SWE: She's Never Had An Orgasm

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Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey, have a.

You got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. Well, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about Sex, relationships, and emotions, everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. You can also subscribe on itunes. And when you do that, you can also give us a review, like, you know, I don't know, five stars, something like that. Something like that. Something like five stars. And then you can tell your friends. You can share the link. You could like us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. It's all sex with Emily. Thank you, everyone, for listening to the show, and thanks to my listeners for emailing me all your questions@feedbackexwithemily.com I love hearing from you, and I do read all your emails and. And keep them coming, please. Tonight's show is going to be awesome. I'm here with Anderson.

Hey, Sex.

Hey, Anderson. How you doing, baby?

Hey, how are you?

I'm good. We're here at the Loveline studio.

Hey, I got an idea for you.

Uh. Oh, what?

You know how you got a lot, a lot of sex toys, like, hanging out in your garage?

Yeah.

All lonely.

Yeah.

What's the holidays?

You want one?

No. Oh, but I think you should go somewhere where there's a bunch of single ladies with, like, a sack full of.

Them and be, like, Santa of sex toys.

You could be like, Santa Cruz.

Santa Cruz.

Yeah. And you could just like, start flinging them out to everybody. Okay. Happy holiday.

I should do that for YouTube, because we did that a few years ago in San Francisco. We went to the Giants game, and I had. It wasn't. It was for Easter, though. I had an Easter basket filled with toys, and I went up to a lot of people at the Giants game at the same time.

Were you dressed as a bunny?

I was not dressed as a bunny.

Oh, come on.

I should have been. You're right. That's actually better. I should have been. But I was like, do you know what this is? And they'd pull stuff out, and I asked them, like, they had, like, a Tanga masturbation sleeve that comes in an egg and, like, blowjob strips, and, like, no one knew what they. Like random people, I catch them, and they didn't know what they were. But that's.

I'm picturing someone, like, handing it to their kids saying, is it a toy?

I tried not to talk. A lightsaber, but, like, I feel. I feel like that is a good idea. And people. When I said that on the show that I had so many to give away, I got so many emails from my listeners, and I would love to give them away. But the problem is a lot of people from out of out of the country, first of all. And the postage and the mailing and the thing, it's.

Yeah, don't ever offer to give stuff away. People love free stuff, even if they don't want it.

Honestly, I will give away toys. I will. But I can't give away everything in my garage. In fact, I think I've given away a lot of it. But besides that, the point is I want to give you all something. Maybe if you sent me a self addressed stamped envelope for like 10 bucks, I'd send you something.

You know what another great video would be?

What?

An Emily Garage Sale.

I was gonna do that too.

That'd be a fun video. Watching the people come by and like root through all your dildos.

Yeah, that would be funny.

How much for this one?

How much for this one? You get that for $252.50. We should do that. They're all from a lot of them. From Good Vibes. If you like sex toys, go to goodvibes.com use coupon code Emily. Okay, today's show we're just. We're gonna be reading your emails that you sent to feedbackexwithemily.com. we've got someone who wants to know by his wife doesn't initiate sex enough. Anderson is a married man.

Can you relate to this?

No, because I'm newly married. She's been barely over a year.

You don't even count. I'll talk to you in two years. So. But it's true. A lot of women. The number one complaint I hear from men is that women do not initiate sex. That's one of them. Another one is about, oh, guess what? Anal sex. It's another favorite topic of our listeners. We got another email.

Are you talking about things we're gonna get to?

Yeah.

Okay, cool. Because I know that Monroe's got to catch a boss.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I forgot. Monroe, I didn't forget she was here. I forgot she's in a time restraint. Okay. Monroe is my new intern. Monroe is amazing. She is 19 years old and she's been writing. Go to my website and. And read her blogs. They're amazing. It's called My Journey to orgasm. Now, Monroe, we have a very selective process. We had a lot of people who applied for our internship and I really liked Monroe and Lindsay, who's sitting in another room and Monroe, I come to find out after she's hired and she's in my house for the first meeting that she's 19. And she's never had an orgasm.

Never had an orgasm.

So she's been writing about. Which is so. Thank you so much for being so. I did not ask her. I don't force my interns to do anything. But she offered. So we've been giving her sex toys and she's been writing these amazing blog posts because she hasn't had an orgasm yet. Not. And it's her journey. So can you talk to me so about your experience, like, now, like, working towards your orgasm?

Yeah. Okay. So the first time I decided to come home with the toys from Emily's garage, which is really, really filled with all kinds of toys, I was drawn to the Butterfly Cliffs. I've never.

Butterfly Kiss.

Yes.

That's a good Vibes toy, by the way, which is awesome. Good vibes dot com. Yeah. Yeah.

