SWE: Date me Online

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man e here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God.

I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of.

Girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where we guarantee your sex life will improve if you listen to this show every week. We've got three shows a week. We appreciate all of our Friends with Benefits members. We'd love you to become a Friends with Benefits member. Just go to the website. We'd love your support. We need your support. We appreciate everyone and thanks for listening to the show. Okay, today's show is how about how to successfully date online. We have got the founder of OkCupid, Sam Yeagen. We're going to be talking to him in a little bit. OkCupid has taken off in the last few years. It's become like a really popular dating site. And for mostly younger people. People, I'm thinking people in their 20s and 30s. I'm not positive that's what we've heard. We're going to talk to Sam about that. And so we're going to be telling you about the right things to do, what not to do. And we'll also be talking a little bit about Valentine's Day because we've done. We've been talking Valentine's Day the last few days because, as you know, Valentine's Day is coming up shortly. And we hope that you'll all visit AdamAndEve.com if you're like, oh, damn, Valentine's Day, really? Go to AdamAndEve.com right now and you can totally order stuff and get it there on time. For Valentine's Day, if you enter coupon code Emily, you get discounts. You get a free gift, you get free shipping. You get the Kim Kardashian sex dvd. I don't know if you want it or not, but you get it. And I think it's awesome. I've never seen it. I actually am thinking of ordering something just to get the dvd, but they've got tons of stuff. I recommend if you're a dude and you're looking for a present for your girlfriend. I love the vibrating panties. Adam and Eve has these vibrating lace panties that are perfect for Valentine's Day. Basically, they have a secret pocket in the panties that hide a little vibrating bullet. And then the guy, your partner can. You can control the panties so she can be walking around, you can be at a party, and then, like, the panties can start vibrating. And it's a fun thing to do all around. We'll talk more about that a little bit because I have a story about my own vibrating panty story which I will tell you. And so, yeah, then our Valentine's Day contest, spread the love with Sex with Emily. Go to our website with for details. Basically, just follow us on Facebook and Twitter, which is Sex with Emily. And all you gotta do is, like, us, retweet us, reshare us. And we have got so many gifts in our office, so many prizes to give away that we just. We have to give them away. So you gotta enter the contest. It's like, you can't walk through our office because there are so much stuff going on there. So everyone should check that out. And I'm looking forward to Valentine's Day, kind of sorta. I'm not a Huge Valentine's Day person. Because I think every day should be Valentine's Day. But remember, it is a time to do something special with your partner. We've been giving you lots of tips this week, and we'll continue on tomorrow's show as well as next week's shows, just up until Valentine's Day, so you're all prepared and ready to go. So. Okay, is the camera on both of us here? This is Steve.

Hi.

Hi, Steve. So, you know you can also watch the show. Steve is a new intern. He's our male intern. How do you feel being with all these women all the time? Are you doing fun?

Yeah. You guys haven't picked on me too.

Much, so just wait.

Okay?

We're being nice to you the first weeks. Yeah. We're easing you into it. But then, who knows what's gonna happen? So we've got a little bit of sex in the news here. Okay? Condoms give new meaning to knockoff Louis Vuitton bags. So I guess an artist from the Republic of Georgia has designed and is now selling condoms wrapped in Louis Vuitton signature packaging without the consent of the campaign company. So they're gonna get sued soon. Bottom line, they're six to eight bucks. Who the hell is going to pay six to eight bucks for a condom that's going to last about eight minutes? Hopefully longer, but let's be honest, some guys longer. Who's going to pay?

Girls like the company.

They like it. They're like, ooh, he's got a Louis Vuitton condom. He must be good in bed. Like, they don't even care if you're good in bed because you have a Louis Vuitton condom. You think that's what it is?

You know, it depends on the girl. And also, yeah, there are label whores.

There are label whores out there.

If you leave the receipt out right.

They'Re like, oh, my God, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Okay. Proceeds go to aids. I appreciate that. Blah, blah, blah. But I'm not impressed with Guide Run. Like, just give me the 68 box. Okay. Okay. 80% of single women admit to having sent themselves flowers on Valentine's Day. A recent survey of date.com has shown that 75% of women have at one point invented a pretend Valentine. Of those women, 80% have ordered themselves flowers and 13% have bought them boxes of chocolate and signed it. Signed them from a made up, secret admirer. Who does this? Who are these people? I mean, I guess because they're feeling really bad and they want to impress their office mates or their friends or whatever. But I just. I just think that you shouldn't get all chipped up about Valentine's Day. I don't know. It kind of makes me sad.

I wouldn't even release those results if I was date.com.

I know, I know. It's kind of sad. It does ruin my morning too. I just feel like. But I guess a lot of women really take it at heart. And I just think if you are single on Valentine's Day. We've talked about. About that a little bit on yesterday's show and we'll be talking about that next week. But if you're single on Valentine's Day, it's a day of love. You can love yourself. It's okay to buy yourself something, but sign the card from yourself. Be like, I just bought myself some flowers. There's nothing wrong with being single and being alone on Valentine's Day.

Like, don't send it to the office too.

To the office, right? That is weird. Oh, my God. It's from Jack. You know, like, everyone in the office knows that you're not dating, so they.

Gonna ask you the next day, how was that? Was your date with Jack and got a.

