SWE: Guest Dan Abrams

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Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man e here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's got a her standards.

Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry?

It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God. That feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Better relationships equal better sex. Sinclair Institute, the leader in sex education products for adults, has been saying it.

For over 20 years.

I've seen some of their DVDs and I highly recommend them. Find Sinclair's ad on my products page on my website sexwithemily.com and save 50% off any one item when you put in Emily50 at checkout. Enjoy the show. I promise, promise your sex life will improve. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and anything in between. For more information about Sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcast. Sign up for our mailing list RSS feed. You can download my new iPhone app. It's called Kegel camp. And Kegels exercises are actually really good for men and women and they help you have better sex. So I think you should download it now. And not only that, you should give it five stars and rate it. We'd be so psyched. We're doing a huge push right now and everyone's loving it. We're getting great reviews. Very exciting today's show. We will be reading your emails. We have a special guest. I'm going to say that first. We have a special guest on our show today. I'm very excited to have Dan Abrams here. He wrote the book man down. Proof beyond a reasonable doubt that women are better cops, drivers, gamblers, spies, world leaders, beer tasters, hedge fund head, hedge funds managers, and just about everything else. Like, it's hard to say all that one.

Brian, you just wrote that to get laid, right?

It's a long.

Exactly. That's what everyone asks.

First question I've been getting and I'd say in half the interviews I've done, that's been the.

That's. I knew you'd say that.

It's been the first question.

Cool. We'll talk about later. Yeah, I'm just throwing it out there.

Yeah. The answer. The. The answer to come.

Yeah.

Stick around. Did Dan write this book together?

Stick around.

Real quick question. On your app, when people go to the itunes store, where do they search?

Do they just ketl Camp, K E G or Sex with Emily?

Sex with Emily and I'll pop up. Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, good.

Yeah. And my other app is 101 Sex Tips from Sex family. If you have not yet downloaded it, you can do that as well. And so madness. It's great to see you.

You too.

Yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna put it all out there right now. I've got something to say.

All right, go for it.

My phone rang last week. I was driving. I was driving home and it was about 1 o' clock in the morning on Friday night.

I don't even know what time.

Oh, it was Friday night because it was after. We were drinking after the show. I'm sort of shocked and I haven't really processed it and I just. I just kind of. I just want to process it with the listeners. Menace called me and he's like, hey, what are you doing? It's like one in the morning and I'm like, I'm driving home. I was driving home from a party. He's like, I'm having sex right now. There's a girl here, and I'm having sex, and I know you don't believe me, and I know you don't think I have sex or someone's here.

And he.

He actually held the phone up, and the girl got on the phone, and then he took a picture and sent it to me.

Because you know what?

I think he was blacked out.

Yeah, I was blacked out, like, a lot of that night. But I'm just saying that I think going back and thinking about it is the reason I did that, is because everything that I share with you, you never believe me. Like, 90% of the time, you never get laid and blah, blah, and you're just bull.

You know, I never say you never get laid. I just. I just.

You never anything. I told you I was a gape.

You know, the problem is my mouth was a gape. I'm driving like this, and then I realized I was listening. I actually listened to you have sex. And then it was uncomfortable, and then I just hung up. I was like, I'm done. I got.

I don't remember you hanging up. I don't remember getting off the phone.

I know. And I'm like. I don't even think that you remembered. So then I was like, okay, love menace. Like, I want to protect his security, like I should. But you. You didn't care. So you went out there. Who's the chick?

Are you just a girl, you know, a girl that I'm hanging out with.

She was cool. You take a picture and talking to me. She said you wanted. She wanted you to call me or something. I don't remember.

I don't know. I don't remember.

Anyway, thank you. That was really entertaining. I feel a lot closer to you now.

Good.

Yeah.

We shared an intimate moment over the phone.

I know.

I was really nice.

Okay, so that doesn't always happen on stage.

See what happens when you hang out with Maddie from Stitcher? You know, that's what happened to me.

It was just going away party.

Yeah, he was going. He's gonna launch a network. You can download an app called Stitcher and listen to the Sex with On Me show. And he's doing something with Kevin Smith called Smodcast, so check that out.

That's very cool. Yeah. So it was a very good week. Very interesting week. Lots of things happening. No more drama. No more men drama. Ended it all with all of them, Right?

Okay. Okay. So what happened last?

It was stupid. It was stupid. Someone says.

You'Re not gonna get away. I don't even remember or Your last date Friday, you went out to some play or something like that, right?

Oh, right.

Something riveting.

With a chick? No, with a girl.

Yeah.

