SWE: Orgasm Obsessed

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that block our sacred institutions. Ben Room eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you Got a boyfriend, cuz? My man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh my, the women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information about Sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcast, check out our blogs, videos, sign up for our mailing list and RSS feed, please. A lot of people have been emailing me lately, like, how do I get all your old podcasts? We've got 170 shows now and if you just sign up for the feed, you'll get them all. So. Yeah. Hey, Menace, what's up?

Nothing much. I. I am here with you and I'm very excited about that. I need to ask you something though.

Okay.

It's not really has to do with sex, but. You follow me on Twitter, right? Yes, it's twitter.com whitemenace do you think I'm drinking more lately? Because, you know, I'm a fan of alcohol and I've always thought like, I'm, I'm fine. But I've had two people mention this week, said, hey, you have been drinking a lot more lately, which I did. I haven't even. Because I've been going out to a lot of events and stuff like that.

I haven't. I. Ok. Okay. To be honest, funny that you're asking because the last two weeks I've sort of not been on Twitter at all as much as I was in the past. Cause it's just there's a lot going on. But the point is, is it because of the things that you're saying, you seem drunk or are you like, hey, downing another Jim Beam right now?

Well, yeah, I say I'm taking a shot or whatever, right. And then people are like, they're concerned.

Is there something you want to talk about?

No, I don't think.

Do you think you have a drinking problem?

I don't think I have a drinking problem because I don't have to drink.

How many nights a week are you drinking?

I mean, recently there's been a lot of events that I go to. So recently, I would say maybe three times a week.

That's Pretty normal.

But I'm not, like, drinking during the day.

Well, good. You're not drinking alone.

I'm not drinking alone because there are.

Like, exams you can take online if you think you're an alcoholic. Oh, yeah. There's like, 20 questions like, do you drink alone? Do you. How many times a week do you drink? Do you feel anxious if you don't have alcohol? Are you preoccupied with supply? You're not like that. You're just like a normal guy out drinking.

But it seems, apparently people are concerned.

That's so funny.

So I thought I would ask you.

I was not concerned. No, I did. I think I did tweet something that you tweeted. I retweeted something, but it wasn't a crazy thing. It wasn't a crazy drunk thing. All right, so you're good.

Okay, cool.

But if you ever want to talk, we can talk about it. Okay. So everyone, there's a few things that I gotta let you know. You can always donate to the show. We have a donate button. 10, $20. Whatever you want to give. We totally appreciate it. We're looking for advertisers, always. If you want to advertise all this, you can email me feedbackexwithemily.com Please sign up for my fan page, which is sex with Emily on Facebook. And we have a new survey up that we would love to hear from you. What you like about the show, what you don't like about the show. And it's on our website. We've updated the survey so you can actually write in some things there. Because I really want to know, like, what you like, what you don't like, you know? So you got to tell me, and that's what I got to tell you. Today's show, we'll be reading your emails that you sent to feedbackexwithelmily.com Topics include great sex after marriage. It actually exists. Dating in the Bay area, men. And rejection. And a bad and bad kissing. We'll also be doing sex in the news. And we'll have sex tips for you. It's a Female Orgasm 101 class in session.

All right.

How about that? How you been?

I'm good. I want to ask you now because we haven't seen each other because scheduling issues, but what's going on with you and dating? Oh, and banging.

I'm not banging. I'm still dating. And I'm still dating you guys. Well, the one guy lives in Los Angeles, so I haven't seen him again, but he's been really sweet. He Sent me a care package that was really nice.

And then the guy here is great. He's really smart. He's really amazing. I'm not sure. I'm not sure I would say that. It's not gonna be like a major love connection, but I think he's this incredible guy. Great on paper, all these, but I'm not sure. All right, move on to chemistry, Right? So why should I spend time. Yeah, because he's really interesting and smart and all this stuff. But no, you're right. I'm probably gonna move on.

Just move on.

I don't think he listens to the show. I would not like to preempt my moving on on the show. So hopefully he doesn't listen.

What about this LA LA guy's coming.

To town in two weeks. Oh, two weeks. I have to tell you big news. What were you gonna say?

I'm going to LA this weekend, so maybe I can just have lunch and.

Do you wanna vet him out? Do you wanna, like, be like.

I'll have him do a survey with me. Okay, I'll interview him.

What are you gonna ask him? Are you gonna be like, Are you sure you wanna go down the Emily crazy road? What would you tell a guy before he was dating me? What would you tell him? All that you know about me.

Are you open to have an open relationship, but you don't date anybody. Just let her date more people.

It's not my dream relationship.

Does that work for you? And if he says yes, then I said, you should date her.

You really think I'm polyamorous?

Yes.

People loved our Polyamorous show we did last week. As you know, we're doing more shows now, three to four shows a week. And we did one on Polyamory Nonmonogamy last week, and I got tons of emails about that. And we're also doing these shows about where I. This is funny. So, you know, I did shows with Jessica and a show with Charisma, and I have two more that I'm gonna be posting in the next few weeks with women. Just one on one. It's 30 minutes, and I get down and dirty with the woman, meaning questions, asking her what she likes, how she orgasms, what her techniques are, what she likes to do to a guy. I mean, so it's very intimate, Women opening up about their sex life. Ton of people have loved those shows. We've gotten a lot of emails. One was called Jessica, one was called Charisma. But my friend Steve, who's super funny, I was like, I want to Come up with a name for this show. And his name that he came up with for that show is Loose Lips.

