibrator, like a bull in his mouth.

They put it. Yeah, they put him. They put him in one of those cannons, like one of those T shirt cannons and shoot him inside a woman's.

Yeah, I think, like, Oprah, he could probably fit in there.

Jesus.

Oh, my God.

Real shots fired, Anderson. Jesus is Oprah. She's out there and heard that. You know what would be great for Oprah? What if that was the thing that got Oprah to call in and go, what if that was like, I've been hearing some rumors.

I heard what you said, Andersong.

Well, you are gonna like it even though you love your hand, because I think, well, like I said, I mean, it simulates a feeling of real sex. We've got a million toys to try from. And guys, you just got your hand and you're like, I'm happy with it. Cause that's all you know?

But what if your hand probably doesn't feel good?

You started Adding lube. You started adding something that feels like a vagina. It feels like you're actually having sex. Yes. You saw it. You put in the container and your penis goes inside. And you come inside.

Yeah. Where do you.

Inside of it? And then you just rinse it out in the sink.

Can these fleshlights ever get pregnant? Like, do you?

No. That's the thing. You don't have to worry about getting out that I've ever heard of. You don't have to worry about getting pregnant, but you can have sex with one that looks like a porn star.

So, like, Laura was telling me this. So they have shaped vaginas.

They get their vaginas the same way.

Like, you know, Danny Glover put his hands in the sand on Hollywood Boulevard. These porn stars put their.

They put vagina.

Vagina.

They take molds of their vagina. You could have sex with Janet Jadenesson, Nina Hart.

Well, whoever that porn star is, I would love Jenna Jane, Tera.

Patrick, do you know porn stars?

Yeah. Yeah, I know a couple.

Do you want to have sex with her? Do you want another? Do you want the terra? Patrick?

I can't remember what she looks like, but I'm assuming she's attractive.

No, she's a porn star. Yeah. Hot.

But see, the porn star wouldn't matter. You could honestly be like, hey, like, this is Martha Stewart. And. Well, okay, that's a bad example. That is probably. Definitely. I would not. I would close the box.

Hilarious.

You'd stick it into a pumpkin piece.

Exactly.

So.

But yeah, I guess some guys really prefer. Because I guess they can really imagine that, like, it feels like.

Oh, you mean. Yeah, exactly. A lot of guys, I mean, they're their best sellers.

They probably watch the videos of, you know the one.

Yeah, exactly. And they're like, oh, I'm really having sex with her. So some guys are into that. Some guys are just into the feeling because it's within your hands.

That's crazy that we've gotten to that point, by the way.

And that lube. The lube is also created for the porn stars as well. Right. Like, this is what she feels like.

Wow. The whole thing. Yeah. But the one I gave you is the flight, so it's lightweight.

Who did I get?

No, you got the flashlight. You got the flights on.

I got the butthole.

No, there are buttholes.

All right. I'm gonna have to trade this in for a vagina. I feel like this is like when I was a kid. I'm trading my Kirby Pucket, you know, I'm trading my Kirby Pocket for my Cal Ripken.

Trading flashlights.

Trading a butt for a vagina.

Grateful I gave you more than pretzels and now you want to buy.

I'm incredibly grateful.

I don't want the Terrapic flashlight. No, I'm kidding. I know. I'm very grateful you got the flight, which is lightweight. It looks like cool. No one can tell. It doesn't look like a sex toy, but you've. Whatever. Tell me how it goes instead of your hand. Check it out. Go to sex with emily.com flashlight that sex with emily.com fleshlight. Check it out because Adam's gonna check it out. And Colin, you could be anonymous. You could change your wars. Or we could just talk.

We could just.

Yeah, I won't even share. In fact, I don't even. I don't even. I'm like a good friend. Like, you could tell me.

Yeah, you seem like a very good listener.

And I would change.

Really?

Yeah.

Awesome. I am. So. Anyway, I wouldn't tell anyone her story with the flashlight or the threesome. Although don't tell anyone about that. Have you told. Does she listen to your stuff?

Oh, yeah. She's a big fan. She's probably a big supporter.

She's so proud of you. You're in Seattle still.

Yep.

And she's like.

She listened when I was on Loveline and she. She texted me after and goes, the camera's on you. And you fidgeted with your hat. You gotta stop fidgeting with your hat.

I'm like such a mother.