It was not a date. Oh, it wasn't a date. And then before that, there was a date. How'd that ended it?

How many. How many wine tasting places did you go?

I didn't go to any wine tasting places.

What did you do? Tell me.

I don't.

Oh, my God. Come on.

No, we went to dinner. We went to dinner. We went to dinner and then nothing happened. And I ended.

What kind of dinner place?

It was just like some nice.

What kind of conversation was happening?

The conversation happened that I was not ready to move into the next level.

Oh, my God.

Okay. Okay.

Why you.

I know you want to talk to the guests really badly, but we talk about this every single time. The guy wants to commit. You don't want to commit. No, that's why I'm saying when you get into a relationship or, you know, start courting a guy, or guy is courting you, you need to tell him.

Look, I do. I'm not right away.

Look, you can be my boyfriend, but I need to hook up with other guys, too, at the same time. And everything is good.

I know there's a dream. Doesn't happen. I want to hear them. Doesn't happen. Doesn't work. Not gonna work.

I've tried it.

It doesn't work. No, I am. From the beginning now I'm being honest. I'm like, hey, you're not the only one.

All right? Yeah.

So anyway. But no, it's not like that now. Now it's. It's. I cleared them all out. I had to clear the slate because it got kind of messy. Dan. So Dan. Okay. Dan is also significant. We're gonna put this brains out there.

Yeah. People are probably wondering why.

Why Dan Abrams, like, he was just like, on the View last week. He was like, on Good Morning America. I think he's got a huge. Like, what? What? You're. You're the legal analyst now at abc.

Yes, Chief legal.

He's on TV every day.

And so people are saying.

Sex with them. I mean, yeah, big, big, you know, but Emily and I are old friends.

We're old friends and we actually dated.

Okay.

We got fixed up on a blind date.

Oh, I'm sorry for bringing up while I was pushing.

No, this is.

Oh, he doesn't care.

This is 15 years ago. Okay. I don't know. I don't know about the numbers.

Fine. Long time ago. Long time ago. We got Fixed up. And I think. And we got fixed up on a blind date. And it was a really fun blind date. My mutual friend.

We had a great time.

What do you guys.

What? I. You know, I. I remember dropping you off. You. You dropping me off at the door, like some, like, friends of my friend of mine. Yeah. This is a long time ago.

A long time ago.

We went to a bar.

We went to, like, three bars and cabs. We got drunk. We went to dinners. It was fun. We've been stayed friends ever since.

Yes. Cool.

So if you've read any questions for anyone who's dating me, you can.

All right, I have a question. Did you actually listen to what she had to say during the conversation? Because, like, she can go, like a mile a minute.

Yeah.

Did you actually, like, take in what she was saying?

You know, I think I listened. I think, you know, I think. You know. I mean, I know I listen now. So, you know, but this is a very. I'm a good.

I'm an interesting girl. Menace. Unlike the women that you date that are uninteresting and you can't wait to get their clothes off.

Yeah.

I'm actually a twofer.

Why everyone say that?

And cute.

Cool.

This is true, right?

Yes.

So anyway, but Dan has this very important book that's out that we're going to know.

I want to know. Why do you have to. You're already on tv. You don't need to write a book like Kissing women's ass.

Yeah.

To get laid.

Yeah. Yeah. No, And. And that's a fair point. And as a result, one would say, you know, then why. Why write the book?

Yeah.

And, you know, the book was kind of an accident. Meaning I didn't go out and say, I'm gonna write a book about women. Oh, I'm. You know, I was happening. I came upon an article about women being better than men. And I actually didn't believe some of the stuff that I saw in there. And I went and looked at some of the underlying research. I'm a lawyer, so. So I wanted to see what's the evidence? What do they have? And some of it was anecdotal, and some of it was, like, studies. I was thinking, wow, it's kind of interesting. There's been all these studies. I mean, who knew that they do studies comparing the amount of soap used in public bathrooms to see if men or women wash their hands more.

Right.

And I'm like, who's doing these studies? It's kind of unbelievable that all these studies are out there. So I Started looking at more and more studies, and I started finding more. Some of them totally light and ridiculous and some of them really serious about how the evidence shows that women are better than men in a lot of areas. So I put it into a book, and hence came man down.

Man down. It's good.

You guys will appreciate the fact that on occasion, when I want to send something to people about the book, it will end up in their spam folder because of the term man down.

Yeah.

It seems pornographic.

Yes. I had to change my email. I have to use my personal email most time because it does get. Yeah.

Now my question is, did you find out in this book or through that research that women can't make decisions, so never ask them, where do you want to go eat?

The book found that women are better decision makers.

