Sexual Confidence

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet. And it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20 off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hi, I'm Emily from Sex with Emily. Good Vibrations carries the hottest toys and vibes. I love the Jae Joo Mimi because it's discreet yet powerful and great for couple sex. Find out how much pleasure your body can really handle. Use coupon code Emily for 15% off@goodvibes.com.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

The girl's gotta have her standard. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex with sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can check out all of our podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list, which you absolutely should do because I send you very useful information and you can even get the report. The five biggest mistakes Men are making in bed and women are making in bed. And lately we've been getting so many questions on Twitter and Facebook, and you can easily send me questions that way. So it's Twitter exwithemily and Facebook, facebook.com sexwithemily and Instagram sex with Emily. All those things. And today's show, we're gonna be talking about confidence. A lot of the emails we got from you had to do with confidence and increasing it for men and for women. And we're gonna talk about that, be reading your emails. And I'm here with Menace.

Hello.

How you doing in the lovely city of Los Angeles.

Yes. Together again.

It's so good to be here with you again.

You're talking about Facebook and all that kind of stuff, and you apparently had something that blew up on Facebook. Yeah, we did want to hear all about it. What was it about?

We posted something on my Facebook page and it's. What is it? It was like. It was a funny little quote and it said. What is it? A camping. Hold on a minute. Let me find it. Jesus. Should be in front of me. Oh, it says, ever have sex while camping, question mark. And then it says, it's fucking intense.

Really?

Like, it's intense, intense. We got.

Literally getting it.

Did you get it?

You have to read it now.

Yeah, but we got 29,000 shares, 121,000 people liked it, and, like 80,000 comments. People like crazy. It's funny. Yeah, it's funny. But, you know, I mean, I do things that are a little meatier on the page too, but people went crazy for it. And if you haven't liked my page, you should, because not only are you going to get funny little things, but you're going to get useful blogs and information for improving your sex life, which I know you're listening to the show because you'd like to have better sex and relationships, right, Menace?

Right. And another thing I got to talk to you about, you saw over the weekend, you were battling with one of our listeners on my Instagram page. So last time. Oh, yeah, last time we talked a couple podcasts ago, right. I was like, oh, I bet you're still having sex with one of your ex boyfriends. And you said, yeah, and one of the listeners. One of the listeners was really upset by that. And she was making all these comments on my Instagram when I'm, like, not even talking about that. I'm posting pictures of, like, your burger, hamburger, hamburger at Disneyland or something like that. And then she's, like, just going crazy. And I can't believe you were responding because you don't really get into that.

Kind of stuff because she tagged me, so I look, you know, And Instagram, you can tell it said sexy. So I pulled it up and she was like, menace, I'm glad you're back on the show because you keep Emily on her toes or something.

I do.

I'm like. She goes, do you make Emily tell the truth? I'm like, I don't tell the truth. And then I had this. She's like, yay, you answered. And the whole thing. But what was it about? She's like, you keep it real.

Yeah, because I just like called you on, like, having sex with the exes.

And stuff like that. Right. So if you guys want to comment on Menace's Instagram, which is menace, you can do that and then I'll respond to you there too.

Yeah, I don't really think sexy on there. It's just.

That's just you when it is you being sexy kind of stuff. Yeah, that was. That was funny. I do, I do. See, I pay attention.

So I hear that you're going back to San Francisco.

I'm going to San Francisco to have.

Sex with ex boyfriend.

Well, here's why you. This is funny. No, this is. I'm going to San Francisco because I have to go for work, but I also have. It happens to be my birthday. No, my birthday happens to be Monday.

What?

You're so lucky because my birthday party is actually going to be in San Francisco, so you don't even have to, like, make up an excuse why you didn't come. And I'm having a dinner for 15 people. Yeah, you don't even know them. I'm having dinner, 15 people. And there will be.

Jesus.

Oh, you know what? There'll actually be three ex boyfriends at the table. Do you find that strange out of 15 for you?

Not strange at all.

They're my good friends. They're good friends. They're guys that I love and adore and I haven't been back in so long. And it just happens to be that I will be in San Francisco to shoot a porn. Actually.

What?

I'm gonna be in a porn film. An indie porn film.

Okay, break it down because, I mean, this is something that your listeners have been waiting forever.

