SWE: The One

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You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you get all your sex questions answered. Like seriously, if you have any issues, concerns, anything about sex, you just want to know more about it, you go to sexwithemily.com and all your, all your answers, all your concerns will just be fall by the wayside because we answer every question that you ever had in your entire life. It's true. We've answered a bazillion questions over the years. Know and everyone like they and they fall into few general categories.

It's orgasms. Orgasms. I feel my penis is not big enough.

We just got one. Some guy's penis is 6 cm he said right kels?

No way.

It was 9 cm. I swear to God, I have it right here. Anyway, we'll get to that.

Nine centimeters.

Eight. He's really bummed. I um, man, we get a lot of penis size questions and we don't and I tell them all the Time. Men, we don't care. Some women care. Just like some men want a woman with large breasts. Same kind of thing.

Well, if you have a small penis, you just gotta go down on them for, like, two, three hours.

That's true. You can compensate that way. You can totally compensate that way. But, so today's show, we're gonna be talking about the concept of the One. So does the One exist? Do you believe that there is one person out there that's gonna complete you and make you whole, or is that a fallacy?

I'm really interested in what you have to say about this.

Yeah. Okay, good. We're gonna get into it shortly, and I'm interested in what you have to say about it. Yeah, yeah. It'll be fun. Like, soulmates, that whole concept. So that's what we got. And I'm trying to think what else I have to tell you that's been happening lately that you don't know, except for the fact that this boy's coming.

I know. This still amazes me.

So I've got a guy coming to town, and he is this guy from Michigan that I've talked about on the show that we had a little fling. We went on a few dates and. And I kissed him.

How was it?

It was nice.

How long did you kiss him for?

I don't remember. A while.

Like, did you grab his package?

No, I did not. I never touched his penis. I don't know how many centimeters it is, and I've not touched his penis. And there was no physical, like, anything like that. But we made out.

Wait, how long did you make out?

We made out a few times. We went to dinner and had a few drinks in Michigan. And then we made out in the bar that we went to after.

Oh, that's classy.

I'm a classy chick. What can I do?

How did it go down? Did you hold his face? Did he hold your face? Did you hold your hips?

I don't remember.

Oh, come on. I need details.

It was a really. All I know is that it was a really nice kiss and I wanted to keep kissing him.

So it was a short kiss?

No, we kissed a few times throughout the evening.

Just like, pecs.

No, like, kiss. Like, made out.

Oh, really?

Yeah. I mean.

But you don't remember who was touching who? How the. Did he grab your ass?

No, no. I love when guys grab my ass too. I don't think he did. I didn't tell him to grab my ass. I didn't mention it, but we'll see what happens. Don't you? Do you ever grab girls asses? Do you do that?

Not.

I bet you don't.

Not in the first place.

The. No man, like everything he asked was like. No. No. What?

No, no.

I'm just saying initially, if I just started making out with a girl, I'm not gonna grab her ass right away. That's not respectful.

Not the first time, but like maybe the second time you grab her ass.

Yeah, maybe, maybe. Yeah, right? Second time.

I think it's hot.

Yeah, it's cool. But I'm just saying, you know, you gotta be. If I'm really into the chick, I'm not gonna be grabbing her ass right away because I.

What are you gonna be doing right away if you want to be respectful? Just chat with her.

Yeah, maybe I'll hold her face a little bit. Oh, I'll do that.

That's sweet. I like the holding the face. That's so nice. So, yeah, he's coming. He's coming for a few days and I don't know what. We're gonna hang out. I'm in charge of the plans, which I always say. Like I love when the guy plans and I'm in charge of the plan this time.

Yeah, I see it, that part going horribly wrong if you have to plan.

I know, but I think it's just gonna be. I'm casual. Like, I think we'll just see how it flows. Like, are we still into each other? I only went out with him twice, but this was a guy that I had a crush on, which as I said, like for a while, when I.

Can you come up with any plans? Because see, I've got plans.

I've got like bevy of plans. I just haven't committed to any of them. And they're all loose plans that can sort of happen at any time.

And he has. He has a hotel room.

He has a hotel room. Yeah, yeah. He's not staying with me. I don't want him.

That's a waste because he. Why don't you just stay at your house?

I don't want a guy coming in town that I just met to stay at my house.

Yeah, but you know him since the fifth grade.

Yeah, but I haven't seen him in years. I hadn't seen him in years until I saw him in Michigan.

Well, that's good because you have the dog over there and the dog, you know, the dog farts and rips up.

