Sexual Attention Spans & Dating Plans

Stop what you're doing and listen closely because Bellesa and I are giving away free spicy toys or gift cards to every single one of you. That's right. Everyone who signs up wins something. And if you haven't heard of Bellesa, let me put you on. They're a bi woman for everyone company that's completely flipping the script on sexual wellness. And now they're hooking you up. You've definitely seen Bellesa's viral toys all over your for you page. Like the rose, it blew up for a reason. This little flower shaped suction toy is iconic. Or. Or their famous whisper collection. You know the first fully ever silent vibrators. If you live with roommates, parents, or even if your partner is sleeping right next to you, these toys are silent without compromising power. Or their new Pebble Pro. They just one up their best selling pebble with a stronger, smarter and seriously spicy redesign. Ballast has somehow figured out how to engineer a one stop pleasure shop with three interchangeable heads. It sucks. It humps. It licks. It vibrates. I'm speechless. And of course I had to hook all of you up. So my friends at Bellesa are sending out free toys or gift cards for toys to everyone who signs up. You heard that right. Every single one of you wins something. Just click the link in the episode description or head to bbvibes.com Emily that's B B V I B E S.com Emily thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show. I'm talking about better ways to date as well as helping you through your bedroom conundrums. Topics include how to date with intention instead of just winging. What to do when it seems like your partner prefers their vibrators to having sex with you. Ways to get out of your head during sex so you can actually enjoy yourself. And everyone's favorite topic. Squirting. All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got is heartbroken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean?

Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com we we love when you subscribe to our podcast and comment on it wherever you listen to podcasts. We so appreciate it. You can also check me out five days a week, Monday through Friday on SiriusXM Radio Stars channel 109. I am there 5 to 7pm Pacific, 8 to 10 East. And it's been amazing to reach so many more people helping you out with your sex and relationship questions. If you want a free 30 day trial, visit sexwithemily.com sxm you can still call in during those times and ask your questions. 889-478277 and you can also find us on all social media exwithemily. Hope you guys enjoy today's show. It's actually compilation from some of our favorite moments on the serious show. So let us know what you think and thanks for listening. It's been a great week of shows, huh? Jamie it has.

It always is.

It always is. And I've been thinking a lot. I always do. I go home. You know, they say you shouldn't take your work home with you. But I can't help it. It's sex, it's love, it's dating, it's everywhere, even in my own life. But I was thinking that we've talked so much about sex, everything about sex and love and all those things. And I was like, God, you know, it's kind of like they say this can be the breaking up, the dumping season. A lot of people end relationships right now, around this time of year, I guess.

So all the time though, they're ending.

They'Re starting, they're starting. Cause that's the cuffing season. Very confusing. But sometimes you don't want to deal with them over the holidays and you break up. But you might also be meeting someone new. And I thought what you guys don't know is that we talk a lot about dating, dating apps, how to find someone, should you break up with someone on our podcast, which I'm doing for a long time. So I thought I was thinking about some of the things that we could talk about tonight about dating, like are you dating someone new? Are you dating a few people? I can help you with all that stuff. And so there are some top tips. And I'm like, I haven't told you about these things yet that I believe would be very helpful for you and that are helpful in all dating situations.

Which is not easy Right now. I mean, it's not. I get it. Everyone always thinks wherever they live, they live in the very worst town ever to date in. People always say that. They're like, when I was in San Francisco, they're like, oh, God, it's the worst town. No, you know, like, check your balls at the Golden Gate Bridge. Like, just really, like, there's no. Men don't ask you out. And then in la, everyone thinks the guys are, like, too into themselves and women just aren't available. Whatever. Everyone has a story. And then New York, they say the same thing. And then if you live in the middle of the States, you're like, there's no one here. But I always believe, and I know this to be true, that first of all, wherever you go, there you are. So it's not like you have to move somewhere else and you're gonna find that person. But there's single people anywhere, everywhere. In fact, there's more single people now on the planet than ever than ever before. So it's kind of a good time to be single.

I would say so.

And more ways to date and meet people.

It is.

