Sexy Show & Tell

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Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily.

You got a boyfriend?

'Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. You can check out all of our podcasts, sign up for our mailing list. Have you signed up for our mailing list? It's so awesome. Our emails, you will love them. I'm here with Anderson. Hi, Anderson.

Yo, Em.

How you doing?

Good, how are you, kid?

I am so good. Yeah. What's wrong with people? What do you mean?

Who has not signed up for your email yet? I don't know, because people tell me all the time, like, yeah, I like your podcast, I love your emails. You know, I hate getting like junk email from people, and I'm being totally honest. But when I'm having a bad day, which is a lot of days for me, and I'll have to go to the email, I hate going to the email.

Me too.

And I'll be slogging through all the email, and then I get a little Sex with Emily Show email, and I'm like, oh, and it brings a little cheer, a little cheer to your day.

I love that.

So if you're working in the office or something, know that you're just gonna get a little random cheer from the Em every now and then.

Exactly, yeah. Exactly, if you've missed a podcast for the week or you wanna read, 'cause we do a lot of information that's written, we do a lot of journalism, we do a lot of—

It's a full-time job. More than full-time. If you guys knew how much this woman works on sex, it's like, I'd say 65, 70 hours at least. I would think pretty much every waking moment you're thinking, some part of your brain is devoted to this show.

It's true.

And what you do.

It's true. And even in my goddamn dreams it sneaks in. I'm like, oh my God, was I really on the Sibylline and my landlord walked in?

And those are exciting dreams.

They are very exciting dreams. It's not so bad, you're right.

It's not like you're having a dream about your cubicle.

Exactly. That's true. Thank God. Thank God. I've not been in a cubicle since I was like 25 years old.

Hey, but nothing against anyone who's listening.

No, I love that you're in a cubicle cuz you guys have, I actually admire people who have very like steady, stable jobs. Like my mom always says to me, and if you guys have not listened to the live show podcast, it's been, people love it.

That's a reminder. I gotta do that. I need to go back and listen.

Oh, you wanna listen? Well, dude, it's all about you. Uh-huh. Um, you're in it. And, but I do, I tell the whole story and people have been very entertained by it, how I started this podcast and how it all came down. But you know, my mom always says to me, um, you didn't choose the easy route whenever I'm complaining. She's right, you're smart, you can get a job, but this is what I chose to do.

You're following your passion. Your passion is your crotch, and I commend you for it.

It's my crotch, it's your crotch, your crotch is amazing.

Not mine in particular.

No, all the crotches listening, I care about your crotches. Crotch eye?

The Crotch Show, you should start a new show called The Crotch Show.

I should start a new podcast, like you. You're just whipping out new podcasts all the time.

I started Cinematics earlier this year.

New podcast, everyone check it out.

Yeah, we're up to episode 2 or 3 now.

I was actually gonna call you because I'm like craving to see a movie next week because I haven't seen any yet this year.

Go see Room.

Oh, okay.

It'll freak you out.

Freak me out in a good way or bad way? Because right now I'm just freaked out by the stuff in my mind.

Best Picture.

Okay.

It's a great movie.

I love it. Room. Okay, I'm gonna do it. I'm seeing a movie when all this hell's over. No, it hasn't been hell. It's been a really— it's actually been a great week because so January, the month of January, we have Sex conferences?

Is January like ass rib month or anything?

No, no, that's, ass month is, anal month is August. But January is sex conference month.

Sounding month? Is there a sounding month?

No, God no. I do know sounding is the thing in your penis. We don't wanna talk about that for a month or for a minute. Don't do that. But no, we have our ANME, which is the Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo. That was last week. And it was actually really fun because every, and this is the one that's open, you know, just to B2B kind of thing. And so all, you know, literally there's 100 different manufacturers there, like a gazillion different sex toys and products. And it was really funny because there's this one brand called Sport Sheets, and I love them. If you're ever looking for like, you know, anything that, uh, kinky, bondage, you want to tie your partner up, but it seems like kind of confusing to you, and do I have to buy, you know, handcuffs? No, everything is Velcro and really cool. So they've been around for 20 years, 25 years, the company. Nice guy from Michigan started it, Tom. And it was so funny because they were like, let me do a demo. And I've known their products for years, so This guy who started it, he's like, come over to the Sportsheets booth. 'Cause they're all these booths, right? Everyone's like, Emily, Emily. 'Cause you know, they all know me and they want me to check out their toys. And I really only talk about the products on the show just so y'all know that I've tried and that I like. So Sportsheets, they actually have sent me like their underbed restraints, which are really cool. 'Cause they just actually live under your bed and there's 4 cuffs. Yeah. So they're—

They're called underbed because you put 'em under the bed when you go to sleep.

So they're always under my bed.

Parents use them on their troubled kids.

to restrain their children. I don't know. They've never talked about that. But like, under my bed, if anyone ever wants to, you know, cuff me up, they're there. There's Velcro.

Poor maid. I'm thinking of her again.

I know. She just came today, my new one.

She keeps sex slaves in her room.

I know, exactly. I lock people up. Be careful. She never wants to see me. It's weird. She's like, I'll be there when you're not there. Maybe that's why.

Does she not go in your room?

No, she does.

Oh.

My house is so small. My house is like my room.