Scratch your nose. And, like, they can see you. And, like, you were shifting in your chair. Like, get comfortable. Why are you shifting so much? I'm like, mom. And then she's like. And that one person called. I'm like, why didn't you tell them about when you guys split up? And they. You could really could have helped that person. I mean, she. You know, when we were on the red carpet, I took her on the red carpet for the Heat, the premieres in New York. And I was getting ready to walk down, and then I was like, oh, man, she should for sure be out here. So I had my agent go grab her from inside. And so she was standing on the red carpet and just so proud. And, like, you know, people don't really know who I am. So they're taking a few pictures, kind of being like, who the fuck is this guy? Like, is that his girlfriend? Like, is this some. You know, whatever? And then Sandra Bullock and Melissa come up behind me. So cameras go crazy. And then we're standing beside. After we walked down and took some pictures, kind of just lingering, just soaking up the experience. And they're all talking to, you know, E and Entertainment Tonight. My mom's like, go up and stand behind Sandra. And I'm like, what? I'm like, mom, I brought you out here. Can you just, like, chill? She's like, don't stand behind Sandra. I go, and do what? She's like, you stand behind her. They're gonna be like, who's that guy? Is he in the movie? Maybe we should go talk to him. And then they go, excuse me, are you in the movie? And you go, yes, actually, I played the bad guy. I go, that actually is like, not a terrible idea. But, mom, I didn't bring you out here to be my manager. What do I know? You just came out of me. I'm like, that has nothing to do with what we're talking about.

Just go stand behind Sandra Bullock.

Oh, just like, go just photobomb. And they'll be like, who's this asshole? Oh, wait, it's the bad guy in.

The movie and in real life.

I love it. I love it. You do the same mom accent that I do. It's like the Jewish mother.

And then she tells me, by the way, then I'll repeat some of this stuff to her. Like, we had this conversation. She's like, did you? She's like. She's like, you know what you can go get? There's these bars, these two of these cliff bars. You can put them in your car. If you're having trouble eating, find time. You put them in your car. You have them in your car, and then you can eat them whenever you want. Cause they're in your car. So, like, whenever you're driving, they'll be in your car. You get hungry, you take one of them out, eat them. Because they're in your car and they're accessible right there for you. I go, hey, mom, would I put these in my car? She'd go, fuck you. And I go, could you tell me to put the bars in my car one more time? I was like, do you work for the Clif Bar Company? And she's like, I'm just trying to help because I know you're a busy person. And then I tell her this, and she starts laughing, and she goes, I'm giving you so much material. I don't know why you're not using me. And I'm really not. No, I never. Like, right now, this is like the first time in a while that I'm.

Repeating Jewish mother stuff is good. No, it's just so. I don't know, as any mother. I get it. No, I have that with my mother. You're gonna be talking about blowjobs. Really? Like, when you're 60, that's what you're gonna do? Talk about blowjobs.

Really?

I mean, do you think you should try to think of something else? She still.

Adam's better than that, though. Adam's better than that. That's the Jewish mother. People who do their parents, like, on stage, like, that's their thing.

No, but that's how I do my mom, though. I do the. Because she is a Jewish. Like, is your mom New York?

No, my mom's like, New York.

So she's got, like that.

Yeah, she gave me condoms, though, when I first.

She was the one Jewish lady from Oklahoma.

Yeah, there's actually. There's like six. She. She. Yeah, because my folks split when I was nine, so she was. I was, you know, just with her and my sis, and she gave me condoms when I was 16, which was so weird. And first of all, I was like.

Hey, she sounds awesome. Actually, I want to party with your mom.

She's. All her friends love her. I mean, she's the life of, like. I just met a few of them in New York when I was doing shows. She goes back with her sorority from Tulane. They go every year to New Orleans to help Habitat. There's, like, a program where they help build houses for some of the victims who are still fucking struggling. And so I met a few of them in New York. They came to my show. They're like, your mom is the best. Like, we see where you get all. Like, she's just. And I got to a point to where, like, I stopped looking at my mom as a parent and a person. And that's when we actually, like. I was like, fuck, she's funny, like. Cause for so long, I'm just like, it's my mom. Stop embarrassing me. And all that bullshit. But she gave me these condoms, which I was like, I'm glad that you even think that I'm doing this right now. And then she was just like, just don't get pregnant. Don't get, like, whatever. And she's like. I'm like, oh, mom, this is so weird. I don't even want these. And she's like, you gotta use them. Don't not use them. Yeah, yeah, keep them in the car next to your Clif bars. And. But I mean, I'm glad she at least threw them at me. It Definitely. She gave me enough of a quick talk that was just like. Cause she saw I was uncomfortable and walking out, she's like, put them on or bad shit's gonna happen. And I was just like, almost like, when your DARE officers, like, you smoke pot, you're gonna fucking kill your friend with a. With a gun made of Doritos or, you know, some shit. It puts the fear in your head to not want to.

Did you call her up and tell her what a good job you did with a threesome and how you're taking them off?

Yeah. Well, now I'm gonna send her the show.

Have you had her on your podcast with Brad?

We're going to. I'm going up to Seattle when he's up there to do shows. And I, I made a point to say we got. Because she'll. She'll.

