SWE: Make Sex Last Longer

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my. Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list. And you know, you really. You really should sign up for our mailing list, because if you. If you never want to miss another Sex with Emily show again, if you want your sex life to improve, your relationship to improve, I'm going to give you everything you need. You just got to go to my website. Plus I give you a report. The five biggest mistakes you're making for men and for women. Anderson. What? Why are you looking at me? Okay. And before I go any further, I must tell you that this show is brought to you by audible.com it's the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 150,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature. For a free audiobook of your choice and a 30 day trial, go to audiblepodcast.com sex with Emily. And I'm telling you, if you're ever in traffic, you're ever really, like, so sick of the radio. I mean, which you shouldn't, because, you know, I'm on the radio, but if I'm not on the radio, you should download a book, people. Educate yourself. It's so great. Download your free1AudiblePodcast.com SexWithemily okay. Hi, Anderson. What up?

What up?

How you doing? It's great to see you.

It's good to see you, Ems. I love you.

I love you.

They were talking badly about. No, I shouldn't say badly about you, but they were suggesting that you would bang Michael Catherwood even though he has a wife. On Loveline the other night. And I came to your defense and I said, how dare both of you.

Who said that?

Dr. Drew.

Dr. Drew said that I would bang Mike Catherwood if he didn't have a wife.

Even if he does have a wife.

If he has a wife.

Yeah. And so did Michael. Catherine.

How did that come up?

I don't know.

Anderson, you cannot start. You can't.

I don't remember.

Man, I don't listen to that show.

It's such a dude thing. I don't know. I just heard half of it. Women, we need to know everything. If you talked about me, you tell me.

Remember when you did the show last week with just Drew?

Yes.

And he kept talking about how different you are. He has it in his head that you're obsessed with Mike. And you. You. You're a different person. When Mike's around.

No, I was just better because Mike talks the whole goddamn time.

I totally agree.

I'm like, there. I'm like, oh, I can actually talk.

That's what I said.

This is not my show. I'm not gonna take over. I'm the guest co host.

I went on and I said, to be fair to Emily. She said, actually verbatim. Mike just talks nonstop, and I have to sit there and listen.

You said that in there?

Yeah, it was pretty good.

Oh, Jesus. Thanks. But Dr. Drew thinks I'm obsessed with Mike.

He likes to live vicariously through. To me, what that means is that Drew wants you to be obsessed with him, and he's living vicariously through Mike.

Oh, I bet you're right. I'm more obsessed. If I had to sleep with anyone, they're both married. Someone asked me this last week on the show. I would sleep with both of them at a different time. It depends what kind of mood I'm in. But anyway.

Is it like a red or white wine type thing?

Exactly. Who now knows what happened that day? That's very funny. I love when they talk about me. I'm not here. And talk about things that I would do that are immoral. Today's show is gonna be awesome. Anderson, anything happened to you this week sexually that you'd like to share?

Nope.

God damn it. Plain and normal, all these people don't want to share anything.

Okay, well, I should have had me 10 years ago. I would have been. I would have been a party.

Where the hell were you? I mean, seriously, it would have been so helpful. Okay, I've got to say this. Also, I have a special guest sitting here. It is Jeff Abraham. Hi, Jeff.

How are you doing?

Oh, we are so happy that you're here. This took a while to get to here because Jeff is. Jeff started a company called Promescent. You guys have heard me talk about it in the show. But there's a really important reason why I have him here today, because. Okay, so Promescent, as you've all heard me say, is a new treatment for premature ejaculation which afflicts one in three men at some point in their lives, and not just when they're teenagers. People think it's always the young guys, right? And it's everyone. And so it's FDA approved and it's coming up fast. Like, we had a huge article. There was a huge article about you guys.

Msnbc, msnbc, that got picked up by the Associated Press. So it pretty much went viral. It was everywhere.

And why do you think all the hype this time? And we've been talking, we know this, but it's just like they're finally just realized, like, oh, my God, this is like, we can actually help people with this.

I think two reasons. Number one, the medical credibility with all the key opinion leaders that are behind it was a big step that got us into msnbc. Jane Wells, who does a lot of work for msnbc and she's a very credible journalist. So I think the factor of the medical, the physicians behind it got us in front of Jane Wells. And when Jane Wells says something, it's not like people go, she might be advertising, she might be affiliated with it. She's a financial expert evaluating companies. And she saw the market and the need for a product and then saw the traction we had gained. So it went really, really well. She was very impressed by the company, the product, and she did her homework. She talked to physicians, talked to people who used it. So it came across as very well researched and it was very thorough.

Yeah, it was very thorough. And it was maybe the first time that a lot of people had ever heard about it. Because a lot of times people we've talked about this in the show that, you know, that people are treated. Men are given antidepressants which have horrible side effects, or, you know, they're told, like, do all these different things which they just don't do or doesn't work. And so this is amazing. So congratulations to you for all this. And today we're going to be talking about some tricks. You and I are both in the penis business. I mean, I also do, you know, other than I deal with vaginas too. But we are, we're about helping people, you know, have better sex. I actually have a new ball lotion, as you know, about, which I'm going to give you a copy of. Did I give you any yet?

You have not given me yet.

Oh, my God. Okay. It's called Down under comfort. Go to emilyandtony.com because a lot of men, not only are they premature ejaculating, but they don't smell so great down there. They're not fresh, they're not dry, and it's super clean and fresh. And it's a cream to tapioca powder formula. People can buy it at emilyandtoni.com use coupon code EMILY. And I was thinking on my. Over here, anyway, we're both like helping men with their penis. How funny that, like, I mean, I talk about penises in all different ways, but that I Actually created a product. And you created a product.

