SWE- How to Screw

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because, uh, my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's got to standards. Oh my, do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcast, sign up for our mailing list, our RSS feeds, and you'll never miss another Sex with Emily show again. And also you can check out me, you can check out Sex with Emily on Facebook, uh, Sex with Emily, or on Twitter, Sex with Emily. And you could, if you could like my fan page, that would be awesome. I'd really appreciate that. And I'm here with, uh, White Menace.

Hi, how you doing?

I'm good. How are you?

I'm really good.

Are you?

What about the app? Hello, the app is taking over the App Store right now. Okay.

I've got a new app called Kegel Camp and it's the most important. Kegels are for men and women. This is not— people think it's a, a chick thing that only women can do their Kegels, but Kegels have been proven. Doctors prescribe them all the time to people who are having sex issues. They're like, do your Kegels. So Kegel Camp from Sex with Emily, K-E-G-E-L, is in the top 100 now apps of the app. It's doing very well. Nice. And I'd love everyone to download it and review it. And all that stuff.

See, you still don't know how to sell it.

Why? What do I say?

This is how you sell it.

Go.

They get to hear your voice giving the instructions.

Oh, right.

Keep on leaving that part out, and that is the biggest selling point of the app.

So funny, because my friend emailed me. He goes, is it bad that I got an erection listening to your voice while I was doing the app? And I was like, oh, I said no, I think that's an added benefit.

Yeah, see?

Yeah. And it's my voice guiding you through the— did you download it?

Ah, but I just know about it. See, I do my research. I haven't— I will download it this weekend.

Uh-huh. This weekend? It's Monday. I will—

I'll get to it.

You're gonna wait 5 days to download my app? What the?

I'm really busy this week.

Whatever, you can't download your app. I will get to it. So anyway, no, people, it's my voice and we're actually gonna be doing some updates and adding a video and new pictures 'cause I just took a bunch of new headshots, which are super nice and fancy for the new website. And, um, yeah. So then I've got my app, and then today's show, we're going to be reading your emails that you sent to feedback@sexwithemily.com. Some of the topics include complimenting a woman. We got a lot of feedback on that topic. Masturbation, foreplay for men and women, and fantasies, plus sex in the news, and then plus some sex tips for women. You know, we give a lot of sex tips for men, but we specifically— I think that has been a while since we just give women some tips on how to handle their man.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, right? Come on now.

And I knew that you probably have some feedback on that stuff, so that's what we're gonna do today. And, uh, yeah, how you doing?

I'm really good. How's, uh, your week going?

My week is going well. Yeah, my family was here for 8 days, and it was— it was my brother, his 3 kids, his wife, and it was very, very intense. It was great. My family's amazing. We, you know, they came to San Francisco, we went to Alcatraz, and we walked Chinatown and did all the fun San Francisco things. And I love, love, love my nieces. They're 11, 8, and 3. And the older girls slept at my house one night. Mm-hmm. So they, they wanted to, you know, they love, we're very, very close. They live in Michigan. I don't see 'em that often. So it was, it was, it was super exciting for them to come sleep at my house. And like, I, in the morning we got up and got coffee to my, went to walk, you know, my neighbor, walk everywhere.

Where all of them went to your house?

Two of 'em. Not the, not the 3-year-old, just the 11-year-old and the 8-year-old. So we're— we just played cards and we were sitting around my house. I lit all my candles. Like, I'm like their crazy aunt in California, right? Like, they come from Michigan. It's very like—

You must look like a super hippie because they go, where is your TV?

Exactly. They're like, how do you not have a TV, Aunt Emily? Like, they don't understand it, but they have— they each have iTouches or whatever.

Yeah.

So anyway, so the littlest one— so we were playing and then they were going to bed, and then Ella, the littlest one, was staring at my bookshelf. I have two bookshelves. I have one that's all sex books.

Yeah.

And then, you know, other books. So it's a ton. I mean, I have, must have 400 sex books. And then I have a huge Post Sex with Emily poster in my house. And Ella's 8, so she's, she looked at me and I'm like, what do you, she was staring at my bookshelf and I said, do you have any questions? She goes, I just don't understand it. I don't understand it. I wanna understand it more. I'm like, well, what do you mean? She's like, just, I don't, I don't know what people are talking about when they're talking about this stuff. And she just like doesn't get it cuz she's 8.

Mm-hmm.

And I said, sweetie, and then she started to cry and it was really sad. And I was like, sweetie, this is something you talk to your mom about. This is You talk to parents about it. This is not, you know, but one day I will tell you so many things, but right now I can't.

I will blow your mind.