That's awesome. When are you. You're doing a show in Seattle?

Well, Brad's doing shows. I'm just gonna go visit my nieces and. Because they're turning into little Hellraisers, apparently, just talking to my sister. They're the cool. They're, you know, the coolest people ever. They're almost five. They're the best. Yeah. But my sister just had another kid, so now they're fighting for attention, right? And they're going crazy.

Yeah, no, that's really tough.

And they're the sweetest little girls. And she tells me these stories. I'm like, I don't want to hear this because, like, they're. Anyway, this is not sexual. Let's change the.

Let's change the. Let's go back to the next sexual thing.

Okay, so I will tell you real quick though, real quick. Sexual with my nieces. All I can. No, all I can think. They're five. But even in the back of my head, they'll tell me, like, Matthew gave me a cookie today and I'm like, who the fuck is Matt? Like, I'm already so.

Right.

Like preparing mentally for like, they're probably what, four or five years away from guys starting to try to like, you know, hold hands and.

Come on, yo.

Porn is so out there. These 10 year old boys are probably googling boobies day in and day out.

They are. My 9 year old godson was Googling like ladies with boobies or ladies with boobies.

I mean, who. Okay, well, this guy sounds pretty cool.

My dad. My dad. My.

Ladies with boobies.

That's. That's.

By the way, that's exactly what you would Google when you're eight years old. You're not gonna type in big black. You know, whatever.

Like Jack. Like, he's like eight. Like, this kid is like, I love this kid. Yeah, it's awesome, right?

Ladies with boobies. By the way, that should be the name of his improv group or Alanis Morissette cover band, whichever comes first.

I love it.

So it's true.

So you think about. Okay, so speaking of sex, you think about them having sex?

No, I don't think about them. I'm just saying I'm already like, they're not even my kids. And I think about stopping. These prepubescent. Prepubescent boys are boners with feet. All they do is walk around and they hump and fuck anything that's in their path.

Why don't we know that, though? See, we don't know that until we're older. Like, I don't know that guys are. Are thinking that. And even in college when you think, oh, you don't know the guys are jacking, all the themes are penis.

It's too much for you guys to know.

Like, you had no idea. I didn't know. I didn't know. Guys were all horny at boners and were hiding it until later when they're like, I was so embarrassed.

I mean, you couldn't hide yours.

It was so big. No.

Hilarious. No, I'm just saying, like, I think there's. It's. When you're a young kid, hiding the boner, like, that seems like you. You always like pulling the sh. Whatever you're doing, you're standing out even more. So also, you're in the worst place to get it. Like, you can't control it. You're playing kickball, you hit the game winning home run and you just. Hard as a rock. And everyone's like, shit, man. Did that turn you on? Like, kind of, I guess.

Do they notice? So boys notice.

Other.

Because I. I never knew to look at a guy's pants.

Depends on what area you grew up in, too.

I grew up in Michigan.

You grew up with like the skinny jeans. It's tougher.

Yeah.

I grew up with loose clothes.

Yes. You couldn't see any boners.

No, exactly. So boners. So lately.

Yeah. So. So. All right, so enough about my nieces.

Enough about your nieces. Not hot. No.

There have been a couple cases where 5 year olds have been pregnant, though. That's true.

No, it's not.

I don't even look it up.

Continue to.

Fun fact.

Don't look it up. Don't even talk about it. Don't even say that again. That's not true. I can't have this. How's that possible?

Makes me so terrified. Oh, I'm gonna have to beat up a five year old now.

Okay.

That's what that means.

Give me the goddamn cookies.

Give me the cookies. Eat his cookies after you beat him up. That's like the Mortal Kombat. Finish him.

Okay, so, Adam, what's your biggest turn ons actually.

Oh, man.

I'm a sucker for a good kisser.

Yeah, kissing's hot.

That's big. It's super hot.

It's one of the first things that goes in a relationship.

It's not a deal breaker, but it's. I can tell things are gonna be way better if that's.

But do you ever feel like the first kiss, do you just. If it's bad, you're out, or do you think it can get better over time?

I mean, I don't know. It won't. I don't necessarily like, take me out of the rest of the evening, but it definitely is like in the back of my. I'll probably spend less time doing that.

Right, right, exactly. Kissing, you know, it's hot. But kissing is true. That's how we all connect, is kissing.

That's the first thing we do.

But then eventually kissing is like the first thing that goes in a long term relationship. You stop kissing. And I.

So when I see like on the kiss cam at sporting events, like couples who you can tell have been together just give little pecs. I'm always like, man, what a bummer.

Yeah.

Then you see like some couple in their 70s and the old man just grabs her and goes to town.

