Sexy Self Improvement

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When people crack open the pint of ice cream or the bag of chips and before you know it, you know the pint is gone or that they feel like failures, they're like, why didn't I have the self control? But the truth is that those foods are not designed to be consumed in moderation.

The basics get the results. It's not doing all this fancy sh t. What like gets the results is weight training and cardio, period.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Anything worth having takes time, whether that's a better sex life, a deeper relationship, or an awesome relationship with your body. But staying consistent is hard.

I get it.

We get bored, we get rebellious, we want to cut corners or we're human after all. That's why if we want to meet goals, any goal, we have to create rituals. And the key to sticking with them, Identifying your why. So on today's best of show, I'm talking to Max Lugavere, the host of the Genius life podcast, and Jennifer Cohn, host of Habits and Hustle, to give us the lowdown on sexy self improvement. Max gives me the scoop on food addiction and its similarities to porn addiction, how daily sunlight improves our health and how processed foods short circuits our satiety signals. Jennifer tells me the three habits successful.

People all have in common, how to.

Get your partner on board for working out and the correlation between exercise and sex drive. Get out your grocery lists and gratitude journals because after this episode you'll be totally inspired to start small habits for big self growth. Intentions with Emily for each episode, join me in setting an intention for the show. I do it, I encourage you to do it. So my intention here was to help you find a healthy relationship with the things that give you pleasure so we're not repressed but also not addicted. And to do that, it's all about creating self aware habits. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen. My new article, what your favorite sex position says about you is up on sexwithemily.com also check out my YouTube channel for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, just call my hotline 559-talk-SEX or 559-825-5739. Leave me your questions or message me at sex with emily.com askemily all right everyone enjoyed this episode.

Foreign.

Lugaver is a filmmaker, health and science journalist and the author of the New York Times best selling Genius Foods Become smarter, happier and more productive while protecting your brain for life. Published in eight languages around the globe. He's also host of the number one iTunes Health podcast the Genius Life. You can find him at Max Lugaver on Instagram, Hegenius Life podcast and wherever you listen to your podcast, it's the Genius Life.

Thank you for being here and congratulations on your new book.

Thank you.

The Genius Life.

That's the name of the book.

That is the name of the book. Following your New York Times bestseller Genius Foods Become smarter, happier and more productive while protecting your brain for life, which was really a wonderful book that you wrote. I know. Cause you found out your mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and you went on a journey to really heal her. Until now you end up healing yourself and millions of people.

Yes, my mom was sick. She at a young age developed dementia and I had a background in journalism. Yeah, Alzheimer's is the most common form of dementia. Yeah, it can get confusing. There are different types of dementia. There's vascular dementia, which is the second most common form. My mom actually had a very rare form called Lewy Body dementia. But because there's a relative dearth of information on Lewy Body dementia, I kind of focused on Alzheimer's disease in my research just because there's just a bounty of it. There's more of It.

But yeah, my first book was a nutritional care manual to the brain.

Right.

And the genius life is really more of a care manual for the body. So for people looking to optimize their metabolic health, you know, prevent things in accordance with what we currently know, the best available evidence about dementia prevention, cancer prevention, heart disease prevention, it's sort of like a guide to that while also helping you get your body into the best shape possible with the least amount of obsession and effort. It's going to take some effort, but it's all about efficiency.

Yeah, that's what I like. That's how I felt when I read your first book. I was like, oh God. We got, we were all reading in here. We really tried it. We felt really good. I learned a lot. I eat more eggs and avocados now and everything. But in this book it's like you actually made it easy for me to understand like why like lights could be, like my lights could be so harmful in my home.

Yeah, it's super important. I mean, nutrition is just one part of the story. I mean, you could be checking all the boxes, dotting all the I's, checking, you know, crossing all the T's, but if you're not, if you're not cognizant of the fact that the environment affects our health in a profound way, in a way that most of us aren't even conscious of, you're really ahead of the game. It's such a major, major part of having good health, of feeling good, even feeling energized and feeling happy. I mean, the environment plays such a huge role.

Exactly in that. You say that food addiction is much like porn addiction.

