SWE: Sexually Confident Woman

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Kidding me. Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you should right now Sign up for a mailing list and you will get a free report the five biggest mistakes you're making. A bed for men and for women. But you'll also receive emails with special offers, amazing tips, and there's so much great stuff happening on the sex family website that you want to be a part of it if you want to improve your sex life. That's all I'm saying. I'm here with the Menace in San Francisco.

The Menace?

The Menace. Well, you know what I'm saying? The Menace. You are the Menace. There is no other menace.

How you doing?

I'm good. How are you?

I'm very excited. Tell me why that we are doing shows in here together.

I know this has been amazing.

If listeners like that.

Tweet us. Sex with Emily and Menace. M E N A C E. So what's going on?

I'm, you know, my life is good. Just hanging out in San Francisco for a few days, which is kind of like coming back to visit reminded me of kind of like visiting an ex boyfriend that you broke up amicably. But, you know, things were fine. You didn't like, he didn't cheat on you and I didn't, you know, cheat nothing bad. I didn't like, you know, pull a bunny boiler on him or anything.

But has your SF friends moved on from you? Do they even keep in touch at all since you moved to la?

Yes, I have amazing friends.

They have, yeah. What they call up and what do you guys talk about?

You know, chicken. I came in for my friend's birthday. That's why I'm here. And I ended up staying extra days to work with you. We talk about boning. We talk about their relationships. Women talk a lot about relationships. That's all we talk about.

Why do you like talking on the phone so much?

I know. Why do women like talking on the phone? That's why texting was born for men. I'm convinced. I just think that that's how we connect women. It's harder just to connect with a friend over text. You need to make the time Talk on the pH. We talk about our feelings, our emotions, our struggles. Women like, like, I'm this, like. It's so funny because so many women connect over the things that are like, struggles for them. Not like, things are amazing. And my job's so great. It's like, oh, he didn't text me back. What do I do and what do I say? Or he. He cheated on me or whatever it is in their lives. My mom or my what your mom.

Wants My mom can talk on the phone forever. And I know she's very disappointed that she didn't have a daughter because I can't talk on the phone with my mother more than like, five minutes.

Right. You don't talk to anyone. You don't even talk on the phone.

Yeah. It's crazy how. And then this is the thing that bugs the hell out of me is my mom can talk on the phone for hours my whole entire life. And she does not believe in call waiting. She thinks it's rude.

So she's a busy signal.

Oh, just busy signal forever, for hours.

I didn't even really made busy signals.

Anymore when I was younger, a teenager. I could be, like, stranded somewhere and I would have to wait hours before the phone line was free. That's horrible.

Wasn't she thinking, little menace needs me, needs to give him a ride.

And she would get upset saying, why didn't you call? I'm like, I try to call.

Like, is she like a chronic, Like. So what was she on the phone talking about all the time?

I don't know what she talks about.

That's why you hate the phone and why you hate women. Because your mother was on the phone and you had to listen to her prattle on all day long.

I don't even know what she's talking about.

That's.

My grandmother can talk on the phone that long, and I feel bad. I think that's why.

Why you won't talk on the phone.

No. So these crazy. Because When I was 13 years old, my grandmother, you know, in the Bay Area, we have a bunch of bridges, and my grandmother lived on one side of the bridge, and we lived on the other side of the bridge in, like, two different cities. And then my mom decided when I was 13 that she wanted to move into the city that my grandmother lived in.

Right.

And my grandmother already lived there for over 10 years. And the month that we were moving in, my grandmother moved out. Seriously, Because I think my grandmother would think, like, my mom would just drive her crazy and, like, want to hang out all the time.

Hence why menace hates women. Okay. No, I do think it's that menace. We've psychoanalyzed you on the air. No, we have. We have.

You always tried to pin it on my mother, but it's not my mother. I laugh at that kind of stuff.

No, but I'm saying it has some deep rooted. You heard your mother talking all the time. She wasn't there for you in some ways?

No, my hatred.

Your hatred for women comes from another Source. Do tell.

It probably came in, like, my late. Not late 20s, maybe early 20s.

You paid women ever since I met you. I met you in your early 20s, didn't I?

Yeah, no, mid-20s. You met me in my mid-20s, but probably in, like, my early 20s. It's just like. I don't know. I. Maybe I'm just jealous on. You know, women say it's so hard for women, you know?

Yes, it is. Right.

They say it's extremely hard, but. Sorry, but like, in the environment that I. That I'm around, it's actually extremely easy for women.

In what sense?

In entertainment that I work in.

