SWE: Sex Parties

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them. In a bygone day.

They're the eyes of a man.

Hello, you're listening to Sex with Emily.

So like I said, it's Saturday night in San Francisco. April 15th. Did you all do your taxes?

Hopefully you're not stuck at home finishing your taxes. But if you are, we promise we will keep you entertained. And when is it going to stop raining? Captain Erotica, was it raining when you got here?

No. Actually, it was nice and dry, but we'll make it a little more moisture around here, I'm sure.

More moisture. It's going to get wet. It's going to get hot around here. But like, I. Okay, so like I've said on the show, this is what we're going to talk about right now. Sex with the same person gets boring. It just does. After a few months of, like, the hot sex.

With someone, maybe a few months or a few years, if you're lucky, you kind of struggle to keep it interesting, right?

Yes, it should.

Like everyone else. We all do. So this is why my guests on the show are often doing something that's just like, a little bit different and hopefully inspire you to break out of that. Like, I only have sex in missionary position. Rut. And. Cause I. You know, when. Okay, here's the thing. We all have these, like, we do a lot of things in life that we try to change, right? We might go on diets or get a new job, new haircut, but when do we ever update our sexual bag of tricks? When do we give it a makeover? When do you learn something new? So I try to practice what I preach on Sex with Emily. And Captain Erotica asked me to my first sex party. So I said yes, right? But, like, people listening, perhaps. I thought, kind of crazy. It's gonna be a crazy word orgy with strange dudes hitting on me. But it was kind of fun. We had a really good time. We're gonna talk about that. My first sex party experience. It's kind of like a lavish cocktail party with, like, beautiful people everywhere. But, you know, some were kind of, like, having sex in the corner and stuff, which is not like normal parties, but so it's a little different. And I also got invited back to my first sex party after to the next party they had. So that was fun. And he's also good. So we're talking about right now.

Are you interested in going to sex parties? What do you want to know about them? Want to get invited?

We want to say about sex parties.

Do you want to go? Because I know. I thought it'd be crazy weird too, but it wasn't. It was really hot and fun. So that's what we're talking about tonight. Erotic coaching, sex fantasies and sex parties. And you can also check out. So we're Sex with Emily and we're podcasts as well. And you can also check it out. SexWithemily.com Captainerotica has been on our show a few times where we can swear and Say stuff that we can't say right now. So you can listen to those.

Yeah. You can Also check out 1069 free fm.com for our past shows, which are all podcast there.

So we'll be taking Your calls at 885-001-1069 if you have any questions for the good captain. So. Hi, Captain Erotica.

Hi, Emily.

Thanks for joining us tonight.

Oh, it's so nice to be back. It's an honor to be here live on the radio with you.

I know, this is fun, right? We are live. Usually we edit things around right on our podcast, but this is live, so. Okay, I know of your super special powers, but if people are listening, like, what's this erratic erotic here? What is this? What does it mean to be an erotic superhero?

Well, I think that any human being has the capacity to be a superhero. And it's a matter of focusing on what your passions and your skills are. And I happen to be very passionate and skilled at the erotic arts, as I like to call them. I think that there should be erotic arts departments at universities because frankly, it's very important to all of us. And yet it's very understudied in a lot of ways. So if you look at our culture, there's heroes and heroines of all different kinds, but there's not too many sexual or erotic ones. I think you're one of them. Here you are having your own show, helping people have better sex lives. You're a superheroine in my opinion.

Ah, thank you.

But anyway, for myself, what it means is I go about in the world, both in my private and professional life, helping people have better sex lives, helping them fulfill their fantasies, helping them actualize what I call their erotic self. And sometimes I do that through my erotic coaching practice, and other times I do it through something called the Erotic Ice Bar, which is an interactive sensual beverage experience.

I want to say that I've heard, I've read about that. We didn't have one at our sex party.

No, we didn't.

But this is the thing. So I had heard, we got introduced a while back and he was on the show. And I'm thinking, okay, Captain Erotica, what does this mean? And then you go to his website.

Which isribe.net go to www.tribe.net and use their new search function to just type in Captain Erotica. You can find my blog and my profile and my testimonials.

And there's like all this is the his website. There's all these men and women, but amazingly hot women who are like, okay, I had to print out some of your testimonials. These are people who like, he's really saved their lives. I'm talking about saving the world. When orgasm a time you're doing it, you're saving the world, you're saving it multiple. These women are like, okay, here's a few quotes. Captain Erotica changed my life not by in any act or sensation, but by opening my mind to the multi universe of infinite possibilities. That's one. And then this is the one I like. He is completely desirable, hot as lava. He's given me the best sex of my life. He's a kinky messiah, a spiritual superhero. Okay, so that's Captain Veronica. And it's true. I've seen him in action. So we're going to talk about sex parties. What do you. This is where we're starting. What do you want to know about sex parties? Have you been to a sex party? Do you want to know how to get invited to one? We're going to talk about it and we're taking your questions here and want to hear your stories about sex parties because they're all over San Francisco in the Bay Area. Give us a call. 888-500-1069. So, my dear captain.

