SWE: Ask for what you want in bed

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So you know I'm obsessed with candles, right? Have you ever heard of massage oil candles? Okay, so get this. I always light candles when I'm enjoying a glass of wine with friends. And recently they were over and I lit three candles for my new line called Emily and Tony. My skin felt really dry, so I went ahead and poured some of it on my hands and I gave myself a quick massage. My friends were stunned that I did this and immediately were obsessed. And here's why. See, these candles are really aromatherapy massage oils that when warmed like a candle, they melt into the most luxurious body oil that is super hydrating, leaves your skin feeling and smelling amazing, and it's perfect for massaging your partner or yourself. You can use it during foreplay. And you know me, I'm a firm believer in foreplay. They come in delicious flavors like creme de vanilla, cocoa and fougere. Not just that, they look great in your home. So help us keep this podcast free. Check them out today@emilyandtoni.com and you're welcome.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, that feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list. Please do sign up for our mailing list because we've got lots of important things to tell you in the new year, and we're just wishing you a happy New Year. And I'm here with Menace. Hey, Menace, what's going on?

Hello from San Francisco. Emily Morris. How are you doing?

Hello from Los Angeles. I'm good. I miss you. We just tried to FaceTime this, but I feel like. I know. I feel like I know what you look like.

Yeah. And you were pointing the camera at your boobs the whole time and. Are you back on.

I know.

I didn't.

Are you back on birth control? Because they look kind of big.

Oh, my God. They do look big, don't they?

But maybe. Is it a gray shirt? Are you wearing a gray shirt?

I'm wearing a black shirt.

Oh.

Huh. Dude, the birth control was, like, the best boob job ever. I mean, that was crazy. That was like the. I mean, they grew two sizes. Do you remember that?

Wow. Two sizes.

Two sizes. I was ginormous and I was still small. So, like, my ex was like, those were the good days. Like, he was so upset when I went off of it.

Oh, that sucks.

Whatever.

Boots always look big in gray shirts for some reason. I think it was.

Oh, it's like a black.

Yeah. Maybe it was the lighting. It made a little bit gray. Washed out a little bit.

I was trying to set up the microphone and FaceTime so the FaceTime was pointing at my boob. I'm sorry about that, Menace. I'm sure it was horrifying for you. Yeah.

Hated it.

It was terrible. Today's show, we're gonna be talking about sexual resolutions that you need to make in the new year that you must do something different. And Menace and I, at the end, are gonna give you our own Menace so you have some time to prepare what your romantic. Okay. So it doesn't have to be sexual. It can be romantic resolution. It can be something that you'd like to change about your love life in the new year. But I'm gonna give you some tips about some things that you can choose. We're also gonna be talking about some trends in sex in 2012, some of the big trends, and also reading your emails that you sent to feedbackexwithemily.com now, here's the thing. It's important to always mix up your sexual bag of tricks. And I'm not a big, like, res. I know I'm saying resolution, but really, this is just about doing one thing differently. You know, maybe a week or a month that can kind of spice up your relationship. So that's what we're going to talk about. Menace, can you think of one thing right now that you'd like to do to spice up your relationship?

Probably just talk about more.

You know, just more what I want and stuff like that.

Maybe more about what you want. Do you know what you want?

Yeah. I'm drinking beer, by the way, so if I sound a little bit off, then it's really.

You are. Should I have a glass of wine?

Yeah, go ahead. I'll allow it.

Except for I'm doing. I'm doing a cleanse. I'm doing a juice cleanse, a wine cleanse, A juice cleanse. I'm not juicing from bad things necessarily, but I thought that that would also be a good new thing to start out the new year fresh.

Yeah.

And I live next to a juice.

Bar, but.

The way that we're doing the show right now, I can barely hear myself and I'm drinking beer. So if I sound a little bit funny, I apologize.

Okay. You also sound a little sick. Maybe you're not sick. You're just.

No, I was tired. You're just a little bit tired.

Just tired.

I get it.

I get it. You know, you were in Vegas all weekend. I know.

How was your New Year's?

My New Year's was so much fun. My friend Charlotte came to town to visit, and it was awesome. And we just went out to some random bars and just, like, just did our own thing. It was really fun. We just met some people and went to parties and, I don't know, just hung out.

Oh, you're gonna. You're gonna hate this. So I went to Vegas I saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers, you know, did the whole Vegas New Year's thing. It was amazing and fun. And then the next day, we hit up all the shops around Vegas, right?

Oh, no.

And they have all these shoe stores where they don't have them pretty much anywhere else. They probably have Christian Louboutin stores in Los Angeles, but they don't have them in San Francisco, where we. Where I live. And they had all these sales because of the. The New year. It was like half.