Exactly.

It's going. It's like, oh, what's Jack doing for your birthday? What's Jack doing for Christmas? I just think it's.

Then you're leading a double life and it's just.

It's just not good for anyone. I totally agree. So that just shows how much women. So if you are dating someone right now and you are in a relationship, a lot of women do. I would ask her beforehand what she wants because there's a lot of women, and I have friends like this, they get bummed out if they get the wrong gift or the wrong thing happens. Some of Valentine's Day, I've. I've not been that person. But I think. Do I want to say the majority of women. I want to say a lot of women are expecting some serious Valentine's Day stuff going on. Right? Has that been your experience with women?

They want stuff.

With me. I think February and March are sort of like the Bermuda Triangle in my love life. Like nothing ever happens then.

So I've avoided.

You've saved a lot of money. Think of all the money you've saved on Valentine's Day dinners. That's awesome.

When I sense a birthday coming up, I gotta run too.

You gotta run. Break up with her like a week before. I broke up with a guy once on his Birthday, which I'm not proud of. It was a long time ago and I just. It.

Was it like a decade birthday? Was it a big birthday or was it just a throwaway one?

No, I think it was. It was a throwaway birthday. So it wasn't. Yeah, he might have been turning 26. But I, I feel bad. I felt bad about it afterwards, but it just, it was just, you know, we got in a fight and it was timing and it was birthday. Brooke. I dumped him on his birthday. But I'm sorry if you're listening, I doubt that he's listening. Courtney Cox is not ready for post divorce sex. So on the Howard Stern show this morning, Courtney Cox spilled the beans about the whole lot of nothing that has made her up her post divorced sex life. Since her breakup with David Arquette in March 2011, she admitted she's only had one makeout session. No guys asked me out. It just makes me nervous. I don't like going out in general. In general. In general. I have sexual feelings and there's ways to deal with that. She means she's playing with a vibrator. Is that what she means? You're masturbating. So that's good. She's taking care of herself. Just like you all should do if you're alone on Valentine's Day. But I'm surprised Courteney Cox isn't like hooking up with Hollywood.

Do you think guys are scared of her?

I don't know. Do you think she's a little intimidating?

Yeah.

I've never met her.

Right. But if you see her, like, what you know of her, if you know anything of her. I don't know.

It's probably hard to approach a celebrity if you people probably like, like, do I say a line from friends?

Right?

And get her attention?

Exactly like, hey, Monica. Are you Monica? Right. I don't know if it's true though. I don't believe that she hasn't gotten laid since in a year. Wasn't she dating that guy from her show that she does?

What's her popular show now?

Cougar Town.

Cougar Town. That is a funny show. My friend is obsessed with it and she's like, you gotta download Cougar Town. So I like, I watched it online and it's funny. Have you ever seen it? No. Funny, funny, not funny. I think it's funny. Okay. Deep voiced men have lower sperm count. While every man wishes he could sound like Don Draper, he might not want the sperm count that goes along with it. A new study has shown that higher levels of testosterone, which gives men more muscle mass, prominent jaws and deep sexy voices, can have adverse effects on men's sperm production. The theory is that when a man's genetics puts more energy into making him more masculine and sexually attractive, they may suffer deficiencies in other areas, such as sperm count. That is surprising. That is actually big news because you think all the women are going for the Don Drapers. But then you might not get pregnant or whatever. I mean, it might a problem. Sounds like a big problem. Sounds like a big problem there, Steve. I never noticed that you talk like that. Oh, my God. Okay, so. Yeah, but that is a really interesting thing because the women are going for the hot hunky guys and they might not be pregnant. No babies. That is a good study, though. Very important study. Okay. Half of women carry sexy underwear in their handbags, just in case. Just in case of what? A survey of single British women has found that 43% of ladies make sure they have a pair of sexy underwear in their purses just in case a date goes better than expected. It would appear that most women have learned from the embarrassment of Bridget Jones, whose granny panties were exposed during a hot date.

Wow.

Yeah, I think I do remember that scene.

Yeah.

She was on a date and then she was. They started filling out her pants.

Kind of come down. Yeah. And she's got the big.

Oh, right. The big panties.

Yeah.

I've had issues like that where I was not. I wouldn't shave or I wasn't happy with what the under eyes were wearing. And I think I just didn't go there. But I never think to carry them around because then they're going to fall out because my purse is always like dumping on the ground.

You gotta be careful.

Right. The only time I have underwear in my pants. In my pants, the underwear in my bag is when I sleep over at a guy's house. And then I don't feel like putting them on. And then I put them in a bag and then take them to work the next day. Does anyone ever do that? You probably don't do that.

I don't? Yeah.

Do you underwear in your bag right now?

I actually have some socks in there.

You do?

But I think that's cause I forgot to take them out.

Okay, that's cool.

I don't know if girls notice socks.

