SWE: Spice Up Your Sex Life

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they called them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? 'Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my. Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks?

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, that feels so good.

Oh God, being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcast, sign up for our mailing list, and you really do need to sign up for our mailing list right now because we have a free report to give you the 5 biggest mistakes men are making in bed and the 5 biggest mistakes women are making in bed. So check that out. And today's show is about reigniting the spark in your relationship. I get so many emails and questions from my listeners, and they're like, what the hell? What happened? We were together a long time, or we've been together anywhere from 3 to 20, 25 years. People are like, you know what, the spark isn't there. It's not what it once was. So today we're going to give you some really solid solutions about how to bring the spark back. I'm here with Menace. Hi, Menace.

Hello, how are you doing?

I'm, I'm good. How are you?

I'm good. You're, you're making a bunch of content by yourself, correct?

Correct.

With that, without me, because listeners are like afraid that I'm not around anymore because they've been tweeting me and saying, Menace, are you not doing the Sex with Emily show anymore? But I'm here.

You're here. Menace is here. Well, I— it's, it's been harder to connect, but I actually got sick the last month, which it was a total wake-up call. I've never been sick. I don't even get colds. Like, I'm a super healthy person, or so I thought. But I got really sick, so there have been some shows that were delayed. I was in the hospital, man. You know this. I got sick. I got a— I had like crazy pneumonia. But I feel like when, you know, in life you get sick sometimes, it happens to you. It slowed my ass down. I had to sit. I had to— I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even check my email for a week in the hospital for a week.

And, um, people don't even understand that you were in the hospital for a week in— in— where were you? Montana?

Michigan? Michigan?

Wherever.

One of those— one of those states that I'm from, right?

Yeah, you're in Michigan in the the hospital. You were supposed to leave and you ended up staying in the hospital. I—

you—

but the way you were texting me, it was like no big deal. And then I call you, you're like, oh, I'm in the hospital. In the hospital? I thought you just went to the doctor, you know.

No, I was crazy. Fly back and it was crazy. I was flying back. I go home to visit my family like I normally do for, you know, 5 days, which is about all I can take. I love my family. You know how much I love my family. But 5 days is a really— is a really good visit, right? So I'm driving to the airport. I mean, my mom's taking me to the airport and On the morning I'm supposed to leave and I'm like, Mom, I really don't feel well. This is like we were leaving the house and I said, I don't know what's wrong. And then I just started getting these chills and we went to her doctor and the doctor was like, I don't know what's wrong, but you should go to the emergency room. And then I went and it turned out I had pneumonia and a bunch of other things. But yeah, and I realized that I never do get sick, but there's— it just, it slowed me down and they kept testing what was wrong. And I found out that like I really have been working so hard the last 8 years on Sex with Emily and not— I haven't like slowed down, take a break. Apparently I don't eat. I eat like I'm an eater, but I don't eat enough. I need to eat more healthier foods. Menace, you can learn. Everyone. And I'm like, I know people who are way unhealthier than I am, but I feel like it was good because I got all my tests done and I feel like I'm like 100%. I feel like I'm a new person now. So I'm not drinking caffeine anymore. Do you know what that's like? Caffeine withdrawal? Don't even— I'm serious. Yeah, it was, it was. Yeah, but I was on some serious painkillers too because I was in so much pain. So it sort of helped me get over caffeine because you get these really bad headaches. But then I had painkillers, which were, you know, kind of fun actually. But no, don't ever abuse painkillers. They're really bad for you. But it was, you know, it wasn't fun. It was painful, but it helped me get over caffeine. So now I'm like, and I have more energy.

Yeah.

So there's that. Anyway, I'm better. And I don't know why people think you're not on the show. You're always on the show. I've been doing content maybe without you, written stuff, but not shows, menace. Maybe once.

Look, this is Sex with Emily. It's not, you know, Sex Emily Menace Show.

You know, especially because Menace doesn't talk about yourself. I know, but I miss you. I know, but I don't like doing things without you. Menace, tell me how you're doing. What's new? What's up with your life?

