SWE- Titillating Tips

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? 'Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God. I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

This episode is brought to you by one of our amazing sponsors, Masked Sexual Flavor Strips. They enhance your sexual experiences with the taste of strawberry, mango, watermelon, or chocolate. It's kind of like a Listerine strip, but for sex. So if you like sex and you want to make it even more enjoyable and you like hearing Sex with Emily for free, check out Masque at sexualflavors.com. Enjoy the show. I promise your sex life will improve. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information about Sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcast, sign up for our mailing list, RSS feed, and all that fun stuff. Thanks everyone for listening to the show. Please fill out our audience survey. It'll just take you a few minutes. It's on our homepage. We'd love that. And also download my iPhone app, Kegel Camp, because people are loving it. I'm getting great reviews. Kegels are the most important sex exercise that you are not doing. It helps everyone's sex life, men and women.

Hi.

Hi, Menace.

What's going on?

How are you? It's great to see you.

Great to see you too. You've been off. I mean, we didn't really get to talk since the last time you were here because we were kind of just like in and out. You just got back from New York. We didn't really get to talk about New York because we had to rush through what was going on because we had a guest in studio. Not today.

Not today.

No guests.

No guests. It's all about us. We got lots of catching up.

Yeah, so what the hell happened in New York? Who did you date? Who'd you go out with? Who'd you make out with? Who did you go drinking with? And don't tell me we were— I was with my girlfriends and we were drinking wine and we're all in an apartment because I don't, I don't believe any of that.

I have to be honest, I did not. I went on a date in New York.

Oh God.

But I did not have any sex. I did not have any intercourse. I did not have any makeouts. And it was beautiful. It was like 80 degrees.

It was beautiful?

The city was beautiful. And I had great meetings and met a lot of interesting people, but I did not have any dates. I had one date, but no sex. And it was like an ex from a long time ago. And it didn't really go anywhere exciting. And then I've still been dating the guy here.

All right, fast forward to here. What's going on?

So the guy here, I've been dating him on and off for about a while. And now we're kind of back on, but it's interesting because we're both in the same place. Face and that we don't really— I don't think that either one of us think that we're right for each other, but we're dating right now and trying to figure out— and he's dating other people and I'm dating other people. And I think that we're both just not— look, I don't— you know what?

Okay, I'm gonna love when you start freaking out that he's acting that way.

What do you mean? He is acting like you. He is acting—

and I'm gonna love that you're freaking out.

This is why I like him. He and I are so similar that He's like me. He's like, I don't really want a commitment right now. I just wanna date. He's like, I wanna be able to date who I want and see you. And I'm like, that's exactly what I want. But it has gotten a little tricky. Like he did get a little jealous the night before I went to New York. I canceled. We were go— we were gonna get together. And I said to him, I have to stay home. Like, okay, I do this thing before I go on vacation. And I, I, it wasn't really vacation, it was work, but work, whatever. Before I leave town, I love to stay up really late getting everything done that I've been delaying, answering emails, packing, like trying on stuff. Like it takes me until 2 in the morning. I'm up late. Before a flight. Mm-hmm. And he wanted me to come sleep at his house so he could get up with me, go to the airport cuz he had a meeting near the airport, whatever. But he wanted to get up 2 hours earlier and whatever. So I decided at 6 o'clock, I'm not ready for New York. It always takes me a lot longer to get ready and do work. I canceled. He assumed, he tells me the next day when I'm in New York that I was out with another guy and I was like, what, the night before? Yeah. He's like, you canceled on me cuz you were with another guy. And I was like, well, A, I could have been with another guy because we're not committed, but B, no, I wasn't. I was really just home working.

Yeah. Guys never believe that when the girls are just, but it's funny. Oh, I'm, I just wanna stay home and work.

But that's what I do all the time. He's gotta know that. But what I'm saying is it's an interesting dynamic when you're trying to navigate a relationship that's really, really honest. So we are honest. Mm-hmm. We're dating other people. I know that's like not, maybe a lot of people couldn't do that, but that's where I'm at right now. And that's where he's at. And I can't tell you how many men I've talked to lately in their like 30s, early 40s who are like, I don't know if I wanna commit. I wanna be with women. I mean, I wanna be with as many women as I want. And they're not looking for that one person.

What I love—

he's just my friends.

What, what I love about that is, uh, the part where women actually believe that when guys say, I just want to stay home and work. So I have to give it to women that they're good about that, but guys will not believe that at all.

Right, right. Do you think it's because it's a total double standard then? And I said to him, I said, you realize that—

I'll give you guys that one right there.

What?

Yeah, I will give you a point for that.

I realized that it was projection because I said, I didn't talk to you all last— because we don't see each other all the time. I said, last weekend, for example, you had plans all weekend. I assume you were with another woman. He's like, uh, well, I wasn't, but I don't— whatever. I assume that he was, and I don't really care because that's our agreement. So he—

I think— so are you guys pretending not to be jealous?

Yeah.

Is that what's really happening, that you guys are just pretending to be cool with it?

I think we really are cool with it. Here's the thing about jealousy, and here's the thing about jealousy in relationships, is that you have to deal with jealousy if you're in a monogamous relationship or you're in a relationship that's more fluid. It always comes up. Either you're with someone and you're monogamous and you're afraid flirting with someone that they meet on the street, or you know, they go out with their guy friends and, or it's open and you, you full on know that they're dating other people and then you still get, so either way you're gonna get jealous.

Yeah.

It's gonna happen. It's just a matter of overcoming it and feeling like it's okay. We have our own thing and we have an understanding and we talk all the time. It's actually a pretty healthy relationship. I have to say, I feel good about it.

That's cool.

But here's my one issue. I have a sex issue. Mm-hmm. And I'm not saying that it has to do with this guy in gen— in particular, but it does. It doesn't. It doesn't. Um, not that he listens to the show, at least he says. They all say that.

Yeah.

But why don't men— and this has been happening for years— I need to understand why men do not undress women anymore. I feel like that was part of it, and they're like, get naked, let's have sex, and they don't. Like, there's something really sexy about men taking your clothes off for you.