No, they don't. Not as much. Not as much. So that's what we got for some sex in the news for you all today. That was very prolific sex in the news. And okay, we've got some Emails for you. For you from feedbackextheimily.com. you know, you can always email us@feedbackexthemily.com or you can also go to our website and there's an Ask Emily button there that you can just click and send away your questions. And if you're a Friends with Benefits member, we answer your emails right away. So that is. It's like I'm like your on call sex therapist. That's what it is. If you become a Friends with Benefits member, which we hope you all do. Okay, emails. Orgasm enhancing cream. Emily, longtime podcast listener and first time email. I'm also a Friends with Benefits member. I bought your hot sex book for my wife of 30 years and me to study together. It's really enhanced our relationship and I thank you and Jamie for writing it. It's helped us move away from the more vanilla aspects of our sex life and gave her new choices. Now my question on the Freaky Friday show with Jamie, you tried an orgasm enhancing cream I believe called Shanga or something like that. I've been trying to guess how to spell it and find it on the Interweb. Can you help? Thanks again and thanks for keeping our married life alive. Brad from Beaverton, Oregon. He's a premium Friends with benefits number. I love this email. Okay. It's called Shunga Enhancement Cream. It's S H U N G A. It took us a while to find that, so we just found that out. We were looking for that. So, Brad, first of all, thank you so much. I wrote this book, so this is another great Valentine's Day present. And I'm not just saying it. Cause I wrote it. However, my book hot. Over 200 things you can try tonight. You can buy it on Amazon and some local bookstores. It's a really frigging good book. Like, I know I wrote it and you're like, yeah, whatever. But it's like, seriously, 200 things that you can try that are not difficult. You don't have to be able to flip your leg over your neck and do weird shit. It's like seriously, like little tiny things that you can do to spice up your relationship. Just like Brad and his wife who spiced up their books. That makes me so happy. This email makes me happy that they read my book and it's enhancing their sex life because that's why Jamie and I wrote it. We actually had dinner last night. We're gonna write a second book.

Oh my goodness.

Oh, my goodness. It's all for men.

Brad, get ready.

It's for all for men. So, Brad, wait for that and I hope try the shunga enhancing cream. What happened was. Steve, this was before your time, but Jamie, my co author, came in. Yes, exactly. It was very dark. But Jamie, my co author of my book, came in and she had this shunga enhancement cream for women that just to help you. You might have felt left out this day because we all actually put it on.

Okay.

We didn't get naked. We just stuck our hands on our pants and put it down on us. And it was tingly, right? It was like. It was a tingly kind of sensation. And I don't. It's supposed to enhance women's orgasms. I didn't have an orgasm. I just did the show. So I don't. I just felt tingly the whole time and kind of excited.

But it was like Icy Hot.

It was Icy Hot. Yeah, exactly. It was kind of like that. And I guess what it does is it the blood. It helps engorge your clitoris, so the blood rushes to it and it helps you enhance orgasms. I actually want to try it during sex, so I haven't done that yet. But I'm glad you brought that up. So thanks, Brad. And that is shunga. So try that out. Okay. Dear Emily, this is about younger women. I've recently become interested in a younger woman. Long story short, she's in high school. But when I met her online, her profile said she was 19, so I assumed. College note, she's not 19, but she is legal.

She had dropout.

You do the math. She's 18, right? It doesn't really bother me. But she's in high school. It doesn't bother me that she's in high school, but I am worried about her parents. I don't want to be that creepy old guy, 26 years old, but I don't want to let a good girl go just because of some stupid social convention sign. Doug. Doug, I'm afraid you are that creepy older guy that is. Yeah, she's in high school. You went to college. You did beer bongs. You've, like, lived a life. And she's an 8. She's a cheerleader or something.

The first part of the email sounds like an excuse on To Catch a Predator.

I know. She said she was older. She said she was older and I didn't know. Yeah, exactly. He says, I've recently become interested in the younger. I don't know. I mean, that seven years is not. This is the thing. Seven years is not a big age difference. When you're like, in your 20s, like if I was 22 and I was dating a 29 year old, that wouldn't be so weird. But when she's 18 and he's 26.

Gotta go to prom and stuff.

Yeah, he's gonna have to go to the prom and run to talks. I'm just thinking he's gonna have to.

Read all the yearbook entries.

Yeah. He doesn't even ask me a question here. He's just letting me know. So I have nothing to say to you, David. Doug, all I gotta say to you is that you are that creepy guy. No, I'm just worried about, like, why do you. Of course. Men love beauty. Men love youth. Have you ever dated anyone younger? A lot younger?

No, like two years, I think.

Two years. That's about what you do at that age. You date. Maybe the. You know, when you're a sophomore, you date a senior or whatever. But you're freshman, you date a junior.

Yeah, I was still like freaking out that I would make references that would go over her head.

Right, you probably would.

Yeah.

Because little much, right? Exactly.

Oh, you don't remember that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles episode when I was 6 and you were 4?

Exactly.

We can't be together.

Right. All right. So yeah. No Jane, she's legal.

I don't know.

That worries me, Doug. I would keep. Keep looking. And I want to say that today, just to refresh, we are going to be talking to Sam Yagin in a little bit, the founder of OkCupid, which is a super uber popular online dating site. Right now we're gonna give you all the tips how to successfully date online.

Okay. Oh boy.

It's a big one.