Yes. And even technology and people like, oh, God, I can't do the apps. Like, I'm. Because here's the thing about the apps, and we have a lot to say about that, but tonight I'm just gonna focus on some basic dating stuff. But this is what I want to say about the apps. And definitely call me with your questions if you have questions about them. Triple 8, 94 stars. Is that if you. If you're thinking to yourself, you know, I've been single for a while and I haven't met anyone, but I'm not gonna do the apps because the apps, people just want to hook up or everyone's an asshole. It's not true. Like, we know ways to help you with that as well. And that. I think it's a service to yourself. It's a numbers game.

It is. And I know plenty of people that have had actually, you know, success. Like, they are in love, they've gotten married, They've, you know, so many babies.

The whole thing. Like, there's whole lives that happen. So it's. There's still not that stigma. You don't have to whisper that I met someone online. So I just want to say that. But first, starting about dating, is that if you are dating right now and you're like, you know, I just. It's been challenging or I'm not sure. Like, have you done this yet? Have you really thought about yourself and what you actually want. Who are you as a person? What do you want out of life? What are your plans for your career? Like what? Like, who are you? Because the more we know about ourself, then we know what do I want in a relationship? And then my next step is like, do you know what you want in a partner? Have you really thought about that? Like, what's important to you? What are your deal breakers? And you know, because I think that sometimes it's like when you go shopping and you're not really looking for anything in particular and you just end up like, buying a bunch of stuff you don't need.

I do that all the time.

All the time. In fact, I'm starting to stop doing that. I'm like, I don't need anything. Like, I should just go home and try on my clothes. Like, do I really need another pair of boots? But dating can get frustrating like that when you're like, I'm not really sure. So when you get clear, clear, clear, clear, like, you literally write it out and there's some great books on it and great. I used to love this book. I used to recommend this if the Buddha dated because I thought it was cool, because it made you really go deep and asked you all these questions down to, like, the superficial things, like, they have to be this height and whatever to like, like deeply in your soul. Like, how do you want to feel with this person? So define it however you want to. Like, just define it. But know that, like, get specific and then know. Like, if someone's a smoker, like, I'm out, someone's not my religion, that's not gonna work for me. Just things that you know.

Yeah, like why waste time on things that you know?

Yeah, why waste it?

Time aren't gonna serve you.

Exactly. And the other thing is, you guys, here's the thing. Now a lot of people think about casually. Like, a lot of are casually dating right now. There's a lot of people I know, I hear from who are like, you've been married for 20 years and you just got out of a relationship, a marriage or a long term thing, and you're like, I don't even know how to date anymore. Like, the apps weren'. People didn't text back when I was dating. You know, I got fixed up with my partner. Like, what do we do? And I think, you know, people are texting more now. They might not talk right away, but if you've met someone and you want to make sure, I think it's okay to pick up the phone and have a call first so you don't waste time. And I also think casually dating a few people is another thing that people don't realize is that it's okay to date a few people at once. Like, I think people are used to, like, well, I met someone, I've gone on a date with someone, and so I'm assume that it's only about the two of us and that they're probably not dating anyone or maybe it's going to. I should just stick with one person. And I think if you haven't dated in a while or if you're just starting a date or wherever you're at, it's okay to be dating several people and you don't have to feel guilty or bad or weird.

Yeah. Because, I mean, we have this notion that we're supposed to put all of our time and our efforts into this one person we just met, but then you're kind of wasting energy on something that might not work out. When you could, you know, take things slower with that person and date a couple other people. See which one's giving you the most.

Exactly.

That you like the best stuff that you like.

And I think that's important for everything. Like, I say this often about a therapist. If you're looking for a therapist, I'm like, it's a real relationship you are entering into. It's okay to go see two or three. You're not gonna love every therapist. And the same goes for dating. And I also think it's true, though. Like, you're not gonna like him, right?

No, it's true.

Right.

I'm used to. I'm actually more used to dating multiple people in at once than being in with one person. One person. So whatever. What I'm in now is kind of. It's not new to me, but it's been quite some time.

Right. You haven't been the cat. You haven't been juggling.

But I think the thing is too, is about being honest about the fact that you are dating multiple people.

