SWE: Why People Cheat & Best Valentine's Day Gifts

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Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes.

They called them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my, do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, it feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com, sign up for our mailing list. I won't spam you. I'll only send you things that will help you with your relationship and your sex life and make you laugh and maybe give you some discounts to some fun toys and things you might need to spice up your sex life. I'm here with Anderson tonight.

Hey, sex.

I'm— hey, Anderson. I love that you call me sex. I don't know why. Like, you think after all these years, people call me Sex with Emily, but it's just the sex thing. It just, I don't know, warms the cockles of my heart.

Oh, cockles.

Cockles. I just wanted to say cock.

I love cockles.

I do too. Um, so tonight's show, we're going to be talking about why people cheat. I just cannot get away from the subject. People are always asking me why men cheat, why women cheat, and it seems to be a lot of the similar answers. And there's also might be a genetic component we're going to talk about, as well as can't avoid it, love it or leave it, Valentine's Day is around the corner. So I'm going to give you some amazing gift ideas if you're wondering what the hell to get your partner. Um, so we're going to get into that. And Anderson, also, if you don't know, is the host of an amazing podcast, The Film Vault. So if you're a podcaster, which I assume— listening to podcasts, which I assume you are— you should subscribe to his podcast as well. True that?

Yeah, you learn all about movies from both. Brian and I talk movies every week.

I used to be like a filmmaker and watch everything, and now I know you could benefit from our program. I'm going to, and I do, and I have.

And we talk about the movie. I, I love movies, went to film school, but we don't NPR it up, you know what I mean?

Right, you're not like in this way that like New Yorker article where you're like, I don't even get what it was about. You're like real people talk, real people, but you're smart too.

Eh, Brian might be.

Eh, they're kind of smart. They have their moments. Um, okay, the first thing I have to talk about is, um, I know I've been talking about this for weeks, but I don't know if I've really been able to explain it because I've had a lot of— okay, so if you listened to my podcast last week, you might have heard my voice was really, really scratchy. Um, because I was—

Sexy.

It was sexy. I know, it was funny. I was on Loveline, a lot of people were tweeting that I sounded better. But I'm sorry, my voice is pretty much back. Turns out, you— when you go to 3 porn award shows in 1 week, You're gonna come back with some kind of—

What does that mean?

Well, I didn't come back with any STDs.

That's how you make it sound.

I know, I just came back with a, an infection, an upper respiratory infection.

That sounds bad too.

Um, no, no, I didn't even kiss anyone. I did nothing. I just talked a lot, which is what I normally do. I think there's germs in Vegas everywhere, right? Of course, especially in the porn show times 10. Um, you should check me out though on Instagram and Twitter and Facebook if you want to see all the sexy people I talk to. And we're gonna have some videos. I interviewed a bunch of people on the red carpet. It was so funny because we went to the XBIZ And I was at a panel. Like, the thing is, I got back from Vegas after the AVN Awards. I gave the keynote speech, which I'm gonna have some video. I won't make you all sit through the hour long, but we're just gonna take out, do a video of some of the best parts. And you should subscribe to my YouTube channel as well. But I felt like, just like after talking and talking, and then I came back and we had the Exbiz, which is another big sex conference, and I was at a panel and then we had the awards. So now I was like, ugh. But now I feel amazing. Antibiotics knocked it all out. Um, but here was what was so interesting. So being at AVN, um, It's the adult video entertainment.

News Awards.

News Awards, which is basically the Oscar porns. But there's also like a, uh, the porn of the Oscars, Oscars of porns. But there's also, I had a booth there and so I was meeting, which is amazing cuz you know, it's not that often that I get to meet listeners of the show. I mean, I hear from them all the time and I, I read all your emails that you send to feedback@sexwithemily.com. We try to answer all your emails, but I don't actually like, and like one of my goals for this year or in the next year is to like do like a tour, like go to like college campuses or if you're in a certain town and you want me to come speak, to email me because I'd love to get— it felt so good to meet people who, you know, listen to the show and like it because I just, I'm sort of in this bubble here with you, Anderson, and, you know, I'm in LA running into people every once in a while. So that was fun. But it was interesting because I had a booth and, you know, I had all my Sex with Emily stuff there, but I also had my Emily and Tony line. So as you know, if you've been listening, I've got a new line of products came out a few months ago called Emily and Tony. You can find them at emilyandtony.com. So I'm always talking about these massage candles, right? And because I think, you know, a few companies have made massage candles and I was, I was a fan of the concept, but not the idea. And so I really think that I perfected it in this candle because I tried everyone. But what I realized is that so many people don't even know what the hell a massage candle is. So they're like, yeah, whatever. That sounds freaky to me. So coming to the booth and having people experience it was really cool. Cause I feel like it's the kind of thing that you have to like feel and touch. And so basically these candles, they look like regular candles. So if you light them and in your house, No one's gonna know, like, oh, is that a massage candle? They're beautiful candles. They're from France. They're classy. They look elegant in your home.

Yeah, they're not porny. I mean, just because they're a hit at the porn show doesn't mean that they are porn-related at all.

I just have them there because it's massage, so they're like, they're sleek, they're modern, they're sophisticated. The scents are amazing. Like, it's, you know, vanilla and coconut and fougère. So that's great. But another thing about them is, so I just light them, like, when I have guests coming over. They, again, they're regular beautiful candles.

They could sell these at supermarkets. I mean, if they're at the supermarket, they wouldn't be like out of place. It'd be like, no one will be like, Like, why is there a sex item in a single?

Exactly. Like, it's not weird. That's the thing about our packaging. We have other products as well, is that it looks very discreet. It looks like you're buying a regular candle or buying a regular lubricant. But the great thing was when people experience it, they frigging freak out because the thing about the candles are they're, they're not like, the only way they're not like regular candles is it's, they're made out of coconut oil and, and all these really good feel coconut oil and soybean oil, these feel-good ingredients. But It's like massage is the gateway to intimacy. So let's say you're a dude or a woman and you got someone coming over. You light candles for ambiance. Who doesn't appreciate that? They smell amazing. But then you can say, hey, you want a massage? Because what guy or girl hasn't pulled that move? You want a little massage? Usually it's the guys. And, and you pour it and you can pour it on your partner. It turns into this luxurious massage oil. So it's not waxy, it's not hot, it's warm. You will not burn yourself and it's not messy, but It's really like warming and soothing and you can use it anywhere in your body. It relieves stress. It's like nourishing and it like makes you feel good. And people were like, oh my God, can I buy these now? Because I use it every morning as a body moisturizer. And you could, and we, I'm so bummed that we weren't selling them there. We were just showing them. So I just wanted to explain to you if you didn't understand what they were, what they are, that they're just a great way for you to, you know, connect with your partner, connect with yourself, and you can use it anywhere in your body or just use it as a pretty candle on your table. So go to emilyandtony.com and use coupon code EMILY Emily for 20% off your first purchase. I just thought I'd explain that because after AVN it was like, whoa, no one gets it.

