SWE: Random Acts of Sex

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, that feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

This episode is brought to you by one of our amazing sponsors, Masque Sexual Flavor Strips. They enhance your sexual experiences with a taste of strawberry, mango, watermelon or chocolate. It's kind of like a Listerine strip, but for sex. So if you like sex and you want to make it even more enjoyable and you like hearing sex with Emily for free, check out mask@sexualflavors.com. enjoy the show. I promise Your sex life will improve. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information about Sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcast. Sign up for a mailing list, and please subscribe to our RSS feed and all that fun stuff. And yeah, I'm here with Menace.

Hi. How you doing?

I'm good. How are you?

I'm good.

It's great to see you.

I'm starving, so I'm eating in the first few days.

Yeah, that's. You're not supposed to eat that.

I apologize.

You can't eat. It's okay. Friends on Facebook.

There's a lot of listeners on the Facebook.

What about them? You're friending me on Facebook?

No. Have listeners friend you on Facebook?

They do, yeah.

I'm just saying. Oh, give out your Facebook. Hello. Hi. I know it's Friday. Everybody bear with us.

Okay? Here's my Facebook information as you can find me. Sex with Emily is my. Is my Facebook.

And you switch your Twitter.

And I switch my Twitter to Sex with Emily. So everyone should check out Sex with Emily on Twitter. Please, please follow me there. We're actually doing giveaways every week, and we're giving away prizes from My pleasure. So you can go do that every week. We've got a new contest and also today's show. We will be reading the emails that you sent to feedbackexwithemily.com some people post send to my Facebook, which is cool, however you want to find me. Or Twitter topics include waiting for sex, testicles, orgasms, and hand jobs, of course, and geeks and sex and a few others. And we're also gonna be giving some sex tips. Just a random mix of sex tips that I thought would be very helpful for people. The ones that resonate with me particularly, that I think that every man needs to know. So we're gonna get into that.

I prefer random, random acts of sex. You know, that's always the best one that you plan out. You're like, oh, yeah, you know what? I'm gonna go on this on this date, and we're gonna have dinner. Then we're gonna do this, and then we're gonna have sex. That's what men think, you know, that's the plan. That's the timeline that they put together. But it usually doesn't work out that well, you know, or it does, but it's not as good as you think it's gonna be.

Right.

But then when you have the Random acts of sex. That's when it's good. Like you didn't know it was coming.

Exactly.

Happens. That's cool.

That is cool. I love it. I had a date with a guy the other night, and we were supposed to. Speaking of random acts of sex. Although I didn't really have sex with him, but.

We were gonna go out. We had all these plans, and then we ended up just going to his house and maybe dinner, and we fooled around and it was awesome. So it was kind of a random act of sex I didn't see coming. But we were very attracted to each other and it was hot, and we didn't end up doing anything we were gonna do.

So we're gonna call it Rats now, right?

Rats. Rats.

Rats.

Rats. Okay, good. Random acts of sex.

Yeah.

I love. Ran.

Like something that we just came up.

Exactly. I love it. It's so good like that. How's your week?

My week is good. Busy as usual. A lot of things going on. Preparing. I'm gonna go to Coachella.

California, right?

Yeah, but you gotta plan out, man.

I want to go this year.

Good luck. It's sold out.

It's always. Yeah, but I always get in, my friend.

Excuse me. Oh, dude. I always get in.

I got reservations.

How's. How are you doing? How was your. Do you have any good wine stories? Did you go to a cabin with your friends and knew nothing?

I didn't do anything like that. No. I've just been. I've been dating, actually. I've got. Yeah.

No way.

Yeah.

I've got a few men, few prospects.

I've got, like, almost too many that I need to, like. I need to get rid of some.

Any suitors?

I've got lots of suitors, and I feel like I've been very active lately. Dating. Yeah.

How's that going?

It's going well. I like them all. And I'm being very clear that I'm not looking for a relationship right now. So that's a new step.

What have you done? What have you.

I've told them. What kind of things have I done?

Yeah.

Well, this one guy was. Oh, he made me. Two guys made me dinner at their house.

Yeah. Pussies.

Why?

What else?

Just because you can't cook menace doesn't mean that they're pussies.

I can cook you a goddamn dinner.

You cannot.

Hell yeah. I can even bake, too. I can do all that.

What are you gonna bake?

Me?

Cinnabon?

Whatever you want.

Cardboard thing that you open up.

Cupcakes or baking cookies.

Really?

Yeah, do all that.

I don't believe that you do any of this stuff. I do. Okay, fine. So, yeah, I've had good dates. Two guys made me dinner. Went to dinner with someone else. I'm trying to think, what else? That's it.

I'm not impressed. Unless they take you up in, like, a zeppelin, you know? I want something cool, like, something out of the ordinary.

You're right. You're right. Wow.

