Sex With Two Angels (and Emily)

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jeju. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20% off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r a so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by porn pioneer and trans activist Buck Angel. Buck is one of the most respected trans educators in the country, and today he's going to take us through his journey along with guest co host Joanna Angel. That's a whole lot of angels. I know.

Okay, meet the angels.

You should see Joanna's skin.

Okay, so stay tuned. So stay tuned. You're going to love the show.

Okay. It's true. My sex toy collection is bigger than most. I may or may not have broken some kind of record by now, but that's not really the point. The point is, my collection started with one very special product. The Magic Wand. I've said it before, but the Magic Wand was part of my life long before it was part of my show. Now it's time to make it part of your life too. For more than 30 years, the magic Wand has been the trusted toy that women around the world reach for. First Time magazine even selected it as one of the top 10 most influential gadgets of all time. The Magic Wand should really be the cornerstone of every sex toy collection. There's nothing else that comes close. Whether you choose the plug in power of the Magic Wand original or the cordless convenience of the Magic Wand rechargeable, you need to have one in Your lineup. Or if you're like me, have both of them. To order yours today, click on the Magic Wand banner on my site or visit Magic Wand original dot com.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. Girl's got to have her standards.

Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

But, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can check out. God, there's so much cool stuff happening on our website. Do you know that we update every day with blogs and videos and everything that you need to have best. The best sex of your life, better sex and believe. If you have the question, we've answered it on our site. And also, we love when you follow us on all social media. It's all at Sex with Emily across the board and facebook.com. sex with Emily. And most of all, not most of all, this is equally as important. Subscribe to the show. When you subscribe to the podcast, it really helps us. Just helps us with everything. When you subscribe and also you. When you listen to the show. If you subscribe to a podcast, you can, like, rewind and go. It leaves your spot. Like, do you guys know this? Like, it leaves where you're at. If you're listening and you're like, oh, I gotta go to the bathroom, you come back. Like, if you don't subscribe to your podcast, it'll go back to the beginning, so that helps. Also review the show. And he's like, really? But it's true. It's important. We love you all, so thank you so much. Also, you know how much I love lube. I love lube. Do you guys love lube?

Love it.

I like it.

You're not upset?

Okay, I know.

I'm obsessed. Are you lube free and gluten free?

I'm glub free. I don't use it that often.

Okay. I don't.

I use it if I'm doing a very extreme sex act.

Okay, well, this Is the thing I'm making my. My dream lube because Joe. Do you guys know Joe? They make lubes. Yeah, Joe.

Okay, so.

So Joe, that is a good lube. Yeah, their lube is great. We'll give you little gift bags. Oh, that's awesome.

I know.

We're not giving you gift bag.

It will get used.

I know, dude, dude, we're gonna give you some lube. So Joe asked me though, like, what would your dream lube be? And I was like, they're like, we're gonna make it. So I'm like, wow, God. I mean, I have so many ideas, but I thought, let me ask my listeners. So if you go to sexwithemily.com dreamloop, take a short survey, it'll take you like 3 minutes. Your responses will help Joe create a brand new lube that we all designed together. Plus, 10 lucky participants will receive a Joe package worth a hundred dollars. And they send like these packages. We have so many. They send me the best gift packages. They don't just make lubes. They make like skincare lotions, all this really cool stuff. So go to sex withelmi.com dream lube or click on the dream lube banner today. Okay. We were already having a show within the show, before the show.

Yeah.

All interested in the lube.

Yeah, I know. We should bring it up.

I'm using coconut oil as lube.

Yeah, a lot.

A lot of people do that for you.

Actually, you know, trans men a lot of times get very dry from using testosterone because basically it's like going through. And so I'm working actually right now on a lube specifically for trans men.

I should use it.

Women. Yeah, it's the same thing, but we get it at such a higher level because the testosterone literally dries you out.

Yeah, that makes so much sense. And then, so what. So up until now, what would you be using? Like a silicone?

I use sil. I like silicone. But not everybody likes that.

I like silicone.

Yeah, so do I. Yeah, I know a water based. Tends to dry out too. Water based.

You got to keep reapply. Reapply, reapply.

I know I've Sometimes I'm like, what's the point of using lube if it's just.

I know.

You're just like pushing a whole box.

I think it's just made for people who are allergic to silicone.

And I believe that silicone lube, like, had a really bad PR team or something. Or water based lube. People went after it and they just bashed silicone lube for so many years. I thought it was bad too. When I started, I was like, oh. I thought it was like, not. It was. But it's superior in many ways for porn.

If you're gonna be like, water based. Yeah, right. Like, if you're gonna get.

You can't be like, that's hot.

Wait, hold up. Yeah, you need. You have a giant dick in your ass.

You have a giant dick in your ass. You for sure you want a loop shooter filled with God damn silicone lube.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Even your pussy don't try it.

Yeah, no, right? I just want to be lubed up all the time.

I bought like a big thing of lube and I was like, in a rush and then I brought it home. And then I like saw that on the bottom, very small. It said water based. I was like, God damn it. And it was like, even on set, like, people like, do you have lube? Do you have lube? And I was handing people lube and they would look at it and they're like, do you have silicone lube? Like, no one.

Oh, my God. Wait until you come into my sex closet.

It's. Unless it's someone who's allergic to silicone.

True. And some people. That's why you got to find out what kind of lube works for you. We sell all the Joe Lub on my website as well. You what?

I don't want anything to do with.

That water based lube. No, I hear you. But for some women, they are like, you know, some vaginas are like, sensitive. So you got a deal. So that's why you can just do like a. Try it out, figure out. It's all a process.

I know who you.

I. I'm surprised that hasn't been.

Wait, I. I have a. I know exactly.

Wait right on.

I know exactly. No, like, we're.

Yeah, we.

Remind me. We've had so many things to talk about. Joanna's amazing skin. Joanna looks freaking amazing.

She looks amazing.

We are obsessing about her.

I just want to touch your face.

I know, but Buck. So I did a little light introduction of you. And we're gonna get into more about who you are and what you're. All the amazing things you're doing and the pioneer that you are and all the great stuff that's happening in your life and in your world. And I'm so happy to be sitting with you. Cause I feel like for years I've been like, buck, Angel's gotta come on the show and da Da. And here you are. And I love that. So we're gonna get into that. We're gonna read your emails, but first, I got a little sex in the news. I'd love you guys to help me here. Okay, get your thoughts. The seven best times to have sex throughout the day. You probably don't need another excuse to have sex, but it turns out that certain occasions, like after a workout or before a big presentation, there are bonus benefits to getting it on. So tell me you guys think of these. They say before a big presentation. They say research shows that having sex calms your nerves, lowers blood pressure, and reduces stress.

I believe that.

Totally.

Yeah. Does that include masturbation, though?

I guess so.

It probably does. My cousin is a very, like, big time radiologist.

Right.

And she actually told me that she always insists on having sex before she has to give big presentations to like.

Oh, interesting.

She has to teach classes. She always does.

That's smart. So I feel like I'm always too stressed out to have sex. That's exactly when you need to have it. That's the point. Right. In the morning. In the morning. Your body was made for morning sex.

I love morning guys.

Me too.

Is it part of getting older?

No.

Start liking morning sex better.

I've always liked it.

Yeah, I've. No, I. I've always liked it. I like sex. Yeah.

Yeah.

I like sex all the time.

Feeling in the morning. It is.

It's like something very, like.

Yeah, like, it's sweet. Like, at least I had sex today. Like, you know what I mean? Like, if nothing else happens that day, you're like, I had sex.

Yeah.

It feels more lovey for something. That's why you do.

Like the spirit spooning position. Yeah. You just wake up together. I like that too. Okay. When you feel cold coming on, it may seem counterintuitive. Past research suggested having sex can actually boost your immune system.

That I haven't heard.

I have a great immune system.

Because you're so healthy.

I actually do have a good immune system. Now that I'm thinking you're like, what.

Are you, like, genetically perfect now. Oh, thanks, Joanna. Come on the show.

She's not real.

You're not real. I love that you're. I love that you. That your boyfriend said that you look like you're just photoshopped. Like you photoshopped yourself.

I used to have, like, really bad skin, but it's been a working project and I've figured out I never.

Know you're beautiful. But anyway, two weeks into her cycle, past research suggests that around two weeks into her menstrual cycle, her clitoris goes up to 20% bigger, becomes engorged more easily. Translation, she may orgasm easier on this particular day. I'm trying to think if I've. I'm trying to think if I know that that's your more sensitive at that time. I'm trying to think if like I've. Like.

I don't know. But what about actual period time? Don't you. I remember feeling super sensitive when I was on my period and really loving sex.

Yeah. Like a lot of people do. I know a lot of women do. I. You know what I'm like right before.

I. I do get right. Cramps and stuff and I'm right.

But like I. I wanna know.

Oh, do you masturbate when you have cramps? I used to do that.

