SWE: First Base

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh my, the women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts, check out our blogs, check out our videos, and really just get your sex education on. You want to get your sex and relationship education groove on. That's where you got to groove on. Down to today. I'm in a great mood today. P.S.

Oh, good.

I know. Do you love it?

Yeah. First thing, I think I know why.

Why? You think I got laid?

No.

Oh, good. Today's show is brought to you by Audible. Please visit the audible link on my website sexwithemily.com to download a free audiobook today. I've been reading 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. It's awesome. So I just gotta say that. What else? Why do you think I'm in a good mood?

Well, you've already said it on other shows. So what? You're no longer dating people. If this is when Emily's happy because she doesn't like to be committed to anyone, well, I'm just throwing that out there. Just throwing that out there. And I'm not saying that it's not hard going through a breakup or. And I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but there's something that's weird about you. It's. It's about you, not anybody else.

I feel rejuvenated when I. When we. When I break up with someone.

That's what you're saying? That's what I'm saying, yeah. And not that you were in a bad relationship at all, but there's just something. Just your history of, like, when you're not dating somebody anymore, you feel like, I don't know, a tanker truck has been lifted off your chest. I don't know, but I don't even know why in the first place, you even feel like you have a tanker truck on top of you. That's the part we've been trying to figure out for many years. And you'll never probably be able to explain.

No, I'm probably never going to explain. I just feel free. I feel like my wings get clipped in a relationship and I'm dying inside.

And that's hurtful.

I feel like death.

That feels hurtful that you're so joyful because of this.

That's not true. I'm hurting inside.

It's a little bit.

No, no, no. And I'm moving to LA for three months. What am I gonna do, you know? But he wants to, like. I don't want to get into it now, but he kind of wants to reconcile. We'll see what happens. But I'm moving to LA and I'm excited for three months and I just, I don't know, just walking down the street. San Francisco. I've lived here a long time, but I'm excited to check out a new city and a sunny city. It's not foggy and gray like San Francisco.

It is foggy and gray.

I woke up this morning, I was like, really? Again? But I was just in LA the last few days. I was shooting the Jeff Probst show. Friggin awesome set. I have to tell you, I've been on four shows now. It's a new talk show. Jeff Probst was the host of Survivor and they're just the most lovely people. You go in there, like I said, you have your own green room with the refrigerator stock full of food and drinks and they're like, can I help you? And their hair and makeup people are awesome.

I just want to hang out in the green room. I don't want to do anything.

Come down with me anytime.

Tell me when you're shooting again.

Next week. I think they want me back.

Are you serious?

When they're living, they're like me. I don't know yet. They haven't let me know.

Tell me what day. I swear to God I'll find out. I can bring anyone just to hang out.

Really.

I've never been on a TV set like that before.

Seriously.

I've only worked in new, so I don't.

Oh my God, honey, you are. If I could do anything for you, which I should do a lot, I.

Would love to do that. Just to sit around and watch the audience. I swear I won't make fun of you or I promise I'll be really. I'll be quiet. I'll make that promise to you because I know you don't like me bringing her, bringing me around in front of.

Other people because he's gonna rip on me.

I'm gonna rip on you. But I promise you, I know it is your time to shine, so I will not do that. I will sit back and just watch you shine when you come into.

I love you when you come into la. Next.

Well, whenever we gotta do some shows, I'LL be out there. I mean it's. The flights are nothing.

Nothing.

You get flights for nothing.

Exactly.

So I'm excited. I want to do that.

Okay, you can come. It's really, really fun. And they're so cool and just good to make connections with the producers.

I don't even, you know me, I don't want to pursue tv. That's not my thing.

I want to pursue thing.

I want to pursue the dot com world. I want to be the 30 something year old that has $3 million in the bank because his dot com that he was a part of got sold. That's what I want to be people. I mean, I mean having fame is fun, don't get me wrong.

It's cool, right?

But it's very hard to have longevity and that's why.

And to make money.

And to make money. So my focus is I'd rather do the dot com. And I'm not saying TV's not funny. And I believe that you will have longevity once you get your doctorate. That's all out of the way.

The Dr. Emily thing will happen. So you can all know what I'm saying isn't full crap. I'm not full crap.

Yeah. And I believe that you'll have longevity after that.

Oh, me too. Yeah, I hope so too. I'm gonna be on Dr. Drew. You can come down to that.

I would love that. I love Drew. He's the nicest guy ever.

I know.

Love him.

He's so nice. And so there's a bunch of shows coming up in the next few weeks when I'm down there. So I think that you should come and be my person. So your big birthday party today. It's not your birthday yet though.

It's not my birthday. My birthday's October 28th. But if people are listening right now on Sirius XM165 and you still have a couple hours, the party doesn't start till 9pm okay. And it is at Willow Den in Willow Glen, California, which is right by San Jose in the 408. You're welcome to come by and just come party.

Oh my God, that's so fun. I wish it was here though.

I know.

Are you going to do another party.

Here in the city? Yeah, probably not. Thing is about San Francisco. When you're on the radio in San Francisco, all your listeners aren't in San Francisco.

San Jose, East Bay, East Bay, South.

Bay, they're in the surrounding suburbs.

Why is that though?

Because people in San Francisco are freaking freaks, man. And they just want to be super indie and. Oh, I'm very anti corporate radio and stuff like that. You know what? That's cool if that's your thing, but don't be like that just because you feel like you have to fit in.

I listen to you every morning when I'm driving to the gym and I listen to you do your car commercial. I mean, your auto insurance. Yeah, I love it.

AIs, call them up.

AIs, give him a pitch. I'm like, Yay, man.

8:55 AIs K I T S. Tell them I sent you.

There you go. So I was listening to that. I love listening to you in the morning. You and Megan. You guys are so cute. Live 105, if you're ever in San Francisco, 6 to 10, listen to Menace.

Yeah, I was getting ready for the show this morning. Megan calls me. Got in a car accident.

Why? What happened?

I don't know. She crashed her car. But she's still down to party tonight.

Of course she is. Is she okay?

Yeah, she's cool. She went to the doctor's party, checked out. Oh, her birthday party was awesome.

I saw your Instagram pictures. Were you guys raging all day?

Oh, all day, all day.

What'd you do? Crazy stuff.

We went to, I don't know, something from the Muppets. Like some. Some. Some bar place. It doesn't have any Muppets at it, but it's called, like Dr. Tooth or something like that. And I don't know what the f. But it's named after some Muppet thing. But they're.

They.

They specialize in tater tot. Like.

Something that you would hate because you like fancy places. But I loved it. They had a thing called tachos, so it's nacho Tot.

Tater tots.

Tater tots. So good. I love it.

How do you even get it? So you put cheese on the tater tots, huh? You put the cheese on the table? Yeah.

Everything that's supposed to be on nachos was on the tater tots.

That's hilarious. I think it's funny and kitschy.

Yeah. And then we went to Dolores Park. Beautiful day. And then we. We busted open a pinata and drank beer. And do you know what's so weird?

