Sexually Confident w/ Serena Kerrigan

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If you got in front of your mirror and said half of the shit that you're thinking about yourself, you'd be like, oh my God, that is so right. So mean. You would never. So that's why I'm like getting front of your mirror. Like even when you're having a bad day, even when you're not believing in yourself, even when you like, get fired, anything, get in front of that fucking mirror and talk to yourself like your best friend and see what happens.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Confidence is everything. It affects the way we perceive ourselves, how we interact with others, and definitely shapes our sex life. You want to be confident in the bedroom as well, right? On today's show, I'm joined by Serena fucking Kerrigan, the queen of confidence. She shares the power of confidence, intuition and manifestation for shaping the course of your life. She talks about her passion for masturbation and what she's learned from virtually dating over 5050 men during quarantine and how to make the Whoring 20s fun. Plus, we answer your Questions like how to feel confident after hooking up for the first time and how to feel sexy no matter what. Intentions with Emily for each episode Join me in setting an intention for the show. I do it. I encourage you do the same. So what do you want to get out of listening to this episode? How could it help you? My intention is to remind you that confidence lies within. When we release our limiting beliefs and negative thoughts, it's going to help us in every area of our life. We have a new article. You're going to love it. 10 Steps to Revive a Stale Sex Life. If you want to ask me a question, I love that, just call my brand new hotline. It's 559- talk sex or it's 559-825-5739. Just leave me your questions or message me at sex with emily.com/ask emily. And just include your name, your gender identity, location, age, and how you listen to the show. All right everyone, enjoy this episode.

Today's guest is Serena Kerrigan. She's created the first ever Instagram live reality show, let's Date. The show streamed Serena's virtual blind dates to her audience of followers. What started as a way for a single 26 year old who's now 27 to entertain her followers in quarantine was immediately dubbed by the Today show as quarantine's new must watch. Hey, Serena, welcome to the show. Hi. Tell me about yourself. Tell me about Serena fucking Kerrigan.

So I'm born and raised in New York City. In February 2020, I quit my job and decided to really build my brand full time. And then a couple of weeks later, the pandemic hit and I was alone in my apartment, isolated, but really fixated on the fact that I single. And my whole brand is I'm the queen of confidence and I saved a seat for you at my throne. My whole brand is about empowering women. And I was fixated on the fact that, like, I felt so alone and it really complicated my identity and my narrative of not needing anyone but myself to be happy. So I started talking about this a lot on my Instagram, my content. I started going live every day, drinking a bottle of wine on my couch because I had nothing else to do.

Nothing.

Then I set out to normalize virtual dating and I started dating men on Instagram Live every Friday during the pandemic. And I dated a total of 50 men over the course of a year. I did three seasons, sold it out to sponsors, and I created two card games from the show. Let's Fudgeing date and let's fucking fuck. And I'm still single.

50 men. That's like so many more men that you probably dated in the pandemic than most single people, let's just say.

You know, I think like the, the main product of the show was to every date was blind. So I'd go on two dates every Friday. And I did this on purpose. I had a producer, I had a whole team that I like, quickly hired because I feel like when we go on dating apps, we have a really preconceived notion of who that person is. We stalk their Instagram, we google them, maybe a friend knows them. We hate their photo. They're wearing sunglasses or holding a fish. Oh my fucking God. No, right?

Don't wear the sunglasses. We want to see your eyes. What the hell?

Please, we need to see it. So I felt like it was important to not have any idea of who was on the other side, to really go in with this just open mindedness and this curiosity. And granted, this was live in front of thousands of people, in front of my parents, family, exes, you name it, live commenting during the episode. But what I, what I loved about it was that, like, I really did go in with an open mind. And I didn't, don't like when people say, what's your type? I know what it is now.

Yeah. I always see people like, first of all, I think your 20s are not for getting married. I mean, if people do, that's amazing. But I think wait till your 30s, do the dating, figure out who you like. So I'm thinking 50 men. Like what, what did you learn about who's who? Serena fucking Kerrigan wants to date, who wants to sleep so much.

