SWE: Pornophobia

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sex with emily.com where you will get all the sex information you need to have the best sex ever. And if you become a Friends with Benefits member, you get our shows. We're doing three to four shows a week. You get them all. This is our free Friday show. Everyone enjoy. And that's. That's what's going on today's show. We are going to be talking about porn. Pornophobia. There's a lot of that's been written and talked about porn lately. So many aspects of it. Like a lot of men want to know, do I have a problem with porn? They hide it from their girlfriends, they hide it from their lovers. Sometimes women have issues with porn. So we're going to discuss all these issues. We're going to give you tips on how to maybe incorporate porn into your relationship and how to some of the best videos out there and just all about porn porn stats. It's really interesting. Even though menace. Do you watch porn? You said you do. You don't?

No, I'm not really into porn.

Right. That you're like the one guy on the planet.

Yeah, because I just want to actually do the act. I don't need to watch this.

But we're going to talk about the psychology behind porn. So a lot of people have like their sexual fantasies come from like early childhood things that have happened to them. And so we're going to get into all that. It's really interesting.

I did see my first porno when I was like 6 years old.

How is that for you?

I always talk about this on the show. The weird thing about it, even at 6, I kind of knew what they were doing. I don't know why, why it was.

Oh, that's right. Like it made sense to you. Yeah, yeah, I know. I think I saw my first porn like at a friend I did when I was like 12. We like, you know, plugged into the like DVD and it was like a VCR or something and it was, it was hot. I remember watching with my girlfriend when I was 12 and getting turned on but not really knowing why. But it was hot to watch porn. Everyone's parents had like one porn DVD like lying around.

The best part is when you are a teenager though, trying to watch scrambled porn with your friends, you're like, dude, I think I saw a boob.

Right, right, right, right, exactly. And then now por know the proliferation of it just like everyone's, I mean it seems like people are watching porn more and more and there's like issues that come up in relationships about it. Have you ever had any woman who were like, if you watch porn, I'm out of here?

No, no, I think it's more so it's more mainstream now that no one really cares.

I think a lot of women care. I think there's a lot of women, we've heard got tons of emails from people who are like, my boyfriend watches porn. Does that mean that he wants me to look like the porn star and act like the porn star? Or they're threatened by it. They're like. They're like, our sex life isn't good enough. So is that why you're watching porn? And none of this is true. So we're going to get into. I also have to talk about something very, very important.

And that is it's this. We are launching on Monday the Sex with Emily Spread the Love Valentine's Day contest. And so we are. My entire office. I had to get a new cabinet because we have this new storage cabinet in my office. Because we have so many toys and so many products coming in. We are giving away thousands of dollars worth of sex paraphernalia. Toys, DVDs, lotions, creams, everything you can.

Rubber suits.

Rubber suits, Whatever you want. And so all you gotta do is check out our site. And you have to. We'll have information on our website about it, but you just gotta follow us on Twitter, which is Sex with Emily. And Facebook. Sex with Emily. And the more you retweet our post between February 1st and the 14th, you're entered to win. So every time you retweet something, you're entered to win. And same. Every time you share something on Facebook, you're entered to win. And we are just giving away amazing stuff. We're giving away prizes from Jimmy Jane, like they make the most amazing, beautiful sex toys. We've got Anthony's skin care lines, giving stuff for men, and just a ton more. It's gonna be exciting. And we'll list all the sponsors and all the stuff you can win. And copies of my book, hot sex. Over 200 things you can try tonight. And it's Valentine's Day. And then our Valentine's Day shows, like, the weeks leading up to Valentine's Day, we're gonna have lots of great guests on the show. Useful tips if you're single on Valentine's Day. If you're coupled on Valentine's Day, you know, positions, different things you can try. It's gonna be a Valentine's Day smorgasbord.

Cool. I did 10 Valentine's Day ideas already on my site, but you did. You don't have to go to my site. I'll send it to you.

Just email me, we'll read them. I'm getting so much email because I get, like, pitched on all these. So there's a lot to talk about about Valentine's Day. So you gotta check it Out. And you gotta enter our contest and you gotta follow us on Facebook and Twitter section. Do that now. Thank you very much. We have a new poll on the site. What is your G spot experience?

A, I'm questioning its existence. B, it's A, in the blue moon type of occurrence, C, it's work, but worth the effort, and D, I'm questioning its existence. So. Oh, that's down there twice. Okay, whatever. There's three of them. Three choices. Because the G spot is this elusive thing. And this is for men. And women can answer that. Like, have men ever, like, tried to find the G spot on a woman? Have women found the G spot? So that's what we got for you. So what are you up to this weekend? Anything smashing and exciting.

I'm gonna go to Macworld for a little bit.

Cool.

Here in San Francisco, California, they have, you know, it's basically think about maybe. Or in the Midwest, there's Lollapalooza music festival here, California. In Southern California, they have Coachella. But this is basically the Coachella or Lollapalooza for the nerds of the Mac loving world.

Right.

And I'm probably going to go check that out for a little bit and maybe see a movie or two.

Love it. Okay. I know Macro. It's me. Sad that's the first year that Steve Jobs won't be giving the keynote because I went a few years ago and he gave the keynote.

Yeah, well, Mac. Mac is kind of. Apple has kind of parted ways with the whole event and they just have.

Oh, really? Okay. Because it used to be like a whole seat. I was there when he introduced the iPad, which was really exciting.

That's cool.

It was like, in the front row. I spoke on a panel and I really would like to get it again because they gave me, like, thousands of dollars worth of swag.

Nice.

Like, they gave me a literally a duffel bat on wheels filled with free stuff. Mac stuff.

That's amazing.

I know. I have to say, it was like a highlight. It was, like, awesome. I really loved it. So this weekend we are. Well, we're gonna be recording a show that everyone's gonna hear next week on Friday with Candy from Real Housewives of Atlanta.

I'm so excited.

So excited. And she's got a new sex toy line out called Bedroom Candy. And so we're gonna interview her. And then we're also gonna go to a launch that she's doing for Good Vibrations, a new Good Vibrations store, which is an amazing sex toy store here in San Francisco. She's Doing a launch of their new opening, Oakland. So we're all gonna go, we're gonna shoot some videos of it so everyone can check it out on our website. It's gonna be fun. So that is what I'm gonna do. And then I'm really getting excited for our big party on Tuesday night in my house with all the interns. You gotta write this shit down.

I'll be there.

You'll be there. You gotta be there. If you're not there, it's not really a party. I know. And then what else am I doing at friend's birthday party?

Yeah.

Hopefully have some sex at some point. Don't really know.

I took the other day. Here's some news I'll share with you. Uh oh, took one of the interns to Pixar the other day here of the show and Facebook. I want to. I want to tell everybody else. Facebook has changed their layouts. So you guys need to check every time that they do that because they will change your settings. Oh, and I change my settings always because I don't like people checking me into places because once they check you into somewhere, it will share that with everybody on your friends list. I just, I just don't. You don't like it?

Like, I don't want people to know my business where I'm at. Right.

I like to check in. When I like to check in.

Right.

And.

She checked me in and then all these girls because it says, oh, you know Lauren. Lauren has. Is hanging out with White Menace at Pixar. And then I got like so much crap from girls, like the next day, oh, who's this girl you're hanging out with?

