SWE: How to Last Longer

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God. That feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can check out all of our stuff going on there. Because let me tell you, there's a lot happening at Sex with Emily. And the most important thing that you need to do is here's a call to action, okay? I'm giving you guys a call to action. I don't ask you to do much. I give you a free podcast few a week. You listen to them, you have a good time, hopefully you have better sex. All I'm asking for you to do now is to go to the Sex with Emily website and enter your email address. Because all I want to do is send you free stuff, okay? That's all I want to do. Send you free sex information, sex toys if you want or, you know, not all the time. I'm not going to spam you. I'm just saying you're going to win contests. There's great opportunities and we never, ever, ever share our list. So please, I'd love to be in touch with you. You'll get our newsletters that are chock full of videos and information. And it's not going to be like one of those annoying newsletters that you get where you're like, really? You're going to be psyched to get the Sex with Emily letter. So just. That's why you got to do it. You also have to follow me on Facebook, Sex with Emily and on Twitter, Sex with Emily. And the other thing. One more thing. Review us on itunes. Right, Menace. I'm here with my co host, Menace.

Yes.

I think that you should review us on itunes all the time and say good things. If you hate the show, then just forget I said it. But if you love the show, review us on itunes.

I was actually checking out the show today on itunes. That was funny that you mentioned that. And, and I suggest you listen to it on Stitcher. But you know, it's cool. Stitcher is an app that you can download and listen to the show for free wherever you go, in your car, on your smartphone or your tablet or your desktop. But itunes is a good place too.

I love. I know, but I love Stitcher, especially when I'm on road trips or when I'm, well, actually living in. Living in Los Angeles now, as you all know, I've moved to Los Angeles permanently. You're in your car lot. You know, they're not lying when they all talk about make Fun of everyone talking about the highways and the fastest traffic way to get everywhere because it's a friggin nightmare. And I'm not going to be one of the persons who is going to bore you complaining about LA traffic because that is just not good content.

Yeah, I actually.

But I'm going to tell you that I do listen to Stitcher when I'm in traffic and I love it because you can get any friggin podcast you want in the world.

Yeah, it's crazy. But it's been so long. We have. We haven't even talked to each other.

Oh my God. And I have not talked to each other in a month because I'm. That's a lot.

I'm still in San Francisco and you're in la, so.

I know, and it's really sad. It's really sad. But I still feel like we are one. We've been doing the show for nine years and we can just like. I feel like I'm touching you now, Menace, and I can feel your body energy and I'm getting really turned on.

Oh, nice. I like that. But you got so much going on. You're like on tv. You're on Loveline. What. What the hell is going on with you?

I know, I. This is another thing I have to tell you all that I'm fairly excited that I'm the new co host of the long running Loveline radio show. And you can watch it online. Actually you can watch it@lovelineshow.com no matter where you live. And anyway, I am the new Thursday night co host with Dr. Drew and Mike Catherwood. And it's Drew Pinsky who's amazing and we take callers and it's really fun and hopefully it'll go to more regularly than that. More days a week than one. So if you want to go to the Loveline page on Facebook because I know you're probably even on Facebook right now, and write, hey, get Emily Morse back on the show. That'd be awesome. You could do that too, right, Menace?

That'd be great. And I met.

So anyway, I'm doing that on Thursday nights.

I've met Mike and Drew many times. They're. They're lovely.

I know. Aren't they awesome, gentlemen?

Yes, they're awesome.

Mike loves you and it's like such a blast. And we all get along really well. We've got good energy vibing, we got great callers, we answer your sex and it's a sex and relationship advice show that's been around since 84 when Dr. Drew did it with Adam Carolla. So anyway, it's just a fun. Last night we had a band in that I never heard of. Menace. I had to ask who they were.

What? I tell you every time. Make sure you ask beforehand and do some research. Who was the band? You probably can't even remember who they are now.

Oh, my God. I can't. I'm looking it up right now because I'm going to the Loveline page on Facebook. Hold on. Oh, my God. I love having a computer during the show because I can look stuff up.

Yeah.

Okay, here it says, oh, the airborne toxic.

Oh, my God. You didn't know who they were?

Is that bad?

It is bad because they've. They've had some pretty big songs and they. I mean, people know who they are. I. I'm actually.

Okay. Well, the hot one, the hot guy was sat next to me the whole time, and we took pictures together.

Yeah.

You're like, I have no idea who you are.

No. I had to ask the producer. I had to. I pulled the producer aside. I'm like, I don't know who they are. So. You're right, Menace. I should find out ahead of time. And usually when I'm on the regular schedule, I will know ahead of time. But that's funny. I knew you.

That's the only thing I. Isn't that the only thing?

Advice I give you, that's the only advice Menace gave me about going on Loveline is make sure that you do your work and find out who the guests are. And I failed you terribly. We do not have guests every week, Mr. Skin. Dude. Mr. Skinn and I, we hit it off. You know Mr. Skinn, right?

Yes.

Did we already talk about this? No.

A little bit. You said you were gonna hang out with him.

He was a guest on the show on Loveline, and he and I have, like a million friends in column and then in common. And then he emailed me after the show a few days later and said every person said they heard the show and they didn't couldn't believe that we knew each other. Because they're all friends of yours or friends of mine. We have a million friends in common. And now we're Facebook friends. And he's awesome.

Nice. Mr. Yeah. Mr. Skin dot com. Everybody.

Everyone. He like his life like that. Talk about, like, making your, like, life obsession. The thing that brings you the most joy in the world, your career and making millions of dollars. Mr. Skin finds every nude scene of every famous Holly Hollywood actress. Every nipple slip. Every slip of Any. Any part of your body in a movie or television. Or is it all movies?

