SWE: Bringing Sexy Back

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God. That feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. Your sex life will improve when you listen to Sex with Emily. That's all I'm saying. So become a Friends with Benefits member right now, this moment, and you'll get three shows a week, plus lots of benefits, plus better sex.

That's a pretty bold statement.

Your sex life improves if you listen to the show three times a week and you take our tips. It's guaranteed or your money back. If you listen to the shows and you take my tips and you become a friends Benefits member, it's 4.95amonth. It's like 20 something cents a day. You'll become a friend. You'll have better sex. How could you not? If you listen to everything or your money back if you do everything you do, I'm gonna make that promise now. That's kind of bold.

That is pretty bold.

But we have to think of a measurable thing that you really think about that.

I think he just blurted that out without thinking about it.

Okay. I can't give you your money back, but I think it's. If you really listen to everything I tell you, which is a lot, every week, you'll have better sex.

Yeah.

What up, Menace?

How you doing?

Happy Monday.

Happy Monday.

Everything's good. I had a really fun weekend. It was beautiful in San Francis. Amazing. Which is epic. We don't. We get. We don't get a lot of. We get really warm days at random times of the year, and when it happens, everyone freaks out because it's amazing. It's like 75 degrees.

Yeah. It's supposed to be, like, super cold. And then it's just warm.

All of a sudden, it's warm. And now today it's freezing again. And not freezing, but it's cold. And I went to the park. Dolores park is like. Do you ever go out there?

Yeah. I got invited, like, five times this weekend. But I knew it would be, like, crazy hipster heaven.

It was hipster heaven.

So I was just like, no way. It's gonna be two packs.

It was fun. We were drinking and hanging out, but.

I did go to the park because it was so nice. So I said, I have to go to the. I forget the name of it, but the one that Full House, you know, Alta Plaza. Yeah. Has all the. Has all the houses.

Yeah. That's like a quintessential San Francisco vista.

Yeah. So there's a. There's a park there. And that one was still packed too.

Yeah. Ultimate. That's. That's the one that a lot of tourists go. It's called the Painted Ladies. Yeah. And it's the Full House House from the. From the series Full House. Was it fun?

Yeah, it was really fun. I got to take pictures of all the Full House houses I love.

I saw your picture on Instagram. Yeah. You can find Minstrel Minstagram, Menstagram. Instagram. Yeah. It was really white Menace on Instagram.

It was really fun. I did a lot of touristy things over the weekend because I feel like, you know, I'm really exhausted over the weekend. I usually stay home a lot, and then I'll go out at night.

Right.

And just rest during the day. But it was so nice.

I'm like, you have to be out.

I gotta go do things that I never really do. I like, I live, like, super close to Coit Tower, Right.

Love Coit Tower.

It's a big, like, lighthouse in San Francisco.

Never, Never been there.

Well, I. I've been, like, outside, right? Outside of it. I never actually been inside it. So I did that and just, like, drove around.

That's so fun.

I went to a classy place to eat over the weekend called Fresh Choice.

That's a joke, right?

It's delicious.

That's a chain, right?

Yeah, but I love it.

That's classy.

It's good. Oh, I'm sorry. It wasn't, you know, French Laundry.

Oh, I love French Laundry now. I've never been to French Laundry, which is an amazing restaurant. But you just told me you wanted to go to my friend's restaurant, Flour and water. Which is.

Yeah, because you can get me in.

That's why I can get you in. It's hard to get in. Okay, so today's show, we are going to be talking about sex and self esteem. Bringing sexy back. So one of the biggest issues and challenges that people have around sex is low self esteem. If you're feeling like you don't want to have sex or your sex life isn't quite clicking for men and women, self esteem can wreak havoc on your sex life. So we're gonna talk about what some of those telltale signs are of self esteem and how to get sexy back. Bringing sexy back. We're bringing sexy back. That's what we do here.

Oh, my God. You said before we started the show that you had a hangover. What's going on with that?

Oh, my friend. Okay, so yesterday. So Saturday, I went to Dolores park, which is this crazy park in San Francisco where everyone's outside. Like, people are selling, like, oh, hot cookies.

People are, like, naked selling pot cookies, doing mushrooms, drinking like crazy.

It was really fun.

Yeah. A lot of people wanted me to go, but I was just like, no.

I wish you were there.

It's gonna be too packed.

It was packed, but I live. I walked. I live right near there. I can walk there. So it was really fun. And that was. That was Saturday. But then yesterday, my friend has this amazing house in San Francisco, probably one of the most beautiful homes in the City. And he's lucky. I'm lucky that he's one of my very close friends. So we had a little day party. That's what we have, like, once a month at his house. And it was just beautiful out. So we had, like, tons of food, but we started with mimosas at, like, mid. And I'm still a little blurry today.

