SWE: How to Attract Women

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So you know I'm obsessed with candles, right? Have you ever heard of massage oil candles? Okay, so get this. I always light candles when I'm enjoying a glass of wine with friends. And recently they were over and I lit three candles for my new line called Emily and Tony. My skin felt really dry, so I went ahead and poured some of it on my hands and I gave myself a quick massage. My friends were stunned that I did this and immediately were obsessed. And here's why. See, these candles are really aromatherapy massage oils that when warmed like a candle, they melt into the most luxurious body oil that is super hydrating, leaves your skin feeling and smelling amazing, and it's perfect for massaging your partner or yourself. You could use it during foreplay. And you know me, I'm a firm believer in foreplay. They come in delicious flavors like creme de vanilla, cocoa and Fougere. Not just that, they look great in your home. So help us keep this podcast free. Check them out today@emilyandtoni.com and you're welcome. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our secrets, institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cuz My man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my.

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so broke.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

Foreign.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list. Oh, my God. And right now is the best time to go to Sex with me dot com, because I've got a new special report on my website that you all have to get. It's free. Five Biggest Mistakes Women Are Making in Bed and five Biggest Mistakes Men Are Making in Bed. And you know, you know, mistake is kind of a negative word. I'm not saying you did it on purpose, but there are some things that you're doing and I'm telling you how to improve them. So just go to my website, check it out. We've also got tons of videos and I've got hundreds of podcasts. Subscribe to the podcast on itunes and also, as always, check me out on Facebook and Twitter, which is sex with Emily. Exwithemily on Twitter and facebook.com sexwithemily really excited for today's guest. It is Jason. He is a dating coach, but he's just not your everyday dating coach. He's got some game. He knows what he's talking about. He knows how to get the chicks. It's amazing the stories that he has. He blew my mind. I met him and I was like, holy moly. You've got to come my show and share all this knowledge that you have with my listeners. Because he teaches men how to be their best selves with women and how to get the women you want and then how to sleep with them, which is what I know y' all want anyway, right? That's why you're listening to Sex with Emily. We're gonna give you some good dating tips and some tips once you get the chick what to do with her, it's gonna be a fun show. Hi, Jason.

Hi.

Hi. So glad to have you on the Sex with Emily show today.

I'm glad to be here in the studio with you as well.

It is amazing. Okay, so tell me, how did you. How did you get into this, Viz?

That is a very good question. So I was born out of my mother's womb with game. I just came out and knew what to say. So I was like, I need to share this gift with the world. That's entirely false. I actually. Actually, it's the exact opposite. What happened here? I was actually a virgin till I was 20 years old.

Wow.

Which is fairly late. Like, for most people. It's not, like, incredibly late. I'm not like Steve Carell in that movie, Right. But all my friends lost their virginity when they were teenagers. And I was a basketball player. All I did was play basketball every single day. I ended up playing college basketball. I was literally a college athlete who wasn't getting laid out. Shocking concept.

So that's why you become a college athlete, just so you can get right for the girls.

I was weird. I actually became a college athlete because I liked the sport. Really? Totally backwards, right?

Yeah.

But the reason was because I was so obsessed with basketball that freshman, sophomore year of college, and my friends are going to college parties and meeting girls and can I swear in the show, by the way?

Absolutely.

Okay. Going to parties. I slay the F bomb laugh. And they're going to, like, fucking girls. And everyone's having fun and shit. I'm in the gym Friday night shooting hoops. Like, that was what I did. I didn't mingle with girls because I was so focused. So while that made me a really good basketball player, it did nothing for my more important game, which was, of course, you know, talking with women. So when I became really burned out in basketball at the age of 20 and I stopped playing, I was like, you know, I'm like, 20 years old. I probably have some urges here. I should probably, like, figure out. So I first started going to parties with friends and stuff. And I'll never forget the first college party I ever went to. We walk in, it's like this big frat house, right? And there's drunk guys and drunk girls. Everyone. Everyone's partying, right? College is, like, the best parties ever, right? So I walk in for my buddies, and immediately they, like, dart over to this group of, like, eight girls who they, like, knew or whatever, and they're, like, picking the girls up, and the girls are, like, laughing, and everyone's, like, kissing and dancing and flirting. And I'm sitting there, like. And I walk in, and I literally. I'm like, how are you doing that? Like, what are you saying?

Foreign. It was like, watching.

It was literally. Because when I, like, they went over there, right? I didn't just stand away from them. Like, after 20 seconds, I was like, oh, you know, I should probably go talk to these people, too. And I walk over, and it's like, the girl will talk to them. She'd be giggling, laughing, flirting, attracted. And then she talked to me, and it'd be awkward and boring. And then 10 seconds later, she'd be like, you want me to go talk to the people who make or have.

To go to the bathroom or get another drink?

Exactly.

And then they've been that girl, right?

So I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. And of course, you know, me, I've, like, this obsessive personality to figure everything out that I'm interested in. I was like, you know, this I need to fucking figure out. So started hanging around guys who are really good with girls. I got a mentor. I started reading books on the subject. And then, you know, one thing led to another. I got deeper and deeper and deeper. And now, almost five years later, this is all I do. So this is like. So you could say, like, my teenage years, I was obsessed with basketball. And the minute I hit 20. And since then, I've just been obsessed with everything, male, female, business.

And now you have a really successful dating coach business, and you have products and all this stuff. And. Which is so cool, what you just told me, that you're gonna be giving away to our listeners a free report, which is the deadliest pickup line of all times.

Yes. So it's actually. It's not a report. It's gonna be a video.

It's a video. Okay, good. Even better. You don't need to read. You don't have to read.

Fuck reading.

Right? Who wants to read? So that's gonna be@sexwithemily.com Jason. Which is so easy. Okay, so you can check out all what Jason is about. Because if you're gonna want to know more about after you listen to this interview. Okay, so you became obsessed with women and studying women. And so then you. When did you lose your virginity then?

So that's a good question. That took maybe six weeks or so. From that point when I was sad. Right. I thought that was pretty good.

Right.

