SWE: Best & Worst Dates

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they called them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? 'Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my. Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, that feels so good. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can have all your sex questions answered and listen to hundreds upon hundreds of amazing podcasts that you can masturbate to. You can masturbate to them if you'd like. Whatever turns you on, whatever floats your boat, is fine with me. Yeah, yeah, baby. Happy Hump Day.

Happy Hump Day for you too.

I hope you hump today.

It feels like, yeah, you were saying before we started the show that we haven't done a show together in a while.

Right, because it was Memorial Day.

Yeah, so we had extended holiday.

Extended holiday.

What the hell happened with you? What did you do?

It was awesome. I, well, of course I worked a lot, but Saturday night, this guy that I dated before the guy that I'm dating now had a birthday party.

I already don't like this, the start of this sentence.

And I took my current guy to my ex's birthday party. Party.

What?

And it was fine. We all got along. We had a great time.

Why are you putting through all this torture?

I don't know. He was already jealous of the guy, remember?

Yeah. Why would you do that?

Because I wanted to go to his birthday party.

How many ex-girlfriend parties have you taken, uh, has he taken you to?

One.

Really?

His ex is like his best friend, and he's like the mother of her godmother— god— father to her child.

Oh, come on.

Come on, when you live this long, you're in San Francisco, you date someone for a while, you become friends, and then you just bring your new lovers to the party. It is weird, but that's what I did. And then there's a lot going on right now. Also, there's the 75th anniversary of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Oh yeah, the fireworks.

I watched the fireworks. Did you watch them?

Yeah, I can see them from my house. I actually can see the Golden Gate Bridge from the window from my house, which is kind of cool.

That's awesome.

I've come up in the world.

You have come up in the world.

Yeah.

That's really nice. My friend has a place right there where you could see the bridge too. So he drove down there and watched the fireworks to celebrate our favorite bridge. And I did that. And then I, yeah, basically just like worked and preparing for Misadvised, which is airing on June 18th. The promos are playing like mad on Bravo TV.

I know, it's crazy. It's all the time. I would like text you and call you every time they played it.

I know, mine's like, it's on again. It's on again.

It's on again. I saw it.

And my mom saw it for the first time.

Oh no. Uh-huh.

Is she scared? She's like, you're cute. You were dancing in your kitchen. No, she wasn't scared. She liked it.

Your brother, is your brother prepared? Because he's gonna have a big segment in there.

He is gonna have, my brother's got a big segment in there. My whole family's very, very excited about the show. So we're talking about my reality show, Miss Advised, on June 18th, which is airing very soon. And my birthday's coming up, having a big party tomorrow night. Are you coming to the kegel kegger?

Tomorrow, yes. I will make it out there.

Okay, it's 7 to 10, dude. You can do that. If you're in San Francisco tomorrow night, go to Project One. It's 251 Rhode Island Street. And I'm having a kegel kegger. It is sponsored by Good Vibrations, which— who's awesome. They're one of our sponsors, and you don't have to do kegels or kegger, but there is going to be alcohol and stuff like that. Yeah, it'll be fun.

Oh man, um, you were telling me also before the show, speaking of the television show, that you had a bunch of interviews.

Yes, I had a press interview this morning.

Junket.

Junket.

Yeah, how'd that go? Because I usually delete those, so I wanted know, uh, what type of people were interviewing you.

Okay.

It was like, did they have lame questions or was it actually good? No, no, no, no.

It was good. It was like 9 papers. It was like Hollywood Reporter, Access Hollywood, um, Detroit Free Press and the New York Daily Post, Daily News, like a bunch of big papers.

Yeah. That's good.

Yeah.

I'm excited about Access Hollywood. I love them.

Yeah. I know. And so they asked us all, there was the 3 of us. Um, there's 3 women on the show, Amy, Julia, myself.

Mm-hmm.

And they interviewed us. They asked questions like, what's your biggest, your number one piece of dating advice that you'd give to someone?

You're all on the phone at the same time?

Yeah, but they, we each took turns.

Oh, okay.

So it was a conference call and we're on the phone at the same time. They said, what's your number one piece of dating advice? What'd you learn from this? What makes you an expert? Which everyone asks me.

You just said, just say yes to everything.

I just say I have hands-on experience and that's why I'm an expert.

Very handsy.

Very hands-on experience. But it was super fun. And I thought it was interesting when they said, you know, what's your number one dating advice? What's your number one piece of dating advice? They asked each one of us.

And that is?

Mine was, what I said was, be confident. Confidence is the sexiest thing for men and women. And if you don't embody confidence, then you should make it your life work to become more confident and love yourself. Because if you don't love yourself, no one else is gonna love you.

Yeah. No, that's totally true. Women love confidence.

A confident man is so sexy. I just got wet thinking about it. I swear to God.

You always see the guy at the bar. You always see the guy at the bar and you're like, well, how's this guy pulling all these chicks? You know, you might not find him attractive, but he's just pulling chicks left and right. It's because he's confident. He's not afraid to go talk to people.