Holy moly.

Like half off Christian Louboutin shoes.

Did you buy your girlfriend another pair?

You would have died. No, she bought her own pair. She got a job.

She did.

I'll have to.

She's got a job. Oh, my God. She did. I. I need to go there. I really do. I need to go shopping, but I just. I can't. But that's so nice that you got her those for Christmas.

Yeah.

And then I'd say, you don't have to. You don't have to. Yeah, I'd say you're doing well in presents in the new year.

Yeah, I'm good.

And then what? What else? Tell me.

And no, it's just. It was just a good time. I brought my. I brought my sister and all her friends and her boyfriend, and I got them big sweet at Cosmopolitan, and they just partied up and had a good time.

You're such a stud.

I do what I can.

That's really fun. What? Didn't you see a show, too?

Did I see a show?

Didn't you see a show? Music. Music.

Yeah, I saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Already said that.

Oh, is that what you just said? Okay, sorry.

Did you open the wine already?

I know, dude. I should. Do you think that a juice cleanse. I mean, wine is like. I mean, grape is a juice. It's a fruit.

Yeah, it's good for you.

It's kind of like. Yeah, I should open some wine. Do you want me to go get it? Then I have to stand up and move.

Well, check this.

Although it's actually. Go ahead.

Well, check this out. Actually.

I was talking with the trainer, because I start with a personal trainer on the 8th on Tuesday for the next couple months because I hooked up with Muscle Milk and they're paying. They're paying for me to. To work out. Kind of like, you know, Jessica Simpson on Jenny Craig or something like that.

Exactly. They're paying you?

Yeah, they're paying me. They're paying me to work out. So I have to work out with their personal trainer.

And how many times a week?

I was asking the personal trainer, like, you know, what should I drink and stuff like that. And they did recommend wine that I drink wine.

You did?

Yeah. I mean, not get crazy.

It was in moderation, that moment.

In moderation, Right, Moderation, yeah.

So you gonna switch to wine now?

No, a nice zinfandel.

A zinfandel?

Yeah.

No, you should have like a. Well, I don't know if you like red or white. You don't like either? Because Menace always makes fun of me that, you know, that I like to drink wine so much. But that's cool. When do you start the trainer?

That's on the 8th of January.

Okay. And it's once a week. And then how much weight each?

No, it's three times a week.

Is that what you said? Three times a week? That's a lot. Menace, you're gonna go from zero to 60. You're gonna go three times a week?

Yeah, I can do. I'm that type of person, though. You know me, if I just want to do something and I just do it.

I know you do do it. Remember that time you were gonna eat at Starbucks every day for 30 days?

I wanted to, but then you just made fun. You were the only person that made fun of me then. I just didn't do it.

It's not healthy. What are you gonna get, like a muffin for breakfast and like a croissant?

No, they have. They actually have like, fruits and like chicken.

I know now they do, but then they didn't, I don't think. Anyway, I don't know.

You're oblivious.

So I'm oblivious and I'm living here in Venice Beach, California, as you know, for a few months. And it is friggin amazing, Menace. And I got to tell you, you. You have to come visit. It's like you do. One does get asked out here more than San Francisco. All things being equal, I lived there for a very long time. It's not that. People always say, when you're in a new city, then you carry this energy and people just know. No, it's like random people. Every time I'm at a grocery store, I told you that, like, literally, like it's a joke and then just random. Like my neighbor, I think I told you that some, these guys at the bar. The other, on New Year's Eve. We met a bunch of guys on New Year's Eve that were really like, fun and cute and local. This doesn't happen anywhere else, I swear to God.

No. And do you know What? You're in a good area now. Do you know why? Check this out. Google opened up an office in Venice beach, so.

That's what I heard.

Some young hot millionaires walking around.

Oh, how do we. How can we find them? There's got to be like a millionaire spotter or something. Like, can't they wear something so. I know.

Look for the guy that doesn't look like he has any money that's hanging out by.

Exactly. That's the problem.

That's the millionaire. Because the guy date that guy is Those guys, those.comers.

But he doesn't have money.

No, they got. The ones that have money don't dress like they have money. And the ones that want money drive the really fancy cars and wear the nice clothes and they're the ones that are not making that much money.

No, that's true. That's true. That you're right. Well, I'm fine. I'm not really looking for anyone and I don't have any time because I'm busy.

Busy. Okay.

But I like being as. I appreciate it. Okay, let's get into some. Let's get into sex trends from the year. Okay, so I wrote this blog post. You can find this on my website. But I think it's sex and dating trends in 2012. So here's just a few things that came up. 50 shades of gray.

