Sexy Texts & the Art of Phone Sex

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it Common knowledge.

What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Be in bed.

Feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of.

Girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com. our website is chock full of information to help you have the sex and relationships you're looking for. Plus, find me on all social media. It's exwithemily across the board. All right, guys, enjoy the show. I'm gonna talk to you a little bit about the ancient art of phone sex and why it's important.

We have to call it ancient now?

Well, it feels ancient. Ancient because technology that people are to always want to know about sexting. And I gotta be honest with you, I think sexting, while it can serve a purpose, is way less effective and kind of lame because in my experience with it, it's like, maybe I'm sexting but then I got distracted. Or I'm sexting but not really sexting. Cause I'm like at work, right? Yeah, babe, that'd be hot. I want to suck your cock. And then you're back to like Jamie. So on the show today. Although that'd be actually funny. I'm just saying. Cause with my work, I'd be like, I'm sexting and I'm gonna actually read this transcript on. But, but I feel like, I feel like the great thing about it is maybe if you, you love sexting, I think that can work, but it just feels like it's just not as you're like, you have to think and cognitively be writing and then your brain's thinking of something else. And I just think that phone sex is great because it actually, if you, especially if you're in a long distance relationship, which a lot of people are, and they often call in about it and you want to like spice it up. You want to be able to kind of share fantasies that you have indirectly. It gives you a certain anonymity because you're not face to face and have to stare in their eyes. And it'. It can be really hot to hear your partner's voice. But I think. And also the thing about phone sex is you could share your fantasies in a safe place. You don't have to make eye contact. And it can help with your dirty talk when you're actually together. Because people also get tripped up around that. Like where Do I even start? I'm gonna sound weird. I'm gonna laugh. It's gonna be awkward. Well, just know this, that anytime you do try anything new sexually, even the dirty talking or anything, it's. It's. You might laugh, might feel awkward. It might not be perfect, but there's no such thing as like perfect anything. And if it's something that you'd like to work at, just, you know, you want to feel comfortable with your partner. So.

I think that. Yeah. You guys, some few tips about it. I mean, I feel like I've actually.

Never had phone sex.

Never had phone sex. I was gonna ask like her genera. I would think that you missed it. Like you'd be texting. Yeah. Cause you're 26.

Yeah. So I mean, well, sexting. Yeah. Well, I never had it with a casual sex partner. Cause I don't really call. I call my friends all the time on the phone, but I don't ever. Or my mom or my dad, but I don't call the people that I'm with unless I'm with them. So I do a lot of casual stuff. And I think a couple times it could have happened, but I was so oblivious. I just didn't catch on.

Right. Yeah, that makes sense.

So I've sexted. But.

But does that really. Were you getting off when you were sexting?

Um, like once I was actually like.

You'Re actually doing it there in bed. All the stars aligned. You were both sexting at the same time. You weren't like making dinner and like.

Yeah, the other times. The other times I'm doing other shit.

Yeah. Right. And it's hard. It's a connection, but it's not the like real, you know, I don't know. I think you guys could. We could learn a lot from it. So.

Yeah. You guys, some tips for it is. I think it's good to like discuss it beforehand. You could text and say, I'm thinking about you. Like, let's try the phone sex later. You don't just want to be like. Like zero to. They answer the phone, they're like, I'm thinking about fucking you all day. Like you gotta like warm it up. Like foreplay. So. And then. Yeah, you want to build it up just like any sexual situation. Think of it this way with dirty talk, phone sex, getting kinkier with your partner. You don't just want to like jump to it. You want to like build it. Like everything kind of needs a little warmup and a little bit of foreplay and it's going to Be awkward. Like I said, you guys so laugh. It's okay. Get back to it. Get back to the business of the phone sexing. So I think it's something great. And this is what I tell you guys when I talk about dirty talk, is to kind of practice your voice so it doesn't. You don't have to sound like a porn star or somebody else that you, you know, you've heard talk. It's like you find your own voice, which is typically a little bit slower, a little bit like deeper throatier.

Steamier, breathier.