I have never used any kind of toy before in my life. I was a little bit ashamed to do masturbation. And a lot of women are. Which is what I found out.

A lot of women are. Absolutely.

And so I started with that. I decided to go inside of the shower, which is where I go normally, and started to play around with it. I've been listening to the show for a little bit, so I've learned that I was supposed to try different motions, different positions, standing, sitting, etc. Etc. And I almost. I almost canceled climax for the first time, which was very, very intense. And I'm really looking forward to actually getting to the orgasm.

So how did you. You felt like you were getting there, then you, like, stopped yourself or.

I felt like I was out of control, like my body was twitching, literally, and I could no longer hold on to.

Maybe you had one. No. You would know.

Yeah. I feel like there's a little bit more to it. It's like, you know, when you're getting towards an orgasm, you. You're twitching. You're like. Your body. You feel it. But I didn't get there because they let go. And if only I didn't let go.

I love. Well, the next. Honey, you've got. You've got time and you've got more time. We've got a new package actually, from Good Vibes because they decided to sponsor your orgasm. Have you ever had a sponsored orgasm? So they sent her a big package. Her aunt. My other Internet of a bunch of toys that you're going to pick up my house this weekend. But it's kind of like a beginner kit. There's a book by Sadie Allison. She wrote a book. I think it's. It's a masturbation book for women. I can't sleep in my name right now, but it's slipping my mind. But it's, it's a really good book. It's two books. I think they sent you. They sent you another butterfly kiss because they didn't know I gave you one. And they sent you another vibrator. A few of them, because they're so. They just want, you know, they gave me my first. I got my first vibrator. Good vibes. Nice. Yes. And I went there and I. And they help you and they walk you through it. So. So, so you've had sex before?

I've never had sex before.

Okay, so you've had intercourse, but you never did guys perform oral sex and try to. Did you try to have orgasms? I mean, obviously you, you did.

But I would say most guys are. They come first all the time. For most guys, they don't really care too much to make sure that the woman does orgasm. Because sometimes it takes women like an hour and 30 minutes to orgasm.

Absolutely.

It takes definitely a good amount of time when. What I did learn through research and through listening and my own experiences is that Most women experience. 47% of women do experience their first orgasm through masturbation. Self love. Very few percentage ever experience it through penetration. And then another few percent, like 13% experience it through petting is what I've learned. So I tried, I decided to go the route of masturbation. Yeah, masturbation. Trying to. It's man versus machine for me right now.

I know. This is what I love. You wrote man versus machine. Who's gonna get you there first?

Exactly.

Now you have a date, right? This weekend?

I have a date this weekend. I've been having sex with this guy for a while now. And he actually, he's full on committed to making sure I. Oh my God.

He wants to be the one. Yes.

Wait, does he realize he's up against the Terminator? Does he know this?

A few terminators.

The Terminator.

I haven't given you the Terminators.

The Terminators.

Is he aware of this?

He's totally aware. And he thinks he's gonna be the first one to make it. I was like, go for it. I enjoy the sex. He's very, very aggressive. I'm a newly proclaimed submissive myself, so I am up for the challenge.

I think it's interesting. Okay, you have to like text me right after that. But I think, I think it's interesting that what you said is that. And you're also 19. So you're sleeping with men who are in your age range?

I've always been a little bit more accustomed to older men. He's, he's not that old. I'd say he's like 15 years older than I am. 30. 30. 30s is good for me.

Wait a minute. Okay, so he's in his 30s? I was going to say something like 19, early 20s. Guys who do come quickly and who do not know that much about pleasing a woman. But this Guy's in his 30s.

He knows, he knows. That's the, he's the first one who's actually been dedicated to make sure I like. He puts in the time and effort.

Oh, good. Okay.

And he's.

Did you pick up on the fact that she's like, he's not that much older. He's just 15 years old, dude.

That's 35 for me. That's not that bad though.

Okay, you mean you are very mature.

You're like what, like, what's the oldest guy you ever dated?

I don't want to disclose, but right.

Now I got an old gray haired man. Okay, so we're going there. Unless you.

I think probably someone who's probably two years older than him. 37. Yeah, that's not that bad. The youngest guy I've ever dated was probably like two years older than me.

Okay, like older men. Did you have like issues with daddy things? Are you close to their father?

I'm close with my father. Close enough? I'd say so.

Okay. Yeah, got it. So I think this is great because it is true that most women do have their first orgasm through, through masturbation and that it takes time is what I always say. Like my friend in College took 30 days, she was like every day. And it wasn't like the third week that she finally like had orgasm. And the reason why this is so important for women is because I was raised too. It wasn't until my mother told me like I was like 19, I had an orgasm. And she was like, well this is. She gave me a book and it's because women. I believed that it was the man's responsibility to give me an orgasm. I was like, oh well, I'm gonna have sex and then I'll have an orgasm. I didn't even occur to me masturbate. I don't even think I knew what masturbation was.