You know, someone who's super ambitious, like myself, great personality, great sense of humor. But drive is really important to me. Drive and also like this cool factor which I can't really quantify. But like, I grew up, like, born and raised in New York City. My mom is an immigrant from Argentina. Like, she's a TV producer now that had a, like, like, I'm fucking cool. So, like, I need someone, you know, but also major, like some of the feedback I got from my producer and from people on show. It's like, you're very intense, you're very intimidating. And that was always something that I like, was trying to shrink myself, to appease what the man would feel comfortable with. And I realized over the course of the show, the main draw that 50 men came on my show, I mean, that's, it was intimidating for them, right. Was the confidence, was the fact that I was unapologetically myself and that I should not tone myself down. And the right guy will not be intimidated because he won't be insecure.

Right? 50 dates. Any second dates?

Yes. We had a villain, Season one. Season two, we had a really great guy from la. And then season three, I. The last episode of the show, the Winner. There'd never been a winner season when I picked myself as the winner. Season two was like, whatever. Like, because I don't settle, and I'm not gonna do the bachelor thing where I'm gonna just, like, have him like, no, that's not me. Just like you said, not your. Well, not what your 20s are for. And I really wanted to challenge that notion of, like, success in dating. Why does it always have to be marriage or this commitment? Like, my parents got divorced when I was 2. Live a block away from each other, best friends. So that's success to me versus being romantically together. Right. And that was something I really was trying to show my audience. And then season three, I did decide to let the audience vote for a winner, and I actually ended up having feelings for the winner.

What happened? Okay.

She surprised me in New York. We were supposed to go live, like, our last date. And there was a knock on my door at this rock. And he was there.

Okay.

And we spent the weekend hanging out together. And he was like, this is the start of something amazing. And then I got to la, and I've never revealed this before, but I feel like I gotta do it with you.

Do it.

He would not fuck me.

Why did you guys hook up? When he was in New York, we made out.

We held hands. Like, you know, I have to say, I learned something recently, which is, like, pay so much attention to that first real date, not the virtual. Like, what are they saying? Because they're gonna tell you so much. And I remember, wow, I'm spilling so much tea. But, like, enough time has passed that I feel like it can do this for you. I remember we did the show, and he wasn't, like, very touchy with me on camera, which is fine. He just flew. Whatever. And then the show ends, and then we go out to get a drink, and then we're walking back to my apartment and we're making out in my lobby, and I was like, you know, he's not from here. He's never been. This was his first time in New York. So I was like, come upstairs and I'll call you an Uber. And he was like, we're in my lobby. Like, we're not in bed and I'm not taking his clothes up. And he's just like, I'm not going to sleep with you.

And I was like, was he joking? Because I've had guys go, don't you think I want to sleep with you? Nope.

Like, very, like, this isn't going to happen. And I was like, I wasn't going to sleep with you either. I was presumptuous, right? And I remember, like, I went home and just had like the worst, like, feeling in my stomach.

Like something that's the moment that, that's not right. Intuition in the moment. That's the stuff we listen to, but we don't. We override it all the time.

You don't want to believe it at all. At all.

You're like, oh, what's that pesky feeling telling me it's no.

And I was like, you know, you know, you know, he wasn't from the United States, so maybe he was different culturally. He's younger than me, like, and also so valid that you don't want to sleep with someone the first date. Especially if, like, you know, sex is whatever.

But.

But it just felt a little like I felt predatory.

Yeah, would he fool around? But he wouldn't hook up. But he wouldn't have sex. He's like, wouldn't. What do you mean he wouldn't fuck you? Like, you stand there going like, yes.

Like, exactly like that.

Naked. I'm naked and I'm gesturing towards my vulva right now. That's what.

Thrusting it essentially into thin air.

What part of this naked, sexy woman is not your jam? And then what did he say?

He said, I don't have a condom.

Which, like, that's what my prom date said. I mean, that's.

I was like, I flew all the way to Los Angeles, got a fucking nice ass hotel for you to not bring a condom when, you know you're seeing me for the weekend. Like, it just felt so good. Okay? And then it went to. And I said, I was like, you know, I'm on birth control. Like, I haven't had sex in forever because we're in a global pandemic. And like, I know I'm safe, but I can go downstairs and ask for the front desk for condom. Like, that's not. Getting a condom is like, not like.

The hurdle, the problem, right?

And then it was, I don't want to get you pregnant. And I was like, with all due respect, I don't want to be pregnant with your child.

So.

So immediately like, barrier up. And also, like, it's ironic because it's like, I'm usually the one on the other side to the guy being like, no, I want to take things sl. So all of a sudden it, like, was like, you can't convince someone to.

Want to have sex with you.

