Shaming, Blaming & Somatic Sex Training

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Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our secret institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broke.

He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

Well, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sex with Em, emily.com, where you can do so many amazing things on our website. You can go shopping, shop with Emily. You know, I always talk about my favorite toys and products, and you can get them all there. And you can also just subscribe to the podcast. So easy. I'm here with Menace. He taught me that you can, what.

Write reviews and rate it or.

Right. That you can not only. Yes, please subscribe. It helps us. We do two shows a week. But you can rewind. You can. It keeps your place in line. The podcast, if you're subscribed and you listen to a podcast and then your mom calls and you go back to the podcast. If you're not subscribed, it'll go back to the first minute of the pod. It'll go back to the second. But now we can go back to minute 17.

That's great.

And then review us at Menace. Everyone reviews us when you tell us to do that.

Sweet.

Yeah. There's like, so many more reviews.

That would really help the show if you can just write a little review. I don't care the amount of stars that you put. If you don't put five stars, then Emily cries.

I just cry for like a minute. I'm trying to let go of things a lot quicker.

Well, also, the show's on many different platforms, not just itunes. You can go to sex with emily.com. you guys are on SoundCloud, Google Play, Stitcher, Spotify, Podcast One.

There's so many apps.

I know. Everyone is trying to be the podcast.

Everyone's podcasting.

Remember when you wanted a podcast and everyone's like, what is that?

Now everybody wants everybody. It's crazy. Literally everybody has a podcast.

It's cool. Who doesn't have a podcast? What's going on in your life?

But one more thing, quickly, this is important. Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, all sex with Emily. And because we could do some fun things there on the Instagram.

Yeah, we can.

Like, people still talk about the bikini photo. My nest are saying, I listen to the end. I've never had so many likes on a photo in my entire life. And also facebook.com sex with Emily.

Let's see what's on your. See what's going on there these days. Ooh, sex with Emily. Mr. Skin podcast.

I was on the Mr. Skin podcast. It was so fun the other day. Yeah, he's got a new podcast. Everyone should check that puppy out.

Let's see. So that's that. There's a photo of you on a computer with a dog.

Yeah, Little hammerman. He's here. There's a lot of pictures with me and you.

He always tries to hump my leg.

Oh, man, you love it.

You love it. So, yeah, go to the Sex with Emily Instagram page. Check it out.

Also, before I forget, I'm going to be in New York September 24th and 25th in Brooklyn. Sexual Health Expo. You guys, if you've been listening, you know, for the last year and a half, we've done four shows around the country. The New York one was, I think, by far one of the best last year.

New York's awesome.

New York kills it. And then on Saturday 24th September, I will be doing a live podcast at 1 o' clock and just check it out. Go to the Sexual Health Expo site or go to my banner on the website and do that. And also, it's still September. We're in September. Well, into it. Now we are celebrating Back to Sexual Confidence Month instead of Back to school. Back to Sexual Confidence. So we're gonna have giveaways all month to help you have better sex. And it all starts with confidence.

Cool.

Yeah, that's it, Menace. So what's going up with you? Up with you. Down with you.

Down. Up. Well, I mentioned that I was getting a new dog. Yes, I got a new dog, Chimmy. She's so cute. She's very, very cute.

I can already tell that I love her.

She's an all black French bulldog with a white belly. And she's very, very cute. And my other dog, Churro, is very happy. So it's Chimney and Churro.

That's really cute.

They're cute together.

Can you bring. Can you. You can't bring her out yet, though.

I can't bring Chimney out yet. She needs.

For how long?

Like a month, probably. Yeah, three or four more weeks. And then she's all good. And then she can run around and pee all over the office.

Okay, nice. I wouldn't even care. Yeah, because your dog's my dog. Your dog. You can pee all over the place if you want to as well.

Yeah. So that's going on. My dad's having his 60th birthday, so I'm going to Reno.

Reno.

My aunt lives there, so we're all going there.

Okay, that's nice.

I wish I was going to the Bay Area, but. Nothing against Reno. It's just. It's a little bit of a trek. I got it from Los Angeles.

It is, right? Yeah, I know. I was gonna go. My friends were going to Burning Man. I was gonna go, But Burning Man. Well, because you go and fly into Reno and every year I'm gonna go because I went 10 years ago, but I don't go anymore.

Wait, is Burning man this weekend?

Yeah. Or it's la. It was last week. It was last week. It was Labor Day. Labor Day.

Okay.

Yeah.

I was about to say, I'm not driving through Burning man stuff.

No, no.

You've been to Burning Man a couple times.

Yes, I have been to Burning Man. If people don't know. Well, Burning man is a crazy party in the desert.

Yeah. Is it really? Is it sexual or what?

No, it can be.

Here's the thing, sex stuff going on.

Unfortunately, I didn't see any of the sex stuff happening. I would have partaked. I mean, it's everything. I mean, it's like a whole city. What is like 50,000 people? Like, you just. Yes, there's sex parties. Yes. There's lots of drugs. Yes. There's lots of everything, but it's really what you find. I mean, I did hook, but. You know my biggest regret about my birdie man? I went twice. But my birdie man experience is that I goddamn ran into my ex boyf, like, the date, first day, and I ended up hooking up with him the whole time. I could have gotten some new deed, and I was with the ex. And I, like, still loved him because we broke up and was like, oh, my God, so passionate. And then the douchebag, we were there, we had this passionate weekend, and we were dry. And then he's like, well, drive with me back to San Francisco. And we're driving back, and we're going over the Bay Bridge. And I'm like, so, like, what does this mean for us? He's like, as far as I'm concerned, nothing's changed. And he dropped me off at my house. I was so hurt because we had, like, all these experiences and we cried and we went to the temple. There was like a temple there that they burned. And he was like, we had emotions and feelings. And then that was it. But it was amazing. You were causing. Yeah, it's fine. It's whatever. So that was something I learned. Yes, I learned from that. And that was fun. And then also later in the show, we're gonna be talking to Celeste and Danielle. Cause, you know, I've been taking my three months, I've been taking it so far, my Somatica training, which. Which has been really transformative for me as a sex educator, because think in life that you are never done learning. Like, you really are not. I think that that's just what keeps you, you know, a lot. You never done learning about yourself and in relationships. If a relationship isn't constantly moving forward and you're not growing, it's going to die. If you don't keep challenging yourself to grow and to learn. You're just gonna, like, what's the word? You're gonna stabilize. You're going to. What's. What's the word? I can't think of it. You're going to. You know what I mean? Whatever. Stagnate. Stagnate. God damn, your tiredness is making. Yeah, so one of my favorite quotes is from Woody Allen's Annie Hall. And even if you hate, you know, whatever, Woody Allen, because, you know, the whole child molestation thing, you should check out his Annie Hall Manhattan. But what he says about relationships, he says, relationships, I think, is like a shark, you know, it has to constantly Move forward or dies. And I think what we got in our hands is a dead shark when he's breaking up with Annie Hall. But it's true that you want to constantly, you know, people. This is why people stagnate in relationships, and they stagnate in life. So you got to keep growing. So that's why I'm taking this course. And I have to say, it's. I've gotten so much more out of it than I ever could have expected. You know, I've had a lot of therapy and all that stuff, but even after. So last weekend, when I was there, the last weekend was about. The focus was on female sexuality. And you know how you're always saying that the. The vagina is the Rubik's Cube of life?

