SWE- Sex for Grownups

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Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean, like laundry?

It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh, my.

Oh, my God. I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information about Sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcast. Sign up for our mailing list, RSS feed, and all that great stuff. And you are going to want to check out the Sex with Emily site because. Because we are making some changes in the next few months, next few weeks, which is very exciting. And I'm here with manis.

Hello. How are you doing?

I'm great. It's good to see you.

You too.

It's been a long time.

I know you were off. Where were you? The East Coast?

New York.

New York City. One of my favorite places in the world.

Oh, my God. I had the best, best time.

Yeah, I love it there.

And I want to talk real quickly about today's show. We have a special guest. We have Dr. Dorie Lynn.

She.

She wrote a book called Sex for Grownups. She reveals the truths, lies, and must tries for great sex after 50. And I think it's 50. It's 40. I think people think that sex is gonna wane after a while. You're gonna be in a relationship, you're gonna get older, you're not gonna have good sex. And I get a lot of emails about this topic. So I'm so glad she's here. And we're gonna get into that in a few minutes and talk about her book and all that stuff. So menace. Yeah. Oh, and I have a new iPhone app out Kegel camp. And I have to say, I have another iPhone app, 101 sex tips from Text Emily. And I've been getting ton. I got great feedback for all of them, but ke. Like, through the roofs. Because Kegel exercises are the most important exercise that you're not doing.

And I know how to sell it.

That's why you sold it for me last time. But it's doing really well. And I'm getting, like, tons of emails from people who say the Kegels doing the exercises are actually working. It's helping them. It's helping them a better sex. It's helping men with sexual issues they might have and women. So it's awesome. It's all good. And yeah, New York was amazing. It was like 78 degrees. It was beautiful. Good looking people. I think wherever you go, everyone just looks better. You kind of better. It's like new. Your eyes are open. So here I'm like, I know everyone. But when you go to New York, the men, the people.

You kind of dissolved left though. You didn't tell me.

I know.

Hey, by the way, I'm going to New York City.

I had to go for very important meetings.

Okay.

VIP meetings, which I'll tell you all about. Sweet. Yeah. And then we also have a survey on our site that I want to mention this because we are again doing some changes to the show and I'd love to hear from you. You'll see a little button in the right hand corner and you can just fill out the survey. It'll take you five minutes. And just tell us what you like and what you don't like about the show. We totally appreciate it and that'd be great.

I've been having a lot of listeners hit me up on Facebook lately.

I know you say that every week and I don't ever hear. I come bring in everything I get. What are they saying to you?

They just say they love the show. They never go in depth with me.

No, they don't go into depth. They don't send you three page emails like I get. Because they know that too long, by the way.

I can't read them. I can't read them. I just, I don't have time. And also, I explained this many times before. I use a program that updates all my networks, so you might think I'm on there, but I'm really not.

Got it.

But if I am responding, it's exclusive. Yeah, but if I am responding, like on a chat or something, I am talking to you.

Right.

But there was a guy who's really, really into letting me know that he likes.

Finishing on his girl's face. And he's really happy that we talked about it and he likes to let me know every time he does it.

Oh, really? That's interesting. That's very nice of him.

Yeah, that's what he does.

He's like, tonight scored. Yeah, I had a couple email me. I was actually in some of the emails that we're gonna read on the next show, but they were saying that he's like, I just had the most amazing. He like described detail by detail of the entire sexual encounter he had his wife of 20 years and how amazing it was. I'm like, well, great, good for you. I'm home working and writing about sex. I'm not Actually having sex. So I appreciate hearing everyone's real sex stories.

That's good.

Yeah. Love hearing it.

Nothing else new?

Yeah, lots of new things. Oh, my God, no.

Dinner parties.

I always have dinner parties. But. Okay, so I've got. Been going out with some people and I went out with a guy, a British guy that I met. And I know this might seem superficial, but I love the accent. Like, I didn't even remember really much about him. Just that he had the accent and he was smart and he was cool. And I went out with him for 20 minutes.

I should just start faking it.