And blah, blah, you're like, this is why I. Why did you change your new Facebook setting to the timeline? Is that what happened?

Yeah, the new.

The new timeline thing.

I don't know. They automatically did it. They automatically changed.

Oh, I didn't. Haven't been to my Facebook page yet today.

Yeah.

So. So, so. So you were pissed, but this all to all your girls were jealous is what you're saying. You're with another girl. How many women are you stringing along right now?

I would say about 15.

Really? So you know I believe it.

But I mean, there's.

You call me a player because I don't want to put my relationship status on Facebook. You don't want to be checked in with a girl because all your other girls are going to get upset. True or not true?

Not true. Because people just make it absent. Why do I try to say that? Word. And I can't do it.

Assumptions.

Yeah. People always think that, you know, they always. Their mind starts wondering, like, oh, who's this girl he's hanging out with? And it's. I was intern that wanted.

They need more things to do with their time. Exactly. Well, I'm. She had an amazing time. That was so nice. I think you need to take all the other interns, too.

And myself, I knew once, once that happened, I was like, oh, here we go.

I want to go.

Because all the other interns started commenting how they want to go.

Now they do.

Now I gotta take them one by one.

Yeah, it'd be. You can only bring one person. They'd let you bring two Pixar. Amazing. Won't they? No. No pressure. Okay. I won't ask you to go. How's that? And people, you can call and leave us a message at any time at 415-992-7392. We might answer your questions on the air and play your email. So if you got question, play your message so you can call that up, that number, 415-927392. Leave a message and we will answer. Just as today's show, we're going to be answering the emails that you sent to Feedback at Sex with Emily.

Also, in the emails, please tell us how you listen to the show and where you're from. And if you don't want to use your real name, just make up a fake name, whatever. But we like hearing, you know, oh, I'm from Tennessee and I listen through itunes or.

Exactly. We want to know how you listen through Stitcher, Stitcher Radio or it's Stitcher right now.

Yeah. Stitcher is an app that you can download for your smartphone. It's totally free and you can listen to the show via a streaming podcast.

Right.

But right now we're on Sirius XM.

SiriusXM Extreme Talk. Once again, 65.

And not to call you out and it's not gonna upset the SiriusXM people. But when he tweets, I know you're new to tweeting. You keep on tweeting at satellite radio. That's not their name, that's two.

No, I do both of them. I do satellite radio and then I do Extreme Talk 165.

No, you need to do Sirius XM and Extreme.

Okay, so it used to be like, whatever. Okay, thanks for correcting my tweets.

That new look, I'm not saying that's you. I'm saying to listeners too, if they want to, they want to follow Satellite radio. It's satellite XM.

Okay, got it. I'll remember.

SiriusXM. Sorry. Now I'm.

Whatever. Got it. Okay. So also, one more thing I have to mention.

Yeah.

Is that I did mention this briefly, but, like, if Valentine's Day is coming up and we are hopefully gonna be able to provide you if you win our contest, we're gonna have a lot of winners because we have just, like, so many products to give away. But I just have to mention jimmyjane.com because they do make the most beautiful sex products. Sex toys. Toys for couples. And Jimmy Jane.com, if you use Emily25 at checkout, you get $25 off your purchases. Over 100 or more. Over $100 or more. And they've got this amazing new feature, the Gift wizard, because I think people are kind of scrambling now.

Yeah.

And the Gift wizard tells you who. You have to tell them who the gift is for, your price range and the level of naughty versus nice. And they help you go shopping. So check out Jimmy Jane asap. And then. Yeah.

Yeah. We love Jimmy Jane. Can I talk about Adam Eve again? Adam and Eve is everywhere.

I know.

I was checking out another show on Stitcher the other day, and I click on it and they're broadcasting from the Adam and Eve lounge in Hollywood.

No way. Who was. Just some. Just some podcast. Yeah. AdamandEve.com. we're going to be talking about them in a little bit with porn because they have some amazing porn DVDs for people.

What the hell? Adam and Eve. We want to be at the Adam Eve Lounge.

Okay, I'll email them. I'll email Adam and Eve. I didn't even know that they had a lounge in Hollywood. I just know they sent. You know, they're our sponsors, but we don't know. We didn't know about the lounge. I'm so sorry.

We need to be better friends with them.

Okay.

Because they're doing so much stuff. We want to be a part of it.

Okay, I got you. We will talk to them about that. Yeah. That's good news. So, yeah, they're all over the place and they're all over us. So we are going to talk about this when we get into porn. Like I said, our show today is about porn. We're going to get a little bit into. You know, if you are a guy who watches a lot of porn and your girlfriend has an issue with it, there are DVDs for couples. Porn for couples. Yes. There's more of a plot line and it might be more female Friendly. But there's porn that you can watch together and you can get at Adam and Eve. If you do wanna buy anything at Adam and Eve, you use coupon code Emily at checkout and you get 50% off most items. You get the free Kim Kardashian DVD, all this stuff. So we've got some sex in the news.

What is going on in the news?

Okay, this is. Were you gonna say something?

Well, I wanted to share one more quick story.

Oh, please, go ahead, share a story.

We went to the intern that I took to Pixar with Lauren.

She didn't say her name. She's been on the show before.

We took her there and watched the Iron Lady. It's about Margaret Thatcher. And I want you to watch the movie because I want to see what your reaction would be about it. Because I know you don't believe in love.

So the whole, oh, please, menace. That is so bad to say that I don't believe in love. I'm all about love.

But the movie was so cute and cool because it was all about, you know, this very powerful woman. And you know how she wanted to come up and her husband was like supportive the entire time and he was funny and cool and.

Was it a documentary?

No, it was fictionalized.

About her life?

Yeah, about her life.

Okay, I want to see it. Can I see it now? In theaters.

It's called the Iron Lady. Yes.

Oh, yeah, I've heard of it.

Okay, you definitely should see it because it's kind of a love story and about her life.

Okay. I love Margaret Thatcher.

Yeah.

But it's an amazing woman.

It was all about marriage. The entire. The entire course of marriage, you know.

Yeah.

She didn't get divorced. Very challenging. She didn't get divorced. Good. She. She's a strong, powerful woman who did not leave her husband. Yeah, but he was powerful too. Probably right. No theory is that a woman gets powerful and dumps her person.

I'm talking about in Hollywood. This wasn't Hollywood.

Oh, okay. It's not Hollywood. You're right. I will check it out. What is it? Iron Lady.

Yeah.

Okay. You should have taken me.

I know.

Okay, this is our sex in the news. Miley Cyrus loves a big cake. Miley Cyrus celebrated her boyfriend Liam's birthday last night by getting personal with his birthday cake that was in the shape that would make most men feel inadequate. Apparently it was a large penis. The massive phallic cake was rolled out Saturday night at Club icon in downtown LA. And then the 19 year old Miley quickly went in for a Long photo op of her in sexually compromising poses. Now what is she doing? She. You can see these pictures of her online of her, like, her mouth agape, like, right by the cake. Like she's about to eat this big penis shaped cake. She's 19.

She's 19. She's legal. I know she can do that if she wants to.