Yeah. No, that helps too.

I should that.

No, it does.

Actually.

That's something I've talked a lot about on the show too. Because it can release really depression. It's good for your skin. Maybe that's it. No, really. Do you think that you've had so many orgasms that now you get really good skin?

You just have good skin.

God. Cuz.

She's just saying it's the cream. But we don't believe I'm going to.

Start a whole new kind of cream.

What kind of cream?

Dermatologist.

Yeah. Okay. After you hit the gym, your body pumps out testosterone, crucial sex hormone. So when you exercise, your desire will be higher after a sweat session. I agree. Like whenever I come back from like working out and stuff like that. You want it? Yeah, I want to bang for sure after a bad day. So I feel like. When is sex bad though? I know, right?

They're basically saying, basically just have sex.

You're having a bad day. Relieving stress. Okay. We just, you know, relieving stress for days to come, working out the tension and frustration. And then also after doing something scary, you're already exhilarated. So you might like going to a roller coaster, ziplining. Nothing scares me. Here's the thing, right? I lost my car in the parking lot right now.

Nothing scares me.

Oh my gosh.

Have you ever masturbated on a roller coaster?

No.

I have. You masturbated a roller coaster at Magic Mountain.

Shut up. That was a really fast ride. How old were you like last week?

15.

Back in the day.

Right.

Obsessive masturbator when I was a kid.

Really?

Really.

Always masturbated.

And now you're not?

No, I still am. But I'M not a kid anymore.

Obsessive masturbator. But, like, as a. Okay, we're gonna get. Let me just wrap this up.

Yeah.

The point is, I just think that we're saying is that just have sex.

Just.

Just have sex. Or here's the thing. If you can. If you're not. If you've known. Have sex, of course. Sex with yourself, it's fine. I think that having an orgasm, tension, it's kind of like a mini meditation. I feel like it resets me all the time. And I'm like, why haven't I been doing this? You know, Like, I feel like step over sex toys in my house to get through things, and I still won't be masturbating. So, you know, do it. Just.

Just masturbating.

Knock it out. Okay.

Masturbate or have sex.

Right.

It's true.

Good advice. Okay. Buck. Hi.

Hi.

How are you?

I'm good.

So glad you're here. So if you. Buck angel, you can find them at Buck angel.

At Buck angel, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook.com Official Buck Angel. I saw your Facebook Live thing today. All right. I thought that was cool. Do you do that every day?

I do the B cup.

What's that?

It's morning coffee with Buck.

That's so awesome.

It's so great. And I'm doing it for my community because there's a lot of really bad hate stuff.

Can we talk about. Let's just. People, let's. People don't know who you are. I gave you, like, your bio. We got that from your bio. But let's talk about who you are and the hate and all that stuff. And the love.

Yeah, yeah.

There's a lot of love.

I'm about. Oh, no, no.

You're all about love. But you said the hate. Why do people hate.

Not with me specific, but within. In my community of the trans community.

I have to say that the trans queer community can be, oddly enough, a little bit judgmental. Yeah, it's very strange. And sometimes there's a lot of wonderful people in that community. I mean, I love you. I love Jizly Beautiful. You know, you're both, like, very inspiring people. But then sometimes when I'm around people in that community, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

Like that. You're gonna say the wrong thing.

I'm gonna say the wrong thing.

It's true.

Especially the porn I make. I like making comedies. It's what I've always. And I think a lot of people who make comedies in general do Have a problem with wondering if they're going to offend people, you know?

Right.

I think that is. It's just common. I love me. I like adding humor to my porn. That's just what I've always liked to do. Everybody's got their own thing, you know, and that's just what I make.

So people get angry with you. Get.

I've gotten some hate. I've also gotten a lot of love. But I do find that it kind of reminded me when I was younger, and I, you know, I was very heavy in, like, the punk scene. And it's like, you kind of join the punk scene because you're like an outcast from regular society. But then within the punk scene, everybody's very judgmental over who's punk and who's not. And then I feel like that's kind of the same thing that goes on.

Exactly.

I just call it the queer, you know, community. And it's supposed to be a place of love and acceptance.

You feel like you'd all be.

But I'm glad you said that, because since I'm not engrossed in that world, I didn't want to be the one to make a judgment.

No, no, no.

Like, you know, what is. I'm sorry. We don't all know exactly what we're supposed to call people. We all just. Just talk and have sex and have fun.

This is why the rest of the world comes to me.

You have to solve this problem. You are the ambassador, and I want.

To take that job on because this is the way it is. Exactly what you're saying, Joanna. First off, I do everything with humor. I talk about myself with humor. It's funny to be a man with a pussy.

It's hilarious. Man with pussy. Right?

Man with a pussy. I'm not. I don't take myself that literally. Like, that serious. It's ridiculous. I'm funny. You are funny. But that's the way that I educate the world. Do you know how many fans I have outside of the transgender community? I would say the majority of my fan base is outside of the transgender community.

Right. Is there any particular community where your fans.

Gay men.

Gay men, for sure.

Gay men have the ones. The reason I'm sitting here is because of gay men. Well, it's just because they understand sexuality.

They get it at that level. But trans men are fighting. But you just think there wouldn't be such divisiveness. Like, can't we all. We're all going through this. We all know how hard it is.

Ego. Ego.

But so what is the hate?

Talk about it.

So the thing is this, I'll tell you for my felt for myself specifically, I've been doing this work for 15 years. I put myself out there as a voice, as a voice of change, not as a voice of trans. That is not the way I read. That is not who I am, what I do. I'm a human rights activist, somebody who wants to create change around sexuality, around your body, around acceptance. And so for some reason, the trans community thought I was a representation of the trans community from day one. From day one, I've always called myself the man with the right. I've never said I was a trans man. I never said I represent.

Is it because back then that wasn't.

The word even come to be? Because I feel like I haven't really even. I mean, you know, you would hear the term, like always meant like a dress. That was p. Is a term. Yeah. That I've been hearing.

But it's now derogatory. But then it.

Now it's derogatory.

It is.

And it is on the context.

Right. Queer used to be.

Queer used to be too.

Right?

Now it's a conversation that is such a great, important conversation.

Yes.

Especially for people outside of the community.

Yeah, right.

Tranny is a derogatory word now only because it has been used against trans women specifically as a derogatory statement.

Okay.

Within the pornography business, I have nothing but respect for trans. Of course, nobody's sitting here. You wouldn't have me on the show. But now what they. What they're trying to teach people is that using the word is a derogatory statement. Okay, okay.

What do you call, what do you call the women on trans.

Trans woman. Trans.

You say trans man.

Trans man.

Right.

Basically, trans is. Is the. Is the short part of transgender.

Right.

That's all it is. It's just calling a person, a transgender person.

Right. And I remember transgender on my show because I went to I work, but I said transgender. Somebody email like you can't say cuz I used to work again.

What was he going to say?

People are insane.

You said transgendered.

Right.

And that's not where we're going.

It's not transgender.

But it was transgender.

It's transgender.

Transgender. But I don't remember why it was like in the 90s.

So what you screwed up.

All I'm saying is at least I'm talking about it. Right. People. That's what I'm saying, that people are so like, I don't understand like even like, you know. Right. So let's talk about.

There's no conversation. Look, we're having a conversation right now, and the reason why I'm telling you what. What the rest of the world comes to me is because I'm willing to have the conversation if you fuck up and say the wrong thing. Can I say fuck up?

Yeah. Yeah.

If you fuck up and say to me, tranny, what do I do? Wait a minute here, my friend. Tranny is actually not a cool word to use anymore. And so we just don't really talk about that. Okay, cool. You got it. I don't go, oh, my God, you just said tranny. You're the devil. You're evil. Guess what happens? You completely shut yourself off to learning what I just said.

It's like that, right? Exactly. People who get so angry, like, I'm gonna take to Twitter and I'm gonna fight. It's like, why not take that energy and do something positive?

Because my community of trans people are victim. They're victims. They. What they've done is they victimize themselves, not the whole community. There's a huge amount of the community who are like me, want to create change, who are loving and beautiful. There's a part of the community who continues to victimize themselves and say, I'm not this. I'm bad.

So why are they mad? Give me.

They're mad at me and. Yeah, let's have that conversation.

Do that.

I don't want to speak for the people.

Let's get that out. Okay.

For me, specifically, they're upset at the fact that I'm so out there and I have such a large voice that I created on my own and that they don't like the way that I am representing them, because why.

Give me an example.

Okay, so I'll give you a great example. What's happening right now, because you. You know, if you guys understand me, I'm an activist. And what an activist does is they push the envelope. That's what an activist does. Right. So what I've done is, as we know, Trump and Hillary are running for the President of the United States.

Yes.

Got it.

I'm anti Trump. I don't know about you guys, but I'm anti Trump, and I don't really care what you guys are. That's your choice. So that's.

That's a pretty common thing to be anti Trump.