It's a long email, huh? Okay. Reasons for getting separated. Hi, Emily. I separated with my husband because after 12 years with my husband, I am 30, he is 38. I got bored with our sex life. He would usually get on. He would usually get on, f me, orgasm and maybe finish me with his fingers or tongue. When I grew up, I realized there was more there than simply having sex and deciding to ask for it. My husband declined to have a three person boy or girl join us in bed. Didn't like me taking pole dancing lessons. Didn't want to go to the sex shop to buy anything for me. Didn't want to buy any sex toys online. Refused to kiss me before sex. He said that only happened in the movies and did not support my idea to go and see girls dancing naked. He wouldn't shave his pubic hair. I haven't seen his balls in the longest time. Today I find myself separated not knowing how to kiss anyone because I haven't french kissed a person in more than 10 years. And with an unbelievable feeling of guilt in my heart, I left two months ago, found someone else who, who but still may. But maybe the separation is my fault. Do you think bad sex is definitely a good reason to separate? Ellen in Vancouver, Canada Wow, Ellen. Okay, so here is the thing.

I'm just. I feel like you dodged a bullet. I'm glad you got out of this relationship because you were together for 12 years and you did all the things that I would recommend that someone does. And I would say sex toys. I would say you have a threesome. I would say, you know, make out more because you know, the first thing that goes with couples is eventually they stop making out. But the fact that you're asking him to make out and he wouldn't make out. I think Ellen, what you're experiencing right now is just a little like since you're alone for the first time in 12 years and you're starting to date, it's really hard. I actually, my friend has a site that I was gonna mention actually on today's show. It's called divorcedatingtips.com and it's. It helps people going through divorce because you really are out of the game. It's like you don't have the muscles anymore. Like you, you, you kind of haven't been exercising, you're dating or obviously you're kissing muscles for a while. So I would just like stick with it for a little bit. And I know that you have a feeling of guilt in your heart and you might feel like regret, but I do believe that it sounds to me like you tried everything and that you were right to leave. And soon you're gonna find someone and you're gonna have rockin bangin sex and you're gonna feel amazing. And I feel like you did the right thing. It just sounds like maybe he was depressed or he had stress levels. Yeah, she did all these things.

Not shaving, the balls rule and stuff.

Shave your friggin balls. If your girl wants you to shave your balls, shave your balls.

Yeah, he's got some dark secrets. I think that she never.

I think so too. I think so too. I mean he just want to buy sex toys online. I mean it's like you and he doesn't want you to. He would get on you if you orgasm and finish you with his fingers tight. Like that's just so lame. No kissing, no shaving. No kissing, no shaving, no biting, no Licking.

Yeah.

No balling. I don't like this guy. Ellen, you're going to be totally fine. And I get that it's hard, and I'm just saying that you will get through it. You're going through the early stages. And I do think that bad sex is a good reason to separate. And I only think. Okay, here's. This is what. Because this was her question, do I think bad sex is a. Is a good reason to separate? I believe that if you try everything and nothing works to get it better, then it's a good reason to separate. However, if it's just bad and you don't try and you dump them, I think you always have to try. Like, whether you go to a sex therapist or a regular therapist or you talk about it, you've always got to try because don't leave at the first sign of bad sex, because bad sex can get better. But if it just stays bad and you tried all these things, it's been 12 years. I think that was a pretty good. You know, you had a good information there.

Yeah.

You were patient. 12 years of God, no ball. Hairy balls. Not that I care about hairy balls, but some women really do. So. Okay, let's call Sam Yegan. Sam Yegan is the founder of OkCupid, which is a really popular online dating site. Right now, it's free. There's a fast joining process, automated matching to what you want. Exactly. There's no ads and integrates with Facebook. And the ratio is almost 1 to 1. Ratio of males to females. And I just had Tiana, who was on the show yesterday, my other intern, she just went on OkCupid yesterday and she, like, had a ball with it. Like, apparently the questions are, like, amazing.

Like, some of the, like, they. They make you go like. She was actually working on it too long. I was like, can you get back to work? Because some of the questions are like, do overweight people annoy you? Would you consider having sex in a graveyard? Would you date someone who lives with his parents? Imagine that while passing. These are the questions that OkCupid asks you when you want to register. Imagine that while passing by on a walk, you see another adult kick their dog hard. Which of the following would be your closest to your response? Isn't that funny?

It's very specific.

So it's a very specific dating site. So we're going to talk to Sam, who's, like, ruling the online dating world right now.

The worst kind of Sam.

That is so funny. Okay. Speaker. How we do it.

Yeah. Do you want to get In.

Oh, my brother's calling me.

Sorry.

Sam, it's Emily.

Hello.

How are you?

How are you?

Good. We were just touting all the virtues of OkCupid. It's like, taking over the world or something.

Oh, thanks. I appreciate that. We're doing our best over here. Just trying to make love.

Yes. Just trying to make love happen. Make love and make love happen.

Love maker.

Yeah, you are. I mean, it's crazy. Actually, all my interns. You sure want to come over, Kelsey. Okay. Yesterday, so we were preparing for the show, and one of my interns, Tiana, she's like, I'm gonna go on OkCupid, and I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna sign up. And like, she was on there all day. I was like, can you get back to work? Like, literally, you get sucked in and obsessed. And she was like, loved the questions that you asked. So how. First, tell me how OkCupid got started. There's so many dating sites out there. Like, what was your idea behind OkCupid?

Well, the Okta founders are just a bunch of math majors. There's four of us who don't know anything about psychology. We don't know anything about dating. But we started a company called SparkNotes before. So we had some experience in building really great web products, but we hadn't. We felt like we spent a bunch of time thinking about online dating or had any kind of psychology background, but we didn't take the types of route there. And there were sites like Jahoo Personal and eharmony and whatnot. And we said, look, I think we can make a site.