Porn addiction is a relatively new area. I mean, we've only had the kind of mass proliferation of porn that we, that we currently see just for the past couple of decades. But when I was doing my research and writing the book and I was looking up anecdotal reports of how people kind of experience this porn addiction, what they were saying about it was so similar to how people feel when they're addicted to hyper processed junk foods. And I was actually shocked by that. So when you think about it, like ultra processed foods that line our supermarket shelves, they trick our brains like they send off our reward trip wires in the same way that porn does. Right. I mean these foods are hyper palatable. They bring together these flavors, these mouths, feels these sensations that are, you know, I mean, to say that they're delectable to the human brain would be an understatement. And so what that does is it creates over consumption. You know, it creates this insatiable appetite the same way that you kind of feel sometimes, like when you're exposed to pornography. And I'm not placing judgment on either of them. There's a time and place for both. Right.

It's a time and place for Cheetos and a lot of porn, but we all have those moments. However, if it's too often too much, too many processed foods and too much porn, you're never going to be satiated and you're always going to have a craving and then you're overall, you're not going to be sexually healthy or physically healthy, which I thought was great. I love hyper palatable.

Hyperpalatable. Yeah. For me, I mean, because porn is hyper palatable. Like when in human history would a male have, I mean, not to say that women don't appreciate porn, can't appreciate porn either, but when in human history would a male have access to like the kinds of, like all, just all the different permutations of porn that there.

Are and all at once?

Yeah. And by the way, like, I'm a male, okay. I'm in my mid-30s, so it's like I've watched porn. Like, I will confess, and there are times in my past when I've watched porn. And while. And I think this is pretty common because I have male friends, I've got younger brothers. When you're watching porn, you're already thinking about the next video that you want to click on while you're watching the current video.

Yeah.

Like, what else can I go? Where can I leap from to, you know, from here before you even.

Okay, right.

And that's the same thing that I think happens when people are hooked on these ultra processed foods. They're like eating. They've got one mouthful and they're already thinking about the pleasure that they're going to get from the next mouthful.

Like, you can't eat just one. Right. It's the same thing and you're not satisfied. You're absolutely right. So then what the hell do we do when everything is processed? Like, what about people who say, like, it's a lot of work, but I'm in a rush, I don't have time. That's what's available to me.

What I like to advocate for are essentially a diet that excludes these ultra processed foods for the most part. I think an 8020 rule is fine, but then you can have planned indulgences. So I actually like to call them planned indulgences. I don't like to call them cheat meals because, yeah, you just feel bad because then you feel bad.

Cheating, bad branding on a cheat day. Take that back. Yeah, I like it.

Exactly. So the plant indulgence, so you can have them in moderation. But generally what I think is so important that most people don't have, and that's what I'm trying to drive home, is that it should at least be informed consent. I think oftentimes.

When people crack open the pint of ice cream or the bag of chips, and before you know it, the pint is gone, they feel like failures. They're like, why didn't I have the self control? But the truth is that those foods are not designed to be consumed in moderation. And I think with porn, it is informed consent. It's like, I know I'm gonna indulge a little bit right now in this.

Give me another one and another one. So how can you learn to be healthy? Like, where do we.

Well, I think there's a few easy things to do. First of all, realize what these ultra processed foods are going to do to your. To your willpower, to your fragile, finite resource that is your willpower, and try to avoid them as best you can. And the way that I think that is most effective to do that is to, aside from those plant indulgences, to not even try them, you know, to just cut them out of your diet. You're not a failure if you cheat here or if you have that plant indulgence. No way. I'm not placing moral judgment on this, but just to have that informed consent so that you can kind of build your diet around minimally processed foods. The other recommendation that I make that I think is pretty groundbreaking in the book that the fitness community has appreciated for a long time, is to prioritize protein. So protein is actually the most satiating macronutrient. It's very hard to overindulge in protein. When was the last time you. You binged on chicken breast or fish or whatever?

I ate the whole roasted chicken. Yeah, that doesn't happen.

It doesn't happen. It like snipes your appetite in a really powerful way. So at every meal, make that the centerpiece. I mean, if you think about the last time you overindulged on carbs and fat, which.

Which they're so good.

Yeah, they are good, but it's basically pure energy, you know, and your average person is walking around. I mean, a pound of fat carries about 3,000 calories worth of energy. So I mean, when you look at statistics, you know, one in two adults by the year 2030 are on track to be obese. And I'm, you know, not shaming anybody here, but we're all carrying a little bit of extra weight. You know, statistically, for the most part, that's essentially energy. Focus on protein, and you're gonna be less inclined to eat, you know, all the other stuff. And protein, by the way, it's super important for building and maintaining le mass, which we know is important as we age. You lose lean mass. It's got a metabolic advantage. Actually, protein is like. There's a thermic effect. So actually, a third of the calories that you consume via protein, you just burn off via digestion alone.

