SWE: Masturbation

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, that feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you will right now sign up right. You'll see an opt in box where you put in your mailing address, your email address, and I will never spam you. Never sell your list. All I want to do. Never sell your name. All I want to do is give you my free report, the five Biggest Mistakes Women Are Making in Bed and the five Biggest Mistakes Men Are Making in Bed. It's a brand new free report and we want to give it out to all of our listeners. And I want you to listen to our podcast. We've got hundreds of podcasts. We got the Menace Emily podcast. I've been doing some interviews with some friends, fun, interesting, sexually competent people here in Los Angeles. People have been traveling through, people who do study seduction and tantra and a bunch of other things. So we've got a lot of different types of podcasts that you might like. But yeah, check out our website. Follow me on Twitter, Sex with Emily. Follow me on Facebook, Sex with Emily. And I'm with Menace. Hello.

Hi. How you doing today?

I'm fabulous. I wanted to be the first probably to wish you a happy masturbation month.

Yeah, I forgot it was masturbation month. I've been seeing that on the Internet.

I've been. And some people are probably like, why do we need a month for it? I masturbate every day. And that might be true, and there's nothing wrong with that, but this is a month where we really, really celebrate. And we're going to get into what masturbation month is. We're going to get into some actually surprising tips for men and women, how to even make masturbation better. Because after all, masturbation is sex with someone you love. We will also be reading your emails that you sent to feedbackxlme.com Menace, we've had this crazy trend of emails. Like, literally one woman after next is asking me the same sexual question. So I was like, oh, my God, we got to talk about this today too. So we're gonna get into that in a little bit.

I like it.

I like it then. And then that's what we're doing today. Yeah. So we're going to be giving you some sexual tips. Mutual masturbation is one of my favorite things in the whole world. And I figure that mutual masturbation is the kind of thing that you should do with your partner asap, because you learn what they like, they show you how they masturbate, you show them what you like, everyone's happy. So we'll talk about that too. Menace, you're not a big mutual masturbation fan, are you?

Mutual masturbation, I guess if you don't have contraception.

Right. But Menace is all about just having sex, but boning. But also he just about boning, but. Oh, Menace one or something funny. So right now if you guys don't know this, I. I'm hosting Loveline. I'm co guest co hosting the loveline show with Dr. Drew and Mike Catherwood, which is on like 50 radio stations across the United States. But wherever you are, you can watch or listen live lovelineshow.com for free. Long story short, last night, I actually did it last night. Instead.

We.

Mike Catherwood, who's been a longtime host and you've known him for a long time, he's like, emily, what's up with our buddy Menace? Like, why hasn't he gotten back to me? I. I talked about him on the show yesterday and I'm like, he just tweeted us. And she's like, he's like, what do you like in bed? What kind of women does he date? We started talking about you during the show, so I'll send you.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Nice. Oh, yeah. I, I heard about something next day that he said hi to me on the show. I just, I live right next to the station, so once I leave work.

I know you were out, but we talked about you. But if you guys don't know loveline, it's with Dr. Drew. He's a renowned, you know, addiction specialist, sex specialist. We get to do it every Thursday night. It's really fun. You should check it out. And we talk about Menace sometimes.

Nice. Thank you.

Nice, baby. So, and then what else? I just got back from New York.

I was in New York for a few days, which was very exciting. I. I was on the Joy Behar Show.

Oh, you were? I love her, man. She's amazing.

Oh, my God. I'll send you the clip. I'll send you the clip. I was down with Dr. Ian Kerner, who is a renowned sex therapist that I've always read about for years. And we talked about the female Viagra. And she was like, obsessed with Kaggle Camp. She was like, what do you mean, Kaggle Camp? So we talked all about my iPhone app, Kaggle Camp, which helps women have stronger orgasms and men and all that stuff, and it was just funny. We talked about female Viagra. It was, it was, it was a hoot. It was a hoot. I did a bunch of other press stuff too. It was fun. What have you been up to, Manus? What's the latest?

The latest is I'm getting a new vehicle this weekend. I will be in Los Angeles for 20 hours. So I will try to fit you in.

I. What am I doing today's. It's May, right? So I got a couple music festivals, May 2nd. Yeah, there's a big one in Napa called the Bottlerock music festival. I'll be out there. I got to go to Chico because my sister's graduating college.

Oh, you're such a good bro.

And then May, and then June, late June, I'll be in Las Vegas. And that's about it with me. I don't know nothing, Nothing too crazy.

How's. How's the woman? How's the little, little woman?

Good. She's, she's, you know, she's working and shopping. So that's good.

Shopping on your dime.

Not on my dime. On her own dime, which is awesome. Did I tell you that she bought these seventeen hundred dollar Chanel shoes that are pretty cool, I think you would like a lot.

Oh, my God, I love her. What size shoe is she? Can I come borrow?

I think it's 36, whatever that is.

37. I love that, you know.

36. Yeah, I love that.

You know what size shoe she wears?