And then, of course, it was like the first domino fell. And then it's like, you know, you start to pick up Some momentum and some steam, and the game just keeps getting better and better and better and better. So by the time I left my college campus, I was holding these impromptu seminars at, like, different frat houses and stuff, teaching these guys game on, like, a whiteboard. Like, in this situation, you should be saying these kinds of things and approach the girl this way. And if you want to take her home, here's what you should say. I was literally, like, had, like, groups of, like, 10 or 20 guys, like, listening to me teach this stuff, which was.

So give me an example. Okay, so when people hear game, they think of, like, Neil Strauss, the pickup. Like, you say you're not a pickup artist, but, like, I feel like every pick. Because you're not. Like, you're more of, like, a dating coach, and you do it with more of a heart, perhaps, or you don't think so?

I certainly do, because here's the thing. I think the. The term pickup artist implies certain things that I don't like or embody. I think it implies, like, you're manipulating someone to do something that they don't necessarily want to do. What I'm teaching guys is two things. Number one, how to become the most attractive version of yourself, okay? So you don't need to manipulate anybody, but simply by being this most badass, awesome version of yourself, you're gonna naturally attract all the women that you want. And then two, I'm not, like, I'm not gonna teach you how to manipulate a woman, but there are certain things you can say and certain things that you can do to make her want to come home with you, to make her want to sleep with you. So you're not manipulating her, but you're just, like, pushing these buttons that. That she wants to. She wants you to push. And, like, I'm kind of giving guys, like, a blueprint, like, push these buttons like they want.

And that's what you were drawing on the whiteboard in college.

Exactly. Certain things like that.

So what are those buttons? That's what I want to know.

Sure. Well, it's. What are we talking about?

Well, as a woman, I try to think about, like, God, because now that I've been, You know, I've met so many people. Do you know I've been doing this for a long time, and I've met a lot of guys who, like, are, like, professionals and dating and getting women, all this different stuff. But then I started thinking back about my past and, like, wow, like, why was I attracted to that guy? Of all the guys I would get hit, I get Hit on a lot. In college, I was a cocktail waitress, and I was like, you know, a million guys. I was like, what were the ones that. It was the ones who were funny or who were smart or were confident, all those things. But, like, how do you teach that?

So, I mean, right, because, like, the common dating advice is just have a great sense of humor and be really confident.

Right, Right. Guys are like, yeah, right.

That makes sense. Right?

It doesn't help.

How can you take a guy who's not confident and be like, all right, dude, just. Just be confident.

Bye, bye. Have a nice day. Yeah, exactly.

So instead, what I'm teaching is my formula, like, generally speaking, to attract any woman and not saying that you're gonna make any woman sleep with you, because there's a lot more that goes into that. But just like, even when you're in a relationship, you still meet guys and you feel, like, attraction towards them. Like, guys, they might be dating one girl, but if they meet someone else, they're not necessarily going to fuck her or pursue her, but they'll feel you still have those feelings.

Attraction, Right.

It just. It just happens. We feel attracted all the time. And the combination. For guys, it's not necessarily looks, it's not money. It's this combination of. I call it being fun and challenging at the same time. And if a guy can be fun or playful, that sense of humor. Right. But he can also be challenging to her at the same time. That's going to create this, like, this opening in her that's going to feel like, I'm intrigued by this guy. Does that make sense?

You want to feel something different. We're like, another guy's hitting on me. I know he's doing that. But if you, like, elicit some kind of emotion in me, that's like. And we all want to be challenged and we all want to win or whatever it is. So we're like, oh, he's doing something. So how do you teach that, then?

Okay, well, let me ask you a question. You, like when you were, like, really single and guys are hitting on you all the time?

I'm still single.

Okay.

Yeah. So, I mean, really single, but, you know, I'm never really single, but I've never really committed either, but go ahead.

I like that. I feel the same way about myself. So when a guy hits on you and it's. You get one of those feelings, you're like, I need to, like, get out of here and excuse myself to go to the bathroom or something. What. What things do you like? What is Usually happening. What is.

That's a great question. I'm. I'm. Because I'm trying to, like, channel back to the time I was like, at parties, I was like, oh, I'm gonna go get a drink. You know, I'm usually just like, bored. He's asking me where I'm from, what I'm. What I do for a living. Like, he's just. But it's in a way that I'm just. There's no attraction. I'm not interested. I'm just bored. I'm like. And I've got like, you need to get my attention. You got 30, and if I can tell already. And I'm just. I'm not interested in it. Nothing's sparking in me. Nothing's interesting. Not even if he's cute or not. Like, it's not. I'm not even a girl who's like, oh, he's gotta be hot. That. It's the comp for me. You know, women, the brain is our largest sex organ. So you need to turn our brains on. And so these guys were not turning my brains on. They were boring me and I, you know, head to the fake bathroom swoop, like, gotta go to the bathroom. Gotta be my friends. Yeah. And he wasn't doing anything.

Right. And when you say the brain part, I mean it's the emotional brain part that needs to be that. That's where guys need to hit. So when guys go up to a girl and they're getting this reaction of like, I'm not interested. I'm gonna go, you know, floss my cat's teeth or something there now. Or something like that, like that happens because he didn't spark any emotions in her. There was no. It was purely a logical conversation. When a guy came up to a girl that he just met and he can push a button or spark some emotion in her, something different, a different feeling, she's gonna be intrigued. There's just. She. She's hooked now she wants to know a little bit more. But, you know, you can go up to a girl and you can go like, you can. You can spark an emotion in the wrong way. You can go up to her and be like, you know what? You're really ugly. Like, if that's gonna get an emotional response out of her, that's gonna put.

Her in therapy for the next 20 years.

It's probably not gonna get you laid though, right? She's really low self esteem. But if you go up to her and you are playful and you're challenging to her, at the exact same time.

So give me an example. Pick me up right now.

So one of my lifts you up. One of my favorite things to do. Okay. That I always tell guys, is, like, one you can just test out, and this will probably work for you, is I go up to a girl and I say, hi, I'm Jason. What's your name? And she goes, hi, I'm Emily. I go, nice to meet you. I'm psychic.

I'll just, like, you seem psychic.

Yeah, I'm psychic. Did you know that? And she'll be like. Like, it's weird, right? It's something off the wall.

I just met you and. What do you mean?