I know why.

Why?

Because they have had trouble in the past where they tried it too soon and then they got rejected, so then they wait.

So it's the same thing that we always talk about. They're afraid they're going to get shut down and then they just—

Yeah, well, I'm sure, I'm sure in the past when they were younger they're like, oh yeah, let's— and then they did do that, but they got shut down so many times, then they just wait for—

now they just go for the— right, they're like, get undressed, or just come on, let's take our clothes off. And it's like, what are we like, like the, the— what are the old shows and like, like I Love Lucy. Do you remember all those shows they used to have on when they were like sleeping in separate beds and they would just get undressed? And like, we're not an old couple, married couple. Like, let's just get undressed and get in bed and turn the lights off and hump. Like, I just, there's something romantic to just the man like taking off, slowly removing your clothes. So this is my one sex, actually there are more sex tips coming up, but this is just from personal. And I talked to some girlfriends about this as I always do. And I'm like, why? They're like, yeah, guys don't do that anymore. They're just like, expect you to get naked and to have sex right away. And they're that women really like, The tease, the slowing down, the taking off the clothes. Just not every time. Nothing I say here is for every time. It's just that I feel like men I've been with over the last few years, it just never happens in a romantic way. It's like, we are gonna have sex now. And then the next thing you know, you're naked cuz you had to take all your clothes off. That's what I'm saying.

Okay.

Okay.

So where do you think it's gonna go?

What, this guy?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Eh, probably blow up.

It might, it might. We, we will. Okay. This is what I know about him. I know that we will always be in each other's lives and we are super tight cuz we were dating and then we stopped dating. Mm-hmm. And then we were friends and we became really close. And now we kind of date. So I think we're gonna be in each other's lives forever. I don't know where it's gonna go. And I'm not thinking about it.

Is he gonna be at your wedding?

Is he gonna be at my wedding?

Yeah.

Am I gonna have a wedding? Yes. He would be at my wedding. He would be at my wedding.

The reason I bring that up is because it was a, you know, we had the royal wedding.

Right.

And, uh, in the news they kept on talking about how there was gonna be a bunch of exes of both of the couples. The, uh, from, uh, I forget whatever her name is.

Right.

What's his name?

Kate and—

Kate and whatever.

Prince.

Prince William, right?

Right.

Yeah, sorry, we're in America and I don't really follow that that well. But anyways, uh, the whole thing was like, oh, they're, they're inviting their exes to the wedding.

Really? So yeah, that's why I was like, how many exes do they have at 25? I mean, if I invited my exes to the wedding, it would fill up.

I guess it was like a couple. It was, uh, I think it was like maybe 2 from each side or 2 or 3.

Yeah, that's mature that you can invite exes. I know a lot of— I've gone to exes' weddings. Have you?

Exes' weddings?

No. Oh, I would invite— there are a few exes that I—

yeah, but did the bride know that?

Yes, they knew. They knew. Yeah, but sometimes friends— sometimes you do become really good friends with an ex. One of my exes is my very best friend, and he even said, he's like, we could have a baby together one day and we wouldn't have to be together. I was like, okay, that sounds good. If it— worst comes to worst and I want to have a kid, yeah, you can call him. That's what good friends—

I want to have a kid, hook me up.

Yeah. I gotta decide at some point soon, but it hasn't happened yet. And it's beautiful here in San Francisco. Yes, finally summer.

A lot of women looking hot, very hot.

So speaking of which, I'm wearing this dress that has— did you know? I don't know if you noticed because you don't look at me like this, maybe, or maybe you do, but I have a lot of cleavage showing today.

I didn't look.

You didn't notice my cleavage? Uh, it's not on purpose, it's a new—

oh yeah, sure.

No, I swear to God that like I just had lunch with an old friend, she's like, when did you get cleavage? And I've always had like I guess I'm like a B, I'm normal. But this dress, I feel like I never show my cleavage. I just don't. I'm not a cleavage chick. And it's, people are like staring at my cleavage and it's not on purpose. Cause I didn't realize it. It's a brand new dress. I wasn't like, I'm not that girl who gets dressed and looks in the mirror a million times. I just threw it on and left and I'm like, it's sunny and I've got cleavage.

Yeah.

I'm just telling you it's changed.

Do you know what's weird? I don't know if you notice guys, uh, checking out your cleavage.

Yes, I do. That's what I'm saying. I noticed men checking out my cleavage today.

Which is weird, um, from my—

from blocks away. Yeah.

And I try not to— and I try not to, uh, like stare at a woman's Cleveland—

Cleveland?

Cleveland? Uh, no, like I try not to stare at it, but for some reason my eyes like lock in, right? And it's weird because then I'll see them seeing me look at it.

It's like, happened to me 10 times today. Welcome to my world. And my—

yeah, I, I'm so embarrassed because I met somebody for the first time once and she had like a ton of cleavage showing.

You can't help it.

And my eyes just like locked in, and I didn't even try to like look in that area. It just locked in and stayed there for a second, and I know she noticed, and I'm like, oh my God.

Well, it's like bright shiny things. It's not—

I know, but yeah, but I get embarrassed. I know, because I know that they knew that I was looking and I didn't try to look.

Some women might appreciate that. I don't know, using it as a social—

I feel that they try to cover up A social experience? How are you gonna see, like, how many guys ask you out?

Yeah, and seriously, there's like guys like, I like your dress, I like your car. Like today I was like, oh my God, I'm wearing cleavage. I should wear more cleavage. I seriously should. I'm gonna go shopping after this and buy a bunch more cleavage. No, it's weird though, because you do, because men are wired again. It's another wiring thing. Like, you just look down and you can't help it.

I get embarrassed.

Don't beat yourself up.

I get embarrassed when they notice.

Yeah, that's true.

Super embarrassed.

They can't help it though. How's your dating life?

Dating life is, uh, okay. I don't know, I'm not trying.

You never try.

But yeah, but I'm really like not trying right now.

You're just so busy.

