SWE: Guest Fernando and Greg

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean?

Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God. I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl.

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You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information about Sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com you can listen to our podcast, sign up for our mailing list, and you can also find me on Facebook. My fan page is Sex with Emily. So thanks everyone for listening to the show. Great to be here today. And we have special guests. I'm here with Menace, first of all.

Hi. How you doing?

What up, Manis? Do you want to introduce our special guest?

I want to introduce Greg from Fernando. Greg here in San Francisco on move in. Well, sorry.

It used to be moving. It used to be moving now. Now. Yes. Fernando and Greg in the morning.

Highly rated morning show.

Highly rated. Super famous morning show.

I don't know about super. Super famous, but we're getting there. We'll be there.

I've been fans of you guys for years, even before you came over to cbs.

You want to hear a funny story?

Yes.

So we're doing. I don't know if the program director here knows about Super Secret because of the way he conducted things, but there was already a morning show at this station that I was going to work for, which was moving. And I think everybody kind of knew that that morning show was gonna be gone, you know, when their contract was up. But when we did our interview with the program director, he had us at a restaurant. He met us at a restaurant right next to the radio station. And who walks in but White Menace. Hey, Fernando and Greg. So it's supposed to be like this.

Super down low, right? And then Menace blows and tweets it.

Out to everybody like, dude. But I'll tell you something that you probably don't know, Menace. Is that the first time we came over here, we actually saw you and we ducked behind like a CBS TV van.

Yeah.

To hide from you.

Yeah. But I kept everything on the DL. I earned your trust.

Yeah, yeah. You. You, you did. I'm just saying that, you know.

Okay, just tell me about your show. Like, why. Why so popular? People love you guys. What do you think it is?

You know, I think it's because it's a fun show. We talk a lot about Absurd things. We used to be on the dance station Energy 92. 7. A lot of people knew us from that. And that was kind of known as the gay station.

Right.

And so you're gay.

Let's just put it out there, Right?

I am. If you can't figure out.

A lot of our listeners are not in San Francisco, so they're all over the world.

So, yeah, just to know. I mean, if you can't figure out by the voice, I'm a homosexual, but I don't sound. I don't look like I sound is what everybody tells me.

Like, I'm more.

A little more grizzly and bush.

Yeah, you're grizzly and cute.

But then people think, like, my. Like, when they meet me, they're always like, oh, I thought you were like, a total, like, tweaker party boy. Like, stick, you know, real skinny, you know. And I'm like, well, you're from the Midwest.

You got the Midwest, Phil.

First of all, I'm not from the Midwest.

Why you claiming it?

What are you talking about?

Maybe I got my geography mixed up from Texas. Okay, Texas, that's the Midwest, right?

No, Menace, you gotta leave San Francisco more often.

That's true. You know what Texas is? Texas. I mean, I hate to be like, Texans are way too proud for that state, but Texas really is Texas. It's not the south, it's not the West. It's not the Midwest. It's just Texas. Okay? That's it.

Right?

You're from Texas.

So you're from Texas. And then you. Did you. Is your family still there?

My family is still there.

And are you close with your family?

I am, off and on.

How do they feel about, like, when you came out as being gay?

Well, you know, I. I didn't really come out to my parents. I haven't really come out to my parents, which is interesting because my mom is on the show. I mean, they've got to know.

My mom's on the show every Wednesday. But my brother asked me. It's been God, ten years ago, and he's super butch. He wrote Bulls in the Rodeo for years and Total cowboy S kicker, you know. And he invited me to his house the night before Thanksgiving, and he got completely wasted on Crown. And we were drinking and drinking and drinking. And finally he looked at his wife, and he's like, I'm just gonna ask you, man.

I'm gonna ask him. And she's like. Her eyes bulge out and she's like, no. And I knew immediately what he was gonna ask me. No. And he's like, are you queer?

And I was like, I mean, I really wish if there were a Jesus at that point, it would, you know, he would. It. It's pretty funny. You could tell I'm not religious. It would have come down and lifted me to this guy. It was horrifying. But you know what? He was cool about it at that moment. He was like, you're my brother and I love you no matter what.

You know, he was in. He was just like, I just don't get it because I love pussy.

I love it.

And he said it like five times. And I'm like, I get it. Are you trying to convince me? Are you trying to convince yourself?

Exactly, exactly. They're like, I just don't get it. I just don't get it.

And I'm like, but he was cool about it. But then never again have we talked about it.

Right? That's what people are. How are you brought up? You brought up like religious or not religious?

You know, my mom is one of 11 and all of her brothers and sisters are uber religious. Like they're Catholic. Of course we're gonna have that many kids gonna be catholic and they're so religious. But all the other aunts and uncles like totally go to church and all they were. I, my mom, my dad wasn't. My mom married outside the faith, which caused huge scandals.

Right? Always does.

They wouldn't even like speak to my dad for like months. And he was married before. Oh, that is an amazing story. That is a great story that I have to tell.

Okay, so.

So I was, this is probably like five, six, seven years ago. A friend of mine and I were going to go to Puerto Vallarta. We're leaving. Out of dfw. That's in Dallas. That's for menace. Yeah.

And we have to help him along sometimes.

Yeah. So my friend, she takes a shower first. We stayed at my parents house. I lived in Dallas, but we stayed at my parents house because it's a lot closer to the airport. And my dad was going to take us to the airport. So she takes a shower, she gets ready, she goes in, she's older than me, she goes in the kitchen, is having coffee with my father and they strike up a conversation. And it turns out that she grew up in the same town where my, my, my husband, my father lived with his first wife.

Oh.