Movies? I. I only know it for movies. I don't know if it does tv.

He finds the naked scenes and he. Basically, his whole tagline is that he fast forwards to the good part. So if you've ever been like, I wonder what Natalie Portman looks like naked? You can, like, go in, Google Natalie Portman and there's, like, all her naked scenes, right?

Yeah.

Anyway, that was fun. And Dr. Drew's awesome. And I was also on Dr. Drew's television show. He's got a show on HLN, which is the CNN sister network, which I go to the CNN building. It's really fun. And he has me on. But, Menace, you're gonna die about this, too. So I'm just gonna be honest with you. With you right now, because I'm sort of embarrassed, but I'm gonna be honest that there's this thing going on right now, which now I know all about it, but. It's the Jodi Arias trial.

Yes.

Do you know about it?

Oh, God.

Yes. Go ahead.

So a lot of people listening know about the Jodi Reyes trial. She was a girl from LA who killed this, her boyfriend from Utah and, like, stabbed him 29 times. She's been on trial for, like, six weeks. It's this huge case. There's like, kind of a sex crime because she talked about all the kinky things he did, and it's crazy. But basically, she killed him in cold blood, right?

Yes.

So this network, hln, which is. Which is a network that people know, has been covering the Jodi Reyes trial around the clock, of course. However, I don't watch a lot of television and I have a life and I'm very busy.

I don't understand, but how you can even, like, not see that it's on the Internet. It's in the.

I mean, I read about it on the Internet, I saw it on the Internet, but I wasn't watching video.

I don't know what the f you do all day.

I freak out. I stress about work and how, you know, like, making things work and making a living.

I. Dude, I do that too, but I'm still able to. You can go function. Emily, Emily. This is.

Television stresses me out.

Listen, listen. This is. This is all. You gotta do this, everybody. If you want to keep up on pop, on pop culture, this is all you have to do.

This is good. You know, this.

This is super easy. In the morning when you wake up, you go to TMZ.com, you don't even have to read the effing stories. You just read the headlines, scroll down, and you know everything that's going on that day. Then in the afternoon, I would say about five o'. Clock. Like, all you got to do is go on TMZ again. Two effing minutes, scroll down, read. Read all the. All the updates on the stories that you read earlier that day, and you're done. You're done. You don't have to be doing shit.

You sound like my br. I know, I know. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. Okay, Whatever. I was. I was in Hawaii, which. I don't know. I think. I don't know if I told you I was in Hawaii. No, I moved. I was really busy those weeks. Okay, like, let me just. Let's just let me put in perspective. I'm not, like, living under a rock. I moved after 20 years of living in San Francisco, I packed up my entire life because I was only in LA trying it out three months, and I decided that I got all this work stuff going on. I'm just gonna move to Los Angeles. So I said goodbye to the city. Not to Menace, though, because I was in a frigging hurry, and I only did it in three days. And then I came back to Los Angeles, and then I was. That took me. That was like a whole thing. And then I went to Hawaii, and then I was out of town again. And that's the point. So I. Okay, long. Here's my story. I wasn't up on the trial, okay? I was traveling. I was doing whatever. I got a call from the producer of the Dr. Drew HLN show. I've been on his show before as a guest expert. And he. She said, have you been watching the Jodi Reyes trial? Do you know all about it? And I'm like, yeah, I know about it. And she goes, well, we need you to be on a panel on television tonight with a criminologist, a defense attorney, and a blah, blah, blah. And I was like. And I just got back from Hawaii, right? So. And I'm like. And I moved. And I'm standing around boxes. And I'm like, well, I'd love to be on the show, of course, but I don't want to be like, not know exactly. I could sit here for the next three hours and read up on it. And she's like, well, if we can't find someone else, we'll call you back. She calls me back two minutes later and said, I just talked to Dr. Drew. He only wants you. So. So I had to spend the rest of my day. So I spent the rest of my day joyously going through every single detail of the Jodi Arias trial. So if anyone would like any information on that trial, come to me. And I was on his television show that night, which is on four nights a week, and I'm gonna be on regularly, and I'll tell you all when.

Oh, my God.

If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, I will tell you and you join my friggin mailing list. So anyway, that's what's going on with me.

It's cool. You never take my advice anyways. I'm just trying to make your life easier.

What? Wait, take my advice on what?

On keeping up?

Yeah, with keeping up with the guests. Dude, I was googling the guests during the show.

Yeah, all you got to do is go to TMZ or Radar online and you'll know everything. It takes less than five minutes of your day. Then you don't look like a dummy.

I know, I know. Minus. Because you know the last thing I want to look like is a dummy. I'm telling you, another big.

You're gonna get caught up. You're gonna be on Loveline. You're gonna get caught up. I'm just trying to protect you because.

They'Re gonna be like, I'm getting better. I'm getting better. I know this love line's like, why isn't my penis big enough? Okay, wait, let me tell you something. Today's show is about lasting longer in bed. Speaking of penises. Okay, so that's the topic. Because I love hearing from you. All feedback at sex with emily.com. email me, message me on Facebook. I prefer email, but whatevs. We're doing a show on this. Because even on Loveline, like, we get the calls, like five a night. Like, why can't I last longer? My boyfriend doesn't last long enough. Like, seriously. So I was like, I know we've covered this, but this is a little different angle, and we're gonna get to that in a moment.

Mm.

What were you saying?

No, no, I'm listening to you.

And my whole life would be better. You're saying, listen to me and my life would be better. Know that, menace.

