SWE: Mom Porn

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes they call them in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my. Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God.

That feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. Well, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sex with emily.com or emilymorse.com where you'll get all your sex question answered and you'll feel like a better person and have better sex. Just happens that way. So thanks everyone for listening. Happy Monday and hope everyone had a great weekend. Today's show, our guest is gonna be Rachel Kramer. Bustle. She's calling in. She's the co editor of a new book, the Best sex writing of 2012. She's written a ton of erotica anthologies. She writes for New York magazine, all kinds of blogs. And we're gonna be talking about 50 shades of gray. Have you heard about this menace? 50 shades of gray. They call it mom porn. It's like this erotica that all the moms are reading. No, it's like this huge trend right now. Like my sister in law in Michigan. Like everyone's talking about 50 shades of gray. Yeah, it's like it's all about women being dominated. Like BDSM and women.

Is it novels or is it in videos?

It's a novel, it's a book. It's like erotica, like straightforward erotica. It's like they call it mom porn because moms are all really into it. And the women, the woman, the heroine or whatever in the book is like she gets into this young girl gets taken by her professor or something. I haven't read it yet, but. And then he's been to dominating. It's like a total dominant relationship and bondage and all that stuff. And women around America are freaking out.

Sounds pleasant.

They're getting all turned on. So anyway, today's show is brought to you by Hot rocks. It's a organic certified aphrodisiac for both men and women. For women, it gives you more energy, stronger orgasms, natural self generating lubrication. It gives men more stamina, harder erections. This is like the libido enhancement drug that everyone's been thinking about, everyone wants. And this one actually works. I've been taking it now for about seven weeks and I have more energy and I am hornier. So it's awesome. It's hot rocks. R A W K S. And there's a 30 day money back guarantee. So if you don't like it, you can return it. But I promise it'll change the world. I love 30 day money back guarantee.

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Yeah, exactly. So it's HotRocks. R-A W K-S.com libido enhancing, organic. It's all organic too. And it puts you in a better mood. Can't you tell that I'm really happy?

Very happy.

Don't I see my bubbly? Yeah, I'm bubbly. Had a good weekend? It was fun. I had a former intern who was my intern like five years ago. She was 19 and now she came back to town for a conference. She's married, she's 24.

What?

She said the summer. Working for me because she lived in Michigan. That came out for the summer. For three months to work for me. Amanda, you might have met her. You probably did five years ago. But anyway, she said it changed her life.

Really?

She said that she. Not just because of my internship, because a lot of the experiences she had around it. Like we had that lingerie party and she had dressed in lingerie and she met a lot of dudes and had fun, and she felt like she grew into a woman that summer.

Yeah. Maybe she found out everything that she didn't want to do.

Oh, by looking at my life.

Yeah. And then now she's married.

She couldn't believe I had a dog. She almost lost her mind. Exactly. She's like, I was ready to get married after that summer. It's really funny.

She's like, I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. I got to get locked out.

So that's what she did. Yeah. That was odd to see. Love. All my former interns, they always come by and they're all doing great things. And then I.

Just hung out with friends. Went to Target.

Yeah. Tarjay.

Tar Jay.

Which one do you go to?

There's South San Francisco.

Wow.

Well, there's a couple.

I never go.

There's two of them.

I never go down south. I just did. I left the city. I did that. I hung out with friends. They were watching the baseball game, I guess.

I wish I ran into you at Tarjay. That would be.

Were you there?

I was in that area, but I didn't go into Target.

I went to Daiso.

You did?

I had freaking heart attack.

What I mentioned.

I know. That's why I went. I was like, oh, I have to go there. Mana said to go there.

Yeah.

Is it a chain everywhere?

Yeah.

There's a Japan.

Yeah. I don't know if it's national, but there's a lot here. Local.

Oh, my God. It's like all these little Japanese products and organizers. I had, like, I lost my mind. Yeah.

So I screamed like a dollar type store.

$50. Yeah. It's really cool. Yeah, it's amazing. So that was fun. And then I just hung out with friends and I would spend a lot of time with my dog, walking her dog park. Whatever. Nothing exciting. Had sex. Mm.

How's that?

But nothing was fine. I wasn't feeling that great this weekend, so I really was like that girl who didn't feel well and didn't really wanna have sex. Happens. Happens to the best of us. Yeah. What about you? What'd you do? I.

Well, I didn't go to Coachella Music Festival.

I know. Doesn't it kill you every moment of the day?

It does, actually. It's freaking painful because, you remember, I planned that out, like, eight months after months at a time.

It's a music festival in the desert in Palm Springs.

And I had my tickets, I had VIP everything. And then there's this opportunity at work. So I was like, ah, it's not a good time to leave. I really got to put my heart into my job right now. And so I was. I didn't go. And I wasn't really tripping about. I wasn't tripping out about it until two days before the concert. And they said there was gonna be a Tupac hologram on stage right now. If you don't know this, my name, actually, my nickname, Menace, came from a Tupac song.