Why is it easier for women?

I don't know, but they just seem to move up a lot faster than men do. The highest paid person in my industry is a woman.

In radio.

In radio.

And.

Well, I'm not going to talk about.

But Howard Stern.

Howard Stern, like, satellite radio is a totally different. Okay, but the. Also in, like, television, who's the highest paid person?

Oprah.

Oprah. So how is. How are women struggling?

Really? You think? Oh, my God. Are you serious? Do you know how much money women make to a man's dollar? Still not as much. Men make way more money. It is still a white man's world in many ways. I feel like I'm so.

At least in my environment, I'm women.

It's a radio, is a boys now.

I think women found out in the past, like, 15, 20 years that they have a vagina and they really been using it lately.

Well, the women's vagina. The reason why men even have power, where the pendulum is swung back from the early times. Early. The early days.

I think that women has holy. Taken back Women.

Women. Because men are trying to repress women's sexual power. The vagina is a very powerful thing. Mother Earth, the whole thing. And I think that men forever trying to, like, stop stopping women's sexual energy. And now women are, like, realizing, yeah, we got vaginas and we rule the world and we're going to use them.

Yeah, I totally. I totally agree with you.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, why are you.

Why do you have to hate that? When I say, if you can't beat them, join them. That means you got to go down on women more.

But the thing is, I'm not going to be.

You need to perform oral sex. You need to honor the vagina.

The thing is, I'm not going to bend over and be the Superman type. Like, I'm going to.

Why don't you bend over, let a woman Penetrate you in the ass with a dildo.

She's a chick, and I want to get laid, like. And I'll do anything that she says. I'm not one of those type of guys. I don't give a. I know you're not.

I don't think you are. I just think that I hate guys like that. I don't like that you're so angry about men. Who.

But there is women that realize that. That they can just get guys to do whatever they want. And those are the type of women that I dislike.

Right.

So when you say I dislike women, you're trying to. You're trying to say that that small portion of women that I'm talking about has to do with every single woman on the planet, and it doesn't.

Okay, then you just needed to identify which women you hate, and you now.

Have why he's trying to pigeonhole me all the time.

I'm not trying to pigeonhole you.

I just think that you trying to.

Put me in a box are not a woman lover.

You're trying to keep me down.

I'm not trying to keep you down.

You're trying to generalize everything I say.

So not true. But I'm glad that you're talking about how hard it is for men in this world, which I don't disagree with. I think there's challenges being a woman and a man. We all have individual challenges, but I embrace my femininity. I'm glad I'm a woman. I think I can be, you know, honor myself and use my looks and my brains to get whatever I want and my vagina if I need to. Not that I ever slept my way anywhere. Maybe to the bottom at one point, but I slept my way to the bottom, not to the top. So today's show, we're gonna be talking about 10 ways that men can be more confident in bed. Ross. Oh, sorry. We're doing a show that says 10 Ways Women. Oh, God. I just. Can you just.

Yeah, just go.

Okay. Are you gonna remember Edith's. Okay. What I'm saying is. Cause we are doing it. Okay. Today's show is about 10 ways women can be more confident in bed.

Okay.

Because you're saying that, you know, I'm saying that women still have it hard sometimes, and men have it hard. Because I always say that cultivating confidence is the most important thing you need to do if you want to be in a healthy relationship, if you want to have a healthy sex life. It's all about confidence. And the problem is when you say that to someone healthy confidence, you gotta have confidence. They're like, what do you mean? I'm like, well, you just gotta love yourself and blah, blah. And I've given, I've talked about this over the years many times, but today we're giving you specific examples as women. And then later on we're going to be doing a show in the next week about ways men can be more confident in bed. Because I want to help everyone. Because confidence. Don't you think a woman who is confident is what is attractive to you? Not cocky, not, you know, she wants to whatever, manipulate you, but a woman who's confident. Don't you find confidence sexy? Or maybe you don't. I shouldn't even assume anything with you.

Do I find women confident? Sexy.

Confident. Just meaning that they're not always asking you how they look. Like if they're always worried about how they look or things like that. I like that. Where I don't even have to hear about it. But not, you know, to the point where they just like really snarky type, super confident, this very sarcastic type chicks. I'm not into that.

You're not into that at all? You're not into the chicks who are like here, like, they're always talking about themselves.

They're talking about how, you know, tough they are, badass. They are like, I'm not into that at all.

Okay. So I do, I do like women ego for you.

Yeah. I do like the women that are confident enough that they're not worried about how they look and stuff like that. That's awesome.

