SWE: Morning Sex, Naked Pictures, and Orgasms

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. Well, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com well, you can listen to all of our podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list because you get amazing emails from me with not only some really good tips, sex tips, things that'll change your life, but also some great discounts and some toys and some products and some books and some porn and whatever you might want to enhance your sex life, which is probably why you're listening to the show, I hope, and I've heard from everyone, so it's so great from. For everyone emailing me, I know that your sex life has improved and it's getting better from listening to the show and your relationships and happy holidays to everyone. Tell my listeners. And I'm here with Anderson tonight. What up, Anderson?

What up?

What up? How you doing?

I'm well. I'm crazed. It's the end of the year and radio people have to work. They have to do a full month and two weeks every December.

They do this to you. I know. That's why radio was tough. I mean, I was in. I mean, I guess I still am in radio working on Loveline.

Turns out you're in front of a microphone right now.

I'm in front of a microphone in the Loveline studio. So people don't know.

Hey, watch this though.

What?

Not a face for radio.

Not me.

Yeah, you.

Oh, thank you.

We have a pretty good looking crew over at Loveline anyway.

We do have a good looking crew.

I haven't had to work with the heinous people that tend to gravitate towards radio.

Yeah, I know. You're right, I guess. But I do some television. But you're right. Radio, I love radio. Is my favorite medium. Absolutely.

You like the free. Speaking of it all, I don't love.

The people, though, because you're right. They make you work and do crazy stuff and they don't care.

The people on air, they're.

Yeah, right.

They're a pain in the ass.

Okay?

They're. They're all, you know, totally into themselves and megalomaniacs, but you find some good ones, like Dr. Drew and Mike's okay, right? Mike Catherwood.

Right. Exactly. I'm okay, too.

But the people that lord over radio, some of the worst human beings in the history of the world.

I know, it's so true. I had some traumatic experience, which is why I know I just do my podcast, but I also do Love Line. If people don't know Loveline, it's been around for 30 years podcast, you can download it. It's also a Live show in many cities. So I don't know where y' all live, but you can check out lovelineshow.com and I'm on the show every Thursday night. So you can listen to the Thursday podcast and you can hear Anderson and myself and you can listen to it five nights a week, actually.

Okay, so one quick adjustment to what I just said. The people that lord over this show and Loveline and all the other podcasts, currently, they're great, right?

It's typically in radio. Not the kind. Just in my early experiences. Not the kindest people, but love to everyone, right?

They're like people that are too dumb to get into tv.

That's what everyone says. Is that true, people in radio. But I truly just love the medium of radio. Like, I just love to hear the peeps.

I like it when people use their own words and not things off cue cards and teleprompters.

We just talk. Cause we're quick. We're quick, we're fast. And apparently I talk too fast. But I think that's why I can get a lot of information in for people. So this is what Anderson and I are gonna talk today. We got a little bit of sex in the news. Some stuff that I have to tell you about. And we also have some emails from the. Because I love hearing from you all@feedbackextwithemily.com and some topics include a guy who wants to become polyamorous, doesn't know how to talk about with his partner. Also, what does a woman do when her partner wants morning sex and she doesn't?

These are emails.

These are emails from the people. What did I say?

I was still stuck because you talked so fast. I still thought maybe you were talking about sex in the news.

These are emails from the people.

And the polyamorous guy should not be going to the news.

Exactly. Sorry, I'm just reviewing it so people know what topics we're going to cover. Another thing is a woman who can't have an orgasm. Guy and his wife never had an orgasm. And we're gonna get into some other things. It's a fun show tonight.

Does her husband know?

Well, we're gonna get to that, so you're gonna have to wait. Okay, so first I've got something to tell everyone. Podcast one is another place where you can find my podcast and Anderson's podcast.

Which is the Film Vault.

The Film Vault. If you're interested in film, anything about film, you gotta check out his podcast. Right, Anderson?

It's absolutely true. Yeah, we do. At the top of Each show, we talk about the three films we've seen most recently, which are usually films in the theater. And then we do a top five list of certain genres, like top five debut performances by actresses. And we talk about films dating back to like, as early as, like the 20s up until, like, you know, today.

I love that because, like, I never know what to see and I don't trust movies that I aren't reviewed well.

And I see like six movies a week, so I'm kind of crazy.

You are crazy. Okay, so I just got a quick read here. So podcast one is the place that's hosting our podcast now. We love hearing from you, so keep on sending your tweets and comments. We do read every one. And don't miss a chance to take a very important listener survey@podcast1.com. Your responses will help to make the show the very best it can be. It'll only take three minutes your time and you'll get the instant gratification that comes with knowing you helped us out. So do it now. PodcastOne.com. that's PodcastOne.com and let us know what you think of all the shows and all that stuff. So. Oh, hey, hey.

Guest for next week is here a week early.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

Hey, Brad.

Next week, Brad Williams is on your program.