I will blow your mind with what I know. But the next morning, so, so my sister-in-law's always, she's a little more conservative than I am. So my, my niece said, so the first thing she said when I dropped him back off at the hotel was, why does every book on Aunt Emily's shelf have sex in the title?

She sold you out.

She did. So, so, so then my, my hair was like, oh my, my sister-in-law was like, oh my God. So they had to have the talk. They had to have the birds and the bees talk that day. You forced the talk?

Yeah.

But she already knew some stuff. It wasn't the first time she'd seen— I forced a talk.

You forced a talk?

I forced a talk. And, um, she tried to explain to her, like, she was like, what? She goes, Emily, she memorized every single title on your shelf. And she was like, well, what's masturbation? What's bisexuality? Like, she really— and she's like, weren't you monitoring her? I'm like, well, at one point I took a shower. She might have been staring at every book. Anyway, it was pretty funny. But it was, it was a fun, it was a fun trip.

I like it.

You like it?

I like that you forced the talk because that's a lot to live up to now.

It is, I know.

She's gonna remember that for the rest of her life.

You think?

Honestly, yeah. I told you when I found out about sex, I was like 6 years old. I remember it as clear as day.

I don't remember learning when I first learned about it, but that doesn't make— that's not a shock because I don't remember a lot of things. But yeah, because I walk through life in a haze. But, um, no, but she— but yeah, it will be very memorable because she was crying and she was just— and I couldn't— I wanted just to tell her, but I couldn't. I couldn't, you can't get into it. It's a parent thing. So I guess this is the age where they start getting curious. And she's like, well, I know my, her, her older cousins give her some, have told her some things. So anyway, I'm like, well, do you know how babies are born? She's like, no, I don't even know that. And I was like, okay, you get sacked tomorrow.

That's bad.

That's bad.

I, I ran into, uh, some Sex with Emily listeners over the weekend. Yeah.

Oh, how'd that go? Yeah.

They recognized me. I, I was doing a, an event for Nintendo 3DS, the new 3D game. Okay. And, uh, some Sex with Emily listeners came out and said they really enjoyed the show. Really? Yeah. Yeah, that was really cool.

That's cool.

That happened. And then over the week, a listener hit me up on Facebook.

Uh-huh.

Okay. And he's had some negative comments about the show.

Okay, give it to me.

He said the show hasn't been as good as since 187.

He emailed me too.

Yeah, I don't know what he means, but I do have an idea on how the show will get better.

Okay.

Okay, we're gonna change the time when we're recording the show. So I'm telling you, we're gonna have so much more energy for the show, I don't think this guy's gonna be able to handle it.

You're right. When— you mean in a month from now when we start doing it more, right?

Yeah, we're gonna— Emily and I are gonna start recording at a different time, which is earlier in the day. Sometimes it sounds like I'm half asleep because every single day I get up at 4 AM, like every day. So by the time we record is 4:30 in the afternoon, right? So that's why sometimes I'm like dragging ass. And also too, you, you are doing stuff all day long, right?

I work all day long.

So I think there's gonna be very, very, very good things coming to the show.

I think that's a good thing. But he emailed me too, and I was like, what do you mean? Like, he was like, I liked it on episode 187. That was the winner.

I don't know, I don't even know what 187—

I don't either. But I mean, if people don't like that, I don't know that. But of course I read all your emails, so I'm like, he emailed me too, and I was like, what, what What do you like? What don't you like? What's not good about it? Tell me.

So you hit him with a bunch of questions.

Yeah.

Did you get no response?

I just emailed him today. Just emailed me. But I don't, I don't always email. He will back always. But I did there. And I would just want to know what that means because, you know, we're trying to make a good show and we want to know what people like, what they don't like. And sometimes it's hard to know.

I believe the last show, actually two shows ago now, the interview with what's his name, Dan, right? Something. It was really, really good, even though we didn't really too much talk about the whole sex thing, right? But I think it was a very entertaining show.

Oh, good. Yeah, I'm glad to hear that.

Good.

Yeah, I haven't listened to it yet, but I know it'll be great. I know it was fun to record, and we're gonna have more guests come in, whatever. I'm not gonna talk about— it's funny, even with— they're like, stop talking about all the things you're gonna do and just do them.

We are gonna do them.

We are doing them. But there are some big changes and exciting things happening. So how's your sex life?

Sex life's okay, whatever. Yeah, I haven't been drunk lately, so I guess I am.

Why do you keep going back and forth with the not drinking?

No, I— no, no, no, like right now I just don't have time to drink.

Time to get drunk.

I only drink on Fridays and Saturdays.

