Squirtsville or Splitsville: Population YOU

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20 off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today's show, we're on the Sex with Emily hotline. We'll be taking your calls, answering your questions. We have Anderson here. Are you interested in stepping up your squirting skills? Wondering how to deal with performance anxiety in a group setting? I know that happens. And how do you know when it's time to call it quits? An unsatisfying marriage? All this and more. Thanks for listening.

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Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone age. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cuz my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidd.

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can do so many things there. Because I love staying connected with you, I really do. And it's now it's easier than ever to keep up with me and support the show. So easy. At sex withelmi.com, you can go there and subscribe and we've made it so easy for you because when you're there, you can subscribe to the newsletter, our social media, and most importantly, subscribe to the podcast that makes us so happy. And we also have a store. You can go shopping. And we're also updating the site every day. We've got amazing content and you'll like it there. So everything sex with emily.com. that's where you find it. And it's ex with Emily on social media. That's what's going on.

That's what's happening. That's what's happening.

Dude.

What's up, Em? Hi, how are ya?

Can I tell you for what Anderson is a father.

Oh, that. Yeah.

You looked like a mature adult when you walked in.

Stop it.

So weird.

Stop it. I don't want. I don't want to change.

You were on time a for the first time in a while.

Oh, maybe that's because I was trying to get away.

I know, dude. Now he's gonna be here early. Can I work out of here? I got this baby at home.

I got a baby, he's like eight, nine days old now, maybe 10 days old. And we got lucky. So far so good. Knocking on wood. He's of the good babies. He doesn't like have colic. He'd cry. When he cries, it's because he's either got a dirty diaper or he's hungry or he just wants to be held. So so far so good.

Little Atticus.

Atticus is pretty sweet.

Yeah, that's a really cute name. How'd you come up with that?

Jillian and I, she's my wife, we were just, you know, when we found out she was pregnant, we were throwing names back and forth as people do. I hated every single name she came up with and she hated every single name I came up with. And then after around probably two weeks of that, she said, atticus. And I said, wait a minute. I kind of like it. I wasn't a big fan of that book, but I do like that name.

No, it's a great name. Addie.

Addie. But you know, like every time I come up with a name, she or she'd come up with a name, I'd be like, you know, make a rhyme with it. Like she'd say Larry. And I'd be like, that's like Larry Ferry. It's not gonna work and it's gonna be made fun of. But we didn't have anything for Atticus. But now that he's alive, I'm already making fun of him. I'm calling him Fatty Addy. Every time that he's A hug.

That's nice. You're just gonna get out of the room.

Every time he cries, I call him Bratty Addy. I'm like, oh, that's right there. I didn't see it though.

That's okay.

I didn't think anything rhyme.

Are that mean? Oh, they are mean.

Hell yeah.

You'll be like, you'll be like. What's. What's his name? The comedian.

There's a lot of comedians.

No, little. Our little friend.

Oh.

Brad Williams, whose dad was like, dude, this is going to be your struggle your entire life. Because he's a little person.

He's a. He calls himself a. So we can say.

Yeah. And so he's like. When he was like 7, his kids dad was like, try to get these fruit loops. He'd put them on like the, you.

Know, make him struggle.

Struggle. He's like, this is what's going to happen.

So you're Johnny Cash Call with that song. Boy named sue.

Named his kid sue. So he had to like, learn to fight.

See, anyways, I like my baby. So his parenting skills are kind of going right now. They're awesome.

Burping him is like one of the most satisfying things I've ever done in my life. I love it.

What does it feel like? So how does it feel when you. Like you were in the hospital?

Yeah.

Were you there for the delivery?

I was there for the delivery. The wife gave me very, very specific instructions, and that was do not peek. Do not go down there. Do not see anything that's happening. Stay up here over my shoulder. So. And then like in between pushing, she'd look at me and she'd go, are you peeking? And I'm like, no, honey, I'm not looking.

And her reasoning was she didn't want.

Me to see that part of her body being torn apart. I understand because she knows me too. I want to see everything and do everything. So I would have definitely been right down there.

You would have obsessed about it and it probably would have got stuck in your brain because she knows how you think because you're you. You remember everything and you go through.

I think she had the right call. But, you know, at that point, if she asked me to stand in the corner on my head and like singing.

You would do anything.

I would have done anything that she wanted.

So you didn't say anything until the. Till Atticus's head popped out.

Didn't see it till he. They actually pulled his head. Like I saw his little body at first, like his little face at first. And then they put him on her and it was very emotional. And I even welled up. I wasn't sure. I didn't know if I was gonna.

Like, really welled up.

I didn't know if I was gonna like, you know, lose it or. But I, I stayed composed and I, you know, a little, little tears. But I was just happy to see that he was healthy and.

Because it's.

It's terrific, right? It's, it's. I mean, it's, it's horrific. It's. And terrific as well. But like he came out and the cords around his neck, his face is like a deep blue color, which I learned later is normal. And his body's all gray that before.

So you don't worry.

It hurts. I had heard some like the body being gray and whatnot. But what I do is I was watching the nurses faces to see if they were panicking, and they looked like they were determined to get the cord out, but they weren't, like, pulling out switchblades to cut it.

Right. You know what I mean? They weren't, like, paging the doctors and stuff.

And then they had me cut the umbilical cord, all that stuff. And, you know, within 30 minutes, I was like. I felt like I knew the kid. It's really. It is very odd. It's very strange.

Yeah. Well, I'm. Wow, that's great. I'm really. I'm really happy for you. So can't wait to come.

Hey, it was created by. He was created by sex.

True.

Yeah.

So you've had sex.

Is it weird to, like, look at.

The world, start talking about your sex.

Look at giants, like, just crowds of people and think every single one of them is the product of sex. Yes, it's very.

Well, that's why we do what we do, because it's amazing.

It's an important thing.

Sex is so important, fundamentally, because that sex, that's how we come onto this earth. But yet we. And it's a main source of pleasure that's essentially free.

It's pretty free.

Yeah. And we can all experience it. But yet. But yet we make it so difficult, too. It's sort of like everything.

Well, that's where you come in.

Lightness and the darkness and everything. That sex can be so challenging and so beautiful to give life. And it can give you a premature ejaculation, which can be a struggle for some.

It can be the worst part of your child. It can't have a best part. Right.

Exactly. So I'm glad you had sex efficiently.

Thank you.

And hopefully you enjoyed it.

Yeah. Because we were told. And then we'll get off baby Atticus, and we'll move on with the more important thing, which is. I can't wait to talk about Lube and the cult. So excited that I'm actually way more important to talk about Groupers the movie dot com, if we may, especially your perk, because there is a way that people can come hang out and have brunch with you.

I know. And she's a good time.

This is probably the last time that we can talk about it on your show. So I wanted to say that real quick, groupers the movie.com, because they have limited time, because the thing's gonna end November 4th, a week from today. It's over. My campaign to make my. My movie is. Is done. So.

Second child.

Yeah, it's kind of my first child because I was working on rubbers before Atticus. Yeah.

Addie. You'll feel in Addie.

See, there's another one.

So many.

You're so an Addie. Addie.

Exactly. I'm just gonna call him that.

But go over to Groupers, the movie dot com. I have a fun. A bunch of fun little perks. I'm making a very important movie to me. Anyways. It's gonna be funny, it's gonna be tragic. It's gonna be. Be all about the times. And if you watch Black Mirror or South park, it occurred to me the other day that this movie that I wrote is very. It's a cross between south park and Black Mirror.

Interesting combination there.

Yes, it is.

I know.

But we have a really fun perk. Emily and her team were nice enough to make it available. And it's brunch with Emily. So.

Brunch with Emily's. With Emily's.

If you're gonna be out now.

My whole team. Yep.

The whole. The idea is we're gonna go have a brunch. Bottomless mimosas. I'm gonna find a really chic, nice place and we're gonna shoot the shit with them and our team. And you're gonna bring some toys. It's toys.

We're gonna have a chat. We're having a good time. So we're going to do.

We're doing it. Yeah.

One left that people can buy.

Wait, there's a few. There's a couple left.

A few left. Okay, good. I want a bunch with you. Do it.

Yes.

Support a good cause and we'll hang. Be fun in Wants it.