Why wasn't I invited? I love mimosas.

Really? I would have totally invited you. It was really fun. It was just a good group of people, and we were chilling on the deck and drinking mimosas, but I don't drink that much, so I think I'm a little fuzzy today. Oh, man, it was awesome. And then Friday, we did our killer show on Playboy Radio Friday night.

Oh, my God, that was so much fun.

They're repeating it too, like today and every day. But, yeah, it was so much fun. We had so many callers. And I told you this during that show on Playboy Radio and SiriusXM. But we shot this video for Kegel Camp, right? Which is my app in the itunes store. Helps women. It's for men and women to improve their orgasms and their sex life. You should all go download kegelcamp app right now. But besides that, we shot a video, a fun video for it. And I posted pictures on Facebook of all the interns, of all my hot interns in their tight white little sex with selling T shirts. And apparently one of them got like 50 requests from guys wanting to be her friend on Facebook over the weekend.

Really?

Because her rack was on display. So I feel kind of bad, like it's sort of an occupational hazard, maybe that I posted photos, but you should go to the Sex with Emily page and check it out on Facebook.

I got 50 requests from the show, but I don't.

Yes, you do.

You get a lot of requests from the show. People love you. We have a lot of friends in common. And I'm assuming they're all fans of the show. So you can find me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram sexthemly. And you can find menacewhitemenace everywhere. Everywhere. And also, what else was I gonna tell you? Earthquake this morning.

Yes, there was.

That was crazy. I totally woke up. It was at 5:33am and then my daugh dog, an hour before, was freaking out. So they always say your dog knows.

Yeah.

So Daisy was, like, trying to get in the bed, and I was, like, pushing her down because I just was. But. Because she has her little bed. But then when the earthquake happened, she jumped in My bed. And she was really scared. And I feel bad that I pushed her out earlier, but they do know that dogs don't. It was kind of scary. You were already awake, right?

I was already awake.

Were you at the office?

No, I was at home.

Did it freak you out?

No, No, I. I knew what was going on. I'm like, you. You kind of just. You just kind of wait there for a second, and you see. Okay, like, how far is this gonna go?

Right? And then how long did it last? Three seconds. Two seconds?

Yeah. Like, three seconds?

Yeah.

A little swaying motion. A little bit.

It's freaky.

It's a little freaky because it woke me up.

So I don't know how much of it I felt or missed or whatever.

It's. I don't know. Luckily, I think I'm lucky because I was here for the big 89 earthquake. So, I mean, anything that's. Nothing comes compares to that, right?

That was crazy. What were you doing here?

Huh?

Where were you at?

Luckily for me, I was actually in the middle of a field with a bunch of other kids, and we're just, like, playing in the middle of this field, but it was so scary, so.

Oh, you were young, right?

Yeah. So, people, if you want to recap, in 1989, the Bay Area had a massive earthquake, right? I forget how big it was, but luckily for me, I was in this in the middle of the field, but the ground was shaking so much that dirt was shooting out from the ground.

Oh, my God.

It looked like when you're watching movies when, like, rockets or bullets will hit the ground, and then, like, dirt would shoot up in there.

That's crazy.

That's how it was. Like, it was all over the place, like, dirt.

Did you know it was an earthquake happening?

No, I had no idea what was going on.

How old were you?

Oh, man, I don't even know.

Ten something.

Must have been in, like, fifth grade.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you.

Crazy.

That is crazy. Earthquakes are scary, so. But I was fine. I mean, I. You know, obviously I'm here. Yeah.

But all the earthquakes now I'm just.

Like, yeah, honey, but there could be a big one.

It could be a big one.

My friend called it. Yesterday at the park, he was like. Or Saturday at the park, he was like, there's gonna be an earthquake.

Because whenever it gets really warm, earthquake weather.

So that's what happened.

Okay, but don't ever tell, because I'm really good friends with a TV weather lady, and I always mess with her, and I go, earthquake, weather, earthquake. There's no such thing as earthquake weather.

There's not?

That's what she said.

Oh, that's just like an urban. A San Francisco myth or something.

Yeah, And I tell her all the time. She gets so upset.

That's so funny.

Yeah.

Okay, let's get into some sex in the news. Okay. Larry Flynt offers reward to anyone who has slept with the politician. And I was actually going to answer it because it's a million dollar award.

What?