Oh, that's good.

That's mature. But I didn't even drink this weekend, so it just— it's the whole timing thing. Like, I can't get drunk because I wake up at 4 AM, right? You know, so I have to you know, move that to Friday or Saturday so I don't miss work because that's how you make money and pay bills.

Exactly. I'm not a big drinker, although I did drink last night. I think I did drink last night. I went to a dinner party. I drank red wine.

Let me hear all about it.

Oh, it was just a dinner party with my cabin friends.

What did you do?

I had white wine and red wine.

White wine?

My friend Denise made the most incredible meal. She is an amazing cook. Amazing chef. She had a little potato bar and she had chicken.

Yeah.

And all this great food.

Do you think wine is very sexual?

Yes, I do.

I think it's like the most sexual.

Wine is amazingly sexual, I think. I think wine is, is seductive and delicious.

It's not delicious. It tastes like freaking bark on a tree.

I can only drink wine because you even take— maybe you haven't— you've had the two-buck chocolate wine.

I've had so many different wines.

I think you just said it's an acquired taste. I like wine and I like dirty martinis.

Mm. Mm-hmm. Those are pretty good.

Those are really good. So I can slam those. I can do a few of those.

So did you make out with anybody?

Um, I didn't. I've been dating this guy off and on again and we did make out. We had sex.

What? You had the sex?

We had the sex.

How did that go?

It's good. He's good, actually. I like him and why do you wanna know that? He's very attentive. And he's really curious about— he's about our sex life. Like, he wants to know. He's like, okay, so when I did this, did it mean this and you acted this way? Like, he really wants to like break it down.

Did he take like notes or something?

No, but he just wants— he's very smart and he just wants to like understand it all. And I— it was good. Wow. I know.

So it was like a— like a course or something.

Yeah, exactly. Speaking of which, I'm starting sex school again in June.

Good.

It's gonna be awesome. I can't wait. I know. So that's what we got. Let's get into some sex in the news.

All right. What do you got?

What do I got? Well, I was reading through some of them and I realized I'm just going to read them. I'm not going to talk about it. I'm just going to see if you notice a trend here. Okay. There's a study. Infrequent sex can raise risk of heart attack or death. Oh, kind of depressing. Infrequent people. Yes. Infrequent sex. So people who engage in physical activity only once in a while, and that includes sex. Have a higher risk of suffering a heart attack or sudden cardiac death at least in 1 or 2 hours right after they've exerted themselves, experts say. So basically they're saying they're just— they probably just use sex in the title of this article so people would read it, but they're saying if you do anything and you're not in shape, then you can have a heart attack. Like if you all of a sudden went out and tried to run a marathon and you're not in shape, that could happen.

Yeah, I've had definitely a bunch of times where I feel like I'm gonna die afterwards.

Exactly. After sex? Yeah, really.

I'm like, I'm gonna die. Really, I'm gonna die.

I've had some sessions like that, but you— oh, you don't exercise that much?

No, but I've been exercising every day this week. Wow, trying.

Yeah, that's great. Exercising regularly is important because it can significantly decrease the risk of having a heart attack during sex.

How much would that suck if you're having sex with some guy and then he just died right there?

Like, yeah, but what a way to go. I mean, it would suck, but I'd feel like at least he died happy because he was having sex with me. Oh yeah.

Now, do you put your clothes on before you make the call, or do you make the call naked?

I'd probably make the call naked.

Okay, good.

Yeah. And then I'd probably—

yeah, throw on some clothes.

Yeah.

And then pretend you weren't having sex?

You know, I don't know. What would I do? No, they would know because they'd be doing all the— they'd be doing all the stuff. They'd be doing all the tests, and they'd be like, there was semen or whatever. I've already planned this out. Some guy dies when we're having sex. That would be Please, that would suck. Okay, more sex news. Miley Cyrus really upset about Miley Cyrus sex doll. Have you heard about this one? Yeah, so there's, there's this Miley Cyrus sex doll that's sold out.

Finally Miley.

Yep, it's called, uh, I think so, something like that. Finally Miley sold out within 2 days of release. Who buys sex dolls? Like, do they— people like F it and stuff? Like, it's Miley Cyrus, they do. They really do. Like, they really do. Who has—

okay, people have— why do you think they're there? Novelty to put in the corner of your house.

No, I know, and I know that people do, but Miley Cyrus, like, she's like underage.

And no, she's 18. That's why it says Finally Miley.

Oh, finally.

