SWE: Surviving 21st Century Sex

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them. In a bygone day. Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. You can sign up for the mailing list, which you really should put your email address down there and we will send you some very important information. In fact, the first thing we do is send you the report. The five biggest mistakes you're making in bed, as a man and as a woman. You can choose male, female. Anyway, check out our podcast. Check out everything. And thanks for listening to the show. I love that everyone must be like, I don't know what show's going crazy. Everyone's listening. The numbers are going up. You must be telling all your friends. And we appreciate that so much. And this is a very special show because I'm sitting in the room with menace.

Hello, Emily.

Hi. We're. We're. We.

We try to start this podcast like three times, but it feels weird being in the same room. We are in the same room together in San Francisco, California, today.

Yeah, I love it. It's like we're in a. We're like in a long distance relationship, sort of. We go back and forth the show.

I know I need to get to la.

It's not that long, though. You are in la. You're in LA every weekend. You just don't see me. And it's cool. And I'm over. I'm like, oh, there's Metis. Five minutes from my house.

That's cool.

I'm there for whatever.

I was there for half hour last week. Half hour.

I know, honey. I know. One day when you really love me, you'll say, hey, you're the one I want to hang out. I'm moving. I'm moving. I know you're there for. You really should move to la. I mean, I don't understand why you don't.

Everyone thinks I do, so it's been.

Really interesting for me. So I've been in San Francisco for the weekend because I. I was really. Oh, my God. I went. I want to say oh, my God. Do I say oh, my God a lot? I do.

I haven't noticed it.

Okay. I don't think I do, but I think I say omg, like in typing. But I don't think I say it out loud. Whatever. The point is, I'm in San Francisco because I had to move the rest of my furniture to Los Angeles. So officially, I had a mover come up and move everything a few weeks ago. And then they forgot some important, crucial things like the bottom of my table and whatever. So I'm driving the rest back in my mini Cooper, which is filled. You saw it in front. But I came in because Good Vibrations opened a new store in Palo Alto. You know, Good Vibrations is a. So you guys know I always talk about Good Vibes. I say, go to goodvibes.com because you can't actually have the experience of going into a Good Vibration store, which we're.

Very lucky in the Bay Area.

There's like, five of them, and there's one in Boston, and it's such a unique experience. So, anyway, they opened up the Palo Alto store, which is very exciting. And I went to the opening, and I didn't realize it, but my Emily and Todi products were on the shelf. I didn't know that they had arrived yet to sell in the store. So the first store to sell them, and it was the first time I'd seen them on a shelf and not on the website. Emily and Tony.com. and so it was a very exciting moment for me. It's like I gave birth to these products, and there they were in public.

I saw you post an Instagram about it.

I did post an Instagram. It was very exciting. And then the new store is great. And it's so funny because I was thinking about it, because.

My first experience at Good Vibes, I had never had an orgasm when I moved to San Francisco. And I went into Good Vibes because I heard about the store, and I go, okay, I'll go into a sex. Because all the sex toy stores where I grew up were kind of creepy. Did you guys have those Weird. On the side of the road.

Really seedy.

Yeah, seedy. Like scary. Like there's some manly, like, jacking off into, like, a newspaper or something.

And then I told you when I first walked in there many podcasts ago, that the first thing I saw when I walked in the thing was called the Anal Ripper. That was the first sex toy.

I saw one at Good Vibrations.

No, no.

Into a. Oh, into the ones. Right. The seedy ones. So. Right. So that's the difference. I could vibe. So if you ever do, like, I seriously think if you go to a city where they have one, that it's just. It's. Everyone's so pleasant. You go in there, and I was like, oh, I have an orgasm. They're like, okay, honey, come over here.

So here's the vibe.

They walk you through it. It's totally casual, you know, have you masturbated? You know, so it's kind of like what we're doing with. I have these two new interns in Los Angeles Right now. Who? Neither one of them. I did not know this when I hired them. Neither one of them have had orgasms. One's 19, one's 24. And so I was just like, oh, my God. So obviously that's probably why they were drawn to the internship. But they didn't tell me this in the interview. So now Good Vibration is actually sponsoring, like, not in a way. They're orgasms. Journey to O is what we're calling it. And they gave. Sent them these huge, like, beginner kits, like masturbation, like vibrators to start with, like a bullet vibrator and then like a butterfly kiss vibrator. Then books about how to, like, feel good and music and bubble bath. Like, it was really sweet. And they're like. One of them is writing about it, Monroe, on my blog every week about how she's like, is it man versus machine? Because now she's having sex with a guy this weekend, but she's been masturbating for like two weeks and she hasn't had one yet. So she's like, who's gonna do it first, man or machine? It's very interesting.