Of course, of course. And also, can I just tell you that your.

Do you want to have your doctor's appointment?

Your workspace is looking great.

Thank you.

It's looking really good.

It's coming together.

It's like a girl that I started dating and she didn't look so great on the first date. And then the next date, like, I go and it's like, hey, she put on some makeup. Looking a little better.

Exactly. Right? Little makeup.

She must be. Got a.

No, it's true.

Because we moved a little CrossFit lately.

I know, I know. It's really. Because we got a nice. We built a studio in the office. You have a lot more space. And I'm just. It was, you know, took a while.

It looks.

Wanted to paint it. Want to put pretty things up. Yeah. Check out our Snapchats and our Instagram.

Every time I come, it's put together a little bit nicer.

I know. Just like Me, Right. So every time you see me, I'm getting better.

You look younger every time. I know.

Is that weird? Okay. So good times. All right, here's the deal. So I have to tell you all. Oh, yes, we're getting callers now, just so you know that we love you all and we want to thank you all. I do. I love all of you.

Let's say I wanted to call. How would I make that happen?

That's a good question. When you submit a question on the website, under the Ask Emily Banner, you can. When you're writing your question like you always do, you can just click, yes, I would like to be considered for a phone call. I'd like to call into the show. And then we will call you and set it up. Sweet. That easy. Okay. But some other things I need to talk to you about is that.

You know how I feel about lube. Feel about lube. And I know that you might actually be needing some lube soon. Just saying.

What are you trying to say? Okay, you're saying that birth just dries out a woman a little bit. Really?

Things get a little messy around there. Yeah. Or you might need some more. For some more extra masturbation. I still haven't seen.

I'm not allowed to look. I don't know.

I think that's.

I don't have a vagina in my life right now. Right it left.

Do you want. Oh, are you saying. Is that your way of saying you want a flashlight?

That's not what I'm saying, but I'm not gonna deny a Fleshlight.

Okay? Really? You denied it before. This is a new day. You're a father now.

Mature man.

Now you need a Fleshlight and a loop shooter. Okay, so anyway, who's shooting lube? Shoot it up there. You know how you need a lot of lube, for example, when you're having anal sex, which maybe you'll do that if you can't get into the vagina. I don't know what you're gonna do. But what I'm saying is, if you need more, you put it. It's a loop. You actually put it in your anus and then shoot.

You can have extra vagina. Does it have to be for the anus?

You could use it in the vagina.

Yeah, I guess you could, right? Just shoot it right in there.

Exactly. But I think it was more afraid. Yes, you can, too.

Probably use it for waterboarding up the nose.

Dude, you could shoot anywhere you want. Yeah. Give me fun. Like a little game. Like. Like, you know Spray guns.

But, oh, if I had this as a kid, I would be shooting my brother all the time with the lube.

But the point is, is that I'm creating my dream lube because I love lube. And Joe, you know, I always talk about Joe lubes. They asked me. They're like, oh, Emily, what's like, your dream lube? I've been talking about this for a few weeks. And so I decided I really do want to create my dream lube. So I asked all the listeners, I said, please go take this survey on the website. It'll take you, like, five minutes, and it answers questions about what would be the ideal if you've ever used lube. If you haven't, we've got questions for you too. But here's. And it's been so helpful because it's helping us shape the lube. And also, we're asking questions about the show. Like, do you like Anderson? Do you not like Anderson?

Is it really a question you got on there?

No.

Trying to figure out if you should fire me.

Yeah.

You bitch.

But it's like, what do you like? Or how'd you find out about it? It's very quick. But the point is, I just want to thank you all because I've been so overwhelmed. Like, you ask people to do things, and sometimes they, you know, you're like, could you please? It'd be a big favor.

Us.

We feel like over 800 people fill out this.

Oh, it's the best.

And then I read, like, the response.

They want to return the favor because you've helped them.

Yeah. But it was, like, really sweet. So I appreciate that you still have a little bit of time, so go to sexwithelmy.com dreamlube. Take our short survey. I'll be reading your responses, but don't worry, I don't see your name. So you can be honest and stuff. I don't know who you are.

People asking for flavored lubes or scent lubes.

More will be. More will be revealed.

Can I put in a request, make it not look like come, because that'd be weird.

Okay.

You know, the lube, like, already looks like it's finished product. Yeah.

Some people actually want that, which is so interesting around that sex. So people like, I. I specifically want lube that does look like.

Really?

But not for you.

No, I'm not into that. No, I don't like it.

Right, Exactly. So you do colors, though.

You could do, like, a hot pink. That'd be fun.

Yeah. But then they get dyes, and then they make glow in the dark loop.

I know they make glow in the dark condoms.

They do. Probably not the best condoms. Whenever there's a gimmick like that attached to something like lube or color.

Yeah. They're trying to like divert your attention.

What's more like your pleasure, your health, you know, not getting pregnant.

Right.

You can forego the glow in the dark condom. Speaking of condoms, I've got a really. Actually a fascinating section news. Kind of groundbreaking. I know.

Is it gonna beat my favorite.

Well, this is, this is more. This is more of a. This is gonna impact society more. Okay, then go to jail for looking at a woman while he's masturbating. Okay. In Sweden. Okay. So there's a new male birth control pill that can be taken right before sex and will last for days. Why are you making a face?

I don't like more things to be put on the guy's shoulders.

More things to be put on it. There's not one thing.

We take care of all sorts of things. You guys just gotta take a pill. Don't forget about you.

Do nothing. What do you like, literally like you get things off high shelves and stuff. Like, what do you like?

Who doesn't do that? Brad Williams.

Oh, poor Brad. No, here's the thing. Men have zero responsibility. And here's the thing, what makes it in the sense of we, you know, have. We're like. Or we give life and we've take care of it all and grow it in our bodies. You saw it just went through, but you didn't see it. See it.

But you know, I saw the sacrifices my wife made.

Here's the point. Men will be able to use a pill or use a nasal spray which will render. Render them infertile for a few days. According to the Mail on Sunday, the fast acting contraceptive could be taken just minutes before sex, according to researchers who created the cell penetrating peptide compound with Portuguese students. But check this out. You could take it right before. So women, we've taken the pill. We have to like gain weight and be moody and cranky and hate everybody.

That's the wrong pill though. You guys gotta try different pills.

People gotta depress. Yeah, hopefully we try to get women on the right pill, but that shit happens. This, you take that second and it smuggles its itself into your sperm.

Smuggle.

Smuggling.

It's like a Trojan horse.

It's like smuggling your sperm and then it stops them from swimming, which makes them unable to fertilize eggs.

Right.

And the results were like startling and.

Instant, you know, the problem here, your.

Sperm just becomes immobile, dies.

Like drunk sperm, like Homer Simpson's drunk sperm. But guys are going to be afraid of this having lasting effect because they, you know, I don't know if you realize this, but like a guy kind of feels inadequate if he feels like his sperms can't swim. And I could see some guys being concerned.

I could see that too. Because not everyone's confident. Men will be trusted to take it. That's what women show.

Oh, unless you want to get the lady pregnant.

Well, here's what I'm saying is that, yeah, we can't trust them with a pill. First of all. You can watch them snood it up.

Their nose, mix them with a little coke.

Yeah, yeah, whatever you gotta do. No, but do that. You watch them do it. But men, if the censors are not gonna die forever, who cares if you're taking. If you need birth control, they're still dead in the morning.

This is the instant.

It's instant.

The instant. Because you can't trust a guy to remember to take it at home.

Yeah, can't you tell? Right? That's why I like it, you know. Yeah. Guys want to be dads. And I feel like, I hear, I understand that maybe they're not as responsible, but I feel from a lot, I hear from so many men who are like, I was so worried about getting a girl pregnant, like I couldn't have sex or I. That's what I always think about. And I just think that, you know.

Got responsible listeners way better than condoms too, especially, you know, but you still gotta wear.

Your sperm are dead.

You still gotta wear a condom though. If it's like a casual.

Exactly.

This is not replaced.

This is not to say you can't catch an std, even though you're on the rise.

By the way, they've essentially cured the, the old AIDS over there. Right. So it's like free loves coming back. Kinda pretty much, yeah. They've. They've gotten some things done.