Accent, it's hot. It is. I went out with him, so that was fun. But it wasn't. It wasn't my. He's not my dream man.

I think Americans automatically give British with accents 20 IQ points higher. Just automatically.

I'm like, he's funny. He's comedian. No, he's a nice guy and maybe I'll see him again. But I was like, you an accent that's so hot. Is that ridiculous? And then another thing I just needed. I just needed to bring up is that is about.

So I was thankful. My friend in New York, my best, oldest guy friends. I just wanted to get your opinion on this. Ten years. Okay. What? No, we've never hooked up. Why are you laughing?

Next word. We never hooked up.

I hooked up with him. We've never had sex. Best friends live with him in LA for two years. Like, we talk every day. He's got a new girlfriend. I was coming to New York. He's like, stay with me. And then he realized that he had asked permission of his girlfriend.

Yeah.

And that did not go over well. And she was like, I don't know this girl. She's hot. I looked at her picture. I don't think she should be staying at your place. And he's like, you need to understand that women get jealous. And women are like this. And I understand. He's like, women are like this. And I'm like, you cannot blanket all women. All female kind. And saying, I'm not like that. Like, I've met the most amazing women from my. I think it is a lot when a guy has girlfriends. A man who has no women friends to me says more than the guy who's got a lot, which says that he can handle women. He doesn't have to be sleeping with them. He can appreciate women for things other than sex. We can have a real fulfilling friendship. And she didn't get that. And he was trying to explain to me that most women Would feel that way and I've never felt that way.

So I would say 95% of women would feel that way. Yeah, yeah.

Me staying there. So I couldn't stay there.

Oh, you couldn't stay.

Well, I did eventually, but he wasn't allowed to sleep there. So I just want to know people think of that because I'm not that girl. Because one of my very best girlfriends is my ex's best friend. She's part of the group that I always hang out with and I never would have met her. So I thought that was interesting. That went the jealousy of when I. I'm not a typically. I've been jealous, not typically jealous woman though I would say overall.

Uh huh.

So when he was trying to say that all women were like that, I didn't like it.

Well, it is true.

Would have freaked out.

I don't think that they would be extreme about it. Say oh no. And they would be like putting their foot down. But I would say it would bother them. Yeah, maybe, you know.

Okay.

I don't know how far they would take. Take it to express that.

But do you find that most women you date are more jealous than not? If you had to say, like, on a scale 1 to 10, 10 being super jealous, what would the average be?

I make sure not to try to date somebody that's super jealous.

Okay.

Maybe they fall through the cracks sometimes, but I tried not to at all because it's just. It's a pain to like deal with, you know me, I don't like.

Right.

Dealing with things.

Use a public personality. And myself too. We get a lot of feedback. We have a lot of Facebook friends or fans and people are like, oh, which my fan page is Sex with Emily, by the way.

Yeah.

People are like, you know, a guy has to just have a lot of confidence and have a lot of strength within himself to date me, I think. And you know, we're still looking for that. So. Okay, let's turn to Dr. Dori Lynn.

Hi.

Hi there.

It's so good to see you. Okay. Sex for grandma.

And by the way, I do think most women get jealous.

They do, huh? Yes, more so than men.

And a doctor saying that.

I know.

See?

Yes, more so than men because women are just more complicated.

That's true. We are complicated. You have such a great voice. I can't even stand it. It's an amazing voice.

I say women are the Rubik's cube of life. Is that true or not true?

I would say that's a good way to put it. Yes.

Thank You.

They are the doctor.

I'm happy.

I know.

What, We've only had her on the show a few minutes.

