"Summer Sex Hacks You've Never Heard Of"

You just had me realize that the full moon is like the divine orgasm. It is actually the big O of the cosmos. It totally is.

How did we not realize this?

Well, I always trip out with you, Emily, because you, like, get my mind going. I'm like, this is all about the orgasm. The full moon is like when we're exploding with feeling. What is better than that sense of being full, Completely full and satisfied?

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Today's show is all about mindfulness, summer sex, and getting out of your head so you can get into your body. I'm joined by two incredible guests. Certified life coach, sexologist, sex educator, and host of the Reveal podcast, Elle Chase. And renowned psychological astrologer and best selling author, Dr. Jennifer Fried. We're diving into why mindfulness isn't just meditation. It's the key to better sex. A walk you through simple breathing exercises that can calm your nervous system and get you present in the moment. Because, let's be honest, most of us are living in our anxious thoughts instead of our pleasure filled bodies. Elle and I are taking your calls about threesomes, sex positions, and summer adventures that'll spice things up, from pool noodles as sex props to car encounters that'll make you nostalgic. And Jen's breaking down exactly what each zodiac sign needs to embrace courage in the bedroom. This month, my intention is that this conversation reminds you that pleasure is your birthright, presence is your superpower, and sometimes the best sex happens when you slow down, breathe deeply, and remember that your body holds infinite wisdom. Also, be sure to check out Elle's new podcast, the Reveal, wherever you get your podcasts. All right, let's dive in. Hi, Jennifer. Jen is an expert. She not only comes on our show every month, she's the psychological astrologer to goop and to many people, she's been doing this for over 30 years. And we love Jen because we are so excited she comes on every month, have some questions of their own. So producer Christina Rosa has a question.

So my question is.

Hi.

So my question is. My husband and I have been looking at buying houses, but we don't know if right now is a good time considering he's a Gemini, I'm a Libra, and you know, I've, I, you know, I obviously very much look into astrology as a guide for me. So is it a good time for us or should we think about. Because he's also thinking about another job. So I don't know if that's something.

We should even think of.

What's your exact birthday, Christina?

October 16th. I was born at night. I was born at 9:25pm okay, here's the bottom line.

The whole world for the next five months is in a complete overhaul. And if you two feel very secure in your jobs and in your trajectory, then there's no reason for you not to buy a big house. But you big just any house. But on the other hand, know that there's going to be so much upheaval. Do you want to be buying and moving when everything is up in the air, in the world? Because it's a time of incredible duress. So I guess what I'm saying is if I were both of you, I'd wait till January or February and see how things shake out before I would get involved with a big change.

Okay, cool.

Thank you. I appreciate that.

Okay, thanks, Christina. Okay, ovi. Ovi's got a question.

Hi, Jen. Well, I was first going to ask you. I have two kind of questions. One of mine is I have an Aquarius sun and moon. And I was kind of wondering, like, how having a sun and moon in the same sign, like, what that means.

Well, the sun is your basic outer identity and the moon is your inner self. So if your sun and the moon are in the same sign, it basically means your inner and outer are the same, which is both fantastic because you know who you are and you feel who you are, but sometimes it gives you a narrow view of other people because you're so enclosed in yourself. So with the sun and moon in Aquarius, which is, in my opinion, a great combination, it means you're very much in touch with the world and with ideas. But you would have some work to do to really get more personal and much more subjective because you think more in broad terms. So you want to learn how to get into people's small lives and understand them as well as the big picture.

Thank you so much.

How does that feel? Okay. Awesome. Thanks, ovi. Okay, we've got one more. Megan has a question our call screener about.

Hi, Jen.

Hi, Megan. Hi, Megan.

You've got a great smile, by the way. Oh, thank you. Thank you. So I'm a cancer, and I've had, like, a pretty big year, like, a lot of big changes.

And I want to know what can.