Correct.

Because the penis runs the world, really. Not even the vagina, although it kind of should and sort of repressed, suppressed. But it really is the penis, so it figures. There's so much happening for it.

We have a product that is primarily for the penis, obviously, but I call it a relationship product because, let's face it.

Oh, my God, a man can't perform.

In a lot of cases, the woman is more profoundly affected than the man. If a man prematurely ejaculates, he still does ejaculate. The woman is like, excuse me, I'm over here.

Well, that's the thing.

Yeah.

Okay. Don't even get me started. I dated someone for way too long who was a premature ejaculator. It was a long time ago. I just say that to protect the innocent. No, but this really was a long time ago. But I dated him for a long time because it was like. I mean, at least he was one of those guys who premature ejaculated who understood that, okay, I can't please you. I'm working on it. But he never really did. But I'm. But, I mean, I can't. I can't. I'm gonna. I'm gonna come to a clue, but I'm gonna please you. So he was very good at that. And so that was fine. And I was busy, and I didn't really care that much, to be honest, because sex was not my focus then. But anyway, I know that it's so. So many women this happens to, and they're. They're like. And I feel like the funny thing is that every guy's like, oh, this never happens. I swear. You know, that's the first thing they always say. But then it's like. It's really, like. It can be so traumatic for women because. Because they don't want to make the guy feel bad, because they already feel bad, but then they're not getting their needs met. And so this is really something promescent that they can buy for their partner. Be like, hey, babe, I just found that, like, doesn't have to be a big thing. Like, you're premature, decolleting, freaking me out. It's kind of like, oh, look what I just read. This could be cool. Try.

I tell women all the time that the best way to approach this is not to say to a man, you're deficient. Not to say to a man, you're not pleasing me. You suggest it, maybe even conjunction with a toy or something else, and go, our love life Is great. Let's make it supersonic. I love making it supersonic. Let's make it ultra. Take it to the next level. Because that's much easier for a man to accept in place of looking at him and going, you're deficient. You're not satisfying me.

Men, I think, can't handle it worse than women can.

It's hard. A lot of a man's. His ego and his self esteem is, you know, if a man is satisfying his woman, he feels better about himself.

Exactly, exactly.

And, you know, one thing that you and I have discussed this before is I can't tell you how many times I've been in a situation with a couple, and they'll go, what do you do? And we start talking about it, and I'm very open about it, of course. And the guy goes, oh, we don't need that. And five minutes later, the woman goes, you have a sample of that you can give me to take home? And if that's happened once, it's happened a hundred times.

Exactly, exactly. No, no, honey, you're fine. Come here, Jeff.

It's funny because when I took over the company, I demanded complete control because I thought that we really didn't have a focus on what we needed to do. And one of the things I told people was we need to focus on women as much as men. And people go, well, it's a man. I go, but it profoundly affects a woman. And for the first year, all we did was go to urologist. We developed a pharmaceutical sales force, so it was almost all men buying the product. Then we got some exposure. We were featured on Dr. Oz. 50% of our sales for the next two months were women. Women saw it and went, because a woman will suffer in silence. Because if she doesn't feel there's a real answer, why bring it up and create more anxiety if there's no product available? Why would you go, well, you're not satisfying me. This isn't good. If you go, there's nothing. But if all of a sudden she goes, wait a second, there's something out there that works, then she's going to spring into action and go, we're going to get this.

Because men are always the last ones to get help for this kind of thing.

They don't want to talk to the.

Doctor, they don't want to talk to their partner.

And the wife is like, let's go to the doctor. It's a cold. I'll shake it off.

I mean, they don't want to deal with it.

They don't want to deal with it.

So what would they do without women? I just don't understand. Or their other partners.

Another thing you'll find really interesting in talking to urologists and gynecologists, you know, because we do with both in our business. Do you know urologists don't ask a man, how was your sex life?

I know.

You know why? Because every man's going to go, I'm a porn star. Of course. That's great. Every gynecologist or obgyn, when you go in, women want to talk, how's your sex life? They discuss it openly. And we need to get to the point in our society where we drop that guard and go, this is an issue that's important in my life, if I have it. And even urologists will tell us that. The PE question is, oh, by the way, they'll be in there for 20 minutes with urologists. They go through the prostate, they go through urine, everything. Then the guy's leaving, hand on the door, they go to leave, oh, by the way, do you have anything for. They're almost embarrassed. And it's that last ditch thing. Oh, they're forcing themselves to ask the question.

Exactly. And doctors, they get no training inside. They have like one day of like, of their 10 years of medical school and residency. They're like, have one class in sex. So that's why I think I have millions of listeners to this show. Because they have no goddamn other place to turn.

That's exactly. They have no other place to turn.

So true. Okay, Jeff, we're gonna get into more penis stuff and vagina stuff soon, but I also have to. We have a little bit of sex in the news that we do on the show so we can talk about some sex in the news, which the first story actually has to do with the penis as well. Oral sex. No, this is for women. Actually, it's about oral sex. It's for women. Oral sex cures morning sickness. Pregnant women have used natural remedies such as a teaspoon of ginger or mint to help battle morning sickness. But now one medical professional believes you can add oral sex to that. So there's a. Gordon Gallup, a psychologist at SUNY Alabama, said the best way to cure morning sickness during pregnancy is sperm. So they can a better way to get your girlfriend to give you more oral sex. So it's basically they're saying that Gallup has been finding that the woman's body will initially reject the father's semen as an infection and react to it by vomiting. So they need to. It should be the sperm of the person that got you pregnant. And if you have their sperm, you will be less likely to have morning sickness. I believe there was just a bunch of men who were sitting around who made up this study. So they get moral sex.