Yes, Emma?

What is a sex party?

Well, I think of a sex party as a party that you're going to go to where you're fairly guaranteed that some people, maybe not you, but some people present will be having sex. Now, that's different than a sensual party or sensually themed party where people might dress in lingerie and be sexy or there might be some dance poles or whatever. But at a sex party, it's just what it's saying. You're gonna go there and there is an the group that people will be having sex with each other. It doesn't mean every person there is going to have sex, as you saw at our party that we went to. But it means that people can have sex and it's not going to be surprising. In fact, it's really welcomed. And there's.

So what. Why do you think it's important for people to like, why do you think people are trying to expand their sexual universe here like we're doing. Why should someone go to a sex party?

Well, there's a lot of different motivations for people to go to sex parties. You know, you have your voyeurs, people who want to watch other people have sex, and your exhibitionists, people who want to be watched. And then there's just a sort Of, I don't know, expansion of the whole experience. Because you get to see how other people are behaving with each other in a sexual context in a way that's not pornography or it's like safe.

It's a safe. Because like I was saying when I started, I was like, I thought there's gonna be some weird, creepy, like things that make me uncomfortable. And it was really like cozy and warm and beautiful.

It's important at any event like that that the energy that's created by the space and whoever the people that are putting it on, how they decorate and who they invite to the party kind of sets a tone for. So there's a whole range of them from something that's a little bit more tawdry and kind of low budget, where people are just going, okay, there's some mattresses and go and have some fun. Up through something that's a little bit more elaborate and high end and intentional.

That's what our see. I like the sex party that we went to. So like I was saying, I went to my first one and he said, emily, you gotta go to a sex party. Do you want to come to this one with me? And I liked that it was sort of this exclusive, highly cultivated list that they.

Yeah, it's. The one that we went to is a long time ongoing party. And the people have worked really hard to get a good group of people. And it's not the same group of people. Yes, they're definitely hot. Hot, of course, as we want to remind our listeners, is in the eye of the beholder.

True.

Pleasures can happen with your eyes closed, but in this case, it is definitely a really, really hot group of people. At least as far as our aesthetic. And it's done in a gorgeous house. And the people have really, like I said, worked hard to create a list of people who they know are going to be in alignment with what they want to have happening at the party.

Which is what happens at the party.

Well, what happens at the party is like as in the beginning, any normal party, there's sor. A meet and greet mix and mingle. Some parties allow alcohol like the one we went to. Some parties don't at all. But there's a period where people are just hanging out. You wouldn't know it was a sex party in the first half hour and a half, two hours or whatever. And then the way I like to look at it is that the exhibitionists in the bunch, or sort of the veterans who have maybe been coming to that event for a while kind of get the ball rolling after a couple of hours. Some parties actually have it where there isn't any sex until a certain time, and then after that, there's.

Do they, like, ring a bell or something?

Yeah, ring a bell. Or often sex.

Everyone checks out their clothes.

Yeah. You have sex, but oftentimes. Sometimes they'll even have just a circle where everyone comes together and kind of sits down, and the person who's in charge will put something out that says, you know, please treat each other respectfully. Don't touch anybody without asking. Just a few basic guidelines.

But this. They sent in an email for us beforehand.

Yeah, this is very elaborate in the way that they prepare people for it. So it's.

It was elaborate. Yeah. And I was nervous. I was. Because I've never been to a sex party, and I was like. Got this email, like, you. You know, you have to do this. You have to make sure you come. You have to be in a couple with the one that we went to, or you have to be in good standing. And, like, if you're in a relationship, you have to be invited. Is that how all sex parties are? Tell me this.

No, not at all. This was just a note that these people have observed over time because they've been doing this for years, that if you go to a sex party, you know, let's say you signed up for it six months ago, and then, like, two days before, you have an argument with your partner, and things are kind of on the outs. Well, if you go to that party, your energy might radiate outward, and you don't want to have anybody having a fight at that party. So they just try to encourage people, you know, come to the party in a really good place.

Yeah, I love the q and a. It was like. It was like frequently asked questions. My partner and I are getting along. We thought we'd go to a sex party to spice it up. And they're like, no, no, no, you cannot talk to a sex party. But it. So we want to. Okay, so the sex party. So we. There's a theme. Our party was themed. It was like enchanted forest.

It was Peter pan.

Peter Pan.

The boys dressed sort of pirate like, and the ladies dressed kind of fairy like. And it was fun. It gave people sort of something to kind of tack on for their costume. You know, instead of just saying, I'll wear lingerie, they could have a little bit of a sense of y.

Every party in the city is like, oh, come with your lingerie. This is different.

And it was really fun because this took Place at a place that has a pool and a deck, and they actually rigged a plank and had some of the fairies walk the plank, which is pretty fun.