It is interesting.

So anyway, that was why I'm here and because. Because I love good vibes and going to the things and seeing the products and whatever. And I want to see friends. Yeah.

Where has all your stuff been this whole time?

My stuff.

Ex boyfriend's house has it.

I know my friend's house is how you roll. Just. My dog is at my ex boyfriend's house, but my furniture was all at my friend Charlotte's house. So I didn't have that much when I moved. It was such a. I wasn't really ready to leave yet and to totally commit to LA shock. Commitment issues. So I. I kept. So Charlotte kept my few of my favorite pieces and now I just found an amazing place in LA that I decided I'd. For my furniture. So I had it all moved up and then this person forgot stuff, so I had to drive back down. Whatever. Craigslist. No. So. But yeah, so that's where it was. But now I have it all and I settle in and got my little guest house. It's so cute. You gotta come visit.

You got a guest house?

Yeah, I moved to West. Yeah, West Hollywood. What? Yeah, it's amazing. And. And so. Yeah, but that's why I'm here. But it's so weird to be back because I've been gone. Okay, so it's been a year. And I lived here for a really long time and it's just. It's just so different. The people and the vibes. I went to this party last night that I was out till 4am I went to one of those Burning man fundraiser party things. And yeah, I was up till 4am dancing. It was really fun. And all my friends came and we danced and I feel like the guys here are much more metrosexual and do not ask you out. Like in Los Angeles, and we've always said this, like, I always say that.

But the guys in LA are super metrosexual.

But they are. But they ask. They're aggressive.

Yeah, they're aggressive.

So I realized this is that we've been saying this for years. Every town that everyone lives in, they say it's the worst place to date. I get that you live nowhere. You live. There's a reason why it's the worst way. But San Francisco, truly not one guy. It is like, truly. No, no guy approaches you like, they're not like, hey, babe, whatever. They're all just like kind of dancing into their thing. I don't know what it is. But like Los Angeles, you go out and like, you're like dodging guys like, wherever, where they're more aggressive and they're just. They're as metrosexual, but they're not, you know? And then. And just because you're asking you out, the guys in LA also are probably asking out 10 other women, because that's what you do in LA. But here, guys are like, I'll just wait till she comes up to me, maybe. And if not, just go with my friends and smok.

Yeah. Or maybe tweet her later.

Exactly. So I've been noticing about dating and all that, but it's great to be back. How about. How about you? You were away.

I know. I. I just got back. I was in the Virgin Islands, I guess I was in St. Martin. I was in St. Thomas. I went to. I was on a Disney cruise. Everyone okay? A lot of people I'm sure that. That listen to this show are also into Disney, but I. So I went on this Disney cruise. I was kind of wasted the whole time, but I took shock. I took some pretty incredible Instagram photos.

Free alcohol, right? The whole time? Oh, yeah.

Oh, no, no, no. Alcohol is a little bit more. But they have a drink of a drink of the day.

Of course, yeah.

Probably spent about fifteen hundred dollars on just alcohol alone. But it was an amazing trip. Saint Martin is from what you remember. Yeah, Saint Martin is amazing. There's a place in Saint Martin you have to go. If you go there, it's called Maho Beach. I believe it's M A H O. And airplanes fly right over the beach. Like giant airplanes fly right over the beach, over the crowd, into the. Into the Runway. And it is amazing. I took some really cool photos of that.

Oh, that's amazing. So you went with your love?

Yes.

Your special lady.

Yeah.

I will never meet.

Probably not.

And was it good? Was it good for you guys to get away together? Because you. You work. So I don't feel like you guys do things like this. Do you, or you go.

No, no, we go all the time.

We're.

We're leaving again in like four days. We're going to Vegas.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, so we're. I mean, she comes along with me on all my trips.

Okay, got it. So when are you going to start, like, including her, like, in your Instagrams and stuff? And when are you going to change your Facebook status and. Can we talk about this for a second? Madison, I've had a long. I don't know how long you've been listening to show, but we. Long time.

Yeah, but seems so forgetful because I've answered this question a thousand freaking times.

What's the work thing? What?

Yeah, because the work stuff, dude.

What do you mean? What? Because she once worked. Whatever.

Yeah, and it's. It's a long story.

Whatever. She like, whatever worked. Who cares? I'm just saying that that's BS and that you.

How's it BS you have no pictures.

Of her, you never talk about her, and you're on a sex talk show.

All my friends know about her. Yeah, we talk about her too, but this. Look, this is your show.

