SWE: Steak and BJs for the Soul

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So you know I'm obsessed with candles, right? Have you ever heard of massage oil candles? Okay, so get this. I always light candles when I'm enjoying.

A glass of wine with friends.

And recently they were over and I lit three candles for my new line called Emily and Tony. My skin felt really dry, so I went ahead and poured some of it on my hands and I gave myself a quick massage. My friends were stunned that I did this and immediately were obsessed. And here's why. See, these candles are really aromatherapy massage oils that when warmed like a candle, they melt into the most luxurious body oil that is super hydrating, leaves your skin feeling and smelling amazing, and it's perfect for massaging your partner or yourself. You can use it during foreplay. And you know me, I'm a firm believer in foreplay. They come in delicious flavors like creme de vanilla, cocoa and Fougere. Not just that, they look great in your home. So help us keep this podcast free. Check them out today@emilyandtoni.com and you're welcome.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mark our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them. In a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list, which you really want to do because I send you really fun emails. Not, like, spammy, weird ones, but they're actually good emails where you'll learn something new about sex, and it might give you some discounts and some fun things you'd like. And you also get the report, the five Biggest Mistakes Men Are Making in Bed, and the five Biggest Mistakes Women Are Making in Bed. Also, follow me on Facebook and Twitter, Instagram, and as always, you can email me@feedbackexemily.com and I will answer your email questions on the air. And I love hearing from everyone. And hi, Anderson. How are you doing tonight?

Hi, sex. How are you?

I'm good. It's great to see you.

Hey, who's this sexy dude sitting next to you?

How hot is Connor Habib?

We just had a calf off. I thought I had the biggest calves in the world.

Turns out, I thought, he's so hot. You know what I love? Okay, so Connor Habib is my guest.

Hello.

Hi, Connor. You might recognize him. He was on the show about a year ago. I realized.

Thank you.

And he's a writer, lecturer, and adult film star. And so he was on my show before you moved to LA and you came in and we had it in my apartment then, because I wasn't really, like, I didn't get set up in a studio yet for my San Francisco transition. And you're just so hot and cool. And I loved our interview. And now you moved here. I'm so excited. And I really love.

We both moved from San Francisco.

I know. And we need to talk about that because I think it's, like, a good thing for our lives, what we do. You write, you lecture, Adult film.

I agree.

All that stuff. Right? It's entertainment. And people have been saying for years, you gotta move you. I'm like, no, I can do it all in San Francisco. But, like, things just.

No. And I think Los Angeles needs people who are talking about sex more than San Francisco does. San Francisco is kind of all set with its legs up and ready to go.

We gotta get to go. We're, like, swinging, having sex parties, like, at lunch breaks. Like, we're fine, but here it really works. So I like that. I also wanna say that, okay, you're an adult film star.

You're gay.

Correct. Well, I.

Sexual. Because then we can have sex.

Yeah. Well, it's possible after the show we can talk about it. I actually. I say I'm attracted to men because. Yeah, gay feels sort of, like, weirdly uncomfortable for me. No, no, no. It's. No, it's not a bad word at all. No. I used to say I was gay, but, like, as I get older, I'm more into all sorts of things.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Like, what does that mean, all sorts of things?

Well, basically, when I say that, it means that I am attracted to women. I've never acted on it.

You've never attached to the woman?

I'm a virgin. If in one way. Possibly only one way, which is the regular way. Okay.

We can talk after the show. I'm not a virgin, so no, we could talk, but that's cool. But I think you're just awesome. And we've been trying to get together, but we did have a calf off, which is so funny, is because. So we go to the same gym, which I haven't actually been to in months, in la. And so my trainer there that I saw was like, do you know Connor Habib? Cause he had done some.

He knows, you know, something.

And I was like, yeah, I do. I love him. He's like. He's so hot. I know. And then you moved here, and then apparently you spent a lot of time at gym because you look amazing.

Oh, thank you.

I know. And I want to meet you there. But. What time do you go again?

I go early. Yeah, I wake up early and I go.

That's on my list of things to do this year. Wake up early.

Wake up early. It changes your life. Although I've been waking up early for the past seven years, so now I'm actually doing the other thing where I'm trying to sort of, like, stay up late and shake it off and, like, just get into, like, more freedom. Because I was so restricted for so Long?

What do you mean restricted?

Well, I just put. I was just very disciplined, you know. Wake up.

What time do you wake up? When you say early.

When. When I. When I was in San Francisco early was 5:30, 6 o'. Clock.

Wow.

Now in LA, it's not like that.

Anymore now in LA, because you're out partying and.

Well, I don't go out and party exactly, but I do do a lot more fun stuff. And then it's like eight. Eight o' clock is now early. Okay.

No, that's good. We could do that by 8:30.

But I gotta tell you, you own this city. When you wake up at 5:30. I've done it a few times.

Oh my God.

No one knows.

You miss all. And then you get home before all the traffic and you were just like. I mean, the problem is you have to go to bed early. And that sucks.

I know, it does suck. I'm not gonna total night. Cause then I do Loveline after this show, everyone wants to check out. I don't know if everyone knows what Loveline is, but it's also a podcast. But it might be playing in your city. It's a show that's been around for about 30 years with Dr. Drew and. Anyway, so I do that. I get home here at midnight, but I'm so energized, we're doing live radio that I'm like up till four in the morning and then I'm all messed up the next day. But I'm gonna try to make it to the Mike Catherwood too. And Dr. Drew are the hosts of it. I love them. Okay, so, Connor, so first tell me about. We're gonna get into a lot of things today because you're a prolific writer. You're gonna start writing some stuff for Sex with Emily. I'm committing you right here on the air.

Right on.

Also writing for Patty Stenger, as I do on her blog. We're gonna start next week. Patti knows.

Correct. My column is called Free Sex with Connor Habib.

I love it. Yeah, that's really cool. And I write one for her too, that's called, I don't know, Sex, Sex something. But that's really fun. But you're also gonna start writing for us, which we're gonna talk about. But tell me about how you got started first in the adult industry.

Okay, so I wanted to be in porn since I was about 12 years old. Maybe a little earlier than that. I had always wanted to do it, so my whole life. And I just.