No, I mean, it was really. It was amazing. So like I said, I just went to my first sex party. What do you want to know about sex parties? Are you curious about them? Have you ever been to one? Do you have a story? Do you have any questions for our dear captain who gets hired actually to go to sex parties and sometimes not have sex, but to do some amazing things that he's gonna talk about here? But have you? Have you been? Do you want to know?

This is your chance.

I know you're all thinking, oh, I would never do it. But I thought that too. I thought, I am not the sex party type. I'll try some things. I am not gonna go. What if, you know, I have enough guys hitting on me where I go, I'm not gonna go to sex party. But it was.

Well, let's talk about that.

It was not that. So give us a call, though, if you have any questions. You're listening to Sex with Emily on 1069 Free FM, and our number is Triple 8500 1069. We are with the erotic superhero Captain Erotica talking about sex parties.

Yeah, sex parties. One of the main things that I found that's important is that you need to have there be a balance of enough people who are there as couples and enough people there as singles. Some parties limit the energy of single men because men tend to be the more proactive, hitting on type of people around sex, and women are more chill about it. So a lot of times, like the one we went to, for example, you're really not allowed to be a single male there. You have to come with a date. And you can't just bring a date and then ditch her and go and hit on people. It's just not really looked well upon. So it creates an environment where you don't have to feel scared. You can have a light little flirtation, maybe look at someone and think they're attractive, but they're not going to come over and be like, so.

Right. I mean, that's the thing. It was like this. Really? That's what I'm saying. I thought I was nervous beforehand and I was like, okay, I'll get dressed up. My little nymph.

She was a super cute rock star. You should have seen her with her, the little wings on. I said this on the podcast interview. Everybody in this place was looking at Emily. It was extremely fun to watch because she was very demure and kind of feeling it out, but yet in a way that, that actually attracted almost more attention than if she was being flamboyant. And it was cool because as you noticed, it was really mellow in the beginning. And then all of a sudden at a certain point you looked up and you're like, wow, look, that woman's giving that guy oral sex. And it just seems so blase. The person next to them was really, you know.

Exactly. Because it did. It started. We get there and we're like, hi, nice to meet you. And we're having drinks. I mean, I am wearing wings and whatever, but it's. And then after an hour and a half, like most like, it really gets going. We're drinking and I look over and there's like, yeah, people having sex and people getting naked. But it wasn't obtrusive. It was like.

It was revolves in a very measured way. In other words, you look at it at an hour into it and a couple things are happening. You look two hours into it and then, oh, it's a little more full blown. Another thing I want to make clear is that a lot of the parties have a big layout space. So there's a private place if you want to just go off with your honey.

There's lots of private places here.

And then there's public places for people who really wanted, like I said, be voyeuristic about it. So there's lots of choices.

Lots of choices. I mean, I didn't get to do it all. That's the thing. I was like, I never got in the hot tub.

Well, you got invited back, so I did.

When can we go back?

I think that's going to be up in a couple months.

Is it same one or it's like, okay, okay, we're talking about sex parties. Yeah. I had my first experience with the good captain. What do you want? Do you want. There's all these people doing sex parties and doing things here, but does it like. I know it must interest you a little bit because I know I was intrigued, but I didn't think I'd ever do it. But Captain Erotica is a pro and we can tell you he can answer your questions about it. And I want to hear your stories. Have you ever been to a sex party? Have you ever been to one of these sex clubs? Do you. What have you done there? Tell us your experience. Triple 8, 5, 0, 0, 10, 6, 9. You're listening to Sex with Emily. So are there different like levels of sex parties? Like beginner Intermediate, Advanced.

Yeah. I mean, there's not like a rating system. You know, you can't get sort of like, qualified by some sort of board. But there definitely are. And really, it comes down to. We've touched on some of this already a little bit, like, what the setting is and how much intentionality goes into it that really set these things apart. A lot of people want to know, you know, well, how do I go to a sex party? Even if we wanted to, how would.

Go about finding out? I mean, I had to find the Captain Erotica to go.

Well, the way that it works, what I want to advise people, is that there's really kind of like a layered way that you go about it. In other words, you're not just going to pop on Craigslist or, you know, go on the Internet and find a sex party and get invited. Because, again, people like to have a sense of who's going to be there. And while there are some parties in the area that are open to the public, there's one, for example, that lets guys download a form and say that, you know, I'm a single guy, but I promise to behave. Do they have to show up at the door with the thing signed that says I'll behave? And if there's a problem, there's monitors, you know, that kind of thing. But anyway, so there are some that are in public. But if you want to go about finding some kind of a scene where you can get invited to a sex party, I would recommend that you look around the city for any sort of workshops or events that you might see that are public, that aren't about having sex, but that are about the topic of sex or eroticism. And then in those type of environments, you can meet people, make friends, and that's really how you're going to get invited.