That said, but you'd be surprised. You'd be surprised. There's people in my community that are voting for Trump.

Yeah, I.

There's people in every community.

Jenner is Good for her.

Good for her. It all comes down to money, but there you go. So, anyway, I made a picture, which I'll show you here in a second. And look, my picture basically is a picture of me. And what did Trump say recently?

Didn't he say, oh, God, what did he. Not bad, nasty woman.

You guys are awesome.

Bad ombre.

Right? So he said something really nasty, and it was not okay. So I posted this.

Yeah, I love that one. I love that.

The whole world loves it. But guess who doesn't love it?

Who?

Trans men. What? So why. I'm gonna show that.

It's like. Okay, so they can find this on your Instagram. It's. It's a picture of handsome buck. He's a handsome buck. Hey, Trump, grab my pussy. I dare you, Buck Angel. And he's, like, wearing a wife beater. He's got a strong arms. And. Yeah, because Trump did come out and say, like, what was it I said I grabbed. I would grab her.

Yeah, it was nasty.

I was gonna grab her by the pussy so that people get mad about that because you. Because is it. Hey, Trump, wait.

Not one woman got mad at me.

He was challenging one woman.

Not one woman got mad at me.

Trans men got mad at you.

Trans men. So this trans man writes this thing about me, and he says, how dare you use your toxic humor. Masculinity. That's what he called me. Toxic masculinity.

Because why? Like, because he's.

Because I'm threatening.

Wait, what. What are you threatening?

I'm threatening Trump. But what they're saying is that I'm perpetuating this idea. Exactly.

Well, here's. There's so many elections, but it's mine. It's not about the election. Can we go back to this?

But it's mine.

Here's the thing with the trans. Are they upset because a lot of trans men have. Have the surgery? Right. They might get a penis and you've decided to your. They might. They might, they might not. And I would think that the majority don't. Right?

Yes.

They keep their vagina. Their pussy.

Yes.

So if that's the case, and it doesn't even matter what the case is, they want it to be, like, on the down low. Like, yes, we have a pussy, but we don't talk about it. Why do you talk about it?

Exactly. That's exactly it.

But that doesn't. Yeah, because they're kind of like, we're a man.

There is a whole load of men with pussies now. Tons of them. When I transitioned we didn't talk about it. I was the first one.

You probably the only one. Who the hell would you talk about Now?

There's hundreds, if not thousands of people. Hundreds of thousands.

Right.

But there's also hundreds of thousands of men who don't want to talk about it as their pussy because they're a man.

And how they're a man. They think I'm a man.

Exactly. And all of that is fine. Here's the deal.

You're not saying, show me your. You're like, here's my.

Did I say all trans men? And did I say this is about trans men?

I get it.

So what they did is they took my photograph and they became completely upset because they think I'm representing them. Not only did they try to call me out on my toxic masculinity, they tried to call me out on being cis normative. Do you know what cis normative is?

Okay.

You know, cisgender.

Cisgender means. Yeah. Someone who identifies with the gender you were born in.

So they call me CIS normative, meaning that I try to look like a cisgender person. And then they called me passing, which means that you're a person who can walk in the world and nobody knows you're transgender but isn't. And then they called me.

You've been a man for 20 years.

I am a man.

Eventually, you're gonna get really good.

And I'm not trans. I'm a man.

You're a man.

Different.

Different.

Going through the transition.

I don't even want to give these people any more energy. I just needed to let you know I get it.

This is what I deal.

So, so divisive.

I mean, people.

Yeah. In every community. Like there is.

But because I am a voice, you guys know that I'm one of the loudest voices.

You, the voice.

You emanate nothing but love and happiness and positivity. And I try to do the same thing.

You do it.

You do.

I never stepped into the porn industry thinking I was better than everyone else. Trying to hate on everyone else. I just wanted to be part.

Everybody loves you.

That's why everybody loves you.

I wanted to be part of it, but I wanted to do things my own way.

You've always been gracious with your time. You've always been. Really? When I first started and met you, you were always kind to me. You were never like, ew, that's weird, or, you're gross. Never.

Never.

But people are still going to say mean things about you. Yeah. Because they're jealous.

I made A movie. And I will say, this pisses stuff, people. I made a movie this year, and it's called. I mean, two of my very closest friends. They're like a married lesbian, you know, Nikki and married lesbian couples, they're like my best friends. I love them.

And, you know, and they're both two women married to each other, and they. They like, very, very rarely have sex with men. Like once in a blue moon, you're.

Just gonna say have sex?

Yeah, no, no, they have sex with women.

I heard that story.

Like, once in a blue moon. Like, a very lucky guy will have a threesome of them or something, like, if the mood is right. But they both do like doing boy girl porn from time to time. And I don't know, I made a movie about them called Dykes taking Dicks.

It's the best.

And people got so angry.

You rule.

You rule.

All people from the queer community were so angry. Somebody said that that title promoted rape because that implied that any man could go up to a lesbian and rape her. And I was like, okay, okay, okay. Excuse me. I'm.

I'm.

I make comedies, right?

You just can't listen to these voices.

Yeah, I make comedies.

I don't know. People might not.

I made a joke, and I'm sorry if my joke offended you, and I'm sorry if you don't find the joke funny and that. And I get it. Some jokes are gonna hit and some aren't, and I apologize. And I don't mean for my jokes to offend people, but sometimes they're going to. But you cannot say it's causing rape, right? Well, people. That is, like, really, like, say, that's gross.

Say that's okay. I want to hear more about Buck.

But can you just. I'm glad you like Dykes Taking Dicks.

One of my favorite idols of all time. Can they. Can we get it on your.

Yeah, you can get it on Burning angel. And it's girl. Like, hot lesbian girls.

Girls like.

And.

It wasn't even, like.

Right. I don't understand. Yeah, but listen, you guys, what we do. Sex. Sex. Them. I mean, sex. It's what I do, you guys. We all do things that are a little controversial.

I was just having.

Those voices are not. I don't even listen. Like, I don't even have to continue to push because we all want people to, you know, we want people. Sex. To become normal. We want people to talk about sex. People don't talk about sex. They don't know how to talk about it. They don't Understand it. So, okay, I want to know, Buck. So you transitioned from female to male 20 years ago. Okay. And so tell me when, like, where were you born?

Los Angeles, California. In the Valley. I was actually a Valley girl.

Okay.

I was so funny. No wonder why you didn't want to.

Be a girl anymore.

I got kicked out of Girl Scouts for having sex with other Girl Scouts. I got busted in the tents.

So hot.

Yeah, totally.

So you were always attracted to.

Always. I was. I identified as a lesbian. But at what age? I mean, God, I can remember since I was 13 or 14 years old. Really? Just being into women and being so, like, shamed about it, you know?

I mean, even at that time, being a lesbian wasn't that acceptable.

Nobody even knew about it, you know? And I said I felt like a boy. And my parents actually raised me like a boy. They totally raised me, like, dress me like a boy.

Because you said it. You were like, I'm wearing pants today.

And they were super cool.

But I love your parents.

My parents are amazing, but the problem was their friends.

No, it's always about. Right?

Yeah.

Their friends weren't cool. So what did you. You must have. God, no wonder your horrible childhood.

Horrible childhood? I tried to kill myself many times. I was alcoholic at 16. I was a raging alcoholic. I was a cutter. Oh, my God, all the scars on my arm I used to cut, my face, my arms, everything.

Well, you were uncomfortable in your own.

Skin, you know, and all they kept telling me was, you're a gay woman.

When I was the doctor. Who are your parents? There was no.

They put me in a mental hospital because I tried to kill myself so many times. And they wouldn't listen to me. They were like, you're a lesbian. I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm a man.

You just felt. You just like. I mean, yeah, you just like. Okay.

So then it's amazing that you kept going.

Yeah, I, I'm very lucky to be here. It's why I don't care what people say about, about me.

Right. And it's why I didn't even pay that.

Because my mission. I'm clearly here for a reason, you guys, right? I know it sounds all, but I'm a believer of energy. I'm a believer of why people are in the space at the same time. You create your environment.

I, I, I totally.

What I said earlier is my community victimizes themselves. I'm a survivor. I'm not a victim. Different mentality.

Wait, you're also different phase. You're like. You said Tranpa, trampa.

I'm old. I wrote my down.

You've been doing it for a while. But. But. So then what happened? So you're like, okay, Mom, I'm gonna go get. Like, what was the moment when you're like, I am a man and I am doing this.

Yes. And so really through.

Just to get childhood.

Blah, blah, blah. Then I ended up being homeless. I ended up actually becoming a model in. As a female.

I was really.

Yeah, I was.

Yeah. Some of those photos.

I want to see the pictures.

Wow.

He posted on Instagram the other day some of his old modeling pictures.

Oh, my God.

Like a hot lesbian looked like Nikki Hart. I hated it. Like a super hot. Whatever you gotta do to get it.