Because I want everyone to be healthy.

Right?

And again, you guys, I have cookies, I have sweets. I do things. I'm not perfect. Because if you run that line of being like a monk about this, you're gonna fail.

Well, here's the thing.

How do we get people to. Because I think your book, like I said, I'm so into your book. I mean, all genius foods, and it's really. I'm amazed when things really actually stick with me. So thank you. But I want that for everybody because I feel like a lot of what could be, you know, sex. Stress is one of the biggest killers of our sex drives.

Yeah.

Sex anxiety, stress. So.

Well, stress is a huge killer of the sex drive. But also, at the end of the day, I mean, I think food, when it comes to. When it comes to sex, is super important. Like, when you're healthy, you're horny. Okay. I mean, seriously, like, nature doesn't want you.

Healthy and horny could be the title of the show. I'm just gonna call it now.

There you go.

Healthy and horny.

Okay.

Yeah, we have fun. Funs and names. Yeah.

I mean, I talk about foods in the book that are actually gonna improve blood flow to the brain, but those same foods are gonna improve blood flow.

To your nether regional.

So your penis. Right. Doesn't end your vagina, your vulva, your.

Analogous, you know, organs in the. In the female anatomy as well.

It absolutely does.

Right? So this is.

We're talking about blood flow. And so much of the problem with. With sex, why you're not getting turned on and aroused is because of your restricting blood flow through your diet through not exercising.

Yeah.

And by the way, reduced blood flow. Erectile dysfunction is one of the earl of heart disease.

Exactly.

Yeah.

I mean, so you really want to get a handle on this and just to, you know, leave some foods for the audience, if you're listening, you could eat, like, foods like beets and arugula, which are the top sources of dietary nitrate, seriously boosts levels of nitric oxide, which enhance vasodilation.

Yeah, okay.

One single meal, actually, one meal, one high nitrate meal actually can improve blood flow to the brain, which is incredible. And also watermelon and, you know, the brain up top and the brain down below as well.

Have you noticed a difference? Since when did you get start changing your diet? Around seven years ago or.

I've always been very health conscious, but I was health conscious in accordance with. I was health conscious on the surface level. I did what they told me to do. I ate. The food pyramid recommended 6 to 11 servings of grains per day. And it's no secret, I mean, I.

Talk about this in the book, that.

My energy levels were like a roller coaster all throughout.

Throughout the day.

You know, I was starving in between meals. You know, every day I felt like I would need, like, a nap. And this is because, you know, when we're eating foods that are very high in refined carbohydrates, which are what typify the standard American diet, it basically sends our blood sugar, like, it's like a roller coaster, essentially. And we have periods of being hyperglycemic, periods of being hypoglycemic, and it's just a really uncomfortable state to be in. So once I cleaned up my diet and I really started building my diets around, building my diet around foods that were high in nitrates, like beets, dark leafy greens, you know, micronutrients, like magnesium, folate, iodine, things like that, my energy levels subsided and I just, you know.

I've never crave it. Right. Like, then you're like, why would you go back? Once you kind of make this, it's good nutrition.

I mean, you know, it's sort of like you, I guess, like an evolutionary switch gets flipped where it's like your body knows what's good for you. There's this, you know, wisdom of the body honed by millions of years of evolution. I think too frequently the signal gets lost in the noise of modern life and the cravings and the poor sleep and all that stuff. But if we just are able to better tap in, you know, it's not something that a smartphone is going to.

Be able to tell you. We literally just need to learn how.

To better tap into our bodies and they'll tell us what we need.

They do tell us what we need. You're so right. Yeah. And we can still do. Dark chocolate, which I like.

Yes.

That's a genius food.

It's genius food. You're right.

I remember blood flow.

Blood flow, all of that, but not a lot of fruit. Right.

I'm not big on the high sugar fruits. Like tropical fruits. Like, I'm not a big, big banana eater. I don't even.

I know we're talking about, like, no more bananas. I'm so sad, but I get it.

