SWE- What Works & What Doesn't

Okay, so let's talk about one of.

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man e here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my. Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

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I like it. I gave you a retweet on the other day on your app.

I know. Oh, and I have a new app. It's called Kegel Camp. And if you don't know what Kegels are, it's those muscles that you. Okay, so Kegel exercises, first of all, let me say one thing. People think that they're just for women. Kegels. They help women have more intense orgasms. They help women before and after pregnancy if they have some issues with whatever helps them strengthen those muscles.

How about cankles?

No. Okay, no exercise for cankles. But men helps men with premature ejaculation, and it can also help with men with other issues they might have surrounding sex. So the Kegel exercises which we talked about in the last show are just those piece stopping muscles. When you go into the bathroom and you stop and stop and start the flow of urine, you just tense and relax those muscles for five seconds at a time. This app will walk you through it. There's a reminder you can set in your iPhone and have a swell time doing.

You're missing the. The best selling point of the entire app, that it's your voice.

Oh, it's my voice that's guiding people. And there's pictures and we're going to update it with a video soon. It's awesome.

Reminding people.

It's reminding people. And I'm going like this. This is what I'm saying. Tense, relax. Tense, relax. It's kind of hot.

See, that's what you need to push. Like, forget the whole, like, you know, I know it benefits you to say you can hear my voice, but I.

Think that people want a better sex. And if you want a better sex, you can instantly download an app and you'll have better sex in two weeks. And I'm gonna say that honestly, it's like, you know, when you go to the gym and you haven't gone for a while, these are the most important P.S. the most important exercises that you should be muscling if you want better sex.

I think that I'm doing it. It's also only two bucks too. I thought you would. It would be like 900.

My last app was a lot more.

Yeah, I know, but it's only three bucks.

Really?

Well, which I was surprised. I know. I was happy to see.

We're getting lots of downloads. People love. We got good reviews. I haven't done everyone's ask whatever, you suck. But people are asking me about the Android and stuff. We will be coming out on the Droid and all those other versions. People need good.

Yeah, because all these Android people have been pissed at you for like the past year.

I know, but I just need a developer. Can you just hook that up for me?

Baby, my developer costs a lot of money.

I got it like 10 grand minimum. Well, we're just gonna do a short little show here for everyone and as we said, there will be more shows coming. But right now we're gonna read your emails that you sent to feedbackexwithemily.com and a lot of people will be doing more discussions on my Facebook fan page, which is Sex with Emily. And you can also go there and post questions. You can email me, you can tweet Sex with Emily, whatever you want. Hey, Emily. Love your show and can't wait for your new episodes to come out each week. I just wanted to write this email to thank you and Metis. I've listened and tried out your breastplate tips and my long term girlfriend went nuts. I spent 30 or so minutes on her breasts and she was actually able to orgasm like that. The tips have indeed enriched her sex life. And she can't get more. She can't get enough is what he meant to say. Just a small note on the hand job debate. I totally agree with Menace. I have tried and tried and have failed miserably. Women can't give a hand job better than the man himself. Emily, you are more than welcome to prove me wrong on Menace. You guys rock your fan Nam sue from Pakistan.

Okay, I don't want to get in the hand job thing just yet.

We tried to kill it a year ago, but go ahead.

But. No, no, no. Can we go into the. The boob play?

Oh, please. Okay, favorite thing.

All right. What are your feelings about? You.

This is the thing personally.

Yeah.

Okay. Well, you know, my feelings about this personally is that I think.

Explain.