I hated it. And anyways, I got really hardcore into drugs when I was over in Europe, and then I ended up not. I was literally on the verge of becoming a supermodel. And then I didn't take my train to Paris.

Yeah, you totally looked like you literally.

Didn'T take your train.

I was wasted on acid and coke and everything. And I missed the train. I literally physically missed the train.

Wow.

And that was it. And I. They sent me home.

Kind of a metaphor as well.

Yeah. And at home, I had nothing.

Got your life disowned me.

My. Everyone disowned me. I was homeless. I was living in West Hollywood on the streets doing blow jobs and hand jobs in the car with older men as a little boy, because they would pick me up.

How old were you?

I was in my late 20s.

Okay. Wow. Late 20s. Before you transitioned. Okay. So then. And wow, you were dressed as a. As a boy, right?

Totally. Like, very, you know, baseball cap, T shirt.

Right.

Okay.

So then what? You were just.

And then finally one day, some guy took me home. I should have never done that. And I almost got killed. Wow. Got killed. And he almost raped me and killed me. And I just did the deed really quick. And I said, please take me back to the donut shop. And that's when I literally had an awakening. I said, if I do not get myself out of this, I'm gonna die.

Yeah.

And my ex girlfriend at the time picked me up and got me sober. And from that day on, I've been sober. And the sobriety, through sobriety, I had this awakening. And I said, I need to become a man. And I found a therapist after many years of therapy. And I said to her, after literally one month of sitting in that office not saying a word every session. And after every session, she would go, okay, time's up until finally, the last time, I came in and I said, crying. I just started crying. And I just said, you know what? I feel like a man. And she said, but why didn't you tell me that? And I said, because everyone else I said it to said no. And she said to me, I believe you. You. I believe you.

That's really amazing.

It's amazing.

She saved my life. She saved my life.

You were at your 30?

Yeah, no, I was in my late 20s.

Okay.

It wasn't far from me being homeless and getting sober. And within one or two years of sobriety, I started taking. And then I. I was telling Joanna earlier, there were no hormone doctors in la. Nothing. And then through her, we found a hormone doctor who only worked with trans women, 30 years of trans women. And he said to me, I will help you, but I don't know what I'm doing, Sonny. You call me Sonny. I don't know what I'm doing, but you'll be my guinea pig.

Wow.

Literally, he said, I'll be his guinea pig.

Why?

Because it's not as common.

He's never done it before.

He was experimenting. No one did it.

No one did it?

No. Good.

You were at least in Los Angeles, not in, like, Alabama or something, because.

That never would have happened.

So then you transitioned Then I transitioned.

I had top surgery with this. I was the first hormone guy. I was this first trans man. The hormone guy. And then I went to. To the surgeon who only dealt with cisgender men and only did surgeries for men who have boobs, which is called gynecomastia. Right. And so I said, I have that. That's what I said. I have that.

Right.

So he said, well, let's experiment. I've never done this before.

Right.

Second time. I'm like, well, okay. He's like, there's this new surgery from Belgium. I'm gonna try it on you. I'm like, okay. I was like, a total experiment so that you got.

You had.

I had the surgery, and he cut only on underneath my areola. And that's why you don't see any scars, because he made this amazing surgery.

Yeah.

From that moment. And that was literally reborn.

Wow.

I was reborn, you guys. And through that, I started calling my parents and I started having a conversation. They were like, oh, that's the problem.

I get it. Right.

And they got it, and my whole life changed.

Wow, that's an amazing. You were, like, the first one that, I mean, that everyone knew about, because then you started. When did the porn start?

About 10 years in, after my transition. Transition, I got into making porn, but it was sort of making porn.

So how old were you when you made your first porn?

So I was. I'm 54 now. So, yeah, I'm 54. So I. I know I'm old. So really, I didn't start making porn until my 40s, when I used to lie about my age back in the day. And I said, when I become 50, I'm gonna out myself. And then when I became. When I was 50 and people were like, what? I thought you were in your 30s.

I thought so too. I thought you were like 40.

Sobriety.

Yeah. So then you.

You.

You made porn, but. And you chose. So it was the first trans porn. Right.

First trans male porn. In the world.

In the world.

There's still not that much of it.

Hardly any.

There really isn't. Right. There's trans women.

There's James Darling in San Francisco. There's a couple queer. There's pink and white. They do some queer, they do some trans, but nothing like me. I'm still the guy who does it, produces it, but it's still been different. Yeah, I still produce it. I do a series called Sexing the Trans man, which is more like document.

That's a docu porn. It's right, it's docu porn. It's sexy, though, because you're like. You find men.

I went to the educational side of porn and I decided to talk about. What I wanted to do was reach a group of people that don't necessarily watch porn because I have such a fan base of non porn. So I realized I need to reach those people in a way that they can also understand how important sex is. Sex is everything.

Exactly. It's not just about you get them in, maybe through the trans, but you're teaching you about sex and it makes.

You more comfortable with yourself.

Transitioning. Can you imagine transitioning with a vagina? And now you think you're. You're a man all the way, but you still have a vagina. Yeah. It's not easy.

No.

And so, as you know, I'm very, very okay with my vagina and myself. And so I thought sex is the thing that was the last.

You only have sex with women?

No, no, I'm totally bisexual.

You have sex with everyone, Man, Women everywhere.

And usually date men or women mostly.

I date and have relationships with women.

Yeah, straight women.

Remember you had a. I had a.

Wife for 11 years. I went through a horrible divorce.

Sorry.

Yeah. But who cares? Now I have an awesome lady friend.

But the women identify as straight.

My new lady friend now is actually a lesbian.

Okay.

She's a very well known lesbian. Her name is Guinevere Turner. She. She wrote American Psycho.

Oh, yeah.

She did the L Word. She wrote the L Word.

The movie. The TV show.

Yeah, the TV show.

She was like, wow, that's like. She's like the lesbian.

She's like, super. She did Go Fish. Do you remember that movie?

Yeah, dude. That was one of the first lesbian films. I totally remember that. And I remember her name. When you said that, I remember it on the screen. I saw the Castro. I started the cast. I used to go to San Francisco. That's pretty cool.

Yeah. So what we were talking about earlier, even her identity as a lesbian isn't. Isn't interfered by our relationship because I totally respect her as a lesbian. She is a lesbian. But we have our own type of relationship, and that's really a big message. There isn't.

People are sexual and people are attracted to people attracted to women. You know, I like having sex with women.

I've never.

I've never really dated a woman. If one day I woke up and decided to do that, do I need a whole new label for myself? It doesn't.

I hate all the labeling. Does it matter who you are tonight?

She was dating a girl. She just happened to have, like, a really good chemistry with this girl. And then when her and that girl broke up, everyone, you know, was trying to get her to go to all these lesbian bars and meet new women and this and that. She's like, I'm not a lesbian. I just. I just really liked that girl.

I don't know. And if I meet another girl like that, I don't know. I think people just have. Everybody wants to put something in this little box.

It's true.

You don't know who you're gonna be attracted.

Exactly. Right. So a lot of the work that you're doing now, you're going around and speaking and it's all over everywhere. Right. You're traveling all over the world. And what are you mostly speaking about? Because it's like accepted body positivity.

Well, I speak about learning how to love yourself. And that comes through sex.

Sex positivity and body positive.

Understanding your body.

Yes, totally being positive about your body.

Body positivity. It's a whole new movement.

I talk about, what does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a man? It is a question I cannot answer, nor any and any man ever answers that. It's the wrong. It's the wrong answer.

It's true.

Because it's. It's. It's for every person to make up for every man.

And I talk about, really about how I learned to love my vagina.

How did you. Because I know women who were. Who? Yeah, right. Sex. So many women don't love their vaginas. You didn't go through what you've been through?

Incredible. So I was on the Tyra Banks show, not, I mean, long ago. And she. She tricked me. And I got on the stage and she says to me, oh, so you have a vagina? Acting like I don't. I'm like, yes. She goes, and you love your vagina? I said, yes, I love my vagina. And she made the most disgusting weird face. And the whole audience was like. And I look and I said, this is my opening.

So what'd you do? What'd you do?

I went to her like this. Oh, wait, you don't love your vagina? And her face dropped because I busted her, right? I busted her. And she was like, nah, I don't love my vagina. And I was like, brilliant.

That's so awesome.

It was awesome because she's so smart. She realized how important what she just said. And then I became her most important guest.

She said, really?

Yes. I became her most freak out. But she realized what? She was smart. She's a.

A.

She's a feminist.

She's a feminist.

And she realized, oh, my God, I don't like my vagina. A man loves his vagina and I don't like my vagina. How powerful is that?

Exactly? So how do you teach women then? How do you do that? What do you do? I know I talk about on the show. I want to hear it.

For me, it's always my process was sex. And that's why I really, really tell women.

But tell me more than that. A lot of women have sex and they don't love the vagina.

I hated my vagina. I hated it. Hated it.