36 to 36 and a half. Let me ask you something about women's clothing. All right?

Please, go ahead.

What the hell is up with. Oh, she's a one, she's a two, she's a three. And then. But men, we have, you know, we have our sizes 3, 32, 36 or 36. 32 or 30.

You know, like 3? Yes.

Why, why all these, all these freaking dumb numbers? And why like a men is a. A man is like a ten and a half, but a women is like freaking 46. Why do you make it so complicated when it comes to women?

Because we have Europe, we have European sizes. We have you, you know, different sizes for different countries. So yeah, like a 37 is a 7. A 36 is a size 6. 1357 is typically junior sizes. And for waist we have like the same thing as men. 24. Like I'm like a 24 inch waist size zero. I don't know. Same thing.

It's a pain in the ass.

I'm sorry, honey, but at least you're freaking buying your girl $800 shoes. Can I just talk. No guy is buying me those kind of shoes right now.

And you know what?

I'm a size 7, everyone. And I want these YSL pumps that if you love sex with Emily and you can afford about $850 right now, I would love a pair of pumps. I would freaking promote you. I would kiss you. Maybe not with tongue, but I would give you a really, really big kiss if you bought me these shoes I wanted. And here's another thing I want to announce. If you guys want to use our Amazon link, like the next time you decide to go buy some kitty litter on Amazon or whatever you do, just click on the hot sex book link on my products page. That's where my book is. And order all your Amazon stuff through my. Going. Entering through my book. Because then I'll get some kind of points.

I thought you were about to say money. I was about to say you had an Amazon wish list.

No, but I should do an Amazon wish list.

You should. Well, you'd just be like, just do it undercover. Like, oh, these are my favorite things. And you can buy them for me if you want.

That's a great idea.

Dude. I know so many, so many suicide girls that all they list their Amazon wish list and people buy them stuff all the time. All the time.

Oh, my God. Well, I didn't know that. Okay, well, I. I need to do that.

What's yours?

What? I've typed.

What's your favorite.

Hold on.

What's your favorite pairs of shoes right now? What kind?

I would love a pair of Chloe boot. Chloe's really expensive, but I love Chloe boots.

Chloe.

I love. I want a pair of YSL pumps. Yves Saint Laurent.

Yves Saint Laurent.

I want a pair of. Yeah, yeah. I would like a pair of like black snakeskin pumps, high heels. That's really what I would love in.

So I'm surprised. You know, we have so many people that are into feet. Foot fetch people.

I will fucking take pictures of my feet. You guys. So naked with your shoes. I will do a waist down porno of me in the $900 ysls that you ship me. I'm not kidding you. My email address, it's feedbackexwellmy.com. i will do that for you.

Wow.

And like, speaking of foot fetishes, here's the thing. Or fetishes in general. I think that it's really hot when a guy sucks on your toes after you take a shower together. Because otherwise it's just. You have too many issues around it. I understand. It's sweaty out. Oh, I live in Los Angeles. Whatever. It's sweaty. Take a shower with your partner, take a bath and then like suck on her feet. It feels really good. I had a guy do that to me recently and it was really hot. And he does not have a foot fetish. He just did it for a second. It was really turned me on because reflexology. I've been getting a lot of foot massages lately and they really, you know, there's different pressure points on your foot that are connected to different parts of your body. And it's just, it's really sensual to suck on a woman's toes, no matter how grossed out you are, like, wash her feet first or whatever. I understand that you might have issues with it, but I'm gonna switch. But what do you think about that? It's hot. Have you ever sucked on a woman's toes?

I have not. No. I have no interest in doing that. But it's. I've been listening to Howard Stern a lot lately, probably in the past month, and he has.

How come?

Because I finally broke down and just got serious. Satellite radio. Because I've been listening to Howard stern clips on YouTube and I'm just like, ah, they're always a day behind, so I want to listen to them fresh and awesome. And he has a listener that calls in all the time, that it's just all about the. All about the feet. And the thing is, we've been trying to do this ever since the show started just to get somebody that's into it just to explain why, you know, and then every time we talk to somebody that's into it though, they. They can't explain why. They're just like, oh, that's just what I. That's just what I like.

It's different for everybody. Like, like maybe they're, you know, they, they're. Their first grade teacher had sexy open toe shoes on and they associated that first sexual feeling that they had for their first grade teacher to her feet.

Yeah, but at least, like, at least say that, you know, but none of them can ever come up with anything.

Okay, if you have a foot fetish, email us. Explain to us. Menace never understands it. Feedback.com. we read all of your emails and we friggin love them.

You're right. But here's another thing. So, Menace, so I've kind of been dating this guy a little bit. Okay, I'm gonna be honest. Not that I'm not honest. I heard that whenever you say I'm gonna be honest, that it immediately cancels out everything that you previously stated. Because it's like saying, I have not yet been honest, but I have been honest all throughout the show. Okay, but so this guy, this is like a casual thing, whatever.