Yeah.

And I have like very liberal parents. I went to a good high school, it was public high school, but still did not know. I mean there wasn't shows like sex With Emily. And so did you think that too, or did you?

I definitely thought that. I thought it was about making sure that the man is thoroughly pleased. Thoroughly pleased. And once you. I feel like once. What I'm discovering now is that you have to learn how to love yourself more and be more concerned with yourself, too, during sex, not just completely dedicated to his pleasure.

I love that you know this, Monroe. See, I didn't know this either. And I think it's funny because I thought it was my generation, but your generation, too. Yeah, I believe, too, is all about the man and looking good and, like, make sure you swallow and whatever. Like, all the stuff that I learned, I was like, make sure he said, oh, it doesn't matter about me. Like, oh, it'll happen, it'll happen. But the reason why it's so important for you to figure it out is because then you know your body and you know, you can explain to him, well, I need to move this way or that way. And it's like, they're happy that you know. Exactly.

You know yourself a little bit more. You know your body a lot more, and it builds confidence. And it's very important to be confident in bed.

Exactly, exactly. So what else have you learned so far? I'm like, looking at your blogs now. You guys gotta check it out@sexwithemily.com. the second blog she posted Nov. 20 was Shower Sex with Myself. So we just talked about that one and then the first one, My Journey to Orgasm.

Yeah. Another thing that I did learn is that I like, there's various. Various amounts of porn.

Right.

That you can use as stimulation. Also, it's very educational porno.

Right.

I learned that I.

Am. I'm stimulated by lesbian porn.

Right.

But I found out that a lot of straight women are stimulated by lesbian porn as well. So I say, find women. What kind of porn stimulates you? It gets you going, it gets you wet on your own. Because a lot of women have a problem not getting wet, you know, lubricating themselves, so.

Exactly. That's so true. Porn. Where do you go? What porn channel do you watch?

I do you porn. Easiest segue to whatever.

No, that's so true. And it's funny because I'd say the podcast this is going to come out might have already come out by the time this comes out, but with Dr. Drew's wife, Susan Pinsky, and she was saying the same thing, that, that, that sometimes just turn yourself on. A lot of women, they're not in the mood for sex. They're not in the mood for and you know, the low libido. And they. They want to. They want to. You want to turn yourself on. They want to know what is wrong. And you could just watch some porn or have an active, amazing imagination and try to get yourself there. So porn is great. Women think porn's for men. You know, it's fine. And there's so much porn out there that you can obviously find something that. That turns you on.

Porn for couples.

Exactly.

Porn for couples.

Porn for everyone. There's porn for everyone. So are you. So you're trying your clitoris energy spot. Are you like, putting your fingers inside?

Yeah. Well, no, I haven't actually experienced with my fingers yet. So that's, I guess the next.

Yeah, but it's good, actually. Clitoral orgasms, usually. I don't want to say there's no usually. There's no average. But it is true that once a woman has a clitoral orgasm, it's easier to achieve like a G spot orgasm when she's turned on that way.

Yeah.

So does your family know you're working with me?

Yeah, my cousins, my close cousins, a few of my brothers, my mom and dad are very.

Your employer. Your real employer. Okay. Oh, my God, I love this picture you posted. Oh, all the crazy. I'm looking at the picture on the blog. I really did send you home with a lot. The Crazy Girl products. Do you like the Crazy Girl products?

I do. It smells amazing. Especially when it's like, I don't know, you just woke up the next day, you have random company come over. You need to get ready really quickly.

Yeah. Crazy Girl products are amazing. Everyone should check them out. You go to. What is it? It is. Go to my website, click on the Crazy Girl banner, and you get special discount if you use the coupon code that's there. So I love cream. They have. Oh, my God. Their shaving cream is unbelievable. Like, no stubble. And like the pheromone spray. Yeah, And I gave you all of it.

It smells like vanilla.

Yeah, it's delicious.

Everybody loves vanilla.

Exactly. And it's really reasonably priced too. So if you guys are looking for gifts for the holiday season, Crazy Girl makes just like the most amazing products that are pheromone infused and they make you feel sexy. And they've got products for men too on their Max for Men site, so you can check that out as well. Okay. So what else? So how are you liking the internship so far?

I love the internship.

I'm so glad. Day one, bags of toys. How could. How could it be Bad. I always said, I'm like, my interns. Like, interns. Is that indentured? I'm like, no, they have fun. She's learning to have an orgasm. It's good.