Okay. A guy can cook. Wow. Like, he's really gonna do that when you guys are together?

Yeah, he will.

All the time.

You think it's like, the blowjob that doesn't happen after you get together.

Yeah, that's what it is. That's what guys do. They don't give you blow jobs, but they cook for you, thinking that you're gonna cook for them later.

Yeah, this came up again. Yeah, exactly. But this came up again, like, with this guy I was talking to. And he's like, every girl I've dated, he's like, same thing. He's like, oral sex stops right after. Right. He's like, first three months they perform oral sex, and then they stop.

Yeah. Once they lock the love down.

Once they lock it down. But I. That's such a. That is. And I said, this is my life's mission, to make sure that people don't stop performing oral sex after they commit to each other. Yeah, it really is. That's what the show's about. It's like, keep doing non. Keep on keeping on.

What should these guys take off your clothes? What should these guys do to impress you on a date?

That's a great question.

I know. That's why I'm here.

I think if there's chemistry, like, I had chemistry, this guy the other night, I just don't really care, to be honest. Don't do nothing.

Okay.

Don't. Don't not have a plan. Yeah, we can have a plan and we can trash it because we're so attracted to each other and we just want to have sex. But. But I think a guy can just impress me by calling me. I brought this up last week. Call me. Just call me and ask me out. The last few guys have picked up the phone and said, I want to go out with you. And I think that's a great move. Don't just do it through Facebook or whatever. But where can he take me? Yeah, see, I'm not. Okay, admittedly, I'm not that girl that's like, I'm gonna be so impressed if you showed up with a limo and red roses.

A white stressed limo.

White stretch limo with a hot tub in the back. Yeah, and red roses. Not that, but I think just like a meal. And I like to eat.

What kind of meal? Can I take you to reservations?

You can't take me and make me dress up as the Hamburglar at McDonald's.

No, I'm just saying that.

What?

It has to be reservations. It can't just be.

No, it doesn't be reservations, but like a night, a good restaurant. It doesn't have to be like the fanciest, best restaurant in the whole world. Tickets to concert. Go to concert. Go hear music.

Yeah, but it's. A concert is like a movie. You're not going to talk or do.

No, it's better than a movie. Movies are not great first date material. So he's like, we're going to a movie. I'm like, that's of kind. Kind of. We're gonna want to talk. You know, I think that's like a good third date or fourth date. Like, let's go to movies.

Well, concert is a good idea if you want to get laid because you're obviously just gonna get wasted and maybe do other things.

Honey, that's not obvious for everyone. Not everyone gets wasted at a concert. You get wasted. Like going to Safeway.

Who enjoys the concert without getting wasted?

I don't know. I have. Historically.

Really?

Really?

Unless it is Wilco, some boring band.

That's the most impressive thing you've ever done for a woman. For a date. You're more about the whole pomp and circumstance of it all. Like, you create a whole thing. Like you're the one. It seems like you would create a whole.

I've gone to Vegas on just dates.

Just that. Just like to fly like that. Just go on a date. That's cool. I've done that. I've gone to Vegas. I had a guy take me to Mexico on our second date. That was impressive. Yeah, I ended up dating him for two years. Not because of Mexico. I actually probably shouldn't have dated him for two years. But Mexico was awesome. Second date.

And then now we're trying to tell people like, you don't have to take girls in Mexico.

What I'm saying is just have something planned. Don't show up and be like, I haven't really thought about it. It. And what do you want to do? Never do that. Yeah, we talk about that. All we've talked about that as a man.

Never ask a woman, what do you want to do? What do you want to eat? Yeah, because even though they know in their mind what they want to do and eat, they'll never tell you.

That's not. They would tell, but I just. For the first date, for the man to have the plan and the man to pay and don't accept her money when she puts her credit card out.

But the woman needs to pull out her card.

I don't know. Does she have to the reach? Yeah. First time, first date.

Yes, she does. She goes, oh, here, I want to like. And then the guy says, no, least do the reach. If you don't do the reach.

Kind of forgot to do that.

Then you're out the door for you.

So if a girl doesn't do the reach to pay, the first date look done.

She's not going to pay. No matter what. No matter what.

You wouldn't let her pay?

I wouldn't even let her pay if we're dating for months.

Really?

But she still needs to do the reach.

Like, almost every time I messed up with this last guy that I was dating that I didn't reach, I think he wanted me to reach more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because you look like a gold digger.

I'm so not a gold digger, though.

You look so look like a gold digger if you don't do the read.

I think I did eventually, but not right away, because it was the first date. I have rules. I was saying, like, he asked me out, and then he was like, no, whoever does the asking. But here was the problem in the breakdown. Apparently I wasn't going to get into this, but I'm going to go for it. Okay. So I was dating this guy, and it's recently ended, but really? Yeah.