Like, it's a gross feeling, and it makes you feel extremely unwanted. And I felt very duped, to be honest. But I'm a very caring and understanding person, and I'm not someone who's going to pressure someone into having sex with me.

Right.

From New York to LA, there was a lot of FaceTimes and texting, and he sent me flowers on my birthday. And it was. I thought this guy was my fucking boyfriend.

Right?

And then I just remember that feeling of, like, all of a sudden, that intimacy. We could never get to the next level.

No.

Like, he blocked me beyond. And I was like, this isn't going anywhere.

Yeah. It doesn't sound like a healthy person.

Yeah, right?

Or not a healthy person, but not a great communicator. And that's what you learn. Confidence is so important. We'll get into your. Your confidence platform, but what about. What areas do you feel not confident?

It's not that I'm insecure. It's that I'm. I get it. I have moments of insecurity. Does that make sense? Like, I'm not an insecure person because I see myself, like, my best friend. Like, I really look at myself and I'm like, you are my best friend. Are there days that, like, the same way my past roommate, like, she comes in, she's kind of annoying me.

Yes.

But do I stop loving her? No. Are there things that I want her to improve? Yes. Like myself. There's always ways to improve yourself. I think that I grappled, you know, I became Serena fucking Care again, the queen of confidence. Because this Persona really helped me with the fact that, like, I didn't feel like I had this body type that maybe was marketed towards us in the Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Mary Kate Olsen era, you know, I wasn't stick thin. I had curves. I'm Latina. And that was something that I really struggled with for a while. But, you know, the more that I just talked myself in or to that relationship with myself, like, I would say the things that I get insecure about are more career. Like, I believe that I should have, like, destined to take over the world, but should have done it, like, yesterday. Like, everyone should know who I am, because the message that I have is so important. So sometimes I get insecure. I'm like, why isn't this happening faster? And then, as much as I know not to tone down my personality, I feel like I have to. Like, when people. When. If I go on a date with a guy and he doesn't know anything about the show or anything about who I am, and he asked me what I do for a living, I say, I make hard games, right? Because can a woman be successful and have as big as a personality and her name milling be fucking? And a guy's gonna be like, for sure, yeah. Cool.

Yeah. But let's say I meet someone out. I'm like, I don't want to get into, like, the sex thing. Because immediately they're like, what do you say? I'm a producer.

Exactly.

I say, I'm like, I produce. I work in media. What do you do? And then I bring it back. Because then the second you say sex, they're like. But I think that confidence can be like that as well. Like, oh, you're so confident. Or. You know what I mean? I could feel like they could be super judgmental in that way. Did you get that?

Yeah. More about the fact that, like, I had a dating show. It's like, that's the thing. Because it's like, they get to. If they want to snoop, they can see me dating. But it's under this. It's like a television show, right? It's like, it's a produced thing that I did, right. So it's not, you know, and as authentic and vulnerable as I tried to be on that show, ultimately it was entertainment, right?

So now, because now the world's opened up, like, you're going on, I have a date tonight. Tell me, how'd you meet him? How'd you meet this person?

I had to beat that up. The dating apps don't work for me. I. One of the prompts on my hinge is, dating me is like. And I respond, not like, my Instagram, you can judge me irl, smiley face. But this is the thing. It's like, that's what people do. They make these assumptions on the apps. And that's why I don't think now. I think during the pandemic, they were great, right? Because I really wanted to normalize FaceTime dating and that you can still create connections online, which is true. I did create a lot of connections with the men in my show. That being said, now that the world has opened up, like, I want to meet people spontaneously, organically, and I want my friends to vouch for me. And that. And the number one thing I get from people is, like, stream is actually way more chill in real life.

Okay. Yeah, exactly. So I get that. I mean, there is a Persona, you know, for sure if you're doing content all the time. Also, I'm wondering, with your confidence, like, how does it transfer into the bedroom?