Yeah. And you're like, that's a 76 year old. They owe you that. You want to be having that. That guy's banging his wife.

So maybe goes in waves. Maybe it's like, you know, five to 10 years of like some great stuff and then there's a chunk where you're like, all right, the kissing's gonna like take a, take a pause for a minute.

Yeah.

Or.

But maybe passion. That's what I'm hoping for.

You got it. There's a way to keep it all the time.

This is my life purpose. That's what I do. I try. I.

People say, their loss, it's lost or aren't trying or, you know, you just make an effort.

Because people don't. They don't just like, you know, people don't talk about sex. We're not taught how to talk about sex.

Color me Bad does color me bad. Talks about it all the time.

Yeah, they do.

Yeah. Turn on its teeth. A great laugh. Sucker for a good laugh.

Good laugh. Good laugh is good.

And if they can make me laugh, but not too much, don't be. I don't wanna do that.

Don't be funnier than you.

Right.

So you wouldn't sleep with another comedian? No, never have. Is it because you're in the same business and it's too close?

Yeah.

You haven't found any of them attractive?

Yeah, no, there's definitely attractive.

Attractive, yeah.

But I don't. I also don't like. I'm not a kiss and teller, so I don't like my business being out there. Even though I just shared a threesome story, which was very. That was a big deal. That was a big deal for me.

You were really good. It was actually funny and entertaining and informative. All those things, which is what the show's about.

It's like we got deep into you specifics, but if you got sidetracked, I.

Would have gotten deep into the specifics, but I didn't want to do that to you. Exactly.

When I'm more famous.

Right?

Exactly.

When you're more famous, you're famous.

No, no, no.

How's it going?

That was a douchey thing to say.

No, no, no, I get it.

Because I hate it too.

Sometimes I just say things like, my fans are coming. I'm like, oh, God, I have fans. I know. I don't hate it.

I hate it too.

I get it. I don't feel famous.

I'm like, you're famous.

I'm like, I'm not. But yeah.

Yeah, you are.

No, no, I'm so not. Yeah.

What else turns me on? Or was that enough?

I don't know. And I also want to know, like.

I mean, the girls I always find myself drawn to are brun. Smart and sexy and funny. And I know that sounds like obvious, but like what you would like, want. But.

I'm not like an on person all the time where I'm always joking, but I like to a lot. But if you're gonna take yourself too serious, like, you know, one of my exes, like, I would just try to find the light. It's part of being a comedian. You find the light, the levity. You're like trying to like situations that are like tragic or dark. And like, you know, we were in New York and something happened with like a door that got broken and I started making all these jokes and she was like flipping out about it. Because, oh, she broke the door. Because I was working on editing something that I was trying to get for this audition. And she was like. She had made dinner and she was telling me I was ready and told me a bunch of times. I was like, babe, I just really, like, I need a few more minutes. Like, I'm sorry. Like, this is just. I have to get this in tonight because, like, they're deciding tomorrow, whatever it was. And she like, got really pissy. And the first time, like, like and not showed no signs of violent tendencies, like, kick the door so they're broke. And then I was like, well, that's great. Cause, you know, I'm best friends with a guy who makes doors, so that's gonna be easy to fix. Like, shit like that, right? And which is like, you know, hey, fellas, don't make passive sarcastic comments like that. Because it's.

She was angry in the moment, so she wasn't gonna receive it.

But I didn't know how to handle it other than, you know, but anyway, be, be, be not. What else is turn on other than like that those physical.

Like, when did you ever go out? Do you forget?

Like, how do you meet high maintenance people? I'm not a big, you know, don't be materialistic, but I like a lady. Like my first girlfriend, like from then in high school for a little bit of college, was. Was a little more like she was, you know, a jock, but also. But had some like, ladylike things, but just not, not as, not as much. And then the one after that was definitely more of a balance of like, was a lady. But we could, you know, go work out together and stuff.

Right. Got it.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, totally. But. But what's the part about high maintenance? What's high maintenance to you just being cons?

I don't know.

So he's calling you wanting something. Like, is it usually like just like if we're the needs of theirs that you're not meeting.

If we can like, like if it's a Sunday and we like, you know, barbecue something, we're sitting down, we have some wine and a TV show. There's if there's always high maintenance. I think to me on a certain level is like, they always find something that they're not satisfied with or there's something like wrong. Like there's always like, like, you know, you sit down and you're like, you know, got wine, some show, you're gonna watch a movie. And they're like, oh, this wine's not very. Oh, the meat. I coulda should have cooked it like stuff like that, you know, Negative.

Right. Is your mom like that?

In some ways my mom is.

A people pleaser. She's always. I mean she's a host.

I'm just wondering because sometimes the things that Turner Fox could be like things that we see in our parents eyes. Yeah.