That's a good sign of a good maid, because obviously she's not sweeping under your bed. 'Cause she would've found your sex restraints under there.

Exactly.

And then been terrified of your room.

Right, well, no, they're under the mattress. So anyway, they're really cool because they always live there and they're like, hey, wanna do some bondage? But anyway, Sport Sheet, what I didn't realize, they have this sheet, right? It's nice cotton, really good sheet, but anything Velcro will stick to it. So the guy who runs it, he took out, Tom, he took all these restraints and showed me how cool it is that it's just Velcro, but when you put it down, it's actually, I can't lift my arms up. So he had me, if you go to my Instagram, Sex with Emily, you can check it out, and he had me all like, You know, bound, bind. I was bind, bound down. And then he had Madison.

You were bound.

I was bound. And then it's just cool because you could stick all these cool Velcro, like you want a spreader bar or you want— there's this doggy spreader bar. Spreader bar when your legs—

you're spreading the legs.

Yeah. Okay, so here's the funny thing. They have a doggy strap, right? It's like for doggy style. It sounds like not for Stanley.

It's not for like your dog, your troubled animal.

But it goes around like if you're having doggy style sex, you put— you pull your partner close to you, um, and you wrap it around her waist, and then you have doggy Is it like a rubber band? No, it's like a big—

Like a wrestler against the ropes?

Kind of, yeah. But you like pull 'em in and you can like jack it up so it's in the right place, but they also have a vibrating strap, so there's a vibrator that hits your clit. It's just super cool, so he's like, try this. So he had me do it with Madison, my producer.

You did video?

Yeah, oh my God, we did like an hour video. It was hilarious. So that was super fun. I was humping Madison in front of an audience. I look and there's people taking photos. It was like a tourist thing. I mean, usually it's not.

Your mom must be so proud.

It was really funny, but Madison actually posted on her Instagram, which you check out. It was like, uh, what's her—

what's her Instagram?

It's Madison Price. Check it out. You've seen me tag her a lot, but it's funny because she's like, my boss.

We've seen you tag her quite a bit.

Quite a bit. And then I did this week, so I was busy. I did a show for, um, CBS News, which is going to air the week before Valentine's Day, and it was all about online dating.

Not about frogs or zombies.

Nope, it was 5— it's going to be a 5-day segment, and it's all about online dating best practices. And then one of the days is what to do if you don't want to date online. And, um, and then we found a couple who've been together over a year and met online. So it was really cool, like reviewing, you know, Bumble. You know what, you know Tinder, right? Swipe app.

I'm familiar with Tinder. I've never swiped anywhere. I missed that.

Right. You don't need to swipe. We swipe so you don't have to. So Bumble is a new one. It's like the Sadie Hawkins app where women swipe. So women choose the guy and then if they match. They send the first message though. And I know a lot of women have been very empowered by it, 'cause they're like, it's my job, they're on the app, I'm reaching out. And they even said that Amy Schumer met her new boyfriend on Bumble. So I talked about that. I talked about Hinge, I talked about, which is another swipe app. I talked about, there's one for dogs, Tin Dog.

No, come on.

People like their dogs.

Yeah, but what are they hooking them up with other dogs?

No, but people love their dogs. Like, here's my dog, your dog, let's go up the canyon and go for a hike.

Oh, I see, they meet through their dogs.

Exactly, and then today, I did the fab life, which is a podcast.

You don't imagine what I could have done with Stanley back in the day.

Oh my God. Well, Stanley, is he just a heartbreaker?

Damn, I could have just, yeah, I could have cleaned up.

Yeah.

And this marriage.

Dog will get you laid.

Yeah.

Stanley got, I realized just having him.

Stanley got you laid?

Well, I'm already dating someone else.

So you watched my dog for 2 and a half years?

Yes, he almost unlaid me. He's like, Stanley's sleeping in the bed? I'm like, yes.

He delayed you.

Well, it's funny 'cause Ross was like, I brought him over the house and that's like my favorite thing is sleeping with Stanley. Like I told you, I woke up a few weeks ago and I was like petting the side of the bed. Where's Stanley? My wife and I fight over him.

He's very cuddle friendly.

He's so cuddly, and thank you. I'm excited to watch him next week. But FabLife, I did that today. That's gonna air February 2nd. It's a talk show syndicated. Chrissy Teigen's the host, and I talked about Kegel exercises.

Nice.

Yeah, you know me, I love it. And I had to walk an entire audience of women through doing their Kegel exercises.

Were they all cool with it, or did any run for the doors?

No, they were like, okay. It was fun, but it was like, you know how it is if you do a talk show, any of these popular talk shows, you're there for 5 hours. They're running around like, do you know how to do this and that? You're gonna be saying these 3 things and everything's checked. And then you're there for 4 hours and my segment is 4 minutes.

Yeah. And then you're out. TV, they have no respect for time.

No freaking respect. No. It's true. It's a lot of hurry up and wait.

It's TV.

So that was fun. And also I'm doing, if you are in this area, Valentine's Day, it's coming up fast. Oh, Anderson, I'm so glad I heard.

Has it already been a year since I've heard you say Valentine's Day?

Oh, this is my Michigan accent comes out. Yeah, it has been.

Say it again.

Valentine's Day? Valentine's Day? It's coming up, yo. And Anderson, the best thing was when you texted me to watch Stanley that week, I assumed that you were out of town because you were going away for Valentine's Day with your wife.

