SWE: Do's and Don'ts

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, that feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to Sex, where you can listen to all of our podcasts, watch our videos, do all that cool stuff, and improve your sex life at the same time. We hope that everyone will become a friends with benefits member, because then you get more sex with Emily all the time, and your sex life will improve. That's just how it goes down.

And Emily will give you fellatio oh, come on. All day, every day.

If that's what it takes. Maybe we should raffle that off next year for Valentine's Day, because we had a lot of entries in our Valentine's Day contest, and today's. I hope everyone's having good Valentine's Day hangovers.

Yeah. And no one would enter the fellatio contest, though. You don't have to.

Come on. Who wouldn't want a free blowjob? Yeah. Nah. Meh. Don't know. Yeah, maybe that's a good one for next year. We'll get a lot more Twitter followers and stuff. But you can always follow me on Facebook and Twitter. Sex with Emily and Menaces. White Menace at all those places. And Instagram. And everywhere.

Instagram, Tumblr.

Tumblr. Oh, I have a Tumblr thing too. What? I turned to Tumblr. I got a Tumblr. Whatever. Yeah.

Are you on Pinterest yet?

Y.

Yes, I'm on Pinterest.

I haven't pinned anything yet, though.

Are you on path? No, but whenever you get Pinterest, are you on soundtracking?

No, I don't understand Pinterest yet. Where do you find the images? Do you just, like. Do you just take screen grabs of images that you like and then you can. Or do you put website?

It's either. Either or.

Okay.

Yeah.

I haven't understood it yet, but it's a new website that everyone is on going crazy.

My mom has heard.

I know that's what you said.

It's insane.

It's just. I don't get it though. Like, what's the point of it? It doesn't matter, okay? It's not.

It's still look like hole crap.

Okay, whatever. I've gotten too busy. But I did join it. So today we're gonna be talking about the do's and don'ts of sex and relationships. Just very basic things that you should do and that you should not do. We're gonna be debating Menace and I might not always agree.

Guarantee you I won't agree with anything you have to say. Not just for the show, but just because I'm right.

Yeah, you're always right. Okay, and remember, this is our new sponsor, Good Vibrations Is My heart is. Is. Is. Is with Good Vibrations. Because I have to tell you that my first time I had ever gone into a sex store sex toy store was when I moved to San Francisco and I was 22 years old. And I was like, you know, kind of nervous because I wanted to, like, figure out the whole G Spot thing. And I Was like, do you have a G spot vibe? They're like, oh, sure. This is how do you work it? And they're so knowledgeable. They're staff. They're so cool. There's a few stores in San Francisco, one in Boston, but you can also go to Good Vibes Dot Com. They've got every sex toy. And if you put on coupon code Emily15, you get 15% off anything from Good Vibrations.

See, people, once you move to San Francisco and you're a female, it's all downhill.

Oh, come on.

You get all caught up in the wacky stuff. I just got off the phone last night with this girl that I know. She was from outside the area. Perfectly what you would say, you know, normal upbringing into, you know, just, you know, regular stuff.

Right, right.

And not a hipster. Not into any, like, type of social scene that is wacky.

Okay.

I call her last night just to catch up, and she's like, yeah, I just got back from a meditation retreat. I'm like, oh, my God. She's like, don't make fun of me. Of course I'm gonna make fun of you. Because before you moved here, you would never think of going to a meditation retreat.

But why do you think that's a good argument that just because you didn't before you, like. Yes. I grew up in Michigan. I had more humble upbringings. More. Not humble, but more, you know, straightforward upbringing.

The people that come here, I'm not saying you're one of them.

We get all whacked up.

I'm not saying. Yeah, I'm not saying you're one of these people. But a lot of people get caught up in the scenes around here because there was this. Like, a lot of people can come here and reinvent themselves, right? Because there was this kid that I went to high school with, Uber dork. Like, but then I saw him in a bar, and he was the same guy, right? Looked like the same guy. But now he's like, all, oh, I'm the manager of our coffee shop. I got this awkward mustache now.

Oh, right. I'm hanging out with all that funked out hipster.

Yeah, Just like, it's true.

I went out this week.

I mean, more power to them. Why? You know, why stay home? Why stay home and be the dork when he can come to San Francisco and hide it?

Why do you hate that people can change here? Why are you hating on change in San Francisco?

No, it's just that it's a place.