What?

So I bought a, like, bunch of beer. I bought, like four 50 cans of beer. Like, way more than we were supposed to have. And you know there's thousands of people in Dolores park, right?

It's a big park in San Francisco where, like, everyone hangs out on the weekends when it's Sunny.

And we decided, okay, we're gonna leave. I forgot where we're going next. Oh, we went back to the bar.

Right? Of course.

But I had all this extra beer, and I can't bring the beer into the bar. So I started yelling out, hey, free beer. Free beer. And everyone just looked at me like I was a crazy person.

Well, they probably thought that you're. The comas are poisoning it or something.

No. And then so one person said, oh, yeah, I'll take some. And then once they took it, everybody starts running up and taking the beer.

Of course. Free beer. I want to know.

That's what's crazy about San Francisco.

Crowd mentality.

Well, yeah, San Francisco and the Bay Area where we live in, versus, like the east coast and even the middle of the country. That's what I. When I love visiting Chicago. Because people are so outgoing.

Right.

You know, here. That's why I believe that women say it sucks to date here because the guys, not that they're not nice, they're just freaking pussies, man. You know, it's not as straightforward.

Yeah, they don't ask people out in San Francisco. That's. Everyone says every town has its stigma. They say, in San Francisco, the guys don't ask you out. Which I agree. When I'm in la, I get asked out, like, every five steps. Like, I was staying at the Roosevelt Hotel last week in la, this week, which is so nice. It's right in Hollywood. And I was walking down the street and granted, it's a lot of tourists and whatever, but they're like, hey, do you want. Hey, what's your number? What's going on? Like, didn't give him my number. But people hear that never happens. Like, no one ever approaches you. But then I learned in sex school last week that they were measuring the water. What is it they would filter. They've. Every town, city filters their own water. And they were figuring out what is still in the water of San Francisco and in LA and in other cities and in la, they found traces of a lot of antidepressants in the water. I guess people take a lot of antidepressants in la. In San Francisco, they found a lot of estrogen in the water.

Really?

So I feel like a lot of men here do become a little soft maybe because of that. That's a real study. And I always say that the men in San Francisco are gay and less proven straight, which is a joke, because I don't feel that everyone here is gay, but you know what I'm saying? I was like, so maybe it's the estrogen in the water, you all become soft. And then you don't ask the women out and the women get pissed and move to New York because guys ask you out there. So if you're in San Francisco, just friggin ask someone out. And if you're anywhere in the world listening right now, if you see someone that is attractive, I'm telling you, you don't have to say, hey, let's go out, but just say hi, smile and say hello. That is the best icebreaker. I'm not going to give you a fancy pickup line. I'm not going to tell you that. You got to, you know, compliment her shoes. Although sometimes that's nice when a guy compliments my shoes. I appreciate it. Just say, hi, hey, what's up? How you doing today? Because you know, then you're going through life saying you're going to email me and say, I can't meet someone, what's my problem? And it's because you're not saying hello and you're not talking to anyone. Don't you think?

Totally.

Just say hi.

Yeah, it's not going to hurt you. And can I. You bring up a good point. The point where you say you're gay until proven straight. I had something happen to me last night. So I was with two lovely women and we were at the Forever 21 and there were some, some panties that had Mickey Mouse on it and I thought it was hilarious. So I took a picture of it and I posted on my Instagram. I'm menace on Instagram, by the way. Menace. And I posted on there. And then some guy gets on there, starts commenting like, oh, you, dude, what the hell's wrong with you? You're freaking sick, man. Why are you, why are you posting women's shoes on Instagram? Do you cross dress? Do you, do you work at Asia SF now? Asia SF in San Francisco is a tranny bar, right? And all this stuff and just going off on me about, did you block him? Yeah, I blocked him. I don't care. But the thing is.

Like, as a man, I can't post things like this. Like I think, okay, I think, dude, I appreciate women's fashion. I like, even though I'm not very fashionable, I wear a hoodie and a T shirt every single day.

Every single day.

But I, I love women that are fashionable. They don't have to have fancy clothes just as long as they have a style, right?

They have your thing.

I appreciate that. And I like to like take pictures of stuff like that. And I think Mickey Mouse underwear.

First of all, it wasn't shoes. This guy sounds easy.

But I did post some shoes, like Yves Saint Laurent shoes that had.

I saw those with the spikes.

Yeah. With mirror stuff on them. Because chicks like that stuff. And you know what? I'm into chicks.

I know.

And if I'm posting stuff like that online and chicks are into it, you know what?

What?

That's cool with me.

That is cool. I love that you're into that stuff. You wouldn't think. You wouldn't take you for a fashion.

Men are like questioning my sexuality because I post stuff like that online.

Crazy dude that I.

They think that I'm like cross dressing and stuff like that.

I love menace that you are fully menaced. Whoever. Whatever that means. You do whatever you do. You march to the beat of your own drummer. And I love it.

Thank you.

Keep posting pictures of.

Yeah, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna change that. But it's so funny that. Look, if you're a man and you can appreciate stuff like that, I mean, don't feel afraid to like tell people, right?

I can't believe you got railed on Instagram by some loser. But there are crazy people on Instagram that say things and do things and you just get blocked. I didn't realize you can block people on Instagram. I'm MSEX with Emily. Instagram and Twitter. Yeah, and Facebook and same with Menace.

M A C. Fellas, if you know stuff about that, women are gonna love you to death.

Oh, if they know about clothes.

I don't know.

I don't care if I got. My guy knows. Like there's my, you know, do I look good in the shirt? Is my ass look fat in these jeans?

Yeah, but can't you have a lengthier conversation? If he even knows like the brands and all that kind of stuff.

I've never dated. No, I've never dated a guy who's really. Knows the brands and knows the things.

Really?

Not really, no.

Well, see, the thing came because, you know, my parents got divorced when I was 6 and then so I just. All I did was go shopping with my mother almost my entire life. So I know all the brands. I'm sorry, I can avoid it. I know what's what. That's cute.

Little menace in the shop and sitting in the dressing room while your mom got dressed.

Prada has these shoes, by the way, for guys that are like these loafers that have air. They're like Air Jordan type loafers. Air bubbles. It's really weird.

It's amazing. You should buy them.

Yeah. You don't want them. They're like, ridiculous amount of money.

Yeah, but you're rich now, so what the hell, you know?

Almost there.

Almost there.

Trying to get rich.

Me too, man. Me too. So today's show, we're gonna be talking about first base, kissing, and some other things. But we also are gonna be reading your emails that you send to feedback@saxtwithemily.com and speaking of first base, as you know, people are going crazy about, like, baseball. The Giants. The Tigers. My home team. Yeah, the home team. Baseball team from Detroit. They're like, in the World Series or something. And something about the Giants are almost in the World Series. That's all I know. Or they could be. You don't know about sports either. We are still.

No, they're playing again tonight.