I know I'm not gonna be naked. I am playing myself and with some other sex educators. But it's an indie film. It's like. It's like a seven day shoot. It's this highly financed porn that actually has a plot and a story. And I play myself having it At a dinner party with other sex educators. And you know who else is gonna be on it? Well, Nina Hartley, who's a famous porn star. She is having sex in the film, but not in my scene. They said there will be no sex in my scene. And it's a film. I don't know. They sent me the script. It's like 200 page. I'm not reading a script for porn. 200 pages. But all I know is I'm in the food scene and we're going to some good restaurant and they're giving me a good meal. But, you know, I didn't really think about, like, is that. I wasn't thinking, like, good or bad choice to be in a film. I just thought, it's an indie film. It's foreign, it's fine. It's film San Francisco. But then this guy. Oh, so this is funny. So in my office space. My office space is crazy. I love it. It's, you know, in Hollywood. You've been there, but now all the offices are filled in. There's like a bunch of different kinds of, like, entertainment, pr, graphic design. There's a bunch of, you know, non profits. And so there's this dude down the hall, like, literally Caddy corner to us. Kitty corner. Caddy corner. Caddy corner. You say kitty corner in the Midwest. Yeah. You say Caddy. And so the other night. Oh, my God. We were having a party at the office. They always have parties there. Friday night there was a party and there was the Doors. The guy from the Doors was there. Rob Krieger? Was that his name? Something like that. Okay. He's the living member of the Doors. He was singing, playing music, and there was a big party in the office afterwards. Everyone's walking around. So there's this guy around the corner from me, and he's like, long blonde hair, he wears a baseball hat. He kind of has like one tooth. And he just. But he's really sweet and he looks interesting. I mean, he was his. Hi. And everyone walks past our office and they're always like, that's sex with Emily office. Because the name, it says sex family on the door. So we're having this party, and then after the party, he says, come to my office for a second. And he shows us he does PR for all these celebrities and they're all on the wall. And then he has something from Bad News Bears. Do you remember Bad News Bears?

Yeah.

Turns out that he actually played Lucas in Bad News Bears. The head. The lead guy in Bad News Bears.

Really?

Yeah. Which I found to be very interesting. But there was a reason why I was going into that story about the party, but I don't remember what, but just that my office was interesting. And then he played. Yeah, isn't that crazy? Like, you remember that movie? It's crazy now. He's, like, growing up and he's just pr. He's very smart and whatever, but he does pr. And he did. But that was a crazy film. Did you see it? I mean.

I mean, I don't remember, you know.

But he played a little boy, but he says he can't even play baseball. So that was interesting.

But I'm sure you were going into it because you probably. It's a party. You met a bunch of guys, and they see sex on your door.

Oh, that's. Oh, my God.

That's another part they know. It's a stabbing cabin. Of course, I can already tell you the story before I even know it.

I love you, Menace, because here's what happens. I don't remember how I got off on that, but it's okay. But we had this party and it is true that everyone comes to this. So it's a beautiful penthouse, you know, office, the whole floor. And there's a bunch of people could also rent desks for a day. It's like one of those live work, share. We also have an office. So, yeah, there was a big party. And in our office, which you haven't seen since we fixed it up, we painted it, we've got, like, shelves. We've got all the Emily and Tony products and all of our, like, vibrators and dildos and flashlights on things. So you walk in and you're just like, whoa. Like, there's sex toys everywhere. So a bunch of guys in the office have secretly been coming in and being like, so what's happening? So what's up with the flashlight? Like, I've heard about the flashlight. I want to know. And so I had a few drinks and I walked out from the office, and there was a big room of, like, the guy who runs the building and the woman. A bunch of work there. And I was like, okay, you all want to know what the flashlight is? And, like, I don't know. And all these people. And I start, like, taking out the Fleshlight. The guy from the doors is there, the whole thing. And I'm like, look, you put it on your piece. It actually simulates the feeling of having real sex. And I'm. They're all feeling it, and they're like. And this one guy who owns his face is turning red. And I was embarrassing him because I don't. I forget that something people are a little uncomfortable about. And I think I went a little too far because I said something about, like, you can. And you know what? Like, imagine that, like, you might want to sometimes have sex with your wife, and then sometimes you just might want to feel something different. We've got hundreds of sex toys, and you could. Anyway, it was a little embarrassing, but it was funny. And they do. It is funny because he's taking people on tours. There's like a church group two doors down, and they look at sex with Emily. And everyone wants to know, but I guess it's good publicity for people coming by or not. Either they love me or hate me in the building. They all seem to like me. But if you want to move in, you might not want to move into sex with Emily because. Oh, the guy said to me. He goes. The guy? The Lucas guy from Betty's Bears? He's like, I thought you were a prostitute for the longest time. I'm taking the story back. So the porn film. So I go in his office. I said, oh. He said, do you know Nina Hartley? I used to represent her. I said, actually, I'm shooting porn with her this week. And then he turns to Lauren, I think, my assistant, and says, I didn't know she was in porn. So the way I said that, he thought that I was actually going to be in a porn. So I have to be careful the way I say it, because I'm not actually going to be naked.

I'm just performing in a porn.

Unless they talk me into it. What do you think? Jeez. Just kidding. I'm not gonna.

Might as well.

I don't know.

I mean, you should put out your own. Don't be part of somebody else's.

Right. I should put.

I mean, if you want to make money off of it.

I totally should put out my own porn. I think it's a little late now. If I was gonna do that, I should. In that years ago when I was trying to get more traffic. And now we're doing well.

Yeah, we're doing well. I'm, you know, currently at least a blowjob video or something and make some.

I am gonna do some workshops, though, at the Hustler store. You should come. The Hustler store on Hollywood Boulevard soon. I am trying to come up with. It's gonna be like a blowjob workshop, which I know you think only men should teach, but I know. I happen to know that I gave a really Good blowjob.

