Sex Toy Hacks You've Never Heard Of

You know, I've always said that pleasure is wellness. Well, now science backs me up. Magic wand just released the results of a groundbreaking study, the first of its kind, measuring what happens to your mind and body when you use a vibrator every day for a week. And here's what they found. Stress levels dropped. Sleep got better. Connection increased. With themselves and with partners, body confidence skyrocketed, and overall happiness even, it was up big time. And here's the kicker. The week with no sexual activity at all, participants across the board reported worst scores in every category from mood to body image. Just seven days without pleasure made a measurable difference. But once they introduced the magic wand, everything shifted. So if you needed a reason to prioritize your pleasure, this is it. The magic wand isn't just iconic. Research shows it makes you feel better. Results are live, and go check them out today atmagic wand study.com and. And get your magic wand today to join the pleasure revolution. That's magic wand study.com a lot of penis owners, if they haven't seen a vibrator in the last 15 years, 10 years, they might think you're about to whip out a vibe that's larger than their penis. And if you show them that you've got this cute little bullet or it's a handheld vibe, and like, even show them on their palm or their inner elbow or trace it over their neck, show them what it feels like. I found that most partners pretty receptive to saying, let's go, let's try it. Can't wait. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. We're talking about a few of my favorite things today, and that is sex toys. Specifically, two kinds of sex toys that you may already have. But not to worry. If you don't and you want to get them, they're not going to break the bank. Because even the most basic accessible toys can deliver so much pleasure when used in creative ways, such as the sex toy hacks I'll be sharing today. All right, everyone. Enjoy this episode. Today, I'm talking about creative ways to use sex toys during sex. Whether you're planning to use a toy for masturbation or partnered sex, which I highly recommend, you really don't need all the bells and whistles, especially if you're just starting out. So that's what we'll be talking about today. How to get the biggest bang, literally for your buck. And I really Wanted to do this episode because, as you may have noticed, sex toys have become much more common and normalized in recent years. It has been a journey because when I started this practice two decades ago, if you could see sex toys back then, they came in boxes with adult film stars on the box. They were like cardboard boxes. The toys were mostly battery operated, made of the opposite of body safe silicone. To be honest, a lot of this material was really not good to put inside of you. And the toys were made mostly by men. And as a result of that, they were all phallic shape because men making toys for women assumed that, well, they of course want penises. That's what we want. Okay? So the evolution of the last 20 years has been incredible. If you haven't even ventured into this world, there are so many toys made by so many different brands at all different price points. And it is a requirement now that these toys are made of body safe materials, really good silicone. And most of them are not battery operated. They're rechargeable, they're waterproof, they're easy to clean. And the interesting evolution also has been a lot of them are handheld. They're like these like pebble vibes or bullet vibes that I'm going to talk about more in a moment. But they're not a lot of insertion toys. They're really made for vulvas. And a lot of incredible women have gotten into this field. It's just really exploded with the development and research and quality of toys. I'm speaking to vulva owners here because, listen, I know a lot of penis owners really have not ventured into toys yet. And we're going to get into that as well. But listen, if you're a vulva owner, maybe you're only using your toy for masturbation. And the idea of using one during partnered sex might just feel like terrifying because you know that it's vulnerable. You're afraid your partner might judge you. You don't want them to see that orgasm face. And you're also feeling some trepidation because you're thinking to yourself, I don't orgasm with my partner and I only can with a vibrator. And so you just have just decided. Decided to leave it in your nightstand just for yourself. Maybe if you're a penis owner, listen, you might be intimidated by sex toys and feel threatened or concerned about your partner's sex toy use. What I've heard from you is that the fear that a toy is going to replace you. We're going to replace the sex that you have with your partner, it's going to replace your penis, that you'll never going to be able to compete with a robot, essentially with a battery operated toy. We used to call it bobs or battery operated boyfriends years ago, but now they're not even battery operated. So you're afraid it's going to replace you. I think you're going to realize by the end of this episode is that what toys actually do is they enhance intimacy. They make you feel more connected to your partner. There's fun for everybody. Like, there's just as much fun penis owners can have as vulva owners. And