Although that was a big phenomenon this year, it become more mainstream in 2012. We won't have to hear about 50 Shades of Gray as much in 2013, but they think the movie's gonna come out this year. So that was huge. Like, it wasn't just like a popular book. It was like people's relationships change. People saw that and they just started. It was. They used it as a tool to talk to their partner about what they want or they use it as tool to get divorced because they realized they weren't getting what they wanted. But it's pretty amazing. You know, I spoke with a library about it and I'm actually read both of them. There's three of them. I read two of them. So 50 shades of gray. Big phenomena. You know your girl didn't read it, right? No, no, no. You'd fucking kill her. Okay, so there's also.

What was I just gonna tell you something else?

Well, there's, you know. What. Do you know what I. What I think kind of died in 2012? The whole.

What? Tell me.

Let's talk about that discussion of anal sex. I think anal sex was really big in 2011. 2012.

Yep.

Kind of not as trendy. People didn't talk about it as much.

People didn't talk about anal sex.

You're right.

And, and no, no. Well, what would you say the biggest. I'm trying to think about the most popular emails we get. I mean, usually for a while we go through stages. We received a lot from virgins.

Well, I'm looking. Well, I'm looking through mainstream media and the, the sex toy was really big in 2013, I think with, you know, with Bravo, also with the Real Housewives. They always. Every single, like, not even Candy on Atlanta. There was like all these different shows that were, I know, in the mix. And that was always. That was really big and bringing into the mainstream audience.

I think so too. And now they say more than half of all American women have owned a vibrator. And then most 40% of those women have used it with their partner. And so that just means that they are becoming more mainstream for sure. And I mean, you can buy sex toys, I mean, but more. Well, this is brought to you by Sinclair Institute. Let me just say today's show is brought to you by Sinclair Institute. Friggin love Sinclair institute. And their DVDs are so awesome. Go to my website, click on Sinclair Institute. And they make these DVDs that are educational DVDs that are really smart, that are really like. But they're hot and they're people having sex. But they're informational, they're educational. Just like I told you. I ran into that guy when I was doing those interviews and I said, how did you learn about oral sex? And he said, I watched a DVD and it was probably from the Sinclair Institute. So people should check that out on my website. Click on Sinclair. Just go to sinclairinstitute.com but you get a special discount if you click on it through my website. As far as resolutions, go pick one of their hundreds of DVDs on any topic and learn that new trick. Anyway, I had to say that, so. Well, what were you saying?

Okay, there's two other trends I noticed too. And one of them.

There you go. Oh, you're so good. Yeah.

And one of them is guys and guys becoming more introverted and don't even. Who guys? Just guys in general.

Oh, guys in general are becoming more introverted.

Yeah. Where they're just like, I don't even want to deal with it. I'll just stay home and masturbate and watch porn. And that's becoming.

Do you think that people are delaying.

This is becoming a problem around the world. You Know, because your women are just too hard to freaking deal with.

Oh, God. You think there's a movement that people already just. They just realize that women are hard to deal with.

So, you know, my hand doesn't talk back to me, you know?

Oh, God.

It even gives me a high high five later.

And then I do think that. Yeah, what else?

And then another trend that I noticed over in the gay community because I have a lot of gay friends and the. This, the garage. It was the year of the Grindr. Grindr just went just everywhere.

That was last year.

No, but I think even this year it was just even bigger, like for the mainstream audience, for people outside the gay community to even be aware of Grindr, like, it went really, really big. And if people don't know what we're talking about is a gay location based app where you have an iPhone or a smartphone or whatever and you just turn it on and then it tells you all the other gay guys that have the same app on and you can just start chatting with them and hook up with them. So many of my gay friends hook.

Up with them on the spot.

Yeah, Just like right there. And it sucks that it wouldn't work for the freaking straight community, you know, because.

Yeah, it wouldn't work. It wouldn't be like, you're hot. Let's go home and bone chick. Yeah, Right there next to me.

There'd be like four girls for every 5,000 guys on there. It sucks.

I know, I know, I know, I know. It just. That's just a gay phenomenon. But that's what a lot of the young or old, whatever gay men want to do, they just don't want. They know that they want to have. Just have sex. Like, they hook it up. And then, yeah, Grindr, that was a big one. And then dating apps, my app, Sex Drive, came out this year. Oh, yeah, last year. Sex drive. I know I have to talk about sex Drive, you guys. It can. It can totally improve your sex life. You have to do it with your girlfriend. Menace. I know you won't, but literally there's a tip because he doesn't do anything like this. But every day you get a tip. So it's like your sex drive. Like, how's your sex drive? You can pledge. You can pledge at the drive that you want to do a sex drive. Anywhere from one to 30 days. You can pick the number of days. It's called Emily Sex Drive. Check it out. They give you one tip a day. Like give your partner a massage. And it's like one thing you can do every day that'll change your life, your relationship.