Why though?

Why? Well, there are a Lot of reasons. I mean, I think when I was that young. I mean, your reasons change as you get older, right? When I was that young, it was like, okay, why wouldn't somebody do this? First of all, it was like, this is the most awesome thing in the world. Why wouldn't it? I had no shame about that. Were you sexual?

Were you always, like, into.

Yes, but I didn't. I didn't have any outlet, you know what I mean? I grew up in small town, Pennsylvania. I had nowhere to put it. What era did you grow up in, outside of Allentown?

No era.

Oh, what era?

A decade.

Oh, the 80s and the 90s. Yeah.

All right, Zagas, because I think I'm maybe a little bit older than you, but I barely knew what porn was when I was like 12. 11. Yeah, I knew about it too early for sure. But my question to you is, like, how do you even know what Porn was at 12? We don't want to do it.

When my parents got divorced, my dad got a cable cheater box. Do you guys remember those? Where it was like it would Spice Channel, right? Yeah, well, but we actually had just like a hardcore porn channel. This is actually a great story because it's like the hand of fate directed my life. So my dad had this huge giant screen TV and the cable cheater box and. And me and my dad and my stepmom and my sister are all sitting in the room. He's flipping through the channels because when you flip, it's just a blip. You can see literally nothing on the screen. And as he passed channel 27, which was the porn channel, the battery and the remote died. And So I was 7 years old and I saw this giant penis and giant vagina. I had no idea what it was. And my sister covered my eyes. Either of them, really. I mean, that penis certainly did not look like my seven year old penis. So somebody, my sister covered my eyes and screamed, and my dad had to run up and turn the TV off manually. But I already seen it, you know, and I. I was like, okay, wait, there's something I'm not supposed to see, but apparently I am supposed to see it because it's on tv, right? And it. And you know it's there, so I didn't get it. You know, it was this weird puzzle. So that was the first time I ever saw porn.

And then did you wait for your parents to go out, leave the house, and then you turn it on?

I didn't really care about it till I was, you know, until I went through puberty you know what I mean? I might have been a little entranced by it, but I didn't care so much, you know? Like, I would look at it and be like, what'? But it wasn't. Didn't really click for me until I went through puberty.

Got it?

Yeah.

Okay. Because I don't remember. See, now I do remember seeing that. We had HBO and it was the. Fuzzy, like the Showtime Emmanuel films, but you couldn't really see it.

The Red Shoe Diaries.

Yeah, exactly. But you couldn't really see it. But I didn't get turned on for, like, years, till I was like, 19. Like, I didn't have any sexual feelings.

You didn't have any sexual feelings?

No, I did. I hooked up with guy. I had boyfriends, but I just didn't, like, masturbate or anymore.

You weren't into it?

Yeah, no, I wish I was. I'm so envious of people like you, of these, like, early sexual feelings.

Well, what was it? Can you remember the first time you masturbated? Have you talked about that before?

Oh, totally. I mean, I didn't even. The thing that pisses me off is that it never even occurred to me to masturbate. It didn't even. Like, I wasn't really lying, being, oh, this might feel good. And I don't know why. I mean, I think my childhood growing up was pretty tumultuous. Maybe I was anxious. I mean, I'm always anxious, but I'm a pretty high strength. But it was, you know, I don't know what it was, but, like, how do you not just think like that? It's just weird. Like, it wasn't like, I come from a very liberal home. It wasn't like they were hiding it from me. I wasn't going to Catholic school. I just. I don't know. And then I started having sex, and then my friends started talking about orgasms. I'm like, what the what? Or I don't think I've had one of those. You know, it's like, if you think you haven't, you probably haven't. And then my mom was like, you should, you know, masturbate. She's like, have you ever tried getting stoned?

I love that.

Your mom. Oh, yeah, my mom's really cool. She gave me this book called. It's called For Yourself by Loni Barbach. It's still a great classic book. Have you ever heard of that before?

Yourself? No.

And she gave it to me. She's like, you should read this. And then all my friends would Be sending me, like, links. I'm like, how to have an orgasm. Like, you know? And it became like a joke with my friends. And then I eventually, like, got there, but it just.

I don't know.

I was a late bloomer, so. That's so cool. Now look at me. I can't stop blooming. But, Connor, so did you. Were you attracted to men or women? Like, when did you feel that?

So the. So the porn. The interest in porn came long before I knew I was really attracted to men. Right. I didn't really understand any of my attractions. And then. So I felt no shame about the porn. And then suddenly I started having feelings for guys. And then I got really ashamed because of where I grew up. So that was weird. I mean, that was a weird thing. And there was no gay porn, of course. I was only watching straight porn until I was about 19 and someone gave me a gay porn. And then it was like.

It came over, right?

It came over well. It was also like, wow, like, people do this and they enjoy it. They love doing this. And that means there's a whole world of gay men out there doing this. I can't believe this thing I'm ashamed of. So in that sense, I like to say always that, like, every gay porn is an it gets better video.

Right.

So it's like. Because gay kids in areas like that everywhere get to see positive depictions of something that's negative.

Exactly. So then when did you have your first, like, sexual encounter?

I had my first sexual encounter before the first gay porn.

The first. First one was me and my friend had a drawing contest, and whoever drew the most awesome superhero got his dick sucked by the other guy.

Oh.

And I was a better drawer, of course, right? Yeah, exactly.

There you go. Good.

Like age 11 or whatever. Yeah. And then. But then the first, like, sort of real. I had this neighbor boy that I would hook up with a lot.

Okay. And did anyone know or was it, like a secret? No.

And I was a jerk. I mean, we're. We. Because he was like. I was not a popular kid. I was like a punk rock kid. So I was like a. Just a contentious asshole. You know what I mean? But he was like. He was just even. He was like a nobody, you know? And so I wasn't nice to him in high school. And then after school, every day, we.

Would hook up every day. Wow. Now, do people know in high school? Like, were they like, oh, because did girls must have. They didn't like, no girls, so. God, I don't understand.

I was like. I had Long hair in the front.

Okay.

I thought like, Edward furlong from Terminator 2 haircut. You know what I mean?