No, it's not. I mean, yes, it is. It is my show, but, you know, if you cared about it, you'd share something. Okay. You're in a long term relationship right now and you should share something about how you feel about this relationship and where it's going. I think it'll be cathartic for you. I think you don't really think about it, and then if you do, you need to share it. Are you talking. Are you getting married soon? Like, do I need to buy a new dress or do I need to be prepared for not being invited? Like, I don't understand.

Okay, okay, I'll answer some quick questions.

Please just give me something new. Like, it's so. I'm so bored.

We. We both hate children.

Okay.

Children are. Not that. We hate children, but it's so per se.

Right? So, so much you hate the idea of having children. I. You actually hate children. No.

Well, like, I like being around kids, but I don't want to clean up shit. I don't want to pay for them. I just.

Million dollars of a lifetime having a child.

And then they're like always crying and stuff like that.

It's just. Well, eventually they stop.

And every person I see is that has kids are super miserable.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. If you have a kid, I'm sorry. And you're gonna say that I'm wrong all day long. But sometimes, don't you wish you could just get away?

I know my friends are like, what do you mean you slept till 11:30 on Saturday? Like, all my friends with kids are like, how did you sleep in until I'm like 11? Yeah, yeah, exactly.

And every. Every person we know too, because just because we, you know, a lot of young people that are married, they're not happy either being married. They don't like it. So we're perfectly fine going on trips and spending our extra money on, you know.

Exactly.

Jordans are just. Just doing whatever the hell we want. So we're really content in how everything is great.

So she's not so happy and you're in love. And what about marriage?

Marriage? Again, people that we know are not happy. It's just. It's just we look at it like.

Let'S say we wanted to get married, right? You know how much it costs to get married these days?

A lot of money.

It's a lot of money. If you want to throw. And me, I want to throw a big ass party if I did get married, right?

Or serious tequila.

Or we can just go to Jamaica. Like we just booked like while we were on our trip to go on a trip to Jamaica. So who, like.

Okay, I got it. I mean, but you're asking about emotional things. You're talking about tactical. Like, how you feeling emotionally? Like, are you feeling a lot closer? Like you love her a lot and like. Yeah, it's like your life partner. She's the one.

She. I. Wow. You're putting a lot of pressure on me on this one to say that she's the one.

I just want to know. I haven't seen you.

I am not looking for anybody else.

Oh, okay. You don't want checks. When you masturbate, do you think about other women sometimes now because you've been together that long?

Always.

That's what every guy does that right? Eventually in their spank bank. Like it's. And is it typically women that you've slept with in the past, Women that you've met? Or is it just porn or. You don't watch porn. So what do you.

I don't watch porn.

Just random stuff. So you actually don't even think about it, but when you're with her, you think about her?

Yeah.

Okay. When you're having sex with her.

Kidding.

Okay. Because that's bad. Don't tell her that. No, because now being on Loveline. So Loveline, if everyone can check out the podcast, that's another amazing radio show that's been on for 30 years, and I host it on Thursday Night with Dr. Drew. It's live in Los Angeles and San Francisco and many other. How many other cities?

Oh, it's all over the country. It's nationally syndicated.

Oh. So you might hear me Thursday night. But it's funny because we take callers all the time. And it's so interesting because there are so many people calling in about that exact thing that, like, they're younger. Were we talking about they're younger and they're married and they're unhappy with their relationship or they got married too young or they got married too old or like, whatever. We are just.

What were you just saying before that the kids. Sorry, what were we just saying? Why were they telling you that? What did you just say?

What I just say is really tired. That we're just really content in how we are. And every.

Again, everyone's unhappy. Yeah. Right. So that's. I'm hearing people all the time, and they're like, I'm 20. We got married and weren't happy. And then you're like, 40, unhappy. And these kids who call in, and it's young, a lot of them are younger, and they're like, you know, I think I'm with the love of my life, but we've been together for four years. I'm like, how old are you? 20. Like, it's like, you can't. In your 20s is, like, the time to date, time to figure out, like, what you want. And then, you know. So those people aren't happy.

Well, another thing is I shouldn't get married.

Don't get married before you're 30. Someone got pissed at me for saying this, but I don't think you should get married before you're 30.

And I've always been the one on the show. It's, like, very supportive of marriage and all that stuff. And I'm not telling everybody not to get married. Just for me, though. It's just. And the relationship. I'm in. We. We kind of just look at it as, like, a money factor. It's like, why we.

It's so romantic.

I know. It is, isn't it? Like, are we gonna waste a ton of money on doing this? Or we can go have fun, you know?

Right.

To be honest.