I expect with the full moon coming up? Okay, tonight's the full moon. That means the sun is in the opposite sign of the moon. So we have the sun in Leo, the moon in Aquarius. Whenever there's a full moon, this is a fact, there's more crime and more emergency mental illness things because everyone is in a heightened state of emotional intensity. So what I like to do on a full moon is ground in what visions and. And what life I want to create for myself. So instead of acting out or having big conversations, take that moon, that full moon energy and put it within and really concentrate on manifesting the desires and the life that you truly want. And maybe even write it out. Light candles, bring out the crystals. The worst thing to do on a full moon is to get too high or wasted because it's so intense. Or to have some big conflict conversation. A full moon, if you think of it metaphorically, is like the mother coming way into existence. And then pull her into your heart and say, this is what I most wish for my life.

That's amazing. I'm writing, Megan. Are you gonna do it?

Absolutely.

I am so writing shit down tonight. Thank you, Jen.

Yeah, it's a great time to reflect. Cause especially we forget this go out at midnight tonight. That moonlight is just like drinking heaven. It's so beautiful. And put it into your heart and make wishes on that full moon.

Yeah, I love this.

Thank you, Jen.

Yeah, I'm gonna do all that tonight. I just love the full moon ritual. And I always think, people think, oh, what's Emily talking about? Sex and astrology. You know, there are so many. It's not even just like some woo y thing. Like I actually have learned so much from you, Jen. But there's really a lot to be safe for the ritual of a new moon. You know that it comes every month. You know that it's gonna happen. And for me to really recognize it. It's been very busy last few months and I haven't as much. But when I do make an intention on the moon, it's just something to kind of set the month by the intention to really get grounded. Even if you just do it for 10 minutes, it really makes a difference. And I'm gonna stay up till midnight tonight.

You just had me realize that the full moon is like the divine orgasm. It is actually the big O of the cosmos. It totally is.

How did we not realize this? You.

Well, I always trip out with you, Emily, because you get my mind going. I'm like, this is all about the orgasm. The full moon is like when we're exploding with feeling. What is better than that sense of being full, completely full and satisfied?

It is a cosmic orgasm.

Wow.

And it's a moment.

It's a moment in time. Okay. Dr. Jen Fried, thank you so much for being here.

I'm so thrilled to be your guest.

I love it, Jen. So people can find you@jenniferfreed.com and rjenniferfreed on Instagram. Thanks, Jen Freed. I love getting these monthly updates. Now I know what I gotta do. Okay, we'll be right back with El Chase. After 20 years of helping people have better sex, I realized something. The real magic happens when you feel safe, informed and confident in your own body. That's why I created Smart sx, a private sex positive community where we explore desires, build confidence, and feel more connected in our bodies and relationships. Whether you're single, partnered, or just curious, Smart SX is like your VIP clubhouse. You'll get live workshops with me and other experts, full access to our event library, and a safe space to ask the questions you can you've never felt comfortable asking anywhere else. And trust me, amazing sex isn't just about technique. It's about feeling empowered, informed, and truly connected. Inside SmartSX, you'll learn to communicate like a pro, discover what really turns you on, and even score exclusive perks and giveaways. Yes. From books and toys to some of my favorite games for couples, your pleasure is worth prioritizing. Join us at sexwithemily.com smartsx that's sexwithemily.com smart the letter S, the letter X. I'll see you inside. So you guys might remember that July is Sexual Liberation Month, part of sexual liberation. It's like you get to choose what you're into sexually. How do you open that up? Like, we're all free to make choices for ourselves, lead the sex lives we want to have, have the relationships we want to have. And we might make all these choices in our life, but we're still not liberated if we are constantly being controlled by that negative self talk in our head. And we all have it. I have it too. And that goes something like this. And this is why I'm so excited to welcome my guests. Because, you know, we get to the bedroom or fooling around with someone, we're in the moment and we're like, all we can think of is, oh, I hate the way I look, or hope they don't notice this thing about me, or can the kids hear me? Whatever it is, we're in our heads all the time. But think about it. What if you were free from that voice? What if you could learn to embrace your own pleasure, right? And to Engage in activities that truly give you pleasure. So my longtime friend and fellow sex educator Elle Chase is here. She is the author of the acclaimed book Curvy Girl Sex. Welcome to the show Elle Chase. Hi.