It's okay. Yeah, exactly. I think that the more honest and authentic we are. So this is kind of what I'm. This is what I'm telling you now is that be honest with yourself and then be honest with your. The people you're dating that like, hey, I'm seeing other people, and just assume that they probably are too. If you haven't had the conversation about being exclusive with someone, I guarantee it, they're dating other people. So. And then, you know, be. Be real about what kind of relationship you want? Like, if, you know, like, I am just looking for casual sex or I'm dating other people or I'm actually looking for a long term relationship, I want to have kids, you know, whatever, you know, like, be clear about that and, you know, talk about it right away so we don't waste time. And the other thing that I think that we forget when people are like, going back to, like, I'm just throwing out all the things that I've been on my mind about this is that we often think that.

We can't. We only have to meet someone in a very specific way. Like, either someone introduces us or we meet them on a dating app. But I want you guys to put this in your minds. Be open to meeting people anywhere, anywhere you go. And then be almost expecting it. Because I think now this is what I've noticed lately. And we've talked about this Jame, how we're so on our phones all the time that we were missing. Like, whenever you walk into a store, like, I was in a waiting room the other day or getting my tires fixed, like, everyone was staring at their phone, like, usually in the back. And you'd be like, back in the day, you'd be like, hey, how you doing? Because you have nothing to do. There's no great magazines in the car shop. There never is. They have the car magazines. I don't want to read them. You would just talk to someone. Because, like, my car's taking longer. But now we're all of our. We have a little entertainment center with us. So we're not meeting people. So you could be at the gym, in line, at the grocery store. Doesn't matter. Like in the subway, like, they're single people. They're in front of you. Just start talking to them. Say, hi.

Isn't that how people. Like a lot of times too? People always want that meet cute thing. Whatever happens. Like, you're not gonna get that meet cute if you're not being open to meeting.

Yes, exactly. Like, it's just not gonna happen if you're like, shut down. So maybe put the phone down if you're somewhere where you're like, oh, I could meet someone. Or just know that everywhere is potential.

Not that I'm like, dating right now, but I did actually there have been a few times when I've been out and even though I am, like, committed, when I'm like, at a place by myself, if I'm waiting for a friend or whatever, I did make a conscious effort to put my phone down. And not be staring at it. Oh and just to be like. Cuz one, it makes you feel more comfortable when you're by yourself at places. Because I feel like a lot of times people are like, I need a friend, I need something. But kind of just. I envy those people that go out on their own and they just seem content.

Yeah.

So I'm trying to do that more. That's good.

That's mature, you know, and evolved. No, I mean like I always say that not like a mature human but like a mature. In our digital. I'm trying to keep my phone outside the bedroom at night. Like I'm trying to mature the way I'm managing my technology, all those things. So I think that's true. Like we meet, you know, you just meet people out in the world and if you meet someone that you like, I think ask them out. Like just do it and let them know. Like be specific. And if you do ask someone out, have a plan in mind. Now remember this because we still get emails and questions from people all the time. Be like why this person asked me out and not have a plan? Or like we all want someone to like if you do the asking, think of something to do. And I don't think the date has to be elaborate. I don't think you need to spend a lot of money. You could be creative. Or if you're just the kind of person that wants me for coffee and a drink and not commit, that's fine. But like have the plan.

Do you ask people out or have you.

I have not asked anyone out. I'm trying to think if I ever have. I've. No, I haven't, but I would. I've always been in relationships or I've met someone and I've mutually, we've mutually liked each other. Have you asked anyone out?

I have. I have.

You have.

I'm very forward.