Loose Lips. All right.

Get it. Yeah. But I thought it was too dirty, kind of. Because it's what? I thought it was funny. I laughed. Loose lips.

I like it.

Women lips. I'm not going to do it. And then you know what else he called it? Next. This is kind of bad. He goes, why don't you call it vaginal discharge? You don't think that's funny? I thought that was so funny.

I don't think that's funny.

It's gross. Okay, so I spent the weekend with a bunch of girls in Napa. Remember I was going to Napa. So I got a lot of the women to sit down there, and we had a few glasses of wine, and they just opened up to me. So it was great.

Did anyone make out?

No one made out. The chicks. You mean the chicks?

Yeah.

No, no chicks made out. No.

What do they do?

We just sat around by the pool.

Who masturbated?

I shared a bed with my friend Jenny, and we did not hook up. You know, when I've been with women, which I have been with women, it's never a friend. It's never, like, somebody that I'm good friends with. And then one night, we're hanging out and we just decide to make out. It's usually some random connection, some random chip, some random chat. One was a stripper.

Nice.

She's hot. She had fake boobs. That was a while ago, though. So. Yeah. No, no one hooks up. It's just. I know you don't get it because you're a dude, but girls get together. There's 10 of us and one gay. One gay friend. And we all just sat by the pool and drank and talked about wieners and talked about sex.

Who had the craziest story? Any of them popped out?

There's a lot of crazy girls there with crazy stories, but I can't think of anything offhand right now. Oh, crazy stories. Like when I was interviewing them?

Yeah.

Just they had. They had some stories about. I don't even remember right now. I can't even remember the shows.

Always. The crazy stories that I hear are how guys just can't let go. And they end up showing up people's houses.

Oh. And they're, like, crazy and stalking them. I've had friends that. That have done that to men. I have a friend recently who was dating a guy, and she became obsessed with him and, like, drove over to his house and, like, he lives in the East Bay. And just to see if there was a girl there, and there was a car door open, a girl's car there, and a door open, and she went in and, like, looked in the car and pulled out it, Got it. Purse to see the girl's name, and then looked at her on Facebook.

Oh, God, you women are so crazy. But guys do that too.

Guys do that, too. Absolutely. Have you ever done that?

No. Hell, no.

No, I'm not crazy girl. I mean, I. You, one might say, oh, Emily, she's a kooky, quirky. Remember my lawyer in Los Angeles? Like, I was telling him all about you. I said, you're the quirky girl in San Francisco. So maybe I'm more quirky than crazy.

Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe.

But I think the people that are listening to this and they're thinking about doing crazy things like that it will never end up with you being with that person.

I know. I never. It's true. It's. But sometimes women get these. Like, my friend who did this is, like, them really sane, really together. I've known her for 20 years. I've never seen her do anything crazy. And it was, like, kind of crazy. So men, I think, and women get in relationships where it gets that level of craziness where you're, like, stalking and signing into their Facebook account and checking their voicemail, and that's crazy. I checked a boyfriend's voicemail in my 20s. Like, he gave me his password once, and then I found out that he was totally cheating on me, and it was awesome. I just ended the relationship.

Oh, who would cheat on you, Emily?

Well, he's the one guy that cheated on me, but then I cheated on him. It's a long story, because I was traveling for. For six months.

Oh, yeah. Like, you went to Europe? Like, how.

Southeast Asia.

How would he still.

I know. I was like, well, here's what happened. And it's so funny, because we're still friends and we're having lunch next week. But what happened was I went backpacking through Southeast Asia for six months, seven months, and we were dating, and it was still the new part of the relationship, and we were, like, so in love. And it was only three months, but I said, you know what, dude? I'm going backpacking. So I left and went backpacking, and I said, and you should date. You should definitely date, because I'm gonna.

Go bang in Southeast Asia.

I'm like, I'm gonna, like, hold a UN meeting. I slept with a guy. Remember? We talked for this, I slept with like an Israeli and I slept with a German and a British guy and whatever. I was gone for six months. I was having fun, but I'm like, you should. And he's like, oh, no, I can't imagine being with anyone. And I was like, well, you should. And then I came back and he's like, I wasn'. Anybody. And then I come to find out he slept with his entire office.

Oh, that's cool.

So that's not really cheating, per se, because I did my thing. But the fact that he lied and he didn't want to know about my stuff.

Yeah.

So that's what happened with him.

Well, that's understandable because how is he gonna tell you that? Oh yeah, I hooked up with all.

These chicks in my office, though. I was like, really? I'm born in your office. Now we gotta see him all the time and go to the company Christmas party.

Yeah, see, that's why he's not gonna.

You. You boned him. You boned him and you boned him. Merry Christmas.

Why would he tell you that? What would be the benefit?

I don't know. I found out because I was looking for something in his bottom drawer and I found a card from this woman. It was after I'd gotten back and it was like, thank you so much for last night. Like he took her to see Les Mis or something. Play a play. Dork. No, not a dork. And then so she. I knew that they were still dating. So anyway, whatever. It was a long time ago, but we're still good friends. We're having lunch next week. Are you dating? What's up with you not dating?