Okay, so today's show at AVN, I just picture them saying, how do you put the entire thing inside this?

Yeah, how do I put it in my butt?

How do I get it in there?

Right. Well, it also hit me when I was in Chicago visiting a girlfriend and her 12-year-old son was in the room. I was like, oh, I brought you my candles.

And she was like, covering his eyes.

She was like, oh, you can't. I'm like, it's a freaking candle and they're beautiful.

Okay, so I thought we should talk about that same kid's beating off with the candle, right?

Exactly right.

No, he is.

You can't beat off with them actually. It's all good Um, okay, so I want to talk about cheating and just because it seems to come up all the time, the statistics are that 50% of men cheat and 50% of women cheat. And I get, I get so many emails and questions about it and I just, just wanted to shed some light on it. And I also wanted to kind of talk to you, Anderson, about and see what you think about these points because I've been researching it a lot. I mean, for years, but when I look at the list of like why women cheat, why men cheat, it's a different verbiage, but basically it's saying the same thing. So it's not like men are cheating for totally different reasons than women if this in fact is all true. And then I'm going to throw in that there is a new component they say that could be genetic. So, so for men, for example, they say some men, it's intimacy that scares them. So they distance themselves from their wife or their girlfriend by cheating on them. This way they never really have to be hurt, so they can't get hurt. And I think that goes the same for women. I think that, you know, people are just afraid to really commit to someone and they're, they're afraid that, you know, something that If they commit to someone, that they're gonna get hurt, that's true, but that's just the same thing goes for, for relationships in general. Um, people who just don't even commit in relationships, but I guess that could, you know, drive someone to cheat as well. Um, I, I don't know, have you ever had any friends who are big cheaters?

Oh yeah.

And why do you think they cheated?

'Cause they could.

Because they got away with it?

'Cause, uh, they like to have sex with strange trim and—

Strange trim?

Their girlfriend doesn't offer that. Hey, by the way, if you're getting married, your fear of intimacy has kind of been defeated there.

Exactly. And if you're getting married—

That's bullshit.

And you're still having a fear of intimacy, well then, um, you probably need to go to therapy first. And if you know that you're going to cheat, um, I would say that you shouldn't get married and you should figure out these issues. Now there's a lot of people who realize, they're like, you know what, I'll never be monogamous, I'll just get married and cheat. And let me just tell you something, that is just— if you're in that boat right now because you want to have kids, and I totally understand that, but I also think this is something that you have to be honest with either with a therapist or with your partner. I actually had a guy friend once, a very successful guy, and in the internet space, a very close friend of mine early on who I always went to him for business advice, and he came to me for relationship advice once. He said, you know, Emily, I'm getting married. I love my wife, but it freaks me out because I just want to know that, like, can I, like, one day, like, I can never be with anyone else? And I said, why don't you just talk to her about it? And it turns out before their wedding, he had— and I'm not saying your wife or your partner is going to do this, but she gave him a hall pass. And she said, you know what, buddy, I don't want to know about it. If it happens, just do it and I don't want to know. Now that gave him— and until this day he's never cheated. It's probably been 5, 6 years, but it was just something about having that talk. So I would just encourage people— people sign up till death do us part. No, I'll never, you know, think my secretary's hot. But these are the kind of things that actually talk about, right? Well, you know, I made them up, but you know what I'm saying. Okay, another like common reason why people cheat, they say, is, um, is if they want more intimacy, that they're not getting what they need. They're not getting their needs filled inside the relationship. And a lot of the— sometimes they say men seek validation outside the relationship, but they say for women, she wants to help her self-esteem, which is actually the same exact thing. So maybe men aren't feeling validated at home. They feel like their wife is just kind of beating down on them. And maybe women, they don't feel beautiful anymore. They don't feel sexy. And really, that's all stuff that can get solved inside of your relationship. You can talk to your partner about how you need compliments and how you need to be felt, made feel, how you, how you need to feel, how they need to help make you feel. No one can make you feel any way, but if they're making you feel bad, you need to have that talk about it. I always say you need to compliment your partner, you need to affirm them. Um, my niece used to joke with me, I'm like, 10 times a day, tell her she's hot. Now I know some people are like, 10 times a day, really? And that sounds so superficial, but really just like tell 'em you appreciate 'em, or like, I love that you took the trash out, babe, or I love that you made dinner or whatever it is. We all need to be validated, don't you think? Like when you come home and your wife just yells at you all day, doesn't it feel bad, Anderson? Brutal.

I'd be like, why aren't you out working? Why are you home when I get home? Exactly. No, I actually— it's easy for me because I still think that my wife is beautiful and I'm, you know, newly into the marriage. It's a year and a half now. I'm telling her all the time that she's pretty, all day, every day, because when I look at her, I'm like, holy shit, this lady's really, really pretty and she lives in my house. It's pretty awesome. But I don't know, 10, 15 years from now, hopefully I always tell her this, like, if you get a puppy, yeah, and then the pup, the dog grows into a dog, the puppy grows up, you always see that puppy, you know what I mean?

Exactly.

I'm thinking I'm always going to see her the way that she's beautiful. Like, she is.

See, I love you. I love men like you. I think you will, especially if you keep talking about sex in your relationship. So the next, the next point that comes up for both men and women is they want something new. They want— what did you say earlier? Different.

Strange trim.

They want strange trim, right? They want strange trim. And I think the same goes for men and for women. They get tired with their sex life. They also not only do they get tired of the same person, but I believe that they get bored and they want something else, but they never try to turn it towards their partner and say, you know, babe, I'd really like to tie you up tonight. I think that'd be really hot. People have the hardest time talking to their partners about sex and about dating and all this stuff about, I mean, about sex and about what they want to try in the bedroom. That, that conversation about your sex life needs to start early on because yes, you were all having amazing sex the first 6 to 12 months, Maybe 2 years, you know, maybe longer, but eventually, like everything in life, you're going to want to expand it. You're going to want to try something different. So I think people think, oh God, they make these assumptions about their partner that she'll never go for it or he'll never go for it. So they think the only way is to get outside, but you never know. I mean, talking to your partner about it and starting to learn to talk to your partner about sex, it gets a lot easier. So I would say Before you cheat, communication is lubrication. How many times have you all heard me say that?

So it's a last resort is what you're saying. Cheating is—

if you're going to cheat, get a divorce, separate, whatever, but try to work it out in your relationship.

I get why people want to, want to like, you know, try the tie-up thing. It's, it's like you don't want to get rejected again. What's one good thing about being in a married, committed relationship? You don't have to deal with being rejected by people, and you don't want your own spouse to be rejecting some of your ideas, right?

So they think I'm just going to go outside so I have to deal with it.

Terrifying.

But I don't think that— I think if you start early on, and I'm talking to you before you get married, start talking. If there's this thing that you've always wanted to try, if you're like, she's too good of a girl, like, you know, she would never go for it, or he would never go for it, I think that you're going to be surprised. I think that many people would be surprised about that one thing that you think that your partner would never do, they might just do, or they might compromise it, you know, compromise. They might be like, no, I don't want my legs tied up, but you can tie my arms up, or you can blindfold me, you know. It's a gateway.