I know, I love that. Everything about you forward. It's good, it's. I think that women. That's an old. And I used to say years ago, no, kind of like you're taking that power away or men want to be chasing as a whole thing. But I think we all should be asking people if we find someone interesting. Hey, let's, let's go out, let's do something like follow through. If you meet someone, you have that connection, don't wait for that other person. And I hear from men all the time who are like they hear years later, someone liked them and they're like, I wish I knew. Cause I never asked her out or she was gonna ask me out. And this goes for same sex couples, of course. Anywhere you are, like, if you see someone like you, just be honest. I think we're all really afraid of rejection and being hurt in every situation. And so I think we just can't take it personally. Someone's gonna say no to us. And then also if you are on the apps or let's say you're on the apps or you're just go on a date. This is the other thing that people. I used to get tripped up on this too. And who knows, could happen again. But now that we're talking about it, if you go out with someone on a date and you think it was great and they don't call you, ask you out again, or vice versa, or they don't. Yeah. And in your mind, you're feeling like, what I do wrong and you're trying to analyze it. Maybe you went on a few dates. If you went on three dates with someone, that should be the end that we hear. Like, we shouldn't talk about anymore. You shouldn't think about it, you shouldn't feel bad about yourself. You know, just keep getting back out there again. Like, don't let that weigh you down. The most important thing is to get out, keep dating and don't keep asking, like, don't keep thinking like, what did I do wrong? And obsessed. Because when you are dating and you're in that world, you can feel like you can just start to feel bad about yourself. Like, there's nobody wanted people like me and was it something I said or wore or did? And the truth is it doesn't matter why you didn't get asked out again. It could be a million reasons and it's probably not the things that you're worried about.

Exactly. And I think a lot of us, and I used to feel this way. Everyone needs to like me.

Yes.

I like, I need everyone that I meet to like me. Otherwise my life is not fulfilled. And I've had to work to get past that because not it's. There are so many people in the planet, there's no way, not everyone's gonna like you.

People pleasing. It's true. That's a good point too, because on dates I've done that too. Like, I think that a lot of times we go into dates as the pleasers and we're like, I don't even know how I feel about this person that's sitting across from me on this date. I'm just gonna try to get them to like me. So I'm not even paying attention if I like them because I want the. I want them to like me and then I'll decide. But when you're on a date that is such a great time to be super present and just think, like, how do I feel right now? How is this person making me feel? Like it's about both of you together. Because I think there'd be a lot less confusion if we did all, like, were present, paid attention to, like, messaging from people and whatever their making us feel.

Yeah, because you get so hung up on the rejection that you forget to ask yourself, did I even want to date this person?

Would I ever want to see this person again? Do I want to kiss him? Am I attracted to this person? So. And I think one of the most important things too is to think about your past. Like, what? This is an important lesson that I think sometimes we go through breakups and we just like, are angry or something bad happened and we're like, you know, my ex was an asshole and everyone's an asshole. But I think the most we do our best learning about ourselves. Like, really important lessons we learn in relationships with people. And then when we break up, it's a great time to look at what we've learned. Like, what did I learn from this relationship? What was my part in it? That's a big one. Especially if you've been dating for a long time and there's a commonality. Guess what? It's you, right? Not the person. You dated 10 people, and every time there's some kind of issue around sex or intimacy or something, you're like, oh, what is my part in it? Because every relationship is 50 50. And I'm going to say it this way. Even if someone cheated and did the unthinkable, you have a part in that in some way. Like in your reaction to it in your not you didn't make someone cheat on you. People are gonna be like, I swear I was the best person ever. I mean, like, what did you. Rather than just being angry that your partner cheated. Like, that doesn't mean that the whole relationship was horrible. There's still parts. I mean, the whole. You know what I'm saying? There was probably some good things. And there's still lessons to learn if something really bad happened at the end is my point definitely. So it doesn't mean like, oh, but he was just a jerk or she was a bitch or whatever it is. So look at that. Like, it's such good. That's why I think it's important to try to not Jump right into a relationship when you're single. And it's important to take time to, like, really learn about who you are again, single, and then what you want once you get back out there. And I used to not do that because I felt like I would go from one to the next because I didn't like being alone. And then I realized, who the hell is Emily? Without a man, who am I in the world? So then I would take that time. And then it was a lot clearer when I started dating again. Like, what the hell do I want? All right, we're gonna take a quick break, and when we come back, your call.

We have Melissa, 51, in your home state of Michigan, and she's having a hard time getting out of her head while having sex.

Okay. Hey, Melissa from Michigan.

Hi.

Hi. Thanks for calling. Is it cold there right now?