Yeah.

And I always do have compassion for men in that area, but I had so much more compassion for men after this weekend because you realize that not only is the vagina difficult, but female sexuality is so complex because so many women don't understand their own sexuality. They don't. Not only do they not understand their own bodies and what makes them feel good, but they don't even know, like, what they want. Like, even if sometimes they know what feels good. Like, they're not even sure, like, really how to explain that to their partner, they have some shame around telling their partner what they want, and they just don't know how to communicate their needs and ask for what they want. And we're so, like, disembodied, meaning, like, we're not really connected to our minds and our bodies are not connected. And it just helped me see what's possible for women. And we had to do these. These exercises. So I was with this man. I was paired up with this guy. And there was an exercise where it was all about touch, Right. So our clothes are on, but he had to start just touching me in my arm. Like, you know, it feels good touching me wherever. Like, there's my back or my. Wherever you want them to.

Yeah.

And his. And I had to tell him, like, what would make me feel good, like. And he just started touching me, and it was, like, too hard. And then he was, like, using it. And I felt, like my first inclination. My first instinct was like, oh, it's fine. Don't worry. You know how we do, like, oh, don't worry about it. But I had to, like, really? The exercise was like, no, no, no, don't use your fingertips. Like, don't use your nails. Use your finger. No, slower, slower. No, that doesn't feel good. On the vein, you know, I had like direct him and in my mind, because I'm thinking to myself, well, what does it feel like when it does feel good and when it doesn't? And like it was such an interesting exercise because we actually finally got there. It was like a 10 minute exercise. And I was like, oh, he can make me feel good. But if I had hooked up with him once, like, let's say I was went home with him one night, I'd be like, this guy is not my guy. But now it's like you realize that like maybe his last girlfriend wanted to be touched with deep claws into her arm, you know, so then, you know, you just learn how to communicate and you also learn that like it's like so confusing for men. Like, and it could change from woman to woman. And the woman's job, bottom line is to figure out, you know, what you want and to have to learn to ask for it. Which is what we talked about last weekend.

Now, just because you get new listeners all the time. Somatica. Do you have a quick, brief description?

Yeah, Somatica is all about Celeste and Danielle teach it and I think their website, Somatica Institute. And Somatica is the practice of becoming embodied. And that is that, you know, a lot of us are so disconnected. You know, we're so in our heads, we try to think our way through life and so a lot of the information we have is in our bodies and in our heart and in our breath. And a lot of times we get all these anxious thoughts. But if you really just like slow down and our. Usually the thoughts come from our bodies and we get a stress response to something and then we start thinking, thinking. So it's a way of just dropping into yourself, your body and your emotions and what's happening and then learning like, like what's happening with you. And this has to do with like, it's more of like a sex coaching thing. So for example, if we're in a relationship, I might, I might not be able to explain to you, like in my head I might be thinking like, God, you know, it doesn't, like I said, it doesn't feel good what you're doing in bed. Or I might be trying to placate you, or I might be trying to please you. But if I'm really in touch with my body and I know what I like, then in the moment, like I'm going to know what feels good, what doesn't feel good, I'm going to be able to conce, you know, consent to things that I do want and that I don't want. So it just doesn't matter. It teaches you how to actually connect because we have all the answers we need and to figure out what you want. And a lot of it is about figuring out what our core erotic theme is. Like, we all have these things that turn us on, but a lot of us don't even know what that is, or we've repressed it because we have shame around sex. So it's just really figuring out, like, what pushes your buttons, what turns you on, and learning that for yourself, and then how to express that to a partner. I mean, so many women don't ever fantasize. They don't ever think about, you know, things that'll turn them on. It's okay to fantasize. Like, that's completely healthy. It doesn't mean you have to tell your partner. But that's part of, like, being embodied and having a fulfilling sexual experience. And then it also. Well, you'll hear on the call, because I want to talk to Celeste and Danielle more about it, but that's really what it is. Somatica. They kind of. It's somatic therapy, but theirs is called Somatica. They kind of trademarked it, so that's what it is.

Good.

So I'm very connected.

Nice. What else do you feel?

You. I feel you. I feel you. I feel you. A lot of things are going on. Let's see.

I'm going to Michigan to see my family.

Nice.

I miss them very much. And I've been just. I don't know. I've just been, like, working and playing and not really dating a little bit. Have been dating.

Oh, hey.

Hey. Actually, just how Well I was doing the Tinder thing. Your fault, because you were swiping for me, but I don't know. I'm just meeting people in the real world. No. That I like, but nothing. Okay. There's nothing that I could talk about right now, but I think that there's somebody that I like.

Oh, really?

And it's somebody that I've known and more to come.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's a cliffhanger.

It's a cliffhanger for everybody.

Next podcast.

Okay. Let's get some sex in the news. All right. Because that's really what's happening. Okay. This is for you, Menace.

All right.

People Instagram their dogs more than their significant other. True or not true?

Do I Instagram my dog more than. Yeah, of course.

Okay, well, dog owners love their pets more than their significant others. Maybe Rover.com, a site used to find pet sitters and dog walkers. They investigated this. They did some deep investigation. So it showed that those surveyed care more about their dogs than work, significant others, and traveling. Who knows about that? I don't think that you.

I know. Definitely.

Do you love your dog more than your girlfriend? No dogs.

And not more than traveling. But I love my dogs. I know, but I'm definitely not that over. Over the top.

You know, dog lover. Like my co worker, his dog passed away and he was crushed for dates. I mean, that hasn't happened to me yet, so God forbid, but he was crushed for days. He has a tattoo of his dog's name.

That'll be you.

Yeah, maybe that'll be me one day. But at this point in time, no, it's.

It's not okay.

But I. I mean. Oh, you know that I. I baby those dogs.

But, like, I know. No, I love it because even when I dog sit, I realize that if I look at my Instagram, it's mostly pictures of me with other people's dogs and with vibrators.