I know. We all changed. Like, if we looked at my high school photo with the big hair. Yeah. It wouldn't have been pretty.

Oh, my God. I want to see.

Oh, my God. There was actually. There is one on my, like, Instagram account. It's so not pretty. My assistant posted. I was so pissed. I'm like, my big hair. But so. Okay, so then that. So that was your first experience, and then you. And then how did the porn thing. Did you move to San Francisco after that?

Yeah, no, I mean, I'm so. I'm 36 now, so I definitely. There was a long time, and I just sort of, like, off and on thought about the idea, whatever. And then. Yeah. It wasn't until I moved to San Francisco, I was an English professor. I mean, that's not the exact right term for what I was, but I was teaching college English at University of Massachusetts in West New England College. And my last semester teaching. I, like, my. My students are like, what are you gonna do after this? And I was like, I think I'm leaving San Francisco and be a porn star.

And they were like, what, Professor?

They just thought it was awesome. They were like, right on. You know, they just thought it was the coolest thing.

That is so funny. So when did you move there?

I moved to San Francisco in 2007.

Okay.

So that's. And I started very shortly after that.

Okay. Doing porn in San Francisco. Which were you, like, with kink.com or anything? Or were you.

I've done one scene for Kink, but mostly there are a lot of gay porn studios in San Francisco. A lot of. Most of the straight ones, you know, in LA or now in Las Vegas or whatever. But, yeah.

Okay. And so did you enjoy it right away? Were you, like, a natural?

I loved it. Yeah. I mean, I've been thinking about it my whole life. So what happened was I filmed a commercial for a bathhouse. They asked me to be in a commercial. It was totally crazy. Out of nowhere, and I did the commercial. And the guys who filmed the commercial came up to me afterwards. They're like, have you ever thought about doing porn? And I was like, have I ever thought about doing one?

Yeah. Like, what was I thinking about two seconds ago?

Yeah, exactly. So then we. So then, yeah, I went, and it was an orgy scene, and I wasn't attracted to any of the guys at all. And I still was just, like, electrified. I was like, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. It was just obvious. So now it's almost seven years and 200 movies later. Oh, my God.

You did 200 films. What are some of your favorites?

One is called one. An early favorite is called Laid Off. And that is. It was really great because it coincided with the 2008 financial collapse.

Oh, right, There was a collapse.

Yeah, it was a parody of. It was like a parody of the economic situation. I was like a factory worker and I talked too much and my co workers got sick of me. So they duct taped me to like these shipping shelves and had their way with me. And that's one of my favorite things.

Was there ever anything important that you didn't want to do that you were like, no, you do the line.

No, there are some. No, because I just don't do stuff. I don't do stuff that I haven't done in life on camera.

Okay.

So that's one thing. And I think that's a good bit of advice.

What don't you do?

Oh, you want to know? Let's get down to it. Well, now there's not that much anymore. Well, I've been asked for one. Like I was saying, I've been asked to do straight porn and I had to say no because I've never had sex and no one wants to lose their virginity on camera. That's. No, never. I haven't done a lot of pain stuff because I don't do that in my life.

Right, you're not into like S and.

M. No, I'm interested in exploring it, to be honest, but I've never really done it that much in life. So a little bit here and there and it's been rough and aggressive, but that's it. And I don't know, I think that might be close.

That's good.

How often do you get duct tape at shipyards in your real life?

Good question. Exactly.

He was late because he was duct taped. I've been tied up.

I've been tied up.

So that's close, right?

Yeah, totally.

I love being tied up. I don't get tied up enough.

Well, let's do it.

I've got like a whole house full of bondage gear. Bondage tape.

Really?

Oh, yeah. I have a garage.

You need someone you trust. It's very difficult.

I know.

Because you need someone you really trust to like, if you're going to get tied up.

Right?

Exactly.

You have five, ten minutes to figure it out.

Exactly.

I'm too tied up to be tied up.

Exactly.

Such a bummer. Well, how do you feel about sex toys? Do you use any, like, toys at all or plugs or rings?

I've used, I've definitely used butt plugs because I want it to be able to handle a little bit more in my life. So I've carried those around inside me. What kind do I like?

You mean, I don't know, brand glass ones you like or.

No, no, no. I just like the squeegee rubbery kind of ones because I need some leeway.

Right, exactly. O Just curious because there's actually. I was gonna talk about this anal sex. We do a little sex in the news on the show, but did you see this thing on Huffington Post? I think it was today that.

This reporter for the. Okay, I'll tell you this. A column on anal sex in the student newspaper at Washington State University continues to bounce around the web. It goes viral. It's called so her Abby student. Abby Student. Her real name. That's her real name. Abby Student says takes a turn paper approach to the subject, beginning with the ment. Robert Frost's poem about the road less traveled. It takes a pretty typical path. Anal sex is more common than you think it's been for thousands of years. And here's what you need to know if you plan to engage in it. So it was all about anal sex. And sue doesn't assert that anal sex is sweeping the Pullman campus, but the Huffington Post did it. So the Huffington Post was saying it was a trend and that there's all this stuff happening about anal sex. And the best quote comes from the student. She says, your butt has been your butt forever. And then there's like an interview with her. And then Stephen Colbert did like a fun riff on it. And so. And it's funny because on Loveline too. So it says, yeah, this was the headline. The Huffington Post headline at the latest rage on college campuses is apparently anal sex. So I think it's interesting because we always talk about this in a love line and Dr. Drew always like, why is it all of a sudden? I always thought it was like, maybe because of porn, because I don't remember anal sex. Interesting. Was anal sex like an issue when you were like in high school? An issue, not an issue. Did it come up? Did you try to anally penetrate?

Yeah, especially if you're in a long term relationship. I mean, it's, it's not fair that it's right there. Every time you're going to have normal sex, the butt is right there.

Right.

But I feel like you're gonna try it, you're gonna want to.

It didn't even occur. Like no one even ever tried.

You weren't thinking about anything until you're like 19, 20.

I know, but still, even in my 20s when I was dating, no guy ever like said it brought up. And I feel like porn has really been guy seeing important. It's like squirting too. Like a lot of people were interested in it.