Yeah. It's just like, you know, these fruits are cultivated to contain more starch and sugar than ever before in human history. They're flown to our supermarkets 365 days a year from various, you know, tropical climes. And, you know, from an evolutionary perspective, fruit was available for the. For the majority of our evolution seasonally. And also they looked a lot different than they do today. So it's an onslaught of sugar into the system, and it really disrupts what's called homeostasis. You know, like, at any given moment, your entire blood volume has about one teaspoon of sugar in circulation. The minute you drink a glass of orange juice or eat a banana, you're basically putting three to four to five to six teaspoons of sugar straight into that system. And your body's got to play cleanup. Like, there's, you know, essentially garbage men in the system.

It's true.

Yeah. That have to, like, come out and get rid of that sugar. Because otherwise sugar is toxic. It damages proteins that it comes into contact with. And. And it's just not a good. It's not a good roller coaster to be on. So I think it's a better idea to build your diet around low sugar fruits. Avocado, blueberries, strawberries, bell peppers, tomatoes, things like that.

That's an easy way to start. What are some other simple things we can do? Because I know when we move, like, I love that you have hacks for, like, easy exercise in here. Like, I was like, oh, I can do it in like, 10 minutes or less.

Yeah, yeah. Ways of getting. Of making your workouts more efficient with high intensity interval training. This is great. This is. I mean, I loved reading this because I personally hate doing cardio. Not to shame people who love doing cardio. I know there are those people, but I am not. I've never enjoyed getting on a treadmill and doing those, like, long runs. So, you know, to do something like high intensity interval training, so taking something like sprints or getting on a bicycle and giving like an all out, you know, giving it your all for 10 to 20 to 30 seconds, and then Resting a little bit and then doing that again. Studies show that you can basically achieve the same boost in your cardiorespiratory fitness as 45 minutes of doing 10 minutes high intensity ultral training compared to 45 minutes of steady state cardio, which is amazing. That's like five times the efficiency.

Exactly.

It's like running stairs, like running sprints. You could do that anywhere.

Exactly.

That's why I love it. Okay, that's good. That's easy. We can all do that. I really want to talk to you about how the light from our screens are with our health. What do we do?

Yeah, it's.

I know the glasses and turn it down, but how bad is it?

Well, it's super important. So I mean, light is an important time setter. Our bodies are. We're rhythmic beings. You know, there was that new radical song, you've got the music in you. I love that song. But yeah, so you want to basically, basically make sure that you're getting bright light from the sun, you know, in the first half of the day before noon, getting that bright light. So about a half an hour of 1000 lux of light. So I actually have an app on my phone, it's called Lux. And you can basically measure light intensity in your ambient surroundings. And even on an overcast day, the light from the sky is at least 1000 lux. And so what that does is basically activates proteins in your eye that then activates a region of the brain that's sort of like your body's master clock and that primes you for daylight associated activity. So feeling focused and happy and energized are really going to be encouraged when you get this bright light in through your eyes. But if you consider the fact that 93% of our time today is spent indoors, it's a major reason why people. I think one of the many reasons why people are walking around almost zombified. You know, they don't feel super happy, they don't feel super energetic. You need light. The other thing is that people who are older, there's a natural coloring that occurs to the lens of the eye as we age. It's just an inevitable part of aging. But it's going to make us less light sensitive as we get older. So you might actually need more time in the sun in that morning as compared to like a young, a much younger person. And so this is one of the reasons why I think it's so common to see older adults say, I just don't, I don't sleep as well as I used to. I mean, that is such a common complaint.

Exactly.

I think it has something to do with the fact that we're all plunged into this always indoor kind of lifestyle, and I think our older adults are suffering from it. But then also, your ability to synthesize vitamin D tends to falter as you get older. So it becomes even more important, I think, as we age, to spend time getting good quality light in through our eyes in the first half of the day, making sure that we're exposing our skin to sun. Not burning, mind you, but just getting enough exposure to the sun on our skin so that we'll have healthy levels of vitamin D, which I define in the book as being between 40 to 60 nanograms per milliliter. You can get that tested via your doctor. It's a very simple and cheap blood test. As we get older, we need a little bit more tlc. See, in terms of making your bedroom optimal, optimizing your bedroom for sleep quality, you want to make sure that it's cool. You keep it at a temperature of around 65 degrees, give or take. I mean, that could be pretty cool for some people. I mean, you get under the covers, warm yourself up. But that ambient cooler temperature has been shown to actually encourage higher quality sleep because our body temperature actually drops while we sleep. So that kind of supports that. But then also, there was a really interesting study that found that when people slept in an environment that was cooled to 65, 66 degrees, that they saw a proliferation of a kind of fat called brown fat. Now, brown fat is actually very good fat.