Okay. Men typically go for two erogenous zones, briefly. They will briefly go to your breasts, and they will briefly go to your other erogenous zones. They're obvious erogenous zones or two areas, because they go up, they go down. They're like, okay, we're gonna fool around. I'm really excited. Rip your clothes off, and then we'll do it. And the next thing you know, you're having sex, and there is no foreplay. There is no playing with the breath. Men are like, I know. I kind of know what to do. I don't really know what to do. So we actually had a whole. Where I gave a lot of tips about how to touch a woman's breasts. And there was a lot of women who might not even know it themselves, who can orgasm through the breastplay. And I think it's important. And I think that a lot of times men just. We've talked about this. They're afraid they're going to get shot down. They're so used to, like, I'm on track, I'm on track. I'm going to get laid. I'm going to get laid. I don't really have time for the breasts now. And then they're doing something and they're like, oh, the breasts. They reach up one hand and they kind of casually touch the breast. There's just so much more that you can do with these erogenous stones. And you're trying to ask me what I personally like, Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I like. Yeah. I mean, sure.

No, see, okay. This is always the big issue, though. There's always a timing issue.

Like, what do you mean?

You know, how do I have time? How long do I have to make out with you before I can touch your breasts?

You know, that's your question.

And then how long can I touch your breasts for? How long becomes too long.

It's not necessarily like a diagram. I could give you a diagram, but I would say. I mean, it depends, case to case. But if you start fooling around with the woman, there's a lot of. Oh, there's. This is the most frustrating thing, too. If you just start fooling around with a man and a guy, whatever, and he skips your breasts completely altogether, and it's just trying to unbutton your pants, and you're like, we're gonna have sex and you're not gonna even touch my breasts.

I think that's because they're afraid.

I know, right? Men are afraid they're gonna get shut down and then they're never gonna get laid. So they keep going, going, going, going, going. And I'm saying just slow down and pay attention because it's going to come back to you.

Why?

Why is foreplay so important? I know you've heard this a million times. It's important because women can't go from 0 to 60 like men can. We're not warmed up like you are, and we need some more, you know, play time.

When can they fix that about themselves?

They can never fix it. It's never going to happen. Madness. So. And I think that men, and I'm telling you, I've done my own experimentation in life and I feel I've been with, you know, a few guys and I, I do think that men do not. They typically touch them and do what they think they know what to do, but they don't really know what to do. So I. So some tips I gave are using your hands, using your mouth. It's a very extensive podcast. You can find it. Search for breasts on sex with Emily. That's how I feel about it.

Okay.

Did you want to get. No.

Hand job? Next one?

Yeah. Okay.

Unless you want to go hand job.

No, they're wrong because they agree with you. Bottom line. Okay. Hi guys. Totally love the show. I'm 18, about to graduate from high school, and I'm still exploring sex. But your show is definitely. Help me out. I'm currently planning on doing a 30 day challenge to masturbate every night to try to achieve the ultimate orgasm, which is what I proposed. I have orgasm before through masturbation, through sex. But I want to find a way to orgasm every time. I just want you. I just wanted you to know what menace or any of your guests thought of. Friends with benefits. Friends with benefits. I recently started a relationship with a guy that is purely sexual and I'm really enjoying it. I know that many people don't like the idea of friends with benefits or always think that it will turn into something more. Well, thanks for reading. Keep on being great, Chao. Okay, Chael, here's the thing. What I talked about a few weeks ago was a friend of mine. Menaces, heard the story a lot, whatever. Who spent 30 days, she was unable to have an orgasm and she decided that she was going to spend 30 days just figuring out her own body. So she spent 30 days every night, 15, 20 minutes, half hour, just trying to make her own self have an orgasm. And so I think that's what you're talking about here, that you're going to try that challenge. And I think it's a great commitment to do just like 30 days hardest.

To have sex with different people. And then you'll have an orgasm.

No, that's actually the wrong way to do it because typically women don't have orgasms through. Through intercourse unless they actually know what they're doing and what makes them stuff orgasms.

I don't think you ever know when I'm being sarcastic.

I do, but I just. Sometimes you're just. I just know you so well and I know what you're gonna say already. And we're already in the conversation and I'm like, I don't want to hear that. And so that's going. Okay, so friends with benefits. Can I tell you, this is like probably one of the top questions we get asked because I really do think there is a trend out there that people are having more and more friends with benefits than they are. Marriage, commitment, relationships.