Okay.

And we're gonna be doing tips and all that there. But yeah, I'm excited to go back to San Francisco and some of the things I've realized that are very different here. Obviously LA is very stereotypical about appearance and how you look and all that stuff. We were just talking about that, but.

We were talking about it before the show. I found that like, I mean, it was kind of like that when we lived in San Francisco, people were kind of area snobs. But here.

Oh yeah.

Where you live or it's all about where you live and people. It depends on, you know, what area you live in. But it doesn't matter what apartment you have. If you live in that area, it's cool. Yeah, people live in shitty apartments, but if they have that area code, then you know, they, they have a better place than you.

Exactly. It is ridiculous and all that stuff. Like literally every, every single corner there is a tanning salon, a car wash, a beauty, you know, a hair salon. It's like, it's all about parents. So the thing about thing is, what I was talking about is that in San francisco There's like one car wash, right? And it's like 50 bucks takes an hour. And you just. No one cares about your car there. But here it's like you gotta get your car washed every week. You gotta have everyone cares about your car. So I keep getting. My car's a nice car, my Mini. It's fine. It's a few five years old, but it's like in good shape. Except for that it's very, very dirty because I don't have time to get it washed. The last few days or the last two weeks I've gotten, and I'm not kidding you, eight notices on my car. Little cards. Hey, junk. Anytime you're ready to junk this car, we'll take it because it's frigging dirty. Yeah, they're like making me feel insecure about my car wash. I don't have time right now, and there's lots.

And that's why you need a man in your life to wash it for you.

I know. See, I've been thinking about the good uses for men in my life and that it might be a lot easier if I had one. But it's just funny that people hear like your junk car. And then I start getting insecure about my car and then I feel like I have to polish because there's a dog. Dog. There's lots of trees in my neighborhood. Not that there aren't trees. In San Francisco. But for some reason, the trees above my car where I park, the birds all poop on it, even if I get it washed.

That's why you got to go hybrid. I recently got a Prius. It's the Prius 5, so it's fancy.

So fancy.

And it. I. I haven't even got gas since I. Since I got it.

I can't believe that. How's your sex life?

Sex life's good. I'm, like, fully healed from all the. All your penile injuries, so I'm good. I actually feel like I have more energy. I'm back.

Oh, good. Because it really took you out for a while.

Yeah, I'm back. And the swing of things, of, you know, my schedule and stuff like that. Your new show being disciplined. Yeah.

So I heard minutes on the radio the other morning.

Yeah. I moved to Los Angeles to do a morning radio show. It's called the woody show on alt 98.7.

So I just think boner. When you say Woody every time, like Boehner.

Yeah. So, I mean, if you live in Los Angeles area, you want to tune.

In, check it out, and they can also check it online.

Yeah. I mean, we do have podcasts, but it doesn't. It's not.

Not that easy. Okay. If you live in la. I was driving, listening to Menace the other day, and they called you stupid. I didn't. I know it's a morning show, but I didn't. I mean, you might be stupid, but it wasn't nice. I didn't think it was.

We all call each other stupid.

I know it's a morning show. And then you were.

My feelings don't get.

Okay, good. I was hurt for you. I was gonna call in and say, menace, isn't that stupid? You're not. So. Okay, today's show, we're gonna be talking about confidence, because confidence is one of the biggest killers of men and women sex drive. Have you ever had insecurities like I know you have? In fact, when I tuned in to your show the other morning. Adult 97. 98. 7. Whatever it is. What is it?

Alt 97. It's called the Woody Show.

The Woody Show. The Boner show. So they were saying something about weight. Someone said that they were called in about their weight, and they were insecure about it. And you're like, I used to be insecure about it, but I'm just like, here's who I am. You, like, had a friend come to town and you would avoid them because you didn't want to.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

The whole reason it came up is because in. It was big in the news that Rob Kardashian, of exact Kardashian family, went to the wedding of Kanye and Kim, but he didn't stay for the whole wedding. He just met with the family, and then he came back because he didn't want to see everybody else because he gained a ton of weight.

And didn't he know that on his way to the wedding on the airplane, International flight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's not like he ate, like 10 bags of M M's and gained weight on the flight.

Yeah, no, he. Yeah, but he just wanted to go there and be with his immediate family, but he didn't want to see everybody else because, again, I. I was telling him, I was like, yeah, you know, you're skinny, you're in shape, and then you're not in shape, and. But you don't see people for a long time, and you don't want to be that person where, you know, you haven't seen somebody for like a year or two, and then you're, like, really out of shape, and you're. You see them and they're like, wow, what happened to you? Type. Type situation.

Yeah.

And then it all went back to. And then it trickled down to, hey, you know, if you're. If you happen to be overweight and you're on Facebook, like, do not try to hide it, like, by putting different photos of yourself or just, like, just.

Your eyeball or something.

Yeah. And it's just, like one breast. If you're. And I'm speaking from a man that is fat myself, it's like, just have people love you for you. Just.

Right.