And if they flat out say no, just say, fine, cheating time begins.

No, don't do that either. Okay, the variety thing is— that's another one though. That's kind of like what you're saying, strange fringe or different fringe.

Strange trim.

Trim. They crave variety. A lot of men admit to cheating because they crave variety and new experiences. And I think this is even more so with men though, even if they're happy in their current relationship, which I, which I find, you know, I kind of find it lame, but I also get it that men are meant to spread their seed.

If you do, you get it.

The biology.

I think you probably get it more than a lot of girls.

Yeah, I really do get it because I believe that I can have real intimacy and have sex with, with, um, different partners at one— not at the same— not like a gangbang, but I could be having sex with a guy like this week and someone else the next week and really like them all a lot and feel very connected.

You think of sex as kind of like chocolate? Yes, a little bit. Yeah, exactly.

Sometimes I want white chocolate, but I think a lot of women, they—

wow, they don't get the primal urge that's really there in a lot of, in a lot of guys. Especially early on. And, you know, lucky for us, it tends to dissipate a little bit as you get older, hopefully once you're married. I know I was a lot worse 5 years ago.

Right.

But I still got friends like in their late 40s and early 50s, and it's not even the cheating, it's just like they're at the gym and, you know, a girl walks by and they're just tortured. They're just like, I have to have that, I can't have that, but I, I want it so badly.

It's like Mike Catherwood too, every night he talks about it.

Catherwood's an extreme example of this.

He is an extreme example. He's one of the hosts of Loveline. Radio show. You should download the podcast of that as well. I'm on on Thursday nights. So I think that that is more men than women. Women are like, I don't get it, I'm happy with him, we're good, we have a good marriage. But I think for men, it could be genetic, it could be that gene they have, it could just be, you know, whatever. Men see women and they want to tap that out.

Biologically, it makes perfect sense. It does. We're supposed to spread, you know, the seed and spread the gene. And like, if you're not strong enough, you can't do it because, uh, you can't, you can't get out of away from your wife because she'll hit you with a rolling pin, and women are nesting, you know.

And then on the flip side, a lot of women can be, you know, emotionally withdrawn too. So let's say men are out there looking for something else. They want— women are emotional beings. They don't need physical work, but they also need emotional support. So this is why women cheat. This is just another one that might be a little different. Sometimes if they retreat from the relationship, like if a man retreats and isn't there for her emotionally, she might see it as a sign that things are they're through, that like there's a breakup coming. So she might not be into cheating, but she's into moving on. And to avoid this and being present, uh, she might decide to cheat. That could be the other way. And another thing is bedroom boredom. I kind of talked about that, but, um, you know, the same old, same old with your person. I mean, I think this is all connected that we all want a little, you know, people ask me all the time, the number one question is how do we spice it up? And it starts at the beginning of your relationship because I do believe that there becomes a point of no return because a lot of couples ask me, can we ever get it back? We had this great spark. And I understand the years that you have kids, you know, the first, you know, 5 to 10 years, sometimes it can be really hard to get that spark back, but it's something that you have to make a priority, whether it's getting a babysitter once a month, once a week, whatever it is, making room for sex and, you know, spicing things up. Buy my book. I never talk about my book anymore, but Hot Sex Over 200 Things You Could Try Tonight. It's a great book. It's a great Valentine's Day present also. Hot Sex Over 200 Things You Could Try Tonight. You— I gave you a copy.

Oh, try tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I say it really fast.

Buy it on Amazon.

I thought you said trying tonight. I'm like, what?

You doing cocaine all night?

It's actually 200 things you could try tonight, and if you do, try it all night. But the thing I love about my book, and I'm not just saying this because my book, I really swear, is that you can just flip through it. You don't need to buy special props, you know, it's just like cool different positions that you can be like, let's try that tonight, babe.

You know what's fun?

What?

I did it with my wife actually. I said we had the book, your book, on the coffee table, and I said, uh, we're just gonna flip to a random page, whatever page it lands on, that's what we're doing tonight.

And did you?

No, because it kind of landed on something hardcore, or something, but I gave her a mulligan and we did it again. And we, and we used, uh, what, yeah, what was it?

Do you remember? Oh, you don't want to share. I love that. That's how the book should be used. Okay. Especially for people like me with ADD. I'm not going to read it.

Oh yeah. Put it on your nightstand. Put it on your nightstand.

It's beautiful illustrations. It's, we actually took pictures of real people having sex and then they're illustrated and illustrations are like award-winning. So it's called Hot Sex. Go to my website. You can find it there. And if you buy it through my Amazon link, then you know, that would help me too. Cause you know, I like making some money off the book at some point in life. So also another thing both men and women have said why they cheat, it's a, it's a revenge because they were cheated on. So women do it because he cheated. He does it because she cheated.

Um, or a past relationship cheated and they just lean on the sex. I've seen that happen a lot.

Exactly. So they say, oh, I'm going to get you back. But to me, that is just so, so unhealthy. Go to therapy first, work on your relationship first, but don't just, you know, Don't just— I mean, I don't even know if people could do that. Like, to me, I'm not a revengeful person. I might just get angry, but I think, you know, you need therapy and you need to work it out. I don't think that a lot of— and also, here's another thing. If your partner has cheated, it doesn't mean that the relationship is over. I've actually seen a lot of couples have gotten through cheating and have gotten through the cheating episodes, and, you know, 20 years later they're still together. It can make your relationship stronger. It can also tear you apart. But if you're really committed to make it work, it doesn't have to mean the end. Do you know couples who've cheated and they stay together?

Yeah. I mean, it takes years and years. I know not to sound sexist, but I know that the ladies like to bring it up whenever shit starts to hit the fan again a little bit. You know what I mean? They'll be fighting about something else 5 years later and it'll go right back to the cheating.

Well, that's the thing. You never— yeah, you kind of got to make it. You kind of got to make a commitment that like we're not going to bring it up.

Or he just has to pay for the rest of his life.

Exactly. Or she has to pay for the rest of her life. That's a hard one. I'm telling you, I know a lot of couples that couldn't get past it, but many who have— my mom always tells me, it's funny, she's, you know, had a lot of friends who have been married for 50 years, and she says, you know, all my friends— she's had the same group for years— she says they, they're in their 30s, 40s, they had some issues and they each whatever, but they're still together. So I think people— and of course I hear from listeners all the time, they can get through it. So I don't know, it all goes back to therapy and getting a third party to help you get through it. The other thing is you, that you don't think you're in love anymore, and when you don't feel in love with your partner anymore, it can be so tempting to not deal with that feeling but to replace those lost feelings with the excitement that comes with meeting someone new. Wow, if this new person is making me feel so good and new and wanted and beautiful and desired and sexy, but it's just a really poor substitute. It is, it delays the inevitable. So again, if you're thinking of cheating, go back to working on your relationship. So the other thing is they also say women cheat sometimes because they want to be the bad girl, their frisky behavior. You know, again, if you've always been a frisky girl, you probably— I think it probably didn't start in your relationship. So again, these are the conversations that you have at the beginning of the relationship. A lot of people hide things. They have all these secrets from each other before they even get together. So So that's what I wanna say about that. The other thing I wanna bring up is a genetic component. Okay? Now, this is controversial, but I found it very interesting. So there was an article, a study that came out recently. I think it was really, again, all the Elliot Spitzer stuff was happening, and I've been reading a lot about it. And there's a study that came out that said the first kind of its study and researchers at the Binghamton University State University of New York, Binghamton University State University of New York, they discovered that about half of all people have a gene that makes them more vulnerable to promiscuity and cheating. Those with a certain variant of the dopamine receptor D4 polymorphism, so DRD4 gene, were more likely to have a history of uncommitted sex, including one-night stands and acts of infidelity. So basically, it's a thrill-seeking gene.