And so they strike up a conversation. And then as soon as we leave, like, get out of you. We get dropped off. As soon as we get out of the car, she's like, oh, my God, Greg, I have to tell you something. I'm like, what? She's like, your. Do you know that your dad was married? I was like, yeah, he's mentioned it, you know, as a kid, but he's never really talked about it. She's like, your father's ex wife is a lesbian. And I'm like, what?

And she was like, oh, my God.

Your. Your dad's ex wife is a lesbian. She was my softball coach in high school, and we started talking about that. And your father, who's never opened up to me, of course, never opened up to anybody, told her that in one conversation. Conversation. He barely knows her. That this other lesbian comes over to the house one day and says, that's not your wife. That's my wife. She had a baseball bat with her because they all. They were on the same softball team and said, blah, blah. And my dad was like, I'm out. Like, you know, I'm not gonna. Dad.

So did you tell your dad that? You.

See. So don't you see your dad a little differently now?

Like, I do in a way that I sort of.

It was years ago, right? I mean, years.

Years ago before you were born.

Like.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it was. God, at least 45 years ago. 45 years ago, yeah.

But how did he not know that she was a lesbian? Because she played softball, you know, I don't know.

But you know what? I got. My friend went to my friend's house, and we got her yearbook to look up.

The woman looks like a total lesbian. But that was years after my dad was married to her. But my dad doesn't talk about his first marriage other than. It's funny. I remember being a kid and it got brought up, you know how you're a kid, you hear things, you're like, you're married before, you know, whatever. And I asked why they didn't stay married, and he. Here's his exact answer. Was she. No, I wanted to have kids. And she didn't know. She didn't. Well, she might have been.

So what's your situation like here in San Francisco? Like, okay, so here's the deal. So sex with Emily. I've been doing the show for, like, five years, and we've had a lot of people talk about all different kinds of sex, but not lately. Like, a lot of, like, gay sex, sex issues. What's going on?

What's going on in San Francisco?

I know, and it's just, like. Because I feel like a lot of the topics we cover tell it. We're like, not, we do talk about it, we read it, we get emails. But specifically, I just feel like we all have this lot of same issues. You know, it's different in some ways mechanically, but we do.

But.

But they're different there.

Well, it's just so different the way that men are sexual. And I always say, people like to say, well, gay men are so promiscuous and gay, blah blah blah. It's. That. That is not true.

Right.

What's true is men are promiscuous.

Right.

What happens is if you're a straight man, the woman comes in and says no.

Right.

Most the time. Another man never says no. I mean, they do sometimes, but whatever. And it just. The culture is so different because there's not that like women.

Because, you know, and I've talked to a friend of mine and she's so open and so like out there. But sex means so much.

She has sex with a guy, she's in love. Not necessarily in love, but crushed if then he doesn't want to continue to have sex. She's okay with having an fb, that's fine with her. But if she is enjoying it and stuff and then he says, I don't want to have it anymore, it's like they go crazy.

Yeah, yeah.

And the other, the other thing she can't do, which I don't understand other than safety wise, I can understand it, but she can't have sex with someone who's having sex with someone else.

Yeah. A lot of women and men are like that. Because I think a lot of that has to do with ego. Like I literally can't. And not in a bad. Just like our minds can't process that the person that we're with, like we all want to believe that we're special and that we're the one. And to think that this person who just had sexual relations with me and had their penis inside me or whatever happened is now going to be with someone else is like, I. People don't have the. Literally don't have the skills to handle that kind of emotion and that kind of anxiety and stress around and jealousy.

I think if. I think you learn.

Yeah.

Well, I've actually had FBs in the past that have been in relationships and I really liked it because it was no fuss, no muss, come in, do it, let's not talk a lot and get out. I enjoy that because then I can go back to watching the Golden Girls. You know, I'm like, I don't really have time to have, you know, this whole like what are you doing for lunch? In fact, when I had fbs, it became a burden. When they would get.

People aren't getting it.

It would be like. And then they'd be like, well, hey, maybe we could go to lunch sometime.

No, like, like we are not lunch was not in our contract. I have meals were not right. Exactly. You just want the fb. Yeah, that's. I think that women typically more than men, but not that men don't, but they kind of romanticize it. Wonder. Well, we're having sex. It means something. I want a relationship. And it's harder just to have that be. So what do you have now? But now you're. Now you're in a relationship.

I have a boyfriend of two years, absolutely monogamous. We are, we are. He's younger than me.

How much younger?

Nine years.

Okay.

He's 28. Oh, damn. I just gave my age. Don't add, don't add. He's 28. I, you know, I think with the younger generation, they definitely. It's like the monogamy things is very, very important to him.

Really younger, more important.

Yeah. I mean, if they're trying to. Yeah.

Because they're into it.

Yeah.

That's my problem. Okay. Yeah.

Older gay men are more like. They've been. They've done it, you know, you've done it right. Instead. So you know that it's his first real long term relationship.

Yeah, you're the first one.

So I think in that way you always think I work because I've been the first relationship for a couple of guys.

Interesting men who are formally identified as.

Straight men that weren't out.

Okay.

But I don't think like.

Socially they identified as straight. Maybe they always knew they were gay.

Yeah. Well, actually my current boyfriend now he came out a while ago, like several years. Even came out to his parents, you know, and stuff when he was in college. But he just never had. I don't think he ever felt comfortable enough to have a relationship.

Okay.

In fact, I scared him because he was so. I'm so just out there and whatever.

Like, this is what I. Right. Oh.

When we first started like dating and I would go to hold his hand in public, he would like stiffen up and freak out and kissing him in public, he'd like, you know, and it's like, we're in the Castro.

We're in the gay area.

Right. Oh, my God. I work out at the Castro gym. Do you work out at the Castro Gym?