No, they've gotten some pills done that like can, you know, help, but it's not cured.

I think there's a vaccine on it.

I mean, say there's a cure. That's a problem. Yeah, it's not completely cured everybody for many much better than it was 15, 20 years ago.

When once that vaccine hits the market.

Though, it was very sad time.

That new generation is really gonna like repeat the free love.

Well, this is what I'm saying. You don't feel. Get too excited about it. Yeah, I mean, you can be excited that there's been advancements. Advancements in health. But really.

But still slap on a cone still everybody.

Right.

I'm sorry you lost friends. I'm sorry.

I did well. I worked when I murphed. This is really interesting. No, but when I first moved to Stanford.

It's been a long time. Get over it.

What has.

No.

Dude, I worked in. I worked for the first female Congress. Yeah. No. Board of super woman on the board of supervisors, which is like city council in San Francisco. That was my first job. And she. So I worked a lot in the gay community for about four years. Like all my friends in San Francisco. Gay lesbian community. Mobilizing people to vote and all that. And the point is that. So Carol Migden was her name. And she's still around. She's awesome. And she. All her friends were like in their 40s and they had all like, just. And like, they were all. They made up her team of supporters for her campaign. This is 1995. And like 10 of the men on the team. Yeah. Like in life. Yeah. So.

So you're like right around all of that and all of your team was just partners.

Yeah. It was hard. That's. I just wanted to.

All right.

Lighten the moment here.

So thanks for that, EB.

Yeah. So that's my story with that. So we're gonna take a quick break right now. Give a shout out to our sponsors because we love them and we love you all for supporting our sponsors because you know that it helps you. Helps the show. And I'm never going to tell you about a product that you won't.

Hand picked products for sure.

For sure. And then we get to the colors. I'm so excited. Okay, we'll be right back.

There's just something about the fall that makes me feel like cuddling up with an old friend. And hey, you guys may have some fun memories too. Yes, I'm talking about the Intensity by Pour Moi. The Intensity is an amazing product that has made a serious impact on my life. Let me rewind a bit to explain. The Intensity was originally developed as a medical device to cure. Yes, cure incontinence issues. You know, like you sneeze and you pee. Because these issues typically stem from a weakened pelvic floor, the Intensity works by applying gentle electrostimulation directly to that muscle group, giving you an amazingly effective Kaggle workout. And you all know how I feel about Kegel exercises. And for a little plot twist, the makers learned that the product's only real side effect wasn't intense orgasm so realizing the Intensity was a winning combination of utility and pleasure, they enhanced it with a powerful vibration and a clitoral stimulator. The result? Much more than a sex toy. It's a product that has changed my sex life. I mean, G Spot orgasms, anyone? The Intensity combines two things I love. And talk about all the kaggle exercises and orgasms. To find out how it can change your sex life, click on the Intensity banner on my website or go to pourmoi.com that's P-O-U-R-M-O Y dot com. Okay, I'm excited. Anderson, you're always excited.

Oh, you're super excited.

You know, for reals. I really am. Like, this is for real me excited. I got excited when you came in.

You're very excited. You're an excitable person. That's what makes you tick. And that's what a lot of people love about you, I think. But you are even more excited. You're at an 11 right now.

I just want to talk to listeners. I love it. And I realized, like, after going to SHE and meeting my listeners, this is the next step I get to talk to.

I've told you the thing I miss most about Loveline for sure is the amazing printer that they had because they used to print a lot of stuff out.

I told you.

Other than that.

I told you during the last day.

Other than the printer. That was me, it's the callers. I definitely miss hearing from the people.

I missed it too. So I feel like this is amazing because now if you have a question that you want me to answer on the show, I love that. And it's so easy because you just go to sexwithemily.com.

Youm click on the Ask Emily tab, fill out the form, hit submit, and that's it. Now, if you want to leave a voicemail, there's a thing that says. Or if you want to. Sorry. If you want to ask a question, there's a box that says, would you like us to call you?

Right?

And then we'll call you.

Click.

Yeah, just click. Yeah, click. Of course. I would like this to be a call and talk to Emily. But if you don't, that's cool tool too. And that's still how you submit your questions. You can also leave me a voicemail if you'd rather do that. That's 818-ASK-SW-E1 and I love when you include your name, your gender, your age, where you live and how you listen. That's it, dude. Let's go. And take some calls. I'm excited. We got some set up.

Let's do it. It Cool.

Love it. Okay, so we've got Brooke on the phone. She's 24. She used to be able to squirt frequently with her boyfriend, but hasn't been able to orgasm for the past three months. And she's looking just for some tips to help change her lock. Hey, Brooke. Hi. How are you?

I am good. How are you?

Good. I'm so glad that you called in with this question.

Yeah, thanks for having me.

Yeah, I love it. You're one of our first callers.

So tell me a little about what's going on. Tell me your squirting situation.

Okay, so I have, even with my past relationships, have been able to squirt, and I love it. And with my new relationship, we've been together for about a year now. And at the beginning, I was always squirting, and it was great, and I had no issues at all. And then.

About three months in, it just kind of dwindled away and I don't know why.

So. Okay, so you. It just dwindled away. So do you know that it typically comes from G spot penetration? Like, do you remember what positions you were in when you were squirting?

Yes.

Okay.

And I'm still doing those, but it just isn't happening.

Okay.

And then my boyfriend now is starting to get discouraged about it because of course he wants to. To make me come, and I'm like, okay, well, I. Sorry.

Well, you're still having. Are you still having orgasms without the squirting?

Yes.

Okay, so that's good. So he is making you come still.

Okay.

Okay, so that's still happening. So it's all good. It's great that you can squirt or you've been able to, and you will be able to again. So a few questions for you. Is any. Have you started taking any medications? Birth control?

Not any birth control medication.

Any antidepressants?

Yes.

Okay, so that would be it. That would be the reason. Yes, that would be the reason. That would be affecting your ability to squirt. Anderson, too.

She's not sad anymore.

She's not sad, but she's not crying tears from her vagina.

Hey, bro.

And it happens occasionally. So that's why I'm like, okay, like, it happens, like, every couple of months. So I'm like, is. Is it me? Do I just need to, like, relax more? Like, I don't know, probably.

Well, here's the thing also about it. What were you gonna say, Andrew?

Well, a couple things that the antidepressants definitely hinder any kind of sex. Any kind of sex problem, male or female.

Right.

But I also heard you say, Brooke, that it's important to your boyfriend. How important is it to you?

Oh, it's very important.

Okay, I got that, too. I got a red flag that went up. Cause I heard you say. I heard you say, like, my boyfriend's getting frustrated. So what I was gonna say is, well, he's making you come anyway. But I don't want the Kim to be pressuring you.

You.

But the fact that you like. Oh, I feel bad. I'm inadequate because we all do this. So I think you just gotta assure him that sex, first of all, forget. We'll get to the squirting in a minute. But sex is still amazing. You know, we'll get back to it. You know, our bodies. I'll squirt, but, like, don't let him beat himself up because he's not making. You know what I mean? It's.

And explain to him that it's not the same as, like, him coming and producing something. When you. When you produce the squirting, that's just added. That's extra. It doesn't mean that you're not coming. So make him understand. Make sure that he understands that you're still. Climax.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay. So I would say that the antidepressants are definitely the cause of it, if you've always been able to. However, the thing with antidepressants is oftentimes. How long have you been on them?

Well, I've been on them for pretty much my whole sex life.

Okay, but did you just change it?

I changed it to a new one, yeah.

Are you on an ssri?

A year ago.

Okay. Like an ssri. Do you know, like Prozac?

So it's Abilify. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. So. Okay. So it probably is that. But here's the thing, is that sometimes these. They subside. The side effects after a few months, you know, it will actually go away. So what I would say is, yeah, And a lot of it can be anxiety. Like, you know, a lot of sexual challenges we face is because we get in our head. Is it going to happen again? And then it keeps happening. So you could just relax around it. Know that you can know that you will again. But a few things are. Is that like, extra stimulation to your G spot, which is, you know, located like the anterior. You know, where it is. And a lot of times it can be hard to find with your fingers. So maybe you could Do a little pre work. You can use like a wand toy, you know, a vibrator or dildo that is kind of much more efficient at hitting it. So you guys could kind of play with that, like, prior to sex and get you already going. Like, there's some great. Yeah, like the rave, right? The rave is a great one. It's by we vibe vibrator. And there's other dildos too. The njoy is great. I don't think we have that on our site, but that's a great one for squirting. So anyway, use a toy to get back on it. Also, do your Kegel exercises, because when you have really strong PC muscles, you're able to really. It enhances your ability to squirt because you have more control and your muscles are stronger and you're squeezing, so that can help as well.