just the act of trying something new with a partner, something that brings immense amounts of pleasure, it's going to be something that enhances your relationship and your sex life. Just come along on this journey today, will you? And if you have any questions after this and you're still concerned the toy is going to replace you and you're still concerned that it's not for you, then please, please, please send me an email, send me a dm, and we'll keep talking. My hope is that this episode is going to put all that to rest. My dream is that I never have to talk about that again. I never have to assure a penis owner that, no, it's not going to replace you. It can't cuddle. It's not going to be able to take her to the farmer's market or home to meet the family over Thanksgiving. Like, a toy is not going to replace you, and it's going to be additive. So let's just hope I never have to have this conversation again. All right? And for penis owners also, maybe you're unsure how to even approach sex toys because they've mostly been marketed to vulva owners over the years. And maybe you didn't realize there's so many sex toys for penises now. And all that we're going to talk about in a minute. Today, I'm going to cover this. Two kinds of accessible beginner sex toys and creative ways to get the most out of each. Plus how to use these toys during penetration with specific techniques and positions. Because, you know, I love positions. I'm also going to be sharing some of my favorite tried and true toy recommendations, which you can find on my site. Like I said, it's shopsecfemily.com and this will be in the show notes. So these are just some of the top tried and true favorites today. And after 20 years of basically trying every sex toy out there, I know the ones I stand Behind. But if none of them speak to you, totally fine. This episode will help you get the most out of the toys you already have or that you wish to add to your collection. All right, there's going to be a lot more pleasure you're going to have after this episode. Let's take a quick break. And we come back. I'm talking sex toy hacks and the hottest sex positions to try with toys. Let's talk about beginner toys for partner play. If you missed my most recent Instagram story, I combed through all of the sex toys I've accumulated over the years. It was a lot of toys. I put them all on the bed. I grouped them by dual stimulation toys, penis rings, AKA cock rings, clitoral handheld stimulation toys, butt plugs. It was hilarious. And I was like, okay, which ones do I love? Which ones are the most attracted to, you know, which ones would I do? I wanna tell you guys about. It was actually great to kind of have all this years of research laid out. After looking at that pile of toys, it became really clear to me that there's two categories of toys that I think are a great place to start. Now, you might already have them or it's easy to get your hands on. And that is Bullet Vibes and penis rings. Two solid toys that are going to enhance your pleasure and all your sex play without causing much confusion. Right? You're not going to be like, where does this go? Or how do we use it? And most importantly, these categories are definitely on the affordable and accessible end of the sex toy spectrum. I've literally seen Bullet Vibes in vending machines. Here's some creative ways to use these toys beyond their box descriptions to make these beginner, accessible toys feel more advanced. All right, Bullet Vibes. Just remember this. Evolving penis owners have nerve endings deep inside that are hard to reach with a hand or even a penis during penetrative sex. So the thing I love about Bullet Vibes is they're really powerful. They're really easy to use. There's like no fuss. Some of them are just on and off. They're small, they're powerful, they're less intimidating than a lot of other products. You can fit them in their purse. So these vibes also have pointed tips which make it easier to target different body parts. And also I want to make the case for handheld oval shaped vibes. They're also called clitoral stimulators or clitoral vibrators. But again, I don't think we have to limit a toy that vibrates to any body part because we're all covered in nerve endings that feel great when stimulated. So I'm moving away from labeling toys as just for one body part, gender, any of that. But if you google them, they might be called clitoral stimulators. But let's just talk about things that fit in the palm of our hand, which is bullet vibes and these handheld vibes. So I want to dive into bullet vibes today because they're likely easier to get your hands on. And a lot of people, that's their first vibrator. I know my first one was a pocket rocket that was battery operated. It took one AAA battery and I actually still have one because, you know, I don't know, what if the electricity goes out? Right? You still want to have it. I know for many people that is their first vibrator is a bullet. But I have to say that oval shaped vibrators are personal preference. They're flat, they fit in the palm of your hand and are the size of the palm of your hand. They've rounder edges and they cover more surface area. And what I mean by that is while a bullet vibe is like pinpoint shaped like your finger, literally shaped like a bullet. These flat vibrators stimulate more clitoral nerve endings, which