Yeah, I just don't care. But I'm going to Los Angeles this weekend and, uh, I'm gonna hit up some people, some old friends, some old women in the rotation. Just, you know, just hang out with some people.

How long are you gonna be there? I might go to LA next week.

Uh, I'm only gonna be there for 4 days.

Oh, bummer. Where are you staying? Anywhere fun?

No, a friend's house.

Okay, that's cool. Well, okay, let me tell you about today's show, everyone. We've got, we're gonna be reading your emails that you sent to feedback@sexwithemily.com. Some of the topics include sexual tension, hand jobs, of course, I cannot get away from them, married sex, premature ejaculation, orgasms, and then we're also gonna do some sexual tips to unleash her sexual desire and some sex in the news.

I like that.

Do you like it? Does it all sound good to you?

Yeah. Speaking about sound, we might sound maybe a little bit different right now. Okay. 'Cause we're actually in, a different studio. We're at the Stitcher.com studios right now.

Right.

And if you want to listen to the show, you can download the app for your smartphone, and it's Stitcher. That's S-T-I-T-C-H-E-R. I'm looking at a sign right behind you. And download the app. It's for Droid, iPhone, any smartphone, and you just search Sex with Emily, and you can stream the show right there.

Yeah, it's really easy. A lot of people listen to our show that way, so we love it, and we're recording here. So yeah, if we sound a little weird this is going to be our new, our new home, a new place.

We didn't get kicked out of our old place, but we, uh, we're going to be doing a lot of cool things here, so we needed a different space to work in.

Exactly. Keep listening to the show because there are a lot of exciting changes coming up, so we can't wait to tell you about them, which we will tell you soon.

Yeah, so if we sound a little funky, this is just our first time here, and, uh, you know me, I'll, uh, get it fixed.

Menace is the sound mix master.

I know, I always get— man, I get people that I run into on the street, they're like 'Your mic is too loud, she's too low.' And then I, I change it and put you higher and I put me a little bit lower. She's like, 'Emily's too loud and you're too low.' And I'm like, 'Guys, I, I don't know what to do.' I know people, people have said that to me too because— and I'm gonna blame it on you, Emily.

Why? You always blame everything.

I do, because you don't talk directly into the microphone. But I have to give it to you because you do have to do— I don't do as much work Reading, work, research.

Just kidding.

I keep the show alive, honey.

I couldn't do it that many.

Yes.

No, but you don't. I have to read stuff in front of me and you don't have to. So I'm turning my head a lot.

So, but you know, it's, it's a, just stick with us through the changes. Yeah. We're gonna make it happen.

I know we're gonna make it happen and it's gonna be even better. I swear to you. I know I've been saying that, but it's gonna be awesome. Okay. Sex in the news. When medication lowers your sex drive. So this has been in the news a lot lately, and this is just a known thing. So if you're with somebody and she or he suffers from low libido, a lot of times you have to look at, and I always ask, are you on any medications? So this is actually about an ADD drug that it starts off the, the story with the guy who's taking Strattera for ADD, adult ADD. And he says, um, that he is having, you know, sexual dysfunctions. It decreases libido. He used to wanna have sex all the time and now he doesn't. So some of the drugs that you can look for if you are experiencing low libido are medications that treat high blood pressure, drugs to treat allergies like antihistamines, chemotherapy drugs, and drugs for depression and other mental health issues. Now, uh, depression drugs are huge. Mental health, anxiety, those are like some of the most commonly prescribed drugs, and they— most of them have sexual side effects. So just if you are experiencing anything doctors don't tell you all the time, this article goes in this whole thing about how the doctor didn't tell him that Sotera— he had to research, research it. So I'm just saying It's a big thing that you got to look at everything you're putting in your body and seeing if it has any negative side effects.

I didn't hear anything you said because I was looking at your cleavage.

Were you really?

No, I'm just kidding. Uh, no, no, I'll take a picture. No, my buddy was telling me about this because he was taking, uh, I don't know what it was, like Zoloft or— yeah, I don't know, some of those SSRI, some of that stuff, because he had anxiety too. And then, um, he said— I don't— he went— he tried— he had two different drugs. One where he's like, he had no sex drive, like he couldn't even rise to the occasion. And the other one, he had a sex drive, but he could never climax. Like, he could just go forever. He said he was just like a porn star, but then he could never—

Yeah, and you never get it. You never get to have an orgasm. Yeah. So what happened?

But he ended up stopping, right? He ended up stopping.

And there's things you can do. Like, if you do have to be on, on it— let's say, let's go back to antidepressants. If you're on antidepressant, you have to be on it, there are drugs you can take that supplement that, that will kind of counterbalance, counteract the side effects you're having from the drug. You can add another— I mean, now that you want to take all these drugs, but there are drugs that will help balance it out. And maybe you won't have the sexual— stop the sexual side effects.

Yes.

So that's what I gotta say about that. That's an important one that comes up a lot. Okay. Do women like porn as much as men? There's been some studies out that have shown that women— more couples are enjoying porn together with women often taking the lead in choosing the material. More women are using porn to get themselves in the mood for sex, to enjoy their sexuality on their own. So women on their own, this is all new. More women are using porn to learn new sexual techniques or to explore sexually adventurous situations. They're using porn to satisfy a general curiosity about sex overall, and they're comfortable and confident in asserting their opinions on the subject. So they're using porn for the same reasons as men, but they like to watch different kinds of porn. As you know, men are visual. Men get turned on right away. Women like the plot, they like the stories, they like— so there's now porn for all that you can find, for example, at adamandeve.com. Let's talk about Adam and Eve for a second. Adam and Eve rocks. They are our sponsors. We love them. Any sex toys, any porn, anything you wanna get, you can go to adamandeve.com. Cuz really, if you haven't bought any toys yet or any porn yet, it's time. Just do it. You're thinking, you're listening to the show, you're trying to spice up your sex life. Like go on to Adam and Eve. It is just a, it is just an amazing playground for sex. So you should check it out. You can go to adamandeve.com, Sex with Emily listeners get 3 adult DVDs, speaking of which, and a free gift plus free shipping. So if you go to adamandeve.com, enter coupon code EMILY at checkout, it's easy, it's free shipping, and it's an amazing deal. So check it out.