I mean my mom is overly like overly supportive. Feeds you too much overly like, you know, are you wearing a jacket as you walk out of the house with nine jackets that she gave you before she asked you that question.

She loves you.

Yeah, but I mean turn offs just of course bitchy people. I mean people that talk shit. I'm like not. You know, we all do our fair share in, you know, the ways we do it. But.

Just straight up talking bad about people or like what? It's just I'm not a fan. And that's like an immediate.

I think in general people who talk about other people.

You got so much to concern with yourself about your life. Like what are you like, what do you. You know, it's true.

People become like obsessed with other people. It's just because their own insecurities and it makes me feel better. I'm gonna take. I'm gonna stop being crazy about myself and I'm gonna talk about someone else. And that's gonna make me feel a little bit better for a moment. It's like it's not worth it.

Also big turn on is anything that I'm not doing like somebody not in the business is very not entertainment business because I love to learn about stuff that's, you know, like. My last girlfriend was clinical psychology in grad school which was way cool. But it, you know, I think in the end it started her a little bit because the over analysis of like certain situations.

Oh, she was like what does that mean?

What does that mean? Oh, did you mean? I'm like. Well, I meant. I meant. Let's actually like. I gotta take a shower real quick because we gotta. We're gonna go meet up with. With Dave. Oh, but you gotta take a shower. Is that cuz you don't want to sit here with me and talk about what why you didn't come home last night after the show? Well, I went. I went home because. I went home because I told you I had to wake up early to be with my nieces because I had to babysit him. Is it? So there your nieces are okay.

Sometimes guys are not as complicated as women make them make them out to be. They tend to.

Oh, guys are simple.

Simple, simple, simple to a Fault or just, I mean.

No fault.

Yeah, I mean, you said it yourself. Especially when we're younger, all we want to do is bang.

Yeah. And it doesn't get that different. And you want to like eat and.

Bang and start at five giving little girls cookies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I never had a problem acknowledging if I did something like that was like that made her upset or whatever and just like apologize, let's address it, talk about it for a good chunk and then move on. Because I was like, why would you want to bask in anything negative or fucked up that either one of us did? Like, let's acknowledge it for sure. But it was never enough time, you know, it's like I was like, why do you want to sit and talk about something shitty for? Like, why don't we, why don't we talk about, you know, balloon animals?

She had the advantage there, of course.

Because I was putting the kibosh in the conversation. Right?

That'd be like you trying to make everything funny. You know what I mean? You gotta, you know, two separate things. It's like if Emily made everything sexual. You don't.

I don't.

We're not talking very. Asking more sexual questions. I feel like your listeners are probably like, dude, this guy's talking about his family.

No, I know, I just, you know, we were getting into emails.

What's your mom's sex life?

Well, I heard her having sex with my stepdad.

Oh, you did?

Sure. Yeah. And I gotta be honest, I was stoked afterwards, way after the fact, hearing in the moment, the one of the most traumatic things I've ever heard. I'm not even gonna like, replay what happened. I can hear it right now as I'm talking to you. That's. How fucking come on.

How old were you?

Oh, this was.

Six, seven years ago.

So they were. So they were respectively, what, 62.

And we're getting back to the old sex.

Remember you were gonna talk about sex? 62 and 56.

No, the 76 year old who banged the 21 year old who was sleeping with the. Her grandfather.

What?

No, we were starting to talk about it.

Remember?

Beat around the bush.

Yeah, beat around the bush.

Yeah, beat around the bush. We never came back to it.

Anyway, Mom's like, I hope they're doing it right now, but because why? You know, it's, it's great. So they should be doing it, right.

Did they know you were home?

Like, no, I was in their room watching a movie. We were at my grandparents place and.

They, they were having sex in your.

Grandparents My grandma just passed. They both passed away within, like, four months. And we were. I was. We were helping them. We were cleaning all the house out. My mom was a wreck. She was an emotional wreck. She need to get fucked. Anyway, let's change topics now.

Yeah. Mom's in sex and grandfather's in sex. Okay, so what's your most random, crazy sex experience you ever had?

Oh, man. My ex and I did it in a Banana Republic room changing room.

You did?

Yeah.

Were they, like. Do you know their size? Was it really hot?

Yeah, because there were people coming and going all over.

And did they know, like, were the salesperson, like, not.

No way.

We were quiet and then. And then not very quiet, and then that's when she freaked out.

That's hot.

No, no, no.

They. Did they. But they didn't.

No. No clue.

Did the clothes you were trying on survive?

Oh, yeah. Did you come.

Did make it back to the rack?

One of you ejaculated over?

Oh, no, no, We. Yeah, no, those clothes were, like, in the corner. They were far from.