No, I'm listening. No, there is one other thing real quick. Pop culture thing I want you to find out about, because I'm intrigued by it before we go into lasting longer in bed. Because that's very important. And I know a lot of people ask about it. But there is this whole thing with this actress, Amanda Bynes.

Yes, I've seen that. I want to know she's crazy.

I don't. Well, I don't know. Is she crazy or she just being real is my question now. If people don't know Amanda Bynes. Amanda Bynes was this Disney. This Disney star, right? And then suddenly one night, late at night, she tweets, I love black men. I quit acting. That's it.

I love black men. I what?

She goes, I love black men. And I quit acting out of nowhere one night. And then she stopped. She stopped acting, right? And then suddenly she's like, totally just changed. Her whole look. Now she looks like kind of like a hood rat, like super ghetto. And like, has like all these crazy extensions. And now she has like piercings in her cheeks. And now she tweeted the other day, now Drake is a famous singer, right? He's this famous singer, rapper. She tweeted yesterday, I want Drake to murder my pussy or my vagina.

Okay, okay, now what kind of, what kind of drugs do you think?

No, no, maybe she's not on drugs. Maybe she. That's. That's who she really is. And all this Disney stuff, which is her being an actress.

Because look, if some people, while people say that, oh, she's out of her mind, she's crazy. But I'm telling you, I. There's like, there's like hood rat people, ghetto people that tweet stuff like that all the time and no one calls them crazy, you know, is it just because she was the next Disney character? Now she's all insane?

I don't know, it's just sort of extreme. Like, why even put it out there? Like, who the hell cares if you like black man and whatever? Like, you know, like, why is she feeling the need to like over express it? Like, who doesn't Like a black man? Whatever. I don't know. Like, what's the big deal? I mean, I get what she's saying. Like, that's so anti to what you think. I would think, but it's just still young. How old is she?

She is in her early 20s.

Okay, so she's just. It's just weird. Like there's obviously something strange going on that's not fair from the norm. Like, I get. You're right. Maybe that's just her. But then her is a little inappropriate socially because who cares if you like, you know, black men or Indian men or gay men or straight men? Like, what's your point? What are you stating if Are you saying yesterday you didn't like black men? Well, then I want to know why you didn't like black men yesterday. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I'm just. That's my whole thing, but whatever. So, okay, what else pop culture do I need to know?

No, that's just something I'm intrigued with right now.

And you're curious, Right? Email menace. What's your menace? Do you take emails from the common folk like I do@feedbackaxwithemily.com or do just not care?

No, no, no. I mean, people. Actually, a lot of people hit me up on Instagram. Menace on Instagram artists.

Oh, right. Menace is a big deal on Instagram.

Yeah. Menace on Instagram or menace at Twitter. That's where a lot of sex Emily listeners hit me up at. So.

Okay. And it's true. And you should hit menace up there. And you should also hit me up on Instagram. Sex with Emily.

Yes, totes. Did you have. Do you have any hot photos from Hawaii that you're gonna post on Instagram?

I know I'm not like. And I did look hot, and I do have these amazing new bikinis. I'm gonna be honest.

Some ass photos.

Good. Sorry, but I don't have any of me in a bathing suit. Because it wasn't that kind of trip.

Oh.

It was more of a. Like, oh, my God, I moved away.

I don't know.

Be real. Because I was asking you when you told me, when you said you said you were going Hawai, I go, which ex boyfriend are you going with?

I know. I went with the. I went with the guy. I know. That was hilarious. I was. I was. I was, of course, working from Hawaii. Like my first trip in forever. Except for when I went to Mexico recently. But then really before that, my first trip in forever. This was. I was taken by some friends. And in December, I went to Mexico with my ex boyfriend, my current boyfriend, who I'm no longer with, and a big group. So this trip was like my future ex boyfriend, I was with.

Oh, your future ex boyfriend. Okay.

Yeah. And. Yeah, and a group of people.

Wait, so are you. Anyway, are you dating somebody right now?

I'm dating, yeah.

What?

I'm dating already.

Wow.

Oh, sorry. I hope he doesn't listen. The ex. No, I date whatever. Not heavily, no. I'm so busy. But I'm date. Meeting so many dudes. I'm meeting so many guys. Yeah, I. I really like it. I think it's because I'm new to the town and I'm looking and everyone's like, don't you hate, do you hate LA yet? LA sucks. And I'm like, L. A s frigging awesome. It's sunny, nice people, good looking people. Like, what is the problem with Los Angeles?

Because you, you are just too naive. You're a little naive.

Why am I naive?

I think, you see.

You just want to see the good in people, which is a good thing. I'm not holding that against you.

Right.

But you know, I think it might take you a little while before you see the bad in people.

Wait a minute, you're saying like I'm too Pollyanna? Ish.

Like everything's great la, everything's, you know, daisies and sunshine, you know?

No, I see the flaws, but I feel like I'm having like a honeymoon phase with Los Angeles right now. I live three blocks from the beach, I have my dog. We can go for a run on the beach every single day. It's warm. I mean, it hasn't. And it's gonna get only warmer. It actually has been really cold for Los Angeles, but cold for Los Angeles is like 60 degrees. And I have an amazing place and I've met lots of interesting people. And the girls here, not only are they all super hot, not that I'm superficial and care, but. But I'm constantly amazed by how hot and nice they are. Like I made all the. I've met more girl, more new girlfriends than I have even guy friends. Just like great, amazing, cool chicks.

That's crazy.

That I want you to come bang. Oh, you've girlfriend. Yeah, forget it.

Excuse me.

Yeah.

How many people have you seen walking around that just got nose jobs? Because last time I was in la, I was at Barney's. You know that.

Clothing store?

Barney's is where I want to be buried. Right? Of course.