Brad Williams. Amazing. He's gonna be here. We're talking to him. Okay. So, Anderson, I thought that we could talk about real quickly. There was an article that came out that said couples who swing are healthier.

Now I get tons of questions about swinging. People are like, that's so messed up. Even though a lot of people in their mind are like, I want to swing or I want to swap or whatever. But an orgasm is directly connected with the happy mood and mental state of both sex partners. So in swinging couples, both of these factors are more present as compared to monogamous couples. Flexibility, creative capacity, adaptation of changing circumstances, and indefinable thinking. So they're very open, they're free spirited, and they're having more orgasms and they're saying that they're healthier because of the brain chemicals that are released during sexual arousal and all that stuff.

What?

I know it doesn't sound crazy.

Where did this come from? Did you cite the this came from.

Swingers.Org no, just kidding. It came from the examiner, but it was a done and it's by Europeans.

I bet.

By Europeans. No, risk of heart disease is for people who are having infrequent orgasms. Okay, who did this study exactly? I don't know. But it's like. Well, you know, it's a legit study. I'm not lying to people. I'm not telling you stuff that's not real. But here's the deal, is that people always ask me if you're. They're like, do you think it works Swinging? None of those people who swing or polyamorous, they can be healthy at all. And I'm here to tell you that you're a monogamous man. You're married. How easy is marriage?

It's. I mean, just barely over a year.

That's right.

So still, you can. So far, so good.

Okay.

I mean, I still.

It's not like, perfect. Right. I'm just saying there's struggles in monogamy and there's struggles in open relationships.

There's struggles in life. Yeah, yeah. Here's my thing with open relationships and swingers and not to, like, broad stroke it, but I have not met one swinger, and I've met a number of them in my job. I've not met one that I would want to hang out with.

Really?

They're not cool people.

You wouldn't want to swing.

They think they're cool. They think they're way too cool. That's the problem.

Okay. And Menace, who's awesome that he has things. He thinks they all ponytails. And they're all like. They don't.

They all look like they used to be, like, the security guard at a strip joint, but.

Okay, that's a stereotype. There's a lot of. Like, what about Holly and Michael? Remember Holly and Michael from the Playboy show?

They were here.

They do a show.

I got them in my survey.

They were good. She was in Playboy this month. He just sent me hot pictures.

Very beautiful.

I think they want me to hook up with them or something. Not that I'm going to.

No, they do. For sure.

You think they do?

Absolutely.

Because he sends me naked pictures of his wife. So that could be a sign.

That's like. That's like bait. He's like an angler.

I know. Exactly. I get baited. Oh. And then this guy. That's a long story, but weird men hit on me that have nothing to do with my life. Like, other than, like, there's a guy that I hired to do something for me, to help me with some technical stuff. And. And he. I barely know him. I did one assignment with him, and then I said, I'm going out to take something to the wash or whatever. He goes, oh. My mind goes crazy thinking about what kind of things you're washing. Like, men. Assume he takes it.

That's a terrible ticket pickup line.

I imagine what you're washing, and I'm thinking, are you thinking about my lingerie? Like, I've never met you. Yes, you're on my sex with Emily's site. But that's inappropriate.

That's just a dumb tech. I don't get a dumb tech guy who has no idea. Since you're sex with Emily, he thinks that you're an open door.

Imagine what you're washing right now.

What were you washing?

I was washing my dog's clothes. I swear to God, it wasn't even that hot.

So not sexy.

Maybe I had some other things thrown in there. Okay. And then the other thing I want to talk about is. Okay, so Dylan Sprouse, he's the former Disney star. Did you hear about this? He has nudes. Selfies. Nude selfies that leaked on Twitter. And he's 21 now. And usually you think that all these Disney stars that have crazy things going on with their lives and their lives fall apart are women, but he's actually 21, so. And he did some selfies, and they've got pictures of him. And I just want to say that I've said this before, and I've even gotten some people who are angry about it, but I don't think that anyone should send naked pictures of themselves with their face attached on a text message, through Facebook, through anywhere, or, like, however else they do it.

But disembodies, Okay.

I mean, I don't even approve of bodies because I feel like if you're. First of all, a lot of women, I think grow up. Younger women now, maybe even teens, once they get their cell phone, they start sexting and sending pictures because they think it's just. They live in the bubble and no one's ever gonna see it. However, I'm here to tell you that most of the time, guys get these pictures of you, and they're gonna show it to whoever's sitting next to them.

Yeah, you know what? That's absolutely true. Most guys are dirtbags, and the first thing they're doing is they're gonna brag to their friends.

Exactly.

And I've dated girls who, like, we may or may not have made some movies. And then, like. Like, within a month, she's like, so how many of your friends have you shown? I'm like, none. I would never show my friends that.

Okay, what was the truth?

None. But I know most guys would.

You're a good man.

Fantastic. Yeah. But Most guys would because I. I have friends who show me their shit all the time.

Exactly.

Back in the day, it was Polaroids and they'd show.