I know, it's awesome. So let me just give a little background here on Dr. Well, Dr. Dorie, Dr. Dory. Okay. She's a PhD as a practicing psychologist and life coach with more than 40 years of experience. She's the founder of the website drdorylin.com that's two R's and two E's and this is all on the website. She's also AARP's media sexpert and has her own segments on TV. She's been on MSNBC, CNN, Fox News, VH1, Good Morning America. Oh my God, so many things. And she has this new book, Sex for Grown Ups. And the reason why I thought this was such a great show is because, as you know, I get tons of emails sent to feedbackexwithemily.com and a lot of the questions I get asked are, you know, we've been in a relationship for 20 years. How do we keep the sex life hot? I'm not really desiring, you know, either my wife doesn't want sex anymore, I don't want sex anymore. Or generally over 50. Are people still having sex? How do you have sex? What are the challenges? And this book talks about all that stuff and I think it helps people of any age. Really.

Well, I love to say it's for everyone over 50 and anybody lucky enough to get there.

Exactly.

And I'm going to do a series after this.

I love it.

All kinds of ages.

You should.

Yeah, it's really fun.

So what are some of the challenges then? Let's talk about the challenges. Like there's. First of all, I think people. First of all, I think there's myths that people think that you don't have great sex after 50 or whatever. But what are some of the challenges that do arise for people when, as they get older, menopause and.

Well, exactly. That we say reveals the truths, lies and must tries for great sex. After 50, it is a myth that people stop having sex. And if you want proof of that, the fastest growing. This is not great proof, you know, not the happy proof, but the fastest growing rate of STD and HIV are women over 50 and in nursing homes. And you don't get in the news all the time. And you don't get that from sitting on a toilet bowl.

No, you don't. So something's going on somewhere. Right.

You know, and the reason for that look twofold. First of all, the divorce rate after 50, you know, the kids grow up, you look at each other, you don't know how to renegotiate a relationship. You're out on the dating scene and you don't know to use condoms. Because.

Most people grew up thinking they were just for procreation.

And kids at any age still can't imagine that their parents or grandparents are doing it.

Exactly.

Well, they're not.

Well, they're not talking about I'm here, I'm here.

I like to say my husband is proud. There's some pictures in the book and he loves to say, well, he had to lose weight for the pictures.

Well, I, well, I can see this happening because I stay home during the day sometimes and there is nothing good on tv. So you have to be doing something and that's having sex.

You're assuming.

I wish, I wish. But you've got two kinds of people over 50. First of all, women hit menopause and that's a wake up call. And sex is not the same hormone driven sex that you have when you're a kid. I mean, nothing stays the same. Things, things sag, things move, you change.

This is going to happen to all of us. Everyone.

Everybody. So women get menopause and they get vaginal dryness and they lose libido. And unless they do something proactively, sex can kind of go down the drain. So ladies.

Don'T just settle, you know, do something. But in my opinion, and I may be the only woman in America who thinks this so menace, you might be interested. I think men have a harder time than women because the ads are all geared to them and you know, all that little fine print at the end.

Of ads like the Viagra ads, all that garbage.

Right. Well, there's a reason for that and that is 40% of men stop using Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, or they can't use it because it interferes with other medication.

But men don't really have the opportunity to talk about sex very openly. You know, it's still kind of John Wayne. They lie a lot, you don't mind my saying that. And they think they're the only ones out there. So I'm out here to say talk.

About it, communicate, tell your doctor.

And not, you know, doctors are not always the very best people to talk to. Very interestingly, just to go back to HIV and STD, an estimated 40% of cases, people over 50 are misdiagnosed. Young people afraid, Young professionals are afraid to ask. And older people kind of say, oh well, you know, it's done. And over with. So doctors are good. Talking to your friends is great. Talking with sex with Emily is fabulous.

Going on my website, Drury Lynn.com got.

A lot of information on your website. I think that's a great place.

We even have an E store that sells great products.

What kind of products? Well, sexy products.

We've got sexy products. I am a huge believer in vibrators especially big secret. The largest group of purchasers of vibrators are people over 50.

Didn't know that.

And you don't have to go to porn shops. Amazon carries 28,000 or something products.

And our sponsor is Adam and Eve which we're going to give a shout out to in a minute.

Adam and Eve is great. I'm pushing a product right now called Aloe Cadabra which is a lubricant that is completely organic, safe. Fabulous. Love it.

Lube is so important and so underrated. People should always have a bottle of lube by their bed with their condoms.