When we think about better, we think about three things. We think about being cheaper, that is being free. We think about having an algorithm that works better, and we think that's based on math and data rather than psychology. And then we thought, dating should be fun.

Dating should feel more like going to a bar than going to see her shrink. So we said, if you could make a site that didn't take itself too seriously and didn't feel like you were visiting your shrink, that that'd be a much more fun experience. And so free. Free. We want it to be fun and we want it to be effective. That was kind of our benchmark.

Okay, got it. Well, it's totally working because that's all I hear about is OkCupid. Seriously. And so what makes it so you like. So why do you think it's different? So it's unique? Because it doesn't take itself so seriously. It seems like it's just fun and people can really, like, have fun with it. It's not like this dreaded process of your profile and doing all this stuff.

You know, I think so many sites out there, you know, they try to, they have this promise of, you know, we're gonna find you a soulmate. Like, just sign up for our site, we're gonna look into your soul and we're gonna get you married in seven days or whatever. And that's not how dating works, you know. And I think we just try not to take ourselves too seriously. And we try not to take dating too seriously. And that is, I think, what makes it feel good. And whether it's our blog, which is very tongue in cheek and very irreverent, or whether it's just kind of the way, you know, throughout our, throughout our, your use of the site, it's just we have this tone about us that's very disarming. And we try to be funny and, you know, at the end of the day, you can't take the evening too serious or else you're gonna cry.

Right. Well, we love your blog because you have really good tips on there and trends, like the, you know, the trends of what's happening in the dating world and stuff like that. I think it's, I think it's a great brand that you've built. I remember we talked a few years ago and like when I first started my show, you were starting OkCupid, I think.

Yeah, totally.

I'm so proud of you.

Thank you.

I'm really proud of you, Sam.

Now why do you think is it more younger people on OkCupid? Like, what's the age range?

So we are, our clone is 18 to 35. That's really where we rock. I think we're the, I think hands down, we're the biggest dating site for 18 to 35 year olds in the US there are a bunch of types of targets, people over 35. We have a bunch of users over 35. But our core is 18 to 35, which by the way, way is, you know, the most people are young. Right. When you think about it, because people get married and nothing at all. So it's not that we see you disproportionately young. It's just like we're pretty reflective of singles in America.

Right? That's true of who's dating online. So give us some tips. Like, what are some. Like I told people that we were going to give them the tips today for successful online dating, not, you know, as opposed to unsuccessful online dating.

What are some Lots of tips for unsuccessful dating. No, I'm just kidding.

Exactly. What are some good. Yeah, what are your basic like profile tips?

Gosh, there are so many. I'll just start taking them off and you guys can stop me when I get boring.

Okay.

Ask me any follow up questions.

We'll just hang up on you mid sentence. If you get boring, I won't even notice.

I'll just keep talking to myself here.

Okay.

One of the most important and easiest tips is when you're taking a picture. When you're shooting a picture of yourself, don't use a flash. They use the flash of your camera. We found that photos that have a flash make you look seven years older. So if you're a 25 year old woman and your picture has a flash, you'll be about as attractive as a 32 year old woman who doesn't use a flash.

Wow.

You want to look younger. It's a super easy thing to do and it has a huge impact. So that's an easy place to start.

Didn't know that.

Yeah.

That'S one of my favorite findings because it's so easy to fix. For sticking with the photo theme, when guys are choosing their photos, they should be wary not to stare into the camera. They should look kind of off camera. And when you think about it, that's kind of true of the way the world works in a bar. If you're a guy at a bar, you don't stare at a girl that's very intimidating and aggressive and that's not really going to engage her, it's going to intimidate her. So don't look straight into the camera, guys. You should look off camera and that's going to be more inviting to a woman. On the other hand, when women are choosing a photo, they should look into the camera. The psychology there is of course, guys are inherently more jealous. And if a girl is sort of looking off camera, there's this immediate wonder, who is she looking at? She's not looking at me. And I'm just going to move on to the next.

Oh my God, that's so interesting.

Isn't that fascinating?

Fascinating, I love it.

So those are a few easy ones. I think when you're choosing your picture, I like to say that a picture's worth a thousand words. I didn't. Someone said that. And the concept there is you should choose pictures that start a conversation. So you want your picture to start a thousand word conversation. So if you just have a close up of your face, you should have one of those for sure. But choose photos of you doing interesting things in interesting places with interesting people, doing something that says something about you. So maybe it's you at a concert of your favorite band. You know, maybe it's, you know, maybe if you ride horses, Maybe it's. Or if you just travel somewhere interesting, it's you, you know, somewhere you In Paris or whatever. Those are easy ways to start a conversation. If all I see of you is just a headshot, what can you say?

Right, right, right.

Yeah. Or how about, like, the ones that people drinking, like, all they're doing is beer bongs in the photos. I think that's not a good idea. Like, even though everyone drinks, like, the guys, like, the people are just like, they always got that big red cup in their hand and they're with their friends. Like, I think those pictures aren't probably the best. Yeah, I mean, it's okay to drink, but they shouldn't all be like, party photos. And I'm wasting.