You come when you want to. You want to be you can become anything here. You can do whatever you want.

I think it's the people that are begging to be part of something. That's all. Instead of being an individual.

Right.

That's all.

No, I think that. I think it brings out your individuality. And I think meditation is really good for you. Good for your friend. I'd like to talk to her because, you know, I've done a bunch of meditation retreats, which is why. Which is why I'm so chill.

Yeah.

Yeah. Right. Okay.

Are you currently on any type of cleanse?

No, I'm not. I trying to be gluten free, though. I'm gluten free. I've been gluten free for a few months, but not like I've had pizza and stuff, but I've tried to be gluten free because my friend said it helps with focus.

Yeah.

And God knows I need that help.

What's your friend do?

She's a mom.

Yeah. What kind of crazy things does she do?

She does everything.

Yeah?

Yeah. Meditation, yoga, all that stuff. That's not crazy. Men is. You probably, you know, could you use a little bit of yoga, meditation?

I don't want any of that. I'm fine. I don't need to meditate to find myself because I know who I am.

Exactly. You are. Yeah. You do.

I do.

That's good meditation. I think it helps people, but that's just me. Okay, so we've got just a little bit of sex in the news today. And unless you have any sex in the news that you'd like to add that we haven't already done, but I've got one story here.

I'm trying to think if I heard.

Anything, any celebrity stuff, did anything come up? This from last weekend when you were in.

No.

Okay. It's all been Whitney Houston.

Yeah, it has been Whitney Houston. I know Bobby Brown left earlier yesterday evening to be with his daughter because his daughter freaked out and ended up going to the emergency room.

Wow. Yeah, that happens. Yeah. I mean, if your parent dies, it's crazy. Cause. Yeah. Okay. Hugh Hefner, son allegedly attacks Playboy Playmate of the Year girlfriend.

No way.

He attacks the Playmate of the Year. Hugh Hefner's son, his oldest son, was arrested on Sunday night for allegedly attacking the 2011 playmate of the Year and his girlfriend, Claire Sinclair. Marston. Marston Hefner, who I've never even heard of, punched and kicked Sinclair, leaving her with bruises and red marks. Cops showed up after Sinclair's called family members who called 911 Hefner denies that he ever hit her. He was released on a $20,000 bail a few hours after his arrest, according to the New York Post.

That's not good, man. When you. When you.

Have a fortune, while your dad has a fortune in a business that's all geared towards women, you don't beat women.

I bet you he was probably drunk. Most domestic violence cases happen when people are drinking, I think.

Yeah, but still are on drugs.

Not most, but I think a lot of them.

It's no excuse.

No excuse.

It's gross. It grows.

It's so funny because I was reading Twitter today and apparently Chris Brown, who beat Rihanna, won a Grammy yesterday. And then.

This guy tweets out, he goes, oh, yeah, congratulations, Chris Brown on his Grammy. Here you can read the police report of the brutal beating he did on a woman and then put the link with all the description.

Wow. Just to say, like, you're never gonna get away with that just cause you won a Grammy, like, you still beat, beat Rihanna. It's weird because who is still sleeping with him, by the way, after he beat her. They say.

Yeah, they say.

It'S crazy because older women, Older women do not forgive Chris Brown. But I see all these like 20 something chicks and they just. They just love him.

Yeah.

Because they think he's the bad boy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never been into the bad boy. I have a really, I have to say, like, knock on wood. Like, I've always dated nice guys, like, not assholes. I mean, they might be like weird or freaky or kind of used car salesman, but they're really nice.

Yeah.

They compliment you a lot. Yeah, they compliment me all the time. They tell me I'm beautiful, I'm great, I'm whatever. This is what I need. But I've never gone for the bad boy. Maybe once. Maybe like literally once. So that's all. Okay. Then we can move into some emails.

What do you got?

This is what I got for you. Okay.

I want to go to the mansion now.

Okay, I'll take it.

I. I tweeted out, I explained later on like couple episodes ago, but I get to go to this ultra exclusive restaurant that's inside Disneyland.

Right.

It has like a 14 year waiting list is so crazy. Blah, blah. But when I first tweeted out about it, I was like, oh, my God, you guys got to see where I check in.

Right.

On February 25th, I go, I never thought I'd be at this place ever in my life. And then people kept on thinking it was the Playboy Mansion.

Right, right, right, right. So now you want to go? I can get you in, baby. I've been there twice.