I'm good. I am getting ready for a whirlwind, uh, month and a half of travel. I'm gonna be in Las Vegas this weekend, the weekend after I'm gonna be in Chicago, then I'll be back in San Francisco for a little bit. And then I'm gonna go to Monterey to another festival, and then I'll be in Philadelphia. So what's up to all our listeners in those states and— yeah, and cities?

That's fun, menace.

Yeah, it's a big music festival.

All right, this is the summer, it happens.

Stuff going on.

Yeah, I want you to come.

What's going down with me?

I love it. Nothing else crazy. Okay, well, I miss you terribly. And we're talking about reigniting the spark, menace. I know that you're in a relationship that you never tell me about, but, um, You know, don't— have you been in a relationship where you feel like, you know, the sex isn't as frequent as it was in the beginning, like the first 6 to 12 months when you can't— you just want to rip each other's clothes off and it doesn't happen?

Yeah.

So I— what we're going to talk about, and I'm going to talk about the reason why I got inspired to do this topic is because I get emails about it every day, but also I got this amazing thing in the mail. So, you know, I get a ton of products and Everyone's heard me talk about my storage unit filled with sex toys, which I actually did a video. You can check out my YouTube channel. It's all about my storage unit, but it's called Spicy Subscriptions. And it's kind of amazing because every month you sign up for it. It's like a monthly plan. You can do like 4 months or 8 months and they deliver a box to your house, like a little box. It's intimate, really pretty box. And it has things in it. Like it has like a sex toy, massage oil, candles, games, bath products. They include mask sexual flavor strips sometimes, you know, mask, your mask for the oral sex strips that help, they mask the taste of semen. Anyway, here's the deal. It is a little sexy box that you and your partner can sign up for, and every month it just gets delivered to your house, so you don't even have to say to your partner like, hey honey, tonight we should try this position, or we should do that, or we should do this. It's like delivered to you, you open it together, and you can like play with new toys, and it's like, Instantly is like, you're not going to let it sit there and collect dust. And then you can't complain to me that you're not spicing up your sex life. So everyone can check out SpicySubscriptions.com. I'll get into it more later. If you use coupon code Emily, you get a free deluxe toy and 5% off your order. And I'm telling you, I use this when I was dating someone who I just broke up with, but I was like, oh my God, this is so fun. And because a lot of times I think why people's sex life doesn't improve and why they, even though they want it to improve or they want to spice it up, it is because they figure sex shouldn't be something that you have to talk to your partner about. You shouldn't have to address it. It should just be natural and it should be easy. But I'm here to tell you that it's just sometimes you got to work on it, that after a while, the rush of a new relationship, it slows down. And if you get something in the mail every month that's pointing you both in the face and it's addressed to both of you, it would behoove you to open it up and give each other a massage using massage oil or do something different. So I think it's a really cool thing and you don't even have to have a conversation about it. You just put it on your credit card and then it comes to your house every month and I think that's awesome. So okay, we came up—

Well, the biggest, wait, hold on, the biggest question is why did you stop dating somebody?

Oh my God, thank you. So I was dating someone and okay, so I feel like in sickness and in health is a really big, like, you know when you get married to someone and they say in sickness and in health, that's part of your vows. Vows. I was really sick, and granted, I, I was sick. I was like the sickest I've ever been in my life. And I feel like there was other things wrong with our relationship, but he just wasn't there. Like, he was always there, and then he was like, I'm not. Like, he didn't understand. Maybe he didn't get it. But that's not the only reason. I feel like actually I'm breaking my own rule here because I think when you break up with someone, there's never one reason. But it was sort of a combination of I did things to him that didn't make him happy, um, he did things to me that didn't make me happy, and I just felt like I'm so clear right now, and I— my life is just in a really good place, and it just wasn't going the way— I wasn't getting stuff I needed, and he wasn't getting what he needed, and it was an amicable break. Let's just say that. Is that all right? Yeah, but I feel like, you know, I felt like I needed someone to be there, and he wasn't, but whatever. I wasn't there for him apparently, and we, we fought it out, and it's all fine, and we're friends, and now I'm single again. So, um, which is good because, um, I've got a lot of sex toys sitting around that I need to use, and, um, I'm in a new city. So, okay, so that's what happened. How's your love life, Menace? If you're gonna share— can't you just share me one detail, like some juicy something?

