SWE: Special Guest Ted Travelstead

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Coljan, I don't know if we should.

Be exploring old man Sinclair's property like this close up.

Now help it. Old man Sinclair's deaf as a coot. He won't hear us. And besides, this is what friends do. Go on adventures and find out the secrets of better sex together.

Who was that? Who was that last?

Paul, be careful. This is old man Sinclair's land mine field.

Oh, called you and I'm caught in a bear trap.

Helper, you dummy. Now old man Sinclair will heals for sure.

Who.

Who's that out there?

Who?

Remove cut your head off.

Over here.

Help.

Oh, is that Hilbert and Corgan out there? Yeah, I sure know you diglings would find yourselves out here. Here, let me help you out of that trap.

Now I've got your gun, Mr. Sinclair.

Gimme that you dummit.

Oh, here you go.

The tables of turn, Sinclair. Now take us to your locker full of sex tips and secrets.

Easy now. I don't want any trouble. I'm just a simple man trying to make my sex tapes.

Don't give us any size. We just want to know where your award winning sexploration series is.

You can buy it on Sinclair Institute on the dot com like every other sucker. That's sinclairinstitute dot com. S I N C L A I R Institute. D O T C U M. Told you.

I just found the tapes they was.

Hiding here in this giant box that says tapes.

We're gonna be sex masters. Help her, you dummy. Watch how you gonna fall on that gun aimed at old man Sinclair's hand.

Whoops. Oh.

Guess we should have gone to sinclairinstitute.com like you said.

Yeah, let's get out of here.

Hey, Cogen, how do you spell that website again?

Help it, you dummy. S I N C L A I.

R. Like we say where I'm from, it shouldn't be murder to have better sex. Let the good folks of Sinclair Institute take you on your next sexual adventure. So y' all come back to sinclairinstitute.com and use coupon code Emily. 50 for 50% off any one item. My favorite's the DVD about G spot pleasures. And my missus likes the Benoit balls. Thanks for listening. And thanks for subscribing Horton's facts with Emily.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard. Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, that feels so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

But, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information about Sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcasts, sign up for our mailing list, buy sex toys, and check out all the fun stuff happening on our site. And please sign up for our RSS feed. Then you'll never miss a show again because we're doing several shows a week now, and they'll just come right into your inbox. Right, Menace?

It'll come right to you.

Yes, it'll come right to you.

And the best way that I listen to the show is through Stitcher. So if you download the Stitcher app for your mobile device. That's for an iPhone and a Droid. You can stream the show right there. Just search Sex with Emily and it will just start playing.

I know, it's really cool. A lot of people listen on Stitcher. Even myself, I listen to on Stitcher when I listen to the show, but sometimes it's hard to listen to.

Yeah. So how's your week going?

My week is good. So this is my week two of grad school.

Yeah.

And I'm in grad school for human sexuality. I'm going to be a doctor of human sexuality in the next nine months. And we've been watching porn for about five days, and lots of porn from the 70s. And they're educational films. They're not really, like, calling them porn, but they're these educational films that the leaders of the school made.

Like, How Hairy is Everybody?

Okay. So thank you. I've never seen so much hair on the men and the women and, like, their bushes. Like bushes, craziness. Hair everywhere. And it's. We're so not used to it.

It's not a big deal. Blah, blah.

No, no. I'm saying that women don't have to, like, go through painful Brazilian bikini wa if they want. Nothing there. Like trim. We should all trim. But these were, like, crazy hairy. And then there was porn. So you're really. I mean, one after the next. And then they did this thing the other night at school called the ephorama, and it was an eporama, and they basically were trying to. They put about 15 porns on the film up on the wall at once, all playing in different. All playing at the same time. And so you're just watching sex and watching all these hairy people having sex. And it was supposed to just show you they're trying to open this to all the kinds of sex that people have. And we saw people in wheelchairs having sex. Like, sex. People with sex and disabilities. There was someone having sex with a horse.

Really? Yeah.

Well, I'm gonna be an expert in sex, and people are gonna come to me and talk to me, and I can't be shocked by anything. So they're trying to not shock me. We also have a guest here today, Ted Travelstead. Right. Did I say that right?

Yes.

So Ted wrote a book called Sex Our Bodies are Junk, and it's with the association of the betterment of sex. Conan o' Brien said it's possibly the most irresponsible book written on the subject of sexuality since the Bernstein Bears Host a key party.

Really?

Yes. And so Ted is you're an actor, writer, working for Vanity Fair. You've written for VH1. You've been published in Esquire, Radar, Premier, Maxim, and McSweeney's. And you're an actor and you're great. And you're here. Thank you.

Thanks for having me.

Very exciting. We're going to get into your book and all the details and everything you learn later and just feel free to just chat with us here. Yeah, just pipe in. So it's been a very interesting week because I'm learning a lot and there's students from all over the world. I'm the only. One of the only Americans. I've got someone from like Poland and Australia and Israel and Thailand.

Really?

Yeah.

And you just sit in a room and watch a lot of porn and then people come in and speak to us about different things. And it's interesting.

I like it so far.

It's really good. And I brought you this old penthouse forum from 1975. And really, it's not so different than what we talked about. Remember, Pet House porn was made for women. It was like the. It was a groundbreaking thing that talked about was helping women. Groundbreaking magazine. Helping Women to Orgasm.

How to make.

These are the headlines from 1975. How stress affects Sex. Helping Women to Orgasm. How to Make Marriage Work. The Sexually Liberated Female. So I like it.

It sounds like a Cosmo.

It does sound like a Cosmo. It could be Cosmo, but it's great. It's pictures with lots of, you know, sexual stuff. Yes. So it's good. How's your week?

My week was good. You didn't show it to my birthday party, but that's fine, you know, whatever.

Mad about that. I'm sorry. I saw you that okay. I was really.

I knew you weren't coming anyways.

No, I was gonna come, but I felt like it wouldn't even have been special. You had 500 RSVPs. You wouldn't even talk to me.