Yeah.

So that's my Instagram feed and the occasional sexy shot. But it says 65% of those surveyed admit to taking more photos of their dog than their friends or significant others. Um, and 51% believe it's harder to find the perfect dog walker than it is to find a spouse.

And 83% of dog owners met someone during their walks.

These are over the top dog owners.

Okay, but dude, you have an Instagram account for both. Did you just start a new one?

Yeah, of course. For Chimney.

Why couldn't you just change to Chimmy and Chunga or whatever? They.

They have their own personalities. They don't need to be scary.

You think you're not gonna be, like, tattooing both of their faces on your face when they die? I mean, really, you couldn't do Chimmy and Chugga? What is it? Chimney.

Chimney and Churro, they had.

Have separate. So now you got to log into different accounts.

Yeah. But Instagram finally made it easy where you can switch between accounts.

They did.

Quick. Yeah.

Can you help me do that? Yeah, I only have one, but just in case, I want to start one for your dog sitting while I'm dog sitting.

Yeah. So Chimney is Chimmy the Frenchie on Instagram. That's C H I M M Y the Frenchie. F R E N C H I E. And then Cheryl is my dog. Churro.

Right. Thank you.

If you like to follow.

Right. So that's. That's my sex the news story, you know. Right, okay, we'll follow you. I follow you. I follow you everywhere you go, so.

But no, I definitely. I don't have to clean up my girlfriend's every day.

Not yet. Wait until you're like 95 and piss.

So I don't think that I'll be loving them more than her.

No. But let me say this about this. I know this is like kind of a silly study, but I have to tell you, just like having it just. I'm just dog sitting, right?

Yeah.

The cutest little dog. Hallerman. And so last night I was walking. This was actually really funny. I was walking Hallerman down Melrose. It was after work, I was getting some food. It was like 9 o' clock at night. And then I was walking in like all these, there's like, you know, there's lots of bars and there was a ton of guys like, hey, hey, cute dog. What kind of dog is that? I mean, it's a great way to meet people.

It's a conversation piece.

Man magnet. Yeah. And it was funny cause these two kids stopped me. They were like 19 and 20 and they were like, hey, hey, excuse me, Come here, come here. Like you're cute dog. Listen, I'm texting a girl. They don't know who I am. It's like I'm texting a girl right now and I need to know what to say next. And I was like, well. He's like, well, I'm gonna see her. She's coming back from France and I like, help them. I'm like, he was texting some stupid. He's like, I. He was about to send her a dick pic, I think, I think I stopped a dick pic mid sentence. I was like, just say this. Like I would have tell you the whole context. He's like, no way. You're a genius. Can I get your number? Can we hang out? Like not like in a sexual way. And I was like, no. Like you just stop texting. Like, don't do that. Just tell her it's a surprise. And you know, because he's like, I told her she had a surprise, but I think it's good. I'm like, no, don't talk about your penis. And then they're like, let's be friends. I'm like, how old do you think I am? They're like, I don't know, like you 24. And it was actually that made my heart feel good. I was like, no, guys, keep, keep, keep going. Have fun. But I thought it was interesting. All the people I forgot because I used to have a dog that you just meet, like. So if you're someone who's like, homebody or you feel depressed or you don't meet people, great way to meet people.

Definitely.

If you don't want any people, they're coming up to you. So that's my little dating tip. Get a dog or borrow a dog, because I had borrowed the dog. Okay, so we're gonna take a quick break. We're going to give a big shout out to our sponsors. You guys, thank you so much for supporting our sponsors. You know, I only talk about brands and products that I've tried and that I believe in. And, you know, you help the show, keep it free when you support a sponsor. So thank you, and we'll be right back.

If there's something I have more of than toys, it's. It's cosmetics. And it seems like I don't even use half of them. My makeup counter looks like. Well, you can probably guess because I bet yours looks similar. Just when things seem totally out of control, the folks at Kopari asked me to try their line of multitasking beauty products. Kopari's products are made from 100% organic coconut oil. And unless you've been living under a rock, coconut oil is huge these days. Kopari's products are free of sulfates, silicones, GMOs, and parabens, none of which you want on your skin. I've been using Kopari's Balm scrub and body glow for a while now, and I love them. But my favorite is Kopari's organic coconut belt. Mmm. It's amazing. Melt is great for your skin no matter what you use it for. Bath oil, shaving oil, massage oil. And it's not just for your skin. Kopari Coconut Melt makes a nourishing hair mask. It's packed with vitamin E and proteins that keep hair long, strong and shiny. And it smells amazing. In fact, I wore it to my office last week and everyone's like, what smells so good? What smells so good? It's you. Yes, it was me. I smelled amazing because the melt, it's delicious. Thanks to Kopari, my skin and hair look amazing. And so does my counter. Sex with Emily listeners can now save 20% on Kopari products. Just go to koparibeauty.com Emily that's K-O-P A R I beauty.com Emily today. So we're going to call my sex coaches Celeste and Danielle. And you've heard me talk about My experiences with the Somatic Institute in San Francisco with Celeste and Danielle. And back in July, we actually had Celeste call in to check on my progress. We had a great discussion. But it's been two months, so it's time for another check in from my favorite sex teachers.

People know that.

Hi, Celeste and Danielle, thanks for calling in.

Hi, Emily, thanks for having us.

Of course.

We're very excited to talk with you again.

I know, me too. Because that was. Thank you for another transformative weekend. I have to say, I'm really looking forward to the next one. And God, there was a lot there. It's taken me a long time to process. I came back, I had to like, sleep for days. In a good way. In a really, really good way. So thank you so much. And I wanted to. I don't know, I wanted to talk about some things. I mean, I've been talking about it ever since I came back because I can't stop talking about it. But there was a few things that I wanted to talk about with you both and Celeste during the workshop, the lab last weekend. I love when you said women need to be greedy, selfish and bossy during sex, but oftentimes they feel like they can't be.

Yeah.

And I thought that was so powerful. So can you talk more about that?

Yeah. Well, I mean, I know I said it, but I have to say I learned a lot of that from Danielle.

No, no, no, don't get me wrong. I talk. You guys are like connected. Well, first I want to say, I mean, you guys are. I love how non judgmental you both are and everything you said, I mean, really, I was so inspired. I was so taken by both of you. So I just remember this one quote from you. Of course. Course, you're both brilliant.

Well, I mean it when I say it because I think, you know, we were all socialized to be good girls.

And to not be sexual.

And it teaches women to not really ask for what they want and to not focus on themselves and sex. And, you know, and I think that that does a disservice to everyone.