Juicy something?

I'd—

wow, I— nothing's huge. I'm not wild and crazy.

No, you should get a spicy subscription. I'm gonna send you spicy secret. Would you use it? You don't have to use a sex toy because I know you feel about that, but like, don't you think it would be good if in theory if you were someone who uses stuff to like come into your house every week, a month, and be like, oh, this is something fun? Or what if it's like porn in it or something? I don't know, Magnus, what you're into. I mean, I do, but I don't. I don't think you're really into—

you're into the in and out, but I'm into, um, I don't know, I, I, I'm— nothing wild and crazy is happening. And I don't— but at the same time, I don't feel like anything wild and crazy needs to happen at the moment.

So, okay, that's good. So you guys are in a good place? People—

yeah, I mean, it's like, yeah, you hear about all these people that are married and miserable and they're like, oh, you know, all— they have all this drama and all these problems. I don't— just don't have any problems or any drama to share.

That's good, man.

It sucked. I know it sucks for a radio show, and I apologize.

It does suck. If we were talking about like Taco But no, I feel like that's good, Menace. I like that you're in a good relationship and a healthy place.

Um, yeah, there's nothing crazy.

I'm not gonna— I'm not gonna make you share anything. Okay, so let's get into the emails.

If there was, I would— I would—

you would not. You would tweet it.

I swear to God, I would.

You would freaking tweet it before you would tell me.

I guess.

I don't know. But you can follow us on Twitter @Menace. M-E-N-A-C-E. I love how people butcher your name because so many times people Or like you, like they spell it a million different ways, but it's, and I'm a Sex with Emily on Twitter. Okay. I'm going to get into some emails from the people before we get into reigniting the spark. We love hearing from the peeps. It's feedback@sexwithemily.com. That's how you can email me your questions. Okay. Sorry.

Sorry.

Oh my God. Yes.

I do have something to share. Sorry.

Tell me everything.

Uh, I had the funniest conversation with a friend of mine the other day, and I'm sure you'll love this. So my, my friend's married. He's having problems with this relationship and he is going to counseling, right? And then to, you know, relationship counseling. And he's like, look, I'm good, I'm happy in my relationship, she's the one, you know, that has all these problems, blah blah, you know, she wants to be together, cool, if she doesn't, then fine. He goes, I even go to counseling by myself and, you know, try to work on myself. He goes, I go to all this and she's still screaming and hollering, having all these problems. He goes, if you really think about it, we have only been marrying, getting married for love for only 150 years. All that before was like some trade.

Property, right? Women became property.

Yeah. And that's why people got married. He goes, we have only been doing this 150 years. He goes, and death to— and death till we part, right? Uh, people only live to like 40 years old, 30, 40 years old back then.

So of course it's so true. It's true. I've heard this.

Yeah, he's like, man, it just takes so long.