Want to have before you transitioned or just.

Did you think of getting the surgery?

Always. I always wanted to have a penis. So even when I was a woman.

And what made you not?

So. So the surgery didn't exist? It was not. It was there, but it was not in any way. I want a penis like a cisgender man. I want a penis that I pee.

Can you get a penis?

No, they haven't. I mean, you can get them, but.

They'Re like, you can get rid of.

A penis, but you can actually put a penis on. But it just. It's not what you think it is.

Yeah.

And I don't want to disrespect any trans men out there who have it right. It's their decision and their choice. But this is my story. And for me, it wasn't good enough. I'm a perfectionist. I'm a perfectionist. It needs to be perfect. And then. So I started having sex.

But okay, like, what kind of sex?

So I started having sex with partners secretly not telling other people and being very, very, like, secret about it.

And then do you like when you're having sex with men?

So then I started meeting men, and I started having this desire to have sex with men where I never had that before.

Interesting.

And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm gay. This is. Is totally weird.

Trying to wrap your head around it.

Totally weird. And I started becoming like, sound of homophobic, kind of homophobic to myself. I can't be gay. That's not right. So weird.

And then all this.

So I started meeting men, and then men were weird men. This is 15 years ago. Men started getting weird with me. And they're like, well, you don't really. Because I be honest about it. I always disclose that I have a vagina. And they'd be like, what? No, I have a vagina. We're gonna like. And they're like, nap. Not interested. Nope, not interested.

These are gay men.

Not interested at all.

They already, like, they're gay. They like, just.

They're focused on the penis.

Right.

But like, most men.

Right, exactly.

Then finally I started meeting men who were. Okay, I'm gonna try that. Yeah, I'm gonna try that. And then literally from that, guys just started getting into it. And I started having amazing sex. I never had sex with a man before I became a trans, before I transitioned, ever.

So were the men you were having sex with then straight men gay? Gay? They were gay men who had never had their penis inside of a vagina.

Exactly. And guess what? They kept so fast, they kept knocking on my door.

Because you're a man.

Yes.

But they're, like, interesting. It's like. It's like something new.

And also.

The vagina is made to have sex.

Yes, true. So they were like all the other.

Men they're having sex with, there's only. There's only one hole.

Dude, your phone must have been blowing up. Did you just have to, like, you blowing out?

And then I started escorting a little bit, and that got weird. Got weird and too weird for me. And I was like, you know what? This is too high maintenance for me. I'm not your babysitter. Let's just have sex and move on. But it wasn't like that. And anyway, so that's how really, honestly, when I say sex, I'm telling you what I did is I released in my head. And this is really what women have to hear from me right now. Yes. Tell them what I released from my head. That my vagina is bad, that my vagina is dirty, that my vagina smells, that my vagina isn't worthy, and that my vagina isn't mine. These are the things that I really took away. And it's called brainwashing. I was brainwashed, okay? As a woman. I was brainwashed. And I was even brainwashed even more as a man with a vagina. So then I was like, you know what? I have suffered for 20 something years in this body. And look at how I've made my body, sculpted my body, made sure my body. And the only thing that's gonna hold me back is my vagina. Right? That's what I said to myself. The only thing that's going to hold me back. I'm tired of being embarrassed about myself because my sex was secret. I never told anybody about it and only the partners that I was having sex with. So that, wow, I'm actually shaming my own self. I just really, honestly got tired of worrying what the rest of the world thought of me. And that is also a thing that women have to hear from me right now. You cannot worry what other. The only way you're going to get anything is by taking care of yourself. That's it.

No one else had to.

Sex comes from you. Yeah. If you're not having good sex, it's because you're not having good sex.

Love your body. I always tell women, like, if you got to take a year to it, whatever, it gets a beautiful thing, you.

Know, the most amazing thing is I have the most awesome sister. Okay? She's so amazing. And you know what? We have the most amazing sex conversations. And I've really helped my sister learn to love her body as a woman. And it is. She says, thank you so much. She just met this guy. My sister's in her 50s and she met an older man. It's like, can you imagine? And how do you start having sex at a, you know, an older age? I said, conversation. So they immediately sat down with that guy. They got tested, they completely started having sex. And she said, I've been telling him how to sex. And he told me, it's the best sex he's ever had.

So amazing.

That's amazing. Yeah, that's.

So that's what women need to hear right now. Conversation, dialogue. Take control of your vagina. It's yours, right?

Exactly. You're responsible for your own orgasm. Your partner didn't give you an orchestration orgasm. You are responsible for communicating and learning it. And we can all learn.

Yes.

Can I learn what feels good to us?

Yes.

That is fascinating. Yeah. So. But. So you're doing right now. You're. You're speaking everywhere people can find you. We've got your. It's buckangel.com.

All right.

Okay. Well, your story's fascinating.

My story's insane.

I love it. And I love it because you're a role model and a pioneer. There's no one else like you. And you are. You are an angel. You're both angels. Will you help me answer some emails from the people I love? My listeners. Okay, so we're gonna take a quick break. Thank you everybody for supporting my sponsors because you know, I would never, ever talk about a product or service that you did not need, that I have not tried myself. And it helps keep the show free. And I love you all. So thanks. We'll be right back.

I know there's more to life than looks. It's what's on the inside that matters. I've heard it. I get it. But I'm not gonna lie. A good hair day can make everything better. It really does. But here's the thing. I loathe going to a salon for hours to do my hair color. It's just a waste of time. And I tried to do it myself with a home kit. And the results, they weren't pretty. Not only was my hair completely the wrong color, but my bathroom was covered in stinky hair dye that is still there.

It's stained.

Like every time I look at it, I think, oh, that was the bad hair dye problem. But that was all BMR before Madison Reed. See, Madison Reed makes luxurious at home hair color with ingredients you can actually feel good about. Their salon. Quality product is the first six free permanent hair color free of ammonia, parabens, resourcinol, pbd, phthalates, and gluten. But enough about what Madison Reed isn't. Let's talk about what it is. Professional quality color available in over 40 shades. If you're anything like me, you've no idea what color your hair actually needs to match. Do you know how many shades of brown there are out there? Like a million. Seriously. But Madison Reed has this super simple online quiz that will help you find the perfect match to your skin tone and hair texture. Their kits are nutrient rich with keratin, argan oil and ginseng root. The thick cream color is totally drip three and smells great. Madison Reed delivers 100% gray coverage and the support of Madison Reed expert colorist who will guide you every step of the way. You can color with total confidence. Satisfaction guaranteed. Oh, and for a limited time, save 10% and get free shipping on your first color kit. Just visit madison-reid.com today and use promo code. Emily okay, onto emails. Okay, you guys know how much I love hearing from you and now there's a few different ways you can get your questions answered on the show. I'm so excited to announce that we are taking calls now in the studio. I know, like in the next few weeks. It's so exciting. So you just go to sex with emily.com and also you can just email us through there if you want. You just click on the Ask Emily tab. There's a dropdown and fill out the submission form. But once you're filling it out, there is a question that says, would you like to have your question answered live on the podcast? So just check that box and we'll give you a call. We'll work it out. It'll be fun. I want. I want to talk to you. We'll solve your issues real time. You can also leave me a voicemail now. 818-ASK-ASKSWE 1-818-275-7931. So these are all the ways I love hearing from you. Okay guys, on to emails. Hey Emily. I'm a trans man in the early stages of transitioning. I've tried masturbating in the past but could never make it work because penetration, even with one finger, was a bit of a stretch. I realize now that could probably be solved by lube. And anything else I tried to do felt awkward. I could feel myself moving around on there, but it was eliciting zero pleasure. Recently, I've been wanting to retry it. Do you have any tips on how to make it feel good? Toys, methods, etc? Thanks so much for your feedback, Liam. So obviously I thought that like. I know, I know, right? Like, where's.

I don't know why it makes me feel like crying because you cause an emotional.

What was it that you.

It was horrible because nobody taught me about my anatomy.

No, I want to cry.

I know. And like, even women don't know their own anatomy. Can you imagine? I'm Trans man. It's like, what is this?

Right. So you're taking. Because it changed. You were trying to take your hormones. So then what did it.

So what happens when you take testosterone?

Tell me, because then you don't understand what Liam's going through. Tell me what happens.

So what happens when you take testosterone? Your genitals, specifically, your clitoris grows. Mine's grown to the size of my thumb. So basically, you get a small penis and it actually does get erected. So basically, what I like to tell trans men is experiment by touching. Now, there's a lot of guys who are not comfortable to touch it because first off, they don't really want to think of it as a vagina. It feels like a vagina.

It reminds them of them of femininity.

So one of the reasons why I chose to have this thing.

That's what this is. Brilliant.

Wait, so what I did is I realized toys were a big part of me learning how to love my body. So toys are. I love toys. Toys are everything.

Was it like, what toys?

So I used to. So there was no toy for me. They didn't. There was no trans male sex toys at all.