One time the dog's ever farted. Farted on menace. And I don't know what that means. I Don't know what that says. He's never farted. She's never farted on anyone else. But you hate my dog. That's ridiculous. I don't even think it happened.

It did. You were there. You smelled it.

I don't remember smelling it.

It was terrible.

But I believe you, you know? So, okay, we're getting into the one, but first, let's do some emails. Unless you have anything else that you need to add.

No.

Okay.

I'm just excited about this guy. It's gonna be cool.

You're gonna meet him. Like, he's gonna walk in the door.

Tell me, like, for reals how nervous you are because, you know, you're always, oh, I'm so confident. You know, Guys just follow. Fall all over me and all this stuff.

Yeah, I say that all the time.

Nah, I'm being sarcastic. But he always.

I'm. I'm a little nervous because.

He'S flying out here and we had a good time, and it's just, like, a big responsibility that he's coming out. And I like him. I mean, from what I know, I like him. I like him. I do like him. I like him. I like him. I'm excited.

I'm nervous.

Yeah, I'm nervous. A little nervous.

Can you tell this is new territory for Emily Morris?

Never heard me like anyone. That's what's so shocking.

Yeah, it's just like, oh, I'm dating this guy. I found some weirdo at some weird sex class, and we're gonna hang out for a couple weeks and then stop dating.

That's.

But now this is a guy that you had a crush on, and you. You kind of like him, and then you're nervous. This is so weird. This is like.

Tell me about it. It is weird. It is weird. But I'm good. I'm totally gonna be fine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

After you have sex with them.

Stop with the sex thing. Everyone's asking me about the sex thing, and I feel like it's a lot of pressure, and I don't know, but.

Your sex with Emily, you have to perform.

I. You know what? Maybe I don't. Maybe I'm all talk. Yeah. I don't know. We never know.

All right, what do you got?

Okay, this is what I got. I've got this.

Dear Emily, since I've listened to your show, my eyes have been opened up to a whole new world of things. Your show is like a class, but with two super cool instructors. I love the sex talk, which is interesting and freaking hilarious. You two have great chemistry. But what I value most about your show is that even through all the jokes and craziness, you still are helping people on the relationships of your listeners. Which brings me to my point. I am getting into my career, and I'm ready to settle down. Not for marriage, just a steady relationship. I've had many girlfriends before, but there was just one major problem. I drive them away with jealousy.

Oh, no.

I have a very serious jealousy problem. And I know I do. I just don't know how to fix it. I drove away my last girlfriend, who I had bought an engagement ring for and has eaten me ever since, because she was my ideal girlfriend. Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. And sincerely, John from Alabama. Okay. Jealousy is a serious concern. That's a real issue. And he's got. And so, Jo, I have to say that it's great that you. John, it's great that you have admitted and that you've recognized what your issue is, because a lot of you go through life like, not knowing what they're. Not knowing what their issues are. So you know that your issue is jealousy. And now you have to learn to deal with it. So first you have to look at the origins of jealousy. Did your dad cheat on your mom? Did your mom cheat on your dad? Did your first girlfriend cheat on you? Like, where does it come from? And usually comes from your own insecurities, no matter what.

I mean, a big part of it is they feel that somebody's cheating on them. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, what actions you take, somebody will cheat on you. So you just have to trust, right? So if somebody's gonna cheat on you, they're gonna cheat on you. You just have to trust that they're not going to.

Right?

And I hope it doesn't happen.

I hope it doesn't happen, too.

But if you constantly are jealous, you're gonna just push that person away for no reason.

I dated a guy once who was super jealous all the time. And it was. It was like the biggest problem in our relationship because I. First of all, I'm not the person that you should date if you're jealous.

But also, you're screwed.

I'm not the right girl, but I really wasn't flirting. Like, I was really into this guy. It was someone that I was. I was probably, out of all the guys I've dated, the most into in my life, really.

But you're there. You were there flirting all the time. And that made.

I wasn't starting, though. I wasn't. He was like, you were looking at the waiter for a little too long. I'm like, what? Wait.

Wow.

Like, I didn't even notice.

Crazy.

Yeah.

Where's he from?

California.

California?

He's from San Francisco.

Really? And he acts like that?

Yeah.

That's odd. He must have had some issues.

He did have issues.

Yeah.

When we broke up, it was very sad, but it was a long time ago. Okay, let's get into our topic.

All right. Your favorite topic. Right. Well, it's your favorite topic because.