You don't believe me, but there's already another movie about friends with benefits.

It's with Justin Timberlake and Mila from Black Swan.

Right.

And it's basically the same thing with Aston Kutcher.

And now I think it's a great concept in theory. Okay, the movie is a good movie, bad movie.

I haven't seen either one.

I mean, just again, I can't. I can't tell you. I don't know your situation. Typically, Friends with Benefits works when you both are really honest and you're great communicators and you discuss it and you say, okay, I'm cool with us just sleeping together. I have no. My expectations are just that we're going to have sex and it's not going to be anything else. You're not coming home to my family over Thanksgiving and I'm not going with you to your work Christmas party. Like that's the thing. But typically what happens is a lot of oftentimes in these situations is that somebody wants something more. One person in that friends with benefits arrangements wants more of a relationship than the other person and you're no longer friends.

I believe it's 50, 50 though.

What do you mean 50, 50 works.

Success rate and failure.

I've had good success rates. Yeah, I've had like long term ones at work.

But I've had some that are like, so when are we boyfriend and girlfriend? Like you are the one that said the whole friends with benefits thing.

But the other thing that doesn't work is when somebody eventually meet Someone else. So it's like, we're cool. We're sleeping together. You know, it's Susie and I'm kind of bored. Come on over. We'll have sex. But then one of the one one of the people actually meets somebody and they get into a relationship and then.

Yeah, they're like, wait a minute, I'm not getting laid anymore.

So we're not having this friends with. So it's tricky. It's a risky situation. I just say be open and communicate. Communication is lubrication and keep talking about it. Love the show. Oh, oh, this is great. Emily Menace. Love the show. Constantly checking itunes for a new episode. With regards to the topic of learning to learning dirty talk, My wife enjoys it and I was not good at it. And though I am still getting better getting over the initial step and was all about finding out what words were hot okay and not okay. For example, is the C word okay?

Yes, of course.

Not necessarily with every woman. Does she like the P word? What is the best way to describe my equipment? Do I use the word F? Once I found out what she liked and what to avoid, it all seemed to come together. Hope this helps, girl.

Well, you start with wiener and then you work up to junk and then you. With my meat missile. And then he'd go to.

He's basically saying that he listened to our episode about dreamhog and it's working for him and you. Some women are okay with certain words and some women are so not okay with certain words and some men are okay with certain words. And I think the best thing to do is start out describing, you know, it's really hot. I think it's really hot the way you do that to me. Or I love the way you hold me like this. Or I. It was that. Another thing to do is describe the last time you had sex. It was amazing when you did abc. That's a good way to see how your person reacts.

Or just wall just watch like Pulp Fiction while you're sex and then just copy whatever they're saying on television.

Yeah.

You ever watch that movie?

Yeah, years ago. But I don't remember that part of it.

Okay.

Okay. So I think that's great. I think you got to ease into it. Some women I know I. I personally like dirty talk. There's a lot of women who are adamantly opposed to and every word will offend them. So move slowly.

Yeah, I've had that happen before.

Have you? You. I don't.

They're like, yeah, I don't do that like right away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, no, I don't talk like that. Okay, cool.

Okay.

All right. Mental note. No, no, it's fine.

Because dirty time, it isn't really. Like, brain is our largest sex organ. And the reason why dirty talk works so well oftentimes for women is because it is. We want to hear things like it makes us. Turns us on. It's hot.

That's the biggest problem. It's like trying to figure out your brain is like.

I know, honey.

It's like the root stupid life.

That's why it never ends. Yeah. That's why there's always stuff to talk about. Okay. Hey, Emily and Menace. I love the show so I'm gonna get straight to the point, which I love by the way. My boyfriend and I have been discussing our fantasies. One of my fantasies is to have a threesome with another woman and him. But I have rules. I wanted to be with someone who we don't know. No kissing. And she has to. She has to leave as soon as we're done. Pretty much no emotional attachment. Am I asking too much? How do you initiate a threesome? And how do you find a ready, available and attractive female without having to pay for it? Lol. Michelle.