Hey, guys, I don't want to rain on the party, but what you guys were talking. Yeah, you got to go, Monroe. I know that, but you were talking right before we began this program that to have an orgasm, you got to get out of your head. And it seems like Monroe is more in her head than any other woman in America right now who's trying to have an orgasm.

No, no, no. I don't feel like.

I mean, she's studying it like it's.

A science, but study. But in the moment of trying to have your orgasm, you got to get.

Out of your head, which is the whole point of pleasing yourself. You should know. You should, like, you know, know where you feel comfortable, know what you like, right? Otherwise, if you do that and you're trying to have orgasm via penetration with a partner, it's going to be a whole lot harder if you don't have that confidence, if you don't know what, like, how your body works.

Right? But what we're saying is, like, during, like, if this is the problem that a lot of women had is they're thinking, how do I look? Is he having an orgasm? Is it going to happen? Is it going to happen? Is it going to happen? And we almost like, trick ourselves because we're so in our head, is it going to happen? So do you ever meditate or anything or do any, like, kind of. I wonder if you could just like, focus on your breath or focus on the sensations. Like, when you find yourself thinking, is this going to happen? It's going to happen. You can go back to, oh, I wonder how this butterfly kiss vibrator feels on my clitoris. You can, like, think about the feeling, the sensation. So when your mind, when you're in your head, go back to the sensation in your body, what it feels like, try to like. Because we all do that.

Hey, what time's your train leave? I'm sorry. I see you watching the clock and I'm worried for you.

I don't wanna.

You gotta go, you gotta go.

Five minutes. Your train leaves. Okay, you better go then.

Yeah.

You're the best, Monroe. Thank you so much. It's been so fun. We're have you come back and give reports.

Of course. I would love to.

I know. And then we're gonna have someone jump out of a cake for you when you have your orgasm or Something. I can't think of anything better right now, but I don't know.

How about a pie?

A pie?

Yeah.

I love a pie.

Okay. Whatever you want, honey. Okay. Thank you. Have a great night. So, yeah, that's the journey to O. Check out her blog on sexwithelme.com.

See, shouldn't, like, a guy wearing an O Superman costume jump out of a pie? Wouldn't that make more sense?

That would make more sense. Thank you. It's late. I wasn't coming up with anything but someone jumping out of a cake. But that's a good one. I like it.

Anderson, I'm worried that she's going to miss her train. I'm really concerned about that.

Tell her if she misses her train, I'll drive her.

What about the irony if she's trying to catch her train and she actually comes on her bike on the way there?

Oh, my God. That'd be amazing.

That'd be pretty great.

I'd pick her up either way. Tell her that if she missed her train, I'll pick her up. Seriously? Okay. All right, we've got a little bit of sex in the news here. So we've got average age of first intercourse by country. The youngest on the list is Iceland at an average age of 15.6 years old. That's young.

And they're hot. They're really hot.

I know, right?

Your mic turn off?

Sorry. I know, honey. Israel.

Israel is almost as eager at 16.17, filed by Brazil at 17.4 years old and the United States at 18 years old. East Asians wait longest, China at 22 and Malaysians at 23. I thought Americans would be ahead of this, like 14. Am I wrong? Am I crazy?

I don't know if I trust that survey there.

I don't know. Why not, you think? I think the Brazilian. I don't know. Who knows?

I know that I was one of the youngest in my grade and I lost mine when I was like 13. And I was very young. Most of my friends were like 17.

That's illegal. Who are you having sex with?

An older chick.

How old was she?

22.

Shut up. A 22 year old raped you?

Yeah. Well, it wasn't rape. It's pretty good.

It's kind of rape.

She drove a Porsche and she was hot, but I had to break up with her because she was an alcoholic and that didn't go over well. She tried to run me over. She really tried to hit me in her porch.

How many times did you have sex with her before she tried to Run.

You over probably 10, 11. Really? Yeah.

That's a lot.

She used to get like, no. What? What? No.

She was drunk the whole time, picking up.

Always, always drunk. She. It was awesome. They'd say that they're. Because her and her friend and they'd say that they're my mom and they'd come pick me up from school and take me to like their DUI at court appearances and. And then we go bang. It was a good time.

Both of them?

No, just the one.

She was hot.

She was pretty. Yeah, she was pretty.

Did she teach you anything about sex?

I didn't know what the hell was going on.

No, right? You're like, oh my God.

And it's kind of cool.

13. And then what about after that? When did you have sex again?

It was all kind of downhill because she was like really, really wild. And still to this day, if a girl's really wild in bed, I don't like it because it reminds me of. Of the older 22 years old.

A lot of us get stuck at trauma, but not in a good way.