Okay.

And apparently I never called him once for the whole two months that we were dating. And I never asked him out, and I never made a plan, and he did all those things, but I felt like we were seeing each other, like, once a week. Like, I didn't feel like it was my responsibility.

Did you text him?

Yes.

You texted him? Okay.

He's kind of bummed, and I was bummed about other things, and it's over.

It's fine.

But apparently I need to be more with this guy, I feel. Because, you know, the problem is the guy I was dating before that we saw once a week, and we were just dating, and it was like, once a week, and he would call me and he'd make a plan, and I felt that was sort of. We were still in the, like, courting phase and the early phase that it wasn't my duty. And I'm super busy to plan. And he felt that he needed more for me to know that I really liked him. And I thought I was showing him that I liked him in other ways. Like in the bedroom. Not really, but I was. I was with them. I liked him. I said yes to everything, but I wasn't planning things. Do you need a woman to plan? Like, I feel kind of bad.

No. I feel a woman can't. I think I've already figured out women and I know they can't plan anything. We talked about this last and I don't care. I don't care if they call me, if they text me, that's cool. I really don't want them to call me because I pick up the phone. I do pick up the phone. I love. I love talking on the phone. I love talking phone. Don't get me wrong. But you know what? Not to say that I want to set the schedule, but I don't want them to call me because usually if they will call me, then I'm busy. Because if I. If I am not busy, I'm probably calling you, you know?

Right, right, right.

So.

So I think I learned a lot from this and whatever and it's over. But okay. So one more thing I want to bring up here.

Yeah.

Is that. Did you hear this? That the number. This was just in the news. So sorry. Ashley Madison dot com. You know Ashley madison, the cheating dating site?

Yeah. I was at a. I was actually on a date and they were promoting it.

There was some night or they always promote it. It's like advertise on a bunch. They might be our advertiser one day, who knows? But no, no, I. I'm not gonna say no to anything. It's basically a site that helps people cheat.

Yeah.

The number one site for facilitating cheating and breakups is actually Facebook 66 of online divorces. Evidence come from the social network, which is also cited in one out of every five divorces in the u. S.

That's crazy because we've talked Facebook.

We talked about this before, but we.

Talked about this before. I would say about. About a year and a half ago. And it was one out of every seven. Now it's one out of every five.

Yeah. That's amazing.

Yeah.

So do you think that everyone's like hooking up with their. Yeah, I've a high school. I know many people in college. Really?

Yeah. I don't know that many people rekindling because we talked about this before. Where before?

Facebook remind you?

Yeah. Before Facebook, when you broke up with somebody, you don't have to see them ever again. But now they live.

Now I'm, like, watching their vacation in Hawaii with their new girlfriend.

They live online, and they're always there, and people are always friends with each other. And then. So when you break up with somebody.

You got to defend them so you don't stalk them and their vacation photos.

Yeah. But I think I'm friends with every single ex girlfriend I've ever had on Facebook.

I am, too.

Yeah.

I sometimes think, like, what if I was like, how many of you guys? There's a part of me that wants to be like, how many of you have I slept with? And see who signs up? That'd be really embarrassing. But I think there's a lot of them. No, like, my college boyfriends and my post college.

You make a list. You can't make lists on Facebook. You want me help you?

You can make lists. These are the guys that I could do a map. Like, a map of all my friends. Like. Like, you have, like, Mac in the United States, and you put little pins in it where you've traveled. I could have, like, a list of all my friends and have little pins in there. Like, little. Like, a marker that says, like, I've seen. Slept with him. I slept with him.

Then I go, I don't know if there's enough ink in that market to do that, but we can try.

I thought you do that. Yeah, But Facebook, I mean, one out of five divorces because of Facebook.

Yeah. That's why after I'm done with my career in digital online media, all that, I'm just gonna move to the hills of Montana and not even have a cell phone.

Yeah, I would love that. I love when I don't have my cell phone for five minutes even. It makes me happy. Like, it's too distracting and there's going on.

Well, people are becoming. I'm trying to say a politically correct term. People are coming socially awkward. There we go. Socially awkward. And they can't communicate in real life. They only can communicate online, and they can only build Personas online of what people think that they are. But they're not really, like.

Yeah, because we didn't always have that. I agree. I totally agree. So that's why I'm telling everyone, just pick up the phone.

Talk to the phone.

Sometimes someone.

Because if you're the guy that picks up the phone and, like, talks to women directly, you're gonna get laid, man. You know?

I agree.

Because all these other guys around you are losers.

Pick up the phone and be like, I Want to see you. Like. So there's one of these guys I'm dating. Gotta keep track of him. I should give him stage names here. But no, he. Every time we go out, he calls me. He's like, okay, what are we doing tonight? Like, hey, here's the plan. He just calls me, and I'm like. Because not everyone calls anymore. So it used to be annoying because the phone ring all the time, but now the phone never rings and I pick it up. So, okay, let's get into mail, but first we have to give a shout out to our advertiser.