Yeah, I was gonna say, are these also addicts?

Yeah, so it's connected to a thrill-seeking— I thought you had the basically— but I was gonna go, is that basically— is that what happened?

You said basically a lot, which is— if you say that on Loveline, we do this show, or always do I? On this show, you don't say it on Loveline at all.

But tonight, have I on the show?

You said it like 9 times.

No.

Yeah, like 5, 5 to 9.

I'm so sorry if everyone's turning off. I didn't mean it.

No, no, no one.

We have a basically bell on Loveline. Every time a caller calls up and says basically, we ding them, and I just—

that's 11.

Okay, I'm done. Okay, so the desire to cheat or sleep around seems to originate in the brain's pleasure and reward center, with the rush of dopamine, um, motivates those who are vulnerable. Researchers Researchers have said so. There is variation in the thrill-seeking gene, and those with much longer, those with more of this gene are more likely to, to be more adventurous. Yeah. And it turns out that everyone has a gene, but the height varies, the amount of information varies. So it's also, you can be, you can inherit the gene. So when the brain is stimulated, drinking alcohol, jumping from planes, having sex, it releases dopamine. The pleasure hormone, which we all know, but the people with the DRD4 gene need more and more and more stimuli to feel satisfied. So, I mean, but not everyone's convinced of it. They say certain people are vulnerable to affairs. Um, you know, it just depends on it. So I just think that's interesting.

Well, most everybody's vulnerable to affairs.

Yeah, exactly. But I think, um, you know, but not everyone who has this gene either is gonna become like a slut or a cheater. I think it's just interesting to note because I feel like there are certain guys that I know or that I've dated or that I can tell I'm like, he won't be a cheater. I know this guy would never cheat. And then there's guys I've dated, like, he might be a cheater. And usually I'm right.

Do you know what I mean? Usually it's because you're banging him and his wife's at home. No, not most of them. And she's calling and saying, Emily, quiet, I gotta talk to the wife.

I don't sleep with married men anymore.

Anymore.

I've had my moments, but I used to be a cheater. I've talked about this, being a reformed cheater. I do not cheat anymore.

Well, how can you?

I just— what do you mean, how could I?

Yeah, I mean, you're not really in a position to cheat.

Because I'm not in a relationship, right? Well, if I don't commit, you can't cheat, right? Right.

I think there's anyone sick enough they go out and get in a relationship so they can cheat because that's their favorite kind of sex.

You know what, I think that a lot of— yes. And I think a lot of people get into relationships thinking that it will cure their desire to cheat. They're like, well, I found this woman, I'm madly in love with her, so my cheating days are behind me. And we all know the dopamine, you know, you have to— you— if you— if you look at a person's brain, a brain of a person who's falling in love, like if you look at the brainwaves, it's exact identical to that to a person who is, who's going insane or who's on cocaine. Like they look at these studies, it's like the same exact pattern because you're falling in love or you're going crazy. It's like your body is just in these crazy form when you're falling in love. You can't imagine that you'd ever cheat on this beautiful person in front of you. But chemicals, they go up, they go down.

People's jowls go up and down.

People do a lot of things with addictions they think are going to help them. You know, I'll date a sober person so I won't drink or I'll get this job so I won't, you know, But anyway, I just thought y'all might like to know that you shouldn't cheat, and I know that you might. Thanks, Emily Morse. But, um, I'm not here to shame you on it. I'm just here to say people ask me all the time, and there's some reasons for it. And two, if you're thinking about it, I promise you it's better— it's like ripping a Band-Aid off. Just talk to your partner about what you're missing in the relationship and go into therapy ASAP, because therapy is amazing and will help your relationship.

There is no worse way to hurt someone or be hurt.

Exactly.

I think most of us can speak to that.

Yeah, it's the most painful thing in the whole world.

And it's selfish. When it comes down to whether you have that gene or not, we should just call it the —gene, the selfish gene. It is a selfish gene. Every, you know, I'm borderline myself at times, but every drug addict I know, myself included, a lot of my really good friends and family, they're just the selfish, most selfish people I know. Whether it's genetic or not, it's been proven that with drugs and drinking it is genetic, but what it boils down to is you are more likely to give in to that selfish side of you, whether it's chemicals or not. Exactly.

So whatever it is, it's like that impulse, that moment, and we— it's hard to, hard to say no because you think it's going to make you feel good, but you usually end up like Like most addiction, what's the difference between a good addiction and a bad addiction? Have you ever heard this? No. A bad addiction feels good when you're doing it and you feel bad after, but a bad— wait, wait.

Good addiction probably feels bad during, but like my junkie addiction.

Did I say that right? Right, exactly. Same thing. I learned that in yoga once.

Hey, you know what would be great for a future episode? Tell me. Tell me. Signs of cheating. Ooh. That'd be a good one, right?

That is a great one. Will you email that to me right now?

Nope. Oh man. Because if I do it, then the recording gets all screwed up. Okay, don't do it. You gotta put your priorities straight. I know. I'll tell you about that.

We've done that one before in the past, but not in a really long time. Your partner might be cheating on you. That's a great one. So, um—

Personally speaking, when I was in high school, I fell in love for the first time, and I was with this girl for 3 years, and I was like 15 when it began and 18 when it ended, and this was the girl for me. Like, my life relationship-wise was over. She was it. And then I found out that she was banging half of the gang that was at my school as well as a few football players, and it all came apart. And I was not a big fan of monogamy for a while after that. Not that I cheated a bunch, but I'm just like, you know what, it's all a sham. It took me a long time to get back. To recover from that.

Did you ever think that she was cheating?

No, not at all. I was very naive. But I was a kid too, you know.

Right. No, the first time I had a guy cheat on me too, I was like, I was surprised. I was like in my 20s and I thought, oh my God, he loves me so much. We're having the best sex of our life. He tells me, he adorns me with gifts, but mostly with the words. With praise and love, and I was shocked that he cheated. So, um, I think that that really can ruin— like, it can really set you back.

It can scar you for a while.