We're in New York.

He's like, I wanna take you lingerie shopping. Which we've talked about lingerie on the show a whole bunch. And I don't really have any. Like, I have sexy like boy shorts and lacy things, but I never like, went With a guy, lingerie shopping? Maybe. I don't know. I just never did. Like, guys aren't really into it as much, it seems. But he was like, oh, I just. I'm like. But in a way, I was like, well, I want to see what he thinks is sexy. Because if he finds something sexy, like, I'll feel sexy knowing that he thinks it's sexy. I didn't know. So we go to this department store and we go. We're in New York, and we were both there for business, and we went to this lingerie store, and everything he was picking out was, like, so not my taste. It was, like, pink. It was like, pink ruffly. Like, pink. Like, not pink, purple. It was, like, purple and pink and, like, roughly, like little baby doll. Like, not my style. Like, I'm much more like, black lace or, like, cotton white or. I don't know. I'm just much more neutral colors. But I decided, like, I'll just get, like, what he likes, because if he finds it hot and sexy, then I should do it like, what you. But then I was like, but if I don't feel sexy in it, then maybe I shouldn't buy it. So I got one thing that I felt sexy in and one thing that he thought I was sexy in. And we'll see what happens. We haven't tried it out yet.

Why does it have to be about you? Don't you dress up for people for. I mean, don't you dress up for other people? So why do you care what you're wearing?

Because I tried it on and I didn't feel like, okay. I usually. I know what looks. I think that I know what makes me feel sexy. I think that every woman knows, you know? Like, I know that I like, I always wear high heels, right? It's not because I have a short. It's not because I have a short complex. It just makes me feel, like, powerful and strong and whatever. Like, I always show my arms. I wear tank tops. Like, I. I just. I like. There's certain things, like, I don't do low cut. The point is, you know, that about your clothes. So trying on this frilly piece of lingerie wasn't me, but I saw that he got turned on, so I got it. And it is about turning your partner on. And therefore, I will be turned on because maybe he will be, too. And you don't like lingerie, right?

No, I think.

I think. I think of, like, cheesy. I'm an 80s kid, so I think of, like, cheesy, 80s stuff when lingerie comes up, because it's. I feel. I look back at all the.

The.

The airbrush posters of women in cheesy 80s lingerie, and so I just kind of laugh at it, you know? So I'm not. I'm not really. I'm not really into it.

I got it. Most guys, like, guys are kind of into sexy. Like, wait. I like the fact that he pays attention to it. I like the fact that he's like, I want to see you in these different things. Like, that makes me feel hot. And so I think that's a really good lesson for people to learn that. Like. Like, tell you. Like, it made me, like the fact that he had visions of me and certain things. And like, I always, like, think I dress pretty sexy, but I do. Even if I don't have, like, a bunch of laundry. I think I'm. You know, and he knows that. Like, anyway, I think it's good to talk to your partner about what you like, if you care what she wears. And you should tell him what you think is hot and it's sexy. And just trust me, people, okay? I don't need to get into it more. So another thing that happened in New York was.

I went to this meeting at this public relations firm for a new product line that I have coming out that I cannot mention yet, but it's coming out in July, and it's going to be huge, and it's going to rock everyone's world. And it is not a sex toy. That's all I'm going to say right now. But this was one of Those typical, like, PR firms, New York. Like, 60 hot blondes in their 20s, like, all sitting around cubicles. Like, adorable, right?

Yeah.

So we were all talking, and they're like, oh, my God. One of them had just Instagrammed a copy of my book, Hot sex. It's called hot sex. Over 200 things you can try tonight. She's like, oh, my God, I love your book. Blah, blah, blah. We were talking, and then this one girl after the next, they started, like, talking to me. She's like, I've been with my husband for 12 years. I haven't given him. I haven't performed oral sex on him in about eight of those years. And she's like, I don't like the taste of semen. And this other woman was like, I don't even know if I'm doing it right. And I realized that women have so many insecurities around performing oral sex correctly on men. And then I told them about Mask. You know, one of our mask sexual flavors. M A S Q U E. Just go to sexualflavors.com and these women literally fell off their chairs when I told them that mask makes these like Listerine strips that are like strawberry, chocolate, watermelon, mango. And you put it on your tongue 20 minutes before you perform oral sex on a man. And literally he can ejaculate in your mouth and it will taste like a strawberry smoothie if you use strawberry. Whatever. It was amazing. And they were freaking out. So I'm having masks send them like literally the biggest box of mask products that they've ever seen. They couldn't believe it existed. So I feel like they were all the. Whatever reason these women all had fear of blowjobs.

Nice. I like it.

And semen. I don't mind semen, but a lot of women are like, I don't like the semen. I don't like the taste. So it was.

Those are the type of girls you don't marry.

Right. Are you still. Is your girlfriend still performing oral sex on you?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm not like, I haven't been in relationship 20 years, so to have those type of. Those type of issues.