Go for it.

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So easy.

Okay.

And I love free shipping.

I love free shipping. I hate paying for shipping when they're like, you're buying something for $8 and shipping is $6. Forget it.

No, I was trying to buy this piece of plastic today for my cell phone, and it was $9 for shipping. There's these things called power mats where you can just put a. You can just set it on a mat and it'll charge your cell phone. Oh, I wanted to buy one which cost $30, and then it was $9 for shipping.

Just kills me. Why?

Like, so then I was like, okay, it's free shipping if I pay over a certain amount, right? And my amount was already $42 total. So I was like, okay, then I'll just buy two, because I need two anyways. Then next thing I know, it's like $65, right?

Did you not buy it then?

Then I said, you Know what? Screw this.

What do you mean? It's a piece of plastic. That. Not that we're technical tech.

I am.

Yes, you are. But what do you mean? You just place it down in your cell phone charges?

It's called Power Mat.

I want it.

Yeah.

Can you give me one when you buy it?

Yeah.

Find it somewhere.

Actually, they have it for your phone, so it's just a piece of.

I hate my phone right now.

Yeah, you just. You replace the back of your phone with this. This other shield, and then you set it on the mat and it charges your phone.

Now I want one. Okay, we're gonna move into listener emails that you guys all send to feedback@texthemily.com and the first one is actually for Menace. It's directed towards you.

Yeah.

Okay, Ready? This is from Witter. He emailed me through Facebook. Can you ask Menace. Ready. Asking if he'd prefer a hand job from a really hot lady or a blow job from an average lady?

Blowjob, I swear to God.

Because you don't know the.

Joys of a good answer.

Who did we see the other day? Oh, we're hanging out at our favorite place. Stitcher. We're at Stitcher. Right. Stitcher, if you don't know, is an app that you can put on your cell phone and you can listen to this podcast that you hear now.

Mm.

And we're hanging out the Stitcher offices, and the hand job debate comes up, and two of the employees, a woman and a guy, agreed with me. Yes or no?

Agree with you did.

Are you high on crack right now?

Wish.

Me right.

Do you not remember this?

No, I don't remember the name because. Because you never portray it right. And how do I not portray it.

Right when I'm telling the truth?

I don't know. I don't believe that.

It was just the other day. Are you lying that you do not.

I knew you'd answer this because you'd never answer that you want a hand.

Job because women can't give hand jobs as good as a man can give a hand job.

This is exhausting.

It is exhausting.

I'm gonna be as good, but it's gonna be better. I'm gonna. I'm going home right now. I'm done. I'm leaving in the middle of the show. Okay. So that's the question for you. Thanks for the answer. Okay. Hey, Emily. Menace, My name is Manny from London, uk. Love the show, and your guys tips are helpful indeed. Menace mentioned he started a dubstep program called Wobble Wednesday Much kudos as living in the birthplace of dubstep. It's truly insane to see it spread around the world.

Yeah, it's crazy. I've been getting a lot of good feedback.

What's that website?

It's live105.com wobble Wednesday.

Cool. I like that step. You do? Yeah, I do. I told you because I was having sex with this guy for a while last year who was into it, and so I got into it. One quick question. Is it ever weird to have sex with a high school friend after years of barely talking? No, not at all. I think that that's totally normal. I think that's like everyone hooks up with the hot person in high school that they never hooked up with in high school for some reason. Or at the reunions or you run into them. Don't think that's weird at all. You barely talked and you start hooking up. No, I mean, it's no different than just hooking up with someone that you met normally or recently.

Yeah, there was this.

Even better. It's more fun. It's like, remember in high school when you did it and we always at the top for each other and now we're hook up? I think that's totally normal. No problem with that.

Yeah. There was this girl that I'm going to probably go on a date with and we.

I love when you go on dates. Don't tell me about him.

We graduated from high school quite a while ago and we never dated in high school or anything like that.

And now you're going to going to date?

I don't know. We're gonna go out.

Okay. You let me know if you sleep with her.

Yes, I will let you know.

That would help our loyal listener.

Okay.

Okay. This is from White Menace. Another one. Olivia Munn is very hot, but she is not at all a geek. She just happened to get on G4 and host those shows. The only reason she knew anything about games and such was because someone told her about it. Loyal listener Tyler. P.S. hand jobs can be awesome.

Did I ever say that? Oh, she's a gamer expert. I just said she's odd. Check her out.

I don't know. I don't know what you did. Hey, haters will hate, but she's not a geek. So she's on. But she's on G4.

Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of girls like that. They'll just pretend to be gamers, right? So they can get some fame and stuff like that.