How is that possible? One of the areas was. Let's. I'll give you an example. Giving directions. All right? The problem is the guys will wing it, right? The guys will just say, oh, yeah, you know, it's about a 0.6 miles. And then you make a right. A woman will pause. The studies show that women applause and give landmarks. So they would say, all right, hang on a sec. You know, if you go to the McDonald's on the corner and you make a right turn, etc. So women are more deliberative. They take a little more time because they think about it. Guys will just come up with answers whether they know what the actual answer is or not.

Mm.

But that still doesn't answer my question.

You said. You said about making decisions.

Yeah. Like about dinner.

Right.

Like, where do you want to eat tonight? Oh, whatever. And then you go, okay, how about we eat at Chili's? And she's like, you know what? I don't feel like Chili's. I don't feel like Chili's tonight. And then about Chevy's, I don't know about.

Most of the women I know aren't quite that indecisive. Yeah, they're not.

What are you meeting?

This is strange women.

It is a San Francisco thing.

It's a where every men is dates thing.

You know?

You know what I like in this? So I tagged some things here I like that women are better at. Because this is a sex show.

Yes.

Women are better at fake. We're just going to go into this and we'll read mail later because that's how we fly. Women are better at faking attraction.

Yeah. One of the chapters. Chapters in the book.

Okay, so what does that mean exactly? We're better faking. That we're attractive.

They did a study of speed dating, and they had men and women watch people going on these, like, really quick dates to see, like, do you like someone or don't you like someone in, like, a few minutes? And the people watching both men and women very regularly got wrong whether the woman was into it, and they didn't get wrong whether the guy was into it. Meaning the women were tending to be more polite and they were acting as if they were interested. But then you talk to them afterwards, they'd be like, no, actually, I wasn't interested at all. And both the women and the men watching it, which is nicer, were fooled by that. And also, you know, but with that said, women. And there's another part of that same chapter, which. There's another study that shows that women actually know their partners better than men do. And I guess that's not particularly surprising.

Yeah, but that's more trickery that women do because check this out. All right, I'm gonna blow your mind here. That's why guys can never figure out if a woman likes them or not.

Well, there's actually studies. They're not faking it. There's studies that came out that actually men are missing perceptors that actually allow them to decode what women are thinking.

It's confusing, but I think a lot of it is, too, is that men decide in about, oh, I don't know, I think it's about two minutes if they're going to sleep with a woman or not.

Two minutes.

I know, whatever. I'm being generous. But women actually take a lot longer than that to decide if they're going to sleep with a man. They're thinking. They talk themselves into it. So that. That could be just part of it, that women just don't decide right away, which is why you're mixed messages and the whole. Why women stay friends with guys.

But you know what? But this actually is sort of reflective of other stuff in the book, which is. And it goes to your point about decisiveness, which is that women would rather have, like, time to make a decision and make a smart decision, and guys will just wing it. Guys will just go for whatever it is in the decisions that they make without taking the tide. We see it with investors. You know, women, female investors do better than male investors because they want to see the data, they want to see the previous year's returns. And the guys will just be like, I have a feeling, I have a gut on this, etc. And it leads to less. Less productive Returns.

Another thing that brings up is that's why any woman can get laid, because guys will just go for it, you know, no matter what.

Yeah. I don't know if that's the reason. There may be. I'll leave that. I'll defer to Emily on that one.

But. But then there's something I found here that is. That was written about your book. And it's like, okay, so these are just some of the bullet points that behind the wheel, that women are actually better drivers. Yeah, they say that women, you assume women are horrible drivers.

But this one, there's that assumption. Right, but this one, the insurance companies don't lie. I mean, the bottom line is, on average, men pay 7% more insurance rates than do women. Why? They get more accidents, more drunk driving, they die more at the wheel. I mean, that. This, this one is. The statistics are entirely clear that women are safer drivers. Actually, in Australia, there was a major bus company that petitioned the government to get an exception to their anti discrimination laws. They could have more women driving buses. So they could literally make that one of the criteria in deciding who drives the buses. They got the exception so they could hire more women because they thought they were better drivers and treating the buses better.

That's so. See, that's all. You debunked all these myths too, right?

That's part of this. Part of the point of the book.

Like, is it kind of like there's no book like, why men are better? Like, I already feel like we are better.

You know, that's the interesting thing is when I was shopping this book around, a lot of the women, you know, a lot of the people in the publishing industry who decide on books are women. And a lot of the women who I took it to were like, yeah, well, we know this. Who's going to be, you know, who's going to be surprised by a lot of this? And the answer is, you know, it's ego building, though.