A lot of people were traumatic. Like, they want to go back to it over and over again. Now if a girl. Well, I don't. I'm married now. But like, when a girl would become real aggressive in like, ooh. And I think it's because of that.

What was the aggressive thing that someone did in bed that made you go, ew? I don't know what that means to you.

This one? Well, like we'd be in her car at a park or something, you know, at night, and she'd be like, you know, down there in the. In the crotch area, and she'd be like, talking to me while she was down there. Like, you gotta finish my mouth. You gotta do that. Even when I was a 13 year old kid, I was like, this is.

Kind of freaky, but you're in a closed car.

I didn't like her telling me what to do to her. It's creepy.

Okay, got it. So, woman. So if a woman tells you what to do to her, you don't like that?

Yeah, I guess not.

That's interesting.

Yeah.

We could analyze this for hours.

Let's not do that.

Okay. Breaking up during the holidays. This is very common. I got interviewed by the New York Post today about this. They wanted to know, is it indeed true that more people break up over the holidays? And the best study I could find was one that was done two years ago on Facebook. And it was an infographic of breakups on Facebook throughout the year and there's a huge peak two weeks before the holidays, second only to spring cleaning. That's spring break time. The lowest day of breakups was Christmas day. So if you're gonna break up, do it before the 25th. But I think you always hear this. You'll break up over the holidays. It's a very sensitive time of year. Maybe you're thinking, I don't wanna buy him a new present. Her a present. Her. I don't wanna go with the family. And you just start evaluating your life and you think, I don't wanna be with this person. I'm gonna break up with them. But it's kind of a bummer because people attach so much emotion to the holidays, and it's.

Plus, I think a lot of people are going back home and they know they're gonna see, like, old flings there or people that they could have because they're almost like a little mini reunions at this point, Right?

Yeah, that is true.

Like, one of the best parties in town is when you go back home for Thanksgiving. The night before Thanksgiving goes off.

Yeah, no, I do. I'm going to Michigan next week. I'm going to Michigan.

Oh, you're gonna get some old strange.

Well, I don't think so, because everyone's, like, married now, but everyone's divorced now. Actually, they were married, now they're divorced. There's no one for me in Michigan, I don't think.

I'm sorry.

That's okay. So I won't get laid. It's fine. So why do people break up, though? They don't want to include you in their plans. It's always a sign of breakup. This is how you can know they're not including you in their plans, but that any time of year, if they don't include you, they stop inviting you out. You would know if your partner starts distancing himself, either emotionally, either physically or emotionally, this is another warning sign. Finally, if you're no longer connecting intimately, this can be sexually or just touching. This is another strong sign that the relationship is heading significant south. So if you're dissatisfied with your life and relationship, it's going to feel that much worse. During the most happiest time of year, it might make it painfully obvious that you need to break up. So I think that I don't like, all. Like, I always hear from people all the time, like, yeah, I want to break up my girlfriend, but we got a trip planned to Hawaii. Or we've got a trip, whatever. We got a wedding coming up. It's like, no, you got to break up with your partner. When it's break up with your partner, ribbon a band aid off, you're doing them a favor. If you know and you're with someone right now and you know you want to break up with them, just do it because you're doing them a favor. Because they're no longer in a relationship with someone that doesn't want to be with them. Think about it that way. It's selfish to not break up with someone just because you want the president of the trip to Hawaii. I think, personally, although I have dumped people, I did break up with a guy on New Year's Eve once just because I met another guy that I.

Liked right before midnight.

It was the morning of. He had a whole day to get a new date.

Well, because I thought maybe, like, you saw the new person, you wanted to make sure you sidled up next.

A long, long time ago. It was a long time ago. It was coming to an end. And I should have done it earlier. I used to be really bad. I used to spend half my relationships trying to get out of them.

But, yeah, I heard that about you. That's funny.

I don't do that anymore.

As soon as you be in a relationship, you just start thinking, I gotta.

Get out of it.

Plotting how to get out of it.

How the hell did I get in this? And how the hell do I get out of it?

But I think there's a lot of people out there, too, that they're not sure. Like, they, they. They feel like it's over, but they're not sure that they want to give up because, like, the lifestyle of being with that person, and they're sentimental and they have a hard time being sure that it's the right thing to do to say goodbye to that person. So.

And I like. And I don't. I didn't like him. Like, he was a good guy. Just sex wasn't great. That's why I started sex.

I should have taught him. Really.

I didn't know yet. I mean.

Wait, he's the inspiration? One of them, that poor bastard.

No, it was really bad sex for really, like, two years.

Like, does he have any idea that he inspired this phenomenon?

No. I hope he doesn't listen. This empire, it was just one. It was. It was one of a series of bad sex experiences where I thought, sex has got to be better than this. And not that I didn't have good sex, but a lot of people weren't having good sex or good relationships. And so that's why I started the show because I figured I wanted to get to the bottom of it and help the world. And help.