It wasn't on the clothes. They didn't even really have anything with them. They're having sex. They didn't bring in, like, a whole load of sex.

And it also was, like, not planned at all. Like, she was like, we. We. We were. She. She definitely was became more sexual with me.

Those. Those Banana Republic shorts look really good on you.

Brought. You brought it out in her. So you had a woman bring out stuff in you?

Yeah.

Are you more the. Are you more the.

No, I mean, I like, I'm definitely open to, you know, new threesomes and banana replacement, but also. But I don't like, too much, like, of somebody trying to, like, tell me how to do stuff.

Right.

Like, girls that are just. Yeah. Like, so it's like, I'm not an idiot. Like, I've done, like, definitely. I definitely want to help out and make this the best for both of.

Us, but have you had women that are like that? Like, goodness. Oh, see, that would be annoying.

Oh, it's not appealing.

What did they, for example, like, if you're down, like, to the left, left? Because I always joke that's what people think.

Right. I'm doing the hokey pokey down there. Just all sorts of.

That's annoying. And I always think that guys would think that I would be like that. That I would be, like, with a bullhorn, like, like pulling out my book or like, I know all these. But I'm so not like that.

Yeah, but.

But I'm so not but you know what you want. But what I do. I'm not.

But I guess it does make sense.

But I'm not. I'm not. Like, what you think I don't have, like, a sex swing, like, unless I do in the garage anymore?

I was gonna say. Yeah.

Not in your room.

You've got all. No, everything you're saying you don't have, you have.

Not in my room for sure.

But I feel like, why wouldn't you want to tell the person? Especially if they're way off. The guy's doing what he's doing.

Do you like performing oral sex on a woman?

It can be. It can be.

Is it one of your. What's your favorite sexual act, your favorite sexual position thing to do sexually besides kissing?

I'm being so soft with you here.

Are you really?

Yeah, kinda. No. Yeah.

Give me some of the more hardcore stuff. Well, free of a sexual. I mean.

Man. Laying down on the side is pretty great.

Yeah.

The spooning thing up against the wall, if you can pull it off, is always.

It's hot, right? What's your fan like? What's something that you want to try that you haven't done? What's on your sexual bucket list?

I did it in a hot tub once. And that was fun.

Yeah.

It wasn't like, I wouldn't be jumping. Doing it underwater would be cool, I think. All the way underwater.

All the way. You'd need, like a snorkel thing, but.

I think, like, there would probably be no real pleasure involved. That's just almost like a bumper.

The bummer is that you think it is, but then it's like, oh, I.

Would be at all.

Yeah.

No, well, underwater you'd, like, probably die because you didn't breathe inside unless you had, like, a snorkel thing.

The shower's always cool.

Shower sex is awesome. Yeah.

It's not done enough. I don't think we're talked about enough. You talk about it all the time.

Well, there's actually a page in my book that. A chapter, but a page. Yeah. Yeah.

Because you got to have a chair.

In there, by the way.

You know, chair.

Just for the sake of Sake.

Lean over, embrace herself. If you want to have sex with her from behind, she can lean over and grab her hands around her ankles. I literally. And then he can come in from behind, you know, Or. Yeah. Or if you don't have.

You don't have a chair, you can get a bean bag in there. Get one of those waterproof beanbags.

Right. And you can, like, bring.

There's all these, I'm sure Fleshlights I.

Always talk about, they probably have a lot of beanbags. There's all these toys that are water. Have you ever used a toy with a person?

No, I haven't. This Fleshlight, you are opening my eyes to all this, but have you ever.

Had a woman who brought out a vibrator with you?

No. Oh, wait.

Yes.

No. I had a girl. We were in the tub, and she sat under the faucet, and I was like, what the fuck are you doing? She's like. I was like, do you need to clean yourself? She's like. And then she started, like, screaming. I was like, what the fuck is going on?

Yeah, a lot of women.

You, by the way, I was five, so this was like, really?

That was really weird. Did you. Was it hot? It was hot, right? We were talking to watch a woman kind of.

I always tell I got jealous of the faucet. No, of course it was hot.

Yeah, but some guys are like, oh. But I think most guys. I think women get embarrassed or ashamed and they don't want to, like, touch themselves in front of a guy. But first of all, I would. I feel sexy. I know. But I also know that guys think it's hot. And so it's like this. We all think everything's hot.

Gotta be careful, though, ladies. Gotta be careful. We had a caller years ago. She. She slipped a disc and she got stuck in that position.

In a hot tub?

Yeah. Well, no, in her bathtub. And she was pleasuring herself like that with her legs up on the wall, and she slipped.

Oh, you do have to be careful. I've heard stories like this before that people.

I think it was her dad who had to come in and help her.

The tub is. I mean, it's not shaped or set up for you to do a lot of acrobatics.