Oh, God. So hard to remember that. Okay, brown fat is good.

Brown fat is good. It's not the kind of fat that we gather on our hips and on our waistlines. It's very sparsely located in the body. Sparsely, Sparsely. It's basically metabolically active fat. So it actually burns other fat. It burns the kind of fat that we don't like, and it burns sugar and calories. So by sleeping in a cool room, it's actually really good for metabolic health and it's good for sleep quality as well. You want to make sure that the room is dark. We're now seeing studies showing that even.

Like low light, like candlelight, almost can affect next day cognitive function. So blackout curtains are great. And if you can't put up blackout curtains for whatever reason, a good eye mask works as well.

We're going to take a quick break, but stick around. When we get back, we're going to talk to Jen Kohn all about the secrets to building Habits that don't lead to burnout.

Jennifer Cohen is a best selling author, brand strategist, international speaker and educator with a specific focus on building healthy habits to drive positive behavioral change. She was named 100 most influential people in Health and Fitness and she's also the podcast host of Habits and Hustle and co founder of the Good Human Foundation. You can find her on Instagram at therealjencohn.

You have so many businesses, several businesses. You're a mom and you still work out every day. And so my question for you is, I feel like it's such a huge struggle for people. Like, I have no time, I have no time. It's like, well, there's 20, we all have the same 24 hours in a day. So like what's the first thing that you say to people who like complain that they don't have time to work?

First thing I want to say this, I think that you, you make it a priority. So do you have time to brush your teeth? Do you have time to take a shower? Do you have time to eat a meal? I mean you, it's all about creating a routine or a lifestyle that you work within. So for me or for people who don't like to work out, I get it. Like it's. Especially if it's the hardest part is the beginning and the starting. So if you build something into your schedule and you have it down that you are going to do something, it's much easier to actually implement it. And once you do it over and over and over again, it becomes a habit. And so I'm all about creating habits and rituals to be successful. Right? So like anything else, you have to create fitness. You've got to create exercise as a habit. It's a non negotiable for me because of all the other benefits that come with it.

Here's the thing, it's funny when you were saying that I always say to people about sexual though, I'm like, I understand you're dreading it, you're not in the mood. But honestly you guys, it's like going to the gym. I'm like, the hardest part is getting your shoes on and getting out the door. But once you start having sex, you're like, oh, I'm so glad we did that. And then same thing goes for working out.

It's actually exactly the same thing.

It literally is the same thing. You're like, oh God, there's time. Then you get there, you're like, you're never like, I wish I didn't go to the gym for an hour ever.

Absolutely. And the problem is once you stop doing something right, that becomes your new normal. Right?

Exactly.

Like it could be with sex, it could be with anything.

Anything. So let's talk about it. Tell me, what are some just core things? Like how do you build a new habit?

I think the best way to build a new habit is starting small and not overwhelming yourself. So you don't want to start with, I'm going to do this, this, this and this and that. Pick one thing and make that the thing that you're going to focus on and do a little bit of it. So let's say, for example, it's exercise, right? So say, you know, before I leave my house or whatever, I'm going to do 10 minutes, minutes of working out and there's no excuse anymore. You can go onto YouTube, Instagram, there's a bazillion, a bazillion workout videos, right? And commit to yourself, commit that you're going to do 10 minutes of exercise. Chances are that 10 minutes will turn into 20 minutes or 30 minutes and it becomes, like I said, over time, it becomes something that you want to do or because you feel weird and uncomfortable if you don't do it. Right? Right. So starting small and picking one thing is really the, to answer your question, the best way to get started.

And it seems like typically it's like all the stuff I've read about habits like do it in the morning, like build it upon something else you're already doing. Absolutely. Like if you brush your teeth, then do 10 squats after you brush your teeth.