Thank you. I'm glad to be here.

We have a call, so I'm gonna take it. We got Trevor, 43, in Arizona. Hi, Trevor.

Hey, how you doing?

Great. How are you? How can I help?

I'm really good. Well, my girlfriend of almost two years and I. My girlfriend of two years, we're thinking of possibly bringing other people into the bedroom. And my girlfriend is early 20s. I'm early 40s, and we fantasize about it. We talk about it, and we are considering maybe making plans for it, But I don't know if it's a good idea, even though we like the idea of it.

Right.

I'm wondering what your take is.

Okay. Well, thank you. Trevor, this is such a good question, because you did say some of the things I recommend is for couples to make, because, you know, we don't know until it happens. And I try to set couples up for success in this way. And one of the things I say is fantasize about it. Like, do some dirty talk when you guys are just the two of you and talk about picturing that third person there. So it sounds like you've done that. And it's never a good idea to try to talk our partners into it. Like, we should have a threesome, Right? So tell me where you're both at with it. Like, is it the kind of thing that. She brought it up, you brought it up. How did it come to be?

It's been over a year that we've actually talked about it. And so I'm trying to remember how it was brought up, but it was very casual, and it wasn't a surprise to either one of us. And, you know, it kind of goes both ways. Meaning I kind of am curious about, you know, male to male contact, and she's curious about female to female contact, too. So it's like we're both kind of like. We're both kind of, like, up for. Yeah, let's see what happens kind of a thing, you know? So, yeah, we're neither. Neither one of us have a lot of bugaboos. We're just kind of, you know, trying to feel it out. And I just wanted to know if there's any, you know, pitfalls or things that we really need to be wary of.

You're asking all the right questions. I mean, the first thing is to decide, like, what kind of partner you said you're. You might be interested in being with a male, she might want a female. And then also setting as many boundaries ahead of time as you can. And rules, for example, like talk through, you know, is there anything that's off limits, for example, or anything that is a requirement? Like, we got to have. We got to use protection, you know, are there certain sex acts? What do you do when it's over? Do you want the person to sleep over? How do you find the person? I mean, I think it's great to have someone that you're both attracted to. Also having a safe word, you know, you never know how you're going to feel until you get into the situation. But then you could think, like, what's your safe word? Like, is there like a word you could say or something? Because if one of you get uncomfortable and you want it to stop. And I think talking through these things with your girlfriend and saying like, what do you picture. How do you guys like elaborating on the fantasy? How do you actually picture it going down? Like, where is it? What's. What are the things that are happening? Yeah. Have you guys covered any of those bases?

Is there? We have, yeah, we have. We started to kind of plan it out, you know, so to speak. And I guess my biggest concern is, is it a recipe for disaster for my relationship with my girlfriend? Because that's above all else that's most.

Well, tell me what you picture there. Tell me. Okay, so what would be the rec. Because everyone's recipe for disaster is very different. So, Trevor, what. What to you would mean disaster?

I guess, I guess, honestly, if she were to lose interest in, you know, in me sexually, by myself and just want that. That scenario, type of scenario only, and kind of get away from her and I being able to be intimate together and have that level of intimacy, you know.

Yeah.

You know, I want to do it like, in addition to not a replacement of, you know.

Well, that's always a risk, right? Like, I think that. I think you just nailed it. The biggest fear that we have is like, oh my God, I bring in a third and my partner falls in love with the third. You know, I think it's unlikely, you know, so totally you're on the. You're on the right page. Have you talked to her about your fear around it are your concern?

A little bit. A little bit, you know, not. I haven't not in these terms quite yet. So, you know, I. Or enjoying the fantasy and we're enjoying the talk and we do the dirty talk. And. And, you know, it is getting to the point where we're starting to kind of consider plans. And. And so I was like, you know, I am able to listen to you, like, once a week, and I'm like, you know, I need to ask Emily, what. What should I do? Is it. Is it something where she just says, absolutely not. This is a recipe for disaster entirely, or are there safe ways to go about it and still preserve our relationship? So I think just having that conversation with her and expressing my concerns is.