At the Gold's Gym?

Yeah.

I don't only because I do work out at Gold's Gym, but not at that one because it's so small.

Right.

And it. I don't know if it still does, but sometimes it smells like man. Musty man.

It's all men and like, I'm the only woman in. In. In.

You never go south the Market.

I do go south. The Market. Sometimes I look. Do you go there? I do. Yeah.

I'll be in the girls soccer room.

Perfect. Exactly.

I heard there's nothing going on in the girls locker room.

No, but what's going on in the men's soccer room? For real? Is there really real.

Why is everyone naked? Like, is it really.

Because. Let me tell you about this gym. Because Gold's gym is like a serious gym and it's. There's two of them and they're mostly gay. I say I feel like the gay gym in the Castro, I often say is the gayest place on earth.

Yeah. But I.

Because I'm in the Castro and it's the gay gym.

Yeah, but I think you're wrong because I think there are more straight women who go to that gym than there are that go to the south of Market. South the Market is more. They're like, I went to south the.

Market for a year and then I realized the other one was closer. It took me a year to figure out the other ones. Whatever. I'm slow.

You didn't know where really slow.

But. But I feel like all the men are just always so like. I mean, they're buff, but they're always like just, you know, like friendly and touchy and grabbing each other's ass and so I'm wondering what happens in the locker room. Like the whole cliche of what you hear about the locker room.

Nothing happens in the locker room. Part of. There's the locker room. You walk in and there's the locker room and then there is a shower and then. But in the back of the shower there's a steam room and a sauna. Yeah. Steamer, Minnesota. Two different things. Right. So there's all that going on. I've taken a shower at that gym and there doesn't seem to be a lot going on in the shower, but in the steam room and the sauna, from what I am told by my friends. And I have this one friend who is like horny as I'll get out. He's constantly having sex everywhere he goes. I mean, he's a good looking guy. He has sex ever. I mean, he's one of those guys that you. He could be one of Those after dark HBO shows, you know, like, he has a coffee shop in the coffee shop, down below the coffee shop. And you're like, this never happens to me.

There are certain. My friend has a theory that there's three kinds of men and I'm not gonna remember them all, but one of them is the guy. I'm not gonna remember the right terms, but one of them is the guy that just. You can't understand it. He just gets. Everywhere he goes, he gets laid. Like his special powers? No, no, it's like. Like he's maybe good looking, but it doesn't matter. Like, not more good looking than their friend that doesn't ever get laid. But there's something about these people. They got these powers. Men, women, straight, gay. What? I mean, it doesn't matter. They just. Men.

And he doesn't have to hook up, like, online or, you know, whatever. He just plain and simple can walk into somewhere. And I am telling you, within 15 minutes, he's in the back of an SUV getting his penis.

Yes.

Yeah, but I've talked to my, my gay friends and they said there's like just. I go, when you're in the club and you want to hook up with somebody, like, how do you do it? Do you even, like, talk? Because once I get to the club, I swear to God, my gay friends are gone within five minutes already. And they say it's just a look. You just look at each other.

Yeah, that's how you take off, is.

Different because, you know, get back to the gym. From what I understand, there is sex and masturbation. A lot of mutual masturbation and stuff like that. In the steam room, not in the locker room at all. But it is funny, you know, guys who have big schlongs connected to ugly faces have this weird thing that in the locker room, they must walk around without a towel for what appears to be hours. Like, I mean, like, I can go in there, change my clothes, work out, come back, and they're still finding things to do. Clip their toenail, grease their legs up, whatever. And it's. It's guys with big schlongs connected to pretty faces. I guess they're used to getting attention for it.

All right, so they put their towels right?

Yeah. This is my one thing God gave me. And I, by God, am showing it to the world.

Right? Right. Right. For long, for hours. Right? Oh, my God, that is so annoying. Right?

Because you're like, listen, I don't care.

How big it is. Right.

Are you impressed by size?

I'm I. I'm not a size queen. I'm not a size queen, but I like bigger. I just do.

But for sex, for looks, for sex.

I think I like just the feeling. I like, I just do. Doesn't have to be huge and not like totally a mess, but like, I have been in the past with some that are just really not as big.

Yeah.

And not as, you know, one in particular.

If I might go back, wasn't this great? Like, it was small, but I know now that this person is, like married with two kids and really happy. So, like, I know, like, for me it wasn't right, but doesn't mean that it wasn't right for someone else, but for me. Yeah. And maybe penis was like, are you. Are you in? You know, and my friend was having sex with the guy and she was like, I didn't know if he was in. I said, is that your finger? Never ask if that's your finger. And it wasn't his finger.

Yeah, you shouldn't probably ask that. I was with a guy that I.

He's like, not my finger, bitch. Yeah.

That said, I was with a guy once that it was so small. Like, I'm not a size queen at all.

Right.

Fine. I mean, anything from normal small to normal large. In fact, I would rather have more on the medium to smaller side than like a huge penis if I'm gonna bottom. But sometimes actually if the smaller it is, like if it's a abnormally small, it hurts worse because it's like a little jutting in there.

Oh, wow. Really? Yeah.

So it's like you said, if you're.

Gonna bottom, so do you bottom and top. Both.

Yeah, both.

What's it called? There's terms for that, right?

Versatile. If you do both, you're.

Someone just told me some gay friend. Mike just said San Francisco is a town of bottoms.

It is. Well, almost every town's a town.

Really?

It's hard to find a top. I mean, listen, when you find a good top in a town, you stick to them.

Explain this to me. This is what. How do you know right away?

You don't. I mean, you don't. I mean, some guys you can look at and be like, bottom, like, Right, right, right.