I didn't want to say anything, but I was gonna say that sounds like a guy made that up.

Yeah, that's what I think, too.

And women would look at it and.

Go, I don't even believe it. Like, I was like, is this really. Is this really? But I love oral sex stories. So I just have, like, my assistant collect me all the oral sex stories. But wait, if it helps a woman. I mean, because they know a lot of men when their wife's pregnant, they're not necessarily getting the action they deserve. So. Okay, so another oral sex story couple gets fined for oral sex on a plane. Apparently, this is legal. Okay. And it was on the way to Vegas, which is not a surprise. Doesn't necessarily stay. Okay, so apparently what happens on the way to Vegas doesn't necessarily stay there. A couple fined $250 for allegedly engaging in oral sex in front of other passengers on a commercial allegiant flight from Med for Oregon to Las Vegas. So apparently, according to the FBI, passengers on the flight saw Martin exposing his genitals and twice joining Strobl and oral sex and other acts, despite warnings by the flight attendants. They were allegedly asked to stop by an attendant and did so during the drink and snack service. So I just don't understand. Like, aren't there people sitting next to you? Is it more like they're getting a thrill? Probably.

It had to be for the thrill. But there's a screaming baby in the seat in the perspective next to you now, doesn't it?

Exactly.

I mean, that makes that a lot less offensive. Having a baby crying next to you is having some guy getting worked. You know, I mean, personally, I'd be offended by that. I mean, go in the restroom or wait until you get to Vegas.

I would be so offended, too.

But what was his name?

You know him?

I'm wondering if he's Swedish maybe.

Oh, because the Swedes can masturbate in public?

Maybe he thought he was on Swedish air.

Oh, that's a good point.

As long as you don't make eye contact, you can be beat off all you like anywhere.

That's a new law.

You're kidding me.

No, no. Tell Anderson it's a new law.

It's a true, true story. In Sweden where a guy was like, he was Charged with beating off in public and I don't know what they would even call it.

Well, masturbation.

Masturbation or indecency. And a judge ruled that it was okay, he's free to go. Because he didn't make eye contact with anyone on the beach.

Yeah, he was on the beach. And apparently if you don't make eye contact, you can mess whatever the hell you want. You could be at the friggin Safeway or the Walgreens.

Doesn't matter.

Whatever they call in Sweden. But if you're not making eye contact with anyone when you're walking down the toilet paper aisle, you're fine.

Big news for people with like a wandering eye. You know what I mean?

Exactly. They're like, damn, you'll have to wear some kind of blinders or something. So yeah, that was a big sex in the news story last week. Just wanted to share that with you. Okay. And we also have. We have a few emails to read too, Jeff. And we might get some calls. So here's the new thing, peeps if you're listening. This happens to be in your time zone every single Thursday night from 9 to 9:30.

Let's go. 8:30.

They were working 30 didn't work at 4 8:30.

I made some phone calls and they're working now.

Why didn't we talk about this? Okay, people better.

You're right.

When I get here, I don't listen because I'm talking, so I can't listen.

That's true. She's always talking.

Okay, listen. That's what I do for a living. It works every Thursday night from 8:30 to 9:30. You can call and we will answer your question directly right on the air. You can get direct access to me and whoever is here with me. And it's. The number is 800-Love-191. But you can only call between 8:30 9:30 Pacific Standard Time. Otherwise you can't leave messages. No one will talk to you after that. So you got to do it at that time, which is exciting. So that could be happening. Okay, so.

Here'S another. Here's the first email. Dear Emily, the man I really like told me he can't come during sex or foreplay. However, if he masturbates, he does, he is pretty embarrassed about it. How do I show him it's nothing to be embarrassed about and that he can and that he hasn't met the right person yet. Thanks, Lucy. Have you ever heard this stuff? A man who can't ejaculate, but he.

Can Ejaculate during masturbation, but not with a woman.

Called delayed ejaculation.

Yeah, there is a syndrome, but the physicians I've been in contact with, it's pretty consistent during masturbation and being a little. I've never heard of it. Where you could ejaculate individually but not with a woman.

Right, Exactly. I've heard, like, different scenarios, but I think a lot of it is because if he has done it during masturbation, however, if he masturbates. He does. First of all, we don't know if this is true. He might just be telling her that.

I was gonna say because you would think that you'd have a heightened sense of arousal being with a woman as opposed to being by yourself.

Exactly.

I mean, just from personal experience, I would rather be with a woman. It's a little more enticing.

A lot of men, and I'm not saying that there isn't some medical causes to this, but I do think a lot of times it can be psychological. Like they think, oh, no, it's going to happen or it's not going to happen. Is it going to happen? Is it going to happen? Just like a lot of women with orgasms, they're like. They, like, have those freak outs where they talk themselves out of it because they think about it too much. But, you know, there is also, you know, some medical components to it. But I think, Lucy, that.

I guess he doesn't have anything to be embarrassed about if you're okay with it. That's the thing. If you're fine with it. Not that he would ever have to be embarrassed, but he shouldn't be upset if you're totally fine with it. But what you added at the end there was. He hasn't met the right person yet, Lucy. And I don't think that that's necessarily the case. I'll bet this is just something that happens to him when he's having intercourse. I don't think it means that he hasn't met the right person yet. I doubt that, Lucy. So don't be talking. I don't know if she's, like, talking herself out, thinking she can't please him, or she's not the one who's gonna get him there. Because I don't necessarily. I don't think that's the case. I don't in a lot of these cases, not like he's gonna meet one woman and then he's gonna, you know, ejaculate all.