Oh, my. So I'm not only confident. I'm an Aries. So I've been masturbating since I was. As soon as I could, like, stand up, I guess I would. I'm an only child. I had a lot of time on my hands. Clearly a lot of walls to stare at. And I literally masturbated so much as a child. Like, the point that, like, you know, the teachers, like, were like, Serena's, like, literally humping chairs, surfaces, tables, like, and, like, doing my little O face when I'm, like, 4 years old. Like, not giving a fuck. Like, that has been who I am since very little. And my parents are super liberal, super open. They're like, listen, we love this. Like, get in touch with yourself, but you literally cannot do it in public. You have do it in your room. But, like, I've always been very in touch with my sexuality. And to answer your question, like, in high school, I was desperate for intimacy because of my insecurities and not feeling beautiful and wanted and whatever. So I thought that that meant just having sex with someone, like, that was. That gave me that confidence, and it actually ended up making me feel pretty empty. Because when you just have sex with someone that you don't have feelings for, who doesn't care to get to know you beyond that, it's pretty. Pretty shitty.

It doesn't feel great. Yeah, it doesn't feel great.

And I remember my psychiatrist in high school was like, you need to get to know a guy, like, with your clothes on first. And I was like, I don't really understand. I'm kind of short. And so now, like, I. I keep a list. It's called groceries, obviously. And I have all. Every guy I've slept with. And, like, it's interesting. Like, it literally every year just gets tinier and tiny. It's a tinier. But, like, in high school, it was like, that was my mode of feeling confident. I really did gain confidence myself. Now I'm very picky in terms of me being in the bedroom. Like, I'm a bad bitch in the bedroom. Like, I know, like, I'm just a sexual person, and I know that's not definable. But, like, I watched tons of films growing up I love sex scenes. Like, I was a horny kid, you know, Sex and the City. Like, I never felt more connected to a character than Sam Jones. And in high school, I created a Twitter account called Sam Jones daughter, and I would tweet like her. The fact that I'm 15, 16 and I'm that connected to Samantha Jones, I mean, like, that's insane. Yeah, it's confidence. Like, I know I'm sexy. I'm not. You know, I get a lot of messages from women and girls being like, I'm scared. Like, I'm. I'm like, I'm. How do I be confident? On top? I'm like, that's how I come. Like, I better be on top. This motherfucker better switch flames with me because I'm one in control.

So you. That's what you do when you say a bad bitch, you're like, get. I'm getting on top. You know how to have your orgasm.

I will always orgasm if the guy can, like, keep up. You know? Like, it's like when they, like, get all, like, jackhammering, switch positions. I'm just like, let's calm down here. But yes, I know exactly how to make myself orgasm. And it's literally because, like, I hum tables from, like, 98.

Like, confidence is just. How would you describe it? Yeah, like, it's a. It's a state of mind. It's a state of.

It literally spills into every facet of your life. And that's why it's so unfortunate that, like, we live in this capitalist society that is predicated on us feeling insecure. Because when we're into here, we buy shit, buy makeup, weight loss products, and women especially, like, it's just, like, thrown in our face. And we were born with confidence. But if you really begin to treat yourself like your best friend, like, that same kindness. It's not like you. You don't always love your best friend. You can not like your best friend one day or disagree with them or think that they could have done something better. But regardless, you will never be nasty or demeaning to your best friend. You'll always try to make them feel better, whether they're getting ghosted. You'll be like, fuck that guy. Like, right? That kind of dialogue is something that I literally say to myself in front of my mirror. I mirrors everywhere. And that is really how you do it. And it will spill into everything. Because when you. Your best friend, if she came in and was like, I'm not, like, feeling sexy, like, what would you say to her? You'd be like, yeah, you're not sexy. It sucks. You probably suck in that too. No, you never say that. You go, how do we get sexy tonight? Like, what should we do? Should we put on some lingerie? Listen, Beyonce. So. So that kind of support you need to give to yourself, and it's exactly right. It's not about experience. You know, I think that that's a question I get a lot. Like, I'm not experienced enough. Like, so I'm not confident. I'm like, it has nothing to do with that because like, I wasn't experienced in starting a business or a card game. But that doesn't stop me from doing a great job. It's about having the confidence to do it and believing that you will get the hang of it. Right?

What was your steps then? You said, like looking in the mirror. And when those negative. Because the limiting beliefs is part of the human condition. Negative self talk. And I think, you know, the suffering, most of the suffering comes from our thoughts, I would say, in the group.