You know, it's a high end clothing store. Not that I think I'm rich or anything, but there was a bunch of girls that just freshly got some nose jobs done. And I go, there's no effing way I would even be out in public. But I guess it's just a thing around there. It's crazy.

That is the thing that's crazy. I've seen a few nose jobs too. And I've seen a lot of boob jobs. Like, in fact, I am the only person who.

I'm trying to think. Like, I noticed that I don't have a boob job. Like everyone in my, in my. I take a spin. I've been taking spinning a lot. They all have boob jobs. Here's another thing I have to tell you. Last night during Loveline. Oh, no, no. Before Loveline. Who said this? Oh, Mike Catherwood's obsessed with my breasts. He's like, Emily. He's like Emily because it's cool, because it looks like you got a boob job, but you don't have a boob job, but they're like, real. Whatever. And then on the air, he told me he masturbated to me three times.

Wow. Nice.

And he kept telling people to look at the camera because it's on. You can watch it@lovelineshow.com or on Live105, where Menace works in San Francisco Bay Area. And anyway, the point is, it was funny. Why am I talking about boobs? Oh, fake boobs. My boobs are real. Let's get into the topic. I mean, I could talk to you forever, but people are like, dude, it's sex with Emily, and you haven't talked about sex at all. All right, you know what? Who cares, you guys? We've got good stuff to tell you anyway.

Right, Miss?

Yeah. We're gonna talk about lasting longer in bed. That's the topic, though, right?

Lasting longer in bed. But I was going to read an email.

Okay, read the email first.

Or 2. Or 3.

Okay.

Thank you for emailing me@feedbackexwithemily.com I've also answered a lot of your emails in my Q and a section@feedbackextwithemily.com I think it's called Q and A. Just go to sexuality.com right. Dear Emily, I haven't dated anyone or been in a relationship in two years. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years when I started having feelings for another guy. It didn't end up working out with the other guy. He dropped out of college. We were going to. And he dropped out of college. We were going to and all of a sudden stopped talking to me. And I have no idea why. And two years later, I can't move on from it. I want to date other people, but I can't get him off my mind. I really want to be together. How can I get past this? Since this guy will never, ever speak to me again? All my efforts to get in touch with him have been shot down. Vanessa. Okay, Vanessa, here's the deal.

You had the feelings with the other guy. He's a loser.

He dropped out.

No, just kidding. But a lot of people dropped out of college, and all of a sudden, he stopped talking to me. You have no idea why he Two years later, you're obsessing about some guy that didn't really mean anything, not even about your ex, but the guy after your ex that you dated for a few weeks or whatever you said. Listen to me. This is all conditioning. Often when we are stuck in our past and we don't, like, for whatever reason, you have to realize what this guy, whoever he was, the college dropout, is triggering in you. What is it bringing up for you? Why are you so attached to him? Are you afraid, like, he didn't pick me, that I'm not lovable? You got to get in there and you got to figure out what is this all about. Maybe you need to get therapy if you're really obsessing about it. But it's a rejection, so he rejected you. He probably did you a favor. There are so many other great men out there for you to meet, and by hanging onto this, you're not going to attract any of those men into your life at all. Because you're carrying around this baggage of this guy that you dated for a little while, briefly, that you thought, because you're probably. You're younger. I think you're young, in your 20s, maybe had a whole thing for her, and you created a whole story around it that isn't true. So I would say, Vanessa, you just got to get over it. And you don't need to speak to him again. You said, how can I get you to speak to him again? You have to do all this healing work on your own. But I get it. I was in my. I used to be obsessed with guys when I broke up with them. Not for two years, but you get obsessed, you get caught up, it's okay. But two years is a bit long. What do you think, Menace?

Yeah, just let it go. Just. Just don't waste your time, people. You don't have enough time to waste and obsess about other people. That's. I mean, when you're. When you're younger, you don't get it, but when you get older, you're like, ah, you just go over it quickly. You know I'm saying.

Right, exactly. You just. Yeah, you got to get over. It's hard. The older you get, the easier it gets to get over. But really, you got to make a conscious effort. And you know what, Elvanessa? I know this is. This is, you know, not for everyone, but I always say you gotta get under to get over. So not that you gotta get under another guy, but go meet some men, go out there every day, talk to a Guy, even if you're not attracted to him, Just practice meeting new guys, new people, bringing new energy into your life. You'll feel a lot better.

And that goes for guys, too. Guys, you just need to practice.

Oh, my God.

That goes talking to women. Or. I mean, I don't know. Girls can kind of pick and choose who they talk to, but guys, like, even if you're not attracted to a girl, just practice talking to a girl. Because when you get to a girl that you're attracted to, you're. You're much more comfortable talking to them.

Exactly, exactly. Do you kind of do that, right, Menace? I mean, you had to get out of your. Couldn't talk to women.

Yeah, I talk to anybody, man. I don't care if I think they're hot or not.

Doesn't care.

And the hotter they are, having game.

And confidence, like, talk to everybody. Yeah, you are comfortable anywhere. That's for men and for women. All the guys listening who are like, why haven't I got laid? I'm so tired of being home and, like, masturbating to myself or to Emily every night. Tomorrow, today, start today, like, go. You're. You're. You're picking up something at the grocery store. And, like, talk to the checkout person for a minute longer than you normally would. Who cares? Talk to anyone.

And. Yeah, and another thing is, like, the hotter they are, the less I kiss their ass when I talk to them. Not that I'm being a total.

Oh, God. Menace has a whole theory about women. They all know they're hot. He's been rejected. Tell me.