Yeah, that's true. That, you know, a lot of couples are delaying marriage or not getting married at all, and they're deciding that they want to just live the life and. Because the thing is, is because this is like the first generation that has really delayed marriage. Like, our parents got married right after, you know, college or the first person that they had sex with is that I think that we are realizing that we do have so many more. More options and that we are alone, we are independent for so long, and our lives get better because we make more money and we can do more things. And we're like, what? I want a kid, So I can't. I can't travel three times a year. I can't sleep in. I don't. I like my independent lifestyle. But then some people have those cravings. Like, it's interesting that right now your girlfriend is not saying to you, oh, I'm dying. Yeah, she doesn't have that baby. The click.

We enjoy, you know, it could change, though. We're going to, like, Vegas three times before the end of the year. And it's November right now.

You better come when I'm. Oh, here's nothing. I have to announce that, I think. I don't know if I've announced on the show yet, but I keep meaning to, is that I'm the keynote speaker at the AVN conference in Las Vegas in January. Wow.

Did you know that you mentioned. You mentioned I told you.

Yeah. So that's. I don't know. We're gonna be giving away tickets, actually, you know what? Starting. Let's do it today. If you want to win tickets to AVN, email me feedbackextlme.com it's the adult video. What is it? Adult Avian, Adult Video Network, whatever. It's like the naked. It's like the awards. The AVN Awards or like the Adult Video Awards.

Yeah, I don't know too much about it, but I had a friend of mine, she got Best anal scene.

Exactly. So I'm going to be giving a warrior word for best double penetration.

I knew I knew her before. She was a porn star.

Really? Yeah, in high school or something. It's adult video news. Okay. Right. And it's a trade magazine. It's a network. It's a huge conference in Vegas, and it happens to happen in January at the same time as the CES conference. So anyway, it's fun, and we're gonna give away two tickets per show to people to go. We can't get you the Vegas, but you can get yourself to Vegas and we can get you into conference. Like porn stars and craziness and fun. And I'm giving a speech the first night.

I think I already. I asked to get press pass, not for Avian, but for ces, so I might be there at the same time.

Oh, totally. Fun. Yeah. I'm sure I won't see you at all. Okay, so let's get into the show a little bit today. I. Real quick.

What about your dating?

I mean, there's so many things. I know. Should we just, like. I know. Okay, so this is why I'm. Okay, whatever. So I've been dating this guy in LA for, like, six weeks. I met him in Vegas.

And I met him at this conference. I was there, but he actually lives in Los Angeles, and he was there for the conference as well. And I like him. It's the same.

You know, I see him, like once a week. He would like to see me more. And I'm dating. I've been dating, getting asked out a lot. I'm doing a lot of different.

Texting with different gentlemen.

Texting.

I'm doing the texting and, like, a lot of old boyfriends are circling back. And my old boyfriend, ex boyfriend, is like, all of a sudden is conf. That he, like, wants to be together, thinks we should be together and whatever. So that's interesting. There's been some weird men coming back into my life. Oh. And I've also. I've met some new ones. I meet a lot of. A lot of nice guys down there. I do. But this new guy, I just think he's. He's really interesting. He's. He's smart, he's cool. We are having fun. And I'm really just. I'm not really thinking about, you know, I'm not thinking. I'm not the typical woman who's thinking, like, where's it going? What are we doing? Like, I'm just so focused on business and work right now. And it's fun, but I have a good time with them. And I have a lot of new friends on there, and I'm doing a lot of fun, different things. Amazing meals and going to fun parties.

That's really cool.

Yeah, it's good. So. But I, you know, and good sex with this guy.

Oh really?

So, yeah, it is good sex. And the thing that I like about him is that there's several things that I like about him but he's really into. So, so one of my jobs, one big part of my job is reviewing sex toys, as you know, and hence my garage full of sex toys I talk about in every single goddamn podcast. But I actually need to review them. I don't do. All of my interns do them and Kelsey does them. But I, I, he actually is into it and he like wants to help me review them. So I'm actually getting work done and having sex with him. So to me, I, that's like a twofer. Double edged, sweet, double double whammy, so to speak. So, so, so there's lots of cool sex toys coming out that I actually had good vibrations last night. I went to their store and I saw. So if anyone wants to actually, if you ever want to get any toys there, it's Good Vibes dot com, go to my, Go to sex only dot com, click on the Good Vibes banner, use coupon code Emily and you get 20% off. And like, so the Mimi. You know how I've been talking about the Mimi? Well, they came out with a new Mimi and it's soft. It's like the best couples vibe. I think it's the best vibrator to use during intercourse. And last night the owner, founder Mimi was at the thing and I was just like worshiping her. Alicia, she's amazing and she says she's got a new product that they're sending me next week. But if you ever want to know, like, just. I'm wondering. I kind of want to get. My calories are coming up to get my partner. Go to my website and click on the Good Vibe. Janitor, why are you laughing at me?