And it's about verbalizing them. Because if you got in front of your mirror and said half of the shit you're thinking about yourself, you'd be like, oh my God, that is so right mean. You would never. So that's why I'm like, get in front of your mirror even when you're having a bad day, even when you're not believing in yourself, even when you like, you know, get fired, anything. Get in front of the fucking mirror and talk to yourself like your best friend and see what happens. That's step number one. And this is something you have to do every day, every night, all the time. If I'm like walking by, like, you know, anything with a reflective surface, it can be a water bottle. You bet your ass I'm winking. It's a puddle on the street. I'm winking at that girl, right? Because I would wink at you or say hi to you if you were, you know, on the street and I recognized you. So why aren't we giving that same attention and love and recognition to ourselves? One, two. You can never speak badly about yourself. The way that you speak about yourself becomes who you are. So when I used to say, I'm the queen of confidence, and any press article from two years ago would have been like, Serena Kerrigan, the self proclaimed queen of confidence. Now you look me up, it's Serena Kerrigan, the queen of confidence. Because I manifested that for myself that I literally. People will just react to how you present. You really do write the script of your life. And so if you were like, I'm the baddest bitch in bad, you become the baddest bitch in bad. That's just how it is. So when I hear, like, my apartment, like, my company, like, no one is allowed to speak probably, about themselves. You can say a feeling. Because feelings go away. They're temporary.

So you teach them the difference between that saying, like, I'm feeling a little bit.

Yeah. Bloated. I'm not feeling sexy. Right. Feelings. Feelings go away. They're temporary. I'm feeling sad. Right? You're not feeling sad yesterday. But when you say, I am, that's it. Like, that's it. And I think it's. It's so funny because growing up, I heard that phrase, like, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I'm like, who is what? What were they smoking? Because words carry so much weight. I mean, like, we're storytellers. Like, that's what human beings are. So the way we verbalize things, and especially ourselves, is how the world will see us. Because we decide it's us. We are the baseline. Like, there's one person that has been with you your entire life, and guess what, bitch? It's you. And that's it. So that is the one. Yeah, that's one.

That's true. So what is the difference between you? When you were doing the dating show, and then if I'm on a date.

With you, I'm there to make people entertained. We're not doing the usual, like, you know, deep conversation. Like, I think I was trying to get them to talk about sex. Talk about, you know, the worst sex they've ever had. Or, like, you know, like, when have they masturbated in public? Or, like, shit like that? Because that. That. That's what keeps people, you know, entertained. But that's not me on a date.

So you're not going to talk about. When do you talk about sex with someone that you're dating?

I'm so open about sex. That's why I knew I was gonna love you. It just bothers me how puritanical this country is and how we're supposed to feel so ashamed. And I found a journal entry from when I was 12 years old.

Was it 12?

Yeah, it was 12 years old. And I gave a guy a hand job for the first time. And the guy told everyone, like, he was my best friend at the time that I had feelings for. I said, please don't tell anyone. I'm not going to school tomorrow. Of course, I told everyone. Principals found out. They called my parents. My mom literally looks at me. She goes, just use a condom.

Bless.

Love her. But I remember writing in my diary, and I have it. It's incredible that I wrote this at 12 years old, but I literally said, I don't understand why everyone is calling him a pimp in a good way and me a slut in a bad way.

Right?

Like that. Like noticing that double standard when I'm so young and had the first sexual experience from anyone in my grade, I noticed immediately I was being treated very, very.

And so I feel like it's kind of my duty. Like, I'm sure maybe you feel too.

To normalize should be so normal. It should be like, what the fuck? Yeah. What's bad? Like, what. What. What's a scenario where. Yeah. Where you're with somebody and you're like, the jackhammer move.

Like, what the fuck?

Yeah. Whoa. We were so anti jackhammer because they don't know because of porn. And that's what they show, you know?

Oh, also the making out for three seconds and just sticking it in.

Like, do you say no? Are you, like, stop me? I obviously do. And hopefully they've listened to my show so I don't have to deal with that.

I say no. I say, first of all, where. Where's the fucking condom? Like, whoa. And like, it's just so elementary. Like, it's just like, are you a kid? Like, what? Like, what?

People don't know because they watch porn. And that's what happens in porn. And a lot of porn. That's where it happens.

Correct. So I think, like, you know, just. I grew up screaming penis, penis, playing the penis game. Like, when were vaginas talked about? Like, when was that?

We weren't. Masturbation wasn't talked about. I love that your parents didn't shame you. I think this is probably part of it, being confident that you don't have those issues, like, what I'm talking to people about all day long.

And, like, I would, like, hunt my coffee table and my mom would be, like, doing her work and I'd like.

How do you masturbate now?