Well, I think women, I think in some way, like women, I don't know, you're. Because your anatomy is different because you don't have a prostate. Like sensational wise, it's different for you, right?

Yeah, but we kind of orient women can have orgasms.

Oh, sure, yeah, but it's different.

It's not like.

But I also think that the thing that's really sweeping, like the trend that's really going on, it is anal, but it's girls fucking their boyfriends with strap on.

Exactly. Pegging. Exactly. And I always say to my male listeners, I'm like, you know, don't knock it till you try it. I mean, I, I feel like.

Put a dick in it.

Put a dick in it.

That's what I said.

Put a. Put a. Exactly. Dildo. Whatever it is, doesn't have to be a dick. It could be a strap on, whatever it is. Because it's amazing pleasure that so many straight men are like, oh, it's gonna be, no, I'm gay, or I don't want anyone to touch it. I had a bad experience. 1. A girl put a finger mask and I'm like, what if it's like it is the male prostate? I mean, feels amazing, right? I mean, it's not just if you're gay. Straight men too. And I feel like there's legions of straight men who are completely missing out on this incredible experience they can have because they're too like freaked out for whatever reason.

Yeah. I mean, every man has a clitor ass, right?

I clipped to her ass. Oh my God. I'm totally gonna go with that. So I swear to God. Do you ever like the straight man's like first, like, do you have straight men that you're like.

Constantly. I have sex with straight men constantly.

Oh my God.

And it's not, I'm not like, I'm not trying to brag. I used to brag about it, but it's just, I've noticed in my life that it's just happened so many times now that people who are identified as straight.

Do you hook up with them?

Oh, totally. Fuck yes.

Okay, I want to hear about that. Do you ever buy them flowers by chance?

No, but I. But if I felt like they needed just a little comfort, I might buy.

Them some flowers or a dilda or butt plaid. Because I want to talk about flowers for a minute. So I. This week. What? My new sponsor this week is Bouchs. That's B O U Q S. And let's just face it, sending online flowers kind of sucks. We've all been burned. $19.99 somehow becomes $74.50 and what shows up is not what you ordered. Mostly it's dead. And then you get spammed non stop from these people. So the geniuses at thebooks.com launched a whole new way to send flowers. That is T-H E B O U Q S.com books because they took the bouquets and simplified them. The books.com sends flowers straight from sustainable farms located at an active volcano in South America.

Sweet. Are they on fire when they get to your house?

Yeah, they are actually volcano flowers. They're totally on fire.

I've had a burning blossom before.

A burning blossom. I did too.

The best coffee comes from the volcanic.

I know. I mean, I think this is cool because they're like sustainable flowers. They charge a flat rate of just $40 with free friggin delivery. I love free delivery, by the way. Like I hate people charging me like 10 bucks for delivery. Pisses me off.

Hey, I can speak from experience too. Like the 1999 thing. I've been completely burned.

Yeah.

And then wilted flowers.

Oh yeah, I got wilted.

You want to tell the wife? Like honey, you don't. You don't know. I spent 80 bucks on this.

It's always 80 bucks though.

Because she's familiar with the ad. She's all heard, 19.99. So she thinks I'm some cheap ass.

Right.

I want to tell her. No. It actually ended up costing like 80.

No. Right. It always cost 80 because like my web guy had a surgery and I sent him flowers and it was like 90 bucks. They nickel and dime you all the time. Boox is not $40 with free delivery. So your loved ones gets beautiful flowers and you save catch cash for a limited time. The boox is offering 20% off with with promo code Emily. So go to the books.com that's T-H-E-B-O-U Q S.com. click on the shop button at the top of the page. Send that special someone a book. Don't forget, order today with promo code Emily to get 20% off flowers from a freaking volcano. God damn it.

And, ladies, if you peg your boyfriend or your husband, you can buy him flowers afterwards to continue emasculating.

No, I think men like flowers, don't you?

Well, you can use his anus as a vase.

Oh, I want some anal sex tips.

No, I'll give you anal sex tips. I actually do love getting flowers. I will say, like, I think it's very sweet and romantic, so I'm down with that.

This guy that I've been dating, like, brought me, like, I love lilies.

And he.

I love this when a man just remembers. And he brought me the most beautiful lilies. And my whole house just smells so fragrant right now. And I never. I feel like it's. Maybe guys, whoever you're dating think it's cliche. Flowers are like the cliche thing. But I actually. All week long, I've got the. These beautiful. It just smells amazing. Makes me really happy. And you can put them in the ass. I didn't know that. I'll try that next time I see them. I think, honey, these are so great. And they look great in your ass.

Okay, so that's what I'm gonna say to him. It's perfect. Okay. So we were talking about anal sex pegging, so. Oh, yeah. It's a trend right now, but, yeah, it's true. So you've been like a lot of straight men's first. So they're like, cheating on their wives or. What's the deal with most of these guys? What's the profile of these men?

No, I mean, I think. Well, initially the straight guys that I would mess around with were college boy. Because I was in college. Right. So that just happened a lot. Like, people just experimenting and sort of trying things out.

You were the top. So they were not always.

Yeah. And so. But now when it happens. Yeah, a lot of times it's someone who. I don't know. The profile is some. It's hard for me to give a profile because the profile for me in mind is like, someone who is excited. Like, a dude who's excited has someone to talk to. Because dudes feel like they don't have people to talk to and they have a hard time talking to women. So a lot of times I feel like guys, like, who are my friends who are straight, they'll have some sort of rapport with me. They'll feel comfortable around me. And, like, I don't know if that means their wires get crossed or like, whatever it is, maybe. I mean, I don't actually. I shouldn't say it that way because that makes it sound like it's a bad thing. Like, I think they're just like, I feel affection.

Yeah, I think that's totally true. I think that a lot of men are shut down emotionally and you probably open them up in more ways than one. Okay, so being in Los Angeles, what is the how is dating here?

Well, I haven't exactly tried to date, so I broke up my last boyfriend last May, so a long time. And I haven't really wanted to be in a relationship since. Hooking up is easy. I mean, hooking up, it's a pornicopia. I mean, it's just like everything.