Not afraid. Not afraid. You gotta be confident. You gotta embody yourself, be you, whatever. And then, um, so what did the other girls say? I don't remember what they said. My advice was the best. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, so then of course, yeah, exactly. What would you, what'd you do? Did you go back to Vegas or something?

No Vegas. I actually, and it's funny because somebody tweeted about this I had to do an appearance at a junkyard in my hometown of Newark, California. And appearance is basically, you know, they pay me to go out there and I tell everybody to come out and check it out and stuff like that. The junkyard is called Pick and Pull and people like just go there.

Yeah.

And they just pick and pull parts. It was pretty hilarious, but then I just like, so I just did like a grand tour. Of, uh, my old neighborhood.

How was it? The old bar?

Yeah, it was cool. I mean, a lot of my friends were in town because of the weekend, so we just got all together and we reminisced about a lot of stuff, all the good drunken times that we had.

And they have like a playground named after you or something?

No, but people have been trying to get the key of the city for me.

You got to.

Yeah, that'd be cool. I actually talked to the mayor about it and the mayor said that he's talking to the city the city manager because they've only done it twice in the history of the city of Newark, California.

Oh my God, that'd be a big deal.

It would be a big deal.

What would you do with that key?

Oh, just wear it as a chain up in the club. I'm like, I got the key to the city.

Up in the club.

I got the key to the city, bitch.

That's cool, baby. I hope you get that.

Yeah. So, and then I watched two movies. I saw, I saw, what is it? Dark Shadows. Which was good. It's Johnny Depp. It's basically like an Addams Family type thing. I enjoyed it. I liked it. And then I saw The Dictator.

Oh, was that good? I want to see that.

It has some funny dialogue here and there.

Okay, but not great.

Not the greatest. So I'm still trying to get The Avengers and Men in Black down, but I haven't had time for that.

Who's got time to watch all the movies they want to watch? I want to watch everything.

And then this weekend I have a major concert that my work is throwing.

Oh, is this the big one? Oh, right. It's always my birthday weekend.

Yeah, and then the next day, Sunday, I'm flying out to Disneyland for the day, just for the day. Uh, because I get to go to the, uh, Pixar Cars, uh, they're opening Cars Land. I get to go check that out. Oh, that's cool. That's fun. I'll be there for 12 hours.

Any dates?

Uh, no dates.

Okay, because today's show, we're going to be talking about 10 cheap date ideas. "Summertime Now: There's Some Cheap Things You Can Do," and "The 10 Worst Date Ideas." Okay.

Please don't tell me fly a kite. Wasn't we, we talked about, like there was some similar—

Some good ideas.

Yeah, some good ideas. And somebody brought up fly a kite. Are you serious?

Like go to the baseball field? It's a bad idea if it's a beautiful day.

You are not the one that would do that.

Stop it. I wouldn't wanna fly a kite, I know. And it's my birthday, my birthday's Saturday.

I know.

So I think I'm gonna get some big, you're not gonna be here, but I think I'm gonna get, I mean, tomorrow night I have my big party, That's like a big party. And then Saturday day, I think I'm gonna do a picnic in the park. Picnic in the park? Yeah, that to me is a perfect birthday.

Okay.

With all my buddies. So, okay, I've got a little bit of sex in the news for ya.

What is going on?

Okay. Student's sex video shown at graduation.

No!

It was only a matter of time. A student in Denmark shared a lot about his high school experience when a videotape of him having sex was played during his graduation. The hidden camera video footage lasting 30 seconds was of him having sex with an unidentified girl. It played during a photo slideshow presentation in front of 400 shocked attendees. It probably was a prank, right? I'm sure it was a prank.

Oh, of course. I don't think he would probably do it himself.

No, that's horrible. That's like traumatic. That's trauma. He's gonna be like in the institution or something after that.

Yeah.

That's traumatic. Okay. Sparked siege in England. 15 heavily armed officers were called in to control a man allegedly wielding a firearm in his England home. The armed cop was wearing bulletproof vests and carrying machine guns. The weapon the man was packing turned out to be a dildo as he was in the middle of a domestic quarrel with his wife. He was charged with possession of an imitation firearm. Okay, meanwhile, this is the third story we've had in two weeks about people attacking cops with dildos. I don't know if it's a trend, if it's the quickest thing you got around that looks menacing. I'm not sure, but that seems to be a trend lately.

I think it was Philadelphia. Did you hear about the two naked guys and the one naked guy was trying to bite the other naked guy's face off?

No.

Yeah.

What? No. With a dildo?

No, he was just biting his face off and they were just naked in the middle of the city.

I didn't hear that story.

It was all over.

Dude.

Geez.

You know I don't know stuff like that.

Google it, people.

I gotta Google it.

Man bites face off naked.

Oh my god, did he bite the face off?

Uh, yeah, I think he bit some pieces off and they started shooting the guy and the guy didn't even react. He must have been like high on PCP or something like that.

What would PCP do?