Okay.

And. Yeah.

Brooke, can I ask a quick question?

Yeah. Anderson has a question for you. I don't know if she's there. Are you there, Brooke?

I am.

Okay. Anderson's got a question.

You say it's important to you that you squirt. It's important to your boyfriend as well as you. And just as a guy in the room, I'm wondering, what does that add for you other than mess?

Well, I just feel like I'm actually, like, feeling what's going on. Like, yes, I orgasm. But like, squirting just adds this, like, extra oomph.

It's like 3D. Okay. It gives you, like, a visceral vibe.

That's a really good question, Anderson. So when you're squirting, are you having an orgasm?

Yes.

Okay, so it accompanies that.

Yeah. But a lot of women.

So it's like. It's like a roller coaster, but you get like a splash.

Yeah, it's like the water ride.

Yeah.

Right.

Okay. I was gonna suggest you can just pee in the meantime.

No, so. So. But no, Brooke, I totally get it because a lot of women have squirt, but they're not having orgasms. So I think that's really. I think that's. I think you'll get it back. So again, use toys. And on your own, too. Like when you masturbate, like, I would play with some of these G spot toys, so you can just like, target it more. And even on your own, when you're masturbating, get to it again, and then you'll be like, oh, I can do it. You know, it might take a little more time right now, but you'll. You'll get there. Like You've done in the past. You'll do it again. I feel good about this, and I get why you like it.

Yeah.

Yeah. So that's what you got. Thank you for. Thank you so much, Brooke. You're awesome. You're, like, one of our first calls, so it's amazing to talk to you.

Oh, cool.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Okay. Where are you from? We didn't get where you from on here.

I'm from Oregon.

Oregon. Okay. Thanks, Brooke. I appreciate it. Have a good day. Bye.

Bye.

I wonder if her boyfriend's got a curly mustache in Oregon.

I just think it's, like. I was gonna say wet, which is kind of funny.

It is.

It is a little wet.

They're all squirters up there in Oregon. There must be a lot of squirters because it rains all the time. But, yeah, squirting's the thing now.

I mean, it's been a thing for a while.

It's just a thing that it's almost past the thing. Like, I'm waiting for the next thing.

I remember when women were really ashamed of it. And some of them still are, but it used to be almost to a T. Like, every single call on Loveline, it was somebody calling up with this problem. Problem that they squirt and they don't know what to do about it. And it was always like, hey, your boyfriend or husband is going pumped about.

Right. Or if they don't like it, they're embarrassed. Yeah.

And if they don't like it, that.

And people always want to know, like, is it pee? Is it not? They find traces of urine in it. It's fluids that are from the Perurethral glands.

And the Barcelona's glands.

And the Barcelona glands. But here's the thing. The skene. Whatever. Glands. Here's the point. Who cares? It feels really good to her, and it's hot. Who the hell cares what it is? Thank you very much. Good night. Okay. Okay, Anderson, we have another caller, Jeff. He's 28. He wants to know how he can maintain erection when other people join him and his wife during sex. That's a tough one. That is a tough one, man. How do you maintain that erection? We'll talk to him. I want to hear. Hey, Jeff.

Hi.

Hi. Thank you so much for being one of our first callers. I love it.

Thank you for taking my call.

Of course. So tell me what's going on. You're having great sex with your wife and others. Amazing.

Yeah. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, when the Opportunity has come up. I just seem to not be able to. I mean, I enjoyed the moment. I just can't seem to get an erection down. So it's just one of those things that, you know, my wife looks at me like, what's going on? And I'm looking at her like, I don't know.

And this happens when.

When you're having a threesome or are you, like an orgy, like. Yeah, tell me. Set the scene.

No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, it's just a. It's a threesome, not an orgy.

Okay.

But, yeah, but it's just that it just. She looked at me when. Every time we've had another person in the. In. In the room with us, and I just look at it like, I don't know.

Have you tried locking the door?

Is it another woman? Yes, it's a woman. And is it somebody that you. That you know?

Yes.

And are you attracted to her?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

I think it's just too.

I don't know. I. I just. One of those things that they. I don't know if the pressure's too much or I just think.

I mean, anxiety can make. It can. Can have a huge impact on your erection. So, I mean, if. And you had never had a threesome before, is this, like a whole new thing for you guys? New?

Well, we tried it, I think, three times, and all three times it's happened.

Interesting.

Jeff, you don't drink, do you?

I don't. You know what, with those moments. I try not to.

You should have a couple. Like a glass of wine or something. That'll mellow you out.

It will, yeah.

It'll help.

Yeah. Because at those moments, I don't know if I just. I don't drink. I think I just want to be conscious during the moment.

Like you're trying to take notes for later.

Have you. And has this ever happened when you're with your wife? Did you say, do you ever lose your erection?

No.

Never in your life?

No, no, never.

God.

Yeah. I think.

Yeah.

My wife and I, we could go for hours.

Okay. God. I mean, honestly, this is obviously just a scenario that is completely situational, which would make any person nervous.

Right.

First threesome, first time doing it, and it happened the first time, and it's gonna keep happening. So a few things you can do is first of all, take the pressure off yourself if you can, which you need to, actually, because I think a lot of this is in your head. But also, what if you just go in there? Like, I'm not gonna get Hard right now. And you just work on pleasing them for the first whatever. Be like if it happens, it happens. Like if you could try to get to that space where it's like it's.

About their pleasure and you're not even thinking about it. You're just working. Yeah.

You're just like working. And all of a sudden you might not even. You'll be so into that. It's not even about your penis at that moment. And then your penis will be like, oh, here I am. And you'll be like, oh, great.

I do know. I think about. Since you choose you another woman, I always think about don't pay too much attention to the other woman.

That's always my like in back of my mind. Like, remember you're here with my better half and I'm going, don't pay attention to.

I had a Jeff of your wife. Okay. When you first said this to me, I was thinking that there was something about your. Your. Your wife. Right? Yeah. Your wife. That, that maybe she. I had this. I was going to say to you, is she giving you some kind of like guilt around this or signals or like, are you afraid? Did she ever say to you if you like this, like, is she. Has she expressed to you. I'm worried. Is this one of her concerns that you might like give the other woman. Woman more attention?

That's, that's, that's a conversation we've had. We've had that. Make sure you know, we've had that conversation. But she never. There's never. She's never given me a guilt.

Okay, good, good. I'm glad to hear that. So really just like you love your wife.

I told her that I reached out to you. She said she was excited about it. She was. She is so supportive.

Have you let her know that maybe like you are really. That this is something that you take really seriously? That like I don't want to give the other woman too much attention. And I'm worried about what you would think if that did happen.

Yeah, I haven't, I haven't told her that exact. Right in the exact words. Yeah. So I. Maybe I do.

I think you should.

I think you say, you know what I'm thinking you could say, talk to Emily. And we had a chat. And I think that a lot of it does have to do with anxiety because it hasn't happened. All the things are pointing towards clearly. First of all, having a threesome anyway with your partner is a stressful. It can be anxiety provoking, exciting and anxiety. But yet this whole like You're a good guy. You're like, I don't want to be, like, going down on her for two point seconds longer and then my wife gets upset. Totally understand that too. And you could say that that's where the anxiety is coming from. Nothing that has to do with her. But I just want you to know, and maybe once you give that some air and some space and you say it to her, that'll take away some of the pressure. It's nothing she's doing. It's that I really, you know, maybe she'll say, babe, don't worry, I get it. It's our first time. Like, I'm really not that concerned. I know you love me.

What if they had, like, a little secret, like, signal that they could give each other so they know that they're on the same page, they're on the same team, and, like, they still have that connection that the third girl doesn't have.