I'm laughing because the people might hear a vacuum in the background. Some janitor walked in.

That's so funny. Okay. And this My favorite toys are listed on that page. So if you want to know what I like, you can go there. And yeah.

Now another thing is real quick, talk about the Emily and Tony.

Oh, Emily and Tony products. Okay, so here's the thing.

I, I knew I was gonna see you today.

You're wearing my favorite.

You can smell my balls now. I am wearing the, the under. The Under.

Down Under Comfort.

Down Under Comfort. Yes.

Okay, tell me how you like it.

I love it. I kind of, it's probably, I'm totally wrong, but it kind of, I think it smells like CK1.

Oh, Calvin Klein. Yeah. Yeah, it's like kind of citrusy.

Yeah. But do you know what I think you should do?

What?

To be honest, I think maybe you should market it to. To. To gay guys.

Yeah, we are.

We recommend everybody. It's for everybody.

Because the thing is, like, you know, guys that are listening to these podcasts that want to step their game, they should definitely just buy it. But I'm talking about the guys that are normally on the, you know, walking down the street, right. Who are not, you know, forward thinking by listening to the Sex with Emily podcast. They're disgusting. You know, it might be kind of hard for them to grasp, but, like, they might need to put some, you know, exactly something down there. And I think men don't think about it. I think the gay community thinks a lot more about that and is more clever.

You're right. They're more clean. And a lot of guys, they are clean. It's not that you didn't, like, take a shower in the morning and you're like, oh, I'm fine. You know, I'm sure you did, or even after the gym. But you're not always as clean as you think. And even if you think you are, you're not, because it just gets like that down there. Like, women, we take care. We go to the bathroom. We, like, wash up. We do things guys don't. So the thing about this product that I made, it's a cream to, like, a lot of men use talcum powder, which is carcinogenic. So it's a cream to a powder formula that, you know, you rub on and it stays in one place.

All right, can we pause for one second?

Yeah.

Okay, we're back. Sorry, the.

The.

We're recording here at the Stitcher studios in San Francisco, California. If you don't know what Stitcher is, it's an app that you can download for your phone. It's totally free. It's for Android and iOS, or your tablet or you can even, you know, listen online@stitcher.com, but I recommend if you're gonna listen online, go to sexemily.com but if you're on your mobile device, get Stitcher.

I listen to it. I'm driving back to Los Angeles tonight. I listen to Stitcher the whole way.

But we're here recording on a weekend, and the janitor came in, didn't know we were here, and the vacuum just started getting out of control. So you were just talking about the under.

Oh, down under comfort that you like it. I'm so glad because I know you would tell me if you didn't like it. And your girlfriend, I'm sure likes it. But we had a contest a few weeks ago and we were giving away every show. We were giving away either one of our amazing aromatherapy massage candles or some down under comfort. So this is the winner for one of the down under comforts because I asked you to write me why you think you need one of these products. And I loved this email. Dear Emily, I need down under comfort. My girlfriend is about 180 miles away and I ride a motorcycle when I arrive. I'm pretty gnarly down down under. But often my girlfriend wants to unzip my jeans and go to town. I tried talc, but that does not work. By the way, I landed the best woman in the world thanks to your solid advice and I've kept her thanks to your tips and constant reminders to slow down, tease and communicate. I adore her, compliment her, and kiss her as often as possible. But I don't let her walk all over me either. And when we go out, I have a plan. Thanks so much, Emily. So of course I had to give down under comfort to this guy for following my advice, confident her and kissing her as much as possible. I love that. So his name is Dimitri. So you won the down under comfort and we're gonna get in touch with you and get your address. But if you didn't win, you can still use coupon code emily@emilyandtoni.com and get 20% off your first purchase.

Sweet.

Sweet. Okay, so now let's get into some emails from the people because as you know, I love hearing from everyone. Feedbackexwithemily.com okay. Dear Emily, I met a guy at work. I've talked to him once and I screwed it up. I lied to him that I live alone in an apartment. When I live with my brother and his friend, I pay the rent for everyone. I also told him that I have no family here, but I do have my brother here. Now he wants to get to know each other and I'm panicking. I don't know how to tell him the truth. Should I tell him the truth or should I wait? What do you think I should do? Thanks so much, Emily. By the way, your shows are awesome. Signed Lovely B.

First off, I don't even know why she would even lie about that.

I don't understand either.

You're a female, you have a vagina. Guys don't even care. Guys don't care if you have roommates or anything like that. Guys Will no bang you in their freaking basement.

Exactly.

Of your house.

Exactly.

You know, the whole family is upstairs. Yeah, like, exactly. That's how disgusting guys.