Not that I've been rejected. I'm just saying women that are attractive are used to men kissing their ass. I know you love it because you love the attention, but I'm talking from the man's side and I'm talking to other men. When you're talking to a woman that's super attractive, don't be there, like, melting and kissing their ass. They. They get that all the time. Just be real with them. Be straightforward with them. If you don't, like, if there's something that you disagree with them with, don't be afraid to be, you know, to disagree. Just tell them straight up how you feel. Don't be. Don't be a superman.

You should be like that with everyone, not just the hot chicks. Because if you're sitting there and you're not talking to the hot chick next to you because you're so intimidated and you're spending an hour trying to think about what you're Gonna say to her, Whatever. Just say to yourself, like, seriously, I don't care if you have to look at her and, like, see the face of your very best friend on her, implanted onto her beautiful face with her long blonde hair. And you see your friend, and that's who she is. She's your buddy. You're gonna talk to her just like you're gonna talk to all your friends and all the other dudes and all the other people in the room. Don't put her on a pedestal.

Yeah, don't.

Don't be comfortable with her. Don't be freaky, weird, clingy, stary. Stare at her all night and not say a word. That doesn't work.

Don't suck her dick, dude. Just get over it.

Don't suck her dick. That's from Menace. Okay, that's a direct quote. I love it.

Yes.

Okay. Dear Emily, I have a question about asking out friends. While the issue isn't actually pulling the trigger, I guess my question what if we have a lot of mutual friends? How do I make sure I do it in a way I don't mess up the group vibe? Little background. I'm 30, she's 28. We've been friends for about seven or eight years. Never been told, only never been told, only see you as a friend, etc. Yes, I know she's into me. More flirtatious lately, right before and after a bad breakup. Also side question for Menace. Any tips on dealing with bad breakups besides the usual banging new chicks? Please keep my. Please keep my anonymous. Anonymity. That's one word I can never anonymous. Keep me anonymous as well. Thanks, E. Okay, so Menace, you'll answer in a second. That's hilarious. Like, Menace knows about being a new chicks. I can't wait to hear what he has to say. But the issue isn't. You're saying, how do you make sure I do it in a way that I don't mess up the group five. You're 30, she's 28. You've been friends for seven, eight years. Let me tell you something. I'm the queen of not breaking up the. That's about me. But I'm just telling you, if your vibe is tight, your group vibe is tight, and you've got good friends and you're in your 30s. She's 28. You're pretty much adults now. You're not like in your 20s. You're not in college. You can have a night where you try to kiss her. Like, next time you're together, she's being flirtatious. Like, don't have like a conversation like, are we really going to do this? You just. Because you want it to start from a hot place. So just like one night when it seems right, just like go in for it. Like, be super flirty, give her a kiss. See what happens if you guys hook up in the group, whatever. That'd be great. Like, I don't think that then, you know, then your friends will be psyched for you and be great if it doesn't work out. If you are all really friends, they're still going to accept you and be your friend. Just don't be a weird couple and like, you know, leave, like once you get together and leave everyone out, like, as long as you're still friends, your group still has a good vibe. I wouldn't worry about it because this could be your next future misses Whatever you want. So I would go for it. I would not worry about what it could mean in the future. What if you're missing out on meeting the perfect woman of your dream of being with the perfect woman of your dreams? I say go for it.

What do you think, Menace?

I think he should. Yeah.

I always say this on the show. You're not gonna die if you get rejected, you know I'm saying, right? If you go in for it, totally, you're not gonna die. Nothing bad is gonna happen to you, you know, so nothing bad.

Girls expect that you want to kiss them anyway. Like, yeah, you know me, dudes. You just like, oh, my God, we tried to give me a court. Like, we don't. We're not like, oh, he's tried to kiss me. So now our friendships all weird and funky. Like, that doesn't really happen unless you're dating a loser. Unless the chicks insecure and weird. What?

Yeah, I mean, I've blown so many opportunities because I just didn't go for it.

In my lifetime, Menace is the poster child for blowing off opportunities.

Totally. Because I was just too afraid. I can admit it. And only one time, only one time in my entire life have I gone in for the kiss and she wouldn't kiss me. And you know what? She had a good reason not kiss me because she had a boyfriend. And I knew she had a boyfriend. And that was right. That was bad of me. I was being stupid. And that's so.

That's only one time. And Menace isn't like that cute or anything.

Yeah, I'm not like, I'm not.

I'm not super cute.

I'm not Justin Timberlake or Anything like that, you know?

No, I would totally kiss Menace. So anyway, I'm kidding. But. But what he's saying is, and this is true, there's been a lot of guys that I've kissed just because they tried and then been like, into some, not into others. But I just kissed him because I'm like, oh, he's trying to kiss me. Yeah, that's a good thing to say. Maybe I should. Not always, but I like kissing. So sometimes you just. You know, we. In college, we used to call it. We're like, oh, my God, I was just kissing Bandit last night. Like, I kissed three guys. Like, not that we're in college anymore. Kiss, not a big deal. Go in for the kiss. All we're trying to say is that the kiss is not a big deal.

It's not, Right? Yeah, this time. Even blowjobs are not even a big deal these days. Times have changed. I wish.

Oh, no. Blowjobs are a big deal. I can't blow him. I'm saying kiss him.

I wish we could go back. Kiss her in time.

Back in time to where blowjobs were. What? You're hilarious. Okay, one more email and then we get into lasting longer in bed.

All right.