Right, right, exactly. So I'm sitting next to men guy friends all the time. They're like, look at her. Look at her. Look who I'm banging.

Look at who I can show girls, though. I have shown girls, like, videos. Oh, that's okay. Just don't show your dude friends.

I think that's bad, too. She doesn't want to see other. I have your girl girls seeing. See what I mean? You're just as bad. So what I'm telling you people is do not sex. Do not send naked. And I. I'm the least conservative person on the planet. I just think when you're applying for your first job or something, it's gonna come up and bite you in the ass with the picture.

It'd be kind of weird if I.

People get mad.

You're in a job interview and the person who you're trying to get a job from is like, look at this picture of you naked on the Internet.

Exactly. It happened.

Does that happen? Have you ever had.

No, I have no naked pictures of me on the Internet. I do not think. I mean, I don't.

You don't think?

Well, here's my one issue. Now everyone's gonna look for it, and if it doesn't exist, I've never, ever sent a naked picture of myself. I've never taken nude photos of myself. However, about six, seven years ago, I was. I acted in a film called I'm a Sex Addict. You should rent that, too. It's on Netflix.

You get Topless.

It's an indie film. No. Okay, So I do not get it. Won a bunch of awards. You'd appreciate this, actually.

Were you a sex addict?

I was not a sex addict. He was a sex addict. His name's Kaveh Zahidi. He's done a bunch of independent films. I don't know if you heard of.

Him, but anyway, I have one sex addict movie that I. It's my go to sex. That's Shame. Shame's a great movie.

Okay. Yeah, I haven't seen it.

Steve McQueen.

Okay. Yeah.

Steve McQueen directed it. He's a black guy. Different Steve McQueen. But so what, you got a body double?

No, I didn't have a body double, but he wanted me to get naked. Of course. But I said when I read the script, and it was about his sex addiction, it's actually. It's a good movie.

The guy that wrote and directed it.

But he's a recovering sex addict, so he's, you know, been in a. In sex addicts and not slaa for.

It's a great place to pick up ladies.

And he's married. Exactly. So in the film, I play his girlfriend. He has three girlfriends in the film. And there's a scene where we're supposed to be having sex or we're having sex and he's like, I want you to take off your. I'm like, I'm not taking off my shirt.

You're supposed to be having sex.

So I supposed to be having sex. Exactly. But I had like a bandeau on over my. So you couldn't see. That's like. Goes over my breast so you couldn't see. But there was like a slippage during, like the after, like in the deleted scenes on the dvd. But he put a bar over it. That's like the only thing I can think of. Like if that ever came out. I'm telling you, this is such a long story for me, telling you that you could dig for it and find it.

But that exists somewhere. That editor definitely has it at his house.

I know, but I'm friends with the editor and I hope he never reveals it. Anyway, the point is I'm careful and I have many experiences to do this and I do not reveal new photos. So I just wanted to share this everyone. Hey, Anderson. So shopping online, always convenient. We all love it. We love the coupon codes. You can find them. And we all love discounts, but a lot coupon codes don't work. This happened to me the other day. Someone sent me a coupon code. It didn't work. I was pissed.

Every time I buy anything if I don't have a coupon code, I feel like I'm getting screwed.

Yeah, me too.

But a lot of time they don't work. You're right.

They don't work. Okay, so it turns out trying to save money could become a second job. That's why everyone right now should use tada.com. they post when a coupon was last used by a verified buyer so you can be certain when a coupon was last used. So it has coupons for every conceivable angle from great companies. There are coupons from 6400 stores on TA da. So you can find coupons for your electronics, apparel, pet products, automobile, automotive, and so much more.

Do they have an app?

I don't know if they have an app, but they totally should. If they don't, they probably will in five minutes. But check out TADA. Now start saving. Go to tada.com. that's tada.com and all my listeners, you got to go do this because you got to save money. And it's the easiest way to save money with your online purchases. That's tada.com.

Does it cost anything?

No, it's free. Totally free. It's just that when you go to all these other coupon sites, they're all expired.

You know what'd be funny is if it was like $300 a month, but if you had a coupon code, it was free.

Exactly. No, it's totally free. TADA.com. check it out. I actually bought some stuff there. Some apparel stuff I was looking for and some makeup, and I was very happy. Ta da. Ta da. Ta da. It's a good name, too. How'd they get that URL? I don't even know. I want that URL.

Sex dummies. Pretty cool.

Coupon code.

Coupon code. Okay, I've got some emails from the people that I'd like to talk through with you.

Chime in the listeners.

We love when you chime in@feedbackexwithily.com or you can email me. You can find me on Twitter, Sex with Emily and Facebook and Instagram.

You got two emails here.

I have.

What do you mean you got two that you're bringing to the program? Feedbackexwithemily.com two emails that you're about to do right now. I know there's one lady can't orgasm, and then there's a dude who wants to be polyamorous, but he doesn't know how to break it.