Valentine's Day.

Sure enough, I said, oh great, now I'll have a Valentine having Stanley, and you're like, oh shit, it's Valentine's Day.

I had no idea it was Valentine's Day.

Yeah, February 14th every year.

Does Valentine's Day always land on President's Weekend?

No. I mean, yes, pretty much it does. Really?

Yeah, really.

I love your—

'Cause I'm going out of town, I'm going to Denver to see a band, and I had nothing to do with romance.

Had to do with sex toy to bring her.

Ween is getting back together. We are going to Denver to see my favorite band who's been broken up for 5 years. She's like, sure, Ween.

Oh, Ween. Okay, so anyway, it's coming up. Um, Anderson knows about it now. You should too. On February 2nd, yes, 7 PM, I'm at an upcoming workshop. I want a sex toy at Hustler Hollywood, but it's in West Covina. Oh, so if you're in West Covina, which is Is that what it's called?

Yeah, it's up by Orange County. There's a lot of people out there.

Okay, so come, you guys. It's Shopping with Emily. So I'm gonna take you shopping to find the best gifts that you want to find for you, the lover in your life. Send an email to RSVP@sexwithemily.com because I will see you there because it'll be fun. And I love seeing everyone. Take you shopping so you won't mess up and get her like pots and pans, which she doesn't want.

That is not messing up. You should get her an apron and Yeah.

Right, get her a new vacuum.

Yeah, maybe some prenatal vitamins.

But you don't, right, exactly. You don't have to get, oh, maybe with your case.

Hey, what are you talking about?

You never talk to me about that stuff.

I don't talk about that.

Is she pregnant?

No, no.

Oh my God, she's pregnant.

No, she's not. I promise you my wife's not pregnant. I'm not scheduled to have a child at this moment, I promise you.

Okay, got it, phew. But you tell me, not phew. I'm gonna be really excited.

Got it, phew, my life would be over. Kids are life killers. They're fun killers.

It's kinda true. Two of my friends had babies over the holidays, two of my best friends back to back. Like one had it on Christmas, had the day before. And it was, uh, I haven't talked to him.

I know there's a good chance throughout my life we'll have it. If we do have a kid, my life will be, uh, it just won't be fun anymore. It'll be great, it just won't be fun.

Well, it's funny, I just went to the stand-up thing the other night. It was like a storytelling series, and there's this guy, he goes, okay, the moth— no, it wasn't the moth, but it was something like that. He got— he said, because, okay, you guys, I don't know if any of you are fathers here, but okay, think about everything that you love doing, like the things in your life that you just— everything that makes you happy.

Blackout drunk.

Put those aside, 'cause you're never gonna do 'em again once you have a kid.

See?

But that's not true. It comes, your life comes back.

Kills comedy too. I remember, I'll never forget, I went to some comedy show where like big, my favorite comedians were all doing their act that night and just happened to be that they all recently had kids and every single one of them just did like dad jokes and like jokes about being a dad. I'm like, ah, kids kill comedy too.

Unless you've, unless you're a dad and you can relate.

Unless you're a dad, yeah.

That's true. It doesn't kill 'em, no. It's just a little pause. And it's supposed to be the best thing ever.

They do come from sex, so it's related to what you do.

That's true. No, I support people having children. I'll come visit you all. I'll send you a nice basket. I'm not gonna have kids of my own. But let's talk about sex a little bit more. Sex in the news, because I know you love sex in the news.

Love it.

OKCupid, very popular dating site, they added a feature to find threesome partners. Ah, the mystical, uncovered threesome. A wondrous achievement often pursued that rarely materializes, but now OKCupid is helping make the dreams of those pursuing polyamorous trysts has come into fruition. On Friday, the dating site rolled out a new feature allowing users who are listed as seeing someone, are married, or in an open relationship to link their profiles and search for other people to join their relationship. Then the couple will be able to, uh, be able to double-team prospective lovers and cheesy pickup lines. I guess so. No more swinger clubs needed. Organize a beautiful ménage à trois from the comfort of your bed. So here's the interesting thing: the new feature comes with increasing demand for polyamorous relationships. So the site says 40%, 44% of your users would consider dating someone already involved in open relationship. Apparently 24% of OkCupid, uh, OkCupid users are seriously interested in group sex. Seriously interested. I wonder if like the options were like moderately interested, somewhat, right? Um, considering that nearly every dude wants to be involved in group sex and girls are more inclined to be bisexual, the figure should be at least 67%, but right now it's 24. Um, the number of people who said they are solely committed to monogamy is 44%, down from 56% in 2010. So are we all just becoming a polyamorous love circle in this country? I don't know.

Super AIDS is coming.

No, people, just use protection.

Hey, you know what this is, right? It's a, it's, it's a response to— I think it's called Thrinder. Is that what it's called?

Thrinder.

There's that one.

Exactly.

Just for threesomes. And they're like, hey, we work this into our model and gag.

Why not? Why not? Um, so yeah, if you want to have a threesome, The Coveted Threesome, um, check that out. Also, people love the threesome, you know. But it's funny because I was talking about this morning to a friend and he was like, you know, yeah, I've had them, they're not so great, they don't work out. But I personally had success, I have to say. But what does it mean if you're in a really good place?

What does success mean?