Having sex Here and there?

Yeah, here and there. That's good. But I'm not really.

I'm not really serious with anybody. Not really any, like, pursuing anybody.

Right. Okay. They pursue you?

Yeah, kinda. No, I'm not even paying attention right now.

I know you're so busy. I'm so glad we just get our time together.

I know, right?

Yeah.

You. You are my one date a week.

Really?

Yes.

I'm so honored. You never bought me dinner or anything.

I know. That's just how I feel.

It's like most of them. Exactly. This is a typical menace date. You want to come, like, watch me at work and do my thing?

You can show up and then when I get off work, can we hook up? And then.

Are you saying you want to hook up with me after work?

Yes. Let's go.

You win. Remember, that was a whole debate. We shouldn't even bring this up again.

All right.

Okay. Let's get into some sex in the news.

Okay.

Because that's how we do it.

Mm.

Sometimes we mix it up.

God, one freaking time I didn't get a nap and I forgot the order, and you give me crap for it every single time.

Yes.

One time. I thought we did the emails first before the news, and now every single time we're about to do the news. You pointed out.

This is how we do it. I understand.

Like you with pointing out me with the retweeting. Did you see that tweet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy was like, congratulations on learning how to retweet. And I'm Emily Morse if you want to find me on Twitter. M O R S E. Anyway, I have to tweet more. Yes on the list. Okay, ready? So. Sex and the News. A study that came out. Men don't mind condoms as much as women think.

Yeah, that's true.

You don't think women. No man will refuse to have sex with you just because you insist he wear a condom. He may bitch and moan and say that he just got out of a monogamous relationship or was just tested or that he. Or that he lathers his junk each morning in a voodoo potion made from eunuch tears. But ultimately, his desire to have sex will override any of his petty objections if he still refuses. You probably don't want to even share the same breathing space. Space with him. It has probably been exposed to. He. His penis has probably been exposed to so many STIs, it's developed a new airborne form of AIDS. Anyway, the study came out saying that men. It's a survey. Over a thousand college students said that. Both groups said that they're willing to use condoms if they thought that their partners were especially women in casual sex relationships vastly underestimated their partner's willingness to use condoms. So I actually feel like there. I mean, it's been so long since I've had sex, but there are those men who are like, ugh, I hate them. And then you feel, I don't know.

Any men like that.

Really? You don't sleep with men? Yeah, I mean, you can talk. You can talk about that, but no. No. I've been with a lot of guys who are like, oh, really? Like, I'm tested, and you have to use condoms in this day and age whenever you're having casual sex. So I'm glad to hear that men are not. Even though they.

I had one guy you prefer. No, go ahead.

No, I should get a condom That I prefer, but I haven't had sex in so long. God, I don't even remember. But I had a guy once who's like, I'm too big for condoms. Condoms don't fit me.

And I was like, really?

And then he tried to, he tried to put one on and it popped off. But he was like, you could tell that he was trying to make it pop off. It was so lame. I so didn't sleep with him. I'm like, time to put that thing away. Okay, it's time. Parents accept teen sex. When it comes to teen sex, we need to be paying attention to the Netherlands. So Dutch parents commonly allow their teenagers, male and female alike, to have sleepovers with significant others, a new study finds. Even so, when it comes to birth rates, American teens had eight times as many births as their Dutch counterparts in 2007. And the Netherlands generally whoops on the states in terms of STD rates as well. So if American parents could be more accepting of their children's budding sexuality, perhaps fewer teens would sneak out and have sex in the backseat of a car. Yeah, I don't know about that. I don't know about that. You think our parents should be allowed to start having kids having sleepovers because they're doing the Netherlands? There's a lot of things that are happening abroad that we, that we just can't, you know, that we don't. We can't. No. Americans are. We're so deep entrenched in sex and porn and being able to find everything everywhere.

We're uptight.

Yeah, I'm trying to break that down with my show here.

I think them having sleepovers, I mean, when they get to a certain age, they're going to be having sex no matter what.

Exactly. I mean, I guess this way it's under your parents roof, but still be kind of awkward. Although my mom, When I was 18, my mom let my college boyfriend sleep over.

Really?

But my mom was very liberal. Like, my parents are divorced. My mom was just like, whatever, she didn't care. Isn't that weird?

Did she like him?

She really liked him. He was a great guy. She likes them all. I mean, that's not true, but pretty much. I date nice, good guys. I just don't want to marry them. Yeah, yeah. So we know that story. Okay. Sex may reduce stress, a study shows. A new study by university researchers suggests something that college students have known for decades. Sexual activity may lower stress. The research was conducted on rats found that sex also stimulates cell growth in the hippocampus. A region of the brain that plays a key role in spatial navigation and long term memory. Previous research had shown that unpleasant stressful experiences increase anxiety and can stifle cell growth in the hippocampus. So anyway, more sex means that we will lessen our stress and our anxiety. I sometimes masturbate when I'm stressed. Is that the same thing?

Yeah.

Don't you think? Do you ever do that?

I don't masturbate.

You don't have a masturbatory stress episode?

No, I don't.

You're not like, I'm anxious. Well, I work at home too. A lot, so I'm always home and I'm like about to write something or do something. I'm like, I think I'll masturbate.