Yeah, exactly. I don't think it. Any individual vagina would make that much difference to the guy.

Exactly. If he's like, you know, like, searching high and low for the perfect vagina, it's not gonna happen. So. But if he masturbates, another thing you guys can do. Lucy, if you really like this guy and you're together, why not mutual masturbation? I. I think that mutual masturbation is a great way for couples to learn about each other's bodies in such an instructive, effect efficient way. Because you're lying there next to each other. He's masturbating. Your master. He's seeing what turns you on. You're seeing what turns him on. It's, you know, and it's. And you can still be kissing and touching, mutually masturbating. So it's kind of a win. Win.

What better way to find out what pleases a person than to watch themselves?

Right?

I think they're gonna do exactly what they feel best doing.

Exactly.

And you can learn from that.

I absolutely agree. I think that that's why I always tell couples it's a great learning tool. Like, do it early on. Like, why? Just keep guessing. If you're with someone, do it. Like, early relationship. And it's fun and it's hot. Like, I know that I enjoy watching someone masturbate, and I'm sure a lot of men enjoy the same things.

Being a guy, for some reason, you have a much heightened sense of arousal watching a woman, then you feel almost weird about doing it yourself, right?

Exactly. You feel weird doing it yourself if she's doing it?

No.

Oh.

But I would feel weird doing it if she was just there watching me. But if the two of us together.

It wouldn't be together. Exactly. I think that's great because we all think we're making weird faces and doing weird things, but we're kind of. If you're both doing it your internal thing, but you still kind of pay attention, but you're not judging. You're just paying attention for deep. Yeah, it's perfect. It's a win. Win. It's actually one of my favorite sex tips to tell people what they should do. Okay, so, dear Emily, I've never been able to have an orgasm with penetration. I can only have an orgasm with clitoral stimulation. I've tried finding my G spot, but I can't. I've used toys, read books. Is there something wrong with me? Or do some women just not have orgasm through penetration alone? Okay, Lauren, here's the deal. 75% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. So there's nothing wrong with you. Just make sure that you're getting plenty of it during sex.

By being, like, on top. A lot of times when women are top, they can get more clitoral stimulation. And you can also, like, rub your, rub your clitoris with your fingers or use a vibrator during sex. I love, as you all know, the Je Jou. Mimi. Mimi, Go to Good Vibes.

Use coupon code Emily, get a discount. But it's, it's a great one because you can hold in the palm of your hand, it looks like a pebble. Like literally like a stone. And you just can put it there. And no, it's not like one of those obtrusive vibrators. He's gonna freak out. Looks like his penis, it's probably bigger than his penis, and he's upset. It's like you just using your clitor, so there's nothing wrong with you. Now, about finding your G spot, I'd keep looking. It sometimes takes a while. I feel like you're doing all the right things and you're using toys because there are specific G spot toys. You can also find those at Good Vibes. But you're saying that. Is it something wrong with you that you, you can't have orgasm? Hold on a minute. Is there anything wrong with me? Or do some women just have orgasm? So I'm not sure if you haven't found it during penetration, Is that what you're saying? Because that's normal too. A lot of women can't have an orgasm. Even if you can find your G spot and have an orgasm during masturbation, it's harder during penetration. So just keep looking and keep going at it and don't overthink it. Seriously, I think you might be thinking, am I going to find it? Am I going to find it? But you'll find it eventually. Not every single woman's gonna, like, have amazing G spot orgasms. I'm telling you. It's kind of a bummer. Some do, some don't. It's the luck of the draw. You know what I'm saying? We can't, can't be, can't guess what we're gonna be born with. But I'm sure you have other gifts. If you can't have a G spot orgasm, you probably have other fine things going on in your life. So. Okay. Thanks, Lauren, for writing. And everyone, when you do, email me feedbackexwithelmy.com make sure that you tell me where you're calling from, where you're Writing from. I wanna know where you live and I also want to know how you listen to the show. How do you consume sex with Emily? There's a great app you can download for your smartphone, a stitcher app. It's called S T I T C H E R for free at any smartphone. And I just love them because it's so easy. You can listen to any podcast on your smartphone when you're driving anything. Like there's thousands of podcasts, so that's like a really easy way. So let me know. Okay. So Emily. Dear Emily, huge fan of the show. I've been dating this girl for a while and I've been building up the courage to ask her to dominate me in the bedroom. I. How do I go about this without making her think of me as less of a man? She's very open to new ideas, but I still haven't found a way to bring it up in conversation. Thanks so much for your time, Mark. That's a tough one for men to bring it up. I want you to dominate me, especially if you're with a woman who is a submissive as well. But a lot of women will get turned on that she knows that that's something that you want. Have you ever. Well, that's not. I don't know. You don't talk about your own sex life. Anderson. Do you like being dominated by your wife?

That'd be very strange.

Why?

It would just be weird.

It just wouldn't turn you on.

She's not a dominating type of figure to begin with.

Okay.

And if all of a sudden like she was playing roles, I've never understood the role playing at all.

Right.

Maybe I will later.

Maybe later you're gonna be what?

Ice T?

Yeah.

Akee and Coco came in here years ago and they were talking about how like he put her on the corner and pretend like he had never seen her before. And like he'd get in his car and he'd drive around the block and be like, yo, baby, wanna get in the car?