Absolutely. Lube's, you know, there's saliva lube and then there's a little extra lube.

Right, Exactly.

And use what works. But the thing that I love about talking about vibrators, sexy lingerie, all this kind of stuff, but especially vibrators is.

We have a big myth. You know, when you go to Walmart and you go to Neiman Marcus, it doesn't matter what level and they show all these massagers. Well, we all know they have multiple purposes and everybody pretends not. And as you get older, you need eyeglasses, you need hearing aids, you need, you know, canes sometimes.

Why not use a vibrator? I know. And this is like more than half of Americans have purchased vibrators right now. There was something in the paper. Yeah. So are there any certain vibrators that you endorse or that you like? We love talking about that. Anything that you recommend for women.

I do love Lelo.

Lialo. I think it's a little pricey for some people. Rabbit is always great.

Rabbit's great.

And I think you go into a store or online and you stay away from the porn sites.

That.

That is true. People are afraid to go shopping because they think if they're on a porn site they're going to get spam and they will. So you go to a legit site like one of ours.

Exactly.

And you don't be afraid to experiment and use the one that works for you or you and your partner.

Right. So okay, so we're talking about.

And there are cock rings for people.

Yes, exactly. I love Vibrating rings. Let me give a big shout out to our advertiser, Adam and Eve. Just as long as we're on this topic of sex toys, it's time buy a vibrating ring. How great are vibrating rings, Dr. Dorie? They're great because they're women and men, right? They help. They please the women and the man. You can get a vibrating ring. You can get the rabbit. It's the time if you're gonna buy sex toys. We so appreciate you supporting our advertiser, Adam and Eve. And they're also offering 50% off most items to all of the loyal Sex with Emmy listeners. They'll even throw in three adult DVDs and a free gift and free shipping, which is I love. So you go to adamndeve.com, enter coupon code Emily at checkout. It's that easy. So take advantage and go buy yourself a ring today.

Okay?

So. Yes.

Can I ask the question?

Yes.

Rewind just back a little bit. For our really younger listeners who might. Might not know what menopause is. You know what? You know, I. I'm telling you, if I probably picked some kid off the street right now, a young kid, and said, hey, do you know what menopause is? How does it happen? When does it happen? What are the signs?

You know, that's. That is such a great question.

It is.

I know. That's what I do.

I'm so proud of you.

Thank you. Thank you. Menopause happens to all women, period. And women used to die at age 51, so we never had an issue. Now we're living longer. We have all these sexual challenges. And menopause is the cessation of the production of eggs so that you can't get pregnant anymore. And what happens is you lose estrogen. Estrogen is your sex hormone. So it really. It's almost like a drug withdrawal. Some women go smoothly through it, and some women really have a rough time. It affects their moods. It affects their libido. It can be really rough for women. And I just beg women not to give in. There are so many treatments and stuff that you can do, and you don't have to do hormone replacement, which may be dangerous. There's so many other things, because I.

Was watching Sex in the City, and one of the girls thought she had it and she was freaking out. So let's get.

It starts younger. I mean, they say 50, but it can start in your mid-40s, right?

Well, the average age is 42, but there's something called perimenopause that starts to affect women. Women, when they're in their 40s, sometimes they get hit in their 40s, they don't know what's happening.

Right. They have low libido. We get so many emails about women with low libido. And what would you say?

And doctors confuse that with depression and they pop them with pills. Ladies, take charge of your own health and don't just go on antidepressants.

Yeah, let's talk about that for one second. Because antidepressants are like the biggest killer of your sex drive. And so many people are on. I always say to people when they're emailing me, I'm like, what are you on there? A lot of men write in, let's say, about their partner, she has low sex drive. And I'm like, is she on any medication? Like, it's such a simple. Like, you have to address that. It's how many people are on antidepressants now? It's like 1 in 2 in 10 or something.

That's why I say, and I'm, you know, very grateful that we have the medical profession, but that's why I say, be very careful who you talk to and what they do, because not everybody is trained in sexuality and they'll often give what the latest drug company has given you.