Definitely the next step.

That's my first step. And, no, I'm never going to tell someone. Oh, no. Terrible. I know there are some people that are like, oh, that's a terrible idea. Not if you cover these grounds. And again, maybe another recommendation would be like, you know, keep it a shorter session. You know, don't make it all, you know, if you can. Or say, like, we're not going to see the same person twice. And then kind of having an aftercare session where you discuss it and you really kind of break it down into how you both felt. Because if you both feel like you got something out of, then you can even make the next one better. I have another sex educator with me, El Chase. Any other recommendations that you'd recommend?

I think the communication is a great idea, and I also think maybe sitting down and coming up with what the rules would be, what you would feel uncomfortable with, what you would feel comfortable with. Some people I know, we'll say we can just have sex. We can't go out and have drinks with them, or there's no kissing or there's no penetration or something like that, you come up with really sort of a clear line of what's okay and what's absolutely not okay. And then how you're going to communicate at the time, if something comes up.

That you haven't talked about, that's a great. That's definitely something I haven't thought about. And, you know, doing that safe word, like you were saying, too. So that's.

Yeah. Huge cover, all of that, but I think you guys are pretty close. You know, we're rooting for you, ma'. Am.

Thank you for the help.

Of course. Thanks for calling. I appreciate it. Okay, so I first. You know, I think we can get into an email. This will just. This came in. We want to answer it. And I thought, you know, I'm just gonna have Ellen talk about this, because we always talk about your book, Curvy Girl Sex. And I thought, let's help. Michael, 24, from Washington. And you guys know that you can always email me feedbackexwithemily.com so Michael says, my fiance and I are a little on the bigger side. We pretty much do the same position all the time because I just feel too small to do the other positions like doggy style, et cetera. Any advice?

It's a very common question about, about doggy style, about receiver on top, all of those kinds of things. What I usually tell people is utilize pillows first and foremost. And I'm not just talking your bed pillows, what kind you sleep on. Use something that has like industrial foam in it, like your living room couch pillows, something that can take weight. Or get a liberator pillow that is meant for sex or pillow by Dame, I believe has a great sort of wedge pillow and that will prop you up a little bit. So when you have someone who has a bigger stomach, say for example, they can put this wedge under their hips and it lifts them up a little bit. The stomach moves backwards towards the head to make the access a little bit easier. And then you want to make sure that the general area is nice and open so that anything can go on there that you want it to go on with a toy or a penis or whatever hand. That's sort of really the key. So pillows strategically placed and that is great also for doggy to lay down on that wedge with the thicker wedge side towards one's stomach. And then the giver has the whole backside to play with to open it up to make it more available, as it were. So that's a really good way to play with different positions, whether it be a modified missionary position or receiver on top or you know, bent over. Anything like that is a wedge pillow or pillows are your best friend when it comes to plus size sex or for anyone actually.

It's so true. I always, I mentioned pillows, but I love to bring them up because it's like everyone just take a pillow. I love that. I love the idea of a pillow from your couch because they are that better, the better elevation, a little bit thicker.

Yeah.

So what about, you know what I love about your book? There are some, like, I just love that there's just some other positions for people who just might even just want to be mixing it up. It's not just like curvy bodies, it's like for all bodies.

It's for all bodies.

Yeah.

So for example, when, when he says that he feels like, you know, that he might be too small for doggy style, for example, like you've got this like what about something Like, I love this, like, threading the needle. I'm going to show this to the. To the. Threading the needle.

Yeah, that's a great one. That is the receiver on their back with their legs together and moved to one side on top of the giver's shoulders. And that leaves the giver some hands to work with. So by having their hands free and available, they can spread open the thighs, spread open the cheeks, the vulva, lips, all of that. And also it puts the receiver's positioning makes it easier to get into and makes it also a lot tighter so that it feels a lot snugger.