Okay. Because every man wants to. This is where we. All right. Dear Emily, I just started listening to your show about six months ago. I am 25. My fiance, my. And my fiance is getting home from a four month deployment. Deployment next week. And I'm wondering if you have any ideas on how to wow him in the bedroom when he returns. Our sex life was in jeopardy a bit before he left due to some lady problems that I was having, but that is all fixed now. We have tried using the butterfly kiss sex toy, but that is about as far as an adventure that we have gone. What do you recommend? I want to take this time apart as a fresh start and put on the steamy sex to that. I know that we both want. I don't want to be embarrassed or be weird, but I know if I can get past the first time of trying something new, it will really make our relationship and sex life rock. Any advice on what to do to spice things up? Love your show. Keep on rocking it. Okay, Signed Melinda. Okay, Melinda, first of all, she talks about the butterfly kiss. Okay. The butterfly kiss is like my new favorite vibrator. My new favorite sex toy. It is. You can get it at Good Vibes, Good Vibrations. Go to, go to goodvibes.com or actually, I would prefer if you go to sex with emily dot com. Click on the Good Vibrations banner. Use coupon code EMILY. Use coupon code GV EMILY. 20. And you get 20% off a purchase. 100 or more. So so anyway, that's a great sex toy. And I love when people I love. You know what it is. Like when dudes are like, dude, you love that, like, I don't know, team. I love that team. I'm like, she loves with the same vibrator I do. Like, I'm down with her. Anyway, so she's asking, Melinda is asking that when her guy comes back. He's been serving our country. She wants to know. She wants to put on the steamy sex that she both wants. She doesn't want to be embarrassed or weird. I would say that next time you talk to him. And I don't know if you've ever done this before either. I don't know if you guys are writing letters right now or emailing while he's gone, but say, what is your number one fantasy that you've had that we haven't done yet? And then I would provide him with something that you've been wanting to try. And I'm not talking about your crazy fantasies of having a gang bang. I'm talking about like, oh my God, I would love to tie you up and perform oral sex on you. Give you, give you. Perform oral sex on you, sweetie. For six hours straight or whatever. Or like I just want them. I want to give you a massage and then I want to what you want to do to them. It doesn't have to be your fantasy. Like describe a scenario that you want to do and. Or ask what the fantasy is. If he doesn't come back with anything, then I would say create a special night. Because I'm just saying that's what a lot of guys have fantasies about, like surrendering. And especially because he's coming home from serving. He probably misses you a lot. And you could have a night of just like doing something crazy for him and like taking care of him. You could also rent, you know, rent it. Rent a night away, stay to friends of vacation home somewhere. And I have a book called hot sex. Over 200 things you can try tonight. I'm not just saying this because it's my book. You can buy it on Amazon. I think it's on sale right now for $13. And it friggin has 200 positions to. Not just positions, but like fun scenarios like playing dress up together, how to do a striptease for him. All things that I recommend. By the way, he probably has not been with any women in a very long time, except for you. And. And since he's been gone. And you got to spice it up so men love the costumes, laundry, whatever. My book, hot sex. Over 200 things you can draw tonight. You can just flip through it and you guys can have an amazing weekend and be like, I want to get through this entire book or something. That's what I recommend. Okay. Oh, shoot. Yeah, that's what we got. But, Menace, did we ever go back to okay? Yeah. Anyway, that's. That's. What do you think?

Well, yeah, no, I think that you gave extremely good advice. The thing that you said you wanted to go back to was.

That was. I'm so mad. I'm so mad at myself when he.

Said, you want to know my.

Any tips on dealing with bad breakups besides the usual? Banging new chicks. Please keep my key. Please keep me anonymous. Some dude is asking Menace for advice. I'm sorry, I skipped that. I moved on too quick. Go ahead.

The thing was just kind of like, try to erase that person from them popping up in maybe your social media. You know, if you broke up with them and it was a. You really want to get over them, then don't follow them on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. You know, completely take this person out of your online life because. So it makes it easy not to see them. And then also, you know, you don't want to text them. You don't want to. You know, if you think that you're going to go out and party that night and you're gonna obviously think about them after a couple shots of, you know, Patron, you might not want to have that person's phone number in your phone. You might want to leave it written down somewhere because, you know, it's funny, because people these days, they can't remember any phone numbers. I can't remember anybody's number. And so it would be good for you just to leave it at the house if you need it one day. And then the other thing.

Exactly.

Another thing is surround yourself with friends. Make sure you're active. Make sure you're not at home or, you know, just sitting around contemplating things. Go out with friends, meet new people.

I'm not saying you have to bang them, but just make sure you're out and about, you know, not slumming around and being sad. That's my advice.

Exactly.

Other than banging. Other than banging other people, which I say you should just do.

Other chicks. But if you'd like to not go that route. He's at other. Other great Great suggestions. Thank you, Menace. Yes, that was true. And I think also, yeah, I think everything said practice meeting new women, like, like a bad breakup, like, it feels so, so bad. But let me just tell you this, that if you employ, like, even two of those things that men have said, a day or a week or whatever, because it's a lot, you're gonna feel so much better. And then, like, in a few months or however long it takes you, or a few weeks or three days, you're gonna get to the other side. You're gonna be, thank God I'm not with that bitch. Just kidding. Not that she's a bitch, but you're going to feel so much better that you do get to the other side. And it's also important when you break up to look at what you're learning from it. So I know you have a lot of feelings probably about wanting to get in touch with her, which we've already said you should delete her number, all that stuff. But then also, it's a really good. A breakup is a really good time to deal with personal growth. It's a really good time to examine your life and be like, what was my part in it? Because every relationship, it takes two to tango. What was your role? What was her role? Why didn't it work out? How do you want it to be different in your next relationship? So do that as well. All right, then. Now we are moving on to lasting longer in bed. Because let me tell you something.

Yes.