Oh.

So I'm a big fan of Tupac. If you're growing up in the Bay Area, you have to love Tupac. You have to move.

Right.

So if you go online and you Google Tupac hologram, it is scary how real it looks. It looks like there's a ghost standing on stage.

That's crazy.

It's insane. People said that they went to the show, they had nightmares after because it looks so realistic.

That's crazy that they did that.

It's insane.

So it was like he was on stage and you saw it. Can you see it? Yeah.

It looks like he is standing on stage and it's just projected with all this light.

I don't know how the hell they do it. So cool.

And then Snoop Dogg walks on stage, and they're, like, dancing together and, like, talking back and forth. It was.

It's. Oh, that's freaky.

It's effing.

I would think I was losing my mind. It's. I would think I'd taken some serious hallucinogenics.

Oh, my God. Imagine the people that are on drugs down there that.

Yeah. That are freaking out. How is it two weekends? So what do people do in between? People are down there for two weeks.

Well, I was going to actually take the week off. I wasn't around, and I was going to go travel around, but. Oh, well, I. Lollapalooza Chicago. That's my favorite. I'll be out there.

Okay.

But I did do two fun things over the weekend. I went to a chocolate festival that was at Pixar Animation Studios. I got to go there, so I got to try chocolate from Independent vendors all over. That was a lot of chicks there.

Because I think chicks would like, flock to a chicken.

There was definitely a lot of chicks there.

Not your type?

A couple. Yeah. Maybe my type. And then the next day I told you I went to the taco festival.

Oh.

In San Jose, California.

Right.

Holy s. The taco fell. The taco festival was out of control. They sold out thousands of people. It was sold out. They couldn't let any more people in the venue.

What was just like different booths with tacos?

No, it was like taco trucks, like all lined up and they're all competing.

How many tacos could you eat, though? I have one taco. I'm done. I'm ready to go home.

I had about six tacos, but they're not like giant ones. I had like calamari taco.

Vote on the best taco.

Yeah, it was so good.

That's so fun. You love San Jose. Yeah.

And I. I had sex. That was cool.

With who? The same girls last weekend or different.

Same girls last weekend. I was going to. No, I don't have a boyfriend like.

You or a girlfriend, but it's this girl. Want something more or she's catching up.

Yeah, yeah, she wants.

She does.

Yeah, she wants something. How can they not?

How can they have a little piece of you and not want more? Was it good sex? Were you really drunk or were you sober? I was.

Moderately.

Moderately sober. I had some, you know, champagne. I'm really on a champagne kick lately.

I am too. I had champagne last night and I.

Really wanna buy a bottle of spayed champagne. So if there's any listeners out there that wanna donate a bottle to me.

How much is it?

It's like 300 plus.

Oh, is it that good?

Yeah.

I watched Shahs of Sunset.

I've yet to watch it. I've learned.

I'm shocked. You haven't watched it? Yeah, it's on Bravo, which is our network. I know they did a champagne. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You should have seen it last night. Or I think it was a rerun last night. Catching up on old episodes. This is on Bravo and I know it's like it was totally mindless fluff, but I feel like since we are gonna be on that network in a few months, we have to. I should be up on all the shows. And so one of the girls on the show, one of the women, Gigi, always talks about how she only drink Cristal and the best champagne and all this stuff. And her friend's like, I believe if we Did a taste test. You would not know bad champagne from the good champagne.

Yes.

So he had five flutes of champagne at his house. He did a big thing and had everyone there do taste tests of, like, one was, like, a really big bad bottle. Woman's like, Domain Chandon or whatever. Not Domain Chandel. What is that? Crystal And. Yeah, whatever. The best.

You don't drink? I don't drink crystal no more.

Why?

Because Jay Z says not to.

Why is it bad?

He says. He says, I don't know if they are, but he says they're racist.

Oh.

So he goes, everybody drink spade.

So, okay, that's how you want spade. Well, anyway, it was five different kinds, and she couldn't tell the difference. She couldn't tell which one was the bad one.

Yeah.

The worst. The cheap one. But the rest, she couldn't tell the difference. But she always was like, we have to get this or we have to get that. Yeah. Because men thinks I don't like the two buck choc that they sell at Trader Joe's. And Menace thinks that if he did a taste test with me, I wouldn't be able to tell.

We should do a taste test.

Let's do it.

Let's do a blind taste test.

Okay.

We'll put them all in, and you tell me which one.

I've got a drinking game for us to play. I brought it with me, but we have no alcohol. But we're just gonna play if we have time.

Okay, good.

It's really fun.

That's fun.

I learn a lot about each other.

This is pretty much my weekend. And.

Dude. What?

What?

Are you gonna be on TV already? Jesus sakes.

Is everyone asking you?

Yeah, everyone's like, oh, when does it air?

Well, we're not sure. It's misadvised on Bravo and Bravo tv, and they don't know when it's gonna. It's for sure airing. And it could be July, it could be September, and so we're not sure yet. So it's either July or September, and we should know probably in the next few weeks. And we will let everybody know.