PCP makes people do crazy stuff like that. There was this one famous rapper— well, not too famous, but he was decently famous. But anyways, he was high on PCP and he killed his roommate and started eating his roommate and they found him in the middle of the street. Street all bloody and naked. Like, that stuff makes you go crazy.

So what is the PCP derivative? What is it exactly? Hallucinogenic?

Yeah, I think it's like—

oh my God, remind me not to take any PCP.

Oh my God, there's a new, um, speaking about PCP and drug— hardcore drugs and stuff like that, there's a television show. I know you, you're not big into TV, but hey, you're gonna be on television, so you're gonna start enjoying TV. There's an absolute amazing show for women called Girls. It's on HBO.

Oh, I've been dying to see it.

It is, it's awesome. It's about like hipsters in New York and their sex life and stuff like that, but it's really, really good. And there's a lot of bunch of awkward sex scenes and stuff like that.

That's what I heard.

Yeah, there was this one that I just watched where there's a main character, the girl, she was visiting her parents and her parents were having sex in the shower and the dad like fell over and hit his head and passed out. So she had to walk in while the parents were naked and like help them out.

Oh my God.

She was like, put a towel on your penis.

That is so crazy. That movie, I mean, that TV show has gotten such great reviews. Yeah. I don't have HBO though.

Oh, gotta get HBO.

HBO, it's on the list. It's on the list.

Yeah. So if you do have HBO, check out the television show Girls. It's on, It's on demand.

Is it?

Yeah, yeah. So you can just catch it.

Can I get on demand HBO if I don't have HBO? Maybe.

Maybe you can pay per episode. I'm not sure. Maybe you can download it. You can maybe download it from iTunes. How about that?

Oh, download!

Solving problems for you.

You can download anything from iTunes, right? You do solve problems for me. You're amazing. OK, well, I'll do that. So we've got some emails from the people. If you'd like to hear them.

Oh my God, I totally skipped over the part, the whole reason I brought that up.

What?

So they're at this warehouse party in New York.

Girls?

Girls, yeah. And they're all like, you know, being hipsters and stuff like that. And one of the girls thought she was smoking marijuana, but she actually smoked salvia that had crack in it and she just went crazy.

Oh my God.

And, and One of her friends was like chasing after her, like through the city of New York. And the girl like totally like took off her pants. So she was like naked the waist below. And finally the guy caught up to her and she's like, get the fuck away from me and kicked him in the nuts. And he like fell on the ground.

Oh my God.

But the creator of the show, she's like, this is an actual experience that happened. Like our friend thought she was smoking marijuana and she actually smoked crack and she went crazy.

Oh my God. That's crazy. Freaking hilarious. Be careful. Trust who you smoke the marijuana from.

Watch the show. You'll love it. There's a lot of nude scenes and sex scenes.

I wish to do TV with Emily soon.

Soon, yeah.

Yeah, 'cause I really do love her.

It'd be like a side podcast.

Yeah, it'd be a short show 'cause I'd be like, nope, didn't see that. Nope, didn't see that.

Sorry, missed it. No, I was drinking wine in Sonoma. Didn't know anything.

Didn't wanna stop drinking wine with my mom.

I haven't seen the news in 3 weeks.

I know, I didn't know the guy ate the guy's face. Okay, we've got some emails from the people, you know, you can always email us at feedback@sexwithemily.com, and we try to get to all your emails that are interesting.

All right.

Unless they're not interesting. No, usually they're all great. Hi Emily, first of all, I wish you the best on the new Bravo show. I hope you get the chance to answer the questions, this question for me if you could. On a show a few weeks ago, you addressed alpha males versus beta males. You said that secretly alphas are threatened or jealous of betas. 'Can you tell me why that is specifically? I've always considered myself a Dean Martin rather than a Frank Sinatra, who is a prime example of an alpha. I found that some guy friends are jealous and threatened by me, which has me really puzzled because I'm a very modest man and don't have a jealous bone in my body. I wish the best for you and really enjoy your show. I've been a listener since your early days on the radio in '07, so I'm thrilled by your success.' Wow. 'Take care, Frank.' Oh, Frank, thanks for listening since '07. That was a long time ago. That's about the time I met Madison.

It was actually. It's around the same time.

Okay, so we said that alphas are threatened or jealous of betas. I don't remember, I might have said that, but I think that the whole thing between the alpha and the beta male was that the alpha male is the, you know, the dominant guy who's like got the attitude and whatever, and that he is threatened or jealous of betas maybe just because they truly, it's just a front and they're really truly insecure. And so they are threatened by the beta males because they feel more like they should have some more of those qualities. If you're a total alpha male, you're kind of always putting on a front. Like, I don't think that you're really real. You know, you wanna see a more real side to them. So if you're always acting this front, like, I'm so alpha, I'm so alpha, there might be a part of you that is envious of the guys who are more, you know, a beta male. They are more sensitive to women. They're more, you know, available. They're just all the things that you're not. So we often get threatened by what isn't our own, what we don't possess in ourselves. That's what makes us jealous. We look at someone else, we think, oh, I want that. So maybe I was just saying that alphas are, you know, sometimes threatened because they're like, you know, I'd like to be more like that because I don't, I don't possess those skills. But, um, but it sounds like you're an alpha and you're not jealous. That's good. You don't have a jealous bone in your body. I don't have a jealous bone in my body either. I'm not a jealous person. And some people live their life like ruled by jealousy. And I just think it's, it's It just wreaks havoc on your life to be a jealous person.