Porn mogul Larry Flynn asked all Americans in a full page ad in Sunday's Washington Post to come forward with any information about infidelity, sexual impropriety or corruption concerning any prominent government official.

Damn. We need him.

We need the reward for proof for such information. $1 million. But he's trying to bring someone down. I have slept with a politician who shall remain nameless. But I'm wondering if I would be eligible for the million dollars.

Hi.

I don't think. I didn't think about it. To make some money over here, we gotta make some quick cash here.

I would like a million dollars, please. Thank you.

That'd be awesome. I mean, I have good stories, but I'm not gonna share them. So if you've slept with a politician, I think it's mostly. He did it last year, this stunt. He was targeting president hopeful Rick Perry with note takers in that front. He's now casting a wider net to bring Hostler magazine to the political realm. So he's trying to get someone to confess a whole scandal.

Oh, my God.

I know.

You know how many girls out there? A million dollars. Yes.

I'm like, I already said yes. But my guy. My guy doesn't qualify. He's not like a federal official. He was just a local official that I banged years ago. O. So clever. Texas inmates has access to cable porn for months.

Really?

Inmates in Liberty County Jail have been treating themselves since December to a nightly dose of Cinemax softcore porn by unplugging their TV cable boxes and plugging cable lines directly into the tv. It took Comcast, the cable provider, three months to install scramblers to block Cinemax and other channels. According to inmates, the late night porn was responsible for a lot of fights and even more uncomfortable situations. Into the showers. Post viewing.

Nice.

What does that mean? They were all masturbating in the showers?

Yeah.

Or were they all trying to. I don't know.

They're masturbating each other or banging each other. Whatever.

That's kind of good. Bonus. When you're in jail, you're like, wow, porn yes.

This rules.

That rules. Okay. A penile fracture is more common during stressful sex. Have you ever had a penile fracture?

I felt like I almost got a penile fracture.

I felt like I fractured a few penises, but I haven't really officially. But a penile fracture in which the erect fibers of the penis are suddenly bent, requiring immediate surgery to correct is one of the most painful things a man can endure. I can only imagine. Thank. Thankfully, a recent study of victims at the University of Maryland has found the best way to avoid it. Stop cheating on your wife. Here's why. Half of all penile fracture victims have been injured during extramarital affair, while the other half were out in the ordinary, were just out of the ordinary locations or attempting risky positions. So like the reverse cowgirl, which a lot of men love when the woman is reversed. It's like woman on top, but she's reversed. That can do it because, you know, your penis is. She bends forward too much. Your penis can bend. So that's a tricky one. But I think it's funny that it's during extramarital affairs. That's another reason not to cheat people. You're gonna get your penis in a cast.

Your boner is gonna break.

Your boner's gonna break. And that would be a total boner bummer. How do you explain that one to your wife?

Yeah, I mean, oh, I got kicked in the nuts or something.

You can't. You can't get out of it. That's another reason not to cheat. Peeps injury.

I'm just telling you.

Don't say I never taught you anything here. Okay? Woman sues college because a former roommate sex life. So there's a 21 year old former student of Stonehill College in Easton, Massachusetts. She's suing the Catholic University for 150,000 because it failed to curb her roommate's sex drive, which drove her into suicidal depression. So the roommates in question, Laura, which is not a real name, engaged in erotic Skyping sessions with Lindsay in the room and on several occasions had sex with the boyfriend while Lindsay tried or at least pretended to sleep. When she relocated on campus, her only options was a small cubicle like space, which is known as a party dorm. So she moved into a hotel instead. So her and this college didn't protect her. Is the college just to protect you from your. Why didn't you tell her roommate to fucking take it outside? Yeah, that's just a rude roommate. This roommate, but she's suing. Everyone wants a sue to make some money. I seriously just. That seems silly, though, but it's a Catholic private school. There's a John Edwards sex tape that's gonna be destroyed, unfortunately. If you were dying to see that.

What?

Former presidential candidate John Edwards will not be going the way of Kim Kardashians and Paris Hilton's the World as Video Evans liaisons with former mistress Riel Hunter. It's been ordered to be destroyed.

Damn it.

I know. Didn't you want to see that? I didn't want to see that. No one really wanted to see that. But he could have gone that way. I think something more got for him.

He was the golden boy.

Now he's got a sex tape.

What?

Don't think I'm not thinking about it. Okay. Seriously?

Yeah, man. He was the. He was. He was the golden boy. And then he was cheating on his wife that had cancer.

Yeah. Oops. Like cheating and she has cancer. Ding, ding. Two things against him. Okay, so. Also another thing not in the news is Christina Hendricks from Mad Men. Her breasts. Her phone was hacked into.