Right. Like one of the examples that you gave was that you bring your vibrator on the second date.

I do.

I mean, I love that I bring.

It to my first date.

You bring it to your first day.

Danielle brings it on the first date.

I mean, really, like. Right. Like just in your car. Right. Charging.

Don't be caught without it.

Right. That's why I have like my Vesper necklace, like around my neck all the time. But I mean, I mean, I Think it's that we talked about. Like, women, you know, often think that they're too much and that they're gonna feel judged by that and that, like, being more, like, taking charge of it. Like, you know, that you need a vibrator during sex, and, like, you bring that. And how was that for you? Like the first time.

Yeah. And, I mean, some people need them.

Some people want them. I want a vibrator during sex. I can have or two without it, but I can have 12 with it. So, you know, that's the greedy part. Right. And I feel like I just pull it out of my purse. I don't ask anybody can I use this? Because anybody who I want to date has to be willing to have that be part of their psych life. And if it doesn't work for them, then they can tell me that, and we can move, you know, go our separate ways.

Right. So it's not even asking permission.

Imagine pulling. Imagine pulling the Hitachi magic wand out of your purse.

I know. Well, that's the thing. It's not like you're bringing up a little pocket rocket. You're like, here I am and meet my vibrator. You know, it's like your third.

Yeah, the big one.

The big one.

And then you look for a plot, you know?

Right.

It's an appearance.

Right, right. I'm saying it because I see many women, you know, in the coaching, and they just, like, can't even imagine themselves pulling something like that with, like, not even asking. It's like, yeah, of course I do that. That's what I do. Because I want to have fun here, too. And I'm not doing. I'm here because I want to have fun. It's really about a commitment to your own pleasure that we're not trained as women to approach sex in that way.

We are trained to approach sex from a place of, like, oh, I'm here to satisfy you, and for us to be okay and connected and related, and all of this is wonderful. But I'm here for my pleasure. And this is a big statement that most people are not feeling good to say.

Exactly.

Women especially.

Right. I mean, even I realized it because I've been with, you know, several men in my life, several partners, a few. No. And I even realized that since. Since taking this course where I think I'm very, like, empowered and outspoken about everything. But even when I've been with people lately, I'm thinking, does this feel good? Because so much about somatica is being in your body, realizing what feels good. And I just realized how often I. I've done this. I know so many other women that I don't really. I'm really paying attention to how things feel. Like, a guy was, like, performing oral sex on me, and I was like, okay. And I know a lot of times in the past, I'd be like, you know, obviously, as I've been doing my show, I'm a little better, but I've gotten even more vigilant, as you would appreciate, and thinking, no, that actually doesn't feel good. I'm gonna tell them exactly what I need. Like, stop. No fingers yet. Do not use your fingers yet. Keep using your mouth. Go soft, go lighter. You know, and I. I'm very conscious of it because I hear your. Both of your voices in my head, and I'm paying attention to how I'm feeling in my body, and I'm like, if this is okay. And I know that they appreciate it. Like, people. We all want to give direct, you know, want direction, because we're all trying to figure it out.

Well, yay. I'm so honored to be in bed with you.

You're always in bed with me.

Yeah, me too.

Talk about core erotic theme. You guys are in my core erotic theme.

Whispering in your ear, okay. Ask her what you want.

Tell them to go down on you. Just. Right, right.

It's true. I was, like, with the guy, and I was like, no fingers yet. You know, it's true. Like, I'm actually thinking about this because I'm taking it. It's all. It's. It's been very.

It's like every time you visit them, you. You've gone on a spiritual journey.

It's true.

You come back.

I do.

Everyone's like a whole new person, right?

I have you guys. Really. I can't believe there's even gonna be more. Like, what's gonna happen? I don't even know. But even. And last weekend, you know, last weekend was all about women, and I came back with, like, a lot of compassion for men. Feeling like, God, I really understand now how, you know, confusing it can be for men, because women, you know, we're coming at it from. So we're so confused about what we want and how to ask for it, and it changes. And so there was just a lot of emotions that came up for me that. That weekend.

So, yeah, next weekend we're going to talk. The next one, we're going to talk about men. And I think you'll get even more compassion.

Even more compassion. God, I've got the compassion the vulnerability. Another thing that I was thinking about was when you guys talked about the. That we. A lot of times we have bad presentation when we're talking to our partners because we don't want to hurt each other. And I remember when you guys were talking about this and you both cracked up. One of you said, like, I think it's so funny that people say, oh, we never want to hurt each other. And then you just started cracking up. You're like, that's hilarious. We're all going to hurt each other. It's going to happen. Expect it. You're going to hurt your partner. Not on purpose, but it happens.

And most.

Yeah, they're going to hurt you. And it's about repair.

Right.

It's not about perfect perfection or avoiding ever stumbling on somebody's toes because then you don't get to be yourself. It's about when somebody gets hurt. You stay connected with them. You listen to their feelings. You share what was going on for you, you know, but you can't avoid it. It's not an option.

Right, Exactly.

And that being said, while you cannot avoid it, and it's important to realize that and embrace it, presentation is really important. It's amazing how important presentation is and how being gentle and loving and not corrective and Unless that's your chorotic theme. Right? Like, unless you like to be corrected or, like, be very gentle in the way that you say what you need and how you need it.

Right. And we don't learn that, you know. So what would be some of the tips that you would like? Most people do it. They're just kind of. I hear this fighting about the same things over and over again and having the same conversation. But the way that you guys teach it is just like, you know, narrating intimacy, you know, narrating what's actually happening in the moment and keeping people in the experience. Because people are just talking about the problems and the issues, but they're not really getting into what's happening with them. And then what's really happening.

The fourth weekend, we go really deep into how to listen for people's underlying emotions and how to get to the bottom of these fights. Because usually people are fighting very much on the surface. It's like, noise. Really, nobody's getting to, like, I'm terrified that I'm not good enough for you, or I'm fearful that you're going to leave me. That's what's really going on when people are protesting and having the same fights all and over and over again. But we never get down there because those things are so vulnerable, say.

Right. And that goes back to the vulnerability thing that a lot of us spend most of our lives avoiding, you know, vulnerability. And that vulnerability is really, is. Is powerful. It's not a weakness. And that's something that, you know, we try to. I mean, it took me a long time to learn that message as well, because it's not what we're told. So I found that to be so, like. I mean, I just feel like it's already helped me, like, with myself and with people that I'm, you know, giving advice to that people are just. Yeah. They're having the same conversations over and over again. So.

Anything.