Oh, my God.

They don't care about that guy.

No, they don't. They'll take you to McDonald's down the street. Bony in the bathroom there.

Yeah, it's the other way. It's the other way around when you.

Know, I don't want to date a guy with roommates. After a certain age. I always said, like, just get older. You just don't want to guy the roommates. But I would just tell your brother, tell him that your brother and his friend had to move in and you're paying the rent. It's the truth. It sounds to me like you can just say, oh, this is what happened. I'm like, supporting them, which actually sounds. Makes you sound badass.

I think that she might be banging the brother's friend.

You think?

Maybe.

Then why is she. I don't understand.

I mean, she should have just put that in the email if. If that's true.

I feel like we're missing some information.

Because everything doesn't seem like a big deal. And maybe she messed around with the brother's friend, and then she doesn't want to say, you know, she doesn't want to bring the guy over because that might be kind of weird, you know?

Exactly. Yeah, maybe. But I don't know why she would take the time to write if she's banging the friend. But I. I see what you're saying, but I think she's just worried that she lied and screwed up and lived alone in apartment. Maybe she's. Who's trying to sound older and more sophisticated, but it sounds like to me, she's got the money. She's paying for everyone. He'll be fine.

Yeah. And the guy.

And don't bang the. The roommate. Yeah, if you're about to.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, if you haven't banged the roommate and your. Your story is totally legit from beginning to end. Just go with Emily's story because it's going to just sound kind of weird if you try to backtrack and say, oh, I lied. And then they'd be like, that's kind of a weird thing to even lie about. You know, to say they had to move in and you let them move in. Like, no guy on the planet is going to care about that.

No, exactly. That's what I understand. Like, I think men and women just be worried about different things. Okay, so, office love triangle. Dear Emily, to make A very long story short, I had an affair with my much older boss. After about a year, I come to find out he is also having an inappropriate relationship with another woman in my office who is my direct supervisor. I called him out on it, and he refuses to admit anything. I love my job, and I'm having a hard time having to sit in the office in this disturbing love triangle. The other woman has no idea of this going on and just how deep the lies run. I'm torn on my next move and need advice. Please help. Thank you, Nancy. Okay, Nancy, you're having to fear. With your much older married boss and then direct supervisor. What do you want to do? I mean, it sounds like you got to get a new job. I mean, to me. Or you just stop talking about it. You end the relationship immediately with the boss. You're not saying here that you even like your boss. You're just saying you. All you say in this is that you love your job. So you've got either two choices. Either you just kind of, you know, let your boss know that you're ending things now and you hope that this won't happen. Impact your performance at work and hope that nobody else finds out and hope your supervisor doesn't find out. And you just keep working on your job and doing the best you can and you stay in that office and you cut it all off because he's married, too.

Yeah. There's no future.

There's no future with this. This is just a waste of time. It feels good. It's powerful.

He's your boss.

I totally get it. Been there, done that, sort of, you know, done things like that. Men of power, it's sexy, but with the direct supervisor. So I'm saying if you like your boss, or you know what, honey, if you're talented, you're smart, get a new job. I mean, it can be too tricky. People find things out. You know, you're. You're sleeping with your. Your. Your senior boss and your supervisor sleeping with them, too. Like it's not going to end well.

I totally agree either.

I mean, you've slept with a lot. Everyone at your office. So did you. You had some people like that, didn't you? Like for a while, I mean, years ago. But you slept with everyone. Yeah.

Yeah, but I'm cool with everybody.

Right, but you weren't their boss.

No, but the thing is.

I totally agree again that you need to cut it off and just keep on. Keep on working or just go find a new job if you're going to be one of Those people that's going to be constantly. It's going to consume your life when you're at work and see your supervisor, stuff like that.

That's a great point because this comes up a lot. People always want to know, you know, do you.

Should I sleep with someone that I work with? Like, this is a good or bad idea. And the truth is I always say, well, you know, no fishing off the company pier. Some people fail this. Or the truth is we work more than anywhere else, we socialize more at work. It's going to happen, but it just does get trickier. Like it does if you love your job and it just doesn't.

It also depends on your maturity level, on how you know how old you are. If you know, if you're older, you might not just care as much. If you're like a 20 something year old, it might be the biggest drama thing that's going on in your life.

That's the thing you create drama. You're not doing okay when you're sleeping someone to the worker. This is what I was, this is what I was getting to. Yeah, you're sleeping with someone, work with. There's no way you're putting 110% into your job. Because I'm we all done that you're like, is he coming around the corner? Is chiming with a water cooler. Should I look cute today? Like, you're spending so much mental energy thinking about this guy all day. When usually work should be the place where you're focusing only on work. So it's a distraction. If you really want to kick ass in your career, I'd suggest sleeping with someone the floor below you or something.