Well, there's the first one that I'm just gonna read. This is funny because this happens to me all the time. Dear Emily, I just started listening to your podcast and I love it. I wanted to share with you a recent funny experience that was probably great promotion for you. I was sitting in a very quiet, intimate coffee shop writing, and suddenly your podcast came on super loud. It was promoting some of your sex toys and was hilarious because my phone seemed to lock up and wouldn't stop. Everyone was trying to pretend like they didn't hear it. Except one girl who was laughing her ass off. Anyway, just thought I would share. Thanks for your podcast. Best, Sarah. So that happened to me. I was thinking, first of all, a lot of people, this happens to them. Sex only podcast comes on or they're like talking about sex, or I'm sitting, having a meeting with someone and, you know, I talk about, like, butt plugs like, really loud all the time.

Like, all the time. Like, all the time.

Did you get that butt plug I sent you? However, my landlord. So I have a guest. I live in a guest house behind another house. And I got all these butt plugs in recently from Good Vibrations. And I also had these huge thunder sticks that were sent to me. They're kind of like Hitachi magic wands. And they were all laid out in my apartment because I was doing a photo shoot. And he kind of knows what I do for a living, but he's like 65 years old. Like, old. Like Jewish man from Russia came in to fix something in my apartment. And I have my hot sex book post. It was just looked like a sex dent. And my face was so red and literally, you can't deny. Oh, and I had flashlights.

He wants to know what's in your washing machine now.

Exactly. Now he wants to go. I was a little embarrassing. So. Sarah, I understand what you went through. And I just tweeted this yesterday that, like, my house is not only kid safe because my friend wanted to be a king a kid over. It's like, it's not even like human safe, human proof. Like, I can't have a normal person walk into my apartment.

Yeah.

So you can't even get a normal.

The worst is when you're in line at the supermarket and you can't get in or out of the. You're already in the line. There's people behind you and in front of you and your thing pulls out and the word cunt very loud comes off your phone because you're listening to a filthy podcast.

Oh, is that happened to you?

That's really embarrassing.

Right? Exactly.

And you just gotta stand there like, okay, everyone can.

Everyone.

And there's been all this news this week about what people can really find on your smartphones. Like, did you see this? All this. People can find just like, what your last sites that you went to. All the fear that people have, like, their Facebook things. And like, if you're like a record.

Like a history of it is a history. But people don't realize. I think people could get in big trouble. Just like if you check the little map app and figure out where they were going recently.

That's what I saw in the news the other night. That. That if you don't have location services turned off on your phone for photos, that even if you take a picture of her, your kid, your child in her bedroom at night and you post it or something, people could find out exactly where your child is or where you are at that moment. If you don't turn this off on your phone, it's dangerous.

But then how are you gonna look at your pictures years later and see all this family Just turn it off.

Where you were. You remember where you were. If you're in your house, it doesn't really matter, right?

It's true. Just don't post it. Don't post it.

Don't post anything.

I'm tired of looking at your goddamn case.

I know. That's how I feel. I regret everything I've posted and said. Just kidding. Not really. I love my podcasts. Okay. Hello, Emily. I've experiencing a little dilemma with my wife lately. She's never experienced an orgasm and doesn't seem to have any interest in trying to know how. So needless to say, it's been frustrating on our sex life. I wish I knew what I could do to please her. I understand that it's common. Women can orgasm with penetration. But is it common for women nearly in her 30s not to have experienced an orgasm at all? I put a lot of blame emotionally on myself because I can't seem to please her. She says she's pleased, but it's hard to believe that when we only have sex about once every two weeks. I would think or imagine she would want to have sex more if she knew what an orgasm felt like. I really want to help her, but how do I get her emotionally charged to want it? I would assume she needs to have interest in orgasming first, right? I really hope you can help with my situation. Your reply is very much appreciated. Sign, Vince.

This is a huge dilemma, Vince, and I'm so glad you wrote me. So, first of all, you're Both in your 30s. She's never had an orgasm. So first of all, I want you, Vince, to do one thing right now. Take all the emotional lame off yourself. It has nothing to do with you, your penis size, what you're doing, what you're not doing, not a thing. The fact that she has never orgasmed probably means she's never masturbated to success. And I guess by success I mean having orgasm. So a lot of women believe, and they're raised to believe that they're going to have sex with a man and all of a sudden their orgasm is going to happen. You know, someday my prince will come and so will I is what a lot of women believe. But the truth is that she's got to do some work on her own. And since you guys are a couple.

You could help her.

But mostly I Tell women who have never had orgasms to spend some time. Spend some time with vibrators with yourself. It could take you a month, it could take her months, it could take her a year. But she's got to figure out where her hotspots are and what feels good. But he could do this with her as well, since they're together. He could use his fingers. Vince, you could buy a sex toy. I'm telling you, like, a lot of women cannot have orgasms unless they use a sex toy. So go to goodvibes.com and use coupon code Emily and get any toy you want there. I love the pocket rocket. That's a great starter for clitoral stimulation.