You want more than San Francisco?

Yes. Because you don't see the same people all the time. Like, in San Francisco you would see, like, you'd be like, where? But LA is inexhaustible. So it's just like orgasm variety.

Exactly. Do you do Grindr app?

Yes, I do Grindr and well, mostly I do scruff and then there's one called Mr. And Mr. Is for younger guys looking for older guys.

Are you like the older guy now?

No, no, no. I'm still the younger.

Okay, good.

So, like, I'm hanging out with like 50 year olds. Like, I think it's hot. I think, like, older guys are hot too.

Oh, my God. They probably love hooking up with you. Because I'm sort of into Tinder lately. I just think it's a really easy way. Cause everyone's a Grinder if everyone doesn't know. Like, how do you explain Grindr? Like, it's. If people don't know. It started in the gay community. It was a gay app that you just.

You.

All you have to put in, like, is your age range and what.

Right. So you create a little profile. It's your picture, a few facts about yourself, and it comes up on a grid of everybody else's photos and all that kind of stuff.

Who's, like, getting into close proximity.

Exactly. And that's through, like, gps, basically. So, like, you see who's close to you.

Right.

And you say hi. And.

And it works in, like, how you've hooked up with people from Grindr?

Yeah, totally.

Like, Right. All the time.

I mean, I think a lot of people use it more as porn than they do for hookup.

What do you mean? Like, they jack off to the pictures?

Yeah, because you can unlock your pictures and there's tons of like, naked pictures. So people spend a lot of time just like surfing through it, looking at photos.

Oh, my God. I had no idea. Okay, good. Well, anyway, people thought it wouldn't work for the straight community, and I think Tinder's a little different, but it is still pretty cool. Like, I'm just like, yes. No, no, no. I'm just flipping. It's the same thing. I put in the age range I'm looking for and the proximity. Like in la, I'm like, because I don't want to drive anywhere, you know, and then you just. I mean, I'm getting all these swipes. You swipe. You're like, yes, no. Yes, no, yes, no. And then if I like someone and they happen to have liked me at the same time, then we're a match.

Yeah.

And it's super fun. So here you think it's better just because you don't, you don't see people?

Yeah, I mean, there's just. There's a lot more options. There are, yeah. There's just. I just feel like there's so much more and you're not confronted with like, oh, there's that guy at the gym and you see him every single day.

It's totally true. Okay, so which I like that too about la, because I feel like even though I've been here almost a year, I just feel like I don't run the same people I meet, there's so many more people totally, totally understanding. Like this big. Like, either I've slept with some guy. Like, if someone calls me over a guy, I'm like, I slept with him, or my best friend slept with him, or someone else did and he's already.

And that might be true in la, but you would just never know because everybody's separated from each other.

Exactly. I know. I kind of love that.

Yeah, me too.

Okay, so what else are you working on? Talk to me about this petition. I want to hear about that. Your censorship. I think it's great. Cause. So talk to me about it.

Thank you. So last week, vine, which is an app that's owned by Twitter, Twitter decided to ban all adult content that was on Vine.

Now, was there a lot of adult content on Vine?

Thousands of thousands.

So the short little. How do we explain Vines?

Vine is a six second. Yeah. So if you have Insta video, it's like that, but you have 6 seconds to edit your own videos. So lots of people, including porn stars, but lots of just amateur people were making six second porn videos on Vine. Now the great thing about vine was that you can make six second porn videos and you'd have that and then you have video right after it that was like you going to the grocery store and like dropping a peach or something like that, you know, so it's.

Like, as a porn star, six second porn. That's definitely for Vine.

Just the cum shot. Yeah. But, you know, lots of women used it as well. Oh, how do you jerk off to 6 second porn, do you think? Yeah, well, you just go through a lot. Yeah.

You're like, play, play, play.

But I think, I think that. So the great thing about it for porn stars was that it gave you a chance to show, like, and everybody, hey, look, sex is part of life. Like, here's my sex video, here's my goofy video. Here's my blah, blah, blah, blah. So it was just very like. I think it was just showed people's full humanity, was awesome. So then last week, Twitter decided to ban all adult content to cut out everybody who had adult content. So in other words, to suspend their accounts. And they said that we wanted to make their users feel comfortable. Now thousands of their users were doing this.

Tens of thousands feel very comfortable.

Yeah, exactly. More than comfortable. Sometimes we feel more than comfortable.

Right.

And so I started this petition, which is linked. I just did a blog post about it. So if you go to my website, which is connorheb, how do you use it yet?

Connor Habib. So spell it.

C O N N E R H A b I b connorhabib.com it'll link you to a post about the petition. You can look at it. Nerve.com and sex.com and daily. All wrote about it.

Great.

So it's getting some press and so we just really need to pick it up. I don't necessarily. I don't start the petition because I think it's gonna make Twitter change its mind. I did it because I want people to see how censorship of porn is linked to censorship. And we need to draw our line in the sand and be like, whether you do this or not, we're against it and you need to hear our voice.

Well, what about Twitter? They don't ban porn, do they?

No, but I worry that that's gonna.

Come right, Because I'd be in trouble. Not that I put porn up, but I put a lot of.

A lot of us would be a.

Lot of stuff, sex content on my Twitter. That's like, that's what I do.

Exactly. I mean, I think that's the big fear.

So they can go to Connor B. They can sign the petition.

Exactly. Well, it'll lead them to the change dot. It's a change dot org.

And then you also have like Others, all your writing?

Yeah, yeah, totally.

And then you're working on a book right now?

Yes. So my book comes out later this year from Disinformation, which is sort of a countercultural media company. And my book is called Remaking Sex, and it's tour through sex and how everything we know about sex is wrong. So I go through politics, history, science, all that kind of stuff, and I just sort of unearth all the. These myths.

Like, what? Give me one that we know is wrong. What do we think is wrong?

Oh, my gosh. Okay, so one is. Okay, so masturbation shame is a great one to talk about.

Right?

So we were just talking about masturbation before. So I write a thing about where masturbation shame comes from. And it actually comes from this weird. Not from the church, which is where we would think it comes from, but this weird scientific hoax that happened a long time ago where this guy created this pamphlet saying he could cure people who had been damaged by masturbation.