It can scar you. So, but actually, I have read about this and written about it— signs that they're cheating. They always talk about, um, he or she, they start dressing better. Like, why is he wearing that certain cologne? Why does he always shower when he gets home? Um, guarding the cell phone. All of a sudden there's a lock on the cell phone.

That's a pure one. Yeah, right.

Gets password protected on everything, begins making hurtful remarks about you, starts spending hours late at work. You know, you start hearing these things. Doesn't want sex, hiding things. I mean, I think we all kind of can get them, but that is a good show. Or if you've been— if you've ever been cheated on or have signs of it or anything to add to this conversation or questions at all about anything sex relationship, you can always email me feedback. At sexfamily.com.

Um, okay, but before we move on to it, a lot of time too they go the other way hard and they'll start to like be extra nice to you and get you extra things because the guilt is building up during the day.

Yeah, that's true too. If they're bringing you flowers too much, you might wonder what's going on. Too many compliments. Yeah, another sign of cheating, or people who have the propensity to cheat, is, is that projection. So if you're with someone who's terribly jealous, yeah, and they're always They're like, where you going? What are you doing? Who you on the phone with? Why you always out so late? And you're like, I'm not doing anything. A lot of times it's because they're the one cheating.

That slut in high school that broke my heart, she was like that. She was always accusing— and I was right, I was smoking cigarettes at a donut store reading about sharks and marine biology while she was out partying. And she was always accusing me of cheating.

Exactly. So be careful if your partner out of nowhere starts accusing you of these, all these strange things that make absolutely no sense to you. I mean, if you are cheating, you know why, but if it makes no sense to you, this should make you go, hmm.

And you know what that is? It's so simple. It's them thinking with their brain as you, and they're thinking like, you're an attractive person who goes out, you have the capability of cheating, and if I was you, I totally would be. Exactly.

That's almost the best— that's almost one of the best signs to tell. Yeah, I do think so. It's a bad one.

It's a vicious cycle a lot of times too, because then it starts going back and forth.

You're right. I've had so many— yeah, I've had a lot of people do that to me too. That's a great one. I'm so glad you, you brought that up, Anderson.

Signs of cheating.

Signs of cheating. Sex with Emily Morse. But let's go to something more positive now. Or not that that isn't positive. I hope that was informative. How to cheat and get away with it. How to cheat and don't cheat on Valentine's Day. That would be the worst day to cheat.

I had a friend who waited till Valentine's Day to break up with his girlfriend because he hated her so much. No! That's terrible.

Did she do something wrong?

No, she was just kind of a bitch.

Right, that's a lot of women that happens, or men. But yeah, hopefully you won't break up on Valentine's Day and you won't propose on Valentine's Day. I just think that's lame. You should save proposing for another day, unless you did that, and I'm sorry.

I got more personal.

Did you propose on Valentine's Day?

I mean, look at me, absolutely, of course. I'm like, did you really? Hell no. Okay, good. Easter. Don't do it.

I did it on Easter. Oh, that's good, because Easter's like about the bunny.

Yeah, and she— I gave her a little Easter egg hunt and I put the ring in the last egg that she found.

It was a good time. You did?

Because Easter is her favorite holiday. Oh, it is? See, that's—

see, that is so sweet. I love it.

She still has the egg that I hid it in.

Really? Yeah.

I'm embarrassed. I shouldn't have said any of this.

Wait, no, that's really cute. She still has the— I would— no, I would keep the egg. I keep— I have every love letter, every email.

Every dildo. Every dildo.

No.

You do? In your apartment? You've told me.

I do. It's so funny because Dr. Drew— I was on his podcast this morning, his, um, All About Women podcast, and he was like, will you please take pictures of your apartment and send to me? I want to see your house because I do have sex toys everywhere, and I actually do need to start getting rid of some. Not the ones that are just— because I've tried them all and they're all over the place, but those are the used ones. Those are in my bedroom, private.

My humor is a little dark sometimes, but this isn't even funny. It seems like if you need to give some of those away, as long as they're new, like the battered women's shelter could probably use—

exactly, Vibrator Relief Program. Absolutely. And I actually have— I know, I'm sorry, I'm going to get 100 emails. You guys are— I have given a lot away. I actually did give one to an organization that my friend worked for, for actually for battered women in LA. I gave her a bunch. I also donated some to the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco. I had a lot of condoms and flashlights and stuff. But, um, and I— so most of them are gone now, but I mean, I get them because I have to test them. But I will be giving away toys. In fact, okay, so Valentine's Day week, follow me on Twitter, Sex with Emily, and also like my Facebook page if you haven't already, which I don't know why you haven't because because it's chock full of information. We're going to be doing a Twitter contest where every day and Facebook, social media, Instagram, everything where we're giving away toys and we give away a lot. We're going to be giving away cool stuff. Probably some of these things that I'm about to talk about now.

So do you call it Toys for Twats?

Toys for Twats. I love it.

Do you call it that? No, but I will.

But if I call it Toys for Twats, I'll probably get kicked off Facebook. I did get kicked off Facebook. My, my Sex with Emily page once early on. I don't remember what it was. It was nothing— I mean, it was something about masturbation. It was like 5 years ago, and all of a sudden I had like all these likes, and they took down my page, but I got it back up.

Uh, run by— no, I don't even know what's run by. Never mind.

Okay, so here's some things if you're wondering about Valentine's Day, which honestly I'm not a huge fan of the— you know, it depends who you're dating, right? And they say men hate Valentine's Day.

It's, you know, it sucks. It's an obligation. I can tell you right now, it's an obligation. I absolutely hate it, and every girl I dated, I let them know up front, like, we're getting close to February, like, look, I hate this Hallmark-invented holiday. It's against everything I stand for. I'm not giving in. And I never did.

And I never get him anything.

I never got him anything. No, I want to do it. We do stuff all the time, but not for Valentine's Day. I treat it like any other Tuesday or whatever day it fell on. Refuse to even acknowledge it.

Seriously, you guys don't even go to dinner or anything?

But now that I'm married, I kind of feel like all bets are off. And yeah, I give her whatever she wants, and I don't want her to feel slighted, so Oh, so now that you're married, give her a couple things. Yeah, give her like a box of chocolate, something not too— I don't put too much effort. Do you want me to bring you one? Yeah, that'd be perfect.

Did I ever bring you one?

Oh yeah, you brought me a few. I've got a couple.

You gotta let me know how they worked out, what she likes.

I don't talk about that. I don't talk about that.

Well, how am I going to give you something right for her? We can talk about off air. How's that, Anderson? I'll point.

I don't talk to you about it off air either.

It's very embarrassing. Okay, fine, then I don't want to get your wife anything. To make her happy?

The little one with the spikes. Okay, I don't remember what spikes— there's something you put on your finger.