Not in the car, though.

What? Not the pocket rocket.

Don't use the pocket rocket in the car.

Did you do that?

No, but I've known girls that have crashed. Is there such a thing as a girl that or a female that can never orgasm?

Yes, there are women who can't orgasm, but it's very, very rare. Usually the reason why. I was gonna say, Vince, also, is she on any medication? Because a lot of times women on birth control, pill, women on antidepressants, which is like, more than half the world, they can't have orgasms as easily.

Women that just had kids.

Women who just had kids. So there could be. She could have emotional trauma growing up. I mean, Vince, there are so many. So I want to give you, like, practical and technical support, but I also think you need to sit down and take a sexual history with her in a loving way, of course, and say, let's make this fun and don't make it about the orgasm with her. Like, have some nights where you might just, you know, give her a massage and warm her up and start exploring, because it sounds like she doesn't even know her body. So maybe you should start massaging her and see what turns her on. Maybe like kissing her earlobes and her neck and just getting her warmed up. How much do you experience? Do you perform foreplay on her? And so give her, like, a massage candle, like one of my lovely Emily and Tony massage candles.

Seamless.

Seamless, right. Anything like that. So. And again, toyssexwithemily.com goodvibes. You get 15% off for coupon code Emily. I would suggest. Here's a way you could start it. You could go to goodvibes.com and say, Babe, do any of these look interesting to you? Would you ever want to try this or that or after you're exploring for a while? Because, again, A lot of women. I didn't have my first one until I bought a vibrator at Good Vibes in San Francisco. I will tell you.

Worked how old?

I was, like, 21.

Wow.

I know. I'm a late bloomer.

You're like one of those comedians that's like. I was shy until I graduated college.

Totally. I was a prude, too. I was not a slut. Everyone assumes, like, I was. And I'm still not a slut.

I don't see that.

I'm open. I'm more open. I've had more experiences, but I definitely was. I didn't even know about orgasms. Like, I didn't even. I did start to hear about them in college from my friends, but it just, like, didn't. Didn't work for me because I never masturbated. It never occurred to me to masturbate.

That's weird.

Well, because they don't talk in schools when they teach sex education.

You have siblings?

I have a brother. Older brother. But we didn't. He hated me. I mean, he loves me now. He had nothing to do with me. I just annoyed him. Like, he never got over the fact that I was born. He's two years older.

Well, you're the baby of the family.

Exactly.

But I think he was just like.

But he never really like. He never. He was just like. She. My mom brought me home from the hospital.

Life was perfect. And then this thing came exactly home.

She came home, brought me home from the hospital, and he. She left the room for a minute, and I was in my little bassinet. And he pushed me behind the curtains and put the curtains over me so she couldn't see me. And that's how he felt about me my entire life. Like, I wish she would just go away. Not anymore.

Just stay behind the curtains.

So he never said, emily, are you masturbating? No. When I was 18, he never said that to me.

Fair enough.

So, Vince, I would say there's just. There's just so much here. But I would. You would Also. I wouldn't put pressure on it. I wouldn't take Emotionally. Be emotionally. Feel like you're on the spot for this because it is her responsibility. But since you guys are married, too, you guys can work on it together and make it fun. Make it a project. Make it like the two of you are gonna sit together and you're gonna figure out her body. Use your fingers, use your hands, use your mouth.

At least she's not faking.

Exactly. She could be faking. You know, I'VE had emails like that too that like people who find out that their wife's been faking for 50 years or something. Have you ever heard those stories?

Yeah, yeah. I watched Seinfeld. I saw it.

Was it in Seinfeld?

Yeah. Elaine was faking with Jerry.

Oh, right, I remember that.

She was faking with everybody.

Exactly. Yeah. Women all fake it at one point in their life. I think I believe I have.

I faked it.

Men fake it too. That was one of the most amazing things I learned when I started studying sex. I remember hearing this early on that how the hell does a man fake it? Cause you jeopardy. What about you?

Just when you're condoming.

When you're wearing a condom, condoming helps to fake it. So why do you think you didn't orgasm? Was it because you were too drunk.

Or you weren't drinking? Drugs? Non interest. Boredom. Guy just finished earlier. Not long enough with the refractory.

Right, the refractory. Got it. Yeah. Guys fake it too. We often fake it.

Girls take it real personally if you can't finish.

I know.

So I've faked a few times just to not deal with that.

We all take it personally, but most time has nothing to do with the person that's taking it personally.

98%.

98% of the time. So Vince, it's not because you're being a bad husband. It's not because your penis. Like I said. And same with everyone else. So women who are faking it and men are doing a disservice to their partner because they're thinking they're doing everything great. So if you're not having an orgasm, you should make it your life work to figure out how to have an orgasm. Because what else is there?

Got a sex surrogate and brought her home and then showed his wife how to give that woman an orgasm in front of her. Would that help?