It's usually never about the top layer topic. It's usually about the deep feelings of, oh, I feel disempowered here. When you, you know, when you fix the dishes after I put them in the dishwasher.

Right.

So this can be small things that look completely stupid to fight over, but people fight over them because there are way bigger things that are underlying is like, who's in charge? Am I respected? Is my voice heard in our relationship? Do I matter? So when we start to relate to this from that place and able to connect, and it creates a much longer conversation. And we don't get any training or demo or modeling on how to do that. So when we are coaching people and in the training, we teach to narrate the intimacy, right? Like, really start to go, what's underneath happening underneath. So people can actually connect on those level and not just on the surface and then get stuck on it again and again. Again.

Exactly. I mean, that. That's the thing is that. And it is like. Like Celeste just said, both of you say that it's about. It usually is about something that's happened. Maybe, you know, our. Our core, like, issues. It's happened from childhood, you know, that we're afraid of being, you know, we're afraid of being abandoned or we're afraid of being less than. That we're not lovable. I mean, really, like, it could be that you didn't take out the trash, but really it goes back to feeling like you're disrespecting me, which means you' leave me and I won't be loved and I'll be left alone, which is really how a lot of them just kind of break down. But getting couples to that place, you know, that's what I love about Somatica, is that you really, like, everyone could get to that place if they just do the work. You know, I think so many relationships don't have to dissolve if they really. If everyone in the world went to Somatica. That's my mission. That and a lube on every nightstand is my mission. Right.

So that was really helpful. Is there anything you guys wanted to, to bring up? I forgot a few more points, but anything you wanted to talk about? How was I a good student? I was, I was only late once for six minutes.

Thank you. I just want to feel good. I want to feel. And you love me, right?

And she was only, she was only late once. That's great.

Have I done my homework?

Yeah.

Yes, I've done all my homework. It's not. Yeah, I didn't post all my homework, but I've done my homework. Uh oh, am I gonna fail?

Here you go.

Oh no, don't hang up, don't hang up. No, I have and I've had Somatica. I've done sessions with other students on the phone and I'm meeting with someone next week and no, I've been into it like I'm digging in.

Digging in deep.

Wonderful.

Yeah, it is wonderful.

One thing that I'm excited to bring up is that we are teaching our first ever flirting workshop, Flirting for Success in October, on October 1st. And we're going to do the embodied flirting, like really getting to the deeper level of what is flirting all about? You know, not just having like, oh, what's my pithy one liner? Or how do I throw my hair the right way? But like, what is, what does flirting really mean and how do we do it from a place of depth and connection, presence and authenticity. And we're going to have people practicing with all of their different brands of flirt and helping people find their own unique flirting style. So I'm very juiced up for that because that means I also get to flirt, which is one of my favorite pastimes.

You guys are just so. I know, right?

What were you going to say, Danielle?

I want to say that it's not only for people who want to date. It's actually really important for people in long term relationship because. Because relationship without flirting is, ends up being a sexless relationship. And the best way to avoid it is to do some good flirting ongoing.

I think that's great because all these people are running around teaching like pickup lines, but you guys are teaching like the real deal that will really stick with people and then they'll really be flirting people that they're interested in. You can tell right away, I'm sure, by what you're Teaching there, you know, they won't be wasting their. And it's something that can definitely like. I see what you're saying. In long term relationships, because that's what we're always hearing. No more connection, no more, you know, sexual energy. And that sounds like a great way to bring it back. And people can do this in Berkeley?

Yep.

Yes. And how do they find out about.

On October 1st?

October 1st, and on your website, Celeste and Danielle.

Yeah, they can find us right on our website. It's on, it's on somatica.com it's under our training.

Section and it says, okay, perfect skills.

Put it on the site as well.

Yeah, but I'd have to say there was, there was just so much for me there. I mean, I've been talking about it, so I can't really, like, shut up about it around here, but it was, it was, it was a very special weekend and I had a lot of breakthroughs, so thank you for that. And I just love, you know, so much of what you. I've shared about how you talked about, you know, that we all have the psychotic optimism that everything's supposed to be perfect in our relationships and everything's going to be wonderful. It just kind of breaks all that down. And I just, I love watching you both. I love watching how you teach and how you lead and like, everything's just kind of okay and you're not judgmental. Everything. I know. I appreciate it.

Well, I know I got the pleasure of watching one of your sessions and it was so beautiful to see you come into, like a deeper, slower presence, you know, find that, like, grounded, you know, sort of warm, slow, quiet. Emily, because you have so many different Personas, right? And the one I think you show out in the world is very, like, fast and smart, which is a beautiful part of you. But there's also this very deep and slow and sensitive part. And it was just really beautiful to see that.

Oh, thank you. Yeah. I was so happy you were there. That was my last session. And I love that you were able to witness that. And it always comes down to me slowing down, taking deep breaths. You're like, you know what? Because we were doing this, what was it? It was taking our sexual inventory. Or was it something like. I think it was in your.

Wait, did you reveal your sex number to them?

No. No one should reveal their sex number. Stupidest conversation ever. But I think what. I love that it was just so funny because it was, that was the other thing. There were so many things to us, but when you're sitting there, it's like everyone's getting their messages. And your message to me is like, no, wait. Emily just needs to slow down and breathe. And if I can tell you, like, that's been my core. I mean, messages I've gotten for many, many years. And then after you're sitting with me for this, but the way that you said it in that moment, I'm like, this. This is it. Like, I know that that's what I need to do. And everyone always tells me I talk too fast on the show as well. But I guess here I'm trying to get a lot of information out. But no, that was really powerful for me because I'm like, of course. Of course I need to slow down. So.

Well, it's a beautiful. It's not that this fast, excited, motivated part of you is a bad part. It's like one of your most beautiful parts. You just have other parts that maybe you have spent less time in. And so it's beautiful to see you broaden your horizons.

Well, it was wonderful to have you witness that. Thank you very much. And I'm trying to think, what else? I mean, there's a few. I don't know. You guys are amazing. Thank you. And I think that everyone should be taking this. I'm trying to think. There was a few other things, but I feel like.

The other thing I actually, there was one more thing I wanted to bring up. So I often, when I'm giving tips, people or people are calling the show or emails. I often say, if you want to have, like, a sex conversation, something's going on that you want desire, it's better to take it outside the bedroom, because if you're having sex, sometimes it could take you out of the moment, and maybe you're, like, in a heightened state of arousal, you know, what you're saying could become misconstrued. But I know that during the workshop, you were saying that, you know, there's no right time to tell someone how you feel, and if you feel it in the moment, like, it's okay talk about it in the bedroom. Can you talk more about that?

I think that it depends. I want to say it depends because.