So you bust out one of your toys?

Yes.

Like.

Like the rabbit or the.

Or I love the pocket rocket. Oh, I'm glad you mentioned that because we have a word from our sponsor.

All right.

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Have you looked into a jackyloid yet?

I have. What do you mean ejaculate? Oh, the.

The one I keep on talking about.

That I don't remember. You gotta like email me during the week.

It like increases your load.

Oh, right. Increases your Jackie load. Jackie Lloyd. Right? No, I have not looked into that yet. Sorry, honey. That is hilarious. Okay, let's move into some mail.

All right.

What do you think about that?

I like it.

I know you do.

It's my favorite.

Okay, this one's kinda long, but I really liked it, so I'm gonna read it. Hey, Erock recently found the show.

Erock.

He called me Erock. So how can I not answer his letter? Yes, by searching for sex on itunes. And I love the conversational flow. The casual and spontaneous pace makes me feel like I'm in the middle of a discussion with friends. And the topics are relevant, fun and thought provoking. You rock. I want to set the record straight on Sex after marriage and I think I can safely claim to know what I'm talking about. Whether the fire blazes or fizzles out, it is what couples make of it and anyone can make it outstanding. My wife and I have been together 22 years and are celebrating 15 years of marriage in December, were monogamous, yet are honest and open about who and what gets us turn on outside of one another and are slowly considering playmate couples as a possible addition to an already healthy sex life. Although neither of us is pushing harder than the other in that direction. So having like an open relationship. We're both almost 40 and begin began dating when I was a freshman in college and she was a senior in high school. Our sex life has only gotten better over 22 years and is hotter now more than ever. Even with an 11 year old running around the house, we're still banging away like we're 18. The key is variety and not being not being afraid to try new things or let your dirty side show through. Fantasy, roleplay, toys, porn, sex in different places and in whatever position you can still manage to contort to. It's unfortunate that most couples don't realize how important a good and exploratory sex life is to a healthy marriage and make the honest effort to keep the fire lit. Emily, your tips and talk just give more fuel to our fire and I appreciate that greatly. Thank you for well being. You gotta get on your Facebook and wedge that website now. I thought I would end with a few statements in response to a few of the views that Menace thinks he represents on the male population. I thought you'd like this.

I represent all of the male population.

Okay. And this is from D and K in Kansas City. He says hand jobs rule. If you don't believe so, then your girl is in need of coaching and practice. I'll take one from mine just as easily as I'll take a blowjob or anything else. She's dialed on it. Long live the hand job. Hands off debate.

Wow, finally got a point after like four weeks.

Toys in the bed. I know everyone's been for menace lately. Not that it's you or me against me because this is all love. But anyway, toys in the bedroom are the bomb. Dildos, vibrators, lube, vaginal or you know, it's all good and they are all they are used only about 50% of the time in our house. Let the insecurity go, brother. Learn to become a master at using them on her. And you'll love them and she'll love you for it. It's also a great way to allow the fantasy of two men without having the burden of finding another dude. I don't sweat it because I know my skills. Simultaneous mantle and oral in her downtown area are requested more often than toys. Got to build the repertoire. Menace, toe sucking, ball licking and sucking nibbling. Nibbling are awesome for both parties. Again, lose the worries, shave the junk, keep the feet clean and learn to enjoy your different hidden hot zones. Technique makes all the difference. There is something liberating, very hot that comes with giving over total trust and letting your girl hold your balls with her bite.

Sounds like this guy got bad skills.

An occasional angry beaver. Unshaved vagina is no big deal when you. When you're into your partner. Dude, she has to live with your stubble scratching her vagina or inner thighs. The least a guy can do is put up with the occasional lazy razor trip downtown. Finally, labia is good. Whoever says otherwise has issues. If men want to get so hung up on the size of labia, they ought to take a look at their penis every once in a while and ask, would I be overly anxious to put that in my mouth if I were a woman?

I have a beautiful penis.

Cut the lady some slack. Sucking gently on the labia is hot as hell. How big is too big? How small a penis is too small? Who cares? Keep on saving lives and erections. Emily. D And K in Kansas City. Wow, you had a lot to say. This is what I love. People really listen to the show and have a lot of feedback. They break it down. So I appreciate that. D and K in Kansas City. And I just. I love that letter because, you know, people think I'm anti marriage or I'm. Which I'm so not. And I always ask happy couples who are having amazing sex to email me because I want to hear it. So there you go. There you have a happy couple.

A happy couple, happy couples, jobs, and.

He'S trying to change. Everyone's trying to change you and to open up.

Open up. What do I need to be open about?

I don't understand sex toys, hand jobs.

I. It's not that I'm not open to this stuff. It's just not for me.

You just haven't found the right woman yet.

Well, just because I don't like something doesn't mean I'm not open. I don't understand.

Okay. I just think that you.

Would like some things that I don't think you've been with women who have taken your sex life to another level.

Okay.

That's just what I think. But I think it'll happen.

Maybe I don't think I have terrible sex.

You haven't had an amazing hand job.

Because women can't give amazing hand jobs.

We're not starting that again. We're gonna go wrong.

They can't give me a better hand job that I can give myself. It's impossible.

I just think the people who say that haven't had one from me. Okay.

Oh, God. That's what they all say.