Right? And then also you have it like, with the side set. Like, you could even move your. Both of your legs to the other side of their head even, and then be squeezing, like, the thighs together. So it is a little bit tighter. I love all these.

There's a position in the book called the OM O H M. And it's really meant for people who are using their hands or feel that they're on the smaller side of the penis range. And what it is, is it's that receiver laying down on their back with their legs together, swung all the way over so that it's laying on the bed. So you're kind of twisting your side a little bit and it really closes up that canal or that anus. Whatever, whatever you're going.

Whatever canal, whatever you're going into.

Whatever, whatever. Hole works. Yes, whatever. And I have heard. I've heard a great response from people that it's not just a wonderful feeling for the receiver because it's such a different angle, but it's also a great way to get into a deeper position for those of those penis owners that really like to go deeper.

Because this is really what we're talking about, is that when we feel like we just can't feel it enough, we can't get in enough, it's just altering the positions that we. We just might not have thought about. Like, I must picture, like, curvy girl sex. Like cards that you could hit, like a deck of cards. Like, let's pull up this position to keep it by your bed even. Because even sometimes I'll be like, what was that? What can I do? You know, we're so. We're such creatures of habit. We go into, like, missionary. We don't think for the variations. Which is why I love, you know, in your book that you have all these other ways I even look at sometimes and like, oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Like, even making them all just a little Bit different.

Yeah. And I always think too, when in doubt, use your hands more.

Yes.

Think about it. Your fingers have way more dexterity than we give them sort of credit for. And they can do so many more things. And if you incorporate your hands to give pleasure along with everything else that you normally do, it just makes it sometimes a little bit more tactile and sensual and different.

Yeah, our hands, man, they're just. It's funny because the other night we were talking about. You'll appreciate this. We were talking about a woman emailed and said that her jaw was hurting from oral, you know, and it's just like, are you doing the deep throat thing that you think is just expected of you? Like be like the, like I have to choke on his piece. Like use your hair. You could give a blow job with hands. You could give oral with any kind of aura with hands. It's just we forget what great things they are.

And also I think, I think too, what we forget is that our mouths are not meant to be opened that wide. You know what I mean? So of course it's going to. It's going to feel uncomfortable. So, you know, or for that long.

Use what you got, you know? You know, we got another call here. We got, we got Bill, 60 from Colorado. His wife is having a hysterectomy. What should he expect? Hi, Bill, thanks for calling.

Hi, thanks for, thanks for being there.

Sure.

The situation is I'm 60, my wife is 51. We just found out she's got some uterine fibroids, many and some of large size. So a hysterectomy has been recommended. And I'm just curious, hormone wise, sexual wise, what can I expect?

Well, I would also get a second opinion. I feel like sometimes hysterectomies are kind of like a go to thing and it's not always necessary. You might be able to avoid it. Like there are alternatives. There's a. There's one. Like fibroids can be treated with a non surgical procedure. I was just reading about this called uterine artery embolization that cuts off the fibroid's blood supply. And then another option is a myomectomy which removes fibroids but spares the uterus. And I've just been hearing about, not a medical doctor Bill, but what I've been feeling, I've hit hearing and reading. Maybe, Elle, you can back me up on this, is that we need our western doctors. Our doctors work hard, they're essential workers, but sometimes they rush to hysterectomies. And I just don't think it's the most suitable solution for everybody.

Yeah, I agree. Actually, I do a lot of. I do a lot of work with menopausal women, and I find that hysterectomy is the go to for most gynecologists. And it actually does. It does a lot of good to do your own research and to get a second, even a third opinion, because a hysterectomy is a major surgery and it has repercussions hormonally that will possibly affect her for the rest of her life and will definitely have some sort of repercussion for sex as well. That can all be mitigated. But if you don't have to have one, if there's something else that's not as drastic, that's something to look into, I think.

Okay. It was discussed that it would try. I think I'm pronouncing it right because I was on the speakerphone. Laparoscopic first.