And I think there, you know, I think there's a little bit in terms of how many pictures you have, if all you have is one picture and it's you doing a text stand, then at least know that you're sending a very specific signal of what you're doing. If you have 10 pictures up and one is you holding the last one, that's probably, you know, that sends a very different image across. So you kind of have to take all the photos together when you think of them that way.

Okay, got it.

Those are some of my favorite photo tips.

Those are great tips. We're gonna.

Thank you.

We're gonna write them on a blog today and post it. Yeah, that's awesome. Okay, so what about the profile writing?

Like, yeah, when you're looking at the profile itself, a bunch of things to think about there. The first is what I call brush your teeth and comb your hair, which is use good ground. It sounds boring and it sounds lame, but if you don't take the time to capitalize and it's just simple things. Capitalize your sentence, use periods, Spell your words correctly. It sounds dumb, but it's just as you would never. You wouldn't go out for a big night without looking in the mirror and making sure that you smell good and look good. Your profile is basically how you smell. And if you don't even take the time to present yourself.

In a particular way, then some people aren't going to spend the time and invest in putting together a good letter, a good message for you. So that's just a really easy one. Just be thoughtful and be careful in how you present yourself. What we found also is the longer your profile is, the better if you.

The longer it is, the better.

Yes, exactly. The more you like.

Okay.

People who found a match iokcupid who ended up being in a relationship with someone, they had profiles that were one third longer than people who didn't.

Wow.

Err on the side of giving me more. And again, the idea there is, you've got to give people. Just like in your photos, you want to give people that hook to start the conversation. So write more and be specific. Here's a. My favorite example is when people say they like travel. That's one of the worst things you can put on your profile. Everybody loves to travel.

Who doesn't, Right?

That's right. So saying that you like to travel is useless. But if you say I like to, you know, I like to hike in South America, back to my favorite trip, that's totally different. Now you see something really unique. And if I like that, I can be like, oh my gosh, I was hiking in South America last month. Have you ever hiked in Africa or whatever. I can start a conversation with you if you're specific, if you're super general.

Right. Lots of details.

Exactly. Every side of detail. Another one of my favorites is different for people who live in big cities versus people who live in rural areas. And that's on how positive versus negative you should be in your profile.

So if you, if you live out.

In the country, you want your profile to be very positive. It should be about things that you like. If you live in big cities, people are a little bit more jaded and you can actually learn as much about someone by what they don't like. And so we found that in big cities it's more effective to have a bunch of negatives in your profile. Tell us things that are deal breakers for you. Yeah, tell us that you hate this football team or that you hate this restaurant or whatever. That kind of strong negative information in your profile can be just as interesting and just as much of a conversation starter as the positives. But that works better for people in cities where it's sort of.

That is so interesting. I wonder why that is. Just because we're more, I don't know what, we're more jaded, we're more dated.

And I think because there's so many more options in big cities, people tend to have more stronger feelings, things that love the things they hate. Whereas if you live in a 5,000 person town in, in the middle of A cornfield.

There's much more uniformity.

In that.

Okay, that's so interesting. So you just gotta be like, I hate this and I hate that. And you know what really bugs me? When people are on the phone, on.

The bus, you should still be positive, you know, you should still include the things you like, too. But again, you can take much more extreme positions if you're a city cat.

Okay, that is really. That is so interesting. I guess we're all a bunch of jaded folks here in San Francisco. I know, but, like, literally. It's so funny, Sam, because all of my interns, we did this a few months ago, and one of my interns, they all did. One of them sitting right here, Kelsey. But the first one, Michelle, when she got to the show, it was like, one of their first weeks. I'm like, okay, you guys all got a date online because we're doing an online dating show. I mean, if they were all single. She met a guy in OkCupid, like, the first week she was working for me, and they're still dating. It's been, like, seven months. They're still together. I know. I love it. Do you have a lot of stories like that of, like, people getting married on OkCupid and stuff?

Tons of stories. It's not all about marriage, Right.

Because we have a younger user base, a lot of people, you know what we'll find is true. We get tons of marriage stories. We get baby pictures. That's weird, by the way.

Right?

The first time I got a baby picture, I was like. I felt almost like some kind of a God. I was like, oh, my gosh. You know, this life exists because of okcup.

Exactly. You should feel like that. Yeah.

No, no, no. But one thing is, yeah, we have lots of marriages, but we also have lots of people who. Especially when people move to a new town, you know, it's just. It's hard to make any kind of friend. And really all you want to do is meet people. And so you might go on 10 dates. And even if none of them lead to marriage, you know, that's still a great experience because you're meeting new people and you're kind of getting ingrained in kind of the new area.

Right. I mean, that's how I feel about OkCupid. It seems like it's more. And I. I haven't done it because I just haven't. I'm in. I'm in a relationship sort of, kind of, sometimes. But the point is, is that. Is that people. It seems like it's just More casual. Like, it's not, like, as serious, you know, that it is more like, hey, I just want to meet someone. Like, maybe we'll grab a drink one night. It's not like this, like, you know.

It'S kind of like when a bunch of girls, you know, have a girl.