Doing stuff that's just like, she's trying to protect her image and all this stuff. And then there's like, on her birthday, she got a Bob Marley cake. Did you. Do you remember this? She got a Bob Marley cake. And she's like, you know you're a stoner when your friends buy you Bob Marley cake. And then she said she was only kidding. But I wonder if she's a stoner who likes large penises. I'm not sure. We'll see.

Well, two questions. One, why is she getting her boyfriend a penis cake?

That's kind of a bachelorette party thing.

And then.

That's bizarre. I didn't even think about that.

Yeah, that's kind of odd.

Look, guys don't want to look at other penises unless it's their own.

I don't want a penis cake. Get me a vulva cake.

I'll get you a vulva cake. I'll get you a big fat vagina cake.

Yeah, that's what I want.

Yeah, exactly. That is bizarre because I feel like men have aversion. Have an aversion to penises that are not their own. They don't want to see them. They don't want to look at them. They don't want to read, watch porn. You want to hear about them. You don't want to hear about the guy I dated with the large schlong. Like you don't want to hear it. So that is bizarre.

Yeah.

Okay. That's bizarre on many levels.

And then I didn't even get to see the cake because it was blurred out on TMZ.com, which I.

The penis cake. Yeah.

It was surprising to me.

That is surprising.

Yeah.

Didn't know that. Okay, well, we saw it. We saw it. And she had her mouth agape and, you know, around the penis. Okay. Kristin Cavallari's pregnancy was an accident, which is not a surprise. If you were surprised to hear that the Hills star Kristin Cavallari was pregnant with Jay Cutler's baby, you're not the only one. The couple was shocked by the news.

Oh, my God. I got pregnant by a millionaire. My life is ruined.

Is he a millionaire?

Yeah, he's A pro football player.

Oh, right, right. Jay and Kristen announced they were. They were with child following a crazy few months where they broke off their engagement only to announce it was back on. So it's obvious. What is she, like 25? That she got pregnant and they just got back together five minutes ago. Not a surprise that it was a surprise, but it was an accident. But they're gonna go. They're gonna go for it, which I think is a mistake. First of all, let me tell you why. On many levels, because they. They got back together. They broke up. They got back together. They get back together, she gets pregnant. Oh, my God. This is gonna save our marriage. Big mistake. Anyone who has a baby, it's gonna save our relationship. So anybody who has a baby thinking that it's gonna save their relationship. Not a good idea. That's not gonna save it.

I mean, it is a good retirement plan for her.

That's true. He's a million dollar. He's a millionaire. Yeah, that's true. That's a good point. Didn't think about that either. Okay. Jimmy Fallon claims he's into female domination at work. He likes being bossed around by women and tries to surround himself with an all female stage crew. That's the claim of a fired staffer who's suing him, Jimmy and NBCUniversal for discrimination. The employee. The employee accuses Fallon of gender bias and says he wasn't the only victim. Other male staffer staffers claim they were placed by less qualified women. The employee says Jimmy's director told him Jimmy just prefers to take directions from a woman. How do you feel about that? I think that's true. I think there's a lot of men like that, but a lot of men. A lot of men. Actually, there are men like that, but I think typically men don't like taking direction from other women because it makes them feel inferior.

Yeah. I mean, mostly all the staff that I work with is 90% women.

Yeah. So you take a lot of yeah. You take a lot of yeah.

Like all my interns will be women.

And do they dominate you? Is it hot?

No, they don't daun me. They listen. And they're more detail oriented than men.

Yeah, that's true. And I have all women in our office, but we interviewed a new male intern today that we might hire. We were thinking about that. Get some more testosterone around the office.

Why? I'm not enough now?

You're not enough. Cause you're not in our office every day. Okay, okay. Steven Tyler promised me I'd Go to Hollywood. The scantily clad girl who got booted from American Idol is pissed at Steven Tyler. She claims he approved of her skimpy outfit before audition, saying, damn, you already won the thing. Jennifer D? Le was dismissed Sunday night after attempting two songs, and she tells us she was thrown off because she hadn't rehearsed either song and was forced by producers to pick from a list of flirty songs. She's mostly ticked at Steven, though. She says he loved her barely there tube top and booty shorts 10 minutes before she sang, but then sat silently and ridiculed her for it. So he was like, hey, baby, you look hot. You basically won. And then he was like that. I can't believe you wore that scantily clad outfit. That pissed me off.

The producers were probably telling them what to say.

Exactly. They always do that. It's just that kind of show. Right? I never got into American Idol.

Me neither.

No, wasn't your thing.

No, I can't sit through all that stuff.

No, me neither. And I don't really care.

Yeah, it's a bunch of people I don't care about.

Exactly. Are you watching TV this weekend? Anything coming up?

I don't know if it's a season finale of the Kardashians or. I gotta check the.

I thought I was starting again.

Chloe and. No Chloe. Lamar is coming up. And Ice Love Coke. Ice Loves Coco is coming up too. I just got an email. They want me to do commercials for it.

Oh, really? Yeah.

That's cool.

What is Ice Loves Coco?

It's iced tea.

Right.

His wife.

Okay.

And it's. It's entertaining.

Everyone's got a frigginity show.

But I love. I love Chloe and Lamar.

Yeah, she just got a radio show in Dallas.

Oh, it's in Dallas.

Yeah, she had one in Miami. Right, right. I remember that.

Yeah, she.

I even knew that she.

I think her and Scott, the. The boyfriend of the other sister kind of make the show.

Who does? Chloe and the. And Scott, Really? He's come around. He was just a tool earlier.

Yeah, everyone hated. Hated Scott, but then he stopped drinking. Not. Not that. I mean, Chris came in. Chris. Chris Humphries came in and then he just became the. Like everyone. Yeah, everyone took their focus off Scott and then just like.

And you actually like Scott now? You think he's an interesting character?

Yeah, I don't think I ever, like, disliked him. I think he is definitely American Psycho. Have you ever seen the movie American Psycho? Apparently what I've heard secondhand, that that's his Idol is the American Psycho.

Oh my God. Yeah, that's too much information. That's not good. But he was kind of like not great with her on the show early on. He was kind of a jerk. Remember the family didn't like him. He didn't have a job.

Yeah. But I don't think his tone has changed at all. I think he's definitely learned that he can't act up. But I don't think.

I think he stopped drinking. I think he's an AA and he stopped drinking. That's what happened.

No, no. They show him drinking and partying on the show.

Really? I don't think he's been drinking lately. Okay, whatever.

He doesn't drink as much and he doesn't drink around.

His lady.

Good.

So good.

Alcoholic killer.

They showed him wasted in Toronto with Chris Humphries.

Oh.

And he was like going through the, like the basement of some club and he like peed in trash can.

Oh, thank you.

Something that I would do.

Honey, that is something that you've done. And when you got. When you peed in the phone booth at Disneyland. I love that story.

Okay, going back to everybody at the end of February. End of February. I'll be there.

Cool. Should we get into some emails? What do you think? Yeah, because we love the people. So everyone, you can email us feedbackexwithemily.com and you can also just go to the askemily on sex with emily.com and we'll answer your questions.

Yes, I do have a piece of news today. I like looking up today in history. So two things. Today in history.