Tonight. Okay. And then they'll decide. But I don't know what to do if the Giants play my Tigers. Like, who would I root for? I love my Tigers. So, anyway, first base is kissing, and that's what we are going to be talking about. But I also.

The Giants are not playing the Tigers. They're playing St. Louis.

No, no, no.

But the Tigers, we already know are in the. And now we're deciding who's gonna be playing. I think so. Right? Is that right? No, no. My friend told me yesterday the Tigers were in the World Series for sure. But maybe I'm right. Maybe I'm wrong. Okay.

Maybe we're just hiding.

I'm sorry. People are gonna change the channel now because they're gonna be like, what the hell?

These guys don't know anything about sports.

No, but my friend from Michigan was like, oh, yeah, the Tigers and World Series. And they might be against the Giants. So why would she say that if that's untrue? Okay, whatevs. I don't really care about sports, but I just thought I'd make that analogy since we're talking about first base. But here's another interesting thing that happened to me today. I got interviewed by the Chicago Tribune, and the story's gonna run. I gotta Write this down. November 6th. And she wanted. You're gonna love this. I got a blind email from her, and she just said, hi, I'm a reporter from the Tribune. I'd like to interview you about relationship history and what you should tell your partner, should you talk about your past and you know that you and I are obsessed with that. And so I was like, hell, yes, let's talk. So we talked for an hour today about it. And it was really interesting because it wasn't just about cause. Okay, let me break this down. When you're in a relationship, you should never, ever reveal the number of partners that you've slept with in the past. I know that your partner's going to ask. I know that you might want to tell them because you want to just be nice and answer. But you can never win. It's either too low, it's too high, you're too slutty, you don't have enough experience. This goes for men and for women. I do not think that the only thing that you should reveal about your sexual past is if you have any STDs and your sexual health, that is it. Game over. But the interesting question that the journalist asked me was, why do people want to know? Because it's sort of masochistic. Because you know you can't win and it's always going to end up in an argument. You know what I mean? It's sort of like if it's too many, then you start thinking, oh, my God, like. Like, if I'm a woman and I asked you and we're sleeping together, you're like, I've slept with a hundred women. I'm like, wow, wow, were they better than me? I've only slept with three men. And that's weird. And so it just never leads you down any good path. And I would say, just don't ever have that. But then the other thing we talked about was relationship history. Like, should you even talk about why you broke up with someone? Should you talk about your past relationships? Like my ex or all that stuff?

No, I never talked about it.

No, I said, do not. Do not talk about your past. Now, the only reason you should talk about your past relationship is if you talk about it in the context of your present relationship. So, for example, if we're dating Menace, and you're like, so why did you break up with that last dude? And I would say, you know.

He wanted to live in the city, and he wanted to live in the country, and I wanted to live in the city. And I just felt like, you know, I have to be with someone where we have the same values moving forward. Or, you know, and I'm glad that you want to live in the city. Like, you take it back to the positive. You take it back to the present and how it relates to current relationship. Or I could say, I want to date someone more ambitious. He didn't have a job. But I love that you have a job. To my current partner. So if this does come up, it's okay to discuss, like why you broke up with someone. I think that's okay. But again, try to make it relevant to your current partner and show that you've learned a lesson from the past. And let's say you cheated on someone. Maybe she knows that or he knows that and you were a cheater in your past, you could say something to the effect of, yes, I cheated. Realize that I wasn't happy in the relationship, but I've learned a lot from that and I'm not going to cheat again. And I love you. And our. So. So some things you might have to reveal, but again, always just bring it back to the present. Don't reveal more than you have to. And then the final thing is that no matter what, I don't. None of this stuff should come up in the first three dates. Like, I don't think you should ever talk about your ex or your past relationships because those dates should be about learning about your partner and should be learning about each other and what you. What you like and what gets you excited and what you're all about, not about your actions. So the more that you talk about like my ex this, my ex that, and even if you say, I love my ex, we're best friends, or I hate my ex, she's crazy. They're both bad. Because either so it shows that you're still attached in some way. So just don't talk about your ex. That's my story. We talked about it for an hour today, so I'm all pumped up. It was like an hour. Usually these interviews are like 20 minutes, but this was like an hour about that.

Yeah. And I just. I don't get it. Why people never learn their lesson when it comes to that.

I do not know. I. Hopefully it's gonna be a big story in the Tribune. Chicago Tribune. And everyone's gonna learn from me. They're learning a goddamn lesson. Finally.

I'll tell my friends in Chicago to pick it up.

Okay, perfect. And it's also gonna be online. So another thing I gotta talk about is we did this really fun video. Have you seen our Claymation? Our Kinky soft. Correct. It's Kinky Softclore Claymation. We did it. And it features Mask. Mask. Mask is these strips that you use for a lot of women perform oral sex on men. They don't love the taste of semen. They just don't. Nothing wrong with that. And they come in four flavors. Watermelon, mango, strawberry and chocolate. And you Put in your mouth. It's like one of those, like, breath strips, and it lasts like 20 minutes. So anyway, we did a funny thing with claymation. Like, I was out, and my assistant and my video intern, they, like, made a claymation. They, like, did all these claymate these in different. You can check it on my website. But it was like, all these claymations is different sexual positions. And then it was for. It was for masculine sexual flavors. And you got to go to YourMask.com and check it out. But everything you can find on my website, sexwithemily.com. so that was really cool.

I'm looking for it.

It's really cute. Like, I'm so impressed with the work that. That my peoples do.

It's on sex with emily.com.

It should be there by now. But if it's not, I want to kill myself. But it should be. Now we had. It should be. It should be on the video page. But if it's not, it's on YouTube.

News on her video podcast.

Yes. Okay, let's get into a little bit of.

Okay, it's under. It's under video. Go to sexemily.com, click video, and then Emily everywhere.

It's fun. It's like claymation's characters doing, like, a hundred different sexual positions, which I think are awesome. Okay, so we've got some sex. In the news today, Hulk Hogan just announced he's suing for more than 100 million for his leaked sex tape. Good. He talked about the Hulk Hogan sex tape last week.

Bubba the love sponge is. Yes, exactly. Hulk's attorney says the Wrestler is seeking 100 million in damages from Gawke gawker.com stemming from the leaked footage. It's unclear what he's seeking from Bubba and Bubba's ex. So in suit, Hogan claims he has a reasonable expectation of privacy in his consensual intimate activities in a bedroom and reasonably believe that his privacy was safe and protected. Yeah, Every freaking day there's a set like, okay, can we just break down this whole. Maybe I should do my dissertation on this? Like, what is it with people wanting releasing these sex tapes and wanting to even be filmed having sex? I mean, I get it. You do it. You make sex tapes, but. And you. But you keep them. Thank God none of yours is leaked yet until I break into your apartment. But is it really that fun? Is it really that great and that great that tittling to watch, titillating to watch it? I've never made a sex tape.

Yeah, I guess they are, but this is a different situation.

No, but they're all trying to capitalize on it. Like, it's like.

No, I.

It's like the gold rush of sex tape.