Right.

Or the third person doesn't have. You know what I mean? Maybe like a little like, like really quickly. No, like, like touching your nose and like a little wink to the eye.

They should already have that. Yeah, yeah, good point.

Slap in the back of the head.

Yeah.

Like. Yeah, good job. Good game. Good game.

And the other thing, I mean, if you have the erection, you lose it. There is permecent. It can help you last longer, a bit. So it's not like if you get erect, but you're not. You want to stay harder. It does. It's the only FDA approved treatment for like, you know, it's premature ejaculation. But if you just also, if you want to last longer, a bed, you could try that if nothing else. But I wouldn't.

You know, I love your advice of just getting in there, going to work and working on them and not thinking about it. And then.

And then eventually, yeah, it's time to play.

You will be led to your penis, my friend. And then I also think that. Emily, tell me what you think about this. But, like, maybe working out extensively before the session, like, you know, really going to the gym hard or running a little bit so that you're. You're A lot of your nervous energy is out of you, and you can just kind of relax and be.

Yeah. See, I wish I knew when it was a lot of this stuff happened spontaneously.

I was gonna ask that next. Jeff, how does this happen? Not that I'm interested in making this happen.

It's not like we put on the calendar and say, okay, the 31st of January. This is what's gonna happen. No, it. A lot of this happens spontaneously. She and I are very outgoing. You know, she has a very bubbly personality. I'm very flirtatious. So sometimes it just happens. Actually, not just it all the time just happens.

All right. It's happened three times. Where does it happen? Like the supermarket.

Where do you live? Can you tell us, like, what state you're in, even, or where you're from? If you.

Oh, I'm in California.

Okay, got it. All right. Okay.

Oh, so you're. You're at the farmer's market or you're at Whole Foods?

Yeah.

What are you doing?

The last time this happened, it was.

In Vegas club and it was one of those talking to a girl and then. Okay, yeah, but then also it. Like you said, the girl, beautiful. My wife's beautiful. I'm attracted to both of them. But yeah, I think I over.

Yeah, you're overthinking it. This is it. But we got what's going on. Yeah, I get it. And you haven't. Here's the thing. Also practice. If you haven't had threesomes before, like, it's. It's a new thing. You're acquiring a new. So just you've got this goal. Every guy's going, God damn it. My wife and I went to Vegas and we didn't have a threesome. You're a little too excited. But I think that. I think we had some good, good ideas here, Jeff. Keep me posted how it goes. I want to hear about all your threesomes. Okay. Thank you so much for listening and calling in.

There needs to be an ad for Vegas.

Love you soon. Bye, Jeff.

With Jeff, like, doing a testimonial, they need to have a bunch of guys, like, I went to Vegas. My wife and I, we had a threesome. It was great.

Bubbly. I'm nice. We had a threesome. That's all it takes.

They should do adult themed, like testimonials for Vegas.

Yeah, well, maybe they should, but it happens in la. But I get it. You know, here's the thing again, we're talking about sex. It's amazing, gives us life, and then we have.

Here's what's going on.

You can't get hard. Women can't have orgasm.

Here's what's going on in Jeff when it's happening. Even though it's shockingly, amazingly happened three times.

Five, four boobs.

But yeah, he's like going, oh, my God. Oh, my God. I can't believe this is happening. This is actually happening. This is Happening to Jeff. This is happening to you, buddy. Make this work. Do not freak out. Don't freak out. That's all going on and he freaks out.

Right.

And he's just panicking, so.

Right. That's why I think, keep him busy. Like men, they like fixing things. So fix her clitoris and fix her. Get on it.

Fix it.

I'm kidding. Like, give her orgasms, you know, play with them. Do things. Play with all the breasts in the room. There's like double, like. I know a lot of guys were like, it'd be so much work, but, you know. Yeah, you go to work. I was like, heavy project. That was good, Jeff. Thank you. Okay, we got another call. We got Sam. She's 37 and she's contemplating splitting from her husband because her needs are not being met sexually. Looking for advice?

I love girls names.

Sam.

Hi, Sam.

Hi, Emily.

How are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm so glad you called in. So, Sam, where are you calling from?

Massachusetts.

Massachusetts. Okay, so tell me about what's going on in your marriage. How long have you been married?

We've been married for five years now.

Okay.

He is 40 years old and I only have one son at home. And everything was going great at the beginning. He would always stare at me and be turned on by me. And it started dwindling down. And he currently does not work. He's at home and we have sex about once a month.

Okay. And you said you have a kid at home?

We do. A 14 year old.

A 14 year old. Okay. So you're 14 year old at home and. Okay, you've been together five years?

Yes.

And how long have you been living together?

For six years. So I have a son from a previous marriage.

Okay, got it. So you said he's home mostly. Did he lose his job?

He retired early.

Okay, so. And he's retired early.

So 40. I want that job.

Yes.

Yeah. Correction officer.

Okay. And is he depressed?

He says he's not.

Right, of course. But a lot of guys don't want to verbalize. Men and women. We don't know that we're depressed. We've never been. We don't know how to label it. But if he's been working his whole life and now he's home every day for a lot of men when they're not working or providing in that way, even if it's by choice, he could be going through a transition right now where he's just not feeling like he can. I don't. I'm wondering when this Started. When did.

Well, it started about a year after our marriage. So it's been like this for four years?

Okay, so it's been going on for four years, and he just retired in the last year.

You said it's been two years.

Two years. Okay, so. So did you feel like it was ever like you wanted sex more and he didn't, or like, was there something that happened? Do you remember, like, a turning point when it was like, oh, God, we're not having sex anymore. Was it after a fight or a particular pivotal moment?

Well, I'm going to be honest with you. I had an affair.

Oh, okay. You had an affair.

And he knows about it?

And he knows about it.

He's depressed.

So he found out about your affair three years ago?

Yes.

Okay. And that's when.

Mrs.

This is not the reason. That's what he says.

Well, okay, so he says he's not depressed. Right. Okay. So after he found out you were having an affair, how did he find out?

The phone.

It's always the phone people. Okay. He found the number. And then. And then you ended it. Right. Okay. And then. Was it. Did you guys talk about it? Did you go to therapy to rebuild trust or anything? What. What happened right after?

No therapy. I asked him to come back, and he did, and we worked things out and he forgave me. It took a while. Took almost a year.

Okay.

And we seem to be great now besides that.

Right. Well, I think that something. When he found out about your fear. I'm pretty sure that couples have a really hard time. You said you worked it out. Without therapy, it's really hard to rebuild trust. You know, it's really hard for him to get excited again. And there's a lot of things that are shattered. So I feel like maybe there's something that is. It's just been building, and he's probably been pulling away sexually because that was a, you know, a betrayal. And I think if. I think there probably are some emotion. How could he, you know, I don't know. You said you worked it out in a year. I'm not sure how you guys did that, but it sounds like maybe he repressed some things that could. That's probably what's going on here.

I would think that's part of it. But have you talked to him about this? Like, does he want to be having more sex as well?

Yes. He says that he thinks about me all the time, constantly, but he doesn't put it into action.

Okay, and you're making. And you're trying to have sex. With it. You're making moves on him.

Yes, I am.

And he says what?

He'll say that he doesn't feel good, he's too tired.

It's like Mr. Roper.

Right? So every time he. So it's more. You're one. You're making efforts. You're like, I am making an effort.

I've given up, kind of. I've talked to him. I've communicated so much with him. He always wants to do it in the shower too.

And you don't.

It's like prison shower set.

He's a correctional officer. Maybe he's doing a little role playing.

Not funny, but funny at the same time. Funny, not funny. I'm not sure. I mean. And you're still attracted to him, right? Or do you still kind of want.

When we have sex, it's amazing.

Okay?

I have no problems with orgasms, but it's in the shower all the time and he's afraid of blood.

What?

Okay, has he. Right, like germ. So it sounds like he's. Is he ocd?

I think so.

Does he ever go down on you?

What's that?

Does he ever go down on you?

No.

Never, right? Yeah, he's got a little.

At the beginning.

At the beginning.

But now. Now there's been another dick there too. That's a problem.