If you are able to talk about in the bedroom, because it's very vulnerable to talk about things like that in the bedroom, it can be more effective because you can show in the moment what's needed. But if you known yourself to feel very defensive when something like that happens, or you feel like you can't do it in a gentle way, it's better to take it outside of the bedroom and talk about it a little bit and then bring it back to the bedroom. Nothing better than actually learning in the moment when something is happening. But you need to bring extra gentleness and extra sweetness and extra sexiness in the experience because it can be a high sex of arousal, a high, you know, like, sense of arousal for one person but not for the other. So, you know, and one person sitting there all clenched and not happy with what's happening. So, like, bringing this, like, experience into a different level can be very difficult. So sometimes it is important to start outside of the bedroom. But again, like, gentleness and talking about feelings instead of blaming or shaming and saying you did wrong for me and stuff like that is really important.

Right? Yeah.

I think the biggest way to avoid blaming and shaming is to say things early, which is one of the things that women are taught not to do is like, we just like, hold and hold and hold and wait and hope it gets better. And then by the time we actually say something, we're so fed up that we're just like, ah, you're doing it wrong. You know, and if we, if we start teaching early, like, right away, then we can do it in a much more gentle and sexy way. And I think our partners are also more open to it in the beginning because they're like, yeah, I don't even know this person. I want to see what it is they want. Whereas, you know, if you have this whole pattern and then a year later somebody says, you've been doing it wrong for me the whole time, that's a big blow. And I've seen that happen in relationship, and it's really hard, right?

Exactly. Well, you guys have entangled many couples, many relationships for many people. And I tell everybody by. I've even gifted your book to several people. Making Love Real the Intelligent Couple's Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion. I think every couple should own this book. They could work through it together. They could come work with you both. The Somatica Institute. So thank you so much and I look forward to seeing you soon. You're both wonderful.

It's also really, really important to give feedback that. That catch someone doing something right. Don't only tell them when they're doing something wrong, tell them when they're doing something right. You know, a nice moan or a nice positive feedback can go a long way. And then if you say something is not working, it's much easier to digest it.

Such a good point. I know. Typically we don't think to say the good parts to praise our partners. Great point. Thank you. Thank you, Danielle. Much love to you both. Thank you for calling in.

You too, Emily.

You too.

I'll see you soon. I can't wait. Counting the days.

Bye.

Big hug.

Have a great. Bye. Bye. Bye. Okay, now it's time for your emails. Thank you everybody for emailing us. Feedbackextwithelmy.com God, we're getting a lot of good emails these days. That's good.

Are they doing what I request?

What was it? Tell them. Tell them that people listen to you.

You don't have to use your real name, but please tell us your age in your location and how you listen to the podcast. Do you listen on sex emily.com? do you listen on iTunes? You listen to on SoundCloud. How do you listen Sex with Emily and what location you are in. And age always helps because then we know what point. Yeah, what point you are in life.

Exactly. And also the other great thing is you can easily do it through the website now if you want to, which is great actually, because it asks you all these questions. You can answer just in two seconds and it's easier. You go to the Ask Emily button and you can just send your email right from the site. But also that's not all. We have voicemail. We are going to be. We've done a few shows already where we're. We are leaving a message and we answer your question right here. And that number 818-AsksWe1. That's 818-AsksWe1 or 818-275-7931. And one more thing that we're adding, medicine. You don't even know this. That if you would like to be considered for an actual phone call, include that. If you leave an email or you can say it in your voicemail, let us know that you'd like to be called. We'll set up a time and we're going to be calling people directly, setting up a time and that's breaking down their problem. Because for me it's like it does help to get this context. Hearing your voicemails is great, but if I could actually have a talk with you, like I could help you so much easier. It's so much quicker and we could get to the bottom of it. I mean, not that we don't help people anyway, but I love this changing things up. Okay, first, email. Hey, Emily. I met this new guy several months ago. My sister actually sort of picked him out for me as she knew we'd hit it off. And man, did she do? Well, he and I have an incredible amount in common. I'm impossibly attracted to him. He makes me smile and laugh like crazy. And overall we just have a lot of fun. I'm 100% sure he's the one. He's affectionate when we're together and everyone around us thinks we're either already dating or we should be. Here's the issue. He got out of a long term relationship earlier this year and it was a very serious one. And he's still trying to sort through that. We're good friends and I want to be respectful of what he's going through and I want to be a supportive friend, whatever he needs. But I don't want to fall into a solely friend zone during the time it takes for him to sort through his feelings. What could I do to be a great friend and still stay out of the friend zone? Thanks, Kristen. 34 in the Midwest.

Well, Kristin, here's the thing. You're attracted to him. You guys are hanging out a lot. He's affectionate. It sounds like it hasn't gone on to the sexual terms yet, but I think the less that you act like.

A friend right now all the time.

Yeah. Don't be available all the time. Don't be doing favors for him. Don't be acting like his girlfriend yet in the sense of like, let me pick up your dry cleaning and cook for you and nurture you and hear about all of your problems with your ex. Just act as if, like, act. I mean, without, like, I don't think you should jump his bones. But don't make yourself so available. Don't make yourself that friend. Like, how would you act if he was your boyfriend? Like, what, what would you be talking about? What would you be doing? I mean, it sounds like you guys are flirting with each other, but getting into the friend zone is when he thinks, you know, when you're like, oh, I'll pick that up for you. Or let's talk more about how sad you are about your ex. I mean, I think you just gotta, like, keep putting out that energy that you want more than that.

That definitely. I also was gonna say, like.

Just, just. Yeah, just kind of cut it off and then see if he comes to you because then he know I. And I absolutely hate playing games.

Right.

But it is a good indicator if you stop hanging out with him way less and see if he hits you up to see that he's actually interested.

You know, that's a good point. And let me say this. This about what you're saying, and it's not even playing games. And I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why, Kristen. Because even when you're dating somebody, we should all have really full lives, right? You don't want to give up your whole life for a guy or for a girl that you're dating. You know, people fall in love with you because of your life and who you are and what you're about. Your job, your friends, your interests, your hobbies, all that stuff. And if you're just spending all your time with him, then, you know, that just makes things. Things a lot less interesting for you and for him ultimately. So I, Yeah, I would just, you know, keep on, you know, doing what you would normally be doing with your friends and, you know, don't be there for him every single time if you're really not available. Like, don't be breaking plans with your friends and, you know, keep on living your full life because I'm sure he's into you, but just don't give up that independence.

Definitely.