Good. That's good.

I like this Rockefeller, the vice president. That was the vice president. He died while having sex with his research assistant.

Seriously?

She was like his 25 year old research assistant.

When was this?

Like this was in like the 60s.

Right, right, right. Okay.

And he, he died during that.

Oh my God. That would have been a huge scandal.

Yeah. And then the other news story that I have, but it's not sexually related, a town in Japan was attacked by monkeys and 26 people were injured in 1998.

Really?

Yeah, just dumb facts.

I like those dumb facts. Didn't know that. That's good to know. Okay.

But big ups to Rockefeller for, you.

Know, who isn't banging their assistant. I mean, seriously, how many legislators bang their assistants? Yeah, so many of them.

They call her like the, the Mark K. Lewinsky of her time. And then it led me to read up on Mark Lewinsky who's looking pretty hot lately.

Is she? Yeah, she loses a Lot of weight or something.

Yeah, she looks. Yeah, they got photos of her online.

What's she doing? Is she still living off that?

She's married and has a kid.

Oh, okay. I've always wondered what happened to her. Good to know. Okay. Dear Emily, love the show and I've been a listener for three years now. I'm getting married in a couple weeks to my wonderful fiance. But sadly our sex life has nearly died. This is the reason I subscribe to your show. But desperate and. But despite all the great advice, nothing has taken with her. We've been together nine years and the only thing I change about our relationship is our sex life. We have sex maybe once a month. Neither of us are on any medications, we don't have children and we both work jobs that aren't too demanding. We've discussed this at length many times with each other because as you say, communication is a lubrication. The discussions have been non blame, non confrontational and totally open minded. A few years ago we had to spend 18 months in a long distance relationship and never saw each other once. We both remained faithful for that entire time we were apart. My fiance thinks that she learned to live without sex for that time and since that she just hasn't had the same libido. We tried the 30 day sex challenge but this only lasted nine days before she lost interest. She isn't keen on sex toys or porn. So I need some advice, please. How can I reignite the spark? Keep up the great work. Kiran in New Zealand. Okay, this is a heavy one because I like everything I was thinking, I'm like, well, is she on meds? He's like, she's not a med. She's not. Whatever. She got a low libido. I would say, I would say the first thing is that she should still get checked out by a doctor. You never know what is going on with her because if she has a low libido, it could be a lot of things. Maybe she is more stressed than she realizes. She could have something other hormones or there could be something going on there. So I would say because it's just not normal that she can't live without sex for 18 months. I mean some people feel that way and that might be a psychological thing that she's decided, but I just still think get checked out by a doctor. And the 30 day sex challenge he's referring to is what I always tell couples to do is to if your sex life is not so great right now and you're thinking I'd like to spice it up or I'd like to get kick started, back into action again. I recommend that couples have sex every single day for 30 days, no matter what. And it can be foreplay one of the times. It doesn't have to be like intercourse. But what this does is it gets you guys back to. It gets you guys connecting again on an intimate level. And it can really heighten your sex life. And you realize that, like, you're like, oh, I'm so tired. I don't wanna have sex. But you start doing it because you have to do it. You're like, it's Wednesday, we have to have sex tonight. It's on our schedule. And once you start doing it more into it again and then just starts to become part of your habit and your routine again and you, like, get it back. It's like going to the gym. It's like the first few times I go back to the gym, I'm like, oh, I hate this. It's hard. And like day four, you're like, oh, I'm into it, I'm into it. I look forward to going to the gym. So then you're gonna start looking forward to sex. But this didn't work for them either. So I have to. She doesn't like it. So I want to know, what was sex like? How is she orgasmic? Does she ever take pleasure from sex? Does she masturbate on her own? I'd like to know that. And I would say that for women, maybe she needs to feel more romance and passion without intercourse first. So make her feel sexy without being obvious. Like, you could do things for her that might, you know, give her massages. I mean, I don't know what she needs, but if you said that you guys are having straightforward discussions, are you talking about fantasies? Does she have any sexual fantasies that turn her on? Maybe there are things that you could do in the bedroom that would excite her. You know, again, romanticize, you know, do romantic things for her. Valentine's Day is coming up. But it sounds to me, again, the most important thing is this low libido. And she doesn't think she needs sex anymore. So I would say, go to a doctor. Or you can also go to. She should just get a checkup by a physical, but also go to a. You could always go to a sex therapist. Like, seriously, sex therapists are amazing. They can sit and talk to you about what's going on. They could see her individually, they could see you as a couple. I'm sure there's some. You can find one in New Zealand. In fact, I actually know one in New Zealand I can recommend to you. It's a great thing to do. You only have to go a few times. It's not a major commitment. So that's what I think also.

It's nothing that a bottle of tequila can't fix. You know what I'm saying?

It might not be drinkers.

Just crack it open, see what happens.

Menace's response for everything. Alcohol.

What?

It's not necessarily. Maybe they're not drinkers. I'm concerned that she says that. She does. She. She wants to. She lives without sex, like, and he's like, they've been together nine years.

If she doesn't have sex and she. She doesn't drink, then you shouldn't hang out together. Dumper.

Well, I think the sex. Because when couples. This is my problem. When couples are like, everything's great, everything's amazing. We like this, we like that, but our sex life sucks. It's like, that is not something to put on the back burner because when couples are not connecting sexually, they're not. They're going to start not connecting in other ways. So right now it's just like, oh, we don't have sex, but everything's great. It's going to permeate your relationship if you are not, like, swapping fluids, exchanging hormones. Like, I mean, your hormones aren't raging. You're not having these intimate moments. It's going to be a problem.

No fellatio.

So I wouldn't get married. Yeah, he's not getting fellatio. Doesn't sound like it. Doesn't sound like it at all. So I'm a little concerned. Karen, I wouldn't rush into this marriage until you work on the sex thing. Don't downplay it. Yeah, it's a big deal. I just had lunch with a friend yesterday who actually is having the same exact issue with her boyfriend, though he is a low libido. He doesn't want to have sex. He hasn't ever had great sex. He says he doesn't really think about sex. He never masturbates, but everything else is great. And they live together and she's like, but I don't know what to do. And she's really kinky and wild and she keeps trying all these things, and.

Then she's talks to her friends, and then her friends say, oh, he must be cheating on you.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not at all. They're like a super great couple that I adore, and this is their only issue. So I actually recommended a really good sex therapist for them to go talk to because she's tried to bring in porn. She's tried to do all these things, and it's usually with men. You don't hear that. I mean, it happens with men and women. So she said he got checked out and the doctor gave him some testosterone cream to rub on every morning. And then that's supposed to help, but then I said, if the other things are just like, go see sex therapist. If the other things don't improve. So it is a big deal. You got to take. Got to take care of it. Because she was like, oh, it's okay. And I'm like, well, it's. But she knew it really wasn't.

And you got to eat the peach.

My friend sent me a Gchat today before the show. He was listening. He works at a dot com. Big shout out to Heartsea. It's basically Groupon for Etsy.

Okay?

And he's like, you got to eat the peach. I'm like, what the hell are you talking about? And he was listening to the sex with Emily, Okay? And I'm basically, you know, talking about oral sex. You got to go down on your lady like.