Okay.

Because what we use was vibrators. Everything on the market that you see now is made for cisgender people. Every. Every single one.

Gay men.

Here's the question.

Gay men are cisgendered.

When you were starting to. So when you. Your. Your. Your clitoris grew to a thumb. Yeah. But was it. Did it not feel good then when you touched it, or you just didn't?

Oh, no, I felt good. And I would jack it off. Like, you know, like a little teeny mini penis. And also blowjobs are my favorite thing in the whole world. So, you know, I totally get blow jobs. And actually, I love getting penetrated. Penetration is a big deal for me. But not a lot of trans men feel like being penetrated because it feels very female to them. So I don't feel. It doesn't get out of your head.

It's pleasure.

Yes. So that's the thing. It's getting out of your head. So I encourage masturbation on such a level, but a lot of guys don't want to touch their genitals. So what I used to do is I used to get different kinds of toys. Like ones that had, like, let's say there's this one called the bro sleeve, and there's other one that's made for, like, a flashlight. Exactly. For cisgender men's penises. And it's jack off sleeve.

Right.

So they're called strokers.

Right, right, right.

So I would take strokers. Right, exactly. Tanga Egg. We would all use those products, but they weren't made for our bodies.

So you felt inadequate.

Inadequate, because we don't even have our own toy.

It's not big enough.

When you come, would your orgasm feel so.

That's a great question, actually. So prior to my, to my transition, I used to have five, six orgasms after transition.

I know this sounds from your clitoris.

Or from my clit. And also.

Yes, I got it.

But not. But, but not as intense as it is now. So after transition and taking hormones, now I'm horny all the time. I'm like totally. Like a 16 year old boy. Really, I am. I can have sex at any drop.

I love this.

Yeah, it's crazy. So that said, you know, all of a sudden I would just have one intense orgasm. I thought, this is exactly what happens with CIS men. They have to recuperate, right? And I can come back. But it's like so more intense than I can ever even tell.

Refractory period is a lot longer. You're not having multiple.

Exactly. And then from that I realized, oh my God, like, this is the most amazing thing. Can I penetrate myself and do you. And I started practicing with all different kinds of vibration. I love vibration and penetration at the same time. But again, nothing made for me, right? Nothing made for the guys who would write me. Because I'm the sex voice of the trans man world. Like, dude, how do I jack off? What do I do?

So you could ask this question a lot. That's why I'm like, I'm so glad you're here. Okay.

So then I was like, why is there no toy made for us? Why is there no trans male sex toy in the world on the market?

So smart.

So I would go to open it. Yeah. I would go to. I would go to all the toy companies. Name any toy company. I went there, okay? And every single one of them said, no, doesn't exist. They said to me, they said to me, that market doesn't exist. Which is exactly the same thing they said to me when I made movies. You know, when I made movies, not anybody would touch me.

Anyone. But you knew.

Because I knew. I know.

So, okay, your toy. Wait, this is first of all something that has. I know, I love that. Your toy is called the Buck Off.

Right on.

Okay. The Buck Off. And it is. So tell me about this. It looks like a butt plug.

Yes, it looks like a butt plug. So basically, silicone, your clitoris I kept.

Thinking it was something up here.

Yeah, that's because it looks like that.

It's a little larger.

So basically, it's a. It's a.

It's a mini flesh.

It's a mini flashlight. So what I did is I made it so that. So look, there's. It wasn't easy to make because really, I had to really work on this. So basically what it does is see how it has suction. It has a little suction. Not too much, but so you stick it against your vagina, and it sucks you inside of it. We put these amazing ridges in it so it feels like a tongue, and it feels like you're getting a. You can put lube in it, which gives it a more of a suction. And then. So the reason I actually designed it with Steve Kahlo, the owner of the.

Company, so they could feel like a penis.

So look, now when you're jacking.

Now it makes sense.

And it's made from Silaskin, which is an animal.

Oh, my God. This feels so, so good. Yeah.

So I wanted it to feel soft. I didn't want. And if you look, you can feel. If you put your finger in it, you can actually feel your genitals in there. So it gives guys an opportunity to feel their own genitals without actually physically touching their own genitals.

You are a genius.

And so it gives you this idea. Thank you so much. I feel we sold out, like, really. And that's not. Not. I'm not saying that as a business guy. I'm saying that as a guy, as an educator, there's a need.

There was clearly.

There was clearly a need.

I love this. I want one.

Okay, that's yours. That's yours. I would love for you to try. And also. So CIS women are coming to me. Can I use it?

Of course you can.

Yeah. I was just gonna say, can I use it? What would I. Because I. I have very strong orgasms. I have very strong clitoral orgasms. Stronger than my internal.

Try it. Try it.

What do you do?

So you just stick it against your genitals.

Suction. Right.

And it gets. And you can do anything you want with it. There's no. There's no one way to use it.

Like it. Oh, my God. Congratulations. Where can people get it? The buck off.

So my. My website, BuckAngel.com or PerfectFitBrand.com.

Oh, my God. That's. Okay. So Liam's question. Let's go back to Liam, because I didn't even know about this whole Craziness.

This will help Liam in a hunt. I mean. But one thing I want to tell you about this product real quick.

Okay.

My community has no money. It's a very poor community because. Oh, you know, let's just talk about jobs. One of the main things for me that's very important is accessibility. And as we know, sex toys are very expensive.

They can be really expensive.

They can be very expensive. So really, I had to work with this company, and they were very gracious, and they understood to me, it wasn't about me making money. It was about me making a product that gave us validation. Now, this is in every store across the world. The whole world took it.

That's amazing.

So I want to let you know that we made this for 29.95 retail, which for a sex toy, as you know, that's why the community was able to get it. That's why the community now will be much more sexually active.

Right.

And sex creates happiness.

It does. It does. It says, love your body, love yourself. That's so good. And I know what your other. What's your other? Your quote that I. Your most known for.

My most known for.

It doesn't matter what's between your legs.

It's not what's between your legs that defines you. Yeah, it's true.

True. That's what you've been all about. I love it.

So, Liam.

So let's go back to Liam, because he's. He's newly transitioned.

Transitioning.

And Liam says that he's. He's tried, but penetration, even with one finger, was a stretch.

Right.

And anything feels awkward and he had zero pleasure.

Yes.

So could a lot of that be in his.

Totally in his head.

So let's talk about what. How to eat.

But also, he could be dry, which happens with a lot of trans men. And so even putting a little teeny bit of lube on your finger and just rubbing. So I. This is what I want to tell Liam. Liam, my friend, just take a little bit of lube. Take a little bit of time. I love to watch porn. I love, love, love to watch porn and jack off, too. I think it's. Maybe you need a little mental stimulation along with the physical.

Get out of your head.

Get out of your head. Find the things that turn you on, whatever that is. You know, I love leather and cigars. I love to watch guys smoking cigars. That turns me on. And just put a little lube. Rub your. Rub your. Rub yourself down there and just rub it. Rub it. You don't have to have an orgasm. Start from that. Start slow, you know, without an end goal.

Just getting to know your body.

Right on, my friend.

Yeah.

Just start touching yourself. That's it.

Good. Yeah. Yeah. Liam, great. I think that's great advice. I mean, I couldn't even. I'm so glad you're here.

Just touch yourself.

Okay? Touch yourself. Keep us posted and just keep going. It's like, you know, with everything, we all started out there. Like you start out with your body, take some time. Can't have the end goal. Figure it out. Okay. Hi, Emily. Here's my predicament. I'm currently dating an amazing man who treats me like a queen. Our relationship is built on trust and communication and respect and all those things that are keys to happiness. It's just that when it comes to having sex, I'm disappointed. Most of time. I changed my contraceptive method as I thought that was the reason for losing my libido. I don't understand why sex has become such a platonic subject in my life. When I was a bunny rabbit with ex boyfriend, I've tried different positions, roleplaying, bondage, et cetera. My issue is whether I should stay in this relationship when the sex isn't satisfactory. We've got people shaking their heads across the table, but all the other elements to an amazing relationship is there. I've spoken about this to him, but can't point blank say I'm not attracted to him and feel absolutely no connection when getting it on. I can't say that at this point I would rather be alone and never be aroused again than make it someone else's problem. Break their heart now. Nadine 21, South Africa See, that's why I always have control.

Mess with your libido.

Yeah, absolutely. Oh my God. That's the other time about crusading and being on a mission. Like I'm angry that people they. Yes, not you apparently. You've been on birth control, you said for 20 years.

I. I go through sometimes all women.

The doctors do not tell you. Maybe they do more so now that it could make it.

I do find that different.

So many things.

What is the right birth control?