That's why I always tell people what's the best time to work out? Truthfully, in the morning, the first thing. Because the truth is, as time goes on through the day, you get more tired, more things pile up, up, and chances are 50% of the time you're going to not do it. I say, you know what, wake up 30 minutes early. It clears your head before you open your phone. So for me, I like to exercise even before I even like check my phone because that will be the biggest time suck of your life. Okay? The phone will time suck you where? Then it's like you look at 6 o', clock, it turns out to be 7 o' clock doing nothing. It hasn't benefited you at all. You're going to look at someone else working out, you're gonna look at someone else doing something when you could be taking that time for yourself and doing something that will benefit you and help you.

Okay?

So I've been A workout person. You know, probably my whole, like about 30 years. I really. I didn't grow up working out, but like, I went to college and then I just realized I slowly started running 10 minutes and then 20 minutes. And then I, you know, ran marathons and I've been very much into exercise. And I know so many people, though, like friends, listeners, everyone. And they're like, no matter what, I try it, I do it, but I'll never like it. And do you think there are those people who. Who just never will enjoy it, but they have to do it? Or do you think if you get to a certain point that everybody's gonna learn to love it?

See, I don't think so. I'm not someone who loves to exercise. Okay, let's just be real. It's not like I'm like dying to be on the, you know, doing my interval sprint for like 30 minutes. But I will say what I love about it is the after effects.

Right.

So if you get to that point where you kind of put yourself in that space long enough, you'll eventually get the other benefits. Benefits. And for me, I'm not exercising anymore for the physical. Like, I'm fine with my ass the way it is. You know, I'm maintaining it, let's say. But really it's the cognitive functioning. Like, I feel like I am way more on point, I'm way more productive, I have way more energy. It's all those things that are. That make it addictive.

Exactly. That's what I mean. I'm not like psych to get up in the morning. I mean, it's like it's the afterlife.

Exactly.

That's what I'm trying to say is that I know how I feel when I do.

Right. Have the other effects. Like if you're not exercising, you're going to be less healthy. You can pick your poison. I think everyone has to find their why and then from there they can move forward.

Their why? Like, their why they're working out, why.

They'Re working out, what the benefit is. Do they want to be healthier for their family? Do they want to be more alert and productive for their work? Or the combination of both. I mean, the benefits of exercise go way beyond, like I said, just having.

A nice ass to get people inspired. Because then we're going to give them some tips to get into it.

Absolutely. There's a. There's a reason why. I'm not going to say everyone, but I will say there is a huge correlation between people who are successful and people who like take exercise seriously. There's a huge correlation. It basically makes your brain healthier because of the productivity, because you're more alert, because of the more energy. And I think there's like, I mean, I'm not a neuroscientist, but there are synapses that kind of become stronger in your brain when you do something repetitively like that. I think the combination makes you that way. Especially also goal setting, discipline, all those things to push you past other boundaries. So how you do one thing is how you do everything in life, in my opinion. So with exercise, what it taught me was that the goal setting, the discipline, feeling that like nothing's impossible. If I came this far, I can go this a little bit further, right? So that like drive to be better, which again, you can use that towards any aspect of your life. Right. And I think the confidence that you feel, I mean, I think the physical gives you the mental strength and the mental confidence.

Yeah, it all works together.

It all works together.

And I think we all know that, like this is not a news flash. No, this is going, oh my God, I should work out. Oh yeah, I know I should. But is there an easy way? Like I love the idea of 10 minutes in the morning and that's how I even get myself sometimes. I'm like walk around the place block, you know, just do it right out of the house. But is there something that you have found that has been like, if they're like, but I haven't exercised in 10 years, like where would you start?

I say give yourself a 30 day challenge of doing a few things. I mean, listen, fitness now there's so many. It's a multi billion dollar industry, right? And every day there's a new hybrid of fitness things that you can do. You could do yoga, pilates and acrobatics all in one. Like, you don't have to be fancy and people don't like to hear this, but the truth is the basics get the results. It's not doing all this fancy shit. What like gets the results is weight training and cardio, period. I mean mostly. And that's what it is.

You can do kind of be like Pilates or yoga, but you got to do the weight, you got to hold the weights in your hand.

I think you need. It builds muscle mass and lean muscle mass and bone density. Script for your bone density. I mean, weight training. Like when you see somebody who likes looks really like the, I mean what people think is a great body, typically, you know, either they're like a ballet dancer who dances for like 15 hours a day or a yogi who does 15 hours a day that I'm not talking about that they're not going over crazy bore but they're, they have like a very particular weight training program that they're, they're following because that's how you build and tone and you have like a tight body.