How was the sex bad? I always wonder about that.

With him in particular. I feel so bad. It's such a violation talking about it. But no one knows who he is. He was a premature ejaculator.

Okay, that's bad.

And the problem is, like, a minute. And the minute man.

How long for refractory?

There, like, wasn't even a refractory period. Like, he couldn't even, like, the next day. And when he refracted, when it came. When he came back, it would be another minute again, like, there was no. And he had a really small penis. It was like a twofer. So I couldn't figure out if it was that he had a small penis. And he was so insecure that he. I didn't know what it was.

See, I think ladies have this problem. But me as a guy, I've never really thought bad sex. I've thought, you know, I'd like her to do different things. Or I wish she was more open to this and that. But as long as I'm attracted to her and I like her, you can't have bad sex as a guy.

So Woody Allen said, it's like pizza. Like, there's no such thing as, like, a bad pizza. Like, you can't have, like, a bad org.

Well, for a guy like Woody Allen, any kind of vagina is pizza.

Exactly. No, it's true. Guys probably don't have as much bad sex. They have little things like, oh, I wish she'd initiate it. I wish to do that. But for women, for me. But here's the thing. It wasn't somebody who's really amazing at oral sex. And. And. And it wasn't that his penis was small. So all you guys are going, my penis is too small. That was like an after. That was like, the second thing. It was more of the premature ejaculation. And then we had all these books on it. There's this book called. What's it called? The Multi Orgasmic Man. And we had all these things we were going to do, but he was never sticking with the program to work on it. But he could also. Promescent was around. He could have just used some Promescent, which is one of my sponsors, and I love them because I've actually used Promescent. It's a spray desensitizing spray that you put. I haven't used it on my penis because I don't have one, but it actually helps Men with premature ejaculation. It's desensitizing. It's the only FDA approved treatment. And the thing about promescent is that. Just go to my website and click on the banner. The thing about it is that it's not even if you only last a minute, even if you last five minutes. But your girlfriend takes 15 minutes. Have an orgasm. You might want to last a little longer. So it doesn't. It's. It's amazing. I'm just saying it's a miracle because I've used it actually and works.

I. I feel like this should have been around a long time.

I wish it wasn't. I wish.

I bet you the show might not be married.

I know I'd be married to this guy.

You'd be okay with that guy?

He wanted to get married.

Can we go back real quick to that 22 year old so called rapist? It wasn't just.

I'm sorry, I was kidding. She's not a rapist.

It wasn't just that. She like her telling me what to do. But there was another thing. They were like. I just remember when we were at Motel 6 one time.

Oh, not lovely.

And she's classy. Well, she's. And I'm, you know. But she's telling me she's. All right. This just got uncomfortable because Reggie, the security guard came in here and he's very uptight.

Okay.

He doesn't like to hear about sex. But she was saying, oh, Reggie's fleeing now. See, Reg, Sorry, buddy. She was saying, look at how wet you're making me look at. Look at how wet. And it just freaked me out.

Oh, but the way she's saying it.

You're making me so wet right now. And I remember looking, I'm like, it is kind of wet. It's kind of creepy.

You probably just didn't understand it. And it didn't sound like she was saying it in a hot, sexy way. And you were 13.

Yeah.

It's okay, dude. I think you're fine.

I just freaked out our security guard, by the way he fled.

Why? He doesn't want to hear about that.

He does not want to hear about that.

He doesn't want to hear about your sexual experiences in a Porsche when you were 13.

One time I pulled up penises just to show our security guard. He got very upset.

Really?

He's a black man and he turned red.

Well, that's what happens around here. You never know what we're going to talk about, right? It gets crazy. Okay, so I'm Going to read some emails from the people.

Let's do it.