See, do you know what's. I believe this six. This sex tape is totally different because all the other sex tapes that have been kind of released recently are two people that know what's going on. This was a total hidden camera thing.

Right. And that was bad.

What is the whole. What is the benefit of that? I don't understand this bubble. The love sponge it. Hulk Hogan is supposed to be one of your best friends, and, I mean, what are you doing? Are you trying to. You're trying to make money off it?

Yeah.

What is. What is the benefit of that? You're gonna ruin a friendship. Even if you had a falling out with a guy, you still had a relationship with them, right? You should. It's just disgusting that you would do something to somebody like.

Exactly.

You know, And I'm glad. That guy's always been a dirt ball.

Is he. I don't even know. He's at Howard Stern for years. Right? Is he still? Yeah.

Well, I don't even know.

Right?

I mean, no. Howard Stern felt bad because the guy got. Got fired from some radio station, I believe.

Right.

And so Howard Stern, gay, got him a gig at Sirius. So. But I don't know if he's still.

You know, cool with that guy or whatever, but, oh, man, I think it's terrible, and I feel bad for Hulk Hogan, even though it's kind of weird that he was sleeping with his buddy's wife while his buddy just, like, closes the door and says, have fun, you know, whatever. Whatever floats your boat.

I mean, not everyone, but you guys all the time.

If you want to sleep with that chick and your buddy's cool with it, then. Whatever. What can I say, right?

Exactly. Yeah, it's weird. Okay, so the next one. Arnold Schwarzenegger's baby mommy spotted reading Arnold's book. This is from tmz. So you know how Arnold Schwarzenegger's baby mama, Mildred Vienna, who he had the baby with, his housekeeper. So apparently, she shamelessly bought the book out to a cafe in Bakersfield, California, in full view of photography, who just happened to be there. She may have finally learned the steamiest parts of her affair were chopped from the final version of the book.

What? That's the only reason people want the book.

I know. When Arnold brings up Mildred in the book, in Recall the name of the book, he goes from she worked in the house right into when she gave birth to the child, completely blowing off the dirty details of the courtship. And all he said about this. So if you don't know Arnold Schwarzenegger, the actor, the governor of California, he's our governor. Don't you still just. Aren't you just still amazed at that? Even though it's been years? I'm like, really? He's our governor. So he had sex 15 years ago. Right. Or I think the kid just turned 15 with his housekeeper and had a baby. And no one knew until recently that she revealed that the father was Arnold. So all he said in the book was, Mildred had been working in our household for five years, and all of a sudden we were alone in the guest house. When Mildred gave birth the following August, she named the baby Joseph. That's all he said. Like, nothing about the affair. How many times we were in the guest house once. Yep. Pretty big gap. But Mildred can fill in the rest for herself.

So wait until she comes out with the book.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, yeah, she probably will. I mean, she's a housekeeper. Okay. I mean, she's his housekeeper still. Do you know, he still keeps her employed.

I think he does.

No.

He must give her money, though, because that's his job.

Yeah. Oh, right. It's his child. But he. All these years, and now he's saying he wrote the book because he wants Maria Shriver back.

Really?

I don't think she's. I don't think she should go back to him. No, no. He's pretty set in his ways. And there's all those stories of Arnold Schwarzenegger groping women on the sets and doing all that stuff.

Yeah, I heard a lot about that, too. Who knows if it's true? I just heard it.

Okay. Okay, final story here for Sex the News. A study finds young women are riskier about sex when they're on the pill. So young women using hormonal contraceptives, pills, patches and shots and rings, they often stop using condoms. So when they start using it, they start using condoms. And when they start. Plus, when women stop taking hormonal contraceptives later, they tend to not resume using condoms, putting themselves at risk for pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. This was a study at Stanford. And so all I'm saying is, people, even if you're on the pill, you're dating a woman, you should still use condoms because you can still get a sexually transmitted disease that is very serious. And if these women are like, oh, I'm on the pill, it's cool, I can't get pregnant. Yeah. But you can still get herpes and they don't go away. That's all I'm saying.

You can't burn them off.

You can't burn them off. So funny. I was talking to my mom yesterday. I was like. She's like, well, it's not like you have herpes or something. I was like, mom, I don't even remember what we were talking about, but it was funny. You know, my mom. Hilarious.

Cray.

Okay. Cray. Okay. We are going to read your emails. I love hearing from everybody. Thank you for emailing me@feedbackexwithemily.com and the first thing I have to. What are you laughing at me?

Yeah.

First thing I have to say is, before we get into emails, I want to thank our sponsor, Audible. If you're not familiar with Audible, it is the Internet's leading provider of spoken audio entertainment. They have over 40,000 titles to choose from. Go to Audible link on my website, and you can get a free audio download when you sign up for the service. And if you're wondering which book to get with that free audio download, well, I'm really into 50 shades of gray. If you're a woman, even if you're a man. This book has taken over the world. I listened to it. I'm loving listening to books right now because I don't have frigging time to read. And there's all these books that I have to. So, like, I go to the gym, I have the Audible app on my phone, and I just download a bunch of books and listen to them while working out.

Oh, that's awesome.

And it just goes away, like. And then just time goes by. And I've read a book. I mean, sort of. I mean, you read it, it's listen, read, same thing. So there's tons. They. They will make recommendations. Every book that you want to read is on Audible. So go to sex with emily.com, click on the audible link, and get a free book, because you should all read more anyway.

Yeah, Audible. Audible is, like, really cool. They. I think they did something with Ricky Gervais, like, where they had him do a couple podcasts on there, and it was big.

Really?

Yeah. If I can remember correctly.

Oh, that's cool. I love Ricky Gervais. He's funny. How's his podcast doing? He still does his podcast.

I don't know. I think he's too big. Too big now to podcast. He might do some stuff once in a while, though.

How could you be too big to podcast? We love podcasting. I'll never be Too big to podcast.

Good.

Okay, I said that here. Okay, these are the emails. Dear Emily, my question for you is this. I have an open marriage and my husband allows me to sleep with other men. I now have my eye on a seemingly unattainable, drop dead gorgeous, wonderfully fit guy from my CrossFit classes. I can't help but fantasize about tracing the contours of his abs with my tongue when he takes off his shirt during our workouts. Here is the problem. He is rather religious and he knows I'm married. I'm also terrible at flirting. And although I think there was a mutual attraction because he showed interest before he realized I was married, I have given him no indication that it would be okay to flirt or hit on me, a married woman. I would love to somehow hint to him that I am interested, but I don't know what to say or do. Furthermore, CrossFit is my life and I'm afraid of being turned down by him, which would be embarrassing and make workouts with him unbearable. Please help. I'd love to know your thoughts on this. How do I subtly tell this man that, yes, I'm married, but I'm also interested? Okay, so this is what I'm thinking. It's difficult for a lot of people, many people, most people, to morally understand and accept open marriages, especially if their religious beliefs don't support these types of alternative relationships. So I would try to work out your sexual frustration during your CrossFit workout. You don't have to completely shut them out, but you shouldn't have high expectations for it happening. Now if you can't let that go because his abs are just seem too delicate. Delicious. There's nothing wrong with saying, hey, let's grab coffee after, you know, after the me after CrossFit class, which I hear are amazing CrossFit classes. And you know, go to the local coffee shop and you can just say, hey, you know what? I find you really attractive and my husband and I have a special arrangement and I'd be open to going out with you one night. What do you think? I'm sorry, but the people who are the most religious many times are the people who are most down for fun.