Do you do that? Like bottom, bottom, top, bottom, top, bottom.

I mean, it's like a game you play.

You sk.

I love it. Can I come? I live right near there.

Absolutely.

Okay, good. Okay. That's so fun.

But, you know, I'll tell you what's changed the game. And I know Menace asked me a question. About this the other day. And what's changed the game of hooking up is Grindr.

Right?

Grindr.

I don't love it, but my.

I just. I love.

Secretly loves Grinder.

I love the gay.

I love the gay technology of Grindr. It's for people that don't know. It's an app that's on your phone that uses your location, and everybody else that has the app has theirs turned on also. So when you turn on the app, you see all the other people that.

Are on, how far away they are from you. Oh, yeah.

Have you used it to hook up? Well, you've been in a relationship.

Yeah, I have. But listen, I have a friend who is obsessed with it. Obsessed to the point of. We went to Kauai as a group of people. He was so obsessed with it, his phone eventually broke, I think, because he was using Grinder so much. I'm like, we're in Kauai. There's nothing but chickens here and fish. You're not gonna find another gay guy. Get off of there. He was so obsessed with it, it drove us insane. Needs to be checked into rehab, right? But what he's told me about it, my boyfriend actually downloaded it a while back because we have a friend, a straight girlfriend, who's obsessed with the concept, and she had to know all about it. So he downloaded and they, you know, looked at it, and you. You literally can tell, like, okay, someone is 10ft away, and he will suck.

My cock or I will suck his cock.

Well, no, what happens is it depends on what it says that the profile may say.

You click their. You click their photograph, and then you can instantly start chatting with them. It's crazy.

Wow.

You know more about it than I do.

I have a lot of gay friends.

He brings it up all the time.

Then there's Boy Ahoy, which is another one that just.

I've not even heard.

I don't like that name.

Oh, my God. How he knows Boy Ahoy and I don't.

How do you know the obscure Grinder?

But do you know what's funny? It would never work for straight people.

Because women wouldn't get on it. It would just be straight man.

Oh, yeah. It'd be like men going, I hear. I see you being.

And they'd be like.

Would you. Would you.

Would I do that Grinder?

Not on Grinder, but if Grinder for straight people.

I already have men pick. I told saying there's men picking me up. I have men. I don't know. I don't need to be Like, I'm available, single chick, come talk to me 10ft away. Like, I'd rather not.

Do you ever just want to have sex?

Yes.

And just like, oh my God, I want to have sex right now. Let me get on my phone and find a guy.

But I have guys in my arsenal that I could call to have sex with.

Even at noon?

Yeah, I think so.

I mean, you've got like, you got around the clock cock.

I do around the clock and around the country.

This is what sucks for straight men, because straight men don't have anything like.

Yeah, they do.

No, they don't.

If I have it with these men, then they have it with me.

No, because I have.

You just have to be cute.

No, I have to buy you lunch.

No, you don't.

But you just gotta have.

I prefer them not to buy me anything.

I just, I have another.

Oh, that's not true.

I have another friend. You shouldn't say that on the air. Bleep that out.

Bleep that.

I have a friend who has an ex and he, every time he texts, it's always like, he's in the food service industry. So he'll get out at 11:30 midnight and we'll be hanging out, you know, on a Friday night, and she'll get a text and it's like, what's up? What are you doing? Can I come over?

Right.

Yeah.

And then it's like, I mean, her hair's on fire. She gets out of my house so fast.

That's what I do. That's what we do. We hook up late. Yeah, yeah. You just like, hey, hey, what are you doing? Does that every night. He doesn't even go home.

Well, that's funny to me because.

Because men looks.

No, no, not about menace.

Oh, sorry.

You know, I can't even imagine having sex after 8pm I can't even imagine because I get up at 4:30.

You get a 4:30 for your show? I got it.

And I really want my boyfriend. Like, I have tried to talk to him over the last two years. Like, listen, once in a while you have to find a way to get out of work because I'm horny at like 2 or 3 or 4.

Oh, and had. He works late.

Yeah. So for a while I was like uber. I wouldn't say addicted, but very dependent on porn at home because it was the only outlet.

Yeah, it's like two o', clock, you're getting up maybe or whatever.

I know, I come from the gym. All they seen all those big schlongs.

You Know.

All those guys doing it in the steam room?

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Better relationships equal better sex. Sinclair Institute, the leader in sex education products for adults, has been saying it.

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Think you're addicted to.

What kind of porn do you watch? Is anything.

No, I. You know, I really like to see. I really like amateur porn.

Right.

I don't. And I know that amateur porn isn't really amateur porn.

Right. But it's more amateur than.

Than. I don't want super glossy produced, you know, whatever. I wanted a little bit more. And I want to see guys who are enjoying themselves. And you can tell when they're not.

You can totally tell.

And I have a lot of. Have you ever watched gay porn? Yeah, because I get a lot of lesbians who want to watch my porn. Like, they come over and rent, you know, the gay porn out of my collection.

Out of your collection? Yeah. I have a lot of friends who get turned on by gay porn.

Would you get turned on by gay porn?

I have seen some gay porn that. That turned me on. Yeah.

This straight. Do girls turn you on?

Yeah, girls turn me on more than.

Do girls going like this turn you on?

No, that's annoying. And they're. Long fingernail, like, I like that.

So weird.

The long fingernail. It's so weird. Like, it's not me. Like, that doesn't turn me on, but I think two women getting it on is hot.

But real women not, like, not real.

Amateur, amateur women, then the amateur porn. Women of women, lesbians.

What do. What do men. Straight men watch in a straight porn? Because you don't look at the guy, do you?

No, men don't want to see. They don't want to see another penis.

Does men.