Yes.

And she had a bunch of pictures of her breasts, which are infamous. Right. Like, that whole show is about her breasts.

Amazing breasts.

Her amazing breasts. So do they show the pictures online? Like you can see their actual breasts? I don't have to see them now. But she's. Mad Men is a really popular show, and they accentuate her breasts at every turn.

Oh, yeah. Because they're amazing. And she. I'm telling you, she's the next one that's going to dump her boyfriend.

You think she's got a boyfriend?

She has a boyfriend that's like. He's like a B level actor. I'm like, you know him. If you saw him.

Menace maintains that every successful woman dumps her boyfriend. Do you think. You mean if she moves beyond Mad Men?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, she started getting. She's recently started getting really popular in the past couple months. Guaranteed, she's gonna dump her man.

Okay, let's do a bet on that.

Let me see. Oh, and Olivia Munn also has naked photos.

Cool. It's a good day in America. Yeah, it is on the World Wide Web, right?

Yeah. But they're both claiming, of course, the photos are not them. Yeah, right.

Oh. Cause their faces aren't attached. But they hacked into our phone. Someone could hack into your phone so easily, can't they?

Yeah, they can.

Well, thank God I don't take any naked pictures. I really. I mean, never say never, but I really think it's a bad idea. You know that I never have And I don't think I ever will.

She should be more embarrassed of having all these photos that do not have what her doesn't. She doesn't have any makeup on.

Oh, really? But it is her. You can tell it's her.

Yeah, it's totally her.

Okay, so check out her boobs if you'd like. Okay, we've got some emails.

All right.

All right, everyone. Thanks for emailing us@feedbackexwithemily.com youm know, if you're a friends with benefits member, we answer your emails right away. Right away. We are like your personal sex coaches right here on Relationship coaches. So here we got Emily. Please help. I have a huge problem. My girlfriend of five years does not like having sex. She never has says it. It just doesn't feel. She never has. She says it just doesn't feel good or it isn't her thing. The only reason we do keep it. The only reason we do is to keep me from straying. It's horrible. I've tried everything I could think of. Nothing helps. I'm to the point. I want to marry this girl. I can't see myself with anyone else. But I also can't see myself being so unhappy with our sex life. I've been with several other people and have always had great sex. Even been praised about being good. But then talking today, she told me something that really made me wonder. She said before we had sex she used to get horny but now she never does because she said sex wasn't as good as she thought it was going to be. I took her virginity four years ago and it was awkward. I thought it was just. I thought it was just her. But now I think it's all my fault for making her not like sex. Is there any way I can help my mistake or do something to save horrible sex and have a happy life together without constantly wondering how good sex is? Again, please, please help. He sounds desperate. Steven. Steven, I would not say you're taking all the blame on this. I would not say it's totally your fault that you're having. I don't think you're bad in bed. I'm sure that you took her virginity. She doesn't have any other experience with it. If she was horny before and she's not horny now, it's not because it's anything that you did. I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong. She might be having some hormonal issues. She might be having some psychological things that going on with her self esteem, which is what we're going to talk about in today's show, does she masturbate? Does she know what makes her feel good? Does she ever have orgasms? I want to know. This is all the things that are very important. If you took her virginity. I'm just wondering if she's ever played with herself. Because that's what women have to do before they have sex. They have to get to know their own body. So if she hasn't done that, any of that work, it's totally not your fault. And I'm wondering if she's on meds, if she drinks, smokes. There could be a lot of things that could be impacting her in her desired, her undesired of sex, her lessening desired of sex.

Or you can just say, you know what? That's women.

What? They don't want sex. Not true. I don't hear this that often.

Out of their mind.

No, they're not. But I feel like she's kind of being psychologically abusive to Steven. She's telling Steven that it's his fault. She's telling him that she used to be horny and she's not anymore. I don't like this.

I don't think this is a chick. You already got what you wanted.

He's saying he wants to marry her, but she's not having good sex. And that's sex. Couples who go, couples who get married because they think it's going to improve their sex life or it's going to prove anything in their life is a big mistake. And I would not be walking down the aisle just yet. That's what I gotta say about that.

You gotta keep your hoes in check, right? You feel me? I feel you.

Keep those hoes in check.

You gotta keep them in check.