Just. Just let it go. Don't try to hide it online. Don't catfish people. If you watch Catfish all the TV show, it's always somebody that's overweight that doesn't want. Put photos of themselves. So they take somebody that's super skinny or super attractive, and they put those photos online and trick people. Like, those people are not really falling in love with you.

Right.

They're falling in love with the person that you're putting out there online is.

Exactly.

So if you really want somebody to love you, I guarantee you, you will find somebody. And especially if you're a chick, it's a lot easier than a guy.

If you're chicken, you're overweight. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's not true. That's not true. Women don't care about men and body and all that more than women.

Women have such A person a lot harder. Well, for. For men than it is for. For women that are. I'm.

I disagree.

Guarantee you.

I disagree. There's such a higher standard for women's body types.

You might.

I. I'll give you that. Yes, there is. You know, oh, this person has to be, you know, perfect and skinny and look like a model and whatever, Photoshop kind of crap like that. But I'm saying if you are. Happen to be, you know, larger or whatever, not in shape, it doesn't mean you're not going to be able to find love.

Exactly. You can totally find love. So that's why we're talking about confidence. Because confidence, I always tell you, is the sexiest thing to men and women. And it will also help you in the bedroom. And people are like, what do you mean about confidence? How do I get confident if I'm so insecure? Because for women, one of the biggest killers is women's sex drive is that they feel insecure about their bodies. And so, you know, they don't have sex, they don't care. They're not looking. They're like, oh, why'd you eat that extra bag of it? You're not gonna. They're in bed with. So he chose to be there with you. So. And it inhibits women and prohibits. Inhibits women in the bedroom, and it also prohibits them from having the kind of sex life they want. So it's your life work to cultivate. To cultivate confidence. And what does that mean? It means that we have to go through all of our insecurities because a lot of our insecurities that we have that make us insecure. Not just physical things, but things from childhood. Maybe we got teased or there's just things that build up. It's not just about your physical parents. Like, we might just have insecurities in life, which we all do, right? So over time, it builds and you have to work on it. So you have to work on the messaging. And confidence will also come sexually when you get to know your own body, especially for women, which is why we have like, one day left of masturbation month. Why you should spend some time getting to know your own body, because the more you know your own body, and you're gonna learn it through masturbation, you can tell your partner what you want in bed, and that will be empowering because you'll actually get what you want and have those orgasms. So take some time getting confident. Know your body. Use a mirror. Women should look at their vaginas in a mirror. And figure out what makes them feel good. Because a lot of that's what May masturbation month was all about. So, you know, women, like, sometimes they, like, you know, they, you know, ask guys to dim the lights and all that. I mean, do you have that? Like, women who, like, turn the lights.

Off, there's like, you know, women that wouldn't get in certain positions because they felt, you know, insecure about their bodies and stuff like that.

So this is something you need to work on. I mean, I'm not gonna tell you go to the gym and do all this stuff. I'm tell you it's an inside job and you gotta work on yourself. And for men, men, when it comes to confidence, they're really worried about their penis size, money and power and lasting in the bedroom, too, and lasting long in the bedroom, which is why they could also use promescent. The real deals when it comes to being sexually attractive to women is confidence as well for men. Men need to seem confident to women because that's what we love. A guy who walks in, he looks you in the eye, he owns the room. It's an intoxic. It's like an aphrodisiac for women. Like a confidential, sexy man. I don't think that many women care as much as about weight and all. Like, guys will date a hot chick for years and not care that she. He doesn't want to talk to her outside the bedroom.

Yeah, it was crazy. I don't know the name of the YouTube video or anything like that, but you probably can search it and say, you know, fat guy picking up chicks or something like that. Where a guy, he went and he wore a heavy suit. He's like, I'm telling you, it's all about confidence. He goes, watch, I'm gonna get these girls numbers. And he just. He just went there and just like, was just straight up. And he got women's numbers. It was all hidden camera stuff. And yeah, it's true. It's all about.

Women are not. Look, there are some women like. Like Lauren, my assistant, likes guys with the abs and all that, and bodybuilders. But, you know, to me, I mean, I've never been that way. I've never been. I've been into, like, more of the personality and the confidence and all that stuff. So I'm glad.

Or like guys that can barely put a sentence together.

Yeah, but who cares? She's smart. She doesn't need. She has her smart friends. So I think if you're a guy and you're Working to build your confidence. Think about things in the past that have given you confidence. Maybe it's like hobbies or work. Athleticism. Athleticism. Whatever kind of sports you play, harness those feelings. Like, I feel confident when I'm doing this. And then just brush up on your techniques and remember when you're out there, you're trying to meet women or you might get rejected. We've talked about this. Doesn't kill you. And so anyway, some of the emails we're gonna get into are gonna get.

More into this is the number one thing. And you know, if you've been listening to this podcast for years that I've always been saying, and I know you, you've gotten so many more listeners since you moved to la. So I'm just gonna repeat it. I'm sorry if you heard it before again, like you just said, I, I had to get over this hurdle. If a girl says no, that she's not into me, I'm not gonna die.

Right.