This question is so common. Men want to know, am I lasting too long? Not long enough. Usually they think they're not lasting long enough. And you know what? But a lot of guys are not lasting long enough. And by enough, I mean your partner is not having. Is not satisfied. So you might ejaculate in one minute. And if your partner has an orgasm in that minute and she or he or whoever you're with is fine, and you're fine, we're all good. No problem. However, if you happen to, you know, not last as long as you'd like and it's a problem in your relationship, maybe you're dating a woman and she needs 10, 15, 20 minutes to have an orgasm. She needs a lot more. Whatever. So we're going to talk to you about some tips. Do you ever have that fear, Menace? Do I last long enough?

Yeah, of course. I mean, especially when you're. You're with somebody for the first time.

Oh, my God, I feel so bad for guys for the first time.

Yeah. Because sometimes they're so excited you know, they, they put all this effort into it and finally it's gonna happen. And then they're overly excited and then it just lasts a short time and you're like, damn it, you might not have an opportunity to hook up with them again. And then that's what they know you for, the one pump chump.

You know, So a lot of it is. So a lot of it is mental, I gotta be honest. So for lasting longer in bed.

Okay, so we were talking about this in Loveline. This is. It is a very common question that comes up. A lot of it is in your mind. Like you're thinking, oh my God, last time I came too quickly. I'm about to come. Am I going to come? I'm going to come. And then you come. So there's a lot of people that just say, you know, use breath like breath method and learn to breathe and get in touch with your body. But let's walk through some common methods also. You can always get checked out by your doctor. You never know, there might be something going on. You know, it depends. If you're a really young guy and you're trying and I don't know, even if an old guy doesn't matter, well, how old you, I don't care. I just say it's good to get a checkup once a year. And guys don't like talking to their doctors about their penises or many guys don't. And I don't know why the hell not. If my piece of equipment wasn't working, I would want to talk to everyone in the world about it. So. So not that it's not working, but if it wasn't performing for me as I would like. So surveys show that most men don't believe they last long enough. So if your climax comes after a few minutes of intercourse, try using this tips. Okay. Warm up. Menace. What do you like to call this?

I like to call this little pre gaming. Yes, Pre gaming. You gotta, you know, just like you.

Would stretch before a football team football game. You would warm up before sex.

Yeah, I mean, you pre game. I mean, mine usually involves a little bit of alcohol, but you know, I'll let you say your piece first.

Right, right, right, exactly. Menace. I'm sorry, Menace always recommends alcohol. I will. That is not the message.

It's a theory. I mean it's for the, it's for the younger crowd. I don't know if the, the older gentleman can handle it, but I have two step program that you can do. So a two step program. First is you know, you, you pre game, which we're talking about masturbation before a big date that you know that you're probably gonna have sex with. Then.

You consume a little bit of alcohol. I would say maybe a Captain Morgan spiced rum would be nice. You know, nothing too crazy, nothing that's going to make you totally tanked and out of it. But once you've had those two combinations, I'm telling you, if you're a young buck, you can go forever. Because it's going to be a while.

Before I can't even believe I'm letting you talk that much. I'm not saying that you should drink alcohol all the time. No, I will not say, what if you're not a drinker? What if you drink too much like a lot of people do and they have blackout sex where they don't remember it because they're so goddamn drunk. So maybe I want you to moderate your alcohol intake. Perhaps this will work for you. So anyway, you can have a few drinks pregame. You can masturbate before you participate in intercourse so you feel like you can last longer. You don't. And you can also not masturbate to reach a climax. You can just masturbate to warm up. Also, you should wait a while before you penetrate your partner.

No.

Okay.

No way. You wait a while. You get too excited.

Excuse me, dude. Lots and lots of foreplay. Make sure you're giving her plenty attention so she's also warm and ready for you people.

No, I mean, that's good. That's good for her. But I'm not saying that's gonna make you last longer because you're gonna be excited and erect the entire time you're making out with her.

But let's just say that you have not solved the problem yet and you're working on all these things I'm gonna tell you right now, but you still are coming quickly. Make sure that you spend a lot of time on foreplay because if you give her plenty of attention, she's also going to be ready for you. You know, go perform oral sex on her. Maybe she'll have an orgasm and just make sure she's satisfied. This will at least delay your pre ejaculatory penetration and increase the quality of your sexual connection. So this is good all around. I don't care if you how, how quickly or how long it takes you to ejaculate. This is key that you should always delay God damn penetration at least a little bit because women are not ready for your penis to be in Their vagina at the time that you are. I'm speaking for a lot of men. I think maybe not all guys, but many men just assume I am hard. So therefore the game has started. The woman does not even know that it's been kicked off. What is that, football? You know what I mean. The woman doesn't even know that you guys are starting. And the guy has an erection and he sticks inside you. And we're not ready. We're not turned on. We don't see it. We need foreplay. Go to my website. Enter your email address. Go to Sex with Emily dot com. Enter Emily. Enter your email address. And you're going to get my free tips on all this stuff. I'm talking about how to please a woman and how to do a few things that I was just talking about anyway. Foreplay. Some foreplay tips that you never had before that will rock her world. And you have to warm her up. Sorry, I haven't gone off on foreplay in a really long time.

I know. You promote the hell out of women.

Can't go from 0 to 60 like you can. Guys. Your penis is ready to go. We're not ready. That's all I'm going to say. I lost my train of thought there. Okay, so foreplay. Know what gets you off? So most men have a favorite position or a position where they most often ejaculate while in. While they're having sex. So take notice of that. For example, let's say you usually ejaculate while you're penetrating her in the doggy style, as we like to call it. Maybe you should save that position for later, right? You wait. So you save that. Try letting her get on top or missionary position before arranging yourself in your ejaculatory position. So learn your body. Right. Menace. Don't you think you gotta learn where you get off and when you get off.