What are you talking about? You would have came with. You would have came up to the vip. I would allowed you to.

You would have allowed me into the vip. Was it fun? Did you get hammered?

It was, yeah. I got extremely hammered. It was really fun. I had a couple bands there that get like national radio play. And my friend who's a big time dj, he's like, did his first like public set in five years.

I wanted to be there.

It was amazing.

I got kind of sick. I saw you. We were recording the show and then we went to dinner and Then I started getting this hot flashes and feeling kind of nauseous, and I had to go home and go to sleep.

After how many drinks?

No, I had one drink. You know me, I'm not a big drink. I had one drink and I got kind of. And I had to go home and sleep.

Really?

Yeah, I swear to God. And it wasn't because I was with the guy, which I know you were probably gonna say, but that's not it.

Really?

Yeah. I feel bad.

Like a bunch of malarkey.

No, it's so true. I was at dinner with all his friends, this guy. So I went on a date with this guy. It was like our second date. He came in from la and you.

Wanted out so quick.

I wanted out of what?

The date. But go on.

I did. I did. You met him.

Let me hear the excuse on how you got out of this thing.

What do you mean, how I got out of the date? Did you.

Oh, okay, hold on. Did you hang out with him the next day?

He left.

He left the next day.

But did you hang out with him?

No.

No. Okay, cool. So you wanted out of the date.

I didn't want out of the date. I just. No, I really didn't feel well. It was like I all of a sudden just got, like. Just. You know, when you get.

I literally make money.

No, I swear to God. Like, I started sweating. I started, like, getting nauseous. And it was just.

We were at this dinner with all.

His friends and I couldn't talk. He's like, you were really quiet. No one's ever accused me of being quiet. I'm not the quiet one at the table. You know, I'm like, sex, you know, whatever. And I was quiet.

I've done it before. I said, yeah, I'm not feeling very well. Have to go home.

Yeah. No, I didn't. Did you think I wouldn't like them?

I don't know. I don't know.

Okay.

I'm just saying, like, that's kind of odd that I'm so sick that I can't.

Yeah, no, I really did get sick. Yeah, well, it wasn't because of the date. No, it was real. Yeah.

Yeah. You don't give me.

You give me crap. But it's true. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not kidding.

So are you gonna go on a date with this guy again?

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.

See, you know why he lives in la. Just be real. Why you lying?

Yes.

I buy Michael without. He's okay. I Like him. I do. But he wants to come back. No, there's always buts. My whole life is filled with butts. Men. And then but man. This guy. But, but. So I like him and he's great and we have a good time together and he wants to come visit next week. But I'm in this grad school, intensive sex grad school program for three weeks and I literally have no time. I have no life, no time. It's nine to nine every day. So I really wouldn't be able to see them, of course. So I told him no, of course. So I'll see. It's not because I don't like them.

I guess that's what I do when I really like somebody. I make sure I'm extremely busy.

Yeah, I can't have no choice. I have no choice but to be busy.

I have no choice but to be busy right now.

Yes.

So, okay. Something I wanted to talk about though, is that. Okay, so I said last week, since I'm starting grad, I have nothing to say about the guy I really don't like. We've milked that. Like we went out twice, nothing happened. I got sick for rizzle and that's what happened.

All right, go.

So, okay, so I said last week, I'm like, I'm starting grad school and I want to educate everyone as well along with me because I'm learning so much stuff and I wanted to share. So this is something, I mean, that you really. This is something that just today we were talking about because we have a lot of people who have gotten their degrees there, like their PhDs, and they come back and they do their dissertations for us of what they did their papers on. And so this guy came in, he did on religion and sex. And you just realize that we kind of touch on this on the show, but we never really get into it. And I always think that so many of people's sexual hangups come from religion. And you realize that a lot of the sexperts and sex therapists out there are happen to be Jewish. And I'm Jewish. But like a lot of them, like the majority of them are. And it's because when you look at like Judy is, we don't prohibit sex. We don't have a lot of hangups around sex. We're not told if you masturbate, you're gonna go blind and you're gonna get everyone pregnant. Which is what. Which is what a lot of. If you're raised Catholic or you're raised other religions, so you Realize that a lot of you have hang ups too, around sex. They've guilt and shame around masturbation because they're told, like, if you're raised Catholic, for example, you're told that it's bad to masturbate, birth control is evil, premarital sex is wrong. And you're going to hell if you do any of those things. And even if you went, you were raised, you went to Catholic school and you hated it and whatever, that stuff is still pounded in your head. So a lot of people'. We were talking to this famous sexologist today and he was saying that a lot of his clients that you can trace, they come to him cause they were having sexual issues. And you can trace back a lot of their issues back to their upbringing around sex. Because we don't talk about sex at home. And you're told if you have to go to Sunday school, whatever, and you're told, like, don't masturbate, it's bad for you or your parents. Push your hands away if you're playing with yourself. I mean, so I just thought that was interesting. And there's lots of, you know, and I think that there's not a lot of places to go for sax information. That's why people come here. And then people have hangouts. And if you. I think it's interesting for people to look at their upbringing and what are you. Because for example, I was talking to a friend the other day, she's 30 years old and she was, she slept with this guy, she had a one night stand, big effin deal. So what? But she was feeling all this guilt and she's like, I just feel bad. I was feeling guilty, like, why did I have to hook up with this guy? And I was like, where is this coming from? Like, where's the shame and the guilt? Like, who's gonna, who's gonna be mad at you? Like, who's gonna come down on you? And I really think it's just like old messages that we're told that it's like a bad thing to do to have sex. So that's just my.

Well, if you're a woman, to have a one night stand. Yeah.

Yeah. But not a man.

No.

Right.

But do you feel like you religiously, when you were brought up, you were like, do you remember learning about sex religiously? No. Just in general. Yeah. Like, did you, I know you weren't raised really religious, but did you ever, were you ever told, like masturbation is bad or. I mean, I know your mom was like, don't have sex because you're gonna get someone pregnant.

Yeah.