Yes.

To just remove the fibroids. Did I. Did I get that right?

Yeah. Laparoscopic surgery. It's a newer surgery. You do need general anesthesia, but it only causes, like, tiny incisions. It can cause blood loss. And it does, I believe, has shorter hospital visits.

Okay. Because my wife has experienced severe cramping and very heavy bleeding.

Yeah.

I mean, I feel like the size of a kiwi. And a line from what the doctor said from the mri.

Yeah, I mean, that's probably true, but I would still, like, that's the doctors like, oh, it's big. We got to remove it. And I'm just feeling, you know, Bill, you called in. I would just try to find another doctor in your area. I would maybe Google, like, women's health care clinic. You're in Colorado. I would do some research. You know, and I just think from what I've been hearing lately, that we can just kind of. I wouldn't rush into it. And I'm sorry. If she's having pain, I would really love you to get a second or third opinion.

I think definitely. If they're saying laparoscopic first just to get rid of the fibroids, I would try that ahead of time to try and get rid of the fibroids and keep the uterus is what I would go for.

Yeah.

Okay. Okay, great.

Just keep going. There's no. There's no rush.

Was something. Embolism.

It's called uterine artery embolization. E, M, B, O, L. Okay. And. And so it's a uterine artery embolization. And so. Or a myomectomy. We could put this in the show notes. We forget about the show notes. We got a website at sex with emily.com and everything we talk about in the show, we actually put in the show notes there. So if you're ever like, what is that Emily said on the show the other night? You can check it there. So we can put some of these terms in for you as well. But I'm gonna.

Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

Of course. Thank you. And let me know it goes, you know, I'm here every night, so if you get a second opinion, you call me back, we can discuss it, because that's how I like to work with everybody.

Okay, thanks.

Have a great night. All right. More with Elle after the break. So, Elle, this summer is. We're mid summer. I don't know. This Covid thing, it's like. I don't know what. I don't know what's happening, but what I do know is it's sunny out. It's summer. A lot of us have been cooped up at home with our partners, and maybe sex has just been, like, less than stellar lately. We don't have the highest libidos. We just. So what can we do right now to kind of reignite that flame?

I know. It's hard, right? It's challenging. Yeah, it is. It's hard to think of new things. But I think, you know, one of the things I've been telling people. Some people are going on road trips now with their partners, and so they've been camping or whatever, and it's, you know, what can we do when we are camping if we want to have sex? It's uncomfortable. It's, you know. And so I think an interesting thing to do if you're taking a road trip or even if you're going to have sex in the backyard and you want to be comfortable is, you know, take some pool noodles and tie them together to make, like, a little pyramid. And there you have your wedge, and you can bend over it. You can do many different things with it. You can also sort of tie them together to make a little. It'll look like a raft, but it'll be something that will. That you can lay on top of or put into a sleeping bag. So pool noodles are your friend when you go to have sex outside, because.

You can bend them, and they kind of are like the wedge that we were talking about.

You can bend them. You can also cut them. So, you know, you cut them into, you know, equal Lengths and stack them up and tie them together, and you've got yourself your own travel sex pillow.

I will never look at a pool noodle the same way. Curvy girl cunnilingus. Kara lingus. Cunnilingus. Car curvy. Car cunnilingus.

Curvy car cunnilingus. You don't have to be curvy to enjoy this one. I personally love car sex. I have a thing for car sex. And so in the book, and you can just do it anyway, is just laying on your back, whether you're parked in your. At your campground or in your garage or someplace where maybe someone will come in, but probably not. You have your partner lay down in the backseat, and you've got a wide berth there, and just bend down and start a sucking or start a lickin'. Start a lickin. It just adds this sort of almost a nostalgic feel to it, like when you're a teenager and you're kind of making out in the car. And also, it's just a new place to have sex. And that does a lot.