Like it's a peach. I was like, you don't mind getting the juice all over your face and it drips down your face, and you get your mouth in there like it's a peach. You eat it like a peach.

And then I send a G chat back and I go, yeah, but about. For 30 seconds. And you call it a day.

Yeah, 30 seconds. Don't even bother for 30 seconds. Seriously, most women, it takes between 10 and 12 minutes to orgasm. An hour and a half would be nice, but even you need definitely 15 minutes. I think 15 minutes is, like the. Between 10 and 15 minutes is the minimum. Five minutes. Don't waste my time, because it takes us a while to get warmed up. You know, this menace. Okay. Hey, Emily, I was wondering if you've ever done a show on sex and astrology. I'm a Scorpio woman, and my sex life definitely represents that. What are you in Menaces? Signs. Michelle from Baltimore. Years ago, we did a show on sex and astrology. We haven't done one lately. We could do one on that. And there's so much out there about, like, dirt, different signs. And actually, Scorpios are supposed to be the most sexual sign. So when she says her sex life definitely represents that, that means that she's probably super sexual. So what's your sign?

I am a Scorpio.

Oh, my God. That's such a shock, because you don't seem to be that crazy sex person.

On the down low.

Are you a Scorpio on the. You on the cusp? Yeah, kind of.

Yeah. The first week, October 28th.

Oh, okay. I don't Menace. This is so confusing to me.

What are you.

I'm shocked that you're a Scorpio. I don't even know. I can't believe that.

I'm very loyal is what I am.

Yeah, but you're supposed to be sex crazed, and you're not.

I am. But you just. I'm just not sex crazed like you are where I'm going to orgy parties and stuff.

I don't go to orgy parties all the time. I just get invited to them. I'm a Gemini.

Okay.

And I don't know what that means. I actually haven't looked into what it means for me sexually that much, but I know what it means to be a Gemini. It means that we are flighty, a little flighty and flirty, and we know a lot about. We know a lot about a lot of different things, and we're very social creatures, and we have very short attention, so we constantly need to bring a lot of stuff into our environment to stimulate us. Expands you to the t. Think I'm a Gemini. And we're the. You know, the twins, the twin signs, like, dual personalities.

Who are you supposed to be with? Because I heard I'm supposed to be with a cancer.

Oh, that's like, July. Yeah. See, I love books like this. There's actually a book that I used to always read called Sex. We read this in college. It was like the Love signs or something. And it's called Love Signs. And you could look up every. It's like a Bible. And you could look up the compatibility of you, and it would be like cancer man, cancer Woman. And it would say who you should be with. But even if you were just dating a Cancer, you could, like, flip through like, cancers are, like, in bed and what Cancers and Geminis are like together. I love that I still have it. I should bring it in.

But did you find out who you're supposed to be with?

No. I can't remember now. I can't remember. I look up that. I don't think that it was this book I had wasn't like, maybe it did mention in the back, like, you would be more compatible with. But I don't really believe that stuff. I liked when it talked about Gemini Woman and Cancer Man. Gemini And Scorpio, Gemini. And, like, it does it for every sign. And you'll be like, oh, that's interesting. And then I used to always religiously read the book when I was dating a guy and be like, oh, he really is like that. Or he's like that. But anyway, we haven't done it lately, and we could. I know a lot of sex astrologists we could have on the show.

Do you think.

That it's real?

You know, I think some of it is real. I think I've had, like, my charts done, and you could always find some truth. I mean, I don't believe your daily horoscopes are definitely, like, real. Like, every Gemini and I are gonna have the same kind of. I don't believe that, but I do believe that there is some truth to the day you were born and the time you were born and where the planets were and all that stuff. I mean, I have a lot of. We live in Northern California. Hey. So I kind of feel like I do believe in some of it, but I don't really follow it that much.

I definitely.

It's more for entertainment.

I believe that it can affect. Because, you know, the gravitational pull from the moon affects the waves, and our bodies are made of water. And I do believe, you know, people can go crazy when there's a full moon. The moon was, like, super. Did you see.

Yeah. The moon last night? It was like a sliver.

It was, like, super close, though.

Yeah, it was. You're right. I was thinking that I felt like.

I can reach out and touch it.

Reach out and touch it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I do believe in some of it, but I don't study it enough to be like, yes, yes, yes. But I like it. I find it fascinating. I do. And I wish. I think we are looking for the answers. So it's just like another avenue to be like, oh, yeah, this is why I am the way I am. We all want to understand ourselves better, I think.

Yeah. I don't know. It's funny because, like, you could lie to somebody and say, oh, you're this. And then read off all the traits, and they're like, oh, yeah, I am like that. You know, I don't know. I think people look to see that, Right.

They want to be, like, defined and understand who they are. I get it, actually. Yeah. So last night, when I was driving to see the moon, when I was driving to see the moon, when I saw the moon. I had a really great dinner last night, a work dinner with. About this new. I just want to Mention it real quickly. Like this new product line that I'm working on, which is going to launch in the summer, but it's gonna be some cool stuff that I'm launching. Penis cream Ball. Well, one of the. One of the things is gonna be for men's balls, so. Men's balls?

Are you serious? I was talking.

I swear to God. No, I know. I can't believe you said that. Cause it's true. So there's, like, this ball stuff that can make, like, talc that, like, helps, like, I guess your balls get kind of sweaty or uncomfortable. I don't have balls, so I don't know.

It does happen.

But it's this lotion. So we're making this really cool lotion. We're making a massage. I'm working with Anthony's Logistics for Men. And it's a great skincare line. And we're gonna do a massage candle A. Because I believe that lubricant is, like, so important for sex that you need to have lube on your nightstand. And that lube is not when you're dry, not when there's a problem, that you should always use lube because it enhances the experience for women and for men, I think. Don't you. I mean, do you, like. Do you use lube?

It depends on the girl I'm with. Because there's lube girls and then there's non lube girls.

Non lube girls, Yeah. I think everyone is a lube girl if they knew it. So, anyway, I think you're doing the.

Ball thing, though, real quick.

Yeah.

Because I did come up with a term for that.

Okay.

It's called sps.

What's that?

Sweaty ball syndrome.

Really?

Yeah. Guys get sweaty ball syndrome.

I know. And I'm gonna create a cream that is going to change your sweaty ball life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And a little tip, fellas. If you trim the hair down there, your penis looks better.

Bigger and bigger. Yeah, I think we all got that. How's that going for you? No, it's true. I haven't trimmed it in a while. You haven't trimmed.

I need to make it look like it grew.

Yeah, you should do that. Okay. We've got another email here. Emily was just wondering, what is your take on age gaps in relationships and how much of a gap might be too much? Thanks, Liz. She's a premium Friends with Benefits member. You know, if you want to be a Friends with Benefits member, just real quick, you can go to our website, sign up, we will answer your emails first. You get a lot of perks and benefits. You get three shows, three to four shows a week. And we support the show, so we appreciate that. So she's a premium member. She wants to know what are age gaps in relationships? Okay, I think that age gaps. Some relationships work, some don't. Like, I hate to say there's some blanket statement, but I'd say, like, what do I think is too much? I mean, I wish she gave me an example here of what she's dealing with, because obviously she's in it. But I would say 10 years is okay, split between men and women. But, like, once you get over 10, it's like 12 years or 15 years or 16 years. I think that can be. That can. That can be too much. Maybe you're, like, in different decades. You're, like, in different. Yeah, you, like, grew up in different. What's not decades, but you know what I mean? Like, you have different time periods. Time periods that you're at. No, but, like, you have, like, different social. You. You, like. Yeah.