Wow.

So you can watch it and set your DVRs, and it's gonna be crazy. We shot for two and a half months. It's eight episodes, and I haven't seen any of the footage. I don't know how they're gonna edit it. There's a lot of menace in there. Like, saying mean things to me.

No, I'm a sweetheart.

No, you're not. And which is why they loved Menace. So I Don't know. But people keep asking me when it's gonna air and I think that they. They really don't know yet because the network tries to figure out what other shows should be aired along with it and all that stuff before and after. Are you excited?

I wish it'd be after a Real Housewives or something.

I know. That'd be awesome. I've been watching like. Do you watch the Atlanta one?

Yeah. I don't like it. It was on last night.

I like Atlanta and Beverly Hills. That's all I like.

Right.

I don't like any of the. Of the other ones. And. Oh, Jersey a little bit. Little bit.

Right. Well, our show's different than Real Housewives because the three women on my show don't interact. We don't really interact.

Yeah. Which is cool.

So I don't know how they're gonna be. How it's an hour long time. They're piece it together, but I'm not sure how they're. They're probably just gonna cut from one chick to the next.

Yeah. Cities and stuff like that.

Different cities and how we're, you know, we're going on. I went on a bunch of blind dates with one of your friends.

I can't stop watching Mob wise, though.

Oh, I heard that's amazing.

I love Big Ang.

Big Ang, that's really her name?

Oh, yeah, you got to see her. She's amazing. Big Ange. I'm just dying because she's. She's awesome, man.

And it's a reality show, right?

Yeah, yeah, she's hilarious.

And they're really mob wives.

Yeah.

Can't their husbands get arrested for being pointed out as being mob?

Well, they've been getting arrested lately.

Because of the show.

I don't know because of the show, but they. One of the. One of the ladies husbands turned rat and he started ratting out everybody around him.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

So they all started going Dangerous, the show.

They all started going. Yeah, I met a couple of them down at the Grammys and I was a little afraid. A little afraid to talk to them.

Oh, because you're afraid they were gonna have you killed or something?

No, it's just like when you, when you talk to them, they're the real deal. They're like, this is not a front. This is. We are part of the channel. Is it on VH1?

Okay, I'm going to watch it. It's on my list, I swear. Okay. I've got a little bit of sex in the news. There's not a lot of Celebrity stuff on here at all. But I was watching. There was something that I read today that I thought was interesting about a celebrity couple. But I can't just like Brad and Angelina.

Yeah, they got engaged finally. And they got the blessing of. Because remember, they said they weren't gonna get engaged unless same sex could get married. And now they're like, what's up with that? But then, you know, the alliance, whoever represents the gay and lesbian.

Oh, they gave them their blessing.

They gave them a blessing. Yeah.

Oh, that's nice.

And then did you see the photos that got posted this morning of Hillary Clinton partying it up?

I heard, I read about it. I didn't see the photos. Yeah, she's partying it up.

She's drinking beer. There's a picture of her drinking beer. You can tell these pictures are totally taken undercover.

Right?

And she's dancing. They said that she showed up to some bar in Colombia, ordered 12 beers and a bunch of shots, stayed there for like a little over half hour and then left this bounce.

That's so fun.

And they show pictures of her the next day, like yawning and stuff.

Oh, that's funny. That's funny. I haven't seen it, but I read it.

It's like I posted it up online so people can see the photos and then a couple of the reactions like, oh, she's doing this on taxpayer money. It's like, what?

The woman's been working her for 20 years for this country. Let her have a friggin beer in Colombia.

Yeah, come on, seriously, people, get over it.

Okay, well, my sex. The news we got here is experts push Hong Kong residents to have more sex. If you thought SARS and bird flu, the worst epidemics hit Hong Kong, think again. Surveys have shown that Hong Kong has the lowest sex drive on earth. What, they need some hot rocks? Hong Kong and sex experts are urging the crowded populace to expand its horizon. Apparently the career driven mentality, financial pressure and lack of privacy due to young people's inability to move out of their parents home until their late 30s have all contributed to the lowest fertility rates in the world and bleak prospects for singles. Thankfully, the socially conservative city is growing more open, hosting the 5th annual Sex Culture Festival and a large sex toy convention, which. All the sex toys, a lot of them are made in China anyway.

Yeah, but you know, it's so overpopulated over there, I don't know why people are.

Well, they could have sex, they could have intercourse and not have babies, but. So I thought you'd find that interesting. I Don't know. I thought I would find that interesting that they're low with sex drive. Okay, so this is interesting. Chins are the new boobs. You'll appreciate this. Chin implants see huge spike because of Skyping. So you know how everyone's like Skyping now and doing video conferencing? Apparently everyone thinks their chins look fat. I don't know if you think your chin look fat, but I know you always things about looking at yourself on camera.

So I just look fat in general.

I'm kidding.