You know me, I'm very harsh on apps and I work for also work for an app company. So.

Yes.

And this app, and it's weird, it feels like we haven't talked about this app in a really long time.

I know we haven't. Okay.

It's done really, really well. It's super clean and I do recommend it.

Do you recommend it to people? Yeah.

Good.

Thank you. Menace. Sex with Emily's sex drive. Or Emily's sex drive is what it's called.

Yes.

And you can play with your partner. You both pledge on your iPhone to do it together. And it's like a fun little thing. And you know, why not search Emily's.

Sex drive in the Apple app store and check this out. You're never gonna give any love to the Android users. There's always. There's so many Android users out there. Emily.

No, dude, I just got an email from a guy who wants to do my Android. I mean if anyone know if anyone list develops Android apps, let me know. I've had a really hard time finding a good developer. It's not easy.

Try, try finding.

It is so hard.

Try finding a Windows developer. That's even harder.

Why so hard? Is it because we live in the Bay Area or like what the hell, they're just don't exist?

No, they, the people just the people that know how to do it, they got really high paying jobs, you know, they're not gonna do, you know, we're not millionaires so they're not going to do anything for us, you know.

Right. Totally. Totally. Okay, wait, what were you saying? I said totes, Totes, dude, totes. Let's get into. Oh wait, no. So some more trends. So I'm sorry, I'm all over the place because I just wish I was with you right now. Yeah. Miss you terribly. Okay, so I guess dating apps, tweeting people are tweeting away their dating woes. So everyone's like breaking up and doing everything online and Twitter and Facebook and social media and they see say that that Facebook number that people more marriages are affected by Facebook and get divorced. Do you think that's true like three out of like one out of five marriages?

Oh yeah. The number keeps on getting lower and lower every year. I remember two years ago when we first started talking about this, it was seven. Now it's down to four to five. It's just Facebook drama.

I mean it's so true. I think it's true.

Oh yeah, it's totally true because people just get super jealous, and you're connected with people that you really want to talk to in real life if you, you know, if you didn't have this connection with them online and, you know, some ex girlfriend makes a comment on your photo and your. Your significant other gets jealous, you know, it's so true.

I mean, it's just like. It's just weird to me that I can see every. Except for the ones that have defriended me, that I can see every guy I've ever dated. I can see their Facebook page. It's just like, I can see what they're doing, their vacation, their new girlfriends. Except for the last few have defriended me after which I don't know what that says about me. They didn't. They didn't all go down that well, I guess. The relationships. It was a while ago, anyway. It's funny when you realize someone defends you. It's kind of a funny moment. You're like, oh, I thought we were. I guess not.

I thought we were cool.

I thought we were. Me and you were gonna, you know, I thought we were gonna stay friends. I said, let's be friends. Still, I only feel for you like a friend. Whatever I said, it didn't work. And they defriended me, so that's okay. Okay, so we can move into some emails before we get to some changes. I'm not going to use the word resolution anymore, but I'm going to give some suggestions to you about how you can truly improve your sex life and your romantic life in 2013, because it's time. Magnus is going to the gym and I'm juicing, and I'm also going to make a pledge about my sex life and so is Menace when we get there.

All right.

Okay. Ready?

Yes.

Emails. Hi, Emily. I recently discovered your podcast and I love them. I can't stop listening. My question isn't exactly a question. My hubby and I have been together for 12 years, and we are perfect together in every way, but we sexually don't match up. His large penis hits things that hurt me fairly often, especially when I'm in any sort of doggy style. But that is a position that works best for him. Missionary works best for me, but not very well for him. He says he doesn't get enough grab for him this way. Yes. It takes us this long to figure out why we've never seemed to be great in bed. Any suggestions on positions that would work for both of us? Any help I would really appreciate since we're only in our 30s and hopefully have many more years of sex ahead of us. So he has a large penis. This happens.

Oh, poor me. My man's penis is so big. Oh, no, honey, no.