They're like, yeah, you know, it is.

Sort of like kumbaya. Let's all come together. Women, we are good.

But you know what?

We can park. They're better Parkers. Men are better Parkers.

Did I tell you that?

Yeah, I read it.

There's a study that shows that while women are better drivers, men are better Parkers. Yeah, but I forgot what I was going to say.

Yeah, No, I also want to ask you. Okay, then. Why do men make more money in the workplace?

See, that's why we need a book like this.

No, and that's. That's an Important question. And I think that the answer is in part still vestiges of sexism and in part because women are more single parents and as a result they have full time jobs taking care of kids and they can't devote the kind of time.

But you know how many women that I know that call in sick more than anybody else over. Over guys? Like seriously.

No, you know what? That's. The studies show that men complain more when a men. When man has a headache, he's more likely to call it a migraine. When a man has a cold, he's more likely to call a flu.

Men can't be sick like if they're not wired that way, the studies show.

But are they, are they still. That's cool. If they, they whine. But are they still showing up to work?

I, I don't know the answer to the number of signs.

You need to look into that one because I know I've been doing my own study.

Another thing is that, you know, it's okay, women are also better working the room at a cocktail party because of.

Course they want free drinks.

Shut up, Menace. You're being annoying right now.

No, I'm not.

A little bit.

I love you debating.

I know, I'm debating.

Cute. Okay. Women are significantly better at remembering words, faces and everyday events according to recent studies. So that's why we're better at work.

The memories. The memories. Again, there's a hor memory.

Like I'm notoriously better.

And there's another recent study that again shows that women have better memories.

What's my problem?

I don't know. I mean, it's not, you know, people will say to me, you know, like part of the book says women are better world leaders or politicians. Well, you know, what about this person who's like some crappy female political leader and you know the answer is, well, yeah, it's not about anecdotes, it's about trends. You know, it's like some of the studies in here was like a 93 country study that showed that legislatures that have more women are less corrupt. That police forces, I believe that. That police forces with more women are less corrupt. You know, that doesn't mean that you're not going to be able to find corrupt female politicians or corrupt female cops.

You'll find them.

Of course you'll find them. So how do your guy fight? Are they like, dude, why are you writing a book? This?

Yeah, a little bit. I get the menace. I get the menace response sometimes.

You know, I'm not, I'm not Knocking. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, no, but I get a little bit of that. You know, the security guys that at gma. Former cops. When one of the chapters is women make better cops, every time I walk out, they call me a sellout.

Ye. Exactly, exactly. I mean, it's like.

I mean, I don't think it's hindering them from getting laid. You know, I just like no men. Oh, that'd be complaining about that.

Yeah, but it's just sort of like a trend right now that like going towards, like man hating, like white men are already feeling like they're sort of.

Honestly. Yeah, I mean, look, I happen to. It was when I started researching the book, like in month three, an article came out in the COVID of Harper's, I think, or the Atlantic saying the end of men. Then Newsweek, after I announced that I was doing a book called man down, two weeks later did a whole article called man up about what men need to do to compete, et cetera. So, you know, there's definitely, it seems, this trend out there, but a lot of it is focused on like this, the fact that women are doing better in school and in universities and the fact that, I mean, it's kind of amazing. There's some allegations that literally, Ivy League schools are trying to skew the numbers to get more men. Like affirmative action. Affirmative action to make sure they get enough men going to these Ivy League universities, which is kind of unbelievable.

That is unbelievable when you think about it.

Well, where are the men going? Straight to the workplace.

Yes, Straight. Or they're, you know, they're kind of. There's still this sort of sensibility that a guy slacker is kind of cool. And so as a result, they're not being forced to sort of study or. And I think that's starting to fade though.

Yeah. Because women, when they're younger, from my observation, they love. They love losers, you know, they'll take. They'll deal with losers.

They're better in bed. The guys who don't have a job and they're slackers are always the ones who are better in bed, but unfortunately the ones who are more.

Yeah, so that's why girls go sleep around with a thousand losers and then they wake up and older and then they get a guy with a career and then they call it a day.

You'll notice silence on my microphone. Anytime you guys start going veering off into the hardcore stuff, you're going to start hearing like radio, quote, unquote, radio silence from me.

Okay.

Just saying. But I'm enjoying listening.

Can I read a Quote about you, though?

Yes. I think.

Okay, this is about Dan. Just because we got to get into this here. Because they said, okay, first of all, you were on the View. And the first question that one of the chicks. I don't watch tv.

But except for you, Joy Behar, asked the exact same first question.

She said, did you write this book to get laid?

Yeah.