I actually run into more women that talk about porn than guys.

Really?

Yeah.

More women talk about it?

Yeah, they talk about like pornos that they seen and stuff like that. But maybe because I hang out with more girls than guys, but They, uh, they seem to really enjoy it and they like talking about it.

What kinds of porn they like?

Um, no, they, uh, they just— I don't know, I'm trying to remember his last situation where they talked about it, but it's just they just described what was going on, right?

And have you ever watched porn with a woman?

No, never. I'm not a big—

you're not a porn guy.

That's right. Can I tell you a funny thing though?

Yes, tell me.

Uh, I was— I don't know what I was— I was in Las Vegas and I was sharing a room with my— one of my two— well, I was sharing a room with two radio people, and a guy and a girl, and we're at the Hard Rock and we're really wasted. It's 4 AM and we start flipping the channels, and then a porno came on, and then it looked like this girl is like just having sex, and you pan back and it's a transsexual having sex.

Oh, seriously?

It was so funny.

That is very—

we're dying. The girl is laughing at us so hard. That's fine. We got porn for everyone, dude. There is porn everything, everything for everyone and everything. So that's what's good about porn. It's very universal.

And I think that women who— I mean, typically too, it, you know, this article goes on to say like on a more sociological level, generations of women have been told that porn is evil, that it exploits, objectifies, and degrades women, and that a woman who enjoys porn is a betrayer of women. And I learned that. I took a women's studies class in college and it was like porn is wrong, porn is evil. And I think there are a lot of women—

exactly, I took one of them.

Yeah, they Women's studies, I was way into it. Um, I didn't burn my bra, but, uh, me, come on, I'm not a bra burner. But so, but so it's not until recently, this is a recent phenomenon that women are, and which I think they should. I think if you're a woman and you've never checked it out or you have all these preconceived notions, go online and look for some female-friendly porn and see what you think.

You can download it.

You porn, download it.

You porn, you porn. Just type it in. Find it.

Right. You porn.

Yeah. All right, and RedTube, all those.

Oh, what else?

I don't know, there's— those are the ones I hear about the most, right?

I hear about YouPorn a lot. Yeah, I've done it, I've tried.

You have? What do you type in? What does Emily type in when she's on YouPorn?

I didn't know you could. I just look at the home page, like, I'm a little overwhelmed, but I don't watch that much.

What did you see?

I— when I do watch porn, I'm totally psyched. I just don't do it enough, but it's a goal of mine. I saw, like, I like watching women— women on women, or women on women. Women on men, but women on women. Women, threesomes, men and women.

Two guys on a girl.

Ooh, that's hot. Yeah.

Are you serious?

I think that's hot.

What?

Or two women and a man.

Describe the last porn that you watched.

There was a lot of oral sex being performed on women.

Uh-huh. Oh, your dream porn.

It was my dream porn.

Did you shoot it yourself?

I didn't shoot it myself. Um, there was like, you know, they were like in Hawaii. It was totally cheesy. They were like in some like Hawaii, like outside and there was like waterfalls or something. And then there was a scene where the women were getting it on and then like the guy walked in. So that was like a threesome one and they were all just like going down on each other. I mean, women know how to like perform oral sex on women. Like they— wow.

Really? Like a guy would know how to give a handjob to himself.

Exactly.

Isn't that right?

But it's true. I think that that's, uh, no, that's different because a man can perform, a man can perform oral sex, Women just know, we know, we've done it, we own it, you know, same thing.

Go for it.

Okay. Remember that live nude sex demonstration that they did at Northwestern University?

Yes.

Do you remember we talked about that a few weeks ago, a few months ago? Well, the live nude sex demo in Los Angeles, they're doing one in Los Angeles, is gonna recreate the controvent— controversial Northwestern University kinky people seminar. So now they're like taking it on the road.

Yeah.

And there's these people in LA. So what happened was this this professor at Northwestern, if you recall, had a studies class, a human sexual studies class, I guess. And he brought in someone on this machine called like the fuck something machine.

And, um, fucking machines.

Yeah. And this woman like basically used it in front of the class and people were like outraged. So now they're doing it again. They're recreating it. Um, it's the use of the toy live in Chicago was framed by the broader discussion of what the toy was used for and how the people demonstrating felt about doing it. They're charging $20 at the door. How could you find out about this?

They have a place—

oh, it was called the Fuck Saw.

Oh, the Fuck Saw. Okay, right. How did I not know that?

How did you not know the Fuck Saw?

They have, um, they have a whole website dedicated to that over at kink.com. kink.com is actually in San Francisco.

They own like a city block here, a city block, and they make porn crazy.

And, uh, a big part of their website is those machines, right? I don't know how enjoyable they are.

Do you want to go there with me? We can go on a tour. I'm friends with them.

Yeah, let's go on a tour. We'll do— we can do a show from there, some shows. That'd be cool.

Yeah, they're awesome over there. And, and kink.com also has something for— they have like, they're sort of a fetishy website, or they're a lot of— they're into like BDSM, a lot of different— whatever you're into. Yeah, they have channels on kink.com for that. Like, there was some guy I was talking to that told me— I was shocked that he— because I know him really well, and he's like, oh yeah, I love kink.com. And he was really into something kind bizarre that I couldn't believe he was into on Kink.com, but I can't remember what it was. Not that I couldn't believe it, just knowing him, it was something a little more out there, like torturous, like women.

Yeah, no, they do crazy stuff.

Yeah, you got to be into it.

I know somebody that was at a bar where they were shooting something where they just had, uh, the video was like some girl just walks into the bar, she's like, all right, who wants some? And then like there's like 10 guys that start doing her.

Really?

Yeah. And but it was Um, it was weird because my buddy said, yeah, they were— we were just there. We didn't know what was going on. So then we had to sign a waiver saying it was okay if we end up like on tape and stuff like that.

Oh my God. And did they, uh, I don't know.

I don't know.