That's what I don't like.

Oh, is that it?

Yeah.

Not the chin. No, you don't. Okay. So the chin sector body. So it grew 71%. And there were more. There were more chins being done last year than boob jobs, butt jobs, and liposuction combined. The trend is due to the growth of video conferencing technology in the workplace and the benefits of having a strong chin in business.

That's very odd, but do you know who had, like, cheek implants? Who was Winnie Houston when they did the autopsy, they. They listed everything and she had cheek implants. Oh, how the hell does that happen?

You just. People do it. A lot of women.

Where do you get that in without people seeing scars?

I don't know how they do it, but they. A lot of women do it because it makes them. It's like plastic. Makes you look younger.

Yeah.

Because your face, when you get older, it drops.

Yeah, but it looks so, like hollowed out when you do the cheek implants.

Did she look hollow? But she looked good, though, before she died.

Yeah.

They find in her, like, cocaine and marijuana.

They found a lot of stuff.

She was having a good night. Sad she died. Terrible senior sex video rubs audiences the wrong way. Trying to stop the rise in STDs among Florida's elderly population, the US organization Safer Sex for Seniors has released a video campaign featuring old men and women pretending to bang in challenging situations. Have you seen this?

No.

They're in challenging sexual positions. The ad agency behind the 30 second clip defended its strategic choice of shock humor. But many who cherish the idea of pure chaste grandmas have said it devalues a worthy cause. So there's this video out there that's trying to promote safe sex among seniors because seniors are actually not using protection because they don't know about it. And they're good. There's all these STDs, so it's a safer sex video. But it's like old people having sex and it's Been controversial.

Yeah.

This doesn't seem appealing to me at.

All to watch that.

Yeah.

Okay. 34 year old virgin makes up for lost time, creates baby making business.

What?

The 42 year old Dutchman sleeps with 15 women a month now in a bid to make their dreams of having children a reality. He began donating sperm to clinics nine years ago, then found out there was a market for natural conception and never looked back. He boasts an 80% success rate. He currently has 45 girls and 35 boys all around Europe with 10 more on the way. And he's not making any money. He's just doing it.

He's just banging chicks.

He's just banging chicks and getting him pregnant.

That's pretty cool.

That's pretty cool.

That's crazy. Yeah, he had them sign a contract. Every partner signed a contract saying he doesn't pay child support. But they're saying they might have to overturn it. He'd be broke, he'd be in jail.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So I thought that was. That's fascinating.

Why can't you sign a piece of paper saying it's all good? That's wrong, that's wrong.

Everything's wrong in the world. Just use protection, people.

No, he's trying to get him.

Not him, but everyone else in the world. If you don't want to have to pay child support is what I'm saying. Okay, we've got some emails. Thanks everyone for emailing us@feedbackexwithemily.com or you can just go to our website, sexwithemily.com and click on the Ask Emily. Or you can get in touch with me through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Sex with Emily. And you can find menace at all those places. White menace, of course, the white menace. Not the white menace, but white menace. Dear Emily, please, please, please get Kegel Camp on the Android market. I refuse to buy an iPhone, but all my girlfriends are raving and I got to see what all the awesome fuss is about. From Carrie Lynn, Greencastle, Indiana. If you're an Android developer, contact me because I don't have a good Android developer.

I'm actually gonna take a class.

Okay. Make my app. It's called Kaggle Camp. It's selling.

I need to take 80% of the profits though.

Fine, 50. I'll do 50. 50.

70.

I'll do 50.

50.

65.

Can you really do it? It's not that hard. I can give you all the files.

Honestly, I don't know if it's that hard or not, but I'm gonna definitely.

I mean, People have been asking me, half the world is on Android, right? Or more.

Yeah, it's just, it's up there with iPhone.

It's crazy.

I mean, so Kegel Camp is Switch iPhone people. It's.

I love my iPhone. Like I'm.

You had Android.

I did not like it. How did you let me have that Droid for so friggin long?

Because your service provider didn't offer iPhone at the time.

That's what it was. That's what it was. So I have an app called Kegel Camp, if you haven't heard me talk about it ad nauseam. And it helps men and women do their Kegel exercises and have better sex. And I walk you through it with my voice. It's very easy to use app and it's very popular and you should all buy it.

Oh, do you know what else? Speaking of apps, we're here at the Stitcher studios in San Francisco and you can download the Stitcher app. It's totally free. That's S T I T C H E R for your smartphone, Android or iPhone or whatever the hell you have. You download it and all you do is search sex with Emily and you're able to listen to the show on the go.

It's pretty awesome on the go. It's really easy. So that's a great way to do it. We love Stitcher.

And what else was I gonna tell you? Something that had to do with technology.

And a new app.

Not a new app.

Instagram for a billion dollars.

No, sorry. I'll come up with a layer.

It kills me, but.

Oh, no, no. I was just gonna talk about XM, also on XM.