No. And then you said you had a girlfriend or something and she's fine with it.

No.

Who was fine with it?

You were fine with it or your girlfriend's fine. Are you happy with your life?

That my girlfriend was happy that I wrote the book or something like that. Yeah, that. The point was that I didn't. I was defending myself against the allegation that I needed to write this book.

Dan doesn't need to write a book to get laid. Because another quote is, Abrams isn't basing this on his own studies of gorgeous actresses. If I had any unique insight into women, I'd be married. I don't. This is a fun book written from the perspective of a lawyer making a case. A lot of people will be surprised by what we found.

I love Joy, by the way. I think she's a good interviewer.

She's great. Yeah, she's. No, she's. I gotta say, that's. You know, I don't. I don't get to. I don't get to watch the View and the Talk as much as.

No.

Did you do her solo show?

I did that, too.

Yeah. How'd that go over? Did she.

It was good. She had an anthropologist. She. An anthropologist on. With me who, you know, sort of made it sort of took the bigger picture view on. On women. Because the truth is, look, that I'm not the person who's going to change the world. I mean, this book is not a world. This is a fun book that points out. And I tried to write it with a lot of fun quotes at the beginning of every chapter. And do they.

Do they. Sorry.

Do they.

Do they ask you what you want to accomplish with the book or it's.

Just, what is your. Why. Why'd you write the book?

You know, Again, it wasn't.

This is to accomplish anything.

No, it was. It was because I thought it was really interesting. And I do think that it's important. I think that. You know, but again, I don't want to be too preachy. You know, I want to be careful. That.

Right.

It's interesting because when I first wrote the book, I was going to call it the Case for Women. And I decided, because I'm a lawyer, and I wanted to keep the legal thing. And I decided that a lot of women would hear that and they'd say, you know what? We don't need you making the case for us. Yeah. You know, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Take a look at yourself.

Exactly, Exactly. We don't need you. And so I, you know, I think that was. The point is to say, look, I am not, you know, I'm not out there fighting the cause here. I am a guy who I think enables me to stir it up a little bit more.

No, it's a great angle and it's a fun.

I'd written it.

It's a fun. It was fun, right?

It was.

It's like, dudes are fun. I think it's like a good gift. Like if you're. If your woman's feeling kind of beaten down in a relationship, you can be like, no, honey, I think you're great. And this book says so and all the ways that you are great.

What's your favorite part of the book?

You know, I mean, there's the light stuff that I thought was really interesting. I thought the fact that men get hit by lightning so much more than women was kind of amazing.

Why is that?

Because they do risk your stuff. They do. You know, they'll play that extra round of golf when there's a storm coming, or they won't leave the roof when they're fixing the antenna even though there's a thunderstorm coming. And women will say, okay, there's a thunderstorm coming and we should probably go inside. So guys, just engage in more reckless behavior.

That's your favorite.

That's where. No, but, but on the light, on the serious side, I think that the, the, this focus on hedge fund managers and investors.

That's so interesting. 97% of men of their. Of hedge fund manager. I can't say Hedge fund managers. Hedge fund. Hedge. Hedge fund managers.

Having like a migraine right now.

Having a migraine?

No.

97% are men. But women are the highest performers.

That's right. That's right. So the, the women beat the men by about 3% on average.

Yeah.

That's. In terms of returns. Yeah.

Did they say why there's more men that are millionaires? Like, if you look at all these.com.com startups, it's all men.

Yeah, the tech world. I mean, look again, engaging in riskier behavior is what men do. Right. So that allows them to hit the home runs, so to speak. But if you're looking for consistent returns you go for the woman, which is, you know, the guy as a hedge fund manager are going to be probably the ones who are at the super, super high end, but they're also going to be the ones who totally strike out. And so if you want a better batting average, the singles and doubles, you go for the woman.

Makes sense. I've always thought about that, too. And you answered my question.

Really? There you go.

Okay, but what about. See, not something I don't agree with there. It says that women, See, women are better at appreciating a joke. Better. Yeah, but they're not necessarily funnier.

Right.

I think men are kind of seen to be funnier.

But they may be. They may be. I mean, I actually talked to a sort of comedian a couple days ago who has sort of looked into this to some degree, and he is convinced that men probably. There's probably a way to convince people that men are funnier. But look, I wasn't. The interesting thing is I was looking for that and I found an article that said, researcher proves that men are funnier than women. And I was like, okay, I'll put this in the book as sort of the other side of it. You read the article and what this guy did is the. He rode around on a unicycle to see who would make fun of him. And this is in England, and more men made fun of him than women. So he said, oh, so this means men are funnier because they're all like, ha. You know, and then like, there was this analysis done by this psychologist who said, well, it makes sense because that man on the unicycle is going to be seen as trying to attract mates. And as a result. Yeah. And as a result, other men are going to view him as a threat. And I'm like, come on. I mean, you know.