Okay. Another email. Dear Emily, I've been a longtime listener on itunes in Montana. I'm 35 and I'm. Montana, Montana. What? I'm at 35. I'm in exclusive relationship for about a year. I really appreciate and adore my girlfriend, and I feel we will be intimate very soon. I love her completely, and I'm hoping to go the distance before we do go. Before we do go too far. I feel that it's my obligation to be honest and sincere and talk to her about my situation. Unfortunately, a few years back, I contracted the HPV virus. Emily. HPV virus Emily. I really could use some advice on which words to use to avoid. Express my sincere feelings for her and give her the choice if she wishes to continue in a sexual relationship with me. Thanks a new fan. Male, age 35. Okay, first off, I'm reading this, and you've been together a year, but you haven't been intimate yet. I'm curious if that means you haven't had intercourse or if you just haven't had. Like, if you. If you've fooled around and you've done everything but. Because that actually makes a difference. But here's what you need to know about hpv. Here's some facts. Nearly all sexually active people will get HPV at some point in their lives. In fact, 75% of sexually active women will contract it. Like, they'll have it or they already have it and they don't know it. And it's very confusing for people because they don't know. Obviously, if you have herpes, you have other std, you need to tell your partner harder. But since it transfers so easily from person to person and most women contract it eventually, some doctors say, you know what? Hey, keep it private. You know, your partner, like, it doesn't. Like, there's no way of knowing if you're the one who transferred it and how she got it. And most HPV infections do go away without causing any problems. So, you know, since it is a very, you know, commonly sexually transmitted infection, and you can also transfer it through oral sex, through anal sex, you know, through all these different ways that she might. First of all, she might already have it before you started dating, or if you guys have already been fooling around, she might have gotten it already. So, you know, it's your choice. I mean, it sounds like you want to tell her, and then you should tell her, because it's going to be, you know, it's on your mind. Here's the thing. It doesn't have to be this deep, heavy conversation. Just let it.

It's not that serious.

No, it's not serious at all. In fact, like on Loveline all the time, Drew was like, no big deal. Jail, no big deal. Don't worry about it. Just keep going. It's fine. And the truth is, it's really not like most people have it, right? So if you want to know, you just say, you know what? I have hpv. I want you to know it's really common. You know, I have no symptoms. If I ever do get symptoms, I'll let you know, because if you did get warts or something came out, but I just want you to be aware of it. And, you know, it's a common that you might already have it. And I just want you to know and see what she says. And if she doesn't know a lot about it, you can. You know, you guys can read some stuff together and you can have her listen to the show if you'd like. But I think it's great that you are being so thoughtful and you're being considerate of her feelings, but it's not a big deal, I promise you. It's like. It's really common. And again, some doctors are like, you know, you don't really. You don't have to talk about it because men can't even really get tested for it. But it sounds like you had an outbreak of some point, so of some kind, and I'm sure she's going to be fine with it. So just be Just tell her that, you know, you were your little. You know, you wanted her to know because you love her and you care about her and you're going to be intimate. But. But really there's. There's no great risk for her as long as she continues to go to the gynecologist and get checked up every six months, you know, we. Like. As she should anyway. Yeah. Six months to a year, she's fine.

Just make sure she's educated on what it is.

Exactly.

Because you don't want to put it at the same level as, like, chlamydia or gonorrhea or anything like that.

Exactly. And the truth is, like, I feel like the problem with it is that it's so tricky because I feel like there needs to be a better, like, PR movement for it because people just have so much misinformation around it and they don't understand, like, what it really means. I think, like, that's one of the dangers, is that people are ashamed of it. It's. It's, you know, it's an std and no one wants to admit it or talk about it. But if you knew that almost everyone at one point is going to have it, you know, I think that there'd be a lot less shame around it. So I think you're a sweetheart. I think you should talk to her, but I wouldn't trip on it. Okay. Dear Emily, I love your podcast. Thanks for all that you do to help people have better relationships and better sex. I'm 25. I've been with my current partner for three years. We have a great sex and love life. The only issue I'm plagued with is my constant anxiety over another woman. My partner. I share a mutual friend group, and in this group is a woman he is good friends with.

With.

They usually only hang out when we're all together in a group. They occasionally text and very rarely speak on the phone. So I shouldn't be worried that he has feelings for her, but I can't help but be anxious and worried every time he's with her. She's caring, beautiful, athletic, and I think much of these feelings are stemming from my own insecurities and feeling that she's better for him than I am. This is starting to negatively affect my social time in this friend group because whenever the two of them are just talking, I. I feel miserable. Please help Caitlyn. Oh, Caitlyn. Caitlyn, you're right. This is absolutely has to do with your own insecurities. Yeah. And 100.

That kind of Stuff causes so many issues in relationships.

It does. There's always going to be another woman.

That'S with the person that I'm with because she doesn't care.

Right.

One bring. And it's funny because people around her were like, you know, whatever I'm doing there, there's, there'll be women around, whatever. And they're always saying stuff. But thank God that she's strong enough.

Perfect for you.

Need hear, hear anybody else's feedback, you know?

Right. No, it's true. I mean that's the thing. Caitlyn, this is starting with you. He loves it sounds like everything's great in your relationship but there's always going to be that woman. We all have run across those women. I'm sure Menace, maybe you've had guys around, you're like, he's, he's a good looking guy. Maybe you don't get insecure about that stuff. I don't know men. But you got to keep this at check Caitlin. And because this could be a self fulfilling prophecy, if you bring it up and you get jealous and angry, it's going to make him frustrated.

So drive him away.

Yeah, he doesn't sound like he's doing anything wrong. And I think that you're. If she's in your friend group, I think you just got to become, you know, step up your friendship with her, make peace with it and if you can, hey, it's back to sexual confidence month. Back to confidence month. Whatever these insecurities come from, you know, they often go from something a lot, lot deeper with inside of us. And the sooner you get to what those vulnerabilities are and what those fears are, maybe it's around him leaving you, maybe it's around the way you feel about your body or your job or I don't know what your insecurities are in particular, but he loves you. He chose you. He's with you. And I think that our minds often scan the environment, a lot of us for things to worry about, things, things to stress about. And this is your trigger. Right. So you know, for someone else might be, God, that guy, a guy might be like, oh, he's got a nicer car than I do or you know, here he is a bigger dick than I do. We all could do that all day long and that would just make our lives miserable. So the more you can keep this in check and just know, you know all the things that you love about yourself and appreciate about yourself and just try to in the moment when you're with her, like honestly like, killer with kindness, connect with her. I think that it would take some of the charge out of it.