Men. Straight men, like to not like to limit the amount of other penises around in their vicinity?

Well, I like it. So when you've logged off of Grindr.

Right? Exactly.

And you've logged off to Chips Ahoy.

Right, right, right.

What. What turns you on in the porn?

No, I like amateur porn, too. I don't like the produced stuff at all. And then there's like, the.

He's standing up now.

I know. He just, like, moved.

No, but then it's also, like, with the guys it's.

Yeah.

Again it's like the penis is really cut out. It's like they have the cut out.

It's cut out. No, no.

But it's really the. The camera views is like it's actually you.

Right.

You know. You know I'm talking about.

It's I think George Carlin.

You say rest in peace. Didn't he die? He said that he had like a one dick theory or something and he said he only like men only want to see one penis in the room. Like one dick, no other pieces. No threesomes like that even. That like they even do a thing where they're picturing that it's their penis going in.

What about double penetration?

That's a great question that just came up. Someone just. Yeah, I don't find it hot.

I had to show my friend that because she didn't believe it was true.

It's true.

It was on a website that I look @Sean Cody.com is a fairly produced.

Side but how do you say slow it down.

SeanCodi.com S E A N S E A N C O D Y Cody.

Okay, got it. I'm going to go now.

It's like all pretty boy sex which I like. You know I'm into fit pretty boys.

Right.

And but why you like our gym and. Exactly. Yeah. The steam room. I've never been in steam room.

I know.

Like I like. You know I like smooth. My boyfriend is Asian but he's not like, you know, fresh off the boat Asian. Get a. You know if you want to picture him, he's very athletic. He was two time jump rope champion. Really world a jump rope. Yeah. He's traveled the world jump roping. Can you believe that?

He's Japanese and he's from Alaska.

Okay.

He's very unique. We should have him in here. But he clams up.

He should does he nervous?

He does. He doesn't like to. You know. Yeah. I mean he's fine with me doing it all but you know the thing the only. He's only been pissed at me a few times and we called him on after. Yeah we called him on our after show that we do after our show which is on 997Now.com and you can.

Find out we're plug you tell me how we find you. People want. They're hilarious. Like like your show is renowned and I think everyone should listen to your show. Tell us how to get there.

Yeah. It's either here in the Bay Area it's move. It's 997 now or 997now.com. And then there's. All the podcasts are up there. And then we do a show after the show, which is a little raunchier. It's not as in depth probably as this, but it gets there.

But, yeah, we're deep.

We call. Well, some of us can't get that beauty. No. But we called him and asked about, could I have sex if, you know, Justin Timberlake were in front of me, could I have? He just thinks it's disrespectful for me to be asking about having sex with other men. And he got really mad. I was like, you're gonna do what.

You want to do anyway. And you're like, it's just a hypothetical Justin Timberlake. What are the chances?

Listen, if. If Justin Timberlake wanted to have sex with me, I'm sorry. My boyfriend would just have to get over it.

Right.

And that would just be that, you know? But that makes him mad. He thinks it's disrespectful. But I think to him, like, if Hugh Jackman. He loves you. If Hugh Jackman wanted to have sex with him, I would have to say, yeah, you have to say, like, you gotta do it.

Right. Hugh Jackman's gay.

Right. He's gay. Right. Nobody acts awfully gay.

Do you believe that? Most men in this town? I feel like everyone's gay and less proven straight.

I don't. I really don't.

I feel like there's a lot, like.

I swear to you that. Are you from here? Are you from the main.

I've been here a long time, but I'm not from. I'm from Michigan originally.

Yeah. So when I moved here, I really. I swear to God. And I. I just had a conversation with someone at the LGBT center that's the Lesbian, Gay.

Bisexual, and Transgender center here. Because I'm thinking about doing some work with them. And.

She said that, you know, that a lot of men who move here have the same thought. The thought I had was, I was gonna get here, and there's, like, unicorns hopping over clouds and glitter falling from the sky. And, you know, it's not like that, really. And San Francisco's gay community is not like. Like the pretty boy gay community. It's not clean. There's a lot of subsections. The leather, the stinky ones. You know, the ones that like that odor, which I'm not.

I know they always get next to me on the StairMaster. I've had to leave. I've had to.

What is that? I don't. I've never heard of that.

There's just men that don't wear deodorant.

I guess, don't wear deodorant. And they funkify. Like, I cannot wear deodorant. And I don't funkify.

I don't. They funk out. And I'm like, I'm on the Cerman, and I'm like, putting my. Yeah, it's bad.

And it's definitely a. A fetish for guys.

I didn't know that was a fetish.

Absolutely. And it's really, really prevalent here.

But can they not do the fetish at the gym? Can they just do it elsewhere?

Do it in your bedroom.

Yeah, exactly.

There's a bar here. Have you been to 440? Otherwise known as Daddy's. Used to be Daddy's.

Yeah, I remember Daddy's.

There's pretty smelly people in there.

Oh, really? It's kind of like the smelly bar.

Pretty raunch. But I kind of like it. You know, I. I get. I used to get a. I don't. I don't know. I must be known to have a boyfriend because I used to get hit on, and I do not ever get hit on.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But not everybody knows who I am. I mean, you can't tell by looking, right?

It's. I don't know. I feel like that too, sometimes. And then you get asked out and it feels really good because your ego, like, kind of.

Yeah. My boyfriend should be very happy right now. I never get hit on.

You never gets hit on. Ever, ever, ever. Okay, well, thank you so much for being on the show. You're awesome.

Wow.

Okay, good. Let's go. Okay. Menace is usually yelling at me.

No, no.

Are you ready to wrap it up?

I think it's good. I. We've been trying to get you in here for a while, so.