During our vacuum break, we were talking about.

I was not vacuuming, by the way.

Yeah, we're talking about sir, which is a show on Bravo. Well, it's at least their Vanderpumps show and it's all her employees that work at this restaurant called sir, and they're all 20 something years old and so they're all banging each other and it's such drama because they can't deal with like seeing each other every single day or even every. Every moment is a piece of drama, you know, And. But when I feel like you get older, maybe it's not. Not as a big deal, you know, you can get over it at least for guys, I think.

Right, exactly, exactly. No, you can.

You're right.

It is a young 20 something maybe. And in LA, it's like my friend just moved there and he texted me, he's like they're everyone here. I've fallen in love like six times. But all the women are crazy. Or, you know, every guy says every woman's crazy and the guys are crazy too. Okay, so should we. Time for one more email? Yeah, go for it. Okay, sure.

And then we got more shows coming soon.

We got more shows. We got. Oh my God, we're doing so many shows. We're doing two shows a week, which is very exciting. So you better just subscribe to the shows on itunes. Super easy that way. And then you should probably after that, give us five stars. I appreciate that too. Okay. Choosing between two men. Dear Emily, I have been together with my boyfriend since I was 21. I just turned 30 now we have a couple of breakups, but we always come back together. When I was 23, I met a guy from Israel when I was traveling. We like each other very much, but nothing happened in bed. Two years ago I visited him in Israel and we fell back in love again and had a hot affair while I was on break from my boyfriend. The Israeli recently came to visit me in Europe. The sex was so incredible and different from what I've experienced with my boyfriend so far. My boyfriend allowed me to sleep with other men while we were having a long distance relationship and he is currently having some issues getting it up. The Israeli always said there is no chance that we will ever be together. But since he has been here, he changed his mind. I feel that I love two men at the same time. And as for many years now, how is that possible? I feel as if I would have to choose between a very loving man, which I can imagine to have children with boyfriend, and a risky, exciting and who knows what happens next kind of man who might never want children and whose culture makes it difficult to be together. I am not Jewish. Where should we live? I just got a great job. Maybe you have advice for me. Thanks. Natalie. Natalie. This is kind of a heavy one. So you've been with your boyfriend since you were 21. So you've been together nine years and you've had a couple of breakups and you always come back together and now you meet this guy from Israel and he's been in your mind. And so here's. This is classic. So here's the thing. You're with your boyfriend for nine years. You have not been with anyone. Maybe you had some when you broke up for a while you slept around, but basically you've been with this guy for nine years and you're coming to the point where you're trying to Decide, is he the one that I want to be with? Because this is after nine years. It's kind of the time that you decide. And so this other exciting guy happens to be the Israeli from when you were 23. But I'm telling you, this could be another guy that you meet. You know, when you're out at the bar, another one night with your friends, you're going to have some exciting guy who comes in and he's everything that your boyfriend isn't. Because after, in a long term relationship, you have to work on the sex life. It's not as exciting. We don't get that newness, we don't get that thrill in our, that pit in our stomach like you get when the Israeli comes over to see you. So I get why you're doing that. The affair, it's something different. So what you have to decide now is it's not about I'm in love with two men, it's really about you deciding what exactly you want right now in your life. Because you're going to be able to fill this with a lot of different men. And you have to turn to this relationship that you've been with him first. Let the other guy go. The Israeli guy. You're right. He's here, he's there, it's excitement. No, I don't think you should give up on this relationship of so long just to be with Israeli. I think you need to decide, do you love this guy? You're the boyfriend. Just because you're saying he's going to make a great father and all this stuff and you've been there for nine years and might not mean that he is the one for you. So I would say just cut it off with Israeli and commit to spending the next three to six months. Sometimes it takes six months. If you've been together nine years and say, I'm gonna, Whoa, was that me? Yes. How'd that happen? I'm gonna work on this relationship whether the two of you need to go to therapy. If he's not getting it up, figure out why he's not getting it up, he should go to his doctor. Like if you guys have some sexual dysfunction going on. But before you cheat again and before you carry on something else, it sounds to me like you've got some red flags going up with this gu with your current boyfriend. So I say terminate that and then go have all the flings you want. But until you figure out what you want to do with your boyfriend, I wouldn't even be thinking about other guys.

True yeah, it's just, it's just too. You keep on putting my.

I have a headphone. Mosquito bite or something. Okay.

Yeah, you're putting your earphones right next to the microphone.

The.