Got it.

There's plenty of women out there. Sucks. It sucks because, like, online, if you're a girl, man, and you get on Twitter and you're hot, you can get a bazillion followers. And if you're a guy, like, no one cares, you know?

Yeah, I want a bazillion followers. Sex with Emily on Twitter. Yeah, I want a bazillion. Speaking of geeks, okay, I got another ad read here that we got to do for Tune Up Media, okay? Because Tune Up Media is the number one selling plugin for itunes and Windows Media player. And it's. Have you. Do you have Tune Up Media yet? Because you're probably organized madness. But this is for everyone who has all those annoying track zero ones, unknown artists and band spelled five different ways. And Tune up goes in and cleans up all of your media and it's all of your songs and makes it cleanly and intelligently identifies and fills in missing information using acoustic fingerprinting, that same technology that powers Shazam for iPhone. So they also have Tuniverse, which allows you to watch music videos, read artist bios. This, like, changed my music, my itunes life. I love it. And you can try Tune up free by downloading Tune up light. Or you can get 20% off tune up gold with promo code Sex with Emily. So check out tune Up. It will change your music's life and your own life.

Now, I've seen it work before. It's amazing.

It is amazing.

But I am organized.

You're more organized. Yeah. It's your job, Emily. Enjoy the show. I listen through stitcher. Anyway, I want to share an aspect to oral sex that I haven't heard you mention. Humming. I stumbled across this one day while providing oral to oral to my wife. I was enjoying pleasuring her so much that I made a mmm sound. At the time, I was working with her clitoris. Well, the vibration from it really lit her up. When I shared this with a friend, he had never thought of it either. His wife was quite pleased as well. So I thought I'd email and share it with you in hopes that you might share with your listeners.

Scott, is there any, like, songs that he suggests?

They say you should also do the Alphabet, but humming is a great. That totally makes sense. That's in my book. Like the vibration. It's like a vibration. And so the humming on when you're performing oral sex feels great to a woman. Not the whole time. Don't like, hum for the whole time that you're doing it.

Probably like a Justin Timberlake song would be good or something.

Yeah, you could humm A tune? Sure, if it makes you feel better. But I would just go, yeah, but you could do it. But it could get distracting for the woman if you're humming a tune and if you mess it up or anything.

You know what?

We haven't talked about the humming. What?

Speaking about, like, humming and music and stuff like that is the most favorite one.

The.

Oh, my bodies. The. The.

I know.

We haven't talked about it in a long time.

I know.

I love my favorite sex toy that I never use.

I know The. Oh, my God. I think you can buy it at Adam and Eve and get a discount. It's. It's the. It's the ipod for your vibrator. If you're The. The. It's. Yeah, it's a vibrating. You put the music on your iPad.

You're right. Okay.

It's a. It's.

It's. It's an adapter for your ipod.

Right.

Vibrates with the music.

If vibrates with music.

Yes. Don't worry, I'll edit the show.

Thank you. Perfect. Okay. Yeah. We love it. We love that. Oh, my God. Okay, so dear only met us. Thanks so much for the advice that you gave me on your last show. I did end up telling my. My friend that I really liked her, and it felt great to get it off my chest. Sadly, she didn't share the same feelings. And as much as that sucks, I was happy that it was at least out in the open. Our friendship took a big, big of a. Took a bit of a hit, but nothing we can can't recover from. Your lawyer listener, rj Olivia Munn is super hot.

Oh, yeah. See, it probably felt good to just get it off your chest, you know? It probably felt.

That's what we told him.

Awesome.

I'm like, just tell her that you like her because what, are you gonna, like, suffer in pain? I met this guy the other night. I didn't. A friend of mine the other night, we were talking, and he's actually a photographer, and we were doing some photos, whatever, and he was saying he's been in love with this girl for two years, and she doesn't know it, but they have these lunches and she tortures them. And I'm like, you just gotta tell her. Like, two years. Like, just come out and tell her and be like, I'm into you or I'm not. Like, why wallow in your m. Like.

I said all the time, you're not gonna die if she says no, right? You're not gonna die. It's gonna suck if she does, but you're not gonna die. And if she says no, then you can move on. If she says yes. Awesome.

I think so much relationships last way too long. You date the wrong people. All this stuff goes on and on and on. And there's so much, like my mom always says, the issues you have in the third date, you'll have forever. All. All the information is there that you need about the person pretty early on. I'd say within the first three weeks you're dating somebody, the information is there. You know what you need to know about this person. Are you going to open your eyes? Are you going to look at it? Are you going to address it? All that stuff? I realized I did the mail before I did the Sex and the news.

I like that.

You did?

Yeah.

You didn't even tell me.

Because I like it that way.