makes sense, right? Because they're flatter, they stimulate more clitoral nerve endings around your labia, your pubic mound. They're more versatile where bullets are more pinpointed. And I also like these because they're great for penetration, stimulating the vulva while you're being penetrated by a penis, a dildo or a finger. And since our labias, our clitoris, our pubic bound have so many nerve endings, if you lie one of these toys flat on them, again, that's the surface area I'm talking about. You're just going to be able to have a lot more stimulation. But I did start with a bullet. Remember, every body part is different and everyone has different preferences is why I want to lay it all out there. Like, you will find a bullet camp who's like, I don't like those kinds. So I'm giving you all the ingredients here and then you get to decide what makes up your own pleasure recipe. So moving forward, when I'm talking about using a bullet vibe, know that you can use any of these handheld palm fitting vibrators as well. And I'm also going to give you some specific wrecks later in this episode. So these kind of toys, whether you're using a bullet vibrator or A handheld oval shaped vibe. They're best for external use on the clitoris and the vulva. For vulva owners, bullet vibes help wake up those deep nerve endings quickly. So why these are also great penis owners, if you're with a vulva owner, is because this quick part of it. So let's say you're rushing, you don't have a lot of time, or you know, you don't have time to go down your partner for 20 minutes or to use your fingers, rather than what happens a lot is you just stick one finger inside or you go down on your partner for a minute and then you stick your penis inside for penetration. Bullet vibes help vulva owners get turned on quickly. It builds arousal, it encourages blood flow and can help with orgasm. Because I want you to know this, that the average vulva owner reaches orgasm in about 8 minutes while masturbating with a toy, without a toy, or with a partner, this number is more like 20 minutes or 40 minutes. But bullets can feel good literally anywhere on your body, particularly other erogenous zones that are packed with nerve endings like the nipples. Nipple stimulation targets the same regions of your brain as the genitals. So vibrations here feel amazing, particularly if you add a little lube. Now, for many vulva owners, particularly those with sensitive nipples, this can feel amazing. And sometimes I think we just forget that. We forget to ask our partner for nipple stimulation. We forget to see if we even like nipple stimulation. Start with a light touch and play with the pressures. You can use the bullet vibe to gently circle the breast and areola with large strokes. And make sure you tease the whole breast before sort of diving into the nipples. Right. The nipples are the clitoris of the breast. So you want to play all around and just sort of get the area aroused, turned on and just kind of check in and see how it feels and maybe even want to wait to turn on the vibrations until after you've warmed up yourself or a partner. Now, when you turn your attention to the nipples, use the bullet vibe to add even more pleasure to your usual nipple play routine. Now, of course, you can stimulate the nipple with the bullet vibe vibe itself, but you can also keep stimulating the breast with the vibe while you suck on the nipple or pinch and twist it with your other hand. This is really hot and be a huge turn on for many, but you can also spread the love to a partner. We're going to talk about sex positions in a minute and specifically how to incorporate toys during penetrative sex. But you know what I always say, Communication is a lubrication. So before you test drive your bullet vibe with a partner, particularly if you're sleeping with a penis owner, ask first. It can be simple as, hey, I heard a couple toy play ideas on sex with Emily, and Dr. Emily says toys can feel amazing on anyone's body. Would you be open to experimenting the next time we have sex? If you get a green light, that's fantastic. If you've got hesitation, that's okay, too. Remember, you're planting the seed for sexual experimentation and giving them ideas to think about. So I want to remind you that what else might work is just showing them, like, not making this whole mystery. Because, again, a lot of penis owners, if they haven't seen a vibrator in the last 15 years, 10 years, they might think you're about to whip out a vibe that's larger than their penis. And if you show them that you've got this cute little bullet, or it's a handheld vibe, and like, even show them on their palm or their inner elbow, or trace it over their neck, show them what it feels like. I found that most partners are pretty receptive to saying, let's go, let's try it. Can't wait. But let's say everyone's on board. Welcome. I'm so glad you're here. We're all on board. Let's play. Here are two oral sex hacks you can try with a partner using a bullet vibe. So let's say you're giving oral sex to a penis owner while your mouth is on their penis. You can run your bullet vibe along their perineum, the stretch of skin running from their testicles to their anus. And you might know it as the taint. It's rich with nerve endings, but this also indirectly stimulates their prostate gland. And that's a gland responsible