I've never had a bad— I've had like several threesomes, handful Any relationships were you involved in? No, well, that's why. I happen to think the best ones are when you're casually dating someone and then you're like, oh, let's casually—

You know it's not gonna last.

Yeah.

Right.

It's tricky. A lot of people who are married can make it happen. You should check out my show I did with Holly and Michael, the swingers, a few weeks ago. People love that show. No ponytail. He's hot, Michael. Okay, 1 in 10 Americans would do porn for $1 million.

Wait a minute, did you sleep with those guys?

No.

You're talking about how hot he is.

He's hot. He wants to, kind of.

Yeah, I'm sure he does.

Yeah. Um, but we've— yeah, no, not yet. Okay, I'll keep you posted. It'd be good material for the show. Uh, 1 in 10 Americans would do porn for $1 million. They probably figure why not? It might make them some more money after that. I mean, look at Kim Kardashian. Everybody has a price. And while that might not be entirely true for many Americans, it's the case for more than you think. They admit that they would be going, uh, willing to go to incredible, often horrible lengths for a big fat paycheck, according to new survey, uh, of 1,000 people conducted by onepoll.com. For $1,000, 15% of people would be willing to shoplift or bet on a fixed sporting event.

What?

For $100,000, 25% of people will swipe a street sign.

What? I've done that. I've done both. I've done all these things.

I know. 1 in 5 to forge a signature or steal from a restaurant or hotel. Wow. I've stole— I take towels from hotels.

Absolutely steal from those corporate pricks.

Yep. For a cool million, Americans would commit credit card fraud, punch a stranger in the face, smuggle drugs over the border, or star in an amateur porn.

I've done all those things but the amateur porn.

And I've starred in amateur porn.

You have? Oh yeah, but you weren't— yeah, that's not what they mean though, Em, you know that.

You can't be like, clothes. No, no, there's a show, it was called Marriage 2.0, and I play myself. I help couples open up their relationship.

She takes notes on sex and banging, and she gives notes to them as they're banging.

Exactly. No, I don't do that, but that actually would be a good service. Men were nearly 3 times more likely than women to perform a sex act on a stranger for a million, or a billion, 4 times willing to commit murder for a billion. That's so dumb though. You go to jail for your life and you make a billion bucks. They're not saying you're gonna commit murder and not go to jail. People are silly.

Can't spend your billion unless you're El Chapo.

Dude, I know. What are these people thinking? Okay, I've got some emails.

Do it, let's do it.

Let's get into the B-Balls. Okay, thanks everyone emailing me feedback@sexwithemily.com. I so appreciate you emailing me. I love getting your emails. and when you include your name, your age, where you live, how you listen. Is that too much to ask?

Picture.

So, okay, but first quick mention here. I gotta tell you about Texture, okay? These are my sponsors. So I love them. They keep the show free and this is an amazing service. So I just wanna know what's your New Year's resolution? Maybe you wanna learn to cook, stay in shape, get in shape. Picking one, that's easy. It is sticking to your resolutions that gets tough and Texture will help you see it through. Starting at less than $10 a month, Texture offers unlimited access to all of your favorite magazines for less than the price of 3 magazines at the grocery store. Yeah, I've just—

Saves trees too.

Saves trees, exactly, and it saves you hoarding magazines like I do, 'cause I think I'm gonna read 'em all. Like when I went to Israel last year, I bought 16 magazines, no joke, 'cause I'm like, I'm gonna read.

Were they written in Yiddish or Hebrew?

No, but I was like, I'm traveling for 15 hours, and my mom, I literally had a picture, she was, What are you doing? Why are you slapping so much stuff?

Throwing a magazine away is a defeat. It's hard. I understand. Especially if you haven't read it and you're like, it's a waste of money. I'm a loser because I didn't ever get to it. It's hard to do.

And I'm a hoarder. So I can catch up on every article, my Cosmo, my Glamour, my InStyle, everything that comes to you. You read the latest news on your tablet or your smartphone. Time Magazine, no matter where you're at. And it's so easy to use. You click the headlines on the COVID page. They take you right to the articles that interest you. If literally any magazine you can think of, they've got on the app. They even recommend stories for you. So if I read something about dating apps, they'd be like, oh, Vanity Fair just did this great piece on dating. So it's kind of super. You have every magazine at your fingertips. They're all available to you, hundreds of them. So sign up for Texture right now, gain insider access to the best reads and exclusive content. Here's the best part. They're offering my listeners a free trial. So go to texture.com/emily. It's texture.com/emily. Try it for free and, uh, for a month. Check it out. You'll love it. I swear you'll never buy a magazine again. Also, the Womanizer. Okay? This toy is the talk of the sex toy world. I cannot go a day with people who don't even, like, aren't in the industry being like, have you heard of the Womanizer? So, if you've listened to the show, I've talked about it. I even reviewed it. A while back, the owners asked me if they could send me one, and I've talked about it on the show. You know, 'cause I agree to every sex toy. What am I gonna say, no? It was designed in Germany, and unlike anything else on the market, it indirectly stimulates clitoris using suction. It's kind of like a sexy ear thermometer is what it looks like. Silicone cylinder on the face.

Sexy ear thermometer.