I have vibrators. You know, I'm not gonna lie. Like, I still like furniture. Like, I'm sorry I grew up that way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pillows, furniture, people. No people.

Like, I love a table. I just do.

How do you do it on a table? I'm serious. It's hard. It's like, you're gonna normalize this because you're not the Only one is what I'm saying. People are like, I hump a pillow. It's like this. So it's the corner of the table.

It's the corner of the table. And people are like, that hurts. And I'm like, it literally, like, it hits your clit, like, right. It's just a really good pressure point. Well, I'm just revealing so much. But you're like. I'm like, why is it. Why is it a big deal? It's internalized. Misogyny is killing.

This is it. I know. This is it. Bring it out.

It's killing me, but it's like, every one of my fans is like, what vibrator do you use? And I'm like. Like, I have them here. I just.

You guys, your thing.

I grew up humping tables, so why would I stop?

Yeah, you just go to a Kia or something or maybe Restoration Hardware, right?

Oh, my God. It would be my heaven. And honestly, like, when I was, like, just moved into this apartment, and my interior designer was like, I'm thinking a round table for. And I was like, oh, round. We don't do roundtables here. Corners only, bitch.

We're gonna take a quick break, but we come back. I asked Serena how she approaches someone she's interested in.

So you call it your hoaring 20s, or we're all going into the horn 20s.

Let me just, like, paint a photo for you. Like, paint a picture. Last Wednesday, I threw a party called the horn twenties. Then, like, out all night. Best night ever. Like, on a Wednesday. Like, no one parties on a Wednesday. People are partying.

People are partying all the time now. Everything's open. Everything's.

Everything is open.

Yeah.

Thursday, I take an ice cream truck. Like, literally, I'm riding an ice cream truck to Marquee to see Testo.

Okay.

I walk into a bathroom.

Fun.

I meet a girl there. She brings me to her table. I ended up going home with a guy. Now not sleeping with him.

Okay, no judgment.

No. No judgment. But I do. Like, there's some degree where I do want to know. There needs to be, like, more.

We want the emotional connection sometimes. Are you a good guy? Are you someone that I actually want to be with? Am I really drunk and making this decision right now based on that?

Correct. Then the next night, out with a bunch of friends, make out with someone on the street. Literally don't care. Making out. I was like, whatever. Like, no one. Or honestly, like, have the sniffles, but whatever. It's like. And then it's post Covid, baby, and Then Friday, went to Lava, which is like a club I hadn't been since high school to see DJ Pauly D. Like, then I hooked up with a guy, made out with a guy that night.

Walk me through you hooking up with these guys. Do you go up to them and you're like, I'm Serena fucking Kerrigan. We're making. How do you. How do you do that? How do you go up and just start making out now?

I don't. I don't go up. I don't make the first move. Prizes don't chase winners. So.

So they come up to you.

Yes, I'm telling you, confidence is so fucking.

Tell me. Let's get into this. So what?

I think there's something about approachability. Like, I'm smiling. Like, I am one of the most positive people I know. I'm the girl that's going to guarantee be happy. Not to say I don't have my downfalls, but, like, when I'm in a party environment, like, I'm smiling. I'm very social, outgoing. And I think that because they're feeling insecure, maybe and guarded, they reject before they can get rejected. So they reject the environment. They're like, this is like. So, like. Like what? Right? Because they're afraid that if they were, like, smiley, that someone wouldn't be like, who are you? Get out of here.

Yes.

Which, by the way, doesn't work. That's not how it works. Like, if you are smiling, you're having the best fucking time and you're just dancing because you want to dance, and you don't give a shit about what anyone else is doing. People just become obsessed. And people, like, are obsessed with me. Sorry, but it's true. I'm not even apologizing because I. I'm there to have fun for me, right?

I'm not there if you're not having fun. Right? And have fun wherever you go, right? When you show up there, like, be in the moment.

That's my pet peeve. When I hear, like, get all these questions, like, how do I get a boyfriend? Like, how do I get a guy to notice me? See, that's the thing. It's like, you're going in with this objective to get validation from externally. When your validation should come from within. You should be noticing you. How much fun are you having? Are you with your friends? Like, are you feeling good in your skin and what you're wearing? Like, that is all that that's in me. Happiness comes from within, from you. But more importantly, beauty comes from within. That's what my mom always told me. He said, like, the most beautiful person, if they're not happy with themselves, and then as a result, like, they're not fun to hang out with. They're negative, they're nasty, they put others down, they're cocky, but they're really insecure. They're not that beautiful. I have a very low tolerance, very low tolerance for women that are very insecure. Like, I just don't want to be around it because it just sucks the life out of everything. It really does. Like, it's like, they just are like, I'm sorry for. Like, I just, like, shouldn't have said that.