Okay, so what. Is there anything else that you need to share with me before I move into the emails from the people?

No, but I kind of brought this up. Some Sex with Emily. Listeners have been sending me links for updates on it. So there's this teen mom, Farah, who I can't effing stand that Dr. Drew talks to all the time on the team on reunions and she.

Pretended that she was gonna have a sex tape leaked, but she was really selling it to Vivid Video to put out and she sold it. So apparently it's gonna be coming out.

It's.

It's.

Does anyone care? Does anyone care? She like what her. Does anyone want to see team on my team. I mean, naked.

She. Well, she's definitely the one of the best looking ones out of the teen moms, but she is the absolutely like.

Most annoying person on the planet.

But she'll probably like be the next Kim Kardashian. No, she won't be.

No, no. Because she just doesn't. She just noise the shit out of people. Sorry. I'm using. You know, I don't use that much.

We don't use.

I just.

This girl. This gets me so heated because it just how dumb she is, but.

She. I apparently sold it for a million dollars to Vivid Video.

Good for her. Someone should make Money off reality tv she's calling it.

I think it's called, like, Backdoor Team mom or something like that.

Backdoor Teen Mom. Does that mean that she's got anal sex scenes?

It might be, yeah.

Back Door Teen Moms.

Classy lady.

Classy Lady. Back Door. That's what I'm gonna name my porno Back Door. So what is your poor name, Menace?

My poor name?

Yeah.

I don't know. You're gonna have to get back to me. Do you have one?

Forget it. Yes, it's your middle name and it's the. Your first pet, right? Or the street you grew up on.

Your first pet.

Robert Bogart.

Oh, that's perfect. Robert Bogart.

Yeah, Bogart.

Sounds like you have a massive penis. Mine would be. My middle name is Hope and my first animal was Pumpkin.

Pumpkin. Hope.

Pumpkin.

So hopefully Pumpkin. Okay. Anyway, let's move into some emails.

All right, do it. I like hearing from the people I know.

I love it. So thanks everyone for emailing us at feedbackex with emily.com. i absolutely am obsessed with hearing from you. I love it. You can email directly from the website. And like I said earlier, sign up for our mailing list because we will not spam you. We will only improve your sex life with some tips when you want them. Okay. And a free report on the mistakes you're making in bed. Okay. Dear Emily. Oh, here's the trend menace. Okay, ready? I'm reading just one of them, but I got, like, four in a row in one. Like, in a span of 24 hours from women. Like, if you recall, in the past, Menace, during the show, there was, like, a few years ago, we all of a sudden had, like, this friends with benefits craze. Like, every other email we received from listeners were about, like, friends, benefits, relationships. And then, like, another one was all about, like, I remember it was about. What was the other trend that was. Oh, well, the hand job debate, whatever. So, okay, so here's one that has been coming up. Not being. And this is very, very apropos to the topic of today's show, which is masturbation month. And masturbation. So she says. Dear Emily, after reading your answer to Liz. This is on my website because I answer questions on my website. After reading your answer to Liz about her not being able to masturbate, it reminded me that I'm completely opposite. I have no problem getting the job done by myself. And I've never had an orgasm with a man. And to be honest, I'm tired of faking it. What can I do Signed Allison.

So she says that she. So the problem is she was she. Or what she's referring to is an email from a woman who's not able to masturbate alone or with a partner, which is what I'm talking about as a trend heard from so many women in the last few days. I mean, the last. Like, in the last 48 hours, you know, 72 hours from women who are, like, unable to master, unable to have orgasms alone or with their partners. So the problem. So here. Here's the deal, Allison. You're totally. This is so common. You probably need more clitoral stimulation to get you there. Most women do. The problem is, a lot of men, you know, they get going. They do the jackhammer. They're like. Or they. I always say they're doing the jackhammer. They're pounding away you. They're thrusting away at you when they're about to orgasm, because that feels really good for them. Unfortunately, that misses the clitoris, which is what a lot of women need. Their clitoral nerves stimulated during sex. Their 8,000 nerve endings. It feels amazing. You're probably not getting enough. So not only do 75% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, many require lots of it. So you're not getting enough when you're with a man. Most sex positions also offer no clitoral stimulation. So when you're on top, though, you experience more clitoral stimulation. But sometimes it's not enough. So.