Right? And I'll be like, yeah, it's. It's weird. You know what happened last week? I got hit in the head with this football. And I'm just. I've been psychic ever since. Do you, like. Do you have any psychic power? Like, you make up a funny.

Right.

It's just playful. Right.

So let's do it. So let's do it. I'll be like, I don't know. I mean, I've been to psychics before. I don't know if I have psychic powers.

But you probably felt like at one point where like, there was some weird, like, ESP thing that happened, right?

Yeah, totally.

Like someone called you that you thought was gonna call you.

Yeah. You think about someone and they call you run into them on the street.

Right? Okay. So, one, we just were being playful. Now we're just connecting on something totally random. But also right now, at this moment, what I would do is I'd say, okay, so now we're being playful. Right?

Right.

But now I want to challenge you at the same time. So I would say, okay, well, let's see how good your psychic powers are. And then I'll turn to the rest of the room and I'll say, him right there. What's his name?

Bob.

No, I think that's entirely wrong. Try again.

Mark.

Okay, that's probably a little bit better. What does Mark do? And now we go back and forth. We make up a story about him.

It's our fun conversation. He hasn't gotten laid ever. Three months. He's way too drunk right now. And he needs to. To wear a different shirt.

Yeah. He smells, too. I don't know if you notice.

No, does he? That's why he's standing alone. I see. So then we're creating a dialogue, and it's fun. And you're not asking me where I live and what I do for Life.

Well, here's the thing.

Like, please don't ask me that off the bat. Like, guys.

Well, here's the thing. Why. Okay, why would a high value, like, naturally attractive dude be interested in those personal questions about someone he just met? You know what I mean? Like, she's done nothing to. To make him be like, wow, I need to know more about you. Tell me about you. Like, that should happen after she's. She's invested some and she's earned it a little bit, and you should be doing the same for her. Like, it should be an equal amount of investment. Like, if a guy goes up to girl and he's just like, what do you do? Where are you from? What's your job? What's your favorite color? Like, all this bullshit. He's. Why would he be so interested in someone that he just met? He's. Does that make sense?

Yeah, because I'm just thinking, you want to sleep with me, talking to me.

Exactly. You've done nothing to prove to him that you're something more than just a pretty face, Right? And he clearly doesn't. Like, you could. You could be basically saying, you could be anybody. I'm just trying to make 15 minutes of conversation so I can say, give me your phone number. Which is total bullshit. Instead, what the guy should be coming up to the girl with is this mindset of, I'm gonna play with her, we're gonna have fun, we're gonna flirt, and then I'm gonna find out if she can hang with me or not. If she does, she can hang with me, and we can actually vibe on some level. Then I might be more intrigued and interested and inclined to learn a little more. But until then, I'm not. I'm not, like, I don't give a shit about that. I just want to have fun, and she just wants that fun, you know? And then what's gonna happen is you go up and you're playful with her and you're challenging with her, she's gonna start to feel those emotions. She's gonna start to get attracted to you, and she's gonna want to know those things about you also. And now you guys can actually have, like, a real dialogue.

So you start with something that's kind of playful and conversational, but guys have a hard time with this. Like, you can tell them this, but they're like, they're nervous. They see a woman, they get shut down. She's hot. I want to talk to her. And it's like, you know, I guess we always say, like, being Observational. Notice something that she's doing and make a joke about. Some people just aren't naturally.

Right. Well, there's. Okay, so the reason, I mean, this is like a long term process, but the reason guys are so tight and they're like, well, she's really hot. Like, I can't do that with her.

Right?

Is because everyone is so fucking outcome dependent nowadays. Everyone is so obsessed and attached to getting this one outcome. And the problem is with most guys, when they see a really hot girl, the outcome that they're so attached to isn't her, which is. Which is totally screwy. The outcome that they're so attached to is not getting rejected by her.

Right. Which is even worse because they're gonna get rejected.

If you're thinking, I don't want to get rejected by her, what's gonna happen?

You're gonna get rejected, of course. Right?

You're gonna manifest whatever you're thinking.

Exactly.

So instead, first of all, instead of thinking, I don't want to get rejected by her, you're gonna think about an outcome. It should be, you know, really, when I go to a girl, the only outcome I have in my mind is I'm gonna have fun.

Right? Let's have fun. I'm gonna find a great night, right?

Literally, I'm entertain myself. And by me doing that, I'm going to create this fun, playful energy around me that she's going to feel attracted towards because she's going to want a.

Part of that that. See, that is. So I want everyone to like, pay attention to that. Because when we're talking about building confidence, that's what we're talking about. Because that makes you feel confident. And also to think that I'm just going to have fun right now it's about me. Like, it's. Because it really, it should all be about us, right? Like in the end of the day. Yeah. No, like, we were born alone, you die alone. People hate when I say that. I mean, whatever. I believe in togetherness. But the truth is, if you don't feel good, no one else is going to want to be with you. If you don't feel good about yourself. So the fact that you're turning out, you're taking away from her, like giving her all the power. You're like, I'm just going to go have fun. This is going to be fun. You're not even thinking about rejection. And the worst thing that's going to happen, you're like, I'm at a party, I'm going to talk to chick. And make it fun.

I'm going to have fun. Exactly. And what's ironic about it is when, you know, I'm going in there, I'm just going to fucking entertain myself. I'm going to say what I want, I'm going to do what I want. That's going to. That's like self charging. Like that charges you up. Because now you're not worried about what she's thinking or what he's thinking or what anyone. You don't give a fuck. You're literally having fun in your own world, in your own body, whatever you want to call it. And that's going to draw people in. That's. That is what attractive energy is. When we see someone doing what they want and saying what they want and they're free and they're happy, we want to be around that person because we want some of that. We want to be freer, we want to be happier, we want to be more excited about the shit we're saying.

So that's going to attract people like that?

Of course. We're attracting people who are free. People are free, happy, passionate, excited, whatever you want to call it. That's who we want to be around. We want to be around those people all the time.

Right.

And that's what I'm talking about when I'm saying like become a naturally attractive virgin. You're not going up to a girl. Like I could say lines to you that would be little, like button pushes, like little lines that would like. So we all know that the older days, like people want what they can't have. Right? I would call that like transient attraction. Because you can, I can say something to a girl like, like, you know, she tells me she's from Pasadena and I'm like, girls from Pasadena are trouble. Like, we definitely can't be drinking buddies anymore. And I take the drink from her or something like that. Like that is like a button push, right?