So find it. Like, find what you're, you know, practice. I love practicing all this stuff in the shower. God, I do my best work in the shower.

Oh, that's such a good tip. Do it in the. I never thought to do that.

I do everything in the shower.

Wow.

Masturbate. That's mostly what I do. And I talk dirty to myself and I shampoo and stuff.

Wait, I'm totally gonna do that tonight. I'm gonna talk dirty to myself in the shower.

Yeah. Get it.

Go.

Right?

Yeah. That's a great idea. I never thought to do that.

Exactly. To practice it or just to turn yourself on with.

Why not both? I'm going to practice it and I'm going to turn myself on. Oh, good.

Have you. Have you had phone sex?

Yes. Multiple times. I had a long distance relationship for, like, on and off for a long time. And we. That's what we did a lot was phone sex. I mean, this is the age before, you know, the camera.

Can't put the camera on your.

Right, right, exactly. I mean, I remember him even buying. He's like, oh, you know, there's this, this thing called a webcam.

Yeah, the web.

When you had to buy them from like Logitech.

Exactly.

Could have on your computer. They didn't have those back then. So it was something like. I remember him buying it for me and sending it to me. And I remember, like telling mom, oh, this is just, you know, for me it's just a package.

Yeah, I forgot about that.

But yeah, this is. Yeah, this was before then. So I remember we first started out just with phone sex and then we started doing like, camera sex is so weird. Webcam. Like a webcam and how far they've come now to be on your phone.

Yeah. Now you can just like, do, you know, FaceTime? Right. Just do it or, you know. Yeah. Have you had people FaceTime you FaceTime sex for sex? Yes, I have. But like, yeah, definitely. Yes.

That's what people are doing now.

Well, they are FaceTime. Yeah. And you could do it that way as well. You could even do it in FaceTime. But if, I guess if you're FaceTiming, then you're gonna do some, like, masturbation, right. Some playing with each other. Maybe you would use a toy like the one of the We Vibe toys, which you can use with the We Connect app, which when you launch their app, it's kind of like FaceTime and you can see your partner and control their toy, which is awesome. So the thing is, you guys be like, what do I say? What do I do? How do I do it? And so I think, I think if it's someone that you're already, you know, had sex with and it's your partner, and even if you had sex with them once, just replay something that happened. Like, talk about. There's a few options you can talk about. Like what? I mean, there's many options that your mind go riled. But talking about how hot it was when something happened in the past, like, that was so hot. I was like touching myself right now, thinking about when you were going down on me and what you did with your fingers. And it was hot. And I want to. And I think typically, I think you can play both ways. And then you talk about what they did to you and then what you want to do to them or what you did to them. I remember having your cock in my mouth. And when you came and just kind of replay the scenarios together because you, you were both there. So it's a great, like, you're not making anything up. You don't really have to be using your imagination. You're just sor. Sort of doing a play by play of a really hot moment when you were together or a few times, you can kind of put them all together. Like, here's the five hot times we had sex. I've been thinking about it, kind of narrating it. So that's a. That's a great way to kind of work it through together. And it's like a dialogue. But another way to do it is to also. What I love about phone sex is there's so many benefits, is that you could think about a fantasy that you actually want happen in the future. And so you can kind of, you know, play it off then, like, trial run. Yeah, you can. And let. And also, if you haven't been able to really talk to your partner about sex before, but you're like, well, we're not actually looking at each other, it's a little less awkward. And I've been wanting to tell them that I want my partner to spank me, for example. So when we're phones, when we're having phone sex, I'd be like, yeah. Picturing us together, and you walk in the house and you, like. Let's say I want to be dominated by my partner. And I haven't really been able to explain what it means. I could say to him, like, okay, I come in, and you see that I have my sports sheet, handcuffs on the bed that are already there. My. Under the bed restraints, and they're Velcro straps. Then you take those, you know, and you put them around my hands and my ankles. And then, like, you flip me over so, like, my ass is up in the air, and you come towards me, and you start to tease me, but you don't touch me. And you could just go. And then you start to, like, spank me, and you start really light with the spanking. And then you. You know, and then I can see that you're getting really hard and turned on. And you won't let me touch your. Because I'm. My hands are all tied up, you know, Walk through a fantasy and then let them join in with it.