Slang's different.

Everything's different. But I just think it's a huge. It's a huge challenge. Like a woman dating a younger man. Like, I know my friend was doing that for a while. She was dating a guy 16 years younger, and she was like, I know I'm hot now, but, like, when I'm whatever, you know, she was like, 35, and he was like, 24. 11 years, 24. She's like, then I'm gonna be, like. Like 50, and he's only gonna be, like, 38. And then what's gonna happen? You know? So it's like. I do think that. That it's challenging because. Because of the age. Because of different points you're in life. Like, when you're in your 20s, it's like a very specific time when you're, like, still exploring yourself. I mean, somewhere. I think people shouldn't get married under the age of 30 is because, like, in your 20s, you're exploring, you're learning, you're trying to figure out who you are. Like, it's hard to be with. If you're with someone older who's already established. I just think that would be harder to be with someone like that.

That's why I don't date anybody older. Older than me.

Really? Never?

Yeah, because they're established and I don't know. They're. They're. No matter how many times you tell me it's not true. A large majority of them, it's like they're ready to get locked down and do Serious grown up things, you know.

You'Re not there yet.

I'm not there. So I usually date somebody that's like three or four years younger than me.

Yeah, that sounds good. Yeah, I've date all ages, usually older, but I've been seeing someone who's a little younger. But usually I date older on my age. But it's funny because my friend, I was with her the other day and she's got a daughter who's 22 who's about to marry a 40 year old. And she proves she's like, my daughter's really mature. He's a doctor, like, whatever. She's really happy for them.

He's a doctor.

I don't know. But to me, I'm like, really? That would concern me. That just seems like a huge frigging age gap. 20 years, almost 20 years. I don't know how that's gonna go down.

He's a doctor.

He's a doctor. You should like him. I mean, he's a Jewish doctor. I don't know if he's a Jewish doctor, but exactly. Okay, we can move on to our topic. And our topic again is pornophobia.

Pornophobia, yeah.

That's because we like it. This was actually, there was an article, a really interesting article that Stanley Siegel wrote about called Curing pornophobia in Psychology Today. We're gonna post this all on our website. But we were reading this article and there's a bunch of stuff that comes out that always comes up around porn. And like I said at the beginning, some of the questions are, do I watch it too much? You know, a lot of men hide it, women disapprove of it, or maybe they do it as a separate thing. And I think it could really be. Bring it into, be a couple experience. You know, you guys could do it together. I mean, I have to say, when I was in my 20s and I didn't, I didn't understand that when I was dating someone, I was like 22 and he watched porn, I was one of those women who I did feel threatened. I did feel like, does he want me to have fake blonde, you know, fake boobs and big blonde hair? And does he want me to do all these things? Like, it's confusing, It's a confusing message because you're like, this is what he's watching. And then he has sex with me and I'm not doing that. And I think that's why porn can also mess up our culture in some ways because a lot of people learn how to have sex through porn. And lots of times what we see in porn is not necessarily what is gonna work for a woman or a guy. It just looks good visually. But just that movement that you're seeing on camera doesn't translate into the bedroom. It was shot just for cinematic purposes. So I think porn can also send some messages to people. Like, if that's how you learn about sex, not necessarily how you should have sex. So as often as porn is suppressed and banned, it was never held down long because it's still one of the biggest parts of the Internet as we know sex has been why the Internet has like, proliferated and all technology.

I think everything, everything, everything goes back to sex. You can think of any type of medium porn is involved.

Exactly. So pornography time statistics. I've got some interesting stats here about porn. Every second, $3,000 is spent on pornography. $3,076 every second. Every second, 28,000 Internet users are viewing pornography. Every second. Every second, 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines.

Oh, I can tell you that every.

39 minutes, a new pornographic video is being created in the United States. This is all US Stats. So pornography is more popular than you might think. Nearly 80%, 87% of men and 76% of women reportedly visit adult entertainment site sites.

And I think that's true. I think that women are watching porn more. Do you know a lot of your female friends watch porn?

I know a couple that are. That are into it.

Yeah.

But. Yeah, but can I tell you something real quick about that?

Yeah, sure. Tell me something.

I did this blog post about. It was top 10 porn stars that gone Hollywood. So they transitioned from doing porn to motion pictures and television. And I have three because of that one blog post. I have 3,000 visitors to my blog every day.

Because of that one post.

Because of that one post.

How do you know that's why?

Because I can see the Google search terms and it tells me how many people visit that blog post.

Wow.

3,000 a day.

That's crazy.

It's crazy.

Yeah. Oh, my God.

And in the past year, I did, in that year that I did all Those, I did 800 blog posts. And that one is just like, like this crazy.

That's crazy. Well, that's true because that's what everyone's looking for. So there's pornographic pages overall on the Internet, 420 million pornographic pages, and that's 12% of the total websites are pornographic. That's a lot.

12% of the Internet.

12% of the Internet Is porn. So this is important to talk about.

So why is insectwithemily.com a porn site?

Exactly. Do you know that all my friends, when I started, they're like, just get naked and put some pictures of yourself on your site. Trying to make a living doing sex with Emily. And I'm not getting naked on the website, but all my friends.

That's what you do.

Who should I get naked? My interns? My. Who? Why? What?

No, you can buy stock footage.

Just put up some naked pictures. That's not the direction I'm going. We are educational, we are informative. We are improving people's sex lives. And not through by putting naked.

There's 420 million pages of sex. I don't think we need more. So the top worldwide search for the keyword sex on Google, number one comes from Pakistan.

Okay.

Because it's so repressed there. I just got an email from someone in Pakistan today who said, I can't access your website. It is blocked.

So, emilymorris.com.

It'S true. If you want to listen to the show at work, just do emilymorse.com instead of sex with Emily.

Like the code.

Like the code. More C. The code. Number two country is Vietnam. Number three is India. Four, Egypt. Five, Morocco. Six. Indonesia. Seven. Malaysia. Eight Turkey. Nine. Poland. Ten. Philippines. So we're not even on the list.

That's weird.

I know. You think we would be, but Pakistan, like, you know, they're just repressed, you know? Okay.

It's a tiny country compared to all the other ones.

I know, I know. But they can't. They have. No. They're not allowed. You know. You know all the repression that goes on there with women and sex. Like, you're only supposed to have sex to procreate. Yeah.

I'm surprised they're not afraid that the government's, like, looking at their computer, typing it in.

I know. Well, the thing is, they're probably typing in. Nothing's coming up because everything's blocked. So they're probably, like, furiously trying to get information. How sad they can't get any of these 420 million pages. Okay, the worldwide pornography revenues In China, it's 28 billion. South Korea, 26 billion. Japan, 20 billion, and US 13 billion. So we are lacking less than. The revenue spent in. It is less than Japan, South Korea and China.

Why are we not in the porn business is what I'm trying to say.