That's crazy.

But I mean, they didn't have sex with anybody, but they were just there like watching and everyone was like cheering on and stuff like that.

Oh yeah. It's crazy. And then they have this, they have this one called, um, it's when two women mud wrestle. The name of it is escaping me, but two women, they were on my show years ago. If you look up kink.com, my website, I have an old interview with them. From like, remember when they were on the show like 3 years ago? Anyway, so women mud wrestle and the winner gets to have sex with the loser however she wants. So then that's also on things. So if she wins the mud wrestle, the 2 women get to have sex, then the woman, one woman's in charge, whoever wins. How about that? Okay, so last sex in the news story. This is another, I don't know what's going on in universities right now. Seriously, lap dancing strippers, Philly professor allegedly taught ethics class using exotic dancer. So this professor in Philadelphia brought in and had lap dances performed for all the students 'cause he was teaching a social ethics class.

What's wrong with that?

I don't know, dude. Strippers are pretty cool.

That's some higher education right there.

Really? None of this stuff happened in college. I was taking a women's studies class about how bad porn is and now they're bringing in strippers.

I went to a stupid art college.

Yeah. Yeah, we did that. I went to a liberal college, but anyway, whatever. So that's what we got for sex in the news.

I know.

I know.

But are we gonna go to my favorite part now?

Yes, your favorite part.

Okay, what do you got?

We're gonna go to emails. Thanks everyone for emailing me at feedback@sexwithemily.com. A lot of people hit me up on Facebook or Twitter, that's fine too, however you wanna get to me. Okay, this is from the guy that we talked about, I think it was 2 episodes ago, about how he wrote us, he emailed us both and he was like, can't the show be like show 187 or something?

Oh yeah.

And then I emailed him back and I was like, well, what do you mean? What do you like? So this is what he likes. Ready? Yeah. Just the sexual tension between you and Menace is very interesting.

Sexual tension?

Is there sexual— I mean, you are staring at my breasts, I noticed.

No, only because you brought it up to have me look at them.

I didn't. I just thought that you would have noticed because everyone I saw today was like, when did you get cleavage? Okay. Just talk more about current news and current sex trends, he says. What do people like to do to spice up their sex lives after 20 years of F-ing would be a good topic to discuss.

Don't we always talk about that?

This is all we talk about. More listener emails and discussions would be great. Also, please do more shows. I listen to the podcast of your show and I always end up completing and listening all that podcast before the next podcast is up on the website. Michael.

What?

Well, thanks Michael for explaining more about what you wanted. I think that we do a lot of that, but I can guarantee you all we'll be doing more shows in the next month.

So many shows you're not even gonna be able to handle it.

You're gonna be like nauseated by how many shows. You're gonna be like, really, another Sex and Emily show again? I swear I've been saying this for a while, It's really happening. Believe me, I don't even know what else to say.

I was here setting up equipment. I think Emily was checking out my ass while I was, uh, laying down some cable.

I can't wait till we can talk about it, but we can't talk about it yet, but we will. Okay, so Emily— so anyway, Michael, thank you. And I love feedback of the show, seriously. What do you guys like? What don't you like? Just send me an email while you're listening. Just take notes. Doesn't even have to be that, you know, whatever. You mean like, I like this, I like that, I don't like when Menace does this, you know, whatever it is.

He wants to know how much you want my penis. Is that what's going on?

He says that we have sexual tension. I don't think—

no.

No, people think we do.

I don't text you during the week and say, are you thinking about my wiener?

No, you only call me when you're having sex with other women to get me jealous.

No, not to get you jealous.

Just kidding, not to get me jealous, just to, God knows why you did that.

Because I was really drunk.

It was awesome.

And I think it was just because like past shows before, I tried to bring up stuff and you're like, oh, you don't know what you're talking about. You don't have sex, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, dude, I have sex all the time. And so I just had to call you and let you know that, hey, Emily, I can prove it right now. I'm having sex.

Yeah, I know.

Unfortunately, you never prove it to me, so I don't believe you are having sex. Feel free to do it. Yeah, maybe I can guide you through it and let you know how to do it.

Oh my God, I will. I will call you. Okay. And you did ask me a few shows ago, because I want to honor this, that you said I should describe my last sexual experience.

Yeah.

And to be honest, I've been thinking about that, and I haven't had one yet worth worth describing.

Oh really?

So just know that that's coming, and the next time I have amazing sex, I'm gonna describe it.

And lately, okay, I don't know why, but I've been really busy. We have, uh, we have this concert that's coming up at my work, so I've been really focusing on that. So I'll have the television on in the background, and I won't, uh, change the channel because I'll be so focused. But, uh, something will come on and I would just forget to change the channel.

Okay.

Why did anybody like Sex and the City? Because that's for some reason something— there's some show that I watched before it goes on.

Okay.

Like, why did you guys idolize these women? It was so— it's so ridiculous.

You're so— because you're the guy that doesn't like Sex and the City. There's the men.

No, I'm not like— no, I'm open to it. But it's just like, it's ridiculous.

It is not. It is. What's ridiculous about it?

Like, first of all, like, the main character, she is not getting laid.

Yes, she is. She—

how do you women think that she is good looking?

Oh, you don't find Sarah Jessica Parker attractive? Hell no. Yeah, I think some men do, some men don't.

Where can I find a man that thinks she's attractive?

A lot of them do. She's so successful and attractive and people like her and she's a good actress. Can you find one person for me? I assume that men find— she's got a sexy body.

You assume? No, it's other women that put her on a pedestal, think that she's like awesome just because she thinks— they think she's a snazzy dresser or something. I don't know. She's a snazzy dresser, but Men thinking that she's attractive, I don't think so.

I think they do. Let us know. Who?

Email us.

I think that men find— who do you think is most attractive then on the show?

Uh, the brunette one.

People tell me I look like her all the time.

Well, out of all of them, she's the most attractive.

Oh, that's good. You think her? Okay. Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, I prefer Jessica. She is most attractive.

And then the other one, the blonde one.

Kim Cattrall.

Kim Cattrall.