Emily, did you see the article where par. Paris Hilton allegedly hit a cigarette box full of blow in her vagina when she passed through customs? I've seen some large vaginas, but think that that would be a good trick, though I have also seen porn or women insert wine bottles there. But that's in the short term, not during a transatlantic. Transatlantic. Transatlantic flight. Robert from New Mexico. Did you hear about that Paris Hilton? She got. She was, like, in jail. She went back to court the other day because she was smuggling in drugs again. Yeah, again, like recently, like, just out of Vegas. Yeah, I know.

She got busted in Vegas.

No, she got busted internationally somewhere. She was on some transatlantic flight. I don't know where she was going, but they busted her and she. I think she was going somewhere else.

No way.

Yeah. And she put it in her side of her. In her fagine fajin, and she got. Who would want to snort that anyway? After.

I don't know. I've met. I can't say anything really bad because I've met her before. She's really nice.

So have I. I've partied with her before.

She's a nice. She's a nice, sweet lady.

She is a sweet woman.

She's misunderstood. Because you know what?

I partied with her Sundance one year, and she was super cool.

And I'm not, like, trying to defend her actions, but believe me, there are thousands of girls that act exactly like she does.

They're just not billionaires and famous. Yeah.

They're doing coke, they're partying, they're banging a bunch of people. And people look down upon her just because she's in the limelight. Look around you. You can find girls.

Every town's got their party girls.

There's girls that you work with in your office that are exactly like Paris Hilton.

Right. But Paris Hilton does it and gets paid for it. And.

Yeah, yeah.

So I think. And I think it's sad because I do think that Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan are role models for a lot of young girls.

Lizzie Lohan sucks. I Hate her.

You do?

Yeah.

I don't really know her.

I got her. Why over was that a music festival? Coachella in Southern California. She was this bitch. I hate her.

Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? Okay. Hey, Emily, Love the show. I don't mind the show in smaller segments, but wish sometimes that the shorter ones were longer. I liked episode one.

Don't they all?

Yeah. I mean, we wanna do longer shows. Are you making a sex joke there? Yeah, the shorter ones were longer. Yes. I do too, buddy. I like episode 149 with producer Jessica. I thought it was funny and it even got me aroused. Episode 156 with Charisma Lane. Wow, Sexy picture of Charisma on the couch. I have to agree with Menace about the we hooked up debate. Menace and I are about the same age. When I grew up, we hooked up, was making out, et cetera, minor things. Then with the MTV reality show Takeover, it evolved into we hooked up equals sex.

Yes.

But even I got confused. When did this change happen? And did TV really change things? And the lingo. Look forward to another show. Randy from the Bay Area. I listening on Ipod Touch while working on thesis project.

Awesome.

Hey, Randy from the Bay Area.

I think it's been in the past two years to a year and a half that it's we hooked up has changed into we've had sex.

I'm glad we've dissected this for several weeks now because I just said hook. I. I still say, oh, yeah, we kind of hooked up. That means that we did not have intercourse. We he touched my breasts. Perhaps. But what you're saying is hooked up has sex.

Yeah. So that what you said before would be fooling around. We fooled around.

I should just say that.

Mm.

Okay.

Because if you said we hooked up, then everyone thinks you're having sex.

Right. Alright, Good to know. I need to have sex. Okay, I'm getting. Now I'm getting impatient.

All right.

I just want to find the right person to have sex with.

Okay.

Yeah. Okay. Hi, Emily, Just wanted to weigh in on your often repeated comments about dating in the Bay Area. Every few episodes, you always mention that men don't date in the Bay Area. They just hang out with girls and that we don't ask girls out on dates. I have to disagree with you. When I moved here, I tried asking girls out directly on dates and oftentimes they would say no. Or we can hang out if it's not a date. I went with the hangout option with them several times and we'd still end up Having sex. It was a date and everything, but name. And it was like the woman was too intimidated to use the date word. One of them even became my girlfriend for a while, even though we never officially dated. Today, I just say, let's go hang out instead of let's go on a date, and they go with it. I do the exact same thing as a date, and it ends up with the same result. I'm a little bummed about this SF Bay Area fact, since it's more exciting in my mind to go on a date than to hang out. I'm doing a 180 on you. And I claim that it is women in the SF Bay Area who don't want to formally date. They just want to hang out. It's like they're afraid of it or something. Andrew. P.S. i'm writing this at work. Go me. Hey, Andrew. Okay. That's a good perspective, that it's the woman's fault.

What do you think?

You know, I've heard that as well. I have some guy friends who say that they've sort of become. Became sort of castrated by the women in the Bay Area because we're so such feminists. And we don't want to be, like, lurked at and we don't want a man to be, like, lasciviously checking us out at the bar.

And I think a lot of women in the Bay Area also are. They've become, like, in the male.

Persona of being players.

Really?

Yeah.

Generational, or do you think it's Bay Area?

Maybe generational?

Right. That women are more players. What does that mean to you? A woman is a player means that.

She doesn't want to be locked down and she just wants to date multiple people.

What's that? Am I a player? I thought it was an earthquake.

Yeah.

Am I playing? I guess I would be a player then. I mean, I don't know. But you find that you've wanted to commit with women and they just wanted to play around. They just.

Yeah, they just want to hang out.

Okay.