Yes, I know. Now I'm gonna be in my head about that thinking, I'm so glad I'm not there right now. But okay, tell me what's going on, Melissa.

Well, you know, I have a great husband, and I do have a really good sex life, but I cannot orgasm unless I am, like, doing it myself. And I'm out of my head because I can't shut my brain off because I'm thinking of everything else. And God forbid, if he tries to touch me anywhere while I'm trying to do something or he tries to do it because he, like, gets frustrated, not, like, in a mad way.

Right.

He would love to be. Help me do it.

Right. I can.

I'm, like, almost like a control freak.

Right. Okay, I totally get so you. So sometimes what's happening is you're saying during. When you guys are actually having sex and he tries to touch you, or just when he tries to touch you, you're saying right during sex, he'll try to, like, help you have the orgasm. Hello? Hi, can you hear me? Sorry. Can you hear me? Hi.

Yeah.

Okay, Melissa, we're still going. Yeah. Okay, so is this, like. So when you're having sex and he tries to touch you or help you along, you're like, no, I've got this. Is that what we're talking about?

Yes.

Okay, so this is really common.

Or if I'm doing it myself and he tries to touch me in any other area, I'm like, oh, don't do that. Because I can't think of you doing that while I'm trying to do this.

Right.

Okay, so you, like, you have a very specific way that you orgasm, and you do not. Right. So there's that? So you're in your head. So. But you can orgasm because there's two. Because you asked me about two. That you. Right. Can you orgasm? So it's only on your own with your hands?

Yeah.

So not during intercourse? No. Okay, okay, I got it. No, Yeah, I mean, it's common. It's really. It's very common for women. Only 30% of women have had orgasms during intercourse without a lot of clitoral stimulation. And even then, you know, not every time. So, I mean, there's really nothing wrong here. But what I would say is, if you want to get out of your head and be in the moment, the best thing to do is to be more mindful. Like a mindfulness practice. And what I mean by that is. And you know, I know mindfulness is all the buzz, you know, I'm not gonna make you go, like, sit on top of a mountaintop and meditate for hours. But what I want to say is that when you think of it this way, when you. When you're in your head and you're like, oh, my God, he's gonna touch me in a weird way, or did I turn off the curling iron or someone to come in are the kids. Our brain is going crazy. That means that the blood is leaving our genitals and it's going to our brains, and so we can no longer be in our bodies. And so a great mindfulness practice is to. In the moment, when that's happening, think about. So your brain's going, oh, God, why is he touching me? Go to what you're feeling in the moment. Engage all your senses. So what are you smelling? Maybe it's that candle you lit. What are you tasting? May. It's like his lips when you tasted him. Or maybe it's the glass of wine you just had. And what are you listening to? It's the music. So what do you. How does his skin feel underneath you? And so when you ground yourself into your senses, then you are. You are in the present moment. There's nothing else that can distract you because you're there. And then your brain's going to come back and going, but wait, what about this? And then you're. No, I'm going to go back to what I'm smelling, what I'm hearing, what I'm tasting. And the more you do that practice and you bring yourself back to the moment, you'll be more in touch with your body and. And what you feel and more likely to orgasm and be more open to maybe his touches.

All right.

I'm gonna try it.

Okay. Please do. You got this. Try something different tonight. Really? You know, be able to. When you're masturbating, too, you can experiment with, like, a lot of this practice that can help you. So you got this, Melissa. Try it out. Stay warm this winter in Michigan and practice having some great sex.

Richard, 55 in Illinois. His wife rather's a vibrator than sex.

Hey, Richard.

Hey.

Hey. Okay, so your wife prefers a vibrator over you is what you're saying. Tell me more about this. Well.

After she had our son, she had. A couple years later, she ended up having a hysterectomy.

Okay.

Oh. I mean that. All the drive and everything went out the window after that.

Does she have. Okay, Her. Her sex drive went out the window? Is that what you said?

Yeah.

Okay.

And I finally got her to start using the vibrator. Then I found one she really likes. That's all she wants now.

Okay, well, I think. Does she still. Are you guys still intimate? Like, do you still, you know, is there still foreplay and kissing and touching?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, great. Do you guys use it together?