I know all their names.

Who everybody loves, right? Because she's the biggest hoochie mama in the crew. And then the redhead, and then Sarah Jessica Parker. Even, I wouldn't even, I would not have sex with her.

You wouldn't?

No effing way. Even if I got paid.

Her body's hot? No. Nothing? No. Okay. But besides that, does the show, the topics on the show bug you, or you just can't get past the fact that I don't know.

This is so ridiculous.

I know.

It's hard to grasp.

I like it because you know what, a lot of people are like, oh, you're like Sarah. Just people say that to me. Like, oh, you're so like Sex and the City. And I like it. I never, cuz you know, I haven't had a TV in 20 years. Mm-hmm. But I do watch it. I've seen it, you know, at friends' houses or I, on whenever I'm traveling. And, and it is very uncanny how many similar situations in my life happened on the show. Like I'll be watching the show and I'll be like, that just happened to me. Or the, I don't know. I feel like there are some similarities, but I can understand that it's an annoying show and you don't wanna I don't sleep with any of them. And a lot of guys hated that show. It's on.

Yeah.

But people, well, it is on.

It's so bad. I think they're gonna come out with a trailer. I mean, I think they're gonna come out with a 3.

A third movie?

Yeah.

Yeah, they are.

Do you know what's funny? Because the reason I just said 3 right now, because I had, um, I, uh, put out a tweet about Osama bin Laden.

Right.

And I said, my tweet was, they didn't really shoot Osama bin Laden. They showed him the trailer to Sex and the City 3.

You did that?

Yes, and people loved it.

That's funny. Yeah, I know, that's what I do. You're already making a sum of money. I guess everyone is. What about all that crazy spam that's been going around? Have you been getting all that spam on Facebook?

Yeah, it's ridiculous.

Crazy. Okay, it's bad. Hey Emily, greetings from Malaysia. Just want to give a quick shout out to you guys. I've been listening to your show for a while now on Stitcher.

Thank you. We're at the studios right now.

And is one of the most entertaining podcasts, I must say. Not only you manage to discuss sex in a humorous way sometimes, I've also picked up a few tricks here and there. Guess what? I tried it out and it works. I hope your show will carry on forever, perhaps beat out Oprah in the future. By the way, Oprah, the topic with weight is outdated. We want sex, sex, and more sex. Last but not least, I wish you all the best. Love you all, Ray.

We would love to be on the Oprah Network, so if you want to campaign for us, that'd be awesome.

We could be on the—

on the O.

Don't you want to be? Would you really want to be in the OWN Network?

Hell yeah, dude. I love Oprah. Oprah's awesome.

You do? Yeah, I love Oprah too, but I would never have called you for being an Oprah lover.

She's very, uh, inspirational. Like, just the way— like, I'm just— I'm not talking about, you know, the topics and stuff that she talks about, which she does have a lot of that that is really good, and some of the stuff I'm not— it's not relatable to me, right? But, uh, just, you know, just like how she just came up to make this big media empire is very— something you can admire, you know?

Exactly.

So she needs, you know, some late night entertainment on the O Network. Uh, feel free to give us— yeah, feel free to give us a call.

Please, everyone email O Network. Okay, married sex. Okay, this is funny. Okay, wait, Emily. Mendez comes over as— this is how he starts it, but this is not what it's about. Okay, Mendez comes over as angry in episode 208.

I can't even remember.

I don't know, it was 4 episodes ago.

Episode Were you angry that we did last week? Probably. I don't know. Okay, I'm always angry. You do something that pisses me off before we start every time.

You really secretly hate me. It's not so— No, I don't hate you. Leave here and I annoy you. Are you like, Emily's annoying?

No, no, no, this is— But it's not just you, it's a lot of people, and it's something that I have to work on myself too.

Being annoying? Oh, angry? No, I don't know.

I'm probably— I'm annoying?

No, you're not annoying at all.

But no, it's just Um, there's a, there's a lot of areas that I'm good at and there's a lot of areas, maybe more areas that I'm bad at, but like technical stuff, I guess I'm really good at too. And then I just get frustrated when people don't understand like easy things that technically, right. You know, and that I gotta learn like, okay, not everybody knows how to use that stuff.

That's why you're so good at what you do and why everyone needs you.

Yeah, but I gotta learn to like not be a dick when somebody knows anything. But it's just like sometimes you're just like, okay, we've gone over this a billion times.

Exactly.

I don't know, because like sometimes, I mean, if it's like in the beginning of the show, like maybe, I don't know, you didn't hit the program button that we've done a billion times.

Probably mad at me.

Or like, because even before the show starts, even when we're talking about the microphone thing, it's like we adjust the microphone for you like maybe 15 times before we even start the show.

Every time, correct?

Are not correct. So maybe sometimes if I have a long day— because let it go, when we start the show, like, I already been at work maybe 12, 13 hours.

I know.

So that's why, like, a lot of times more—

that's changing.

Yeah, which— that's gonna be really cool because you hear me stumble a lot on my words is because I'm tired, you know. Well, so— but it's cool because we're gonna, uh, we're gonna be recording at an earlier time, right?

Okay. I mentioned in my last email that my wife and I have been married for 13 years in May and together for 21 years in October. I get regular BJs from my wife every week. We love to hear that. Just last week she gave me a BJ. She seemed uninterested in having sex, but by the time she was done, we were both turned on and I gave her oral gratification to orgasm. Even though I know this was a free BJ, it turned into a great experience for both of us. The married sex life is alive and kicking in our house. Love the show. Keep it up. Jeff in Los Angeles. Awesome, Jeff. So that's, there are, that is good because we always say that there is a stereotype that once people get married, they no longer perform oral sex on each other. And this This is a couple who, after 21 years together, they both did it. They did it. It was awesome.

Yeah, I just wish that, you know, if I ever just get in a relationship where I just don't have to initiate anything, you know, where I just get home— no, no, no, I'm just saying where there's a lot of times where I don't have to initiate things, you know. I just get home and then she wants to—

she gets on her knees and gives me a free one.