Yeah, now she was 18 and then they made—

but did they do that for the Olsen twins too and stuff? I don't know about Olsen twins, but everyone was a big deal when they turned—

yeah, there's like Kim Kardashian dolls, all that. You can get whatever you want.

I know, but Miley Cyrus, she hates— says that she hates sex toys. Sex dolls.

They, uh, they spell their name differently, so that's why they get away with it. And then they have this whole thing and goes, she's been talking into the microphone for years and now she can finally talk into yours. It was like one of their, uh, taglines.

Oh, that's hilarious. Okay, I didn't see that. Well, she's not happy about it.

Oh, really?

How would you feel if you had a sex toy made out of it?

I'd be happy about it.

We could clone your willy. You know that CloneYourWilly.com?

Let's go do it.

We could do that.

You can probably pick it up on the street. There's so many sex shops on the—

I know, on the street.

Exactly. You can probably pick one up.

Yep. Clone your willy. If you, if you're with someone and you want to use his penis as a— make it into a vibrator dildo, you can do that with CloneYourWilly.com. Yeah.

And do you know what's weird? There's actually another place I should take you. Um, It's an art place and they have all these famous rock stars' wieners that were molded.

Really?

Yeah, but it's like '70s, like in San Francisco. Yeah, it's like they have like Jimi Hendrix.

Where is this place?

It's a kind of strip club. No, it's just an art museum.

Art museum of '70s penises.

And they have like their penises. Somebody had like a crooked penis. I forget which one. That was—

oh yeah, yeah, that's fine. Nothing wrong with a crooked penis. I always feel bad. Some guy emailed me once and I remember not getting back to him, not on purpose, but I always said this. I'm like, I feel bad because I can't email every single person back that emails me, but like, what about the guy in Wisconsin with the crooked penis? He emailed me like 5 years ago and I never even— I never— I don't remember why I didn't get around to it, but I always wanted to tell him that crooked penises are fine. There's nothing wrong with your crooked penis.

I think a chick would enjoy a crooked penis.

Totally. Yeah, you get different sensations. Yeah, you hit different spots. You can be creative. Nothing wrong with a crooked penis. I wouldn't kick a crooked penis out of my bed.

Really?

No, I don't think I would kick— well, many, I wouldn't kick many penises out of my bed, but I would. Okay. Study: a woman— women experience so much sexual harassment they're becoming immune to it. A new study shows that it's more difficult for men to cope with sexual harassment than women, and they say it's likely because women experience sexual harassment at higher rates than men. It is the men who report feeling mostly violated by the harassment. It's due to the fact that women have experienced so much sexual harassment over their lifetime that they view these types of behavior as merely an annoyance, that they're not complaining. So men are having more— have you ever been sexually harassed?

Oh my God, like every day.

You are?

Of every job I ever had.

Women?

Yeah, women are just as bad as men. Yeah, but men just don't complain about it.

Well, men are having a hard time with it. Oh, they're hard to study by Michigan State University.

See, the thing is, like Women can do that, but men can't flirt back because they're afraid that they're going to get in trouble. That's what it is. Like, girls mess with me all the time. They like grab my ass and all that stuff and tell me dirty jokes. But if I don't know them that well, then I'm not going to respond.

Are they your bosses or your superiors? I agree too. Why people are like grabbing your— and what I do, what am I gonna— sexual harassment. Like, that's what I talk about for a living. But It says it does— this study isn't drawing the conclusion that women don't mind being sexually harassed, but they've just built up these defense mechanisms in order to carry on in their daily lives. Like if some guy's walking by and grabs your ass, you're like, oh, someone else grabbed my ass, big deal, you know?

Yeah, I don't know if it's that far towards women though, like guys in the workplace grabbing us, but it's definitely like dirty conversations and stuff like that happens. It does.

I don't get— yeah, I don't— I'm trying to think, like, I've been harassed. I mean I kind of like it. I'm flirty.

I don't— I think, I think sexual harassment is—

I haven't truly been harassed, okay? I've not been harassed and had like trauma.

This is my theory for guys here. This is what I'm going to tell you, all right? Sexual harassment's okay if you're good looking. If you're not good looking, don't sexually harass somebody because you're gonna get busted.

Really?

Yeah, of course. Like, if you're a really good looking guy and you are talking to a girl in the workplace She's gonna love it. She's gonna eat it up.

Not true. If it's her boss and she's— he's hot and married and he's, he's like hitting on a secretary, or a guy, and you're not that attractive, then she's gonna think you're a creep.

And then you're gonna get busted and you're gonna get sued and you're gonna lose your job.

But he might have some power, and power is an aphrodisiac, as we know. So he could be— you— he might not be empirically good-looking, but he still has power as her boss or whatever.