So that's a perfect example of how you were shaped sexually. You didn't want to have sex for a while. You wanted to, but you didn't have sex for a while because you were afraid you were gonna get someone pregnant. And that all comes from our upbringing, all that stuff.

Yeah. But every Catholic girl that I've been with, super freaks in bed.

Right. Because they were repressed. And then that's everyone.

I don't know how it happens, but every time. And it's funny because every girl that ended up dating in San Francisco all went to one school. It's just like this Catholic, all girls school. And I don't find out in the sheets.

Yeah.

And then I don't find out till, like, a couple weeks later after, like, hanging out with them. Like, oh, by the way, where'd you go to school? And it's always the same one.

Why do you think that is?

I don't know.

And they're all Catholic school girls.

Yeah.

That's funny.

All girls schools.

Do they all know each other?

Coming, finding out later, a couple knew each other.

Okay, what about.

What, you dated that girl?

Yeah. That's weird. I don't know why. Madness. I don't know why you're attracted to these.

I don't know.

Because they're great. Because. No, really. I have a lot of friends who are Catholic, too. They were raised. And I met him in college, like, freshman year. We all got to Michigan, and they were. A few of them were. A few of my best friends were raised in Catholic schools, and they were just one of my friends. She was like, I'm saving it till marriage. And we had all. We're all like Jewish girls, except we'd been having sex for a few years. And we're like, really? We hadn't even heard that. She's like, oh, yeah, I'm waiting. And then we talked her out of it, and she had sex for six months. We're like, are you kidding? Are you kidding? You're really a virgin?

No.

But what about you, Ted? Growing up, did you have any, like, sexual.

Well, I was raised Catholic.

Okay, there you go. That explains everything now.

Yeah, exactly. That explains why I'm on the COVID of a jokey sex book. I. But, you know, it's funny. I. When I was. When I was about 9 or 10, my parents divorced and my mom was kicked out of the church, basically, so.

Oh, right, because you're not allowed to divorce.

You stay together and receive communion if you don't unless you get your marriage annulled.

Right.

You know, so we stopped going to Catholic church, and then it was just kind of on holidays and Episcopal.

What about, like.

But, you know, I don't remember. My parents were pretty good about, like, there was no shaming involved. And I wasn't ever told, you know, don't touch yourself and blah, blah, blah. And, you know, I mean, it wasn't. They weren't, like, walking around naked.

Right, right, right.

They weren't like, in hospital, long hugs or anything, but it was, you know, I don't remember a lot of shame.

So that didn't mess you up?

No.

That's good.

Yeah.

Maybe other ways you got messed up, but not sexual.

Yeah. Well, y.

Right.

Just enough messed up.

Hopefully perfect. Just enough to be a creative, to be a writer. We're all messed up, right? Writers, artists, we've all been tortured in some way.

And strippers. A lot of strippers.

A lot of strippers have issues. True that. That's. Yeah, we all do.

Everyone is either be a writer or you be a stripper.

Yeah.

And you chose writing. Yeah.

Diablo Cody.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Right, right. She's had great success.

She wrote Juno and did the movie.

Exactly.

So, what with this book. Is this your first. First book?

It is, yes. And I wrote it with four other guys. And the whole premise is that we're this association. The association for the Betterment of Sex. And I mean, it's characters that we kind of created that are just these really overconfident, bumbling idiots that think they know a lot about sex, but everything in there is wrong.

How did Conan o' Brien get his hands on it?

Well, one of the writers, Todd Levin, writes for Conan.

Oh, okay.

And so, yeah, you've got quotes from, like, Jon Stewart. Right. What did Jon Stewart say? Jon Stewart said, finally someone has managed to find the hilarious flip side to the unspeakable tragedy we all know as human sexuality. Stephen Colbert said, the perfect coffee table book for people with sexually inadequate house guests. And we already read Conan o'. Brien's. So it's a joke. I mean, it's a jokey buck. But did you have to actually read sex books?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, it's kind. It's based on, you know, in a lot of ways, Alex Comfort's, you know, the Joy of Sex and the Masters and Johnson and those books that, you know, some of us might have seen around the house and, you know, tried desperately to get turned on by. But, you know, they're just. Those were never books that Were very, you know, erotic, even as a kid. You know, they're still not like our.

Bodies, ourselves, which is. That's kind of place.

Exactly.

Right. We were talking about that today.

Hairy hippie, you know, like the 70s porn, but not, you know.

Right. Exactly the same. So we're gonna get into this more later, but we're gonna first do a little bit of sex in the news.

Okay.

And some letters, emails, and. Okay, so there's the World air Sex Championship 2010.

I really like the guitar.

Okay.

Exactly.

So the World Air Sex Championships is like the US Air Guitar Championships with less fake guitar and more fake orgasms. So the air sex tour is going to kick off in San Francisco in June. Never been to an air sex show before. Here's what you got to know. It's a lot like air guitar, but instead of rocking out with an imaginary guitar, you're making sweet and or filthy love with an imaginary sex partner. You choose a clip of music. You show up in whatever sort of wardrobe you like, and you come up on stage and show everyone how you do it or how you wish you could do it or how you once had it done to you. And oh, my God, was that a bad idea? And while it's embarrassing to show that act to a room of strangers, you know that you need to do it now in order to make sure that no one else falls down the same rabbit hole you got stuck inside. So other than that, you're free to do whatever it takes to impress the judges. All orgasms have to be simulated, though. You can't actually have an orgasm on stage.

Hurry.

I forgot there are sex championships we have to cover. We have to go.

I forgot. My buddy was in this last year.

Really?

Yeah, one of my radio DJ friends.

He was in the air. So he assimilated to having sex.

Yes. And I think he dressed up as like a tomato or something hot. Yeah. And then eventually became like ketchup. I don't know how. How he did it, but, yeah, it was like a big deal last year.

Yeah. So this is. This is happening now.

I guess we should go.