If you meet people that sound like, I met you and you became my friend. Captain Erotic is my best friend. You're listening to Sex with Emily on one of six Free FM, and we'd like to hear from you. 888-500-1069. We're talking to Captain Erotica about, oh, everything, sex and sexy. But we're talking about sex parties and fantasies, like living your. How do you. He's an erotic coach. He helps people, men and women, live their dreams. So we'll be talking to.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm 169 Free FM, and we're changing the world one orgasm at a time. You can have more Sex with emily@sexwithemily.com and listen to our past shows on 1069 free fm.com. okay, we're talking about sex parties with Captain Erotica. He is a real dun, dun, dun. He flies in and he helps people's sex lives.

I'd like to encourage all the listeners. You need to be erotic superheroes, too, because there needs to be more of them out there.

It's true. I mean, that's what we're trying to do here. And he. I mean, we are. Oh, God, there's so much I want to say about you. But he. Right now we're talking about sex parties because that's actually how we got to know each other and we.

Slightly more intimate circumstances.

It was intimate. It was fun. I know you sex parties seem kind of weird. Kind of. How would you ever go to a sex party? And I went to my first one and I really. I was really nervous and I liked it. And we are taking your calls about that. If you want to ask how to. What's it like a sex party? Find out.

Go to one.

Have you been doing it? We're live in San Francisco. It's Saturday night. Triple 8500-1069. Are you at a sex party? Are you going to one? Do you want to go next Saturday night? So Captain Erotica, our superhero, how do you break into, like a sex party community?

Well, I was saying a little earlier, there's, I recommend kind of a layered approach. It can be a little bit elusive because, as I said, people tend to try and have a degree of control over who's coming to the parties because they want to have a certain environment and let people feel safe. So usually people have to get invited by someone or recomm or referred by someone. Now, what I recommend to people is go to events that have to do with sensual or erotic activities. I want to mention a really amazing resource that we have that we're so lucky to have here in San Francisco, which was created by one of your other guests, actually, on the podcast Carol Queen. And that's called the center for Sex and Culture.

It's a great resource.

Yeah, it's an amazing thing that hopefully every city will have someday. But right now we're the only one that has it. And it has a library of erotic literature and pornography there. Good.

Captain Erotic, his website has that stuff too. Yes, that's true.

So anyways, so if you want to go to www.centerforsexandculture.com, you can look on their calendar and find that there's a lot of different Offerings that they'll do of workshops of all different kinds. That's a great place to go to, kind of mix and mingle, meet some people and then.

But what if people feel like it's kind of more private? They're like, because this is what I want her to like. I know, it's. I thought I would never go to a sex party, and I was nervous, and it was really kind of like, opened my eyes. It was an interesting experience.

I don't really know how to articulate it into it. Lying on the bed and little snuggle cuddle puddle. It's nice. One of the things that's nice is people are allowed to be intimate. In other words, it's not like, okay, here you are. We're at the sex party. You're cute. Now let's have intercourse. You know, that's not really what it's about for people, especially people who just met. Oftentimes people will meet people at a sex party, but not even actually have sex with them until later.

Yeah.

So, you know, one of the things that's great, though, is people are allowed to be intimate with each other because we're really not. We're all walking around in our own little space, and you're not supposed to. I mean, it's inappropriate to just touch people randomly. But in other words, our culture doesn't encourage a lot of intimacy. So to just see people who just met a few minutes ago, kind of just cuddling on a couch like Emily was with a very cute girl.

Okay, on that note, yeah, we'll get back to our sex party. But do you want to know about sex parties? Do you want to go to one? Have you been to one? We're going to talk to Cara Napa. She's always wanted to go to a sex party. Hi, Kara. Thanks for calling Sex with Emily. Hi.

How are you guys doing?

We're good. How are you?

I'm doing great.

Good. So you've always wanted to go to a sex party?

Well, absolutely. I mean, I've. I used to watch Real Sex a lot on hbo, and I see those things, and I just never know how to get into that community because, you know, sex is such a taboo subject in a lot of circles, and I'm a very free and open person with any subject with people. I just love learning about people. And, you know, it's very difficult to integrate that into one's life.

Right. So, yeah, you can't just walk up.

To someone in the market and go, hey, do you know any good sex parties? It Just isn't really.

That's why I'm trying to. Kara, I'm so glad you caught with this question, because that's the thing. That's what I thought. I'm like, how do you break into it? And I know the captain here. Well. Okay, so, Kara, you live in Napa?

Yeah. Well, again, I think that it is an elusive thing because it's. You can't just flip to the newspaper or whatever and find it. The way that I recommend to people is to try and network yourself with people who are in an erotic positive type of community and environment. Now, the options these days for are much greater than they used to be because of the Internet. So if you're able to go online and connect with someone like Tribe, where my profile is what's called a social networking service, and you can go on there and literally, just by looking at someone's online profile, see that they're into stuff like that, that's a good way to befriend people. And then once you have a little bit of a development of relationship, you're more likely to then get extended an invitation because as you said, it's hard. You don't know who to put yourself out there to all the time. And you might be a little more free than the people you actually already, but for all you know, they have a profile on some online service where they're a little more open with themselves, and then you're like, hey, look, it's you.