And that's how they had to have sex.

They got to that point. Yeah, yeah.

A lot of couples, they need to role play, they need to do that. So I would, this is how I would start it, Mark. I would say and do you have anything to say on this topic? Do you have any male friends like this or. I don't know if you want to talk about yourself.

Oh, I'm totally open about talking because I have to be so driven, work wise and everything else. I find it, I don't mind A mutually.

When you like reverse roles, dominates, you dominate.

But being totally dominated, I guess I'd have to have that defined. I mean, if someone like tied me up and started beating me.

Right.

I would have an issue with that.

Right, exactly.

But someone being aggressive and taking the lead, I have no issue with that whatsoever.

This is the thing, Mark, I think that you're overthinking it because here's the thing. A lot of men, the number one complaint I hear from men, one of the number one complaints besides premature ejaculation is that they, is that women don't initiate sex enough. And I think what they mean by that is that not only doesn't my partner initiate sex, but she also doesn't like, like she doesn't, she doesn't show me what she likes. She doesn't, she doesn't ever take control. And maybe they even want to be dominated a little bit.

I think if you're in a long term relationship and a woman never initiates sex, a man will eventually get the feeling like she's just acquiescing to him and basically doing it as a duty as opposed to really enjoying it and initiating it.

Exactly.

A woman initiating it lets a man know that he's desirable.

Exactly. And I think that you can let her know that. Be kind of fun if she took over and maybe you could give her a little. You start talking about what she wants first. Say, hey, how do you think? How do you like our sex life? Anything you've ever want to try, what's your fantasy? Get her start talking first and then you can let her know your fantasy and then, you know, who knows what's going to happen. But communication is a lubrication and so you need to talk to your partner about this. So asap. Mark, don't wait. People stay in relationships so long and they don't talk about any of this stuff.

We find a lot, that, we get a lot of emails and I talk to a lot of our, you know, consumers and the number one issue is communication. Absolutely. Lack of communication.

Exactly, exactly. People just do not, they don't bring up whatever, whatever, whatever issues or whatever's going on. Like she wants more foreplay, he wants more this or that doesn't matter. And they don't know how to talk about it.

I think I told you the story about a woman in Colorado that I was on Playboy radio and she heard it and she called in and then she bought product and then sent an email saying, I heard your CEO and it got forwarded to me and she had her contacts. So I sent her an email. We started talking, and she told me that our product saved her marriage. And here's the interesting thing. She said that she really felt that her husband had tuned her out and that her husband basically was robotic during their intimacy. And she was really to the point where she was ready to leave. It turns out she bought the product, she introduced it into the relationship, and it turned their entire relationship around. It turned out that he was so robotic because he had a. A tendency to premature ejaculate. So his way of dealing with it was not to experience pleasure, was to literally think about baseball scores, think about his grandmother naked, think about anything. So he was there trying not to ejaculate. So she read his body language and his mood and felt that he wasn't into her. So then she turned off and started thinking about laundry, taking the kids to school the next day. So over a period of two years. I call it the layering effect.

Yes.

They literally were playing off one another to the point where they had distance and had no intimacy in their relationship. She ordered it because she saw it on Dr. Oz and then heard me on the radio. And then I guess she saw it on Dr. Oz, but wasn't quite sure, then heard me on Playboy radio and then bought it and said that it opened up a whole new world for them. And you have no idea how satisfying that is for the employees of our company to go, we changed somebody's life. We saved someone's marriage. And it was a case of somebody reading someone else's response instead of talking to them, assuming he's not into me. So she basically turns off. Then he even gets worse because he goes, my wife isn't being pleasured by me, and they are ready to split up. And the issue was him sitting there trying not to ejaculate.

Yeah, exactly. That is so true.

I call it layering.

It's layering. It's layering. They don't even remember where it started or what happened. And then it feeds off each other, and they don't even know what the issue is. And now. Right. That's amazing.

She's been a reference for a couple of the articles that were written for us.

Oh. I mean, I hear people all the time because I've been talking about Promesa for months. Cause I was so amazed when we met, and I was like, really? Because this is like, every person has had an issue with this at some point in their life or for their entire life, and they just. And it's not even premature. Ejaculation it's that some guys, like we're saying, like premature ejaculations like this defined 1 minute, 2 minutes, but some guys just want to last longer than 8 minutes or 10 minutes.

I can tell you this, and I've talked to thousands of people, and when I first decided to invest in the company, because I was an investor before I was the CEO of this company, that there's not a man on this planet that at some time in his life hasn't been in a relationship where he was cognizant of the fact of trying not to ejaculate too quickly. Never. Okay. Anyone who says they've never been in that situation is not telling the truth.

Exactly.

And even if you have satisfactory relationships, our tagline is make love longer. I tell people, I'd love to change it to make love with reckless abandon. But a lot of medical professionals go, wait a second, it's a little too edgy. Because there's a lot of times that a man is able to last long enough to his woman climaxes, but he's switching positions. You know, he's thinking about other things. He's slowing down, stopping. There's something called the arousal gap that physicians are very well aware of. The average man during intercourse lasts right around 6 minutes, 5 minutes and 58 seconds. The average woman during intercourse takes 19 minutes to achieve climax. That's called the arousal gap. The way people get around that extended foreplay, thinking about, you know, baseball scores, you know, stopping, starting. All these different coping mechanisms come into play for people to have a satisfactory relationship. Wouldn't it be great if you didn't need to do that? If you could really make love with reckless abandon and totally enjoy your partner?