for deep internal orgasms in penis owners, similar to the G spot orgasm in vulva owners. You could also stimulate his testicles with the bullet vibe. Just make sure you're asking your partner first if they like their balls played with. You can also run it around the shaft of the penis and see how it feels. I highly recommend when you're playing with a vibrator and a penis to start on a lower setting, and then you can always go up from there. I have found with vulva owners, we usually like it in the higher setting, penis owners usually a little bit lower to start, and then ask for feedback. Now, if you're giving oral sex to a vulva owner, you can brush a bullet vibe along their Vaginal opening, because there's so many nerve endings everywhere. You can even insert just the tip of it while performing oral, because that way you're going to be accessing even more nerve endings. Last week on our Handplay episode, we talked about how combining oral sex with hand plays or fingering specifically can feel really, really good. And then you add vibrations to the mix. Oh, my God. Wow. Next level. So, like I said, we're going to be hitting some nerve endings, and these are the nerve endings that are specifically involved with orgasm. So I feel like this is going to be a real crowd pleaser. You have to let me know, actually, if you're listening this and you're inspired and you go home tonight, you're like, we tried it. I want to hear how it goes. So please message me. That's oral sex hack number one. Here's number two. When you're giving oral sex to a penis owner, place your bullet vibe against your cheek. This effectively turns your mouth into a rumbly, wet sex toy. You can also alternate between the toy and your mouth if your jaw needs a break. Running along their shaft, the head of their penis, which is often the most sensitive part. Let's not forget that their inner thighs or their mons pubis. And that's the rounded, massive fatty tissue lying over the joint of the pubic bone. It's the part where the pubic hair grows and it's loaded with nerve endings. Lastly, if you're engaging in anal play either by yourself or with a partner, bullet vibes can feel incredible around the anal opening. So remember, anal sex feels like the anal sex they think, like this really intense penetration. But there's a lot to be said for anal play. So using the bullet vibe to tease the anus, warming it up before penetration of any kind. And maybe that's just the main event, because this vibration sensation can actually mimic the feeling of anal rimming, you know, or having a partner lick your anus. So remember, all these nerve endings externally feel great stimulated in the anal area. And if you or your partner are not quite comfortable with that idea yet of rimming with your mouth, using a bullet vibrator can give you the same kind of pleasure. I want to remind you of two things if you're going to use a bullet vibe for anal play. The first is, I would not recommend you insert a bullet vibrator into your anus, because when using an anal toy, you want to make sure to stick to toys that have a flared base. This prevents any toys from getting lost up there. And this happens, you do not want to be the person saying sex sent me to the error. You don't want to be that guy. The second is that if you're going to use your bullet viper anal play, make sure you clean it properly before using the same toy on a penis or a vulva again. Okay. We never want to go from back to front, whether it's penetrative sex of the penis or a toy. So that's my case for investing in a Bullet vibe. So if you want to try one, love the Grand Bullet by Lewand. You can find that at Shop with Emily. It's powerful, it, it's discreet, it's adorable. It almost looks like a tube of lipstick when it's closed up. Take the top off and the vibrating part has these fun raised edges so you can experiment with texture while you play. I also love the We Vibe Tango bullet because it's affordable vibe that's petite and really powerful. And for a long time I had it in my shower always ready to go. Because like, you never know when you're going to want to get off, right? For me, a lot of times it's in the shower. So the We Vibe Tango is like, like durable, adorable. I love it. Now if you want to opt for a handheld oval shaped vibe, I recommend the Jeju Mimi and the We Vibe Touch. Those are my go to. If we're friends, I've probably gifted you one of those. All right, let's turn to the other beginner sex toy I recommend and that is a vibrating penis ring. Hear me out. It is also multi use even if you don't have a penis in the picture. As a reminder, your typical penis ring, AKA cock ring, is worn around the penis, stretched around the base of the shaft, and sometimes we stretched around the testicles as well. They're primarily used to help penis owners maintain an erection. That's how they were first invented. A lot of them are made of steel. They were made for this purpose because they keep blood trapped inside the penis during sex so that it stays hard during foreplay and penetration. In recent years, vibrating penis rings have hit the market and they're primarily used as a couple's toy. Now the main bonus is that when positioned accordingly, the vibrating motor comes into contact with the clitoris during penetrative sex. And because 80% of vulva owners are primarily going to orgasm