It does take so long because— no, it's true, it's true. Back then it was like, whatever, until death. I'm dying in 10 years, 15 years anyway. Now we're living till 100. And you're with the same person. And I just commend people who stay together because it's really hard. And let me just say one thing about couples, couples therapy is that I'm just, and I think it's true that, that couples need, when couples go into therapy for their relationship, I've seen amazing things happen for couples. And you have to commit for longer than like 6 sessions or 8 sessions, or even, I think couples need to go for 6 months to a year. Couples who go like 3 times to therapy, this is just like my biggest beef because people are always calling in or like I do Loveline, you know, the Loveline radio show on Thursday nights. With Dr. Drew. If anyone wants to listen to that, you can. It's in a lot of different cities. You can check out the listings. But people are always like, "Yeah, I can't go. I can't afford it." Therapy is like the number one thing that will heal your relationship. So if you've come to your wit's end and you can't figure out how to get out of it, a lot of therapists have sliding scales. I know people think it's really expensive, but it's, it's probably— you're not going to get out of your rut that you're in if it's a really deep rut unless you commit to therapy for a long time. So that's what I got to say about that. That's my issue. People go, "Oh, we went twice." You can't start going to the gym twice. Like, what does that do for you? Are you in shape now? You went to the gym twice? No. You need to go to therapy for months and months to figure stuff out, and it'll help you fast-track your relationship, and you'll know if you should be together or not. So, I appreciate you giving your friend's story, Dominus. That's a good one. It is true that marriage is a new institution, fairly new, and it's tough, so that's why we're always trying to help people here. Okay, emails. Dear Emily, what's a crazy sex position to have orgasms in? "My boyfriend comes fast and he won't do anything else after that. Plus, I never had an orgasm, but we still have sex all the time." Stacy. Okay, Stacy, before I can answer your actual question here, there's a few issues in this, okay? You wanna know about a crazy sex position to have orgasms in, you never have an orgasm, your boyfriend comes fast, these are all prob— these are all challenges because the problem is, women, men who come fast, And it's all relative, right? If a woman can have an orgasm in a minute and he comes in 3 minutes, you don't have a problem. However, if he wants to last longer, that can also be a problem, plus you never have an orgasm when you have sex. So, women take at least, on average, between 12 and 15 minutes to have an orgasm, and men can take anywhere from, I don't know, Magnus, what do you, you know, like 3 and 5 minutes or 5 and 7 minutes? So, men have to learn to last longer. And if they don't last longer, that is a problem, and he's gotta work on that. I'm gonna give you a solution for that in a minute, but if you've never had an orgasm during intercourse, I'm wondering if you've ever had one ever, Stacy. Have you ever had one during intercourse with someone else, or is it just because he doesn't last long enough? Because that could actually be why you're not having orgasm. That said, I will give you a great position that increases your chance of having an orgasm. And it's the cat position. If you want him to last longer because he moves slow and you have a greater chance of orgasming. So basically, it's a great position to get clitoral stimulation. You have him, it's a missionary, it's a twist on the missionary. So he scoots forward about 3 inches from his usual missionary position. He should rest his body on you, moving up and down instead of in and out. So a lot of men are like pounding in and out, in and out. You know what I mean, Manus? That pounding?

Yeah.

Go up and down. You like the pounding, I'm sure you do. Up and down, up and down, instead of in and out, and it'll rub your clitoris. Wrap your ankles around his calves, and then you're securing him in the position, and you have the greatest chance of experiencing an orgasm with your partner. Now, here's something new. If he orgasms too quickly, there's this great new product that I've discovered, and it's literally like one of the only cure, like one of the only things that helps men with premature ejaculation. And it's called Promescent. It's spelled P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T, and it's really friggin' cool, and it's a spray that men can spray on. You don't have to get a doctor's, you don't have to get a prescription for it. You can just get it and it sprays, and you spray on your penis, and it doesn't have any taste, it doesn't bother your partner, and she doesn't have to know you're using it, but it helps people with premature ejaculation, which is another top question I get asked about. So, um, see if that works. But he can also try the start and stop and start method. He can see his doctor if there's any problems. A lot of times premature ejaculation can be a physical thing, or it can be something— it can be mental, it could be a combination of both. So I would have him check it out.

Yeah, or just, you know, Patron Silver Tequila, maybe Don Julio. Oh, Menace, all that kind of stuff, that works too.

Yeah, that can work. That's what I hear from Menace, the old alcohol thing, or pre-gaming. Menace loves the pre-gaming. Would you like to explain what that is?

Yeah. Okay. If you ever seen the movie Something About Mary, they have a whole scene about this, right? Pregaming. Pregaming is when you, you know, masturbate before you having a big event that you maybe go out on a date and stuff like that. So this way you're not as excited than you would be if you are getting in bed with somebody for the first time, and then you kind of just like— you're just too excited then, right?