So I suggest, guys, just be really careful and don't— if some girl's flirting with you at work, just let it go, man, you know?

Yeah, and women too, although you might sleep with someone you work with. Yeah, and then we've done shows about that before. Yeah, men sleep with everyone he works with. Yeah, he's sitting here all the time. Exactly. Okay, men gain, gain self-esteem upon first having sex, women lose it. I think this is really interesting. A new study from the University of Pennsylvania finds that men feel better about their bodies after having sex for the first time, while women feel worse. We talk a lot about women and their body image, how women are insecure during sex, more insecure about men during sex. So, so the translation is kind of that women are thinking, do my breasts look okay from this angle? Instead of, wow, this position feels fantastic. Women are like, how did I look? How did I feel? Did he think I was fat? And men are just like, man, I just tapped that ass and I feel awesome. They're just like, they're confident, is like way up their self-esteem.

They just planted a flag.

Exactly. So I thought that was interesting. And then finally, the study came out, love is the leading source of regret among Americans.

Love is the leading source of regret.

Yeah. So this is really interesting. See, these are all studies that just came out. This is the Kellogg School of Management and the University of Illinois has found that adult Americans have more regrets concerning love than any other part of their lives. We found that with one's life circumstances, such as accomplishments or shortcomings, inject considerable fuel into the fires of regret. Although regret is painful, it's an essential component of the human experience. So, okay, here's the thing. The regrets of the typical American. So number 1 was romance, 18%. Number 2 at 15% was family. They have regrets about family. 13% was education. 12% was career. And it goes down into finance, parenting, health, friends, spirituality, community. But 18% was romance that people feel the most regrets about.

Not having it or having it?

It doesn't say. It just says that regrets, like, like how uplifting. But it says basically, so even if you're pissed that you never got the courage to ask Lizzie to the homecoming dance, at least you probably feel pretty good about yourself. So I don't know, I mean, it's like just regrets all around. And I don't have a lot of regrets when it comes to life.

I do.

You do?

I regret—

oh, I do. My last one, I regret I fell in love with that person.

I do have regrets sometimes. I'm like, man, I wasted some time.

But like, more so than anything else is love, romance.

Yeah, yeah, it is the flip side where I regret I never uh, pursued that person.

Do you have regrets with that too?

Yeah, definitely.

Or that you do regrets that you broke up with someone and that you should have stayed together?

Never broken up.

Right.

Never.

I think you, uh, I don't believe in regrets over love. I, I believe in regrets over real estate, for example. Like I should have bought a house like years ago when I could have. But I don't believe in regrets over romance because I believe that everyone comes into your life for a reason. And all these relationships that we experience, whether they're for a week or a year or a month, that we learn from all of them. Hopefully, even if it's like the worst relationship of your life, you're like, well, okay, what can I learn from this? So if it's a bad relationship and you're feeling regrets, just think, what can I learn? What is my takeaway from this experience that I regret and how can I not do it again? Like for example, the last guy, or last year, that guy dated was terrible situation. We broke up. It was like, what were the signs that I could have seen ahead of time so I don't date a guy that's crazy again where I have to change my locks and we break up?

Mm-hmm.

Like that.

Yeah.

What were the signs? You know, he came on really strong. He— I found— caught him in a few lies early on. Like, love is blind. So at the beginning of relationships, you know, we do— we accept things and people that we wouldn't normally see. And people, open your eyes. It's all I gotta say is open your eyes.

Yes.

When you're in love. Okay, great. Let's move into some mail.

Okay, what do you got? I love mail. My favorite part of the show.

I know it is, honey bunny. That's why we're doing it here. Ready? So, Emily Morse: Being a guy, I'm not the type that would typically care enough to sit down and write feedback on podcasts I hear, but I disagreed so strongly with Menace I had to write. In episode 206, Menace said that by giving women compliments, they would use it to their advantage, that they would act knowing that by giving women compliments, they would use their advantage, and they would act knowing they have him in the back of their pockets. And that it was not going to work to the fellow's advantage. Wrong, wrong, and wrong. Menace could not have been more wrong. So few men give sincere, genuine compliments that those of us who do reap all the rewards. I date strong, independent, brilliant women. They wear what pleases me, they desire what I desire, and we bind ourselves in passion that would not be possible without their trust. These women surrender themselves to me in exchange for my words. Do men us a favor, introduce him to Henry Miller. Best regards, David. He's an author.

David never dated some chick. He's never dated a woman. He's lying.

He dates brilliant women and he compliments them.

He's just trying to go on a date with you.