You know, nothing bad is gonna happen to me. You know, you're like, oh, I might lose her as a friend. You don't want to be your friend anyway, so why do you, why do you care? You want to be more than friends, right? And don't get trapped in, in the friend zone. In the friend zone for years. Just say, hey, you know, I would like to take you out a date. I would like to do this with you. And she says no, then fine, then cool. And then eventually, I mean, if you can't be friends after that, that's fine.

You'll meet other women, right? Exactly.

If you can't, then, oh, well, like, that's not what you want in life. You want to be with somebody. So focus your energy on that.

Right. And also feeling. Yeah. And being confident and feeling good about yourself and not beating yourself up so much, which is what we all, we all do that, those kind of things. But you're right. Oh, and I was talking to another thing, is a lot of people, men and women who haven't dated for a while. So let's say you've been in a long term relationship and you just broke up with someone. I have a friend. You just broke up with someone after eight years and he's like freaking out, he's on Tinder and he's like calling me every five minutes, like, what do you think this text means? Or I'm helping him with the whole. He's so confused by it. Because you realize that dating is actually like a muscle and if you don't use It. You lose it, and he forgets, you know, it was different years ago. Not everyone's texting as much. And so he's just so confused. I'm like, no, it really looks like she likes you. He's like, but the way she signed off last time there was an xx, and this time there wasn't. Does that mean we had a bad date last night? And people go crazy. And so, again, dating is something that, you know, when you're getting back on the horse, you just gotta, you know, have that confidence. It might not work. And this first woman on Tinder they went out with once, she didn't call them again or she didn't respond. It's fine. There are so many people out there. Oh, well, it makes you stronger and more confident. It gets you better.

Super crazy. So you're the one. You know, it's been pushing Tinder. I mean, like, talking about it. I don't have. I don't have Tinder because I'm in a relationship. So, you know, it's not good to.

Have that relationship gonna end. Is that me?

No.

Okay.

And then. So I don't have it on my phone. So what I did was I went to a wedding, and all the groomsmen were single. And so we're at, like, this bar, and I'm like. Like, some of them, like, kind of heard a Tinder didn't know anything about it. And I go, guys, you got it. You got to download it so I can see how it works.

Oh, because you had never even seen it.

Yeah. So then I. So I. I mean, you show me a little bit, but I just, like, I haven't seen it from the male perspective.

Yeah.

And I go, guys. So there was like, four guys. I made them all download it and, like, try it out. And one guy, like, within the first hour was already talking to me.

Oh, yeah. And I feel like it's really good for when you're traveling, too. A lot of people, when they're, like, on business trip, they just.

Yeah.

Someone who's nearby. Yeah, they want to hook up. But it doesn't have to be a hook. Nothing has to be a hookup app if you don't. Or hook up dating site. If you don't want to hook up, you don't hook up. Like, to me, that seems silly because if you don't want to, you just don't.

The wedding that I went to, they. They met online. They met, like, on something called, like, Zeus or something.

Zeus? Yeah. I always see that advertised. See. Exactly. I only know I know it because there's, like, Facebook ads about it all the time. Yeah.

And they met, and now they're married. It's, like, crazy, like, how people are just meeting online and getting married.

I know.

I mean, it started off.

We had a few good blog posts about that. Sexthelmy.com check it out.

My online dating tips started, like, MySpace. MySpace started even doing, like, married by MySpace. And people would share their stories because.

How else are you gonna meet? You're at their desk all day. It makes sense.

Yeah. I mean, you get yourself, like, this huge profile of people, and.

And then you get to meet them. Like, okay. MySpace, like, made it so much easier than Facebook because you could say, oh, I wanna. I wanna find people that's within five miles of me. And they're from this age to this age. You can even put.

You could do that on MySpace, like.

Their height, all kinds.

I didn't know that on MySpace.

Yeah. But for some reason, Facebook never did that. But, yeah. So a lot of people were, like, hooking up off of MySpace back in the day.

Yeah. And People Nerve was one of the first dating sites.

And now, like, now in the gay community, it's like Grindr and all that.

Which is, like, what Tinder was taken off of. Yeah. I mean, I just think that if you're not dating online and you're single and you're listening to the show and you're like, I can't meet women or men, and there's no one in my town that you've got nothing to lose. You can post a profile and not go out, but really, it's. It's another great way if you're someone who just likes to stay home and you don't go out that much. I could tell you a million ways to meet people, which I've done on the show, but just put a profile. See what happens. It increases your chances. It is a numbers game. The more you go out, the more you put yourself out there.

And that's what happened to my buddy. He just, like, just said, you know what? I'm just gonna do it. And then he just started meeting people, and then he. You know, he met his wife online. It's crazy. And my other friends are just too much of a puss to. I'm like, look, you live in a crappy area. There's not a lot of women where you are. So you guys need.

That's true. They need to.

You need to do something online. Are you gonna be those sad people? Like, you have everything. You have your house, you have your, you know, car, you have a good job, all this stuff, but you just don't have that person in your life.

Exactly.

You're not making the effort to go find them.