Why do you think it's my favorite topic?

You totally believe in this theory.

You believe in the theory of the One? Yeah, I believe that there's one person.

Yes.

No, I don't.

I know. I'm being serious.

Oh, you're kidding. Okay, so what we're talking about is everyone talks about this elusive one that they're going to find the One. Once I find the One, Is he the One? Is she the One? And does the One exist? And I want to know what people think about it, and I want to know what you think about it. I personally don't believe that there is one person for everyone. I believe that there are many people that we could be with. Many people that could feel amazing. And you could be with them for 10 years, 15 years, 5 years, 5 months, 5 minutes, doesn't matter. That person could be the one at the time. But to think that there's this other half, and it all starts with, like, the Greek origin of it, is that Plato. Plato, Plato. And like, Plato. Plato believed that we're all separated at birth and there are other halves that we're supposed to find and that once we find, our half will be complete. So it's like this whole searching for this half that will complete us. And to think that any person is going to complete you is just the wrong way of thinking, because you have to be a complete person yourself before you can attract the right person. You have to do your work on yourself. You to have. You have to know who you are. There's not gonna be one person that's gonna show up and you're gonna be like, oh, my God, I found my missing Gavin. Look, we just fit right together, and we're one.

Do you believe that never happens?

I believe that you think it happens. I believe that you're with someone and you're like, oh, my God, this person's the one. But I don't believe that it was, like, set out from the beginning of time that this one person was put on the planet to just only be with you. And you Guys finally found each other after years of searching.

I know that's kind of out there and ridiculous on that part, but I believe you can still find one person that you can be happy with for the rest of your life.

I think you can too. I totally think you can.

Yeah, but no, you like. Or for stints, you're like, oh, 10. 10 years.

Yeah. Or 50 maybe. But it doesn't mean that there's only one person. Like, I've been in love at the same time also with.

Why do you need to find more people?

Well, you don't. But what I'm saying is just the notion that there is just this one person, and you're like, that's not the one. That's not the one, But I'm going to find that person. I'm going to know if. Yeah, you might feel like that person's one, but doesn't mean that there are. Aren't other people out there.

So everybody's. Since the beginning of time, is incorrect in finding somebody to stay with for the rest of their life. So you're trying to change all that.

Yeah, I just believe that if you're like, I haven't found the one yet. I need to find the one. That it just seems like it's limiting and that also, let's say you get married and you're with someone, you're like, this is the one I found, the one I found my soulmate. And then you get divorced. So what does that mean? There's no one left. You already found your one, and that was the only chance you got. There can't be another one.

Yeah, there could be. But not to go ahead and say, I'm never going to find the one, or the one isn't out there. I'm just going to run through all these people is kind of ridiculous. Why can't you just search for somebody that you believe you can be compatible with for the rest of your life?

It's great if you find that person, but I just don't think that that one person that there's like, that's like the notion of the one person existing is. Is how we should be living our lives.

So how should we be living our lives if we shouldn't be looking for a person to spend the life?

Well, I think it's okay to be spending the per. I know. What I'm just talking about is that whole concept that this person already exists. They're wandering the planet right now. They are. They are existing, they are eating, they are sleeping, they are working. They're doing everything, but they haven't found you yet. Menace. And she exists. And there's one person that's, like, predestined to be with you.

I hope that's true.

That's nice. It's nice to be helpful, but I don't really think that that notion is true.

Okay, then how should people live their lives?

I think they should live their lives thinking that they're gonna find someone. But I don't believe that there is just only one person for everyone. I think there can be multiple people in your life. And it's like the whole concept of soulmates that, like, someone completes. Like, I feel like I have a lot of soulmates in my life. I feel like I have lots of friends that are soulmates and people I've dated that are soulmates that I'm still really close with. Like, we connect on this, like, soulful level. But I don't believe.

Then I don't think you really know the meaning of a soul mate.

I do. In fact, I have it right here. Would you like to know what the.

Okay, tell me. Tell me. What's the definition?

Okay, so reincarnation. Some people believe that a soulmate is someone with whom a person has shared other lifetimes through reincarnation.

The soulmate could be a friend, a business partner, a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse or other family member. These soul mates can be of the same or opposite sex. And then it talks about Plato. Why do I keep saying Plato? Plato, Plato, who said that a soulmate is a person's other half where the idea of split apart, searching for one another was explored. People all over the world believe that we are all searching for someone to make us whole and to share our journey of life with.

And what's wrong with that? It's just people that are.