Right.

And that's going to make her feel like she can't have me for a second and she'll feel a pull towards me and that's great, but that's not gonna, that's not gonna make her want to fuck me.

Right.

But that's just like a fun playful thing. But if you are this guy who has this, this like masculine, attractive, doesn't give a fuck, he's free, he's self entertaining. You have that energy about you and that's lasting. That's who.

You can teach that to people. Yeah, it can be learned. Everything can be learned. People think they don't have it and they can't get it. And they live in the worst town to date in. And everywhere they live, they can't meet anyone. And I'm just like you. You've got to work on yourself. You've got to be, work on becoming the best version of yourself. Of course, these are some, some great ways to do it.

It all starts with you. It always starts with you.

So if you're not feeling good about yourself, you're in a bad place, you're in a funk, you're not feeling good about your job, all that stuff, you got to do things right now. Like, don't, don't focus on the women right now or the man. If you're a woman listening, don't focus on the man. Like, focus on making yourself better, whole, you know, happier. Yeah, happier.

If you, if you were to just look at your days. Like, how many of the things that you're doing every day are things that you wanted to do for you and how many of the things you're doing are things for other people? Like, I mean, we get into these. Like, if all day long you're doing stuff for someone else or for the approval of someone else, or to please someone else because some boss told you to do it, whatever it is, you know, you get stuck in this pattern of that. That's your pattern. Your default pattern is I do stuff for other people. But if all day long you're doing stuff for you and you're saying things for you and you're saying what you want, all of a sudden your pattern becomes, I'm doing what I want. So when you go out at night, nothing changes. You're still doing that.

Exactly.

And that's who we're attracted to.

So what creates. So then this, what creates the attraction between two people, then that would be.

When they're seeing you. When, when they're seeing you being your most positive side, what else is it? Like?

Let's get a little more.

Something weird just happened here.

Hold on.

Something just. Okay, we're good. God.

So yeah, I mean, let's get a little more like, specific here.

Yeah.

So.

We're good?

Okay.

Yeah.

What was your question?

What creates attraction between two people?

Sure. So what is it about? The big part of attraction is we are usually attracted to people who we feel are of higher status than we are. It's higher status or higher value, whatever you want to call it. And a lot of people think that the way to like demonstrate or convey that you are a high status human being to someone Else is like your cars or your clothes or where you live or your house. And we don't trust that. Like we know that someone could have been born with rich parents, they didn't earn that money. Or we know that someone could have gotten lucky on some dot com bubble burst or something like that and made like, we don't trust those things on some subconscious level. If we meet a guy who drives like a kick ass car and has a sick house or something like that, like, but he's, he's like a faggot or he's a nerd or he's a douchebag or whatever it is, then none of that shit means anything. He's still a low status person does. Okay? Which is good because for the guys who don't have a lot of money or stuff like that, that's just not something.

Yeah, let me just take one point. A little segue here. I've had guys who come to me and like in the first three minutes, they're talking about the Rolls Royce that's parked in their driveway. They're like, I've got this Rolls Royce. I'm kind of stressed because I left the driveway. I'm like running out of there so fast. Like, I don't give a shit that you have a Rolls Royce or what you have. Like to me, another woman might feel differently, but I don't care. Like what you own, what you do, what you have. It's about probably what you're gonna say next.

I'll ask you, what does it say about that guy who feels the need.

To tell you about his so insecure that he's leading with his Rolls Royce and he probably has no penis.

Right?

Right.

Yeah.

Not even a small one. Just none.

He's none. He's penis less.

He's castrated. No, but guys who have to lead with like what they do and like how much money they have in their cars, you know, that they're not a confident man because he's like, I have to tell you all these outside things about myself. They're communicating, finding himself, communicating.

That they don't see themselves exactly as high status. They're communicating. They see themselves as low status there. They're literally telling you they're going, hi, Emily, I'm low status. Do you like me now?

Right.

What they're saying. So one, they're doing that wrong. And two, they're selling you.

Right.

Okay. The ideal way to do it if you want to pick up a girl, is you make her sell to you. You flip it around right? And they're. I mean, it's ridiculous. They're doing these different things. How do you flip that around?

Flip it around. Do it to me.

So we call it qualifying.

Do it. Do it right. Yeah.

So I would say something to you. I would say something like, you know what you, like, clearly you have, like, very, like, type A, like, high energy about you. But I'm sure there's other times where you can, like, chill and relax.

I've chilled out since I moved to la.

No, you're very high. Word.

Okay, but see, what.

You're kind of like, you're, like, opening up here. But I would say to you, like, but I'm sure there's times where you are more chill and, like, vibing and laid back. Like, that would be true.

Right, Right.

So, like, what are. Like, when are the. When do those times happen? I'm just curious.

When do I chill and vibe?

Yeah, when. When do you find the time to chill and vibe?

Lately? No. You know, with friends, exercise, running, yoga.

Mm.

Yeah.

And like, when you're doing those things, like, when you're doing yoga and you're, like, starting to, like, mellow out, like, what. What changes, like, in your mindset for you? Like, when that happens, I guess I.

Just clear my mind and I become calmer and I focus on my breath and I let all my thoughts go and I just become a more chill person. I think my friends, too, surround myself by, like, people I love and people who are funny and smart, they kind.

Of, like, rub off on you. I just. I know, like, I love it during yoga. Like, that moment at the end, like, I think it's called Shavasana.

Yeah.

Where you, like, you just disappear into your mat. That, to me, is one of my favorite feelings.

Right. Mine too.

Okay, so you see what just happened here?

Yeah.

So I opened you up. Right. Because I'll explain exactly what I did. But I kind of opened you up because I'm present to the moment I was able to do that. And then I kind of went deeper into something that you really enjoy and had you explain it to me what it feels like.

Right.

And all those feelings.

Feelings. You asked me about what it feels like. Right. That's key.

Of course. And. But what that's doing is you're. Now you're investing something personal into the interaction. Right. Did you feel that way?

Yeah, absolutely.