That was, like, all, like, honestly, really great, by the way.

Yes.

Like, that was, like, in the flow.

Yeah.

I was like, people are listening right now. They're going over, and they're just like. Right.

Yes, definitely. I thought that was. Oh, my God. I was so in it.

Yeah, I was like. I was like. I'm picturing.

Yes.

The scene.

Yes. And you've been in my bedroom many times, Jamie. Right. So, yeah, so I'm picturing that. And, like, would you like to ask questions? So what would you do next? And then you can have me. Like, yeah, that's hot. I picture you're wearing that little red dress that I got you. Okay. That I know my partner wants me to wear that red thing. And you're. And we're gonna take out that toy and use it on you. And you go back and forth. And then my partner, whoever this is, a fantasy partner right now. And then he could be. Maybe that would be a great time for him to say, like, I'm picturing you telling me, you know, I want you to call me daddy. And then I could be like, hmm, I've never really wanted to call a guy daddy, but maybe I could. I'm like, okay, Daddy. And then I'm playing it out with him, right? And we're role playing, and we're throwing it around, and we're Kicking up ideas. And also know this, even if your partner says something that you're like, I'm not sure that I'm into that, it's okay to keep going with it. Because the sweet spot would be in playing these fantasies back and forth and being like, I don't want to call you daddy, but I will call you this. Or just kind of like new things will come up for you when you walk down this path. And it's a great way to kind of explain what you. What you want. Go back and forth, talk about fantasies. And if you don't have any.

I guess you could think about things that have happened to you in the past that you liked. Maybe this recent partner doesn't know about it. I'm picturing really long oral that goes on for an hour and a half.

Hint, hint.

Yeah, but like, work in the things that are around you. So props that you have, outfits you want to wear, places you want to have sex. And again, you guys, there's two kinds of fantasies. Absolutely. Like, there's the ones that we just want to, like, fantasize about, and actually there's the ones we just want to keep to ourselves. I guess there's three. There's three kind of fantasies. There's the fantasies that you want to actually happen in real life that are possible or that we want to happen. Then there's the ones that are only in our heads for our heads only. Like, I never. Oh, my God, if anyone could see inside of my head right now. And a fantasy. No. And then there's the ones that, like, I just kind of want to dirty talk it with my partner, but I don't actually want it to happen. So guess there's three. Maybe it's one and then, yeah, it's three. You guys can call us with any questions about phone sex or any of your sex questions. 8, 8, 9, 4, 7, 8, 2, 7, 7.

I like the making it a dialogue too, because I feel like sometimes, like, especially if someone's trying to drive it more than the other person, they're like, just doing all the work or they think they have to do all the work. Or if the partner's like, I really want to dirty talk, they just, like, shut up and look at you and wait for you to do it all. It's like, hey, this is a back and forth.

This is a back and forth. You don't want to just be speaking, you know, be a monologue. Dirty talk is not a monologue. You caught me. Monologue, dirty dialogue. Yeah, exactly. So I think, yeah, Exactly. It is a dialogue between two people, and you don't have to say a whole. It doesn't have to be elaborate. You, like, want to know what I was thinking about? Or what's the hottest time we've had sex? Tell me right now. Like, when you get on the phone, maybe your first thing would be like, what's the. You know, what do you remember most about when we had sex last time? Yeah, that was hot. Tell me more about why you liked it. You know, you just kind of ask each other questions back and forth, and I think to hear your partner's voice, then just being descriptive gets the juices flowing. And it's gonna make it easier for when you want to dirty talk together when next time you have sex.

I think that it's the same kind of thing, that you have to also build up to it. So I always remember that Seinfeld episode when he has that awkward dirty talk with someone. Do you remember this episode? I don't know if you guys do, but he said, update. He said he doesn't know why he did it. Seinfeld, he was with this woman. He's like, right now, she's like, talk dirty to me. Talk dirty to me. He's like, I'm picturing the underwear, the panties that your. Oh, the panty one that your daddy laid out for you. She's like, what?