So as they say with drugs, you know, they've been talking about the female Viagra for so long now. There's male. Why isn't there a female Viagra? And it's because, really, sex with women is more complicated. It has to do with their brain. So can you talk a little bit about. You talk about the brain is the sexiest part of the body. Like, how do you engage that with women? We talk about that a lot on the show.

What do you think for both for men and women? Because the big secret about stuff like Viagra, if 40% of men stop using, means it's not working or it interferes with antidepressants and all the other stuff. Or if you remember that great Jack Nicholson movie, Something's Got to Give.

Yeah, remember that?

And they say, you know, are you on Viagra? And he says, no. And he says, good, because we're going to give you nitrates and it'll only kill you. And he just jumps. That's kind of our society. So to go back to your question.

Which was female.

Yeah, I asked you two questions. Female, Villagra. And then the brain, the use of the brain, it's because the brain is.

The biggest sex organ. And we all know. And of course, this is kind of Generality, that. And we say women have sex in order to talk, men talk in order to have sex. And it's kind of true.

I love talking after sex. I can get him before they fall asleep.

Right, right. You know, so.

It'S really attitude. And especially after 50, when your hormones aren't going wham, bam, thank you ma', am. You know, when you're 22, you don't think about it. So what I tell people is it starts in your brain. It starts with attitude. You have an opportunity. As the hormone driven sexuality wanes, the opportunity for real sensuality gains. And it's a very different kind of sex for most people. And if they're going to equate their sexuality to 14 times a night when they were young studs or studices, excuse me, they're going to feel like failures. It's the process, not the goal.

Can you talk about a little bit about that, the process then what you're talking about that what women have to do if, let's say it's not working for them. So what is that process?

Well, the biggest trick is really intimacy and communication. Women just get so turned on by the relationship. That doesn't mean you have to get married. It doesn't mean you have to have your special partner. It doesn't even mean you have to have the same sex partner.

But we want that connection with somebody.

Women are just built differently than men. So.

Any partner should be aware of that. The other thing is women, you can't expect a guy, you know, that's old fashioned to just take charge. You have to take charge of your own sexuality. You've got to tell your partner what you like, what you don't like in long term relationships. And if you're a little bit shy, you could show them. Or those high heels that you used to wear that now hurt your feet. That does happen when you get older. Well, they don't hurt you when you're lying down, right?

Exactly. Put on the heels. I love the heels. In bed. You can have it so hot, you.

Can have a little bit of fun.

But what I think really messes up long term couples is, you know, they get involved, they give it the office and they get involved with work, kids, houses, mortgages, all that kind of stuff that scares people to death and prevents them from getting into a relationship. Understandably so. I am a huge believer in things like date night where you just get out and the two of you, if you have money, go to a hotel. Hotel sex is best love hotel sex.

Someone else cleans up it's awesome, it's fabulous.

And there's something about the newness, you know?

Exactly. The whole thing. I love hotel sex.

It's always sexy at any age. You've got to get out of the routine. But people forget in a long term relationship to just connect with each other. You know, you go the end of the day, you see each other in your sweats and you kind of throw whatever's on the table and you're tired after the kids and the job you have is to get out. You make time for everything else. Make time for yourself. Make time.

People don't prioritize it and they get into these ruts in their relationships, I think, and they don't. They let sex fall by the wayside and they think, oh, but everything else is okay except for sex. And it's like, I think you can't do that because you're not connecting. Then you're not truly 100% intimately connecting. If you're not having sex, you have.

Hidden anger and you are resentful. Your is going to show up in the bedroom, period. So it's A lot of it is teaching people, you know, how few people have really seen good relationships. Or you use sex for, you know, sex for the city. Sex in the city, Sex for the city. I don't care. There should be country, city, whatever.

Most people get their education from all kinds of weird places and then they evaluate themselves against these unrealistic expectations.

Like we say, pornography.

Yeah, right.