Right? You know, I mean, a few years ago probably. It's probably been like four years ago before I changed my careers and went back to school, I was actually working as a teller, and I did have some online things going on. And I actually put an ad on because I was in a relationship with a woman for six years, and it wasn't sexually. It was right for either one of us. And that's one of the reasons why we broke up is because I was not satisfied sexually.

And so for you?

Yeah, I mean, for two years, I didn't really date anybody. I dated a couple girls, a couple of guys that I didn't really have any sex with these people. And then I just decided, you know what? I'm gonna put an ad online and I'm gonna call it Sexual Healing, and I'm gonna see what I get. And I got like 300 responses.

Wow.

And I actually met a guy who was 13 years older than me, and it was one of the best experiences I ever had.

What happened?

Well, he and I met, and of course, we went to Coffee, and then he took me out to dinner. We talked for about a week on the phone. We went out to dinner, and then, you know, he said, you want to go for a drive? And I said, sure. And then we went, and I had the most erotic time I had ever had before with somebody, because I just relax because I'm not a perfect woman. I'm a big woman, but I'm a beautiful woman as well. You know, I'm shaped well.

And.

And he found that very erotic because I was so confident in myself, and confidence is everything.

It is everything, Cara. That is everything.

And I'd like to just offer that you are perfect, because not to sound cliche about everybody's perfect, but it really is true. And it's a matter of that. It's not about how you might be judged by society at large, but how you're judged by the individuals you're interacting with. And this guy responding to your ad of Sexual Healing, not like, I want to have sex with someone I don't know, but Sexual Healing, obviously, that. That was a great idea because that attracted a certain kind of person who appreciated you for who you are, not who you are, relative to what Vogue says you should be or what have you.

So, Cara, the next step could be a sex party, then.

Exactly, and I would love to do that. I mean, I've actually been invited to the sex club in San Francisco a couple of times, but I didn't feel comfortable with that person. But I've never met anybody who's been to a sex party.

You know, actually, I know of one that happens up in that area in Sonoma county, kind of in the Bastapol area. And so I don't know what the medium here of radio, if we're allowed to get your information, or if you want to just find me on Tribe.

Let's plug Captain Erotica. What's your website?

Www.tribe.net. and now their new homepage has a search function on the top. Just type in Captain Space Erotica and you'll find me. And if you write me there, I'd be happy to get you an invitation to that party so that you can go and expand yourself a little bit.

Really a superhero.

And this party is fantastic, too, because it's done in a private home, and it's very. It's the one I called in from actually on your show.

Oh, he called in a few weeks ago. He was flogging people.

He really, really, really.

He's like, I'm flogging people. Well, Cara, thanks for calling Sex With Emily. Get in touch with the captain.

Oh, well, thank you so much for listening.

Yeah, of course. Good night. Thanks. Okay, we're gonna. Okay. Barry. Barry in San Francisco. Thanks for calling. Sex with Emily. Hi. There's different types of sex parties. Tell me.

I think it's important to differentiate between what is an orgy versus what is.

I agree with. Okay, do you want to do that for us, or you're saying you know or you want us to do that for you?

Well, I think I could just do both. I think a play party is where. Where somebody actually probably sponsors the party and. And has a theme to it and also provides the safe sex supplies to make sure that people play consensually.

Have you been to sex. Are you saying that you. You've been to this party? This kind of party, or.

Yeah, a long time ago, they used to have these Mother Goose parties, and they had monitors. And also as a community where they kind of made sure that.

You practice safe sex and safer sex, and also that there was consensuality involved.

And then also the differences in orgy is where friends get together or people get together after a bar or something or as part of a community and just have sex sex. And so it's not as responsible as an actual sponsored party.

Yeah, I agree with what you're saying, Barry. I think that there is definitely a wide range of different styles of these types of events, and some of them do focus on promoting safe sex. Some of them are amongst groups of people that all know each other, which you're qualifying more as an orgy. But there are orgies that need people to use safe sex because they're a group of people who are consciously saying, hey, let's all have sex. We all know each other, but let's not spread disease as well. So it can be a blend of the two types of things that you're describing, because some events are private. Some of them are what I'll call semi private, where most people know each other, but some strangers are not.

Yeah, Barry, are you looking for. To go to sex party? You just wanted to make sure we knew the difference between an orgy and a sex party.

Well, I'm looking for play parties, too.

Okay, well, get in touch with the captain. Thanks for calling Sex with Emily. We are talking to Captain Erotica, and you're listening to Sex with Emily on 1069 Free FM.

One of the things that we wanted to talk about is how do you prepare for a sex party? Let's say you've already gotten through the part of Finding the party and you have someone you want to go with, let's say. And you know, you're thinking, okay, well, what am I going to. I've never been. How can I get ready so that I go and have a positive experience?

So just a couple things that I wanted to talk to people about with that is that first of all, make sure you set some parameters and have clear communication with your partner. So don't just kind of before you go.