But he probably was a religious freak, though.

He used religion, but he was more of just some scientist, huckster, doctor guy. So because that pamphlet sold so well, all like, religious people picked it up, all these other people picked up, and it just spread out into the world. So you had like centuries of people being ashamed of masturbation. That's a real simplification.

But people are still ashamed about it. I mean, I wasn't ashamed about it. I just didn't do it. But there are so many people who just. I mean. Cause whenever I get asked by, like, I get interviewed by a lot of women's magazines or Men's Health, they're like, what's the. What do. What do you think that women need to know about sex? I'm like, they need to know that they need to masturbate. And men, too. That like, that especially how women. Like, that's how we learn about our bodies. Like, that's how we know what makes us feel good. We're always expecting our partner to know. And, you know, men have a little. They just kind of figure it out.

Well, no, I mean, but we figure it out.

But then you have shame. A lot of men have shame around it.

They have shame about it, and we have shame about masturbating to porn. So men masturbate to. I mean, women. Like, porn is like a third Women consumers. Right. But men masturbate to porn, and they feel badly about that. So that's their version of feeling bad about masturbating.

Exactly. They do. And I just. I always try to tell you, like it's totally normal for men to masturbate to porn. And I think a lot of women, there's also misunderstanding like who they don't understand, like in straight couples, like why their partner is masturbating porn. And I would say like it's separate. Like they could be having the best sex of their lives with you. But men just still sometimes just need this release. Women need a release too. But we might not need the visual stimulation as much. Some do, some don't. But it's like this whole porn thing, it's just like a lot of women are just confounded by it. Like I don't get it. Does he want me to like have fake boobs? Does he want me to be prettier? Am I not? Please.

Well, I mean that's.

And then some men hide it and then they feel guilty, but they already feel guilty.

And then the hiding, it makes it seem like there's something wrong which probably pisses the partner off even more, which makes things.

Exactly. I'm like, then you guys should just watch porn together, right?

And also like what? Our imaginations are pornographic. So what's the difference between our imagination.

And I celebrate it? I'm like just do it. Right. Watch Connor's films too. Do you make money from them or they just pay you?

I don't make, I don't make my book. I still want you to watch them.

Still watch them. Connor Habib, do you list them on your website?

My website is being revamped. So when you go to. My website now links to my blog. But there is. You can just google it.

Google Connor Beeb and see how friggin hot he is. We're also gonna have a little video attached to this that you can merge. It's just going to be me talking to his cow because you probably won't pull down his pants right now. Speaking of pulling down the pants. So this week we have a really big holiday coming up. Uh huh.

I'm pretty excited.

I know, right? It's called Steak and Blowjob day. So Steak and Blowjob day is sort of the anti Valentine's Day. Have you heard about this, Anderson?

Just tonight from you.

Seriously? You've never heard about it?

Well, like I was saying, my favorite comedian, Bill Burr. I thought that he invented this a year and a half ago. No, he just kind of came up with it.

That's been going on for a while.

And then he realized a few weeks later he's like, fuck this, things are a real thing.

Oh, it's a real thing. So it's kind of like the anti valentine. Like, you know, I give you flowers, I give you roses. Like, let's get a blowjob.

Do they have cards for it?

They don't. I don't think that Hallmark is rushing out making cards yet. No, I don't. But.

Lone Star Steakhouse has. Exactly.

So it's kind of a day that, you know, I guess that people should give back to their partners because whatever. I think it's just silly and it's fun. We actually sent a newsletter out about it today. But what would you say then? I'm sure you've given blow jobs before. What would the golden rules, you think, for giving a good blow job.

Okay. For giving a good blow job. So the one thing that people miss out all the time, and it drives me crazy when I'm getting a blow job.

I hope I don't do this is.

It's called sucking a dick. So that means when you put in your mouth, you don't just move your head back and forth. You suck on it like you're sucking. Like, you know, put your finger in your mouth and suck on it like you're sucking a nipple. That's it. You suck the dick because you have to create some sort of pressure on the penis. It's not just putting it in your mouth.

Right. Don't be too loose.

Yes, totally. And guys do that to me all the time.

So do you stop them and go. Do you give direction?

I know I say it sort of mean.

What do you do?

I'm sort of like. I'm sort of like, suck on it. Suck it harder. You know, like, I'm telling you.

Right. Do you think every man wants that? Like, if we're talking about, like, if women were giving women tips to, like. Do you think every guy wants it?

I think every man might want to experience that.

You know, so, like a bad blood. Yeah. Like Anderson, like, what would you say that women where they. I know you're married, but before that, I'm sure your wife gives the best blowjobs in the world. But before that, what was like, a really bad blowjob experience? What was she doing?

So not her?

No, not your wife. Of course you married her. Because.

Don'T like the teeth.

The teeth are like the big one. And then you learn that in Blowjob School 101.

Unless you're an amputee. Usually there's a couple hands. You gotta use your hands. Use the other hand.

The balls. Yeah, I feel like balls. Do you feel like all men like their balls play with or not. Do you think it's controversial?

To varying degrees. I mean, some guys don't have sensitive balls. Some guys don't have sensitive, like really sensitive dick. Right, totally. But you. But. But the balls. I mean, for me, if someone just like sucks it, like they're trying to suck something out of like a straw, it hurts.

Right.

So they have to because they're very sensitive. So. But some guys can just be like, pulled, like, you know, like trying to pull them off. So just pay attention to your partner.

Exactly. Communication is lubrication. Watch what they want. Watch it. Okay, so. So speaking of balls, I bought you a little present here, which is gonna go really well. It's kind of a side dish for steak and blowjob day. It's called Down Under Comfort, and it's from my new product line, Emily and Tony, which you can get@emilyandtoni.com and it's sort of a revolutionary product because it's for your down unders. It's for men and for women. But it started out like, a lot of men as, you know, use talcum powder or they, you know, and if it gets cakey, it's also carcinogenic. And a lot of men don't use anything and they think I'm fresh, I'm dry, I showered this morning, I'm totally fine. But they're not, right? Have you ever been with a guy and you're like, what? Why?