Yes, of course.

Certain positions to avoid.

And you need to share that with your partner.

Right?

Share the information.

I know what the hell you have to. People just don't. People just don't talk about stuff. So you gotta just be like, no, that's. That's what it is. Okay. That's what the position is. So I'm going to wait and do that position. Work it out. Okay. This is very important. Oh, before I say, okay, work out, here's one more thing I got to tell you, Max. This is just a separate thing that you can buy because it's awesome. Max, arousal is an exciting male sex pleasure gel. This will help you stay harder Longer. The exciting male pleasure gel maximizes your enjoyment during sex because it is made with ingredients known to arouse the penis and increase male libido. The pleasure gel gives you increased sensation and arousal. And here's the cool thing. It's paraben free, sugar free, fragrance free and non greasy. And you can get max. That's the number four. Men.commax for men. Use coupon code EMILY25 for 25% off your purchases. And let me just tell you something atmax for men.com Number 4. Swear to God on my life, you go to my website and click on their link. They have the coolest male products for sex that you have never seen before. They've got gels, they've got, they've got like arousal gels, they've got like anal. They've got stuff that will blow your mind. So just check out Max for Men. Okay? That's what I got to say about that next tip. Okay, dude, I haven't a goddamn iPhone app about this. This is another way that you can last longer in bed. Your Kegel muscles, you've got to strengthen your PC muscles. Now let me tell you something. It's like you go to the gym and you work out your muscles every day and you're like, I have really strong biceps. But if your PC muscles are puny and you don't work them out, you've got a problem. And I will tell you.

You want to know what the kaggle muscles are? They think that they're for men, these exercises. It is those pee stopping muscles. So you know when you stop and start the flow of urine, when you are peeing, that is the muscle. So if you isolate that muscle and you tense it and you hold it for five seconds and you relax it and you do that five times a day, okay? The more stamina you will have during intercourse. Now here's your lucky day. I have an iPhone app called Kaggle Camp and its sole purpose on the planet is so your penis will stay harder, longer and you'll do these exercises. It pops up on your phone. It says, time for Kegel Camp. And it's my voice. My lovely, sweet, relaxing voice. Sexy voice. Now, I don't know what you think of my voice, but it walks you through the exercises. So you'll have a reminder because no one, your doctor will tell you to do kettles, but you don't remember. So it reminds you on your phone. No one has to know you're doing them. And you can just sit at a traffic light for five minutes and do them and improve your sex life. I do them every day and my orgasms are so much stronger. P.S.

That'S what I got to say about Kegels. Kegel camp in the itunes store.

Get it?

Get it. Okay. The Start Stop method. This is the tried and true Start Stop method. It can help you teach yourself ejaculatory control and helps you last longer while masturbating. Stimulate your penis until you feel ready to orgasm. Then stop.

Why the torture? By using this method, you're finding your point of no return. You find, see, you find that moment before orgasm. So by doing this exercise, you're teaching your body and mind to be comfortable with a heightened sense of arousal. So you learn to where you get where you're about to go over when you're masturbating. And you know what? I'm sorry, these exercises are not fun. You don't want to sit in your bed and masturbate but not have an orgasm. I get it. But do you want to last longer in bed? What's the answer to the question? Yes, you do. Okay, good. So you got to do these exercises. Have you ever done this exercise Menace.

The Starch Thought method? No. Yeah, I got my own.

Because you don't have a problem.

The Patron method.

Not that it's a problem, but this is not an issue for you. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Make sweet love.

Do not have sex the same way you masturbate. You know how you masturbate and you do those quick thrusts and a finish and it won't help the situation.

It's like a machine gun.

It's a friggin machine gun. Do not have sex like a jackrabbit machine gun. That's all I gotta say. Don't take time exploring the whole sexual cycle. You gotta slow it down and work on different thrusting techniques. Okay. Don't have sex like you're using your partner as a replacement for your hand. There are so many erogenous zones on the female body. Just enjoy the sensuality that sex can create. Like give your partner an erotic massage and like learn to know the back of her knees. Okay. Do you know how many women I talk to are like, I just wish he would touch like the back of my knees. It's like this joke with women. Here's an inside joke with women. Because we want a guy to explore our entire body. Not that my knees are going to give me a mind blowing orgasm, but it feels so, so good when you run your hands and you explore our entire body. And you don't just whip out Your penis and try to stick it in my vagina. So that's what you should do is enjoy her body. So those are my tips. How about that? Menace?

I agree.

How are you?

Good.

Thank you for being with me today. I miss you. I love you.

Aw. I wish to be in Los Angeles very soon with you.

Yeah. Dude, can we just talk? You've been here like eight times. When you go to goddamn Disneyland, I.

I fly into Orange County. You're in Los Angeles.

Dude, It's like.

An hour away from here.

I know.

I'll pick you up. I'm your. I'm your. I love you more than anyone. I care about you. And I'm just. I'm just. But I get it. I'm busy, you're busy. Whatever. Come visit me soon. And I got a new apartment in Venice. I got a new apartment. Whatever. I'll tell y' all about later. I love you. Okay, everyone. Thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. Remember, go to my website. Enter your email address for some cool stuff that's going to change your life. You can follow Menace. He's Menace everywhere on the planet. I am Sex with Emily. And thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com check out my new vibrator store at sexwithemilyovo.com to check out vibes as low as $15 from the Germany company OVO. That's OVO. These sleek, well designed and inexpensive vibes make great gifts for yourself and others. Go to sexwithemilyovo.com to get one tonight.

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