My recommendation, rub your clitoris during sex or use a vibrator. This helps a lot. I'm telling you, there are the most amazing clitoral vibrators on the market right now that you can use during sex that you put in the palm of your hand. They make no noise. They're silicone. They wash easily. They're waterproof. I suggest the Siri S A R E. It's a rechargeable vibrator from LELO. And you can get, like, as always@goodvibes.com use coupon code GV EMILY20. You get 20% off orders of $100 or more. I love the Siri. It's lightweight, it's portable. You can put on your clitoris if he's inside of you. It will help you get an orgasm. If you're looking for more alone time, Allison, because we're also talking about women, a lot of women who can't orgasm with their part partners. You can also try mutual masturbation. Show him what you do when you're alone and see if he can Mimic that as well if you're interested in some more G spot time. Because a lot of women, Menace, need a clitoral orgasm before their G spot because their clitoris engorges. And when it does with blood, it stimulates the G spot. So you can try the FIFI Waterproof Rechargeable Vibrator. It's kind of like a modern twist on the rabbit. It has internal and external stimulation. Or if you want something that actually feels like you're having sex. Oh, my God. Menace. I got this at the Las Vegas show. I went to the toy show in Las Vegas. It's called the Stronic EANS Thruster. Okay. S T R O N I E C. Wait, it's S T R O N I C. And it's. I think it's by Fun Factory. It's this vibrator. Menace. It's not a vibrator. It's a pulsator. It's pulses. It feels like you're getting effed. Coyote from Good Vibrations, who is the top buyer, told me it feels like it's actually effing you. It thrusts you. It doesn't vibrate you. So those are some things to try.

How about that?

I like it.

Use coupon code GVMLY20, good vibes dot com. But also, stop faking it with your partner, Allison. Every single woman listening who's faking it. And Menace, Many women do. I used to do it. You are doing a disservice not only to your partner, not only to your partner, and not only to yourself, because you're not having an orgasm. But he thinks he's doing great. He thinks everything he's doing is right on. And then you dig your. Your hole a little bit deeper, if you know what I mean. Because you're not telling him what makes you feel good. He's assuming it's good. It's just bad messaging all around rather than faking it because you probably want it over with because it's taking too long and you're insecure about the time that's ticking. The clock is ticking. It's been 20 minutes, and you have it in an orgasm, and then you fake it. Show him what feels good. Use a vibrator. Use your fingers. Don't fake it. Next email. Unless you have anything to add. Menace.

Well, no. Just wanted to say that all the information that you always give out is available on sexwithemily.com sometimes we forget to say that.

Absolutely. Sexthelmy.com is your new. Is your place to go every Single day.

Yeah. If you're. If you're listening to this in the car, you might not be able to go, wait, wait, what's that? Just, you know, hit up Sexy Only dot com.

Tell them they can listen on Stitcher too.

Yes, listen to Stitcher. Download Stitcher. It's a free mobile app available on your smartphone and your tablet. And you can listen to Sex with Emily entirely for free. All you do is download it. You type in sex. It would be the number one thing. Or if you want to, you know, you're not lazy, you can type in Sex with Emily and listen to the show wherever you go. It's pretty awesome.

It's pretty freaking awesome.

Yeah.

Thank you for doing that. Okay. Hi, Emily. I've been listening to your podcast for months and I absolutely love it. You've helped me become so much more confident with women about myself. I'm a 25 year old. I'm 25 years old and I'm a virgin. The problem is I can have sex if I want it, but I'm afraid girls hit on me all the time, and I usually end up stopping things before they get intimate just because of my irrational fears. I am uncircumcised. I obviously can roll my skin back and clean it in the shower when it's not hard, but I always have a hard time pulling it all the way back when it is hard. My fear is that it will get pulled back during sex and it will hurt or the skin will get stuck, because I read that could happen to uncircumcised penises. How do I get over this? Signed Andrew. Okay, Andrew, here's the thing. If you do experience pain when you actually do have intercourse, you should consult your doctor. But honestly, honey, you shouldn't. You might be more sensitive because you're uncircumstanced, but uncircumcised, which is actually a good thing. What I hear is that, you know, there is a debate that men who are uncircumcised are much more sensitive in a good way. But of course, how can you measure one man's orgasm against another? But you shouldn't experience pain. So I don't know where you heard this from, and I think it is a little irrational. So you might be more sensitive because you are uncircumcised in a good way, but it shouldn't be too noticeable. And I personally have not met any men who have experienced any pain from it. And in my personal experience with uncircumcised men, they've been like, super highly sexual. Really into it. Everything I did was fine and I didn't hurt anything. And they seemed really happy and it wasn't a big deal and don't worry about it at all. I think that it's hot and women would be into it and just show them what you like. Again, this is where me. So I know that when you do are like performing a hand job on a. Or even oral sex on a circumcised penis, they say that you pull down the foreskin. So if you pull the whole penis down to the bottom and you hold your hand around the rim of the penis that. If you hold it taut that. That feels good to. So I don't know. I'm not sure about you, Andrew, but again, show your partner what you like. Say, this feels really good to me. She probably doesn't know. She'll be really into it. If you're really into it, just be confident. Be like, this is my penis, baby. Suck it. Just kidding.

Yeah. So, okay. Emettis. Have you ever come across uncircumcised penises? Friends who have worried about it or anything?

Friends that are worried about it? No, they're kind of proud of it, which I, you know.

I think they should be.