Oh, for sure, right. I believe in religion.

I believe that religious is the front. So I'm not. I don't think that you should totally. I mean, I can understand you could tell them that, you know, you could just. You could just let it go. And I also understand it's just like sleeping with someone you work with. Like, what if it doesn't work out, then I gotta go to work every day. And my friend Amy from Misadvise, she will not date anyone from the gym, although she did on the show, but she says, because I love my gym, she's obsessed with her gym, and she's like, what if I go to the gym? And blah, blah. But you know what? You work it out. So I think that you could subtly have coffee and very casually throw out there. Would you, like, have dinner one night? I know I'm married, but my husband and I have a special arrangement. See where the conversation goes. If he goes, oh, no, no, I could never do that. Or I'd be like, yeah, what are you doing, you know, tomorrow night? So I think if you can't get your mind off his abs and you have to do it, there's nothing wrong with making it just because he's religious. I wouldn't judge him and say he's religious. Therefore, he wouldn't be down with being with a woman in an open marriage. Don't make a judgment. These religious people will surprise you every time. Okay. Dear Emily, I'm a Twitter follower of yours. I love following you. I haven't had the opportunity to listen to your podcast yet. I just started following you. And by the way, you can follow me at Sex with Emily on Twitter. So if you've covered this, I apologize. My wife and I have been together 17 years since we were in high school. For the last six years or so, we've been in the swinging lifestyle. We really enjoy it, and while we do have our ups and downs, it's made our relationship stronger. We don't do it all the time, but when the opportunity arises, we jump on it or them. So, as a relationship expert, what are your thoughts on swinging? I know it's a fine line between sex and love, but isn't life about exploration? Not just with one partner, but with the people you find attractive? If your partner is okay with it. Love, Kyle. Okay, Kyle. My feeling about swinging lifestyle is go good. Sounds like it's working for you. I say go for it. I have no problems with the swinging lifestyle as long as you guys communicate. Communicate? Communicate. You have to have rules before you get into the swinging lifestyle. Like, what is acceptable, what's not acceptable? There's a lot of people who, you know, won't allow sleepovers, won't allow kissing, won't allow, you know, more than you know. They only want to do it once a month. They only, you know, they want to approve of the partner, whatever it is, but I think, you know, you're telling me, Kyle, and this is more data for me, that it's made your relationship stronger. And I think in many, many cases, it does make your relationship stronger. And in many, many cases, it does pull your relationship apart. You're swinging. Your partner falls in love with the person they're swinging with, and then it, you know, ends your relationship or jealousy rears its ugly head, and your partner can't get over the fact that you're dating someone hot or who they perceive to be hotter than they are or whatever it is. But as long as you continue to talk to your partner about it and communicate and you have rules or you have parameters, boundaries, it sounds like it's working for you. I do believe that life is all about exploration, and I don't believe that we are all meant to be monogamous. Some people are, some people aren't. But I think at your core, you guys knew. Kyle, you've been together 17 years that it sounds like you made a good decision and it's working for you. So just keep doing what you're doing until it doesn't work anymore. Madness. What do you think about swinging? You don't have an issue, do you?

If that's what you're into and you're cool with it, I'm cool with it.

I'm down. We don't judge. I'm not a judgmental person.

You're definitely down with the swinging lifestyle. You support it. I'm not saying that I am like, oh, it's awesome. Everyone should try it. No, I'm just saying if that's your thing and you think you can get through it, then go for it.

Yeah, I'm glad that it's working for you. I want you to call into my show sometime, Kyle. I think that's cool.

It was so funny. Well, it wasn't swinging, but it was like an open relationship I was watching. These two kids are really good at documentary filmmaking, and they made a documentary about them making an independent movie, which I became obsessed with. It was in, like, 2006. It was called Four Eyed Monsters. If you want to see videos, just type in Four Eyed Monsters on YouTube. And they would just make these incredible videos. But after the movie was released, they're like, okay, well, what's their next videos about? And then they released a video about how they're gonna try an open relationship.

Okay.

And then.

The girl in the relationship just starts going out, and she just started, you know, just dating a bunch of people, and the guy is just, like, always at home, you know, like feeling bad, wondering where she's at. And they. He, like, they put phone calls that he, like messages that he left.

Okay.

Left, like, hey, just wanting to know where you're at and all this stuff.

And then.

And he said, one day I met a girl, and then I started hanging out with this girl. And then his girlfriend started freaking out and started calling him like crazy, like, where you at?

Jealousy.

And she started freaking out once he started dating somebody. And then they ended up just like, calling it off and just getting back together.

Really? Yeah. I mean, it's just.

Yeah. I guess when you're on the one side, you're on one side and everything's cool with you and you think that you have this person back home and they're not gonna go do anything, Right. Then you're gonna enjoy, you know, you're gonna think you can have your cake. Anita, too. But then once the other person starts dating. Yeah.

They.

You get jealous. You know, some people are. I don't know, some people are like, totally cool with it. I don't know how they do it.

I know.

I don't know how they do it at all. You do.

I feel like I could do it. I mean, I haven't been in a committed relationship that's gone on long enough that we've actually got to the point of talking about swinging. But in a long time. But whatever, I'm down. I think it works for some people. I know there's a huge swinging community here in San Francisco. Everywhere. Every town's got their swingers, so. Okay. Hey, Emily Menis. Love the podcast and I'm so excited to watch from the sidelines as you two get more and more success with everything that you do. You both deserve all the great things coming your way, but I wrote in because I have a time sensitive issue. Uh oh, Halloween is coming up and I was invited to a party with my best friend. The only problem is that her ex boyfriend who crushed her heart will be there as well. She's all for the I want to make him see what he's missing plot because she still loves him deeply despite the fact that he's a gigantic asshole. I know, however, that anytime you set out to make your ex want you back again, you're asking for a chance to crash and burn. And am I wrong thinking this? Well, I want her to feel sexy and empowered. I know seeing him again will have the opposite effect on her. How can I support her at this party since convincing her not to go isn't an option? What's the best way to protect her ego from this guy. Again, thanks so much, guys. Kelsey.

Okay, Kelsey, here's the deal. You can't protect your friend. What?

No. I can't wait to answer this.

Okay. You can't protect your friend from anything. And I mean, there's a lot of women and I don't know, I've never been that girl who's like. Well, I guess I have. I've known a guy, my ex is gonna be at a party, but not because I want him back. I just want him to see how hot I look.

Yeah.