People do that? Yes, that would help. There are sexual. Would you recommend that a sex counselor? I would not recommend that.

I wouldn't think you would, no.

But I do know men who sleep. I know a guy who sleeps with guys wives to show them.

Like the cuckolding thing.

Yeah, exactly. You gotta be into that thing. I would. I would maybe recommend a sex therapist, but not a sex surrogate.

Yeah, I don't think. Do sex surrogates even exist anymore?

Yeah, they do.

Do they?

For sure. I mean, when I was in sex school, when I was getting my doctorate. Yeah, we had a sex surrogate speak to us.

And so they're like legalized, scientific, you Totally. Should have one on the show.

I know I should. And she's the one I had. She was in San Francisco, but I. When I live there. But I'll have her come on the show.

My dad's a psychologist, and he was one of the last psychologists to use them on a regular basis. My dad was into it. Yeah.

He used it for his patients.

Yeah. And himself, I'm sure, once they left.

Right, exactly. He's like, hey, would you mind?

I think my dad's a bit of a sex addict himself.

Really?

Yeah.

He is. He still.

Oh, now he's just old.

Okay. But he was a sex addict. Interesting.

He's one of these guys. He had sex for the first time when he was, like, 10 with a prostitute.

Are you serious? Where'd he grow up?

Like, in Pittsburgh, but he had, like, older friends and they used to just get prostitutes. And they brought him along one time. All right, hop on, Donnie.

See, that'll mess you up for life. 10 years old.

Jesus Christ.

Is that why you're all messed up? Yeah, Anderson, that explains so much. Okay, dear, here's another one. Wait a minute. Okay. Dear Emily, I've become a huge fan of yours. Thanks to you and the cable tv, I've discovered a whole new world that I would like to be part of. Polyamory. I just have a question for you. How would you go about approaching a female to see their view on polyamory and see if they'd be interested in a polyamorous relationship? Thanks, Scott.

First thing, Scott, you gotta grow a ponytail, right?

No, that's swingers. And that's actually not true. But polyamory, I would not lead with it, Scott. I would not leave with it on the floor first or even the second date. I would. If you've met someone that you're already dating, let's say you could say, have you ever, you know, how do you feel about monogamy? I would say 99% of the world would like monogamy. You might want to share some of the stuff you've seen on cable. Have you ever seen. What is that polyamorous show that everyone's watching that. I know. I should be watching Big Love. Big Love. No, no. Yes. Big Love. But there's, like, a reality one. Yeah, Big Love. But there's, like, a reality one. You could watch the show with her, with someone and say, hey, what? Did you ever see the show and kind of see what they think about it? You kind of use an outside source.

How old is Scott?

He doesn't say how old he is.

Because if he's like in his mid-20s, that's kind of just the norm. You just date around, right?

We're up. Yeah. Maybe he's a little older then. I don't know. But yeah, you just. Everyone's polyamorous because you're sleeping with everyone, but they're pretending they're monogamous. So the difference with polyamory is that you a lot of times have a primary partner and then you sleep with other people. I would try to find like minded polyamorous people where you live, Scott. There's lots of different groups, websites. Like, even if there's like a local sex toy shop or college campus or like in the back of all the those magazines they have the. The ones, the free ones. Like that's the Weekly Express out here and the SF Weekly. There's like a lot of different organizations.

But it's probably just gonna be a bunch of horny dudes.

Yeah, exactly. So I would say that just kind of lead into it with like some random things. You could even. This is. It might sound lame, but it's so easy. My friend of mine, he's actually in a polyamorous relationship. Meeting the doll. What do you think about that? Oh, I could never do that. That seems ridiculous. Or I'd be open to that. I like that. I mean, that's how you find out. You throw in a third party source. But Scott, I'm just curious also, like, why, you know, I could see why you're interested. I'm interested in too. Like, I think I'm polyamorous, but not really. Like, I haven't been. Yeah, I have been.

I think you're commitment phobic because you're really.

I'm commitment phobic. But as a result, polyamory works for me.

Well, what causes polyamory? I mean, I understand dudes, they want to spread their seed. But like, what? When would it be a good thing?

I think it would be a good thing if you are interested, if you're able to. You want to be with one person and you love this person and they're your primary person. You live together, but however, you also like to have sex with other people.

But everyone does.

Exactly. But why don't they? Because you commit for the rest of your life. I'm only gonna sleep with one person, and that's my wife. How happy are you about that, Anderson?

I'm fine with that.

That's fine.

Now you are.

It's been a year.

But really, I know, it freaks me out. It does.

It still freaks out.

I'm at the gym and girls, I make eye contact. I'm like, yeah, I'm not doing anything wrong.

Right.

But yeah, I mean, a year and a half ago I might have like, you know, asked that girl out or something. Now I'm not going to exactly, but that helps my wife and everyone else's relationship. That strengthens it.

Exactly.

The trust behind that. There is some great trust. And the commitment.

Exactly.