Women. Women experience serious pain. It's not a joke. Don't laugh. Okay? No. Okay, so this is what I got to say about the big penis thing. Okay? It's hard when you just feel like you want to just get like, first of all, this happens, okay? Madness. I know a lot of men, like, oh, my God. Really? Like, oh, I'm just too pretty. I'm too thin. I have too big of a penis. It falls into that category. But this is a serious medical thing. Like, this can really hurt women, and they can't have sex with their partner, and it's a total bummer. I mean, you think it wouldn't be as, you know, as a guy, but it is. So if you. You got to communicate with him more, you know that it hurts, let him know when it's. And you should also spend a lot of time having foreplay before you have sex. Most women don't only. Not only love foreplay, but they also need to get ready. They needed to get ready for sex. So once you have. Once you're feeling aroused and you're ready to have his penis inside you, so you need to be really aroused, because then you'll be more lubricated. You can also add in a lubricant. So you need to use lots of lubricant and pick. You're asking about positions, so pick positions that incorporate a shallow thrusting. So shallow thrusting is great because he won't hit your cervix, which is what's happening right now with his giant penis, and it will hopefully be considered less painful. And plus, the outer third of a woman's vagina is the most sensitive. So shallow thrusting can also stimulate the G spot if you orgasm that way. Also, women on top position, very good for shallow thrusting because you can control how deep he penetrates. You can move in circular motions as you go up and down his penis. And yeah, that's what I gotta say. Those are a few shallow positions. And I would just say keep communicating about it. If you need to use a vibrator during sex, you can go to goodvibes.com and check them out on our website, Good Vibrations. Check out my store at all the toys that I recommend, because there's some amazing toys that you can use during intercourse on your clitoris, which is how most women need more clitoral stimulation. So if you use one of these little cute handheld vibrators and you put it. You won't even know you're using it. Not that he cares. He shouldn't care. But it will help you get there. Manus, what do you do about your big penis?

I slow down.

Slow down.

Even though I don't want to. You know, you just slow down for a long time. You gotta slow down, let them get to where they want to be. And then you go to Pound Town.

Then you go to Pound Town. Oh, my God. Menace, that's probably. I get more credit from Pound Town. Like everyone says that. Now, I don't take the credit. I attribute it to you. But I think it's the best thing I've ever heard. Okay. Dear Emily, what'd you say?

You gotta take him to Pound Town.

I know, I know. I wanna go to Pound Town. Maybe I'll go tonight. It's the weekend. What are you doing tonight?

Tonight I'm gonna go have steak at Ruth. Chris, are you jealous?

I'm so jealous because I'm drinking my green juice right now. I'm gonna be really healthy though, okay? Cause that's how it goes. Okay. Dear Emily, I've been wanting to date this guy for years now, but he's very shy and I don't know how to break him of it. Is there something that I could do to help him not be shy? He's a really nice guy. Any tips? P.S. love your podcast. Okay. Love, Diane. Okay, Diane, here's the deal. Shy guys, I think that you have to make the first move. So first you have to just. It takes a while sometimes for people just to get comfortable. You can find out what he's interested in, engage in relevant activities. For example, if he likes comic books, you can go to comic book store together. If he likes motorcycles, whatever. And then that will give him the chance to talk about a subject that he likes. And then you guys can start engaging. Because most shy people, when you say menace, are shy, but once, like with their friends. Friends, they're not shy. So you have to get them to a comfortable place.

Yeah.

And he might be shy because he likes you as well. When you've died, when you were so shy, Menace. And like a girl asked you out. I mean, they didn't as much, right?

No, not at all. And then they should. I mean, if they know girls know that a guy likes them. Come on. And they just sit around and wait for a guy to make a move. But if a guy is shy, he's so stupid. He doesn't Know, he doesn't know if you like him or not. Just, you know, give him a window, hold his hand. Just like, you know, just. Just like embrace him and say it's okay.

Oh, that's all.

That's all you gotta do. And guys will then be confident enough to make a move. But if you, you know, just. We're oblivious. Okay, I'm sorry.

I know men are oblivious. They can't read the sides from women. We've heard this. I've said this a million times on the show that men, literally. A scientific study came out that showed. A psychological study or whatever, that men tested men and women. Men can't. Are not as good as adept at reading cues from women. So if you're a woman chick listening to this and there's a guy and you're like, why doesn't he ask me out? Whatever, he might not even know. He might not even occur to him that you think he's cute and that you're into, like. He just. Guys don't know. I'm not saying all men, but many men. And you're right, a lot of girls, we can just wait for the guy to ask us out. But that's not always the case if you're super shy. I mean, how many times did you kick yourself in the head menace when you were younger and you were shy?

Oh, my God, so many missed opportunities. So many. And thing is, if you take a chance and a girl says, no, you're not gonna die. Nothing bad's gonna happen to you. You're fine. And you don't want to be that girl's friend anyways. You want more than being a friend. So don't say, oh, I might lose my friendship. Shut up. You don't even want to be.

Shut up.

You don't even want to be her friend.