Right.

Anyway, so my point is that the. The article that I found that suggests in like, you know, Christopher Hitchens wrote a story about how women aren't funny in Vanity Fair, and that's mentioned in the book. But. Right, but when it comes to appreciating.

I think the unicycle thing disproves that men are assholes.

No, that's right. That's right. You know, it's like that men.

Not as polite.

That's right. That men will do. Men will be the jerks.

Yeah.

And they'll be more obnoxious.

So why are women cooler? In your first chapter, women handled handles handle failed relationships better.

Yep.

Why is that?

Because they keep their core group of friends once they get guys.

So true.

Guys tend to turn to their partner more and they give up their friends. And when there's a breakup, there's more loneliness for guys. And the studies show that women still have their core group of friends to turn to, so they're able to navigate.

All my guy friends don't. I'm the only girl. I'm like the girl that every guy goes to. If the FM friends with a man, they will come to me. But mostly men are like, oh, I haven't told anyone, I haven't talked about it yet. Haven't told anyone we woke up. Like, they don't know how to, they don't know how to deal with it.

Right. And so, you know, it's interesting because they actually did a pretty significant study that showed that post breakup women suffer more depression, men suffer more from substance abuse, but that when it comes to dealing with the downhill slide, that women are able to just cope with it better.

Yeah.

I mean, if you follow a woman online, when they break up, like, you know, the first thing is, you know, change the status to single. And then they're like, they're say, hey girlfriend, we need to go out and we need to get drunk.

Men are doing that too.

And they play I will, I don't know.

But yeah, I don't feel that they do it. It's not as public as like women really put it out there. Like, hey, I'm single now and this is, you know, I'm happy about this.

Right.

We just, and then more just keep it to themselves.

Right.

Well, but I know also, but it makes it harder. I mean, if you, if you view a long term breakup as equally difficult on a man and a woman and sometimes, you know, man breaks up with someone, sometimes a woman breaks up. The guys just don't have that, that coping team to help them.

And I feel bad for men all the time because I have so many good guy friends that have gone through things and they like, they literally. I'm the, I'm the only one that they will talk to you about the breakup, about their issues, about what's going on. You guys just don't share it. Like you went through a whole thing last year you barely talked about.

Yeah. What?

Right.

Whatever.

I mean, it wasn't over. You know, it's over then, right? There's nothing you can do about it.

Yeah, but you can feel. Feel and talk and express.

I don't know, I just think that's kind of a waste of time.

Yeah, I know. Exactly.

Drinking more. See the substance abuse.

Exactly.

I kind of do both.

I just wanted to go party.

Yeah.

Have fun.

I was happy to see when I got your phone call that you were drinking again.

Yeah.

Because I'm like, he's obviously hella wasted. Yeah.

But anyways, I was drinking that Dan Aykroyd skull vodka.

What the hell?

Out.

I can't.

Dan Aykroyd has a vodka out and it's a skull. It comes in a skull and you drink it. It's quite tasty.

A sponsor of this program?

No.

Oh, sponsors.

That's what I was drinking. Yeah.

I'm gonna give a shout out to our sponsors. Now that you mentioned that.

Yeah, you should.

Okay.

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Where's your home base?

New York.

New York?

Yep.

And you feel they're more direct out.

There that's always have like an la, California, New York. Like dating in New York and dating in la.

Don't get me wrong, I was born and raised here, but I feel that guys are a bunch of pussies, you know? And then when I get to the east coast or even women are more approachable because they will. They will talk to you. They're more open to you.

The women are more open to talk to you in New York.

In New York city, I mean, in.

Chicago, women out on dates in New York, people. Men don't ask women out here in San Francisco.

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Like, do you.

If you meet, are you like, do you want to go to dinner?

Yeah. What do you mean? Men don't ask.

They're like, oh, maybe you meet up, they'll text you for a month and they will have a drink with like six of my friends.

Exactly right.

I mean, that's very Passive Town is very collegiate.

Yeah, yeah, it was like back in college, it's like, yeah, we'll meet at the Hideaway and Yeah, but New York.

People are like serious daters. Like, they take it seriously. I feel more so.

I mean, I mean, if that's the dating, if the dating scene in San Francisco is people just saying, let's meet up somewhere, then yeah, the New York is more. But look, then again, you know, I don't know what the kids are doing these days, you know, because I'm, you know. Yeah.