They just want to hang out. They don't want.

So he's saying. He's saying. So my guy friend said I definitely.

Know some women players that are like that. They just.

Me, too.

Yeah.

So I don't know if it's the men or the women, but I just know that dating here is not very popular. No.

And I actually. It was just posted the other day, top the new top 10 places to date if you're a single woman.

And.

And San Francisco was not one of them. Yeah.

Yeah, I gotta move.

They said it was, like, somewhere in, like, Texas where there's 11 guys to every female or something like that.

Really?

Yeah.

I love Austin.

Yeah, I think it was Austin.

Yeah, Austin's an awesome town. I love Austin. It's a great.

We have any listeners in Austin? I'm going to South By. Isn't that south by Southwest?

Are you gonna go? Yeah, it's a great festival. I want to go. Is it April?

March?

Can I go with you? You never take me anywhere.

No, I don't take you anywhere.

I'm the most fun person to hang out with.

Come on. You suck to be around.

That's mean.

No, I love you to death, but to go hang out with you is not fun.

You've never hung out with me.

No, we kind of.

One time we went to a movie and I talked the whole time. Okay, but we've never hung out and gotten drunk.

I know, but you. I don't want to do that because you are an abandoner. You abandoned people. You abandoned me all the time.

I've never abandoned you. Just.

If there's somebody else. You just started talking like 5000 menace.

If we were out miles a minute, I would. I would just. I would hook my arm around your little arm. No, you wouldn't be together.

No, you wouldn't. There'd be some weird art person that would show up and he would talk to them the entire night about art. About art.

Just because I go to art shows doesn't mean that I'm gonna talk about art. Yeah, you're funny. Fine. We're never going out. So, so sad. He's the one.

What? I'm just saying. I just don't. That's not how I roll. I don't leave the people I go that I come with. I hang out with them the entire time. I don't like.

Okay, one more. One question for you. If you and I have never gone out outside of this building, except for to a movie once, when I did sit next to you the whole time. Except for when I got up and talked and went to the bathroom.

Yeah, but it's not like it's.

How do you know that you and I would be at a social event and I would abandon you?

I feel.

That makes me feel really bad.

And I. I'm not hurt your feelings.

I'm so offended.

That's the vibe that I get.

Okay, well, you're wrong.

Okay?

And B, we should try it out sometime. All right, whatever. No pressure. I'm not gonna force you to go out with Me and have a drink.

But I am fine. Okay. We did once, years ago, go to the holiday. The Christmas party when we were working at the radio station together.

Oh, yeah.

And I think you tried to kiss me that night.

I didn't try to kiss you that night.

I think you did. I just remember.

I remember. No, I didn't try to kiss you because I was trying to hook you up with somebody else.

Oh, okay. Whatever. Hey, Emily Menace. Another happy listener from Australia. I listened through my ipod. In a few of your episodes now, including your last one, you've advised guys to go and approach every hot woman they see until they just get so numb to being rejected that they don't mind and keep playing the numbers game till they find someone. I think this is far from ideal, and there's a couple reasons why. The first is testosterone. Men's testosterone levels plummet after suffering a defeat. The men who are having trouble getting women already have low testosterone, and what you're telling them to do will grind what little they have into dust. Next time you're at a sporting event, notice how the men, men that came second best, always have that fake limp to blame on why they didn't win. The men who came in second best. Okay, well, who wants to have that loser limp all the time? A much better way is to pay attention. To what? Women notice you. Which women notice you. Let's face it, if a woman sees what she likes, she's going to go look at it. And if you notice her giving you the eye, then go ahead. I'll admit it's hard for guys to learn to tell if a girl likes them, but it's got to be better than getting rejected by 100 women just to find out the one that you could have spotted in the first place. Love the show. Keep the good work, Phil. I was saying that, you know, I wasn't telling men to go out and grind all their testosterone in the ground. I'm saying that oftentimes men, they see someone that they find attractive or they have a connection and they don't ask for the number, they walk away. They're like, oh, I should have got a number. And I'm saying, don't even think twice about it. If the thought crosses your mind to ask someone out, just do it. Be a man. Step up, ask out, ask her out. Say, hey, we should hang out sometime. What's your number?

And then if she says no. Oh, you're not gonna die.

Yeah, you're not gonna die.

Nothing bad is gonna happen.

And your testosterone is not Gonna plummet from that. Unless your testosterone is already plummeting, like you said. I don't think that there is a correlation between testosterone and being rejected. In fact, I think that it sets. What I. My point was that it sets up a barrier that you no longer have this fear of rejection, that eventually, maybe at first it'll be depletive to your testosterone, maybe. If there's any truth in that. But I think eventually it builds up your. Your muscles of date. Your dating muscles. And you're asking out girl muscles.

I know. I. Dude, I used to be the biggest pussy ever. I did not. I did not even ask out a girl or even kiss a girl till I was 18.

Really?

Yes. Right? And because I was so afraid, I was so shy. And then I got over that, and then I got with maybe more women than I should have, you know?

Well, what happened? What changed for you?

It just became like, all right. Because finally, like, when I got with that girl. Yeah. It just came into my mind, like, why have I been wasting my time, like, this entire time?

What were you doing? Like, playing Dungeons and Dragons or something?