That were.

That.

I've been split apart at my origin, when I was born. And there's somebody who's just a belief.

It's just a belief in love. That's it.

And then there's a dictionary definition. One of two persons combat compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity. Someone for whom you have a deep affinity. A person's a person temperamentally suited to another. Yeah, I believe in soulmate. I believe that you can find, like, a different. Lots of different soulmates, like, people that you connect with in all these multiple levels.

It's kind of like a theory of Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny. Right?

Soulmate is.

Yeah, you kind of say, like, this. Kind of like the same theory it's just. Yeah, okay, maybe it doesn't really exist, but it just. It's just there to make people feel better about things.

And this is people. They shouldn't feel better because of that.

Yeah. They shouldn't feel better about it. They shouldn't believe in love. They shouldn't believe in finding something that they can totally love.

But to believe there's one person I think is wrong.

See, this is where you're so jaded on.

You think there's just one person for you, that you're gonna find one person, and that's.

I hope there's one person out there.

Do you think she already exists? And do you think you know her?

Maybe she's there.

No, I think you already know the person you're gonna marry.

I might. I don't know. I don't know. Exactly. I'm just gonna. See how you can.

But if you already met the one, don't you think you'd know? Like. Like you'd be like, oh, my God, you're the one. We've been searching for each other our entire life.

Yeah, but it goes back. It goes back to fixing yourself and knowing that you're ready for the one.

You have to be ready.

And I'm not ready for the one.

You're not ready.

I'm not.

That's so true. I'm so glad you said that. You're really not?

Yeah.

Why do you think you're not?

Because I still. All my personal life things and work and places I live and stuff like that, if I ever want to have a family, you have to be financially ready for all that kind of stuff. And I'm just not ready for that.

Right.

That's all. That's the only thing that's stopping me from the one. You, on the other hand, I have no effing clue, like, why, no clue.

What I'm gonna find and what's gonna happen in my life. I don't either. I don't either. I know that it would be awesome to find somebody, and it would be great, but I don't know that I would believe that. Oh, there's one.

Well, this is why I'm excited for this guy showing up. Because, A, you say you like him, B, you already had a crush on him, three, you made out with him already, and four, you're excited that he's here, or did I already say that?

You didn't say that. I'm excited that. I don't know. I lost track. It's a lot of numbers. There he is.

No way.

I swear to God. Come in. Hi.

No way are we gonna put him on the show.

I don't know. Should we put on the show. Hi. We're on the show.

Hi. Oh, my God. Are you serious? Oh, they're already making out in the studio, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. Wow.

Hi.

Are you guys on Ecstasy right now or something? What's going on? All right. We gotta continue to do a show. David, thank you for coming in.

You can sit there. Yeah, it's always hot. We get naked eventually because. No, it's just always hot in here.

We got to keep the show going. But I'm gonna have you sit down over here.

He wants to stand next to me.

You can enjoy. Okay. Wow.

No, it's okay. He can stand.

No, no, you can do whatever you want, man.

Menace makes me nervous, too, because I never know what he's gonna say. Sure, David can just.

We're just gonna have him sit there. I'm gonna keep the microphone up just in case.

I wasn't gonna really have you on the show.

Yeah, it is.

I'll just listen.

Okay.

No, hey, whoa.

Show. We're still doing a show. All right.

Okay.

Anyway, Emily was just saying how she doesn't believe in the one.

Yeah. No, I wasn't saying that I don't believe in the one. I don't believe in the one.

Okay.

I don't believe that there is one show.

He's not really gonna pretend.

Okay, go ahead.

That's my number one thing, though.

What?

That there's not one person for any one person.

Oh, my God. It has already started, ladies and gentlemen.

It's true. It's true. There isn't. I don't believe that. I don't believe that the concept that there's one person and there's only one person for everyone, there's many people that could be for you and think in a lifetime you can meet many people along the way. But to think that there's one person, that you were separated at birth and then you're gonna come together and find them, is wrong.

That's very jaded of you.

Not jaded.

Not believing in love at all. That's cool.

I'm not saying I don't believe in love. I'm saying I don't believe in that. Or soulmates, for that matter.

Wow. So you're just winning over people left and right. Do you even go see romantic movies at all? Or you think it's.

I don't see movies.

A bunch of crap.

Super busy. I'd love to see movies, but you know me.

What? Anything romantic that you're into at all, like, stuff like that. The books are based on this theory that you might find somebody to spend the rest of your life with or. What? Are you just not into it? You're, like, totally off board.