Okay, so thanks everyone for emailing me@feedbackexwithemily.com okay. Dear Emily, I've been with my wife for eight years now. We have what I would say, normal sex life. I like to masturbate and she does not mind when I do. But she does not masturbate at all. I've asked her about it and she says if she needs sex, she will just get it from me. She's had toys in the past but never use them herself. She would only let me use them on her. She says it's weird. Is it normal for a woman not to masturbate? Also, how do I get her to initiate sex? In the eight years we've been together, she's initiated two times and I had to tell her to do it and then it happened the next morning. I would just like it more. Once again, we have talked about it, but she doesn't go for it. Please help. Thanks, Brian. Okay, Brian, there's two issues here. If she doesn't masturbate, I don't like to say that things are normal and not normal. Sure, some people masturbate, some people don't. I find it like, I think that everyone should masturbate, especially women, like we just talked about earlier in the show with Monroe, my intern. Because that's how women learn to have orgasms. They learn what part of their bodies feel good and then they learn how to communicate that with their partner. So I would say that, you know, yeah, she probably should masturbate, but it's not horrible that she doesn't. But I'm concerned. Like, did she grow up with a really religious background? Because there's a lot of people who have a lot of hangups around masturbation. They think it's wrong, they're going to go to hell, they're going to grow a beard if they're a woman, whatever they all those stories they hear. So maybe she's got some hang ups around sexual. Also, I don't know why she thinks it's weird to masturbate. So that's my thing about religion, that that could be a bit. Also, how do you get her to initiate sex? It sounds like you tell her and she does the next day. It's like you never want to tell someone to have them do it right away and then you're like, ugh, I just told you, you know, and you don't want to have to tell them. But I would try to find out. I would try to have A conversation with her without telling her what to do. Find out what really turns her on. Like, it sounds like there might be something that you could be doing. And having conversations that are healthy around fantasy is, you know, ask her. What? What? Ask her the most favorite time that you guys have sex together. What's the. Her number one memory of the time you guys are slept together and you could find out where her head's at. Well, I love the time that we were laying down in a bed of roses. Petals, rose petals on the bed. And you. I mean, maybe she's a romantic. I don't know what it is, but I think you guys have to open up the dialogue around sex rather than you saying, just initiate it. It sounds like she has something else going on sexually that's not allowing her to even be present for you sexually. She might need some therapy. She might need to go talk to a therapist about it. Maybe you guys can go together or just try to talk to her about it in a very loving, supportive way. Not an angry way. Not I wish you initiated sex. Not I wish you masturbated. Babe, I want to talk about our sex life. I think we could expand it, not improve it. Don't use the word improve. Or it could get better. I'd like to expand it. And that way, you know, maybe you could watch porn together. I don't know if she'd be into that. Get some more toys that make her feel good. Just do some. Start a dialogue around it. And it doesn't necessarily happen in the bedroom. It might happen when you're on a long road trip. It could happen at breakfast. Not the best time to talk about sex in bed.

And it could be happening.

What could be happening?

She could just be masturbating and not wanting to admit it.

But why you think? I mean, she's ashamed, but she says it's weird. You think she's. Well, right.

Probably weird talking about it, but that's weird.

That, to me, is weird. I think that couples need to talk about their sex life.

Absolutely. But a lot of people are really embarrassed about it.

I know that a lot of people are. And so that's why I don't.

I don't like to talk about my sex life with my other. My significant others.

You don't.

I have no problem talking about into a microphone, ironically.

But what about your wife? You never like.

I don't like it. No. Don't like to.

It's because the rapist.

No, it's not because of the rapist.

I'm kidding. But really? You guys are never like, babe, last night.

We don't do that.

No.

We don't do it.

We really don't.

Never?

No.

Are you turning red?

No, I'm not.

Never once. I mean, last night was hot, babe.

I mean, if I were to say something like that, she'd be like, stop it. And she'd giggle. You know, it's embarrassing. Like, we don't want to talk about it.

Have you always been this way?

Yeah, with. Yeah, with everyone I've been with. I don't really like to talk about the sex.

No.

But it could be because I've worked on Loveline for 15 years, too.

That could be it, too. Oh, if you haven't heard Loveline, download the podcast. It's a radio show too. You can listen to it in lots of different cities.

Yeah, totally. Okay, so. And listen to that. And then we've got a. Before I get into anal sex, which is our next question. I'm just going to tell you about Emily and Tony. If you haven't heard yet, I have a new brand, it's newish, now two months old, called Emily and Tony. And I give you a free podcast every week. I give you two. And I also created an amazing brand of products. I have these massage oil candles, and you might wonder what those are. It's. It's actually candles that turn into luxurious massage oil. So another great thing to do with your partner is they just look like regular candles. Sound like it like says massage on it. They're actually beautiful smelling candles. We have vanilla. We have Fougere, which is like a manlier scent. We have cocoa. And then you. You light it and it's warm and you pour it on your partner and it turns to massage oil and you can give a massage. And I also use it as body body oil in the morning. It's amazing. It smells delicious.

I didn't even know what it was when you handed it to me, but. And then when you explained it to me, it's like, why haven't these things existed forever?

Right? They're amazing.

They feel like they should have come out of the 70s and stayed. You know what I mean?