Oh, we're on SiriusXM. We're doing it this Friday, 4:20. We're gonna be on Playboy. Can you do it Friday night? Write it down. Menace and I are okay. We're on SiriusXMX.

I love doing it, but they're killing me with the Fridays.

I know, I know, I know. You should already be drunk by the time we're doing it. Yeah, I think we're doing it at seven. But if you. If you listen to SiriusXM, we're gonna be on Playboy radio taking callers this Friday night. I'll get back to you at the exact time. But we're also on Extreme Talk, XM165 from 6 to 7 Pacific. Yeah, 9 o'.

Clock.

6 o'. Clock. So don't forget, it's 4:20 too. So we gotta talk about marijuana smoking.

Marijuana smoking.

4:20 is a big day for that.

All Right.

Okay. Hey, Emily. My name is Katie and I'm from the uk. Loving the show, been listening for a while now and just became a Friends with Benefits member. I myself am very interested in the subject of sex and if any of my friends have an issue with it, it's me they come to. I've been inspired by you and want to start my own show here in the UK. I'm thinking of doing it on YouTube as I don't know anything about podcasting. I'm only 23, but I don't think my young age should stop me. So I was wondering if you had any advice for me starting out on this love in the uk. Katie Buckingham Bucks. That's where she's from.

Sweet.

Premium member. Okay, Katie, just do it. Just start doing it. That's what I did. I started doing this podcast seven years ago in my living room. YouTube's not a bad idea if you wanna do a video. Can you do video podcasts at YouTube though?

You can't video podcast, but I mean you can release episodes and putting, you know, the subject of sex in the video probably will get you quite a few views. And you know, being a 23 year.

Old female talking about sex, shouldn't you. Yeah.

With a low cut shirt. I'm sure you'll do fine.

I'm sure you'll do fine. But YouTube is not podcasting. Podcasting, you can go online and look up a lot of different ways. It's really easy to do it from your computer.

It's actually more work than doing a YouTube video though.

It is, yeah.

Yeah.

Why?

Because then you gotta get servers. Yeah. Hosted and then you gotta.

It's a pain in the ass. Don't do it.

Yeah, it is. It is. It is a pain in the ass compared to a lot of things you can do.

I know, but I wish you luck and I think that you should just start doing it and don't worry about your age. And I'm sure it'll be age appropriate and you'll just start talking to your friends and having a fun time.

And if you blow up, we get 10%.

Yeah, we get 10% of everything that you make. But that's cool. Okay. Dear Emily, saw this article about a complaint form and thought of your gay downstairs neighbors. You could fill one out for their loud lovemaking. Unless you are enjoying it and they can fill one out for you. When you forget to wear your Uggs or slippers and walk around your 5 inch. Or is it 10 inch heels? This listener very knows 12 inch heels. This Listener knows me very well. His name is Greg. He writes all the time. And Greg, you're awesome. Because it is. I can't believe. It's just funny that people. I have a problem. I wear my 5 inch heels. I get in trou. I put on my Uggs when I get home now because they make no noise, but the frigging lesbians below me and next door to me have very loud socks. So he sent me this article, let your annoying neighbors know how you feel with this simple complaint form. So there's a complaint form. We're not all blessed with perfect neighbors. In fact, we're not always perfect neighbors ourselves. We're all capable of being disruptive and annoying. So when that happens, we need to call each other out. So there's a form and you slip it under the door and you check off all the relevant problems and leave it at that. Or you can fill in the blanks for more detail. Dude, when we were shooting the Bravo Misadvised, the Bravo reality TV show that we're soon gonna be on national television in, the camera crew's 15 person crew was in my house, in my apartment, my little tiny apartment building with the. With the thin walls for two months. And my neighbors were not happy.

Hated you.

Hate. I got hate mail. I got mean letters. Not hate, but just like, can you let it. Can you let us know when the crew's coming back? I gave everyone brownies and sex toys and I tried to make him feel better.

I don't know what to do about my neighbor, too. I got a noisy upstairs neighbor. I think this guy, this form, I think this guy sleeps the floor or something and leaves his cell phone on the floor and it just, it like vibrates the ground.

You gotta leave a note.

I told you, I already punched a hole in my ceiling.

Yeah, I wouldn't do that again. What I would do is leave a note. Can you? Why don't you just write a note and say, listen, dude, you're lying.

I seen some emails this guy wrote to the landlord. And this guy seems like a real fucking dick. Like, he doesn't seem like you would care about the.

Well, I care. Whenever I get a letter, I take off my shoe. I try to, like, because I feel bad. Like when my dog was pooping in the neighbor's yard, I didn't clean it up by mistake.

I was drunk when I seriously almost went up to his house and beat the shit out of him.

Yeah, that's why. Maybe better to write a letter beforehand so you don't beat the shit out of him. Right?

True.

Ah, true. But it's not bad. I mean, it does. Maybe just because I'm so. I want everyone to like me and I. I feels bad that my neighbors were upset.

I don't care if this guy likes me. I just want him to shut the f up.