I think we should go. Okay. So also, this big poll came out this week. There's been tons of press on it. And it's about Americans and their sex life. Sex. Americans like variety, not condoms. So vanilla sex in the U.S. not so much. We've got at least half of the commissutra down according to one of the largest national sex studies ever conducted from Indiana University, which is where, you know, Kinsey came from. So there's a big sex institute there. In their most recent sexual escapade, Americans practiced more than 40 combination of sexual acts in the bedrooms. So the survey was tracked sexual health and behaviors of 5,800 adolescents and adults between the ages of 14 and 94. So here's what it says. The wham, bam, thank you, ma' am type of sexual encounters are not as common as sitcom jokes would have us believe. Adult men and women rarely engage in just one sexual act when they get intimate. In their last encounter alone, people reported over 40 different sexual combinations. For instance, 40% of men and women between the ages of 25 and 59 reported engaging in anal sex during their lifetime.

Really?

Yeah. Unfortunately, it doesn't mean everyone was fully satisfied. This is great. This is my favorite part. Only 64% of women reported having an orgasm during their last romp between the sheets. Perhaps somewhat unexpectedly, the survey found that many men were in the dark about this because 85% of men reported that their partner climaxed during their last sexual section. So imagine that women are faking it, or men thought men just assumed that she's having an orgasm.

Why would they fake it anyways?

Why do women fake it? Yeah, there's so many reasons. Well, women should never fake it. Don't fake it. If you're listening, don't fake it because it's a disservice to men. Because you're sending the wrong message. Because men are walking around like, you know, patting their chest.

No, they just think that they got the job.

At least 85% of them are weird.

85%, exactly. Well, the reason why women, I can tell you personally, I mean, the reason why women do it is because. Okay, A. Because we're just like, done. And we're like, it's not gonna happen. I know it's not gonna happen, and I want you to think it happened. And I really just want this to be over with and I'm tired, so I fake it. The next one is, we really. We want you to think that we are more pleased and sexually, you know, turned on than we are. And some women can't have orgasms during intercourse at all. And they just kind of get to this point where they're like, I need clitoral stimulation. I need oral sex. They need other things. But if you're first with a guy and they don't know that, then you're just like, fake it. Just like, so easy to do because you're close and you're like, I know what I need to do, but I don't do it anymore. I've totally sworn off faking it. I was going to put a proposition on the ballot that was like no one. Oh like no one faking orgasms. So everybody in the nation could not fake orgasms anymore because it really is disservice.

Speaking about fake orgasms, I was watching a movie last night because I couldn't sleep. It was too hot. And this is not a movie that you would watch, so you need to watch it is Spanglish with Adam Sandler. There is a ridiculous orgasm scene in that movie. Just like over the top, hilarious.

What happens?

It's just an actress, she's pretending to have a sex scene with. With Adam Sandler and it's just hilarious.

She's. She like faking an orgasm. Yeah, yeah.

And it's just like over the top. The most funny, ridiculous one I've ever seen. Like what? You know Harry Met Sally?

Yes, yes. That's the most classic orgasm scene.

But this one's even tops that one. So you got to check it out. Okay people, Netflix.

Check it out.

Netflix.

Netflix it. I got.

So it's in the UK now. So our UK listeners. And check out Netflix.

Okay, Exactly.

They're not a sponsor.

Okay. As for safe sex, adults over the age of 40 have the lowest rate of condom use since. The survey findings also show that condoms are used twice as often with casual sex partners. So people over 40. But kids, kids. Young adults age 14 to 17. 80% are using condoms. It's like the older we get, we're not using or we're thinking we're fine or we already have all the diseases we're gonna get or something. I don't know. People aren't using condoms. And in case you didn't know this, all guys masturbate unless they're under the age of 16 or over the age of 70. All men in the study reported pleasuring themselves at least once in the past year. However, only 40% of women reported masturbating within the past year though. Which means we're likely. We're as likely to get ourselves off in a single year as we are to engage in anal sex throughout our entire life.

I know you don't care, but what about your friends?

What about them?

Do they care if their man masturbates?

No, but. But that is a very common, common issue in relationships. Women and men. They. Women don't understand why their husband or why their long term partner needs to masturbate if they are having sex on a regular basis. And men need. I'm just saying it is nothing to do with the women. Men need to masturbate. They need a release. It doesn't matter if they just had the most amazing. Sometimes having a lot of sex makes you want to masturbate more, right? Ted's nodding his head. It's not a bad thing. But women, a lot of women who don't understand this, I think are threatened by men's masturbation because they feel I wasn't enough and something.

Yeah.

Why are you asked, menace?

Because I. I was in a relationship where the girl that I was with was upset if I masturbated because. Just Because I would last longer.

Right. That's why you pre game.

Yeah, but she didn't want that. She didn't want that. She didn't want. Because it didn't take her that long.

The Catholics don't want that either because you're wasting sperm. It's true. It's all about procreate. I learned all this stuff today. I mean, I knew it, but I learned it more today. Okay, more sex in the news. Betty White. You're never too old for sex. She says sexual desire doesn't melt away with age. The 88 year old says that if her third husband was still alive, they'd be spending a lot of time in bed. She doesn't have a felon now, but if Alan or Robert Redford were around, we'd have a very active sex life. So. Yeah. People. What?

It's the year of Betty White, isn't it?

I know why that was my question. Because she was on Saturday Live.

And then I think it started off.

What was it?

It started off with faces. Facebook. There's like something.

Oh, the campaign to get her on Saturday Night Live. Yeah.

And then just after that she's like all over the place. But she's always been like in the sexual realm with. Even with the. I mean, watch the Golden Girls, it's all like sex references all the time.

Is it?

Yeah.

I haven't seen.

Especially the other Blanche. Yeah, yeah.

She was a really. In the show.

Yeah.

I don't remember the Golden Girls having sex.

What?

I haven't seen it. I haven't had a TV in 15 years.

Oh, excuse me.

No, I mean, I didn't.

I thought when it went off the air.

Sorry.

I know, but I mean, I listen to npr. No, I don't. I'm not. You understand that. It's not that I'm home reading important novels. It's just that I'm busy and I never thought to get cable or anything. I just I'm going to though.