Okay. Hi. Thanks. Please don't feel weird about this email. My name is John. I'm 25. I've been going out with a girl for two years and I have a foot fetish but never told anyone about it. Finally I want to tell her, but I don't know how to tell her. I don't know why feet is a turn on for me, but I guess it is. I heard you guys been talking about foot fetishes a lot on the show, but never get into the details about foot fetishes. Like licking feet, sucking on toes, foot massages. I think it's very common fetish these days, but don't know how females would react to it from Mr. Foot Fetish. Here's the thing. There are many men who find women's feet arousing. We talk about this all the time. Since there are plenty of women who enjoy having their feet massaged, it's likely he can satisfy her needs by massaging her feet. Like, I would love a foot massage if that would do it for my guy. And he's like, I'm gonna get off by massaging your feet. I'd be like, done and done. So there are ways you can do it, but I would not lead with it. The first time having sex with someone, I wouldn't be like, show me your feet.

Yeah, you gotta move into that.

Exactly. I would think that it could hurt the relationship or turn some women off if you do it right away. But if you've been with her a while, I think that you should share the fetish with her, pay attention to her feet during lovemaking without the foot fetish getting in the way. I think there's ways to do both. There's ways to incorporate her feet without making it awkward or weird, and you shouldn't. And people had foot fetishes that originate from a lot of different things. People say it's childhood fantasies, maybe, like, it could be like, your fifth grade teacher wore sexy stockings and you have fetishized that. I mean, wherever it comes from, I'm not sure what your past is, but it's common and it doesn't have to be that bad of a thing in your relationship.

And women love shoes. So I'm sure if you threw a couple pairs of shoes in there, you'll be good.

Totally.

Totes.

Totes.

I saw amazing pair of shoes. I think if any chick was wearing them.

Let me see. For women would be hot. Obviously.

I took a picture of it. Hold on.

You met the woman wearing them?

No, I wish. It's your favorite. Hermes.

Oh, my God. Hermes. Oh, my God. Those are awesome. Oh, my God. What color are the heels? Silver.

They're chrome. Yeah, they're chrome. They're tan. Like, what are those, high boots?

Yeah. Where'd you find those? They're in the ones I like. The ones in the corner right there? Yeah, the booties.

Those are hot. You gotta find somebody to buy those.

I wear. Find someone to buy Hermes boots for me.

Yes.

Do you wanna buy me Hermes boots? Email me feedbacksaxwithemily.com look at the price tag first, though. They're like $5,000.

Ridiculous.

I don't even wanna.

I told. I tell all my friends that are girls. I go, I'm like the gayest straight man you'll ever see. I respect women's Fashion. Even though I'm not like a fashionable guy, I don't wear like, you know, name brand stuff. I like women that have like style.

Right.

And I pay attention. That kind of stuff.

Right.

I think it's hot.

Yeah, I do too. I think that's awesome.

But I like women that can wear that kind of stuff but not talk about.

Right.

What they have.

Exactly. Oh, I've got this and that.

Yeah. Name dropping, name dropping, her brands that she's wearing. If she can wear it like quietly, then I think she's super hot.

Right. Like, I'm not gonna talk about the fact that I have Chloe boots on, which are really expensive boots that I got on ebay for a lot less expensive. Like, I'm not gonna talk about that right now.

Yeah, I'm not gonna see them.

I'm gonna hold up.

I'm gonna totally be turned off.

Do you know that these shoes, these can. I mean, do you know.

Oh, you foot fetch. Guys, check out the cam.

These shoes. These boots are friggin hot and awesome. They're Khloe and I got them. They're my favorite.

Khloe Kardashians.

No, Chloe Sears. C L O E, C H L O E. They're very popular. I love them. They make me really happy. Okay. Hi, Emily. I'm a huge fan of your show. My question is I enjoy masturbating more than intercourse. And the only way I can get really excited is through oral sex and dirty talk. I've never experienced an orgasm with a woman unless I masturbate. What should I do? I'm 25 years. I am 25, currently married, and it's ruining my marriage. It's another person ruining their marriage. And advice, please. Thank you.

He can just take her to pound town forever, but just never get there, right?

Exactly.

Oh, well, how big is her?

Max Boyfriend just sent me a picture of us. That's cute.

What?

Remember these? Car salesman.

Yeah.

He just sent me a picture of us.

Of you two together.

Yeah. Look, sorry, in the middle.

Why don't you say us together instead of us? It sounded like you were saying that he had a picture of you and I together.

No, me and my boyfriend.

Why would he do that?

Because he loves me still. Like, just popped off my phone. It's a picture of us making out. He just sent it to me. Okay. So sorry. I just got. I'm really distracted now.

You're calling and text him and flirt with him all day, right? No, of course you are. You're smiling right now.

That's sweet. Though. He found one of those.

Oh, my God.

He found one of those pictures that you take in a photo booth. There's like four photos on top of each other.