So I just think you have to help her watch her alcohol intake that night if you can.

Why do you even have to? See, my thing is why you even have to do that.

Yeah, why is she in charge of her friend?

Yeah. Look, Emily, you're a woman. You understand this. You're gonna tell your friend a bunch of things that she shouldn't do, she's gonna go ahead and do them anyways. And you know what? You're just gonna be there babying her the entire night. You know what? If your friend is, sorry, dumb enough to just go to a party and know that she's gonna act a fool around her ex, then why are you even around that? You should be going to your own party, enjoying your own life.

Exactly.

You know, it's cool, I know. I understand. It's your friend. You. You want to look out for them. Believe me, I always want to look out for my friends too. But sometimes I just gotta, you know, take the scissors and cut. Cut the leash.

It doesn't sound like you're gonna have a good time. Kelsey. I'd say pick another Halloween party and send her on her own way. It sounds like, I mean, you're so. I mean, you're a really good friend and that you're writing and it's time sensitive. And I agree that it's time sensitive. Halloween is coming up and it is very exciting, but I just think that women are gonna do this. She might get drunk, make a mistake of it, I think. Yeah, just. And you know what this also reminds me of? She says, how do I protect her from making the mistake again? And this reminds me of the asshole theory. Remember someone who wrote in last week and they said someone who asks for advice but never takes it is an asshole?

Yeah.

I love that a lot of women and men ask for advice over and over again and they do not take it about their own relationship until they're ready. And it's not that you're not planting the seed by telling her that this guy's an asshole and that she shouldn't care and she shouldn't get back together with them. She's probably hearing you, but it might take a long time and she might make a fool of herself on Halloween. And I honestly think, Kelsey, you should go on your own merry way and have a great time that night and not worry about your friend. Yeah. Like Minna said, I think you're right. I mean, you can worry about her and you can try to talk to her, but it doesn't sound like she's gonna listen.

In this case, go find your own dude, have fun.

Exactly. She wants his ex back. Yeah. Anytime you're. And this is another thing, anytime you're setting out to make your ex ex, you want to get your ex back. That often doesn't. That often doesn't work. They're not going to be like fires.

95% of the time.

95% of the time that you're like, he's going to see me and he's going to go, girlfriend. Oh, my God. Doesn't happen because they're over. It's not about your looks, not because your ass looks great in those jeans, that he's going to get back together with you. So that's how I feel about that. Okay, Halo. Emily Menace, I wrote you the other day, Sex come back, I guess was the name of the email. And listening to your show got me talking to my wife. We agreed to have more sex and just to try things to get closer and refined our complicity. We are planning to order your book hot sex. Over 200 things you can try tonight. That's my book. You can all buy it on Amazon. And the better sex video series from Sinclair Institute. I also want to surprise her and Sinclair Institute. Let me just say this before I go on with the email. Sinclair Institute makes these amazing better sex education DVDs. It's not porn. It's real people having sex that you can watch. It's still titillating. You watch with your partner. You pick what you want to watch. It could be, you know, how to perform better oral sex. It could be their sexploration series. And it really helps you. Like, it's a really a good educational guide to better sex. So use coupon code Emily. 50 for 50% off any item sinclairinstitute.com or just go to my website and click on the banner. Anyway, he's going to get the Sinclair. But I also want to surprise her with one or two vibrators for Christmas. One for A clitoris. One for her G spot or one for both. Listening to your show, I'm realizing that we think a lot. That we think a lot. We have good. We think a lot. That we have good communication in a relationship. But if it's difficult to talk about something as basic as sex and relationships, we are not merely touching the surface of true free communication. And you are not only living with an idealization of the person you love. People change, evolve, get older. Not communicating digs a gap because life goes on. And at one point you don't really know the person you're with because you are stuck with an image that is no longer true. In that respect, thank you for your show. I realize that I've changed and that she has changed, but we still strongly love each other and this is something we can definitely build on. Merci beaucoup, Alexandre. Okay. Oh, oh, that's sweet. He wants to buy a vibrator. My favorite topic ever. Okay. Okay. So my recommendation for a first time vibrator. Okay. You want to get her a clitoral vibrator first. I would Recommend the form 2 or the form 3 from Jimmy Jane. Go to my website, check out jimmyjayne.com or click on it on my website. And these are great gifts because they're beautiful vibrators. They're award winning and they fit in the palm of your hand or the palm of her hand while you're having sex. So a lot of women during intercourse as you know, need extra clitoris stimulation and the form 2 and form 3, but I like the form 2 the best. Is super powerful, fits in the palm of your hand. It's really cute. It charges in the charger like, I love it. You can leave it on your nightstand. It's pretty and it's powerful and it's cool. Really cool. Starter vibrator. I think so. I would also check out my products page on my website for more suggestions. But as far as an internal vibrator, I would say if you would like something really fun for the both of you, the WE vibe is, they say, the most popular couples vibrator right now. And it's shaped like a C, so it goes inside of her and it hits her G spot and her clitoris at the same time. And she can wear it during intercourse and you can feel the vibration as well. So a lot of couples are just going crazy for this because, you know, I'm telling you, you heard it here. A lot of men like vibration on their penis.

What?

No, they do. They do. It feels good. So Check out the we Vibe. Check out the form too. You can find these on my products page. And I also have other suggestions. It's@sexwithemily.com so that's all the emails we got time for. But we're gonna move into our topic right now.

Well, let me ask you real quick.

Good. Let's talk.

What are you doing this weekend?

Okay, this weekend. Thanks for asking.

What you got going on?

I am packing. I am going through my. I have to pack up my office. Isn't that exciting? I have to pack up my office. I have to pack up my house. I have to figure out what is going to la. What I'm getting rid of what I keep.

Are you driving a U haul yourself down there?

I think I'm just gonna pack up my Mini.

What?

And then ship some stuff. How do you do the U Haul thing? How does that work?

You go to U Haul and register.

I mean, I mean the attachment. Because I want my car. So can you just buy those little attachments where you can throw stuff in it?

So you want to pull. You want to pull stupid for me?

I can barely drive my car.

Yeah, yeah, that wouldn't be good for you.

So I think I'm just gonna ship a bunch of stuff and I'm gonna drive down with clothes and I'm staying at the most. I have the nicest loft in Venice that you're nice. I know. So I'm gonna do that. I've got a birthday. I've got an engagement party on Sunday.

Which I'm sort of. Whatever. I don't love the couple, but I hope that poor house. No, it's fine. And then tonight, I don't know, I'm still. I'm trying to be. Trying to do sober October, a few friends of mine. So I haven't really been drinking at all or doing anything this month.

Boring.

But I've gotten a lot done. I'm super efficient and I'm getting just so much done work wise. Packing. It's a lot of work.

So when's the official day that you're in Los Angeles?

November 1st. There. Done. Gone. I'll be here for Halloween though.

What are you gonna be for Halloween?