But you have to go with a partner.

Well, you don't always, but generally speaking, especially if you're going for your first time. Yes, you're probably going to have to go with a partner, lover, or a playmate, as I like to call it.

Playmate?

Yes, a playmate, meaning you might not necessarily have some sort of ongoing relationship or romance.

Okay. So you got to get it clear. I mean, we're talking about sex parties. We're talking to Captain Erotica. We want to know what do you want to know about sex parties? Have you been? And do you want to know how to break into that. Break into that world? And the captain can help you? He took me to my first sex party. I never thought I'd go. Give us a call. 888510 69. I want to go to another sex party with you.

Okay, well, I'm sure we can arrange that. I would certainly love to take you, and I know that you'll have a really good time. I wish you had come to the one that we did last time that I did the Ice Bar at, because that one was amazing. See, one of the things that actually, Barry kind of brought this up is that there's some of these parties people go really off with the theme. The one that I went to recently had a theme that also included raw foods. And there was like dance. Dance performances that happened. And people.

Was it cool?

Oh, so lavish and beautiful that it was really nice. So definitely you need to go.

I'm into it. Like, I think that's a thing that we're talking about. And we were talking right now, how do you prepare for the sex party? Because, you know, it's. If you never been a couple quick.

Things just for people to think about. So you want to have a nice outfit. Don't go showing up in some shabby clothes.

You know, if you go to the Safeway and you're trying to pick up checks, you should wear a nice outfit.

But anyway, it's a good point.

Good shoes. We like your shoes. We look at that.

Make sure that you bring condoms. If you want to be playing with people you don't know. And are we getting near a break here? Okay, well, we'll have to come back to that.

Yeah, we're coming back. We're getting ready for sex parties. Do you want to go to sex party? You want to get invited? We're talking about bottom triple. 85001069. Sex with Emily.

We'll be back.

Okay. You're listening to Sex with Emily on 1069 Free FM. It's Saturday night. We're live in San Francisco.

And we're saving the world one orgasm at a time. And our guest saves them multiple orgasms at a time. We are talking to Captain Erotica, and we're talking about sex parties. We've talked about how do you break into the sex party world? I'd never been to a sex party, and he took me to my first one, and it was actually really fun. I was nervous. And he's kind of telling us a few why to go to a sex party. What do you do? What? If you want to have your own sex party, give us a call. He can answer all your questions. 8, 8, 5, 0, 0, 10, 6, 9. And we are talking to Xavier Napa. Xavier.

Yeah.

You want to know the best way to get into sex parties? Huh?

Yeah, I was actually. I think it's great what you guys are doing. I just wanted to say that's awesome. And I just caught your radio thing tonight, and I had been living in the city, and I always wondered how to get into that.

And you've called the right place.

Yeah, I just thought it was pretty sweet that you guys are doing that.

So have you found it helpful, what we said so far about how to approach it?

We want our egos to.

Everything has been. Captain Honor. You sound, like, really dialed into what you're into, and you guys know what you're doing, so I'm glad you had a great time, Emily.

Thanks. I did. I can't stop talking about it, but he's a super. He's a superhero. So how can we help him here, Captain? Or how can we help you? And how can the captain help you?

Well, you guys, everything's been good so far. I've got the resources you talked about at the.

Sex and. Or the dot com for the center.

For sex and Culture.

Yeah, I'm gonna start, like, researching for that. And I was just doing anything else. Just kind of build relationships is What I've gotten to understand is to meet people. And I understand that's the best way I've talked to some people before in the city when I was living there, when I was going to school, and they said that's the best way too, is to. It was pretty private.

Yeah.

Pretty exclusive. To have good work ones at least.

Yeah.

Well, what. What, I'm curious, what makes you want to go to a sex party? We haven't asked anybody that.

That's a good question.

I'm a sexual person, of course. You know, we all enjoy sex, so it's definitely not a bad thing. But I had. When I lived in the city before, I had kind of a bad experience with a girl who took me to the Power Exchange and was such an awful rock.

Yeah, see, this is.

That's a really good point. I'm so glad you brought that up because people think, oh, power. I thought, to be honest.

Yeah, that's what they think.

I thought that too. Like, Power Exchange. I'm not gonna do that. So let's talk about. That's a really.

Well, see, the thing about. Here's the basic thing about Power Exchange that's a little challenging is twofold, is one, it's an open club for anyone to go to. And it's one of the only places you can go to and pay money in public and have some sort of sexual experience. So people go there whether or not they're actually interested in Power Exchange itself. And I'm not even gonna get into what that is.

That's a whole other show.

We'll be back for that. But basically the interesting thing about Power Exchange is that they'll let in men who are just going there to be voyeurs. And so you can go to Power Exchange and you're standing there having this experience and there's like a hundred guys in towels standing around watching you.

That's my biggest nightmare, if that's what.

You think a sex party is, not you. But if one thinks that it can really throw you off to be like, that's really don't want that to happen.

Yeah.