Yeah, and you don't even want to be around a jealous person at all.

No, I can't stand the jealousy.

It's so annoying.

I know, but so many people—

Well, with you, oh my God, it would never work out if you had to date somebody that was jealous.

No, I can't date a jealous guy.

It would be over in 5 minutes.

Oh, I've done it. I've done it, and it doesn't work at all because I'm flirt—

So flirtatious.

You were there at the park that day that I got flirtatious and got in trouble.

Oh my God.

I know, it's bad.

It's the worst. Mm-hmm.

Mm.

But frankly, thank you for your kind words. I would be annoyed by it.

I know, you'd be annoyed. I'm annoying today.

And I'm not even a jealous person.

But I make people jealous because I'm just flirty and open and touchy and feely. And it doesn't mean that I wanna sleep with you. It just means that I'm like affectionate and you have to be someone who's super, super confident to date me. And I think I found someone like that.

Good.

For now.

It's good.

It's all good.

Yeah, so you're gonna get married?

So I hope I answered that. No, I'm not getting married.

You found the person that's gonna deal with your flirtatious stuff. Gonna get married, gonna have a kid. Yeah. Yeah, it's all gonna happen.

Stay tuned. Okay, hi Emily, this is Jeremy. I heard you a couple times and have to say you guys are really doing great. Keep up the good work. I'm 47 and a few months ago met a beautiful young woman at a club hanging out. We got along really well, of course, and ended up having sex that night. I've been seeing her regularly since then, and although initially just used her for sex, I now think I really love her. And I don't wanna lose her. The problem is that she's less than half my age. She's 22 and she thinks I'm in my 30s. Eventually, oh, he's 47. Eventually she will find out I'm not. What should I do? If I tell her the truth, will she freak out? How should I go about it? Please help. Jeremy from Amman, Jordan.

Has he, I wonder if he's said that he's a certain age.

I don't know. I'm wondering, wow. I mean, that is a huge age difference. And the truth is you've got to be honest.

You look, if you're 47 and you look like you're in your 30s, damn.

Good for you. I mean, like, like, good for you. But now you're in love with her. I think you have to tell her sooner than later, cuz it's the elephant in the room. I mean, she might not be wanting to settle down. She might not, you guys are in totally different places. In fact, you're different generations. And so I think the sooner you tell her, but you might be surprised, you know, age gaps have worked in relationships before and she might say, you know what, that's fine with me. But she also, she might not be okay with it. So I think that she might freak out if you tell her the truth, but you still have to do it. Don't you think?

Uh, yeah. I mean, if you don't want to cut off, you know, getting laid.

Yeah.

Let me say this. If you lied and said that you're 30, then eventually you're going to just get caught. And it's gonna end anyways. If it's never— if it's never been brought up, she never said what age you were, then I would just say, hey, just wait it out until she asks you, right? You don't need to just throw it in there for no reason.

Well, I'm not sure. He said she thinks I'm in my 30s. We don't know if he told her she was in her 30s, but honesty is always the best policy. I'm sorry, you just gotta be honest.

Do you know what's funny? You're just saying that, and I was thinking about what I saw on on television last night. They were interviewing the 3 old ladies that are watching the Kim Kardashian porno. And all the women are married, they've been married forever. And they go, oh, who has been married the longest? And the one lady raises her hand and they go, how long you been married? She said 65 years. And they're like, what is the key to staying married? She's like, Just lie. She's like, you don't have to tell him everything.

Well, I think that's true. Yeah, lie, but you don't have to tell everything. But I think age, that he's, you know, 25 years older than her or whatever, you know.

I mean, again, I wouldn't— if it's never even brought up, when it's time that they bring it up, then yes, tell the truth. But I don't think it's, uh, information that you just have to throw out there right away for no reason.

Right.

But I think they've been seeing each other for a while now So, um, so you're just gonna say for, uh, oh yeah, by the way, I'm this age. What for? Yeah, not asking.

Exactly. But I think 47 and 22, like, her parents are gonna freak out.

It happens.

Yeah, but, um, it's gonna have— he's gonna have to tell her soon.

Yeah, their parents are not gonna be happy.

Not happy. Hey Emily, you guys are great. I dig the show and have questions. My wife and I got married in November and she isn't as aroused as before we got married. Any helpful tips I could try? Thanks, Titus from Idaho.

Clean the house.

Well, it is true. That's a good point that women do get turned on by men doing housework.

Yeah, washing dishes.

We've talked about that. Washing dishes, helping around the house, doing things, that gets women going, but—

Try it out for a month and if she doesn't give you more vagina, then stop cleaning.