No, I was just. I was just afraid there was girls that were even into me that like, put it out there, like, hey, I want to go out with you. And I just didn't do it.

Yeah, well, that's good advice. So you did it and you learned, and now you never stopped.

Yeah. It's not. It's not hard.

It's not that hard. It's not that hard. And I gotta say, I told this story a few weeks ago, my friend, that lots of men are attracted to her, but they don't ask her out. And this one guy just went up to her and was like, I want to ask you out. And she instantly liked him better because he asked her out. Like, at first she wasn't sure, but his confidence in the way he just said, I'd like to take you out. What's your number? Was hot for her. And she said yes and went out with them. Turns out that wasn't a major love connection, but, yeah, he didn't suck. But she went out with him. She went out with him for. There were other reasons why she wasn't into him. Now it's been a month since I told that story, and it's over. But it was attractive. Like, all the other guys that were flirting with her all weekend, she was on this camping trip, this organized camping trip, and all the guys that were flirting her all weekend fell by the wayside because this one guy stepped up and said, what's your number? I'm taking you out.

Was it one of those singles camping trip things I've been hearing a lot lately?

Yeah, I think it was a single. No, I mean, I think it was a group of. Just a coup.

Water rafting together.

That's my biggest nightmare. I do not want to do that. But you know what I think I should do?

What?

Date online. I've never done it. I think that just for experimental purposes, I probably won't do it anytime soon because I don't have time. But I do think that dating online is. Do you know that I'd say three out of five people that I ask who are dating someone, they're like, oh, I felt met someone they met online. Yeah, but everyone meets online, like through match or through something like that. Yeah, not just like Facebook or they meet. They are dating online. And I have so many friends doing it, and I just feel like.

I think Facebook is dating online.

No, Facebook is good. Where you hook up with your college boyfriend or something.

Yeah.

No, maybe people do date online. I don't know. Okay, that's good stuff for mail right? Now let's move into some sex tips. All right.

What you got? What kind of tips?

I got some tips. Tips. Shock. About orgasms. Really biased.

Yes, I think you're very biased.

I think that orgasms you can never have.

What about the male orgasm?

Easy hand job.

Easiest thing I've ever done is give a man an orgasm.

Okay.

Do you have any men? Forget it. Okay.

No, tell me.

I was gonna say that there are men who are like, wow, I've never been able to have an orgasm that way. Like if I'm performing oral sex or if I get my hand job. Like that never happens. And it happens with me. Really? I'm not making that up.

When are you coming out with your book?

My book comes out in the few months. Why? Do you think everyone should read it?

Yeah.

You know, my essence is hard to put into a book. No, it is in the book. You're right. It's gonna come out in a few months. Probably like in the fall. Well, what month is it? In San Francisco, the seasons are such that they're all the same. The weather seems the same. That I don't even know. What. What month is it right now?

It is September. September? Yeah.

Okay. Today's my anniversary.

What?

Of moving to San Francisco.

Are you serious?

Yep.

Welcome.

Thank you. So this is the date that I moved here. And it's been a beautiful thing. And it's my dad's birthday. Oh, okay, so Female Orgasm 101 class is in session. If women are flummoxed by their orgasms, you're thinking, what hope do you have? I'm talking to guys here. Lots, it turns out. Sure, the female orgasm is fickle, but if you follow a few lessons about the female orgasm, you'll have the knowledge you need to start studying and finally seeing it in the wild. So sit down, listen up, and whip out your pencil. Class is in session number one. Take her off the clock. Just as you're concerned about lasting longer, many women are so self conscious about taking too long, they end up faking the orgasm or deciding to go without the solution. Stop obsessing over orgasms, yours and hers. A recent brain imaging study by Swedish researchers show that relaxation is the single most important factor in bringing women to orgasm. This is so true. This is so true. Listen to this part. So tell her that she has all night. The better. You convey not just tolerance for lengthy buildup, but also appreciation of her sexual pleasure. Orgasm or not, the easier it will be for her to unwind and explode. Studies Show it takes 15 to 40 minutes for the average woman to reach orgasm. Are you going somewhere? Okay, this is true because I have to say in the past, which I don't do anymore, but when I have faked orgasms, it's been like, oh my God, there's pressure. He's going to feel bad that I didn't have an orgasm. And it's taking so long and it's taking too long. And then I get in my head and so many sexual issues go back to anxiety, go back to stress, go back to us not being in our heads, meaning that we're not relaxed. And if relaxation is the single most factor to bring women orgasm, guy's going to make her feel comfortable. It's okay if it takes all night.

Yeah, because I can go all night, honey.

That's right, baby, you can.

I can.

I mean, that's what I heard. You've told me. Okay, turn around with your talent. The best sex starts long before the clothes come off. Talent, more than rugged good looks or chiseled midsection, is a powerful aphrodisiac, according to research by colleagues at the Kinsey Institute. Less surprisingly, poor hygiene and a messy home were among women's biggest turnoffs. So nail Paradise City during karaoke or make her die laughing at your self deprecating display of atrocious dartmanship. Yes, humor is talent too. I agree. I love a funny guy. I love, like, I think it's hot. A successful Man. And it's not about money. A man who, like, is passionate about something about he does. He loves to cook. Just that there's some skill or some. He's hilarious is, to me, the biggest turn on.