It is though. It has little— yeah, you got to check it out. It's kind of like you place it over your clitoris, kind of like how their partner might use their mouth. But while it's on, you can vary the suction and move it to create this just like really intense experience. I kind of think it's how every woman wants a guy to know her clitoris. And he doesn't really know how to suck it or lick it like this.

So this would be a great tool too to show your guy, like, hey, this machine's doing what you do.

Study this machine.

Are you sure you can't stand up and it dangles?

No.

No.

Um, but most women in the focus group achieved orgasm in 1 minute. So it's a 60-second orgasm. I did too. I was like, no way. Quick fix.

Yeah, quick fix.

Exactly. So back to me. Yeah, I tried it. They weren't kidding. It's amazing. The suction's adjustable. You position it to create all these really cool sensations that I'm like, oh yeah, that's like— if I could explain to my guy and be like, this is exactly how you should go down on me, touch me, like the Womanizer knows. I don't know how it knows. Um, it's in its own category. There is no other toy like it. Go to sexwithemily.com, click on the Womanizer banner for more information, um, and you'll see what I'm all talking about here. I'm just saying, it's the talk of the town.

This is how you do it.

This is how you suck my clit.

That should be like, this is how you suck it.

Yeah.

Okay, emails.

Hi, penis can serve no purpose anymore.

—feel that way. There's always use for penis in cuddling.

That was a little 2001 reference then. What'd you say? This penis can serve no purpose anymore. What's that from? Goodbye. 2001. HAL. Talking to Dave. Yeah, it's lost on you. You're not a cinephile.

No, I was.

People who know HAL know what I'm talking about. Okay, you will. I'll play it!

You've got it right there. You're such a clip master. This conversation can serve no purpose anymore.

Goodbye. Doesn't make me a clip master. It just makes me a movie man.

Clip, not clit. Or clit, maybe. I have no idea.

That's Hal the robot in 2001 talking to Dave, telling him that he can cut.

I get it. I'm so glad we clarified that. Nope, he is totally— Hi Emily, I'm cracking the emails, dude. I'm a 26-year-old woman from Austin, Texas. I listen to your podcast on the iTunes Podcast app. I really enjoyed your podcast as I'm currently working on my master's in health education. Eventually my goal is to be a sexual health educator. I've been with my boyfriend over 6 months and we're fairly active in bed, but despite my goals to be a sex educator, I find myself at a loss for words when I try to communicate my needs. I'm able to orgasm most of the time with him during intercourse, and when we're not afraid of bringing toys to the bedroom, we've gone out and purchased vibrators together and use them often. My issue is he doesn't seem to be willing to put in the time for foreplay to get me warmed up. What I really want is to be romanced or for him to give me some sensual attention before our clothes even come off and continue after they do, but I'm not sure how to communicate that without making him feel like what he's done so far is not good enough. I've tried to drop hints, sometimes not very gracefully, and it's gotten slightly better, but even when I do get some foreplay time, he always goes straight for the clit. How do I effectively communicate to him that I need him to slow down? Thanks, Leanne. Leanne, I understand the communication, communication conundrum, conundrum of communication. Um, totally get it. And I want you to know that I've been a sex educator for 10 years, and it even took me a while into this show, into doing it to talk to my partner, even though that's what I talk about. I'm much better at it now, but just know this: it gets easier with practice, and he wants to please you in the foreplay department. Like, believe me, he just doesn't know how. And since you know what might work for you, we have to find the right language to communicate your needs. So I don't know, Leigh Ann, maybe you're worried about hurting his feelings. Try framing it in a more positive way. So I'd like to talk about the compliment sandwich. Here's this: Sex with you is so incredible, babe. I love the way you kiss me. And you know, it'd be even hotter if you spent some time going down on me kissing before you like go down on me. If you like kissed my inner thighs and like slowly undressed me like that time that you like unbuttoned my shirt. Or you just give them an example of maybe one time you did it or just what you would like. So you tell them what you love and something you'd like even more. You're so good with your hands, I wanna feel them all over me. So something like that. So you're not being like, I need more of this, I need more of that. Cuz instantly I think when you get feedback as a guy, it sounds like a nag.

You're nagging. You're nagging. Hey, what, what'd you call that? A compliment. Compliment sandwich. Can you just call it manipulation? You could. Yeah.

But you also say like, you know, I love when you do this, it's incredible. No, it's a compliment sandwich.

So you're getting compliments, you're getting suggestions, you're calling that as manipulation in itself. Ironically, you called it that.

But if we all wanna get to get the sex that we want. So, also, Leanne, have you ever played show and tell?

It's a little foreplay game. What? Does that harken back to childhood? Yeah. Oh no.

It's kind of like she knows the rules, and I think that you guys both know the rules, but you can get your point across. So let's say you like to have your nipples rubbed. You can show him how you want to be touched, because it sounds like you just need more upstairs touching than him just going over the clit. And I've been saying this for years, I've even had guys I've been together with, and I'm like, what? Like, you've never touched my breasts. You go right in, they unzip the pants. I'm like, do I even have breasts? Like, do you even know? Like, if you saw my breasts in a lineup, would you pick them out? Right? Like, guys I've been sleeping with for 6 months, I'm like, I don't think he's ever seen my breasts. They're vagina guys.

Vagina dudes.

No, most guys are, 'cause you guys are turned on. I get it.