You got to find. Here's the thing is that is that it's different for every woman. So you might need like you experiment. There's so many different kinds. So if whatever you're taking doesn't work for you, you can go for like a lower, you know, higher estrogen, low estrogen, progesterone. You play with it because. So you just go to your doctor. But girls Young women, too. Like in college when I got, like, depressed and got bloated and all that stuff happened my freshman year when I went on the pill. Like, I didn't know that was why, like, the doctor was just like, this is what you take. So anyway. But. But back to Nadine. You're 21 years old. See this? It's important. So you're 21. It's different than if you totally. And it's a new relationship. In the past, you've had great sex. And at 21, I just think this is when the sex is. And the relationships are supposed to be great. And you've been with this guy for, I don't know how long. He said dating the guy. Yeah. If it's not great at the beginning and you're already struggling to get turned on with the sex, I just say, you know, maybe he's just gonna be a friend. It's time to be a lover.

He's a friend.

He's a friend.

Yeah, you already said, like, you know, at this point, I'd rather be alone and never aroused.

I feel like she's only 21.

Yeah, it's like.

It's like all the things she's saying. I would understand if, like, they had kids.

If. Right.

A house together.

No attack.

Something like that, then maybe it's worth exploring a few more things before you call it.

But even. Why not. Why not even try to explore right now as 21 with her lover and try. Why not bringing in somebody else or experimenting with having other lovers or experimenting with going to parties or. Because. But I feel like he's feeling the same way.

You have to. But they need to have good sex with each other, I think.

Right.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. But also. Yeah, it's a hard. I mean, right. For me. 21.

Here's the thing they did also, I want to say is if you really do like this guy, this would be a great time for you to practice, even if you don't think it's going to work. But you, I mean, I'm assuming, yeah, you've had. You have had orgasms. You have. Have had great sex. And you're like, I don't know what to say to him. Why don't you just like, you know, it might not be perfect, but just be like, you know, babe, say, let's play mutual masturbation. Say, I think it'd be really hot to watch you jack off and I'm gonna masturbate. He could see how you touch yourself and you could Take control of it and be like, babe, I, you know, you're. You turn me on. Or I love kissing you. Communicate. This is what I like. Let me show you how I want to move. Because let me read you her last sentence. She said, again, at this point, I would rather be alone and never aroused again than make it someone else's problem.

Yeah, it's your listen, indeed, you're responsible for your own pleasure, your own sex life. It's not any of their problems. It's. It's yours. So if you want to have great sex, it's always going to come down to communicating about what you always. So you could try it again with him. I'm not sure if you've really tried. You said you've tried role play and bondage, but it really might be about showing him what, what you need. Like, like, truly, like, like telling them how you want to be touched. And if you don't know, that's why I always say mutual masturbation is a good place.

Also might need to dig a little bit. And I think it's really common for young women. And I, I had to train myself to get out of that. Where I, I used to, when I was younger, I could not ever be attracted to someone who was nice. You know, I had that problem where I was like, I want the asshole. I want the guy that doesn't like me back. Yeah, I want the person that is unavailable and this and that. A lot of women, I think a lot of that. I mean, a lot of men have that problem too. They meet a really nice girl and they're like, no, I want the girl that ignored me all night. Oh, I want the girl that doesn't call me back. Or it's a common, common problem. And she might have, she might have some of that. It's like the second someone treats her nicely, she's like, this isn't sexy, you know, And I actually did go to therapy for a while because I dated asshole after asshole and I was like. Like, I'm emotionally, like, trained. No, Like, I can't do this anymore.

Good for you.

Sick of it. You know, I want to.

You took control.

Happy.

I did. And I acknowledge that it was a problem. And that might be a little more than she feels like delving into right now. But like, but like, I did have to change where it's like, okay, if a guy is like, really likes me and treats me well, I. That I should find that sexy. I shouldn't be like, you must be desperate. Which is what we. A lot of Women have that.

Okay, So I love what you. I love that you.

I know that's a greater issue, but a lot of it does come from.

I want to hear more about this. Is that. Is that so many women and men, we tend to get into. Fall into patterns, the same pattern.

And you have to acknowledge it's a bad pattern if it happens once. Okay, whatever. But when you Notice you spent 10.

Years dating the same kind of guys, how did you learn? Probably. Probably you're here, right. So you just learned, like, to fight like you. I. You kind of change your association. So you beat a guy, you're like, okay, he's being nice to me. I'm not gonna run. I actually. And you kind of turn that.

I had to be like, I wanted to know this person. You have to learn, too. I remember in therapy that. That, like, oh, I want him, but I can't have him.

Where.

Where is he? Like, oh, why? That. That feeling is not love. That feeling is not healthy. Like, love is desperation. Exactly. And I used to think if I didn't get that, almost like addiction.

Yeah.

You know, and sometimes it is misleading because sometimes that weird addiction can lead to good sex. You know, because then when you finally get them, you're like, yes.

What is that? Butterflies? Not fireworks or something? Yeah, you want butterflies, not like fireworks.

She's like, you know, love is supposed to make you happy, you know, and it's supposed to. When you say the word comfortable, comfortable doesn't mean boring and repetitive. Comfortable can mean wonderful. You know, like, I don't know. Know, I had to.

I love train. That's a great message too. I think you can change that.

A greater problem. I mean, she also just might not be into this person.

And that's what I think.

I don't think she's into it, you know, but like.

But she seems like she doesn't want to hurt his feelings.

Well, that's the thing is she's overly. Yeah. She's like.

But that's also. It seems a lot of women tend to be that way.

Maybe she can retrain her brain a little bit to get aroused when someone's.

Yes.

You know, serving you.

It could be that. Yeah, it could be that as well. I think we got. Gave her some good information. It's very helpful. No, it is. There's. Because it's hard to know. There's. It's. It's complicated. Especially when you're just learning to love and to date and be in relationships. Email ready? Yeah. Hey, Emily. Before my marriage, I was blessed with overflowing mojo, super confident, sexually confident, you name it. Sex was very important in my life and I paid for college from bouncing and bartending at strip clubs and have been known to spin a poll myself for lady customers. Then I got married and I was 100% faithful and committed. We were married for eight years. Long story short, my ex wife cheated on me and we recently divorced. And now I have zero self confidence, much less sexual confidence. I feel so betrayed. It's a man I can't even look at. I know the poll thing is confusing, but he worked it as a gospel. I can't even look at anyone of the opposite sex with any kind of trust or any confidence to have any kind of mojo to pick myself up and get back in the game. I need help up bad. Any words of advice or encouragement are appreciated. New Listener Ray, age 41.

Oh, my friend and I. I understand cheated on.

It is really terrible.

You see everything through that lens for.

Actually that's my biggest problem is cheating. Like that's the thing that I will not stand for anything, anything cheating.

I'm not okay with mine at all.

It really ruins a person.

Yes.

And it is hard to. So he's. He's not alone.

And it's cowardly. And it's easy.

It is cowardly.

Yeah. You can enter relationships within the adult.

Industry and I've had partners now in the adult industry.

Yes.

There's a.

Okay.

But when someone crosses down.

Yeah, we're with you. Your trust was shattered.

Really. He needs to go to therapy.

Number one, that's asap. You will not deal with this on your own.

Number two, I think that you really need to get yourself out there back into some kind of sexual environment. Doesn't have to be dating.

Yeah. Yeah.

You need to give.

Even if you need to have a. A sex worker, a professional sex. Oh, no, I'm very much into that.

Okay. No, but I would. Yeah. Yeah.

So if you need even to pay a little bit of money, which is a nice thing to do because you get what you pay for, and then you can have a really nice woman come over and play with you and make you feel special, that's what you need to feel special, my friend. You do.

Yeah.

I remember I was in a shitty relationship for a while and you know, and he cheated and he did all. He was like mentally verbally abusive for a long time. And then as soon as that was over and I had. I wanted to be alone for a while. But as soon as I was like ready, I was like, I just want to have sex, right. On the last few years of my relationship, we didn't have. I was just so beaten down and angry and upset and not horny. And the first person I had sex with, I felt so good. I was like, I gave someone an orgasm.

Someone gave me an orgasm.

I'm happy. We didn't have sex and then fight.

About it for three hours.

We didn't like, you know, it was just fun. And it really, really did begin to like, restore my confidence and just. And also, it's also like, important. I don't know if he's still associating. Like, like, don't talk to anyone you met through her. Like, just, you need a new circle.

It sounds like it's fairly new. I would also say, right, get into therapy asap. I don't ever want to hear from anybody. Like, I don't have insurance, blah, blah, blah. Your mental health is the most important thing that you could, that you could deal with right now. You take care of. Your physical health is important, but your mental health, you could go to free thing. You could get a sliding scale. Believe me. I don't believe anyone who can't like give up other things. Don't pay for cable the same month. Like, yeah, okay, so, so do that, right? Get to some therapy now because, like, you're sick and wrong. We're telling you that trust is something very hard. And the self confidence thing, that's one thing. The other thing is take the pressure off yourself. This just happened, so it's going to make sense that you're not having self confidence and you're feeling like, you know, you don't have your mojo. But I promise you it will come back. Life is, it's a cycle of life. And not only will it come back, I can promise you when you get to the other side of it, it's going to be even stronger than, than ever. It will be. Yeah. But right now, yeah. You could start like, you know, even if you want to, like eventually start, you know, for now, start dating, making you, building your community. I would say it's about like maybe even take women off the table and maybe just friends, community, get people around you and like, you don't have to be dating now. And then when you know, when you're.