Let me break this down to you fellas. This is. This is what kills me. All right? Check this out. She's gonna text and flirt with him all day long, right? No, but didn't this guy. Didn't he, like, cheat on you and.

You didn't cheat on me. He just gave me his old cell phone where he had text messages to other girls.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

But it wasn't confirmed that he cheated on me.

Okay. Because, you know, I never text girls that I had sex with or want to have sex with, because I never do that.

It was long distance.

I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Doesn't it kill you fellas that women would still do that even though they had a bad history with this person?

I love him, though. We're still really good friends. That's cool.

Then why don't you effing marry him? I've been telling you for years because.

I'm not into him like, that he still likes me because he hasn't met anyone else like me, which is not. Sounds really egotistical maybe, but he hasn't met anyone that he feels. He has not met anyone that he feels the same way with. Same way.

So does he say that he messed. He messed up and he wants to be with you?

I mean, he knows that that's not gonna happen because I'm not moving to la. And I don't think that we'd be together. And I don't think we're right for each other. And he knows that I feel that way. And he know. He tells me he's, like, being this Brazilian chick last week. Like, we're good friends. I don't know how it's explained our relationship except for that we're really good friends and that he just sends me those pictures. Yeah, it's cool, man. We gotta go back to Dante here.

I would love that if I was dating you and you're talking to your ex boyfriend all the time.

I'm not talking to him all the time. Just. I don't even talk to him. He just sends me pictures.

Oh, that's nice.

Okay, so he enjoys masturbating more than intercourse. We gotta read this again because it's less work. Here's the thing. He gets excited through oral sex and dirty talk, but I've never experienced an orgasm with a woman unless I masturbate. So I think that it's psychological. A lot of this is psychological. So when men have issues around, you know, the way they can orgasm or the way they can do things, I think a lot of it can be in your head. And you have to learn to take that thought like that, oh, my God, I'm not gonna orgasm. Not gonna be an orgasm. And remove that thought and place it with erotic thoughts while you're having sex. Right. We talked about this the other night.

And it doesn't even have. You don't even have to think about the girl you're having sex with. Think about other chicks.

Think about Kim Garden.

Just don't tell her that.

Exactly. Think about something else. But I think that you can do it. And you know that dirty talk turned you on. You know that oral sex turns you on. And. And if you need to masturbate, there's nothing wrong with that. Like, if you guys are having sex, she has an orgasm, then you pull out and masturbate on her stomach or something.

Yeah.

For example.

Chicks love that stuff.

Yeah. That's not a problem.

Or her face.

If you ejected on her face. I'd like you to ask her first.

There's, like, vitamins and minerals in there and stuff. It'd be good for your skin, right? They never said it's bad for your skin.

It's not bad for you.

No.

Semen is good for you. So I would practice, though. I would stop. What happens if you stop masturbating for a while as well?

You just. You just build up a lot of.

Yeah, but you think that maybe he'd be able to. If he stops masturbating so much?

Yeah. Yeah. He's just gonna have to really work at it.

He has to really, Right?

I mean, cut down on the masturbating because. Definitely. Because you're. You're making yourself orgasm in a way that you like. But you gotta figure out different ways to orgasm other people. So.

And you're young, he's only 25, and he's married, so it's like, you'll still figure it out.

You've probably been masturbating like crazy, and that's what happens. You can just, like, last forever.

Right. So you just got to learn to practice and shift your thoughts. So when you're in your head, like I said, and you're thinking like, oh, my God, I'm gonna. I'm not gonna be able to just push that thought away. Think of. Replace it with an erotic thought, and eventually you'll be able to have an orgasm.

I think Dante A lot of guys would like to be in your shoes because they're like two minute men, right? And then women are.

Yeah, Dante, it's not all dark, it's not all bad. Okay, let's move into our topic. And the topic is self esteem and sex. Bringing sexy back. All right, so one of the biggest issues is people, men and women alike, when they have self esteem issues, they're not feeling good about self. They're feeling fat, they're feeling ugly. Guy doesn't, you know, have money or a job or. Same with a woman. It will wreak havoc on your sex life. So studies have shown that having a body mass index, this is just some of the physiological effects. First, studies show that having a body mass index of BMI that is either too high or too low messes with your sex life. So all this stuff if you, you might need to go to a doctor and get checked out. When you gain or lose body fat, your hormones are thrown out of whack, affecting your sex drive. And also, high cholesterol can lead to plaque buildup in the blood vessels that supply the pelvic region, showing blood flow to the clitoris and the general. So genitals. So if you have high cholesterol, you're overweight, underweight, you might have some issues with your sex life. That's the physiological effects. There's also psychological effects to self esteem. If you're insecure and focused on the way your body looks or what your partner's thinking about during sex, you're not going to be in the mood. So a lot of women, we talk about this, have sex in the dark or they feel fat, or they don't feel great and they are going to, it's going to affect how you can. Because if you're in the brain's largest sex organ, right. For women especially, we need our brains to be fully engaged in erotic thoughts and being connected to our partner. But if you're thinking like, oh my God, does my ass look fat right now? You're not going to have an orgasm and you're not going to want to have sex. A woman's libido is strongly linked to her body image. More even, even more so than men. Specifically, her perception of the areas of her body that can be easily seen by others, like thighs and stomach. And don't you have women who are like, don't look at my stomach, I'm fat? No, You've never dated women like that. So you're eating.