Like, hygiene is like, you just mean ball, like all out ball stink.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you have that a lot? Do you find you don't, right? Dude, you don't. But have you been with a guy.

And like, you're just like, why don't you shower sometimes? Sometimes you'll like the smell, and a lot of times you will not like that smell at all.

Okay, so I invented a deodorant for your balls for your down unders, and I want you to feel this. So it's a cream. It's cream to a powder formula. I'm gonna put a little in your hand and just rub it in and you'll see if you want me to.

Put it on my balls just on.

My hands right now, but we'll put on your balls after for the video. So if you see it turns into a powder. So you keep rubbing it around and it's like a light, fresh, citrusy scent. And you will not sweat down there. You'll be fresh and dry.

So, guys, can you sweat? Rocket scientist, isn't it?

I'm a Rocket scientist so women can use it down there. So you don't have to worry. Let's say all of a sudden you're like, have a hot date that night. You're like, oh no, I'm, you know, I need to clean up.

You're still.

It's deodorant for your down unders.

How does it work?

How's that stuff? It's like the chocolate, remember the liquid chocolate? And it turns hard. Yeah, it reminds me of that because.

It has witch hazel. It's all vegan ingredients. So it's witch hazel, which is a natural antiperspirant. No, it is. And we have. It's tapioca powder and it's all natural ingredients that act as a natural deodorant. It's a cream formula. Turns into a light natural powder to keep your intimid areas fresh and dry. And the ingredients are. Yeah, it's tapioca powder. It's got witch hazel again. That's a natural antiperspirant. But it's not.

I feel like the entire state of Florida should buy witch hair.

Right everyone?

Swampy balls.

Swamp balls. They're the worst. So Emily and Tony, go to emily and tony.com, use coupon code EMILY and you get 20% off. And you'd be be supporting me in my life. And I could do a podcast for you every single day if you buy some. And it'll change your life and your partner. Because hygiene is actually the number one complaint that men and women have about their partner.

Really?

Yeah, Hygiene, hygiene, hygiene. Like they're just not clean, they're not fresh, like anything.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

It's like a total buzz kill.

Can you put it under your arms? Can you put your armpits?

You can. I mean it's not as strong as the deodorant, but you totally can. And like Mike Catherwood, who's the host of Loveline, he uses it the gym. Oh, you'll like the. This he uses. Cuz he chafes at the gym.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So if you ever chafe, it's great for that.

It's kind of.

And it can be used as a dry shampoo. It's kind of a miracle product.

That's awesome.

I know. Like everyone who uses you can probably.

Use it on your feet if your feet stink.

Exactly. I have like my pregnant friend, she's pregnant.

Like use your feet.

You could use it everywhere.

Everybody has a part of their body that stinks. Oh, thank you.

That's your present, honey.

Thank you.

Remember when you gave it to that porn star a few months ago and on air. And she. I Connor, I thought she's gonna cry. She was so happy. She's like, I'm going to put those on every single guy that I have.

To do a scene.

Will you put it in every single. Every porn set in the world she can show?

Funny.

I'm so happy, I guess, that her life was hell on set, right?

Cause what do you do, right?

I mean, she actually should just put it on the inside of her nose.

That's what I said.

I said like.

Exactly. But it smells good too. Because it's just.

That's the thing.

It's citrus. It's for. It's for men and for women. So that's awesome. It's a good thing. Yeah. So I think you should.

I love it. I'm so excited.

Yeah. I also massage candles too. I'll give you that. When we get together at the gym, we're gonna work out together. I want to be as strong and I want to be.

She's trying to take your V card.

But.

He brought it up. How do you feel about hand jobs? Because when I did this show for a long time with Menace, who's my co host in San Francisco, we actually just moved people. If you've listened to shows with Menace and I have done 2000 shows, he actually just moved to LA. We had lunch yesterday and we're gonna start doing shows together again. Anderson also be doing shows with you. He's adorable. Did you meet him?

No, I've never met him.

Oh, but he's so cute. So we were talking so. So years ago, three years ago on the show, we had this debate and I was like, I want to bring the hand job back. I feel like hand jobs, maybe it's everything with men, gay community, but like, we used to give back hand jobs before the blowjob. And like men still like finger women. So I'm not saying in replacing the blow job, but I think a hand job, even though men are so used to giving to themselves, if you use two hands and lots of lube, can it feel good?

So I'm going to make a joke and then we're going to go on. Because I always say that the secret to a good hand job is a blow job. But. But I will, I will jump past that because I was. Yes, sure. Like getting a hand job is also pleasurable. You have to know what you're doing. And I think one of the big things is that people will have part of their hand lubricated and part of it not so, like, especially right here, like between your thumb and your forefinger gets to be like a trouble area.

That's really cool.

You have to keep constantly, constantly lubricated. Also, not everybody does like lube. So guys who are uncircumcised, very often.

They don't like lube.

No. Because they have their foreskin that they can pull over the top of their penis.

How do you feel about uncircumcised penises? Because we actually had an email from a listener about it that I was going to.

Oh, gosh. It's such a complicated issue that lots of people get really upset about because they are anti circumcision. I think it's a complex issue. I think ultimately people who think that we shouldn't be men, shouldn't be circumcised are probably right. On the other hand, I have grown up circumcised, so I'm used to. To seeing penises that are circumcised. And to me, that's now become part of my sexual aesthetic. So it's difficult for me to just speak out against it, you know?

Right. You can't. I mean. Right. I mean, do you think that people. Do you feel like, would you be with someone who was like, you have probably have been.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It doesn't like both.

No, I don't. I don't have. No, I don't. I don't have anything against or for uncircumcised sex.

Exactly. Okay. Because I'm trying to find this email, which I think I by mistake too. Anyway, the guy was worried about it and he was like, what are women gonna think?

Is it bad?

Is it unhappy that he was uncircumcised?

Ye. He was uncircumcised. And he was like, really?

Just tell him to join most of the world. I mean, most of the world.

Most of the world is. It's true.

But he's encountering this culture where people expect circumcision.