They naturally are just beautiful and confident. Confident with their looks, not actually beautiful, but they're naturally feel confident in their own skin.

Yes.

Right. Okay. I think that also. Yes, I know what you're saying. You don't want a woman who spends more time in front of the mirror and is always late for things because she's curling her hair or whatever. Does it drive you crazy waiting for women? Yes. You can't date women. I could never date a guy who took longer than me to get ready. And I get ready very quick. I'm one of those chicks out the door in 15 minutes. I was like, well, I've got that going for me. Like if guys are like, are you high maintenance? I'm like, no. And I'm not a high maintenance woman. Do you think I am? I'm not. But we've never dated. But I'm really not. Okay. Anyway, so we're gonna get.

You just talk too much.

I do talk a lot. Well, that's what I do for a living. So I'm also reading your emails that you sent to Feedback at Sex with Emily. And I also have to say that I have a new line of products called from emilyandtoni.com that are all about confidence. And I will give you an example. There are three products. One is a massage candle which you can use in your partner to spice up your relationship. One is a lubricant, personal lubricant. It's amazing. They're all like vegan and feel good, friendly. The best stuff you've ever tried. And then this ball lotion for men, right, called down under, which I gave you some. Now the story is, is that my friend who I've told he was, he's teaching boot camp, I told you in New York. And the reason why I gave him some volition is because he said he always feels sweaty and he's going on a date and he's like, I feel bad because, you know, I'm not confident or whatever. Like, I don't know why, but I have like this chronic sweating problem. Like, well, just try this ball stuff I just got. He's like, cause I always have to. Like sometimes I have a chance to shower and it's a thing because I was telling about my product and he's been teaching for 15 years in New York. Ran around, it was like a 95 degree day in New York. He put it on his balls. It's a cream that turns to a powder. It smells amazing. And he's like, I did not sweat for the first and I felt fresh and clean when he's like, yo, Emily, I swear to God, my balls have never not sweat before. Like he freaked out. So it's cool. It's Emily and Tony dot com. Check it out and you'll like it because I made it especially for you guys.

I posted that on Instagram about a week or two ago and people were already saying good things about it.

I know it is really good stuff. So you gotta check that. That is all about confidence and I appreciate if you love me then you'll love my products. Okay, we can get into some emails from the peoples. Yeah, I love hearing from you@feedbackexwithemily.com Dear Emily, I've been listening to your podcast for a long time. Thailand loves you guys. Thailand. We're gonna go shout out to Thailand. We are going to go everywhere and find our listeners one day in the boss. I love the advice you give and I've been trying some of the tips that you give they work. Are working pretty well for me. I finally have fixed. I finally have a fixed relationship with this guy. I'm assuming that means committed. However, I want to take my sexual life to the next level. I want to try S and M really bad. My question is, how do I introduce this idea to my partner? And I want to go slowly and step by step. Please help me with your awesome advice. S and M girl from Thailand. That's. We got our name. Okay, so S and M, for those of you who don't know, is a little S and M is a little sadomasochism, little bondage, discipline, sadomaskism, little dominant and submission. It's basically dominant, being dominant and being submissive. So first you have to choose. You know, I would just tell them that you have this fantasy that, you know, it really turns you on. Maybe you want to be dominated. I'm going to assume that you want to be dominated. A lot of times women, I just tell you, I have this fantasy that I think it would be really cool if, you know, maybe some time you would, you know, blindfold me or you would, you know, wrap my arm, you know, tie my arms in, like, your necktie or something. Just do something. Not. I'm not saying it has to be, like, aggressive or me, but just be like, you just want to block off one of your senses and just tell them you think it would be cool. I'm trying to explain to everyone what it is also. But. And establish you want to be the dominant or the submissive, and then you could take turns switching between the roles. So if your partner says that they want you to be dominant, you have to be competent and confident and decisive about what you're doing. So you have to be like you. Even if you don't know, you're like, I don't know what she means. My girlfriend wants me to be dominant. Just be like, you know, blindfold her. I'm telling you, start with the blindfold, tie her hands, or tell her what to do. Or gently, you know, push her down on the bed. You know, don't. Don't be too hard, too aggressive at first, but do something a little. You know what I'm saying? His eyes are really big right now.

No, it's. You know, there's been so many stories in the news where women just make so much money just doing this dominatrix, right? Guys just want to be dominant, and there's not even, like, sex involved.

I know a lot of times they just want to be peed on. Yeah. Another email about that coming up. It's true.

Oh my God. Remember years ago you had that dominatrix girl that you were going to school with?