I heard about women that won't like, take their shirts off for having sex, have you? Yeah.

Still, I feel like that's a young thing, but yeah, I'm sure a lot of women go through this.

So you shouldn't like. Look, women, I hate to break this to you, but guy is gonna sleep with you no matter what. Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it. Women just trip on this stuff all the time. So if you have not had the best sex of your life yet and you're thinking, what's wrong with me? It could some of these things, it could be physiological, psychological. Your eagerness to get it on depends on how you feel about yourself naked. So if you don't feel good about yourself naked, you're not going to be wanting to have sex. People lose their self confidence when they gain weight. But the insecurity can stem from something as subtle as feeling like you don't have enough muscle tone. So it can be like you gained a bunch of weight or you're like my, my, you know, biceps aren't as ripped or whatever it is. There's also performance anxiety issues.

So beyond the standard anxiety of penis size, like a lot of men have that guys feel pressure about giving women orgasms. They worry that they can't maintain an erection or ejaculate too soon on one occasion. They fear this will happen when they have sex. And they can, they have that whole self fulfilling prophecy that we talk about. So you are insecure that you can't main you maybe one time you ejaculated too soon, you couldn't maintain it or maybe a few times in a row and then you think that's your lot in life. You think, oh my God, this is gonna keep happening over and over again. And so you just have to start stop obsessing on it and just like really relax and not incorporate concepts of failure or victory into sex. So this is all about like you're worried about her getting pleasure and having an orgasm. You're worried that you're not lasting long. You've got to learn to change your thought patterns that you are having during sex. And all I can tell you is you need to replace those thoughts. It's almost like, like in your brain when you see it, when. Okay, I'm gonna use a meditation example. Even though we're in Northern California, Menace thinks that I moved here and started to meditate. Yeah, but what they say in meditation is when you have a thought that comes into your head, you're just notice it and let it go. Right? Like a bubble floating in the sky or like A cloud. You look at that thought and you let it go. You look at that thought, you let it go. So if you have this thought in your brain that's like, I'm not going to perform, I'm not big enough. You got to let it go. You just got to have it let it go. And then you replace it with a more positive thought or a neurotic thought that in that moment you can bring your self esteem back and not be focusing on the negative. So show your partner that you're concerned about giving them pleasure. So if you also are a man and you're insecure about premature ejaculation or not staying hard, just make sure that you are focused on giving her pleasure. Just because you might be having some, you might be struggling with that right now. You can get over it, but you can also still focus on getting her off.

Yes.

Right. Even if you have that issue. So erectile dysfunctions, that is another big thing that can factor with self esteem. Like I'm saying, it can be caused by many factors. You should talk to your doctor about it. If you are having this issue, talk to your doctor, see what you can do. There are drugs you can take, but you should. You could try toys, you could try other things with your partner, but you could also, like I said, like you could try meds, get checked out by your doctor. Or there's a great book called the Multi Orgasmic man that I always talk about on the show. Cameron, the author, buy it on Amazon. It helps a lot of men with their erectile dysfunction challenges. So some things that you can do, men and women. So we talked about some of the issues that men and women have.

How do you bring the sex back? How do you bring in sexy back? Okay, there are things you can do to bring back your libido. You gotta work out. Working out is huge. Working out is huge.

Working out is huge.