Okay, I'm excited.

Maybe you. Actually, the one thing I did want to say, because I want to describe to people out there a little bit. So I walk in and Emily's wearing these pants. And I have to tell you, I'm going to describe them to you. Do you remember Olivia Newton John in Greece? Yeah. These are the pants. And I just saw the Australia episodes of Oprah. Are you a fan of Oprah?

No. I mean, yes, I am, but I don't.

I. Well, she. Olivia Newton John was on there, and she brought out the pants, and they were these. They're just like that. That she wore in Greece. Yeah, Exact same.

Cause I need a man I need a Man, really? These look like. Do you like them?

I love them.

Okay, good. I love them, too. They're really cozy.

They're amazing.

They're very American Apparel.

No, they're not.

Are they?

I don't go into American Apparel. I thought American Apparel was all, like, sweatshirts.

No, they've like. Like. It's very 80s, yeah.

Oh, is it? Are you into that?

No. I mean, what are you, a hipster? No. That's such a good question.

No, she's not a hipster.

What am I, Menace? What am I? I'm a little bit of everything. I'm a little hipster in me. I'm a little hipster.

But the ring is sort of, like, very trendy. But it's trendy right now.

She dresses like a hippie, I think.

Like a trendy hippie. And you, like. You've got the Michelle Obama arms, like, hot, you know, buff, cut, looking good.

Wow. I don't know what I am. It's so confusing. It's like. It's like. I mean, I do, like. I like nice things, but I am kind of funky, eclectic the way I dress. I just kind of wear whatever and I'm.

I like what you have on, but you're very. The bottom half of you is very Grease. Not the top half, but even the boots. I mean, you're living in John right now.

Oh, my God. That's like heaven. I wish you. Yeah, I love Living Newton John.

I. One of the first songs I remember. Yes.

That's one of the first songs I really remember. I remember being a kid, it's so funny that, you know, some. Some. I guess gay men exhibit no homosexual traits, and some, like, do. And, you know, I was. I always wanted to be a cheerleader, but I didn't want to be, like, a boy cheerleader because I didn't get pom poms. I wanted pom poms.

Of course.

Of course I wanted that.

And being a fireman without the hose.

And I wanted be lifted up, you know, I'm gonna be treated like a lady, so. But I loved that, like, that Elton John. Like, my mom and dad listen to country music, so I rarely got to hear. How did you find their music? You know, once in a while, you would hear it in your friends, parents would be listening to something, and I. This song. I guess that's why they call it the Blues by Elton John. I fell in love with that song. And my mom took me to the record store, and the only records I buy that were not Loretta Lynn, Dollar Parton and Crystal Gale. Where Karma Chameleon by the Culture Club. And I guess that's why they call it the Blues by Elton John. Why my mother still is having even questions about my sexuality.

Mom didn't clear this up when I was eight. Right.

But it is super funny. I got. And then I guess we'll wrap it up.

No, we're good. We're good.

I got.

Tricked. My grandmother. I was staying for the summer at her house, and when I was in elementary school, I wanted pom poms so bad. I mean, it's like the dream of my life. That's all I wanted.

I mean, I did, too. Yeah. But I get.

You didn't get them. No, but it was totally acceptable for you.

I'm just thinking. I know that feeling, so I can imagine for you. Like, you really could.

Like, yeah, but, you know, it's banned. You know, you can't have them.

You can. Like, that's sad. I'm gonna cry.

Yeah. My parents are really country, really conservative, really Catholic. Well, my dad's not Catholic, but all the other things. Married a lesbian, for God's sake.

So I tricked my grandmother and told her that there was this girl named Kimberly back home, and it was gonna be her birthday on the day that I got back. So I needed to go shopping for her birthday immediately, like, while I was there, and get pom poms, and that's what she wanted. And so my grandmother took me, and I was there for, like, two or three weeks. So I got the pom poms when we were at the store. And I remember my grandparents would fall asleep in the middle of the day, like old people do watching as the World Turns. Yeah. And as soon as they would fall asleep in their chair, I would go to the room, get the pom poms, go back behind in the backyard behind the barn and do cheers.

Like, give me an A. Oh, yeah.

Well, no, it was very, like. Because I like certain sports teams then in certain colleges, and so. Which I still do certain colleges, certain pro team. So I pretended I was cheerleaders for those teams, of course. And I imagined in my head, like, the team was making a touchdown, and then I was doing the cheer properly.

Did you ever get caught?

I never got caught. I never got caught at anything. I did. I. You know, I told my therapist it's bad because I'm a good. I'm good at hiding things. I'm good at getting away with stuff. But one time I nearly got caught with a gay porno magazine at my house when I was like, oh, God, I was 15 or 16. And I remember there. Remember newsstands that had porn in the back of them? You don't have them anymore because we can get our porn and regular news elsewhere. But there was this one on the way home from my high school, and I went in there one day, was terrified. And you had to go in the back where the porn. So I go into the back, and there's another man back there. So I start looking at the straight magazines, you know, at the boobs and all that stuff. And then he leaves. I'm run over to the gay. I'm looking at the gay magazines, and then I wise up, and I put the gay magazine inside of a straight magazine. So if anybody walked in, they would think I was looking at that. Finally, after doing that, like, three or four times over, like, a month or whatever, I got up the courage to just. I said, just gonna take this gay magazine up to the counter. I'm not gonna look at him. I wasn't even old enough to buy it. I just put it up there. I didn't look at him. He's like, $3. I gave him the money. I ran out.

Oh, my God.

So, like, exhilarating.

Was it your first sexual explicit material.

That you get your hands on?

Oh, my God.

First time I'd seen, like, guy Guy.

Right, right. And it turned you on.