No, I mean, I wouldn't say that's the number one thing. The number one thing is that she could get checked out by a doctor. That's always the first thing you should do. There could be some arousal issues. She could be taking some medications. She could be doing something she might have a lot of stress in her life right now. Couples have to keep the spark alive though, and you do have to plan for it. They can't take their sex life for granted. You just can't take it for granted that's just gonna happen. You have to work at it and plan for it inside and out the bedroom. So I'm wondering, have you just been complaining to her? Are you trying to do things differently in the bedroom that will turn her on and make her feel good? Do you know what turns her on? Have you talked to her about it? I mean, it is, women's sex drives take a dive as they get older and as they're with somebody, as they're with somebody for a while, So you really just do need to work on it. You can plan on surprising her sexually. If she's expecting to have missionary sex, for example, you can ask her to sit on top of you so you can look at her. You could tie her wrists with ribbons to the bedpost, give her oral sex. That's always really hot. I mean, maybe you need to do something that is aligned with her fantasies or that would make her feel good. But if you're just trying to have sex the same old, same old way, it's not gonna work for you. Touching more often. If you just touch her, caress her, give her a kiss when she walks in the door, that produces arousal. Arousal for women. You go up to her and you put your hand in her vagina or your hand on her breast, she's not gonna be turned on. She's not gonna be aroused. But if you touch her and you comfort and you support her psychologically and physically, that could do a lot. You can also engage in a new activity. Try to bring back date night. Try things you guys haven't done together. There was a study that came out that, that couples who do an activity together, like, you know, they learned to go kayaking or something or whatever, together and they do it, then, or run a race together, that it, that it turns them on. But there's also stuff you could do. There's Hot Rocks. We're a huge fan of Hot Rocks. It's a natural libido enhancer. It's Hot Rocks, R-A-W-K-S. It's a certified aphrodisiac for men and women. For women, it gives them more energy, stronger orgasms, and natural self-generating lubrication. And it's awesome. And it's 30-day money-back guarantee. It works. Like, they've got the most amazing testimonials from people whose sex life is totally turned around. So check it out at Hot Rocks, RAWKS. That's what I got to say about that.

Can I say something real quick?

Yes, please.

A news story that I forgot to share.

Oh my God. Yes. Tell me.

Katharine Gifford. Did you see what happened?

What happened?

She was interviewing Martin Short.

Okay.

Just recently. And she goes, oh, how's your wife? His wife died 2 years ago. It was on national television, live. Oh my God, the internet went crazy, uh, earlier today.

He's like, she died?

Yeah. And then go look it up, people, it's brutal.

Did you watch the video?

No, but I, I've seen some, uh, some—

she must have been like, oh, I, I've, I've seen some, uh, written things. You think she would have prepped for the interview?

Yeah.

Oh my God.

But maybe, you know, they— maybe they met and like a couple years ago and he was with his wife and stuff like that. It's kind of an innocent mistake. I mean, I haven't seen any Martin Short news in a long time.

No, no, I didn't hear that his wife died or anything, but still. Oh my God, Kathie Lee Gifford. I was on her show. They really do drink all day.

Yeah, that's amazing.

They start drinking at like 9 AM.

I want a drink right now. Yeah, I think it's an honest mistake, but the internet—

it's an honest mistake, but it's not very good.

The internet is being brutal right now about it, right?

Right. It is being brutal. Okay. Well, I will check it out. I want to see the actual video when her face is hit.

His response, yeah.

Yeah. When he's like, she's dead.

She died 2 years ago.

She'd be like, so what else? What are you working on next? What do you even do?

I mean, how do you segue after that?

How do you segue? You're like, oh, okay.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Anyway, so you have a movie coming out.

Exactly. That is bad. I've got to check that out. That's hilarious. Yes. Okay, topic 10.

Is it hilarious that she's dead?

No, it's hilarious that you did that, but it's not funny, it's sad. He was probably like mortified, and that's why you have producers. They prep you. I mean, I always wish I'd do producer sort of.

I know, but how long, I mean, how often do they bring out the spouse, you know?

A lot. Who has a person that you're married?

I don't know. Who even knew that Martin Short was married?

Nobody knew, and nobody knew that she died, so while it wasn't the most most boisterous relationship, but still you should do your research. Hope I never mess up like that, but I'm sure I have.

Oh, I'm sure.

Oh, I'm sure I have too. Haven't I? I'm sure I've insulted.

You don't even know.

I'm sure I've insulted many a people without even knowing. Exactly. Um, okay, we've got our topic.

Mm-hmm.

The topic is, it's, uh, this is our first topic. 10 cheap date ideas. People are always emailing us like, what's the best first date? What's the best worst date? Blah, blah, blah. What should you do? And you know what? Right now it's summer. It's beautiful out. You don't You don't have to spend a lot of money. The economy is tight right now, and there's some things you can do. You could go to a dive bar. Dive bars, I love dive bars. You probably don't think I do, menace, but I do. It's a great place to have a few beers, play tunes on the jukebox, and play pool. If you don't know how to play pool, this could be a great learning or bonding experience for the two of you. Like I said, when you play darts or whatever, when you do something together with someone that you've both never done, it creates an adrenaline, it creates an attraction, so do something something that's fun like that. Same thing with roller skating. You could try going roller skating. You can bond with your date, get the adrenaline rush, and see another thing. Roller skating? I would love to go roller skating.