So that's. I mean, you could call that you selling yourself, but it means.

No, but I even felt at this moment, even though we're doing this interview and we're practicing Like I did feel more connected to you. I felt like, oh, wow, okay, disconnecting the shvat. It feels so connected.

Okay, but like, but that was, that was you investing into the interaction and that, that's how you flip it around. So it's not you saying, I have a fucking Rolls Royce.

It's.

No, you're the one talking. I'm listening and I'm leading the conversation in the way that I want it to go, which, this is a big key. It was just kind of a segue and we'll get to the honest signals thing in a second. But you. We talk about it that guys usually ask. There's like two types of questions that people ask. Okay. There's data questions and there's process questions.

Data and process.

Data versus process. When a guy asks a data question, it's what do you do? How old are you? Where do you live? The answers are pure data, right? They're not open ended questions. They don't lead anywhere and there's no emotional investment involved with them. But a process question is me asking you what the process is like. So when you say you do yoga, I say, what is it like for you when you enter into Shavasana and you just totally just like relax and dissolve into the moment? What is that like for you? We're talking about the process of what is the process?

Right.

Exactly. What do you, what's your favorite part about it? What do you enjoy most about it? When did you first discover that this was something that was really important to you? Like, we're talking about the process as opposed to data. Data is, is like a dead end.

I'm from Michigan, I live here, I do that. Right?

And now we've nothing to talk about, nowhere to go.

Right?

But now you're, now I'm asking process questions. You're telling me what it feels like to dissolve into the mat or whatever. And then I can now, now that you've invested, I can relate back. And now we can connect because you told me about this emotion where it feels like you're dissolving and I go, you know, like, that's my favorite part of yoga too, is when I'm sitting there and I just, and I describe my feelings to you. And now that's how an emotional connection is made. But you don't, you can't emotionally connect on. I'm from Michigan and I'm this old.

We're both from Michigan, by the way. Funny. I know, Very odd. Okay, so, right, I get it. Data versus process. So guys should focus more on the process.

Don't ask data questions. Stick to the process. Not even process questions. Like, process questions are great, but just have a process conversation where, like, that's when girls talk about. They meet a guy and they're like, in. Their friends are like, what did you like about him? Like, during the conversation, it's just like. I don't know, we just. We just vibed. We just clicked. That's what happens when you're having a process conversation. You're both sharing related experiences, funny stories, little anecdotes. And it's just like. It's this constant vibe going back and forth. And no one's, like, trying to. Like, I'm trying to pick her up. I'm trying to get something for her. She's trying to get something from him. It's just pure vibing. And that's where chemist. That's what chemistry is.

That is chemistry. And it's emotional. It's like, totally emotional. Yeah, emotional question. Now, what about sub communications?

Okay, so this is what I want to talk about. This is the honest signals I was talking about before.

Honest signals.

So we have it. We have it totally laid out that people are attracting things to people of higher status. Right? Like, this is.

Yeah, I want to go back to that. Is it really, like.

But it's.

Can we be equals, too? Don't you think we're equals some people? Or you think initially we're attracted?

I think we're all born equal. But then I think, no, no, I'm saying.

But in life, couples. Do you think that couples are never equal? Or you're saying in the attraction phase, we're attracting.

I'm talking about early on. Okay, I'm sorry. I mean, but the thing is, you, like, if a girl ends up, like, committing to a guy for a relationship, and, like, it starts off where he's, like, higher status than her and she's attracted to that. She doesn't want him to go down. Why would she want that? She wants the biggest badass. That's what I mean. Why wouldn't she?

Right.

He wants the same thing out of her. So honest signals or high stat? Like, so I say honest signals are the signals that are communicating what level of status that you are. Okay. False signals would be cars, clothes, you know, like where you live, how much money you make. That's all false because that doesn't tell us about a person.

Right.

That can be false. The honest stuff cannot be faked. The honest signals, for the most part, eye contact, body language, vocal tonality, energy, things like that and we call those the sub communications. Everything that's not being actually said. But because the thing is, like, we're taught from a very young age how to deceive and mislead and misdirect with our words. Like, that's not hard. We know how to do that. But we're not taught, like, we trust what we pick up on other people from their body language, their vocal tonality and their eye contact. Those are the honest signals. And those make up like 80, 90% of attraction.

So do you teach that to men? Like, the right honest commitment? Like, how do you.

Yeah, so when they. When they download the deadliest pick a line of all time, when they go see that, they're gonna see a video of me actually demonstrating this line in a whole conversation on a girl on it.

Okay?

They're gonna see the whole thing. So what they.

Saxwithemily.com.

Jason, watch him do this. Okay?

Yeah, so we'll see it live. And the reason that I was like, like, if it's the deadliest pickup line, like, you could do that on paper or like in audio, right? But the key thing is, and this is what I talk about in the videos you guys will see, is it's not the words that really matter. Because you ask a girl, like, if a guy she just met and she was attracted to her, like, what did you talk about? She won't remember, right? She has no idea. She just remembers the feeling, remember the feelings, people feeling.

It's true, of course.

So in the video, that way you can see my body language, you can see my eye contact, you can see my vocal tonality. And you'll see her. She'll start playing with her hair at a certain point. I didn't tell her to do that, but it's because this is like, attraction is hardwired. We can't help it if we meet a guy. If a girl meets a guy and he's conveying these qualities about himself, she will feel attracted to him. So she starts playing with her hair, her pupils become dilated, her foot starts, like, moving around because she's a little nervous. So you can see all of these things happening live in front of you. And it's all about. I mean, it's. The line is almost. It's almost meaningless. Like, I listen, I mind fuck for, like, the professional. That's what I always say. Like, I'm professional mind fucker. Like, I teach people how to mind fuck because it's fun for me and I like the words. And it's not manipulation, but it's like it's leading people to do things that they wanted to do but didn't necessarily feel like they had permission to do. Like a one night stand or something. Like, if a girl, like, here's the thing. Like, if a girl goes out with the intention of like, Like, I'm a girl who doesn't have one night stands, but there's this huge part of her inside that's like, God, it would be so much fun to meet a dangerous guy and just do it one time.

You're that guy.