through clitoral stimulation and not penetration, vibrating cock rings enhance pleasure for everybody. Now you might already know these things and perhaps you already have a vibrating Cochrane yourself. I've always said lube belongs on every nightstand. And finally, there's one that earns its spot. And then some. Meet Aria Luxury Lubricant that's a Ria. Yes, the bottle is beautiful. It's this sleek glass with a pump that feels more like a beauty essential than a bedside staple. But it's not just about looks. What's inside is just as luxurious. It's a lube that actually performs and feels amazing every time you use it. Aria is a premium silicone based formula that's smooth, long lasting and incredibly body friendly. There's no stickiness, no fragrance, just a best in class lube that supports every kind of pleasure. Whether you're practicing solo sex or playing with a partner. This isn't lube you hide away in a drawer. It's made to live out in the open, to be part of your space. Think of it like a visual reminder that your pleasure is worth prioritizing. And because Aria is all about intentional intimacy, each bottle comes with four intimacy cards designed to spark connection emotionally, verbally, physically and spiritually. Think of it as a conversation starter and a turn on. It's beautiful, functional and seriously one of the best lubes I've used. Trust me, this one lives on my nightstand and it should live on yours too. Head to arieluxlife.com episode Emily and use code swe20 for 20 off. That's a R I A L U X E L I f e/emily and use code SW20 for 20 off. So now it's time for some hacks to take this accessible toy to the next level. And if you listen to the recent handplay episode which you guys are loving, you might remember one of my favorite sex toy hacks. For this kind of toy, you stretch the penis ring and over your two fingers and slide it down your fingers as far as you can. And if you're with a vulva owner, insert the top part of your fingers inside their vagina while the ring vibrates against their clitoris. Well, now your partner gets the same dual stimulation as wearing a ring during penetration, but you have even more access to their G area if you're using your fingers. Plus, as we made for a case last week, fingering or hand play deserves more time in the spotlight, especially for heterocouples. Now, if you and your partner have been dabbling in anal play, you can use the same technique while performing an anal massage with the ring stretched over your two fingers resting at the base. Use the top part of it for your fingers for gentle anal penetration. Remember always lots of lube here as the anus is not self lubricating, the skin around the anus is very thin. We do not want any tearing. Just add the lube. I highly recommend using silicone lubes when engaging in anal play. Silicone lubes are not always great with silicone toys. The industry recommends that you don't use silicone lube with silicone toys, so I'm going to stick with that recommendation. But I can also say if you wash your toys right after you use them with a mild soap or a sex toy cleaner, you should be okay. So now when your fingers are inside of them, rest the vibrating motor against their anal opening. This is going to wake up all the sensitive nerve endings here and make anal hand play even more pleasurable. Even though clock rings are primarily thought of as a couple's toy, I found they're also great for solo sex. So if you're in a relationship or your casual sex partners don't mind sharing toys and you're just looking to invest in one vibrator, a vibrating penis ring could be a great option. I mean, I love using cock rings as a personal vibrator during masturbation. Like, sometimes I look in my drawer. That's the one that's charged right now. Kind of reminds me of a handheld vibe. But like, the middle's cut out, right? So when that middle part is cut out, I put my fingers inside of it and I still have a vibrating motor that feels great. And this goes for clitoral stimulation or using the same hand play techniques for solo finger penetration or anal play. Now you know why vibrating penis rings are so helpful and so versatile. So if you're looking for a quality one, I love the We Vibe pivot ring. It's snug, it's stretchy. You can position it just right for sex. Also waterproof, which means you can submerge it and have fun times during the pool or hot tub sacks or in the shower. We will link that in the show. Notes, notes. Screamingo has a bunch of penis rings and a lot of them are disposable, so you can check that one out. And Hot Octopus has the atom plus vibrating cock ring. Love that one. So now I've just given you some great hacks for using these accessible toys during solo hand and oral sex. But if there's one thing I know about you, you love sex positions. Seriously, every time I post about sex positions on my Instagram, you all blow it up. So I'm going to dive into how to use these sex toys during penetrative sex with A partner, whether it's PV sex, anal sex, or you're using a dildo. And what positions are easiest and most pleasurable for each toy. If you want to follow along with these tips visually, I have a brand new article, Top 6 Sex Positions to Use with a Sex Toy about this very topic. It's got pictures that come actually from my book, Smart Sex, which of course you can find online and at every major book retailer. So