Well, this is. What? I don't know. I don't know. I want to do my last. I want to go out with a bang. My final Halloween in San Francis after all these years. I mean not that I'm not coming back. I'm just going for three months to la. But what do you think I should be. You liked my Queen Midas thing.

Then do you know what? You should do a different version. You should be Poison Ivy. That'd be so cool if you were all green. All green, yeah.

Oh, I like that. I could do, like, green metallic, too.

Yeah.

Castro has. So I was rocking around the Castro last weekend. We have tons of fans in the Castro. P.S. Ms. Advised our television show on Bravo.

So many fans in the Castro. Like, I spent the whole. Because my gym's in the Castro district in San Francisco. It's predominantly the gay district in San Francisco. And I was like, I'll get a mani pedi. I'll walk around. So many guys were like, oh, my God. Love your show. Like, you and Menace. Do you guys really work there in that building? And do you really. Da, da, da. And they were just, like, crazy about the show. But the point is, the Castro is just amazing Halloween costumes, as you can imagine, because people go all out and they have, like, there's. I love. I love. I love Cliff's Variety. Have you been there? On Castro Street?

Cliffs Variety?

Yeah. It's an amazing store. He has, like, all these fabrics and costumes and whatever, and I just. I want to do something fab. What are you gonna do?

I don't even know yet.

Are you gonna get dressed up?

Probably. There's this concert that my work is throwing at the Oral Carina in Oakland, California. 18,000 people. So they're all gonna be dressed up, so I should.

You have to go on that night of Halloween.

No, on the 26th.

Okay.

So everyone's gonna be dressed up, so I'm sure I'm gonna have to.

And you can't wear your Teletubby thing.

I wish.

Why? You retired it.

I mean, it's like, been there, done that.

You were Teletubby. Yeah, Yeah, I get it.

I mean, not like I don't have it still.

We played an old show because sometimes we. We've got 700 shows, and we play a Throwback Thursday best of episode. And we put. We played yesterday, I think was the Hamburglar episode. Yes. When Menace dares me.

Okay, so this is just a recap real quick. So I go. Because Emily was talking about fetishes, and she's like, I'm cool with fetishes. Whatever you're into, that's cool. That's cool. And I go, okay, if that's really cool, whatever that people are into. I said, what about if you met the love of your life? For some reason you're head over heels over somebody. This has never happened to you before, that you are just totally in love, totally down with this person. But this person asks you.

When we have sex this once in a while, can you dress up as the Hamburglar from McDonald's? And you said no, that you wouldn't dress up as the Hamburglar of McDonald's.

Because I wouldn't feel like a Hamburglar. I don't think I would feel sexual.

He looks like a little robbery. But the thing is, could I make it. See, this is why you make it about you. It's not about you. It's about what the person wants. I know, but you're trying to please your partner who somehow became the love of your life, the man of your dreams. He wants you to dress up as a Hamburglar. You're trying to flip it to be about you. It's not about you.

But if I'm all bogged down in a big furry jail costume that looking.

Like a hamburger furry jail costume.

Well, can I wear. Can I make it sexy?

Yeah.

Oh, you know what? I am gonna be the Hamburglar this year. But I'm gonna be a sexy Hamburglar. I'm gonna wear like a mask. I'm gonna wear like a tight black and white suit. I'll wear like black tights and high boots. I've got these black high boots with tie. Dawn. I'm gonna be the Hamburglar just for fun. And I'm gonna wear it to your birthday party.

Go for it.

What are you. Cause you know you gotta have a birthday party. Local, stateside, city side.

No, my birthday's on a Sunday and.

I got my next day. Yeah, I hate when that happens. Okay, well, anyway, it makes me laugh, people.

You can take me flower and water before you leave.

Oh, oh, oh, dude. Done. When we leave here, we are going to flower. We are going. We are going to set a date for next week. Next week before I leave. Yep. I'm going to take you for your birthday. I love that idea. That's the best idea I've ever heard. Which?

The 27th.

Let's do it after the show. We don't have to compare our calendars now. I'm pretty flat, right? I think.

Think you always say that.

We could go Monday. I have a friend in town from New York. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. We'll talk about that in a minute. Okay. Also, we've got this sex spearmint going on. Florida online dot com. Check them out. I'm giving weekly tips and tricks every Monday to start off their week. We get so many. Okay, so there's been a trend. We get a million emails to feedbackexthemily.com but for some reason, the last month, every single guy is emailing saying, my husband or wife won't have sex with me. So we're just giving them some tips. People are taking their 100% natural enhancing libido supplements for men and women. There's plenty on the market now, but this is the number one seller in Canada and you're finally going to be able to get it in the States. And it's called our Sex Spearmint. So just pay attention to that because it's awesome. Okay, well, moving to our topic, what were you laughing about?

I was laughing that I get to see you in the Hamburg Litter Alpha.

It. I'm going to wear it when we go to Flower and Water.

Oh, I love it.

I'm just going to combine it all because you might not see. No, I'm leaving on the 1st.

So, yeah, we got to do it before then.

Okay, so it's the first base. That's what we're talking about. Kissing. Be a better kisser. So a study. So when you think, okay, we've talked about this before. Kissing. I do not think if you kiss someone the first time and it's not good, you should not write this person off. Because kissing can impress.

How do you practice kissing if you don't have a partner to kiss? Oh, what about that?

Kiss your pillow.

Really? No, but let's say. Let's say, you know, kissing is very important. And then you are courting somebody. You haven't kissed them yet. How do you practice beforehand to make.

Sure you can't practice beforehand? It's like a dance.

You like. Kiss your. No, kiss your palm of your hand.

You could probably. I bet St. Clarence suit has a video on kissing. But I think that you can't really practice beforehand. But I think practicing as like a dance.

Tongue.

No, don't do that.

All tongue. Don't just go in now.

Is that what you're gonna do?

Your mom, maybe. Not mine.

My mom's cute. So, okay, be a better kisser. A study at Rutgers University showed that when kissing, men are actually trying to detect estrogen to judge a woman's fertility and to give her a sample of his testosterone in an attempt to stimulate her sexuality.

An attempt to stimulate her sexually. This is just some background on kissing, which is so true because in sex school, as I'm getting my doctorate right now, we talk so much about, you know, so much of what we do sexually has to do with procreation, finding a mate, all that stuff. So that would make sense that you're swapping fluids. Your bodies are looking for chemicals that are just the right combination of each other. That's why the first kiss is important. And it's one of the first activities in a relationship. But in reality, it's one of the components that can actively enhance your sex life. Because women, we need kissing to warm up before sex or to wind out after. And I'm telling you, kissing is also like the first thing that goes in relationships. Like after you're with someone for like six months to a year, you just start having sex and you don't kiss anymore. And that pisses me off. And I think if I'm in a long term relationship, which I have been in before, for me long term, I'm like, let's kiss every night before I go to bed. Like, I think you need to kiss before you go to bed every night. What do you think about that?

I think that's important. Yes.

Do you do that?

Yeah. And do you know what, our buddy that we talk to all the time from T. Radio V, right, who's been married forever, he always says that you can't go to sleep mad.