I can. Yeah. I'll tell you what to say to open her up so that part of her comes to the surface and is like, fuck it, I want to be free. I want to go do this. But you're not going to make her do it. You're just going to bring that to the surface and then she gets in the.

What do you do? If you want, like, tell me. Okay, okay, I want to know.

Okay. So I bet I can almost guarantee that this has happened to you in your past. Like, the guy didn't know he was doing it, but it still happened. Right. So if there's a girl who's like, you know, I just like, I'm so stuck in my head and like, what my friends think about me. If I, like, I had a woman to stand with it.

Yeah.

I just met. That's how most girls are. Like, for the most part, they're worried about being judged.

I don't care. What if the guy doesn't call? What if their friends judge? Right. He talks about her. They only wanted stand.

Right, Exactly. So I could say something to her. Like, you know, you know what? Like, I can tell that you're like a very, like, rational person and you make a lot of like, smart decisions and that's good. But there's also like the side to you that just like is spontaneous and adventurous and independent and kind of like does what she wants. Right, right. And you'll say, yeah, I know, of course, yeah. And I'll be like, yeah, you know what? I just, I like in my life, just personally, like, I like to have all my friends, I call it asi. Like, that's like the most important quality that someone who I'm gonna spend time with can have. And it's being adventurous, spontaneous, independent. Like those three things. To me, I feel like the happiest people are always asi. The people are always neurotic and worried about shit. Aren't like, they can't live in a moment, they can't go with their Feelings they can't trust themselves they're so worried about. Everyone thinks, like, so true. How fucked up is that?

So messed up.

Right? And now all of a sudden, I've laid down this frame of our conversation.

And I'm like, oh, I'm fine. And spontaneous.

Exactly. So now that next thing you know.

We'Re in the bathroom and I'm like on my knees or something.

But.

But I didn't make you do anything you didn't want to. It's like you're subtly giving someone permission to be like, you know what? Like, dude, like, you can be fine.

Is it under the assumption that every, all of us have that part or aspire to be more spontaneous?

Well, here's the thing.

If I'm type A, I'm like, don't call me type A. Like, I'm spontaneous.

Right?

Right. Everyone does.

That's the thing. Everyone has a conservative side and everyone has a more adventurous side. And it's always going back and forth. But when we're like, I'm sure you have friends where you hang around and you guys act really goofy.

Right?

Then you have other friends where it's more like serious and philosophical. Right, right, right. Because they bring out those sides to you. So if you're a guy who wants to pick up girls and go for one night stands, then you need to be the guy who can bring out the adventurous, spontaneous, independent side of her.

Asi. I like that. Love the acronyms. And I'll remember. Okay, so, but what about making? Okay, well, first of all, you're sort of legendary at such a young age. No, but I've heard, like, I hear you have some crazy sex stories.

I do, Yeah.

I just want to hear, like, your. What comes to mind when I say that? What's your crazy sex story? Well, how did it happen? Can you, can you talk me to the science of what happened when you got to get there?

Yeah. Okay, so I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I'll tell you a local story.

Okay?

Okay. Alcohol always helps. Of course.

Local. Does that mean like it happened in.

In say, Santa Monica? Okay, yeah, because I, I travel a lot. I'm like speaking and coaching and stuff. So, like, some of these stories were like, San Francisco. Actually, there's a story that happened on the trolley, the late night trolley. It goes around.

Love it. And I'm. I just moved.

I know, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. So there's one there, but they're like, hard to pick. Chicago, New York, Miami, Vegas, Austin. Yeah, I mean, we can go all day, but let's go Santa Monica.

Okay?

So.

Recently I was at this bar in Brentwood, okay? And there was, like, a bunch of people there. And it was this girl's birthday, and she had a lot of friends there. And I meet this girl there, we start talking, and immediately, like, we're not having a boring conversation. It's immediately. It's flirtatious from the start, right? Like, I think. I think what I said to her was like. She was like. She was like at the bar, like, watching the television. It was like a hockey game. And I went up to her and I was like, you know, like, you don't have to pretend like sports to impress me. Like, I just like you for you. Like, something totally flirtatious and playful.

Right?

So we were instantly. We're bantering, reviving. And then she started telling me that I was just like a normal LA dude. She probably didn't read any books. That was what she said, which I thought was hilarious. But this is good, because if I know how to respond to that, then the tension is just gonna rise and rise and rise.

She said to you, you're probably an LA douche.

She doesn't read books.

Because no one here reads books. They say. But you do anyway. But.

Right, Right. So, I mean, which to me is awesome because I'm not only so.

Not that guy. Right?

Right. So I can. I can be everything. So I said to her, I was like, that sounds exactly like a girl. Like a girl who doesn't read books. That sounds like something she would say, like, to make up for her own lack of book insecurities. Right? So we start playing on that, and then we start talking about, like, Ayn Rand, because we both. Turns out we both love Ayn Rand and we connect in on that. Right? We're talking about that. So after, like, 20 minutes of that, I'm like, this is how I usually get a girl to leave the bar. Like, to start, I'm just gonna say, like, we had the adventurous, spontaneous. We had all those conversations. But I said to her, I was like, listen, it's like. It's like 1:30, like, really crowded and hot in here. Like, let's go for a walk. Always. Let's go for a walk. And she's like, done. Let's go. Right? Spontaneous. We already established that. So we're walking down the streets of, like, it was Wilshire Boulevard, like, up and down Santa Monica, like, 26. And we're like. I'm, like, taking her behind, like, the Verizon parking Lot. We're, like, making out there. One of my favorite things to do is like, slam a girl against the wall. Like, protect her head.

Slammer. Like. Yeah, he protects her head. Okay.

Of course. In, like, a dominant but, like, protective way. Yeah.

So we're like, women like that.

Of course.

A lot of women.

And you take. You take your hands, you put both of them above her head. You hold them with one hand, like. Yeah. So I'll do that for 10 seconds. And then always. This is like a big key. You guys out there for, like, building sexual tension. I'll just let it all.

The treasure chest. You're letting it all out. Okay. Guy. He usually charges a lot of money for this. Okay.

I just love sharing. I really do. Plus, I'm bragging right now. And it's under.

It's hot.