Yeah, you gotta write a letter. He probably doesn't know. Okay, we can call our guest. So let me just tell you a little about her. Her name's Rachel Kramer Bussell. She's been writing about sex for a really long time. She's a co editor of new book best sex writing 2012, along with lots of erotica anthologies. Anthologies. She writes for New York Magazine, all kinds of blogs. She. Seriously, she's been on CNN, Wall Street Journal, Fox News, Sex Diaries, Salon.com, the Village Voice, and she writes about cupcakes. All right. She writes about a lot of erotica. Bdsm.

Oh, I like that.

She writes about cupcakes. Is that a nine or a four right there?

Nine.

Nine. Yeah, on the second one. All right, let's try that again.

I write. Yeah. So Rachel Kramer Bussell. And we're going to talk to her about how she got started writing about sex.

And how did you hook up with Reacher Kramer?

Twitter.

Twitter.

Tweet.

Twitter. She tweeted me. Wanted to be on the show.

Look at you.

Look at me. I'm all on Twitter.

You know, tweetish.

I gotta do Instagram more, though.

Like tweedish. Like Swedish tweedish. Oh, dude.

What? It's not working.

I think there's something wrong with your Skype account. Oh, yeah, it says.

They told me that it was gonna expire today, but I tried to. Okay, is there another Skype account we can use?

I don't believe so.

Do you want to log into my personal Skype account?

Okay.

Okay, hold on. Oh, my God, that's so weird.

Yeah, that sucks.

They told me this today, that it was expiring and I put in my credit card. No one cares.

Okay, hold on. We'll switch real quick. You type it in.

Okay. Come over here. Max is gonna be on camera.

Oh, for the first time ever.

No, I've been on.

You should be on camera.

No.

Well, talk to the awesome company you work with to get one in here. Hello. Hi, everybody. I'm on camera. While Emily is typing in her information to see if we can get you.

The guest. I don't know how to fill time when you're not talking with me. All right, we seem to be having it work, I believe.

Oh, what the hell did you do? Be careful, because you could stop our recording right now by accident. Here, I can look at it now.

Okay.

Sorry, everyone. We are so professional here. I can't believe my Skype count did that to me. I put in my new credit card. Whatever. So we're talking to Rachel Kramer Bustle, and we're gonna call her right now. That's funny. Life is funny. I love my life.

Okay, here we go.

Okay.

And we have to talk about 50 shades of gray, which they're calling mom porn right now. It's, like the biggest. It's the. It's like the hugest sensation now with, like, moms across America.

Like, 9,000 guys are trying to hit you up right now.

Yeah. Hold on.

Really?

No, I said you had messages.

People love me.

My brother.

Yeah, it's not. It's not working either.

Why? It's logged in.

This is the.

You need to. Yeah. You need to upgrade this account, too.

It said to upgrade it when I logged on.

Yeah.

So do you have a Skype account?

No, I don't use Skype anymore. I use G Chat.

Oh.

I could call it from my cell phone. Does that not work out? Well.

Yeah, you can do it. I mean, that's the only thing that we can do. Okay, go for it.

Okay, but then.

I can't talk. But it's okay.

No, I want you to talk. Should we just postpone it?

What?

Postpone it?

If you want to. I don't care either way.

I'll call her.

I usually don't talk to the guests that much anyways.

Yeah, you do. Just make faces.

Sorry, everyone. This is really interesting.

We're keeping a ghetto hood. Are you calling her?

Yep.

Okay. I'll be waiting.

You can listen. You can talk, too.

Yeah.

Hello?

Hello, Rachel, you can turn down. Hi, how are you?

I'm fine. Very good. How are you?

Good.

It's so good to talk to you. We're doing it. Our Skype wasn't working, so we're calling you from my cell phone with the speakerphone on the thing, so hopefully you can hear us. Okay.

I can. And can you hear me?

I can hear you perfectly. Perfectly. So, yeah, it's nice to talk to you. I know we've tweeted, but we don't really know each other.

I know. And I just stayed with Jamie Waxman, so I know you guys are friends, so.

Yes. You just saw Jamie Waxman?

Yeah, I just stayed with her in San Francisco.

Oh, you were here and I didn't get to meet you?

I was there, but I was like running around like crazy.

I know. Okay, you gotta come back. You gotta come back. So how did you. I know you've written a ton of books about erotica and your website is Rachel Kramer Bustle. That's Bustle with B U S Ssel. Correct. Okay, so how did, how did you start writing about sex? You've written a ton of books.

I was in law school in 96 to 99, and I had been reading some erotica before that, but I was reading a lot of it during that time and I just thought, oh, these are short stories, I could write one. And there was a call out around that time for stories about celebrities. And this is Dating myself, definitely. So this was 99. And so I wanted to write about Monica Lewinsky, so I wrote about her for a book. Can I say words on the air?

You can say whatever the hell you want.