Yeah. I don't know. There's always a. Always a joke that it's, you know, an anteater and stuff like that. But that's, you know, if you like it, rock it. You know, saying some guys later on in life, which I think is freaking crazy, get circumcised like, you know, when they're 30 something. I would. I would die.

I would die too.

There's no way I go, if you got this, if you've gone this long with it, you're good. Don't even worry about it.

Yeah, don't worry about it. Okay. Dear Emily, I'm with a second man that does not ejaculate, can stay hard for a long time, but never comes. What's up with that? Do not think this one is on any medication. I am lucky, blessed to be very orgasmic and wonder if I could be intimidating. Please advise. Thanks, Emily. P.S. i don't mind giving BJ's, but get bored after a while because they still don't come. Signed, Mandy.

Wow.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So madness. We've heard this before. This comes up. This is also very, very common. It's called delayed ejaculation. They also call it inhibited ejaculation and it's the inability to ejaculate or persistent difficulty in achieving orgasm. Despite having the presence of a normal sexual desire, normal sexual stimulation. So you're totally your guy. He's stimulated, he's turned on, but he's not able to orgasm. Usually, you know, a lot of men can after a few active thrusts, but a lot of men cannot after prolonged intercourse lasting 30 to 45 minutes or more. In most cases, delayed ejaculation presents the condition in which the man can climax and ejaculate only during masturbation, which is what I've heard from a lot of men, but not during sexual intercourse. So it's very common. One of the male sexual challenge that challenges that men face, they can also be a side effect of medication. So again, you said he's not on medication. What's a good thing? Does he smoke pot? Does he do drugs? Does he smoke cigarettes? These can all affect your ejaculatory potential. In one survey, 8% of men report reported unable being a chance achieve orgasm over two month period or longer than the previous year. So then they just figure that every month it's getting a little harder. So it's also, they say a lot of it is psychological causes. Psychological causes. These, they can be insufficient sleep, distraction, doing to worry, stress, anxiety. One of the number one killers of sex drive for men and women is stress and anxiety. But delayed ejaculation is something that you can work on. There's a great book, the multi orgasmic man. You can work on it. But I would get checked out by your doctor and check out some psychological factors that could be going on. If you've got a lot of stress in your life, all that stuff, I would talk to your partner about it. Have you heard this one before? Madness. We've heard this before. It's common. Either men come too quickly or they think they come too not long, you know, not quick enough.

Yeah, well, yeah, a lot of guys, they also their fear of. They hold it in because they fear that they can't go long enough.

You know, they hold it in and they pass the point of no return. Yeah, right.

But. Okay, keep on talking. I have to step out for a second. I'll be right back.

Don't worry, I'm just gonna talk about mess.

Just talk about it. I'll be still. I'll still be listening. Sorry.

Okay, okay.

Emergency.

Okay. Got emergency. Emergency. Dear Emily. And remember, you can always email me@feedbackextextwithemily.com through Twitter Sex with Emily. Or on Facebook Sex with Emily. Okay. Dear Emily, is there something wrong with me? I've been married three times and the Last two were great sex partners as long as I initiated it. All of them said they had no fantasies and none ever started the lovemaking. It's like they wanted to sex because I wanted sex, not because they wanted sex. It would be nice to have my wife think up something in bed. I've asked and she said I'm weird or kinky and all I have is sex on my mind. Signed Tim. Okay, Tim, again, this is. This comes up a lot. Couples are together, they've mismatched libido's. One couple wants it more than the other one. And in fact, one of the top complaints I hear from men is actually that women don't initiate sex enough in bed, which I know is kind of a bummer. I tell women all the time, like, even if you just don't want to do it, fake it till you make it. Don't fake your orgasm, but fake being turned on. If you're having arousal problems, if you're having issues, you know, getting in the mood, I would say just start going along with the motions. Start giving a back massage. Maybe he can start giving you back massage and start going through it. So I would say she has no fantasies. That's. I always say to couples, talk about your fantasies. But it sounds like she doesn't have any, she doesn't masturbate, and that she's not really thinking about sex in her spare time, like a lot of people, like men do more. I know a lot of women think about sex 24 7, so I would say that you gotta ease into this one. I would ask her maybe, what are the most memorable times that we've had sex together? You've been married, so you could say if you had to name the top three things that turned you on sexually that we did together, you know, she might talk about the time in France when you rented a villa. She could talk about the time she, you know, you went down on her in her car. I don't know. I don't know what she finds romantic. But these, again, you have to listen to what a woman says. Woman, she will tell you what she wants. So you just might not be the fantasy question. It might be other questions now also, does she masturbate? Does she know her body? Has she had orgasms before? She might be, you know, this show that we're talking about today is all about orgasms. We're moving into masturbation next because it's masturbation month. Yay, Masturbation month. She might need a toy. She might need a toy. What'd you say.