This world's under the confines of. I can do this, so this is cool. So one of the best things you can do is when you, like, you're making out with her and you do that, like, the first kisses, be the one to pull back first, Take it away first. Leave her wanting more. So I'll push her against the wall and hands above the head or making out. And then after 10 seconds, I'll just suddenly just slowly pull away and start walking away. Won't even turn around to look at her. And I'm just. And then she's like, what did you just do? What are you doing? She starts chasing after me, right? And she grabs up. She's like, what did you just do? And I'm just like, come on, let's go. Keep going.

Right?

Totally ignore it. And now she's like.

She's like, oh, is it right? You're keeping on her toes.

Totally unpredictable. She's no idea what I'm gonna do next.

Right? Which is a predictable, fun guy, right?

Exactly. So we're walking down the street and I'm thinking to myself. So I. This is. This is recently when I lived in Santa Monica. So I was like, how can I get her home? Okay. One of the most important things you have to remember is when you are taking a girl home, it's almost always better if you can have a reason why you're going there besides there to have sex.

Right.

The first time, at least. Because that way she can rationalize.

Oh, I gotta feed my dog. Or whatever.

Yeah, whatever. This video I have to show you. Or we're hungry, let's make fruit smoothies. Whatever it is.

So smoothies.

Yeah. But I wanted to.

That works for me every time, right?

Who doesn't want a fruit too when they two in the morning.

Everyone does.

Yeah, it's healthy, all right. It's like very easy. But this is not a normal sex story. This is a crazy sex story, okay? So I like, I like to push boundaries. I like to like, take chances and stuff. So I said to her, it was like two in the morning. I'm like, have you ever, you know what I said? I said, are you a spontaneous person? That was like the first thing. Would you like consider yourself a spontaneous person? Of course. She goes, yeah. I'm like, all right, let's go to the beach. Then boom, Grab her by the hand. Tail on the cab went straight to like the Santa Monica beach.

Okay?

So she's already like, she's spontaneous. This is what she's doing. She's committed. So immediately we go to the beach. We. It was really funny because we were walking like down that, over that bridge down to the beach in Santa Monica. And we're like walking like we're on the sand and she like stops me like 100ft from the water and she's like, wait, I just, I need to know right now. She's like, are you, are you like just having fun? Are you like looking for something more?

Right?

Which is. She was thinking about like this. This was basically her saying, if we have sex right now, what should I expect?

Right?

Okay. And this is something I teach all guys.

Okay? Yeah.

Never fucking lie to a woman ever. Just be like, here's the thing. Guys think if they lie, like, and they tell her what she wants to hear, that's gonna somehow be better one, it will always fuck you in the ass if you do that. At some point. She knows. She, she. Alright. She knows in some level when you're telling the truth. Like, she'll always know, right? And they love it when you're just blatantly honest. Like it's, it's so rare and refreshing nowadays that it's actually an attractive quality.

Exactly.

So just be blatantly honest.

So what'd you say?

I said, no, I'm just having fun. Like, I make no guarantees about what's gonna happen after, but I know right now I'm like really enjoying this moment with you and I want to keep building this adventure with you. And she's like, okay, cool, great.

That's all she need to know.

She knows where to put me in her emotional compartment, wherever it is, which is fine. So we get towards the water. I just start taking all my clothes off. She joins, we get naked, we go in the water. It's three in the morning, it's freezing, right?

Or no.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, the water was cold. That was my thing is, I'll just be totally honest is I didn't, I was like, how am I gonna get like, how am I gonna get a boner in like freezing cold water?

Yeah, that's the first thing I thought. Okay.

No, it was fine.

There was, I think the whole experience was just really hot. So it made no problem. But went in the water, we did things and then at like 4, we get out and we're like walking. So here's the part. We're walking out of the ocean now. We've already like been sleeping. We already were fucking.

Like. So I'm the same. Okay. I'm just trying to understand. Like, did you have a blanket?

No, we were in the water.

You had sex in the water?

In the ocean, like in like the shallow part. So the water was like up to.

Our waist, let's say with the sand and everything though. No protection. This isn't good. Everyone use protection. Okay.

I usually. It was, that was bad. I thought the salt in the water would help. Okay.

It doesn't people protection. Go ahead, carry it in your pocket.

99% of the time. I always.

This is the first time he's ever not used protection, ever.

So.

Safe sex. Safe sex with Emily.

Yeah, I actually do agree with that. Yeah. So we, you know, we're walking out of the water and like our feet are now wet and we're covered in sand and like throw our clothes on each other like we're still kind of wet. And my apartment's four blocks away. So I'm like, all right, let's go shower. Go straight to my place. We go in the shower. Now we're like washing each other off. We spent the whole night fucking. And then it was an amazing night, right? And a huge part of that whole thing was there's two things, okay. I always say, like, if you're going to have a one night stand with a girl, one you need to always be leading, okay? She will not take initiative for you to have, for her to have a one night stand. Like, unless she's like, I need to have sex tonight. She's not gonna do that. You need to the one leading. You need to the one saying, alright, let's go for a walk. How spontaneous. You, let's go to the beach, let's go take a shower. You need to be leading her on this fun, exciting, unpredictable adventure. And then I mean that's, that's really the big thing number two is giving her permission.

Did you ever see her again?

Yeah. Yeah.

Do you date her?

Like, not serious.

She's in your rotation.

Sure. She's, you know, she's much more than a rotation girl to me.

She is more than a rotation girl.

She's the ocean girl to me.

She's the ocean. The ocean rotation. So what would you say? How do you make her want to like rip your clothes off? Like, how do you create like that, that sexual.

Sure.

Energy.

Okay, so there's. There's two parts to this, all right? Number one is the sub communications. So you can, you can like turn a girl on just with your eye contact. Like, most guys don't realize this because they never looked a girl.

Guys who look down and like, they don't look at the woman in the eye makes me crazy.

Yeah, well, you're. The thing is those guys like, guys like, if you're out there listening to this, like, stop doing that. You're telling her that you don't consider yourself worthy of her when you won't look her in the eyes. That's literally what you're saying. So if you don't consider yourself worthy of her, how the fuck is she gonna think that she. That you're like. She should be attracted to you if you don't think that you're worthy, why would she think so?