The only reason you are single is because you are not making an effort. That is the bottom line. End of story. What have you done lately different in your life to meet someone? Because people, you know, they complain they can, but they're not making efforts. It's not gonna like your magical perfect lover is not gonna drop down the chimney like Santa Claus. It's not gonna happen. Okay, let's get into some emails because I love hearing from the people.

Yeah. Especially on my Instagram.

Oh my God. I know. Yeah, you really just get to me through mine. Oh, but first I'm gonna read some. An email here. I mean, a message from our sponsors who we love. So I want to thank everyone for listening to the show and I love being able to help you have the sex life and relationships you deserve. And I want to give you the very best show possible. So I appreciate you supporting our sponsors who help keep the show free. So Fleshlight, it's the number one sex toy for men. So here's the deal about Fleshlight. How's this? Wouldn't it be amazing if you could feel the pleasure of having sex anytime even when you don't have a partner? The Fleshlight, the most popular sex type for men, it simulates the sensations of sex. It was engineered to look and feel like the real deal. Many people even think it feels better than sex. Not that you'll never want sex again, but the Fleshlight stamina training unit actually helps you practice longer, lasting longer and becoming a better lover. Plus, you'll experience some of those mind blowing orgasms of your life. And if you ever fantasize about having sex with your favorite porn star, Fleshlight also has molds of their vaginas. So you can check it out there. And there's also the Fleshlight phone strap, which is genius. This is their new thing. Menace. You know how you masturbate? If you masturbated, you put the strap around your leg. It holds your phone. So you're like hands free, masturbating. It's the coolest thing if you want one of those. But you don't masturbate much that you tell me about. So if you want to check out fleshlight, the number one sex day for men, go to sexwithemily.com.

That'S sex with emily.com fleshlight. Check it out. I think you'll love It.

I'd like to even just see that. I'll give you one Fleshlight.

I mean, apparently it feels. Yeah, it's on their website. It feels amazing. I mean, I don't have a penis. Like, seriously, I always said if I had a penis for a day, I'd get a blowjob. I'd have sex and I would use a flashlight because there's all these different ribs and textures. It looks amazing.

I mean, you know what's awesome? You've talked so much about sex toys where a sex toy topic came up up on the morning show.

You should call me.

Well, it was just like some quick.

Okay.

But I was to be funny. I was able to rattle off all these different sections.

No way.

Yeah, like, see, you've learned the magic wand. The, the oh my bod. And you know, were they like menace?

What have you been doing?

The bullet, you know, all this crazy stuff. It was pretty funny.

That is pretty funny. They must have like, what? You're welcome, honey, for educating me. Okay. And one more of our sponsors, I have to tell you about Promescent. Did you know that one in three men suffers from premature ejaculation? Well, now you don't have to. Permeescent is a quickly absorbing delay spray that allows you to have the sex you want. You don't even have to think about baseball or your great aunt Margaret with a furry mustache. You can focus on your partner's hot body, especially now that you have the time to make her orgasm also or him. Permeescent closes the arousal gap between men and women. You might get there faster than she would like. So Promescent helps you last twice as long as you already last. Now thousands of urologists are recommending permesent. It's the only FDA approved treatment for premature ejaculation. Go to Promescent.com that's P R O M E S C N T to find more. It's not rising to the top. That's a challenge. It's staying there. And so, yeah, it's a good spray. It works. And I'm going to get into the emails now, but there's actually. The first one actually happens to be about promescent, so. Dear Emily, I don't suffer from PE but I am a 6 minute guy and she's a 30 minute girl. Tried everything and each thing worked a little Kegels, definitely, definitely made progress, but I'm okay. Kaggle Camp, my iPhone app definitely made progress, but I'm only up to level four now. Promescent. Wow. It changed everything. She had so much anxiety and so did I about having her having an orgasm. And now I can just rock and roll all night. Every guy in the world needs this. If you can last 30 minutes, it will make you last all night. We once did it for an hour and then he put promescent explanation point and does not reduce pleasure for me at all. In fact, it has a very subtle tingle. My marriage has been saved. Bob and socal.

Wow.

I know.

That's crazy.

Talk about confidence. So we're talking about confidence. People don't. Men don't last long enough and they have insecurities. So try from USA if you'd like that. And here we are going to go into the emails now. Feedbackexwithemily.com or wherever else you want to find me. Okay. Hi, Emily. My wife is a little bit. A little bit of a bigger woman. She's 5 foot 0 and 215 pounds, which is fine, but we really just don't have sex that much. Sex happens maybe once every one to two months. It's come to the point where I feel as though maybe I'm not doing well enough in bed for her to want to have sex. She tells me this. It's not me, it's how she feels about herself because of her weight and that she's not comfortable having sex. What, if anything, can I do to help her want to have sex or even masturbate like she used to? I just don't know where to turn. Thanks for all your advice. Tomorrow. So, as we said, self esteem, huge killer of women's sex drive. And the bottom line is she doesn't feel sexy. So I suggest, Tom, that you guys get healthy together. I mean, I'm sure she's tried a lot of fad diets and exercise and stuff. I hope. But what if you guys started like hiking together, just taking walks around the block after dinner, join a gym, get the adrenaline going and in fact, couples that work out together actually tend to have stronger relationships because the adrenaline, they bond over that experience. So. And it can also help get her. Help her get more connected to her body and just feel better about having sex.