It seemed to be like this girl's outlet and that's what she wanted. And I mean, the vor thing was fun. I'm comfortable with all that. And people, I just. I like the idea of a more private, intimate.

Be comfortable with one another.

Yeah. And also Power Exchange is very cold and edgy. I mean, in other words, it's about S and M and stuff like that. So there's like chain link fences and like it's all black and you know, cages around and stuff. Whereas, like, you know, by contrast, the party that Emily And I went to is like in this house where there was, like, you know, fabric on the ceiling and beds in the middle of the living room and that kind of stuff.

Pools and hot tubs and half.

And it's nice because it softens the energy of people because we can get a little edgy when we're kind of like, okay, I want to have sex, and I'm trying to meet someone, and that can be a little anxious.

Making it definitely one person can spread tension throughout the film.

Yeah, that's good. Well, I hope you find a good sex party. Maybe we'll see you there. Thanks for calling Sex with Emily. So how can you. I mean, this is a good thing. Like, people, how would you host Captain Erotica? We're talking about sex parties. We're talking everything you ever know. Wanted everything you ever wanted to know about sex parties but were afraid to ask. And it's. We're taking your calls. 8, 8, 5, 0, 0, 10, 6, 9. Captain Erotica. What if you want to have your own sex party?

It's very easy to have your own sex party. Yeah, of course. See? Okay, so the first step to having your own sex party is to be admit to people that, you know that you want to have a sex party. In other words, like, just like our friend who called from Napa, she was saying, oh, I, you know, I'm very liberal, but I don't know about the people I know, you know, so you have to be a little bit risky and brave if you want to try and create this. So to have a sex party, you need to have a nice environment. So you need to create your home in a place that's going to be conducive towards people having sexual experiences. You know, you can't have one in the kitchen. I mean, people do do it, but you want to have, like, pillows.

People are having sex in the kitchen at our sex party.

The point is that if you want to make one for yourself, you should look to your house and say, how can I make this a comfortable sensual and music and all these sorts of things. But the steps that you really need to take also in that are to find the people who are going to be comfortable coming and having those experiences. Now, there's two sort of paths you can take. You can try and see who you know already might be like that by being brave and bringing it up, because I encourage everyone out there to be able to feel comfortable talking about what you want because you deserve to get what you want. So now, if you don't believe that Your friends are going to be able to hang with this or handle it. Then you need to go out and do some networking and meet some new friends and get together with them and say, hey, you guys are new friends and you're into sex. Let's make a party together.

And I just want to say this about people. You know, first of all, we all know that everyone's thinking about sex, right? We're just not talking about it. But like I said, I was like the last person I thought would go to. Well, not the last person, but I didn't think I'd go to a sex party as readily. And I actually. One of the awkward moments, one of the only moments for me was I actually ran into a few people I knew there that you never think would be at sex parties.

Yeah, it was funny. In fact, she ran into someone and they're like, hey, we're that couple that you saw. Oh my God, we showed you my penis.

But those people. Those people I thought would be the sex party. Oh my God, that's a great story. I forgot about that. No, those weren't even who I was talking about. I had this. Oh, God, that's another story. They like, took me into the bathroom at a party, like this nice party. They're like, do you want to see my husband's piercings? And then they were at the sex party. I'm like, well, of course that couple would be at the sex party. But these are people I had worked the other people. I'm talking about people I work with. I'm like, oh, you're at a sex. So it's like people I think are.

Yeah, people are very open. When you go there and you see people that you know, of course, everyone just kind of smiles and goes, how wonderful. You know? Oh, haha. Because like you pointed out earlier, we're all thinking about it but not really talking about it.

Exactly. That's why we have this show. That's why Captain Erotica is a superhero. Because we're all thinking about it and we all. This is what the show's about tonight. Captain Erotica helps people. He literally goes in and he swoops in and saves people's sex lives and helps them with their sex lives in a single bound or two bounds. He couples individuals, people hire him or talk to him or email him, and he helps them. Because we all kind of get into little ruts sometimes. Sure.

I'll give you an example. I got a letter on Tribe the other day and someone wrote me and said, dear Captain Erotica, I Am n number of years old, I've had a fantasy where I wanted to live out a certain experience and I've never ever been able to do it. Can you help me figure out how I could go about finding someone who I can do. In this case, this person wanted to be submissive. So without going to this a man? No, it was a woman.

Okay.

So without going to the details of what they wanted, they said, well, I'd like to have this experience, but I can't find anybody who I would trust enough to do this. So then I wrote back saying, well, here's some resources and some websites you can look at and a way to go about it. And kind of just gave her a little bit of a thumbs up. And then she wrote back and she said, okay, you know what? I'm just gonna quit messing around. I want you to do it.

And you really did. Did you put on your cape?

No, I don't wear a cape. I've seen the Incredibles. Come on, you can't sweep with.

I want to gets you a cape.