And this is something. The eye contact is something you have to folk. You have to like practice it now. I mean, I do with everyone now. I've had to learn it, but I. And when I don't, do I kind of. Even if it's a business meeting, I notice when I'm not because I'm so self aware that eye contact is so important with every kind of communication.

Do you ever notice what situations where like it's. It comes up more. Well, what situations are.

It's usually I actually when I'm really trying to focus on something or think about like right now, like I close my eyes and I think sometimes and I think it's a distraction, but it usually comes up when I'm like thinking. I look up to think and then I access my brain and then I go back down. That's what it is usually when you're.

Not making good eye contact.

When I'm making good eye. But otherwise I really like try because then I feel like it's just a false connection with someone anyway. Everyone just feels better. Bill Clinton was the most amazing.

That's my amazing politician reality distortion field. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, ironically, like I so My, I don't, I don't read. Like, I hate, like non fiction books. Like, I, they bore the fuck out of me. Like this guy's telling me like eight steps. I'm just like, fuck you. Get out of here. I learned best from reading biographies. Those are my favorite things to read. And the last, like five books that I've read have been biographies of like great men, like great leaders. And every single one of them, there was like chapters dedicated to their eye contact.

Seriously.

So it was. Clinton was one of them. Okay, I'm Jewish, but I read a book about Hitler because I wanted to like, learn more about that. And he would pierce people's souls with his eyes. Steve Jobs was known for his fucking stare down. I'm reading a book on Russell Brand. He talks about eye contact in there. He's like one of my favorite people in the world.

Right?

But it's like all these guys, every, every, like badass dude has figured out that the way to get what you want is be amazing with eye contact.

Right.

You know, David's great with it too.

Yeah.

So our friend David Wagner. Yeah. So it's like, it's so important, right? So fucking important.

So important. Eye contact, it's something anyone can learn, but you got to practice it and then start to realize. Right now I'm listening to this. Even if you're like, you know, ordering your contact coffee at the coffee shop this morning. Are you looking at the barista when you're ordering your coffee? Like most people aren't. I even make like wherever I go. Like, I just try to make eye contact. It just makes a connection with, with everyone.

Which it totally does.

Yeah, it's much, it's much more like. I don't know, I think you just live. You're more in touch with your heart and more in touch with your life. Like when you really are connecting with everyone you come in contact with.

Yeah. And because when you, when you're like looking someone dead in the eyes and they're looking right back at you, you there, there's a part of you. The reason that you probably don't feel comfortable doing it right now is because you feel like there's some part of you that like you normally hide that they can see now. Right. Because the eyes are the windows to the soul. Right. So it's like you look someone dead in the eyes, it's like you're being totally vulnerable. You're putting it all out there and that makes you uncomfortable right now. But the truth is, is that if you're A guy, you can just look at a woman in the eyes, totally open and free and nonchalant and don't care. That's attractive. Because you're putting. You're saying, this is me entirely. I fucking own it. Like, I know you love it. And that's it, right? And that's that. That turns her on right there. So you want to talk about sexual tension? You. We could be talking about socks right now, but if we have this strong eye contact going and I'm like, I just love black socks. Like, just those like, like argyle socks or something about that, you know? But we're just holding this eye contact. The tension just builds.

Exactly.

So it's like you don't belden right now.

Can you all feel it?

Yeah, but it's like you don't need amazing lines. Like turn someone on.

No, just be pretty lines and be there. So what we're saying here today, and we're gonna have to wrap up, but if you want to hear more from Jason, go to sexwithemily.com.

Jason. I think that's what it is. Dot com Jason J A S O M and you can get. They're getting your free video.

The deadliest pickup line of all time.

Deadliest pickup line. It's awesome. You guys have got to check this out and you'll just learn more about Jason when he's like. But I think this is, this is really helpful that you are not. You had to learn this because people think. I think so many men and women spend time like beating themselves up about like, why can't I do it? But I can't do. But it's like a learned skill. Like everything you want to be good at in life.

Well, here's the thing is I just heard this quote the other day and I thought it was fucking awesome. But it's like everyone, like everyone is self created, but only successful people want to admit it, right? So, like, exactly where you are right now. Like, you made yourself that way. So, like, accept it. Don't get mad about it. Just accept it. Take it for what it is and understand that that also tells you that you have the power to create whoever you want to be a week from now, a month from now, a year from now. So this is a skill. Like you've just. You've taught yourself how to make bad eye contact with someone and now you can teach yourself how to make good eye contact.

I love that every single biography you write was about eye contact because I think that's so important.

That's amazing.

Yeah, I know, it's really good stuff. Okay, Jason, you're the best. Thank you. And thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily again. Please check out sex with emily.com/jason. Why can't I say slash today? My Michigan accent just came out. Slash Jason. Also, check out all my podcasts. I've got hundreds of podcasts. If this is your first sexually podcast, you can find them on itunes. You can subscribe. Go to my website, sexually.com and put in your email address and get my free report of the mistakes. Five biggest mistakes we have, one for men and one for women that you are making in bed. I guarantee you will see yourself one of those profiles. Just little tweaks here and there. You can change it so you can rock his or her world. Also, check out my book, hot Sex. Over 200 Things yous Can Try Tonight. This is on my website. My iPhone app, Kaggle Camp. Hello, men and women. You want to have stronger orgasms? Check out Kaggle Camp. And check out my other iPhone app, which is Sex with Emily's Sex Drive, which is for couples. It helps you enhance your sex life and do all those crazy things that you want to do, but you're afraid to ask. So thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

Have you guys heard my news? I have a new sex gig. I'm not a porn star. It's better. I just launched my new premium skincare brand called Emily and Tony. These products are tried and true to help spice up your sex life, which is what I'm all about. I'm talking about massage oil candles that are one part candle, one part body oil. And check out these flavors. They come in delicious scents like creme de vanilla, coconut cocoa, and Fougere. And they're hydrating and they leave your skin feeling super luxurious. We even have a product for the guys called Down Under Comfort that helps keep their balls smelling fresh and clean and dry all day. Which is exactly what you want, right? So, guys, if you take care of your balls, your partner will take care of you. So help us keep this podcast free. Use code Emily to get 20% off your first purchase at emilyandtoni.com. trust me, you'll love them. And you're welcome.

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