Yeah. And. Okay, so I totally agree with you on all that stuff. There's something that I wanted to bring up that's kind of. Kind of the same issue. It's becoming very popular in hip hop culture is this new term called side chick.

Side chick. Side chick, like a mistress?

Like. Yeah, but it's like, it's almost there. It's like coming up in all these brand new songs. Oh, my side chick. This side chick. Almost making it okay to have another person.

I could see that on.

On the side. While you're in a relationship.

I definitely see that being a trend of people. Well, I think this is the. This is, this is the new the gener that grew up with so many options in social media and Facebook and Twitter and plenty efficient. All these sites, they go on and go on forever. Instagram, Snapchat. Are you doing a Snapchat, by the way?

I used to, but it's just too hard to.

I know we have a thing too.

It's just too hard to Snapchat everybody at one time. And I don't want to go individually.

It's a lot of things. But the point is. Okay, so here's the point is that this generation, not committing, they have so many options. They're like, oh, this bitch wasn't nice to me last night. But I've got 10 women who just hit me up like my photo on Instagram. So I. So they're not deciding, they're not committing, they're not slowing down. And so they're probably like. And I have actually met six women this weekend. I want to sleep with all of them. So I might as well have the. What are they calling it?

The side chick.

The side chick. And so I think that that's what it is. Do you think that it has to do with social media and people having more options and people not looking at marriage or commitment?

Look at the 90s. All you had was, you know, who you could reach out on. A seller phone.

A seller phone. Not even, not even all the 90s. It was the phone in the wall. Yeah.

Yeah. And you don't even have, you know, images, you know, sexy photos constantly in your face every single day of other people back then.

Exactly. No. You can't see your ex boyfriend from two years ago where he went.

Not even that. But though, like, you know, you can open up Your Facebook, your Instagram, your Twitter. And to see, you know, the best photos of, you know, people take them of themselves. You're like, oh, damn, they're kind of hot. I want to, you know, I want to hit that.

Right, exactly.

That one time.

But you didn't have that. Exactly. But in school you'd see chicks every day that you locked like in high school. But it was different because it was the same ones now there's always like new also.

There's, there's, you know, the ones that you would have to see every day. You know, you would have to have verbal communication. But this way, you know, for guys that are not, you know, as outgoing, they can, you know, be very calculated on how they reach out to a woman online.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. They can think about it. They can be. They can learn to be great texters, great writers, great. Or they know how to fish her in. They know how to like huck arms.

And I just.

But you meet him in person and you're like, really?

Really?

This is who I spent texting. It's funny because texting with.

It's funny because I was gonna post this last night, but I don't think anybody would get it. It's like. Has Twitter become a chat room for dumb people? No, but think about it. Because, like a lot of people use Twitter as a chat room to like talk to people and stuff like that. But they're very, very calculated and they have, they can respond whenever they want, you know. But when chat rooms first came out, they were so fast and you had to be quick witted and type replies back really, really quickly to gain somebody's attention, you know. But now it's just like, you reply back whenever you want. So now they. So it's slowed down.

I see. Okay, so you can always respond and there's always people percolating.

Yeah.

Right.

So now I believe that Twitter is, you know, a chat room.

Are people meeting people on Twitter and dating a lot on Twitter?

Yeah.

You're saying so they're flirting and they're having conversations on Twitter.

But dude, do you know what is blowing up?

Yes. No.

Like what? All my single friends.

Tinder. Tinder, Tinder. Dude, I know. I gotta do Tinder.

Everyone's hooking up off Tinder.

Everyone.

That's crazy. I don't even know what it looks like.

I have it, but yeah, it accesses your Facebook, right? Does it? Let me see now. Don't do it. I have an active sk. I'm afraid of it, but do it. I should totally do It. It's on there somewhere. Okay, so we gotta wrap it up. We gotta wrap it up. Okay. We got more shows coming. So everyone, thank you so much for listening to the show. Listen, this is what I gotta tell you. So you have to follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. Sex with Emily. Oh, I was just voted by Men's Health as one of the top five sexperts to follow on Twitter. So I actually give out good information. I'm not having dumb chats. Whatever, man. Just said it's actually interesting information. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Sex with Emily. And then also. Yeah, subscribe to my podcast. Email me all your questions. We'd love to hear from you. Download my iPhone app Kaggle Camp. It will change your sex life. It's for men and for women. Five minutes a day you do your keggle exercises. I'm Emily. Sex with Emily dot com. You should do that. Crazy girl products dot com. Check out our podcast and I love you and thank you for listening. That make you feel sexy? Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Want to be naked? Email me Feedback Intimate areas. No shave, bumps or ingrown hairs. Use coupon code EMILY25 for 25 off@crazygirlproducts.com.

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