Stop.

I agree. Especially when you're younger. Like, men and women are not, like, friends to be friends. Like, they want to bang. So it's. If he's talking to you and he's giving you any time, I would say that he's probably interested and you got to make the move.

You would like to put your penis in her vagina.

What?

You'd like to put. You say you would like to put your penis in her vagina.

Yes. You like to put your penis in her vagina.

I should drink more beer while doing this show. What do you think?

You should drink more beer. Where are you getting beer? At the office.

Yeah. This Friday.

I want to work there. It's tgif, baby. I'm so glad it's Friday. I'm so friggin excited. It's going to be warm here and I'm going to ride my bike and I'm going to go to yoga and I'm going to.

Go on the beach and I'm going to walk my dog and it's going to be awesome.

Oh hey.

Okay. I'm just telling. Hey. Okay. Dear Emily, I recently started listening to your wonderful podcast. My boyfriend of I have been dating. My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months. We had, we first had sex after two months I was his girlfriend and first time having sex before the fun. He was firm on saving sex for marriage, but he caved that one night. Now five months later, he is still terrified of having a child. He was raised very Christian and I feel as if he wasn't educated well about sex. I've tried telling him my opinion, but he has strong self control. I feel as if every time we're hooking up I crave penetration and I can't get it off my mind. How can I let myself be satisfied without the sex? At this point I feel so sexually frustrated, I don't know what to do. If you have any advice for my lacking sex life, I'd be forever grateful, sincerely longing for intimacy.

Wow. So you know, the way people are raised, people, it's his religion. In this case, she's specifically stating that it is his religious background. It can really have a huge impact on our sex lives, on how we view sex, how often we want to have sex, how we feel bad about it or good about it. And a lot of that has to do with religion. There's a lot of other things that can mess people up around sex. But if his background, and he was raised that way, I mean, I guess you just have to respect it. Does he? You know, you may want to talk to him about your actual risks of getting pregnant as well. If you're taking birth controls and he's wearing a condom, it's unlikely that you're going to become pregnant. So if that's really the reason why he's like, I had a boyfriend like that. He said he was so terrified until he was like in college about having sex because he was afraid that if he like sneezed near a woman, he was gonna get her pregnant. Like if he just fooled around with her, he's gonna get her pregnant. And you were afraid of that too, weren't you?

I was the same exact way. I was like, am I, was I your boyfriend in college? Because my mom Scared the hell out of me because my mom, Right. My mom was a teenage, you know, teen mom, so she didn't want me to do the same thing. So she's like, if you're gonna have sex, you're gonna get a girl pregnant, and you're gonna have to pay for that child for the rest of your life.

Oh, my God.

And then did you.

Did it scare you? Did it scare you from having sex?

It did scare me from having sex because I could have had sex a couple times before I actually did.

And you were literally afraid they were gonna get pregnant.

Yeah.

It sucks.

So I feel like. I mean, I don't know. She doesn't mention how long. Longing for intimacy. I don't know how old you are, but I just think that, I mean, take it. So you don't want to pressure him into doing anything, but if it's really, like, I wonder if it's impacting other parts of his life too, as well, if he's more closed down about things. So if he's got problems with it or conflicts, he could also see a therapist and talk about it. Because if he's got problems now with it, like, I'm wondering, does he do everything but penetration? And, I don't know. I mean, there's some literature he could read, and you might just have to wait till you get married. If you get married. But if you get really full of frustrated, like, I wouldn't suggest that you can talk him into it again. I would suggest that you just explain the thing about pregnancy. Taking the pill, 99% effective, and using condoms. That's what I say to that.

Yeah.

Right on.

Condoms, baby. Okay, that's my resolution. I'm gonna use more condoms. And no, I'm kidding. Okay? I always use condoms. 2013. What do you want to change about your life, your romantic life? Easing into the new year? What do you want to. What do you want? Like, what do you want to see differently? If you look at your relationship right now and you think, you know, I really wish that we had more sex more frequently or we've been to the movies more or that I dated online, you know, any of that. And just like, what is something that you want to change about where you're at right now in your life? So I call it the year of asking for what you want, because I think we should all just get what we want in the new year. So Madison's gonna tell you what his is in a minute, but. So this is one tip. Online dating. This is a huge one because it Comes up.

Remember when there was a stigma. Madness with online dating?

Yeah. Not anymore.

Not anymore. No stigma. Everyone's doing it. So my friend Charlotte, who was here over the holiday she went. That was her. Her commitment in the new year. She was gonna get online, and she already has gone on two dates with guys that she met on plenty of fish.

How many people have she slept with so far?