And the. You got to with sacrifice. Sacrifice has a lot to do with any meaningful relationship. I hate it too.

And compromise.

But you need it.

I know. I get it. I totally get it. You're right. I mean, I don't hate sacrifice. I do it. But the thing is that there's a.

Girl at the gym today. I would love to have a sacrifice.

I know, but see, you can't. But what if you were in a polyamorous relationship and you love your wife and everything was great, but you were so open. Thinking about people in polyamorous relationships, which we can all learn from, is that they. That they are unabashedly truthful about everything. They speak like there is nothing that is a secret.

I think one of them is always gonna be hurt though.

Not.

That's not the case.

I know a lot of polyamorous couples and sure, sometimes they get hurt and.

They might lie and say it doesn't bother send jealousy.

No, but they. They don't just jump into polyamory. That's another thing. Usually you establish it with your primary partner and then you open it up. But you talk about it. You're like, well, you know, this night on Tuesday nights, we're gonna do this. I'm never gonna have a sleepover. You established rules that work for you. You say, I'm not gonna do this, I'm not gonna do that, but I am gonna sleep with this person. And then you think in your mind, I can never get over this. And this isn't for everyone, but some people are like, oh yeah, I just wanted the sex. I connect with this person, but I love this person. Or you might love all of them, but there's just one that your primary. It's for people who just find like minded people that just are not okay having sex with one person for the rest of their life. They're free, they're open, and they talk about everything 100% honest. There's no cheating, there's no lying. There's no cheating, there's no lying and there's jealousy. But you deal with it in the moment and you actually learn to not have the jealousy.

There's gonna be lies. There's still gonna be white lies. Like, if she asks, like, who do you like having sex with more? I mean, are they gonna.

That's a stupid question. No one should ever ask that. Am I better than your last girlfriend? Like, those are stupid questions that everyone's gonna lie about. So. Scott. But it seems like you've been doing some education about it, and that might seem like where you're at. So I would just do some more work around it. And once you find. Even if you find one or two polyamorous friends, they'll open up. You don't say where you live either. But, for example, if you were in San Francisco, I could help you out more, Scott. But if you want to email me, tell me where you live, I can maybe help you out with some organizations and stuff. How are we doing here on.

Yeah, we should probably wrap up in about 5, 10.

5, 10. Okay.

What do you think of that?

I think that's. That's amazing. But, yeah, the whole polyamory thing, I.

Guess I'm kind of. It'd be like. It's almost like you're only allowed to have one friend. Imagine that. Like, you're only allowed to have one girlfriend. I'm only allowed to have one guy friend.

It never. Right.

And I can't go to, like, you know, golf with anyone. It would suck. It would be awful.

You're saying if. If what? If we were. Wait, what do you mean? If we only.

If you were to apply to something else.

Yeah, exactly. So that's why I've never. Personally. And yes, I'm. Commitment.

I don't think marriage. I don't think. I don't think it's real. I mean, I think that the women won, like, a few hundred years ago, and I don't think that maybe 100 years from now, marriage, it won't.

I think it'll be obsolete. I think people won't be getting married anymore.

Oh, I'm born in the worst possible.

You are.

I mean, I think that that's what people think. They blindly. This is my problem. That they blindly signed up for monogamy and they never have the discussion, what would happen if I was attracted to someone else? Or what would happen if, you know, this or that or how do you feel about it? Or, you know, I have a friend of mine who was getting married and he was really anxious. Super successful, conservative guy, investment banker, the whole thing, like, five years ago. And he was like, I don't know what to do. Because I want to get married, but I have this thing, like, I just want to know that I like one day, like a lot of guys feel that I could sometimes maybe go outside and do something. So we brought. I said, you know what? Talk to her. See what she says.

Oh, you ruined that marriage.

No, she actually gave him a hall pass and said, I don't want to know.

And a few years in, I followed up with him, and he's like. That made me. He hadn't cashed in on his hall pass yet, but he said that made me feel so much better. Just knowing.

Yeah, it's like anything. Like knowing that I have a bottle of whiskey at home makes me. Okay. If I don't have the whiskey at home and it's after 2am I will start to get a little twitch.

Exactly.

I don't have to drink it.

No, just.

No, sweet.

Just when you have it. Exactly. So there's a lot of that. And I just think that monogamy, a lot of people suffer through it. That's why we hear about so much cheating. So is cheating so much better? Yes. You're monogamous and everyone on the outside thinks your life is perfect, but your, you know, husband's, you know, being strippers and you're sleeping with your boss or something. So, you know, I don't. I'm not saying there's the right answer for anyone, but before you jump into a relationship, if you're having all this anxiety about being with one person, you know, explore it, talk to your partner about it. It works.