No, I mean, I love romance. I think it's amazing. I think romance is a beautiful thing, and I think it's great when it comes to people's lives. But what we're talking about is just the fact that people think that they haven't found the one yet. They haven't found the one yet, and they're on this constant search for the one. And I believe that there are many people that could be the one. And someone could be the one for a while. Like you were the one all month long, but not next month. There's someone else.

And you're also. You were saying you believe all those people that believe in that are assholes, too.

I didn't say that. You said that. I did not. I would never manus. Only you would say assholes. I would never, ever say assholes.

They're vaginas.

Ah, don't say that word. I hate when he says vaginas. It's so annoying. Shouldn't use it as an adjective.

Having a lot of ones. That would be the romantic.

No, that's not the romantic. No, no, that's not romantic.

Lifetime.

No, that's you being a player.

No, you're saying different things. Maybe like five years, ten years or more. You never really know.

God, you guys are just meant for each other already. Jesus H. Jesus H. Christ.

So the notion. Okay, so here's more about soulmates.

Yeah.

So people say the notion of soulmates has been around a very, very long time. However, there are several viewpoints. And then we got into all the viewpoints of soulmates, and then there's a challenge. And they talk about that once you find your soulmate or the one, you think that all should be perfect in the world and your relationship should just flow and it should be great. But the truth is there are challenges. So even when you find the one doesn't mean that everything's going to be perfect. Even if you believe in the one. Men searching for the one. But how's that going? How's that going? How's that search going?

We've already talked about this. Yeah, it's just I need to work on myself first before I get to that.

When are you gonna start doing that?

It's gonna be a while. I chose the wrong industry to ever be stable in life.

I understand. Me too, honey. I totally get it.

But I just automatically going with that theory of, oh, there's not the one, or anything like that. I think you're setting yourself up for doom and gloom. That's all.

Me, I'm the most hopeful person on the planet. I'm optimistic. I'm hopeful.

I'm just saying that we just talked about this topic. You didn't seem very hopeful at all.

Absolutely. I'm just saying that I don't believe that. Everyone's searching around. They're looking for their other half. They're looking for the one. They're thinking, like, there's going to be one person that's going to complete me. And that is the biggest fallacy. And then I'll tell you why, and I said this already because. Because I believe that you have to be a complete person when you want to find someone and you're looking for love. Like you just said, you have to really work on yourself. You have to know who you are, and then you'll be ready to find someone. But to think, like, I'm kind of half a person, I'm gonna find this other half person. We're gonna come together and make one. It doesn't happen.

Well, have fun with this bundle of joy over here.

That's interesting. I don't think there's anything negative about what she's saying. I think it's 100% true.

Wow.

Well, you guys, Magnus doesn't ever agree with me.

Well, you guys are high. Okay.

I wish.

Well, it was out of ecstasy we walked in.

Yeah, we did.

Seriously?

Totally. Okay, so I think we covered that.

Yeah, I think we're good. We should wrap up the show.

Let's wrap up the show.

You got a man in town?

I got a man in town. I know. This is very. This is very. Yeah, this is. Never heard me with anyone.

I have never heard her say that.

She.

I don't want to bust you out.

And say, don't bust me out. Oh, what were you gonna say?

Well, she at least told me some information that she had a crush on you back in the fifth grade. I assume you know that information.

Yeah. That's nothing new.

Oh, okay.

Wow.

Seems confident.

Well, no, from the fifth grade. We had talked about that.

We talked about that. We've covered that information.

Yeah.

All right, let's do some emails.

All right. What do you got?

Okay, this is what I got.

Hey, Emily.

I've been seeing this guy I grew up with for almost eight months, and he is wonderful, but I feel like, now we want different things. When Clay and I got together, it was very clear about what I wanted. Just fun. I made it very clear that I didn't want marriage, kids, or anything remotely serious. But here I am with this wonderful man who won't stop talking about marriage and kids. Any other woman would love to have my man at her fee, but because of the constant marriage and children talk, I'm thinking of breaking this off. Is a man wanting to marry you a deal breaker? And that's from angel in Atlanta?

Well, for you it is, of course.

Why? Oh, stop. Just in the. Just true. Okay, here's the thing. I totally understand angel, what you're saying about the one about. I mean, the one about. About the fact that this guy wants to get married and have kids because. And you don't want it, but he's a wonderful guy and he's amazing, and he's great on paper and all this stuff. But the truth is that you guys don't want the same thing. Like, you're telling me right now that he wants marriage and kids, and you don't want that. So I would say that you are not on the same page. And she says that he's wonderful.