Oh, the nubby thing. Yeah, does she like that stuff? It's a finger vibrator. Those are so good. Okay, so everything I'm going to mention now you can get at sexwithemily.com/goodvibes. Use coupon code EMILY and you will get 15% off your order. And you should order now when you hear this because, um, Valentine's Day is around the corner. So these are the— so I'm gonna talk about some couple vibes So, um, some couple things, because first of all, here's the thing about Valentine's Day. Even if you're a guy and you hate it, you love it, she loves it, you hate it, doesn't— I don't even care what it is. I believe, take, you know, you don't need fancy reservations, you don't need the flowers and chocolates. What I think is it's a day of love, and I like to say love, I like to think about that as sex. So this is a great day to have amazing sex, and it's a great day to do a little something different in the bedroom that you don't normally do. And you can make dinner at home, like pick up some something from Whole Foods or Ralph's, I don't care, and have a romantic picnic in your bedroom. But have— do something sexy, do something a little different, have a threesome with a sex toy. So I'm going to talk about you my favorite, some of my favorite couple toys. So for years, the We-Vibe. Have you heard of the We-Vibe? It's this sex toy that it's especially made for couples and they've had a We-Vibe 1, a We-Vibe 2, a We-Vibe 3. And I'm going to be honest with you all. I haven't loved them. So how they work is, just go to, it's gonna take me, it's hard to explain these things, but it goes inside of her, so it hits her inside of her vagina. It looks like a, a U, right? So, it goes inside and then the outside is hitting her clitoris, but if you're having sex on top of her, you're rubbing it onto her, on the top of her clitoris, and inside it's going inside of her vagina hitting her G-spot. Sounds great, but like the 3 sort of slipped around, but the 4, 4 is supposed to be like their best one yet, okay? You can control it with 6 vibration modes with a wireless remote, uh, control. It also has an echo pattern that throbs between the ends of the vibe for incredible in-and-out stimulation. It's waterproof, environmental friendly, and you guys can make sweet, sweet love together with the We-Vibe 4. Okay, then there's the— okay, whatever, the MiMi. I've talked about it for a million years, I love the Mimi because it's very powerful, and I mean powerful, and discreet. It looks like a little, like a skipping stone, and it's very soft, and it fits in the palm of your hand, and it has 6 levels, and the vibrations are so strong, and it's super quiet. So if you have kids or you just hate the noise— I hate those vibrators, especially for women, or for me. Like, I don't want to be distracted when I'm having sex. I got to be in my mind, I got to be in my body. Yeah, you can't even hear it like that. This is why I love doing shows with Anderson. How do you— not only because he's great, but he has sound effects. What?

How do you change the, uh, the, the, the, the level on those things? Does that have a little remote or the actual little stone? Depends on the vibrator.

Yeah, the little stone. Have you ever seen it? Like, it's the Mimi.

I've heard you talk about the Juju Mimi like 5,000 times.

Yeah, so I just love it. It's soft and it's, it's, it's a little tiny plus button and you just just 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and it turns on, and it goes higher and higher and higher. No, they do. It's for clitoral stimulation. She still needs your penis inside of her. This is clitoral.

It's for the outer.

Yeah, it's for the outer. So the first one was for the inner, but the outer— and it's cute, it's pink, and it also comes with a, um, a tie, like a silk tie that you can tie around her if you want to blindfold her, or she wants to buy.

Oh, I thought you're like dressing up like Mr. Potato Head. No, you don't put a tie on it.

I thought you meant you but it's really discreet and he'll leave it, you know, he doesn't have to know that you're using it and he can also use it as well because a lot of women, as we know, need extra clitoral stimulation during sex. So again, that's sexwithemily.com/goodvibes, coupon code EMILY. Then there's the new one from JeJoue, which is, I'm obsessed with now, the Mio. It is a cock ring, penis ring. I don't like saying cock ring. Well, I talk to the media all the time and I say penis ring.

So we call it a C-ring. A C-ring.

That's so amazing, is that they help men stay harder. That's why they were originally invented, right? That they've had them at shops forever, but so men can stay harder longer. But these have an incredible range of vibrations, and they're really comfortable fit. They're stretchy, they're one size fits all. I've given some to some guys and they're like, that won't fit me. But believe me, it stretches, and it's waterproof, and it's really like quiet again. It's super soft, amazingly sturdy silicone, and it's durable to handle your sexual acrobatics. So there's some penis rings that like slip and slide all around, but the great thing about this is that it's powerful vibrations on both sides. And the reason why you want vibrations is because again, it goes on your penis, keeps you harder, but when you're having sex with her, it hits her clitoris as she's going up and down. She's getting this vibration on her clitoris, and many a man loves the vibration on their balls and on their penis. Vibrations not only for women only. So this is the Mio. M-I-O.

It's like your little helper if you're a guy. Exactly. It's like your wingman. It's your wingman. They also like kind of give you a reach around a little.

It's a sure thing. Have you ever tried one of these rings? You're not going to answer, but I might give you one. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay, great. That was a good conversation. Okay. Love life. Smile. Okay. Okay. The love lifeline. I know if you have heard of Oh My Bod, for years they've been around and they've made these vibrators that actually go to like the top. They started with iPod. Yeah, iPod. Um, when people had iPods and it goes to the sound of your music. So Oh My Bot is now expanded so you could, um, you know what I'm saying? It plugs into your phone now. Your panties, right? Yeah, and panties. They got remote control panties and all this stuff and it vibes to your music. But now they have this new line called Love Life. So I'm just saying they make great products and, and I love the couple actually. Um, Brian and Suki, they're friends of mine from all these sex world I'm in. But the Love Life line is so like, it's really cool because there's 6 vibrators in, in the collection and they're, each one of them is sort of named after different stages of their relationship. They've been together like 25 years. Um, and this one is called the Smile Rechargeable Vibrator and it's really special because it's adorable. It's really cute. It's white and has a little heart on it. Um, it's a palm-sized cutie. It doubles as clitoral powerhouse. With the most intense vibrations concentrated in the heart-shaped silicone nub. Plus, what man can really possibly fear a cute vibrating heart?

What are the other stages of the relationship that they're naming? Okay, is that good?

I'll pull it up right now, because I think the Love Light line, like I saw them at, because you know I go to all these— Sex conventions. Sex conventions. I'm looking it up now.

Please tell me they have one like the argument and it's kind of like rough. Um, Spiky. What'd you say? They have like, uh, one called the orgasm.

Yeah, we want to, we want to crack each other's eyes out. Wait, hold on, let me find it real quickly. So, so they've been together and yeah, so I go to these shows and I always see all the new products coming out beforehand. And we've got the Love Life, so they've got the Smiler rechargeable vibrator, the, um, Discover. It's a mini rechargeable variety that was about like the discovery part of the relationship.

Does it have a camera on it?

No, that's a good idea. They have the Share Couples Ring, they have the Dream Rechargeable Vibrator. Wait, how's the couples ring—

I'm sorry to cut you off— how's the couples ring? It's the same thing.

It's a penis ring.

So does it go inside her though and capture you?

No, no, no, it's a penis ring, but they're calling it a couples ring. You know what, they don't have the whole like definition of why they made this line here. I just know it if you buy the, um—

I love the idea behind it though with all the different stages.