Today's like Freaky Freaky Friday for me. Okay, just listen. Dear Emily, just listen to the show last night at work. Your show rocks. Now, the next time the Podcast awards come out, you need to tell people to sign your show up for it. I also want to tell you for a follow up with my wife, things have been lots better. We're getting along better. Then the thing about not getting sex for three years is over. We have been having sex almost every week now. But the difference is that we are doing it in the morning and it's even better than sex at night. She's more relaxed and things. Things just work better in the morning. Thanks for a great podcast, Chris. So we must have given him good advice. That's awesome.

Morning sex is so much better.

Well, see, that's the thing. That's a debate. A lot of couples complain that they don't have time for sex. And so I would say yes at the alarm 20 minutes earlier and have sex in the morning.

You have, so you have a full night's rest.

Some people don't like sex in the morning, though. So you got to work it out. But both of you do set the alarm and have sex. If you have kids and you're either complaining about it like you're already in bed, you can wake up 30 minutes earlier, 20 minutes earlier, and do the deed. Yeah, it's a great way to fit it in. If you have kids or telling you busy because you work too late, you.

Look at it, you spent all your energy all day long and then you got to perform still. Like, come on, right this way. You have a full night's rest. You have all the energy.

You know that pressure when you come Home of like, she's gonna want it, he's gonna want it. Sex in the morning. I love it. That totally solved his problem. They ended sex in three years.

She met him. She better make some pancakes after though.

She's gotta cook. Yeah, really, all that he should make, he should cook for her. Okay, let's move into sex in the news.

Okay, go ahead.

Okay. So have you heard this, Menace? This one is Grindr news, new app for straight people. Wants to help with those misconducts.

It's not gonna work.

So we talk about this probably ad nauseam every week. But Grindr is Menace's favorite gay app, even though he's not gay. And it's for gay men who want.

To hook up because my gay friends are obsessed with it. Yeah, they love it.

And so explain how it works really quickly.

Okay, really quickly. It's a basically a GPS chat room on your iPhone. It's an app. So you open up the app, it'll have all these photographs and it will show all the men that are near you within a certain mile radius. You're like, oh, I like that man. So you, you click on his photograph and then instantly you're chatting with him. Yeah, he could be 20ft away from.

Right, Exactly. You can hook up with them. So now they're gonna do it for straight people.

Not gonna work.

Not gonna work, you say? But we'll see. They don't have a name for it yet.

It's called the Fail app. It's not gonna work. There's gonna be 9,000 guys on there for every one girl, guaranteed.

Maybe. We don't know, honey. We can't predict. We can't predict the future.

I can predict the future. I'm telling you right now, it's not gonna work.

Okay, seven year. This I love this is my favorite sex in the news article of the day. Ready?

Go for it.

Seven year itch. Now down to three years. Why? So you know, they always talk about the seven year itch in a relationship. You heard that saying, right? That after seven years, people get divorced. That was the common thing for many, many years. Marilyn Monroe started in a famous movie called Seven Year Itch, Right? Or seven Year. Wasn't that it? Yeah. These days, the couple's passion starts to cool down after only three years, according to a nurse new survey. What a bummer. People are getting divorced after three years. Weight gain by a partner, lack of money, snoring and overexposure to the in laws are top passion killers.

Dude, I'm screwed.

Did someone say lack of racy underwear. That's another biggie. Along with toenail clipping, kipping. Toenail clippings left on the bathroom floor. What explains the couple's lack of tolerance? Longer working hours combined with money worries are clearly taking their toll on modern relationships. And we are seeing an increasing trend for solo holidays and weekends away from marriages and relationship in order to revive the romantic spark. So what can couples do to keep the flames burning? Recognize that love is tough and that it's perfectly normal to think about straying as relationships evolve. So that's the best advice for couples, they say, is that love is tough. So what a bummer. People aren't even lasting seven years now.

Well, people's attention spans are so exactly nothing these days. You know, like I on. On the Internet, they give us suggestions to make videos. No longer than three minutes.

Right? You know, I can't watch longer than three minutes. My videos aren't longer. I mean, really?

Yeah, it's hard. Well, you can't even be in a relationship longer than three minutes. I can imagine. Three years?

Seven. Oh my God. I've done two year relationships. Two and a half years. How long you have to be?

You have to be medicated.

What's your longest relationship?

Two, three years.

Which one?

I had two three year relationships.

Oh, you had two, three years. That's good. Mm, it's better than me. I've done two and a half. Whatever. Okay, so next text news the f saw professor apologizes. So remember we talked about last week about the Northwestern professor you heard? This has been all over the news now. Yeah, that there was a live sex toy demonstration in his class at Northwestern and apparently there were 600 students in the class and only 120 stayed for the performance. So they were talking about female ejaculation during that course during that class. And this woman came in with her boyfriend and said, oh, we can sim show it. You simulate it for you. And they went on stage and he like she used some vibrator and they.