first, let's use the bullet vibe. So let's say you're in the spooning position where you're laying down side by side with the giving partner, penetrating the receiving partner from behind. You are in a fantastic open body position to apply a bullet vibe right to your clitoris. You can also of course, touch yourself with your hands in this position, but with a toy, you just don't have to think about it as much. The vibrations do the work for you. It can also be hot to hand your partner the bullet vibe and have them wrap their arm around you and use it on your clitoris while they penetrate you. Side note, this position comes with so much amazing skin to skin contact, which can feel incredibly hot and intimate. So having this extra arm wrapped around you can feel even hotter. Plus, you got the vibrations. There's just a lot to be said for this position. Next, let's talk about a vibrating penis ring. This is a great option for cowgirl cowboy position. You're face to face of this position, right? Someone's on top, someone's laying on the bottom, so you can communicate easily and give each other feedback. So at this point, you're going to stretch the penis ring over the base of your shaft and angle the vibrating motor so it touches your partner's clitoris and or anal opening. Then, when the receiving partner is on top, they can grind their clitoris or anal opening on the motor itself, calibrating the pressure and rhythm to their liking. Now, this is one of the most intuitive couples toys out there because you can pretty much see what's happening in the moment and make adjustments as needed. And now, in addition to bullet vibes and vibrating cock rings, I want to highlight just one more kind of toy. While we're talking about toys and penetrative sex sex, C shaped or wearable vibes are also great toys to use during partnered penetrative sex. These shook the market. They're C shaped with an insertion arm that goes inside the vagina and a larger external arm that rests on top of the clitoris. So once inside, there's still enough room for a penis to Penetrate so that the two of you are getting vibes everywhere. This is why it's called wearable. You're wearing it during penetration. So for vulva owners, you're feeling vibrations inside your vaginal walls and you're feeling it externally on your clitoris and penis owners, you're feeling vibrations all along your shaft during penetration. A very popular go to toy with this is the chorus by WE Vibe. It's completely adjustable so you can make it super snug against your body. It also comes with a remote control so you don't have to mess with the buttons or the toy itself while your partner's inside. So with this type of toy, you can go with a classic sex position like missionary. It's a position that probably feels familiar, which is nice for sex toy experimentation. But adding a C shaped vibe can make this classic position so much more exciting. So this is where I recommend a lot of foreplay and warm up first so that your genitals are fully engorged. Now, if you're a vulva owner, that blood flow and arousal is going to make it easier to insert the toy itself and accommodate a penis. So maybe try this one after oral or at least after a little bit of hand play, making sure you're warmed up and aroused. So using lube, you're going to mindfully insert the smaller arm and squeeze and adjust it so it fits firmly against your clitoris. From there, the penis owner will penetrate. And here's something so cool, the penis is actually going to slide in under the toy itself, pushing the vibrations up against your G area. Now you can see why it's so popular. Okay, now you are fully equipped with toy play ideas and specific product recs which you can mostly find on my website and you can find in the show notes. Don't toy around too long because when we come back I'm taking all your sex toy questions. This is from Tyler, 39 in North Carolina. Hi Dr. Emily. My wife and I have been married for 11 years. Considering the ages of our kids and both of us working nine to five, our sex life is great. No complaints. However, variety is a spice of life and I wanted to mix things up. Recently, based on your podcast, I introduced the Magic Wand Mini into the scene. This is our first toy and the first time my wife has ever used a toy. We've been intimately three times since the recent purchase and have used the Magic Wand two of those occasions. I am the one who suggested the toy both times based on her reactions, the wand is a hit. We had to change the sheets each time, which I love. My question for toy novices, how often is too often? We are almost exclusively using the toy on her, which was my intent. But I don't want her to feel like this is the only way I enjoy sex going forward. Thanks for all your help. Alright, Tyler, love this. Love that you've got the kids and you're working and your sex life is great, but you just want to mix it up. And the Magic Wand Mini is a fav. I can understand why it has been a good time for you guys. So I want to say this. If your wife's having pleasure and you're having pleasure still, I don't think it's ever too often to use a toy. Toys can enhance intimacy. Remember that it's something new. You're experiencing the together. It feels great. But have a conversation with her. What does your wife feel about it? Does she feel like it's too much or does she really