I think most guys are boob guys, actually. Yeah. They're ass guys, I think. You don't see rhinoplasty happening to the vagina nearly as much as the boob jobs.

Well, they're easier to get. And rhinoplasty doesn't work. I mean, vagioplasty. I should start with vagioplasty.

Rhino is the nose. That's funny they call it rhino, 'cause rhinos have horns.

Rhino, I know. And I don't think it has anything to do with that. So let's say you have your nipples robbed, Leigh Ann. Show him how you want to be touched, and you can just seductively be like, ah, this feels really good, and show him that that's what you do to yourself when you're masturbating, and have him put his hands over and mimic that. Because we have so many erogenous zones that are often ignored, back of legs, neck, behind the ears, and they typically need to be stimulated adequately before we become aroused, before the belt, and guys, like I said, he's all turned on, your boyfriend, I'm sure he loves you, he's got his boner, he's like, I just gotta move into it, right? He's got his bone, you know, he's got his hard-on, he's ready to go. Here's the reason why, Ian, and everyone, that their erections are the center of their sexuality, so they don't understand touching their partners is a need, it's actually a requirement before intercourse.

Don't speak for all mankind. He meant. Okay. And if he's observing at all, which hopefully he is, he'll notice you touching certain spots to yourself and he'll hop on and he'll figure out that that's what you like. Exactly. Yeah, you might even become threatened, like, ah, she doesn't have to do it, I could do it. Exactly.

You can like moan, compliment him, tell him he's doing a great job, pet his, you know, hey, good job, honey.

Just take his hand and guide it. Guys want—

they want to be told what to do. They don't want to ask for the direction.

They don't want to ask. They don't want to have a conversation, just like you don't, because it's uncomfortable. But you can take his hand and put it wherever you like, and he's going to accommodate you unless he's a dick, right?

It sounds like he's not. He just is— you're not able to communicate I get. So those are some, some ways to do it. So, and good luck. Let me know how it goes. I think, uh, this would be great for you. So when to get intimate in a new relationship. Dear Emily, this is a first. I actually followed Patty's rule. She means Patty Stanger and didn't have sex before monogamy. But now my question is, when is the right time in a monogamous relationship to have sex? I've known my boyfriend since high school and we're now seniors in college. We recently reconnected and he made our relationship official after 2 months of dating. I actually feel relieved knowing there's no rush to have sex and knowing that I haven't already ruined a good thing, finally learning from past experiences. So, when is the time to take it to the next step and get intimate? Thanks for your help. I'm an avid reader of your columns. Your writings are what finally got me on track to have a healthy relationship. Thanks, Audra. Oh, Audra, I'm so glad that I can help you and I'm going to help you some more here. Audra? First of all, Audra, I'm always really— what? Weird name. I love the name Audra. They misspelled Audrey. Now I like it. I have a friend named Audra in San Francisco. That's odd. Okay, so this is what I love. I love when people email and they're like, listen, I'm totally self-actualized, like I understand what my issue is and help me deal with it. So I love that she said this was my past problem and I tried to correct it. So great job learning from your past and making positive changes with this new guy. And I'm glad I can help you in your growth, but here was her issue. So she said in the past, I'm assuming she slept with guys too quickly. Now, Patti Stanger, Millionaire Matchmaker, was on the show, as you recall, and she— Patti's rule, which she's talking about, is actually based on Pat Allen, who's an educator, her teachings. And to break it down simply, Pat Allen says you need to wait for commitment to have sex. And the reasoning is that when you have sex, especially as a woman, the brain releases the hormones like the oxytocin and all that that makes you feel more attached to the person. And oftentimes when women have sex too quickly, they end up falling for the wrong guy because they have sex too soon. I say if you have sex quickly, it's like you're so attached that you can't see the red flags waving in the distance because this guy's amazing and he's everything, but you barely know him because you slept with him on the first date. So, okay, that's just your background on why she waited to be monogamous before she gets intimate, but she has not gotten intimate yet. So Audra, I'm gonna assume you're already being intimate with kissing and foreplay. I'm just gonna make that assumption that some of that's happened in the last 2 months, which is a great place to start. And as far as timing goes, like the time to actually have intercourse, just don't put pressure on yourself. There is no rush and it sounds like you found a really patient guy. I would say just keep on doing what you're doing. Make sure that you're focusing right now on learning what your body likes and enjoying sex and what your body needs. Because a lot of women, it's very common that they have sex to please their partner or when they're having sex, they're thinking more about what their partner needs are, especially your age and not about their own. So I would just take this time for exploring together and alone. Don't forget about masturbation. Make sure that you're figuring out your body, what makes you feel good, and that you guys are really communicating with each other. And things will progress naturally. Believe me, you're gonna know when you want to have sex with him. You're just gonna know when the time is right. So again, I'm not— I know that you've, you know, stuck to the wait till monogamy rule. I'm not a huge fan of rules, But I will say that I don't like when people get pressured into sex at all. I don't believe in it. It's a horrible thing to do. And so it sounds like your guy's not doing that and you're gonna know when you're ready. So just keep exploring. And I think the longer you wait, the better in the sense of like, don't put pressure on yourself, but just have a lot of fun, you know, getting there, building it, learning your body, all that stuff. So have a good time and good luck with this and keep me posted, Audra, on the relationship. Step, how it's going. Okay, next email. How do I make my pregnant wife feel sexy? Oh, oh, what, what are you eating, a brownie? Those brownies are still there. I'm sorry, are the chocolate ones still there? They're all chocolate. They're brownies. No, one— okay, but one had nuts in them and one chocolate chips.