Yes. She pees on me. Dr. Emily Morris. Yeah. Doctor, I'm a doctor. Yeah, yeah.

You never mentioned that.

I forget. Dr. Emily.

Dr. Emily Morris. So when you were in sex school, we interviewed a dominatrix and she said that she peed in guys mouth.

Yes, for sure. I know a lot of men. I actually know some very, very wealthy men because everyone tells you about their sex life who pay professional dominatrix and they are like, I just want to be like I want to be tormented. I want to be. Yeah, they want to be peed on, they want to be kicked, they want to be, you know, they want to wear a diaper, they want to do all these things that, that, you know, it's because I think it's a lot of men who have control and power in every other area of their life and then in other areas of their life they just, they just want to let go and be, be dominated. Not me, not you, menace, not you at all.

More power to you if you can fight through that, that pee in the mouth.

I know, it's really, it's a really interesting thing that a lot of men and women get into. So yeah, if you want to be a dominatrix you can do that too. That's true. But make sure you know how to remove the bondage before you put it on. These are the tips for the dominance. So really I love bondage tape. It's my favorite thing. I know you're in Thailand, S M girl, but bondage tape is my favorite thing. You can get it at Good vibes, use coupon code Emily and get any sex toy you want there. Okay. Tips for submissives. Okay. If you want to be the submissive one, be clear to your partner the kind of bondage you want and expect how much struggle and attempt to escape you want how much you want that to be prevented. So you know, and you need a safe word. It's not always easy for the dominant to know how the bondage feels. So if there's potential problems, pinched skin, comfort, discomfort, you have to let them know. So the most important thing is just communicating it. So I think the first thing you have to do is so easy here S and M girl from Thailand, just tell them that you're interested in it. I just wanted to give some tips for people, but just say I, I think it'd be really cool one day if you did this for me. If You. You know, I think blindfolding is the great way to start. Tied your. Tie your arms. Tie your arms together and blindfold.

I like it.

Yeah. Not your thing.

What was that one? That tie tie stuff that you liked. You'd always talk about it.

Tie what?

It was like some straps from some company.

Sports sheets. They make ties. What kind of. I don't know.

I don't know.

Sports sheets is really cool, too.

Some bondage ties or something like that. You like them? They were like in hot pink or something.

Oh, I don't remember. I've had so many times we're doing it so long. But it's really cool. You can go again. Go to good vibes.com, put in as, you know, put in bondage, whatever. You can get a lot of cool beginner kits and practice. And again, it just goes back to communication.

Yeah.

Okay. So, Emily. Dear Emily, I'm 42 years old and male and in the best shape of my life. I have three women that I'm sexually active with. I sometimes have sex three times a day for up to three hours at a time. My problem is I can't reach climax. Also, sometimes I cannot sustain an erection for the whole time. It is there when I start, but it goes away in about 10 to 20 minutes into intercourse and sometimes.

Before during foreplay. I've tried to masturbate and I still could not ejaculate. Any ideas why, Tom?

Maybe because you're banging three women in one day.

That could be it. You could be masturbating too often. I mean, the problem. But he never reaches climax, which is probably why you're having a lot of sex with.

Not even with the first one. I can imagine the second, you know, and the third, you might have trouble.

But the first one, that's what he says. So I think he's too high. So he's suffering delayed ejaculation. But it sounds like it's not only delayed ejaculation, it's like no ejaculation. So he is in his 40s, and so men in their 40s and older are much more likely to lose their erection during intercourse. So the next time, see your doctor, talk to him about any of these problems you might have. I would say also you need to. Are you on any medication? Do you take drugs? Are you. Do you smoke pot? Do you drink a lot? Like what? Is there anything. Any medication you're talking to take? Any medication that you're taking, you just, first thing, get checked out by the doctors because I can't diagnose you, but there is something probably going on there. You could also incorporate a penis ring into your sex life. They can help you keep an erection and ejaculate sooner because now so many of them have, like, pleasurable vibrations. And the best. Okay, the best one that I love, you know, that I love Jaeja. I always talk about je jou j e j o u e products and their fifi and their Mimi vibrators for women. But they also have this cock ring, penis ring called the Mio m I o. It's rechargeable, stretchy, has multiple vibration patterns, and a really sleek, cool design. I love this one. And it can help a lot of men, you know, because the vibration it is for women. So women can have orgasms. These vibrating rings you put on your penis and you become a human vibrator. However, you. The vibrations feel great to a lot of men. So that might be the thing, Tom, that gets you over the edge. But it sounds like if you're having sex three times a day for three hours at a time and you're still not climaxing, try the ring. But I think there might be something else going on here. And I would talk to your doctor for sure.