Right. Well, it'd be amazing. I mean, I think we're so many in our heads so many times, and that men. This plagues them for their entire life unless they get some promescent.

Absolutely. And there's a lot of women that are unsatisfied or couples that aren't really reaching a full degree of intimacy because they're so careful. They're so careful to make sure that I don't go before you do. I gotta make sure this happens. And to take that out of the equation, like I said, and just bring more passion into the relationship is a very positive thing.

Exactly. I mean, because already people are so many times, in their mind too much during sex thinking about the to do list, or women are thinking, am I going to orgasm? There's already so much going on that are preventing people. If you've got like a real serious thing like this has been going on in your life and you've always thought that you ejaculated too quickly and you really. Yeah. Not only can you be instant, you can't connect with your partner because your mind is racing. Like thinking about baseball. Like the funny video. We did a really funny video on this. So good.

I love that video.

Sex with emily.com. go to my YouTube channel, Sex with Emily and then subscribe to it and check out this funny video of a bunch of guys talking about what they're actually thinking about during sex. And it's not how you look. Well, you know what?

Urologist will tell you that 20% of ED is actually misdiagnosed PE because if a man has PE for an extended period of time, he will eventually have erectile dysfunction because he knows intimacy won't lead to a satisfactory ending. So he eventually develops psychosis and erectile dysfunction, knowing that if he does get aroused, it won't end satisfactorily. So eventually PE will lead to ED. So even 20% of the ED market is misdiagnosed PE?

Yeah. That's amazing.

It's amazing.

That is just. And then they're given Viagra, right?

Well, the interesting thing, last year Viagra cells of did $8 billion in sales. And urologists will tell you that the PE market is 30% larger than the ED market.

Really?

Yes.

Yeah. I mean, you've told me this, but I can't. It seems to me that like this is just such a no brainer, that if it really is large, it's because it's misdiagnosed too.

It's misdiagnosed. Another thing that it's frustrating and we run into this all the time. We've been occasions in the past where we're going to have this major media outlet, it's going to be on a big radio show or television show. The last minute some producer goes, oh, this isn't a topic for this particular show. And I ask you, would not talking about insulin for diabetics be taboo? Would not talking about chemotherapy for cancer patients be taboo? Why in 2013, when PE is a recognized disease state, that many people suffer from a physical affliction? People are so paranoid about mentioning something that can really help so many people.

It's a real medical problem.

It's a real medical problem. It's a recognized disease state by the American Urological Association.

Exactly. I don't understand. Because America is.

And it's people like you and people like Jane Wells and people like Dr. Oz, that, you know, really give me hope that there are some people that aren't so puritanical that they're going to penalize millions of people because their own views.

We're trying. That's what we're doing. We're trying to get the message out there. Just because we want everyone to have better sex. So, so do you think that. That not lasting long enough in bed is. Is one of guys biggest insecurities, would you say, besides the size of their penis?

It's absolutely. There's no question about it. And if you go to a urologist, that's exactly. I have to satisfy my woman. I have to, I have to make my woman finish first.

I always wonder how many chances a guy gets before a woman will call it quits. Think about how many guys are like, God, she's gonna break up with me. Or they like even try because they're afraid that they're gonna ejaculate. You know, it's like, it really ruins so many men.

The anxiety after a while, I think would drive a man. And we hear this all the time, people find our product. They go, I had been asexual for five years. I quit having sex because I did not want to be in a position of disappointing my woman.

Right. It's sad. It's really, really sad. So are there any. So, yeah, right. So I was wondering, are there any mental tricks? Like what about all the mental tricks that people think to last? Like we're saying think about baseball or. I mean, it's so like we were saying, like there really isn't. Like people talk about the stop start method or think about something else. But to me that's just like disingenuine and not really.

If you really have a physiological issue, you can think about baseball, you can think about your grip. Nothing is going to change that. You know, if you literally have some anxiety, you May last another 10 seconds or 20 seconds. It's not going to help. And one of the problems is this problem is so severe and for many years there was no solution. Like you said, SSRIs, Serotonin.

Let's talk about that for a second.

How ridiculous is it that you're taking Prozac or Paxil for pe? So you have pe. Now here's the alternative. Now those do make the ejaculatory response delay. So they do have that desired effect. But you have dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, loss of libido, suicidal thoughts. You go, wait a second. The side effects are worse than what.

I'm treating So bad you're taking a pill. This is just. I mean, in profession we should.

Systemic too.

Exactly.

You know, it's not like you're in a situation where something like this is topical. You apply. Right. Only when you're intimate. If you take an SSRI, it has to be in your system for 30 days before it's even effective. Even if you're intimate once a month, you have to be on it every single day, all day.

And that's the only other cure solution that doctors. Doctors think.

And doctors don't want to use it because of all the potential liability and side effects.