Oh, gross.

You're thinking about my dad.

And then he was like, I don't know why. I don't know why.

Why did I say that? Why was that in my head?

I don't know why.

So.

Strange.

Shit happens.

It's a pretty good sign, though. Yes.

Thank you.

Oh, my God, yes.

Yeah, so I think. I think, yeah, you know, start with, like, just some things that have already happened. If you're feeling it out with your partner and be a little bit, you know, just play around. And also, you guys use toys. I think toys are awesome. It's fun to. To, like, if you are actually. Because I think if you're putting the effort into phones X, you should actually be masturbating, doing it together. So it's really fun, like I said, to use the We Vibe toys, which have an app that is called We Connect. And your partner can control it. You can control it. You could both be using the toys and controlling them each other. You can launch their app. Play with it. It's a good time. Okay, we're going to take a quick break, and we come back. We're going to get into your questions.

All right, let's Serve as Katie. She's 39 in Tennessee, and she wants to know how to teach her husband to be more dominant.

All right. Hey, Katie, tell me what's going on.

Hey, how are you, Emily?

So good, thank you. How are you?

Good, good. I'm good, thank you.

Love it.

So, yes, I would like for my husband to be more dominant in the bedroom.

And I think he confuses it with being like an. Like, hey, do this. Like, do that. I'm like, no, no, I need you to be more caring and, like, instructive versus domineering and, like, being an aggressive about it.

Got it. Okay.

Not his personality.

Right. Well, Katie, have you let him know, like, do you kind of know, like, if you had closed your eyes right now, could you run through the whole roleplay, like, fantasy in your head of what you want when you say dominant?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, perfect.

And we. We've done it. Well, like, one time, he did it. Fantastic. That's it. But I think outside of the bedroom, where he's like, maybe when he. When he's trying to start foreplaying, then he. He's kind of confused about how the caring aspect of a dominant would be to a submissive.

Okay, well, he just needs some information. Yeah. Well, tell me what you want. Do you want to be like. Like, what. What would you want in those moments when he's doing something cringy? We've all been there. What. What would you like instead? Because then you could just tell him that and say, you could be like, babe, I love God, that one time. You nailed it. Maybe he needs to be reminded. Honestly, I don't remember everything that I do. Like, if I did something great six months ago, my boyfriend was like, what about that time? I'd be like, tell me what I did. So maybe you could be like, that time was so hot. And now I know that you've been trying. But what would be really hot is if when we're in the kitchen and you say blank. And then what would that be, Katie?

That would be, you know, like, I don't know, like, baby, I love you, like, pet on me and then maybe tell me to get on my knees and take a dick or. Yeah, but sweetly, sweetly.

So you could say either you could.

Place where I can direct him, like, online or something.

I would find some. This is where I. This is where I think porn is useful. You could either find porn that has, like. You could literally put and, like, dominant if you feel like going down that road, or you could just role play with it and be like, I Want you to be like, babe, I want you to be like, whatever you just said. You're so you know you're sexy. Let's have sex. But at first you got to get on your knees and you want it more like, okay, babe. Now pretty, like you want to like grab your face and be like, hey, pretty wife. Like, I want you to get on your knees now and I'm gonna pull my pants and then you're gonna suck my dick. Right? That's what you want?

No. Yes. Yeah. Oh, yes. Okay, good. So that, I mean, okay, right. That's what it sounds like. You want to be like, hey, but now some women would want you little slut, like to put my dick and choke. Like so it's all different. So he's just doing the best he can. Now Erica Lust is one of my. Now you gotta pay for her porn. Maybe she has a free whatever, but it's totally worth it. And one of her, my favorite is she's got a dom sub role. She's got hundreds of movies on her site. Porn, it's made by a woman for a woman. She's. I think her porn is the hottest. So maybe if you could find a scene in there. It's called X Confessions with the. I was gonna say the letter X. Letter X. It is the letter X. Xconfessions.com we're gonna put it in our show notes. So Katie, I think just being playful and telling him that. And then he'll get it, you know, because he already got the other part down. It's just that cringy wrong part that you're like, oh. So I think just either telling him or finding a little clip and sending it to him and saying, this is what I want. But you just have to go to like one of the porn hubs or go to Erica Lust. Okay, you got. You're close, Katie, you're. He's so close. It's just not nor, you know, and he probably hasn't done it the other way. Maybe he doesn't remember that he did it right the last time and how he did it. So remind him. I loved that time when you were in the bedroom and you did abcd and then say.