What's it called again? The ring.

It's the Mio m I o. Go to goodvibes.com, use coupon code Emily for 15% off any of those rings because they're amazing.

Mio like Mevo or Milo. There's a great.

Drink.

Mevo?

Yeah, Mevo.

I don't know it.

Have you heard of it?

No.

It's like, you know, you just put it in your water. It's like, you know, I don't know the stuff.

I just drink water.

It's at the grocery store.

Okay, good. I'll go to the grocery store and check it out for sure. Okay, so let's get into. Okay, wait. One more email before we get into our topic, which is how women can be more confident in bed. Now, this is also for men. If you realize some of these things that we're talking about, you could be like, you could help your partner perhaps get the confidence that she needs. And we're also doing a show later about men being more confident about it. Okay, so, dear Emily, longtime listener here found your show and played it on my. In my barracks room while stationed overseas. I love our listeners who are serving this fair country. Roommate loved it, and soon the whole platoon was in on it. Then I introduced them to Kaggle camp, and we turned it into a competition. The episode about confidence was a huge life changer. It was an awkward. I was an awkward panda bear. No more. I can approach any woman I like and know that I'm the star of my own movie. I'm not the extra anymore. Some other topics you can talk about is lasting longer. Do you know about body hardening? Striking nerves to dampen feeling? Well, what would you think about flicking the head of the penis to slightly dampen feeling? I haven't tried, but maybe there's some science behind it. Number two, talking to women. I took what you said about pretending you're talking to a friend instead of a cute female and put a little spin on it. I talk to every girl pretending that she's a lesbian. This makes it easier to talk to them and I have no fear of rejection. Yeah, thanks, Jordan. Jordan, that is so awesome. I'm so glad you love the show. Thank you for serving our country. And let me just go back to Kegel Camp. It is an iPhone app that I have that helps men and women strengthen their PC muscles. It helps men have stronger orgasms, stay harder, longer. It's amazing. It's five minutes a day. It pops up. It reminds you of your exercises. It's the peace stopping muscles. Whatever. Download Kegel Camp. You'll love it. More men are using it than women, which I find really funny because I thought it'd be more women. So if you you want you think harder, you talk about lasting longer.

That is a huge issue for men. Premature ejaculation. So flicking the head of the penis during sex is distracting and can be painful, I think. So if you're orgasming sooner than you want, you can try promescent. Promescent is amazing and I talk about all the time because it's the only FDA approved treatment for lasting longer in bed. It's a desensitizing spray that lets you still enjoy the sensation of sex that will not transfer to your partner. So check out promescent. I think that you would love that. And Jordan, thanks for the other topics. I'll def. And I love that they're keep writing me. I would love you to tell me that everyone in your barracks what their questions are because I will answer you guys because I think it's awesome Jordan, what you're doing. I'll put your emails at the top. Feedbackexthelmy.com okay, let's get into our topic which is women becoming confident in bed. All right, what do you think is the biggest insecurities? Like do you biggest insecurities that women have in bed? If you have to say one.

It's always weight. They think that.

Right. But are you really looking at. Do you really think, oh, she's so fat?

No.

Tell them that. Tell the women listening that you're not.

Saying that no man on this planet is not going to sleep with you because they think that you look fat when you're naked. I'm sorry.

Exactly. Right. And that's not why you're going to break up. Right? They're not looking at that you think your left breast is bigger than your right breast and that you think that like you're, you know, that you've got this weird shaky knee thing and. Or whatever it is, your back has back fat. You're not noticing that?

Noticing that. I mean, maybe a little acne.

Where? On the back.

On the back might be a little.

We can take care of that. You can exfoliate. Use some kind of.

Yeah, just, you know.

Do some women have acne that you noticed? Oh, God, now you're making mom insecure.

Yeah, no, not that I know, but.

You know, that might gross you out.

Yeah, that might gross me out.

Okay.

That might, you know, kill the bone.

There is an amazing. There was this. Wait, what?

Be a boner killer.

Well, one of the most powerful stories, and I'd love to have this woman on the show that she. I saw everything on Huffington Post. She had sex with her husband every day for 365 days. So you know, we always talk about like the 30 day sex challenge and couples should have sex every day for 30 days.

She one upped it.

Did you see this piece?

12 times I heard about it.