I can say whatever I want. Okay. I just was like, uh, oh, the book's called Star Fucker. So I wrote a story called Monica and Me. And it was this fantasy basically about me meeting Monica Lewinsky and producing her that got published. And that was really exciting. I still remember holding both that book and it was also published in Westwood in Erotica 2001. And I remember standing in a bookstore, which no longer exists, looking at it. I was so excited. Like I had peer met. It was just so cool to write something on my computer and then see it.

Exactly.

So that really was just.

That's cool. And you've been doing it ever since you've been writing. So what? And you write a lot about bondage and erotica. What got you? What sparked your interest in that?

You know, I think it's a really interesting and fun topic because you can play with all sorts of different.

Things that you can choose in terms of bondage, like equipment. There's a story in one of my best bondage erotica anthologies, I think 2011, about choosing.

In an office to tie someone up. You can really use almost anything. And I think there's the psychology of it, which with anything about sex, I'm always interested in the psychology of why some people are into one thing and some people are into something else. And so I think you can play with that from both sides. You can play with the psychology of why someone wants to tie someone up and then what are they going to do with them once they're tied up and why wants to be tied up. And actually there's a really interesting story that I didn't write that's in my book that's on the Jataka 2012. And I read it out loud the other day because it was so compelling. It's called Melting Ice by Shoshana Evers. And it's about a woman who's so into being tied up and she's not dating anyone and she can't really find a guy who will do that with her. So she ties herself up and she does these handprof and she's waiting for this ice to melt to get the key out to unlock herself. And I thought that was so fascinating because for me, I can get into bondage. I like it sometimes, but I like interaction with another person. I don't know if I would like.

Right. Like it. Exactly like it that much. So you're into bondage in your personal life?

I am. I mean, not all the time. And it's not like if someone wasn't into it, it would be a deal breaker. I don't really think I have anything that if someone wasn't into it, it would be a deal breaker really. But I do like bondage. I mean, I don't think. I don't do it all the time.

Right, but you're into it.

Yeah. Yeah.

So what do you think about this whole 50 shades of gray? I was trying to tell Menace. He's here. He's my co host on the show. Can you hear?

Hello?

Our phones are a little weird, but 50 shades of gray why is such a huge phenomenon right now?

I don't know. I just know that, like, it's everywhere. Because I've been traveling a lot this past week and it's at all the airport bookstores, right up front and center.

You know, I just. I don't think it's that different or new. You know, it's a romance and the protagonist is young and very inexperienced and her, you know, this guy that she's really into is older and kind of stern and, like, showing her the ropes, so to speak. But I think what's interesting to me is that I had trouble reading it and connecting with her because I felt like so much of it was about him telling her what. And, you know, I think that can be totally hot. Anything personalized, you know, I might tell someone what to do. Like, they might tell me what to do. But I think that when you're writing about it, if you're not hearing why the person thinks it's hot, then it can just be like someone telling you what to do. And that's not, you know, I think you need more of a context of what giving the Orders is turned on by it. And that's the kind of writing I like where someone might be doing something that a lot of people would think, I would never want to do that, or that's disgusting, or that's whatever. But if you can get into the psychology of why that would turn someone on, someone might want to crawl around on the floor and eat out of a dog bowl. And not every day, and not with everyone, but in the right context, because they have a dynamic with someone where that's sexy. But I feel like for me, 50 Shades of Grace didn't give me that dynamic. It only gave me five half of that, really. And I felt like she was kind of doing a lot of this stuff just to please him. And that is where I kind of lost.

Right. You don't see what's in it for her. But there's been so much. I mean, you've written so. I mean, how many books you've written? Like, so many books. It would take me the entire show.

I read like 42 books.

Yeah, that's a lot.

Oh, my God. And so this book. Yeah, that's a lot. And I'm sure a lot of your books have the elements of Fifty Shades of Grey. So I'm just. I'm wondering why this one just took off. They're calling it mom porn. And my mom called me and was like, have you heard of this 50 Shades of Gray?

You know, it's like, yeah, I think it's. I don't know. I mean, maybe people have just been eager for something, you know, that's explicitly about sex, but it's not like that's something new. I mean, they're applying. And Gayle Green, the food critic, wrote to best selling erotic novels in the 70s. And I think there's been erotic novels that have captured the public's imagination, but this one is just. First of all, it came about very quickly. Like, people started asking me about it and I hadn't even heard of it. I think the trajectory was really fast. It's not like she was building up her career or people knew who she was or, you know, it wasn't right. You just never know the Twilight fan fiction element. Now, I haven't read Twilight, but I don't really see that much of a connection between this bondage novel and, like, what's going on in Twilight.

Yeah, me neither. I don't know. I feel like I should check it out. But what would you say, Rachel, since you know all about erotica and literature? What's a good starting point for Someone who's never read erotica, but they might be interested. Like, where would you even start?