There's like mint and pecan left.

Ah, pecan, I hate. All right. Okay. Emily Morse, I feel like this is a safe place for communication about things I can't really talk with this— talk about with my wife. Okay. Back up. Emily Morse, I feel this is a safe place for communication about things I can't really talk with my wife about. So here it goes. Kay and I got married in September 2011. Earlier this year, we got pregnant. She's 27 weeks along and seems pretty unhappy with her pregnant body. How can I make her more comfortable? Is there anything I can do to help her feel better? Thanks for reading.

So there's a whole subgenre of pregnant porn.

Oh, that'll make him feel better.

And he should set it up so that he gets caught masturbating to it by her, and she'll be like, oh, he's into it.

But then she'd be like, why aren't you just sitting and looking at me? You think that pregnant woman's hotter than I am? Well, pregnant women are— you don't, you don't want to mess around with their hormones, and they're sometimes irrational. Well, that's creative though. I got to give you points for creativity.

One of the main reasons why I've not knocked I'm afraid of the hatred that she will have for me.

Well, it's so funny 'cause two of my best friends are pregnant right now. Funny, they don't even know each other. Live in LA and they're both like 8 months. They're about to give birth. I could get a call right now. And it's funny, and I've had lots of friends who have kids that they just, yeah, you're like Tourette's with the mouth with the husband. You say things like, I hate you and I don't know why you have this alien in my body. Like, I love you. It's like, because your hormones are raging, you're emotional.

I feel like it's— It's like you're PMSing for 9 months.

PMS times 100 for 9 months.

With some ladies. Ladies. Yeah, right.

So first of all, you're an amazing husband, D. I love that you're even asking this question. It shows that you really, like, you know, care about her. It's a tough issue because it's such a sensitive time for women, but the best you can do is to reassure her and help her feel sexy. Let her know how much you love her and that you find her attractive. And I know I'm always talking about complimenting your partner on the show, but I believe this is a time where you can never do it do it too often, do it too much. Let her know you find her even sexier now, you're still sexually attracted to her, and then be specific. Say, "God, your breasts look so great," or, "Your hair looks amazing, your eyes are sparkling." Get creative with your compliments because you mean them. I'm sure when you're looking at her, the things that you're thinking, you gotta say them. You also have to go further than words. I would amp up the physical affection. Lots of hand-holding, cuddling, and I'm telling you, every woman who's pregnant wants foot rubs, back rubs, especially foot rubs. Can you imagine carrying around like 50 extra pounds?

Or you can take her to a— they cost $20 for an hour.

Oh my God, go to a place that— yeah, just do little things that make her feel really good and feel loved and feel supported. Because when women are pregnant, they're thinking like, you know, he doesn't understand, you know. And you're thinking, I'm going to work, I'm paying the bills. Maybe guys are thinking— and she's like, oh my God, I'm in pain, I can't breathe, I can't sleep, um, I don't— I feel, you know, awful, I feel ugly. And so, you know, she's going through the wringer to birth your child, right? So The most you can do is just to be attentive, even more so than you already are. Surprise her with little gifts. Bring home, well, I was thinking about, women love gifts. Everyone loves gifts. Don't you like gifts? Do people say they don't like gifts? Gifts are all right. And it could just be, I'm not telling you to go out and spend zillions of dollars, but think about something that she loves.

Just a little just because gift. Yeah, get it out of the blue.

They like that. Yeah, it's fine.

They like shiny things.

Get her a little necklace, get her some accessories. I would not buy her clothes right now. Unless it's like a muumuu. Don't buy her a muumuu. Or something sexy.

They got sexy— how many months?

They do sexy lingerie. She's like 8 months pregnant.

Oh, so sex is out, right? Yeah. Because it's a threesome technically after the second trimester.

And also, like, you want to— right, exactly. Do things that you wouldn't normally— you know, if you're— you might be thinking, oh, she always empties the dishwasher. Empty the dishwasher. Like, do things that— like those acts of service that are just harder for her now that she's probably not even telling you about, but she's like, I can't even stand paying the bills this month. You know what? Pay the bills this month. And also being a man, you wanna fix problems. You might wanna say, well, babe, you feel fat, go to the gym or maybe have lunch. No, no, this is the time when you really have to listen. And this is for most, this goes for most men in general. A lot of times women just, they don't want you to fix it. They want us to listen. They want, we want you to listen. So sympathize with her, understand it's a hard time. She's emotional, she's exhausted. And, you know, she's probably feeling insecure, so just be supportive and understanding of her, D. You know, really, these are all the things you could do. Every day, you should just think about, what can I do today to make her life a little better?

A little easier, yeah. Pick up the slack at your end a little bit. I don't really know how I feel about these guys that are like, okay, my wife's pregnant now, so she can't go to the gym, I'm not going to the gym anymore.

She can't do this, so I'm not doing that anymore. This is busy weight?

I don't like that, yeah. Or I'm putting on, I think it's a bit too much. Right. It's a bit like, you know.

I think it's just an excuse for guys who don't like working out, right?