And your information help. Yes, your information helped tremendously. Because when you search for sub dominant stuff, it's more the act of the sexual act versus the role play foreplay beforehand.

Right.

So if Erica Lust has got kind of from start to finish, then that, that's what I'm looking for.

Something that she does. She's got the plot, how they met, coming in, but it's not too long. It's still really hot. So that's why I love her, because she's more. Speaks to what we want. We want to know how they met. We want to know their relationship. Yeah. Well, I'm glad it's been helpful. And we do have some information on our site for. For beginning Kink beginner, Dom Sub. We've got great stuff on our site, I gotta say. Just search it. We'll find it. So for Dom Sub and all that. Well, let me know how it goes. Now I'm gonna be dying to know. Keep me posted. Thanks for calling.

Yeah, there's this particular one on Erica Lust. Because I. I love her porn.

That it shows. Not exactly like, down to the T what Katie was saying, but it's very much like the endearing parts of being a Dom to Sub. Like, very much. He's like, what do you want? Like, tell me what it is that you want me to do to you kind of stuff.

Yeah.

And then also, like, being like, you're gonna do these things, but, like, being very sweet about it. Like, it's not strong and throwing around and all of that. It's super hot.

Super hot. Okay, now I want to go home and watch it. It's actually on my calendar, my schedule.

We have a Ben, 25, in Chicago. He says his relationship started with a dick pic and he needs advice.

Hey, Ben.

Hi, Emily.

Hi. So you're the one that it worked for.

Yeah. I heard you say on a podcast, if it ever worked for anybody.

Then I'm so glad to hear from you. So what happened? Okay, so you sent a dick pic and you're in a relationship, and now what's happening?

The relationship's over. Just get that out of the way.

Okay. Got it.

It was.

It was a what?

It was a great relationship. Okay.

Okay.

Yeah. Well, I want. Yeah, where do you want to go here? I mean, I kind of want to know. Just like I. Now I want to know. I want to know how that happened. You just sent a dick picnic, like, out of the blue.

And so, yeah, that's the whole, like, thing of the story is like, oh, we met on Bumble, ended up becoming friends on Snapchat. Just Snapchatting. And I've heard this story time and time again of girls getting dick pics and just being like, what the hell? Like, I don't like this. And it's. It's just unnecessary. And girls don't like it. And I've heard it time and time. Again. But for some reason, I just. I don't know why I had this. This urge to want to do it. I thought for some reason that girls would be attracted to it. It would turn them on me having somewhat of a nice body, that. That would be a good thing. So, like, it was never anything about dick size or anything like that. So I ended up sending. It was actually, like, a Snapchat video. And of course, it was unsolicited.

Right.

Kind of random. And when she opened it, she was with all of her friends, so it wasn't just her that saw it. Her friend saw it as well, too. And I guess they, like, recorded the thing, so it was saved. And then I got the nickname Big Dick Ben, which was the first I ever heard of that.

Okay. It's not a bad name. I guess it wasn't like, Small Dick Ben. It wouldn't. You probably wouldn't be calling right now.

Yeah, I've never heard that before. So, like, that was the first of me ever hearing that too. And I never. It never really went anywhere that we just ended up talking. She finally ended up hanging out with me, and she just kept telling me that she thought my dick was big. I was like, no way. I've never heard that before. She's like, you're telling me nobody's ever told you this before? I'm like, no. And she just swore by it. She said all her friends thought so. And I was like, okay. So ended up becoming friends with benefits for a little while, and it was great.