I know. Let's go.

Let's go. Okay, well, that's our list of all the. We should just, like, write this stuff down because we make all these plans and we're on the air and we're really excited about it, and then we don't do crap together.

Well, I want to go to Vegas. I want to do a Vegas show.

We are gonna do a Vegas show in June. I've decided in June. That's when all the good stuff's gonna be happening. Okay, okay. Okay. So let's.

This can't be the first weekend in June. I got a big concert.

Fine. That's my birthday weekend.

All right.

Okay. Tiana's gonna come. Our intern. Okay. Hi. We're gonna move into emails is what I was gonna say.

So.

Emails. You can always email us@feedbackexwithemily.com where you can just go on the website sexwithemily.com and easily click on the Ask Emily button. Why are you laughing?

No, nothing.

Nothing. Yeah, you're just looking at me longingly. Lovingly.

Yes, very lovingly.

Okay.

Hi.

I'm an 18 year old white guy and my penis is 8 inches long and the girth is 6 inches. Am I big, average or small? Regarding to length and girth.

My girth is eight inches.

Yeah. No, eight inches long and the girth is six inches. That's.

What is six inch. Do you have a ruler?

Is this email from shenanigans.com?

No, no, no, no. It's a real email.

Hocus pocus.net I know it'd be annoying.

That I'm telling my size and every guy might have some sort of questions like menace, but I'm just curious. Also, does flaccid size matter? Do women like to see bigger flaccid dicks? My penis is 6 inches when soft. So is it good? Also, how big is too big and how small is too small, in your opinion, Auntie from Miami, Florida?

I don't know. I mean, seriously, like, it goes with you saying for a woman, it's person by person, case by case basis. The guy that I dated with the smallest penis that I've ever seen in my entire life is like, happily married with three kids and blissfully married, you know, living in bliss. His penis, for me was. It wasn't about his penis size. We broke up for other reasons because I didn't actually mind that he had the smallest penis. In the world. But the point is there's penises for everyone. Some women like really big. There are size queens out there. Some women sometimes. We've actually had emails from listeners whose penises are too big and it hurts women. So I don't know. I mean, but I'd say that you are a little bit above average. Maybe 8 inches.

Yeah.

Above average, right.

I think the girth. I don't know.

Six? Are you sure you're six inches like that? Seems like your penis looks like a block or something. Is like a block.

Six inches?

I don't know. Eight and a six. I don't know if I believe you. I think you got to pull out the ruler again.

That's what I'm saying. If you got it from, you know.

No, no, no. I think he's real.

I'm lying Dot com.

He lives in Miami, Florida. Okay. Dear Emily. Yes, Okay. I ripped on Menace before, but I have to side with him on something.

Thank God. Thank you.

Isn't it nice when people side with you? Yeah. He's talking about when you ask a woman what she wants and she says she doesn't know. This is my life. I've been married for almost 20 years this July. And here is an example of our conversation. Where to go to dinner?

Oh my God.

Ready?

This is the worst. Go for it.

Me? Where do you want to go? Dinner? Anywhere is fine. Why don't you pick? Okay. How about Aufgarden? No, I don't like Italian. How about Mexican? Three margaritas. No, I don't feel like Mexican tonight.

Bitch. You know what you want to eat? Just tell me.

Ok. How about barbecue? No, too spicy. Okay. Honey, where would you like to go? Spouse? I don't know. Why don't you pick?

Oh my God. It's my worst nightmare.

Me. I have picked. I made a few suggestions. None were adequate. So what would you like to do? For what it's worth, I go through the same insanity with my parents. Too fun. Bobby.

Bobby. All you gotta do is tell her we're going to here to eat. You don't ask her. You just don't ask.

That is hilarious.

You don't ask.

I know. Menace is a whole. Just to give you. Menace thinks that you should and I agree. We agree on this. Men should have a plan. Have a plan for a date. Just decide. Don't even ask. Just be like, I made reservations at this place. Let her. You know what I mean? We're going here like women. Like men. Oftentimes many women. I mean, I have some friends who Are foodies and food obsessed and they won't go eat anywhere, but at least have a plan and just say, this is what we're doing. Don't even ask. And you've been married for 20 years. Like, why is he still having this conversation? That's what I want to know, Bobby.

Because bitches be crazy, Emily.

20 years, he's having a conversation. That's awful. For 20 years.

It's called.