And interestingly, there's a whole. I'm sure you know this through Adam and Eve. And I talk about it on drjarilyn.com I even talk about it in Sex for Grownups. We have a chapter called the Great Joyride. There's now couples erotica. We no longer call it porn and it's storyline and pictures, which is a fabulous.

That's a fabulous combo. Because women want storyline where men want to cut to the chase and have pictures. Yeah, couples can watch porn. I think the couples think that or women think it's more of a guy thing. But there are, there are special porn that you can find. You can like even if you go on Adam and Eve or any website and you can look at for couples, porn, porn for women, porn for men. It breaks it down. It makes it easier for you.

You know, when I talked about process, I have to. One of my favorite stories is because you do have to slow down when you get old. I don't know about you, Hefner, I.

Don'T know what he's doing he's not doing it. I don't believe he's doing it. He's got a stand in.

I don't know what he's doing. But anyway.

Most people slow down, you know, the body. So you've got to exercise. That makes a huge difference at any age.

Yes.

And another reason to vibrate is, is if you don't use it, you lose it. So it keeps the body going. You know, sex really does start in the brain, both emotionally and physiologically, because the brain pumps the heart, the heart pumps the blood, the blood keeps the genitals going and all the rest. So.

With women, you've got to just change your attitude, be a little bit adventuresome and.

Go after it.

What are some of the adventurous things then that we like? What are some secrets on great sex? Would you say age 50 to 100? I mean, let's think about can couples, they've been together for 20, 25 years, or who knows, maybe it's the first date and they haven't dated anyone else in a while, or they're widowed or something. But how do you bring adventure and excitement and fantasy into a relationship if you've never done it? Let's say you've been with your partner for 20 years. You're like, we've been having stagnant sex. It's not great. I want to spice it up. And they think it's so daunting because we've been doing this, having sex the same way for 20 years or 10 years. How do you bring it in?

Well, among other things, there's lots of positions in the book.

Right.

You bring it in slowly because people, you know, get. People forget that sex is part of intimacy and intimacy is part of relationship, if you're in a relationship. So a lot of people just get into the, as I said before, intimacy. Your partner comes last. That's ridiculous. If you as the couple don't come first, you lose it. And that's one of the big reasons there's divorce. Communication is key. Sharing activities makes a big difference.

Slowly introducing new positions.

Lingerie nights away. And, you know, you may not be an acrobat anymore and you may not be able to do it on the kitchen table.

Exactly.

But you certainly can use the floor.

Sure, you can use the floor. Love it. Always use the floor.

And the other thing I was going to say as you get older, since you asked about menopause and I wanted to go back to something about men. But a lot of people, as they get older and get on medications, turn their bedrooms into medicine Rooms. And I think your bedroom should be a sacred place.

Keep it, you know, redesign it, redecorate it. Whether you have money or not doesn't take it.

Just get the clutter out. Get the TV out of the bedroom.

Get that clicker out.

Exactly.

I don't think couples should. People. I have a friend who's getting a new house.

You don't even have a tv. That's why it's so hard.

I'm gonna get one, though. It's on the list.

But you're not living with someone full time, right?

That's true. But when you do, you got to.

Get rid of the tv.

Yeah.

Now you've got to be very careful about the tv.

It's amazing.

I don't know if you've seen it.

But it's pretty awesome.

What do you think I am, 90?

No.

Just because I've never. I don't.

She doesn't have a TV now I have it. But you've got to be really careful because it's addictive. And then you forget.

Yeah. And then you're like, oh, and you forget.

Without communication and without sharing, sex goes. The other thing I was going to say is you've got to stay away from the blame game. And couples get into the, you did this, you did that. Or they get into silent resentment.

Right.

And one of the things you can do is start shifting the way you talk to each other and it becomes very sexy.

Like how.

Instead of saying, why didn't you do this? You made me feel this way. You say, it'd be really nice if.

Or I feel like this is always great, right. I feel wonderful when you caress my hair. Because foreplay begins in the morning. It begins in the morning when you say, I love you. If you're in a long term relationship. Don't glaze over there, Menace. It's really true. If you're in a long term relationship, it begins in the morning. It's part of the whole.