Okay, got it. So you got it. Okay, got it. All right. So great. And now what happened? So you are the exception. Let me just say this. I don't want guys to start taking. Because I can just picture a bunch of guys right now taking out their phones and snapping pictures. So I just need to stop before you ask your question right now and say, this is the exception, not the rule. Put your phones away and your penis back in your pants. But, Ben, what's going on? What's your question? You wouldn't do it again. I get it.

I don't know why I said.

I would never do it again, but it was a success story.

Okay. All right. So what. How can I help you so that it ended? It ended. I'm not laughing at that. Yeah.

I think it just ended due to immaturity on my end, lack of compromise, and hard work in the relationship. And I just wanted some advice on, like, how to match the maturity of. Of your partners when they're so much more mature than you and Then looking at other successful relationships, I see lots of very strong young women, typically with older men, because I feel like it's just like their maturity levels.

Ben, you sound very mature for your age, and that is so insightful, because it is true. Like, it's you. These men and women just mature at different levels, at different paces. Women typically are a little bit more mature. And if a woman says to you actor A's, you mature, you don't even know what they mean because no one really even taught you maybe, probably not. There's not a great model, a great role model, and we don't even know what's normal. And maybe what was normal then accepted, like it was more toxic or didn't. Maybe the way your dad was didn't feel quite like you. You got to figure it out on your own. And it's tough to know. And I think the first step is just really starting to, like, ask questions. I mean, the other thing is, don't be hard on yourself, Ben, either. Because the thing is, like, and I was, too, in my 20s, I was like, why don't I know more about this or that or I should be a certain way? But the truth is, like, you haven't lived enough. Like, part of the wisdom and part of the emotional intelligence comes from actually, like, going through stuff, experiencing things, and having real conversations with people. But if you haven't and your life's been pretty good, there hasn't been a lot of crisis yet. Ben, no one's died in your family. You haven't been to therapy yet. Right? You haven't had trauma. You've had a pretty good life so far in Chicago. So the thing is, I feel like people who go through sometimes stuff earlier in life, it could be divorce, it could be death, it could be anything at all. These people typically have a little bit more of emotional depth, if you will, because they've had to accept experience, like loss or change or trauma or something that, like, was really disturbing so that they had to, like, deal with their feelings. Now, it doesn't mean they're superior to you in any way. It just means they've had to, like, feel things more. And sometimes women feel a little bit more than men. We talk to our friends about our emotions from a young age. And this is in a great book by Luann Brisdine called the Female Brain. And she talked about how there were babies just like six months old, a boy and a girl. And the girls, at a very young age are making eye contact with their moms, and they're Wanting to communicate and talk about things where the boy babies are just not, they're not as interested in that at a very young age. So yes, men and women are different, but typically we express things to our friends. So that's another pathway to emotion. Getting yourself more emotionally in shape, if you will. So Ben, I would suggest for you just like asking questions when you're with women, like paying attention, saying, well, what would you like more for me? Or asking questions about them, how they feel about things, and looking at yourself like, how do you feel about things? Like, how do you, you know, do you ever, you know, have you ever been to therapy or been interested in any kind of self improvement, if you will, like, what do you do for a living, Ben?

I train dogs and I'm a logistics broker.

Oh, logistics, okay, logistics broker. So you're into like, you can kind of figure out systems. You sound like you're, you know, smart guy, but you're good with like animals. Like I feel like it's. The thing about emotions is really just. Is there anything, first of all, is there anything you could do in your job that would help you advance or learn more? Like could you take a course? Could you. Do you want to stay as a logistics manager?

Yeah, just constantly learning problem solving and staying ahead of the curve, being proactive and stuff like that. And that's the way I'm looking at this breakup, as just as a self reflection and trying to become a better person.

Exactly. So that's how at 25, just asking questions, reflecting and knowing that, like I feel like in applying things that you're learning, like at work, like your brain to your real life situation, like how would you solve problems in your life? But I'm also telling you that you do, like out of this relationship, it ended. Think about what this is, what I can tell you, how you could become more intelligent at least on a date. Or what you want is think about and write this stuff out. Ben, what did I really like about that relationship? Like what made me feel the best about it and what didn't I like and what did I do well and what could I do better in the next one? And I think that we often go from one relationship the next, we just swing from one limb to the next and we're like, oh, relationship, relationship. And we never stop and think about it, what we want, and, and then we just end up ending in a relationship for a long time with someone we don't want until we do this, you know, that we don't even know ourselves. So take the Time to figure out what you want now, Ben. And you'll figure it out, I promise.