Yeah, yeah.

So he apologized. He said he was sorry for the negative press dem bought to the university. But in the same breath, he maintained that he was justified in his decision and that the class had educational value.

So he apologized, but he still is maintaining that that was education.

Chill, people. You know?

Yeah, but I don't felt at 19 in college watching people have sex on stage stage.

And I was like, awesome.

I don't know you would have as a dude, but I think I was more prude. I think I might have been more uptight. I'm not sure.

But it's. It's crazy on how many steps we're taking backwards when it comes to this stuff. I know in the years that we're in right now, you know, I think.

There just should have been maybe more. I think it was when the article I read about it said that he just kind of decided the fly, like at the moment. Like the guy was like, oh, I.

Can show you now.

And he was like, okay, good idea, bad idea, good idea. Okay, just do it. And so it wasn't like pre planned and maybe should have built up the students a few weeks ahead of time. There probably could have been a better way to go about it.

Yeah, I just.

Yeah, yeah.

Just talking about progression with the US versus the UK just in general. Like, I have no desire to ever go to Europe. Okay. Just to let you know.

Why?

Because I seen the food on TV and it looks like it sucks.

The food is so.

I don't want to go there. Okay, you don't have to. You don't have to convince me. I'm never going to go.

Sorry, there's no Pizza Hut.

But check this out.

Maybe there is.

Check this out. I know you like the European guys because they have cool accents and all that crap. I don't want to do that. So. But I was listening today, you know they have the sun over there, which is basically the tabloid magazine. They have. You know how we have American Idol? They have page three Idol.

Okay.

Page three idol is you're reading your normal, you know, magazine pastry. Idol is naked women. And you get to vote on. On who is the best looking woman. Like that's like normal there, right?

In their newspaper there's pictures of naked women.

I know. Can you imagine like how that is over here?

Like why are weights.

It's weird.

A lot of listeners in the UK and abroad, I think, like not to.

Offend the UK listeners, it's just not a place I want to go visit.

Yeah, why not?

I don't know. I want to go to Japan and that sucks that Japan just had one of them.

What's that about? The tsunami.

One of the huge major earthquakes.

Crazy, right?

World history. Yeah.

And then everyone thought that. And then I woke up this morning by mistake. My alarm didn't go off. I usually get up at 7:30. I woke up at 9:50.

Nice.

I felt like I was in college or something. I was like, who wakes up at 9:50? Like I had to be at work at the office by 10. I had a meeting. That's besides the point. But I woke up to all these, like, people calling me all over, wondering if there was a tsunami like, that was gonna hit me. I was like, kind of scared.

And what sucks is about people that don't live here. What sucks is, yeah, we had the tsunami warning and then there was all this coverage. And they're waiting for the waves to come. So the time hits where the waves are supposed to come, Right. And it's this small little wave. And then they spent two hours on it. The local news.

Right, the waves, little wave.

I don't know if you know this, but Japan just had 8.8 earthquake.

People just trying to freak us out, change the coverage. I know, I know.

They're like, can you have sex during those times?

During what, tsunamis?

No, but I'm just saying, like, natural disasters are going on. Can you think about sex or do you think about natural disasters?

Personally?

Yes.

I feel really bad for the people in Japan, but I might have sex tonight. I don't know. Not tonight.

I'm gonna put it off.

Yeah. Okay. I'm not gonna have sex for 24 hours.

Yeah, yeah. Not.

But I mean, I mean in protest in honoring the people of Japan.

Yeah.

To say, hey, you want to.

On my mind more than sex.

Exactly. Tonight I'm not gonna have sex tonight. I'm not gonna have sex. Actually, I can tell you 1 to 100% unless something weird happens, but no, 100%, I will not have intercourse unless tequila happens.

You're not gonna.

Unless there's some tequila. I gotta bring some tequila back around. The female Viagra. I haven't tequila in a while. Okay. The center for the center for Disease Control. The center for Disease Control released a giant study of human sexuality this week with some interesting findings. Teen sex, which has been on the rise for decades, seemed to peak in 2002. In almost nine years since, virginity rates have risen among 15 to 24 year olds. The trend, they say, is good for STD rates. On the other hand, the now sexless school high school movie genre, whether chicken or egg in this particular shift, has suffered notably. So that means STD rates are going to go down because people are delaying sex. That's good. I think the kids are delaying sex. What's the rush? What's the most sex? Yeah.

I don't know. It's just everywhere.

I know that's the problem. That's surrounded by it all the time.

You're cool if you do it.

Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. I waited a long time. I was like 18. 17.

I was 18. That seemed old then it was when everyone around you. But it's cool because I think a lot of these shows on MTV 16 and Pregnant is scaring people from time to time.