No, he's not. What are you talking about? Why do you assume that everyone wants to go on a date with me?

I think—

And if they do, give them my number. Yo, yo, what's up?

No, I think he's a liar.

He's not lying. He's saying— 'Cause he called you wrong 4 times, he's a liar? Hello Emily, my name is Brave Legend and I like to push the envelope. I love your show and I believe you could push the envelope of sex and society even more. To do this, I would suggest that Christ Loves Kegels bumper stickers. It might be most risky in Utah, but other than that, it's gold. Anyway, you're awesome and I love what you do. Thanks for the Kegel encouragement. My balls are tight. Wow. I'm telling you, it's for men too. Kegels, yes.

Or you can just masturbate to it.

You can masturbate to my Kegel Camp app like my friends do. This guy emailed me and he's like, is it bad that I got an erection? That's hilarious. Okay. After listening— hi Emily, after listening to all your podcasts, I finally heard Menace say something I agree with. Sorry Menace, I didn't mean to have so many interruptions.

No, I didn't.

I literally didn't.

And I believe that you wrote the David email too.

Stop.

You wrote that.

He said— oh, this is about me. Okay. He said that you will never settle down and commit to one man, and I think, why should you? You obviously love the thrill of a new kiss, a new lover. You don't ever want to give that up, I bet. And if you find the right guy, you shouldn't have to. But then Menace cocked it up by going on about handjobs again. Mate, there's no doubt I can do a good job of that myself, but I would much rather have a willing partner help me out. A bad handjob from a pretty girl is 10 times better than the best wank on your own. Handjobs rock. Cheers, Dino.

Oh, Dino. Oh, this email reminds me of— have you seen the new, um, sorry, have you seen the new— it's like a gum commercial and it says, me without television?

No. Oh my God, I know it's my brother.

I know I'm going to because now there's more sex and pop culture that we can talk about.

I understand. I need to— I'm gonna, I'm gonna get cable.

So there was a— wow. Welcome to the future. So they have a commercial, a gum commercial, says that the average person will have 28 first kisses in their lifetime. How many— how many times do you think you've had a first kiss?

First kiss? Yeah, like 28 last year.

No, um, 28 in one night.

Come on. No, no, no, no. I'm not— in my lifetime, I can't even say. A lot. Yeah, I can't even say. Can you?

No, I can't. There's some I can't even remember, right? Or don't want to remember.

Exactly. God, 28.

But only 28? Well, like, I guess if you live somewhere that doesn't have a large population, maybe you only kiss—

the numbers are low. I think that's low. But the numbers for like average sex partners for a woman, for example, I think I'm like an American woman, I was reading like the average number of partners she has sex with is 10, and for men it's like, you know, 25. And I think those numbers are low, really, for America.

Did they say any European ones?

No, it was an American study. But I just think those numbers seem low, but maybe just because my numbers are a little higher. Not that much higher, but yeah, maybe 11. Maybe 11. Exactly, 11. Jesus. Okay, Emily Morse, I love to listen to your podcast while commuting to work. Slight correction. Over the years, I've always heard that masturbating the male penis with female, female breasts referred to as Russian sex.

Russian sex? Chris, never heard that.

Never heard it either. It's always been coming up. We've been talking about that something, right? Exactly, right? Exactly. Okay, let's see. Emily A loyal listener from Australia here. Unfortunately have been super busy lately, so only just catching up on the recent episodes. I heard you mention Olivia Wilde as one of the sexiest celebrities. Is that what you did?

Olivia Wilde?

Yeah, did you say that?

Uh, maybe.

I don't know. Who is the Olivia that you—

Olivia Munn.

Okay, but you didn't seem to know who she was. Olivia Wilde is an actress on the TV show House. Is that Olivia Munn? Is she wrong? No. Okay. And she's been in a bunch of other things too. I think she's incredibly attractive, a view that my partner shares. She's my dream celebrity shag. No specific reason, just found her very attractive. She does a lot of charity work too, which is awesome.

Oh, I think she's number— they call her number 13 on the show.

Okay.

And she actually was married to a prince and she just got a divorce.

Oh, right. I think I remember hearing about her.

She's pretty hot.