I use it, and I usually like to tease her enough where she'll take it to herself.

Okay.

To that point, you know, she's.

However you want to say it.

Oh, okay. So I think I'm just trying.

I'm just trying to figure out how to get back into the other part of it.

Right. So she's not even letting you enter her, if you will.

Right.

So you haven't had intercourse where your penis goes into her vagina, is what you're saying?

Not for quite a while.

Okay. Now, is this vibrator you got, or is it like a. Is it an insertion vibrator or is it a clitoral vibe?

It's a clitoral vibe.

Okay. So the thing is, she might just have to, you know, she might have had some pain with a hysterectomy or some other, like, you know, stuff that's happened since then where she might, you know, need some easing back into it. Because the truth is, using a clitoral vibe during intercourse can feel amazing. So I think that that would be, you know, as your wife, you guys have been together, that it would be great, you know, not to shame her around it, but to be like, hey, babe, I miss. Like, I want to feel. I want to be inside of you and feel it. We could still use the toy. That's how a lot of women orgasm. Like, so many women, because they need that extra clitoral stimulation during, during intercourse. So I think if you let her know, like, not in the bedroom, not when it's happening, not in the moment, and not even right after you guys have sex or don't have sex, as it were. If afterwards you guys talk when you're like, you know, having breakfast or you're at a comfortable place, when you're relaxed, say, hey, you know, I, I love you. And I, I really, I love having sex with you and I, you know, what could we do here? Let's try to figure out something else that works. It's really important to me to feel connected.

Okay.

Okay.

Makes sense.

Good. Yeah. Sometimes it's the way we say it.

You know, she never had our son. She had a C section, so everything's kind of like shrunk down.

Yeah, it's. She had a C section. She's got some pain. She had a hysterectomy and if she's having pain, she should go talk to her doctor. Pelvic floor specialist. There's a lot going on. But first have the talk with her. Thank you so much for calling, Richard.

We are really running the age gamut, as you said. We're going to go to Steve. He's 71 in Pennsylvania and has a question about oral sex.

All right. That's right, Steve. Keep it going. Hi.

Hi.

Hi, Emily.

Hey, Steve.

Thanks for taking my. My question. And your mother's adorable.

She is. She's the best. Thank you.

What I'm calling about is.

I really am not. I'm kind of impressed. Partial about oral sex for me, but my, my wife is. Is kind of difficult as far as allowing me to perform oral sex on her.

Okay.

We're both health professionals and she just has some hang ups about possibilities of infection. I think is. Is one thing.

Okay.

And I have talked with her a number of times about it, but I just can't seem to break that bar. Very willing to do that for her, but she doesn't. Just doesn't want me to do it.

Okay. How long have you guys been together?

43 years.

43 years. And you've never performed oral sex on her?

Oh, yeah, for sure. But it's something that I would like to do more often and she's just very reluctant about it.

Okay. I mean, the truth. Did she like it 40 years ago or. It's never been her jam. Her thing.

I think she didn't dislike it. I don't know. I'm not sure.

Okay.

Whether I did everything the proper way and everything, but I just.

It's A process.

Okay, well, here's the thing. I mean, you can't force anyone, right? You can't be like, I'm going to do it, but she might need. So if she is concerned, though, about health concerns, which I'm not sure, if you guys are monogamous and you're together, there shouldn't be a lot of health concerns. Although she could. You could use a dental dam if you guys are health professionals, you know that. And for a lot of women, it's kind of like a condom, right? So you can even make one out of a condom. You just cut it in half. It's like a piece of, like, latex or, you know, some kind of material you put over her vulva when you are performing oral sex on her. So that's a way to keep it safe from getting any diseases or bacteria or anything like that. But the other thing is, does she like manual stimulation? Stimulation?

Oh, yeah. No problem that way.