What's wrong with that?

I don't know. Like, he's not, like, amazing and in love, and he's wonderful and he's good at.

See, what's going to happen is she's thinking, oh, I should just go date more people. And then she's going to run through a bunch of other guys, and it's going to be a horrible experience. And then she's going to reflect and say, I could have been with this great guy. That really pessimistic view.

It's so not true.

I don't know. I know so many women that are.

Like, yeah, because your friends are fucked up. Because you know why?

Why?

I don't think that you should have.

My friends are fucked up. You should take a look at your friends.

I don't think that. I don't believe that relationships. That you should have any regrets when it comes to relationships. So I don't believe there's anything as mistake. I mean, you can do things that are mistakes. You could be like, oh, that was an error. But I don't believe that when you break up with someone that you should go back and feel like, God. Because people always ask me that. They're like, do you have any guys that you regret that you should have married that you should have been with? And it's like, I, at that time I didn't want to. For whatever reason, he wasn't right. It wasn't the thing. So I'm supposed to go back now and be like, oh, that was really right. Like. Like, hindsight is 20 20, whatever. But I wasn't there. My emotional state, wherever I was at whatever. I knew at that point in my life, I wasn't ready to be with this guy. So why would I regret it? Like, regrets and relationships just aren't.

You can definitely regret it.

I think regret is a waste of time. What do you think?

It is a waste of time. It sucks. It sucks. But if you have opportunity right there to be with a great guy, you should at least give it a chance and not just run away because he want.

Wanted to get married and have kids. And he does. Game over. Why are they together still? He's ready to get married and have kids. He's pushing him.

Why did she just talk to him and say, hey, this is not what I want, and see how he feels after that?

I think she will, but she feels like she's breaking it off. And she says, is a man wanting to marry you a deal breaker? And that's so ironic. It could be a deal breaker. You know that I've broken off relationships because guys wanted to marry me. Than that, I think it's a deal breaker. You know, that's how most of my relationships ended, was when they.

A lot of my relationships did end when they were like, let's move in together and let's get married. You've heard me say that. So I think that angel should honor what she thinks that she wants right now.

And you know what? I'm gonna see angel in a bar 10 years from now. Sad and alone is what I'm gonna be.

So wrong. Cause this one guy wants to be.

And I'm, like, holding up the email, and then I'm gonna have a recording of the show, and then I'm gonna be laughing.

No, I don't think so. Okay, next topic. Bad in bed. Oh. How do you tell someone that they are bad in bed without being blind?

How are you in bed? You good? You good in bed?

I wouldn't, you know, I don't know.

Okay, good feedback. You sound confident in that.

Good feedback. That's awesome. Okay, this is from.

I'm amazing.

How do you know he doesn't.

I can show you video.

He does make sex tapes, but he blacks out when he has sex most of the time.

No, I don't. I remember at least half of it.

He doesn't really remember okay. How do you tell someone that you're. They're bad and bad without being blunt? That's a great question. Don't be blunt about it. And you have to start with positive encouragement. So be like, you know, it was so hot. It was so hot that time that you were kissing my neck and then you slowly undressed me. I really like that. So you reinforce the things that they've done that are really good. You just like anything in life. You start out with positive and then you could say, you know, it would be really amazing if we tried this or that. Or show him. Show him what you like. Like, show like. It's the same thing we were talking about kissing. Like, show your partner what you like. Like, I want to be kissed this way. I'm going to show you how I want to be kissed and you show me how you want to be kissed. So I think that you should.

Should talk to your partner and be like, these are some things that I've been wanting to try. Or maybe you just start doing them and you just, you know, and you just kind of reinforce the good things. Tell them, that was really great. And then you introduce new things into the relationship. Maybe you want to bring in a sex toy or maybe you want to. I don't, I don't know what makes someone like, I always. That. You see one of the questions that we asked all of our guests, like, what's bad sex? And I think it's a really interesting question because what I want to know more like, why are they bad and bad? Like, does it mean that it doesn't care about your orgasm? Does it mean that he's not attentive to any of your needs? That he never kisses you? Like, I don't know what that means for this person, but whatever. Whatever it is that you're needing and you're not getting, I think that there's a kind way to be. Like, you know, it would be really great. And if you would go down on me for an hour, an hour. I'd like to say that to upset you.

Jesus Christ.

45 minutes.