Yeah, what's, what's wrong with that? Ladies, take initiative, you know. Take initiative. And just do it. You know how happy your man would probably be? Extremely happy. And he would probably pay you back in other ways. That's true. And you wonder why, oh, he's not, you know, that into me, blah blah blah, because you're making it too much work for him. And you know men don't want to work that hard at it.

So best case scenario, you walk in the door, she rips your pants down, gets on her knees and gives you—

Yeah, how amazing would that be?

Women should do that.

You think that's not gonna turn your man on?

And then I've done that, then he's gonna start wanting to pursue you. Like, huh? Yeah, I said half in psyched when I've done that. Yeah, I remember my ex-boyfriend in LA when we were kind of like— I was living there for a while. Like, he came home from work once and I just did that, and he had a freaking heart attack. He barely— didn't even drop his like work yet. I just tapped. Yeah, it was awesome, dude.

See, I do— women want to know how to fix things. Here, we just gave you the answer right there. That's how you fix all your players. We finally cracked— we finally cracked the code.

It is true that women— that one of the biggest complaints that men have when they're— when they're forced to answer what that they, they would like more from their partner, and they would like women to initiate sex more. So I think that's a great point, Menace.

For once, I get so frustrated when I see women on television shows getting interviewed and said, you know, I don't, don't know what's going on, he's not really that into me, you know. Then you know what, go after him, and if he's not into you after that, then I think women, maybe it's time to cut it off, let it go.

But women are— we're used to being courted as well, and so we might be a little afraid of rejection. Some women, but I think it can't really— I think you gotta mix it up. It has to be a balance. And I do think that the norm is that the man initiates. So every once in a while, if a woman takes initiative, it doesn't have to be a BJ. It could be just, you know, start undressing him or, you know, whatever. It's all so cliché, but like be wearing something sexy when he gets home.

Mm-hmm.

Or when you get home, I'm assuming the woman's home cooking all day, which is not the case anymore. Yeah.

We're living in a very different world. You know, it's not like how it was in the past. And I was actually talking over the week about how different things are because I hate to always bring this up, but it's just you can't get away from it. It's just Facebook and online stuff and where, uh, everyone just like is breaking up so fast, you know, because their attention spans are so gone. Because the, uh, I'll just take the guy's side. The guy gets on, gets online, he sees all these hot chicks that are like you know, poking him or messaging him or writing on his wall or liking one of his photographs. And then he gets home with, uh, his girlfriend, his wife, and they get an argument. And guys, not like back in the day before, uh, the internet, they have to work it out because they don't think that they have other opportunities, you know. But they see all these things that think that's nice online and they feel they have these opportunities. They're like, you know what, I'm gonna bail on the girl that I'm having now.

Exactly.

I'm gonna, because they think the grass is always greener and then they go over there, it doesn't work out. And then you're left without getting BJs when you get home.

Exactly. You know, exactly. That's a big circuitous route back to saying that we should know. I know you're right. And I think that we, that everyone, I always say this, like they're looking for the BBD, the bigger, better deal.

Mm-hmm.

That we think there's so many opportunities now with Facebook, with dating online, even dating online, you get like a million guys, you, you post your photo and like 100 guys wanna go out Number 2, if there's not gonna be a good one tomorrow and someone the next day and some, and it's just, it's like the cycle of life. We have too many choices now and too many opportunities.

Yeah.

So what do you do? I don't know. I mean, the, the, the—

When you get with somebody good, stick with them and make it work. Stick with them and make it work. And you know, be open to being wrong sometimes.

You know, the thing about the thing about the Facebook and all that is that it's like immediate gratification that you're getting from someone else. Mm-hmm. So it's like you're getting this ego boost and you're getting this little serotonin rush when you get a like on your page from a girl or a guy, even if you're in a relationship. And I think that that can be thwarting because it feels good and it literally gives you that rush and you're like, you're like excited about it. So then you, yeah, you, you think you have more options and you might, but I, yeah, it, it is interesting. Facebook, how many divorce, what, 1 in 5 divorces are on Facebook? Yeah.

And just the year before is 1 out of every 7. Yeah. Now it's 1 outta every 5. So it's going fast, man.

It is going fast. People be careful. Appreciate what you have.

But I'm not really, I'm not really worried about that. That, uh, when I get in a relationship with somebody, then I'm with them. That's no matter what. I don't care who's hitting me up on Facebook or anything like that. I know, but it doesn't mean I'm not worried about my significant other being poked by another dude on Facebook.

It's private. You don't know if someone—

yeah, and it's just like, uh, but on the other hand, I, I can't worry about that, you know, because then you're not going to be able to have a relationship.

Exactly. Um, and you can't, yeah, you don't wanna have to stalk their page all the time. It's crazy what people figure out about, uh, I can't even go there right now.

What?

No, it's just like my friend, I was at her house and she heard that her boyfriend broke up with somebody. So we goo— we got her name, we Googled her name, we found her on Facebook, and then we found her online. And then we looked at her Facebook, we're like, you know, it's just this whole thing that you can just find everybody's everything within 2 seconds. And it's just too much information.

I wanna find a girl that's so down to earth that she's bringing back gravity. That's what I want.

Really? Is that what you want now? She's so down, she brought back gravity.

Yes. Okay.

Emily just got a super hot handjob from my wife and boy did I blow. I, boy, did I blow it in a good way. Since I got my vasectomy, I can squeeze to hold it back, but once I get, once I let it go, it all comes out big time. Not like before I got it where I would hold back and it would come out for good. So his vasectomy has helped him. Anyway, one point for Emily. Sorry, White Menace, because he liked his handjob. Love the show. Have a good one. Ken from Clinton Township, Michigan.

Near Michigan.

Near my old space.

Are you promoting Sex with Emily in Michigan?

Tell all you know. But yes, always. But if you're in Michigan, tell all your friends.

We should go to facebook.com/sexwithemily on your page and see— you can look at stats and see where the most people are friends or people that like the page or—

from— yeah, is that new?

I'll show you.

Okay, should we move into some sex tips?