I. I don't know what it is. So he wants to take a shower because it's clean. Is that why is he like randomly want to take a shower at 3 o' clock in the afternoon or it's like, hey, I'm taking a shower in the morning, let's shower. Or is it that's the only place he wants to have sex? There's a lot going on here, Sam. I gotta start taking notes.

I'm hearing two different calls. Really? I'm hearing like, everything's great. And he thinks about me non stop and the sex is amazing when it happens. And he forgave me for my horrible betrayal. But then I'm hearing like, I want out of this marriage and there's no sex.

Right.

There's like two separate calls in one. I also picture this guy being like a man's man and, you know, bottling his feelings and not wanting to get any kind of professional help. Yeah, even talking to M on the phone with you right now would probably be a huge help.

Is he there?

He is here.

Can he hear you?

No, he cannot hear me.

I don't know. I mean, I honestly, I think the same thing. I think he's probably. You say he's Fine. He's fine. No one's just fine. Like, you need to process emotions, and you guys need to learn how to communicate in that way. I think you can make this work. But I really do think this is the case for therapy. There's a lot of layers there. Can you guys have that? Can you get couples therapy? Do you have good health insurance? I'm sure he does. The police department.

He might not want to, though.

Does he not want to?

I help?

What's that?

He says that he won't. It won't help.

See, he's one of those guys.

I know, but it will help. Tell him that marriage is not gonna last because you need to have that sexual connection. If he doesn't go, he's not really.

In a position to be given ultimatums.

Yeah, but here's the thing. He says he's over all this stuff, but it's actually not true. So it's truly like he. He doesn't even know what he doesn't know. You know, you don't know what you don't know. And he doesn't know what it's like to be a communicator and to be open and to feel emotions. And he probably has a lot bottled up and needs to, like, cry and get angry.

I bet you he's still got a lot of resentment. And he's like. He's withholding sex as kind of punishment. So whether he even realizes it or.

Not, exactly, none of this is intentional because he doesn't have the right. He has not developed the skills yet to communicate effectively as an adult, which most many of us don't. It's a learned skill. So he's got to be willing to make this commitment for the marriage to work. There's a lot to untangle here, Sam.

Have you thought about cheating again since all this is going on?

I don't want to say no.

No.

I've been trying to communicate and work things out.

Yeah, but see, you're doing the same thing. Oh, you're trying. Trying. He's saying, yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. So now you got to mix it up. You got it. You have to go talk to somebody. You got to end like that's the last thing.

You're wasting years, nothing else to do. His ain't yours.

Yeah, it's true. And you want an answer, Sam, you're 37 years old. You know, you got. You got a good son life. You want to have sex, and in a relationship, you want a relationship with a healthy sex life. And so this is your lap. You got to do it. He's got to go. And if you want to set up another time for him to call, I'm here for you.

He's got to go or he's got to go.

Yeah, right. It's literally. You can listen to this. It's just. There's no. You guys have a lot. No one else can help. Okay. And then you'll know that you did everything, and then you can decide if you want to leave and then sleep with someone else. But don't do it before. Thank you, Sam. Okay, thanks. Thank you so much for calling. Okay, keep us posted.

Oh, Sam. Oh, Sam, I. I can't believe that there's still guys. I'm one of them, actually, who doesn't really do therapy. Like, you know, it's like kicking and screaming to do something that you know is going to help you. Yeah, it's like a macho thing.

I still can't believe you haven't gone. So don't take Anderson as example, but literally every single person on the planet, I believe that if you're struggling in some way, especially in a relationship, it's the only thing that's going to help you, because what you're doing is a lot of. We don't naturally know how to even feel our emotions, let alone communicate them to a partner. And so it just teaches you how to get all the things that are in your head.

Maybe if you do nothing, talk about.

It and you feel better. Yes.

Refresh.

I think I would like to say that everybody needs a little therapy now and then.

I think everybody does need therapy.

Some people more than others, like Anderson. But no, it's. Everyone does. And so I'm just saying. But then it was Anderson. You said, does your husband not want to go? And we always hear this from couples, so I just think you just gotta go.

I was just picturing that guy from Massachusetts saying, I'll be down to the bar. I don't need any therapy.

I get the struggle.

Keep the dicks away from your mouth when I'm gone. You know what I mean?

Yeah, exactly.

Okay.

Thanks for playing that out. Okay, we get another call. This is fun. Okay, we got. We're gonna talk to Eric. He's ready to pursue a relationship after a dating break, but isn't sure how to put himself out there in a way that doesn't come off as creepy. He's 25. Hey, Eric.

Hi.

How are you?

I'm not bad. How about you?

I'm good. I'm good. I want to Help. We want to help you find Mrs. Right.

So why do you feel like you're creepy?

It's just one of those things that, you know, no matter when I go out or anything like that with my friends and, you know, we're out there and I see somebody, I just get a crippling anxiety about even going up to talk to somebody.

Right.

I. I don't know why. It's just one of those things because.

A lot of guys don't want to.

Come off the wrong way.

Got it. I got it. Right. Okay. I just need to understand if you've ever been accused of being creepy or just the anxiety and fear of be potentially creepy.

I get that though. If you're like hyper aware, Eric. And obviously the fear of rejection is there for everybody. But I was and I continue to be hyper aware of things. I know what guys want. I know what I want from a girl ultimately. And when I'm thinking about that, when I'm talking to her, I just feel awful. I feel like a creepy guy because I'm thinking about what's actually happening, which is I'm talking to this woman, hoping that one day I can be inside of her, which is weird. It's too much to think about. So you got to be able to just go with the flow a little bit and enjoy conversation.

And I think it's. It's tough for me too, because most of my friends especially that I go out with our female, so I'm normally the one that's also there playing defense for them.

Yeah, sure.

Of things.

He's got that anti guy thing going on. I did the same.

I. I know what's going on there. And then I don't want to be that same way.

Right. You want to be that guy, but you're really not that guy. So I just wanted to first understand if you've been accused but you're not that you're like a nice guy. You've got a lot of good girl, which actually you got to use these girls and you're helping them. They should be helping you too. Like a wing woman. That's amazing. Like, they're your friends. They obviously don't want to sleep. You know, you're not sleeping together. They probably do it. What?

He probably wants to bang at least one of them.

No. Do you want to bang all of them actively? Like, of course you do. Like you want to, but you're really out trying to meet someone new, right?

Yeah.

Okay. So these girls can be like, oh my God, like, Eric, let's go Talk to, you know, and he's so awesome. He's my best friend. You know, you got to first say. Because I say, like who they are, like they're. You're really good friends or, you know, you all work together, whatever. And then they start talking to like, cute chicks, and then they bring them over and you all help each other, and then you just start talking to them like a conversation. See, here's what's happening, is that you're getting inside your head before it even happens. And then you shut down and you get paralyzed, right? And you can't think, you can't talk. And I don't know, I've done that with so many things in my life. That's what anxiety is. And so if you kind of take that out of it and you think, you know what, I'm just going to a bar, I'm with my friends, and I don't even know who this person. Doesn't matter who this person's going to be. That might be Mrs. Right. Mr. Right. You just start talking to people. Like how you would have a conversation with anybody if you met him at a bar would take all the pressure off yourself. Because really, this is practice. It's like just. You're saying hi, you're talking about things. And it's like in your day to day life, when you're not in a bar, I would also say when you're just out, I'm gonna give you an exercise wherever you're at. You ever go to like, get coffee or you take the bus or. Where do you live?

I live in New Jersey, but I actually work in New York City, so I do a lot of commuting.

Oh, my God, there's so many people. Places meet girls. But there's so many, like. Okay, so I just think that you gotta do a practice of talking to people, talking to women, men. I mean, probably easier if you talk to women that maybe that you're not even attracted to.

It's probably harder for them to talk to women.

Okay, yeah, but like just Pratt, like, hey, how was your day? And you were someone that you're actually not attracted to, right. And you just realize, oh, it's like talking to anyone when I start talking to someone when I'm on sharing a seat with them or whatever. And you'll start to get your confidence in your up. Your conversation skills and, and that that will help, I think, and employing your girlfriends. What are you gonna. Yeah, what do you think about that? It's a. It's a muscle. So dating and Approaching women and. And all this stuff, you're gonna have this paralyzing anxiety until you realize that you can do it. And once you start going out there and just talking to anybody, like, oh, it's just a conversation, like, that's what it is, you know, and it won't be as scary.