Yeah. I mean, I don't believe this is the situation, but when I was dating somebody and they went off and dated somebody else, I. At that point, I always said, you know what? No matter what you do, no matter how many talks, what you do to prevent. You put a GPS on their car or whatever. Like, no matter what you do, if a person is going to cheat on you, they're going to cheat on you. That's it.

True.

It's just. It's just up to you on what you're gonna do when. If you find out that information.

Exactly. I mean, because so many.

You can't live your life trying to prevent something.

Right.

That's just gonna. Cause. Because a, either that person is not doing anything at all, and then you're causing unnecessary drama in your life, or two, they are doing something and then that's somebody you don't want to be with anyways.

Exactly.

So luckily, you're finding. You're finding out this information. They're doing as crazy as sounds. It's. They're doing you a favor.

Right.

Because then you're saying, okay, well, now I can go find somebody better for me.

Exactly. And it's really hard when Caitlin. I think you guys are great. I'm talking about what you're talking about. When you break up with someone or a relationship ends or something happens. You know, it's. I've gone through this, it's like so many times with these feelings, like, I want them to choose us, and I don't want them to be happy or I. You know, but you realize, like, people break up for a reason. And even if it is that he chooses someone else or she chose someone else. Yeah. They weren't meant to be. It wasn't for you. And it just opens up your life to meet the right person. But we so many times get in our own ways, and right now I feel like you guys are at a good place. I'm glad you were able to email and I'm glad that you're so in touch with this. So don't trip on this. Don't trip on anything. Everyone's got to just chill out. I just want to sprinkle, like, some Valium across the universe. We could do that, right? Okay. Hey, Emily. I just recently started listening to the show and I love it. Firstly on Comic Con and cosplay. I've been to several different conventions and have cosplayed every time. Sweet. The Reason I do it, and I believe a lot of people, particularly women do it, is because it's extremely empowering. While many costumes do tend to be on the sexy side, it's about portraying very strong and in control characters. And it's a great reason to own thigh high blue go go boots. I agree. I have white go go boots from Birdie man, they're so hot. Secondly, my boyfriend and I have been having sex for several months, and both he and I were virgins at the start of our relationship. I found I'm naturally drier and would like to start using lube. How do I introduce that to the bedroom? And is there any lube etiquette, for lack of a better word? Is there an incorrect way to apply? Can there be too much? Does it go on me? Does it go on him? Thanks so much. Once again. Love the show. Aaron, age 20. Virginia. Okay, Erin, this is a great question, because, you know, my dream lube on every nightstand. So I get that you guys are virgins, and so you haven't been with other people. And it could seem like this big, scary, like, how do I bring out the lube? But I think, you know, you're overthinking it. And so what you got to do is next time he comes over, just say, God. I was listening to the sex family podcast, which I love, or I heard it on the show, and I have something really fun to try and just pull out the lube. And what you do is you pull out the lube. You don't even give him time to think about it. And you sprinkle just a few drops. You can put it in your hand or you can put it right on you. So you put it on. You first. Put it on him. Okay. And rub it on his penis. I don't know if you guys are using condoms. I hope you are. You can put it over his penis. Over the condom, I mean. And just a few drops is all you need, just to get it, you know, lubricated. And then you just take a few drops in your hand, and then you rub it, like, over your clitoris and stick a little bit inside because you said you're a little dry. And then he's gonna know. He's not gonna need any more explanation except for how amazing it feels. And just say, this is really fun. Let's try this. Because if you're like, we need to talk. I bought some lube, then it's gonna become, like, a whole thing. And lube is, like, such a normal part of sex. And in fact, Studies have shown that when you use lube in a relationship, both partners are actually more satisfied. And you're saying you're a little bit drier. That some women are drier just certain times a month, or they're just drier. Nbd because lube exists. But also, even if you're somebody who's. You're like, oh, I'm wide enough. People always like, I don't need lube. People always, like, I always am, like, handing out lube, like, I don't need it. Guess what? It's not a need thing. That it's just a little add something to your. The mix of your. Of your sex situation, because it mimics your natural lubrication, and it just makes everything this slippery sense that no matter how wet you are, it doesn't feel as good as lube. And he's gonna love it. I don't know anyone who hates lube. You'll love it. Love it, love it. I would just say put a few drops on you. Him, go for it. I do not think he'll be putting up a fight. Who's gonna argue with lube?

No, he doesn't care.

I know, but I get what. She's new with sex, so I get why she thinks it's a thing. This is. Why do you bring a toy in? That won't be a big deal either. But what.

You know, men are disgusting pigs. All right, I'll just admit it. And all this, a lot of stuff that females bring up in emails and things like that guys don't care about. You know, you're overthinking it, right? Way too much.

Right? Just like how Celeste, my teacher, brings a vibrator, a magic wand in her purse when she goes on a date. Like, yeah. I mean, really, you got to own your sexual. If you listen to that and you hear that interview, like, women have to, like, own what they want in bed and be out there and be outspoken and be, like, more aggressive and ask for what you want. And you. You just freaking bring out that lube. I mean, don't worry about what he thinks about it.

I mean, I will admit, like, if a girl's busting out a magic wand on the first time we're hooking up, I go, wow, that's kind of crazy. But it's not gonna stop me from having sex, right?

And if she's like, 16 orgasms, you'd be like, that's frigging hot. One from you, 16 from the vibrator, that'd be fine. That's what Happens. So yeah, don't trip on it, Erin. But I get why you're asking. I love that you emailed and I'm glad that you love the show and let me know how it goes. Cause I don't think I'll be bumped. Oh, and try Joe Lube. It's like my new favorite lube and Joe Lube love you are buying it on our website so you can buy it@sexwithamily.com so that's all we got time for. Menace, my love, so good to see you.

So much.

I know. Congratulations again and being a proud father.

Yeah, my little baby chimney.

I know. Chimichuka.

And then also again, people just go, sexelomy.com is a great site. You have so much that you could see and do there. Also click on that Ask Emily button.

Yeah.

And make some phone calls. That's fun. I mean again, you don't have to use your real name.

Yeah, don't use your real name. We don't care.

But again, we'd love to hear how you listen to the show, where you're from and what your age is.

Exactly. All that stuff.

Always do that.

Thank you medicine fellow Menace and his dogs at Menace.

Yeah, just Menace. M E N A C E. Check.

Them out on the Woody Show.

On the Woody Show, Monday through Friday at noon we have a podcast. It's about pop culture and news and there's just a fun morning show we do here in Los Angeles.

Exactly. Okay, so thank you Menace. Thank you producer Madison and Lori and Jamie and Eddie and my amazing team. And you can also follow us on YouTube. I want to mention that we put videos all the time and God I love you all. Thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwith emily.com.

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