No, but it's the water pressure that women. A lot of women use. The pressure. And there's actually a toy.

When's the last time you use it?

Sometimes. I've never have once in the bathtub.

Yeah, because there's better.

But there's better, like. Yeah, but I was saying there's, like, waterproof toys you could use.

That was incredible. And discussed. All right, Give me some hardcore stuff.

I don't really. Okay, so, I mean, I don't. Hardcore. I mean, what's your favorite?

I thought you were really. I thought you were saying, I'm really being a PG guest and I feel bad.

No, because you kept saying, I'm talking about my mother. But this is just like a different. I don't know, we're just chilling.

Okay.

Okay. So. But is there anything that you're like, oh, I want to try do that. Yeah.

I mean.

Like at a drive in, maybe.

Do they still have those around?

For sure they do here in la.

I don't know. See, I don't do anything.

I think another public place would be.

In a public place, a lot of people.

Yeah, like the woods. Like on a camp.

Like. Yeah, woods is really hot.

But I'm not into, like, people. Like, I've been in situations where the window's open and you can see across the way and the girl's like, leave it open. I can. It's hot. I'm like, fuck that. It's not that guy. I can see him right now. He's waving at us.

Like he's. I think you don't want people watching you, but there's something about being outside, being caught. Like the Banana Republic thing.

Yeah.

Because you, like, could get caught.

I also knew, like, even if they knocked on the door, the salesman wasn't gonna be like, what the fuck's going on in there?

It's like, Banana Republic.

They're not better not jizz on that polo or whatever he said.

That's probably what he was thinking. So what's like. Have you ever been with a woman? Like, we talked about your turn on. What is. Has anything ever happened where you're like such a turn off besides, like yelling? Like, was there ever, like a specific time or, like, I'm just not into this or something bad happened sexually.

Oh, man.

Come on.

Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah.

A not well groomed.

Right.

Happens underground.

See, that's the thing. So do you feel like she should have no hair or just wasn't.

I'm a fan of nothing.

Nothing. That was. That's pretty much what you see these days, right?

I think that's. That's. I think that's a great call by everyone involved.

Right. And then too. So do you have nothing? Do you trim and shave and keep it kept.

But not. Not all of it. I'm not.

So if a woman has a little bit. What if she's a little bit.

Are you like, no, no, no, it's fine.

But if it's like.

So you're saying she was like, overgrown.

Like you couldn't find it. You were like.

Because I also had kind of a beard at the time.

A little bit.

So I literally was. I couldn't tell her first.

Where you began, where it ended.

Oh, it was dark, it was I did almost like. Like a swimmer's move. Like where I kind of went down and came.

You, like, were like seven, eight. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, that was.

It was daunting, especially in this day and age.

Yeah. Cu.

You think? Like, would you not get the memo? Get. Get. Get a. No, no.

I feel like there was like.

What is that? Is she just trying to be different?

Some women just. No, you know what? Some guys are into hair.

Get cold down there. What's the deal there?

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. All sorts of questions.

It's easier to get it all off.

Where's the. No, no pro.

When you need it? No, no pro. Emily, what is it?

No, that's what it is.

No, no, but people should. Freaking women.

No, no. Put it yourself. Is what, like the product? Yeah, yeah.

No, no pro. It is. No, no. Emily.com. yeah, use it and buy it.

If she's listening out there and she knows about her.

Yeah. Well, do you never went out with her, did you? Or some guys shave? Like, I. I heard a story once. A guy who's with a woman and she was like way too. He thought for her taste. She was too. Yeah, they went. He just met her though, like in the lobby. This is a motel in New York. And he brought upstairs and he like, he's like, you know what? And he like puts her on the. On the counter. And he like, called and called up for some like, shaving cream. And he like shaved her right there on thing. And then he like, made it into like a hot sexy thing.

Who is this person?

Friend.

A guy I met a party once.

He calls the front desk for a shaving cream.

This guy, this. This guy met at a party. He was hot. He was telling me. So everyone tells me they're freaking. I can't tell you.

Can't wait to tell you about how to shave this chick's bush in a hotel.

No, but I tell. I say what I do, which I try not to all the time, but when I do, everyone just tells me every story that's ever happened to them sexually. So that's what happens. We gotta wrap it up. Adam. You're awesome, Adam. Is that sad? I know it's been awesome, Adam. Ray. You're. You're. You're good. Thank you. It was good for me. Was it good for you?

I feel real good.

Okay, so tell us all where we can Twitter.

Yeah, yeah. Twitter is amrae comedy on vine. It is Adam Rae. I don't do it a ton but one of my friends has like the number one vine account. So I've done a few with her and now I've got left like 20,000 followers.

Oh my God, that's amazing. Adam.