The sex—

yeah, the sex tips. Okay, let's do that. Okay, here are some titillating tips.

You had a pornographic picture that you just went through.

I did?

Yeah, right there.

Oh, there's people making out. Okay, I've got this binder that I slept around with all my sex art stuff. Okay, these are some tips to unleash the sexual desires in her. Okay, ready? Here's some tips.

Oh, I will unleash in her.

I'll bet you will. Don't be afraid to reveal your own desires to her. Okay, so a lot of men get nervous, they hold back, they think they can't talk about what they want. By the law of reciprocity, your willingness to open up to her holds the key to bring out the more adventurous and wild streak in her. For example, if she's a little apprehensive, try revealing your own sexual fantasies first. Tease her out of her sexual cell and heighten her sexual shell and heighten her anticipation of what's to come next. So don't hold back if you're with a woman and you think it's serious, or even if you're just getting into her. I think that people— men a lot of times are afraid to bring up their fantasies. It doesn't have to be your crazy sick one, but do you have a fantasy that's kind of doable and that feels sort of mainstream that you could start the conversation with her about what her fantasies are? It could open her up.

I guess that sounds like a lot of work. I'm just—

not a lot of— it is a lot of work. Okay, when you're making love to her, touch her with confidence. Increase her desire by exercising.

You grab her and you squeeze her, right?

For instance, I've said—

I slap around—

I say this all the time: refrain from heading straight for her clitoris during sex. How many times have I said that?

But that's where we want to go.

Instead, tease her playfully. Kiss her gently, allowing your tongue to work its magic all over sensual spots, from her ears to her neck down to her navel. Skip her vagina. Just skip it at first and traverse down her inner thighs to her inner thighs are so sensitive on women. I cannot tell you. Men don't—

I know, I love the inner thighs.

Do you play with the inner thighs? You kiss them and stuff?

Yeah, that's a hot area.

That is a hot move. Just learn from this tip. Kiss her inner thighs.

Okay, can I, can I break another thing down for you? Can I, can I give a memo that you can give to the women?

Yes.

That's cool that you guys like teasing. Fine, men need to do that. Okay, they do, but men don't like the teasing. I don't, I don't like hearing when these other sex experts and they Women, they say, oh, you gotta tease him and you gotta tease that.

No, not all men like teasing. Teasing is more of a woman thing because our brain, because it's our brain is our largest sex organ and that we need more time to warm up and to make it hot. And there's something about teasing that just that, that, that, that desire, the way you are just getting close enough but not too close. That's just super hot for women. I, I, I can't tell you enough.

You don't need to tease us. So you're gonna take that message over. I should tease you.

Okay.

To your, to the women.

Some men like teasing.

Women Mountain and pass it on.

Okay. Revel in her sexuality. Learning to genuinely, genuinely appreciate her body is extremely powerful to getting her to totally relax and be, and be ready for your advances. As we know, a lot of women feel insecure about their bodies and how they look, so compliment her body parts and make her feel hot and sensuous about herself. Women respond very well to positive reinforcement, which is so true. So let her know that you appreciate her body for all its splendor. You have to tell her. You have to tell her. I'm telling you every time. I won't tell you 10 times like I did with my husband.

See, you got destroyed on that one.

Every time you're making love, why not say like, I think your breasts are hot. I love the way your side, the way your thighs look, your side boob, or I like your double chin, whatever. No, but really, like, women, we respond to positive reinforcement. That makes us feel good to know that we're desired. That is so key here. So just like, if you're thinking it, you're having sex, you're like, wow, she's hot. Just tell her she's hot.

Okay, okay, you're hot.

Thanks, baby. Were you looking at my cleavage again?

Oh yeah, I'm staring at it right now.

It is cleavage.

I'm not looking.

Okay, you can't see it. Okay, give her the right kind of foreplay. Talking about foreplay, you should know that women need to be adequately aroused and stimulated from sufficient amounts of pre-intercourse stimulation before they are ready. Contrary to what most men believe, touching, caressing her private parts, and engaging in oral sex are not considered proper foreplay. So this is even backing it up more. These are really sexual acts on their own and not the sexual prelude a woman needs. Foreplay should involve mental activities that will heighten her arousal, such as talking dirty, as well as physical acts that target her non-sexual arousal zones and massaging her back. Massaging her back, talking dirty, that's all foreplay and very important.

Really?

Even though you don't like talking dirty.

I do. No, I do like it.

You like it, but the woman didn't or something. I don't know.

No, not all women are into it.

Not all women into it. You gotta test it out.

Yeah.

Yeah, I found lately that I think the men I'm not with are not, and I am.

That's weird. So frustrating.

How do they—

how do you find a man that's not into, uh, talking dirty? I don't, I don't get it. How do you— where do you find that person?

There's a lot of men who aren't.

Like, I think you hang out with the weirdest people.

I do.

It's so odd.

I do hang out with odd, strange people. You should come meet my friends one day.

They're good though.

They're interesting, they're fun. The guys I date—

Can I go to a cabin and drink wine?

Yes, drink wine and we'll go on the raft. It's so fun.

I don't wanna go on a raft.

It's fun. We have a motorized inflatable lounge chair and it's a lounge chair with drink holders in it and it has, and it moves, it has a motor on it and you can sit in the middle of the lake and drink. It's really fun.

Okay.

You should come.

All right.

All right, okay, that's what we got for you today on the show. On Sex with Emily. Thanks everyone for listening to the show. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. One of the reasons you're able to listen to us for free is because of the incredible people at Good Vibrations. Good Vibrations is a sex-positive store carrying the best toys with an informative website at goodvibes.com.

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I got my very first toy from Good Vibrations, so I've been a fan for a long time, and they never disappoint. They have a huge online store at goodvibes.com, and you can literally find anything on there from toys to DVDs to games. Just click on the Good Vibrations banner at sexwithemily.com and enter coupon code GVEMILY20 for 20% off on orders of $100 or more. So check it out, you'll help yourself and you'll to help keep sex family-free, just like it should be. Thanks for listening. I promise your sex life will improve.