You know, dating is, you know. Yeah, you all want to meet guys, but that's not like, oh, God, if I don't meet a guy tonight, you know, you're having fun at the bar. And that's the attitude we want to convey. Is that desperation. So many other sites, sort of, they play out this fear that you're getting old and, you know, if you don't get married, then, you know, you're a loser. And I hate that whole psychological game of many people sort of playing off fear and desperation. And we want the opposite. We wanted to be like, hey, without meeting people in our everyday world, we just want another way to meet people. And I think that's just such a more positive message. And I think you attract a much cooler, much more interesting group of people.

When you do that. Definitely. I think that's so true. That's why I like it. You've created this bar online, kind of for people.

If only we could figure out how to do digital booze.

It's coming. It's coming.

I know. I hope we invent it.

Okay. Yeah, I think that's great. Any other. Any other tips for people who are just starting out? I mean, I know. I don't think I'm ever gonna see Tiana again. My other intern, she literally was like, your questions are so great. We were just reading some before we called you. Like, the questions that people, you know, how interested you be in knowing your part, details of your partner's sexual history, and would you ever use a sex toy during lovemaking? I think it's great that you include all those questions in there. You can kind of.

Yes.

And those are all things that you would totally be interested in knowing about, but it's just, you can't really ask that even on the 10th date. Like, you know, that's just stuff that sort of comes out over a much longer time.

Yeah, exactly. I think you're doing a great job, Sam.

Yeah, thank you so much.

I'm so proud of you. Cause I remember we talked. We got, like, introduced by someone, like, years ago. But I'm a fan of it, and everyone who works with me are a fan of it. And everyone, it seems, that I talk to is a fan.

Yeah, I have actually a bunch of Friends who go on.

This is Kelsey. Hello.

Just go on. OkCupid is like a hobby. Like we just like looking people up and like matching and seeing how they match. Like me and my girlfriends will just match each other up and see like what our percent matches. Like I'm in a relationship right now and like both my boyfriend and I have one. Just cuz it's funny. Like it's fun. And like most of people I know, they're like, I would never do this, I would never do this. But like it's fun and it's just like, it's just like meeting people and also just getting messages. It's nice for your ego too, you know?

Yeah, it's true. Well, that's. Yeah, it's funny cuz like when Tiana started yesterday, she was like, I don't know, I don't want to seem desperate because, you know, that used to be the stigma with online dating. And I think it's really changed now. It's like I almost have. No, I almost. I almost don't know anybody who hasn't dated online. Like I feel like everyone has now. So that's certainly changed. And then she was just like within like 20 minutes, she was like hugged and like sucked in. You know, it's like. Yeah, so that's really cool.

Yeah, I think it's just really appealing for like, like, I don't want to say hipsters, but just kind of like a crowd who like, considers themselves not taking them too seriously and just kind of having fun with it. I don't know, I've. There's a bunch of people on there that just seem like, you know, there. There are people who definitely take themselves seriously on there and it's kind of fun to look on their profiles and laugh about it. I know that sounds terrible, but. Yeah, I've had a bunch of fun with it, just getting messages and answering the questions and all that stuff.

Yeah, that's good. Sam, you're providing entertainment. No one's working in my office anymore. They're just on OkCupid. But that's cool. Thanks for nothing. No. Okay. Sam, well, thank you so much for being on the show. I appreciate it. We'll have to get you on again soon. I know it took us a while, but I'm so glad we finally connected.

We'll do it again soon.

Okay. Thanks, Sam. Have a great day. Bye.

Sam Yegan Founder, OkCupid that was awesome. That was awesome. Because literally, I cannot. You can't swing a cat in this town without hearing about OkCupid. Everyone talks about it. Okay, so. So he gave us some really good. Those were some interesting tips about, like, the pictures and, like, women. I think I read that in one of their blogs that women should be staring at the camera looking at the camera, and men looking away. That's a very interesting. Did you know that?

I didn't, but I can see how that would work that way.

Right. Okay, so a few more things that we can talk about here for a second. Is.

Your first message. Like, what is the first message? Like, did you. What about you, Kelsey? Like, did you get any good one? Can you remember any good ones and then, like, the bad ones?

Yeah, there were some pretty cheesy ones. Like, I want to. You're a princess. I'm going to wear you like a crown.

Are you serious?

And just stuff like, never, never tell the person that they're attractive in the first day.

That's what they say here. Avoid physical compliments.

I do not want to be told that. Like, if you're messaging me, I'm pretty sure you think I'm hot.

Exactly. Like, it's obvious you thought you're excuse. Don't be like, hey, man, nice rack. Like, don't do anything like that unless.

You'Re just having fun. I mean, then it's still kind of offensive if you use the term rack. But.

It'S all good. But yeah, no, I would say the only people I've ever responded to are people that were super witty. I know that sounds kind of mean, but also people.

You gotta have, like, a little edge.

Yeah, they would. They would take, like, something that I set, like, something I set on my profile, like an interest and say they also had that interest. Or my picture. Like, he was saying I picked a picture of me in Switzerland actually, like, just kind of. I was, like, laying down. There's, like mountains in the background. And a bunch of people were like, oh, where's. Where are you sitting in that picture?

Oh, that one on your Facebook. Yeah. I love that picture of you.

There's another picture of me. It was kind of embarrassing. It was like a gnome with, like, a large nose and it was kind of phallic.

Oh, good.