Bonjour. Hello, Emily Morse. I have— I'm I'm have now, okay, I now listen to all your great programs via Google Reader RSS and Stitcher on my smartphone. The tip to use a little chin action when performing oral on my wife works great. She has not been a fan of receiving, but this could change things. This was something we talked about many episodes ago, the chin trick when you are having oral sex. It was with Charisma. If you want to look up that show, Google Charisma, and she gave a chin. She's been with— she's bisexual, and there was a chin thing she did when she was performing oral sex on a woman that we've got a lot of feedback about, and apparently it works. I should listen to that again. Okay, in response to the question about guys thinking of sex most all the time: yes, I'm thinking of it all the time. Being surrounded in my workplace by many, many hot women of different variety does play a part. No, I'm not a DJ at a club working in a huge government complex that draws employees It draws all kinds of employees, not trashy but classy, and they take care of themselves. Okay, I've recently been receiving hand jobs from my wife. They are excellent. She is great at it and uses this to finish me off after oral. Emily, keep on Menace's case. In my humble opinion, he is off base many times.

Michelle, how am I off base? I speak the truth.

I don't know, Menace.

Everything I say is right.

People love you. I don't know.

And everything you say is wrong, Emily.

Right, exactly. Okay, let's move into some sex tips.

All right. Okay, what are these tips that you speak of?

These are the— these are tips, some tips for women when they're having sex with a man. We do a lot of tips for men, and these are sex tips for women.

Now, did a man write this, um, or was it a woman?

I don't know. Okay, why do you ask?

I just want to see if these are going to be correct or not.

Let's see. This is what I want you to, um, Comment on. Comment on. Number 1: Pop his cork. Try the oral sex technique that's called the screw. As you're moving up his shaft with your mouth, turn your head a bit from side to side, letting your tongue follow a corkscrew pattern. When you get to the frenulum, that part of the shaft just beneath the head, be sure to lick it for a few seconds before moving all the way up to the top. Then repeat. Moving down his shaft. What will drive him wild about this is that you aren't just going up and down, you're also going sideways. It's 3D. And that's from a really good book, The Guide to Getting It On. What do you think about that, Matt? Could you visually go there with me?

That's in pornos. Yeah, that's like a straight porn move, so of course that's gonna work, right?

Yeah. No, not of course. In fact, most of what we see in porn— not most, but a lot of what we see in porn is misinformation.

That's a general porn move right there.

This is a corn— this is a, this is a good porn move, but some women might not know to do this, so do it. But, but we don't— we shouldn't learn all of our techniques from porn is what I'm saying, because a lot of times it's misleading because porn is a visual medium and it's— they're shooting it so it looks good, but it doesn't necessarily mean that it feels good. Let go loudly. When you're sexually excited, really express yourself. Let yourself go into whatever feels really most comfortable. Scream your head off, laugh, shout his name, whatever you have the urge to do. If you're embarrassed, just know that you're doing your partner a favor. The more you express your pleasure, the more you make him feel like a stud of the universe. Bonus: your orgasms will be even more powerful if you let her rip vocally. So that's telling women just to be loud and let it go and not be worried about what he's going to think about you.

If you own a house—

yeah, it's tricky living in the city.

I live in an apartment and I can hear things and I don't want my people that I live around knowing I'm having sex.

So you want to like put a sock in her mouth?

Yeah.

Okay, so this is for people who don't worry what their neighbors think. That women, I think, and men, but men a lot of times too. I love when a guy makes a lot of noise during sex when he's like having his orgasm.

What does he sound like?

Yeah, well, I told you the one guy who's like—

we know about that guy, you talked about him a thousand times. So I want to know What do you like to hear?

I want to hear like, yeah, like that. Like, uh, like that. Are you serious?

Sure.

If— stop it! Not you! I don't want to hear you. Is that what you do? Stop doing that. I bet you don't do anything. What do you do?

No, I don't do that.

What do you do?

I don't know.

Do you make noises though?

I think I do, yeah. You know, I'm not really focused on me. I'm all about the girl, you know?

Right. But I think it's important that women, if they're tripped up— stop doing that. I think that women who are tripped up on like making noise, I think that most men, except for men that I've been with, appreciate.

Yeah, I do too. I'm just playing.

I know. Okay, eyes wide open. Don't close your eyes during sex sometimes. This is a great way to Explore more of the emotional side of intercourse. The emotional side of intercourse. I just thought you'd have a comment about that.

God, I always—

Start by kissing with your eyes open and looking at each other during foreplay. Gradually build up until you can sustain eye contact throughout both of your climaxes. You'll experience your orgasm in a totally different way. It's a revelation. So don't always close your eyes, like make eye contact with each other. I think it's a big one. I like eye contact during sex. I think it's important.

Yes.

Not the whole time. You're not like, argh, staring each other down.

I've tried to make, bring this up a million times, but you never get it because you don't have a television. So I need you to do me a favor. Next time you're hanging out with some dude, mm-hmm, you're like, I know you like classy, good movie documentaries and stuff like that, but you got to do me, do me a solid. Okay, you know, because we've been doing this together for a long time, right? It's one time you're gonna, you're gonna rent a movie. It's called Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

I saw it.