Right.

For somebody who's just beginning having a 30 day challenge of doing, doing the basics, some squats, some push ups, some, some planks and call it a day. Like say I'm going to do 50 of this, 50 of each one push ups, squats. And I can, I'll, I can give.

You a little workout. Yeah, I would give it to you, I would say this where everyone can.

Find you go to my Instagram, the real Jen Cohen, the real genco and I put up fitness videos, circuit workouts that you can do.

Anyway, those, they're amazing because we need, I think that when we're on the road or we're doing something or it's just easy to have the right. Oh, I don't know where it says, I think I've been a gym in a while. So like where do I even start? I know how to do things but just to have like, yeah, go see a video. You're like, that's gonna get you going. It's, I mean it's like little teasers.

Absolutely. And the reason why I say not walking around the park, I'm saying if someone lives in a very cold climate, not you and I because we're here in la, but that will be another reason why they're gonna say no. So don't give any, don't give yourself a reason to say no. So then that's why you can go onto your computer or whatever and you can just watch like whatever 5 minutes video to get started and you go to, you go to the real Jen Cohen and I have all these circuits you can do. The best workouts require either body weight or just some basic dumbbells and some bands and you're good to go.

Yeah, I love the bands, I love the balls, I love all the things. It's good you just have them outside wherever I have them outside my house, but you just, you just do them right. So I hear a lot from people, like in relationships and you've probably seen this, like maybe one person's working out and one isn't and they're like my partner, I hear this from couples. My partner won't work out, they won't do it. And now I'm even like people even email and they're like, I'm losing attraction to my partner. They're not making the effort. Do you have any tips or have you worked with couples? Like, how do you get them on board together? Do you think it should be a better, it should be separate?

No. Okay, that's actually a great point. I think I see it all the time because what happens is one person gets really into it and the other person's not into it. It's inevitable that the person will lose attraction and then it puts you on a bad path. I mean, it happens all the time. Like again, don't make, don't. There's enough reasons for people like not to like, like each other and get along when you're with them for that long. So let's not give them extra ammunition. Right, exactly. So like I always tell people, if they do it together, number one, it gives you an activity besides eating, right. That you can do to do together, that you can get good at with each other. You know, you can help each other be accountable. You can push me, I can push you. It's a great way to kind of help elevate your relationship, you know, like me and my husband, what we used to do all the time is we would take dance classes all the time together. Number one, it gives you, like it gives you. Especially when everyone's so busy these days, right? You know that you're going to be doing something together at a finite period, for a finite period of time at a certain time that like, it's non negotiable, it's no excuse. And they're doing something that's like very active and it's interactive and, and it's fun, you know, like you can even, like I said, that could be something for someone to take a dance class. That's still.

I love the idea of that because I always tell couples you gotta have date night. Like if you have kids and you don't have date night, date night has been proven to help so many couples. Like, you know, they would say, like for habits like make your bed. That's like the one thing, the one thing for couple. Okay? So the number one habit I feel always for people talk about mindset and changing habits is like, make your bed in the morning. My tip like that is have a date night. And people don't often do it. Like, we're busy, we can't get a sitter. But just think about if your date night happen to be something active, like a dance class or class at the gym, at Night. Or you guys do it together. Right.

A babysitter is way cheaper than a divorce. You know what I mean? It's true, right? Like, I totally agree with you. Because that's what happens and that's how people tend to grow apart. Right. Is because you end up, like, not doing anything together. You do, you do what you have to do to kind of get through life.

Right?

Like, you do your job, I do my job, and then we do stuff for the kids. And then like your whole relationships get. Your relationship becomes diminished and there's. There's no relationship. Right. That happens, I would say, 99% of the time.

Absolutely.

And that's why you need to be much more cognizant of how to stop those things from happening. And unfortunately, you have to be mindful of that and create a calendar. It's not very sexy. But to have a schedule, people have schedules. To have sex, people have schedules. To have a date night, for this.

Exact reason, we were saying that people get into their habits, it becomes the new normal ritual. Yeah, it becomes the new normal rituals. Like, oh, I'm not working out anymore. I'm not working out anymore. Well, I'm not a workout person. Oh, it's gonna be so hard to get back to it. But if you started and you stick with it now, that'd be so much helpful.