You cannot, you cannot.

You just gotta, you just gotta work it out. And he goes, you know, you kind of fight it out and say, okay, who's just gonna just bow down and, and suck it up and just work it out?

Because you don't. Exactly. Because you don't want to go to bed angry. You want to go to bed with a kiss. And I'm going to talk though, about how kissing can improve though, in a minute. But these are just some basic facts. So when you kiss your partner, especially if it's a full body contact kiss, your bodies release hormones that make you feel happy and connected. So settle down on the couch with some low lighting and music and get to making out. So first, okay, let's talk about getting warmer up. You start with the lips slightly parted and kiss her lower lip with your upper lip. Spend some time kissing without using your tongue. This is important, the first kiss. You don't want to just go and shove your tongue right in. You got to just, we got to work up to the tongue. You have to let yourself get warmed up. If the moment allows, feel free to let out a light moan while you're kissing her. Or you can stop kissing her and look at her before you continue. Again, mix up your kisses. You want light kisses with longer, more passionate ones. And remember, this is important. You are not restricted to only kissing her mouth. Feel free to Kiss other parts of her face, like her earlobes, her cheeks, her eyebrows, or even one lip at a time. I love when a guy kisses my cheeks and my neck and my forehead and my nose. It's so cute. Why is the kissing just about the lips? Kiss everywhere, right?

Your feet, the bottom of your feet.

Yes, the feet feels good. Feet feels good. So here's a warning.

Little kiss ass.

Yes, kiss my ass. Kiss my ass, baby. Here's a warning, though. Men forget how much bigger their mouth are, their mouths are, than the women. So be sure not to engulf her whole mouth with yours. I'm telling you, I had a friend recently who went on a date with a guy and she was like, oh, my God. He tried to swallow me with his mouth, and I couldn't go on anymore. But I'm gonna tell you how you can improve kissing in a second. But you shouldn't write someone off the first time. They're bad. But there are those guys who are just, like, sloppy and they want to inhale you. You feel like you're gonna fucking be vacuumed up.

I had girls bite my bottom lip. I don't like that. Push them off me. Or they, like, kiss too high and then they're only, like, kissing the upper.

Lip for a second though, right?

No, like, that's how they try to kiss. Like, I've kissed some bad kissers out there. I've kissed some wonderful kissers out there. Well, what should call them to thank them?

You should. What were the wonderful kissers? What did they do that was so wonderful?

It was just like a perfect.

It's like a dance.

Yeah. It's just like a perfect match.

Right?

You know, it's true.

It's a dance. So I'll just get to this now. But the one thing is, because I keep talking about how you can improve your kissing is if you're with a partner and everything's great and you love everything about him, but the kissing is not up to par. This is what you do.

First, tell your partner to kiss you.

The way that they'd like to be kissed. And then you switch, and then they kiss you the way they like to be kissed. And then you know what they want.

So, you know, if I showed you madness. If we kiss like we. We kissed before on national television.

Yeah. And you're a terrible kisser.

But that's fine. I'm so mean.

It's just the truth.

Menace. That's dumb. I'm a good kisser. So. So anyway. So do you get it, though? Like, because Then you can show your partner, this is what I want. This is what you want. And let's create like an amalgamation of kissing together. Let's create our own kissing dance. So that's what you do. So roam her body so you can make your way down her neck and collarbone and shoulders. Start on her fingers and kiss your way back to her mouth. Make sure to spend some time on just a few key sensitive parts. Don't forget about the wrists, the inside of the elbow and on her neck just below the jawline. A great tip is to use your tongue as you travel across her body. Then blow air on the way. Wet spots you created. That's hot. That feels so good. When a guy does that. Licks you and then blows. Do you ever do that? No.

No.

Oh, menace. Okay. You don't have to kiss every square inch of her. You can create a chill inducing sensation by lightly dragging your teeth or brushing your lips over her skin as well.

What would you be into? I love that.

Would you be into this? What about, you know, going back to your saying.

This is how I like to be kissed. And some from the side. A delicious taco from Taco Bell just comes in the side, in between your lips as you're kissing. Just like. And then you both enjoyed the taco at the same time.

That would be. You would have an orgasm on the spot.

Yeah, that would be delicious.

Taco Bell.

Like a delicious.

Wait, are we each eating each end of the Taco Bell and we meet each other?

No, no, no. Not like lady in the Tramp.

No, we're making out with a Taco Bell.

So we're like making out, but I raised like my right hand and in my right hand it's a delicious, you know, just a standard Taco Bell taco. And it slowly enters into the. Into the side of your mouth. Both of your mouths at the same time. And then you're both chewing it on it and eating it as you're making it.

Yeah.

Would you be something, would you be into something like that if someone brought that to the table? But you're enjoying a meal.

I.

At the same time. And you're eating and kissing.

Killing two birds with one stone.

Yeah, but then it kills. Yeah, it kills.

You're eating, you're satiated, and then you're also kissing.

It's a time saver.

Nope, not hot. Especially tacos. Mexican food always makes me sick every time I eat it.

Oh my God. Mexican food is the best food made on the freaking planet.

I mean, I eat it a lot. No, I Wish. But every time I eat makes me sick. I eat too much. Like I eat too fat. I don't know what. I hate the beans.

Oh, so good. Oh, my God.

Sorry.

Some enchiladas. I would put my penis into some delicious enchiladas, if you haven't already. Chicken enchiladas. Red sauce with some extra cheese on it. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Crazy. You're crazy.

See, I can talk very sexual.

That was actually the hottest thing you've ever said.

Oh, my God.

But, okay, so we. I've got to go in a second, but I want to say that you need to spend some time teasing. Kissing is a perfect teasing mechanism. Don't laugh. Menace doesn't understand teasing. But women want to be teased. So go in for the kiss, and right before your lips touch, pull back. So you go in and you pull back. That's a very hot move. Sends an anticipatory wave of excitement through the body. And then you go in for the kiss again. And this time, just barely brush your lips, but don't make full contact. You can spend some time brushing lips, gently touching your tongues together. And when neither of you can stand it anymore, you go for the full kiss and shove a taco down her throat.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Go for the full kiss and gently sweep your tongue in your mouth. Warning. Do not shove your tongue down her throat. That's the fastest way to ruin the moment. Keep all tongue movements soft and light. So that's what I gotta say about kissing. I want to thank everyone for listening to sex with Emily. I want you to download my new iPhone app called Emily's Sex Drive. It will totally improve your sex life, I promise you. I've got another app, Kegel Camp, that also will improve your sex life. Check out my book, check out my podcast. Go to sexmemmy.com and thanks, everyone for listening. Sex toys aren't just for women. Go to sexwithemily.com fleshlight to discover the best sex toys for men. The Fleshlight. A lot of guys say it feels even better than sex, and it helps build stamina, meaning you'll last longer in bed. Go to sexwithemily.com fleshlight to see my Fleshlight recommendations and get one tonight.

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