Oh my God, so much masturbation all the time for the entire month of May. She might need to start to turn herself on. She might need to find a rocking sex toy. She might need to. To do some things on our own that aren't turned around. I think that you're saying that it would be nice if your wife would think up some things in bed. And you know, she probably thinks it would be nice if you, you know, paid the bills more on time. I don't know what your issue is, but my book, hot sex over 200 things you can try tonight. I'm not just saying this because it's my book. It actually was made for couples who have a difficult time talking about sex on their own. It's like the new Joy of Sex. It's got pictures, it's got illustrations, so it's not intimidating. And you can flip to any page you want and just be like, hey honey, does that look interesting to you? Sex in the shower. See what she says. It has 200 things that are all totally doable. So just again, start having the dialogue. Ask her about erotica porn. Try to, you know, see. If not, you can see a sex counselor. If this is a deal breaker in your marriage. I'm telling you, every couple who has sex challenges in their relationship need to make it a priority because it will wreak havoc on your relationship the more you let it go. I'm saying, know what I'm saying? Menace you back.

Okay, so here's the deal. What is masturbation month? First of all, Good Vibrations, who We love, they're based in San Francisco, they found it natural. They founded national masturbation month in 1995 because of the controversy surrounding the foundation firing a former Clinton administration surgeon general. Joyce and Elders, do you remember this menace in 1995?

Okay, so in 1995, this was a huge deal. I actually worked in politics at the time. Joyce and Elders was the surgeon General. She was, she purported teaching masturbation or talking about masturbation in schools during sex ed. People freaked out and got her fired because she talked about. She wanted to talk about masturbation in schools. So good vibrations created natural masturbation. National Masturbation Month in May of 1995 to commemorate this amazing work by Joyce and Elders. Because the truth is, I'm a. I'm a friggin product of masturbation not being talked about in schools. I did not learn how to. I didn't even occur to me to masturbate. I didn't even know to masturbate. I didn't even know to touch myself. I never once sat there in bed thinking, oh, maybe I'll touch my vagina. I'll touch my breasts. I didn't know. If someone had said to me in school, oh, this feels really good now, maybe I'm just a little dense in this area. And a lot of other kids figured it out, but I didn't. So I would have liked someone to talk about masturbation during my sex education.

Well, it's a great alternative, you know, if they want. If they talk about all this, you know, holding out until you're married type stuff, then why don't they promote this? You know?

Exactly. Exactly. It's totally the way to do it. So. So. So she evoked such a conservative wrath when she said masturbation has a place in sex. So how do women masturbate? Let's talk about that.

Cucumbers, bananas.

Let's first talk about cucumbers bananas. Remote controls. Exactly. Whatever they want, create an atmosphere for arousal. So this is for women. So I always tell women that they need. If you don't know your own body as well, if you haven't spent a lot of time masturbating, if you haven't spent time alone figuring out your body and you're really frustrated because your partner's not getting you off, your partner's not getting you there, it's because you don't know your own body. So create an atmosphere for arousal. I don't know what it is. It could be locking your doors, it could be taking a bath, it could be lighting an ambiance with candles, whatever, you know, music, whatever turns you on, don't be goal driven. You might not have an orgasm right away. So I would say, you know, if you're trying to watch CNN or something, that's probably not gonna work. But if you listen to some music, have a glass of wine, this is one case where I say takes away some of your inhibitions. Have a glass of wine and relax. Try to do some meditation, try to feel mentally uncluttered and fill your mind with some super sexy thoughts. So whatever that is for you, you can get in the mood, you can watch some erotica, you can take a shower, apply body lotion, and start with the clitoris. A lot of women menace, as, you know, clitorally vibrate. That's their first. Like the girls who have, like orgasms Age 5, riding a horse or riding their bike are clitoral orgasms. It's a lot easier for women to have clitoral orgasms than vaginal orgasms when they're learning to masturbate. So first you focus on the clit. If you don't know where the clitoris is, it's a small mob of firm skin that gets slightly bigger and protruded when you're aroused. And it's located above your vagina, and it's concealed under small folds of skin. It's sensitive, especially after you climax. So first I say it's best to start out with indirect stimulation. Rubbing around it up and down in circles instead of touching it directly. Because a lot of times direct stimulation, like, does. So, like, a lot of guys make this mistake, they get turned on. They start flooring around with the woman, and they grab her vagina and she is like, which includes her clitoris. And she's not turned on yet. She's not stimulated. She's not warmed up and actually hurts. So don't do that even when you're masturbating. Start rubbing the sides of it, all around it. You know, massage your thighs, massage your body, massage your inner thighs. Do all that stuff that, like, starts turn you on, just like guys should do during foreplay. So, Right. Menace.

Of course.

Of course. That's clear. Okay, so then the G spot. Another type of thing you could do is another type of orgasm is the G spot. Many prefer the G spot to regular clitoral orgasms. But before you start to stimulate, you got to find it. And here's something hilarious. Menace, you're going to laugh so hard. You know how we talked about the G spot locator iPhone app? Yes. Somebody brought that up the other day in a meeting. He's like, we should make an iPhone app locator for the G spot. I'm like, uh, we already coined it.