So I think. I mean, I've been with menstrual. It doesn't bother me. I don't have issues. There are more risks. You have to be more clean, you know, cleaner down there and take care of yourself. But, like, you know, it happens.

Yeah. I mean, I think also, you know, the only thing I know a few people who have to be circumcised as adults because their foreskin started to constrict their penis head. So then they lost sensitivity in adult life, which was very difficult for them. But I think in general, most guys, it's like.

There'S no significant difference.

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. So people should try that. Yeah. And apparently it feels much better.

Yeah, it does.

How would you ever know?

Well, I have.

I wish I could, like, try. First of all, I want a penis for a day. But then I would like an uncircumcised penis for a day.

I can tell you I'm in between. I have what some people call a friend French cut, which means I have a. I have a little bit of foreskin.

What happened?

So. Well, they just. The way they circumcised me, there was still left some skin. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but so I can still pull the foreskin up over the top of the head of my penis. But it looks uncircumcised. I mean, it looks circumcised all the time. So that. And I will say that that part of my penis is extremely sensitive.

Okay.

In a good way.

So you kind of do have the best voice.

I do.

You kind of know what everyone's talking about. That is so freaking interesting. I have another question for you. Have you ever been with Intertwiner Wie you've got automatic talk. You've got all these great things. What about men who, like. Do you ever have men who, let's just say, premature ejaculators or can't last long, don't last as long as you'd like? Does that happen as much in the gay community?

No, I haven't experienced it that often, to be honest. Okay.

I'm curious. It's just an issue that people have.

I actually was just. My friend. Actually was just. A woman was dating someone who was a premature ejaculator, and I was trying to come up with tips for what she could do, and it was difficult because I think, you know, I'm obviously psychological.

It is psychological. A lot of it.

Yeah. And so you. So how do you intersect with that person's psychology? I mean, it's hard to get broad advice for something like that.

Right. Well, I was gonna say, also another one of our sponsors that I have to give a shout out to is Promescent. You've heard me talk about them before. And they're the only FDA treatment for premature ejaculation. It's a mild spray that you put on your penis, and it actually makes you stay harder, longer. And it's not even if you're a premature ejaculator. Like, it's a lot of men. Like, men and women. There's like an orgasm gap. Like, men can orgasm, like, four to six minutes when it's like 20 minutes. So if it's. It's. They use absorption technology and they provide superior ejaculation control with great sensation for the man and an unnoticeable transfer to the woman when you spray it so you stay harder longer. Oh, cool.

It's cheaper than coke, right? Because that's what we used to use.

Oh, yeah. Used to use coke, but then you can't ejaculate at all. Right.

Well, I mean, you. The coke on the. On the actual.

Oh, you put the coke on your penis. I'm gonna give you a bottle of Promescent Andersen. It'll change your life.

I don't need it. I just heard people.

Oh, you're fine. No, you're totally fine. Your sex life is perfection.

I always sit to the coke with the nose.

Oh, I got it. Okay. Coke. Is that. There's lots of drugs on porn stars and stuff.

No. That's such a mess. Yeah. There aren't really. I know. Sorry to say. I mean, it's difficult to perform. The drug that porn stars use more than any other drug is steroids.

Yeah, that's true. Right.

But not. You don't. You don't see a lot of drugs.

What about the other myth? The. The fluffer myth? Do they have that in the.

Not anymore. I mean, they.

Why? You don't need it because people use.

Viagra or Cialis or Trimax or Caberjack.

Okay. There's so much out there. What's Caberject?

You inject it into your dick.

Oh. Ow.

Yeah.

Have you done it?

No, never.

You don't need to. Right?

I don't even need. I don't even. I don't even need.

I don't even need anything. I need Viagra.

If they just whip out a syringe and shoot up your dick.

Yeah.

Ouch. They do that. Do they do that in a set?

Yep.

Oh, my God. You stay hard. For how long?

Do you have a doctor there?

It just artificially hardens your penis so it. You. I. I think it's cheating because it doesn't even intersect. Like, Viagra at least intersects with, like, your desires and the things that turn you on. Caber Jack is just like sticking a mannequin's dick.

Is it like, needle. Like, you buy it? Like people get.

I don't know. That it's illegal. Yeah, exactly. That's a point underground.

Okay. Okay. So everyone should check out Conor Habib. It's c o n C-O-N-N-E-R-H-A-B-I b.com. but also onnerhabib on Twitter.

That's right. And on Patti's blog starting next week.

Right. So it's called pattyknows.com we both write for Patty Sanger, who's the millionaire matchmaker if you don't know who she is. And it's going to be. Are you going to be. Every Monday for now. Okay, cool. And as he's going to be writing for me. But we need to talk about that.

That's right, we're going to talk about it.

I know, because. And also, everyone should check out my website because I've got got so much information. I was just voted. Glamour Magazine UK called me this morning that they voted me one of the top eight sex websites. Sex and information websites.

That is so awesome.

I know. In the world. And they were like, we love your website. We love your website. They didn't even know I podcast. I'm like, no, I have a podcast. Actually, a lot of people don't know this, but I do provide content every day on my website. Videos and blogs and all that stuff you should check out because I think you'd really like this.

And officially now you're glamorous.

Yeah, I'm glamorous. I'm glamorous and glamorous. Exactly. Sometimes I try to be glamorous. I have my moments. So thank you so much, Connor, for being on the show. I really appreciate it.

Thank you.

We're doing a little video now. You're gonna put some down under on your balls. Are you cool with that?

Okay.

Just kidding.

No, we don't.

We're not. Oh, yeah, you would do that. But I think on YouTube we can't do that.

No, you can on YouTube, but I can stick it down my pants. I can just do it.

We'll do a demo. Live demo. This is perfect.

Okay, Anderson, Drew can inject your dick.

Oh, Dr. Drew's here. Dr. Drew, would you inject some stuff? No, he wouldn't do that.

He's standing there with a giant syringe.

Oh, God, no. I'm not gonna get involved with my craziness. Okay, everyone, thanks so much. Check me out on Facebook and Twitter. Instagram, Sex with Emily. And thanks so much for listening to the show. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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