There's a term for it. Mental terrorism is what it's called.

That's what it's called. I'm the woman who's like, I don't care, and I really care about it.

Women are mental terrorists.

We are not mental terrorists.

You are.

We are not.

You're mental terrorists.

Okay, so this next we're gonna move into our topic, and this is the deal. So it is the do's and don'ts of sex and relationships. Okay. Okay. This is from a book called sex with your ex and 69 other things you should never do again, plus a few that you should. Okay, so I'm gonna see. This is like. I want to see how we feel about these things. Okay, Never. Number one, never have sex with your ex. What do you think?

No, if you want to get laid, go ahead, do it.

I mean, I think that sex with your ex has benefits. There's definitely pros and cons. I have to admit that I've oftentimes more than not had sex with an ex for a while afterwards. But the only problem with that, and I wasn't attached anymore, and it's really just because this person knows your body and they know what you like, and then you have sex. However, if you're doing it because you think you're gonna get em back and then they might not want to and you're thinking that it's gonna change something. No, but if you can have emotionally unattached sex with your ex, I don't think that there's a problem. But the problem comes when you are keep having sex with your ex. And it prevents you from meeting other people because you're like, oh, it's just easier. I'm just going to keep being with my ex even though he's a douchebag or whatever. And so I think, honestly, you should just be having sex with people that you think that could move forward in your. They can move forward to a relationship in your life. That's just what I think. What do you think?

I. Yeah, again, I don't think it's really a bad thing as long as the person the ex that you're having sex with is not still, like, head over heels.

Exactly for you. You know, it's not fair. And, like, she's, like, trying to get back together. He's trying to get back together. It's not gonna work. Okay, this one we've talked about.

Never reveal your number of sexual partners.

Never.

Never take it to the crowd, ever. Ever. That's because no matter what you tell your partner that you've slept with two people or 200, no one but him. What happens to the information inside his brain is beyond your control. There is no upside. This is so true. There is no upside to sharing it. And I actually. When I was. I actually got tricked into it once, like, when I was younger, and I. So this is for people who are like. I think that. I don't know if people have this conversation when they're, like, in their 30s, but I remember my 20s being with a guy who was like, oh, like, how many? And I told him, and I just remember, like, it's never good. Like, it's just either. It's too much, too little. Just. That's a number that's supposed to be kept privately to yourself. And that is all.

Do not tell me, ever.

Never let him keep photos of you in your birthday suit.

You can trust me, but I wouldn't trust anybody else.

Menace has, like, a whole bevy of photos, but I would say that's so true. I talk about it all the time. Never, ever, ever, ever let him keep photos of you. Don't release photos. I don't see why you think that's a good idea. Anytime. Because he's gonna show him to his friends anyway. Except for Menace, because he doesn't do that. Okay. Never go after him if he has a girlfriend or wife. True, true. Don't go after a married guy. He's not gonna leave her. He's gonna stay with her.

Yeah.

And he's gonna pretend that he's gonna leave her, and it's gonna be really exciting because it's kind of secret, and you're. You're pussyfooting around or whatever it's called, and you're like.

You know, it can be hot and whatever, but it's just. It's never. It's not a good thing. It's not good for women, not good for men. Don't do it.

Okay. More.

Never use the toilet in front of your partner. What do you think about that one?

Yeah, I don't want to see that.

Some couples feel they should be able to do and say anything in front of each other, even if it's not always so pretty. And it's true. With closeness comes that openness. But I just think that some things need to be off limits.

Yes.

Like, just don't go to the bathroom from your partner. Like, can you just, like, close the door? Like, I don't. I just did something that I've never. And I was with a guy once who was like. I think he thought that by seeing me go to the bathroom in front of him that it would increase this amount of intimacy. And he was like, oh, leave the door open or you'd come in when I was going to the bathroom. And it. It just kind of creeped me out.

It's not hot.

It's never hot. And then you're just picturing them going to the bathroom. But there's some guys who want that.

Freaks, weirdos.

Okay.

That you date.

Okay. Never abstain from sex just because you're having your period. I agree.

Menace.

Whatever.

Menace. I agree with you.

They don't tell you most of the time anyways. Well, unless they don't want to. Unless they. They don't want to have sex with you. Then they say they.

No, I've done that before. I've said I have my period when I don't have sex. But sometimes we don't know as soon as you get your period when you're having sex because you didn't know you were getting it. Like, that you get it because you're having sex.