You gotta masturbate. Exactly. There it goes. So you do it right before you go on a date. I like it. Menace. Those are menace theories. We just gave you a lot of things, Stacy. Good luck to you and hope it all works out. So next question, and then we're going to get into our topic. Dear Emily, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I started online dating. I get a lot of views Ladies like my picture, but when I write them, I get no reply. Not sure what I'm doing wrong. Thanks, Dave. Okay, men, you've dated online more than I ever. You pick up chicks wherever you do, but I think online or Twitter, whatever, Facebook, and even online. But when you write a woman, this is something that I know you have to— Dave, the thing you got to do is obviously they're interested in you, so that's cool. You got a good photo. Try to pick something specific about her profile that you can relate to. So if you share a favorite book in common, tell her how much you enjoyed a certain part of that book. Not just like, hey, I like that book too, or oh wow, you've been to Bali, I've been to Bali. Try to engage her in a conversation before trying to meet up with her. She needs to feel comfortable before agreeing to meet up. So I'm not sure if you were just like, hey, great, like, glad you like my picture, let's get together Tuesday at 9. No, women need, you need to seduce, you need to like do some little, you know, Seducing some little, like, getting her interested and getting her engaged in conversation. Because the brain, largest sex organ, especially for women. We want to be intrigued by you. You got to say something smart. Talk to your friends. Ask your female friends to help you write it, but don't just do a generic response. What would you say, Menace? What do you think he's doing wrong?

Well, women love it when you talk shit to them too.

I mean, oh God. Okay, go ahead.

No, like you talk, talk bad about, about them, or like physically do not say anything bad about them, but just like they love it. Like if you clown on them for, for taking too many self-portraits and stuff like that, if you just— because everyone is kissing their ass, right? So if you're the one not kissing their ass and talking a little crap to them, they love it because they want to win over You're, uh, they want to win you over basically.

But okay.

It sparks their, it sparks their interest and then you can be the normal guy.

Give an example. Give an example. I don't think the first message should be dissing a woman, but what would you, what would you give me an example of what you'd say? What if you like my profile? Like think of what my profile would say. How would you, you love ripping on me, man. So go for it. What would you say to me?

I gotta go to your profile.

No, let's just say you were emailing me.

Imagine, let's say like, let's say you see Let's just see, uh, let's just say you see a girl that goes to a nightclub a lot, right? What you would do is you would say, I can't believe you go to that crappy nightclub. Boom, there's one right there.

See, I think a lot of women would find that insulting, but if she's playful in her, in her description on her online dating profile, maybe you could rip on something that she already says, oh, I have a hard time focusing to write this. You know, you'd be like, hey, if you can focus long enough on this email, I would not pick out something new. I wouldn't do that, Menace. But a lot of guys do believe in that theory that you're saying, Menace.

They do. It's, it's true.

Okay. We'll see. There you go.

If I went to your profile, I would say, I just don't like the third picture of you on your profile. Right, and then it's gonna drive you crazy.

You could say like, you look great.

No, I'm just like, all your pictures are great, just the third photo is not good.

See, I had my picture in the newspaper once. I don't like that, man. See, I don't agree, but, um, I think you got to be engaging and be yourself.

Okay, okay, just step out, step out, step out of the box for a second. Okay, what would happen if I said that to you? Would you go crazy?

Yeah, I'd be like, you're an ass, why do you not like it? Or I'd probably say, oh, I didn't like it either, or you're right, I wasn't sure that was a good one. But I think what you could say, man, is let's compromise here. I think you could say, yeah, but I love your photos.

You talk crap to get in and then you follow up with compliments.

I don't know, what if she never gets back to you because you talked crap. I think you could say the third photo looks kind of sad. You look sad or something.

Yeah, but you're so used to guys just kissing your ass all the time. You got to stand out from the crowd.