It turned me on. It's just like. But it was so scary to buy.

Totally. That first experience. Did you ever have to go through that.

Gay porn?

No.

Just like that, with condoms.

Right, right, right, right, right.

Why were we so afraid of condoms?

Because we're like, oh, my God, they know we're having sex.

Like, yeah, yeah. I get, like, today, it's like, you.

Know, you don't even think about it.

And people should applaud you for buying condoms. You should applaud yourself for buying.

Exactly. Everyone should buy condoms.

And now tonight, straight women. I. This. I. This frustrates me so much. Straight women don't protect themselves. I have so many straight women friends who. I'm like, did you wear a condom with a gun?

No.

Well, I'm on the pill. You don't know him. He can have.

Exactly. You have to.

And if you don't want to buy them, if you don't want to spend the money, straight people then go to your local gay bar. They hand them out for. There are buckets of them. There are buckets at the front desk.

Yep.

When you check in and hand in your underwear, you can pick up some.

But anyway, so I take the magazine home And I hide it and I look at it. I masturbate to it, like, so many times. So one day we had a swimming pool. And one day I take it out into the living room. My parents weren't home. And I'm looking, you know, at the magazine, you know, getting all horny, and I decide to go out and masturbate in the pool. I mean, who am I, Joan Collins? I mean, I don't know what's going on here. I'm like Blanche Devereaux.

So I go out thinking I'm Linda Evans, and I'm like, masturbating in the pool or whatever. And I just finish up and just whatever. And I'm walking back in the back door, and I hear my father walking in the front door. I look down. I had left the gay porn magazine on the middle of the living room.

Oh, my God.

Open to spread. I guess I got so horny.

You're like, I'm just going to the.

Pool to cool off there.

I'll go back and get that magazine. So what happened?

Well, he was luckily walking through the kitchen, and I see it and grab it and, you know, rush into my room and hide it. But that's the closest I had ever.

Gotten to getting caught up at that age. That would have been. You weren't ready yet, right? To talk to.

I'm not ready now, exactly.

Oh, my God.

How long did you have that one magazine?

You know what I would do, Menace, is I would have the magazines for a while, and then I would freak out and be like, oh, my God, my parents are gonna find it. I gotta get rid of it. You know. Oh, my God, the pages are stuck together. Whatever. You know, you get tired of the.

Same one, Right, right.

Mostly, like, I'm so scared that they're gonna find it. So I would get rid of it. Throw. You know, I take it somewhere and throw it out.

Right?

And then a couple months later, jonesing.

Right, right, right.

Gotta get a new one.

Gotta get a new one. Yeah.

I remember I drove to Dallas. I called when I was like, 8, 18, 17 or 18, I think 18. I looked in the phone book and I called this, like, gay and lesbian, whatever. I didn't know what I was doing. And I was like, where do gay people hang out? Like, I asked, you know, where do gay people hang out? Or whatever. But I didn't want to know. Like, they're like, oh, there's youth groups and blah, blah. I didn't want to know that. I wanted to know where I can get a gay video I wanted to see some hot.

Right. So what'd you do?

So I drove over to the gay part of town and I found a video store. And, like, I was like, finding gold mine.

Right, Like Mecca. Exactly. So did you buy a bunch of video?

Well, I wanted to rent these videos, right? So I go through and I pick them all out. And you have to. That. Back then they would put the covers and sleeve, like the plastic sleeves, you know. Yeah. And then you have to take the covers up there and then they have the right things. So I. I did all that. And they're like, okay, we're gonna need a major credit card. Or remember like, Blockbuster? They used to, like, you'd have to have your life on these things because they cost so much back then. Now they don't cost anything. And they were like. Or you have to write a check for a deposit. I did not have either one. I had a checkbook. I was so wanting the porn that I drove 50 minutes back to where I lived in Fort Worth. All the way back from Dallas to Fort Worth to my house, got my checkbook, drove all the way back to rent that porn to write that check. Yeah, I wanted it bad.

Thank God you moved to San Francisco.

It took an hour to find gay porn.

Because in San Francisco you can't drive five minutes without fighting gay porn. Right.

What do you think about in the Castro, the gay neighborhood? What do you think about walking down the street and some of the places just having, like, dildos in the window?

I think it's fine. I think it's. I think it's. I have no problem with me.

Have you had children?

No, I don't.

I mean, no. If you had to.

If I had children. I just think it's part of. Part of life, part of the culture that we live in. I mean, I.

You wouldn't take them to the Castro party?

I'm not. I don't know.

I don't know where.

I don't know.

What would you take them in the. Where would you take them? In the Castro?

I mean, I guess there's no families.

Live in the Castro now.

The theater. I love the theater. They might be like, I know, but they're like, oh, like, well, Mommy, what is that, you know, spaceship looking thing? What do you know? You're like, oh, what's this hot cookie.

Thing where there's vagina?

I know. Or like the sausage factor, whatever. No, but I. I don't know. I don't have a problem with it because I think that sex toys and sex paraphernalia really help and enhance people's relationships. But what do you do about young kids? Like, what do you do anything? Like they're on the Internet and they're getting.

I saw porno when I was 6 years old.

How he never forgets this.

Yeah.

About again. Because I think it's fucked you up somehow.

It hasn't.

Sorry.

No, it's so weird.

Why don't you see it? Where'd you find it?

Okay. What happened was I. I've told the story many times before, but I was learning to ride a bike and I broke the training wheel.

Of course I broke the training.

I broke the training wheels on the bike because the train wheels were plastic wheels, right? So I was out in the front trying to. Trying to ride this bike forever. And then finally I rode it without the train wheels. I kept on going. I didn't know how to stop. And I ran right into a fence. And I was so excited. I ran to the front door of my house and the screen door was there and my dad was watching a porno.