I know, it's really cute, and I don't even know if they put this on there, but like I just loved it because I love them as a couple and whatever. So all their stuff is super cute, and the thing I like about all these products from the Love Life line is that they're, that they're great for Valentine's Day because they do have hearts on all the products. Like, not cheesy hearts, but they're pink and white and they're like really sweet and cute presents. So I really did pick out my favorite ones here. I'm not just like, I wouldn't do that to you people. These are really ones that I've tried and that I like. Okay, so also, if you're not— okay, so those are some good couples ones, but also they're clitoral, so you know, you can use them alone. Alone. But again, singles, let's talk about singles on Valentine's Day for a second. Because I honestly, I'm single most Valentine's Day. In fact, I'm going to be in New York on Valentine's Day. And it's funny because my partner Tony, for Emily and Tony, he was like, I'm going to fly home on the 15th. He's like, well, you, because he's married, you know, he's like, are you going to be cool? Like Valentine's Day is the 14th. And I'm like, I don't care about, like, I love being, I mean, not that I won't have friends and stuff to do, but I don't put that much value on it because I have been alone a lot on Valentine's Day. I always think that, like, first of all, if you're alone on Valentine's Day, I don't want you all bumming out with your friends and why don't I have someone, blah blah blah. It's a day about love. Love yourself. You know, like Woody Allen said, masturbation is sex with someone you love. Have some love with yourself.

Plus, there's so many great single parties going on.

Oh my God, it's the best day to go to a bar.

I'm usually really jealous that I'm not single on Valentine's Day.

I know, me too. Because everyone at a bar that night, just put down your cell phone. Because if you notice these days, you go, everyone's on their phone the whole time. So if you're single and you're going to a bar and you're on your phone the whole time, it's not going to happen. But, you know, so all your friends, they be saying their boyfriends, they got them this or that and they're so great and they say someday you'll understand. Well, you can tell them about this. Someday you'll understand that you had 8 orgasms in a half hour. So here's what you got on Valentine's Day, you people, with your, with your— okay, so we gotta talk about the original Magic Wand that we talked about for a long time. It's the Mack truck of all vibrators. It doesn't pretend to be anything it's not. It plugs into the wall. It's the most powerful vibrator on the planet. I thought you were just making a noise about the Magic Wand. I heard it in my brain. So it helps you discover how much pleasure your body is capable of feeling, which is very powerful. So if you're staying home watching movies and masturbating, that's a really great night. There's also the original Magic Wands, there's the Mystic, okay? So it's kind of, it's kind of, it's mini, so if you don't want the whole Magic Wand big experience, it's called the Mystic. And you can experience it without the big bulk. You don't have to plug it in. And it's for all the ladies out there who are longing for a strong vibrator with some compassion for their vagina.

Um, so it's not the big Mack truck.

It's not the big Mack truck, but it's really powerful. And again, all of these, sexwithemily.com/goodvibes, coupon code Emily. Sorry for the repeating of— I hate when I do that, but I don't want you to miss this. Then there's the Fifi, also by Jeju, waterproof rechargeable vibrator. So you remember the rabbit? You know the rabbit vibrator.

Of course, everyone knows the rabbit, right?

Sex in the City. Well, if you look at that friggin' rabbit from 10 years ago, it was like this huge rabbit with a— you had to carry around the battery pack, like it took like 4 double Ds. Right. It was so annoying.

Wasn't there like a butterfly that was similar? Yeah. As well? Or was it that weird one that strapped to you, like—

Yes, the butterfly. I still have that one. They still make that one, but it's a little more souped up now.

But yes, the bunny was not very Fifi-ish. Right.

But if you look at the Vivi, the Je Joue Vivi, it is a great rabbit. It's particularly a breed of rabbit that gives full internal stimulation while its thumping, big floppy ears hit your clitoris. It's rechargeable, you can use it over and over again without having to leave your bedroom for those double D batteries, which sucked. Um, and then there's the Stronic Ings Thruster. So this has been like all the rage in all the sex toys this year. And again, whether you're single or in couples, these are all great gifts. So the Thruster is by Fun Factory, and it's not a vibrator, It thrusts. Mm, I think I did an Instagram of it. If you check out my Instagram, I don't understand.

How does it— instead of like vibrating, it like moves backwards and forwards. I get that, but what's like supporting it?

It's like, it's, it's—

you put it on the motor in it?

No, you just, you just hold it.

It thrusts. Oh, you hold it yourself.

But if you put it on the ground, it'll— I mean, if you put it and you just turn it on, it thrusts forward. So, um, they say that, um, a lot of women say that using vibrator isn't the same as doing the penis, and they're totally right. But sex engineers did develop the Stronic ENS, that's ENS, so it can hit exactly the right spot while making a perfect forward-back motion. It's mathematically impossible that a man and his penis can be that precise and innovative while animalistically pumping away. The best part, you hold the controls to its thrusting member. I don't know if the people like this. It's, um, I really thought it was super cool and it's something different, but people are like crazy, crazy.

Is it like those things you ever been to, like a furniture company where they show you how many times— like they have that thing that's just sitting down on the chair over and over again, you know what I mean? Have you seen that? Now, like Hidden Springs, and it's just like on nonstop. Is it— I think it's kind of like that. No, I would like to say something for the men out there. Yes, listen to all these products. I know the flashlight exists and you're probably gonna get there. Oh yeah, but that's it, right? Look at all these different things to please the ladies. It's difficult. It's hard. I mean, there's an entire— there's entire factories and labs and scientists working on all this stuff on how to please the ladies. It's difficult. It is difficult.

But you know, I have to say that my mom's texting me right now. This is embarrassing. Oh no, tell her that we're talking about your penis. I actually should mention the Fleshlight because I think that the Fleshlight— if you go to my website and you click on the Fleshlight banner, we have special discounts there as well for you, all you people. Um, Fleshlight is, is pretty amazing. And I— it, it's like, does everyone know what the Fleshlight is? Do you know? Do you know what it is, Anderson? I think a lot of people know.

It's a weird name, I guess, because it's supposed to look like a flashlight.

Yeah, like a flashlight, but it's a flashlight, and it's the kind of thing that you can like, you know, travel with. And look, you can put— it looks like a— and it is really one of the only male sex toys. It's like a masturbation sleeve, and a lot of porn stars have them made of their vagina. But it's also great for stamina training Um, it just can feel great to, you know, masturbate yourself with something else besides your hand.

Truck drivers love it.

Truck drivers love it. People love it. You put some lube in it, it's a good time. And so if you go to my website and click on the Fleshlight banner again, you'll get a special discount on that as well. I hope that you will buy it there. If you're a guy, if you, if you're like a, you know, the women listening to the show, you're like, I want to buy my man a sex toy. I don't blame you because I gave one to my married friend the other day and he's been married for like showed me how, like, beautiful his wife is and how in love he is and all that stuff. But he came over my house to help me with some stuff, some technical stuff, literally, like engineering stuff. This sounds wrong, but he was— I said, oh, I just got this whole thing of flashlights, do you want one? And I saw him later on and I said, so what'd you think of the flashlight? And he's like— this sounds— okay, this is gonna totally refute my whole story. He's like, Emily, if it cooked, I would marry it.