I am not used to guys kissing my ass. Those days are over, I think. No, I don't know. I don't know, Menace. Um, but that is a theory that women like you to be— I think rather than dissing her, you can be more sarcastic or you can be more edgy. Let's just say that. Okay, so let's get into the topic. We have time for just, uh, 2 emails today, but let's get into— because this is like one of my favorite topics. Is reigniting the spark in your relationship. So, I think that you have to remember that couples that keep the spark alive do it, like a lot of times they need intense planning. For example, people hate to hear this, but this is one thing, well first of all, let me back up. There are 2 reasons, or 3 reasons they always say, which I say too, is the lack of spark and intimacy in a relationship, okay? Number 1, 1. Not enough time. You feel like you don't have time. 2. You're tired. 3. There are unresolved issues in the relationship. So I think that you can look at those. A lot of times, you know, he's been upset about something, you heard him a few months ago, things build up and eventually he just doesn't want to have sex. Or she's upset because you're working too much and you don't talk about it. Or you're just exhausted. I hear this a lot of times, couples who have children. Or you just don't think there's time in the day, you're both working, you come home, you're on different schedules, and you just don't seem to make the time. So a lot of times, you know, this starts with reigniting the spark because couples are like, Emily, how do I go back to the time when it was amazing and it was hot? And so it's just, it's not gonna happen. Couples are just waiting for it to happen magically, and I'm here to tell you that it does take work. And if there was a spark once, we can reignite it. You can reignite that spark. If there was never a spark, if you never had great sex or even a great connection, I'm here to tell you too, that's a little more challenging. Couples who are like, you know what, I never really was attracted to my husband, or I never really, we never had great sex, but now I want to have crazy sex. Well, you might have mismatched libidos. You might not have married your sexual equal, you know, as far as what you need. So that's another problem. But that's, that's if you did have it, we can get it back and we're going to tell you how. So one of the things is I'm saying that couples need to plan. You can't take your sex life for granted or it's not going to happen. Now, I People always poo-poo scheduling sex. In fact, I've even been interviewed by reporters and they're like, don't give me the scheduling sex tip. You know, like they're always like Cosmo or whatever. I'm like, no, really. It sounds really lame. Like, okay, Saturday night is sex night. But here's the thing. If you're in a relationship where you're not having sex and every Tuesday night you're getting, let's say like he wants it more and like Tuesday night you're getting shut down. Wednesday night you're getting shut down. Thursday night you're getting shut down. Like let's say you're trying to have it and she doesn't want it or vice versa. If you know that every Saturday night is the one night a week that you, you know, take a shower, you shave, you get dressed, and you know what's gonna happen that night, saves you a lot of freaking time and your ego being bashed and a lot of disappointment, because you know that you've both agreed that Saturday night is a night that you're gonna, you know, do it. So I don't think that scheduling sex is such a bad thing. Okay, so you gotta plan for it. Like I said, okay, so it's— sex life is constantly changing, right? In your 20s, 30s, 40s, You have to find time to adapt. So maybe you're with your partner in your 20s, and in your 30s you might feel a little different. So just, you have to adapt to find out what works for you. The same thing that worked for you then might not work for you now. So it takes, you know, conversations. So, you know, what's going on with our sex life? What do you want? And we're gonna get into how to talk to your partner about it. And if you have kids, I always want to say have sex in the shower. They can't hear it. You can lock your bedroom door. Also, you can make your bedroom an off-limits zone to the children. And that would be another way to do it. So number 1 thing is plan on surprising your partner sexually. How do you surprise them? You know, you can try a different position. We talked about the cat position earlier. If she's used to having missionary sex, say, honey, I want you to sit on top of me. I want to look at you. You look beautiful. That's why women on top position is a great position. You can play with her breasts, you can check her out. A lot of women have orgasms better when they're on top. Couples just kind of fall into that missionary rut, so try to have— do different positions. I love the tying your partner up thing. Try some silk ribbons, get some bondage tape, tie her to the bedpost, perform oral sex on her. I'm telling you, what woman does not want to be— like, you don't have to tie her up and gag her or do anything crazy. You can use your necktie, you can use a blindfold. This goes both ways. She can tie you up, you can tie her up. Men just don't like being tied up. Because, um, he's afraid his wallet's gonna get stolen. But I don't think that's gonna happen anymore.