We've been talking about for years.

Years. It's hard to find. You gotta stick your finger inside. It's, you know, two thirds up the vaginal wall facing towards your pelvis. You can find it on my website. I talk about it all the time. There's toys you can use to stimulate your G spot, and it's great. Actually. A man's fingers are very good at stimulating the G spot, Even sometimes more than his penis, of course. And that can be an amazing stimulation. Sorry about that. The fingers are good. And vibrator. Okay. Lube, Lube, lube, lube, lube. I cannot talk enough about lubricants. I think lube should be openly and proudly displayed on every nightstand in America, because lubricant feels good during sex. It helps Women during masturbation, when you're masturbating, use lube on your clitoris. Rub a little clitoral gel in there or something. A little lubricant. They have clitoral gel gels now too, but it feels really good. I would also say use toys. Like I said toys. If you're having. If you're not having orgasm on your own, you can get clitoral vibrators. G spot vibrators. Again, go to goodvibrations.com use coupon code GVMLY20 for 20% off orders or more. Good vibes.com okay. Porn menace. How many women do you know that watch porn?

More and more lately, they're coming out saying that they. They're watching seriously.

Like, tell me, what are they watching?

Tell me more. Like girl on girl stuff then regular, right? I don't. Because, you know, guys are just not attractive when they're naked. I'm sorry. At least the guys in porn.

You know.

But girls are really into porn. A lot of women like watching lesbian porn, whatever it is. There's so much great porn. And Good Vibes has this amazing program where you can actually rent porn directly online. You just pay like a monthly thing and it automatically is their downloads or whatever, which is really cool because they have couples porn and porn for women, porn for men porn or porn for gays, poor for. Whatever you are bisexual. Okay? Erotica. Erotica novels. Erotic women can read erotica novels to get them in the mood, aka 50 Shades of Gray, which is going nowhere in the universe anytime soon. I'm telling you, when I got back from Las Vegas a few weeks ago at the sex convention, it was all about 50 shades of gray products. And the movie's coming out. Okay, now we're going to talk about men and masturbation. And I gotta admit, this segment isn't as long because a lot of men believe that are easy. They're like, I've got my hand. I can spit on my hand, I can use saliva, I can use whatever or use nothing. I've got my hand. But Kegels can really help men masturbate. They've been shown in studies to be effective for men who struggle with premature ejaculation. A lot of men, if you strengthen your Kegel muscle, which is your P stopping muscles, it's those muscles that stop and start the flow of urine. So when you're sleeping, someone walking in the bathroom and you want to stop peeing, that's the Kegel muscles. Download my iPhone app, Kaggle Camp, and It reminds you to do them and walks you through them five minutes a day. It can help with premature ejaculation and it also helps you have stronger muscles. And for women too, it helps women have stronger vaginal and pelvic muscle tone. They are used for so many sexual benefits. For men, they strengthen erections and Menace, you don't know this yet, but as men get into their 40s, you're not there yet, but you're getting close. Just kidding. Sort of close. Their erections don't stay hard as long and they need to do Kegels.

No.

I'm telling you, Menace and I know firsthand. So there's this. Also Max for men makes.

Max Satisfaction Masturbation Rub one out cream. So here's the thing, it's a million times better than your rough hand alone. And this stuff feels amazing when you just need to rub one out. So use coupon code EMILY25 for 25% off anything. It maps the number four men.

Including the rub one out cream which is only $13. But they also have all this really cool, like pheromone infused like products that like the women will just start flocking you. They have amazing shave gel aftershave. People are freaking out about Max for men. That's Max the number for men. Use coupon code Emily25. Those are the products you want to buy now if you want to improve your sex life.

Nice.

So that's what I got for male masturbation. And just there's, you know, sleeves a lot Tanga at Good Vibes, go to good vibes.com make a masturbation sleeve if you've been wanting to like try things out. You can also play with your anus. We'll get to that on the next show.

That's what I got for you, Menace.

Sweet. I want to thank everyone for always hitting me up on Twitter and Instagram that listen to the show.

How do they do that?

You can follow me. Menace, just one word. M E N A C E. I'm loving you on Loveline every Thursday night. But you know, follow, follow Emily on Twitter. So. Because, you know, sometimes you just fill in on random nights too. So that's good. That's awesome.

Yeah, I was on Twitter last night. I mean, I was on Twitter. I was in Loveline last night instead of this night. So yeah, just follow me, follow me, follow me. There's lots of exciting stuff and right now, literally, if you can do one thing for me, put your email address into my website. Suckers. The emily.com. if you're in her office, you can go to emily Morse.com if they don't let you pull up sex and put in your email address, I will not spam you. I will only send you a freaking amazing report that I just wrote that will change your life. Cool. That's all I gotta say. I love you man.

I'll see you soon.

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