enjoy it? It's not going to make your partner go numb. It's not going to take away other kinds of pleasure. It's just additive. It's an enhancement, not a detriment or taking anything away. Also, I want to tell you this. You said you only use it on her. You just might really enjoy the Magic Wand on your shaft, on your balls, your perineum. I would just turn it down to a lower setting and see what it feels like for you. Because Magic Wand Mini can be a fun toy for everybody, no matter what your body parts. And if you guys want to get on Tyler's plan and you want to get the Magic Wand Mini, you can get it at shopsexwithemily.com Miley27 in Nebraska. Hi Dr. Emily. I'm a longtime listener. I recently had a baby about a year ago and I've noticed that it's way harder for me to orgasm. I seem to only be able to orgasm with a vibrator and, and even with that, it's becoming difficult. For example, I love doggy style and my husband used to get me every time with that. Now, even in that position, I can hardly feel the vibration or my fingers playing with my clit. It's getting to the point where after intercourse we break out a toy to get me off. Same with masturbation. I will work with my fingers but just feel nothing. I've been doing my Kegels, but I'm thinking it's time to maybe purchase something from your website. Any suggestions for that? Am I becoming more dependent on my vibrator that my fingers or Oral isn't cutting it anymore. I just want to orgasm easier. P S. My husband and I have great communication and toys do not bother him. Thank you for your question, Miley, and thanks for listening to the show for so long. I appreciate that. Now let me just say this. It might be harder to orgasm after a baby. This is very common. You just had a baby come out of your body. Plus there's hormone shifts and our body changes. And I just want to remind you of that. We often just don't tell women after childbirth what what's going on. But things tend to move around, whether it's vaginal or C section delivery. That movement can make more of our genitals, the sensitive areas of our body. Either it moves to a better alignment for some or a different alignment. So really we just need to learn our bodies, where they are now and how things have shifted. Okay, so get to know the new location of your pleasure centers. There's just. This is the work that we got to do. It's. Our body's always changing too, whether we have babies or not. Remember though, you've got it about the Kegels. Demands of pregnancy and childbirth can certainly weaken your pelvic floor muscles. And since orgasms result from a buildup and release of tension, if you have weaker pelvic floor muscles, it can be difficult to orgasm. I always recommend if it's becoming a problem when you're doing your Kegels and you don't see it working, you can see a pelvic floor physical therapist. A lot of times they're more equipped to address our pelvic floor than even our gynecologists. So I recommend that. And also, if you want to get something that makes your kaggles even easier, I love kaggle balls. They're basically weights for your vagina. You can also find those on our website, shop sex with emily.com when I was working on this, didn't have a baby. Just want to strengthen my pelvic floor. I wear these balls when I'm working out. When I'm going for a walk, I just leave them inside me. And the cool thing is they're basically doing your kettles for you while you're walking. You don't have to sit and think about it because a lot of us just don't do them correctly. And to be honest, it's just hard to remember to do them. So I love a hack. I love just putting them inside me. I had him by my tennis shoes before I went outside and I put them inside. Walk around and my pelvic floor got a lot stronger. So really, just this is what's happening. Our body changes. We might want to play around with different kinds of vibrators, different positions, and get to know who you are right now, what's going on with your body, Miley, and after a baby. And that's part of the work we have to do. And there's no shame in using a vibrator, okay? Not at all. So if it's what gets you off, use it. Get a few of them, see what makes you feel good. Okay? Thank you, Miley, for your question. I appreciate you. Congratulations on the baby. That's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening to Sex with with Emily. And if you love the show, please like subscribe and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts. And hey, share this with a friend or a partner. It might just spark something. It usually does. You can find me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and X. It's all Sex with Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email, so sign up at sex with emily.com for free guides and articles and more. More ways to prioritize your pleasure. And if you have a question about sex, dating, relationships, any of it, leave a message@sexwithemily.com ask skincare you sip. Here's why I'm hooked. A few months ago, I started sipping Peaks Radiant Skin Duo and wow, my skin looked brighter and clearer and more hydrated. And that glow, it's just. It's unreal. And get this, I didn't change a single product on my shelf. I just added two sachets and the results showed up on my face. Sun Goddess Matcha is ceremonial grade. 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