Whatever.

For some women, the week of their period is their horniest time of the month. So if you're one of them, part of this regular sexual peak could be that if you feel more sexually liberated during this time. So I think that it's up to the couple. Some women don't like it, some men don't like it. But I don't think that you should. Think that you shouldn't have sex during your period. Okay. All right, all right.

Never continue dating him if he openly lusts after other women. True. Totally. I agree with that. If you're dating a guy who is always lusting after other women and saying he's hot, she's hot. Don't you think she's hot? I would dump that guy. Totally.

Because you want all the attention.

Of course I want all the attention. Of course I do. I mean, I think.

I mean, I'm not that. I'm not that guy. But that's the only reason that.

No, but that's not healthy. It's just totally not healthy to be with a Guy who is lusting after other women. I hope we're teaching you all really good things. Okay. Never be afraid to show him what feels good. And that is true. If there's one complaint men voice when it comes to sex, it's that she just lies there. And I have to say that that is so true that women that. That is the biggest complaint that I've heard. They're like, she just lies there like a dead fish. Like, what's it called.

Like, when men just say that she. What are the names for women who just lie there? Like, is it just like a dead fish?

Yeah, dead fish.

Okay, so don't just lie there and talk about what you want in bed and all that stuff. Never believe him when he says he didn't cheat. If the evidence suggests otherwise. What do you think about that? Secretive phone calls, long brunette hair in his bathroom when yours is blonde. Not making it to your birthday party, and not having good excuses to why he was a no show.

So what do you think about that? You've got all this evidence, but he still says no, he didn't cheat. Have you ever been in that scenario where a woman was like, you cheated on me and you really, really didn't? Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I think that most times, if that happens, that the case is gonna be. The case is gonna be against you.

I mean, I'm not a cheater. That's why. But sometimes.

You know, women get around their girlfriends and like, a guy could be, you know, this working too much or just like not into it. You know, there's sometimes, believe it or not, guys just don't want to have sex. And then the girl, Then the girl goes run to her friends and like, oh, my God, no, he doesn't want to have sex with me. And then you're like, oh, girlfriend, he must be cheating on you. He must be. He must be hanging out with some other chick. And then, you know, it doesn't mean that they're always cheating on you. But if you're not dating me, then probably you're getting.

But if you find a blonde hair in your brunette. A blonde hair in your brunette. Secretive phone calls. Like, if there's evidence, it stacks up. Not just that you don't want to have sex, I think so. Never tell them how much you love your vibrator. A woman's love affair with her vibrator is a special one. It might have been the first to touch her in that oh so special way. But don't tell him.

Don't want to hear about It.

You don't want to hear about it?

Nope.

Okay, you're right. I think I've probably overshared that to many men.

Yeah.

If you want to buy a vibrator, actually, though, you can go to AdamAndEve.com, put coupon code Emily at checkout, and you get the Kim Kardashian Sex DVD. DVD. You get free gifts, free shipping, amazing stuff, 50% off most items. Just don't share that. I think I've overshared that, but I can't help it because my entire house is filled with vibrators. Okay, this one is so true. Never date a jerk, even if he's beautiful. Women, stay away from the assholes. Don't date the jerks.

They won't listen.

But they shouldn't. I never have dated assholes.

Yeah, but women don't listen.

Never drop your girlfriends for your guy. I think that's very true. I've never done that. I've never dropped my girlfriends. Well, maybe I have, but I didn't even. Never answer your phone during sex. I was reading this, I thought, menace probably does that.

What? I mean, I. Maybe you might text during your phone calls when I'm getting fellatio or something.

Do you.

Sometimes when I'm busy.

Have you ever tweeted while you were getting fellatio?

No.

No.

True or not true, you've tweeted.

I have not, but I could.

I bet you have.

We'll do, like, a secret. We'll do, like a secret word that I'll say or something, and then so people know that.

Oh, yeah. Next time you get a blowjob, I think you should tweet.

Well, yeah, but what should I tweet? It needs to be a secret word.

I don't know, something like.

I love carrots or something like that.

I'm going downtown.

That sounds like I'm giving a blowjob.

How about like, something about going downtown?

No, not sexual. Not downtown. No.

Okay, next one. Never check.

It's all about, oh, say, I love downtown San Francisco.

Yeah, Something like, I love downtown. Like downtown San Francisco.

No, I can't just say downtown because.