None. She's not slept with any of them. She hasn't even kissed them. One she didn't like, another one she liked, and she's like, I don't know why I never did this. I always thought. And she works a lot. So I just think if you're gonna do it, the stigma's gone. Join any dating site and you're probably not. You're probably, you know, you just. It's a numbers game. You'll be meeting more people. So I think you should do that. Okay. My next thing. Commitment that you should all. You could all explore as. As an as you are enhancing your. Your romantic life in 2013 is sex toys. Like we talked about earlier, more than half of all Americans own a vibrator. So some of my favorite suggestions. If you've never owned one, like, and you could get these all@good vibes.com, go to my website. The Mimi rechargeable waterproof vibrator. Remember the Mimi? I talked about it for so long. These are like my favorite ones from last year. The Lelo Siri Pleasure object. And then those are two really good ones for having sex. And then there's the I Vibe pocket rocket. I love pocket rockets. Or a Mystic Wand vibrator. And then of course, Jimmy Jane. We love Jimmy Jane the form too. Those are all great to start with. They're great for you to start masturbating with if you've never used one. But those are also great to use during intercourse. So that could be one of your resolutions for the new year. One thing that you're going to change. Okay. The next is communicate. If you're unsatisfied with your sexual relationship, talk to your partner about what you want in the bedroom. Tell your partner what? Because telling your partner what you want in the bedroom is crucial for good sex. There's nothing else that matters than communicating. Because men are not mind readers. Women are not mind readers. Just because a guy's last girlfriend likes something doesn't mean he's gonna. They're gonna like it now. And I just think. And I thought, this is my admission menace. This is my. This is what I'm going to Work on in my romantic life in the new year. Okay. And this is a big. This is a big admission I'm going to make right now.

All right?

It has to do with communication. So I'm just going to give mine up now. Okay. I think it's. Maybe it's ironic, but maybe it's not because, you know, those. Those who can't teach, do or whatever. Those who can't. The point is I'm not great at communicating about sexual with. When I'm in a relationship, I'm okay. I do it more than the average person. But I still. Emily. Sex with Emily, who's been doing this for eight years and has read every sex book and taught. Teaches people to do this. I still get uncomfortable every time, and I probably don't do it enough. Talk about what I want in bed because I'm telling you that it is a very hard thing to do. And I'm going to pledge, pledge that I'm going to every month bring something up. If I'm with someone or even if I'm with someone new, I'm still with this guy. But if I'm with someone new, I'm going to tell them straight out what I need. I'm not even gonna mess around. No waiting time before you tell. Why have one episode of bad sex, tell your partner right away what you want, and it's hard. That's all I'm saying. That's why I've admitted that I have a hard time with it, too, but I do it. It's like ripping off a band aid. Honey, you need to go down on me more. You just like that.

Honey, pass the salt. And you need to perform oral sex on me. Menace, did you want to chime in with yours yet, or would you still like a few more minutes to think about it?

No, no, I. Probably. Communication, of course.

Okay.

I think that would be big for me in 2013. You know, it's usually just.

I agree.

In the bedroom, it's usually just like, you know, hand signals, not actual verbal communication.

Right.

And then.

Think, you know, just better time management with your.

With your ejaculation.

With my ejaculations, yes. No, no. Well, I don't know. I. I'm trying to figure that out because before I'll just, like, go forever, then I was like, oh, I don't really have to go forever anymore. You know, I don't really have. I don't really have to do that. I don't really have to show that I can go a long time.

No, not if she has an orgasm. Does she have an orgasm?

Yeah. So I'm like, all right. Because, you know, I used to, like, I used to be put in work, but now I don't have to. I don't really have to put in that much work.

No, honey, if she can have an orgasm quickly, I mean, a lot of women, it is. Has been what you're calling work. But women. It's not as easy for women to have orgasms. So men have to, you know, sometimes work at it. But that's why I'm telling you, bring in a sex toy if you're with a guy who doesn't really want to work either, but hopefully most guys want to. But that's good, men. As if she's. You need to be with someone who can orgasm quickly.

Yes.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to talk about your sex life like that publicly, that everyone knows she orgasms quickly, but I think. No.

No. I mean, no, I don't mind having sex for a long time, but I. I don't like it where it feels like I'm going a long time because I'm trying to get her there, and it's taking me too long to make that happen. That's where it becomes work, you know?

Right.

If we're having sex for a long time or we're both having fun and then we both get to that point, then cool. But if it feels like, oh, man, I'm. I'm really putting in effort to try to make it happen and it's not happening, then that. That sucks, you know?

Yeah. That you feel bad like that she didn't orgasm.

Right.