I don't know why we're not in the porn business. I'm in the sex business, but I'm not making as much money as these frigging porn sites. But I'm working on it, okay? So that's just some interesting facts I thought you'd like to know about.

Porn facts hurt my feelings.

Why? Because we're. We're not watching enough porn in the United States of America?

No, that we're not making enough money off of porn in the United States of America. It seems like this is where we should. Most of it, you know?

I know it's true. Totally.

Maybe that's ignorant. Ignorant. God.

How you doing today, baby?

Tired.

I know.

Tired day. I was up late last night. I'm not feeling very well.

You were up late again last night?

Yeah.

Why?

I had to pick up all my freaking co workers. They all went off to Hawaii.

Why do you. Doesn't your company pay for cabs? What do you mean?

Oh, they're my friends. I've been friends with them forever. They asked me to come pick them up.

What time do you pick up?

You're a bad friend.

No, I'm not picking anyone up. I'm like, I'd rather give you 30 bucks for a cab.

Wow.

I mean, unless, like, if you said.

That to me, if you said that to me, I probably wouldn't call you back again.

What's your. What time are they flying in? What time were they flying in? No, honey, I'd pick you up.

They were flying in. It was like 8:50. And then they're.

They were delayed.

They were delayed until like 9:15.

And you gotta loop and loop and loop and they yell at you to move. I hate that shit.

Yeah.

Okay, so why she might not like porn. So we're talking about this earlier. Why when women watch porn, they don't always see it in the same way as men. They want to know, is that what you want from me? Do you wish that I look like that? She likely feels like she has to perform like a porn star. Like, I think a lot of younger girls, like, if you watch these sex tapes, these girls, like, I think everyone thinks they have to like, be like a porn star. These concerns are along the same lines as men thinking, like, is my penis big enough? And all that stuff. Women are like, feel inferior because of. Because men are watching porn.

There's nothing wrong with women performing like porn stars. What's wrong with that? That you're. You're talking like it's a bad.

It's not a bad thing. But the thing is, it's not bad, but they're thinking that they have to do some of this stuff Is just for visual. Or like, they should be doubly penetrated or have anal sex right away or whatever, because that's what they're seeing in porn. And they're thinking that's what that guy want, but their guy wants. So I just think it's something that you guys need to talk about and realize that men watch porn for a lot of different reasons. And it's not. It's not to replace their girlfriend usually, typically, right?

No, never. I don't think that. I don't. To replace their girlfriend. The guy's just, like, watching it. They're not gonna do it. Just.

It's like a separate thing. It's like going to the gym for them. Like, they gotta just do it. So, okay, how do you introduce porn into your relationship? Now, some guys might be thinking, like, I don't want to do this porn in my relationship. It's my own thing. But it can be. You can still have it be your own thing. And you can still go in the basement and surf whatever porn sites you want to. But also.

You could try to make it a couple thing and get her into it. So first, discover her feelings about it. So talk to her and be like, how do you feel about porn? Have you ever seen porn? Do you like it? What turns you on? And then you can find out if it's a good idea. So if she's like, yeah, I've seen it. I kind of like it. But some of it's kind of gross. You can find out what she likes. So talk it out. Has she watched it? What did she like? Was there any. She's like, I really like girl and girl. Like, a lot of women like girl and girl, actually. So, you know. Or they like more plot lines. So you could talk to them and say, you know, you have to be ready for the idea that she might be in something too, that you're not into. But there's ways to find. So for some. For watching porn together. And this is where we're gonna talk about our favorite Adam and Eve again, porn for couples. If you go to the website AdamAndEve.com, they've got a whole section, and they literally have like, thousands of DVDs. But there are porn that are specially made for couples.

And if you go to adameve.com, use coupon code Emily at checkout, you get 50% off most items. A free DVD, free gift, the Kim Kardashian sex DVD, and free shipping, which is amazing. So some porn for couples is like Kama sutra, Intimate Encounters 101 Positions for lovers Candida Royales Femme. There's a lot of popular movies and they say that couple sex movies are usually adult movies with a strong plot line because women like the plotline or an educational theme. Though you do find occasional homegrown styles with amateurs in the mix. You could also do how to videos. Adam and Eve has a bunch of how to videos so you can like watch with your partner. Like how to become better at bondage, how to become better at oral sex, female ejaculation. You could watch a DVD and you could learn how to make your partner ejaculate. So these are all cool things that you could do to enhance your sex life together. So make sure that if you are bringing poor in a relationship that you do it together. That you're like, let's go shopping online together or go to a local store. Whatever works for you. Visit a sex. Visit a sex shop together. I don't know where you live, but most towns got sex shop.

It was so funny. This other radio show that I used to do, we would have a movie reviewer in every Friday and she was like really into like classical movies. Like anything that's like Oscar worthy, you know, that's what she liked. But one time we forced her to watch the most expensive porn ever made. And it had a budget of $1 million.

Okay.

And it was called Pirates. So look that up and check it out. I actually want to watch it to see how good the quality of the movie is.

Right. When was it made?

It was made in 2005. It's called Pirates.

It was the most expensive one ever made. I Wonder if there's $1 million ever since.

Okay, well, they have a. Yeah, they have a top 10 list of 10 most expensive porn movies. So you can find that out on the Google.

On the Google. On the Google. So making it, you should just like. So this whole experience of like doing it together, like make it fun, make it playful. Like you don't have to watch the whole movie, but just like make sure that you find something that you're both into. And if you are a dude and you're going to pick out the porn, like make sure you don't start with your crazy, craziest fantasy. Like she doesn't need to know all the weird stuff that you're into right away. Yeah, so make it more benign.

Stepping on lobsters barefoot and stuff like that.

Exactly.

People do that.

Believe me, they do.

I've heard about it. It's terrible.

What? I'm porn. They step on lobsters Barefoot?

Yeah, you know, because people have that fetish of like stepping on stuff because of the sound, like barefoot. You hear about that?

No, it's.

Sorry if you're into it, but I think it's disgusting. But there's. Yeah, there's like videos of just like bare feet, a woman's feet, like stepping on things. They're called, I think they're called like smash.

Are these guys with foot fetishes?

Yeah, but it's a special type of foot fetish where they step on things and like the sound like gets them horny, like stepping up like that.

If you go to Adam and Eve, you can see that they have about, about 70 different categories of porn. Like anal, double D, whatever, like a million of them. So, yeah, crazy. Okay, Pornography. But here's the thing about porn which I think people don't understand. And this is gonna get a little heady here for you, but for everyone. But I'm gonna explain this, that pornography speaks to a deeper part of us. So the reason why we're attracted to certain kinds of porn. This is from Psychology Today. It says that our private fantasies during sex are often more exciting than we are actually physically, or what you're actually physically doing. So do you ever. Do you fantasize during sex?

Sometimes.

And isn't that sometimes more. Because that's what gets you over, brings you to orgasm. Self style. Pornography is constantly running in our head. So when we're having sex, we focus on the images, the thoughts or stories from our imagination that truly arouses us. Especially when our true desires are not aligned with the experience at hand. So you could be having vanilla sex with some girl, but in your mind you're thinking about a gang bang or you're thinking about, I don't know what you think about. God knows, some woman pouring tequila down your throat. I don't know.