Do you think that this book taught you something more about women? Did it make you.

I mean, it made me appreciate certain areas that I don't think I would have. I mean, it's one of these things, again, getting back to the point you made before, but like you kind of know it and then you think about it and you think about why and then you start thinking, wow, it's kind of consistent in all these areas that women are better and sort of more deliberative and thoughtful and all these different areas. And it sort of makes you think about areas when you like loan officers, Right. Who would think about like the difference in a man and a woman loan officer. But you know, they did a 10 year study in one country of every single loan in the entire country based on gender. Tens of thousands of loans. And the bottom line is the women loan officers were more careful and they were better at sussing it out about who'd be a better risk.

But I think it's great you said you were on a show recently with the anthropologist, because I think a lot of this is anthropological that it goes back to. Women have just more of the compassion, the compassionate gene, the more like caring, nurturing genes and how it allows them to be more, in many situations, not as reactive fight or flight like men.

Right.

And the researchers, it's interesting in a lot of these studies, the researchers would come to these very hunter gatherer conclusions. You know, I'm a little reluctant to sort of jump too much on that bandwagon because there is a little something about it which feels kind of sexist and a little bit, you know, makes women out to be just the ones who are, you know, staying at home. And.

But if anything, it's scientific, like, it's true.

It may be. Look, it very well may be the case. I'm just saying that because of the sort of more professional areas that I see women excelling in. Based on the book, you know, I don't think it's necessarily fair to attribute all of it Because I think a lot of it may be that women are behind the eight ball and they have to work that much harder to succeed in particular areas. And so they end up being better, like at universities. Why are women doing. It's not that they're necessarily inherently smarter. I think they're just studying harder. Why are they studying harder? Well, probably because they have fewer options in the workplace or probably because they get paid a fraction of what men get paid for the same jobs and they feel that they have to do more. So I guess I want to give women more credit in that way rather than just attributing it to this sort of hunter gatherer genetic explanation.

But a lot of the explanations in the book kind of tie back to the fact that women are more genuine. But I know what you're saying.

There's no question. But you'll see in the book that I will constantly question every time the lead researcher on a study will say, well, you know, it goes back to the, you know, the days in hunter gatherer. And I'll say, maybe, but the bottom line is that women were better than men.

I love it. I mean, because I knew it. I feel like, of course, finally, women are better than men. Men down. Bring me.

Do you have any that really st out as the, the oddest finding?

I think the bathroom. The fact that women wash their hands so much more after going to the bathroom. Really?

Yeah, I just think that was obvious.

Really. Men don't, you know, you know.

I don't know. You feel that way when you're shaking some guy's hand.

Yeah, guys are dirty, man.

Like, no, you're right. What do you guys look in a rush like you don't do it?

No, just like guys don't care as much.

You don't wash your hands.

No, I wash my hands, but I'm just saying I don't think it's surprising.

You know, it's interesting.

Men are more dirty.

One study showed that, that women that when you put a sign in a bathroom in that says please wash your hands, women will be reminded and wash their hands more. It won't change men's behavior unless you put up a sign that says something like wash it now or eat it later. And then the men will respond and then they'll actually wash their hands.

So fascinating.

Yeah, well, you have to show like danger.

Right? Right. It's like the dentist, right? Like, you know, you don't go. A lot of guys won't go unless literally your tooth is falling out.

Yeah.

Women are so much more efficient oh, God.

See, you have ruined many months for.

Me now.

Up here.

Yeah. And the bad news is that every week there's new studies coming. I have a website called Manda and the book is called Man Down.

But I will plug your website.

The website is called Man Down News and it just sort of lays out all the latest and the newest studies.

Yeah.

That are. That are.

Anything new.

You know, there's a new study that shows that women are better scuba divers because they're more care. Again, they follow the rules more. Scuba diving is like one of these things where you gotta, like, follow really closely. You don't want to end up going too fast, too deep, you know, and the guys don't follow the rules as closely. There was a study that actually didn't make it into the book that women put together IKEA furniture better than men.

No, see, that blows my mind because my co worker lives in my building and she's a woman. And I'm over there, everybody goddamn day building some kind of. I'm sorry. Yeah, like, I had to build her bed. I had to build her. Because she kept on messing it up.

No, no, no, because we need to focus. When I think when women really sit down and they focus on it and they're like, I'm gonna do it, they just assume. I think there's a lot of laziness.

We can call her right now.