Exactly. And I've heard so many nightmares from guys who have taken it, like so many bad side effects, but they're taking it for that. One thing I need to talk about real quickly is that this podcast is brought to you by audible.com, it's the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 150,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature and featuring audio versions of many of the New York Times bestsellers. So for my listeners, my Sex with Emily listeners, you people, you get a free audiobook from Audible. You get a chance to try out their service. You can download your choices, you can access them on your PC, burn them on CDs, upload on your iPods or MP3 devices, and it's quick and easy and fun and affordable and entertainment for all. Ideas. And I've sort of been obsessed with Audible lately because since I moved to Los Angeles, I'm always in my car and I'm always driving. And I'm just like, sometimes I just want to listen to something. Like, there's all. I have a million books right at my house. I'm dying to read. And I just think, you know what? I'm just gonna listen to it as I'm driving. And it makes the life go by. And I just, sometimes I find myself like, I don't get, like, I take. I'm listening to it all day. Like, I'm shopping. I'll list my books. So I think that, like a great book to consider. If you guys have not read Sex at Dawn yet. Is an amazing book. It's. I think it's one of the most important books about human sexuality that's ever been written since the Kinsey Reports. It talks about, like, long term fidelity, why it can be so difficult for a lot of people, because I get a lot of emails people because they don't understand, like, it's about monogamy, all this stuff, or 50 shades of gray. This is what I tell about. 50 shades of gray is a book that your girlfriend or your wife is reading. Are you ever curious, as a dude, what the hell does that book say? And why are women freaking out about it? If you want to have better sex with your partner, why don't you read it? Better yet, you listen to it, Download it. Audible. It's audiblepodcast.com sexwithemily. That's audiblepodcast.com sex with Emily. And you get a free audiobook of your choice. It's free. Free. So want to do it? Okay. It's gonna change your life. I promise. Okay. Anyway, back to Jeff and promescent, our penis talk. We really like talking about penis here. So antidepressants. No. If your doctor tells you take antidepressants, anything other than the fact that you're depressed, don't take them. So let's describe exactly how probescent works. It's so funny. My entire, like, trunk is filled with promescent bottles. Jeff sent me a bunch. I'm like, oh, my God. Everyone I talk to, like, I'm like, do you know anyone? Like, my trunk is, like, filled with sex stories and other things. I'm like, this is great. So let's explain how it actually works.

I'll explain exactly how it works. The basic premise that makes promescent effective is a eutectic formula that takes lidocaine from a crystalline to an oil aqueous form. When it's crystalline, it can't penetrate the stratum corneum. That's the outer layer of the skin. And what you want to do is get to the sensory nerves underneath, because if it doesn't, then it sits on the surface, the man is numb, and it transfers to the female and makes her numb as well. If you can get the lidocaine into an oil aqueous form, it penetrates the stratum cornea, and within 10 minutes, it's gone. So the man maintains a much higher degree of surface sensitivity.

So he's still sensitive. People hear numb, and they're like, what?

No, exactly. What it does is it goes to the sensory nerves underneath. So the man maintains a much higher degree of surface sensitivity, but there's zero transference to the female body.

Yeah, she's not getting.

She's not even aware.

No, she doesn't even know you're doing it. You don't have to tell her. It's a little bottle.

That's exactly. That's what made this product, the unique product and the success that it was because there were Other lidocaine prilocane based products, but you literally would use them and you go, well, it's extending the actual lovemaking. You have to look down and go, am I even having sex? Everybody's numb. I don't know what's going on here. It's like an aerobics class. I'm moving, but I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not feeling anything. So it was developed by a Dr. Ronald Gilbert in Newport Beach. He was actually, that's how I got involved with the company. He was a good friend of mine and my urologist and he actually asked me to evaluate the company and possibly invest in it. And I did. One thing led to another and I ended up taking over the company. So the credit goes to him. He developed this technology because as a urologist he was frustrated because his, you know, if someone came in with prostate issues, he had an answer. If someone came in with ED issues, he had an answer. If someone came in with bladder issues, he had an answer. Every urologist will tell you, my toughest patients are PE patients. I had no answer for them. I see him every four to five months. Doc, what do you have? And they go, I was so frustrated. And so it was almost like I dreaded them coming in. Not because I didn't like them, because I had no answer for them. And now we just passed. The only way to get on this list. It's not a doctor tells us it's not, you know, we think or the only way to get on this list is if someone buys product from our website and then lists a doctor. There's a customer survey form. We just passed 1000 different doctors in North America that someone has bought product on our site and listed a specific doctor. A thousand unique separate doctors. Now we sell through pharmacies and everything else and only 40% of people fill out that form. So you can imagine it must be 2000 or 3000 people that their first line therapy for PE is promescent in North America.

That's amazing.

It's amazing. And that's in two years.

That's in two years you've done this.

Yeah.

Wow.

So physicians, this is no secret among physicians, right?

And they just gotta just. And everyone. So yeah, if you have this issue, you might want to ask your doctor about it too.

Doctors know about it. It's no big secret. We go to the AUA conventions, we go to smsna. In fact, we're going in November. Sexual Medicine Society of North America in New Orleans. And the last couple times We've been there. We have more traffic in our booth than the big billion dollar pharma companies. Everyone knows who they are. That's established technology. People go, okay, I've seen that a million times. They go, what's this? And people go, oh, there's something for pe. Oh, I'm going there.

I just can't believe. It almost seems like I can't believe it hasn't even been around before. I feel like there hasn't been a cure before. There hasn't been a cure.

Cure. One of the things that I constantly am amazed at, you know, coming from the semiconductor industry. I was a semiconductor professional. That's what I did. And I retired, didn't know that, that you can have these billion dollar pharma companies that have all these ED drugs, you know, because let's face it, Viagra, Salvitra, every one of those is made by, whether it's Lilly or Pfizer, GlaxoSmithKline, billion, multi billion dollar companies. Anyone who makes a product for ED is fully aware of the need for something for pe. You can't be in one without the other because all the doctors, how did this go unfulfilled for 20 years when these ED drugs were around? And then a little doctor in Newport Beach, California develops the cure. It's amazing. I'm glad it happened that way. But it never ceases to amaze me.

This is right, right?