Roller skating.

Yep.

Okay.

Okay. This is a—

here's a little fun fact real quick.

What?

You know, uh, how you watched the whole 75th anniversary of the Golden Gate Bridge?

Yes, I did. The fireworks.

The day before it opened, they let people roller skate across the Golden Gate Bridge.

They did?

You could have did a date 75 years ago holding hands with someone.

They never— oh, 75 years ago they let people do that? Now they do.

The day before before it opened.

I would have loved to have done that.

Yeah.

Okay. So.

But who roller skates anymore? It's all about inline skating, man.

Is it?

Yeah.

I mean, I don't have roller skates, but how about rollerblading? Do people do that anymore?

Barely, but inline skating is rollerblading.

Okay. I would love doing that.

Yeah. Why? Because you used to ice skate, that's why.

Yeah, I was an ice skater.

Now I know why.

And I'm good at it.

Ice skating, huh?

Triple lutz, all that? Yeah, no, no, I'm not that good, but I can, can you ice skate?

You can ice skate? Yeah, I can ice skate.

It's fun.

I had a very awkward dream the other day that I was ice skating and it was just insane. It actually involved Bravo. Oh, it was really weird. You want me to tell it to you real quick?

Yeah. But usually it's weird to people's dreams, but okay.

It was so— I don't even know, make sense of it. But the, we had to go there to go shoot something. Right. And the Bravo producers were there and they're like, oh, you've gotten a lot fatter. They said you've gotten a lot fatter since the last time we saw you. Oh, minus 50 fat. I was like, all right, cool. And they're like, oh yeah, we gotta tape you at this ice skating rink. So you gotta go to the ice skating rink. But then I go onto the ice and I'm a really good ice skater.

Right.

But my legs just kept on crossing and like getting stuck in the feet.

Oh wow.

And like, I couldn't ice skate for crap. And then there was like all these like crazy grunge-looking children, Grunge-looking children. I don't know if you know that, but they have like, they're really scary, like ghost-looking kids.

And they're all like skating around.

It was just effing awful.

That is weird.

It was so scary.

I wonder what it means. You're like, you couldn't go, like you had to do something and you couldn't perform.

But I do have one other quick story about ice skating. I was ice skating on a lake in Montana and I knocked myself out completely cold.

How? Were you drunk?

No, no, no. This is when I was a kid. I knocked myself out and I woke up and I was in my aunt's car and they were driving me home.

To the ambulance? Yeah.

And I had like, my nose started bleeding and stuff.

Because of the ice? You hit the ice?

Yeah. Oh, I had sex on the ice once. Really?

How was that? I was ice skating. Skating, and we had sex on the ice. I was like 18. What? Yeah, it was my boyfriend at the time that I did this out in the open.

Where?

It was a pond in Michigan. There's so many lakes, they call it the Great Lakes State.

Yeah, yeah.

And we had sex on the ice, but it was cold on my butt. Yeah, yeah, we didn't know. Just out in the open?

Somebody must have saw.

But it was a— it wasn't that public of a lake, it was a little tiny lake. But I did have sex on the ice.

That's one of the strangest places I've You've never shared that story with me before.

I think I have.

No, I swear.

Oh honey, I love when I tell you things because everything else you've probably heard a million times. Okay, another thing. These are cheap date ideas, and I don't want you to come across like, I'm trying to save money tonight, babe, but these are all sweet things that you can do that don't have to cost a lot of money. Cook his or her favorite childhood recipe. This is a sweet bonding opportunity to stay home with your crush with their favorite home-cooked meals. So if I mentioned to you that I love macaroni and cheese and you're The best macaroni and cheese. Do you?

Yeah. Amazing.

Oh my God. I love macaroni and cheese.

Like it's world renowned.

Shut up.

Like seriously.

World renowned in your apartment building?

Yeah. No, no, no. I mean, I've showed people how I make my macaroni and cheese and then that's the only way they make it for now.

How do you make it? Not that I'll ever make it, but.

People like to put like milk in it and stuff like that. I don't use milk. I use butter.

Oh God.

I use butter.

That's fattening.

Yeah, but it's effing delicious.

Sounds so, I'm sure, no, I'm sure it is delicious.

Yeah.

Okay, another thing I've been doing this lately is indoor rock climbing, 'cause it fosters healthy competition and can always be followed by a sensual shower.

Oh God.

Anything that produces adrenaline is a great first date, 'cause it connects you. Okay, go stargazing. Head to the highest point in your town and snuggle up with some blankets and look up at the stars. It's a fantastic opportunity to share thoughts and stories.