It's cool.

It's on my list of things to do this year.

TV will be on the Internet by that time.

Well, everything. I watch TV on the interweb. Yeah, sometimes. Okay, let's move into mail. That's all the news we got.

Okay, good.

Okay, good.

You love mail.

Yes.

Emily, I really enjoyed your podcast with Lauren. I really dig your one on one Q&A sessions. I'm a single 41 year old divorced guy and always looking for tips on what women like typically. I listen to your shows while I'm in the car to and from work. I enjoyed the discussions with you and menace this episode I was listening to at work and was really getting into your discussion. Wouldn't you know, twice. I had someone walk up to my desk asking for help and I had to pretend not to be distracted. Keep on the great work. Robert from Canton, Georgia. So Lauren was this episode. So I'm doing more episodes now where I interview. I'm trying to do once a week and every student in my class is going to be interviewed. So I'm going to have like many of them. But I take a woman or a man. I haven't done men yet, but I will do men. And I interview her for 30 minutes about her sex life, what she likes, her turn ons, turn offs, what, how she first orgasmed, how she masturbates, all that stuff. So people really like this that you've.

Done all women so far?

Why?

I'm just saying.

Okay, I bet you do. We're gonna do you next.

Oh, great.

No, Ted, that's what we're with you. Do you mind? We're gonna break down your sexual.

That's why you're here. Start off with your first sexual experience.

Okay, so tell me your first sexual experience. I wouldn't do that to you. So anyway, everyone should check out those shows.

I listened to the Lauren episode and people keep.

I don't remember. I didn't listen to it after I did it, so I forget.

I thought it was great.

You just, you learn stuff, right? Like it's.

Yeah, it's nice to see one person's perspective on that. And yeah, it was titillating and informative.

Right, Good. That's what we're going for. And then next letter, same thing. I heard the show where you interviewed sexy Lauren and it was awesome. Good questions and great answers for me. I like hearing different viewpoints of women and what they like and don't like. For me, I like hearing. All right, your podcast helps. Give me Knowledge on my never ending quest for a well rounded sex life. Your show rocks and I look forward to to hearing more in the future. By the way, I find your show when I type sex in the search box on my stitcher machine. Yes, Scott in Minnesota, what I want Stitcher. Okay.

That's the number one key word.

Stitcher is sex.

Well, stitcher and yes.

And then people search for sex.

Yes.

I love the name of the show. Like, even people like, how'd you find it? Yeah, yeah, sex. I just recently started listening to your podcast. It's amazing and I love it. But I'm going to be honest, I'm only 18 and I've only had one sex partner thus far, so I have terrible gag reflex reflexes. And whenever I'm giving him oral sex, I can hardly last. I feel really lame because I can't satisfy him enough and I can't take it all in. I was curious if there's any methods of getting better at that. Thanks a lot. I'd certainly appreciate the advice. P.S. my nose always gets runny when I go down there. Is that weird? Would there be any reason for it? Or is it a terrible immune system sign? Lee?

Immune system?

I don't know.

No, it's a gag reflex. That's why your nose runs.

Exactly.

It's the gag reflex. And I think it's just practice.

Yeah, that's what. You're the expert here. But practice makes perfect.

Practice makes perfect.

You know, it lets you relax.

Doing the shower for easy cleanup. I mean, your nose is running.

Her nose. No, but that happens when you're performing. But sometimes. Great. No, but I mean, I think you can practice. You can open up your. You can like, do things where you're opening up your throat more.

Eat bananas.

Eat bananas. Practice. But I think it's normal. She's 18 and she's new at it, so you'll get into the vibe once you. The more you do it, the more you learn how to do it better is all I'm gonna say.

Yeah, I'm sure he's not gonna mind that.

He.

Keep on practicing.

No, exactly. Just keep practicing. It makes perfect, sweetie. I promise. Because that's where I'm at now. I'm perfect.

Just kidding.

Hi, Emily. I love your show. I download the podcast on my iPhone and listen to it during my 45 minute commute to work. When it comes to grooming, I like it all gone. I get very uncomfortable as soon as hair in my pubic area gets longer than a few millimeters. I started doing the Brazilian A couple months ago and really love it. But it would be awesome if I could laser it and never worry about it again. So here are two questions. How many times do you have to go for the treatment to become hair free? Are you completely hair free or do you still have to tweeze here and there? Take care and keep with the good work from Jen. Okay, so I said a few weeks ago that I lasered. I got laser hair removal, and so I didn't get it all. Remember when I talked about it? Or you just got a face like, you didn't know?

No, no, no. I just didn't know. It was in that region.

It was in that region. No, no, that region. Like, I lasered. I have a friend who was like a laser. Like, we did, like, an advertising trade, and he's like, get free. So you go six times, and it's not that painful as you think. And it's this laser machine, and I got, like, most of it. Not. I still left some because I figured, what if the bush comes back? I don't want it all gone. Yeah, permanently. Your hair is permanently gone down there.

Wow.

So it's. A lot of it is gone. And I don't have to shave that much, but. Yeah, sometimes I gotta, like, tweeze and shave and do stuff like that.

Well, not without getting into too great detail. How do they.

What's the machine?

Well, yeah, I mean, are they just. What's happening?

Okay, so they put, like, this, like. Like, liquidy stuff on you, and then they use. It's a huge machine, like, and they take this, like, laser wand, and it basically burnt. Like, you put it on. It sounds really painful, but it's not that bad. But it burns your hair follicles, so they're permanently dead. All right, so the hair follicles are dead. Nothing grows back. So they're, like, dead for life. But I. And I have a friend who's a stripper. Former stripper. And she got it all off. And I really couldn't commit to that because I was like, what if the bush comes back? I don't know if it will, but what if you ever want hair there? I don't know. It just seemed like a lot to do.

I don't know if that trend will ever come back.

Oh, okay, I see what you meant. I thought you meant, what if it grows back and. No, you meant the trend.