Even though he loves his wife. I'm kidding. I thought you were gonna say— and then he, like, as he was telling me, like, like put some wires in the wall and it came up and went up my skirt.

Oh my God, it sounds so bad. I know, but you can say 35% if you want to buy your guy something, because guys, like, they might not want to buy it for themselves. They're like, oh God, this chick's gonna come over and see me have this vagina. But they don't know, look, it's not all like, you know, some porn star's pussy. It's like actually just feels good. And it's also another great couple toy because you can masturbate your partner with it. I always think that hand jobs— I know guys are like, hand jobs, I can give myself a hand job. But it kind of feels good when someone else is doing Old-fashioned. Old-fashioned. Old-fashioned. I actually went through a movement where I wanted to bring the, um, the handjob back for a while.

How would you do that, Emily?

No, I'd put a proposition on the ballot or something.

Start to get a soapbox out there, start yelling next to the guy talking about Jesus.

Yeah, exactly. I feel like people were like so into handjobs like in high school. But what I mean, don't you think every once in a while— I know you'd rather have a blowjob, okay?

Handjob's pretty sweet, right? Yeah, especially if she's teasing with the mouth.

Tease it with the mouth. I'm not saying it has to be either a handjob or a blowjob. It just, it's kind of nice to bring back.

And lazy ladies on Valentine's Day, why not get a flashlight, right? Less work for you.

Less work for me what if we what?

If the lazy ladies get a flashlight for their mouth.

A lazy lady get a broom. Or when she has her period.

Or the period, yeah. Were you gonna say that? It's blowjob week.

That is blowjob week. That's so funny, I should do something with that too. What?

I was gonna say a gift certificate to a massage parlor, but that's probably not very Valentine-y.

You should give her a massage with an Emily and Tony massage candle. Better. Yeah, because I'm telling you, so I've been—

well, it doesn't involve the strange, but it's better.

Yeah, I mean, women love that. But that's what I'm saying is so intimate about a massage, is that I've actually been dating this guy for a little bit, and I gave him a candle, and I was at his house one day, and he lit it. And I— and again, no one understands these goddamn candles until you use it, and then everyone who uses it freaks out. I was okay, he lit it, and I was okay, lay down. Down. And Isaac poured a little bit on his back, and it's like, of course everyone's like, oh my God, it's gonna be hot. It's like warm oil.

And he was like, oh my God, it's warm. If they're burning people, the people would be—

yeah, you cannot burn anyone. And it felt amazing, like warm oil. It's like instantly you're like relaxed and your muscles. And I gave him this massage, and I'm not even like the best massager, but it just, it makes you a good massager because you feel so good. And he just like freaked out about it. He's like, I want every scent. And it actually was a good move of mine. Like, I, I never Some guy used it on me a few months ago, but I never actually— that's not true. That's not true. Okay, he's not listening anymore.

You guys aren't together anymore. I hate when they list.

I got in so much trouble. It's the 5th guy you used it on? No, 2nd.

Um, so you, you, uh, light them up and then you go in the shower, right? And then you get out and it probably smells nice. Yeah, in the bathroom. And then you use it.

Yeah, I just use it in the morning because it's like— I use coconut-based. I use coconut and soybean oil oil lotion anyway all the time because it's the most hydrating thing for your skin. Like, have you read these articles? They're like 101 uses for coconut oil. You should do this on your health kick.

I'm not going to read it.

I put it on my toast. You can put it in your hair, you can put on your face.

So you eat— you can use it as a lubricant.

I swear to God, coconut oil is the miracle. Everyone Google this right now. Miracle. And so that's what my candles are made out of. So it's all natural and good for you.

So something weird about eating what you smear on your Not that you're gonna eat it afterwards, but like that you can use it for dual purposes.

That's kind of weird. It is weird, but that's why it's a miracle. That's why coconut oil is the miracle solution. So, um, yeah, okay, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna read an email. So we've got a few minutes left.

Yeah, absolutely.

Okay, so, dear Emily, I've had a problem for a long time, but I seem too embarrassed to talk about, to talk to anyone about it. I'm a 38-year-old male, and I will get to gets it straight to the point. When I have sex, I have no problem lasting, but when I ejaculate, I don't have an orgasm. Again, I ejaculate, but there's no more tingles. This has been going on so long that it's starting to affect my love life as I'm starting to no longer enjoy sex, and I'm like, what's the point? I've tried to look this up, but I can't seem to find anything. I'd greatly appreciate any light you might be able to shed on the solution. Thanks in advance, Peter. So we've heard this before, you've heard this before, right? That people, he ejaculates because they actually have an orgasm. No, I hear the opposite.

Opposite usually, yeah. I hear the retrograde ejaculation. The retrograde, right. Where they have all the sensation but they don't produce anything. Right. This sounds like troublesome. This might be troublesome.

So I wanna say, Peter, I would say go see your doctor. See if they can figure it out. I wanna know if anything's changed in your life that could have prompted the problem. Are you taking any medications? Have you any surgeries? Have you any pains? I mean, you say this has been going on your entire life and a lot of times men have issues like this, but they're like nervous about talking to their doctors about it. Um, also, you know, Kegel exercises, they, they, again, see your doctor first, but through, after making my iPhone app Kegel Camp, I've heard from more men that their orgasms are so much stronger and they feel so much better because of it. I have a friend who got to like level 20. On my Kegel camp, and he was like, Emily, I swear, I used to, you know, I'm coming like I was 22 years old, like my shot across the room, and he's like 38. So, you know, sometimes when you strengthen your PC muscles, you can have stronger orgasms and better stamina. And this goes for women too, you have stronger orgasms. But again, I would say, Peter, this is a unique one to me. I would, I would have to say, yeah, talk to your doctor about this. I don't want you to have a frustrating sex life. And so So you said when you have sex you have no problem lasting, but you don't have the orgasm. So that bums me out. I would say if it's any medication, yes.

And Dr. Drew just walked in and I just, I ran it past him. What did he say? He said go check, get checked out by a doctor.

Could be something very serious. Oh, okay. Dr. Drew, as we all know, Dr. Dopinski's very serious doctor for Rizzle, and he says go check it out. So Peter, that's what we got to say to you, and he's right. Okay, that's all we got time for. And Anderson, thank you so much for everything tonight. Thanks everyone. Remember, all these great gifts. Sexwithemily.com/goodvibes, use coupon code EMILY. My candles and, um, make a great gift, emilyandtony.com, use coupon code EMILY. And I love you all. Thank you so much for emailing and writing and texting and Twittering and all that stuff. Love hearing from you. Thanks so much. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com. Crazy Girl Products carries unique pheromone-infused products that scientifically typically make you hotter and feel more confident. I love their new After Dark line, especially their Lip Nip Tingle. To find out what that means, go to crazygirlproducts.com, use coupon code EMILY25, and get 25% off your purchase when you buy something at crazygirlproducts.com.