I got a couple tricks that I used to use. Is that Eddie?

Yeah, it's Eric.

Eric. Eric. Two things I used to use that used to work for me a lot because I have. I had crippling anxiety. And I was always. I felt like a perv when I was talking to these girls sometimes. And you know what I was. Sometimes after the conversation was over, I'd be like, that person was horrible. But I continued the conversation because they were pretty. And then I'd feel like a real dirtbag. So what I started doing is I would pretend that they're a guy, that they're an effeminate dude or something. And that would help me. Or if that wasn't. If it was too far of a stretch, I would pretend that they were my really good friend's girlfriend. And while I'm talking to him, I'm just in my head thinking, I want to be cool. I want them to like me because they're my really good friend's girlfriend. But I'm not ever gonna put any moves on this person because it's my really good friend's girlfriend. And that way, you're just talking to them as a person and not a sexual object.

Could you do that, Eric?

That I can do. Yeah. You know, it's always just been one of those things, like, you know, I dated somebody for three years in college, so I never even got really a chance.

Yeah. So you're stunted for sure.

A little bit. You know, I'm telling you, it's like learning any other skill, and you'll do it a few times. And I'm telling you, like, if I. If you do this, what I'm telling you every day, start practicing and talking to people, you could pretend that there's someone else, too.

Like, just pretend like they're in a feminine dude. Yeah.

You're gonna feel so much better about it. I swear. It's just gonna come to you, and it comes quick. It does come quick.

It does come. It's not one of those things where, like, three years from now, you might be able to, like.

Right. Like, I think a month from now you're gonna feel better, like, all of a sudden.

Yeah. It's like getting used to a bigger phone.

Like, Go. You leave your house now and go. Just say, start talking some chicken line about that you don't care about.

You know, and I've heard.

Don't know that you want a day.

Or I've heard people say, try to talk to, like, tens, too. Like, find somebody who's way out of your league and just try to talk to them. You know, you're gonna get shot down anyways, and it's some good practice. How do you know?

We might not. We don't know.

We all get shot down by tens.

But, Eric, just know that this is, like, so many guys feel this way. I just don't want you to cripple it. I don't want you to be crippled by it for another day.

And don't drink yourself in a submission, because that's what I did, too. For years, I would just drink myself into a place where I was comfortable to talk to anybody. But then I was slurring so bad, no one wanted to talk to me. It was terrible.

Yeah, don't get too drunk, because that's when I think guys are creepy. To be honest, cocaine gives you a lot. Who's met a lot of guys in a bar?

First of all, luckily, I'm always the dd, so.

See, he's like the savior, too.

What do you say? The dd.

He's the designated driver for all these ladies that he's taking out.

You're awesome.

And then he's fending off these. These creepy dudes that are coming up.

Going, hey, ladies, you're so not that guy. Like, let me just tell you, Eric, you are not that creepy guy. And for me, I've met guys in. Honestly, in bars, wherever. I'm not thinking in my head, oh, he's creepy. Unless he really is creepy. And that rarely happens. And I'm like, he's creepy. And that's usually when they're drunk and gropy. And you're not. None of those things. So we. We're there to meet guys as well. Right? Get it? So we're all there for the same reason, so women know that you're talking to them. Maybe because you're interested. But if you're. It's a good conversation and you seem interested and you ask questions, that's a great tool to be like, hey, so have. You can even say, have you been here? It doesn't matter. There's no magic pickup line. Just start a conversation going, and you'll be comfortable. Okay. You got this, Eric.

Awesome. Thank you.

Okay. You're welcome. Thank you, Eric.

Good luck. Eric. Hey. So you're sex with Emily, huh? You want to do sex with me?

See, this is my. I get the creeps, but they only come to me now, like, hey, you've got a sex show. I want to go bang, go smoke.

You want to do a little homework? Want to do a little work?

I can't even go out anymore. No, but truly, like, I don't think it's very rare that I've been like, guy is creepy. Unless he was, like, drunk and doing something crazy weird at the bar. But if I start talking and you're typically. It's. If you're an interesting conversation. And I'm not saying you have to, like, be quoting, you know, anyone in particular. It's like, be yourself.

It's so funny, too, because I used to like most people, crippling fear of rejection and them knowing, you know, and getting this out of my head, knowing why I wanted to talk to them. But now that, you know, I'm married, whatnot, I could talk to anybody, and it would not. I have zero fear because I know there's zero chance of me.

Right? But this is really. Again, at this age. It happens. He's gonna get through it.

Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Okay. Anderson, we have another call. We have Marcella. She's 22, and she's entering into the swinging scene and is looking for some pointers to help get her started. Hey, Marcella. Hi, how are you? Thanks for calling this next clip.

I'm doing very well.

Good. We're excited to talk to you. I've got Anderson here. We both want to, like, see what's going on.

So what up, Marcella?

Marcella, where are you calling from?

I'm calling from Riverside, California.

Okay.

Big swinging scene out there in the Riverside.

She's bringing it. So, Marcella, are you in a relationship right now?

I'm actually casually dating, but I do have a primary partner that I'm kind of connecting with mostly.

Okay, so you're. It's like more like an open relationship, then?

Kind of, sort of, yeah.

Is it a girl or guy?

It's a guy. We're very communicative.

But, yeah, I'd say it's an open relationship at this time.

Okay.

We haven't really put any labels on it at the moment.

So I have here, like, you're looking to the swinging scene. Does it more like. Is that what you're looking for, like a third partner? Are you looking for partners separately from each other? What do you want, Marcia?

Well, actually.

He is a bit older than me. He's in his early 30s and he's been part of the swinging scene for a long time for, I think he said for about a decade.

Okay.

And it's something that he mentioned on our first date just to be kind of like, get it out of the way. It's something that would come up eventually if we continue dating. And me being a very sexually aware person, someone who wants to learn about it, even if it's truly in a platonic, academic sense. I've wanted to learn about swinging and so I can be more accepting of the culture and aware of the culture. And I'm kind of viewing this as a learning experience.

Because of that need to be accepting and aware of such things. And it's one of those things. If I have the opportunity to be going into it headfirst, it'd be wonderful. And he's a nice guy. He's been very open about it, very talkative about it. And it's something that I'd like to go. I don't think I would be playing, be participating in any like physical activity there. I would just be going to understand the atmosphere. What are the realities in this?

She's like approaching this like a journalist. Emily. Yeah.

Okay, so you just want to go undercover to like a swinger party and see what happens. But your boyfriend is a swinger.

Yeah.

Okay, so your question, their primary partner. So do you see a future with your primary partner? You're actually just kind of looking at him as an experiment as well.

I'm looking at him as a potential future long term partner. And I really want to be accepting and open with his.

I see.

So you're doing this more another part of it.

Okay, so you're looking at this intellectually, like, this is the guy you want to be with. You want to have children with him and spend the rest of your life with him. So you're like, I better get on this swing scene so he'll accept me and love me. Or is it that you're like, oh, I find this actually might want to, like, I might want to be into it because I'm attracted to women or men or, you know, having multiple partners. Does anything have to do with your desires?

It does have to do with my desires. It is. Even before I met him, I was like, I really want to learn about this. I won't know if I like, if I'm into it until I see it firsthand.

I got it.

Here's what I'm hearing from Marcella for sure, Em, is that she's. She's 22. She's very bright and she's an idealist and she's approaching this the way that she thinks she should. But I don't believe that she's being honest with herself with this at all. I think that she set herself up.

I tried to ask her that.

Normally, like on paper, tons of red flags. There's not as many red flags with Marcellus. We've heard. We're hearing her speak and she's really smart.

Right, Right.

But you're. Marcella, mark my words, this guy is going to break your heart and you're not going to be able to have him the way you want to have him. Just you got to know that.

Well, that's. That's. Dang it.

I didn't want that to happen again.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it sounds like she's picking these unavailable guys and then what's the deal with that?

Well, that's why I asked. Are you looking at him as an experiment as well? Because I would rather give you advice about like, okay, if you really can look at him as someone you're probably not gonna end up with, but you want to check out the swinging scene. We're down. But if you think that you're just doing this to like. Cause he'll come. He'll be the guy for you if you learn to swing.