Well, I think so too. Do you think that's why it's gone down? They're like, I don't want to like live like that. But they thought that that was incred increasing, that people were going to want to be famous so they were going to have kids.

16. I don't think it's glorifying it at all.

It's a crazy show. Okay. Another teacher loses her job after student sees her in a porn.

Yes.

Yeah. So there's been so many of these. This woman, she was like a good downhouse.

I heard she was a really, really good teacher.

Really good teacher. A family woman, a great teacher. Until one of her students discovered and reported her past as a porn star. America is afraid of sexuality, so she resigned. So bummer. Her name is Tara Myers or Tariqa Dye. That's what her.

Yeah. What I heard was that she. She did it in like the early 90s, so that's like 20 years ago.

And what evs people. She's a good teacher. Yeah.

And then so much.

She did a porn. And how did the kid discover it anyway?

Well, I heard that she already porn.

That's where the problem is. It starts at home.

Yes. Well, I heard that she got.

Outed before at another school, so that's why she moved to this school.

Share that stuff. Yeah. Oh, that's a bummer. Remind me never to make a porn. Although I'm in that movie. I'm a sex addict.

Yeah.

People can rent that dvd, which a lot of people do, and email me and they're like, I didn't know you were in that. But there is like a deleted scene where it's there. I don't get naked in the film, but you can kind of they my breasts. You can. They put like a bar over it because I was doing a sex scene, but I had clothes on. But my. Anyway, so that could come up. But I have a sex show, so that's actually a good thing. So it's. I'm not going to get fired. Forget it. Okay, let's move into some sex tips. These are just a random sampling of sex tips that I thought were really good and would help everyone with their sex life, which is my purpose on the planet. Okay. Grunts are better than nothing. She'll give longer and more enthusiastic oral sex. If you give her a verbal response, even appreciative Grunts are better than silence. Okay, this is so true. I talked about this. I don't remember a year ago, but this guy I was dating, he did not make any noise during sex. And it drove. He was like. Like, this is how he would. I know that he'd orgasm. He'd go.

I was like, what did you just. He was like. Like, he could have coughed or burnt. Like, make it be like. Like moan. Like, do something.

Seriously, that's better than nothing. So I, you know, I think that. Yeah, you gotta give longer, more enthusiastic. You know, you gotta give a verbal response. Do you make noises when you orgasm?

No, I don't.

Come on. Okay, so verbal responses from men. Because my one guy went, he's no longer in my life. Okay. Vary the stimulation. Whether you're all the way inside her, add side to side movement, or up and down pelvic pressure against her clitoris to vary the stimulation. This is just to stop the whole jackhammer in and out. You should go side to side. Have you ever done that? Do you ever go side to side and up and down and all around, vary the stimulation? Yeah, I think lots of guys don't know that. Do that. And women. Women, too. You can make this decision yourself. You can vary the movement. Okay. Use your tongue wisely. When kissing, don't use your tongue like a dart. In and out, in and out. Instead, try varying motions and amounts of pressure, just like your penis during sex. So have you ever met someone who's darts?

No.

Not a good thing. Don't do that. Okay. Tell her what she wants to hear. The words she loves to hear is, I want to make you feel good. I think that's so true. Like a guy who's like, I want to make you feel good. Like, I want to know it's not about me. It's not about me having orgasm, but I want to make you feel good. What can I do? That is such an easy thing to say. Just say that to her, Tyler. Like, I want to make you feel good. I love when a guy says that to me. You have nothing to say to that? Do you ever say that?

No, I just. I really gotta leave, but I'm gonna edit it so it sounds fluent.

Okay, then I will do one more. How's that? Sweet. This is a great one. Don't go south during foreplay. During foreplay, agree that the genitals are off limits at first. Touch other parts of her body using fingers, a feather, a silk scarf, or anything that turns her on, and ask her to describe how it feels. This builds attention until you're both ready to explode. This is the whole teasing thing that I always talk about. Don't go right for it. Use a feather. Use something. Don't really go right and touch her there, but use other parts of your, you know, use a feather, silk scarf, whatever, to touch her during foreplay instead of your fingers. Use other things.

Something organic.

Something organic.

Maybe faux.

Faux.

Yeah.

Okay, we're done.

Good.

Okay, awesome. Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

Thanks for tuning in to Sex with Emily. One of the reasons you're able to listen to us for free is because of the incredible people at Good Vibrations. Good Vibrations is a sex positive company based in San Francisco with an amazing website. I got my very first vibrator from Good Vibrations so I hope hold a soft spot in my heart for them. They have a huge online store@goodvibes.com you can find literally anything on there from toys to DVDs to games. Just click on the Good vibrations banner@sexwithemily.com and enter GVshipMily for free shipping. So check it out. You'll help yourself and you'll help keep Sex with Emily free. Just like it should be. Thanks for listening. I promise your sex life will improve.

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