I work on comedy a lot. I think that's how I win over a lot of girls.

You're funny.

I just. Not around you.

Yes, you are.

No.

Okay, next. When she's naked, speak up.

Up.

Women who worry about.

Throw your clothes back on. I don't like vagina.

Women. That's what you say.

No.

No. Speak up. Exactly. Men just like, get your hand off my penis. Women who worry about the way they look down there are less likely to orgasm easily during sex, according to research. And a recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research suggests that women who feel embarrassed or ashamed about their bodies have less sexual experiences and are less sexually assertive. Clearly, we've talked about this. You have everything to gain with flattering. If you love the way she looks naked. And you do, Right. Share the news.

I like it.

Yeah. Tell her she's hot. 10 times we've talked about this with you.

You love it. You love the ego build.

I'm like. I'm sorry, did you say something? Did you say I was hot? Hot.

Okay.

Yeah. Could you tell me that again? Yeah. Love it. Okay. Tender. Be tender. Up top. During foreplay, gently brush the tops, bottoms and sides of her breasts. These areas are actually more sensitive than an unaroused areola and nipple. Gradually moving towards her nipples, paying how she responds. As things heat up, the nipples become flush with blood and the sensory receptors become primed for direct stimulation. You'll kickstart the blood flow and lubrication down below, starting her slow build up. So true. Men skip from the breath. This is my biggest pet peeve. When. Matt, you know this. When men go right to the vagina. Touch my breasts for like at least a second. Don't. Isn't this, like how we learned it in school? That you're supposed to, like, remember? First base, second base, third base.

How long do we have to make out for before I can touch your vagina?

A long time. We need to make out.

Yeah, but I need like a. I need a chart. I need to know. I need to, you know, put my stopwatch.

10, 15 minutes.

10, 15. That's fine.

You can touch my boobs while we're doing that.

Yeah.

And then. But don't go right this. I had a guy once. We were fooling around. Was I just telling you this or the show? This. I can't remember if I told you this or whoever, but I was fooling around with the guy, and he. He didn't even, like, take my shirt off, touch my breast, like, was going from my pants to undo my pants. And it's like. Isn't there some kind of procedural thing that we learn first base, second base, third base?

Yeah.

Which part of that don't people understand?

When you get older, everyone goes straight for the fajin.

I know, but can we just slow down? I'm exhausted. I am one of those. Okay, Change your angle. Play Ponce de Leon and explore various types of penetration to figure out. He's this explorer. Right.

Your favorite position would be.

And explore various types of penetration to figure out what turns around your first spot. Your first stopper. G spot. Located about 1 to 2 inches up the front wall. Vagina. The spongy region swells during arousal. Try massaging the area slowly with your fingers. A lot of women find it mind blowing. Not her thing. Just move on.

So your favorite position to start off with. To start off with.

Okay, my favorite position to start off.

With because, you know, you don't like your vagina touched, like, before 10 minutes.

No, I like my. My favorite position is for them to touch it first with their fingers. Is fine.

Yes.

I appreciate that. I think people don't use their fingers enough. Men don't use their fingers a lot. Some women don't like it, but some women really like it.

Yeah, but. Okay, so we've gone through all that. But then to touch it with their penis.

Eventually, but not the first time. Third date, fourth date.

Oh, my God.

I'm trying to become better about stuff.

How much do I have to spend on the first three days?

It's not about money. Although it's nice if you take me to dinner and bring your own wine and take me to another show.

I told that story to a bunch of people.

Just to recap, Emily went on a date to a nice restaurant, and the guy that she went with brought his own bottle of wine. And my argument was, if you're going to a nice restaurant, you should. The nice restaurant should have their assortment already of nice wines.

He's a wine dumbassor.

Thing I've ever heard to go buy one, bring it home, and then take it to another place.

It's a sophisticated thing to do. He has. He has a wine cellar. He loves, knows what wine he likes with certain foods.

Drink it at your goddamn house. That's why you keep it there.

Oh, my God.

And do you know what?

What?

Okay, so I Told everybody and everybody. Yeah. And everybody agreed with me. Except there was one person that said because she worked at a restaurant, she's like, oh, yeah, people do that all the time.

Exactly. We live in the Bay Area wine.

How many people do?

But then she said. Then she said, yeah, people do it all the time. But she kind of said it was ridiculous.

Did you attribute it to me? Did you attribute it, the story to me?

Yeah, we talk about it here. Why can't I say it's you?

I don't like you talking about me.

We talk about it on the show.

I know. It's fine.

Anything we talk about on the show is free game, I think, to talk about with other people. But anything off the show that you talk to me about, I don't share that with anybody.

I know.

Okay.

Okay. Promise. So when we go out and I tell you secret stories, you won't tell, I will never tell you.

I'll tell you all my secret stories.

I know we love each other. Okay. So that's what I got for sex tips, and that's what I got for the show today.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Time went by fast. Okay, thanks, everyone for listening. Thanks to our sponsor, Adam and Eve. Remember, you can go to adameve.com and you use use Emily as the coupon code at checkout and get special gifts. And thanks everyone for listening. Find me on Facebook, Twitter. My fan page is Sex with Emily. And we're doing more shows, so be sure to subscribe to our RSS feed so you never have to miss them again. Thanks, Menace, and thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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