I was gonna say that because again, you know, when we were talking about earlier, guys don't really care, you know, about. About her weight. No matter how much women want to believe it, they. They really don't. Honestly, if, yeah, he wants to have sex with her, and I totally agree that, but if she really wants to do something about it, then yeah, then you guys should do something together, right? To work out she's not on her own to change again.

Don't badger, don't buy her like a gym membership for birthday and say, go for it, babe.

You want to do something about it? Let's do it together.

Right? Exactly.

If you don't want to do it after that, then I can't help you, my friend.

Exactly. I mean, the thing is, you can't convince a woman. Also as low self esteem, no matter how many times he's telling her she's beautiful and she's great and he wants her, she still feels bad. So he could also try doing romantic non sexual activities together. Go on dates so she can become more comfortable and confident. You could also. You said she's not masturbating enough. One of my favorite moves is mutual masturbation. Love it. So when you mutually masturbate, you masturbate. She masturbates and you can see exactly what she likes and how she touches herself and she can see you. I mean, you've been married for a while, but it's kind of a fun thing. And then if you said that she doesn't masturbate anymore, maybe she'll do it in front of you together. Also take a sexual inventory. Ask her what she likes, what she wants in the bedroom. Talk about trying something new and exciting that maybe she's wanting to try, like positions or toys. And definitely compliment her on what you think is sexy about her. That's what I gotta say to Tom.

Yes.

How about that? Okay, my next email. Hi, Emily. I was wondering if you could help me out whenever having sex or performing other sexual activities. I can't have an orgasm unless I masturbate. I can't come unless I'm touching myself and I wanna help learning how to have an orgasm with a partner. Thank you. Signed anonymous. Okay. How would you feel if I told you that you're like 99% of the female population? Unfortunately, most women need more clitoral. I know, right? Most women do need more clitoral stimulation than they get from intercourse. It's just the way our bodies are made. So why not masturbate during sex? Touch your clitoris, use a vibrator. I mean, I think that you. So it's okay if you include your masturbation in an intercourse and then maybe eventually you'll learn or he'll touch you in a way that you can have it. But for a lot of women, they can have the G spot orgasm, but mostly they need the clitoral. So just be touching yourself, don't feel bad. About it. I'm definitely helping you out here. And at least you can have an orgasm. See, that's great. The fact that you know that you can have one during masturbation means that I am certain that you can have one during intercourse. There's so many great sex toys out there that you can just. If it is for her clitoris, like, like, you know, that I talk about all the time that you can put in your, you know, the JJU Mimi, there's some great new lilo toys, L E, L O, things like that. So I would try that. And also, if you want to buy toys, you can go to goodvibes.com and use coupon code Emily if you'd like to do that. Because they're sending me so much toys and just practice it. Exactly. The thing about sex is. And she doesn't say how old she is, but I feel like there is some truth to. I always heard this, like, older women are. The older you get, you learn your body more and you get more confident in the bedroom. But I don't think you have to wait. I don't think that I knew in my 20s that I, you know, so many women are socialized that sex is all about pleasing you, the man. And it's not about our own pleasure. So we don't prioritize learning our bodies and our pleasure. So I think that.

Well, I just. Yeah, again, I think in your 20s, you have no idea what you're doing.

You really don't.

You think you do. And you only hear from your other friends that don't know what they're doing either. And then when you get older, you kind of figure it out by yourself. But that's why the Sex with Emily podcast is here, to, you know, fast forward you just a little bit.

Exactly. That's what we're doing. We're trying to have to fast forward. I would love women in their 20s to be having rockin sex. And it all goes back to knowing your mom.

Because women in their 20s are hot.

I know. Don't you want to bang all of them? Here, everywhere?

Not here.

Okay. Not here. No. Because you have a girlfriend.

No.

You're so loyal. I love that about you. Dear Emily, I love your podcast. I also love masturbating, as I imagine most men and women do. Sometimes I'll binge masturbate, meaning masturbating and orgasming three to five times or for a few hours a day. Sometimes it can go too far and I find myself in pain later. How can I scale it back and Enjoy masturbation without doing this binge practice. Is it possible to masturbate too much?

Yes.

Thank you and happy masturbation month. Michael.

How old is Michael?

He doesn't say. He doesn't say.

He's probably in his 20s.

It's all about moderation. Well, it's porn. The whole thing, it's all about moderation. It's key. So just maybe try to scale back a little bit and allow yourself to just do it once or twice and take out the porn. Can you use your mind? So can guys still use their minds?

If there's like a 20 year old and he's by himself, he's probably masturbating like three times a day.