It's so big. Studies have shown that women who exercise feel better about their bodies and have more energy for sex. So this is even another reason why if you've been putting off that workout and you haven't been working out and you don't feel comfortable with your body, you just gotta get your ass to the gym. You just gotta do it. It feels really good. Working up sweat increases your sex sexual sensations. You can get revved up more quickly and have more intense sexual experiences if you go to the gym. It's a proven fact. Bisexual superfoods, foods that are rich in antioxidants, fatty acids and zinc, can boost your libido research shows that the Mediterranean diet, which is lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, olive oil and fish, is ideal for sexual health. I mean, this is a pain in the ass because it's like you're on it. You want a pizza? I'm not saying you have to change your whole life, but if you want to really have, increase your libido, increase your self esteem, you have got to eat right and you gotta work out. Get used to your body. Don't hate yourself. Don't hate your body. It's always changing, growing. But if you learn to love your body and if, you know, you spend too much time thinking, people who spend too much time thinking about their flaws, their sexual pleasure is going to decrease. So men's gonna laugh at me. Preface this, but try doing a ritual of looking at yourself in the mirror every day.

All right?

Get naked. Look at yourself. Walk around your room in the mirrors. And make sure you look at your whole body. And get accustomed to your body. So you can't, don't have to focus on it when you're having sex. You can focus on, like, how good you look. Like, you can celebrate your body. Like you. We're so hard on ourselves and we think our body's so bad, but it's not. Usually no one else is looking. You said men are just gonna have sex with you anyway, right?

Yeah.

I mean, are you ever with a woman and you're like, don't answer this if it's this in the positive, but are you really. God, she's so fat. I mean, or she's so. I wish that she had more muscle tone. I mean, you're having sex with her, you're psyched, you were attracted to her.

Yeah. No, but picking her apart. Yeah, by that point, no, there's no way. So women, like, don't worry about it. Don't. Because you just become. You become less attractive because you're not as confident.

Right.

You do.

Exactly.

Guys don't want to hear that. They just, they want to get down, they want to bang. They don't want to hear about.

They don't want to hear.

They don't want my thighs whining and all that stuff.

They don't want to hear about it all. So when I'm saying that you get naked and you walk around the house, this is to help you get more accustomed to your naked body. So you can focus on it when you're having sex, but not just your problem areas. So look at your whole body. Like, maybe you really love your arms, but you don't love your thighs. Like focus on the things of your body that you like and celebrate those positive parts of your body. You can also get it on yourself. Giving yourself an orgasm when your partner's not around will help get you in the mood for the real thing. For women, you can get a vibrator for increased desire, arousal and more intense orgasms. If you would like to get a vibrator asap, you can go to goodvibes.com that's goodvibe.com and use coupon code GVMILY15 and you get 15% off anything from Good Vibrations and they've got everything. Buy yourself a little clitoral vibrator. Buy yourself an insertion vibrator, G spot vibrator. Get the Hitachi magic wand. If you're not having great sex, that will take it to the next level.

You got the code at the website.

On my website. Sexually calm. Yep, we've got it all there. And finally, you just need to stop obsessing about it and have some fun. There's a large disconnect between what people think others notice and they're attracted to and what you're partner actually thinks about your body. It's a major turnoff to be that person who's like, I'm so fat, I'm out of shape, blah blah, stop focusing on it. Just like literally, you have to change your thought patterns, change the way you're thinking. I know this is easier said than done. If you can't do it on your own, then go see a therapist because it's going to continue. If you've low self esteem in the bedroom, you probably have low self esteem at work, you've low self esteem other places. And it's really something that should become your life work. I think my life work too is about feeling good about yourself. Because if you don't feel good about yourself, it's going to wreak havoc in your job and your life and everything. That's what I gotta say. So that's all I got for you in self esteem. What? Do you have anything to add?

No, just. I've been saying this on the show for years.

Okay.

And it goes to being shot down. If you, if you do get shot down, you're not gonna die. Nothing's gonna happen.

Exactly. Men, you have to take the risk. Ask out 100 women, someone's gonna say yes.

Yeah.

You get shut down, doesn't kill you.

It's not?

No.

It might hurt for a little, little bit.

That's part of your job as a man. It Makes you stronger.

Yeah.

Don't worry about it so much.

Everyone likes to shoot you down just because they feel they can not. Like they're not interested sometimes, but they just feel like.

And it's never really about you. I told him maybe it is, but usually it's their own issues. Maybe they got a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Just. We can't take things so personally, what someone else is thinking. You got to just focus on loving yourself. This is all about loving yourself. If you love yourself, you will bring sexy back. That's what I got for you today. Yes.

Check out the website sexylemy.com, you'll have a recap of everything that we talked about.

Everything we talked about is gonna be there on the show. And you can also watch the show. You can listen to the show and yeah, that's what you can do.

Check us out on Stitcher. Stitcher stitcher.com stitcher.com Download the app for free. And then once you download the app, all you gotta do is search Sex With Emily. You can stream the show wherever you're at.

Wherever you're at, baby.

Yeah.

And we love Stitcher. We love everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com there's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep. Sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart.

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