So I got a bunch of, like, messages about that, which some of them were like, oh, my God, this is so stupid. Like, I get that it looks like a penis. I was probably subconsciously trying to tell you something that I didn't realize. But I mean, just like.

Right. You want to do something that pictures that kind of show a part of, you know? Yeah.

I mean, I think I Did have a picture of me holding a beer, but that's fine.

I just meant when they're. You did. I meant, like, the ones that are all party pics. You know, like stuff like that.

Yeah, like beer bongs and weed. Like an actual bong.

Right, right. You know, it's fine if you smoke weed, but just don't put it in your pictures. And you probably shouldn't do that anyway because you might run for president one day, and then you're screwed. Okay. Use an unusual greeting. The way you choose to start your initial message to someone is your first impression. So the top three most popular ways to say hello are actually bad beginnings. They say, hey, hello, and hi.

Just go right into the message. Like, go right to the point.

Yep.

And another suggestion I would have is to never try and start a meeting or, like, have a meeting with someone and actually meet up until you have an extensive conversation with them. Especially for people who are new to online dating, no one's gonna want to, like, actually go out on a date with. It's hard to go out and date with a stranger until you feel comfortable with them.

So you mean, like, have a lot of. Talk to them on the phone, actually.

Or not even talk to them on the phone, but, like, message back and forth for a while, try and figure out who they are. Like, I've. I've been talking. I talked to some guys and I would message them back, and then the second they'd be like, let's meet up. I'd be like, I'm out. You know, Right. Right after, like, maybe 10 messages.

We need to feel safe. And also, there is a thing about safety. Like, you have to make sure that this person seems legit. They're not going to, like, yeah, be psycho killer. So anyway, yeah, everyone be really safe when you're online dating and just have fun with it. Don't take it serious too seriously. Don't take it personally. You know, I've had friends who've dated online, and she was like, okay, she's unmatched. And she was like, okay, my profile has been viewed 300,000 times because it tells you how do they do that in Unki Cupid, too?

They actually even tell you who's visiting your site. Which I didn't realize because I felt like I was, like, stalking this one hipster dude, and I would, like, click on his profile and I'd be like, yeah, dude, this is the guy to, like all my friends.

Oh, no. And then he saw that you were clicking on him.

A bunch of pops up like, you know, like, Skater Boy 25 is viewing you, so.

Oh, I don't want it. I see that to me, feels like then you don't have as much freedom.

To think you can go on, like, private browsing.

Private browsing. I would for sure private browse, but just have fun. Hopefully this helped everyone. If you want to get it online, if you're feeling like, you know, it's. I think it's time. I don't think there's stigmas attached to it anymore. I don't think you're desperate. I just think it's like, okay, Cupid or any site that you find it's a stigma, you have some fun and.

Own up to it too. Like so many people you know, write, I never do this.

Oh, don't ever say that.

Someone like me, like, I'm not desperate like you other people. But just be like, yo, I'm having a good time. I'm online. I'm. You know, this is the modern world.

Exactly. You're online anyway, right? I mean, on Facebook or wasting time doing stuff, you might as well waste your time in OkCupid.

Sounds good to me.

Or wherever. Match, whatever you want to do. Eat harmony, Christian, Single Christian, mingle. JDate. If you're a Jewish person like myself.

Which I've never done, JDate isn't there frumpster too. I heard that was pretty big for, like, it's like people who are like, have like a very religious and they like. I don't know. My friend is on it. She does J date and Fromster. Her parents actually pay for her J date and her. Her online dating site.

They do. They're like, we're cutting you off. Except for your online dating sites.

They pay for my highlights and my online dating accounts.

That's hilarious. That is funny. Well, parents, you know, they want. They wanted to hook up, so she want. They want her to find someone. Okay, everyone, so that's what we got for today. Tomorrow's show is great. Tomorrow's show. We've got a lot of Valentine's Day tips for you. We've got the Jimmy Jane founder, Ethan and Bowden talking about fun things to do, how to play with sex toys. What else do we talk. What else will we talk about? Sex toys and how to incorporate them into relationship. And some Valentine's Day tips. And we talk about hand jobs too, because we love hand jobs around here. And also one more thing. If you still are one of those people who have not bought your Valentine's day, go to AdamandEve.com use coupon code Emily at checkout. You will get 50% off most items. You will get free shipping. You will get the Kim Kardashian sex DVD if you want to see it or if you don't, maybe someone else wants to see it in your family or your friends. And you get a free mystery gift.

I think we should all go into the office with the vibrating panties including Steve.

I love the vibrating panties. That is a great gift even you could give your lover a pair of vibrating panties and you could if you're taking her to dinner. That would be a great pre dinner gift.

Yeah. Or you can get the purple Venus Butterfly. I wore it on the bus actually.

She did one of her first weeks working for me. She wore a vibrator on the bus just to see just cause she can. It's called the Venus butterfly so there's.

Lots spice things up on the bus ride. So boring.

Exactly. Who needs to read on? You know Bart, when you can on the bus you can read and you.

Can get one of those romantic cheesy books that grandmas read. One of those romance novels, right?

Harlequin.

Yeah.

Yeah, they still make Harlequin. Okay, so anyway, happy Valentine's Day coming up soon everyone. And we will talk to you soon. Thanks everyone for listening to sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com there's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep.

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