I mean, I think some of my, like, kinkier books, those are pretty intense. So I. If you're not sure if that's what you're into, I don't want to necessarily say, oh, read about thinking or bondage. But there's ones that are more varied. There's one called Orgasmic that I really like. I edited it and it's all stories about female orgasm, but some really different points of view.

Oh, I love it.

Chemistry is about a woman who's turned on by chemistry and being in a science lab and.

Scientists. And I'm not into that at all. Like, chemistry scares me. I'm like, oh, I almost felt that. I mean.

But again, she makes me get into the character who's turned on by the scientists and all the smells and the kind of power a scientist has to make stuff explode. And I think that a lot of people started out writing around about. Certainly I did about stuff that they're interested in. But I think one of the bigger challenges is to try to write about something that doesn't turn you on that can fiction to fictionalize it and make it something that sounds sexy too, right?

Yeah, you might never know. And also it's a good way for couples to explore. Like, do you have any books that you recommend for couples to, like, read together to kind of explore what would make them feel good sexually? Maybe they can learn something.

There's a lot out there right now. I edited a book called Irresistible, which features all couples. And some are new couples, but most are definitely long term couples dealing with everything from affairs to death in the family to, you know, work and home life and just different things that real couples go through. And I think reading erotica, whether you're reading it out loud to each other, maybe you're reading it on your own and then comparing notes on what you like the best. I think can be the safe way to think about something that you might want to try or just to share a fantasy. Like, I'm all about talking dirty and sharing fantasies while you have the freedom. When you're with someone who you feel like you can say, oh, I want to do this. And in the heat of the morning, you're not really saying, I want to do this tomorrow. You're saying, I think about this and this turns me on. And I feel like sometimes people don't always get that. Like they think you mean I want to do this right now. And that can be a lot of pressure. If everything you said in the heat of the moment of fantasy meant that you wanted to do it right, then I think that would curtail a lot of people talking dirty. So I think there's definitely something to be said for Eronica being a way to tough the boundaries of just. Or just say certain things out loud that you might not know how to say.

Exactly, exactly. Because I'm always telling couples, like, you got to find out what her fantasies are, what his fantasies are. But this. But reading erotica would be a good way to kind of read it together and discuss, like, well, that kind of turns me on. Or just discuss, you know, the different things in it.

Maybe the story turns you on just because it's an issue, interesting story, it doesn't necessarily mean that, you know, you see yourself in that. Well, maybe you know the story about a man and a woman, and you're a female couple, and maybe the woman sees herself in the role of the man in the story. You know.

I think because it's fiction and there's. It's like when you're watching a movie, you don't necessarily identify with the character who books or sounds like you. You may identify with some other character, and that's fine.

I gotta read more erotica. It's like, been on my list forever. I've read some, like, in college, but not. I want to read some of yours. So your best sex writing of 2012 is what's coming out right now or what you're working on.

That's actually nonfiction. That's more stinky. Like, I call it a book for sex nerds. So there's stuff in there about slit walk and non monogamy.

Okay.

And, you know, female orgasm workshops. And there's just all sorts of.

Stuff that I think makes you think and makes you consider what's going on in the world not just in your personal life, but, you know, outside of it as well.

Right. Okay, cool. Well, we'll have to check that out. And then just tell me quickly about your cupcake obsession. How does that relate. Where did that come from?

Non sexual people sometimes are like, what does that mean? Cupcakes? I'm like, that means what you think it means. Cupcakes.

You're like, I just like cupcakes.

Yesterday I judged. Well, I was at a cupcake camp, Seattle, which is a charity event, and people, like hundreds of people came and ate cupcakes. And there was a cupcake eating contest where you had to see who was going to eat the most cupcakes in three minutes. And it was kind of crazy. It was fascinating, but also a little bit gross.

I love that.

You might as well love that. That's so cool. That's awesome that you do that. So everyone can check out your site, Rachel Kramer Bussel. B U S S E L. And that's Kramer. K R A M E R. It's all gonna be on our website and then we can link to the show and we'll be sending it to you. And thank you so much, Rachel, for sharing this and good luck with everything you've got working on and I hope to meet you. So next time you're in town, come say hi.

Next time I will definitely let you know.

Okay, cool. Thanks, Rachel. Have a great day. Bye.

I want to talk more about the cupcakes.

I know you did. I knew your eyes. That's what Menace glazed over about erotica. But honestly, like, there was all these, like, books growing up, like, women on top and all this erotica that.

All those books that. What's his name, the famous model. He was on the COVID of.

Oh, right. Fabi Fabio. But that's what, like this 50 shades of gray supposed to be like that kind of thing, like, appealing to.

That's awesome that that's coming back.

It's coming back and I want to read it. I'm gonna read more.

You can bring back reading.

I'm gonna bring back reading. I think reading is sexy. Okay, that's our show for today. Unless there's anything else that you'd like to add. Menace.

No. Once again, download the Stitcher app. It's totally free for your smartphone.

Great way to listen to the show. And you can become a Friends with Benefits member. And we just love all of our listeners. So thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com there's one overlooked mineral.

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