Okay, so we got a woman from instagram here. She's 31. She says, I've been with my husband for 10 years and I'm not sexually attracted to him anymore. He's 63.

Okay. All right, so obviously the age difference makes this one a little bit trickier, but let me start with this. Many people are with their partners for 10 years and they find that their sex life wanes. It just does. Their attraction wanes because, you know, when we're in that honeymoon phase, everything feels amazing. But that is a pretty big age difference. And so what I think would be great is if you talk to your husband and you let him know that there might be some other things that you guys would like to try together. Maybe his sex drive is slowing down a little bit. Maybe he would be cool with you opening up and experimenting and maybe trying new things with him. I mean, I would say for 10 years it's been great. And you guys haven't talked about any of this stuff. I think that in every relationship there's a new time. It's always a good time to start saying like, okay, things are getting a little stale. Whether you've been together for 10 years, there's an age difference, or you've been together for five years or five months, there always comes a time in a relationship, and my advice is to do it sooner than later when you're like, okay, let's talk about our sex life. Let's figure out ways to keep it hot, to keep it interesting, to make sure that we don't get bored. Right. And like, what turns you on? What turns me on? What are some of your fantasies? Let's go to a sex toy store and go shopping. Let's figure things out. Like, let's just. And then remember, you guys, they're like micro conversations. So it's not a one time conversation. You're having it all the time. So, you know, with the age difference, I don't want to make assumptions here, but I'm going to say that like 63, 31, maybe he would be cool with. I don't know what open it. He'd be open to whatever you think it would take for you to be sexually satisfied right now. Maybe it's with him, maybe it's with others. I'm not sure. But I would think that with that age difference, that's just a very big time separation. You know, years, 30. Some on years, 30 years.

I mean, it is 18 years. Such indifferent points of your life at that point.

Exactly.

And then do people think about, I mean, I don't want to get morbid here, but the expect like, you know, you're obviously he's going to go, yeah, right.

And like, take care of them.

I just feel like that's like. Is that when age difference becomes a problem?

Yeah, I do think that a 30 year. I mean, granted, if she was 60, he was 90. I don't know if they made it at that point, but still, like, that's right now they're at that 30, 60 point and they're. And I think that this is where, I mean, it's just, you guys all know you, you have to understand that your sex life is going to change in your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, your 50s, your 60s. So we all have different theories about, you know, sometimes age differences work for people. You hear stories all the time. But knowing that your sex drive, your interest, your energy level and everything's going to change with each decade. The more decades you have separating you, the bigger that this is, the bigger challenges is going to be. And I don't think that people often think about that. They're just like, oh, we can make it work. We'll be. They got together at 21 when she was 21. Now she's 31. Now. He might be slowing down. I mean, not that 63 is in any way. Oh, like I. It doesn't. People in their 60s have amazing sex, have eight people in their 80s and 90s. You can have sex for a long time right now. But she might be surprised that by talking to him about this, maybe there's places they haven't even gone yet. Couples re spark their sex life and the relationship all the time. And a lot of them do it by listening to this show. I'm gonna say it. Or listening to our podcast. We release three podcasts a week. A lot of couples have found that, like, they thought it was over, it was gone, they were never gonna get it back. And then they start getting their sexual confidence back together by listening to the show.

If you like the show. Gosh, I love when you rate us. It really helps if you rate us. 5 stars is great. Wherever you listen to the show, especially on itunes, it really helps us because we release three shows a week and we love doing what we do. So thanks for doing that and email me any topics you want to hear more about or any feedback on the show to feedbackexwithemily.com and thanks to my epic, incredible team for another incredible year. Ken, Kristen, Elisa Brennan, Producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sex with emily.com.

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