And surround yourself with people like, like minded people who want to do that stuff. Like have friends who want to do that with you. Become that person by, like, look, by reading about it, hanging out with people like that. Doing it with your husband or your girlfriend or whatever. Yeah.

What about kids getting kids involved?

Yeah, I mean, kids mimic what their parents do, right? So my kids are, are super active because I just did like a squat challenge with my 6 year old the other day. So maybe I'm not a great example because I come by it more honestly maybe than other people, but I think you start right, kids love. You have to. Kids love an iPad or they love tv. I mean, it's impossible to take a kid away from one of those things. So you have to kind of make it fun and interesting. And teaching them early and when they're young is really the most. The best way to do it.

Right?

Exactly.

And they're watching you too. It's funny because I didn't really work out with my mom growing up, but she, since I was a kid, she was always getting up and going to the gym. She was taking ballet and then she'd go do like aerobics and all this, like, Jane Fonda and all that stuff. And I was like. And then I somehow I just saw that and she still. On the way here, I was talking to my mom. She's 78. She's like, I just took the best Pilates class and there was this move I couldn't do anymore. Well, now I'm in the plank and I can move my knee.

Like the thing.

I'm like, mom, you're amazing. Like, that's her whole conversation was how this new moving Pilates and her whole life, it's. I just feel like watching her do that was like in my head, like, oh, that's important thing to do. Even though it didn't link in for me until I was out of the house. But I love the idea of showing your kids these things when they're younger.

We still think about it because your kid a. Your kids mimic what you do, what they see around you. Pay attention, they're paying attention. I mean, again, like, I'm not telling my kid to lift weights with me technically, but if he sees that I'm constantly moving and going, it's gonna like penetrate some level of his brain.

Right?

You know, besides a squat challenge or.

A burpee challenge, I wanna do a squat challenge. Everyone keeps talking. Squats are supposed to be like the perfect exercise. Well, squats do it, right?

Yeah, exactly. It's a king. It's like the king of all exercises. They say. But I mean, yes, I tend to agree. But I will also say I should. I should make a little caveat here. You know, like, for people who don't like weight, weights, I would. Don't just not do anything. Find what you like. The best way to make something a habit also is trying everything, do everything and find something that you like the most or that you hate the least.

Right, exactly.

That you hate the least.

So you've trained people. I mean, you've done it all in this industry. Have you ever talked to couples or individuals who are like, my libido's gone. I'm not into sex. And then once they.

Oh, yeah. First of all, 100%.

Right.

Exercise is huge for that because it helps increase your testosterone. Number one. Women have testosterone as well as I'm sure you know, right. And it gives you more body confidence, right? And more body. And more self awareness of your body. So, like, like I said, it was not like the. It's not like for the actual mundane part of exercising that it helps. But there's a huge connection between exercise and sex, right? Because a lot of people, like, don't have the, the interest anymore. Right. So if this is actually something that helps, you know, build your testosterone level, and as you age, you lose your testosterone, you lose that, you lose that, that hormone, obviously, as you age. But weight training is a great way to keep it kind of pumping.

And so specific kind of weight. Like, is it only like a certain number, certain times a week or a certain amount of days a week or minimum?

I think you have to do a minimum of three times a week for.

Like 20 minutes or something.

Yeah.

And also. Yeah, like for 30. I say 30.

30.

I say 30. But I also feel like you people tend to do like light lightweight. Right. I'm saying to kind of like get that light, like that thing, you have to kind of challenge yourself by doing more weight than you normally would normally do. Right. So, like, a lot of people get stuck in, like, doing women. They're like, I don't want to get bulky. And they do £3 exactly. You're not going to get bulky, first of all. It's not going to happen. You know, like, if you move it from three pounds to maybe ten pounds, you may actually see some definition and tone and like, that will help you lose the body fat and like, gain the lean muscle mass.

Yeah. And you could do all this stuff at home as a thing.

Yeah.

Everything around. Yeah. I mean, I just feel like even just going, you know, the walks or tracking how you. How you can gamify it too now.

A lot of it.

Yeah. Like, make it. Make it like a fun thing to do.

That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to, like, subscribe and give us a review. Wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner, you can find me on YouTube, YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Exwithemily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up@sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline, 559-talk-SEX. That's 559-825-5739 a go to sleep sex with emily.com askemily Special thanks to Acast for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwith emily.com.

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