Yeah. So it was amazing. 365 days. She. And the reason why she didn't. She realized her husband was making a joke. And how it got prompted was cause she was like, he's like, I haven't seen you naked in like they'd been together like 10 years. He's like, I haven't seen you naked in like three months. Like the last time I saw you naked I saw like your toe. And she was like, oh, it's cause she was feeling insecure since the baby and she didn't love her body. So every day, 365 days. And what she said was that she really started to love her body and feel confident and get into the. I mean it wasn't always easy, but she got into loving sex. Cause it was her body image and her issues that were holding her back. So number one, I would say for women to become more confident in bed is to have sex so the reason why women who are inexperienced, the reasons they don't feel confident in bed is because they haven't really, you know, had a lot of sex. So it's normal if you haven't had a lot of sex to feel and experience, but the only way to have it is to just, you know, when you start having sex with someone. So make sure that when you're have actually experiencing sex with someone, that you're open to trying new things. So don't keep having sex the same way again and expect that you're going to be with a guy that's going to initiate everything. So try jumping on top. Try leaning back while you're on top of him. You know, see what feels good to you and to him. Because once you find your groove, you will feel more confident. And once you know how to have an orgasm with him, or if you know how to, you know, move, you'll feel confident. So just maybe every time, every sex, do one thing that you're initiating in your brain that you want to do. Just go with it. Don't think about it, just do it.

Or cook a mistake dinner.

And then what does that do for a sex life?

It gets them really horny.

It gets them horny or it gets them just tired, Right. Doesn't a big steak dinner make you kind of tired?

Yeah, but still, I mean, I gotta. I gotta please the lady that made it for me, right?

That's true, but we're talking about her. Don't you appreciate when a woman takes initiative and climbs on top?

Yes. Not when I'm super tired, though.

But when you're tired, you don't want her on top because then you're lying on your back.

Yeah, when I'm tired, I don't even want to do anything.

Oh, that's true. When you're tired, you don't do any sex. He doesn't do the sex.

Not. Not me, though. But I'm sure 99.9% of the men on the planet will fight on through, right?

Exactly. Okay, number two, this is. This could be one, too. This is neck and neck. This is how to be more confident in bed. Know your own body.

So many women don't know what makes them feel good. They expect that a man's gonna figure it out. They masturbate the same exact way every time. And they don't really know, like, how to transfer, what makes them feel good when they're masturbating into sex. Sexual intercourse. So know your own body and know how to communicate with your partner. If you don't know your body and you've never had an orgasm and you're not really sure. Then start touching yourself. Start playing with yourself. You know, devote time every night, 10 minutes, whatever it is, to just start touching yourself and what feels good. Buy a vi. That's a great fast track to an orgasm. There are orgasms in a box.

The Itachi Magic Wand Hit Wands, the name of it.

It's no longer called Itachi, it's just the Magic Wand. It's new and approved. It is the Cadillac of all vibrators. You plug it into the wall and believe me, you will have an orgasm.

Is this still made by Hitachi?

No, it's no longer made by Hitachi, but I have one. They sent me the new one. It's even better.

Do you know what's crazy?

Tell me everything, man. It's what's crazy.

So you know Brookstone? I mean, for people that are living there, listening outside of America, that probably don't know what a Brookstone is, but it's like this little, like, technology.

Store.

That has, like, massage chairs and. Or like, I bought, like, a projector there and things like that, but then they have this, like, tiny section. There are supposed massagers, but they totally look like sex toys.

Yeah, that's probably. They probably are.

Yeah, I think they are.

Yeah. Right, Right.

They totally look like them. And when I went there, this lady and her husband, she was, like, holding up the biggest one and talking with the salesperson of, like, did she know what it was?

Or she thought it was like a back massager. Like, they're probably saying, it's just a massager. Is that what you're saying?

Yeah. Yeah. But no, she knew what it was.

She knew. Why was she talking to the person? You think she would just be like, I'm taking this.

Try to see how much, how long, the power.

But seriously, if you're with someone who has an orgasm, try the Hitachi again. I'm going to just say, go to goodvibes.com. it's use coupon code, Emily. You get 15% of orders. Every time I talk about vibrators, I gotta say, you gotta go there because that's where you gotta buy your stuff. That's all I'm saying. Great discounts, okay? So apply that knowledge that you learn from your body. When you're having sex, have them rub your clitoris or rub your own clitoris during sex. And if the sex position that you're in doesn't provide you enough clitoral stimulation, a lot of it doesn't. Then you gotta move, then you gotta use your hands. The more pleasure you experience during sex, the better you will be at sex. You will get into it more. Move it. Pleasure instead of just going through the motions. You've been with chicks who just go through the motions, correct?