Of course he was.

Right. But he didn't hear me. He didn't hear me get to the door. So I immediately just stopped and I.

And you knew that it was something and I watched.

But for some reason you're a willie out.

No, but for some reason at six years old, I. I knew what it was. Well, I think I knew what was going on.

Yeah.

But I'd never seen anything sexual before that maybe my mom's vibrator.

You saw your mom's vibrator?

Yeah. I think now that would traumatize me.

More than anything, right?

That would try my brother. My. My parents had. Remember those old timey vibrators that not.

Plug into the wall? Hitachi magic wand.

Yeah. Well, no, this was like the thing for your back. This was like a real vibrator, like for your back. You held it like this. Somehow my brother figured out that if he put it on his penis.

Vibration feels good.

So he, he. I one day came home from school probably I. He was probably like in ninth grade and I was in seventh and I catch him in my parents room and he's like starts freaking out and yelling at me and I wasn't quite sure why, you know, like, get out of here. What are you doing? And he had the vibrator and I was like, oh, it's vibrating.

And then I figured it out. Like, oh, he was, you know, what he was doing. So then of course that gives you the idea, right? And then I started. It was amazing. Yeah.

Men. Some men love the vibration of your penis. That's why I always talk about rings that, like the. The. The, you know, rings for peering. Do you use them?

I don't like them.

You don't like.

Too complicated. And a lot of times the. The rings, they're for guys who can't keep it up.

Right. And the vibrating rings, like, you like the vibration on your penis.

I do. Yeah. I've. I've used those before. I just don't like the rings.

I know what you're saying. Okay.

I would rather have, like. I have, like, a little toy that I've stuck down there while I.

Like a little pocket rocket or something.

Yeah, right there. See? I like it right in the taint.

Right.

That's where that feels really good.

Menace. You should try that.

Insert it into anything.

That would feel good.

It feels really good. Here's another thing I discovered on my own as a junior high kid is I somehow. I mean, I'm amazing. Like, when you're a kid, you can find these things out, but figured out that if I took the shower head and laid down.

Oh, yeah.

And put it on the head of my penis, not right below the head of my penis, that I could.

Come without touching my penis.

You're like MacGyver.

Yeah.

All I need is a piece of gum and a shower head.

Right.

And I'll tell you, I think. I really think it is.

If you can come without touching your penis, it feels 10 times better. Oh, I'm sure it just feels amazing. Like, I don't know this.

Yeah.

I mean, it feels great when you're doing that too.

Right. But to make it right, to make it.

Shoot. What do you think?

Oh, God. We have to go.

Yeah. Okay. I'll come back another day.

Will you come back another day? Because I want to talk to you about hand jobs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We have a big debate.

We have a big hand job debate. Will you come back?

Yeah.

Oh, I'm so excited.

Absolutely.

I'm so happy to meet you and thank you so much for being on the show. Thanks for having me. So fun. Okay, everyone. Well, that was. How do we find you? Download his podcast.

Yeah.997now.com and search Fernando and Greg on Stitcher.

Fernando and Greg on Stitcher. We've got a lot of Stitcher listeners on Stitcher.

You can search Fernando and Greg. The last two weeks of podcast. Don't listen to Fernando and I've been in huge fights. It's been like marriage, and a lot of people don't like it. Let's like, you know, like if you were a Howard Stern listener. I always like digged when they would fight and it was real and stuff like that. We've been going through like this seven year itch kind of thing. Like, you know, like in a relationship when you wake up and you look at someone and you're like, I wish that person were dead. We've been going through that the last couple weeks. It's gotten better, but it kind of played out. He was there one day and it was not even bad. And he started squirming in his seat and feeling uncomfortable. You can't always be happy.

No, you don't want. Then your listeners probably want to see you, all sides of you.

They complained a lot and they think I'm a dick, but I am a.

Very, very come see you be a dick on the show now.

You know what?

What?

She should come do our sideshow.

Yeah.

For the side show.

Oh my God, do it. I love it. I'll talk about anything, whatever. It'd be so fun.

No, I just don't want you guys to end up like some shows that I know where they are, inseparable rooms, you know, I don't want it to end up being like that.

But you know, you know they're gonna make it.

They love each other, right?

Yeah. We've been good friends for a long time. But you know when that happens or why that happens is because people don't get it out. They harbor their bad feelings to the point to where it's just like. Then it all, you know, blows up. I, you know, I. Here's the, here's one thing. I think we're both in therapy. And I think therapy, what I've learned in the last year is therapy brings a lot of stuff to surface. You think you're gonna go to therapy and you're gonna be fine and everything's gonna be great. No, it brings it so much rage.

It breaks you down.

You gotta get it all apart. So I. Last year was raging because I'm getting all this good.

I was in therapy forever. Forever.

I think year two is when you start to maybe.

Oh my God, I was in therapy for 15 years.

Okay. Maybe in year 14 you start to fix things. Alright, we do have to go.

Okay.

Emily will be on the side show with Fernando and Greg and then I'll be back on this show soon.

Okay, good. Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

This episode of Sex with Emily is brought to you by Screaming O. Make sex even more fun with the Screaming O collection of award winning mini vibes, vibrating rings and sexy accessories. These complex, colorful sex toys come recommended by Women's Health, Maxim magazine and sexperts around the world. Try a vibe in your finger, your tongue, or even around his thing and see what all the buzz is about. Men, women and couples love Screaming O. Millions of satisfied customers will tell you no matter where you are, what you like or who you're with. There's a screaming O for that. Go to screamingo.com to check out all their fun products today. Thanks for listening.

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