Right? But. But I invented them. No, I didn't invent them. Other people did, but they didn't do a good job. So I did a great job with them. No, you have to love. So anyway, go to emily and tony.com, use coupon code EMILY and you get 20 off your first purchase. I also have the down under comfort, which is a lotion for men cream to A powder to put on their balls so they're fresh and dry all day long. So check that out. Okay, Anal sex. Let's get to the anal sex email. My boyfriend, whom I love dearly and unconditionally, has expressed his interest in anal sex a countless amount of times. And part of me has always felt guilty for being so resistant. I want him to enjoy himself, yet I can't seem to escape my own anxiety. Of course, a big fear is having to a not so clean experience and being completely mortified. Also, I'm really big, baby, and don't handle pain well. I had a bad experience with it once when a past partner tried to be sneaky and surprise one of the worst pains of my life. But I think my biggest worry is that once it happens, then my boyfriend will want anal every time again. I've never really experienced this before, so I don't know what to expect, but I'm afraid of how it may affect our relationship in terms of intimacy. Thank you, Kelly. Kelly, this is a great question because you cover a lot of the ground here, a lot of the concerns that a lot of women have about having anal sex, because a lot of guys just pressure women into this and it's just, it can be scary, it can be confusing. And I'm really sorry that you had a bad first experience because that could turn people off for life. The most important thing is that you move very, very slowly and that you use lots of lube and that he starts with just a finger, if you're interested, his pinky. He can put his pinky inside you with some lube. And just like even on the top, he could just start actually rubbing the rim. And then eventually, maybe the next week, he can move on to a finger or two. And it should be a very, very slow, slow process. And during this process, see how it feels. You might like how it feels, you might hate how it feels, but the reason why it can be so painful for women is because they tense up. And so another important thing besides lube is to relax is to breathe and to not tense up your muscles, which is what we're likely to do when we're afraid or we're nervous or anxious. And that's actually when it hurts. So when you relax more is when it's going to feel better. So I think that, you know, you might don't knock until you try it again with someone that you trust. If he's a good man, you know, don't get wasted, don't do whatever. Try to be in a good State of mind. But just make sure that he goes very slowly. And if you're worried about your bowels, just make sure that they're empty before going there. Don't eat a big meal, because having a messy experience is possible. And hopefully your boyfriend would be okay with that. But only try it again if you feel comfortable with him. And you can tell him that your fears that he's gonna want it all the time, and he probably just wants to do it so bad because you haven't done it yet. And once you do it, I don't think he's gonna expect it to be a regular thing. It's kind of a pain in the ass. No pun intended. Sometimes. Do it all the time. I mean, some people are like, I don't know. I mean, I just think that you. He doesn't even try to be funny, But I can understand your concerns. I would talk to him first, tell him what I said, have him listen to the show, and then if you're interested, try it. But you know what, Kelly? If you're still afraid and you don't want to do it, then don't do anything sexually that you do not want to do.

Right on, sister.

How's that?

Hey. Yeah. You know Cloris Leachman?

Yeah.

Well, I've heard a lot of anal advice over the years.

Right.

In my position. And we've had, like, anal experts on and stuff, you know, given their routines, of course. But I gotta say, one of the. The most insightful things I've ever heard from anyone is Cloris Leachman was talking about anal sex one night, and she was. She said that you should be put, like, the woman should push out while accepting.

Oh.

Which kind of makes a little sense.

It does make sense. But then you'd still be tensing a.

Little, I think, if you. I don't know. She said, as you're accepting, kind of try and push outward.

Huh?

Yeah, from inward, I understand.

It does make sense. But then I feel like you're clenching, and if you're pushing out, then you're tensing still.

All right. I just like the idea of Cloris Leachman.

I don't know. I love that Cloris Leachman gave anal sex advice on Loveline. Yeah, I love it. Okay, that's what we got time for today. But I want to say that I love all my listeners. And please go to my. My website, sex with emily.com, check out Monroe's blogs, check out my mailing list, and put your email on it, because I'm going to send you some. Some information that you're going to need and maybe some sex toys and things like that and special offers. But I won't do it a lot. I'm not like a I'm not going to email you every day, I promise. And follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. Sex with Emily and I love you all. Have a great day. Have a great night. Wherever you're at, wherever you're doing. Thanks everyone. And thanks Anderson. Your podcast After Disaster, everyone. Check it out. It's about movies and stuff. Okay, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com I'm Emily from sexwithemily.com Crazygirlproducts.com carries unique pheromone infused products that make you feel sexy and confident. I'm crazy about their wannabe Naked Shave Cream. It's made perfectly for your more intimate areas. No shave bumps or ingrown hairs. Use coupon code EMILY25 for 25% off@crazygirlproducts.com there's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health. Magnesium. And here's the thing, no single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but quality of Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age. Well, Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body body which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualialife.com sexwithemily for 50 off. And here's a bonus use the code sexwithemily for an additional 15 off your order. That's q-u a l I a life.com sexwithemily thanks for qualia for sponsoring this episode.