Like.

Like, oh, my God, that girl's over there. Like, whoa, dude. Like, when you are happy with yourself, you're just happy with everyone else. And you want everyone else to be happy. But if you're not happy with yourself, you're gonna fucking tear them down to lift yourself up.

That's what it's about, right? Exactly. So where do you start? If people are listening, they say, well, I wish I could. You know, I want to be happier, but if I only lose 10 pounds or if I get this job, I get the guy. So how do you. What would you. Where would you start with people?

Look at yourself fucking mirror and tell your best friend that you love her. And the other day, someone DM me being like, I'm scared. I'm like, you're scared? You're scared to look in the mirror. You don't weigh scarier.

Shit.

Taking the SAT so scary. Having a baby is scary. Going this podcast. No, it's not really scary, but there's so many things that are so scary. And the fact that you can't confront your own image of this consistency in your life, the only one that's guaranteed to be with you your whole life, that is very problematic. And that is something that you need to just fucking work right through. There's a lot of things that we don't want to do in life. I don't want to do my taxes. Like, I don't sometimes want to suck dick. But, like, we do it and we do it. Smile so you're going to do it.

Well, it's funny, when you're talking to looking in the mirror, you could say, while you're there, you should just kind of move the mirror down and take a look at your between.

I love it. So it's like, I know, I love that full view.

Literally. Do the work, please, when you're talking to them, because that's what I'm saying all the time, they won't. They won't look at their face. Now. I don't feel as bad that they were like, I can't look at my vulva. They don't even look at their face. They won't even talk to themselves in the mirror. We got a lot of work to do here, Serena.

I've heard, like, comments from, like, younger men. Like, I'm talking, like, 24, 25, being, like, commenting on vaginas, the way they look and, like, it's the worst.

So vagina shaming.

To me, the shaming. I don't know if I have a pretty objective. I don't know. But I love that practice of, like, you. Same way you look at your face and say you love the body, the vulva.

It's the one you have.

I'm spreading my legs after this.

See, this is good. This is great. I love. I love this, Serena.

But I think, like, it's that and, like, really being as disciplined with that. And like, I've had 150 clients that confidence coached ranging from 14 to 60. And the women that it was, the majority were women that really did this, became confident and happy and were like, whoa. And it's a completely different way.

And it sticks. They stick.

That's removing. You can never see value about yourself. The feeling, not, like the being, you know, like, you can say you feel whatever feelings go away, but you can. You just can't.

You have to.

You can't. Okay. But I think, like, going back to the horn 20s just for a second.

Like, flow sex with Emily horn 20s.

I'm just curious, like, what is going to happen after this summer? Because I think this summer is about, like, making up for lost time and not giving a fuck and, you know, being half naked and making out with guys that, you know, Lavo and marquee bathroom. But what. What's the shift when it gets colder for some and, like, cutting season begins, you know, because it's weird. It's like I'm in the camp of, like, let's do whatever the fuck we want, hook up with who we want. Nothing matters. But at the same time, I've never seen more people being. Getting engaged on my newsfeed, like, in my life.

Yeah. Not everyone's going to feel comfortable. And that's the thing. Going out and having sex. And if you weren't comfortable with it before, I think for some people who are always doing that, like, I'm sure you were probably going into bars and kissing, making out people before. So I think it's the people who are like. Like, the pandemic was like, I literally can't go out and make out with someone. But I also want to say to listeners that if. If it's not your vibe, that's okay too. Like, don't feel that you have to go out and be. I have a horn 20s. I.

You know, see, I call it the summer fox. And this is why, because it's like the summer fucking for some, but the summer of not giving a fuck, you know, and just living your life or doing things that fuck. Which is what I say. I say like this Fox, like, card game Fox, your podcast Fox. So really, like, it's. I think it's the summer of just like living.

Yeah. And let it go all the. Because what holds us back a lot is our beliefs about how other people could have judge us. What do they think? Am I doing the right thing about us? They're not. No one's thinking about. No one gives up. No one is thinking about. Nope. No one does. So we got a few questions on Instagram. So someone says, how can I not feel awkward after hooking up with someone for the first time?