Yes.

And how is that for you?

Fine.

Why?

But we're talking about, we're talking about women. The women's side, though.

I know.

What does it matter how I feel?

Really? It doesn't matter what you feel. Okay. Don't. Lest your past experiences ruin sex for you. Now, many women have had bad sexual experiences, but it doesn't mean that you're. Your present situation has to be. Has to follow suit and be just like your bad one. So focus on what you're doing in the moment and don't let what any person said to you in the past bring you down about your body, your performance. This is now. Or if you had a bad experience growing up, some kind of childhood trauma, then you need to go to therapy and work on that. Because if you set that, if you did experience some kind of trauma in childhood, some abuse of any kind, that might be, that might be coming up in your sex life currently. And the sooner you go to therapy and work on these issues, the better your sex life will be because they don't go away. Have you been with women who have experienced shopping? I feel like you have.

Yeah, I have over the years. But I mean.

Yeah, it didn't really hurt sexually. It hurt relationship wise, right?

Yeah, yeah, that too. But it can also impact them sexually. You might have not paid attention, but she probably had some, she might have had some issues.

I want my penis abused daily, but that's about it.

That's about it, right? Just abused Menace's penis. Okay. You can learn from the past, however, so you might have had a bad past experience. You can learn from it. For example, go ahead and start with a friend.

I have a friend.

So I have a friend and she does not like one night stands. She realized that whenever she hooks up with someone or she, you know, doesn't even, you know, a lot of times you don't know it's gonna be a one night stand. But eventually, you know, whatever happens, she hooks up with a guy just once or twice or she's not that into him. She always feels bad. Every time she's like, I feel bad, like, do I have aids? What's my problem? Cause maybe she didn't use protection like you need to, but she just, it makes her feel bad about Herself. So, so this is what I'm saying is you can learn from your past. You're going to feel more confident and comfortable in your life and your sex life if you're happy with the choices that you're making about your sexual partners. So if you don't like one night stands, don't have one at Sands. If you don't like certain things in bed, don't be with that. Don't, don't do it. Certain guys you don't like, don't sleep with them. Don't sleep with your ex anymore if it makes you feel bad.

Yeah, but you know, you can't really control women. They're.

I'm just telling you, if you.

They're impulsive, don't you think?

Yeah. So are men. I know. And I used to always sleep with my ex, but it made me feel good because I. I'm a dude because I liked it. And then I didn' have to be in a relationship with them anymore because have sex with them. But some people sleeping with their ex, for example, is problematic. Okay. For women, this is huge. Tips on how to be more confident in bed is don't be afraid to initiate sex. The number one complaint I hear from men all the time is my partner will not initiate sex or she doesn't do it enough or she's never done it. So if you want to feel and appear more confident when it comes to sex, you just gotta start initiating it. Take control of the situation and it will make you feel, you'll be more bold and you'll feel more confident and just, you know, when he walks in the door or whatever it is, start kissing him. Start. Right. Who man doesn't want the blowjob when he walks in the door?

Yes.

I mean, just do something.

Every man wants that.

It could just be like when you're sitting on the couch.

Oh, no, no, they want the blowjob.

Yeah, I know, but I feel like I've said that so many times, but it's so true that every man never would love. It can happen, though. How hard is it for you to get up from your laptop when your guy walks in the door, whatever you're doing at home, watching tv, Turn off the Real Housewives and turn on. Give a blowjob. He'd be like. Or start initiating sex. You don't have to give him blowjob if you don't want to do a blowjob.

Preach it, sister.

Preach it. Right. Give guys blowjob. No, I'm saying. Or just start kissing him. Just start Letting it be known that you want of sex. Think about what he does, you do that to him. So that's a big one. Wouldn't you say that if a woman just said, hey baby, you know what? Guys are always thinking about it their whole life. They gotta initiate, they gotta bring it up. And it's just if a woman does it and I think it'll again make you feel more confident, like you're in charge. Another thing women can do is to give directions to guys. So many women don't give guys directions. They're worried about bruising guys ego. They're worried that it might make them feel like they're too, too knowledgeable about sex or they seem slutty. I don't know what it is, but someone has to tell them what to do. Guys cannot figure it out on their own. So you're doing a favor for yourself and every other woman who gets in touch with this man. Lead his hand to where you want him to touch you and tell him what you want him to do. He will be turned on by your confidence and the direction you're giving him. So you must know if you're like, I don't know, but it just feels good whatever he's doing. No, think about it like what really feels good? Like do you tell him like wow, like is he ever like touching the left side of your breast and then he stops. You're like, damn, I wish he'd go back. That felt really good. Tell him, Tell him. Is there anything he's never, you know, he's never kisses your neck for example. And you really want your neck kiss. Tell him that. Not, not too complicated, is it? How hard is that baby feel? I love the way you kiss my lips. Kiss my neck. Kiss me right here. That's so hot. And then you get all turned on. Well, doesn't he like that? Right?