Okay, so maybe you could just try, like, you know, for some women, though, to be honest, they're too sensitive. It doesn't feel great. But maybe you have to ease into it. Or, like, you could again, try the dental dam. You could both use your fingers and then just see. You know, I think if that's really the problem, use a dental dam. And maybe she hasn't had it in so long, or maybe she has some fears around. Maybe she feels like it tastes weird or you don't really want to do it, but it sounds like you. You do. So if you let her know how important it is to you and how much it turns you on, you know, she might just be surprised and let you do it. Like, she'll go, I didn't realize that. You know what I'm saying? She might not know that this is really something that you so much want to do. And it might make her feel like, oh, he really wants to do it. I'm going to settle in and try it. I haven't tried it in 30 years. She might be like, oh, yeah, oral sex is the best. Like, I can't live without it, you know? But women call all the time and they're like, oh, yeah, it's not my thing. Because some women are saying super sensitive. So I say maybe reintroduce it with low pressure. Like, this might take you bringing it up a few times. Not in a nagging way. But I'm like, babe, I've been thinking, all right, fantasies about going down on you. And I just heard about this thing, the dental dam we could use. And, you know, What? I mean, kind of get her warmed up to it again. But if she says no, maybe you guys could try some other things. But I think maybe. Yeah, it's been a while. And again, if you let her know how enthusiastic you are and you want to try it and you've got some ideas to make it fun for her, then see what she says and then she.

I appreciate your help.

You're so welcome. Thanks, Steve.

Okay, we have Jim, who's 52 in Indiana, and he wants to know what is a huge debate if squirting is like peeing.

Oh, God. Okay. Hey, Jim, how you doing? Thanks for calling.

Hey.

Hey.

How are you?

Good. Okay. Squirting.

My wife is extremely good at squirting.

Just all over me. And I just want to know if.

It'S to going pee or not.

Well, so many different things.

I know. So you hear like there's traces of urine from the perurethal glands. You hear that it's partially urine. But here's what I want to say to you. It might, yes, there is some urine in it. I'm not going to tell you there's not. Is it all urine? No, it's not. But I also don't think it matters. Like, sex is messy, sex is dirty.

But I was just curious.

You're curious? Curiosity, yes. It's not all urine. No, but there is some urine in it. So it's true. I mean, there are times you could empty your bladder completely and still squirt, which has happened to me, happened to Jamie, a lot of women I know. So it's. I don't. It's not completely urine now. It's periorethral fluid, which is kind of like the prostate, but in women. And that's where it comes. Like all these studies they've done, they show that there are traces of urine and other things too. But I'm glad you're in a happily squirting lifestyle.

Even if it was, I don't think.

I would make her stop.

Good.

See, that's what I like to hear. Just throw down some old beach towels and have a good time.

Exactly right. Thank you very much.

You got it. Okay, Jim, thank you for calling. Let's just talk about squirting, huh? No, squirting is funny because I have to say that squirting was something that did not come up 15 years ago. And I do believe with porn being so ubiquitous, that we're just seeing squirting everywhere and that it's like everyone wants to know, like, how do I squirt? How do I get my partner to squirt. Is it real? Is it not? And it is a thing that we can learn. Women can learn to squirt, but it is something that happens from.

Penetration to the G spot. Repeated penetration, but also using a vibrator on your pubic mound, like the magic wand for me has done that over my pubic mound because it's indirect stimulation to the G spot.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, so that has been a squirting thing for me, too. And yeah, you can learn to do it typically with a finger or a toy or a partner. And having strong kaggle muscles can actually help having control of your pelvic floor and all that stuff.

Yeah, I mean, I only recently, I want to say.

A year ago.

Maybe two years ago, realized that I could do it, and now it happens fairly regularly with my partner. However.

It'S funny because I have to remind my partner, I'm like, just because I didn't squirt doesn't mean I didn't orgasm, because it's. And sometimes when I do squirt, I have to tell him to keep going because I'm like that. I did not orgasm yet, but I'm close.

So true. Same with me. That's so good. You got to give it. But, yeah, you got to let him know that it doesn't actually. It's true. Women can squirt and not orgasm. And obviously we can orgasm without squirting. And sometimes you do squirt with orgasm. It's just.

It's the luck of the draw.

It's the luck of the draw. But you can, you know, it is a partner. You could learn with your partner, take it on as a new hobby. All right, guys, hope you enjoyed the show. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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