45 minutes.

Menace always wants to know the time that he has to get through. He just wants to get through it.

I wanna turn over the hourglass and know. All right, this is how long I gotta be.

Like, really? Okay, Only two more minutes. Thank God for just that.

Or anything, just anything in life. I just wanna know when I can go to bed.

I think this is your ex girlfriend writing. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Okay, I'm not gonna read the penis Size one. Because it's just depressing. I just don't wanna read it. We can.

No, read it. I wanna hear about the penis size thing. We can help this guy out, okay?

Let's just tell him it doesn't matter. Okay. Hi, Emily. I'm a 19 year old guy and I have.

Are you serious? Already? You just said that.

It doesn't matter. He's fine.

All right, let's go.

Don't make him feel bad.

Let's start from the beginning. I'm not gonna make him feel bad.

You won't make him feel bad.

I'm not. I'm not. We're gonna figure out. We're gonna work through this together, okay?

Hi, Emily. I'm a 19 year old guy and I have confidence issues regarding the size of my penis. I do not know if this is common, but I have an 8 to 9 centimeter long penis. I haven't had the guts to go to the doctor or tell my parents in fear of humiliation. So what do you think? Will I still have a good love life? Alan.

So Alan, here's the deal.

I think that you are way too obsessed with the size of your penis. And that many just like men. There are some men who love large breasted women and smaller breasted women. There are women who like really enjoy a large penis. And they're women who like small penis or whatever. They don't care about the penis size. A lot of women actually there are penises that are too big for them. And they actually need a certain shape penis to reach orgasm. And I just think that for you going into it, it sounds like your self esteem has taken a nosedive. And I would say that it's just not as big of a deal as you think it is. And that you should not. It's clearly not a big deal. It's clearly not big enough. That's mean. But no, I really think that you should not trip on this. I mean, you can talk to your doctor if you want. There's nothing you can really do. You'll have a great love life. Because let me tell you something. There are lots of men with who have smaller than average penises. And they have gotten just get really.

Good at going down.

Well, that's true. A lot of them have mad skills in the bedroom otherwise. So there's other things that you can do to be a good lover. It's not all about the penis. I mean, that's one of the biggest problems I have with sex is that people when they talk about sexual. They think that sex is only about penetration. Like that's it. Like, did you have sex? Did you not have sex? Did you pen? But there's so many other things involved with sex. There's oral sex, there's, you know, touching and kissing and massage and there's just so many other things that constitute sex that to think that you are like already failing because of your penis and you won't be a good lover is wrong. You will be a great lover, I'm sure. And I wouldn't worry about it.

Is it tall? He should date somebody really tall. Because I heard taller women have smaller vaginas. That's what I heard.

How the hell do you get your information?

I got it from the Internet. I heard that taller women have smaller vaginas because they have more room to have kids. And then the shorter women have larger vaginas because they need more room. I swear I read it somewhere.

Yeah, please don't share that information.

My information is usually correct. So he should date a really tall woman because they have smaller vaginas.

Menace, I fixed his problem right there.

You did not. That's dumb. That's not true either.

How do you know?

That's like saying guys with big penises.

Do you know for a fact that taller women don't have smaller vaginas?

Yeah, I do.

How?

Because I don't think if there's anything factual like that.

You don't think? See, I don't know.

There's not. I know there's not. You can. It's like saying that every guy who's tall has a big penis or every. You know that's pretty much true.

Right?

So not true. Here to tell you. Alright. Love your show. So I'm a 28 year old female and I've been doing the friends with benefits thing with a guy for almost two years now. It's somewhat off and on and we sometimes go to movies, dinner, etc, always followed by sex. We're in the same circle of friends and are constantly around each other because, well, my friends are his friends and vice versa. We've had many talks, usually ending with agreement. We should just be friends because I want more and he doesn't. And we'll go for months, no sex, but we always end up back in bed together. I know I need to just stop. But it's extra tricky because not seeing him means not seeing any of my friends and I at all. I need your help. I'd love both of your perspectives on this. Thanks, Susan. Okay, so here's the deal, Susan. We actually just did a Show on Friends with Benefits this week. And I think that the friends with benefits relationships, they can totally work. They totally work. But you have to be great communicators, and you have to communicate about it. And you talk about, like, well, are you seeing other people? Are you not seeing other people? And what are the expectations? Now I'm concerned with your friends with benefits relationship because you want more and he doesn't, which is the downfall of all Friends with Benefits relationships. When one person wants more and the other person wants less, which is eventually what happens. I would say eventually that happens in these relationships, that one person wants more than once less. And that's already happening to you. So now you're saying that you're seeing him because you're friends and whatever. And I just think that you're not going to get what you want from this guy. He's telling you very clearly that he only wants to be a friend's benefits. And so there's another big mistake that women and men make in relationship is they think they can change the person. And no one's ever going to change. Like, unless they want to change. They can change, but you're not going to change them. He's not going to all of a sudden come around and be like, you know what? I think this French benefits thing, I think we should just commit. It's not going to happen. I think you're fooling yourself, and I think that you should get yourself out of the situation and start dating someone that you really want to date. But Friends with Benefits works again if people are both on the same page. And ultimately, usually at least one person ends up changing their mind. And one wants more, one wants less, and it becomes bms. I mean, I've had some very successful Friends with Benefits relationships, and they were out, they worked out because we were always on the same page. But this one already sounds like it's doomed.