Yeah, that's what he said. He's hurting himself. So when people email me and they're like, oh, do I have a problem? And you do have a sex addict. Here's the thing, there's only a problem if you have consequences. Like if you're masturbating five times a day and it's fine and you don't have any consequences, but you do because you're actually in pain. So if there's a consequence, you do have to. You have to alter your behavior so you are no longer having that kind of pain. So, you know, I hope it doesn't affect your relationships and just try to scale back. And the binging thing makes me nervous that you use that word. I'm wondering if you have a lot of stress and tension going on in your life right now and you're using it as a release when really you should maybe be looking at yourself and what's going on right now. Because anytime you binge on something, it's usually to distract yourself from feeling your deep down emotion.

Michael, how many times do you master. Do you still masturbate with your girlfriend like that? You have a girlfriend?

Yeah, I probably do.

Like with the second she leaves or.

Like, well, she leaves town sometimes.

Right.

She went to Las Vegas this weekend without you? Yeah.

And then you went to Disney World without her. Yeah. Disneyland. What is it here? I grew up in Michigan, so it was all about Disney World.

I know it's weird because I met these people from Florida and they go, oh, Disney World. That's. That was the first one, right? I'm like, no, Disneyland.

What? I guess I knew that. No, I knew it was all created here. I know, I know that.

But anyways, yeah, she went to Las Vegas.

I want to go to Disneyland with you. And it's just because your girlfriend wasn't there. She's like, you wouldn't want. You should invite me next time. I don't even know why I say.

I was with some. No, I was with, like, I was with two kids, by the way. Kids kind of confirms that I do not want to have kids.

Really? Yeah.

I mean, it's just so much work. I went with my buddy and his wife and their two kids and I. Because we're, we're like, you know, you're a good friend. We're freaks about Disneyland and you go on the rides.

Menace. Or you just drink and eat like corn dogs and.

Yeah, we eat and drink and just have fun. I mean, we like, we have a system down, so we don't really wait in line for.

Right. You like the fast passed.

Yeah. Yeah. So. But the thing was, you know, we were. We're getting ready and sometimes like, oh, the kids would be ready. And I'll be ready first because of course I get up super early in the morning and I'm used to getting ready really fast. So I take the kids with me to breakfast and I'm like, I have like kids, like a five year old and a nine year old and you just look away for a second.

Yeah, they're gone.

And they're.

They got ketchup all over their head.

And kids are disgusting when they eat. I hate it. And they want to know everything and they want to touch everything.

Does girlfriend feel the same?

Yeah. Oh, totally.

Oh, good. So you guys are. That's good. And kids are hard, man. It's a huge, huge, huge commitment.

I mean, I feel for people that, that can go through it and just still live a comfortable life.

Parents are heroes.

Yeah. I think we're just, just too selfish and wanting to have our own.

I know.

I think that share with anybody else.

The more you delay marriage, like many people are right now, and the more you learn that, like, go independent, not having any responsibilities, it's kind of nice. But, you know, kids are amazing too. And I have nieces and all that stuff and. Gotcha. But no kids or dogs anymore. Okay. I think. What?

Yeah. No, but I was just like. Yeah, it was, it was an experience.

Yeah. And were you nice to them, though?

Oh, yeah.

Do they like you?

Oh, my God, they love me.

They must love you.

Yeah.

Because you're cool.

Yeah, I'm totally cool to them. I mean, I make them stand right next to me and not walk anywhere.

Right. You did a good job.

Yeah.

Did a good job with kids. Okay. I think that's all we got time for today.

We do but we're gonna do another podcast.

Yeah, we are, for sure. Madison. I were doing podcasts together. We're doing lots of fun things. So, everyone, I get to shoot your.

First porn since I went to film school.

And you think we should do. I should do naked porn. Can I do one where I'm not totally naked?

We can do.

I'm just like.

No. We could do like the soft porn where you're not really having sex, but it looks like you are.

Right?

I can do that.

Okay.

I mean, if you want to do the full thing.

What do you guys. What would you like to see me do in my porn? Email me feedbackley.com so thank you so much. Menace, everyone. Check them out. Menace on Twitter and Instagram and everything. M E N A S E. Some people think it spelled wrong.

No, not S M E, N. S.

E A C E. Sorry, I just spelled it wrong. But people spell it M E N N I S like Dennis, but it's not. It's like menace to society.

Yeah, there's a lot of. A lot of sex. Family listeners that always hit me up on Twitter and Instagram. I love it. Like, saying that they're listening, they quote the show and stuff like that.

How come they don't quote the show to me?

I don't know.

It's your quotes probably. But thanks, everyone. I so appreciate you listening to the show. And thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com I'm Emily from sexwithemily.com Crazygirlproducts.com carries unique pheromone infused products that make you feel sexy and confident. I'm crazy about their wannabe Naked Shave Cream. It's made perfectly for your more intimate areas. No shave bumps or ingrown hairs. Use coupon code EMILY25 for 25 off@crazygirlproducts.com there's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, Sharper focus, stronger muscles, and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health. Magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger, and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age. Well, Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for purity, potency and performance. Go to qualia life.comsexwithemily for 50% off and here's a bonus use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15% off your order. Twitter that's Q-U-L-I-A life.com sexwithemily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.