There was a really big makeout spot here in the area in Hayward, California. It was called Top of the World, and it's a huge hill that you can see the entire Bay Area. Right. And you can go up there and stargaze and stuff like that.

Oh, did you do that?

Yeah, man. I had a girl take me up there once and wanted to make out with me, but I was just too much of a puss.

Yeah.

But who was that chick? I can't even remember.

Oh my God. She wanted to make out with you and you were like on your phone?

I was just a puss.

Oh no, there probably wasn't phones, but whatever. That's not cool.

Yeah, it was weird.

You were young.

She took me there. Like, what's wrong with you, man? Can I just go back in time and like shake myself?

I know, but can you go back in time and make up with Lil Menace?

She took me there and talked about the world, and I didn't do anything because I was a pussy.

Look at the Cupid's arrow.

Oh, this is great. And then we sat in her car for a little while. I'm like, I knew this chick wanted to make out with me. Why didn't I?

You were scared to make the move.

What an effing idiot.

How old are you? Come on, guys are nervous.

Teenager.

I feel bad for guys because you guys have to make those friggin first moves when you're young, and it's really hard.

Like, come Come here.

Maybe look her up on the Facebook.

Somebody get me a DeLorean so I can fix all the problems in my life.

Exactly. Okay, go wine tasting.

Wine tasting.

Take a tour of a winery together. After all, alcohol is a social lubricant. Some vineyards even offer free tastings. Would you ever do that, menace?

Wine tasting.

Have a picnic. This is what I'm doing on my birthday. I had the best date with a guy once on a picnic. It was one of our second dates. We went bike riding over the Golden Gate Bridge. He packed a whole lunch. He packed like wine and food. And he like, we got to the top of this mountain and he spread everything out and we had a little picnic. Why are you looking at me like that? It was so nice.

Didn't you, you had, you had something similar in your—

I did.

It's in the promo for the TV show.

Yes. I went in the promo show. I also had another date with the guy who, who made all these homemade sandwiches and homemade chocolate milkshakes. Milk, hot chocolate in a thermos. He was really organized, and I didn't bring anything.

Of course!

Of course. Go to a museum. Museums have a free day once a month, so they can be totally free.

Boring.

Yeah, that's true, but they have an indoor bistro cafe. Spend a day at the museum sharing your interests. And finally, have a movie or TV marathon at home.

I am down with that.

Whip up some popcorn, snuggle on the couch, have a movie or TV show marathon of your favorite series, and discuss your favorite characters or scenes. I want to do that tonight. Dates. I'm so behind on television.

Yes, you should.

But those are some cheap dates that they don't— you don't have to like go all over the top. In fact, I feel like in my life when guys have like, we'll take you to a fancy restaurant, whatever, I'm like, I don't want that. I want something fun where we can engage. And then you notice that going to a movie is not on here because I think it's a bad first date.

Well, and do you know what, me, dude, like I have such cool hookups, I never have to spend any money.

I know you are.

There's all these amazing places.

You're invited everywhere.

Yeah, I am very blessed when it comes to that because I never really have to spend money on drinks or anything. No, just my, my friends have like really cool jobs, so like just going and hanging out at their office is just amazing.

Just being there, that's cool.

It's cool.

Girls would be lucky to date you, I guess.

I know, right?

All the free stuff that's gonna happen to you.

All the blessings.

So many blessings you bring to the table. Okay, here's some not so good date Yeah, and I agree with this one, going to the movie theater. You might not agree with me, but you can't talk to the person you're sitting next to.

Yeah, well, you got to do— you got to do like— yeah, and you can take— you can take a break in the conversation.

I know, but do you share popcorn on your first date? I don't know, the whole thing's weird.

I don't know, popcorn has been bugging me lately.

Me too, makes me sick, but I love it. I can't stop eating it.

I just can't even eat it now.

I love popcorn. I could— I could— I feel like I get obsessed on it, but then it makes be sick.

But I think if you at least do, um, a dinner before, movie, kill some time, right? Then you hit the bar after, have a couple martinis, and then you just go back to the house and hook up. All good.

Bang. Go to Bangtown.

Go to Poundtown.

I know, I just made up—

I think that's cool though. Okay, I don't love a movie, but if you're going like picking up, going straight to the movie, you're just asking for, right, disaster or never—

I agree, you should do some other stuff first. Okay, sports game. This can be great for a couple that shares passions around sports, but it's not an ideal first date because you can't talk because you're paying more attention to the game.

Yeah, you gotta definitely only bring a chick that's really passionate about sports.

Like if she's obsessed with sports and she's like, oh my God, I'm dying to go see the Giants or something, then you take her. But if you don't know it, don't get tickets to a game. Okay. Talking about your ex. This is what something I told, remember on the press call today, you, I was, you asked me some questions, what you shouldn't do on the first date. Never talk about your ex. This is a big no-no. It's perceived as not being over the relationship. When you go on a date, talk about something new, appear emotionally available for love and new experiences. Talk about what makes you happy and passionate and excited in life. Bagging on your ex-wife, your ex-girlfriend, your ex-boyfriend is not hot. Doesn't work. We feel like you're not over them. It's too much information. TMI.