How does that happen?

I don't know, because this is like every day it's so under your nose and then you just. I don't know what happens. He was a good guy, he's a great guy. And even now he was devoted and committed and he's like, this is a problem. That's how you reinvent things.

He was a healer.

There has to be a solution.

He did not develop product to monetize it. He did not develop this because he wanted to be rich. He was frustrated that he had patients that he had nothing for. And he was that kind of a guy that he was devoted to helping his patients. And here's what, you know, transpired out of it was this great product. But it never ceases to amaze me that for 20 years this, this need was unfulfilled. And we're in talks right now with four or five major pharma companies that now they're all these guys have it. Okay, we want it.

Of course they do.

Exactly. But it's hilarious because they say to me, it would have taken us $50 million to develop this product and do what you did. And we did it. 1.5 million.

Yeah. That's amazing that you did that, because.

They have all this bureaucracy. They have all these layers. And, you know, I'm the CEO of the company, but I work our interactive chat form on the site for an hour a week. I need to talk to the people using the product. If we see something that's needed, we make a decision, we do it. We don't have to run it up. 50 layers of management.

Yeah, that's good. Yeah, exactly. And I love that you do that. You're so committed to it. And you hear from all. You hear. You hear from all different types.

Right.

People. And you say that most of your order people reorder. Right. Like, you haven't.

Our reorder rate's insane. We just instituted this cart that now tracks all that, like, 18 months ago. We have people that have ordered 12 times, 11 times, 10 times. We have over 4,000 identified repeat customers. Unless it's an exact match, because some people sometimes use one credit card, sometimes use another credit card. It has to be an exact match for this to be picked up. We have over 4,000 people, and like I said, some of them 10, 11 times. You can just see them every month reordering on a regular basis.

That's amazing. Well, congratulations, you for all your success and for helping all my listeners. So it's promescent. It's on my website. Just click on it@sexwithelmly.com that's the easiest way to do it. And they can order it to their home. Very easy.

Love the exposure.

And, Jeff, anything else happening on the horizon that we should know about or any other tips or tricks or anything else? How's your sex life? I have to ask all my guests.

It's good.

Yeah, it's good. You're happy. You look happy right now. I don't know if you just had sex or anything, but.

No, I did not. I just flew here.

I'm glad you're healthy and happy, and I'm glad. It's really good to see you. And thanks for sharing all this really important information for our listeners and for women, too, here. So many couples don't know how to have this conversation, and maybe PE isn't even. Isn't. Isn't even the issue in your relationship. There might be, you know, he's not performing oral sex on you enough or she's not doing enough for you. I just think that this whole show about sex with Emily is about couples communicating and talking about what's going on because it just amazes me how many couples are together for years, 20 years, whatever, how long. And it never comes up once.

If you stop talking, you stop growing, you stop loving, you stop. Your whole relationship becomes stagnant. And it's not even just in the bedroom. People need to talk about every issue.

Every issue. Exactly. And when sex is something that is an issue and you don't talk about it, it becomes an even bigger issue.

One of the things that. Back to promesa really quick, that surprises me. You'd be surprised how many men call up and go, I don't want my partner to know that I'm using this. Well, they know. I don't understand if you're that close to be intimate with someone, why you want to keep a secret, why you want to go spray off in the corner on the side and make sure she doesn't know.

Love is intimacy. Sex is intimacy. And you know, if you're keeping secrets from one another, it's not intimate.

It's not intimate at all. And I don't understand because it's. That's. That's going to keep you from, from achieving into. From finding the relationship that you want.

Absolutely.

If you're not honest with your partner about, you know, not that you've told them every little thing, we all have little secrets that we keep each other. But when it comes to sex, and if it come. If you're silently suffering through your sex life right now, and there's some things that you want. You want to be, you know, tied up, or you want to be. Someone wants to talk dirty, or you want to last longer, or you wish your partner would perform oral sex. You want a blow job when you walk in the door, whatever it is, express it. You why life is too short to have bad sex. Like, it's just. I just don't understand it. It's like, it's just the one thing in the world that's like, if we can all have really good sex if we want to have.

How many times do you think that someone doesn't communicate something and they would find out years later. The other person would have been just as much up for it if you would have been. But they didn't want to bring it up either because each one of you is thinking, well, I don't want to be the first person to mention this.

Exactly.

Express it. If your relationship is solid, even if they're not into it, you'll work your way through it and not do it, but at least you will have expressed it.

Exactly. And I even Think that it's. That it's better to tell someone early on in a relationship because then you find out if this is someone that you want to be with or not. If they judge you and they say, oh, you got to take that. You're not my guy, you're not my guy. Guess what they did.

Better to find out sooner than later.

Why spend 2 years, 20 years with this person? So I just think the communication isn't only like to get what you want bad or whatever. It's finally like if you're with a good partner, if you're with a good person, people just like I always say, it's like the representative. Right? People bring their representative early on in dates. It's not the real person, it's not the reality self.

They're ambassador so much.

They're ambassador.

Right, exactly.

And so, and how long are you going to do that? You can't do that forever. So I just think the sooner that you show people who you really are, the better off you will be and you'll be in a healthier, stronger relationship.

I agree 100%.

That's what I think. Thank you. Jeff from Promescent. Check it out, everyone.

My pleasure.

To improve your sex life, go to Promescent. And thanks everyone for listening Sex with Emily. Find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Sex with Emily. Also my YouTube channel, Sex with Emily. We've got some great videos there and subscribe to my mailing list. And I love you all. Thank you for emailing me and thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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