Like, like in the morning?

Yeah. She's like, yeah, how can that feel awkward? She probably woke up in the morning, felt awkward.

I think. Well, what I think the really, the question is, like, what is making you feel awkward? What is awkward about sex? Like, you know, I mean, personally, this is what I do when I wake.

Up in the morning.

I don't look like this. I don't look like this when I.

Wake up in the morning.

Like, I, like, I'm like a chameleon. Okay. Like, I just, like, I don't look. I maybe look a little more just different. Not that just different. I get very insecure about my breasts and. And just like my drool and like, that's so. I. This is so funny. I haven't shared this either. But, like, I wake up and I'm like, I gotta go to the bathroom. Like, I just gotta, like, get there and like that. Like, it takes me a minute to get comfortable, to, like, weasel on out. But when I do, like, that is kind of my way of, like, not feeling, like, getting rid of that awkwardness in the morning. Maybe like, after you got, like, do you kiss? Like, what? Go to the bathroom, find that Listerine, and if you find toothpaste, you can go like this. It just. It makes me feel more confident.

Right.

Wash your face, brush your hair, if you can find one. I don't know what Three in one shampoo that guy has. But whatever, that's what makes me feel better. And then there's the kind of, like, that break already where it's like, okay, that was that. And. And then you can see from there.

And then you can even go in the mirror and talk to yourself. You're like, I'm fucking awesome. He's lucky, you know? Got to fuck me. What helps you feel sexy when you do feel down, how do you feel sexy?

I mean, to be honest with you, like, I believe fully and, like, getting out that, like, outfit or lingerie or, like, getting dressed up to go see your friends going out, like, putting on that outfit makes you feel really good. Blasting Beyonce, throwing on lipstick, and dancing in front of your mirror, like, and just being the hottest bitch at the club, like, look at me.

That.

That's really what does lift me up. And what really did for a while, like, I had videos of me in, like, college like, doing that. So.

Yeah, no, it's true. Yeah. Put on music. Touch yourself. Get to know yourself. Masturbate. Bring. Circulate the sexual energy.

Oh, yeah, sorry. Mastering is like. Like, it happens all the time. So, like, yes. Masturbation for.

Maybe that's why also, it helps you. Because I just. I'm such on the masturbation. I'm always telling people, matt, the more you masturbate, the better you're going to feel sex.

Because, like, it. Sex is just like, I know what I like.

Yeah. You go to the club, you're. You've just masturbated. Like, you're feeling in your power. You're c. That energy. For a lot of people, they're waiting for their partners to give them an orgasm. It's like, give yourself the old orgasm. Yeah, we're speaking the same language here, Serena. Thank you so much for being here, Serena fucking Kerrigan. I'm going to ask you the five quickie questions we ask all of our guests.

Okay? Here we go.

Okay. What is your biggest turn on?

My biggest turn on. I love, like, a backwards baseball cap or, like, calves or arms or, like, a big dick. Not, like, too big, though. And, like, whispers in the ear. Wow, I'm getting a warning. Does that happen on your podcast?

Yes, all the time. What's your biggest turn off, turn off?

Trump.

What makes good sex?

Communication.

What would you tell your younger self about sex and relationships?

Keep masturbating, bitch.

What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex?

That it's the least shameful thing ever and it is the one fucking reason we're on the planet is to fuck.

Wow. Good. Thanks Serena. Serena fucking Kerrigan. How can people find you Serena Care.

Again On TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, you name it and let's date. If you want to buy my card.

Game, let's fucking Congratulations on all of that. We'll also put this in the show notes, a link to all of your your your materials and your information. Thank you so much for Serena for being here.

I had so much fun. Literally so much.

Such a good time. Good luck.

That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like subscribe and subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to podcasts and share this with a friend or a partner. Believe me, if you got something out of this episode, they will too. We release two to three episodes a week. Find me at Instagram, YouTube, Facebook and Twitter. It's all sexwithemily. If you'd like to ask me a question about sex or dating relationships, email me feedbackexwithemily.com or sexwithemily.com.

And check out my website. We have so many great articles diving deep into topics like how do I have multiple orgasms? How do I last longer in bed? How do I stop thinking about my ex? What sex toy should I try? And so much more. Sign up for weekly Emails I've been told I give really good emails. I do. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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