Ready, if they were married and stuff, like, don't talk to her family, don't talk to her. That is one of the hardest parts. And I lost a lot of friends after my, my relationship, you know, ended. And I was like, even though there were people I really liked, but I Was like, I just had to change my social circle, change my. You know.

Right.

I. I just removed myself from anyone that. You know. You got to really start life over.

You have to take care of your own.

It's like recovering from a drug problem.

You ever gone through a death so. So rage.

It's difficult.

Be kind to yourself. He wants it. Yeah. Yeah, right. You can totally do it.

To have fun and just know that other person fucked up, not you. Yeah, exactly. That other person is damaged in a way that will probably will never get repaired. And you can repair yourself.

Right, Exactly. You will repair. You're already. Yeah. I mean, the fact that you're even be able to email and you particularly explain this is like the first step. So I think that's. That's great. And that you emailed. I appreciate it, and I'd love to hear how you're doing. So. So stay in touch. Get some therapy. Surround yourself with, like, just the good people in your life that love you and that mojo's gonna come back one day, like, oh, here it is. So just let it go. It's okay not to have it for a while. I just took months off. I just broke up. Masturbate.

It totally does.

It does. It's like the gym, like, when you.

Forget to go for a while, like, waiting to get this feeling from this other person who wasn't giving it to them. So just give it to yourself.

Give it to yourself.

Jerk off all over the place.

You live alone.

Jerk off in the living room.

Room.

We're all fancy all day.

Jerk off in the sink. You know.

You'Re home alone.

Let's look at that.

Jerk off all over her face.

Where is Ray gonna go now? Who knows? You guys, thank you so much. This is a great show.

All right. I love you too.

This was fun.

This was a lot.

This was a freaking party at the sex.

We will seriously, you guys come by anytime. Thank you. So, Buck, everyone can find you. Buckangel.com. is there anywhere that you're traveling in November people can find you? November, December.

What are you doing for all of us?

I'm speaking at Cal State Northridge on the 16th for transgender awareness week. And then the next morning, I fly to New York City for the New York and world premiere of the Trans List for hbo. Oh, so I'm in that. Which is. Yeah. Which is amazing, because I am.

It's a.

You know. Did you guys ever see the list? You know, the list, the outlist, the trend, the Latino list. It's on hbo. It's amazing. You should watch them. They're like series of them. And so they're like a documentary of different people that they interview. And so literally, the director fought to get me in this because, you know, my voice is sex. And so it's all like, Caitlyn Jenner's in it. Laverne Cox, Janet Mock, and so. And other trans people. But my voice is sex. Yeah.

How's that go down?

Are you fans of maybe this has got. Are you friends with Laura Jean? I don't know who. Singer of Against Me.

Oh, yeah, I love her. Laura Jane. Me and her are, like, best friends.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, she's super awesome. Laura James is awesome.

But anyway, let me tell you about Caitlyn. I want to tell you about people going to want to know why I didn't ask that.

Caitlyn is a good person, you guys. And so I am so tired of my community saying mean things about her. Look, I thought they were all, oh, no, they hate her because they do the same thing that they do with me, is because she has a voice and she speaks. She doesn't speak for the transgender. Exactly.

They have money. It's like, she won the Olympics. She could be rich.

She's amazing. And you know what? She didn't have to be a voice for the community. She could have had her change and gone away. But no, she took the time and energy to speak for us in a way that is representation of herself as a trans. She doesn't speak for me. She's just saying awareness of the trans community can mean anything.

I think what she did, it's amazing. And she made it. She. I mean, because she's so famous. Yes. She's just making this less of a taboo. She totally means, like, 10 years from now, this is gonna be.

I'm very grateful for her. I'm very grateful for her and her voice. And she's making change, and she hits a demographic that I can't speak or many other people can't speak.

And now there's a lot of young kids who are coming out.

Shame on my community. Shame on my community. Community for saying anything bad about her. Shame on them. So that's that, you know, so anyway, we're in the. I'm in the trans list with that. And that's gonna really be a big deal for me because I get to talk about sex in an environment that we don't talk about sex. And so my sex. You know, the trans world doesn't talk about sex at all. No. It's horrifying.

They don't ever talk about sex?

Nope. They don't talk about it. They don't want to talk about it.

Talk about.

They want to homogenize themselves. Yeah. They want to just say an identity. Yeah, I'm a rope. I don't have sex. Like, you better have sex, because that's part of being a human being.

Okay, I'm glad.

And then from there, I'd fly to Paris to do a show in Paris. And then from Paris, I fly to Mont.

What kind of show?

Dancing show. So I still find sex shows. Yeah. You've never seen my live sex shows.

Are they the best? Are they here in la, ever in la?

Are they gonna let me do a live sex show? You can't even be talking.

The last live sexual I did was at Folsom because they put me in a special tent that was off site.

Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco.

Yeah. But they've I sex shows all over the. All over Europe because they understand you're.

Doing it with another.

Yeah, with a. With a group of people that bring me in. Like, just mostly gay men.

Right.

So I go up to gay men and I do, like. Basically what I do is a strip tease. Right, Right. I do a strip dancing show with my big. Inside my pants. But they don't know that. It's actually really not a real. Unless they know who I am.

Right.

But it's the best. So then I strip all the way down to my. And I take off my underwear and I hold my. Between my legs. I'm totally good at it. So they just think it's, like, real. And then I just get to this one point in the song and I rip it off. It's so great. And then they're like, what? And then I myself with it.

Oh, it's like a dildo.

Yes.

Have you ever done, like a bachelor bachelorette party?

No, but I should totally. We should do that together.

Oh, my God.

We should do that together.

Anyway, so.

And they're cool and they're cheering.

Oh, my God. They love it. They eat it up.

There's nothing else like that.

They eat it up. They love it because what I've done is just brought awareness to something like, you know, it's all about. It's all an illusion. Everything, Us, we're an illusion.

Yeah.

You create your own self. And so I created this illusion on a stage where people are, like, expecting something. And they get. People love that.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

They live for that kind of stuff.

That is amazing.

And then I go to a film festival and show my film and speak to, you know, a bunch of people.

And so it's.

All your dates are on your website. Yeah. And Joanna Angela. Burningangel.com Joanna Angel. Across the board. And anything coming up for you? November?

Actually, I really have, like, nothing in November.

You're gonna come back here?

I was very busy in all of October.

Yeah, you were.

Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you guys. This is great. This was a blast. It was like a party.

Yeah, this was really.

This is when it's like never. It's not working.

We can keep this going for another four hours.

We'll do another show. Okay. You guys, thank you so much. It was a great show. I appreciate it. And, and thank you to my amazing team. Thank you, Madison. And thank you, Jamie and Lori and Ken and Eddie. God, I got such a good team. And thank you. Thank you everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com thank you.

That was awesome.

Let's talk about the orgasm gap. You don't know what the orgasm gap is. Okay, so a little refresher. Men take anywhere between six to eight minutes to orgasm during intercourse. Women between 20 and 40 minutes. You see the issue here? There's like a gap. Even if you don't have an issue with premature ejaculation, the fact remains women take longer to achieve orgasm than men do. A lot longer. But you can take action. You can. For starters, more foreplay. Foreplay is not just a suggestion. It's actually mandatory. And to help you narrow the orgasm gap during intercourse even more, try promescent. See, promescent is a clinically proven FDA approved product that can significantly delay ejaculation. So why is that a good thing? Because if you're able to last longer, you'll have less anxiety about performing. You can focus on being in the moment with your partner enjoying sex instead of stressing about it. And your partner gets a benefit of a longer, more intense experience. Doesn't that sound much better? Is that more fun? No more gaps. A lot more sex. Lot more orgasms. God, this sounds good. Promescent is a topical spray that gets applied to the penis to improve a man's stamina. Unlike common delay sprays that make you numb, Promescent is quickly absorbed, allowing you to enjoy the sensations of sex. When used properly, it won't transfer to your partner, which, trust me, nobody likes. What other product can help you last longer, have better sex, reduce performance anxiety, and improve your relationship? Exactly.

None.

And it's easier to buy Promescent than ever before. Because now it's available at your local Rite Aid and Target too. That's right, you can ride out get some today. Of course, you can also click on the Promescent banner on my site or visit promescent.com today. There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't really realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health, magnesium. And here's the thing, no single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger, and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement. It's a foundation for daily well being, which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualialife.comsexwithemily for 50% off. And here's a bonus Use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15% off your order. That's Q U A l I a life.com sexwithemily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.