I mean, what if, like, someday I want hair? I'm gonna be, like, 100 years old and have no hair done.

You go merkin shopping, you know Exact.

Exactly. Right. Exactly. Merkin. Right.

What color was the beam? It was a red beam.

Yeah.

No way.

Yeah.

And it beams off your hair, and you have to go six times and even after the first time.

Six times?

Yeah, six times. They cover the same area.

Six times.

Yeah, six times. And you go, like, every two months, so you can't. You wait in between? Or maybe every six weeks you go for six months.

They lasered my eyeballs and it took three seconds.

I know, but this is the serious hair you're getting rid of. And you can do it all over your body. I mean, you could do it your legs, you can do it under your arms. You could do it everywhere. So you never, ever, ever have to shave again. And it's pretty amazing.

And you're done. You've done this.

I'm done. I did it. I did it, like, two years ago. It's amazing.

Find a good person if you're gonna do it, though, because I watched Oprah and I saw some bad ones.

Bad lasering?

Yeah. Bad lasering.

Yeah. Find a really good one. Email me if you want. Recommendation. Come to San Francisco. I've got the best place in San Francisco. But I got offered by this guy who started this place, and he was like, emily, do. You should come in and do it, and I'll give it to you for free because you'll tell people about it. I was like, okay. It's called Smooth sf. If you live in San Francisco. Smooth sf. It's on Union street. And it's amazing.

Sweet.

No more hair, no shaving. One less thing to do. Don't have to get the Brazilian anymore. The Brazilian wax. Would you rip off everything? Paint them. It's out of my life. Out of my life. Never have to make an appointment to get a Brazilian.

I wonder if he has a lot of male clients.

He has a ton. No, he does have a ton of male clients because of the back. A lot of men have back hair that they don't want or that their female partners don't want them to have. And I think, like a lot of gay clientele, Menace may.

You'll go in, maybe because I'm done with bleaching.

So do you bleach?

No. Just kidding.

Okay. Question for Menace. That's the subject.

Oh, great. Here we go.

Emily. No, this one's not too bad. Emily, here's a question for Menace you can use on the show if you want to. Menace. Is it possible to be too nice to a girl? Many girls seem to like the bad boy image, which is the impression I get of you, and you seem to be doing okay. Is there a happy medium between a gentleman and a bad boy? Or is it all or nothing? Either way, Troy in Las Vegas. Troy writes this all the time.

Troy, let me tell you this. I play the nice guy role, and it doesn't work. You don't get laid. Even when you get in a relationship, you're nice to them and you do everything for them. They'll just start taking advantage and think you're boring. You have to mix it up. They need the drama. They need something to call their girlfriends about. Does call you a dick, you know, they. They need that kind of stimulation. You can't be nice, but you can't be a dick like 247 because. And you can't be mean to people for no reason. But you cannot be nice all the time.

Okay. I'm gonna say it just doesn't work. I think that there's something to be said for the guy that is independent and has a life and has a lot going on, and he's not calling you every five minutes and being like, I'm madly in love with you, and I think you're so great. There's something to a man keeping his independence. When you first start dating and to not be all like, I'm in love. Can we see each other? Can we see each other Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday? The guy that takes his. That takes a distance and takes. Takes, you know, isn't totally just all over you, I think is attractive, who has. Who's independent and has a life and doesn't make you his whole world. So I think.

Yeah, but I know guys that you're talking about, and. But on top of it, they're just nice, and then they're. They're.

I want a nice guy.

After, like, 14 years, I don't want a guy.

I. I think you can be too nice. Yes. But I don't think you have to be a dick on the other side.

I just believe you have to be a dick.

Okay.

I just.

Yes. Do I. I guess I can't really say anything, but. What do you think, Ted?

Well, I'm just. I'm not a dick. I'm a dork. So, yeah, I'm the worst. You know, I was the nice guy, and I went through many, many, you know, friendship zones.

Every time.

Yeah, every time. I mean, I'd love to say that, you know, menace is wrong.

Me, too. It's so fun saying menace is wrong. It's my favorite thing.

Well, because it's really still hard to believe that you have. That's how you could get a girl, is by being a dick.

And it sucks. And I'm not.

But I've seen. I have seen that happen a lot.

And I'm not. I'm not saying it's awesome or, you know, this is just, like, the thing to do, but there's. There's women that I wanted to get with for, like, 10 years, and I was just. I was just nice to them. Whatever they wanted, I would. I would do it for them. And the minute I stopped doing that and start, like, not caring and just talking crap to them all over me.

But see, I don't think that you're being a jerk. You know what I think it is with you, Menace? That you really have your own life.

That you're very busy.

You're really committed to work. You, like, sleep here, you live here. You are always working, and that's your number one priority. And a woman might wants you to make her your number one priority, and that's just never gonna happen. So she's constantly like, your work is the other woman. I think for you, that's your dynamic that plays out.

Yes.

Personally, I think that. So I think you're not.

That you're a jerk.

You're sweet, but you're like, sorry, I got. I'm flying here and I'm fine there. I'm doing a concert, and I'm interviewing Lady Gaga or whatever you do.

Kathy Griffith the other day.

Kathy. How was that?

That was cool. I liked her.

Good. She's funny. So I think that's what it is. It's more like just Troy just being, like, an. Having a life and being interesting.

Yeah. I would say be independent, have a life, versus, like, purposefully trying to play a game and be a dick, you know?

Yeah. Actually, you know, another thing is you don't have to be a dick, but don't be a pussy. You know, Stand up for yourself. If you don't think something is right, say something about it, you know, and if she doesn't like that, then you know what? There's another girl out there.

Yeah. Plenty of women, you know? Right.

Okay.

There's hoes for days.

Hoes for days. Okay. Hey, Emily, I'm 21 years old, and.

I love your show.