It sounds like downtown San Francisco. I'm in downtown. Oh, yeah. Downtown San Francisco looks so beautiful tonight.

Yes. All right, if you see me tweeting.

That, I'm gonna laugh my ass off.

That means I'm getting.

Will you do it soon? I just want that to happen.

Do it tonight or tomorrow.

Who's gonna give you fellatio?

I can get anybody to give me fellatio.

Please. Oh, come On Menace, I can pick.

Up the phone and say, hey, I.

Would love to do that. I would love if you did that.

Okay.

Okay.

So downtown San Francisco looked beautiful tonight.

Yes.

All right. But I don't want you to try to call me right after, like, in the middle of it.

Oh, I'm fucking calling you right after. Yes, I am. I'm calling you in the middle. Never check his email just to see what he's been up to. You're always gonna find something that is confusing, perplexing, and you're gonna think he's cheating on you.

I got emails from, like, 2004.

So do I. I've got emails from forever 10 years ago.

So just never give up your email password ever. Like, this girl I was dating, she wanted my email password so bad. I'm like, hell.

Hells to the no. Right? Do not check emails ever, on either side. If you think someone's cheating, you think there's an issue, I would just talk to them about first.

Hire the investigator if you care that much.

Okay. Never ask him if you look fat.

Yes.

Do you agree? Don't ask. Or you should ask.

No, you shouldn't ask. But I would tell you, if you look fat in something, you will. Yeah.

They'll say never. Most men will wholeheartedly back this particular never. They can't send the question. It puts your tough guy. It puts your tough guy in an impossibly tough situation, which, if he's like most other males, he doesn't handle it well. It's a classic. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Right.

That makes you a little chunky.

Would you say that to a girl? Yeah, you'd be like, your ass looks fat. Those jeans, actually, I mean. Oh, you'd say, that's not my favorite.

The type. No, no, no, I wouldn't say that. I mean, the type of girls that I date can joke around like that.

Right. I actually did a jean for this guy I was dating. I. I had. I have so many pairs of jeans, and I was like, I gotta get rid of some because I don't wear them. And I actually tried them all on for him one night. Like, a bunch of them. I was. It was a sexy thing. We were drinking wine and I was trying on jeans, and he was like, yeah, those aren't my favorite. Or you know what? I don't think that, like, he was very diplomatic about it, but he probably was, like, basically saying, your ass looks fat, those jeans.

But.

Yeah, right, right. I don't know. Never date a guy who Won't introduce you to his friends.

True, true. If a guy does not it's not.

He, then that means he's dating somebody else.

Yeah, it means something. Or I mean, I'm not saying he should introduce you to his friends the first week. What do you think is the right time for to introduce a woman to your friends, which is, I guess, when you know you really like her.

A couple weeks.

Couple weeks.

Yeah. And we're so social here. Like in San Francisco. Like, I'm always going out with my friends. Like it's kind of unavoidable. Sometimes I will introduce people and I'll never see him again, but whatever. Never get involved with him. If he still lives with his parents, his ex wife, his ex girlfriend, or college buddies.

I don't know. College buddies. Yeah, but college buddies. A lot of people live with their college buddies.

I mean, in major cities it's really rough.

It is rough.

Live alone.

Exactly. Never have. What? Yeah, go ahead. Never have more to drink on a first date than he does. Women should never have more to drink than he does. She's gonna barf all over you if she does, right?

Barf. Pop chunks.

I want to date on this chick that she drank so much that I had a help her and put my finger down her throat.

Was the first date, huh? Was the first date?

Yeah, it was like pretty much the first date. Yeah.

You had to like help her barf.

Yeah. And she's married now, so I'll be like, hey, remember when I.

Remember when I helped you barf?

Remember when I had my finger down your throat like for an hour? I've never, like, it's weird. It's weird because people can say things and I'll start gagging, like over this weekend, like, it was so bad. I was drinking. I was actually drinking wine because there was only beer and wine.

Look at you.

Well, there was only beer and wine down at the bottom of the hotel in this like, convenience store. And I. I hate beer because it takes you so long.

I know you can't get drunk up here. I have same problem.

So I was like, oh, great. Gotta drink wine. So there's like some wine called Smokin Loon.

Oh, yeah, I've seen it. Yeah.

And so we buy like cheap. Yeah, we buy. Yeah, you know me. I'm like, right, whatever. I'm. I'm a connoisseur of cheap wines. And.