TMI. Total TMI.

Total TMI. Okay.

I don't want to hear about your ex-boyfriend.

Ever. Ever. Like the guy I'm dating now, like with Carol, even though I take him to meet them all the time, he doesn't want to hear stories. No one ever wants to hear stories. Oh yeah, we had this great time. We went on vacation to Hawaii.

No, no, no.

Or even if, oh, he's a total psycho. They don't want to hear it. Oh, you dated a psycho? You must be psycho. Like there's no way that sharing information about your ex is a good idea. Another not great first date thing is getting too drunk, Max.

Dennis. Damn it.

Having a few drinks can definitely loosen things up, but being sloshed, slurring your words, and puking, not attractive.

Well, I'm the phantom puker. Like, you'll never know when I puke. I like go, oh, I gotta go to the restroom real quick. Then I puke my brains out and come out and I look totally fine like I didn't puke.

Oh my God, do you carry mouthwash or something?

Huh? Nah, who needs it? I'm just kidding. Oh, gross.

You've done it.

Oh, a billion times.

A billion? I've never thrown up from drinking and you have a billion times gone in the bathroom and barfed at a restaurant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This dumpster's full.

You gotta stop drinking so much.

I haven't drank in a while. Oh, I went, I mean, I had a little bit on Saturday. Like I had 2 drinks and then some beer.

You're not drinking for a while?

I'm the same, like I'm not, I'm not a—

You don't drink all the time, you're just a binge drinker.

Yeah, I just go hard on the weekends.

Right, you're a binge drinker, exactly. Okay.

And then I, you know, I puke it up.

Puke in the bathroom.

And then I'm instantly sober and then I just drink some more.

Does it make you instantly sober Do you want to barf?

Most of the time, yeah.

Okay, 'cause I never have thrown up from drinking. Okay, if you reveal too much information, bad idea. Don't talk about personal grooming habits, your meditation, medication, your rap sheets, or your mental illness you have. This is the best way to end a date before it starts. Keep the veil of mystery around you and don't talk too much or too little. The secret to a good date is to leave them wanting more.

I have an idea.

What?

If a girl tells you on the first date— there's nothing wrong with going to a therapist, okay?

But if she brings it up on the first date, when she's like, oh, my therapist, blah blah blah, that is a sign to run. Why?

Because that means if she's bringing it up on the first date, that means that she has a lot of effing issues to even be bringing it up.

Yeah, that's true. My therapist said I usually wait till the second date to talk about my therapist, but not on the first Stay.

Run like the Roadrunner.

Okay, you're right. That's a really good point. Don't talk about any of that stuff because I know that we all like— we talk about being— I know that this could sound conflicting because we talk about being honest and open and don't lie and tell your true stories and all this stuff, but there's also just some stuff that we— you don't have to share with the person right away. Like, you want to get to know their best side. Not that you're lying and just putting up best front, your best foot forward, but you should just— just that other stuff isn't relevant on the on a first date. It's gonna kill it. Okay, don't make up lies or exaggerate. This is obvious. There's no need to impress your date with outrageous lies or claims. Don't tell your date you invented Post-its, 'cause there's a possibility you could be busted and look like an idiot. Always watch out for your date doing this to you. It's best to listen to your date with an open mind, but be wary of anything that seems exaggerated. This person might be delusional. And then finally, Madness, this one's for you. No cell phones, texting, or tweeting.

No, if I'm really into a chick, I don't have the phone.

Come on.

I swear to God.

Really?

Keep the phone in the pocket.

Resist the urge to update your status, text friends, or post in your timeline that you're on a date. There's nothing worse than taking calls, even business ones, ignoring your date to other persons.

You always go, hey, is the internet still working?

Yeah, I always go to the bathroom if I want to text. I'm like, I gotta go to the bathroom, and then I'm like checking my phone. But I try not to do that. I try not to. So that's what we got for you today.

—It's a wrap, people!

—Bad, bad sheep, it's a wrap. All right, anything else? Check out my app, Kettle Camp, my book Hot Sex. Check me out on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Sex with Emily.

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Download it for free. Here's a little tip though, a lot of people don't know this. Don't tell them I told you. Go to stitcher.com/listen. You can listen on your desktop. They don't really promote that, but if you want to listen on your computer, you can listen to us always. And then all— once you do that, all you got to do is search Sex with Emily and it'll just start instantly playing. You don't even have to download the actual MP3. All this stream, it's cool. It's the best ever. I love them. I love them too.

Okay, one more thing I got to say is today's show is brought to you by Jimmy Jane. Use coupon coupon code SPRING for $25 off purchases of $100 or more. Okay, so I've been touting Juvederm for a while, but I just got the Form 2, and I always talk about that's the best one, but I used it years ago and then I lost it, and then I got a new one, whatever. Long story short, it's rocking my world, the Form 2. So go check it out on their website. That's all I gotta say for you today. Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.