I absolutely love your outlook on sex and actually agree more with you than menace most of the time. I just finished listening to the Real Tip tips from Real Women podcast last week. I was with a girl that I frequently have sex with, and you talked about in the podcast how Undressing your girl and warming her up doesn't happen much anymore. Well, this girl and I have really passionate sex, and it always has to do with how we first start off. I remember that night taking off her clothes and just feeling her boobs while I kissed her neck. There was so much passion in the air, and it was a great moment that contributed to how amazing the sex was. Thanks for all your help, and keep it up. Us men need all the help we can get. P.S. kristen Davis. And you seem identical to me. Sign Rad. Who? Kristen Davis, the actress from Sex and the City where she.

Which one? Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. I barely watched it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You kind of do.

Some people say we look alike.

You know, height, that's not a bad thing. She's beautiful.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's nice. Okay, thanks. I love that. That's my favorite thing.

What?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Building up the ego.

We always say that you can never tell a woman that she's beautiful enough. Like, really, you can't. Every set your watch, like, every 10 minutes. We're fine. That's good.

That's only after you get with them. Don't tell them before, because then.

Well, that's how you get home a little bit before. Like, you look really pretty.

No, because then they know they can get you, and then they're not interested anymore.

Black and white.

On this topic, I'm just.

I'm just saying. Yeah, it is black and white. It's that easy.

It's not that easy.

It is easy.

So you never tell a woman that she's beautiful?

Not tell her. She's my girlfriend.

Really? How do you get her to be your girlfriend? No, you know what? There's some women that aren't that upset, like, don't need to hear that. Yeah.

They don't need the ego boost.

I need the ego boost.

Yeah.

So that's me. Yeah. Okay, one more. Dear Emily, I just came across your podcast while searching for sex talk radio. I must say, your show has quickly become one of my favorite shows. Thank you for giving me something to look forward to now that 24 has been canceled. Oh, I'm being compared to 24. That's very nice. So here's a compliment as well as a question rolled into one. So I thought you had an incredibly sexy voice, and then I saw your picture, and I was like, whoa, she's gorgeous. That weekend I started listening to your show. My girlfriend. I had great sex. But I must confess, I did picture you during the encounter. Don't get me wrong. I love my girl, and I'm attracted to her. So the question is, is it okay that I sometimes picture other people that I'm attracted to while I'm with my girlfriend? I have so many other questions for you, but again, but I shall save them in hopes that to get asked to ask them the future again. I love the show. Thanks for what you do, Anthony. It's okay that you thought about me during sex. No. Yeah, I think it's really, really common that men think about other women during sex. Don't you guys? I got two men in the room. I mean, I know you're married. Okay. You don't, Ted.

But you've been on. Let's be realistic. I mean, you know, it's not. You're not. Yeah, of course you think about all sorts of things during sex. I mean, there's times when you're very focused on your partner, and there's other times when, you know, your mind wanders.

Cheeseburgers or, you know, like, man, I really want to order a pizza after this.

Right, but do you fantasize about other women? Exactly. You're like, pizza. You got one hand on Domino's. Calling Domino's. Is that what happens?

Yes.

Sometimes I have a slice of pizza in my hand.

Exactly. Is that wrong? You're hungry.

You're thinking, man, I hope she really leaves right after.

Right.

Okay.

But brings back a pizza.

That'd be perfect. But do you fantasize about other women when you're with a woman?

Uh, no.

You don't?

I. No, I don't.

You just think, focus on the woman that you're with.

Yeah.

Okay. I know what a lot of men do, and a lot of women do, too. They just depends.

Maybe I've. I've done in the past when I was younger.

Right.

Because I wasn't really into the person I was having sex with, but not probably for a really long time. Not that I can remember.

Yeah. And I think. I mean, I'm not taking back what I said, but I think lots of things cross your mind sometimes when you're having sex. But so. But I've. I can't recall ever, like, you know, focusing on another person while I was.

You know, sometimes it's just images, though. Right.

But just like. Yeah, you might think. I mean, isn't it, like, thinking about.

Jessica Alba or anything like that?

Right. A lot of people do.

I'm just thinking about I got to mow the lawn or something.

Right. That's hot. That's hot. Oh, baby, I can't wait to Mow the lawn after this.

So. No, but I think it is edge of whatever. I think it's common that people or people think of, like, an amalgamation of different sexual things. Like images of women or. Like, it's not even face. It could be faceless women, but I think men and women.

What are you guys thinking about?

I'm usually.

Louis Vuitton bags.

No, I'm usually thinking about work. I'm usually like, when is this gonna be over? Because my BlackBerry's going off and now my droid, which I'm having a love hate relationship with.

Yeah.

And I've got to make a phone call.

Okay.

Yeah. That's hot. I know. Not always. I mean, sometimes I'm into it, but then, you know, I don't know. Okay, Ted, let's talk about your book.

I want to talk more about the book.

Nice.

Yes. Sex. Our bodies are junk. The association of the betterment of sex. So, like, what. Tell me, how did you get into this?

Well.

We all wrote together in different ways and worked together. And Mike Sachs, who also works at Vanity Fair with me and is a comedy writer, Very funny guy. He had this idea for a long time and he just kind of. We'd all. We used to write for Radar magazine together. When that was around, we did the back page for a couple years, and we just. We all figured out we could write really well together. And this was a project he'd thought about. It was just so ripe for. I mean, sex is funny.

It's funny. It is. So what's your favorite parts of the book? Like, what was your favorite part to write? Or what did you learn? And what's your favorite part?

Oh, wow.

There's so much funny stuff in here. We should read this.

Yeah, well, I like to say that it's. It answers every question that you could possibly have about sex. It just doesn't answer any of them correctly.

But I like every chapter. At the end of every chapter, there's a section called did you know? And it's just like. Just facts about sex that are completely ridiculous. Like, for instance.

Did you know the first marshmallows came from vaginas and were a byproduct of stress?

Or that the Marquis de Sade invented genes. Let me see.

Hold on.

Tell me. Read me some funny. Read me some stuff that you like.

An early form of birth control was having oneself struck by lightning.

Most sexually transmitted diseases can be easily cured through time travel. Nice.