Remember I always tell you I think about past sexual experiences.

Right, right, right. Because that's real and that's not what's happening right now. So a dirty little secret is that our hidden fantasies are what makes us climax. So it's the things in our mind that we're not sharing with our partner at that time is what makes us climax. And the reason why we do this, like the reason why, if you want to understand the psychology behind it, is because pornography speaks to the deepest level of sexuality in all of us. Studies say that at some point during the heightened sexuality of adolescents, we unconsciously eroticize our unmet needs or unresolved conflicts and these take us into adulthood. So Let me tell you what this means. For example, let's say you're a dude and you have a fetish for women with red hair. Hair. It could be because you had a wicked stepmother who was abusive towards you when you were nine years old. And some way that you could make peace with this is to eroticize women with red hair. And so you always have to be with a redhead. And until you figure out what those things are for you, you know, you could either over. You can overcome this if it's. If it becomes a problem in your life, or you can just understand, like, your sexual desires and, like, where they come from. Like, do you have anything weird that you're into? Not weird. Do you have anything that you're into?

I like women with black hair.

Yeah, you always like brown. Brunette. Was your first love of brunette?

Not brunette. Black hair. Like dark black hair, Right?

That's a brunette. Kind of.

Yeah, I think. Yeah. My first girlfriend, she had black hair.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. That could be it.

I've dated, you know, platinum blonde girls, too.

But you just don't love it.

Yeah, it's not my favorite, but, I mean, it has to look good on them, too. Like, you know, some girls look better blonde than with black hair. You know?

It's true. Have you ever talked to your friends about what kind of porn they, like, do? Guys don't talk about this stuff. Women talk about this stuff all the time.

You guys talk about everything in detail, down to how.

That's what we do. That's what we. Exactly. Oh, my God. All the time. And I've literally been in restaurants. I'm like, well, it's like this. It's like that. Yeah. Well, when they ask, like, just my.

Good friend, why do you want to.

Because it's interesting.

It's weird because you guys think that we talk about this stuff, but we don't.

I don't.

We just don't care.

We get into it. Men, I told you, they're like, this is how men talk about sex. Like, did you bang her?

Yeah, that's it.

That's it.

Yeah.

Did you bang. Women are like, I banged him. I had an orgasm on top and on bottom, and then he went down on me for 30 minutes and then we rolled over, and then he did this from behind. And then, like, we go into all the details and then. I know. I told you. I know how every single one of my friends orgasms. Like, top, bottom, rear. Needs a vibrator. Doesn't. Because that's what we talk about. It's fun. Being a woman, never a dull moment and always conversations to be had.

Because all you guys eventually use that information against each other. See, that's where you guys mess up.

What do you mean we use it against each other? What planet?

Let me tell you something, okay. Separate yourself from your friends, okay. Because you're getting like. Well, me and my friends aren't like that. Well, some people are this wet. It's very hard to find women that have friends that are lifelong friends. It's very hard to find those people. Like, people, oh, this is my girlfriend that I've had since I was a little girl.

Right.

You know, they somehow someway have a falling out, and then they'll be like, friends for like 10 years or something like that. Or five years. And then they're like, oh, f, that bitch. I never want to talk to her ever again. And you guys share with the most.

Intimate, dark secrets, and then they break up their friendship.

Yeah. And then they tell.

Yeah.

And they tell other girls about it. And then everyone knows your information.

Yeah. I've had the same friends forever, so I. But I know that a lot of women do not have that. But I've nurtured, like, to me, my friendships are the things that I'm most proud of.

Yeah.

That I've had forever. But I get what you're saying. A lot of women have falling outs and they fight and. Yeah.

So, I mean, just be careful with the people you share things with.

Right. That's true. I've learned that actually when I, by mistake, you remember this, told a guy, like, this is the thing when you're dating someone and you feel super close and comfortable and you just had sex and you're lying in bed and you're like, whatever. And I shared something with him that was. I should not have shared. And we broke up two months later. And he told my friend this secret and it was like, horrible. Like, it wreaked such havoc. So be careful, I think who you share with lover, like, guys that you do or women you just started dating. Like, I don't think that because sex, when you have sex with someone, you feel like, intimately close, like, instantly closer. And I don't think it's a great.

Idea to share a lot of this information. It does no good for, like, I.

Have no reason to tell this guy this. This secret.

Yeah. There's no information even, like, girls that are with for. For three years. There's not. There's information I don't need to tell them. For what?

Right, for what.

It's not gonna bring it's not gonna benefit me in any way.

Talk and to share and it makes us feel better. So that's what we do.

I'm freaking safe, man. Like, I'm not gonna say anything to anybody. I don't care if I have, like a huge falling out with somebody. It's karma. It'll come back and bite you in the ass. So I just lock it up.

Okay. Continuing with pornography. We're almost done here. Problems with pornography. A common source of fear against pornography is a claim that it causes violent behavior. Have you heard this before? The people are trying to stop pornography.

Well, I mean, if you. Because probably because they've seen some pornography. Some of the pornography is pretty violent.

Yeah, it is. It is. But exposure to pornography might make some people less likely to commit sexual crimes, they say. And because of the availability of it, they're able to use porn as an outlet rather than to go kill someone. So they're saying that it's not. Studies say that. And some people say another problem with it is that it means that you're cheating. So there's some women who. Crazy women, women who think that when their boyfriend watches porn, they're cheating on.

And I think that again, like, we talked about it, sometimes it's exploring your deepest, you know, your deepest psychological self. And men watch porn for other reasons, and it's not cheating. But again, it can be used as a tool to increase the passion in your relationship. Porn.

Have you ever watched porn with a woman?

No, no, no.

Just the talking about.

I had women bring it up like, oh, we should. I'm like, it's feel weird.

Really? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I haven't done it that much, but I've done it. And it's hot like this guy that.

Then you have to share what kind of porn you like.

I know, I know. That's what I'm saying. Let the woman. This is what. If you learn anything from this, is let the woman lead the charge. Ask her what turns around. Don't bring all your freaky shit on the first date.

Yeah, like, oh, yeah, I like facials. Like, oh, this collaboration of all facial shots. Like, and, yeah. Oh, that's disgusting.

Yeah, exactly.

Oh, yeah. That's how you got to work really into that too. I was just playing.

You're like, yeah, me neither. I'm totally not down. But. And also, we always hear from men too. Like, I masturbate every day to porn. Is that a problem? And I want to say never a problem. It's not a problem. Porn, if you watch. If you masturbate every day. You watch porn. It's only a problem if it's a problem. Like, is it? Are you not going to work anymore? Are you not wanting to have sex with your partner anymore? Are you not leaving the house? Like, it's a problem when it is wreaking havoc on other parts of your life. That is when it's a problem.

Yeah.

Are we.

We gotta wrap it up.

Okay. Oh, my God.

Can we say what's up to Artie lang and Nick DePaolo that's gonna be up next.

Yeah. What's up, Artie Lang, Nick Topolo.

Dude, you guys are freaking awesome. Love you.

God, we do love you. And we're honored to be here on SiriusXM Extreme Talk 165. Thanks everyone, for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com there's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep.

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