Okay. Dear Emily, love your show and never miss it. My question is this. What are your thoughts on morning sex when one person isn't a morning person? Basically, my boyfriend and I have great sex and even have introduced a vibrator into the bedroom. He gets up early for work and sometimes tries to initiate morning sex. I've never been a morning person, and until I get my first cup of coffee, I'm not the nicest person. We have had morning sex before, and it was great, but I feel that he would like to have it more often. What would you suggest? That's a great question, because a lot of men do love morning sex because you wake up with a boner anyway and you're like, oh, I might as well just stick that inside you and we'll have sex. And a lot of women are like, oh, my God, I want to get up. I go to the gym, or I want to make coffee or whatever it is. So this. This has come up before, for sure. I would Say it's compromise. I would say you could say to him, you know, you. If you said it was great and he wants it more, I would set expectations with him. You could even say, you know, Fridays or on the weekend or two days during the week. I'll. You know, we'll. We'll do it. But just so you're not anxious every day that he's gonna try and stick his boner in your back and wanna have sex with you and you don't want to. So I would just say that I really enjoy it, but I can only do it once, twice a week. Then he'll know. Then he won't try every day. And I'll say, you know, maybe you could have coffee, get up a little earlier, get coffee and get back in bed. Although his boner might be gone by then. Maybe guys aren't as interested and she'll have coffee breath, but then she has morning breath.

You know what's even better than morning sex? What's better than middle of the night sex? When you're both asleep and then you wake up and things are already kind of happening. Yeah, that's some good shit right there.

That is some good stuff. But I feel like that happens in new relationships, and that doesn't happen when you're with someone for a while.

You might be right.

That happens in the first three months you're dating someone because you're so excited about each other.

It's actually happened since I've been married.

Really?

Yeah.

You woke up. Were you drunk?

No, she doesn't touch me if I'm drunk. If I've been drinking, she's out. Really sucks.

Good for her. Oh, bad for you.

Bad for me.

But because usually drunk, I had the breath, the whole thing. It's like, not the best thing in the world. So, you know, I would say this is like one of those compromise situations that he. And also, is there something that you want to trade for this, Liz? Is there some kind of sex that you like that you're not necessarily getting from? So you could say for him, for example, I'd love when you perform oral sex on me. That'd be great. Maybe you could do that once in a while. Let's say he hasn't been doing that. Or you could do that more. Or if you woke up in the morning and went down on me, I promise that I would.

You know, that's close, though, to what you don't like. You don't like it when you're toeing the line there a little bit. You're walking the line. I should say about, like, holding sex hostage.

I know.

I hate holding, trading favors and whatnot.

But if it's sex for sex, don't be trading favor. Okay, you're right. And I don't believe in trading favors. But I just mean this is a great time, Liz, for you to talk about your relationship. Just open it up and be like, is there anything else? Like, I'm sure all couples have other things. So maybe there's something, Liz, that you've been wanting, too and you haven't asked for.

What's the question, though? My boyfriend likes morning sex. I don't.

She doesn't like it. What do I do? So I'm like, compromise. Do it every once in a while.

Take ecstasy, like when you wake up.

Yeah, right. No, I don't really think so. Take ecstasy in the morning on a.

Friday, right before you go to bed late. And then you wake up and you're. Oh, that's the worst. When you wake up on trucks. All right, never mind.

So anyway, I would just tell him that you love having sex with him. Sex with him is amazing. It's the best sex of your life. You. Oh, my God, the orgasms are crazy, but the morning isn't always great for you. So once a week you'll have sex with them. And then if you guys are talking about sex and there's something else that you would like. I wouldn't say it's a barter thing, but you might want to mention it because everyone's got things in relationships that they. I'm sure you have something with your wife that you prefer she would do more of. For example, blowjobs. I don't know that for sure. Maybe she gives you a lot of them.

She does everything that I want all the time.

She's the perfect wife.

Right? Except banging drunk.

You got the perfect wife. Except for banging you while drunk, which kind of sucks. Okay, we are going to say goodbye now, but don't turn the music on yet because there is one more thing that I have to say. This is what I want to say to you all is that you have to check out. Oh, emily and tony.com. so I have these amazing massage candles that smell delicious. And you can pour them on your partner and they turn into. It's coconut oil and soybean oil. And they just make my apartment smell amazing. I use them. They look like regular, beautiful candles. But you also, like, put it on your body as, like, a warming moisturizer. And it's not hot and it doesn't burn you. And it's not waxy or anything. And you could also give your partner partner massage, which is a great way intimate. It's a great gateway to sex. So go to Emily and Tony.com, use coupon code Emily. Get 20% off.

Have you ever thought about product placement and porns with those? Because I just thought of a great idea where there's like a natural disaster and there's a bunch of coeds that need to like light candles because the power went out. And then they're like, wait, these are the sex with family candles.

That's the idea. You're right.

And then they all start banging.

No, I have not yet. I just launched my candles. And there's other stuff too. The ball lotion, all that stuff. Check that out. Okay, that's what we got time for today. Thank you, Anderson. And thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, exwithemily. And thanks for emailing me. And thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Happy holidays, all that stuff. Email me feedbackexwithemily.com thanks.

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