The house is gonna catch on fire.

Exactly. If I tied you up, it might, because I— yeah, exactly. And the number one complaint— this is for the women. I hear from men, men always tell me the number one complaint they have is that women do not initiate sex enough. So if you're a woman, try taking the lead. Um, men— I don't know, every guy I talked to in the world would love to walk in the door and get oral sex, have oral sex performed on them, right? Would you like that, menace? You walk in the door and your girlfriend whips down your pants. Like, yes, right, exactly.

Who doesn't want that?

Exactly. Everyone wants that. So, um, another thing you can do is you can discuss and live out your fantasies. So before you even go near acting out a fantasy, you got to be comfortable in your relationship. So I'm not saying this is for the second date. Again, this is reigniting the spark. So, have a conversation with your partner. Tell them what their— ask them what their number one fantasy is they'd like to try, and you share with them. Now, again, there are some fantasies we all have that we don't necessarily want to try. Don't share that fantasy. Share the one that you think would be really cool to try with your partner. Ask them other provocative questions like, "What do you like? What don't you like?" to figure out their fantasy. Or you can just start with the yes and no questions or either/or questions. Do you want to be seduced? Or do you want to be dominated? You can try domination submission. You can try the nurse and the doctor. I don't care what you do. Dress up in a costume, do something fun and different, and talk about your fantasies. Because if you don't—

I want to be sedated.

You want to be sedated? You want to be seduced and dominated is sedated. That's a good combination of those both. You usually are sedated when you have sex, right?

Yeah.

Lots of alcohol anyway.

Alcohol just enhances everything.

It doesn't, man. You don't remember it. It blacks you out. But in the moment, you think it does.

That's amazing.

You and your alcohol. Um, okay, so another thing that you could do is, um, outside the bedroom— try things you could do outside the bedroom. Because I like to talk about foreplay all day. I think that women kind of need it. A lot of women, there's— you walk in, you want it, she doesn't. So try new things outside the bedroom. Try engaging in a new activity. Jumpstart your adrenaline and your arousal. When you're first in love with someone, you've got all this adrenaline and your heart races and you get butterflies, but after you're with someone a while, you don't walk in and get the butterflies anymore. You're like, why the hell are the dishes not in the sink? So studies have shown that arousal that's created through adrenaline activity can get transferred to your partner in your relationship. So you guys can learn a new activity together, Exercise together, go surfing, go skydiving. I don't care what you do, but do something, you know, go to a theme park. Sounds silly, but adrenaline is linked to attraction. And, uh, try something like that. Do you guys ever do anything that in your relationship, menace? Adrenaline-inducing things, or do activities together, uh, besides eating, drinking?

Vegas, that's fun. Yeah, let me go shopping.

That's a Another shopping high. I think that's a good one.

We went to All Saints the other day.

I love All Saints. I love All Saints. Did you buy her a lot of stuff?

No, she buys her own stuff. She gets a job.