Oh, no, no. I'm not trying to do this, to form myself into something that he will like. This is truly just. Oh, he happens to be in it. Well, that I can. Two birds, one down. But I don't have. I'm not. If I'm not worthy for him, according to his eyes, I'm out. Because I know I'm. I'm worth it. Does that make sense?

She does have a lot of self confidence.

Yes, she does. That's why I was like trying to.

Pick out in situations like this. It's a meek one little younger girl who like, oh, well, that's what he wants. He didn't know his best.

She wants to try it. She's 22, I think. I think it's a great time to explore your sexuality and to have tried some things. As long as you're cool. That we think that you might not end up and be your husband. But. So what are your questions about swinging? Tell me what you. What do you know? What are you looking for? How can I help?

Well, as far as what I've read, because I've done a little bit of Internet type of research. I've heard that there's place designated, designated place. Spaces. Sometimes. Sometimes they rent out entire hotels that you can meet people and then, like, go upstairs and do stuff. And there's also, like, normal play area, normal party areas where there is no play. It's just talking.

Yeah. There's everything. It's. There's play parties. There's. You're in Riverside. Is that what you said? Which. I don't know what that is. California geography.

Yeah, Riverside.

Okay. I don't know where Riverside is.

Halfway to Palm Springs.

I suck about geography.

Yeah.

Okay. So, I mean. Well, the first thing is there's a lot of meetups. Like, meetup. You know, there's like, meetup site, like, meetup.com. there's literally, like, meetups for swingers, like, in your area. You can find, like, a meetup group. Yeah. There's also apps you can use, like. Okay. Cupid has a. Has a. You know, part of it for, like, finding a third person or for swinging. And bumble does, too, I think. And FetLife also is more. If you're into more like, alternative kinky, bdsm, They've got all that online. So there are typically. Now, if you get into, like, a seen, like, there are swinger parties and play parties that, like. If you. If there's, like, a local, like, sex toy. Is there a sex toy store around.

There that's, like, Riverside? I'm sure there's a sex story.

There's sex toy stores in Riverside, but a lot of them are really seedy.

Not all.

I was wondering if there's, like, a lot of them.

Well, it's a good taste of what you're gonna see.

Touch a romance. Yeah, I mean, I would. Honestly, if you don't know anyone in this field, I would say go to the meetups and go online. If you don't have any friends in this area, like, like, you know, at all that you've ever heard. Like, if you even have a friend from college that you heard was a swing, you call her. It literally takes one person. Like, I've a couple that swings of friends of mine here when I moved here, Holly, Michael. They happen to have a TV show called Swing. But the point is. And it. But even if it. Like, I had this in San Francisco, too, whenever I wanted to know what was happening. You just need, like, one friend, one partner. So if you have that person in your life or a friend of a.

Friend, she's got the guy.

Oh, yeah, your guy. Dude.

Yeah. She's getting in. She's getting in with him. But I'm afraid that she's Gonna be like riding him in, hoping that, that it's going to be her and him, like for years to come. And that that's the main thing that she has to know is not going to be the reality. He's. I don't want to say he's using you.

Maybe she'll go in and meet someone else. We don't know that. And then when you go, there's probably.

Been a bunch of Marcellas before you.

So wait, I'm sorry, I forgot that he already knows this stuff too. I didn't know if you were going off to swing on your own. But even when you walk into these parties. So it could be a play party. And the rule is typically that couples can come and then single women.

And the single women.

The unicorns.

No single dudes. Isn't that weird?

The private play parties. There's also clubs. Like, I know there's clubs you can go to Yelp. There's like clubs in LA that you could. Seriously, there's like sex clubs or play parties and stuff. You could find it, Like, I would just google, literally, like wherever you live, there's probably one nearby and you can go and there's. You can just observe. You don't have to do anything. You just have to be a single single woman or with. You could be with your partner and see what happens.

What is her question?

I don't know. She wants to know how to get into it. Do you have any other more. Any more questions?

Yeah, also, I didn't see any references on like safety and such that are. That's seen in the play parties. Because that's really important.

Condoms, usually.

Yeah, it's vital.

But she's not gonna have sex.

There's most likely gonna be condoms. But I Do you have to like, have.

This is how my mind works. Do you have to have your doctor's sign off sheet that says, hey, okay.

You'Re asking for all the. Like you walk in the door, what happened? No, no one's gonna ask you that. You should let me see your papers. No, they won't. And you have to use condoms if you're having a threesome scenario. You change if he's penetrating you and then he changes to another vagina. Whatever. You change condoms all the time. Typically these parties I've been to, there's like bowls of condoms everywhere. So you'll be fine with that. And I think what I've, I've gone to these parties before and typically it starts out and it's just like a regular party. Like, you don't walk in unless you're late, like three hours late. And everyone's having sex. It's kind of just like you go in, people are drinking high, and everyone knows that you're there to meet other people. But then eventually people will start talking and they'll dance and you'll look over and you'll be like, oh, there's two people in the corner and she's going down on him and he's. I mean, like. And then sex will start to happen, but it's not like you walk in. I mean, I don't want to say these things don't exist, but the ones I've been doing, you'll just sort of.

Well, you get there earlier. You get there earlier. I don't get the first normal party.

Yeah, but. But truly, it's. I don't know where you're gonna. You know, I can't say that they're all the same, but I think it's just gonna kind of. You're gonna know what to do. No one can forces you into doing anything you don't want to do. And come prepared to say no, too. And watch your alcohol and drug intake because you want to make good decisions, have your faculties about it.

Your drink. And watch Eyes Wide Shut before you go. Yeah, it'll give you a nice little. Nice little warm up. Nothing will be as freaky as that.

Yeah, gotcha.

Yeah.

And just keep checking in with yourself and making sure it feels comfortable to you.

Be careful, Marcella. I know you're super smart and you're sharp and you feel like you know what's happening, but you're still only 20, and there's a chance that, you know, you could wake up at 25 and be just all, you know, spent. Right.

Yeah, I don't. I don't want that to happen either. So I promise I'll be careful, be.

Pragmatic and take notes. And she said she might not even be involved physically, so maybe just let's see what happens. And don't be back and watch.

Exactly. Check in with yourself.

Gotcha.

Okay. Good luck, Marcel. I love it. Keep us posted.

Thank you so much.

Okay. Yes, I will.

Thank you very much.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Next time she calls, she'll be like, hey, it's me again. Marcella. Been in the scene for a while now, right?

Exactly.

Yeah. Somebody's in me right now.

I don't know. I mean, I can understand she's speak. You're right. She's very smart. She knows that. She sounds like she's in a Situation where she understands.

On paper though, you and I would be like seeing all sorts of red flags. 32 year old dude swinger wants to bring her into the game.

Listen, she's gonna do what she wants to do. We gave her all the tips she needs. Okay. This was fun. I love the calls you guys. Don't you want to talk? I want to talk to you. I'm so happy right now. That was like energizing.

It was fun. I missed the call so much.

A run.

Hey Em, can I just have great sex?

I feel like I just had great sex with five listeners, but not in that way.

Thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to talk to these people again.

Yeah, it feels good, right?

It really does. Because you know, I do, I do shows and whatnot, but we don't have the capability of bringing in the calls on the regular like this.

Right. And Eddie, thank you for setting them up. And. And Eddie will just check that box and you go to sexemily.com click on Ask Emily and you can let us know if you want to be called. If not, don't worry, we will still be doing email shows. Don't get upset. And answering your voicemails and that was great. That was a blast. Okay, thank you. Congratulations Father Anderson and everyone. Go.

Makes me sound like a priest. I'm not.

I'm proud of you. Thank you very much and thank you Everybody.

Groupers the movie.com is where groupersmd.com let's have brunch. Yeah. One week. The morning of November 4th is the last moment of the campaign and we still need your help. And if you're interested in having brunch with them, that's definitely one of the perks that is there.

Okay, thank you. Thank you Anderson. Thank you producer Madison. Thank you Eddie for great cause. Thank you Nate. Thank you Ken, Lori, Jamie, I love you all. Thanks so much. Thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwith emily.com.

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