Well.

Well, Michelle, I'm not sure where you live. If you live in San Francisco, for example, I'm invited to three swinger parties tomorrow night which I would happily take you to. I'm not going to them, but I'm invited to them. But you know there are communities. Again you didn't mention where you live. But there are. You can go to. Craigslist has a lot of people looking for third partners. You have to be really careful and you have to be really safe. And there are swingers clubs. There are websites which you can email me feedbackextextwithelmily.com and I can send you for wherever you live. What the right websites are are that you could find like minded couples and like minded women that are looking for a good time.

Just know. Oh, okay. Never mind.

But it's scary.

She wants another girl. I was gonna say guy.

What about that?

I was just thinking like no guys with ponytails. That should be your rule.

It's hard to find the guy without the ponytail. Men just thinks all swingers the ponytail.

They do. They have. They don't come with me and ponytails. Why does that happen?

So not true.

It may sometimes like burly beards and.

No, Michelle, you're not asking.

And they all know yoga. Like what is that about?

I know. Is that a problem?

Yes, it is a problem.

They're not all like, they're all artists.

Like, come on, get a real job, dude, and cut your hair and it's cool. You're still a swinger, but come on.

He'S not necessarily swinger. He's actually looking for a woman here. And you can also ask around. I mean, there's a lot of women, I think, who would be down for it. Yeah, totally. But she doesn't want it to be someone that she knows, which I understand.

Yeah, you don't want to get all.

Attached and, and I don't think you're asking too much about not wanting emotional attachment and asking her to leave after, which is kind of cold, but you know in it and what's cool and you just gotta lay out. Here's the most important thing about a threesome, hands down, most important thing is that you have to establish the rules ahead of time. If you do not establish the rules ahead of time, you're gonna get in trouble. Especially if you're, you're in a relationship and you and your partner. It's risky. It's very, very risky. I know couples who've broken up over it. The guy gets tracked to the woman. The woman can never recover from seeing her partner with another woman. It's very tricky. I'm not saying you should do it, but if you do do it, you should communicate about it.

Maybe like hire a referee so he can stand there and like, if any of the rules are broken, he can throw one of those flags down and say, hey. And he blows a whistle and you're good. And you say you're really?

Exactly. That's a great suggestion, man.

50 bucks. Like those guys that go out on the, like regular, you know, just hire one of those. Hey, look, you're gonna try something new tonight.

You did, but you didn't like it, right?

The. No. I could just never get everybody to agree on a time. I never actually done the threesome.

You couldn't.

People. I've had people down for it, of course.

Yes, you have.

Yeah. The timing issue, you know, you're like, oh, you know what? It'd be really great to have a threesome right now at four in the morning, you know, you can't get the third person up out of bed. They're like, oh, that would have been great.

But next time, early in the evening.

Yeah, call me maybe around 8 o'.

Clock.

Can I just be honest? The best threesome scenario is when it's not. When they're. No one in this, no one is committed in the relationship that it's all sort of friends or people who just met each other that you know they're not like strangers on the street but you kind of mutual friends and it's kind of cool because no one's more attached to someone than the other person. Yes, that works too. Okay, that's all we have time for. Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. And remember to check us out at sex with emily.com youm can download our app feedbackexwithelie.com you can. Also you can email me feedbackexwithdelmy.com the app is Kegel Camp and my new book is Hot A Graphic Guide to Sensual Adventure and you can find it on Simon Schuster and on my Facebook page and on my website. Thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Remember, your biggest sex organ is your brain, so learn something new to do in bed. Click on the Sinclair Institute ad on my website and check out their adult sex education DVDs, sex toys, adult DVDs, and other sexy products. You'll save 50% on any Sinclair item when you put in Emily 50 at checkout.

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