ATV.com AdamayTV.com for all my tour dates, videos, my albums on there, podcast about last night with Brad Williams.

Everything. It'll put all on our site too. Sexy dot com. Okay. Love it. Thanks. You'll be great. Thanks so much everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackextwithemily.com.

That was a really funny, fun show. You thank. Thanks so much for listening. Adam, I have a question for you.

Sure.

One more. Have you ever felt, have you ever had an experience where you, let's just say, didn't last as long as you wanted to in the bedroom?

Oh yeah, no, no, of course.

Every guy's had it, right?

Yeah.

And you're kind of like, oh, swear. What'd you say? Never happens.

No, no, I was just like, oops.

Yeah.

Cause you're so excited. Yeah. Or like, man, that's a testament to you.

Right. Because you're so hot, baby.

But it's true.

It is true. It is true. But sometimes it's true that she's so hot sometimes that you can't help but ejaculate. But there is this thing, this product called Promescent. One in three men actually suffers from premature ejaculation. Suffers. You like, did it cause she was so hot. But some guys can't last longer than a minute.

That's a bummer.

And it's a quickly absorbing delay spray that allows you to have the sex you want. So if you want to last longer.

And you just spray it on.

Yeah. And it's like, it's a desensitizing mildly. You still feel it. Yeah. But you feel it and you wait like 10 minutes and she doesn't have to.

It's actually a brilliant invention.

It's brilliant.

Is this from the same guy who came up with the shamwow?

Exactly. It's the only FDA approved treatment for premature ejaculation. But it's also for guys who just want to last longer. So if you last for five minutes, you last for 10. Doubles that because there's an orgasm gap. Some women, they take. Don't have you with the women take long.

Yeah. That's why they're like, hey, yo, we don't want to go all night long, right?

Like, right?

Oh no, the women, the women don't.

Right. But if a woman takes longer Than you or get you want to orgasm for. She does. Like, the women take 18 minutes. Guys typically take six to eight. So if you can't quite last as long, there's like a gap. Orgasmic.

Yeah.

And this would close it because you could last longer. But you're saying some women finished before the guy. Yeah. And they're like, really? Would you stop having sex already? I'm done.

Sure.

Yeah, I get that too. Okay. But we're talking about people who the.

Spray, the delay spray.

Check it out. Only FDA approved treatment for premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation.

It's not banaka. Don't put it in your mouth. People made that mistake.

Don't put it in your mouth. They do. I think that's weird. Promescent P R-O-M-E-S-E-N-T.com. so check it out. Thanks, everyone, for listening. Sex with Emily. Sex with Emily.

Perhaps play a little game called just a tip.

Just for a second, just to see how it feels.

Hey, this is Jordan Harbinger, host of the art of charm podcast, the number one dating and relationship advice podcast in itunes.

I'm Emily Morse, host of the Sex with Emily podcast, the number one sex and relationship podcast on iTunes and@sexwithemily.com. and this is just the tip.

So, you know, it's funny, I haven't watched any porn since I started dating Jenny other than with Jenni.

Wow. How did that come about?

I don't know. I mean, it's just a thing where I just didn't feel the need to. And also because, you know, I know a lot of guys that have, like, weird porn addictions.

A lot of guys do, or they have porn addictions or they have shame. They have, like, shame around their porn watching. And they do it alone. They do privacy. But sometimes doing it with your partner is a great way to connect and to kind of find out what she thinks is hot and what she thinks is interesting and to explore your fantasies.

It's kind of like funny, entertaining sex because it's not serious. It's all ridiculous anyway.

Right. But it gets you going, right?

Right.

Yeah. There's a lot of important information that you can learn too, to having sex. So perhaps she has a fantasy about being with another woman. Or maybe there's a porn flick showing women getting it on that might get her going. So if your sex life's been a little saddened or something, this could be something fun. You could still do it alone in private, but they're also female. Friendly porn. They tend to have plots. You know, things like that stuff that.

Guys go, you guys.

Or you can go to a sex toy store together. You go sex shopping. You can go to a toy store and buy some sexy clothes or vibrators or something like that. There's a lot of different things that you could do. Why is sender porn, though? Yeah. Oh, go porn shopping in a sex store. But you people, they don't even buy porn tapes anymore.

Nobody buys porn DVDs.

Yeah.

No. DVD tapes. Did you say tape?

Please delete that on my Walkman. I'm gonna listen to it when I go to a run.

I'm gonna go buy some porn tapes. Okay. On your Betamax player.

My family had a Betamax player.

I'm sure they did.

If you guys want to learn more from the art of charm, about dating, relationships, and even networking for business, Visit us at theartofcharmpodcast.com or check us out in itunes. And follow me on Twitter the Art of of Charm.

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