But does she get mad or anything? Does she ever say anything if she doesn't?

No.

She always does. Okay.

No.

Well, these are the kind of conversations that.

What you know, who you're dealing with. I'd run things around here. I'm just kidding.

Okay.

You're funny.

Okay. So the next thing on our list of things we can improve on these are suggestions that you can enhance your romantic life. Is sex or something. Sexercising. So we know our favorite Kaggle exercises. I've got an iPhone app called Kaggle camp, and you can buy it in the itunes store. Eventually, we will have it for the droid, but it reminds you to do your sex. It's my voice walking you through your exercises every day for five minutes a day. They're for men and women. They help women have longer, stronger orgasms than men. They help men last longer. Menace doesn't have that problem. But so Check it out. You can also do them on your own. You don't need me, but you don't need my app. But every doctor will do tell you that it will improve your sex life to do these Kegel exercises. Squeezing your PC muscles.

You know, it's like your p stopping muscles when you're stopping and starting the floor. Also in this exercise category would be health. The healthy you are menace. I bet you're going to be banging up a wall in a good way, whatever that means. When you start working out three days a week, you're going to feel awesome.

Oh yeah, dude. When I was working out and I was fit, I was banging like all the time.

Was that like 15 years ago?

No, it was like four years ago.

Yeah, see you're gonna want to. It's gonna be amazing because you gotta be healthy. So part you'll notice this if you're in a relationship and the sex life is stagnant, you can, you might be because you've, you know, you're not that healthy. You're not eating healthy, you're not exercising. Another commitment in the new year. Foreplay. Kiss more, touch more. Make it all last longer. Remember, most women not only love for play, but they need it.

So those are some of my suggestions for you in the new year. I've got a few, we'll go in a second. But another thing I was thinking about is sleep with people who make you feel good about yourself. Make that decision that you're just not going to sleep with someone to sleep with someone, but someone who makes you feel good about who you are and try to have oral sex more. This is particularly for our partner's mask. Your mask dot com. M A S Q U E. These friggin Listerine, they're like Listerine strips that you put on your tongue. Menace, right? You know them and they taste like strawberry or watermelon or chocolate. You literally, if you're a woman that doesn't like the taste of semen or you don't like the taste of a penis in your mouth, you put like a list, you put one of these strips in your mouth and it tastes like, like a chocolate cake. It's like tastes like you're having a strawberry parfait. But oh, his penis is in my mouth. I didn't even know it. So it's like try out mask your mask dot com. It rocks. And I would say more oral sex for you in the new year could be a good thing too. You could also try out a try new positions like we talked about. Earlier, that woman who was having problems, we talked about them varying up the missionary position. And there's just buy my book hot sex, over 200 things. You can try tonight and it'll give you lots of ideas because I'm not going to get into that right now. Okay, that's what we got time for today. How's that, Menace?

I love it.

You love it?

I love it. I want you to come back soon, even though I don't think you are.

I miss you a lot. Oh, one more. I'm sorry, can I say. I want to say one more tip before we say goodbye. This is all over the place, but I think that you should watch an adult film together. It is. He might be watching porn without you, she might be watching it out without him, but watch a sexy movie together. Because just like 50 Shades of Grey, just like listening to this podcast with your partner, it stimulates conversation. So it's not like you have to sit there and just watch it and not have sex or have sex.

There's no rules.

You can be like, oh, do you like when she does that? Or do. You could learn things from it. But it doesn't have to be a solo activity. And there are study. I just read a study yesterday that talked about how porn helped women who have lower sex drive. It helps get them going. So my suggestion is Sinclair Institute. Their DVDs make you better at trying new things and pleasing your partners. They've got the Sexploration series and expanding sexual boundaries. You use coupon code Emily, 50 for 50 off. That's at the Sinclair Institute. And I try to mention that because I've been watching a lot of porn for school. So I'm really into DVDs right now, sexual DVDs. And I've been getting horny. But thank God I have all my sex toys here. All right, that's really all we have time for now.

All right.

Okay, Menace, I love you. Thanks, everyone, for listening to sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

Hey, guys, can I ask you a question? How are your balls feeling right now? Are they super clean and dry? Does your partner complain or is not always willing to go downtown? If so, I've got something for you. I've just launched a new product called Down Under Comfort from my brand, Emily and Tony. It's really unique. It's a cream to tapioca powder formula that is designed to keep men fresh and clean down under or wherever they need. And girls can use it too. Under their breasts, their lower back anywhere they want to stay fresh. So how Keep this podcast free and your balls dry. Use Code Emily to get 20% off your first purchase. Check them out today@emilyandtoni.com Trust me and you're welcome.

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