I need to get a DeLorean fast.

So, yeah, you know, I mean, it's. It's it's pretty comprehensive. There's 10 chapters. What do you.

What was. It was. What's the mission of the book? You just have fun and. Yeah, I mean, you know.

You know, I could. Yeah, It's. It's just not to educate. Well, it's funny because some we just read. I read a review. Somebody reviewed it recently. I think it was a college paper, and she actually thought it was supposed to be a sex manual. She's like, this is terrible.

She's like, I didn't learn.

I didn't learn anything. And, you know, it's just like, they're so jokey about it. And, I mean, I was kind of astounded because it's. I mean, come on.

Our bodies are junk. It's a joke.

But, yeah.

Yeah.

And so, I mean, it's a parody of a sex manual. So I just think. I mean, we all have a similar sensibility in that we just like to.

Well, you know, people in college are so serious.

I know.

Hate them all. Hate everybody in college.

Oh, come on. I'm in college right now.

Yeah, yeah, but you're looking at porno and stuff. That's fine. But, like, people, they're so judgmental about. They're so serious about music and, you know, world issues and stuff like that.

They're formulating their sense of self in a way that they haven't had a chance to.

So when they read something that's funny, they. They. They don't think it's fair.

They don't get it.

Yeah.

Did you.

How did you all write together? I mean, that's kind of a hard process.

We think it would be really hard. And, you know, it was daunting at first to think, like, oh, how are we going to do this? Five people? But actually, it was great. And it was, you know, and you're all, like, funny.

Like, you're all, like. The list here is, like, you're all, like, writers for, like, Jon Stewart, Conan o'. Ryan.

Yeah, yeah. Scott Jacobson, he's director, Daily Show. Jason Rotter writes for the Onion. Todd Levin writes for Conan. And so, yeah, the great thing about writing with a group of people is that, you know, when you're writing by yourself, you're accountable just to yourself and maybe an editor. But, like, you know, when you've got four other people that are really funny, you want to be as good as them, and so you're trying to. And you also want to turn your stuff in on time because you've got, you know, four other people that are gonna Be like, what are you doing? You know, if you're not. So that's kind of an incentive, you know, and it just. We all have a similar kind of weird sensibility in the fun together, Right?

You were well matched.

Yes.

Did you have to read other sex books, though, to find. I mean, did you, like, have, like, a pile of sex books?

Yeah, well, yeah. Masters and Johnson. I have the Joy of Sex. I got the original, like, first edition of the Joy of Sex that has the line drawings of the, you know, the couple.

You know, that was really controversial, that first Masters and Johnson's book just coming out. Like, people hadn't seen pictures like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and then the Master Johnson, then. And then the Alex Comfort one, the. The Joy of Sex, you know? Yeah. I mean, just obviously now the Joy of Sex, you pick it up, it has photographs and stuff. But then it was.

I know. Text.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so, you know, it's. Yeah, we had a lot of fun.

So what do you. You probably gone over this now, I'm assuming. Where do you live now? In New York City.

I'm in New York, yeah.

New York City. So I know you're married now, but from people that you hang out with, is it a good dating city? Because people talk about that all the time. Is it good or bad?

You know, I think it's what you make of it. You know, I lived there from 93 to 98 before I met my wife. And. Well, actually, I met my wife in 96. Went out. We went out a couple times.

Just.

It didn't happen. And then we didn't see each other for two years.

Oh, really? Yeah.

And we were cast in a play together, like, just by chance. And then we. I don't know. The timing is right, so sometimes it's all about timing.

It is.

But, you know, I'm. I just. I'm. I'm such a pussy. When I was, like, my first five years in New York, just in general, I think, you know, just really bad. So afraid of rejection.

Right.

Afraid to talk to women. So. And New York can be hard because it's. Everybody has this armor up, you know, so you go out to a bar and you want to talk to somebody, and, you know, if you're like me, you just end up, like, going home and.

Right.

And taking care of yourself.

Exactly.

Which really sucks. But it is what you make of it. Have some balls and get out there and don't be afraid to talk to people.

You got to just keep talking. New York people. But that's the thing about New York. I have like, this. Every city's got their. Their. Their known pattern of dating, and it's like, New York. They say that women do get asked out in New York a lot, that men are more aggressive and they're asking you out. And then in here, men don't ever ask you out. They're like, let's just maybe some time we'll run into each other in the park again or something.

Yeah, Yeah.

I think I remember hearing on this show how it. There was no actual dating. It seemed like no one dates.

No one dates. But New York, my friends are always going on, like, serious dates and, like, going to dinners and whatever.

Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I mean, if you. It can be a great place to date people, but maybe I should be.

Where are you originally from?

New Mexico.

New Mexico. Oh, yeah, I can see. I've driven through New Mexico. They don't even have a radio station out there. Like, what's the population like, 30? Like, I can just imagine the culture shock going from there to.

Well, I didn't go straight. I moved all around as a kid. So, you know, I went to high school. Virginia beach, you know, But. But yeah, a lot of different places.

I bet the dating scene in New Mexico is just crazy.

It's going off right now.

Yes.

So what are you working on now? Any other books? Are you writing for Vanity Fair?

Yeah, we. We actually, the five of us are. We've kind of branded ourselves under the name the Pleasure Syndicate. So we're working on. We have another book that we're p. That kind of takes place in the corporate environment.

People sleeping with each other in the corporate environment.

No, no, it's not sexual.

I'm, like, steaming Every. My brain goes on, like, everything everyone says. They're like, how was your day? I'm like, did you just say you want to show me your dick? I'm like, no, but it's not about sex. Okay.

No, but I mean, when we covered. We like to think we covered the gamut with this.

You did. It's funny. It's great. Everyone should pick it up. Sex. Our bodies are junk. Where do they find it? Do you have a website?

Oh, yeah. Our Bodies are Junk dot com.

That's perfect.

Yeah.

Okay.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Better relationships equal better sex. Sinclair Institute, the leader in sex education products for adults, has been saying it.

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