Yeah.

Who's happy? Everyone's happy in that situation.

No.

Why?

No, no, no. Everyone is. Everyone is happy. No one's gonna disagree with that.

No. So just tell em. I just want women to be more confident in bed. Yeah. Okay. Don't fake orgasms. Studies came out that women like, you know, 52% of all women have faked an orgasm. And I think the rest of them are lying. I think that all women have faked at some point in their life. And this is giving men the wrong idea. They think what they're doing is working. They think everything they're doing is fine and it's not. So having confidence is taking control of your own pleasure. And be honest and don't fake it. Just tell me. You know what? It's not getting me there. I need this to happen for me to have an orgasm or I actually have never had an orgasm during intercourse. Why don't we mutually masturbate? Why don't I masturbate and you masturbate and I'll show you what I do, and then you learn each other's bodies. But don't fake an orgasm. Because so many guys walk around thinking, oh, I gave him an orgasm doing this, and I'm a fucking man. You're the only woman who has an orgasm. I love the guys who say that. You're the first woman I've been with whoever did an orgasm. You know, what the heck? They've lied to him. There's no way that every woman you've been with, dude. Has had an orgasm and lie. It's true.

They need, like, a cement truck to get an orgasm.

Who does? I know it's true. They need a cement truck. Yeah. What does that mean? They're gonna run out. They need a power plant, a magic wand vibrator.

Magic WAND VIBRATOR Times 10, you know, powered by nuclear power.

It's true. It's so true. And the stars have to be aligned, and it has to be all this stuff. So I know women. It's tough. Um, body insecurities. If he didn't. We started out by saying this. If this is one of your insecurities, women, if he did not want to see your naked body, he would not have tried to undress you. He's attracted to you. If you feel insecure about your body, try focusing on how you feel in the moment rather than how you look. If you're like, oh, no, my ass. My ass looks really fat. Oh, I hate my underwear. Just think about, wow, this feels good. I'm getting turned on. Like, channel what you are feeling. And those insecurities are not feelings. Those are insecurities. That's different. Feel about the. Think about the sensations and what it feels like when his hands are moving down your body. The more you try to hide parts of your body, the more it will draw attention to it. So embrace your body. Enjoy the experience. Act confident in your own skin, even if you are not there yet. You can even try when you're alone, walking around naked, walking around your room, start feeling more comfortable in the nude. And there's this really funny thing that my friend years ago told me this, that, you know, those. He called it the crab. Oh, God. I think it was the Crab walk that women, when they get out of bed and they don't want you to see their ass, they like, walk sideways and backwards towards with their butt face to the bathroom because they get up and have you ever seen that? The woman who, like, walks like a crab so you can't see her butt. Does that make sense?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he's like, she doesn't do the crab walk. And then they're looking at you cause you're walking funny like a crab. And he's like, oh, she doesn't want me. Look at her ass. I better look at her ass. So, like, just be confident. It's beautiful. He wanted to have sex with you. Love yourself. Love your body.

Yeah, you'll be fine.

Okay, so that's what we got for you today. And I want to thank everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. I want everyone to go to emilyandtoni.com, buy your partner a beautiful, amazing massage candle that smells so great you can use it as body lotion. And that's@emilytoni.com and thanks, Menace, for being you.

Thank you. Download the Stitcher app. Stitcher is a app that you can download for your smartphone or your tablet, or you can just go to stitcher.com search sex and then sex to Emily will pop right up. You don't have to download MP3s. You can just stream the show directly wherever you go.

I'm obsessed with Stitcher app.

I listen to everything.

I love it. Okay, thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com I'm Emily from sexwithemily.com Crazygirlproducts.com carries unique pheromone infused products that make you feel sexy and confident. I'm crazy about their wannabe naked shave cream. It's made perfectly for your more intimate area areas. No shave bumps or ingrown hairs. Use coupon code EMILY25 for 25 off@crazygirlproducts.com there's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health. Magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals, it provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement. It's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age. Well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualia life.com sex with Emily for 50% off and here's a bonus use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15% off your order. That's Q U A L I A life.com sexwithemily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.