It did not make it into the book because it's a lie. Well, because you know what? It came from, like, the number, the head of. I think it was Europe in IKEA who made the statement that they have proof that women are better at putting together IKEA furniture. And we called then and the headquarters was in Germany or something. We called and like, they couldn't actually send us what the proof was that women put together IKEA furniture better. So it didn't make it into the.

Book, but you made a lot of.

Really, really.

Well, I guess we covered the book. There's a lot of good things into it.

Yeah, I know. There are a lot of fun and.

There'S like a whole. Okay, so tell me how we can.

Find you, how you can find the book.

Like everything.

Well, you know, the most important cans.

Everywhere buy the book.

I mean, that's, you know, Barnes and Noble, Amazon, wherever.

There's the digital version.

Yeah, it's digital version. And you know, it's a fun book. It's a great gift book. It is.

See, that's exactly what I was thinking. It's a great gift book because it's just. It's inspiring and uplifting, especially if you're a woman. And sometimes you might be feeling like life's getting you down and it's been rough. You're like, hey, I am.

But it's also a nice book for a parent to give to a daughter. Absolutely.

Like, inspired graduation, you know, for whatever it is.

But it shouldn't just be for women. I hope that it's. You know, the guys I've talked to, after they make fun of me, when they actually read the book, they're like, you know what? They agree with the vast majority of the stuff in the book. Look, you can debate certain things in the book. I mean, there's no question, there's certain findings in the book that people would say, oh, well, there are other studies that show X. Or for example, the chapter on women are better cops. Right. I'm basing that on the fact that women diffuse violent situations better as cops and that women are less corrupt. And so. But they would say, well, guys are stronger.

How do you measure better?

Right? They are stronger. Guys are stronger. I would rather a suspect put his hands behind his back and allow someone to cuff him rather than having to beat the crap out of him in order to cuff him. Right. But, you know, look, there you can have debates about. About what's the most important thing, but look, some of the. Some of the stuff is indisputable.

Now, is this your first book?

It is.

How long did it take you?

You know, it took me probably four months, five months to put it together. Because, look, you know, the hard work was done by the researchers. I sort of compiled research.

You just delegated. That's awesome.

No, no, no. Meaning the research. No, I didn't mean researchers for me. I meant the people. No, no, no, I meant the people who did the studies.

Right.

Emily loves delegating.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm working on it. No, it's one of my things for 2011. Yeah.

Is to do more of it yourself.

More delegating?

No more delegating. I've been delegating so much, it's awesome. It's changed my life. So you decided, hey, I've done everything else. I'm gonna write a book. I've done so many things, you know, public media figure, for a long time.

And. And, yeah. And it was, you know, it came from the heart. It sort of fit. Yeah, it fit with what I'm. What I'm doing.

And what about your other stuff? You've, like your. Your website. He's a whole. Has a whole media Empire.

Seven websites.

He's a media empire. Let's talk about that.

I'm trying to think of which ones would be most relevant to your audience.

It's okay. My audience is everything.

All right. The biggest one is called Mediaite Media ite, which is about media and politics. Got a site called Stylite, which is about style and fashion. Geeko System is a tech one. Our newest one's called the Mary Sue. It's a female.

I heard about that. So what is that for?

It's a female geek site.

Okay.

It's like, female nerds and, you know, women. Actually, going back to the issue of women, a lot of women feel harassed online when they go into, like, geeky tech sites because the guys are all sort of, you know, sexually harassing them verbally.

Well, that. And too. They go, oh, you're not really into it. So they have to prove themselves.

Exactly.

I have a lot of geeky girlfriends. Like, they're, like, super nerds.

Y.

And. But they always, like, constantly have to, like, I'm not just a hot chick. I actually like this.

Right. No. And. And. And that's what the Mary Sue's about. It's like a place for geeky female geeks to go. And we have a more male skewing version of that, too, called Geeko System. Got a sports site. We've got a. A site called Gossip Cop, which patrols the gossip sites for all the stuff they get wrong.

Nice. I like that.

So holding them accountable.

I'm gonna check that one.

And we're starting a site called Mogulite next. Next month. Yeah. Movers and shakers of industry. Yeah.

Dan Abrams, thank you so much for being on the show and sharing your book. Man down.

My pleasure. It was fun.

So fun. You know, everyone should buy this book. It's great. It is a great gift book, I think.

I think so.

And it's a smart book.

Right.

And it makes everyone feel good all around.

And it's less than 20 bucks, so it's a hardcover.

What's the best place to get it?

I think any of the Barnes and Noble, Amazon, any of the places, or your local bookstore if they don't have it. Demand your man down.

Yeah. Because I will.

I'll do that.

Damn it. Okay, everyone, thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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