Yeah. Let me ask you guys some questions. Let me get you up on the microphone.

Oh, great. This is my friend David. He's on mic now. Yeah, go ahead.

Let me ask you guys some questions because obviously from our conversations earlier, that you don't believe in the whole soulmate thing. So do you think Friends with Benefits are a better relationship to have then?

No, no, it's not bad.

I'm saying there's not one person for every one person on the planet. Like, you could have different relationships with different people. That could all be fulfilling and great, but the relationship is going to be.

Yeah, like a Friends with Benefits. You just hook up for A while, and then you just move on to the next one.

No, that's not what. No, that's true as well. That's a different experience.

Yeah. I don't think that you have to.

Choose, like, you can meet somebody that has a whole different background, that somebody that grew up on a farm, and your relationship with that person is going to be so different than somebody that grew up in New York City. Could be both beautiful, wonderful, and great. It's just gonna bring out different things in each person. So.

Friends with benefits, though, is just another.

Another form of relationship. But it's nothing like that. It's always challenging.

Yo, so. But do you think that's a better relationship?

No, no, no. I think it's more of a. Just a temper. It's like the minor leagues.

Yeah, it is kind of a temporary thing.

It's just like, you know, except for.

I mean, I've done them for a long time.

How long have you been in the minor leagues, Emily?

Long fucking time. I've been in the minor leagues a long time.

So what does it take to get out of the minor leagues?

Well, a guy from Michigan.

Oh, God.

A lot of miles.

Yeah. No, they got Skype these days.

Don't worry about it.

No, but friends with benefits, I think are. We did. Yeah, we just, like, did a whole show on it that I think that you just have to be on the same page and you have to keep checking in with each other, and it sounds like she's getting hurt by it, so.

Yeah, she needs to just cut her losses.

Exactly. She's got a bail on it because it's very clear. Okay, we already read that one. Okay. I think we are. Okay. Do they want us to do more emails? Are we still.

I think they're done.

I think we're done.

Nan said that was all. I just heard her.

You did?

Yeah.

How did you hear her?

I got it in my mic'd.

You did not.

What's going on?

I don't know.

Are you gonna wrap?

Are we rapping? Let's wrap.

Let's wrap. Do they keep it this hot in here on purpose?

No, it's not.

There's a lot of lights.

We got a lot of lights in here. It's just really hot. It always is hot, though.

Do you guys get naked in here ever?

No.

No, I'm.

I'm usually fine. I like it hot. So I keep my studio, like, 80 degrees.

Not yet, at least. I mean, I could leave the studio if you want.

There's a camera here. I could just get naked and we get a lot more subscribers or less. I don't know.

All right, let's.

Let's wrap it up.

All right.

So, yeah, you can follow me on Facebook and Twitter. Hold on, hold on.

Say. All right.

All right. We're gonna wrap this up.

Hold on. Wait for me to finish my sentence.

I didn't know you were talking.

Okay, go for it.

That's all you were gonna say?

Yeah, because I was talking at the same time when you're trying to wrap up.

So that's all you're gonna say? Go for it?

Yeah, let go.

I thought you were gonna say something else.

I think you guys kind of like each other.

No.

Oh, my gosh.

Please don't say that. We don't like each other at all.

Please don't say that.

No, I mean, we love each other. We actually love each other deeply.

God. Okay, end this now.

Okay. Thanks everyone, for listening to Sex with Emily. You can follow me on Facebook and Twitter Sex with Emily. So thanks for listening to the show. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackextwithemily.com there's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep.

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