It is women and men. But we need to be. And I know this is like a nightmare. Some men could be listening, going, oh, great. I thought we were already talking enough. I don't want to talk. Men hate the dreaded talking. But women were saying, we need that for sex. So how's that, guys, we need to talk to you. It translates into us having better sex.

And when do we have this conversation?

Well, you know what?

You know, don't have it in the bedroom. Right?

Exactly. That's the worst place.

Worst place is the bedroom.

Worst place in the bedroom. Go out, get Dressed up, you know, have a glass of wine, couple martinis. Yeah. Have some fun, you know, go to a concert, do something that's fun. And sex will happen more spontaneous, spontaneously.

True.

For every. Every age, really. It's so true that couples get into a rut and they just need to. And it just seems even more difficult with the kids and making dinner, going to school and the activities. They think that they just. They don't. Can't make any time for it. And it is so important. Like you said, get tickets to a concert if you're buying a month out, two outs, do something fun, two months out.

Do you think a lot of it, though, too, is people don't want to change their attitude, though? Because if you're in a rut, you're in. Yeah, they're just like, they're just stuck in attitude and they're not willing.

Right. They change conversation.

But that's exactly my. That's what keeps people like me in business.

Of course, people. People always tend to go into a comfort zone. And if you hit a wall, you know, and suddenly, let's say you're a bit older, and suddenly your secretary's long legs look fabulous.

You don't cut your fantasy. Why bother cutting? Fantasies are great, but you don't have to act on it. You put bring it back home and you start saying, well, what do I have to do to change? And I'm with you, Emily. You know, guys don't really like to talk, but if it's going to get you to the end point. Exactly. And there's a great. I started to say there are two things that I want to go back to. The reason I think men have a really rough deal as they get older, and you may not like hearing this, is they lose testosterone, and that's why their erections aren't as strong and as long. And the minute they stop performing. Men are the ones who have performance anxiety and stop. And unfortunately, in our society, nobody tells them this is a natural event and you can do something about it, including working out, including taking testosterone, including taking natural supplements. There are all kinds of ways.

And this is men in their 40s, too. Right. It starts like, I can't like men. Like, they have more issues that start around 40. Right.

They do. And then they start looking and saying, well, if only I start with a newbie, it'll all be better.

Exactly. And it is for about five minutes. And then the same as I was.

Going to say, one newbie after another. And I have no judgment about this at all. It's still you. It's like changing your car every six months. You know, you still have to drive.

Something, so don't ditch her for your secretary. Everyone, don't do that. Okay. Yeah. Will you ask a question?

Oh, no.

Okay, so thank you so much. This is great. This was very informative. Is there any last. What's your favorite part of the book? Your favorite tip in there? Anything you want to share?

My very favorite tip is sex is your birthright. Use it forever.

I love it.

Thank you so much. Dr. Dory Lynn. We can find you. It's Dr. Dori Lynn. So it's-o r r E-E-Lynn L-Y-N n.com and this will all be on the website. It's sex for grownups. And thank you so much for being on the show. I appreciate it.

Thank you for having me.

Great. Okay, everyone, thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

So, you know I'm obsessed with candles, right? Have you ever heard of massage oil candles? Okay, so get this. I always light candles when I'm enjoying a glass of wine with friends. And recently they were over and I lit three candles for my new line called Emily and Tony. My skin felt really dry, so I went ahead and poured some of it on my hands and I gave myself a quick massage. My friends were stunned that I did this and immediately were obsessed. And here's why. See, these candles are really aromatherapy massage oils that when warmed like a candle, they melt into the most luxurious body oil that is super hydrating, leaves your skin feeling and smelling amazing, and it's perfect for massaging your partner or yourself. You can use it during foreplay. And you know me, I'm a firm believer in foreplay. They come in delicious flavors like creme de vanilla, cocoa, and fougere. Not just that, they look great in your home. So help us keep this podcast free. Check them out today@emilyandtoni.com and you're welcome.

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