It does. It's. Sometimes it's just like a different. It's a different view. I mean, if we just. Obviously, the bedroom's easier and you have all your things there and you can just get naked. It's comfortable. But that's when the boredom sets in because there's no variety. And you're like, here we are in the bedroom, doing the thing. But I love the idea of right now, especially because, you know, we can't really go many places, but you can go into your garage, and I just got turned on them. Like, that'd be so fun to have sex in the car. Maybe someone's gonna walk by. Maybe we'll get caught. Maybe not.

Shopping malls are closed now, so maybe driving to the top of a parking structure at a shopping mall, I don't know. I'm just spitballing.

Oh, my God. But there's still security. Maybe. Maybe. Well, I remember not. I remember being home in Michigan for the summer right after I graduated from college. But I was back home in Michigan visiting my family. And I think I had moved to San Francisco at that point, but I came home for, you know, holidays, and I was with my boyfriend, and I'm like, oh, look, here's my high school. And we pulled into the parking lot, and it was dark. It was like holiday time. And we started having sex, and the cops came up, and it was not. I'm like, I never got in trouble in high school, really. But Here I am having sex in the parking lot.

If you're going to get in trouble.

That is exactly having sex in the parking lot. So what else can we do? What about some things we could do that don't involve penetration? We've, like, an idea that sex is all about the old in and out. It's not. Massage is another great way to sort of connect with your partner and to not rush right to the penetration that we talk about. Like, what if you each take 10 minutes and you set an alarm? If you're like, I can't massage, try 10 minutes. I promise you. I don't know about you, Elle, but every time I've gotten a massage, even times, you know, I've been like, oh, no, I'm too stressed, or I just. Let's just get to it. The second, like, someone puts their hands on me and I don't have to do anything but lay there and breathe and feel it, I'm. I'm a different state. Like, talk about changing your state and getting yourself in the mood and letting all the tension drift from, drift away. Because our, like, the number one killer of our sex drive is stress and anxiety and worry. And on our own, it can be really hard to shake that off. So saying we're going to shower, we're going to use some of this, like, buying yourself some beautiful, like, massage oil that you look forward to using together. Like, oh, can't wait to try this scent. It's like shopping for toys together. You just. You really feel like it's. It's like when you get a new shirt or your new jewelry, you can't wait to go out and wear it. I feel like getting yourself. Treating yourself to a new sexy toy lingerie, something that makes you feel sexy and something to share with your partner. A toy massage oil, something like that can be just that thing we're talking about. It's not like you need a major overhaul. Like, your sex life might not even be broken. It just might need a little bit.

Little tweak, or you want to get closer to your partner. I think that that massage is really wonderful way. You know that tantra practitioners have something called a yoni massage or a lingam massage, and it's basically a vulva or a penis massage. And it is. It is. The idea behind it is that the person who is giving the massage is just giving it and not there to receive anything that evening. And the person who is receiving it, all they have to do is receive pleasure and do not have to reciprocate in any way. And then the next evening, they switch. And it's like when you know that. That' your evening and that there is no goal to the evening except to receive pleasure. It is. It really is sort of revolutionary. You kind of look at your arousal in a different way, don't you think?

Yeah, absolutely. I love that idea because also, sometimes we're not even comfortable with receiving. I know. I. I was like this, like, even when partners. Like, I love when someone performs oral sex on me. My favorite thing. However, there's still those moments I've had to train myself to be like, oh, well, I guess right after, you know, he's done going down to me, then I'm going to go down him because I'm going to owe him. I owe you something. If you're giving me, I got to give to you. Or worse yet, we can't even receive. I can't even say this person wants to do it and settle into it. So the idea of splitting it up and saying, tonight's just about you, tomorrow's about me, gives you the freedom to settle in and to just feel and be embodied. And by that, I mean in your body, connecting your mind and body. Because so many of us have we started talking about tonight is that we're so in our head, we're so worried about everything else but the pleasure that we're receiving.

Yeah. And because we're in such a weird time right now, I think that getting our sex drive back is really, really challenging. And doing something like this that doesn't have penetrative sex or even orgasm as an end result is a great way to really sort of reinvigorate that part of you and start to rediscover it and. And then maybe apply it in new ways. It'll. It'll just be. It's a way to shake things up and also a way to. To really become even more intimate with your partner.