Or you're keeping your balls in her purse. You know, a little bit. Because I have a friend who loves to work out, like it's his favorite thing in the world. Seriously? And when she got— she's been pregnant 3 times and he has to stop working out because for 9 months because she gets pregnant and she doesn't work out. It's absurd. I think it's too much.

Do the wives say to their partners like, hey, depends on the wife?

Yeah, but some do. And I think it's a bit too much.

It is too much. Like, if I get— because you probably feel better if you work out.

I get my wife pregnant, I'm gonna continue to smoke and drink. Just because she can't doesn't mean that. But I will do more.

You might take it outside though.

I'll do more around the house for her, right? You know what I mean?

I think there's a happy medium.

You just have to.

And again, And again, D, I hope this kind of sparked your mind about some things. You have to. And also, guys, if your wife isn't pregnant, you should still do these things.

It's a great point they bring up, though. I mean, she's just care— every step she takes is extra. It's so hard.

I tell my friends all the time, it's just—

Get a weighted vest and walk around with it. It's good exercise, and it'll give her a little sympathy. Right, exactly. Give you a little sympathy.

Oh, D, okay, so— I got a weighted vest.

It's great. I put 25 pounds on it and walk around the neighborhood, walk my dogs. Why? Because I lost 25 pounds, and I wanna remind myself what it feels like.

When did you lose 25 pounds? Oh, thanks for noticing, kid.

No, I know in the last year you have. Yeah, last year.

Here's my question for you though. Do you wear it because it helps you lose weight too?

It's also good for like losing weight. I— and then if I put on a pound, I take a pound out of the vest, and it keeps— it keeps me cognizant of how much I lost so that I'm not going to take it for granted, you know what I mean? And it feels great when you take it off. That's really— load around the house.

Yeah. Where did you get it?

I felt so bad. I ordered it on Amazon, and my poor, uh, uh, mail lady lady. I saw her, I was in the office, 25 pounds, and I saw her— no, it was 40 pounds. It goes up to 40 pounds with sandbags. And I saw her like stumbling across my front lawn. I ran out. I was like, sorry, felt bad for her.

Wait a minute, that's really cool that you do that. I mean, but is it okay for your knees and stuff?

Like, I'm young.

You are young. Well, I know you lost weight, but I didn't know that was how. Did you wear that as you were losing weight?

No, it's just an extra incentive that I decided to tackle. Uh, by counting calories.

Really hardcore, but you've always exercised. Yeah, yeah. Were these brownies in your calorie counting?

No, I'm kind of letting go right now and it's ugly and I'm, uh, I'm, I'm putting on some weight, so I'm taking weight out of the vest.

You look great. You are very handsome, actually.

Thank you for saying that.

Like, I was looking at pictures, like, Anderson's really handsome. I don't look— I mean, obviously you are, but you look pretty good there too.

Is she fishing? I think she's fishing.

No, I'm not. You're looking good.

No one did tell me I look pretty, David.

That's cool.

Really? No one? You look extra pretty today. I was thinking, if I didn't know better, you're You're glowing.

I'm so not pregnant. There's a glow about you. I had to get x-rays the other day. They're like, any chance you're pregnant? I'm like, nope, nope, nope, not. Okay, so that's, that's what we got time for. What an amazing show. That was pretty good. Also follow us on YouTube, Twitter, uh, it's all @sexwithemily. Facebook, Instagram, do that because we actually have really good stuff going on there. And, um, review us on iTunes if you like the show. Do that. And I love you all. Thanks for listening. Was it good for Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com. Yoda's green. Okay, everybody, we talk a lot about resolutions, New Year's coming up, and I've got a big one for you. Even me. Take time to relax and destress in 2016. 'Cause you know stress is one of the biggest killers of your sex drive, and we all want better sex next year. Oh, you know what goes great with relaxation? My amazing aromatherapy candles from Emily and Tony. So what is a massage candle, you're thinking? Well, it looks like a regular candle, comes in 3 different scents that all smell amazing, but when you light it, the candle instantly turns into a luxurious massage oil that you use on yourself or with a partner. In fact, I got an email from a listener. My girlfriend was skeptical at first but agreed to try the warm oil on me first and gave me a back rub. Then I reciprocated and we had amazing sex. She could not stop talking about how good the candle smells and how great the massage oil feels. And I'm convinced the scent of the candle helped us through some of the barriers to sex we faced lately. Oh, and here's this, people. For a limited time, get 50% off all Emily and Tony products at emilyandtony.com. Use code Emily. I guess you don't even need to use code Emily because it's 50% off. Go for it. Oh, and one more thing. Your penis, your penis, your penis. I want you to last as long as you want in bed because, hey, there's an orgasm gap. We know this, right? Women, 20 to 40 minutes. Men can last between 6 and 8. Some men only last a minute or If you want to double that time in bed, you want to last longer and you don't want to take a pill or antidepressant, that's what they give you, try Promescent. It's a quickly absorbing delayed spray that you put on your penis 10 minutes before sex. Your partner doesn't even have to know you're using it and it doesn't transfer to your partner. It just lets you focus on your partner's hot body. You don't need to think about baseball or anything like that so you don't ejaculate too quickly. Um, you, you know, Promescent also, only FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation. Mm, just try it. Only, even if you wanna last longer in bed, you're gonna love it. Promescent.com. Thanks for listening.