We started drinking like five bottles of it, right? And I'm fine, whatever. Get wasted, wake up the next day. I don't feel that. That Great. But me and my buddies are in the hotel, and I guess apparently there was some, like, virus outbreak on this cruise ship recently, just in the news. And then they just started talking about, oh, my God, imagine all the diarrhea on there. Blah, blah.

And that would make me gas.

Yeah. And then there was some old lady that started doing the interview and like, oh, imagine that. That chick did it. And I just immediately went to the bathroom and threw up.

Did you really? Just talking about it.

Yeah. But what's weird is, like, if somebody's, like, throwing up in front of me and they're drunk, like, I can be there, like, right next to them, not get sick.

Right.

Like, I can take care of.

Right. But if someone's talking about something you visually.

Yeah.

Like really you can picture.

Or like food, like, food smells.

Food smells. Can sometimes want to vomit. Yeah, that's true. But if I see someone throw up, that makes me nauseous. Absolutely. Yeah.

For some reason that doesn't bother me.

Okay. Never have sex with a guy who keeps his socks on.

So what's up with this?

Don't keep your socks on. It's just not sexy. Picture a man who you think is so sexy, all revved up and ready to go. And he's like, hey, baby. Hey, baby. And then he's like, got his socks on.

Like, I'm not gonna keep my socks on. But I don't see why it's so offensive.

It's just not. It's not offensive. It's just not hot. Like, really, you're walk patting around with your socks on and you feel your socks rubbing against my legs.

But guys think it's hot.

Dirty socks.

Guys think it's hot if girls have socks on.

Knee highs, maybe. Yeah. Or thigh highs.

That's hot.

But you think that's hot.

A lot of people think.

A lot of people think that's hot.

It's really hot.

I. My buddy, he. He had an ingrown toenail, so he would never take off. Take off his socks while having sex. And we. We brought it up on the radio show, and then we made him take his socks off in the radio show. And it looks so gross. Oh, we videotaped him and put it on the Internet.

That is disgusting. That is so disgusting.

We called up his girlfriend, asked him if he. She's ever seen his toes, and she said no.

That is hilarious. Yeah. I had a guy who had messed up feet, but he did take his socks off, but then it was kind of gross. So I don't know if you'd rather see gross feet or gross socks. He had all these ingrown. He was really dry and he had, like. It was just his feet were peeling all over the place. And he had ingrown toenails. You gotta get pedicure. Nothing wrong with a guy getting a pedicure. Yeah, I get rid of that ingrown toenail. They will dig that out.

I do self maintenance. I don't go because I don't like people touching my feet.

Oh, you don't? I love pedicures. I actually.

I have this weird thing about feet I, like, hate.

Oh, right, you talked about this before. You hate feet.

I hate feet.

How about women's feet?

No.

I think it's my own feet. Anybody like touching my feet or.

So you don't like me?

Anything that has to do, like, with foot injuries, I'm, like, really grossed out by that.

I wonder why.

Oh, no, I do know why.

Why?

Because my cousin, when we were growing up, she had, like, some tumor under her toe. So they would always have to, like, keep on removing her toenail to, like, work on it. And then it was summertime, so I'd always see it. It was freaking disgusting.

Shouldn't she cover it up with a bandage or something?

Oh, my God. And, like, I freaked out because I was in Hawaii one time snorkeling, and I got, like, a piece of reef, like, stuck in my toe, and I, like, I wanted to murder myself.

Right?

Like, I don't like that at all. But when I see somebody. Somebody, like a woman's foot, like, I don't get disgusted by that, but I don't want to masturbate.

You're not a foot fetishist. You're not a foot fetishist or something. Okay. And finally, never ask your boyfriend which of your friends he would sleep with if he wasn't with you.

Oh, God.

Why don't do that? You can take a perfectly happy relationship and turn it upside down with this question. Don't ask that question. That's a stupid question. So help me.

Would you rather do my friend or do me?

Yeah. Because then every time. First of all, you're not gonna invite that friend around anymore. And then you're gonna always think he's flirting with her, and so it's all just dumb. Okay, that's what we got time for today.

Yes. All right, everyone, listen to us on Stitcher Stitcher Radio. S T I T C H E R. It's a free app. You can download it for your smartphone. It's totally free. And then once you download it, you just search Sex With Emily and you can stream the show straight from your phone.

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