You saw it?

I saw like an airplane or something.

Okay, you need to watch it again.

Why?

Because there's this part when after he breaks up and with his girlfriend, he goes sleeping around and he sleeps with all these different types of girls, right? There's like, there's like sex scenes where it's just like one girl after another, right? And they all act differently, right? And there's this one which has scared the hell out of me where she just stares into his eyes and then she just goes, hi, hi, hi. I think I remember that the entire time, and she's just like staring at him. I hear you're saying it's sexy. It's scary.

No, it's scary. She's psychotic.

I've had that too.

You've had girls say hi to scare you?

Not say hi, but staring, right? I'm like, why? What are they staring at?

Yeah, exactly. But I think that there's something nice to connecting with your eyes open, and then you can shut them again.

You can like look, you know, at each other here and there, but just like straight on—

no, straight on, right?

It's kind of creepy.

I guess so.

A little creepy.

A little creepy.

Everybody Rent That Movie.

Okay, this is one that I think is really good only because— and the next one, I'll rent that movie again. I think I saw it in an airplane. This one really— okay, tantalizing turnaround. Face his legs instead of his face when you're on top. Hold on to his feet for balance. He'll get a great view of your backside. A surefire turn-on. And if his erection points out instead of up, this position will feel incredible to him. Okay, so, um, this is women— this is like the reverse cowgirl.

Yeah.

And my friend, my best friend, does this all the time. She's like this— we talked about this, I think, a few weeks ago, maybe. Did we?

I don't know.

At least I meant to. She does this all the time with guys. She's like, oh, I just turn around, the guys love it, they love it, they love it, they love it, they love it. I never think to do it. And she's like, it's my fa— it's guys' favorite position because they can like watch your butt and see you. What do you think about it?

I think it's a good idea.

You're like, I vote yes on the tantalizing turnaround. But she's just like, oh my God, she'll be with the guy for the first time and she'll be like, I did the turner. Like, to me, that's something you do when you're—

I think guys like that because they can actually see penetration too, right?

Exactly. Exactly.

Can't really see, right?

And that's where they can see it. So that's something that I'm going to try to incorporate more into my lovemaking.

And he could probably make a phone call while they're doing that.

Yeah, I can be like, hey, texting you, right? Exactly. Or I can call you.

Yeah, do it.

Just because Menace called me during sex. I, I've got to give you so much more crap about that.

But why?

Because it's hysterical.

I just proven to you that I'm having sex. I lost my virginity that night. It was the first time I ever had sex.

You missed the show where Menace—

it's show 209.

209. Yeah, Menace Um, my phone rang on a Saturday night and Menace called me and he was having sex and like I listened to him having sex until I realized what I was doing and I hung up the phone, but it was awesome.

So why were you so afraid?

Because it was hysterical. My mouth was like agape. I'm driving home, it was Saturday night at 11 and you're like, and the girl gets on the phone. It was hilarious. Okay. I forget about it sometimes.

I'm just letting you know that I'm doing research for the show.

I appreciate it. Okay. Don't wait to exhale. You can actually use your breath to control your orgasm. With each exhalation, imagine that you're pushing the satisfying sensations throughout your body instead of just letting them build up to the below the waist. When you finally let go, you'll feel the orgasm from head to toe. I like this. So breath is huge with, for women and orgasm. So a lot of times we tend to hold our breaths, but hold our breath, but it's really good if you just, if you inhale and exhale and control your breath with your orgasm and you'll feel it all over your body. You'll feel the orgasm all over your body rather than just below your waist. How's that? Thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com. So you know I'm obsessed with candles, right? Have you ever heard of massage oil candles? Okay, so get this. I always like candles when I'm enjoying a glass of wine with friends, and recently they were over and I lit 3 candles from my new line called Emily and Tony. My skin felt really dry, so I went ahead and poured some of it on my hands. And I gave myself a quick massage. My friends were stunned that I did this and immediately were obsessed. And here's why. See, these candles are really aromatherapy massage oils that when warmed like a candle, they melt into the most luxurious body oil that is super hydrating, leaves your skin feeling and smelling amazing, and it's perfect for massaging your partner or yourself. You can use it during foreplay, and you know me, I'm a firm believer in foreplay. They come in delicious flavors like crème de vanilla, cocoa, and fougère. Not just that, they look great in your home. So help us keep this podcast free. Check them out today at emilyandtony.com. And you're welcome.