Yeah, I think. I think so too. And I think now, after we've been in Covid and for almost four or five months right now, and it's the summertime, and we are just wanting to. I don't know. I just. This is what I'm hearing from all of you. And my friends, they're like, enough already. I'm over it. So I know that might sound silly, but for the summer sex, you know, this is. It could even just be about trying something different. Having sex in the garage, taking showers, and you get hot. What's one more thing for summer?

Oh, there's washing the car together. Ooh, See, now you can bring the car outside anywhere. I mean, even if you have an apartment, you know, just get that garden hose and wash the car together. And maybe wear something that'll stick a little bit and, you know, play with the suds and get really sort of sensual and sexy with the stream of water and really let yourself go. That's a task that can be made very sensual and it will cool you off in the summer. And then you can go back in and dry each other off and then go at it.

Because you gotta wash your car anyway, right?

You gotta wash it anyway. Because, you know, I love multi purpose. Mine's getting gross.

Mine too. I was just like, oh, God. I realized that my hose in my backyard does stretch to the front. And then I was like, I don't even remember how to wash my car, but maybe I should have a date, invite someone over to wash my car.

There you go. You are full of ideas, you little seductress. Little minx seductress.

I am. It's true. Elle Chase, thank you so much for being here.

Thanks for having me.

I love you and I appreciate you so much. Check out her book, Curvy Girl Sex and the Elle Chase Everywhere. One more thing I want to mention, I would be remiss if I didn't mention your legendary site, which was down for a while because Tumblr porn couldn't be a thing. But she started a site called Lady Cheeky ten years ago.

Yeah, ten years ago next month.

Okay. And it is really like it was voted by Cosmo magazine the most female.

Friendly Cosmo have to get Washington Post, Glamour, the most female friendly porn site.

Right. So people, you always, you guys are always asking me, and it's really cute. El's an excellent curator. If you check out her Instagram and her social media, she trusts and knows what is kind of hot. And so the Tumblr thing, it's ladychiki.com yeah, it's. It's super erotic images that, that, that are more geared towards women, but a lot of men like it too. How do you explain that process of. Of. It's a lot of gifts, right? It's not necessarily videos.

It's a lot of gifts and a lot of photography. Of what I like to go for is anything that turns me on. And usually what turns me on is something that's very passion driven, where you can feel the desire and you can feel the. The attraction between people. And it's not just sort of cut and dry sex. Although there is some of that because everybody has moods. But I sort of. It's. It's. It's used a lot for couples to look at together to get aroused and also talk about what they like when they. What they see in it. So. So that's another way to sort of break the monotony and sort of build up your sex drive.

Love that. I'm so glad it's back online. And one more thing. I have a question that just came up. And then what is the most, if you could say, popular image that's ever. Is there, like one image that through the course of time or one genre of image? Yes, Tell me.

There is one little video that gets hundreds of thousands. And I will post it again. And I will post it actually on my Instagram.

Okay.

It is a man giving his girlfriend kisses on her neck. And it goes on for a very long time and people go nuts. It is sexiest thing I've ever seen. Yes. Every once in a while I will. I will play it. It. This person who filmed it only did two videos, and this is one of them. And it's on Vimeo, so you can find it, but I can't remember it off the top of my head.

So I'll just post it. El Chase. The El Chase on Instagram?

Yeah, yeah, I'll post it there. So.

And then I want to share it, and then I want to look at it after the show and get turned on. Okay. Thank you, El Chase, for being here. Thank you. Appreciate you always. Thank you for your time.

Foreign.

That's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening to Sex with Emily. And if you love the show, please, like, subscribe and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts. And hey, share this with a friend or a partner. It might just spark something. It usually does. You can find me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and X. It's all at Sex with Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email, so sign up@sexwithemily.com for free guides and articles and more ways to prioritize your pleasure.