She's got a job. You don't have to buy her things, but still, it's nice to buy her things. Um, okay, so you can, um, engage in activity, jumpstart your adrenaline. Okay, take a vacation or a staycation. So even if it's only— I say getting out of the house is great if it's only for even a night. It allows you guys to experience new things and make new memories together. And a lot of times you're having sex in the same way, in your bedroom, in the same bed, in the same position with the TV on. Get out of your normal routine. So even if it's a vacation and you're like dog sitting a friend's dog because you can't afford a hotel room, it doesn't matter. Just get out of your bedroom or you can do it in the living room. Do it somewhere different. Or have a staycation where you decide that you're staying home, but you're not doing the laundry, you're not paying the bills, you're not watching TV, you're not cleaning, you're not talking about work, you put a bunch of stuff off limits, and it's a staycation in your house. I love doing that. That's my favorite thing. I love staying home and staying in bed. You could also touch more often. Touch produces arousal, comfort, and support, both physiologically and psychologically. So a lot of couples need to be touched more and they're not. Like, usually there's one person who wants it more than the other one. So you might need to just touch each other more. Another thing is you can add in, like I said, sex toys earlier. I was talking about SpicySubscriptions.com. I just, I'm obsessed with them because I just feel like, like it's a great thing coming to your house every day. SpicySubscriptions.com, use coupon code Emily and you get a box of like toys and massage oil and candles and really cool things that you can just say, oh, let's open the box and see what we can do tonight to spice it up. So another thing is Cosmo— oh yeah, SpicySubscriptions.com, use coupon code Emily. So Cosmo magazine interviewed me, and they want to know what the dirtiest questions you should be asking in bed, or how you can spice it up in the bedroom when you're in there. And I suggested, man, tell me if you would do this, you could play Would You Rather. Do you remember that game? Yeah, Would You Rather. Okay, that can easily be turned into a sex game. You can allow your both to Explore your sexual boundaries, understand each other's wants and desires. The answers are fun, but they can be revealing. So you can be like, would you rather have sex while someone's watching you, or would you rather watch a couple have sex in front of you? So you could say, this is a fast-track way of finding out if your partner is a voyeur or exhibitionist, or would you rather have me perform oral sex on you, or would you rather have sex outside? I mean, just start having a conversation, or Would you rather be blindfolded? Would you rather me blindfold you? Would you rather orgasm while I'm performing oral or during intercourse? Just talk about things that you already do and put that into the conversation. Isn't that good, Menace? Wouldn't you want to know those questions, those answers to those questions? No? So, okay, Menace, what would you say was your high school fantasy? Didn't you have some celebrity or something that you were obsessed with?

In high school, man, I don't remember any in high school, but I would say, uh, you know, back in the day, Full House, DJ Tanner. I really liked DJ Tanner back in the day from Full House.

DJ Tanner.

But that wasn't— that wasn't really high school.

Okay, well, I, I don't even know. I never have celebrity crushes, but it can get them thinking about the sexual frustration they had in high school and how they can realize fantasies with you. You can say, what does it feel like when you orgasm? Um, is it okay if I perform oral sex on you? Play truth or dare. Truth: what kind of foreplay would you like to have next time we're in bed? Dare: eat a piece of fruit in the most sensual way possible. I mean, just have fun with your partner. So these are some suggestions. I think that if you try even one of these halfway, you're going to be spicing it up. Because remember, sex is something that you got to work on sometimes when you've been with someone for a while. And I don't think you should throw in the towel and start having an affair and start surfing porn more But turn inwards to your relationship and try to spice it up. So that's what we have for you today. Menace, you rock. It's so good to us to talk to you.

Thank you.

And I missed you terribly. And you can find Menace— where can we find you, Menace?

On Twitter and Instagram under just Menace. And check this out, I am recording in San Francisco at the Stitcher Studios, so make sure you download the app. Do us a favor, it's totally free. It's S-T-I-T-C-H-E-R. For Android, your smartphone, you know, whatever, your tablet, all that kind of stuff.

Then I love that you brought that up because people are always asking me, how can I listen to your show on my phone? And I'm always like, just download the Stitcher app. You can listen to other podcasts as well. I don't really recommend it. No, just kidding. But any podcast you want to listen to, you can listen to on Stitcher. I'm upset. I love Stitcher. I listen to it all the time, especially in traffic here in Los Angeles.

It's totally free.

Um, and you can find me at It's totally free, free, free. And you can check me out on sexwithemily.com, Twitter, Sex with Emily, Instagram, everything, Facebook, Sex with Emily. Like my page. And yeah, we have more shows, new shows coming. Everyone wants new shows. We'll be bringing you 2 new shows a week, right, Manus?

Promise, swear.

Okay, swear to God, it's all coming. Okay, love you, love you, Manus. Thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.