No capes for me. Okay. Anyway, so the thing that happened in this case was here's someone who is writing to me is someone who I'm not inherently going to be attracted to or want to have an experience with just on my own accord, per se. And this is why I said, okay, I know that I can give them this experience. And so I went and traveled actually a great distance and went to the person's home and gave them this experience just so that they could have the experience in a positive way and then be able to go. I mean, they literally wrote in their first letter, I do not want to go to my grand grave not having experienced this.

Can you tell us a little bit about this fantasy? Because that's what we're. Okay, we're moving.

I mean, we can get into that. But that's just. It was a very basic dominant submission fantasy that said I want to be in a sexual context and give up the power or choice to make the decision of what's going to happen in this experience. And so we're going to set some parameters and boundaries. Again, I'm giving like the super quickie version of this and I'm almost hesitant to do so because it's a pretty.

It's private, it's anonymous.

No, no, no, not that. But more that it's a very involved topic and I don't want to, you know, dominate. Yeah, exactly.

We're moving into fantasies.

Yeah. So it does apply to that. It does, but in this case, it was very simple. I mean, we outlined the parameters, what is allowed, what isn't allowed, and then within that parameter, this person agreed to the very basic rule of dominant submission, which is the submissive agrees to do what the dominant says. And if they don't want to do what the dominant says, they use what's called the safe word, and then they stop everything.

Right, so that's an example of how you help. You help women, men with their fantasies.

Yes, I help.

And at sex parties. And you help couple couples.

Yeah, I have a professional practice that I call erotic coaching. It's based on a life coaching modality where you just have someone in your life that can help you to achieve your goals, give you resources, make you a plan to get what you want. I do an erotic version of this, and it's a process that helps people to figure out what they want and help them give the resources to.

How, like a life coach, but for your sex life?

Exactly. So I do that professionally, but also, like, in this case, I didn't charge this person for that. That was just something where I, like, touched my heart, you know? And I thought, okay, I can't think of this person going to their grave not living their fantasy. That's terrible.

You're gonna get hundreds of emails tonight. Everyone's gonna say, okay, I don't want.

To go to my group.

I should have used that line on you, because I've got some fantasies we're talking about.

You don't need to, Emily. We know that.

Oh, really? Okay, well, we are. He makes me blush. Captain Erotica, that's just rare. Triple 8500-1069. Captain Erotica is an erotic coach. He will answer all of. He's erotic superhero. He can answer all of your erotic. He's helped. I mean, this is the thing. Like, I was like, okay, well, erotic superhero, he has really helped people. If you go to his website, I've met people who he's actually touched their lives in a lot of different ways. Men, women. And you can talk to Captain Erotica. We're gonna talk about fantasies.

Fantasies.

So.

Fantasies, we started to talk about this. It is a big topic because everybody's got, like, some sort of fantasies, would you say, or.

Absolutely. I define fantasy as what you think about that turns you on either in your mind or in your genitals. Either way, or sometimes, if you're lucky, both.

A fantasy can be something you've already done and then you still fantasize about it. Or it can be something, and often this is the case and how people use it as a word is something that you haven't quite done yet. And fantasy can apply to anything. The breadth of people's fantasy lives is so astoundingly large that the average person can't even really comprehend the amount of things that people think about when they think about sex, sexual thoughts. So really fantasy is something that, you know, depending on who the individual person is, maybe something that's really challenging for them. You know, like this woman who wrote me she had been thinking and fantasizing and masturbating about this fantasy of submitting to someone for years and years and years and never been able to actually living it out.

Right. So this is so we're. So they come to you and they. No, no pun intended. There's so many puns on a sex show. But they, they come to you and they. Can people kind of repress them somet or they'll email you and you'll help them.

The most common thing is people don't.

Why are fantasies important?

Well, fantasies are very important because as you often talk about in the show, sex can become patternistic or people can fall into a rut of okay, well this is time.

Yes.

Yeah, very, very frequently. And as you pointed out, even if it doesn't happen right away, go 10 years into any relationship and you're going to find, okay, well we've been doing this for a long time. So fantasy is in the realm of the mind. And the mind can think about any, anything at once. So when you tap into taking the things that you think about in your mind and making them real, what you do is you open up and broaden your opportunities for sexual experiences with your partner.

Like a sex party, your sexual fantasies, all this stuff, anything. I mean, we're talking to Captain Erotica and about how do you make. We're all going to fall into this sexual rut. And I'm sorry, this is blanket. Anyone can call me about this anytime. I want to hear people who are still having really good sex after several years, five years together. But anyway, that's the goal, the show, what we try to do. How can you mix up that sex life? Because everyone's so shocked their sex life's falling apart and your husband rather serve porn than have sex. So anyway, here's some practical things. We're focusing on fantasies though right now. How do you get your partner to realize your fantasy? How do you express what your fantasy is? What's your fantasy? Give us a call, let us know. 885-001-06, 9. If you don't know your fantasy, Captain Erotica will help you get there. And that's what we're talking about, sexual fantasies. We'll be back.

Let us know what you think. Triple 8-500-1069.

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